Paul's Thursday Reviews LXI · 1:05am Jan 20th, 2017
No review blog next week, folks! Fortunately, this is a scheduled skip due to next week being a 'break week,' not because I'm way behind or anything. Speaking of which, I'm currently setting a few things up that will start in four/five weeks to help me finally get ahead of my review schedule, as opposed to finishing the last reviews the day they are due (like I did today). It'll be a little while before that happens, but at least I'm getting the wheels in motion.
Not much to say today, folks. I'd rather get this stuff out and see if maybe I can get some work on Needs of the Few done today. I'm not crossing my fingers, though.
Onward!
Stories for This Week:
How Are We Still Single? by Jay-The-Brony
The Night is Passing by Cynewulf
Nightmare's Reign by NorrisThePony
The Devil's Trick by Soundslikeponies
Symphony of the Damned by Lord Benjamin Moorington and Chapter 13
Total Word Count: 704,038
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 2
None: 0
How Are We Still Single?
4,291 Words
By Jay-The-Brony
I can sum up all my thoughts for this story in two words: “That’s it?”
In this short… er… ‘story,’ it’s closing in on Valentine’s Day at CHS. The Rainbooms and the Sirens are hanging out in the cafeteria when a thought comes to mind: why is it nobody at the school ever asks them out? The only one not asking is Sonata, who it just so happens has a boyfriend. She and Pinkie decide to solve the riddle by having said boyfriend show up and explain to the girls precisely why he thinks they aren’t getting bombarded with flowers and chocolates.
Looking at the description and the cover art, I honestly expected it to be Sunset who would get to do the explaining. After all, she’s the only one in the show to have had a boyfriend in canon, so I thought it stood to reason. I don’t mind that this ‘Randy’ character was used instead, but I would liked to have had a better idea of who this guys is. OC? Background character? Seriously, no way to know. He’s not even given a description to help out.
Anyway, there’s not much to this story. Guy shows up, gives a few reasons the girls are single, guy leaves. That’s it. What makes this particularly disappointing is that the concept just begs for a comedic flare, and instead the entire story is told in a straight-laced, reasonable, calm fashion. Even when the girls hear the supposed reasons, there’s nothing to their reactions. Everything is, at worst, pristine.
Which is a problem, because it means there’s no draw. There was so much that could have been done with this idea, and instead it just sort of… is. About the only reason you’d read this story is a curiosity as to what Randy will say, but what he says (and the reaction to what he says) is hardly interesting. Are they good points? Sure. Are they expected? Not necessarily. Does the author do anything with it? Nope.
Sorry, Jay, but I honestly don’t see any reason for this story to exist as it is.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
The Night is Passing
525,509 Words
By Cynewulf
Completed Story
And when the worst possible thing finally comes to pass, you may just look back and say “That wasn't so bad.”
This is one of those stories that intimidates by the sheer, seemingly pointless size of it. Reading this at the same time as Fallout: Equestria – Project Horizons may have been a mistake, because the two combined made scheduling review blogs a nightmare. But, at long last, I am done and ready to move on.
In this story, Celestia decided to leave on sabbatical, taking her first vacation in centuries and giving Luna an opportunity to flex her leadership muscles. She was meant to be gone for only a few months. But then months turned to years, and when the sun no longer rises Equestria comes under the grim certainty that Celestia is not coming back. The country is falling into anarchy with Luna unable to stop the tide; the madness that is ensnaring all races is not natural. Sensing something darker pulling the strings behind this slow apocalypse, the Mane 6 finally decide to take action. So Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy travel North in hopes of contacting and receiving food and military aid from the Crystal Empire, while Twilight, Pinkie and Applejack journey West in search of Celestia.
There are certain expectations when one has for a story of this size. At 500,00 words, an author had better hit all the important things: worldbuilding, adventure, action, drama, romance, tragedy and everything in between. To their credit, Cynewulf pulls this off. History and culture will be shared. Ponies live, love, laugh, cry and die. Villains bring the heroes to their knees. Demons taunt the virtuous and goddesses grant their boons. There are soldiers, heroes and martyrs, kirmishes and battles and sieges.
This is, in short, an epic story on a grand scale, and I love it for that. The ambition realized here is a testament to the author and something that I think most can only dream of pursuing. Often emotional, rarely underdone, I found little to disapprove of in terms of concept.
Ah, but there are always stumbles, and this one has a few. I think the most disappointing element of the story was Fluttershy. Don’t get me wrong, she was well written and played her role in the story well. What gets to me is that the story opens with not Twilight, not Rarity, not Applejack or Luna, but Fluttershy being the one to start the journey to the Crystal Empire. With the way this was painted, I expected to see Fluttershy take on a large role, perhaps even a leadership position, in this half of the story. Instead she is relegated to the sidelines near-instantly. In fact, out of all the characters in this story, Fluttershy is one of those who gets the least stage time. By about halfway through the story she practically doesn’t exist anymore save for some passing mentions.
