My addiction -_- · 2:22pm Nov 27th, 2012
My name is Ficta Scriptor and I am an addict.
There was a point where I couldn't understand why people with certain addictions couldn't live with things in moderation; they had to either gorge themselves or stop completely. I used to think that alcoholics should just 'not drink so much'. Someone else might have an addiction to chocolate, to which I would think, 'just eat less of it; it can't be that hard'. Well, it seems that I've had an addiction this whole time, but I never considered it.
I have a Tekken addiction. You might think that I'm exaggerating, but really, I'm not. I've owned every Tekken game ever, (except the one on GBA) and I used to play them constantly. My Tekken 6 save file is at well over 800 hours since I last looked a few months ago. I got Tekken Tag 2 when it was released and pretty much played it constantly for weeks on end. I would spend a lot of my time at work daydreaming and coming up with possible combos, tech traps and oki setups. I'd scoured through frame data and memorized an embarrassing amount of minute details... All in all, I knew that I was a fanatic, but I didn't quite come to terms with how addicted I'd become. I would stay up until stupid hours of the morning, even before work days, and end up oversleeping. I would get unreasonably stressed out if I made a stupid mistake and lost a match because of it. Yeah, I've even thrown a controller across the room at one point, something I had never, ever done before.
Over the course of about a year, I 'gave up' Tekken so that I'd stop wasting so much of my time. Each time I 'gave up' Tekken', (at one point keeping my copy in my locker at work so that I would have to force myself to go and get it) I would come back to it soon enough and be right back where I started. Anyway... up until yesterday I'd been clean for about 2 months, though that was partly because I had problems with my PS3. I had distractions in the form of moving house, posting my first fanfics, getting a Vita etc, though I'd visited forums nearly every day.
Yesterday, I did something stupid. I decided to just have a quick go on Tekken Tag 2, rationally telling myself that all I need to do is just play it in moderation and I won't have to deal with everything from before. I started playing at about 9pm and just decided to have a quick mess around in practice mode since I don't have wifi in my flat yet. So I'm playing... and then I look at the time. It's 2am. I tell myself I need to get off right now because I have work at 7am on Wednesday and I need to get my sleep pattern sorted. So what do I do? Like a puppet being manipulated I carry on playing, almost against my will until around 4.30am, having accomplished nothing other than practiced with a few characters.
So that's it. I'm giving the game away to a friend of mine and actually, REALLY giving up for good. And if he doesn't want it any more, I want him to sell it. Even this morning I found myself watching a youtube vid of Tekken. I have a problem. O______________O
Procrastination...
Only way to deal with it is face that "YES! I am afraid of doing %list of things you were delaying to do so long%..."
Unfortunately, it is like that.
The words "face your fear" and etc, etc. Yea, just like that.
And as I type this down I remind myself "Hey asshole, you say it right now and it looks easy, not could you please remind yourself how many years it took to win?".
Yea, it might be... Frustrating at first to start doing things you were delaying and failing at it.
But I will say the words that are so cliche that they probably don't even need to be said, but here they are "No matter what, keep going forward. Because path of a thousand miles starts with first step".
Just a note. First step usually looks like this "OW! I stepped on a NAIL!" second step is "Oh, hey... nothing happened" and third step "WHO put a broken glass here? OUCH!". So yea, be ready for such moments.
Personally I found delaying things... Makes feel good. Like "it is not a problem of me that is now, it is a problem that me that is tomorrow. Or even after-tomorrow". Procrastination is an enemy... Not a game, not book, not being with friends. You can procrastinate in many and many more ways unless you face it and say "I don't want to do that".
Now you gave me sad feels! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
So much time lost to procrastination... Really, it is possible to procrastinate just by standing in middle of room, zoning out. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png