• Member Since 10th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 37 minutes ago

HapHazred


It's called garbage can, not garbage can't.

E

Ribbon Red is a gift-shop owner who doesn't get out much, and has a comfortable life selling his wares to ponies for their friends and family.

Rainbow Dash comes in with a special request: she wants to get Applejack the best gift ever, and she wants Ribbon's help in finding it.

Ribbon knows a lot about giving presents: He knows how to appreciate the value of a simple gift, the significance of a beautiful ornament... but above all, he knows that the most precious gifts come from the heart.

Contains AppleDash

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 59 )

I don't usually like AppleDash.

Screw my opinions, this is awesome.

5508972 Glad you gave it a shot! And extra-glad you liked it, cheers.

Sweet, I love your stories. I keep forgetting to follow you though.

5509124 Thanks! I'll keep writing them.

"Your logic is like ice-cream: it's sweet and all, but it really hurts my brain."

fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/056/a/b/this_pleases_me_by_shewolf294-d5w706y.gif

5509180 and yes, I love your brand of appledash, it always seems to be unique compared to other more....generic stories.

5509378 I actually started writing because after reading loads of stories on the AppleDash group I had began to see trends and wanted to kick them in the teeth, so to speak. This might not have been as much of a problem if I hadn't been spoiled for awesome stories near the beginning: obviously I started by reading the most popular ones, which are all excellent. It made the duller ones more boring by comparison.

My first story was a wild stab at trying to do something new, and even though I've calmed down a lot since then and gotten much better at writing, I still try and make things a little different. I like to think I succeed.


5509360 :rainbowlaugh: Is it normal Sherly looks just the slightest bit scary in that picture? (At least, I assume it's Sherly...)

You know, I don't tend to move far from the stories I'm in the process of reading, and when you are reading anything by Imploding Colon, especially Ordsjot, you end up having go sit down for the long run. But I decided that I wanted to read something new, and one thing I haven't read in quite a while was AppleDash.

In fact, I've truly never read an AppleDash story, and I gotta say that this was impressive. Ribbon Red, while boastful of his capabilities, was a highly enjoyable character that offered a great point of view to watch the romance between these two unfold, even if it is from afar. This unique narrative really did justice to what you were trying to do, and it was overall orchestrated perfectly. I have not a qualm with this story, and I'd say this was a . . . dashing success.

Great work, my friend.

5509406 I'm glad I did AppleDash justice! I personally love the pairing.

I'm especially glad you liked Ribbon Red. This was the first time I gave an OC such a large role to play, and although I invent OC's a lot (you kind of have to when you also dabble in murder mystery: got to get suspects somewhere...) I was a bit worried he wouldn't turn out okay.

Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it.

Heh. I like this guy.

5509405 if you've seen the appledash contests, they're ALL about kicking trends. This one does an excellent job too! My only gripe is AJ's accent. Generally having it be NOT too thick is good, but here it's completely absent.

Other than that... Continue!:rainbowkiss:

5510164 Ah'd betta' do somethang about that than'...

...too much?:applecry:

I saw the contests, and they're some of my favourite stories. Not even necessarily the winning ones, just lots of the entries. Those were some of the ones I read before I started writing, so I had plenty of good examples to try to follow. Just hopefully differently.

5510191 Def too much. :ajbemused: just stuff like "somethin' " is enough ;)

5510211 I'll try to dial the southernisms up a notch.

In any case, thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Fun read, caught a couple apostrophe errors a long the way, but the concept seemed different and I was entertained. :)

5511161 Neato Burrito! I'll have to run through again to try and catch those apostrophe's...

5510211

I disapprove of this sort of school of accent. Everyone should do it like they want to.

5512278
I'm not advocating any more than that, since that would be excessive. Right now though, it feels like she has no accent at all, and we all know she does.

5512301

Seems like Mr. Teapot feels like establishing new headcannons :moustache:

5512303 ...it's not really a headcanon? Just listen to her voice in the show. She has a southern accent, and it's not being portrayed in the fic as is.

5512325

I think Irony might be lost on 90 % of the fandom....

