The five amigos of the Real Life Freinds Podcast are teleported to equestria. You can guess that stupid crap will happen.
AlChestBreach, Matt, Nicolai, Sych and Reggie of the RLF podcast are teleported to Equestria. They have extremely stupid adventures and try to make it back home.
Check them out on youtube! (Search "Real Life Friends")
WARNING! This is poorly written on purpose! It is meant as a joke! If you have a problem with this or have never listened to the RLF (Real Life Friends) podcast, you should leave screaming.
This takes place during before the season 3 finale/ dismisses it entirely.
~
Twilight sparkle was in her library, experimenting on teleporting things to somewhere and back without seeing them. She had been working for several hours, and to put it simply: it was not going well. Her first few attempts had been successful; she could easily move apples from in front of her to behind her and back again. However, once she started to teleport the apple outside is when she started to encounter problems. She had yet to teleport the apple inside. She had teleported several potted plants and many nuts; therefore it was no surprise that she got a bit frustrated with herself.
She took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said to herself under her breath, “One more try. I’ll give it one more try and then, if it doesn’t work, I’ll teak a break.” She began to focus her magic on where she teleported the apple to. She let take over her senses, and then imagined the apple on the floor in front of her. She closed her eyes, charged her horn and hoped to Celestia that it would work.
Twilight heard a poof of magic in front of her. She opened her eyes and saw the red apple in front of her. She gave a small squee in delight and levitated the delectable fruit to her mouth as a reward. She took a bite of the sweet food, enjoying every second it was in her mouth. She swallowed and slowly took another bite. It was a Sweet Apple Acres apple after all; no need to rush.
Once she had finished her treat, she walked over to her saddle bag. She rifled through its contents, but realized that she had no more apples in her bag, or in the house for that matter. She looked around for something else to try her hoof at next, but all she found was books in perfect, neat rows. Now, being a librarian, Twilight shuddered at the thought of a book getting magical damage due to her inexperience with a spell. The purple unicorn looked out of the window at the sunset. A few clouds covered the large red semicircle that illuminated the sky. Seeing this made Twilight think of Rainbow Dash.
She’s probably reading that Daring Doo book I loaned her.
A logical feeling in her head clicked. If Dash had borrowed a book, then why are all of the spaces on the shelves filled? The curious pony quickly walked over to the section that contained all of the Daring Doo books. As her brain had noticed, the shelf was perfectly filled. She quickly scanned the row of books, searching for where Daring Doo and the Sapphire Stone was supposed to be shelved. To her amazement, there was a different book there.
The book was called: Daring Doo and the Towers of Tartarus.
Oh, that’s right! This came in today! I had forgotten to tell Dash about this! I asked spike to shelf this. I better remind him on how to shelf books sequentially within alphabetization.
She took the book out and looked at the cover. It showed Daring Doo climbing a bark tower, which had a sparkle at the top. Twilight smiled at the thought of her friend’s reaction of seeing the book.
An idea suddenly popped into her head. She took the book to the place to where she had been practicing a few moments ago. She set the book down and took a step back. Her plan was to teleport the book onto Dash’s bed and back, in attempt to put on a friendly prank. She was confident in her skills enough for this to work.
Twilight focused her magic on the book and Dash’s bed. She closed her eyes and charged her magic. With a poof, the book disappeared before her. She looked at where it once was and only saw floor. She smiled and began to charge her magic again, focusing on where she just sent the book to. She was about to cast, when a voice from above her interrupted her train of thought.
“What ‘cha doing, Twilight?” called Spike from above.
Shock from the suddenness of her assistant’s voice caused her to cast her spell without being focused on her target.
“Oh no,” she said quietly and wide eyed. She was about to panic.
However, there was no time for her to panic, for five tall figures magically appeared in front of her, each collapsing as they landed.
She ran up to one of them. They were tall and unlike anything she had seen before. She looked at what appeared to be its face. It noticed her and said to her, “Are you… god?... of the Doritos?”
~
Five friends were leaving a gun store.
The man in front was much shorter than the rest and had red hair and was walking a goofy walk. He was carrying an AK-47. His name was Al. To Al’s right was Sych, whom was much, much taller than any of the rest (and yet is still considered a leprechaun…). He carried a Glock in his right hand. Coming from behind them (that’s what she said) were Matt and Nicolai. Matt was a bear of a man and carried an AA-12 and Nicolai was a Russian with super tits, and he had an AK-47 as well as Al. Finally, flanking the group to their right (just to be deviant) was Reggie, the only woman (draw your own conclusions on what she looks like.) She carried a SAW.
