How does Equestria survive with so few males? How is it that no ponies ever seem to mate? Answers come when mating season leads all of your favorite ponies to receive their call to duty and become the parents of the next generation of ponies.
Note: While it will be alluded to, this will not be a clopfic and will contain no actual sex scenes. Please do not read this is that is what you are looking for.
Special note: I have heard about a few people saying that they wanted to write a spin-off or something of the sort. If you do so, I do not care if you credit me as the author, but please at least give me a link so I can see what hell I hath wrought on the fanfiction community.
Chapters (14)
Decent story, could be promising.
Should be interesting to see what happens to other characters.
Bookworm unicorn falls for earth tilling pony, quite an interesting mix. Princess Celestia forcing her hoof on the matter seems a bit out of place but understandable given the circumstances concerning the gravity of the situation. So far it's pretty good! Can't wait to see what you do next.
Decent. Can't wait to see Dash and Pinkie Pie.
It was alright... just some of the characterizations are a little off hand, like Twilight would never get mad at Celestia even if she completely disagrees to her views and methods. But I guess in any normal circumstance, being asked to literally have sex is out of context.
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According to canon, she's also never been asked to have sex with a complete stranger, against her will.
My wondering why they don't have artificial insemination in Equestria is balanced out by my relief at finally figuring out where Dinky comes from.
Not bad. This may be promising. Though I am more of a FlutterMac man myself, but I guess this works.
So much more could have been done with this. Consider for a moment what is actually being proposed; it’s akin to government sanctioned rape. The concept is hilariously dark and has soooo much potential as a light hearted slice-of-life in the midst of crisis. For instance, what if the rules had been around for a while, though never fully enacted until now? I could imagine the propaganda posters declaring ‘duty-bound’ contract. As for Twilight, whom better to lead the example than the prized sudent of their goddess, a hero to all of equestria?
Yet this consept is pushed aside in favor of ‘shove them in a room until they agree to rutt’.
Between poor characterizations, emotionally flat scenes, an overly hurried plot and a need for a total suspension of disbelief to tackle the scenarios put forth, over all I’d rate this story a 2.5
There is potential and I would love to see it reached, but a wrewrite would sadly be required to tap into that golden nugget.
this story is awesome beyond color
well you have my attention let's see if you can keep it
6819
I'm kind of a BraeShy myself, maybe an OctaviShy.
LUNA TRIXIE UMMMMMM CELESTIA (i ran out of ideas)
I wouldn't mind seeing one with rainbow dash in it XD also it would be cool if we could see twilights kid XD
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All of the mane six will be done, it's just a matter of order, and whom I'm going to pair them with.
Why isn't this labeled as comedy?
I think Caramel and Pinkie should be one. Or Pinkie and Doctor Whooves.
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Fixed
"Tragedy and Comedy together at last side by side"- Random guy in Fable 3
WOW. I love that twist. And mating Luna? Celestia is gone mad! MAD I TELL YA!
why not herself then(celestia i mean)
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Because she's mad with power. And being pregnant will cripple her ability to rule.
Luna...Sparkle...
Luna sparkle? my brain hurts so is she from another time line or something
but she wait what sparkle LUNA mate celestia TIMEPIECE!?!
more. i demand it.
Luna what now?
Buh-wah?
... I look at the people complementing you and I see a bunch of people afraid of telling you how they feel or hurting your feelings. That is not how one helps an author increase the strength of their work, you'r story, no your writings are barely long enough to stand any sort of judgement. I sit here and read them and wonder why your still posting this little blurbs that have very little characterization, if any. No description for gods sake I'm going to quote a lack of description, " two guards dragged her to a dank cell, water dripping from the ceiling." that is your whole setting for the story and you gave it a freaking sentence. watch me add more to the story. The two burly guard pegasi grabbed onto Luna's wings as she struggled against them fruitlessly, dragging her towards the maw of the cell that her sister had prepared for her. The two guards refused to listen to her please as they threw her into the oppressively humid cell, her body landing into a small puddle that was fed by the water slowly dripping from the ceiling.
For goodness sake I suck at writing I know I do, learn to expand on your story, authors like you, are what have brought me to disrespect the fan fiction community as a whole. so please before blurting out another 1000 pile of word vomit please for the love of god take some time and think it through. I even thought about ending this tirade with a joke but realized that by doing so I would give you an excuse to ignore what I have said.
let's see where this goes shell we
oh sweet sweet irony of the song "Free Bird" coming on when I open this story up
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I understand your frustration, and I know, this is not a very good story. Honestly, most of the chapters have been pretty rushed, and it shows quite a bit. I am going back and completely rewriting the first chapter, and at the same time, I will go through and slowly read through my previous two chapters, adding as much detail as possible. I appreciate that you told me the truth, as that is how I hope to grow, and so far I have received very little criticism. I will use your criticism to grow as a writer, and I truly appreciate it.
