• Member Since 19th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 1st, 2020

Hap


Uhhh, sarge? I think I'm nekkid. (patreon)

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When Sweetie Belle magically derails one of Twilight’s experiments, she finds that she and Rainbow Dash have switched bodies. While Twilight works on a way to remedy the situation, Rainbow and Sweetie try to live each other’s lives as if nothing has happened.

Which might have worked out, if the weather team hadn’t needed Rainbow’s help. Or if Diamond Tiara hadn’t decided to pick on Scootaloo.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 156 )

I'll get around to reading this later, but great cover art!

A body swap story with Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle? Congratulations my friend, you just got an upvote and a fave. Let's see how this turns out. :rainbowlaugh:

If Sweetie Belle gets a cutie mark in being Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo will gut her in her sleep.

Actually, Scoots might do it anyways given that she'd trade a limb to be inside Rainbow.

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4618977 Thanks! I do all my own stunts, too.

I'll read this later...

Looks really good so far! And nice picture cover :rainbowdetermined2::unsuresweetie:

This sounds hysterical. :rainbowlaugh: I'll come back when more has been published. :twilightsmile:

Loving this so far. Body swap plots never get old, especially if done well, and this has real potential.

Congratulations Sweetie Bell, you're the new Rainbow Dash.

Me want moar. plz do more.

Rainbow and Sweetie agree! :unsuresweetie::rainbowkiss:

A fresh take. :) If it wasn't for the title, I would have been expecting a Rainbow-Scootaloo swap.

Loving the story so far. Rainbow Dash in Sweetie Belle's body and visa versa = hilarity. I can't wait for the next chapter. You have a like and a fave, mate :raritywink:

So far, my favourite part is this:

Spike chose that moment to enter the library with Rarity. "Alright, who broke Twilight this time?"

I cracked up at that

:rainbowlaugh:

Also, congrats on feature

This is a neat idea, and it's generally well-written, although there's room for improvement.

1) First of all, the number of bookisms is overwhelming, and words like "chortled" and "sighed" are improperly used as dialogue verbs.
2) There's some unnecessary emotional telling, and the adverb/adjective use could be dialed back.
3) There are a few comma splices.
4) While em dashes are used to punctuate most of the action inserts, which I'm always happy to see, there's one near the end that just has commas.

Overall, it's a good start, and I'll be keeping an eye on it.

We can get a drink when we’re done with the potion. For now, y’all need to concentrate on the combinin’ spell Twilight taught ya.”

ya

y'all = you all; ya = you.
____________________________

This fic is going to epic. It'd be interesting to see Sweets get a CM in being awesome while Dash is inside her body ... and now that I wrote that there is no way this premise can be written that doesn't sound dirty. You sir/madame are awesome.

4619064

Actually, Scoots might do it anyways given that she'd trade a limb to be inside Rainbow.

I bet she would. Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow!

... sorry couldn't resist.

WELL NOW, this is already topkek, but can it top topkek? I guess I'll watch and find out.
Also:

“I have to try not to be awesome, ‘cuz I don’t wanna accidentally get Sweetie’s cutie mark for her.”

Want some lemonade for that burn?:moustache:
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[youtube=5GbDkFOcwzY]

Or if Diamond Tiara hadn’t decided to pick on Scootaloo.

You won me at this sentence. :rainbowlaugh:

Good Story so far, just got so confused at some points at who was who :applejackconfused:

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4620985 Thanks for the feedback, I always appreciate constructive comments like this.

The synopsis alone made me laugh. :rainbowlaugh:

I suspect that much ass is going to be kicked in the coming chapters.

Diamond Tiara is gonna get got. I know it.

You had me at the picture alone. Scootaloo is going to be so jealous too.

I am having a tough time keeping track of who's speaking between Rainbow Dash and Sweetie after they switch.

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4622349 The action and dialogue is always referencing the pony's body. So, after the switch, when Rainbow says something, it comes out of Sweetie's mouth, so you read "Sweetie said..."

