Horns are a dangerous weapon. You can't just wave it around and use it willy-nilly. You need to be careful. You must use your horn safely. Anon goes on a journey to ensure that horns in Ponyville are properly protected.

Written for The Barcast
Spanish Translation by Spaniard Kiwi

This story is contained in my book "Dash Tries to Win Your Heart and Other Short Pony Stories"

If you have interest in purchasing this non-profit book, check out my online store at this link: https://www.lulu.com/search?adult_audience_rating=00&q=flutterpriest

Tonight, Soarin and Rainbow Dash are going to try experimenting in the bedroom. Rainbow's a little nervous about Soarin's strange request. She doesn't want to hurt him, both figuratively and literally, so she goes to get some advice before the big night.

Written for the Monthly Shipfics group.

Spike, while browsing his selection of naughty magazines, accidentally coughs and breathes flames. The magazine gets sent to Princess Celestia. Panic ensues.

Pinkie has always seemed a crazy pony to you. Cute, but just a wee bit crazy. Of course, you didn't realize just how crazy she was till she kidnaps you and threatens your life.

Only thing is....she sucks at it.

((Inspired by Lyra Holds Anon Hostage.))

No one asked for it! No one demanded it! But here it is anyway: pure, distilled essence of badfic, satirized for your protection and diluted with enough water to keep you from going blind. In addition to the two terrible and wildly unoriginal shots that have been available separately on Elric's blog, this collection contains a previously untasted third chug of intentionally painful and derivative awfulness. (Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of bad fanfiction.)

Universally admired original characters, show characters acting out of character, stupid names, implausible shipping, gratuitous tragedy, and more -- it's all right here. Read if you dare.

Any resemblance between these OCs and any other OCs, living or dead, is purely coincidental maliciously intentional.

Octavia tells her friends she's dating Discord.

They take it well.

Proofread by Soundslikeponies, Pearple Prose, Themaskedferret and Octavia Harmony.

After a night of sisterly snuggling, the Princesses Celestia and Luna wake up with a baby in Celestia's bed.

How it got there leads to a discussion between the two sisters.

“Okay, how about you come with me,” Soarin said hastily, not sure if he was motivated by a strange desire to save the castle’s glassware or by the chance to spend some more time with the borderline insane yet beautiful mare next to him.
“Where?” She asked, looking up from the glass she had sentenced to ‘Smashy-time.’

Rainbow Dash learns why it's good fun to get drunk at your best friend's brother's wedding. Good company doesn't hurt either.

Soarin turned his head to face his son, a look of barely contained disapproval on his tired features. He held the gaze for a few seconds before finally relenting.
"Okay, fine. Just this once though, Daddy needs some quiet time."

Intent on finishing his newspaper one morning, Soarin finds himself quickly losing his temper as his son continually finds reasons to interrupt his reading.

Applejack has developed an odor. Rarity sets out to remedy the situation, with or without Applejack's consent.

Warning, contains: Non-consensual scrubbing.
Cover image by kittyhawk-contrail.
Full-cast dramatic reading by ObabScribbler.

Based on this story: Get Dirty | Get Clean: Deodourizing