5557325 (!) Didn't know you were here. Other then that, how are you doing today?

5557752 Only just joined the staff, actually. This was literally my first review here. As for how I'm doing, I'm keeping up pretty well. Writing's going well and the like, as is school.

Reviewing: This Blackened Blood.

Verdict: Rejected.

Oof. I really wanted to like this. I'm a huge fan of that type of archaic prose, and I adore things like Beowulf and the Odyssey. Unfortunately, the story suffers from a major flaw regarding how it handles its archaic prose.

"Thee I see, and thee makes one." Luna quipped in reply.

The archaicness of the dialogue doesn't really match the majority of the description. The description might be flowery at times, but it certainly doesn't match how the dialogue is written. The dialogue feels like it's trying to be Shakespearian, while the prose feels like it's trying to be purple, but neither of them mix well, leading to it just feeling clumsy. And the language, at least of the descriptions, seems to change partway into the first chapter, switching from phrases like

Just then, her servant, a unicorn mare, came into the hall, easily hefting the doors asunder with her magic. Bearing secondhand authority only to Luna, she provided her advisement when called for, following her occasional outbursts, though this time she also came unwarranted. A willowy figure, her pearl'd tresses fell upon her shoulders and back unceremoniously, whilst her coat remained familiar to Luna, colored of the grayest skies before the deepest rains. The characteristic 'bloody' eyes of her noble lineage met her fretted master's, termed so because of their long history on fields of combat and deep rosy shades.

to things such as

Luna slumped away, shrugging off the offer and shaking her head in stern refusal.

They feel like to completely different stories, making the overall tone incredibly jarring.

The other reason I'm giving it this verdict is that there's only one chapter. Not enough happens in this for anything really interesting to happen, leaving us with only the archaic prose. It's definitely the start of a tale, as opposed to a chunk of one, and there's not enough to leave any kind of impact that affects the reader. Without any more to go off of, plus the jarring issues with the prose, it's not particularly evocative or enjoyable, mostly leaving you either burned out from the prose or irritated that there isn't any more.

5560701
Nice review, and Welcome to the Bin!

5561115 Thanks. It's a pleasure to be working with you all. Really love what review groups like this do, especially given that so many have died.

5561128 To be fair, I've always been of the opinion that TGB doesn't die, it only hibernates. It comes with being super-chill about people doing reviews and stuff when they want, at the pace they want.

5561135 That's part of why I like it so much. Although my comment regarding dead groups mostly referred to things like TL, which I still feel sad about to this day.

5561138

which I still feel sad about to this day.

So do I...

5561142 Oof. Man, I remember you reviewing like crazy over there. You did what, cleared out the whole submission folder after it died? That takes dedication,

5561149
Thanks for that. I just didn't want to leave all those writers hanging.

5561149 That's why I went and found him, actually.

I was one of those blokes he reviewed post-collapse.

Reviewing: The Religion of Peace (M, so no link)

Verdict: Rejected.

Um, yeah, figured I'd take a hit for the team. Still not sure how this ended up in our folders. Anyway...

The first issue with the story is that it merely starts throwing stuff at you at random, with little to no explanation. There's the existence of a My Little Pony religion, which has no reason to exist in the story except to push the plot along, making it both a) annoying due to it's unnecessary inclusion, and b) rather depressing given the way it's presented in the story, as it feels both incredibly dumb and out of nowhere. A fair share of the things included in said religion legitimately make me feel dirty merely for reading about, which alone makes me willing to reject it. I'd rather not quote it, but it a higher up requests, I'll edit the review accordingly.

There's a fair share of sentences like

Twilight's dream of having a pierced butt faded

and

After a few seconds of nuzzling her precious old AK-47 which was a Sparkle family heirloom,

which have little reason to exist in the story except for the sake of being random. In a possibly better written story, I could theoretically see these working, but in this story they come off as unnecessary, rude and frankly rather annoying. There are some other sentences that are worse and feel kind of horrible when read, but I'd rather not quote them. Suffice to say, they feel like they're in there for the cringe factor alone.

The last reason I chose to reject it is the fact that it is, at its core, mostly trying to push the author's political views onto the reader. It's not particularly subtle, given both the inclusion of Donald Trump rallies, Birth Control Clinics and more, and it comes off as aggravataing, as it's overly blatant, as opposed to actually trying to make you think, which ought to be the case if one wants to write anything particularly political in nature.

Reading: Besides the Will of Evil

Reviewing: His Pyre, Her Passion.

Verdict: Accepted

I was really, really on the fence about this one. To start off, it does a magnificent job of displaying Philomena's perspective. It came off as a somewhat jaded immortal, who, at the same time, appreciates all the benefits she's got from it. It does a wonderful job at portraying the phoenix mindset, with her Philomena going so far as to pass judgement on how enjoyable her various deaths are. That's really creative, and is well done, especially with the description of how she feels about the death. Her somewhat alien views of the world and ponies are enjoyable to read, and make sense at the same time (plus I like Twilight being described as 'Little Miss All-Feathers-Are-Quills').

However, there was an issue that I almost rejected it because of: the romance with Owlowicious, which is supposed to be the focus of the story, is incredibly rushed.

This one, this Owlowiscious, he knows what I am and how dangerous I could be to nest with.

This amounts to the extent at which the romance is explored. I get that they are birds, but there's very little build up to this line, which amounts to climax of this line. They basically play with each other for a couple of paragraphs, then this line hits. That's frustrating, especially given how well Philomena's perspective was done.

However, I did decide to accept this, because of how well done Philomena's viewpoint is. I was on the fence, but that was why I came to my decision.

Story: Duel Nature, by Eakin.

Rating: 7/10.

Status: rejected.

This story is well written. Take any individual chapter and read it and you will enjoy what you see. So if it's good, then what's the problem? It's not a single story. It's not two stories either, as might be inferred from the other meaning of the title. No, it is no less than three separate story ideas all mashed together, with the idea in the short description only being the first of the three, and not even the dominant one. The seams between each idea are rough, and the first two are rushed, feeling like they came to an end much too quickly in order to allow the third to happen.

This story would be much stronger if it was split into three, each story having its own arc and allowed to grow properly. The third arc is the only one really capable of standing on its own, and it's a good adventure, but it feels like the first two ideas (the entire first third of the story) are only there to set up the premise. The story throws an idea out there of Twilight learning to fight, but skips over all her training and progress and jumps straight to the final battle, which is then used to set up a different story arc where Twilight serves as Luna's bodyguard as punishment for hurting her, and that entire arc gets skipped over as well, before the story finally slows down and gets going on the actual plot.

