Rajulio is an OC i created and may make comics for if I can learn to draw better, but i have decided to make stories about him. But who is he? This story describes his first days in ponyville, and some of the little things that makes him the pony he is today.
(Criticism is encouraged)
Thanks to my friend who's alias is Ci and his name is the only reference I can give, for helping me edit this story half way through.
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This is one of the worst cases of multi-speaker paragraphs I've ever seen. You CANNOT have more than one character speaking in a single paragraph. It makes it impossible to keep track of who's talking and it really messes with the pacing.
FiMFiction Writing Guide <--This will help.
2562490 i will get to it when i can and fix it thank you
Ah, that is much better now.
Your description does not say anything whatsoever about the story, please fix this.
2571143
I have no idea what else to put besides this is his first days in ponyville.
Here is one thing that a novice writer should not think of doing. I repeat, DO NOT put in the description that this is your first story.
You're trying to get the readers to be sympathetic with you since your story isn't perfect, but oh boy, it will actually do the opposite. No one would want to read it and your story is now a bulls-eye target for dislikes.
Also, your cover picture should not use external sources (unless its something that is related to the story). How come you didn't scan your image on a printer, or even better, draw it in MS Paint. If you're going to have a cover picture of an OC, please have it as scanned. No one likes OC ponies that have been taken with external sources (ex. webcam and camera).
Now, your spelling isn't bad, I must say, its actually pretty good but there might be some unnecessary commas in sentences and dialogue. I recommend you go read Ezn's Writing Guide. Its drop down from the FAQ button on your dashboard of this site.
Anyway, I'm trying to not be too harsh. But, there you go.
2573985
Thank you! I will change this