I tried doing it several different ways, but in the end, this made the most sense, since most ponies will see Sweetie and think it's Sweetie talking, and address her as Sweetie, even though the Crusaders know it's Rainbow in there and may address her as Rainbow... okay, it is confusing.

I really don't think there's a way to tag the dialogue and actions that isn't confusing. But, if I wanted to avoid confusing, I wouldn't have written a body swap story, so... :pinkiehappy:

4622372

Actually the proper way would be after the switch to keep the names of the minds that are in the bodies. So Rainbow in Sweeties body would still be "Rainbow said" with a line or something akin to "Rainbow said, now in Sweetie's cracked voice" or something.

We the readers know that she is in Sweeties body. The story isn't from the perspective of the other ponies in the room so the way they see things doesn't matter.

Since you're going full third person, it should be from our perspective and we know who's consciousness is in whom.

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4622420 You may be completely right. I've never written a body-swap story before (or, actually, read one either). I will consider revising the story, but I honestly don't know how well that will work, as many people as have already read the story. Thanks!

Oh I can't wait for the next chapter. This should be gold, lol. RD is gonna take DT apart!!:rainbowdetermined2:

Really good start so far. This is some very funny stuff, and I eagerly look forward to more.

This might sound dorky but I actually clapped :derpytongue2: I can't wait to read this, the concept is great

Oh you brilliant sonofabitch.

This is marvelous!

~Skeeter The Lurker

Nice, if you got paid for this you would be rollin in the bits.
:rainbowlaugh:

"Empanada of Propriety" would make a great band name. Someone should do it. :coolphoto:

Also, I died at the Lemon Bloom part.

I know it might be confusing to write, but it makes a lot more sense to everyone reading and to everyone who's actually read a swap-fic before, it makes more sense not to refer to he body talking, but the persona/soul. for example, when you say

Yep, easy. I’ve got the hard part,” Sweetie said boastfully.

I think you are saying sweetie is saying that in rainbow dash's body. and if you need somepony to refer to Sweetie as 'Rainbow Dash,' add like a little line saying "Sweetie Belle thought for a second how weird it still was to adopt a new name" or something like that. Almost every other swapfic does it and it would be great to see you follow through
Loving the story though! As a suggestion, I would love to see how Sweetie Belle (in Rainbow Dash's body) deals with flying for the first time, or recieving a surprise letter from the wonderbolts being accepted in and being expected to go to a try-out. Could be awkward, like most swapfics are. But once again, graet story! Titles pretty nice, too. :pinkiehappy:

Oh, this is going to be a fun read! :pinkiehappy:

Well now this was quite an interesting introduction to the story. I have to say that I'm not going to take off points in my review once the entire story is finished since this is, as you said and it kind of shows obviously, that this is your first attempt at a story like this. Though do note that as the story continues I expect to see you improve.

It was good, but not the best thing I've read here. If you buckle down, work on it a bit, I believe this story has a lot of potential. A story about Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle swapping bodies. Potential is there. Just be careful because you have already made Twilight act out of character with her unexplained desire to prank both Rainbow Dash and Sweetie Belle; I do not recall one instance where Twilight has ever wanted to prank someone.

Also unless the pee joke becomes a recurring, and better, running gag or ties back into the story somehow then I'd suggest omitting it. Completely.
It didn't get a laugh from me and to be honest was both time wasting and painful to read through.

Following though, because I like to see stories through until the end! :rainbowdetermined2:

Hmm... Noice. I'll be favoriting, as i'm looking forward to future chapters. :moustache:
Also, have a thumbs up.

Hilarious and surprisingly cute :D!! I dont know why, but the image of Sweetie Belle in RD's body, looks adorable ^^

hehe oh this is going to be fun can't waite to read more pace for now and good work.

Aside from minor mistakes throughout, which I won't be overly critical on, considering your inexperience, :pinkiehappy: I believe that you should refer to the ponies IN the bodies, and not the bodies themselves.

Like, when Rarity addresses the body of her younger sister, she is fully aware that inside the little marshmallow body is Rainbow Dash's mind, and she, as well as all else involved, would call Rainbow and Sweetie by their own names.

Hilarious. I loved every moment. Keep going, good sir or madam!

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