The good news: Twilight now has a narrator for her life.

The bad news: He's an asshole.

Just a silly little oneshot crackfic I wrote while feeling inspired. Not to be taken too seriously.

Enjoy a dramatic reading by LimeyPony!

Twilight's just received her official government escort license, which allows her to legally take on passengers during a teleport. Unfortunately, the fee was hideously expensive -- enough to completely wipe out all her spare bits. And there's a major purchase coming up which she refuses to put off. So what better way to raise the money than by giving her freshly-approved skill a workout? After all, it's winter, it's cold, ponies will get home all the faster, and since Twilight knows what 'escort' means, so will everypony else.

It's probably best not to bet on that last part.

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group -- but can be read as a stand-alone, and no knowledge of the other stories is required. New members and trope edits are welcome.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Current cover art by Harwick: please contact him for commission rates. Original cover art by EquesTRON.

This story is a sequel to Luna makes toast.

One average evening, one average princess, one average kitchen, and one average checklist on how to cook... Somehow, this sounds very familiar.

A simple one-Shot about sweet Celestia doing perhaps one of the most mundane tasks... Again, this sounds familiar.

This story is a sequel to Luna makes toast.

Princess Luna embarks on the ever important quest to find friends. Not friends for her, but friends for her dear friend Pipsqueak. It's a long task, but you have to weed out the weak to find good, true friends. Friends that would already know what to do if you so happen to have fallen down a well. THIS ARE THE QUESTIONS A TRUE FRIEND SHOULD KNOW AND HAVE ANSWERS TO!

When Sweetie Belle magically derails one of Twilight’s experiments, she finds that she and Rainbow Dash have switched bodies. While Twilight works on a way to remedy the situation, Rainbow and Sweetie try to live each other’s lives as if nothing has happened.

Which might have worked out, if the weather team hadn’t needed Rainbow’s help. Or if Diamond Tiara hadn’t decided to pick on Scootaloo.

What happens when something crafted by a creature with no real care for material things is taken from him? Nopony else knew the answer either. But they found out. Oh... They found out.

Rated 'Everyone' because EVERYONE needs a good knock in the teeth!

Enjoy!

Featured on Equestria Daily April 2, 2015! *face melts*

WonderZone ("it's where foals gotta go!") is only the most awesome arcade in the world. Just ask Rainbow Dash, age 6. Its the sort of place you long to be growing up.

Some fillies would be content with ten minutes, fifteen, twenty. But all that Rainbow Dash wants - and all that she's getting - is another hour in the ball pit.

Maud isn't like other earth ponies. She's special, like her sister.

She can hear a voice, a voice from another world. At first it torments her, then comforts her, then befriends her. Naturally, Maud does the rational thing: she falls in love.

But will it last?

Anthony Padilla, from Smosh, is brainwashed into believing he's Commander Shepard just before he's blasted into another dimension. A dimension populated by innocent, sweet, and tiny ponies in the land of Equestria.

And he's going to bang every single one of them.

Dear lord, don't take this seriously. This story's a joke. I'm not going to pretend I don't realize how stupid it is.

An entire night of reading really bad fanfiction...

...a lecture on the mechanics of shipping...

...Twilight Sparkle must now...

...ship her friends.

IQ Level: low.