Is that a crime? I think it should be.
That being said, I was very happy with the presence of the other characters, especially Rarity and Rainbow, who got by far some of the most interesting scenes given that they did the most actual leading.
But then, that’s something of the issue: certain characters are given brief moments of prominence only to be brushed aside as if they were never important to begin with. Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle (who really impressed me in this story) are the main sufferers for this, although the young heir of House Rowan-Oak is another sad example. It also hit hard at the very end when Applejack, Pinkie and Tradewinds simply disappear from the story, having no more use.
In Cynewulf’s defense, the characters the story does focus on have wonderful growth and development, or were simply nice to have around. Applejack was a favorite due to her continuous stability, but Spike in particular shined in this story. I know, some of you shake your heads at the idea, but seriously, this is a Spike worthy of praise. He takes up almost a full third of this story by himself, and what an interesting third it is. This is, without a doubt, the most heroic and interesting I’ve ever seen him.
In a way, character development si one of the big highlights of this story. Twilight and Rarity are the major topics here, but most characters got at least a little something to show for their efforts. I can even say I was proud of a few of them.
And yet, for all this story’s ups and downs, there’s one thing in particular that bugged me from beginning to end: with every chapter, I kept feeling as if the author was getting high on their own prose. The style of writing felt halfway like a tribute to stories of a forgotten age, reminding me at times of such stories as The Turn of the Screw or The Hobbit or other stories written in that general time frame. It can be, at times, evocative. But other times it felt pedantic, verbose or, at worst, haughty. Sometimes it tried to wax philosophy that reads like an annoying old schoolmarm making things up in the hopes of sounding wise beyond years.
And all of this is made worse by the constant use of famous phrases as if they were meant to be fascinating or insightful, and usually feeling like the opposite. Even the story’s title suffers from this, but there are far more instances (“Do not go quietly into that good night!”). What’s that favorite line? Ah, yes: “The immature artist imitates. The mature artist steals.” I'll let you decide for yourself which one is happening here. Cynewulf’s regular attempts to be profound using other people’s profundities never impressed me. If anything, it brought about a groan and an eye roll. Way to kill the mood in Luna’s glorious eulogy.
When I say this, I speak to all writers out there: if you want to be profound, do it in your own way. If you’re going to borrow someone else’s work, do it subtly, in a way that lets those in the know smile and say “I see what you did there,” not with flashy speeches or lengthy philosophizing that says “yeah, I’m profound ‘cause I’m using this quote.”
So yeah, sometimes the prose worked amazingly well. At other times, it was agonizingly annoying.
Another thing of note, and this time in an entirely positive light, is the activity of the story. Fight scenes, frantic chases, tense sneaking through deadly ruins; anytime something interesting needed to happen, Cynewulf did a nice job infecting me with an interest. The author struck a nice balance between detail and summary (when not going into philosophical/descriptive tangents), and many of these scenes were appropriately evocative. The big battles in Canterlot and the Crystal Empire were especially solid, the kind of thing that you don't want to look away from.
And then? Worldbuilding. Cynewulf did a great job here too, showing us just enough to make clear that Equus is huge. We've got massive, ancient cities, vast oceans, grand mountains, and even a visit to the literal end of the world. Alicorn history is touched upon (and a few new alicorns thrown in to complete that deal), along with creation theory and magic concepts. Cynewulf spared no expense in this department. If you're the kind of person who likes to explore alternative concepts of Equestria's background, you'll be in for a treat.
In total, this was still a nice ride. A little slow to start, but once the journey begins it’s hard to stop. I enjoyed the story; the fun parts, the sad parts, the actiony parts and the tragic parts. It gives you just about everything you could want in an epic adventure, and I am thoroughly pleased. If you can get over the incredibly long length and the occasionally overdone philosophizing, it’ll be worth your while.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Nightmare's Reign
97,469 Words
By NorrisThePony
Requested by Ice Star
Dusk Falls this is not.
Nightmare Moon chose to wield the Elements of Harmony (somehow), and in so doing killed Princess Celestia. Now Luna, terrified of her own actions, makes the daunting choice to to enter the world of the dead and try bringing her sister back. But with Nightmare ever present and Discord on the loose, the act isn’t going to be half as easy as she’d hoped.
If I had to choose one word to describe this story, it would be confusing. Honestly, I have no idea how anyone who read this story chapter-by-chapter as it came out managed to keep up with events. There’s an initial plan, but that plan won’t work so here’s another one, but Nightmare Moon has a third one, and wait the second plan isn’t working so let’s start a fourth plan no nevermind I’ve got a better one and wait the first plan might work after all and Nightmare Moon’s had two different plans abandoned in the meantime but now her second plan’s on again and oh my Goddess I’ve gone crosseyed. I was reading a couple chapters a day, and every time I came back I found myself a little lost. I strongly recommend trying to read this one all in one go.
