"Sister, you can't do this!" Luna begged.
Celestia looked down on Luna, her eyes dark, with no emotion showing. "I must do what must be done."
"But there must be some other way! Some other pony!" Luna pleaded.
"You know you are the only alicorn other than me, and only an alicorn can birth an alicorn." Celestia turned from her sister.
"But why do we need another alicorn?" Luna asked. "Aren't we enough?" She reached out to her sister. "Please, sister, don't make me do this!"
Celestia kicked her sister away. "Guards." She called. "Take her to the mating chamber."
"No! Sister! Please!" Luna screamed as two guards dragged her to a dank, empty cell, the only water in the room being a large puddle in the corner, water running down the wall, the singular drops joining together. It was strangely parallel to what was supposed to happen in this room. The cell was small, only about five square feet, and the ceiling was only about five feet high. A small cot adorned the opposite corner, one of the legs bent inward. All over, it was the most depressing room that Luna had ever been in. She was thrown into the cell, a magic absorbing bracelet being affixed to her leg. She shook, terrified of what may happen next. The cell door was opened, a male being thrown in.
"You aren't coming out until you've done the deed!" The guard called, slamming the door.
Luna looked to the male, hoping at least that he would be gentle about it. She gasped as she saw the pony in the cell with her. An hourglass adorned his caramel brown flank, his chestnut mane appeared tattered, as if he had been through quite a rough spot before ending up here. His side was bruised, and he had a black eye. He had clearly been through hell.
"What in Equestria happened to you?" She asked.
"Celestia said something about me being honored, and that I would be mating with royalty... do you think she was coming on to me?"
Luna stared at him in disbelief. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, why, are you somepony important?" He gasped. "I know, you must be Sapphire Shores, right?"
"No." Luna's jaw dropped a bit, unaware that there was anypony who was unaware of her existance. "Why'd they beat you up?"
"Oh, I refused to do the whole mating thing. Can you keep a secret?" He asked.
"Of course." Luna said, a bit confused.
"I don't know what mating is." The pony admitted. "Pathetic, right?"
"Of course not." Luna smiled kindly, relieved that this male wasn't an adversary, but perhaps a future ally. "You're young, you have no reason to mate. What is your name?"
"Oh, me? I'm Timepiece. Dumb name, I know." The stallion shrugged, his scrawny shoulders raising rhythmically.
"I think it's a nice name." Luna smiled at him. I have to get him on my side. She thought. And kindness will surely be the way.
"Gee, thanks!" Timepiece smiled at her. "That means a lot coming from you, Miss Shores."
"I am not Sapphire Shores." Luna said patiently. "I am Luna, sister of Celestia."
"Sister? Then that would make you..... and I was supposed to...... yikes." Timepiece swallowed. "I'm sorry, I promise I wasn't going to try anything, I swear!"
"I know, I know. You seem to be a gentlehearted pony, just like my sister... or like my sister used to be." Luna frowned, looking at the ground.
"Well, what are we going to do? We can't get out of here until we do... that... whatever it is." Timepiece asked.
Luna smiled a bit at him. "You ever overthrow a princess?"
"Overthrow a princess? Certainly not!" Timepiece looked shocked. "How could you even propose such a thing?"
"Look, I don't like the idea either, but I'm afraid that my sister... well, she's not my sister anymore..." Luna closed her eyes tight, not wanting to think about her time as Nightmare Moon.
"Well, who do you propose would take over?" Timepiece asked. Once he had calmed down, he seemed quite intelligent.
"I'm not sure yet. I'm sure not going to do it, but the only other pony that could ever possibly be powerful enough to take over raising and lowing the sun and moon would be her assistant, and she may be a bit difficult to convert..." Luna thought hard, trying to come up with a plan.
"I'm in." Timepiece nodded.
"Even before I came up with a plan?" Luna asked, a bit surprised.
"Sure." Timepiece shrugged. "You seem to be pretty nice."
"Thank you." Luna smiled. Thank goodness that was so easy. She thought. I was expecting that I'd have to come up with the plan first...
"How long has this whole 'mate or die' thing been in effect, anyways?" Timepiece asked.
"It's been in the lawbooks for centuries in the unlikely event that war is imminent and more males are needed, but from what I've seen, there's nopony wanting to declare war on us. I think my sister is mad with power." Luna sighed. "I know how it feels. I tried to create eternal night because I was jealous that the ponies were all awake and enjoying the day, while they all slept through my night. In hindsight, I suppose I should have seen that the ponies loved my night. The darkness perfect for sleeping, the stars shining bright in the sky. I had it made until... well, let's just say I let my jealousy get the better of me." Tears began to slowly drip down Luna's face, her head hung low in shame.
"Everypony makes mistakes." Timepiece smiled at her. "You seem pretty nice now, and that's really all that matters."