It feels like the author wanted to have this awesome adventure with Luna and Twilight as the main characters, but he needed Twilight to be a badass and have a reason to be following Luna around, so he tacked all this extra stuff onto the beginning to make it make sense. Frankly, if he just made it so Luna invited Twilight on a private vacation nothing would change except that the plot gets going eight chapters sooner. And the adventure is awesome. If it happened in the actual show I would not complain. I just wish I didn't have to slog through 20,000 words of breakneck pacing and missed opportunities to get there.

Reviewing: Ready and Waiting to Fall

Verdict: Rejected

To start off, there are numerous grammar errors in the story.

“He is not Celestia." her sister stated.

We have the Elements of Harmony Luna.

There are lots of missing commas, such as in addresses or in lines of dialogue, while a few sentences miss a period altogether. It fairly jarring for the reader, pulling them out of reading the story to notice little grammar mistakes like this. The two I pulled are from the first two hundred words or so, and they continue for the rest of the story.

The other big issue is how the story is told. It's very, very jarring in how it does it. Long story short, Celestia and Luna are going to defeat Sombra. However, it switches between scenes far to rapidly.

Lighting her own horn Luna abruptly tore the rug aside before proceeding down the stairs, quickly disappearing into the inky blackness below.

Repressing a sigh Celestia followed.
**********************************************************************************
They followed the staircase as it wound down for miles, silence drawn tight around them like a noose.

There's no need for a scene break here- one could simply say that they took the staircase down. The issue increases later on, when it has them inside the nightmare prisons Sombra creates. It's not well presented, switching from the perspective of one sister to the other when the scene ends, with little indication that it might be a nightmare. The scenes are also very rushed. They spend little time building up the drama, instead speeding through things, leaving the reader uninterested in the events that take place.

All in all, it's very disorganized. Most of the scenes do not mesh well, leaving us disoriented and somewhat uninterested in the events that take place. A fair portion of it also doesn't make sense.

“You're dead Luna. What you want no longer matters"

"But I'm not dead!"

"Of course you are.” Celestia stated blandly. “I killed you. HE killed you."

"Celestia I am NOT DEAD!" Luna yelled. Eyes flashing white she stamped her hoof cracks splintering across the crystal. "And if you expect me to let you just carry on ignoring me, you can BUCK OFF!"

The golden orbs cleared. Purple eyes darted around wildly before fixing on the injured alicorn. "Luna?"

She nodded.

“Luna!”

That's the extent of Luna convincing Celestia she isn't dead. Really, really skimmed over. A lot of the story is like this, speeding through everything and not expanding on anything, hence why I'm rejecting it.

5561557
I disagree that The Religion of Peace is trying to push a political agenda. In fact, I disagree with a lot of this review.

I only point this out because the things you've said have also been said by many others, based on reasoning that I don't think is solid. And because I'm the guy who put it here.

5584161

All the evidence suggests [Donald Trump]'s an agent of the Devil

No political agenda, you say? Regardless, I am curious what it is in particular you disagree with in my review. I like to receive feedback, so explain what you dislike in particular about it.

5585117
That quote is coming from the main villain of the story. Saying that the story is calling Donald Trump an agent of the devil because Dr. Money said that is like saying Harry Potter supports racism because Draco Malfoy said he hates mudbloods. On the other hand, Harry Potter doesn't support children sneaking out of their parents' homes just because the titular character does it every school year.

I'll address your three points here.

I disagree that the story doesn't explain enough. Now, the tone of the story is clearly comedic and non-serious, so there shouldn't be a need to explain things in depth. But there is a need to explain things well enough that the reader can follow the story, which I think it does. A lot of it is stuff you have to pick up on as a reader, as the narration doesn't do any hand-holding, but I tend to applaud stories that allow their audience the freedom to see the characters and events as they are and draw their own conclusions.

The random sentences and phrases are absurd, sure, but absurdity is one of the main themes of the story. (Another reason why we shouldn't assume that it's pushing a political agenda: you're not supposed to take anything seriously.) I personally didn't mind them. They're not comedy gold, sure, but I think they fit in well enough considering what this story is.

And, as for the reasons I'd stated before, there's little reason to assume that the story is pushing any sort of political idea. The tone of the story is about as far from serious as you can imagine; all political messages are blown to such ludicrous levels that I find it highly unlikely that it's trying to endorse any of them. And again, I would like to know exactly what political message it's trying to push, as if the message really is so unsubtle, then it should be clear and easy to point out.

That said, I didn't say I disliked your review. I said I disagreed with it. The review is fine in and of itself.

Reviewing: Besides the Will of Evil

Read: Five chapters

Status: Approved

Now, this one was very hard to place. It is an extremely detailed story, full of top-tier world building and scene descriptions, which can be overwhelming at times. Here's the description:

An ancient evil has awakened. No, really, it has. From the depths of time, a black, noxious threat has risen up after millennia of imprisonment. It washes like oil over Equestria, swallowing up towns and uncovering terrible secrets long buried. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rarity are prepared to combat this great darkness. However, to do so, they must uncover the truths about the Elements of Harmony, and the truths about the ancient forerunners of Equestrian culture. What they find will challenge their conceptions of their own places in history and ponydom's place in the world. The six Bearers of the Elements must draw upon their friendship and the strength of their hearts to stand firm against the darkness. If they fail, it will mean the end of everything.

Except for that unneeded second sentence, this is a fairly well-written description. Like opening a door and acting as a guide, it promises the reader a detailed journey.

Apparently, this story has deer as not only sapient creatures but magical as well, some even rivaling Celestia and Luna in power. One deer in particular, the leader of them all, has the adorable name of "Falalauria," or Lala for short. She has the ability to 'See' future events and it is one crisis for which she meets with Celestia and Luna. This is a sequel, so I'm guessing there are parts of this tale that are a continuation of the previous story, but one wouldn't notice if one weren't told, as everything needed to enjoy this tale are already present.

If I have one complaint, it's the character descriptions in chapter four, descriptions only needed if you have no idea who the Mane Six are. As a fan of MLP, as are most readers, I found it to be redundant and a bit annoying. We know who the yellow Pegasus with the pink mane and quiet demeanour is; there's no need to first describe her and then reveal her name as if that were a surprise, as one example.