The five friends were having a good time laughing and showing off their new firearms, when suddenly, as they passed Paul’s Boutique, Al realized something. He stopped.
“Hold up everyone,” he said dramatically, like he was trying to sound like the leader, “We forgot something back at the gun shop.”
The rest of them stopped as well and began to search their pockets for anything that they might’ve left behind. After a moment, Reggie turned to Al and asked “What?”
Al turned to the group and said plainly, “We forgot to get ammunition.”
Everyone that was present, which included some curious passerby, simultaneously groaned and face-palmed themselves (… in the face). The people who were irrelevant to the story, a couple by the names of Lou and Denise Dingle-Bangle, moved on with their lives and eventually got hit by a truck fifteen minutes later.
Before that happened, though, Nicolai turned to Al and said, “Why do these things always seem to happen to us when all five of us go somewhere? Or any combination of us?”
That statement slowly began an argument between the friends; but before it could escalate into a fight, a book, in a puff of smoke, appeared on the ground at their feet. Everyone (not including the people who would soon be hit by the truck, for they had moved on by this point) looked down at the new arrival to the sidewalk.
Sych bent down and brought up the book for a closer examination. Everyone gathered ‘round, though it was rather difficult for them to see due to Sych being a freaking giant (leprechaun). He brushed the dust off of the title. It read: Daring Doo and the Towers of Tartarus. It showed a picture of a horse climbing some sort of tower from hell.
Al immediately grabbed the book from Sych’s massive hands (Sych being a giant leprechaun). He flipped to a random page of the book and put a hand in the middle. “Alright everyone,” he proclaimed, “Put your hands next to mine.”
“Al,” Nicolai started, rubbing his forehead, “Why?”
Al looked at him, surprised. He stated, “Well, it’s a magical book. It could give us powers, like in that movie: Chronicle. Did you see that movie?”
“If it’s anything like Chronicle,” Reggie said, near-slamming her hand into the open book, “then I’m in.”
“Yeah,” Sych agreed, “That movie had exponentially high film quality. Count me aboard, cap-i-tan.” He placed his hand on the book, covering the hands of his friends whom he joined.
Nicolai turned to Matt, an air of you-are-not-seriously-going-to-join-them-too-are-you on his face. The bear-man simply looked back, shrugged and placed his hand with the rest. The Russian man was exasperated at his friends as he exclaimed, “Seriously?” They retuned his look with a challenging one (like the look your friends give you when they want you to smoke marijuana). Defeated in eye-locking battle, Nicolai sighed, threw his head back and his hand joined those of his friends.
“Good,” Al remarked mysteriously and smiling. “Now we need to find the magic words…”
“Ooooooooo! I got it,” Sych yelled excitedly. He cleared his throat.
“Magic Santa.”
…
Nothing happened.
Al was the first to speak. “Alright, anybody else wanna try?”
Matt leaned inwards and looked at the rest of the group.
“Booooobies.”
~
Those across the street of our heroes could hear a long and drawn-out murmur of the word “boobies”. They simply gave each other looks of what-the-hell and continued on their way.
~
Reggie, who was a bit annoyed, “hrm”-ed and said, “That didn’t work.” She hung her head in defeat. “I guess this book wasn’t magic. Oh well, we have guns to shoot guys-” She was interrupted by Al, whom suddenly got excited.
“I figured it out you guys!” Everyone looked at their friend in part-amazement and part-humoring (mostly the latter) and leaned in towards him, waiting for him to speak. Al, seeing this, leaned in and softly muttered the words: “Didjerey-Fuck.”
Suddenly, the book began to be surrounded in a purple aura, which then enveloped the group, and shaking violently. Unbeknownst to our heroes, four of them simultaneously thought, “That worked?” while Al thought, “So the Buddhist monk was right after all.”
The shaking grew more and more violent until finally the book, the Real Life Friends, their guns, and their clothes al disappeared from the street in a puff of smoke.
~
Meanwhile, in a local science-y station, a science-y guy was looking at the screen of his computer, worried. He called out to his partner, whom was sitting back in his chair, feet up and a steaming coffe in his hand, in his nasally voice. “Rick! Rick! I’m getting huge fluctuations on the Sub-Wave-Differentials!”
Rick, uninterested, pulled his hat down and simply remarked, “Eeeh, Fuck it.”
The science-y guy got up and went to the office bathroom where he cried himself to sleep. Rick was usually right.
~
The five friends would later say that the feeling of being teleported was like being shoved into a Capri Sun and subsequently sucked out through a straw (the one provided, of course). How they knew what that felt like, no one ever knew.
