There are ducks in Twilight Sparkle's basement, and she is sure that they are evil ducks.

Yes, this story is bad and I should feel bad.
But I don't.

Even the best of friends can have an argument and hold a grudge. And because they're the best of friends, that means that they can express those grudges in a way perfectly designed to bother one another.

In Ponyville, Equestria's capital of friendship and insanity, this is all the more true.

Title aside, almost completely unrelated to The Things Tavi Says.

Content/Trigger Warning: Unspeakable things done to an innocent cup of tea.

There weren’t always ponies, and then there were. Suddenly, they were everywhere. They were in the news, they were on the radio and the television, and they were even shopping at Meijer.

After a rather odd storm over the Everfree, Twilight and her friends are sent to look for a castle that apparently fell right out of the sky. But finding it will not be the problem; the challenge comes from dealing with the inhabitants. It might have been better if they had never gone looking in the first place...

Now in its native language thanks to System!

After her sister's banishment, Celestia realized it was her failure that led to her sister's fall, and she vowed to build a better nation that her sister would have wanted. Here, Nightmare Moon is neither myth nor legend; everyone is taught about what truly happened to Princess Luna, and that the two are one and the same. Through her millennia of atonement, Celestia upholds her sister's visions for a better Equestria, reviving her lost legacy.

Now, at the 1000th summer sun celebration, the town of Ponyville is ready. Eager to witness the historic event, everyone's there to show their love and appreciation as they welcome the Princess of the Night's return. Would Nightmare Moon still seek retribution and bring nighttime eternal? Or would she reunite with her long-lost sister, graciously returning to her throne? It doesn't matter to Celestia. She just wants to see her sister once again.

In a fit of pique, Twilight summons the Cutie Mark Inspector to Ponyville to conduct a cutie mark review of the townsfolk. When it transpires that every pony has been interpreting their cutie marks wrong, Ponyville is thrown into chaos. Has Twilight bitten off more than she can chew?

Autumn Blaze takes a human history class. The professor deserves a pay raise.

I thank the pre-readers, but won't implicate them by name.

Audio reading!

What are the chances your favorite pony was secretly a changeling all along?

Yeah, probably about one in one.

Do you know who really loves Hearts and Hooves Day? Cadance.
Do you know who really doesn’t? Everypony Cadance meets.
Do you think they have a choice when she’s around? Hell no.

(Cover art by Madacon, which inspired the entire thing)

OCCASIONALLY, WHEN RELAXING BETWEEN MONSTER TRUCK RALLIES AND ROCKET LAUNCHES, TWILIGHT "SCREW IT" SPARKLE RELAXES WITH A BOOK BY THE WARM FIRELIGHT OF OTHER LESSER BOOKS. LITERALLY, A BOOK, AS ONLY HER OWN AUTOBIOGRAPHY CAN SURVIVE THE SCRUTINY OF A GOD AMONG GODS-WHO-SUBSEQUENTLY-BECOME-MEWLING-WHELPS-BEFORE-HER-EYE-SEARING-GLORY.

THIS IS HER STORY.

AS IF YOU'D READ ANY OTHER.

(DUE TO A SURPRISINGLY APPROPRIATE WORDCLOUD, COVER ART NOW EXISTS. YOU MAY REJOICE.)