Ignoring that issue, what we have here is a very interesting and unusual story. At first, I couldn’t tell if this was going to be a retelling of the Royal Sister’s past or the start of an alternate universe. Eventually it came to be the latter, and for that I am pleased. Luna and Nightmare do a great many things, from traversing Tartarus itself to trying to end Discord’s rule over an Equestria with Eternal Night. The constant twists and turns of the story’s direction leave you with little room to look or think about anything else, and the situation is ever desperate.
Painting the path of all of this is the ongoing development of the relationship between Nightmare Moon and Luna. Are they friends? Enemies? Temporary allies? Their relationship is dynamic and drives everything, making it one of the more interesting interactions I’ve read in a long while. Couple this with Chrysalis's journey to save her race and overcoming her animosity, and you have a story with some fascinating implications.
Match that with the constant stream of visuals; forests of spiders, a night-bound Equestria struggling to survive, a Crystal Empire buried in snow, and the ever present threat of chaos blotting out the scenery. Exploring Norris’s world is worth the investment.
There are a lot of oddities that stretch the imagination, though. For example, when Nightmare Moon and Celestia have a conversation that, frankly, I couldn’t make any sense out of regarding the behavior of them both. Or the conclusion early on that eternal night is guaranteed to doom Equestria, only for it to be decided “oh, nevermind, it’s not that bad after all.” Or the declaration of a Twilight Sparkle who is tyrannical and vicious only to turn around and go “oh, no she’s not” without explanation.
To be honest, I blame the peculiarities mostly on the extensive amount of time (a year-and-a-half) that it took to write this story. I suspect that even the writer lost track of a few things. That or there are background explanations we will never see.
The Celestia/Nightmare conversation still mystifies me, though.
I also didn’t care for the bonus chapter. We got a nice, pleasant, worthwhile ending, and then we get thrown a chapter to make all that happiness go away. I get that it’s supposed to be a missing/deleted scene, but after all the triumph and struggle and pain, when we’re finally allowed to see some peace and tranquility… it gets slapped down by this. Way to kill the mood, Norris. It seems almost to disrespect the warm conclusion that Luna so rightfully deserved. I would have suggested planting it in the place it would have been in the story rather than at the end.
There are parts of this story I loved. There are other parts that left me confused or annoyed. I was regularly lost by the constantly changing focus. While it isn’t bad in the overall, I also don’t consider it brilliancy. Still, it’s definitely a worthwhile look at things that could have been, and its scope and creativity give it an extra edge. That edge isn’t quite enough to jump it a bookshelf rating, but it’s still an edge.
Bookshelf: Worth It
The Devil's Trick
3,318 Words
By Soundslikeponies
The Elements of Harmony are mostly useless except when dealing with draconeqii. That’s it, story over.
But seriously: in The Devil’s Trick, Twilight decides to find out exactly how Chrysalis infiltrated Canterlot with such ease. With this in mind, and ignoring the blatant disinterest of Celestia and Luna, she begins pursuing the notes of a missing guard who appeared to be investigating this matter for himself.
If I had to sum up the entire story in one line, it would be: not buying it. There are holes all over this theory, starting with the nebulous effectiveness of the Elements of Harmony and continuing with the question of just how powerful the real villain is. This is one of those stories that appears to exist largely for the purpose of proposing a concept, but it’s not a concept I can get behind as shown. Maybe if a few more things were clarified, but as is? Nope.
Having put that behind me, I will note that this is one of the better stories of this type that I’ve read. It takes time to build up the reveal and hints at serious, potentially fatal repercussions. Soundslikeponies could have put a bit more work into the atmosphere of the story (the dark tag doesn’t feel warranted as it is), but I’m not too bothered. At least this wasn’t another one of those “here’s an idea, I’m done” stories. Well, it is in a way, but the delivery was much more solid than the usual.
A worthwhile try, if an unconvincing one.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Symphony of the Damned
73,451 Words
By Lord Benjamin Moorington and Chapter 13
Completed Story
Would it be fair to call Vinyl and Octavia the preeminent pairing of the fandom? I don’t believe their is a single duo more firmly entrenched in the minds of bronies everywhere. I don’t mean in terms of shipping, but in general. I can’t imagine that any duo that is more firmly established in the headcanons of more viewers.
Anyway, Symphony of the Damned tells the story of how Vinyl Scratch – an out-of-luck DJ in a dead-end job she hates, struggling to raise her little brother alone – decides to visit an old theater on a dare. There she meets the ghost of Octavia Melody, a pony murdered eight decades ago on the night of her royal debut. Once the initial ‘ghosts are real!” shock wears off, the two begin exploring the mystery of Octavia’s past to find out why she’s still around.
