Ditzy Doo meets her future boss Silver Script for the first time on her first day working for the Postal service.
She, her mentor, and another trainee walk the streets of Ponyville and meet the residents.
Will the accident prone mare make the cut or will her career come to an ignoble end before it's even begun?
My entry to the Lunaverse May writing challenge on the topic of first meetings.
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On the 40th anniversary of the launch of SkyLab, we get 2 new stories for the LunaVerse. As FlutterShy in the CelestiaVerse says, “¡Yay!”.
“Oh, Luna” interrupted Ditzy, “These muffins are amazing,” she moaned, “I may never need a stallion again.” The rest of the table stared at her, “¿What? They’re really good.”
Ooh, I laugh so loudly, but it has misplaced commas and needs exclamation-points and interrobangs.
“¡Oh Luna!”, interrupted Ditzy, “¡These muffins are amazing!”, she moaned, “¡I may never need a stallion again!”. The rest of the table stared at her, “⸘What‽ They’re really good.”.
I understand why:
We stallions are bad at it. The fact is that mares are bad at it too:
We stallions usually enjoy ourselves because, we get tired of waiting and get on top after a few minutes. Then we do what makes us feel good, thus leaving you high and dry. Try showing some initiative:
Climb on top of the stallion. Do not worry about the stallion finishing before you are done because it will not be pleasurable for him. After you finish, the both of you roll over so that the stallion is on top. Then, he does what feels good for him. When the 2 of you are done, it will be better than muffins for both of you. ¡Taking turns is better than muffins!
You used “Dinky” when you meant “Ditzy”:
“Oh, thank you, thank you” cried Dinky leaping up and nuzzling Silver.
It should be:
“¡Oh, Thank you, thank you!”, cried Ditzy while leaning up and nuzzling Silver.
Ditzy looked around with shining eyes “It’s perfect,” she announced, “It’s just right for me and Dinky, she can even have her own room, and I won’t have to rely on my parents all the time. I’ll be a new start for me. I’ll take it. Thank you, Thank you.”
I'll should be it'll and I would change the punctuation:
Ditzy looked around with shining eyes. “¡It’s perfect!” she announced, “It’s just right for me and Dinky. She can even have her own room and I won’t have to rely on my parents all the time. It’ll be a new start for me. ¡I’ll take it! ¡Thank you, oh thank you!”.
According to "Family-Matters" and "Tales of Ponyville", Ditzy Doo already broke of relations with her parents because she was upset over thehow the reacted to the affair and pregnancy. Luckily, they reconciled.
¡This is a great story!
This is great! I think you've captured Ditzy's personality very well. She didn't do a great job on her first day, but she showed just how friendly and dedicated she is. Lovely.
Nice! Could have used a bit of proofing at times, but otherwise, good job!
...are all of our "first meeting" stories gonna involve Ditzy and/or Dinky?
2576129
No they're not.
Anyway, I like this story. And I like how Fluttershy's shack is thought to be haunted.
In my opinion, this is canon.
This is how I'm going to picture how these ponies met because on honestly I feel the characterisation was spot on.
Ditzy showed enough skill that I could believe she would excel as a mail mare with time but enough flaws to make her believable and was as lovable as always.
The scene with Fluttershy was also great for showing the start of that friendship
Thunderball did a good job as foil to Ditzy and Silver Script but he didn't have enough time to become irratating. Par Avon was also a good addition, espicailly in giving Silver Script someone to bounce of off.
Silver Script was great, justifiably exasperated with the newbies but still very supportative and almost nuturing as well. You also managed to add in tidbits that really helped grow his character, like his sister and lossing his parents. I also thought the idea of his attempt at a Baseball career was a nice touch.
Speaking of which...
LOVE AND TOLERANCE for the win!!
The scenes like with Sugar cube corner and Sweet Apple Acres were short but still enjoyable and through out the story you managed to throw in references to rest of the Lunaverse like Big Mac's bounty hunting and ponies dislike of being out in the middle of the day without choking the reader with them.
All in all I thought this was a nice and, like I said before, in my head this is now canon.
Great job.
Nice little story you got here. Well done
I like this story so much that I reread it, but unfortunately found more errors:
> She thought for a moment before replying, “I like to meet people, and this seemed a good way to do that. I’ve lived all my life in Fillydelphia and wanted to see somewhere else, Dinky’s almost old enough for school, so I thought now’s the time to strike out on my own, I can’t rely on my parents for ever.”
