Judgement's Comment Section or: You Cheeky Buggers · 10:35am Jul 24th, 2012
It is very late at night and this is just me ranting to myself in run-along sentences for no particular reason other than to entertain myself. Don't take a word of this to heart. It's honestly very vulgar.
Best read in a bastardised cockney sort of accent.
I was reading some fics - clop, specifically, not because I have any sexuality, you understand, but because clop tends to have that peculiar sort of writing that has that particular feeling of genuine earnestness about it when the author isn't obviously masturbating while writing it, the poor, miserable, lonely bastard - and I had the strange urge to reach into my pants and pull out my favourite little toy - my phone - and re-read the comments section of Judgement on it, because God knows that the feedback on most popular story I've written can't possibly be bad inspiration now can it even though it reminds me of how, exactly as I found myself worrying back when it became popular, it will be unlikely for me to ever reach the same heights of glory because I'm a goddamned creative wreck?
Holy shit.
Out of three-hundred-seventy-one bloody comments, three are actually insightful and really helpful.
I counted them, you cheeky buggers.
I counted them.
In between the clit-nibbling praise - which I admit I enjoy wholeheartedly and truly appreciate people for giving - and the image macros - which I must agree make me squeal in absolute delight - and the talk of repression - which makes me sometimes cringe a bit, goddamnit man you can't make someone gay unless it's for Natalie Portman - and so on and so forth, there is something that I will never for the life of me ever truly understand:
In what possible universe does Christianity have to do with abandonment issues?
Christ, what's all this bullshit? An image macro about religious logic? I'm not even Christian and I'm even more offended than a Christian would be because this is reminiscent of some r/atheism circlejerk violating the dessicated corpse of a beaten horse with their ten-foot wall-covering draconequus marshmallow candy schriftlanjiaoen.
But all of this pales in comparison to what is either the best or the worst feedback I've ever received.
That Gabriel bastard, whose comment I still quote to amuse friends and family. I reproduce his beautiful Haigspeech here for your consumption.
>I'm... not entirely certain what to think of this. Happiness is "selling out" now? Perhaps I misunderstand as I am unfamiliar with your oeuvre. I may be misconstruing your intention. You may be the iconoclastic type that does the opposite of the mainstream for shock value and/or uniqueness. I have read cogent arguments that being so anticonformist may, in fact, be objectively worse than being a conformist.
>For myself, I can say: Life sucks. Ponies don't have to. Which is why I wonder at the likes of Fallout: Equestria, Cupcakes and now this. You've literally created the interpersonal apocalypse. But I should have seen it from the start. Biblical references in Pony stories tend to get... uncomfortable.
-
>So then, it comes to this.
>Social conservatism in the pony world.
>There are no words to express how must I hate this. Mostly because it's intentional trolling, from an anti-conformist. But, that seems to work. Maybe I'll destroy a precious and beloved ship. It gets featured.
Oh bloody fucking Christ nailed to the cross on Good Friday. As much as I'd like to hate this, it really is beautiful to make fun of. I have quoted from it several times, and it is a wonderful success at parties.
And what really fucking nails me to the wall, and what really motivated me to write this post, and the reason why I mention that I was looking at clop earlier on, because this is how I discovered this - what really nails me to the rusted wall is the fact that apparently a story where Silver Spoon is fucked by a dog is preferable to this because she confesses her love for Diamond Tiara in the process.
I'm not shitting you. I am not on the course of being in the general direction of shitting you. My transverse velocity relative to the concept of 'shitting you' is a thousand metres per milisecond; my radial velocity is at a steady negative three million six hundred thousand kilometres per hour. I am struck, honestly, by the sheer beauty of it, the sort of mindset that requires this. Is it a question of emotion triumphing over physicality? Is my œuvre of such power that it can, as if by an occult hand, reach into and rip the soul of romance from one's mind?
Am I the Kira of dreams, FIMfiction my Death Note?
Or is this just some gobshite whose ludicrous, pompous speeches I can't bloody stand but can't help but listen to because in their stupidity they're so bloody brilliant?
I swear that Sturgeon's Law has been arsefucking me; this is what's come out.
And I really can't tell if it's semen or santorum.
As an addendum:
The real irony is that I have such a fondness for the LyraBon pairing you wouldn't believe. The last time a newb asked me "what's the best ship", I said LyraBon because so what if it can't fit a good passive shield tank like the Drake can? It can fit in your heart. Oh, where can you purchase it? At Jita ε>-<3.
It is, in fact, the only canon pairing.
Oh, you ask, what about Cadance and Shining Armor?
I didn't even like that fanfic.
If LyraBon is canon, how come they never so much as kissed on-screen?
245840
They're lovely and chaste and beatific and pure and for the love of god do you have a jokesense or were you seriously going to strike up a debate about canon lesbian pone with me?
(Seriously though canon is whatever sells the most toys so I could theoretically care less but it would require too much effort to make myself care less and I have unfortunately not developed laser cooling technology for the soul because that would require :effort:)
I honestly think Judgement was a really fresh and interesting take on a relationship that has been done a bajillion times by every single pony fanfic writer ever. Even the ones who haven't touched on it at all. And, really, that's what matters in the end.
Some people call me misanthropic for my Conversion Bureau stories. I deny it, but then I read the inane, insane, and hard-on-the-brain comments regarding stories - all stories, stories like yours, for example, and...
...I guess they are convincing me.
245862
I wasn't serious. And, if I was a real troll, you just fell into my trap.
Anyways, I was just saying, the canon card is all relative in MLP. Just look at the chart that said everything in the Cutie Mark Crusader Chronicles was a lie. Plus, the whole Winter Wrap-Up for hundreds of years in Ponyville doesn't match up with Granny Smith's story of the founding of Ponyville.
245822
I ship Ms Sparkle / Mr Sparkle
246168 psssshhhh they're frigid and you know it.