Nevermind :duck:

5512342 Naw, just much, much harder to detect in text :rainbowwild:

5512325
5512278
In all fairness, I do like reading AJ with an accent, so the advice is relevant to my interests. That said, if I go over my story and still think I've put enough in, then despite what Tcherno says, it stays the way it is. But if it was worth pointing out, it's worth checking and investigating, and then formulating my own opinion on the matter.

Anyhoo, upon checking, I did realize that there were a few sentences that didn't quite fit what I felt was AJ's voice. There won't be any massive changes, because I felt that a good few of the sentences were all right, but the ones which were more accentless have been changed a bit. Hopefully that will be enough.

5512550 It feels much, much better now. Only one tweak: "One thousand bits... eh... ain't you got a cheaper one stashed someplace?" Use 'don't you' rather than 'ain't ' ;)

5512571 Tweaked. Thanks for the feedback!

Wait... years!!!! but... it looked like months just pass! WTF???:applejackconfused:

Also, for some reason Ribbon speaks with and english accent :twilightsheepish:

Other thanks that I like it! :twilightsmile:

5514499 Well, it's probably normal Ribbon has a british accent. I do, after all.

When I get drunk enough it even becomes scottish.

So here's my thoughts on this story:
The pacing is exceptional. It wasn't RD jumping a whatever was hoofed over to her at first sight. Her brashness and short tension span are present but maybe laid on a bit thick in some places. Ribbon is a strong character, he tries reading his customers and he actually has a personality that can be grasped. An excellent memory, can gauge pony's emotions, keeping his cool. He truly is fascinating. We see with time on how RD reacts to the whole situation and how she's afraid the worst case scenario, rejection, of her her feelings. I've never been a fan of shipping but this was well planned out and deserves a shelf for not being overly insipid with emotions and bogging down the story with overreactions to the lover's tensions,

Things I have to point out:
I'd italicize thoughts. It shows me where the character starts inwardly thinking and when they're not so I don't get confused.
You do a little bit of telling, i.e. the first exchange between RD and Ribbon. You could've let the situation develop a bit there.
I wasn't given much description in this story. I have no idea what Ribbon looks like or what his store is like. I have to try and envision what it look likes and gives me a lot of guess work as to what it is.

5521684 Cheers for the comment!

I'll be looking at the story with some of those things in mind, although I'm a little unsure if I'll be able to do much with them. Ah well, that's future HazardPony's problem, and these are all things I'm perfectly willing to give thought to, so thanks a bunch.

That was really cute and refreshingly original for an AppleDash fic. It's also rare that I like OCs, but you've done a great job with this one. You've earned yourself a new watcher.

5534812 Many smiles did I have this day!:pinkiehappy: Very happy you enjoyed it.

I'll try to keep you from regretting that follow:twilightblush:. I confess I'm trying to figure out which direction to take for future stories. Ah well: I'm sure something will come to me.

I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.

5537700 Way ahead of you. I'll bear those points in mind next time I write something.

I get the impression the Titanium Dragon isn't impressed by much (1/5 approval this time around, and even then only because the words be pretty). I like this: a lot of people like everything far too quickly. Nice to see someone who doesn't go all gooey over nothing. Even if your type are harder to deal with.

5537717
The way I see it, if I'm telling people to go read something, it should be something which is worth their time, rather than "Eh, that was okay." Thus I end up tending to err high rather than low; I don't segregate in my reviews between stories I downvote and stories I don't vote on (the neutral response) because as far as I'm concerned, I should only be recommending stuff that is good or above; it isn't that hard to find "that was okay, I guess".

Also, I have ridiculously high standards.

Still, your story's short description did manage to catch my eye and make me read it, which is a good thing; the idea was sound, I just felt like it wasn't executed well enough for me to really enjoy it. I'm glad you're not discouraged; having interesting stories to tell is a big chunk of storytelling, and I have, as I noted, very high standards in general. The next time you write something, feel free to give me a poke about it if you'd like me to take a look.

5537755

I'm glad you're not discouraged

My hobbies include getting punched in the face and getting kicked in the testicles. I like to think I can handle a little criticism.

