Writing and the Roller Coaster · 3:58pm Sep 13th, 2019
This is a post I've been thinking about writing for a long time. I've mentioned or alluded to the subject when talking about writer reactions to criticism, about my own experiences putting out Sun and Hearth, and back when some other folks in fandom talked about fanfic reviews and negative criticism. I've also mentioned it to a few folks privately. It's kind of a sister post to Some People Are Not Writers (Yet) And That's Okay.
I feel like I need to forcefully make an oft overlooked distinction:
Writing is not the same as publishing.
I feel silly doing a whole blog post on this, because that sums it up. And I feel like all of my readers are going to go "Yes, bookplayer. Different words describe different things. We understand that aspect of language."
...and yet. I've found that most of the time, when someone says "I just don't like writing anymore," they go on to describe problems that come from publishing. And when the subject of negative criticism on published works comes up, there's often a voice chiming in with "you don't want to discourage people from writing, do you?"
I don't want to discourage people from writing! I want to discourage people from losing interest in writing! Because almost anyone can write, and there's a lot of good stuff you can learn from writing, and I am a huge fan of people finding fun and productive hobbies they enjoy.
But if writing is an amusement park, publishing your writing (even fanfiction) is the giant roller coaster in the center, one of those serious ones that makes your eyes go wide as you look up at it, with loops, and cars where your legs hang down. And as much fun as that can be, there should be a whole wall of warning signs to read before you decide to get on a ride like that, not to discourage people, but to make sure they're safe and having fun.
Now, "writing" is a fuzzy word, and obviously people use it to talk about all aspects of the writing process. But for the distinction I'm making, I'm talking about "writing" in terms of:
Thinking of something fun/interesting.
Writing down words that communicate that idea.
Changing those words to better communicate the idea (optional.)
Sharing this communication with a small, self-selected audience, whether for fun, analysis, or feedback (optional.)
This is writing as a creative activity. It's a wonderful way to learn to express yourself, to explore or organize ideas, and to produce something fun or interesting. Anyone who can read and control a writing implement can do it. And if there is any part of it they enjoy more than other uses of their time, they should do it!
(And if there are other things they enjoy more, they should do those.)
There is nothing at all wrong with doing this for fun or as a creative outlet, with no plans for anything more. Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein as part of a game with Percy Shelley, Lord Byron, and John Polidori (who wrote one of the first vampire novels in the same game. Byron decided not to finish his). Emily Dickinson only attempted to publish a few poems in her whole life, keeping the rest of them in a trunk. JD Salinger wrote and had published a handful of stories, including one of the most important books of the 20th Century, then decided not to publish anything else and (reportedly) filled filing cabinets writing.
Plenty of writers choose to keep parts of their writing private. They write sketches for friends, or private stories for their lovers (...porn.) They write stories that never really pan out, or that are way too on-the-nose for their tastes but they wanted to get it off their chest. They invent silly writing games or rambling, unending stories with friends, or settings or characters with no plot to speak of.
A lot of people dismiss this, or don't realize it or forget it. That's because by default the vast majority of the writing we see from other people comes in the form of the giant roller coaster in the middle of the writing amusement park, where people are lined up for hours and you occasionally hear the screams of terror and delight…
~P*U*B*L*I*S*H*I*N*G~
But giant roller coasters should be avoided by people with heart conditions, or people who are afraid of heights or get motion sickness, or people who just don't enjoy roller coasters. If you fall into some of these categories and you try to ride the roller coaster, it might harm you, or at least make the rest of the amusement park a lot less fun due to the anticipation before or queasiness afterwards.
For the distinction I'm making, "publishing" is when you take a piece of writing and make it available to the general public, whether on a website or in physical book form. This includes putting fanfiction on a fanfiction website. And there are absolutely people who should avoid it, even (or especially!) if they love to spend all their free time in the writing amusement park.
The public has three attributes writers tend to care about: they have money, they pay attention to things, and they praise stories they like. For a lot of writers, one or more of those is irresistible, and they just have to publish things.
But the public can also be judgemental, loud, demanding, unappreciative, and wrong. And there are many situations where no amount of money, attention, or nice words is worth putting up with that.