Luna looked up at him. "You really think so?"
"Sure." Timepiece grinned. "You want to help your sister so she doesn't become what you became. That's pretty nice in my book."
Luna smiled. "You know, were the situation different, maybe I wouldn't mind having you for a mate."
"Thanks... I think." Timepiece rubbed the back of his head with a hoof. "So, how are we going to bust out of here, anyways?"
"Now that, I have a plan for." Luna smiled a bit. "I'll tell you all about it later. For now, let's get some shuteye, we'll need as much energy as we can get."
"By the way." Timepiece turned his head to the side a bit. "What is your name?"
Luna smiled a bit, looking to him. "I am Luna. Luna Sparkle."
The End of Luna's Story
"Tragedy and Comedy together at last side by side"- Random guy in Fable 3
WOW. I love that twist. And mating Luna? Celestia is gone mad! MAD I TELL YA!
why not herself then(celestia i mean)
7147
Because she's mad with power. And being pregnant will cripple her ability to rule.
Luna...Sparkle...
Luna sparkle? my brain hurts so is she from another time line or something
but she wait what sparkle LUNA mate celestia TIMEPIECE!?!
more. i demand it.
Luna what now?
Buh-wah?
... I look at the people complementing you and I see a bunch of people afraid of telling you how they feel or hurting your feelings. That is not how one helps an author increase the strength of their work, you'r story, no your writings are barely long enough to stand any sort of judgement. I sit here and read them and wonder why your still posting this little blurbs that have very little characterization, if any. No description for gods sake I'm going to quote a lack of description, " two guards dragged her to a dank cell, water dripping from the ceiling." that is your whole setting for the story and you gave it a freaking sentence. watch me add more to the story. The two burly guard pegasi grabbed onto Luna's wings as she struggled against them fruitlessly, dragging her towards the maw of the cell that her sister had prepared for her. The two guards refused to listen to her please as they threw her into the oppressively humid cell, her body landing into a small puddle that was fed by the water slowly dripping from the ceiling.
For goodness sake I suck at writing I know I do, learn to expand on your story, authors like you, are what have brought me to disrespect the fan fiction community as a whole. so please before blurting out another 1000 pile of word vomit please for the love of god take some time and think it through. I even thought about ending this tirade with a joke but realized that by doing so I would give you an excuse to ignore what I have said.
let's see where this goes shell we
oh sweet sweet irony of the song "Free Bird" coming on when I open this story up
7190
I understand your frustration, and I know, this is not a very good story. Honestly, most of the chapters have been pretty rushed, and it shows quite a bit. I am going back and completely rewriting the first chapter, and at the same time, I will go through and slowly read through my previous two chapters, adding as much detail as possible. I appreciate that you told me the truth, as that is how I hope to grow, and so far I have received very little criticism. I will use your criticism to grow as a writer, and I truly appreciate it.
Lovely, once more Celestia knows more than her sister...
I wonder how long after "Timepiece" disappears with the foal who looked oddly like her sisters student will she realize what really happened.
7250
Thank you for taking what I have said to heart in this matter I am sorry if I came off harsh as I see the chance for a beautiful story, and one that could explore the inner workings of the characters, I cant wait to reread the better versions of this and I must apologies for the harsh words but not the emotion behind them as I still felt frustration over them. remember the truth is harsh
so wait did this chapter take place before nightmare moon?
Oh come on, really his name is Timepiece. I think it would of been better with a Doctor Whooves reference myself. This way there is room for some crazy doctor antics.
Other than that, if you are still taking suggestions. How about a Blueblood/Derpy, Fluttershy/Breaburn (sorry about spelling)...gee that's all the male cast members that I know.
squeeeee then awwww not cool celestia NOT COOL (thisis actuly solar soldier i have defected all my personas to nlr)
(chapter three time!)
Okay... what? My thoghts on Timepeice. "Oh cool, a brown pony with an hourglass cutie mark? DoctorXLuna... i can dig it. Ooh there was some fighting. Wait... Timepiece? What?" So is he the doctor or not? TELL ME!!!! (dont actually, but i hope you clarify that eventually)
Luna Sparkle... Whoopty doo, i've never heard that idea before.
Dank cell... why? why are the mating cells like prisons? and why couldnt Luna magic the guards away, she only got the braclet on after she got locked up.
The thing that made me like the Spike chapter was use of some good description, but that's not here.
I hope you rewrite this one like you did the first one, it is okay but needs work.
(i still like the stoary though)
LUNA SPARKLE?!
omg what a plot twist indeed
7468 What about Soarin from the Wonderbolts? he's a dude.
Celestia Is Completeley Insane,SEND IN TEAM DAI-GURREN!!
7307 Nope, Luna was crying about what had happened in the past lol. I think twilight even said something about there being no wars or struggles since the Nightmare Moon fiasco.
