Story Reviews » SA: Round 151! · 8:40pm Jun 9th, 2019
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"For the last time," Corejo said, throwing his hands up in the air. "The car pulled out in front of me, I swear!"
He and Chris (yes, THAT Chris) wandered through a used car dealership on a cloudy afternoon. They passed one of those wacky waving inflatable tube men things doing its wacky waviest between them and the nearby highway.
"It was parked," Chris said. He had his glasses off and was rubbing the bridge of his nose. "It had its hazards on!"
"That doesn't change the fact it jumped out in front of me!"
"Except it does," Chris mumbled under his breath.
He decided against saying that loud enough for Corejo to hear. He didn't need that argument. The migraine behind his eyes was already bad enough just knowing how badly they'd get chewed out once they got back to base.
The car salesman that had been showing them around, a portly, balding man whose button down looked one size too tight, stopped in front of an old, beat-up sedan. He slapped the roof of the car.
"This bad boy can fit so many Seattle's Angels in it," he said.
"We'll take it!" Corejo said.
"No, we won't," Chris cut in. He let out a loud sigh. "Can you please show us something in our price range? I told you we can't afford these, and we need to get back to base. We're already late enough as it is with our reviews."
The car salesman pointed a can-do finger at Chris and gave him a winning grin that only a used car salesman could give. "I know just the thing. Come on over this way."
ROUND 151
There is no such thing as a gut feeling, not really. If you suddenly start to feel afraid for no apparent reason, it's very unlikely to be anything serious. But it doesn't make it feel any better does it?
Twilight is up burning the midnight oil again, when suddenly every sense she has tells her that something is terribly wrong. There can't be anything really wrong though, not in reality.
Can there?
So as any writer will tell you, horror is hard to write, atmospheric horror much more so. One wrong move, and the whole story collapses on itself. Thankfully, The Seer got that memo and planned accordingly.
There’s no such thing as a gut feeling. Not really.
I love this assertion. I don’t necessarily agree with it—I do believe in gut feelings, cause that’s instinct talking—but I love that The Seer steps up to the plate, gives a home run swing, and delivers with a ball straight over the back fence and through the window of the neighbor nobody likes.
The entire story delivers on that one assertion. From the buildup to the climax, everything feeds into the impossibility of gut feelings and digs deep into Twilight’s mindset on the goings-on of the story, with all the rationalization you’d expect out of Purple Smart. It’s like reading a goddamn thesis on how to do scary right. That said, it got a bit long-winded in parts, but it wasn’t enough to pull me out of the moment.
The problem with being the second Angel to add your reviews to a post is that sometimes Corejo SOMEONE perfectly summarizes the appeal of the the fic in question, and you’re left with precious little to say except, “He’s right, you know.”
This is a story about how Twilight thinks, and how she confronts that which lies outside her worldview. We’ve seen this already in canon in one context—Feeling Pinkie Keen, anyone?—but here, the author transports that same style of thinking into a beautifully rendered horror story. Twilight’s characterization is entirely on point, and that gives us readers a chance to really empathize with her… and in so doing, to take in her terror.
And this is a terrifying story. The Seer wrings import out of the the smallest details and most inconsequential-sounding observations. The creak of a window, the sighing of the house as it settles, a rustle of wind. They’re all perfectly innocent… right up until they’re not. And the language takes a deep dive into Twilight’s psyche as it explores how all these tiny little nothings feed into a feeling that she can find no logical explanation for, even as those “nothings” become more and more frequent, and significant, and unignorable. The tension continues to ramp and ramp, which is a doubly impressive feat when the story starts out from such a place of tension to begin with. In all, this is the kind of tale that leaves your heart beating just a little faster than it was when you sat down to start reading, and that—if you’re very unlucky—you just might find yourself remembering when you try to go to sleep tonight.
But don’t worry. After all, there’s no such thing as a gut feeling.