The writing more than makes up for this error and I found myself getting lost in the tale, only stopping to give this long overdue review. One scene in particular moved me, and that was the way Applejack made her entrance as her friends waited for her, by singing this song as she trotted towards them from the distance:

“Shh!” Pinkie Pie said. “Listen!”
All the ponies were quiet. The wind blew through the trees, the fence posts along the roadside creaked. And then, in the stillness, they heard something. It was somepony singing.

Shady grove, my little love,
Shady grove I know,
Shady grove, my little love,
I'm bound for the shady grove.

I wish I had a piece of thread,
As fine as I could sew.
I'd sew my true love to my side
And down the road I'd go.

That song was so lovely I just had to share it, but I hope those are original lines. Let me check...

Okay, I found similar lyrics, but enough of a change that it's not an example of plagiarism. Good show!

Reviewing: the survivor of equestria

Read: Most of the first chapter, then skimmed

Status: Rejected

I'm breaking a few of my own rules here: (1) Review the stories that have been in the folder longest and (2) Read at least three or four chapters before reviewing a story. This one caught my eye for several reasons, the first being the author didn't bother to capitalize the title. That's rarely a good sign. The second was the description:

so everyone this is my first story on this site. i made others on da but i like to post it here first time.

this story takes place after five years of being trapped in a zombie-infested city. one man by the named joseph angel delemarte is saved from a untimely death and sent to the land of equestria. upon coming to this world he finds out more than he knew about even himself and is given the chance to use his power to save the ponies of equestria. but along the way an evil dictator has enter the land and threatens to destroy equestria. will angel and the mane 6 stop this man and will he find true love again. well wait and see

please no bad comment please

This author is either very young or English is not his native language. First of all, no one cares if it's your first story. Authors do themselves no favors by pointing that out, and it's usually seen as a red flag to avoid the tale. Second, capitalization is your friend. If you want a story to be taken seriously, then learn basic grammar rules and use them. Finally, that last sentence. No. Just...no. Asking readers to refrain from making negative comments is simply begging for the same, and shows an immature attitude on the part of the author. Readers can certainly be dicks, but we as writers need negative feedback to fix what's broken. If you're not willing to hear that, you're not willing to learn. And I haven't even mentioned the odd tense shifts.

That was just the description, so let's delve into the tale itself:

Have you ever heard the saying that life sometimes just comes and goes and sometimes it just bites you in the ass when you least expected? Well for me it’s been like that ever since an experimental virus that an indigenous terrorist dumped into the water supply. Those incidents had happen 5 years before when everything was alive and people went with their normal days. Stores open with happy faces and customers came with wallets full of cash to spend, the smell of food from restaurants was strong enough to drive even the hungriest of men come running for a taste of the good side. The police all walked happily as bystanders walked with their cell phones glued to their ears while heading to their destination. Cars lined up waiting for the light to turn green and bicyclist’s ride down the side walk with great joy. Man those were the times but I barely remember anything since now the streets are lined up with broken up cars, fallen buildings and trashed and the decay of… what used to be people. Now here I am just me in my tattered up pants a worn out jacket and almost falling part sneakers sitting on top of an abandoned bus with a lit cigarette in hand while looking at the once used to be quiet town I used to live in.

Right away we see the same problems that were in the description. That sentence should end with "when you least expect it," not "expected." The word used is "indigenous," but I get the feeling the word he was looking for was "ingenious." Commas are missing and tenses are off, which throws off the pace for the story and simply hits the ear wrong. And it goes on for over three thousand words.

These are just the mechanical problems, so let's deal with the actual story that's trying to be told here. Apparently, our protagonist is a lone survivor of a zombie apocalypse. That genre can be fun to read if done right. The operative word here being "if." This tale starts out with "joseph" narrating his own story as he escapes some infected, only to segue into his past. There's no page break, no proper indication of a change of scenery, he just basically goes, "I remember this," then just dives into it. No.

I can see the potential for this tale, but it is so badly written there is no immersion and therefore no enjoyment. As I said at the beginning, I normally give a story a few chapters before I submit a review, but this one was actually painful to read and I could barely finish the first chapter. Pass.

Looks like it's time for my next review. Let's see what I have on the list...

Story: Harmonized, by ferret.

Rating: 9.75/10.

Status: accepted.

This is fantastic. Good writing, good characterization, and most importantly the plot and mystery are near flawless. I was hooked the by the end of the first chapter. In fact, this story was one of the very first to be placed in my high priority tracking self, which I use to hold stories I intend to read the moment they update. In all honesty, this story should have a horror tag. It's about some seriously messed up stuff, which I won't get into for spoilers sake. Just know that the end is something you won't see coming.

Story: My Name Is Eri-, by Sharkrags.

Rating: 9.25/10.

Status: accepted.

Now this story was a trip. Beautiful writing, expertly paced, deep and meaningful characterization despite the second-person POV, and an atmosphere most Indie games would kill for. The atmosphere is what really sells it here, as the story is lacking on plot twists and worldbuilding details. If the writing was just a little bit more generic, this story would not be worth reading: be glad that's not the case. Even the sex scene was something unique, as it involved Erica turning into Eris during the act itself, making something that is otherwise generally gratuitous a vital plot point. My only sticking points are the use of second person and failing to give the protagonist a name, and even those are minor when compared to everything it did right. A must read for all Discord and HumanXPony lovers.

Story: A Confederacy Of Dunce Caps, by Estee.

Rating: 9.5/10

Status: accepted.

Diamond Tiara trying to convince Snips and Snails to study so she can cheat off of them can only so go so well, and this story explores that idea almost as far as it possibly could. All characters involved get excellent development, the conflict is believable and well executed, and the problems addressed are grounded and well thought out. My only regret is that we didn't get to see the final conversation between Diamond and Filthy after the dust settled, but in the end it wasn't really required. Also, this story has the sub-tag drama, in case you wondering what kind of slice of life it was.

Reviewing: A Cleansing Tale

Read: All

Status: Accepted

Here we have a very sweet, very intimate tale of loss and acceptance. Twilight has lost her grandmother ( who is unnamed in this story, which makes it all the more poignant ) and she comes to Celestia to try and find some meaning. The is a first-person tale told from Celestia's point of view, so we are privy to her thoughts while she gently tries to reassure her student. Now, she could have given Twilight any number of trite responses, but as one who truly loves her she takes her time and helps Twilight discover the answers for herself.