The five friends tumbled to the floor. All of them were disoriented and had a tingling in their spines. They tried to look up, but they were all to fatigued to move. Al was the only one who managed to raise his head. He was greeted with a purple faced horse. “Jesus Christ, how much did I drink,” he thought to himself. “Well, I might as well just go with it.”
He looked the purple horse and said groggily, “Are you… god?... of the Doritos?”
He let his head fall on the floor and exhaled as he passed out.
Thank you all for faving and liking! Dis is the next part of the story. If you thought things were stupid, just wait. It gets worse.
~
Twilight Sparkle was very confused.
It started off as a normal day of her practicing magic (as she usually does), but then multiple creatures had magically appeared in the library, which then collapsed on the floor, which happened to buckle under the weight of them (mostly of the one who looked like a bear though). Mostly, her concern was for her own safety and not that of the floor. At least they brought the book back with them.
She walked around the heap of bodies and the black and brown devices that had accompanied the creatures, studying them. They were still breathing, from what she could tell, so they were fine. One thing about them bothered her though. They were wearing clothes. She only saw ponies wearing clothes on special occasions, so she thought that they might be royalty. That, coupled with the fact that one just spoke to her in perfect Equestrian worried her that she might have taken some important people from their land.
… Though what he said was utter gibberish.
At this point, Spike came rushing down the stairs next to her. “Twilight! Are you okay?” Twilight wasn’t listening though. She was pondering what the thing had said.
“Hmmmm. God, of…” she trailed off.
“What?” Spike asked.
She turned to face him. “Spike,” she began, “Have you ever heard of something called: Doritos?”
At the word “Doritos”, all five of the creatures jumped up, which made Spike and Twilight step back in surprise, and began to look wildly about, muttering, “Doritos? Where?” None of them seemed to notice that there was a purple unicorn and a baby dragon standing before them.
Once they had realized that there were no Doritos, the convened into a huddle. They began to talk amongst themselves after picking up the strange devices. Twilight couldn’t hear them; though she was really curios as to what they had to say, she was smart and stayed back.
~
“Okay guys, where are we and how drunk am I right now?” Al asked.
“Well,” Matt began, “as to where we are I have no fucking clue. Oh, and you’re not drunk, Al. Sorry.”
“God dammit.”
The friends had gathered into a huddle shortly after realizing that there were no Doritos. They also grabbed their new guns, just in case; the new and unfamiliar surroundings had startled them. They convened to discuss the matter.
Reggie was the first to speak relevantly. “So, we’re here in this library. Does anyone remember how the hell we got here?”
They all pondered this for a moment. Sych spoke up, rather quietly. “Well, it could have been Al’s magic book…”
When he said this, everyone looked over at Al. He smiled sheepishly. “Heh heh heh… whoops.”
Nicolai became enraged. “Seriously Al!? What the Hell? Is this the kind of thing that you do when we aren’t around or do you save it just for us?”
“Hey,” Al replied, offended and pissed off, “I don’t want things like this to happen to me. They just do! Like I have a say in all the weird shit that goes on around us!”
A quiet voice came up from behind Al. “Uh… what are you?” Al quickly turned around and his eyes fell upon a baby purple dragon whom was staring up at him in curiosity.
“Holy Shit!” Needless to say, Al had flipped out (as well as everyone else, as they saw the thing when Al turned; though their reaction was much less severe). He swung his AK-47 at the creature. Seeing as it had no ammo, it was the only thing he could do. When the butt of the rifle made contact with the creature, it sent the dragon flying across the room and into a bookshelf. His impact made the shelves break and several books fall.
“SPIKE!!!!!!”
Everyone turned to the source of the cry. There, before them, was a violet unicorn. Her eyes were wide as she ran towards the unconscious, baby dragon. Al, his mouth wide open, turned to his friends. They all returned his expression of shock and confusion. Though he was utterly baffled, he managed to speak. “Let me change my question. How much crack did I smoke?”
~
Twilight knelt beside her knocked-out, number-one assistant, whom had just been launched into the bookcase by a large and, as of yet, unidentified creature. Spike wasn’t too badly hurt, but it was enough to make Twilight both incredibly worried and incredibly furious. After she had made sure that he was okay, Twilight turned to the new arrivals and began to charge her horn with energy, ready to blast it at the out of sheer fury. She approached them.
This apparently caught the attention of the creatures, as they dropped the devices suddenly and threw up their hands. “We surrender!” shouted the shortest one.
“Yeah,” agreed the one whom Twilight silently remarked looked like a bear, “Al here was being a dipshit and we were watching. Usually he finds some way to blame us.”
The short, orange-haired one turned to his friend. “Shut up asshole.”
“Bitch.”
“ANYways,” the tallest one interjected, “Please don’t kill us miss-pissed-off-unicorn.”