People should be ponies:
> She thought for a moment before replying, “I like to meet ponies, and this seemed a good way to do that. I’ve lived all my life in Fillydelphia and wanted to see somewhere else, Dinky’s almost old enough for school, so I thought now’s the time to strike out on my own, I can’t rely on my parents for ever.”
> “Me and some of my friends are putting together a band and I heard Pinky, she says hi you Ditzy and wants to throw you a party, by the way, was a good singer. It’s why I got this job, I need to get out from under my parents hooves and I’m looking into getting a pad we can jam at. Once we’re famous, I’ll be gone, no more delivering post for this superstar.”
One can put this off to BallLightning talking in an hurry (I certainly garbled sentences worse in conversation), but, if you want to change it, it reads more coherently thus:
> “I and some of my friends put together a band and I heard Pinky, she says hi to you, oh Ditzy, and wants to throw you a party, by the way, was a good singer. It’s why I got this job, I need to get out from under my parents hooves and I’m looking into getting a pad we can jam at. Once we’re famous, I’ll be gone, no more delivering post for this superstar.”
> “I’m sure Ditzy would love to be your friend when you go to school.”
It refers to Dinky Doo:
> “I’m sure Dinky would love to be your friend when you go to school.”
I hope that I am helpful.
2580638
> “In my opinion, this is canon.”
¡Hold your horses! ;-) It requires a little tweeking to be canon. I already covered most of that, but 1 point I did not yet makes is important:
Dinky Doo is almost ready for school, in this story. According to the canon as established in Family-Matters and Tales of PonyVille, she should not yet be born or only be a few months old. I see here an opportunity for showing that ponies are diiferent than humans:
Humans are born so altricial that it takes us an year to move independently and 2 years for walking. We can have the ponies be so precocial that they walk the day of their birth. I other words, they would be born as toddlers. Those 2 extra months of gestation could give them the equivalent to 2 extra years of grow and development.
2575481>>2581394
Thanks I'll probably try to go back later and fix these, as I put in the notes I tried to write this quickly to see if I could and I didn't have as much chance to go through to check it and spelling and Grammar are normally my weaknesses.
2580638
Wow, thanks that means a lot.
I was going for a generational thing with Par being Silver's mentor and then Silver being Derpy/Ball's mentor. Also a lot of the work place stuff was based on things I have actually seen at work, unfortunately I'm more of a Ball than a Ditzy when I was being trained and probably still am.
I was trying to avoid making Ditzy the perfect employee and Ball the worst, they both have strengths and weaknesses. In my head by the present Ball is a good solid poststallion probably has a very special somepony, he's still in a band though, just doesn't think it will make him famous any more, he probably also moans about how bad the new staff are.
2581473
I know that my time line doesn't really match with canon and its not clear how pony ages work. To me Ditzy got pregnant at 16 (Age of consent where I am and I'm assuming in Equestria, given how Ditzy's parents reacted if she was younger Caster would by in Prison).I assume Ditzy was disowned during her pregnancy but her parents came to after Dinky was born (The second victims of Dinky's adorable power after Ditzy). In this story Dinky is 5 (again generally when you go to school where I am) so Ditzy is about 22 and has been living with her parents for the last 5 years. The 'present' Lunaverse is 3 years later making Ditzy 25 (Probably the oldest of the mane 6) and Dinky 8.
I was originally going to have this story set when Ditzy was pregnant, her original meeting with Silver was throwing up over him and she would eat one of the crayon's they use to mark the routes, but I changed it when I found out that Ditzy had only been a postmare for 3 years and I though that Dinky was older than that although your fast developing ponies ides would have fit. Its a shame because The worst mother in Equestria is a great story about Dinky's birth and I could have made my story fit with that well. I still could by having Ditzy get a temp post job before Dinky is born and then become permanent a few years later. Ah, well.
You managed to make a story about a small town postal service entertaining.
That alone could incite charges of sorcery.
Also, Ditzy meeting Fluttershy in that particular way seems like the perfect intersection of their two characters. As it were.
Putting this together in three days is a rather admirable thing. You undervalue yourself too much