This is a prime example of grief management that one can tell came from the author's heart. The author even mentions this fact in the Author's Notes at the end, which I personally consider to be part of the tale itself. Having dealt with loss on my own before, as have many of us, I can feel the emotion shining through the words here, words that both comfort and teach.

Lastly, I am constantly amazed at the talent found on this site, a site that focuses on a little girl's show about cartoon ponies. This story goes to show that even in that context, there are lessons that can be conveyed that we can take away for the rest of our lives. This one has earned its spot in the HIgh Quality Folder.

5650005 I need to read this book... now!

Story: Changeling Space Program, by Kris Overstreet.

Rating:9.5+/10.

Status: Accepted

Oh, where to begin with this one. A story about Changelings trying to get to the moon so Chrysalis can steal Luna's power for herself is hilarious enough on its own, but this author goes one step farther. Every single chapter is a laugh fest from beginning to end, not even counting the footnotes he uses for worldbuilding gags, interceded by highly intense rocket maneuvers at high altitudes. For example, take this excerpt from chapter two.

Her subjects, on the other hand, had attempted a series of experiments which Chrysalis called either the “insanely stupid” or “idiotically insane” options, depending on her mood after the inevitable splat.

Experiment #1: Really big slingshot. Twenty changelings tested. Longest flight: about four hundred meters. Injuries: broken limbs and wings, concussions. Most wanted another ride.(8)

Experiment #2: Two changelings in flight pushing a third changeling to high speeds. Three changelings tested, at altitude. No injuries, but no great improvement on performance, either.

Experiment #2A: Four changelings in flight pushing a fifth to high speeds. No injuries, and a brief but measurable improvement.

Experiment #2B: Four changelings on the ground pushing a fifth in flight to higher speed by magic. No injuries, and a significant, but temporary, improvement in speed.

Experiment #2C: Twenty changelings on the ground. Another changeling (Dragonfly, the hive’s fastest flyer) flies overhead, and the twenty changelings push simultaneously by magic. Dragonfly ended up out of action for weeks in a body cast. She reported (when she finally regained consciousness) that she blacked out as soon as the mass spell touched her, and that she regretted missing the flight, which the changelings on the ground reported as “awesome but short.”

Experiment #3: Twenty changelings in a line on the ground. As changeling #21 (Occupant) came running at the line, each changeling would use its magic to fling the runner overhead and behind, each time boosting speed by a controlled amount. The last changeling would push up instead of backwards, sending Occupant skyward at high velocity. One test. Stinger Charlie reported Occupant’s momentum was so great that he couldn’t steer it at all, and thus he went splat into a canyon wall instead of into the clouds. Injuries: four cases of horn strain, a broken limb, a concussion, and a severe case of disappointment that, of all the things Occupant had broken, his buck fangs weren’t on the list.

Experiment #3A: The same as before, but fifty changelings, and airborne. One experiment, which ended with a black-and-purple sonic rainboom and the complete disappearance of test flier Lucky Cricket. Lucky reported in two days later, having landed unharmed in the pool at a casino resort near Los Pegasus. Lucky enjoyed his stay in Los Pegasus and would have remained there, had the pony authorities not insisted he go home.(9) In addition to realizing that Lucky’s supersonic flight had been completely unsteerable and therefore useless, Chrysalis had realized that some method of remote communications would be required. As it stood, if she got into trouble midflight, nopony would hear about it… ever.

Experiment #4: Combining all prior experiments. Getting the slingshot into the air was less difficult than expected. Hurling it, its controllers, and its passenger forward had been difficult but doable. Unfortunately, what happened thereafter could only be described as “airborne bowling for changelings.” Abundant injuries. Noling wanted a second ride.

Experiment #5: Occupant, remembering something from the Canterlot invasion, had snuck out of the infirmary and taken train to Ponyville, where he politely asked a certain pony to fire him out of a cannon. The experiment resulted in severe but probably temporary hearing loss and no real gains over previous experiments.(10)

The Changelings themselves in this story are brave and strong but really really dumb adrenaline junkies, which takes everything amusing about their antics and pushes it still farther. Chrysalis, as the only Changeling who actually uses her brain, is the "only sane mare," and plays the straight mare for the first few chapters. After that, she takes turns with Cherry Berry the earth pony airplane pilot, who wasn't allowed to fly with literally anyone else because she didn't have wings.

The story isn't just laughs though. It's also an excellent subterfuge and science fiction piece (for the ponies, it's mostly science fact for us) that places a great of importance on making a realistic space program that would in fact possibly work in the real world. You learn actual rocket science by reading this story, and as Chrysalis has no scientific background everything has to be explained in terms she can understand, including one fully original 800 word poem/song that teaches the names of directions while in flight. Apy is uppy and peri is not! is the chorus. That little ditty was what convinced me to write this review, given that I understand just how challenging good verse work is.

The story is at least partially based off of the video game Kerbal Space Program, a semi-realist rocket simulator for armchair enthusiasts, but to be honest if the author hadn't told me that or used the occasional picture of of a rocket taken from the game I wouldn't have noticed. I've never played it, but that doesn't detract from my enjoyment of the story in the slightest, despite the story being driven at least in part by the game session the author is playing and getting the screenshots from.

In fact, I have exactly one complaint, and it's easy to fix. The chapters, as they currently are, range from 6,000 to 26,000 words each. While the former is on the larger side of normal, the latter is uncomfortably huge, and must be a pain to edit. If the author broke those lager chapters into chunks roughly 5,000 words long the story would be much more approachable and easier to wrangle in general. In fact, the author already does so with the use of footnote clusters, providing plenty of good stopping points. Also, if the author doesn't feel comfortable releasing incomplete missions or the like, he could just post multiple chapters at a time to hit whatever word-count feels right.

This story is pure gold. There's no other way to put it. While it started out slowly, I believe it has finally achieved some of the recognition it deserves, and hopefully this review will improve its lot further. This isn't just great, this is High Quality. And if this review didn't convince you to read it, the following fact should: the like/dislike ratio is 99 to 1. Yeah. Wow.

Reviewing: Mid October

Read: All

Status: Accepted

Whomever recommended this story, all I have to say is thank you.

Here we have a very poignant SoL tale that covers all the bases: feels, scenery, dialogue, pathos. The scenery is done well without it being a weather report, and the dialogue builds slowly, drawing one into the tale without being overblown. The story is tagged as Human, but really, it could have done without the tag and still have been a fine piece.

