The Real Life Friends: In Equestria!

by SubCinemaProductions

1

WARNING! This is poorly written on purpose! It is meant as a joke! If you have a problem with this or have never listened to the RLF (Real Life Friends) podcast, you should leave screaming.

This takes place during before the season 3 finale/ dismisses it entirely.

~

Twilight sparkle was in her library, experimenting on teleporting things to somewhere and back without seeing them. She had been working for several hours, and to put it simply: it was not going well. Her first few attempts had been successful; she could easily move apples from in front of her to behind her and back again. However, once she started to teleport the apple outside is when she started to encounter problems. She had yet to teleport the apple inside. She had teleported several potted plants and many nuts; therefore it was no surprise that she got a bit frustrated with herself.

She took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said to herself under her breath, “One more try. I’ll give it one more try and then, if it doesn’t work, I’ll teak a break.” She began to focus her magic on where she teleported the apple to. She let take over her senses, and then imagined the apple on the floor in front of her. She closed her eyes, charged her horn and hoped to Celestia that it would work.

Twilight heard a poof of magic in front of her. She opened her eyes and saw the red apple in front of her. She gave a small squee in delight and levitated the delectable fruit to her mouth as a reward. She took a bite of the sweet food, enjoying every second it was in her mouth. She swallowed and slowly took another bite. It was a Sweet Apple Acres apple after all; no need to rush.

Once she had finished her treat, she walked over to her saddle bag. She rifled through its contents, but realized that she had no more apples in her bag, or in the house for that matter. She looked around for something else to try her hoof at next, but all she found was books in perfect, neat rows. Now, being a librarian, Twilight shuddered at the thought of a book getting magical damage due to her inexperience with a spell.
The purple unicorn looked out of the window at the sunset. A few clouds covered the large red semicircle that illuminated the sky. Seeing this made Twilight think of Rainbow Dash.

She’s probably reading that Daring Doo book I loaned her.

A logical feeling in her head clicked. If Dash had borrowed a book, then why are all of the spaces on the shelves filled?
The curious pony quickly walked over to the section that contained all of the Daring Doo books. As her brain had noticed, the shelf was perfectly filled. She quickly scanned the row of books, searching for where Daring Doo and the Sapphire Stone was supposed to be shelved. To her amazement, there was a different book there.

The book was called: Daring Doo and the Towers of Tartarus.

Oh, that’s right! This came in today! I had forgotten to tell Dash about this! I asked spike to shelf this. I better remind him on how to shelf books sequentially within alphabetization.

She took the book out and looked at the cover. It showed Daring Doo climbing a bark tower, which had a sparkle at the top. Twilight smiled at the thought of her friend’s reaction of seeing the book.

An idea suddenly popped into her head. She took the book to the place to where she had been practicing a few moments ago. She set the book down and took a step back. Her plan was to teleport the book onto Dash’s bed and back, in attempt to put on a friendly prank. She was confident in her skills enough for this to work.

Twilight focused her magic on the book and Dash’s bed. She closed her eyes and charged her magic. With a poof, the book disappeared before her. She looked at where it once was and only saw floor. She smiled and began to charge her magic again, focusing on where she just sent the book to. She was about to cast, when a voice from above her interrupted her train of thought.

“What ‘cha doing, Twilight?” called Spike from above.

Shock from the suddenness of her assistant’s voice caused her to cast her spell without being focused on her target.

“Oh no,” she said quietly and wide eyed. She was about to panic.

However, there was no time for her to panic, for five tall figures magically appeared in front of her, each collapsing as they landed.

She ran up to one of them. They were tall and unlike anything she had seen before. She looked at what appeared to be its face. It noticed her and said to her, “Are you… god?... of the Doritos?”

~

Five friends were leaving a gun store.

The man in front was much shorter than the rest and had red hair and was walking a goofy walk. He was carrying an AK-47. His name was Al. To Al’s right was Sych, whom was much, much taller than any of the rest (and yet is still considered a leprechaun…). He carried a Glock in his right hand. Coming from behind them (that’s what she said) were Matt and Nicolai. Matt was a bear of a man and carried an AA-12 and Nicolai was a Russian with super tits, and he had an AK-47 as well as Al. Finally, flanking the group to their right (just to be deviant) was Reggie, the only woman (draw your own conclusions on what she looks like.) She carried a SAW.

The five friends were having a good time laughing and showing off their new firearms, when suddenly, as they passed Paul’s Boutique, Al realized something. He stopped.

“Hold up everyone,” he said dramatically, like he was trying to sound like the leader, “We forgot something back at the gun shop.”

The rest of them stopped as well and began to search their pockets for anything that they might’ve left behind. After a moment, Reggie turned to Al and asked “What?”

Al turned to the group and said plainly, “We forgot to get ammunition.”

Everyone that was present, which included some curious passerby, simultaneously groaned and face-palmed themselves (… in the face). The people who were irrelevant to the story, a couple by the names of Lou and Denise Dingle-Bangle, moved on with their lives and eventually got hit by a truck fifteen minutes later.