Twilight stoped only a few feet before them. She was tired of all their bickering and was ready to kick their flanks. She was very protective of Spike and she would now let anypony hurt him (the fact that they were not ponies didn’t matter to her). The creatures had backed up by the door out of fright of what might happen next. She prepared to fire.
“TWILIGHT!” a voice from outside called.
This startled the unicorn, but she didn’t fire the spell nor let it fade. She knew that voice…
Suddenly, a rainbow streak bursted through the top window of the main room and swirled around the huddled creatures, making them dizzy and nauseous. The stream of colors ended between Twilight and the bipeds, and in its place stood Rainbow Dash, a confident smile on her face. Her smile faded as she looked back between Twilight, the bipeds, the pile of unidentified mechanical objects, an unconscious Spike and a broken bookcase.
After looking at the situation, she turned to Twilight and droned, “Should I come back when things makes sense?”
The nausea from the random stream of rainbow that had surrounded himself and his fellow Real Life Friends had caused him to have internal upward bowl movement. To put it scientifically: he earned the title: Stewby Chutguts. His vomit was waterfalling onto the floor and was beginning to pool. It was coating the wood and hardened quickly.
Al’s intestinal spew was coming to a close and the stench it made was, surprisingly, not that bad. It kinda smelled like fresh pizza and beer, but in the good way. It was getting so bad and it was ejecting at such a great rate of speed that Al passed out and fell into the pool.
“Dammit Al,” Matt sighed as he looked upon his unconscious friend. He looked up at the two horse-things upset. He pulled Al up and asked, “Where’s your bathroom?”
Twilight, confused and queasy, pointed Matt in the right direction. He led him by the shoulder into the lavatory, leaving Sych, Reggie and Nikolai in the room with the horses. There was an awkward silence between them, until Nikolai spoke up. “Do you have a mop?”
“Yes,” Twilight replied slowly. “In the kitchen.”
Reggie stood. “And that’s…”
“Through there,” Twilight pointed.
Reggie and Nikolai both left the room, leaving Sych sitting there in the Library. He looked about in absolute silence. “So,” he piped up, “Youuuuuu guys have a mall? How about ladies?”
Rainbow and Twilight looked at each other. At that moment, Reggie and Nikolai came back in and got to work. They mopped the floors and the other places Al got his puke. They scrubbed his sick while Sych just sat there. Twi and Dash, as the others were cleaning the expel, began to exchange words.
“Twilight,” Rainbow began, “We’ve seen some pretty crazy stuff. This tops them all for the stupidest. What the hay.”
“I couldn’t agree more. Perhaps we should get the rest of the girls together.” They both gave side-wards glances to the bipeds. “Fly out of here and bring the others back with you.” Rainbow nodded and, quietly, left through the front door. She then zoomed away to find her friends.
~
When Matt returned with a revived Al, Reggie and Nikolai had finished cleaning the retch and Sych had finally decided to get up off his ass. Now that the five friends were back together, they decided to address the situation. They began with Twilight. Al started.
“Ehem. Ma’am, with all due respect, what f*cking universe is this?”
Matt promptly covered Al’s mouth and said politely, “What he means is: where are we?”
Twilight, at this point becoming incredibly stressed and didn’t want any more trouble, told them to take a seat while she made some tea. She was going to wait until all of the rest arrived to begin explaining. After all, for all she knew, she might need the backup with this group. She came out of the kitchen, a tray of tea balanced on her back. Then, she began to pass out tea, regardless of whether or not they wanted it. She took a seat in one of the chairs around the library.
After having downed their tea rather quickly, they began the idle conversation. Al began the articulated talk. “Okay, where the hell are we?” This was a question that twilight didn’t want to get to until the other girls arrived, but there was no way she could avoid it any longer. She set her tea down and sighed. She looked into each of their eyes.
The words sunk deep into the friends' minds. So they were probably light-years away from their home, and in a land filled with magical, flying, and talking ponies. The world itself was filled with the magic which Twilight had talked about. It was everywhere. The world lived in a state of harmony, except for the occasional outbreak from malicious characters. It was a perfect world; a paradise.
"And there's no beer?"
Twilight crooked her head at Al's question. She slowly shook her head at him. He slouched back in his chair. "Great. Why don't you just throw me into the river?"
Matt just rolled his eyes. "Al, don't be such a bitch. You can last without alcohol as long we have lobster claws and mothballs." He turned to Sych. "You brought them, right?"
Sych put his head into his hands. "No goddamit. I don't even know what that is!"
The two began to bicker and Nikolai leaned in towards Twilight. "Is there any way for us to get back?"
