Invisible Walls

by Harmony Charmer

Chapter 5: Falling Apart

A few days later, I was sleeping on my couch(I know it's not my couch, per se, but as I've stated before, I had grown attached to that stupid thing!) I had already said goodnight to the girls and Clyde and Sue. As usual, I was tired from rock farming, but happy from our family time. It really made me want to cry that they accepted me as if I were part of their family.

When I finally closed my eyes, I swear to you, to this very day, I regret slipping into unconsciousness. Because, in that moment, every horrific thing that happened to me was thrown back at me. All of it. But, it was somehow a lot more vivid than it was when it actually happened. I think it was because of the fact I knew what was going to happen and I knew it wasn't what my mind thought it to be at the time. Also, my mind decided to make everything a lot worse than it actually was.

The bullying was more torturous, the insults and hits more and more painful with each moment that passed. My loneliness was deeper and stronger than I could have begun to fathom. Pinkie's smiles didn't have an effect on my loneliness in my nightmare. No matter how many times she surprised ponies, made cupcakes, or smiled, I was never even remotely close to happiness. And then I saw myself, looking out my window, making the wish I was so glad I made. And the worst part? This time, it didn't come true.

* * *

I was awoken by severe shaking and to the sound of screaming. It only took me a moment to realize that I was the one who was screaming. I instantly stopped and began breathing at record speed. The last time I had hyperventilated like this was when Amanda punched me in the gut in a fight we had when we met. I finally manged to unscrew my eyes so I could see.

The whole Pie family was staring me down with mixed expressions. Clyde looked surprised, as if he never thought I could break into psychosis. Sue looked frightened, as if she had never seen anypony wake up screaming from a nightmare. Blinkie and Inkie looked rattled, afraid something had happened to me. And Pinkie, poor little Pinkie, looked downright confused. There was no other way to explain it. She just looked confused.

And I was, too. I thought that I had built such a strong foundation of happiness for myself. But, yet again, I was proven wrong. It was my luck as a human being, not as a resident in Equestria. Something in my life was bound to go wrong and I never saw it coming. And this time, it hit me really, really hard. Human beings were never meant to experience happiness, whereas the ponies in this bright and colorful world are able to live practically care-free.

After I finally managed to slow my breathing down to a reasonable eveness, I curled up into a ball and cried. I don't how long I did and I don't know how long they watched me fall apart. If they tried to comfort me, I don't remember it. I don't know how I fell asleep again, or how I even stopped crying, but I did.

When I awoke, Inkie and Blinkie were laying asleep next to me, with tear stains on their cheeks. Clyde and Sue were leaning against each other for support as they slept sitting beside each other. Little Pinkie had no tears on her cheeks, however. I guess she nominated herself to be the pillar of support through this difficult time. It was dawn, and by the bags under their eyes, I could tell they had only recently had fallen asleep. I let out a very ragged sigh and got off the couch, careful not to wake up anypony.

I walked into the kitchen and pulled my apron on. I grabbed all the things I needed for the meal that changed my life when I had arrived. I had been making them for so long, that my mind didn't even need to turn on for me to make them. I delicately placed the plates with pancakes on the table and walked over to the sleeping family in the living room. I shook Clyde and Sue lightly, as if they might break if I weren't careful.

Their eyes slowly creaked open and I could tell they knew what was coming as they focused on me. I nodded towards the fillies on the couch, to which they acknowledged with a nod. I lightly shook Pinkie and watched as her tired eyes revealed that confusion I had seen earlier. I could tell the poor filly didn't have it in her to walk to the table, so I carried her over, just like that day in the forest.

As we all sat down at the table, a perfect silence followed as they examined the breakfast I had made. I took a deep breath and waited for them to look at me. "I know you are all thinking about what happened," I started, taking a ragged breath. They all looked down at their plates, but I still continued. "I have been hiding things from all of you." The silence that followed was deafening.

"I'm not from here." I looked to see what their reactions were. Sue raised a brow in a "You don't say?" kind of way. If I weren't confessing my life story to them, I would've laughed. But I was, and laughing was the exact opposite if what I wanted to do. "What I mean is," I said as I cleared my throat, "I'm not from this world."

The story came pouring out of me and it wouldn't stop. It started with how I was picked on as a child, then it escalated to how I changed, my wish to be happy and- well, you get the gist of it. Everypony listened intently in silence as my story slowly began to weave the little things unexplainable about me into a tapestry of my life. I looked down at the table in shame, not wanting to meet their eyes. Nopony said anything.

I put my face in my hands, not saying a word. I did not cry; I did not sob. I just sat there, silent. I felt something nudge against my leg, so I instinctively looked down. Pinkie was looking up at me with tear-filled eyes. I never liked seeing anybody cry; but I was almost never the cause of it. And I hated it. I hated that I made everypony feel this way. I hated that my old life had to interfere with my new one. Why had it happened now? Why? I asked myself that over and over again, but I never found an answer.

"Why?" Pinkie Pie looked hurt beyond repair. "Why? Why did you lie to us? Why didn't you tell us about what happened to you? Why did you waste your time here if you weren't ever going to tell me the truth? Why? Why? WHY!?" Pinkie Pie turned tail and ran away sobbing. I stood up and ran after her. "Pinkie Pie, wait!" I heard Pinkie's door slam loudly and ran even faster. I began banging on the door. "Pinkie, please! You don't understand!"

"Go away! I don't want to see you!" Pinkie wailed, her sobs echoing loudly.

"Please! Let me explain! Please!"

"NO! I don't want to listen anymore!"

"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE, OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT OR ELSE!" I heard Sue gasp in shock, seeing as how I never spoke to Pinkie or the others in such an awful tone of voice. Pinkie was silent for a moment. I think she was surprised that I screamed at her. "Or else what!? I don't want to talk to you! I HATE YOU!"

Three little words; three little words that hurt me more than anything in the world. I stood there for a moment, trying to process what I had just heard. Then, without warning, burst into tears. Why? Why did this have to happen? I don't know how, but I managed to calm myself down. I slunk back over to the couch, and laid there.

I didn't sleep, but I wasn't awake either. I was in some type of comatose state. Nopony tried to "wake me up", or maybe they did, but I didn't notice. Before I knew it, it was late in the evening. Everypony had already gone to sleep. I slowly stood up and walked over to the refrigerator, but not to get ingredients. I instead grabbed one of Inkie's pens, the papers we kept for lists, and began writing.

Dear Everypony,

I know you are all confused and angry and upset with me. But, please, I beg of you, find some forgiveness in your hearts for me. I am sorry. I know it's not enough, but I hope it's a start. I am now going to leave specific messages for all of you...

After I had written my letters, I walked out the door. As soon as it closed, I ran. I ran out farther and faster, not caring where I went, just wanting to get away from there. I heard twigs snapping under my feet, felt thorns scratching my skin, but I didn't care. I needed to get away. I couldn't face her again. She hates me, I thought, she hates me. Suddenly, I crashed into something. I opened my eyes and saw dark tendrils and overgrown grass. The Everfree Forest. My vision slowly began to blur into black. "Pinkie... I'm sorry!" My pathetic wail was weak, but it seemed to echo throughout the entire forest. Then, everything went black.