Some people are afraid of being judged or misunderstood, and fear of that possibility makes them dread writing. People who have self-esteem or mental health issues that make criticism damaging to their self-worth or personal safety should seriously consider their potential reaction before subjecting themselves to the public.
But that does not mean they shouldn't write.
Also, some people might feel like the public is fair, and the problem is that what they're writing, or their writing skills in general, aren't even up to their personal standards. They enjoy writing, but they can't stand by it in the face of criticism, or they're pretty sure they'll only be getting the downsides of attention.
Once again, that doesn't mean they shouldn't write.
And, finally, there are some people who like parts of writing (thinking of stories, or dialogue, or world building) but the public tends to demand that you actually write a whole entire story, and they don't have the time or energy or interest for that.
...and that doesn't mean they shouldn't write the parts they like writing.
You should write whatever you want, whenever you feel like writing, but you should only publish if you are prepared to deal with the public.
On the other hand, that means you don't have to publish! You can write without wasting a thought on if you are good enough, if your story is good enough, if people are smart enough to understand your story, if your story will ever be finished, or if it's even a story! You can write practice stories, wrangle one or two readers for feedback, and use that feedback to write a different story! You can write ambitious things that turn out godawful, or things that you'd never admit to writing, and nobody has to know!
You can have a blast on the other rides, eat yourself sick on caramel corn and deep fried twinkies, take goofy pictures, and never even worry about the roller coaster.
Now, if you do write, even not intending to publish, you may end up with a story, and you have a lot of options in terms of what to do with that story. Many of these options can also serve as goals in place of publishing, if you need that to finish a story. Some work better for people who are avoiding publishing for different reasons, so let's talk about them.
If you write a story you didn't plan on publishing, you can:
Read it whenever you want. This works best for people who can write up to their own standards and/or people who don't like writing complete stories (as someone who rarely finishes stories, this is my favorite.) But one of the fun things about not publishing is that you can write exactly what you want to read, no matter how silly or cheesy or unbelievable or dumb. Then you can read it. And if it isn't exactly what you want, you can change it until it is.
Share it with friends and loved ones. This one is kind of like a kiddie roller coaster compared to the giant publishing roller coaster. You can hand pick the audience, you can warn them with regards to what kinds of reactions would be bad for you, you can offer whatever information they might need or point out things they might have missed. They'll probably give you their attention and some praise. If you write certain types of stories and share it with a romantic partner there may be other benefits.
Now, there's a chance the person you share it with will say "you should publish this!" Only you can judge if they're right -- if they're unbiased, and if really understand what the roller coaster is like and your reasons for avoiding it.
Find or create a writer's circle to share it with. A smaller kind of roller coaster, without loops. Unless you find or start one that's totally for fun, a writer's circle will typically offer critique you would need if you wanted to publish. This is great if you're writing for practice, or as an experiment, or avoiding publishing because you judge yourself harshly. It does not mean that you have to publish the story (though you may want to make it clear up front if you know you don't intend to.)
The benefit is that it's still more controlled than publishing, in that you can find (or start) writer's circles with people who are more tactful, or smarter, or forgiving than the public. You can also give criticism the weight it deserves depending on the critic, or talk one on one about why people felt the way they did. But it still might be too rough for some people, and there's no shame in that. Know your limits.
(The Writeoff Association contests can be something like this, but as a competition they're another kind of thrill ride that can be even more dangerous for some folks. Once again, know your limits.)
Save it to publish later. Some of the reasons people don't want to publish are temporary: mental health issues can sometimes be reined in, writing can improve, fears can be conquered, or you might have more energy later for dealing with the public. Stories don't expire. You can stick it in a folder, or use one of the previous suggestions, and someday when you're ready it will be right there to dust off and polish up and get your ride on the roller coaster.