Twilight thought on that as the fight between Matt and Sych got more and more violent. "Hm," she said, "I could check for some voidstuff that might've been caused by the transfer. Heck, you guys might be covered in the stuff."
Matt had his hands around Sych's neck as he kicked the bear-man's stomach. "Will you two stop?!?" Reggie shouted. They looked back and forth between themselves and the bag-headed woman. They released their grip and sat back down, eyeing each other. Reggie rubbed her head and turned to where Twilight was now standing. She was in the middle of the nearly wrecked library, her horn charging. She released her energy and the room was, in one half, filled with red light, and in the other with blue light. The two colors came together to form what looked like what you'd see with cheap 3D glasses.
The friends looked about the room. Other than the discoloration, everything looked just as it was. This is, except...
"What is this shit?"
"What the hell?"
"Ooooooooo..."
"This is weird."
Strange, little particles covered the companions. They swatted and shook themselves to get the dust-like stuff off of them, but whenever they floated away they'd just float right back. "What is this stuff?" Nikolai asked. “This," Twilight began with prideful intellect, "is voidstuff. Whenever something or somepony passes through the void in between dimensions, they pick up these little particles that are attracted to them. They are usually invisible to the naked eye."
"They're creepy as hell. Can you get them off of me?" Al shouted. The purple pony lowered her brow and sighed. One flash of light later, the room had turned back to it's normal color and the voidstuff had vanished from the friends.
"Happy?" she droned. Al cheered happily. She could tell that it would take a while to get used to these... humans. She wondered what was keeping the girls. A knock at her door answered her thoughts. She heard the panicked voice of Rarity come from outside.
"Twilight! Are you okay? What's going on?"
The librarian magicked the door open. "Come in and see for yourself," she said, glad that the girls had finally arrived. The first one to enter was Rarity, who didn't immediately see the humans huddled in her furniture. The others did, though, as they entered. Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow, and Fluttershy, in that order. Three of the four gasped. Rainbow just nodded in agreement.
Rarity, who was checking Twilight for any sign of injury or unkemptness, turned dramatically to see the humans. She too gasped and Sych's jaw dropped, his eyes fixed on the white-maned pony.
There was an awkward silence. The mares were eyeing the Humans with curiosity and general suspicion. Al, feeling the need to interject and get things going, shouted, "CONVENE!!!!" He then pushed and shoved all of his friends into the kitchen, leaving the ponies in the living room.
Once the five friends were in the kitchen, Al spoke to them. "Okay everyone, what do we know?"
Matt responded, "We know we're far from home..."
Then Reggie, "In a land of magical talking ponies..."
Then Nikolai, "And that it is very unlikely that we can get back without their help."
Al rubbed his beard. "Hrm," he pondered, "Yes. That's true. Sych, what do you think?"
Sych, however, was in a trance. He stared at the refrigerator, though he was not focusing on it. His mind was elsewhere. He thought about that one pony who had walked in. What did the purple one call her? Rarity? Yeah, Rarity. A fitting name for such a beautiful mare-
"SYCH!"
The tall leprechaun shook himself from his state. He turned to Al like nothinghad happened. "Yeah?"
"Dude, you were just in a trance or something for like five minutes. I said your name like twenty times," Al told him. "What's up?"
"Oh, nothing..." His head turned slowly towards the living room where the mares were. "We should probably take their help," he said quietly.
Al narrowed his eyes. "Okay," he said suspiciously. What was Sych's problem? He shook his head and turned to the rest of the group to say something, only to see that they were making the beat from the Cup Song on the little table using some glasses that they found in the cabinets. "Guys."
They stopped and looked at him. "We're going to accept their help."
Matt stood up and walked over to him. He put one of his bear-hands on Al's shoulder. "Are you sure that they can be trusted?"
Al looked at him in the eye. "No," he spoke softly. "But they're the only chance we have at getting home."
~
Meanwhile, the mares were discussing what they were going to do about the sudden arrival of the humans.
"I say we turn them over to the princesses. They'll know what to do with them."
Twilight's plan was the one the they most agreed upon, except Pinkie who wanted to throw them a "First-Humans-In-Equestria" party. They had decided their course of action rather quickly, for once. Luna, as Twilight had stated, was Equestria's Expert on Voidstuff. If anypony knew what to do with the Humans, she would.
Once they had finished the matter, Twilight went to writing an urgent letter to the princess, urging her to come to them. While she was doing that, the rest of the girls went into talking about their new "friends".
"Ah don't know," said Apllejack, "I've seen some crazy ponies in my life, but these seem tah be even crazier than Pinkie. No offence."