Before that happened, though, Nicolai turned to Al and said, “Why do these things always seem to happen to us when all five of us go somewhere? Or any combination of us?”

That statement slowly began an argument between the friends; but before it could escalate into a fight, a book, in a puff of smoke, appeared on the ground at their feet. Everyone (not including the people who would soon be hit by the truck, for they had moved on by this point) looked down at the new arrival to the sidewalk.

Sych bent down and brought up the book for a closer examination. Everyone gathered ‘round, though it was rather difficult for them to see due to Sych being a freaking giant (leprechaun). He brushed the dust off of the title. It read: Daring Doo and the Towers of Tartarus. It showed a picture of a horse climbing some sort of tower from hell.

Al immediately grabbed the book from Sych’s massive hands (Sych being a giant leprechaun). He flipped to a random page of the book and put a hand in the middle. “Alright everyone,” he proclaimed, “Put your hands next to mine.”

“Al,” Nicolai started, rubbing his forehead, “Why?”

Al looked at him, surprised. He stated, “Well, it’s a magical book. It could give us powers, like in that movie: Chronicle. Did you see that movie?”

“If it’s anything like Chronicle,” Reggie said, near-slamming her hand into the open book, “then I’m in.”

“Yeah,” Sych agreed, “That movie had exponentially high film quality. Count me aboard, cap-i-tan.” He placed his hand on the book, covering the hands of his friends whom he joined.

Nicolai turned to Matt, an air of you-are-not-seriously-going-to-join-them-too-are-you on his face. The bear-man simply looked back, shrugged and placed his hand with the rest. The Russian man was exasperated at his friends as he exclaimed, “Seriously?” They retuned his look with a challenging one (like the look your friends give you when they want you to smoke marijuana). Defeated in eye-locking battle, Nicolai sighed, threw his head back and his hand joined those of his friends.

“Good,” Al remarked mysteriously and smiling. “Now we need to find the magic words…”

“Ooooooooo! I got it,” Sych yelled excitedly. He cleared his throat.

“Magic Santa.”

…

Nothing happened.

Al was the first to speak. “Alright, anybody else wanna try?”

Matt leaned inwards and looked at the rest of the group.

“Booooobies.”

~

Those across the street of our heroes could hear a long and drawn-out murmur of the word “boobies”. They simply gave each other looks of what-the-hell and continued on their way.

~

Reggie, who was a bit annoyed, “hrm”-ed and said, “That didn’t work.” She hung her head in defeat. “I guess this book wasn’t magic. Oh well, we have guns to shoot guys-” She was interrupted by Al, whom suddenly got excited.

“I figured it out you guys!” Everyone looked at their friend in part-amazement and part-humoring (mostly the latter) and leaned in towards him, waiting for him to speak. Al, seeing this, leaned in and softly muttered the words: “Didjerey-Fuck.”

Suddenly, the book began to be surrounded in a purple aura, which then enveloped the group, and shaking violently. Unbeknownst to our heroes, four of them simultaneously thought, “That worked?” while Al thought, “So the Buddhist monk was right after all.”

The shaking grew more and more violent until finally the book, the Real Life Friends, their guns, and their clothes al disappeared from the street in a puff of smoke.

~

Meanwhile, in a local science-y station, a science-y guy was looking at the screen of his computer, worried. He called out to his partner, whom was sitting back in his chair, feet up and a steaming coffe in his hand, in his nasally voice. “Rick! Rick! I’m getting huge fluctuations on the Sub-Wave-Differentials!”

Rick, uninterested, pulled his hat down and simply remarked, “Eeeh, Fuck it.”

The science-y guy got up and went to the office bathroom where he cried himself to sleep. Rick was usually right.

~

The five friends would later say that the feeling of being teleported was like being shoved into a Capri Sun and subsequently sucked out through a straw (the one provided, of course). How they knew what that felt like, no one ever knew.

The five friends tumbled to the floor. All of them were disoriented and had a tingling in their spines. They tried to look up, but they were all to fatigued to move. Al was the only one who managed to raise his head. He was greeted with a purple faced horse. “Jesus Christ, how much did I drink,” he thought to himself. “Well, I might as well just go with it.”

He looked the purple horse and said groggily, “Are you… god?... of the Doritos?”

He let his head fall on the floor and exhaled as he passed out.

Author's Note:

Please rate and give feedback. I am looking for proofreaders if anyone is interested.

Comments

[The Valeyard]

I am amused :D

[Ultima Takamura]

I am on board for this ride! *pulls down the safety bar*

[PrismShift]

There is a serious lack of Chestbreach on this site. Thank you. I do seen to recall a New Vegas crossover with the AlTeam but it seems impossible to find.

[WolfWords]

one thing to say " FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEAH"

[MrBark45]

This is what i was born for.

[AlphaThroughZeta]

listening to this...
[youtube=HnFIpHWCvS0]