Publish it anonymously. This is like riding the roller coaster wearing a mask: you're still on the roller coaster, but at least if you throw up or cry like a baby people won't realize that was you. If your fear is centered around people finding out that you wrote that, or if anonymity makes your predicted failure seem less personal or lasting, it's an option. But do remember that this is still the line for the real roller coaster. (Also, keep in mind that FiMfic has rules about alternate accounts. Last I checked alts were allowed so long as they were for a specific purpose, like publishing stories you didn't want associated with your main account. But check the rules and run things by a mod if you aren't sure.)
Clean it up and publish it. Maybe the temptation is just too much. Maybe the story surpassed all of your expectations. Maybe, during the time you were writing, things in your life got better and, you're pretty sure you're in roller coaster shape now. Even if you wrote a story without worrying about publishing it, you can always change your mind. Just know what you're getting into: once you publish it, you're on that ride.
This is all important to me because if I'm not writing, it bothers me. When I can't write, for whatever reason, it eliminates one of my biggest sources of stress-relief, and makes me feel boring and unproductive. But I can not publish for years, especially if I have a friend or two to share my stories with, and there have been times in my life where it was exactly what I needed: writing is a great way to relax, publishing is exciting and scary and definitely not a good way to relax.
So, if you're thinking you need a break from writing, think seriously about if you need a break from writing (which is fine!) or whether you need a break from publishing (which is different and also fine!)
And whichever it is, good luck out there.
This is a blog that very much needed to be written (and published)!
5120564
First, so? Seems to me there's no shame in that, as long as it's not in public.
Second, there's a distinction between writing for another person to read, writing that you might someday invite someone else to read, and writing for (potentially) every living person with access to the internet. Which do you think is required to not be masturbatory?
5120564
Are you implying there's something wrong with masturbation?
A very informative and helpful blog that I'll probably recommend to some friends. It actually voiced a few things I hadn't really expressed or thought much about before, so thank you.
I see publishing as more like the "Tunnel of Love" filled with dismembered corpses and creepy clowns with knives, only the clowns are real and you end up as one of the dismembered corpses.
5120579
...And it somehow manages to inspire deeply mixed feelings about whether you would prefer to be dismembered or totally ignored.
A good blog post, I think; thank you. :)
5120634
You're just kinda being self-important here, and confusing disagreement with belligerence. And any ego deserves a good stroke once in a while.
5120634
...no, I'm actually curious. Obviously I disagree, but if one thought that writing for yourself is masturbatory, what would be the cut off?
I mean, every writer out there starts a story alone, not knowing if anyone will ever read it. (Edit: And every writer with any self-awareness, especially a professional, shelves stories that they don't think people will want to read.) And very, very rarely do people write something that they would never show anyone, no matter how much they trust them and how much they think that person would enjoy it.
Since you're someone who would make the accusation, where is the line in terms of number/likelihood of readers that makes writing not masturbatory?
I think it was on an old Writing Excuses podcast that the professional authors talked about this. I remember two strategies that they discussed for dealing with negative feedback:
1. Reading the one-star reviews on Amazon.com on classic stories like Pride and Prejudice. It can help put criticism in perspective. (That is: not all criticism is of equal worth or deserves to be treated with equal weight. Some feedback is incisive and edifying, while some looks like it was banged out by an aggrieved ten-year-old.)
I can add to this that I sometimes like to read contemporaneous negative reviews by professional critics of my favorite movies. Helps show that even the pros can get it wrong - or at least, it can help emphasize that art is subjective.
2. At least one of the authors doesn't read comments/feedback on his stories directly. He employs someone he trusts to curate his feedback and forward to him only those reader's remarks that are positive or edifying. Or at least, filter out all of the trash.
Anyway. Good blog. I always think of Emily Dickinson when I hear/see authors treating publishing as if it's just the final stage of the writing process. If you're not writing for a living, then I assume that you're writing for fun, which means that you should do what makes you happy. Even if that means just writing for yourself.
Definitely bookmarked, so I can come back to read these options again. I got into an unexamined habit over time of either assuming publication was mandatory, or assuming that anything unfinished and unpublished "didn't count", which as it mounted up just got more and more stressful. This was despite the fact I still had a lot of fun in the moment of writing, and it turned out to be too oppressive or destructive to start devaluing something I actually cared about.