"None taken," the pink pony said cheerfully, "I understand. If there is anypony that is crazier than me, I gotta step up my game! No one tops Pinkie."
"They seem nice," Fluttershy spoke quietly.
"If you ask me, they can't be anything but trouble," stated Rainbow Dash plainfully.
"Well I don't know about that, darling," Rarity said, thinking, "They certainly seem like they can get work done. I mean, look at them. They're so... tall. And strong too."
Applejack gave her a sideways look as she smiled. The farmpony rolled her eyes. They continued to talk about things not really worth mentioning. Spike, now mostly recovered, sent the letter to Celestia in a puff of green flame and about five minutes later, the friends came back into the room. They lined up, looking at the ponies. Al stepped forward and cleared his throat. "We would like your help in returning back to Earth. So, take us to your leader!"
Matt shot him a look. "Al! We agreed not to say that!"
"What's 'Earth'?" Pinkie asked.
"It's where we come from," Reggie responded. "It's our planet."
Twilight smiled. They were finally getting somewhere. She stepped forward and in front of Al. "I've sent for our princess. She and her sister will know what to do. You know, it'll be easier to help you if we knew your names."
He extended his hand. "My name is..."
Everyone and everypony leaned in just a little. "Flutterwinks McCool-Spasm."
Once the introductions had been made, the Real Life Friends and the Mane Six, including a now recovered Spike, sat down together to discuss how they were going to advance. "So," Reggie began, "You have a princess that's coming here? Sweet."
Twilight nodded. "Two of them, actually."
"How did you contact them?" Nikolai asked, "E-mail?"
Spike shook his head, a coky smile onhis face. "That," he thumbed to himself, "is my job."
Rarity leaned to him and rubbed his head. "Isn't he just the most hardworking dragon you've ever seen?"
Sych's casual expression turned into a scowl as he stared death wishes at Spike, who nodded his head confidently. "Yep, I just breath some of my fire onto it and poof! The letter is sent directly to her, wherever she is." Sych humphed.
Al, ignoring Sych's satan-look, asked, "So when are they gonna get here?"
Twilight shrugged. "I don't know. She hasn't replied yet. She usually replies rather quickly. Must be a busy night at the castle..."
"Hm," Matt agreed. There was an awkward silence. Both sides looked at the other, except Sych, who still death-stared, waiting for them to continue their convorsation. Al could hear the grasshopers chriping outside and, in the distance, he thought he heard the dead-air wolf. Finnaly, Nikolai broke the silence.
"Sooo," he drew out, "Any ideas where we might be staying? I mean, this library is nice and all, but It can barely hold all of us now, let alone us living here for however long getting us back takes. We gotta think long-term."
Applejack raised a hoof. "I got the barn."
Al retracted, a disgusted look on his face. "Ew! I'm not staying there! It probably has cow shit all over the floor!"
Sych, also alarmed, broke his unnoticed-by-Spike glare and turned to the group. "Yeah, man. I can't sleep anywhere near goats. They got them eyes, man."
Matt nodded. "Agreed."
Nikolai threw his hands up defensively. "Okay, okay. Is there anywhere else we can stay?"
The girls took a moment to ponder this. Suddenly, Twilight's face lit up. "I got it!" she cried. "What if each of you stays at one of the girls home's individualy? There'd be enough space for each of you!"
Al raised his hand and said in a monotone, "Dibs on the pink one."
"Dammit!" Reggie shouted.
"Yay!" Pinkie cried triumphantly, "It'll be a human party at my place tonight!" Suddenly her eyes grew huge and she gasped.
"Does anyone know what they're saying?" Nikolai side-whispered to Rainbow Dash. She shook her head. He shregged and turned to her. "Well, do you mind if I crash at your place?"
She turned to him, smirking. "Can you walk on clouds?"
Matt looked quizical. "You live on a cloud?" She nodded.
"I think I can help with that," Twilight said to him. "You don't mind if I cast a spell on you, do you?"
He looked slightly troubled at the thought."Um, sure?"
She smiled. "Great! This will just take a second." She focused her eyes and began to charge her horn. "Now, stand still." More and more light was pouring from her magical appendage. Right when her horn was peaking what looked like it's magical capacity, a flash of white light filled the room for just a second, and there stood Matt, slightly somking.
There was another silence as all beings present looked at the Bear-Man. His eyes were clamped shut and his face scrounched up. They all waited in anticipation for his response. Finally, he spoke. "Shit, that felt weird."
Twilight gave a satasfied grin, despite the vulgar human's words. "Now you can walk on clouds with ease!"
Matt opened his eyes and began to walk dizzily toward the cyan pegasus. She laughed. "Looks like you're just getting your could-legs." She saw his look of confusion on his face. "It's and old pegasus saying."
