Time For Some Reviews! · 11:39pm Jan 22nd, 2015
I am going to try and write reviews fairly regularly for a while, because I like to review things and I'd like to see how you people react to my reviewing of said things. Consider this a test run, and you're opportunity to tell me if I'm doing this right. Today we have four stories on the chopping block, so let's hop to it! Warning: spoilers ahead.
A Rose for Luna is a romance clocking in at a mere 2,900 words. In it we learn that Roseluck has been infatuated with Princess Luna ever since her arrival on Nightmare Night in the episode Luna Eclipsed four years ago. Ever since, Roseluck has been desperate for an opportunity to court the princess, but longs to find the perfect way to demonstrate her affection. She decides to cultivate a new type of rose, the Midnight's Beauty (which, it should be noted, is the same rose that forms the cover art), and is determined to grow one of just the perfect coloration and form to impress her precious princess. Now, at last, Roseluck succeeds, and thus goes to Canterlot's Night Court hoping to present the Midnight's Beauty to Luna as it reaches its peak radiance.
This is when we get to the real meat of this story: the waiting. We see rose's continuous anxiety and fretting over the perfect timing and method of her introduction, all while having to listen to the inane, petty issues of those waiting in line with her. This was, to me, the best part of the entire story. It becomes so easy to empathize with Rose at this moment when anything could go wrong and all she can do is sit there in line and pray. She put herself through the ringer and – having been in a very similar situation once myself – I must say it was written in a way that felt very real to me.
Then, just before she gets to see Luna, n emergency arises and the Night Court is adjourned for two days. Rose is appropriately crushed, for by that time her perfect Midnight's Beauty will be but a shadow of it former glory. She comes to believe that all her work over the past four years have been for naught and is so depressed she cannot even bring herself to leave the hall outside the throne room.
But, as you might be anticipating, this is one of those kinds of romances. You know, the ones where everything happens to play out just right? And so it goes that Luna, while leaving the throne room, spots the numbed Roseluck and queries her. As it turns out, Rose has dreamed about Luna a lot, thus the Princess of the Night of course knows all about her crush. She accepts the Midnight's Beauty and even invites Roseluck to visit her the next evening for a date, leaving Rose so shocked with relief that she faints then and there.
The ending was about the only part in the entire story that felt questionable to me. There is a very short moment where the perspective switches from Rose to Luna, and it's less than 100 words long. As a general rule I don't care for such tiny POV switches, and it felt like there could have been so much more to the ending than what we got.
Final Say: All in all, A Rose for Luna is a story less about romance and more about that the traumatic experience of trying to ask somepony out. Even so, if you like romance stories just for the sake of it, this is a good one to read. The writing is solid, but nothing particularly eye-catching, and the concept behind the story is as old as the art of storytelling, so no points for originality, but it's still a nice feel-good tale for those of us with romantic inclinations.
I was made aware of this story by a friend after my story The Gentle Nights: Audience of One made its debut, because apparently the LunaTavia pairing is so rare that it had to be pointed out to me. I can say this much: I don't mind one bit. I was eager to see how someone else conceived the relationship of these two ponies, and All The Stars in the Sky doesn't disappoint. In the story, we gradually come to learn that upon Nightmare Moon's defeat, a chunk of the moon was broken off and crash-landed in Canterlot. There was enough of Luna's magic embedded in this rock that it managed to gain sentience. Over time it learned how to reform itself into a pony's shape and changed it's appearance, thereby becoming Octavia. Now, 1,000 years later, Octavia and Luna are drawn together into a quiet and uncomfortable romance.
All the Stars in the Sky is evocative, creative and bittersweet. As we gradually learn of just what Octavia is, how she came to be and why she and Luna are so drawn to one another, we also begin to feel for her depressing and worsening situation. The concept behind Octavia's existence is handled particularly well, with anecdotes on how she perceives things differently from others and why she behaves in certain ways through her millennium of experiences in Canterlot. There were a couple questionable moments, but they aren't significant enough to take away from the overall immersion of Octavia's and Luna's romance. The regular interactions between Celestia and Luna were just the icing on the cake.
Final Say: I loved this story. It was original, the world building was solid, the characters were readily identifiable from scene to scene, the emotions were strong. While I would recommend this to romantics, it's an all-around good tale that ends on a bittersweet note worth paying attention to. This one's going into my Favorites folder where it belongs.
