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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Here's the roast you ordered!
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d9/Max%27s_Roasted_Chicken_-_Evan_Swigart.jpg
7990744 That's not roaster, it looks perfectly cooked lol
Heh, that's the same mistake I made.
...
Oh, wait just a minute-!
Okay, now you're intentionally screwing with us.
Great chapter!
7991534 oh that's right filly means female child, nice catch I will fix that up.
I really like the subtle way you let us know where in the timeline this story takes places. Since we know Ditzy's tongue was removed by slavers and she can't speak in the original FOE, having Ardent be privy to her basically losing her tongue was cleverly done.
Review time light edition, now with 90% less capital letters!
Hah that first paragraph, gotta love meta humour like that. PH overdid it with how Blackjack took a clipboard and used that as a shield, planning to make a whole armour out of the flimsy thing, but this hit just the sweet spot.
F.F.I? Can't remember hearing their name before, so are looking forward to see what kind of villainy they have been doing in pre-war time and what kind of shite it leads to for our wasteland ponies. Could they have something to do with the three headed robot doggy? Only time will tell I guess
I would really like if there got some descriptor added to this line so we knew what to think about it, what does Clovers body language say, how do he react when questioned by one of his subordinates? What makes him say such a harsh thing when they are paid to save civilian lives? A little descriptor added to this would really tell a lot about Clover, as well as the chemistry between him and Nibble... I have not said it yet by the way, but I simply love that name and I could totally see her snuggled up somewhere nibbling on a carrot or an apple or something like that.
A cool sounding voice that suddenly appear and disappear without a trace, helping out when the character is in their biggest moment of need... I smell a Mysterious Stranger perk!
So I did also notice it the last chapter, but did not think more about it as such as I thought that you were wrong, but after a google search... I do not think that it is smart drinking a poultice
Welp seems like he is falling in nicely with the rest of the group. Sure he made a screw up, but he still have some time how to learn to be a grade A meatshield! As said before, it would not have hurt combining this chapter with the last one since they are so well connected into each other, people are used to read 30K chapters in here, so you do not have to worry that much about length after all.
Nitpicks:
"I took a deep breath and steeled myself. I checked every corpse we crossed." This could easily be combined into one big sentence, and the first half should not be in italic.
"Bandages covered her rear and blood was already starting to soak through.." The return of the double period! Hiss I say, hiss!
"but after a few notes and lots of hugs spirits were at an all time high." I think that you are missing a comma here
"The bartender grabbed a decanter filled with a oak colored liquid from the top shelf and poured our shots." Pretty sure its an here.
"but was followed by pleasant smoky aftertaste." I am pretty sure you are missing an a here
8716673
Oh no, is poultice wrong... it is, ugh that's a lot of times I need to change that lol. Shucks liked it so much better then potion but what can you do.