Nikolai turned to Applejack. "You're a farmer you say?" The farmpony nodded and he shrugged in response. "Count me in," he said casually. He turned to the two remaining. "Well. Sych? Reggie?"
Sych had not-so-subtly scooted over to Rarity and gave his best puppy-dog eyes, unnoticed by the Fashionista. Nikolai simply nodded and Sych, still in begging-dog form, panted happily.
Finnaly, that left Reggie and Fluttershy. She turned to her. "Well, that just leaves just mme and you..." The bag-faced human tried to remember her name. There were so many and they were all so strange. "Flutterscoot? Fleetersham?"
"Um, it's Fluttershy," the yellow pony squeaked behind her hair.
Once all of them had been aquainted, Twilight spoke up merrily. "Okay, everypony and... everyhuman."
"We say everyone!" Al shouted quietly as if he was at the back of an auditorium and, indeed, he had somehow made his way to the back of the room.
Twilight continued as if she didn't notice Al's interuption. "Now that you've gotten to know each other, how about we meet each other at Sugarcube Corner tomorrow at around lunchtime?"
They all agreed, though the Real Life Friends knew not of this... Sugarcupe Corner of which they spoke. Nonetheless, once they had agreed, each of the ponies and their respective human left the small Library, leaving Spike and Twilight alone in the living room with all of the weapons that they had brought with them, for they had also agreed to leave them here for the time being.. She turned to the drake, now letting her tiredness show.
"Well," she began wearily, "What did you think?"
"Honestly?" he asked, giving her an are-you-sure look. She nodded in resonse. He looked down in thought, and then back to her. "They're idiots."
Suddenly, Al sung the door open. "Oh yeah!?!" he yelled. "Well, You're a FUCK!!!!!!" He slammed the tiny pony door.
The pony and the dragon just stared at each other.
Matt followed the cyan pegasus down the road, his hands in his pockets. He sighed deeply, hoping that, once he went to sleep, he would wake up on Al's couch with no shirt and one hell of a hangover. He solemly turned his head outward to the roaming landscape, taking in the scenery before him: the medows, the small houses that pecked the landscape, the quaint town leaving him, and a large full moon ahead of him. It seemed so much like home, so why couldn't he shake the feeling that he didn't belong? He turned to the pony, whom he caught returing his stare.
Her gaze was shifting up and down his body, as if though she were evauating him on his fitness, a feild which he certainly didn't even qualify in. After realizing that his eyes were upon her, Rainbow Dash finally met his look. "You know," she said thoughtfully, " I don't mean to sound like Twilight or anything, but it seems pretty unlikely that all of you who came here were only earth humans. I mean, I would've at least figured that there was one pegasus human with you guys."
Matt shook his head. "There are no pegasus humans," he replied simply.
She stopped walking. "Wait," she said, confused, "So who manages the whether and the clouds?" Matt stopped and returned the same look of confusion.
"No one does," he replied, "It kinda, just... does it's own thing." They stood there a minute. She couldn't comprehend what he meant; clouds weren't alive, so how did they do their thing? Matt, on the other hand, had figured out another strange detail about this new world he was in. They have control over the whether. "Wait, you can controll the weather? So you can like, zapp people?"
"Yeah, but I wouldn't. It may not seem like it, but I do show some restraint," she said honestly.
"Tk, sounds like wasted potential to me," he remarked, shaking his head.
Keeping her eyes on him, Rainbow walked forward past Matt, who keeps eye contact. Once she passed him, she snapped back forward and started quickly, wanting to get back to her home. They continued forward in silence for a while. There was no pony on the road, Matt had observed. They were all probably cozy and tucked away in their warm, soft beds, sound asleep. The thought of sleep was intoxicating to Matt.
With the prospect of rest, he failed to notice Rainbow Dash, who had stopped suddenly, and then bumped into her. He stumbled back and tried to regain his bearings. She rounded her head to him, seeming as if she hadn't noticed what had just happened. "We're here," she stated. Matt left and right, a look of confusion on his face. Rolling her eyes, she pointed upwards. Following her hoof, his eyes met what could only be described as some sort of castle in the sky.
"That's you house?" he said disbelievingly. She nodded. "How am I going to get up there? I mean, I don't think that you could lift me." He jestured to his large, bear-like stomach. At this, she huffed.