The two minor characters, Big Mac and Fleetfoot, find themselves together on a train headed to Manehattan. Through scene building, we find that all is not well with either of them, as each has gone through a personal tragedy. Yet...and yet...there is still a spark of life within them both, and we are granted a glimpse into each of their lives. Through which we also get the Romance tag, but it is lightly applied, as the outcome of their relationship hangs in doubt. It is a scenario through which many of us can relate, as I myself am sometimes plagued with thoughts of "what if" when I recall possible relationships I might have had.

Take a few minutes and read this one. If you've ever had a situation where you've seen a stranger on a train, or anywhere you can recall and something clicked, then this tale will resonate with you. And maybe you won't feel quite so bad about the one that got away.

5750494
I'm definitely reading that one! Nice review!

Reading: CMC: The Next Generation

Reviewing: CMC: The Next Generation

Read: Three Chapters

Status: Accepted

What we have here is a series of vignettes involving the children of Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie and their conflicts with each other. They each carry on the personality traits of their mothers, so we have Prism (Dash's filly) as a bit headstrong, Gemstone the white unicorn (guess which one is her mother) who is a bit spoiled, and finally Pinkie's triplets, Blueberry, Raspberry and Cherry.

I suppose the story could have been better enjoyed had I read the previous entries, but it was a fun read nonetheless. Still, as the author gave them all their mother's personalities, there was very little in the way of surprises to be had. I would have preferred them to each have their own traits instead of being basically clones, as that would have been a much more interesting and involved story. I also suppose this is the writer's style in giving away so much in the description, as each chapter is laid out with a brief synopsis and one can simply pick and choose which to read instead of following the chapters in sequence.

I did find myself struggling to read the first chapter, as it was very slow-paced and (I'm guessing) borrowed heavily from the prequels. But it picked up by the second chapter and just kept getting better after that. So if you haven't read the other entries, approach this one with an open mind and a bit of patience. You won't be surprised, but you won't be disappointed either.

5824068

My Dad (yes my pop is a brony) adhered to Disney fanatic's universe as if he were spot welded to her work, so I've read it and have discussed it in tremendous detail and I must say you made a good choice adding it. And speaking of adding; are you the only active reviewer right now?

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Am I the only active reviewer? By no means!

But we here at The Goodfic Bin are a peaceful, jolly folk who eat six meals a day ( when we can get them: breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, afternoon tea, dinner, supper ), keep our toes brushed and sometimes consort with wizards concerning Rings of Power.

Other than that, we find time to make reviews.

Reading: Her Majesty's Secret Service

Reviewing: Her Majesty's Secret Service

Read: All

Status: Approved

Now, THIS was a surprise! Even with the Sex And Romance tags, I truly thought this was going to be a James Bond-type thriller, full of espionage and secret plots to overthrow the kingdom, with Night Light as the only pony capable of stopping the villain's nefarious plans. Boy, was I wrong!

No, this is a very intimate tale of friendships and trust. I read this entire story at one sitting because once I started it I was unable to stop. The characters, both canon, and OC are done so well and in such detail, I wished I was among them. Let's back up and begin this review again with the description:

The position of Captain of Princess Celestia’s Royal Guard is a family legacy going back much further than merely Shining Armor.

A generation prior, his father, Night Light, is a young, single stallion in his first year as Captain, and unfortunately, his eager and devoted service to the crown has come at the expense of his now-strained friendships. Even the beautiful Twilight Velvet, the mare of his dreams, grows tired of being ignored in favor of serving his glorious Princess. But just as he begins to realize the job has run his personal relationships into the ground, his life is turned upside-down when Celestia heaves him a curveball he could never have seen coming.

After all, how can a pony be prepared for his most important duty… when it’s the most closely guarded secret in all of Equestria?

A masterful description that gives nothing away, but hooks the reader and makes one believe the plot is entirely different from what it actually is. I'm being purposely vague, as I do not want to give away the reveal. I would like for all readers to be as pleasantly surprised as I was.

There's a fair bit of world-building to be had here as well, along with what had to be some research into equine estrus cycles. Besides the reveal, what stuck me most was the friendship between Night Light, Twilight Velvet, and the OC Lieutenant Pommel, a bat pony. They banter and argue and have fun with each other in such a way it made me somewhat jealous, as I have not had friendships like that in awhile. I was just glad to be a part of their relationship, although I really, really wanted to punch Night Light's lights out long before the tale was done. The idiot.

Speaking of idiots, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to also introduce you to one who, though he acts like an idiot at times, is also the luckiest son of a bitch in literary history: Night Light. What happens to him in this tale...let's just say it's a dream come true. Bastard.

Even though this lacks the Comedy tag, I found myself laughing right out loud at several parts, a true mark of this writer's talent.

So if you find yourself with a few free hours at hand, I would highly recommend doing as I did and reading this all in one sitting. You'll laugh, you'll be amazed, you'll feel...other things that will be revealed in time. This is going in my Favorites bookshelf, as well as a Follow for this author. Well played, Sir. Well played.

Lucky son of a bitch.

Reading: Derpy's Royal Delivery

Story: A Scratch on Shining Armor, by BaeroRemedy.

Rating: 10/10

Status: High Quality accepted

Man, what a ride. This 180,000 word tale stars Shining Armor and Vinyl Scratch, as the former plays reformer (turning Vinyl back into a productive member of society) to the latter. Now, I don't feel I'll be able to review this properly unless I dive into the spoilers, and doing so would weaken the experience of reading it, so if you're only interested in learning if it's any good, stop at the end of this paragraph. This story is cute, funny, and deeply, deeply cathartic. It's a must-read for anyone who is stuck in the past or a rut of anger and depression, as it's about Vinyl learning how to move on in life and find happiness. Anyone who's had problems with family or maintaining social connections would find something here as well. Go read, it's amazing.

Still here? Can't say I didn't warn you. This story's biggest strength is that it takes a game changing turn about a third of the way through. Cadance, in an attempt to help Vinyl recover faster, manipulates her into feeling attracted towards another friend of hers who's a former scout that got injured in the line of duty and has been listless since then. However, this quickly comes to light, causing the pair to break it off early and take their anger out on Cadance. The thing is, this isn't the first time Cadance did this: she's been playing up Shining's love for her whenever they got into a fight to make him stop fighting. Yeah. Shining breaks up with her almost on the spot, leaving him in exactly the right position to fall in love with Vinyl, and vice versa, and Cadance desperate enough to go to Celestia for advice. Celestia, not understanding what was going on in the slightest, tells her that Alicorns knew better than the mortals and any manipulations (presumably not magical ones) Cadance got up to were actually okay. This disastrous conversation set the course for the rest of the story.

