Cerulean's Voice On The Matter #15 (Special Event: Week of Derpy reviews!) · 2:12am Mar 29th, 2015

Seven days have elapsed. Seven stories have been released. Some did fairly well, others not so much. But it finally happened, after over a year of ~~procrastinating~~ planning and refinement.

Seven one-shots about Derpy. Mostly Comedy, mostly Slice of Life, lots of laughs... and then a full-on 180° pivot to close the series off. Check it out.

NightWolf289 presents: The Week of Derpy Hooves.

Story: A Rather Average Day

Synopsis:

Derpy gets into some crack and has a gay old time.

Length: 1,463 words (one-shot)

Status: Complete

Review: What. The fuck. This started all nice and sweet, a little fluff between Ditzy and Dinky, before devolving into one of the trippiest hallucination-fests I’ve ever read here so far. It’s a random comedy, obviously won’t appeal to everyone especially with the drug reference, but… I mean, look at this!

Then Ditzy was in a place. The animals in the place yelled at her and told her to talk to the pony. So she tried, but the pony was so quiet that Ditzy had to pry her mouth open and scoop the words out with her tongue. It was hard, and it took a long time. Then the pony’s face caught on fire, and she fell over.
So Ditzy wiped her mouth with a white rabbit and left through the window.

If this is the sort of zany, cracky 1.5k word fic you need for a chuckle after a crappy day, here’s a good one for you. Otherwise, skip it.

Story: "You Mess With Derpy, You Mess With All Of Us."

Synopsis:

After Tirek's attempted villainy, he has once again been banished into the depths of Tartarus. This is only the beginning of his punishment.

Length: 2,118 words (one-shot)

Status: Complete

Review: This is basically a short .gif animation in fic form; you can get the gist of the story by the linked inspiration source. That said, if you can get through the first few hundred words where everypony is basically fulfilling the gif while acting blatantly out of character, it has a couple of surprises. It meanders a bit though, and there’s a certain paragraph in there that just feels so out of left field it’s not funny. I feel this lost any real entertainment value that it had a little over the halfway mark (the scene I just mentioned). The weakest entry in this event so far. I feel like this was a true case of “because I felt like it” writing.

Story: "I'm a Rapper Now. Rappers Are Cool."

Synopsis:

An atypical day for the crew of the TARDIS. Which, come to think of it, must be a really strange day indeed. Then again, the Doctor was never a rapper before, either.

Length: 3,292 words (one-shot)

Status: Complete

Review: Never was a huge fan of Doctor Who. I liked the few episodes that I have watched, but I never sat down to properly check out any of the series. Luckily, that doesn’t really matter, because I found this to be quite amusing. Despite being a proper Doctor Who crossover, it’s fairly well self-contained, with everything you need to know explained well enough (descriptions of enemies, for example). I feel it captured the essence of the show (Doctor Who), to be honest. I could see this actually happening in an episode—just put Clara and the 11th Doctor in place of Time Turner and Derpy, and it works surprisingly well. You might start to feel like it’s too ridiculous about halfway through, but stick around—the twist will make it all worth it. Got a little wordy at times, if there is a flaw to be found; there are lots of sentences that could have been half the length and said the same thing. Still, I can see how you might not want to read this if you aren’t a fan of the Time Turner / Doctor Hooves x Derpy / Assistant type of story.

Story: Ditzy the Drunken Seductress

Synopsis:

Ditzy is only lacking one thing in her life—aside from good balance, eternal wealth, princess-hood, etc. But since she can't do anything about the other items on the list, she is going to set her goals on something much more achievable.
She is going to get a coltfriend.

Length: 5,384 words (one-shot)

Status: Complete

Review: The opening paragraph almost lost me right off the bat, to be honest. Overly described sun, much? Oh, this poor mare can’t catch a break, can she? What a disastrous morning. I kinda just felt sorry for her if anything. I did like how being out of water didn’t stop her from having a shower (why haven’t I seen that utilised before?). Yeah, okay, this is ridiculous too, but it’s the walking-disaster-area kind of ridiculous that makes you want to see just how silly things get. First time I’ve ever actually seen the “angel-and-devil-on-the-shoulder” schtick in a ponyfic before, too. I wonder why the show hasn’t done it yet? Oh, right. Religion. Whoops. Still funny, though. Things got weird(er) when Raindrops started hissing. Like, really hissing. Like a cat. Oh, and apparently pony fight clubs are a thing, complete with honour systems. Seriously, this whole fic is just overblown, but goodness was it fun. Even if reading about drunk idiots isn’t your kind of comedy, the true value of the story is all in Big Mac’s extremely strong characterisation; he takes everything Derpy throws at him (including herself) like a champ, and gains +5 respect points for his patient, gentlemanly portrayal. Ditzy set up the pins in this story, but Big Mac strikes them all down. Quite a fun read.