Yeah, it's an important message to get out, regardless of your skill level; you should do it because you want to, because you enjoy doing it, because it gives you something positive in your life. That's for your benefit. And then you calibrate your actions according to your skills and confidence and interests in how far you want to take it, which is where you consider other people's benefit too. Not because you feel you have to.
Obviously, overconfidence and personal bias is a problem, but so's low confidence and beating yourself up, and neither should be allowed to stop you enjoying doing something as a hobby, say. That's your time to spend as you wish.
Especially when it comes to public judgement and scrutiny, it's important not to fall into the trap of perfectionism, because as valuable as it is to want to reach a good standard, and to reward people who'll take the time to read what you offer, it shouldn't run around destroying what made it fun in the first place, or obsessing over 100% satisfaction everywhere. Otherwise it's like saying the only reason to play a video game is to get the all-time high score. It isn't. You can do a lot more fantastic things when you play a game than fight furiously to be Number One "or else".
So, thank you for saying this. It was a blog post I needed to read.
5120640
Obviously not allowed to have opinions, especially dissenting ones, so I'm removing my comments and refraining from further participation in this discourse. Sorry.
See above.
5120585
Why choose?
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/69/I_Dismember_Mama.jpg
(The title is based on a MAD Magazine gag, BTW)
Oh deities above and blow this, this right here.
I love the first and the third so, so very much. I'm always thinking of story ideas, jotting them down on stay bits of paper (which does sometimes include napkins) and putting them in a big list or even starting the first chapter or two...but it rarely ever goes beyond just that. Sitting down to actually write a story just...doesn't happen for me as often as I'd like.
The world building often comes hand in hand with the ideas. How would the idea work? Why is the world like it is for this to be a (somewhat) logical progression of events to get to this state I want to tell? I love world building so very very much but...that world never gets seen because the story to tell in it doesn't come together.
It can be so frustrating at times, to have these ideas that I want to write about, these frameworks for things I'd love to read and just be unable to get the actual meat of the story down.
5120730
For me it's pages of dialogue and casts of characters. I'm awful about worldbuilding -- just recently I had to do some long overdue worldbuilding for a story and the only way I could hammer it out was by writing one character giving a college lecture to some other characters!
So I totally get how frustrating it is, especially if you want a finished story you can show people (or publish.) If that's your goal, you should totally push through the annoying parts. Just don't beat yourself up if you want to unwind by outlining plots you might never write, or creating settings on an infinite plane of realms you'll never write about. It's no sillier than having a model train garden or a fancy aquarium you work on, and it's a lot cheaper.
...and like those hobbies, if you have some friends who are interested or tolerant there's no harm in asking if they'd like to see what you have or hear about it. You may even be surprised by some of them finding it cool and facinating (as I did when a friend designed a setting through a series of often plotless minifics and descriptions, which he hesitantly shared with me.)
This was an A+ blog. There was so much good information here.
You write every time you press a key on your keyboard. Every sentence is a collection of writing. Every skyscraper is a collection of single bricks and individual steel beams. (Ok, the analogy breaks pretty good here, but you get the idea)
Many times people say they don't want to write any more when they really mean they don't mind producing bricks, but they're just having issues on how to stack them up into buildings. My opinion on that is "Fine. Build a few sidewalks. Perhaps a bench or two. Stack up two bricks and see how much you can push the top one before it falls. Smack your bricks around a bit to see how much stress they can take. Play with different kinds of clay, different heat, different sizes of bricks and different ways of sticking them together. Go look at somebody else's brickwork. I mean pick at it to see how they did things different."
Before you know it, you're at the top of another skyscraper, trying to figure out how to screw the top on.
Hey, it's literally me
Very interesting read. And I can definitely relate, as I've had troubles myself with a complex story that so far has been a bit much for my still developing writing skills. But, I've looked back at an idea I was working on several years ago, and compared it to the stuff I've done here, and I think that I'm getting better at this.
This post is super positive, supportive, and wonderful for anyone who loves to write. Love it.
P.S., N.B., L.S.M.F.T:
Wow. Anyone and everyone needs to read this!