The anime or the WoW raiding guild? either one would work
Please for the love of god... somehow make it doctor hooves.. please O please
5 square foot cell? For 2 ponies and a cot? I don't see how they have any choice!
Doctor Whooves? Oh my god, this story is hilariously odd. I love it.
There are multiple issues with this, but here is what struck me most: Why use some depressing prison cell? This should be a bigger room with a comfortable bed, water and light sources, and toilet but no food. A small cell is not befitting royalty. Also YOU DIDN'T DO THE MATH, SO CORRECT IT. 5 foot (or 1.5m) is the height of an adult pony's body. To fit under such a low ceiling they can't keep their heads erected. Ceiling should be 2 or 3m high. Also 5 ft^2 is 2x2.5 ft, or 60 x 75 cm. This room is way too small to even fit one pony inside, let alone two. I'd go for 25 m^2. The bre minimum would be 2x3m, so a bed would fit in, but even that is way to small.
Luna......Sparkle?............HOW?!
LUNA SPARKLE.
THAT MEANS
CELESTIA SPARKLE
WAT.
17678 FUCK, People! Is it not OBVIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?!?! The Sparkle's are an amazingly powerful family. They are bound to have some sort of family tie with the Princesses! It's practically canon that Twi could raise the moon or sun on her own if she wanted too. Bah! Thou art all foals! Tis not but the trith that thine Goddesses should have children who are not Alicorns? Hmmm? Blueblood, the Sparkles, every one of those regal families didn't just start out by being appointed by the Sisters, nay, wherefore wouldst they? If thine could, wouldst thee give one pompous ass akin to Blueblood Princehood? Me beleiveth not! But, by bloodline, he is royalty. Only possible if related t princesses. And Alicorn DNA is a rare kind, the strands rearranging themselves slightly, so no erroneous mutations happen to a child. JUST LIKE THE GREEK GODS. Read a book!
To the author: Pardon the rant, I have high-strung feelings and opinions sometimes. Also: I think the chapter is fine the way it is. Why get into explicit detail, when the point you are trying to get across is as bare as the cell they were forced into? Why describe a desolate place when there is no need? The mane character (Luna) didn't seem to notice much except that she was unceremoniously dumped into a cell with a puddle in one corner, and a broken and abused cot in another. She couldn't use magic, and she's got other things too worry about. What is said is good enough to get the point across. Details are for when you need them, like Spike's dream or Twi's cuddling with Big Mac. Not much happens here, and when not much is happening, there's no need to delve deeper into the nothingness. If you did so, we'd get lost trying to figure out what that had to do with anything, and get distracted from the mane plot. 5/5
Honestly.... I'm gonna keep reading. Not because of the shipping, but because I'm very curious what this author is going to do with the whole Celestia affair. Why do this now? Why do this the way she is? Why the malice from before? IT doesn't seem to make sense.... but! Perhaps it will. We'll see.
nice story so far, this rebellion thing is going to be interesting to see where it goose.
so far thers just one thing i don't get, i sent luna suppose to have like super op magic skills she beaning an alicorn an all..
so why cant she just bust out of the mating chamber/prison..
22105
"It's practically canon that Twi could raise the moon or sun on her own if she wanted too"
i cant relay agree whit you there, twilight sparkle is undoubtedly a relay powerful unicorn (probably the most skilld in magic in equestria)
but i think she is far from celestia and luna´s level. defeating an ursa (with´s i consider here so far most impressive show of raw magical power) is in no doubt impressive but i cant see how that can in anyway compair to wath celestia and luna is capebel of.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT!? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT!? Is Luna? Then that would mean, are you serious? is this really... I mean wha... am I... GUH! I hope I didn't brain my damage. *brain explodes* shit oh! Exploded brain my.
7156
This.
SO, may I assume that Timepiece is The Doc, then? Wow, that's...different.
OK let me guess in this fic the names are: Luna Sparkle,Celestia Sparkle,Twilight Sparkle? <--- if that is true are they family or just have same last names by coincidence?
Oh? I remember reading this WAY back when... Not sure why I didn't follow it then or whatever, but whatevers... I'm following now, and that's all that matters! XD
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Timepiece you lucky stallion
7190 Length hardly equals quality. Hemingway's short stories are shorter than their wikipedia pages. Although I do think there could be a bit more conflict in these short stories, you hardly need to write essays on what a jail cell looks like. Most people aren't idiots, and can (and do) imagine what the setting looks like with or without description. That being said, these are all going a bit too quick through the setup. "Celestia forcing two ponies to mate and them being apathetic about it until they aren't" only works for so long.
7190
Rough... But I'll admit a very welcome improvement. I may not be up to writing anything myself anytime soon, but I find mentally correcting such things as I go along to be absolutely exhausting.
...The fact that I like to drink while reading these doesn't help.