It is the year 2059 on Earth, and humanity is recovering from the Great War as well of a series of smaller, post-war conflicts. Just as peace seems to be approaching, a mysterious cavern is found deep within the Socialist States of America. Within humanity will find a beautiful new world, devoid of the war that has plagued mankind for the last thirty five years. But to the north of this wondrous land are envious eyes, once divided but now united by a banner of hate, and bolstered by the terrible war machines of opposing nations. Equestria finds itself caught between two giants fighting for control of their homeworld on Equestrian soil.
If you dislike my story be sure to tell me why so I can improve!
Chapters (16)
Excellent story! Very vivid descriptions! I'll keep reading
why dos it seem like Canada is evil
2497343
They're not. They're just part of a different alliance and at war with the IOFR. Earth will need a lot of worldbuilding in this so it may be a little confusing at first but most of it will be explained.
2497375 ah ok
...this almost sounds like its based on a video game I played
So is there another part tomorrow.
2497655
It's actually based on something non-pony I've been working on which takes place during the "Great War" itself. I guess that technically makes this a crossover. I've been working it out since about 2009 so the situation on Earth is actually pretty complex. I don't want to just come out and explain it but it will be revealed in bits and peices as the story goes on. Until then be ready for a lot of references to things that won't be explained until later.
2497759
Either tomorrow or the day after.
2498265 k
Rabbit poon
keep up the good work
Now exactly which ones were humans in Zecora's prophecy?
2503224
Oh... you'll see... you'll ALL SEE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
2503998
and yet humans will be the sexiest.... can't beat our tech
DUN DUN DUN so what is Canada a part of?
2524175
NNATO
2524304 k thx
So far I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm sure someone picky can point out a few grammar errors. But I don't see any.
Now let's get to something a little more important.
It already sucks. Who names their character Anon? That's dumb.
Ok the characters don't seem legitimate for the Russian military, you also don't really set the scene all that well. I've got a location and a climate, however I don't have an exact description of the surrounding. There are also no real transitions between the tent and wherever the fuck they were at previously.
But it's all right. Story can do better with better names and maybe some actual research.
Honestly this is a very good attempt. However everything presented such as the names of your characters "anon". and the col. someshit's actions make me feel like this isn't serious. I feel as if you're lacking on the character development department as well, and a chapter like this should be way longer given the content alone. There's literally too much happening and the dialog is trash.
The dialog is a serious problem in this chapter. That and your characters. They aren't taking this seriously. Russian military is serious fucking business. They would speak in the bare minimum and never get on a personal level with the grunts. this is the same for all military. Not only that but your character is a gary sue. Gary sue's are characters who are loved by everyone and seem to be always have it good.
Your character has it too good for the Russian military, that and being an immigrant from America means there would probably be a little more tension between them. Think of a former Chinese soldier leaving his army and moving to America to enlist in this military. There would be some sort of restrictions to what rank he can get right?
anyway I think I put my two bits out there. Anyway not going to continue reading because I'm not real happy how this turned out.
Good luck with your changes though.
2526075
Thanks for the feedback. Some of the problems that you discussed I actually fix in later chapters but I'm not going to pester you to keep reading. Especially the Gary Sue thing, I get into some real problems with Anon later on. Btw I named him Anon because I originally wrote this for 4chan.
why obama
Ponies meeting international socialists in a sick future with nazis and world wars? Sir, you got my full attention.
2645642
Because he hates muh freedums and wants the turrurrists to win.
2646625
Dude... I am a socialist
the reason I said "sick future" was because of the wars going on
2645642
Sorry, I meant to respond to>>2645333
it lives!
Yeahhhhh Russia in this warrrrr coolI'm going to read this
Can you put a read later
when do we get to the war part
Human equals technology pony equals magic still no war yet I made a skip darn
Darn I still no war between Russia and love what
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh lier
Never mind no war until whyyy
2934775
lol, calm down, it'll get there.
Ok then I trust you
Well, I'm following this.
Great, now I got twilight singing the Internationale stuck in my head...
3117481
Pfft... she'd sing Katuysha.
Finally a story thick with political based conflict and dire decision making. (Although the the themes are some what questionable.) long live socialists.
3303602
What do you mean by "questionable"?
3307174 Well simply put, the implications about the Australian. Also 'Rabbit Poon'. Not areas readily explore by most Fimfiction authors, however they do not in any way detract from the story. It just slightly unusual.
3307613
Heh, you can blame that on the fact that I migrated here from the Anon In Equestria threads of /mlp/.
3316843 Oh the Joys of 4chan
I dig it.
Personally, I would suggest replacing the AK-47 in here with the AKM, the AK74, or even the AK-12. The AK-47 itself has not been in use (CoD to the contrary) since the early days after the Korean War, when it was replaced by an upgraded version, the AKM. Most 'AK-47s', actually, are AKMs. The AK-74 is the one currently in common use, and the AK-12 is the upcoming replacement. There are also other common models, such as the AK-107, or the AK-101, but the AKM and the AK-74 are the most common these days.
Other than that error (which I see in every single story these days), great chapter.
3445234
Well I was actually going to make a rifle up but I'm intentionally trying to make then seem like old school Soviet troops. If I could give them Moisin Nagants and T34s I would.
I bet applejack will get a RPG.
4086545
To simplify. Mary Sue is for female OCs. Gary Stu is used for males. Everything else is wrong or other people's names for them.
5377196 I've figured it out by now. Thanks though. :P
Sorry for my "yelly" past-me.
Oh, The Equestria was fires. As soon It will burn like The earth, perhaps crazier.But it will never carzier than my hometown.