Story: The Reign of Princess Biceps the Bulky

Synopsis:

Bulk Biceps is crowned princess for a day. Things go about as well as can be expected.
I mean, what could go wrong? Princess Luna and Princess Celestia will keep him in check, so there's only so much he can do, right?
. . . Right?

Length: 7,418 words (one-shot)

Status: Complete

Review: Oh, God, consider me sold from the line about “a pink swimming pool of straight to your thighs.” The insanity goes all out here. Well, if the title didn’t tip you off at all, this is another lolfest. It’s dumb. It’s insane. I can’t even begin to describe just how much WAT is contained within. All I know is that this was a hard fic to read, simply because of how often I felt compelled to stop and share the insanity with others. I should not have needed three whole hours to finish 7k words, but that’s what happens when you mix Skype and friends with reading, I guess. The laughs flow freely, even if the understanding doesn’t. Prepare to WAT your way through this whole thing. Of course, people who don’t find laugh-a-minute random comedies particularly funny may want to skip, but at least give it a go to see if it latches on, because the story does smarten its act up and get serious about 2/3s through. An interesting way to close off the story, but I think it was effective. Good moral.

Story: Beep Boop, I Will Destroy You

Synopsis:

A day in the life of a young Derpy. She wakes up, has breakfast, and ventures onward into the wonderful adventure of life. Who knows what mischief she'll get herself into?

Length: 12,821 words (one-shot)

Status: Complete

Review: I am now convinced that NightWolf is actively attempting to kill me. If the cover art doesn’t give you an aortic aneurism, the story’s contents sure will. If any of you are familiar with one of his older works, I’m a Cat!, then you should expect roughly the same thing except from Derpy’s perspective… and better written, since he seems to have refined his craft. I’m giving props to the way the story repeatedly uses the word “butt” in a straight and simultaneously silly way. It’s not all about the cute, though; even from the first few paragraphs, there’s some underlying subtext that suggests this foal’s dream life is anything but ideal. We are dealing with a privileged, loved, yet tragic child that suppresses the ache in her heart by stretching the bounds of her imagination. Quite honestly, I’m glad at the departure from the trend of outright insanity this week so far. It’s nice to actually sit down and read a fluffy piece, but this is not simply a cute fic for the sake of being cute. I’m seeing the same struggles with character voice that plagued I’m a Cat!, but I think Derpy is a little older than three here, and it does read slightly more realistically. This went some really weird places, but I’m glad it did more than just be cute. There’s some really interesting stuff to do with Vinyl that I didn’t expect. Points for how she was portrayed, and the role she played in “helping” Derpy. Beep Boop is so much more than what it seems, and I do advise a read.

Story: Cold Without a Sun: Hard to Shine Bright

Synopsis:

Nightmare Moon won; Celestia is gone. The world is dying. The ponies are dying. Without a sun, hope is fading. In the dark, who can shine? But if they're lucky, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. There has to be.

Length: 11,207 words (one-shot)

Status: Complete

Review: The final day of this week-long event. After six comedy stories ranging from drug abuse to prisoner rehabilitation, Doctor Hooves and drunken shenanigans, an enthusiastic princess and a little filly who just wants some love… We hit the real deal. NightWolf is serious now. Gloves are off, people; this is a Sad/Dark/Tragedy, and it will give you room for pause. If you do venture forth, you will find no comfort. This is a story about the end of hope. The atmosphere is icy and chilling, the characters all know it, and Derpy herself endures such ridiculous punishment in the goal of making others’ lives better than hers. It’s cold, it’s brutal, it’s unapologetic. I’m sad that this wasn’t eligible for the More Most Dangerous Game Contest. because I’m sure it would have placed very highly if submitted under the Fallout: Equestria prompt. This is not a story I want to go into detail with, because it should just be read and experienced. Take those depressing tags and roll with it, or walk away. But if you do proceed, you will find drama, violence, sex, blood, and a feeling of despair… with the smallest slivers of hope. A powerful, morbid way to end the otherwise comedy-saturated Week of Derpy.

My personal favourites (in order of preference from best to worst):

• Cold Without a Sun: Hard to Shine Bright
• Beep Boop, I Will Destroy You
• Ditzy the Drunken Seductress
• "I'm a Rapper Now. Rappers Are Cool."
• The Reign of Princess Biceps the Bulky
• A Rather Average Day
• "You Mess With Derpy, You Mess With All of Us."

Anyone who knows me will probably not be surprised by this. I love reading about characters making the best of terrible circumstances. The post-apocalyptic style setting has always appealed to me over comedies. I love it when characters are pushed to their limits.

Phew. Week of Derpy is over. That went faster than I thought it would. I hope you can all find at least one story in there to amuse you. Thanks to NightWolf289 for putting these out. About time, buddy.

Adren