This story, while set before the start of the first season and probably intended to act as a fancy prequel, makes an incredibly gutsy move: it deviates from canon and what was no doubt its original purpose. Vinyl and Shining get together, Cadance snaps and ends up getting exiled after going spell happy, Twilight learns Princesses aren't perfect, and the vast majority of the Canterlot Elite get arrested for corruption in a side plot. Taking this step could not be done lightly, and in fact a large portion of the story's tension lies in the fact that it appears to be a prequel, as the knowledge that Cadance and Shining get married in canon leaves a massive cloud hovering over the entire tale.

The audience keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop and Vinyl and Shining's blooming romance to get squashed by canon railroading. They expect it, and the longer the story goes without doing so the more that fear has to fight with the blooming hope that maybe canon isn't going to assert itself. This is why Cadance starting to throw around mind magic was so terrifying, because it would give the author the perfect excuse to put everything back in place for the start of the show, even though by the time it gets that far it would mean the story had ended in tragedy. In the end, though, this doesn't happen, and the author gets major points for having handled it, and his audience's emotions, so smoothly. That's why I didn't want to spoil anything: if you knew this twist before it happened it would ruin the tension.

The guts don't stop there, however. One of the big plot points of the story was that Vinyl couldn't forgive her adopted sister for abandoning the sister's foal. You would expect, based on what this story is about, for Vinyl to eventually forgive her sister, but she doesn't. She realizes that all the hate she's pointed at her sister over the years, combined with the fact that her sister never once apologized for her actions or admitted she did the wrong thing, has poisoned their relationship to the point that it can no longer be salvaged. Vinyl walks out of her sister's life for good, and based on what I know about how human (and pony) minds work I can't help but think that she made the right choice, painful though it may be. That is beyond good writing: a deep, difficult choice founded on rock-solid characterization that maybe wasn't the right one to make. I don't think I can stress enough how difficult this can be, or how jaw-dropping it is that it worked this well.

The most interesting part for me personally, however, is that the fact that at the same time this story was running, in fact before I even read about the first Cadance twist, I was writing a story of my own that followed a similar conflict. As a result, this Cadance has become a dark mirror to mine, an example of what could have happened if she had received bad advice instead of good. Stuff like this can only happen in fanfiction, where multiple authors with no need to coordinate take the same base characters and build on them in different ways. My story has benefited from this one paving the way, and it will take long time for its influence to fade, if it ever does.

In short, this story takes big risks that, if the author wasn't so skilled, would have caused it to bomb horribly. Instead, we're treated to one of the best stories I have ever seen. As one last plus, it's not a doorstopper. The plot is tight and stays on course, and because of that we're treated to a wonderful tale that doesn't take a million words to get anywhere. Brevity is rare around here, so it's nice that some authors understand it. It's not the same genre as Not the Hero, the other story I gave a 10/10 to, but I'm pretty sure it's just as good.

Reviewing: Derpy's Royal Delivery

Read: Five chapters

Status: Rejected

I struggled for weeks to read this one, and only the fact that I'd committed to reviewing it made me go on. Let's read the description:

On Princess Celestia's request, Derpy Hooves must go on a mission to unite two very different cultures. But how will she convince them to put aside their differences and make amends? Especially after how much trouble they've caused each other. And what is so special about Derpy that makes her the right mailmare for the job?

What began as a simple delivery job will quickly become a matter of Equestrian security.

Now, that's not too bad, until you get into the actual story. The first question one would ask oneself is: why Derpy? And therein lies the problem. There is no answer other than the author wanted to write a story featuring our favorite wall-eyed pegasus.

She's completely out of place and totally out of her depth in this tale. I will say she's portrayed well: very bubbly and happy, as well as being slightly ditzy. So why is she being sent on a dangerous mission to reach out to the Changelings? I know Celestia is portrayed as being an inept ruler in that she's always hanging back and letting Twilight and Company do all the heavy lifting, but this borders on the absurd to send Derpy in. There are no reasons given for sending her; she has no special talents or abilities, nothing that would qualify her for such a dangerous mission. So it's the very premise of this tale I found unacceptable.

Finally, there's also the dreaded misuse of the said tags, a trait one sees more often in fairly new writers:

“Mmm.” The mare in bed mumbled as she turned away from the noise. “Just five more minutes.”

“You were going to be late for school though.” Derpy said, finally sitting up in bed and looking at her daughter with one eye while the other stared at a section of wall.

“Yeah.” Dinky said, landing on her hooves beside the bed. “And if you don’t hurry, you’ll be late for work.” She said, pointing a hoof at the alarm clock.

In every one of the above examples that should be a comma following the quoted words, instead of a period. It's a simple mistake but easily avoided if one also makes reading a habit. Ezn's guide on Said tags is a great resource.

Reviewing: Of the Fair and All After

Read: All

Status: Approved

Now, this is how one writes Slice of Life. Here, we have yet another example of the exceptional wordsmithing of this particular author, filled with imagery and emotion. Here's the description:

During a day at the fair Spike wins a prize at a carnival game! As he enjoys all that the fair offers his mind continues to return to the token...and what a fair marking the turning point between summer and autumn means for him and the ponies he loves.

This is canon Spike as he's portrayed in the series, but he's given an added depth. Far too many times, I've read tales where Spike is pictured to be little more than a slave, and resentful of that fact. There's none of that here. This is a not-quite-grown dragon, enjoying one of the last days of Summer at a county fair, and all that entails. It's been decades since I myself have ever attended one, but this tale reminded me of everything: the sights, the scents, even the frustration of trying to win a prize at those infamous carney games. The only thing missing was the smell of the grease paint.

But the carnival is just the backdrop for what turns out to be a very poignant tale of friendship and generosity as shown by Spike. Yes, he's still smitten with Rarity, and yes, he has a prize just for her, but she is not his only focus. This tale is truly magical in that it invokes all the bittersweetness of boyhood and summers gone by. And even though the story is soon over, the memories and emotions it creates linger long after.

This one's going in the High-Quality folder.

I'm back Mothaficers!

Story: What Cats Know by Daedalus Aegle

What I liked: Decent storytelling. If I was basing this review solely on storytelling, it would definitely make the Bin.