STORY 2
Bra Quest!, by Coffeeminion
Sixteen-year-old Limestone Pie is chafing from a lack of good female support—in all senses of the term. But when a bra-hunt at the local mall reveals an otherworldly force that's hell-bent for leather (or cotton) about leaving her hanging, Limestone has no choice but to trust her mom for help—even though Cloudy Quartz wouldn't know a good bra if it hit her in the face.
You want to read a funny story? Good, cause we got one for you.
If it wasn't immediately obvious from the title, Bra Quest! is about Limestone Pie and her mother, Cloudy Quartz, heading off to the mall to get Limestone a new bra, and all the shenanigans you'd expect that to entail. This one’s bursting at the seams and spilling over with lacey-racey quips that sure got a giggle out of the five year old in me. The other Pie Sisters all have their moments in the spotlight, providing pitch-perfect one-liners, and Cloudy provides the foil Limestone needs to drive this story forward.
Thankfully this isn’t a one-off joke fic. There’s a bit more to be had that should appease those of you looking for more than just a giggle. Don’t dig too deep for it, though. This story definitely knows what it’s about, and it aims to keep its focus on that. Which, honestly, isn’t a bad thing at all.
Again, inappropriate bra humor is the name of the game here, so if that's your thing, then strap in, cause this one will have you hooked.
This story belongs to a category I would describe as “dumb humor.” I don’t mean that in a pejorative way at all; it’s not the story that’s dumb. But rather, the humor here is all predicated on the characters acting kinda, well, dumb. Responding totally inappropriately to fairly banal problems. Creating shenanigans. And making so. Many. Bra puns.
And it’s all perfectly hilarious!
One thing I really appreciated about this story was that it also managed to be surprisingly (surprisingly to me, at least) lacking in crudity. When you see that a story is mostly based on brassier humor, you might expect things to get sexual, or gross, or both. But here, the story remains essentially lighthearted and goofy throughout, never losing and pleasantly wacky tone. All in all, it’s good silly fun, from A to DD.
STORY 3
Never Dream, by Kamikakushi
Trust is important. Trust in our friends, trust in our community, but most of all trust in what we experience is actually true. When the line between what's real and what isn't blurs, Rainbow Dash asserts her autonomy against a sinister foe. Or perhaps it all is just a bad dream?
And here we have a bit of an eerie one for you. This story comes from the Twilight Zone Write-off prompt a little while back.
I gotta say, this story really fits that prompt. There's a strong sense that something's off all throughout, a sensation that Rainbow Dash finds herself questioning every moment.
What's dream and what isn't? That question pervades this story, and the twist is just subtle enough to keep you unsure if you guessed right until the end. It's interesting to see how it plays out in relation to the story actually going on here, and seeing how it's used against Rainbow Dash is rather fun to think about in hindsight.
If a little dose of fridge horror is something you're looking for to spice up your digital bookshelf, then pop this one open and enjoy.
I’ll be honest: when I began reading this story, little knowing what I was in for, the first two chapters of this didn't stick out to me. Oh, they're a well-executed example of "trapped in a dream," but there're a lot of stories with that premise out there. But the third and final chapter found a way to utilize that setup that I found really effective, preying on Dash's insecurities and attempting to turn her greatest strengths into weaknesses in a manner which suggests great attention to character. That final chapter tells us so much about who Dash is, and what makes her tick—all without ever explicitly spelling those things out!—which left me terribly impressed.
In the first two chapters, a pre-reformation Starlight Glimmer tries to overtly attack Dash's sense of self-worth in order to get her to accept "equality,” creating dream-situations which encourage Dash to buy into her whole ethos. But when she sees that doesn't work… well, then we get the third chapter, which invites us to ponder just what is a dream, and what was reality. Specifically, the way the events of the last chapter leverage Dash's strengths as displayed in the first two chapters against her—in effect, those first two chapters lay out the roadmap by which Dash can be convinced to accept that doing her best is a bad thing.
