oh fuck I'm 17 · 3:13am Jan 28th, 2014
It's a particularly reassuring feeling that it's felt like a year since I've last written in this register and yet I've only managed to keep myself almost entirely away from pony for just two months.
(My life and views have, of course, changed in various ways that I'll no doubt find absolutely, hilariously irrelevant and awful in turn within about a month.)
I guess I should give everyone some life-changing anecdotes, so here's some fine words from my mother, taken from a delightful seminar; picture a room full of young Bangladeshi men sitting in front of a tiny woman with bright red cheeks and an almost mock-American accent.
To sell this product, you first have to find a MAN.
Someone with Money, Authority, and Needs.
If he doesn't have a single one of these, he's not a MAN.
And once the MAN is hot for the prospect, what do you do?
Do you have a nice chat with him? Do you go out for some hot coffee and tea?
No. You sleep with him.
[Gasps all around.]
And you keep on sleeping with him. And every time you sleep with him it should be like the first time.
How do you make it like the first time? You have to give him a BLOWJOB!
[Long pause.]
You have to blow him away every time.
Any questions?
And some people say selling software is boring.
help me i can't handle adulthood
You're mother sounds like a wonderfully scary person.
Ah yes, I remember that talk when I was growing up. I dread the day my kids will have to have it, but that's just how life goes.
Certainly an appropriate metaphor for the "hard" sell.
There's gotta be a name for your love for languages and grammar. Something that ends with "-philia".
That speech is great, and blowjobs are best seelling means.
I love your blogs, they're always very fun.
Do you have an up-to-date manuscript available to read?
1769235
https://docs.google.com/a/trioptimum.com/document/d/1UrasBxiMQKSIfLmpsSeDE7jMzatp4k3rdauLz8V043E/edit
Same link as always.
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Is it a work in progress or is it complete?
1771516
Massively in progress. It's probably half or 3/4ths finished.
1772016
I'll wait until it's finished. Because reading an unfinished novel is like having sex with half a woman: uncomfortable.