Status: Rejected

Why: Though the story is very interesting, the tone and narrative just felt underwhelming. Most of it is just Sweetie Belle wandering from point A to point B, asking questions about cats. And most of the characters respond the same way with different answers:

*Cats are predators

*Cats were once worshiped

*Cats are interesting creatures

*My father was killed by a cat

*Cats came into our homes one day and we like them for some reason

The characters were just as underwhelming. Fluttershy didn't feel like her typical self and Discord... gained weight. I think it's understandable why the author wrote him to be this way, but can't the God of Chaos just snap his fingers and lose everything he gained? Also, for some reason, he has glasses. That doesn't really make any sense to me since he's, y'know, a God and everything.

The story also plays the (insert dead sister/best pony :'( here) trope. I didn't have a problem with this one. It, of course, conceded well with the story and actually did a good job. There was a very important significance behind it other than "Oh my cat she's dead and I'm sad".

The storytelling was what kept me in. That was the only thing I found interesting. Every character just repeated everything the previous character said and the dialogue barely scathed by as exceptional.

I'd give it a like. But the fic needs a bit of polishing before adding it to The Goodfic Bin can be discussed.

Reviewing: Morning rain

Read: All

Status: Rejected

Okay, maybe I'm missing something here, but this tale just didn't do it for me. It starts out vague and does little to fix that as the story progresses. Here's the description:

The legend goes among the folk, that the rain at the sunrise will wash away the sins and stains off of the soul that is on a brink of death...

It's a nice thought, very poetic, but doesn't explain much.

Our protagonist finds herself in a dire predicament right off the bat: she's been injured badly, but the extent of said injuries and the reason for them aren't explained. The entire story is the OC's inner monologue and memories, right up to the point the rain comes and I'm guessing she dies. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this feels like a tale that's trying to be edgy, not unlike a Displaced fic, and falling short because of that attempt. It doesn't help that the author misspelled several words, some consistently:

My thoughts weren’t as enjoyable as the food was tho. I kept thinking if what I was doing was right. If what we were doing was right. This doubts gnawed at my mind not for the first day, and I have yet to lay them to rest.

And this is exactly why I came here. Where was I at tho? Ah, right. I wanted to tell you a story, but since you seem to not be too keen on listening right now, I guess I’ll put it as shortly as I can.

Those are only two examples, but it's a pattern. Normally, I can forgive a misspelled word or two, but when I see it happening too often it's not a good sign.

Finally, the last two problems with this story are (1) we're not given enough time to care about the protagonist, as the story is (2) too short. The author tried to do in fourteen hundred words what should have been done with at least five thousand. It's okay to leave some things vague but develop the characters enough so that we the reader can care about them.

Reading: Friendship Goes Both Ways

Reviewing: Friendship Goes Both Ways

Read: All

Status: Accepted

Here we have a pleasant SoL tale that is an alternate version of Magic Duel. Let’s start with the description:

When Trixie finds a magic mane pin that will make everypony love and adore her, she decides to use it to get revenge on the residents of Ponyville, one group in particular. But there are some things about friendship that she never expected...

This story replaces "Magic Duel" chronologically.

So this takes place instead of the Alicorn Amulet incident. In place of trying to rule over Twilight and Company, Trixie decides to get them all to be her friend, a rather innocuous plan. While not a complaint, this plan puts me in mind of those dreadful cartoons of the eighties, where “experts” decided that children’s programming shouldn’t have the barest hint of violence, so enemies solved their differences by contests or non-threatening competitions. So in this case, we have Trixie plotting her revenge by guile instead of direct confrontation.

Other than that, the first thing I noticed about this ( which I really liked ) is that Trixie has her original voice back. Here of late, after her friendship with Starlight in canon, she’s lost some of her flamboyant personality, something I’ve truly missed. But in this tale, she’s back to her grandiose, third-person way of speaking, which of course would be in keeping with the setting.

So her plan proceeds smoothly, much to Trixie’s surprise. The author did an excellent job of capturing the various voices, as the characters all sound like themselves. Despite the “influence” ( that’s called foreshadowing, kids! Tell your friends! ) of the magical mane pin, the friendly way ponies react to her does not seem forced, as I’ve seen in many a tale where the protagonist is a dreadful Mary Sue that makes friends without any effort. Somehow, the author has avoided this trope while still having all concerned remain in character. When the final reveal does come, I can’t say I was surprised, given the nature of friendship which is the theme of the show.

All in all, this was a nice read that, while not in my Favorites folder, still has a special place in my Library and a welcome addition to The Goodfic Bin.

Reviewing: The Gift Shop

Read: All

Status: Accepted

Now, this was an interesting journey, one which I wasn't sure about until near the end. Let's start with the description:

Ribbon Red is a gift-shop owner who doesn't get out much, and has a comfortable life selling his wares to ponies for their friends and family.

Rainbow Dash comes in with a special request: she wants to get Applejack the best gift ever, and she wants Ribbon's help in finding it.

Ribbon knows a lot about giving presents: He knows how to appreciate the value of a simple gift, the significance of a beautiful ornament... but above all, he knows that the most precious gifts come from the heart.

As can be surmised from the description, this is meant to be a very heart-warming tale. The problem I had with the beginning is the proprietor Ribbon Red is a bit acerbic. For example, this was the initial exchange between him and his only customer of the day:

"Uh... 'kay. So, do you have any gifts for sale?"

"I might do," Ribbon told her teasingly. Keep the customer on their toes... keep them interested, keep them guessing. That was good salesponyship. Keep them alive, always wanting.

"Well... this is a gift shop," she replied, unaffected by his scheme. Ribbon sighed, and rubbed his eyes.

"Then why did you ask if we had any in stock?" he asked, annoyed. Apparently, his usual sales tactics would not work on this particular mare. "Ugh, nevermind. What kind of gift are you looking for?"

It's been mentioned Ribbon Red doesn't get out much, so it's understandable that he doesn't interact with other ponies much outside his store, but here he also gives the impression of an older person who is very short with younger ones. If he had spoken to me like that, I would have walked out. I personally cannot stand it when the salesperson acts like they're doing me a favor by waiting on me, and that's the feeling I got from this character. I got so annoyed with the way he was treating Dash I almost quit reading.

I'm glad I didn't.

For even though Ribbon comes off as a jerk at first, he's hiding a heart of gold, for though this tale focuses on Dash's feelings for AJ, it is also very much Ribbon's story.