The first thing I’ll note is that I like the overall concept of this one. It’s a little bit different for the pairing, and that piqued my interest right away. I also enjoyed the characterization of both mares. In Vinyls case, we don’t get the wild animal often depicted in stories, although we find she used to be that way; instead we get a mature, devoted and determined young mare always trying to do the good thing. There’s just enough brashness to keep her recognizable, but all in all I like the direction the author took her character on the whole. Octavia struck me as a bit more traditional to her character, but this worked well considering her views and mannerisms come from a bygone era. Watching them interact was fun and endeared them both to me in short order, especially whenever Vinyl tries to introduce her spectral friend to modern conveniences.
And yet, there were a large number of things that struck me as odd, iffy or downright wrong.
Let’s start with the racism. In this rendition of Equestria, racism, especially against earth ponies, ran rampant until right after Octavia’s death (and the timing isn’t a coincidence). This is something that I can’t buy, even after hearing Celestia’s explanation behind it. Equestria was founded on friendship and harmony, which by definition preempts racism. Taking a look at everything the story gives us, we’re expected to believe that a very real disdain and hatred existed between earth ponies and unicorns for the last 900 years. If that’s the case, I only have one question:
Where are the wendigos?
Being unable to believe in this entire background premise ruins the story for me, especially when taking into account that much of the story runs on it.
There’s also the lack of plot preparation. Stories should have an ebb and flow; a beginning, a middle, and an end. Introduction, rising action, climax. This story lacks that, and blatantly so. We have Vinyl meet Octavia, they spend some time visiting in the old theater for a while, and I figure at some point there’s going to be a big, hard subject that needs to be addressed as the properohwaitnostory’sover. There’s no rising action, no climax. We’re just moving along at one pace and then there’s an ending. And, as a direct result, said ending didn’t feel so much emotional as it did… awkward.
That’s not the last of the plot issues, but let’s just move on to the writing. First off, there’s the use of real-world names. It’s one thing to try and create Equestrian equivalents of things we have daily, it’s another entirely to not even try. Ponies watching Netflix, Forrest Gump, anime; if it should have been ponified or renamed, Moorington and Chapter 13 blatantly refused to do so. It destroyed immersion and, worse, suggested a distinct laziness on the writers' part.
And then there’s the writing itself. Simply put, these two badly need a proofreader. Missing words, repeated words, improper comma placement, mixed tenses, needless exposition and LUS run rampant. They are regular, they are annoying, and they do this story no favors. If quality of writing is a big deal to you, keep clear.
All in all, Symphony is a story that had lots of potential, but fizzled out after the fuse was lit. I definitely enjoyed the characters and their behavior, and I would have liked to have seen their relationship build. I don’t like that it descended into shipping territory – which felt like something created due to a sense of fandom obligation rather than any advantage for the story – but the overall relationship between Octavia and Vinyl was endearing to watch. Alas, there are just too many issues, and I feel more ‘meh’ towards the end result than anything.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews LII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews LV
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVIII
Paul's Fashionably Late Reviews
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews LX
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That actually mostly sums up all of Jay-The-Brony's stuff
4388721
Yeah, everyone knows of Lyra and Bonny, but I haven't seen half as many stories or artist renderings of that pairing as I have OctaScratch. From what I've seen, it doesn't even come close.
4388743
Agreed. It felt fishy from beginning to end.
1. Ive read every Chapter of Symphony of the Damned and enjoyed it, and plan on re-reading it soon.
2. You do know that The Devil's Trick was giving a full cast audio reading by ObabScribbler right? >:)
I love the concept behind it, it even fueled my own take on it in a story that i am working on. I might have another story for you to review when I finally get done with it. ttyl Paul :)
4388752
4388757 *blinks*. I thought it was the opposite. Vinyl and Octavia tend to be the feature as leads in a LOT of stories whilst Bon Bon and Lyra are present in stories, but in the background or as supporting cast.
Then again, I'm a Vinyl and Octavia shipper...
Also... Yeahhhhh you're going to run into issues like that in Jay the Brony's Equestria-verse... reason I avoid them. It's not that they're... bad. If anything I admire the dedication he puts into his work to make so many one shots and to ensure they're all interconnected and move forward with a united story... but the writing... for me anyway, it doesn't stir up attachment and... the one shots are so short they don't stand out against he multitude of Equestria Girls Fics that I can name off the top of my head like "A Long Road to Friendship" or "Fractured Sunlight".
.... and yeah i'm running through you reviews again. It's interesting to see your opinion on books i've read. I admit, I am curious too as to when you'll review ECQ&tAE because that seems like it's going to be a while, but while I see it on your schedule... I don't know exactly how it's supposed to be organized and so when you're adding it in.