This is a story about trying to convince someone that success is failure. Is it convincing? Is it even real? One thing’s for sure: after you finish reading, you’ll be left with plenty to think about.
Before recorded history, there was the Age of Chaos, when Discord ruled the world.
And in this age, there were two sisters.
The elder, a unicorn, possessed unprecedented refined senses and magical might. The younger sister was a pegasus, with insight beyond her years and the strange gift of walking through shadow and dream.
One day, they would be alicorns. Ponies and other intelligent beings would debate over whether they were goddesses.
But first, before anything else, they were children.
This is their story.
A Celestia and Luna origin story? Sign me up.
Origin stories will always have a soft spot in my heart. I don't know why. Something about seeing other people's headcanon. And my God, is there some good headcanon going on here.
So this is the story of how Celestia and Luna grew up among the dangers of living in a world ruled by Discord. It's not a pretty place. That [dark] tag is there for a reason. But darkness is not without a light to counterbalance, and some sisterly bonding besides.
The dialogue is intriguing and unique, even in its patterned "Lunaspeak." It doesn't try and do ye olde wordings; it does them, and it does them well:
“Art sure I was not born of shadow?” she asked at last. “Sometimes, when I walk between them, I feel as if I could just be them if I wanted.” She reached out towards the darkness beneath some bushes. “Spread out, like small water in a bigger pool.” She sighed, looking away. “Perhaps it would be better. I could not feel such sadness, then.”
Granted there are a few missteps, but the turns of phrase used are what really sell this distinction, and I am more than impressed by this alone. Pair that with the wonderfully immersive dream bits Luna graces us with, and this story carves out its place as my favorite of the bunch.
It wouldn’t be a Chris round without some historical worldbuilding, now would it?
Here’s a series of vignettes that, between them, tell us about the Discordian world that Celestia and Luna grew up in. And as is fitting for a story set in that era, it’s a little bit of everything. Cute playtimes? Check. Sobering reflections? Check. Horrifying abominations? Check, check, and check. We swing from action to slice of life, from drama to comedy, and from tragedy to romance discussion of tiny butts, and yet… and yet, at no point does this feel like anything but a cohesive piece of storytelling. Because you need all of those things to tell us what life was like growing up for these two future princesses, and, by extension, who they were and are.
It doesn’t hurt that all the individual elements that go into this story show so much attention and care. From physical characterization (Discord, when he does appear, positively oozes a wonderful mad whimsy) to language (even beyond a very respectable effort put into the Olde Ponish, there’s the way particular words which the sisters use to speak of themselves and the world around them speak to a very deliberate linguistic awareness on the author’s part) to the author’s notes illuminating some of the thought that went into this story, there’s so much here to appreciate.
The market for Celestia and Luna sister-fics is a broad one, I’ve learned from my years in the fic corner of this fandom. Here’s a story that won’t just scratch that itch, but will give you so much more than you bargained for, all in a deceptively small package.
"I can't believe this is all we could afford," Chris said as they rolled off the lot in a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe, knees up to their chests.
"It's not my fault I have bad credit!" Corejo said. "You know how many Luna and Sunset plushies I'm still paying off."
"The plushie maker's business card is not credit."
"It's a credit to how great a plushie maker they are." Corejo ribbed him enthusiastically. "On the bright side, we can totally park this bad boy in the rumpus room with the one Squirrel has."
"Just shut up and help me pedal," Chris said.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Exiles was truly excellent.
Somewhere, a past C2 who poked and prodded Corejo into an all-Sunset round is cackling madly.
I'd kill for CoffeeMinion
Bra Quest was the story that really got me interested in CoffeeMinion's work, just because it was doing a lot with such a silly concept most writers would've either discarded or written far more simplistically. It was a tough balancing act, but I was all the more pleased by the final result.
Seeing Coyote get some love was great! He's really underrated.
Thanks very much for the lovely reviews! Glad I could spook ya