Have you ever had strong feelings for someone, but didn't know how to tell them? Or worse, if you even should? This is Dash's predicament, and it is a good thing she wandered into Ribbon's shop. The author did a very good job of creating a very believable conflict, one which had a quite satisfactory ending. Though the outcome between Dash and AJ was predictable, the redemption of the OC was not, and I found myself both surprised and moved by his actions.

To sum up, the story was a bit dry in places, ( such as Ribbon's initial introspections ), and the OC gave a bad first impression, but he and the story redeemed itself by the end. Even if you don't care for the shipping, I think you'll have a hard time denying the feelings of a blossoming romance that finds its just resolution.

Reading: Legionnaire: Death of Innocence

Story: Your Human and You: I Refuse to Play, by Cicero Niche.

Rating: Pending, 8+/10.

Status: Accepted.

I'd actually already read this one on my own time, so when I saw it in the review list I thought it would make easy pickings. In any case, this is a low-key deconstruction of Your Human and You, in particular that the main character, as you would suspect from the title, isn't interested in pretending to be non-sapient. While this has resulted in no small amount of comedy, it's also accelerated the timeline of the original by quite a bit, getting about as far along in the plot in less than half the word count. Whether you consider that bad or good is up to you.

When I went back to double check on this one, my primary concern was whether it meandered, i.e. didn't have a plot. A large chunk of slice of life stories don't have proper beginnings, middles, and ends, but this is not one of them. Not only is a plot present, but it appears both solid and to be moving at a good clip.

Beyond that, it's a YHAY story. If you liked the original, you'll like this. If you hated the original, you might still like this, if only for the things it does differently.

Edit: This is not a clop story. I think it has maybe one scene in 80,000 words, and the rest is all substantial.

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The Hunter and The Prey.

Reviewing: Legionnaire: Death of Innocence

Read: Five chapters

Status: Accepted

This is a sequel that, while it borrows heavily from the previous work, is not so overwhelming one cannot figure out the major players. I had some difficulty with the non-pony races, as there's yet very little in the way of descriptions, but I was still able to form a satisfying mental picture. Which brings up a good point.

Even though this tale is rife at the beginning with improper said tags, the story is so well written I found myself being well immersed in the conflict. Here's the description:

"In the midst of Chaos, there is also opportunity"- Sun Tzu.

You know it is going to be a good trip when you get shot at on the first day.

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria, has arrived in the Khanate. Her orders are as clear as they are impossible. She must plunge headfirst into a maelstrom of politics, betrayal and intrigue to make peace with a nation that teeters on the brink of open war.

However nothing is as it seems in the Khanate. Someone is gunning for Twilight. In a continent soaked in petrol, where one spark will ignite the whole thing into a raging firestorm of bloodshed and violence, someone is playing with a book of matches.

As is promised from the description the story starts out tense and only ramps up from there. Twilight has been sent on a diplomatic mission that goes wrong from the very start. Due to either her inexperience or the writer's unfamiliarity with military tactics ( I suspect it's the former ) she walks right into a trap the moment her airship lands. Only the brave actions of her crew keep her from serious injury, though at the cost of two of her men. This sets the tone for the entire story, as this is very much Twilight's tale. I should probably mention at this point this story very much earns its Alternate Universe tag in that in this world, the ponies are actually Human, though the Alicorns retain their wings. I have yet to see them performing magic, and there is yet no indication they possess horns, so this takes the tale one more step away from the world of MLP.

Now normally, that would be enough to reject a story. I found the characters at first to have little resemblance to their canon counterparts, i.e., they were the characters in name only. But as I continued reading I was able to recognize certain traits with which I was familiar, and these were juuuust enough to make it an MLP story. Also, I suspect this story would have been more enjoyable had I finished the one prior, for it would have then been more immersive. This is very much a different world, with details that may be a bit confusing if one has not read the previous entry.

So although this one is accepted, I highly suggest reading the original before tackling this one, as one's understanding will be greater as well as one's enjoyment.

Reviewing: Memoirs of a Royal Guard

Read: Ten chapters

Status: Accepted

I'm about to introduce you to one of the most lovable but extremely dense literary characters I've read in a long time: Silent Knight. He is a gung-ho Pegasus soldier, one of the only guards to actually volunteer to be one of the newly restored Princess Luna's personal retinue. I should probably mention this tale takes place soon after Luna Eclipsed, and in this setting, she is still regarded with distrust and suspicion, despite Celestia's best efforts to the contrary. The description is our protagonist's best introduction:

Everypony has a story. Some tell of heroic feats and grand adventure. Others tell of villainy against the forces of Harmony. The story of an average guard, however, is one of obscurity. They live in the backgrou10nd, unnoticed but ever-present.

Silent Knight assumed his tale would be like that of his father's: join the Royal Guard and serve Equestria. He would be just another helmet and spear, part of the rank and file. And that was all he ever wanted.

However, when Captain Shining Armor asked for volunteers to form a House Guard for the recently returned Princess Luna, it was Silent's hooves that stepped forwards to set his new life in motion.

The author does a superb job of portraying the military mindset, so much so I found myself having flashbacks of boot camp! However, duty is all he knows, having had the instructions drilled into him by his father, an early heroic figure. This also leads to Silent Knight being somewhat lacking in his social skills, as everything is seen as being for duty or against it. As one commenter pointed out, he's a lot like Forest Gump. He's not slow, just oblivious to anything and anypony that doesn't contribute to his duties.

This tale is very well written in that the grammar, spelling, and syntax are spot-on, as well as the proper use of said tags, something I've been noticing that lacked in my most recent reviews. It's a nice change. The pace of the story flows quite nicely, and I found myself reading ten chapters before coming up for air, as it were. I do, however, have one major complaint. At the end of Every. Single. Chapter this Author's Note appears:

If you are enjoying this story, please consider taking a look at Crystal and my's website QuillnBlade.com for extra content such as mini stories, an Ask Us formto submit questions, responses to said questions, and special rewards for the awesome folks who support our Patreon.

2nd Edition version

While I don't have a problem with an author having a Patreon page, it is more than redundant ( and a bit annoying ) to have it at the bottom of every chapter.

Nitpick aside, I think you'll enjoy this Romance and Comedy just as much as I did.

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Wow. This is what happens when I forget to delete a story after reviewing it. I personally reviewed this one over a year ago but forgot to take it out of the submissions folder. I knew it looked familiar!