"What," she asked, iratably, "You don't think that I can lift you?" She hit her hoof to her chest. "I'm stronger than I look." She flew behind the bear-man before he could stop her."No! Wait! That's not what I meant!" Too late. She pulled him up from behind, her hooves pulling him up by his shoulders. She growled as she beat her wings as hard as she could, trying to lift the fat man. It did her as much good as Matt's protests did him. She slowly, after a minute or so, lifted him about one inch in the air. After a few more minutes of huffing and lifting, without warning she had dropped him to the ground. He landed with a thud and she fell backwards, exausted and panting heavily.
"Sweet Celestia," she said in between breaths, "You are fat."
Matt had stood up, rubbing his sore rear. "Well," he said, cringing, "If I can walk on clouds and you can move them, why not just make me some makeshift stairs?"
Her eyes grew big, and she deadpanned.
~
About twenty minutes later, Matt stood before a proud Rainbow Dash, who displaying a set of mashmallow-like stairs, which led above. "Nice," he duded in a dude-voice. He approached them and took a cautious step onto the first one. Unlike many things, it held his weight. It was a little springy, but not so much that he couldn't balance. He took another calculated step, and then another, and another. Soon, he was walking up the white steps with ease.
"Hey!" Matt looked up. Rainbow was flying up above him. "I'll meet you at my place!" she called out to him. Before he could answer, she took off, wanting to flare her wings one more time that night. She sped up, past her home, making a rainbow-trailed ark in the sky. Once she was pretty high in the air, she just let her momentum carry her to her peak. Once she had reached her apex, she flared her wings, and, with natural grace, floated softly down. She touched down on the porch of her home and went inside.
From the cloud walls came a faint glow of the moon, which permeated the walls and became a faint light source in the house. The soft glow gave the home a misty look, and even though it was nothing that she hadn't seen before, Rainbow still softened at the sight. This was her home, for better or worse it was there. She shook it off, starting her nightly preperations.
Rainbow moved through all of the normal, nightly rituals that she had done countless times before. Brush the theeth, gargle the mouth wash, floss, set the alarm (not that it would wake her, but here's to hoping) and fluff the pillow. Most ponies would be surprized that she was taking so much care into this, but in her mind it was important in order to be her level of awesome. She was about to crawl into bed, when she noticed that Matt hadn't come in. She couriously peaked her head outside. From her bedroom, she couldn't quite see her porch, so she made her tired way back to her front door.
She swung her door open. There lay Matt, laying on his back, cheeks flushed red, and panting heavily. Rainbow face-hoofed and groaned. "You are really fat, you know that, right?" His only responce was a quick nod. "You can crash on the couch. I'm going to bed." He nodded again and she shut the door.
Rainbow crawled into bed, thankful that she could put the events of today behind her.
~
Rainbow Dash was awoken by the sound of girly screaming.
She was just in the middle of a great dream about flying to the Moon with the Wonderbolts and Celestia in tow. Upset that she had been woken up early, she drearily trotted out of her room into her living room, where Matt had been sleeping on her couch the night before. Where her cloud-couch should've been, there was a gaping hole. That couch had taken up about three hours of her time to craft out of the few surplus clouds that were available after building the house. Angry, she peered down the new hole.
A speck, no bigger than a parasprite, could be seen plumeting down to the ground. There was no question that the scream was coming from it. What could that be? She focused her bleary eyes onto the unidentified object.
Matt.
Groaning, she streched her wings out as the sounds of his terrified screaming were getting quiter. Though Matt was in danger, she still had to make sure that she could catch him without pulling a muscle. She was sure that there was enough time. After one last stretch, she made her dive for the falling human.
Her speed gained and the air sped past her as a rainbow trail was left behind. She was getting that feeling again. The one that she always got when she flew. The rush of adrenalin, the feeling of freedom; it never got old. She was so caught up in the feeling that she almost forgot about Matt, who was still plumeting to his most certain death.
She dropped below him, then swooped up, creating a u-shaped ark in the sky, and grabbed him by his underarms. The redirected, upwards force was enough to slow them down. The rapid decrease in speed was enough to make Matt sick. His face turned a sickly shade of green as they lowered to the ground.
There was a breif pause, in which Rainbow struggled to keep Matt at his two-feet-in-the-air status. Gasping for breath, she sputtered, "M-Matt, I'm going to d-drop you."
Without any time to prepare himself or object, Rainbow Dash dropped her bipedal "friend" to the ground suddenly. He landed smartly and soundly on his ass, making a large tudding sound. The pegasus allowed herself to float to the ground gently, still out of breath from their last encounter.
She panted for air. She had lifted weights in mid-air before, but Matt had brought it to a whole new lever. Perhaps she could work something out with him where he fell to the ground more often? It would certainly be a great workout.
She lifted her head to look at Matt. He had taken to violently vommiting into some nearby bushes. The normally determined and cocky pony dropped her head.
