Princess Twilight Sparkle is perfectly happy with her perfectly ordinary life in Ponyville. Every library book is properly shelved in its appropriate place, and her life continues on exactly according to her meticulously planned out schedule.

Then she gets a bodyguard.

Now she has to find some way to fit this new pony into her life on short notice. It won’t be an easy thing to adjust to—especially since Captain Storm Kicker’s presence makes it that much harder for her to go on living like the same old Twilight Sparkle she was before she became a princess.

Many ponies claim to be the Seventh Element of Love/Honor/Fluffy Kittens/Whatever, all in the name of superficial love and glory. Many seek to fight monsters, to claim famous mares as their lovers, or to just stroke their egos. Enough for the Powers That Be to notice.

Chuck Norris is not happy.

Chuck Norris is going to slap roundhouse kick a filly.

Incredible thanks to Regidar and ThatOneWriter for helping me out by prereading it!

Special thanks to Manes for giving me the inspiration I needed to finish this!

During her studies in the Canterlot archives, Twilight Sparkle makes a startling discovery - Star Swirl the Bearded, the most famous unicorn in Equestrian history, had a son! Tracing the family line down the centuries, Twilight is ecstatic to discover a direct descendant of Star Swirl is still living today. She sets out to meet this "Beatrix Lulamoon", who surely is a great and powerful unicorn worthy of her heritage with a wealth of ancestral knowledge to share... isn't she?

Dramatic reading by Goombasa - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bECfAkLDoSM

Scansion has a problem. The poems that flow from his pen at night are the most beautiful he's ever written, but he doesn't remember writing them. Drawn ever-deeper into an exchange of letters with a voice that speaks only through his work, he must discover the truth: Is the lonely, recently-returned goddess of the night reaching out to him in the only way she can, or is he chasing shadows?

* Now with a dramatic reading by Neighrator Pony! *
* Chinese translation: 女神 (Thou Goddess) by 卷耳 (estiMaDashie)! *

Holy crap you guys. What have I unleashed? Here's a sample of the word-of-mouth blogstorm that drove it to the feature box out of nowhere:
"This is the best thing I've read in a long time." –Bad Horse (rated: sitewide Top 10)
"'Thou Goddess' is magical and transcendent all the way through." –Skywriter
"[P]oetic beauty. There is scarcely a height of acclaim I would not believe it deserves." –Causal Quill (rated: sitewide Top 10)
"[C]hock full of splendid poetry … a jaw-dropping piece of prose and one of the best fics I have ever had the privilege to read." –Present Perfect (rated: sitewide Top 15)
"I shall keep this brief, because I must finish weeping before lunch is over. This is gorgeous, and has utterly deserved every accolade it has received." –Blue_Paladin42 (rated: sitewide Top 5)

Winner of AugieDog's "Nocturnes" Luna story contest! | Featured on EqD!

Further reviews:
"This is a remarkable fic, beautifully written ... quite simply, dazzling." –Louder Yay (rated: ★★★★)

If the title sounds grammatically incorrect, please read this.

A feud between two chefs ends up involving a very strange third party.

Now has a prequel in the works, called Cooking Roach.

A botched viewing spell has sent Twilight Sparkle to Earth and into the care of Kyle West. Having been turned into a human, the local species, Twilight Sparkle relies on her host to help her as she finds a way back to Equestria. And, in the meantime, she decides to learn about humans and the world they live in; the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.

Now With TV Tropes Page!

At her coronation after-party, Twilight gets a little freaked out at the prospect of growing into her new life, especially one specific aspect of it. She knows better than anyone that talking her problems over with a friend can help tremendously, but she doesn't have many friends with whom she'd be comfortable talking about this particular problem, let alone ones who would really understand what she's going through.

...unless she broadens her definition of "friend."

Now with a reading, courtesy of PresentPerfect! Go check it out, if you're so inclined.
Ahora en español gracias al maravilloso trabajo de SPANIARD KIWI!
(Now in Spanish thanks to the brilliant work of SPANIARD KIWI!)

"He truly loved her and knew she loved him just as much. The dragon gulped deeply as a fluttering sensation occupied his stomach. He didn't just love Twilight as a friend."

After finally giving up on Rarity, Spike realizes that the true mare of his dreams has been in his company for a lifetime, but is unsure if Twilight would ever consider him as more than a great friend and assistant. The only way he can find out is ask.

*Featured 2/20/2014, Thank you all so much!*

Cover Art: Hey,.. real' quick, before the intro starts.. by Frist44

Special thanks to all the readers who pointed out grammar and spelling errors. You're great proofreaders!

An undead Emperor in need of a new body. A Spartan lost in space. A ragtag team on a suicide mission. What do they all have in common? They all wind up on the magical world of Equestria, where war has been forgotten. That, however, is soon about to change.
When each of them is about to be retrieved, ancient evils arise to unleash hell upon the unsuspecting world. When the forces of three galaxies clash around them, can our favorite ponies hold out against the onslaught?
This is a crossover involving Warhammer 40k, Halo, Mass Effect and MLP, and is also my first fanfic. Comments and reviews are welcome.
Rated T for language, violence, and general adult situations.
Now on Tv Tropes!

Thrust headlong into a strange new world, Solaire of Astora must make amends before he can continue with his mission. Unbeknownst to them all, a shadow from his past approaches.