And besides, I'm very serious about self improvement. I can hardly make that claim and whine every time someone points out a few things I've done wrong, can I?

So this story popped up in one of my feeds one day. I don't know exactly which one but I ran through it and I have to say, it's pretty good.it's a story about two characters in love who aren't even really the main character nor are they in the same room at any point. (a self imposed limit of the author)

Everyone is in character except one line Rainbow Dash throws out. (not hard to guess which one) That line would have been better suited to Pinkie Pie than Rainbow Dash. just seems a bit too smart.

That one line aside, this story is a shipfic any appledash fan should definitely read. I'll be featuring this story on my user page along with some other under-appreciated stories to try and get them a little more exposure.

5632917 Games?

You have piqued my interest. Or rather, you would have if I wasn't knee deep in work.

Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it.

5632923
Oops, sorry. That's what happens when you do writings with a stream going on in your ear. Words just tend to bleed into your writing.

The ice cream line was funny but I definitely face palmed\hooded a little:facehoof:

I really liked your story and Ribbon Red was a fun and likeable character. Seeing the romance from a different outside perspective was interesting too.

Nice job :ajsmug:

5677563 I like to do things weirdly. Being unconventional is all I've got going for me.

Ribbon is a bit like me, honestly. I know I'm supposed to avoid self-inserts, but considering that I know how I behave better than anyone else, I had a lot more to work with using myself as a template. I even get headrushes regularly.

Glad you liked the story, and thanks for reading!

5678087

While the the self insert genre is dangerous ground to tread upon I believe you did it well. Your character was well built and interesting without the issue of being overstated. That and you didn't force ship him with anyone.

5678823 I don't think I'd ever ship myself with anybody. All I really wanted was to make a bit of a three-dimensional character, and, well, I'm the guy I know best. I've known me my entire life. Funny, that. It only occurred to me about a week after I finished writing that Ribbon was, despite working in a gift shop, dangerously close to being a self-insert. Kinda' freaked me out for a second or two, but I guess he worked well.

Hazard Pony, you are awesome! Hehe, this was so well written, and I kinda knew where you where going when Applejack walked in. Despite my window open to the freezing cold that made me feel very warm inside. :D

5714667 I try.:twilightsmile: Glad you liked it.

There's a few minor grammar /spelling issues, and I think some of the dialogue could use a little work, but nothing stands out enough to break the overall sense that, when it comes down to it... I like this story. I'm usually more of a TwiDash reader, but this AppleDash was certainly well done for what it was intended to be, and I like the OC perspective.

I think it deserves this ribbon:
i.imgur.com/od0xMCF.png

5741740 s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/f0/3c/72/f03c72063094ddc66bfcdcfdbd185707.jpg

Thanks! And don't worry about the Twidash thing. We all make mistakes sometimes.

EDIT: sorry, that was incredibly unbritish of me. I'm afraid I'm running solely on sugar rush and cheap whisky, and am only halfway through my work. Thanks a lot, I didn't think the Tag A Long Book Club thing would ever cross my path. Nice to know it did. Cheers.

Well... where was this little gem hiding all along?

Highly underrated fic here. This bucks a common trend of "awkward confessions" and "will-she-or-won't-shes". Anything that breaks away from the paradigm is a good fic in my book. We never actually see any AppleDash happen, even, and it still somehow manages to be a story that revolves entirely around it. It's rare AppleDash gets something truly unique anymore. Many of all the good ideas have already kind of been written into the ground, and there's not a lot left about their relationship dynamic that hasn't been looked into yet.

This was a nice, refreshing change of pace for me. It was simple. It was sweet. It was different. And, sonuva gun, it was AppleDash.

Why wouldn't I love it? :twilightsmile:
-TUC

5816487 I'm not sure I'll be doing other stories where I do something quite as weird as this in the future, but by my tea and biscuits, I'm quite dedicated to finding original/originalish stuff to say about the pairing. It's my favourite, after all.

Glad you liked it! Cheers.

This story deserves more likes. Its amazing.

6269136 Why thank you. I confess I'm rather fond of this story myself.

Login or register to comment