Lovely, once more Celestia knows more than her sister...
I wonder how long after "Timepiece" disappears with the foal who looked oddly like her sisters student will she realize what really happened.
finding it har dot put into words how much i enjoy your story so here goes:
Better than the first time around.
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Thank you for taking what I have said to heart in this matter I am sorry if I came off harsh as I see the chance for a beautiful story, and one that could explore the inner workings of the characters, I cant wait to reread the better versions of this and I must apologies for the harsh words but not the emotion behind them as I still felt frustration over them. remember the truth is harsh
so wait did this chapter take place before nightmare moon?
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No problem at all. I welcome all criticism and I liked your brutal honesty. I wish more people would let me know what I'm doing wrong so I could improve myself more. Especially because I can use this to improve my main fanfic more and more.
7307
Nope, this took place about a year after the events of those episodes, but in a sort of alternate reality where Discord was never freed.
This sort of thing can be done well, but it is rather difficult. See www dot fanfiction.net slash s slash 3064884 slash 1 slash The_Mating_bFrenzy_b for an example.
Pretty much the characters need to take it seriously, but the story needs to be light-hearted to counteract the fridge-horror of forced pairings. The example fic I gave is a Naruto story, so it has the advantage of ninjas being expected to be cruel for the sake of efficiency. But it is very difficult to pull off in the pony-verse.
Aha, here's an idea. How about instead of Celestia going power mad, the different pony races have started to only marry within their race. There is something funky with the genes that makes it to where only 1 in 4 of any male foals conceived between two ponies of the same race will survive to term.
So basically, the idea is that Celestia dropped the ball on encouraging interracial relationships, damaging ponykinds formerly inherent hybrid vigor. After Luna comes back from the moon, she notices the odd preponderance of females, and does some calculations. Oh no! With the amount of males at a critical low, they need to do something NOW to restore the hybrid vigor, before any more same race pairings occur. Luna is pretty angry at Celestia for not making sure that ponies didn't segregate themselves (She's absolutely livid about the whole idea of cloudsdayle, and demands there be a permanent fix so that earth and unicorn ponies can live there too)
As far as dealing with artificial insemination, you could have it thrown out as an option because the ponies are far too inherently possessive and monogamous, or having some semblance of stable family be important, or maybe because they don't want to traumatize the ponies any more than they have to or something.
Same race couples would be required to register, and agree to have at least one male or four total foals. There would be a one month period before all were assumed to be available for the draft.
Celestia needs a figure to lead the way, to show the ponies it isn't that bad. Enter Twilight, national heroine.
7321
I like the idea, but there's somewhere I'm going with this that will not be apparent until the end. Trust me, I've got a plan, and it is a doozy.
I, well, um... I really don't know what to think. I mean- jeez, this is just ODD. Not bad, just ODD.
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Oh, I forgot to include that it's also kind of interesting. Curious, are you redoing the other two chapters or should I just go ahead and read the ones that are up right now?
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Go ahead and read them, the first one was the most highly flawed, and if I end up revamping the other two it'll be in the far future, after I finish a few more chapters. Here's a hint, the next one's called The Speed of Stillness, and it is going to be the best so far, hopefully.
7321
Good ideal but I would change how you have Celestia, she doesn't seem to type to just ignore the problem until the last second.
Like, she has been tring to fix the problem for some time now: Cloudsdale is now an odd ball mostly because of the weather factories,things were much worst back then, but its still not enough and now the problem has gotten so bad she has taken more forcive steps like "for the good of our race everyone get laid!"
7359
As I have said, I have a plan that will make everything make sense in the end. The sudden change in her attitude, the reasoning for the dungeon-like rooms, everything.
Could you make one with prince blueblood and applejack.
7387
Maybe...
Oh come on, really his name is Timepiece. I think it would of been better with a Doctor Whooves reference myself. This way there is room for some crazy doctor antics.
Other than that, if you are still taking suggestions. How about a Blueblood/Derpy, Fluttershy/Breaburn (sorry about spelling)...gee that's all the male cast members that I know.
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I decided to go with a younger character for him, and not having seen Doctor Who myself, (I really need to make some time for it,) I decided to make him into a different character from what I'd always seen him portrayed as.
Is this gonna be Princess Molestia? Why else would there be dungeons and stuff?
..............me gusta wait what the hell happened to Celestia in the first chapter she was relativly normal now she's a dick