Do you like Cadance? I've got nothing against her myself, but apparently the Princess of Love needs more of it. Essenza di Amore got to jump to the top of my RiL due to being written by my friend and occasional editor Cerulean, who frequently asked my opinions on certain topics during its creation and sought my help in coming up with the names of the characters within the story. Excuse me while I take this opportunity to raise my eyebrow at the lack of credits in that particular realm of the story's development. *does so in overly dramatic fashion*
Now that that's out of the way, on to the story! Essenza di Amore is an attempt by Cerulean to retell the story of Cadance's ascension to royalty, following along with Twilight Sparkle and the Crystal Heart Spell fairly closely (or so I've heard from others, having not read the comic myself). In this version of events, Cadance's parents were killed by a dragon and Cadance, as a newborn pegasus foal, is adopted. She grows up in the town of Zahara, a secluded village inhabited entirely by Earth Ponies. She is given the new name Kaviyayu.
When Kaviyayu turns twelve, the village is found by the sorceress Eva, who is welcomed and befriended by the locales. Eva, an albino, watches as Kaviyayu's family finally tells her the truth of her origins and adoption. This marks the first moment that caught me off guard about this story: Kaviyayu's reaction is to explode at her family and flee the town. It felt extremely OOC to me compared to everything we've been made to know about her and I continue to think it was a poor overall decision for the story. That said, it's a minor bump in the road and a useful plot device to start the real conflict of the story, so I don't look too deeply into it.
Eva follows Kaviyayu into the woods and convinces her to come home. Upon getting there, however, Kavi's family promptly disowns her in response to her reaction. Kavi, distraught and heartbroken, once again flees the village only to spend the night in an abandoned shack with Eva. When she wakes up later, however, Kavi finds herself trapped within Eva's Crystal Pendant, a remnant of the Crystal Empire that stores and feeds on love. Eva reveals herself to be Prismia and that she has been feeding on the overwhelming love the village has for Kaviyayu; in so doing, she managed to capture all of the village inside her crystal pendant.
Kaviyayu counters this by bringing forth the love of her family and village, overwhelming the crystal pendant and breaking Eva's spell. Eva, now an older, broken mare reflects on her defeat and decides to change her ways, having never realized that the love she craved could be given instead of taken.
It is at this time that Chrysalis shows up. Apparently she'd been living inside the crystal pendant for generations feeding on the love it gathered, but managed to escape when Kaviyayu overwhelmed the pendant with love. Chrysalis promptly moves to attack Zahara, (somehow) rapidly creating a small army of changelings. Eva and Kaviyayu arrive in time to see the village under changeling control, but together manage to send defeat Chrysalis.
If there's anything that failed in this story, it is the ultimate defeat of Chrysalis. It is written essentially as a near-comical throwback to a Canterlot Wedding and its Pokémon in-joke, and I found it at once disappointing, insulting to the threat proposed and a little rushed. However, I can't blame the author entirely for this, as apparently some among his plethora of editors decided his original, more action-oriented version of events was inappropriate to the overall feel of the story. Taking time to read the cast-aside chapter (which Cerulean included as a bonus chapter), the complaint does have some merit. I can forgive Cerulean for succumbing to the crunch of a self-imposed deadline, but this scene still hurt my view of the story significantly, because the rest of the story shows that he is more than capable of turning that final battle into something truly powerful. Alas, the things that could have been...
Okay, so the changelings are defeated. Now we have Cadance have her alicornication, in which she basically is called to Elysium by Celestia just like Twilight was in Magical Mystery Cure. Celestia and Cadance together discover that Cadance is descended from a line of monarchs from the Crystal Empire and, therefor, is destined to rule the Empire when it returns from its 1,000 year curse. We then get a lengthy history lesson in how the Crystal Empire was formed.
I took issue with the writing of this massive flashback, as it was meant to be told in the fashion of Celestia orating the story while images floated before her and Cadance depicting the vents. Simply put, the way Celestia tells the story doesn't jive with her physical position. It's like she's standing before a mute TV dictating the events of the show and going through the process of detailing the scenes, the clothing on the characters and the weather, which is entirely pointless because the images on the TV should be doing all of that for her. For me, it completely killed the immersion, but it appears that I am heavily in the minority in this regard.
Anyway, with cadance having learned a life-lesson of love from her little adventure and Celestia's story, she grows a horn and is officially a princess. She promptly moves to Canterlot in what I'm sure was meant to be a highly emotional moment (sorry, Cerulean, no tears from me) and becomes a princess-in-training. The story closes with a scene where Cadance just finishes telling a filly Twilight her origins and reflecting upon all that she's learned.
Final Say: Essenza di Amore is an ambitious and all-around good story. It gains bonus points for taking a tale already known and making it feel fresh and new, a true achievement. It also gain kudos for taking the generally unappreciated Princess Cadance and making her into an interesting individual worth rooting for. Although Cerulean's writing style is a bit too 'conformed' for my tastes (as expected from someone who goes far out of his way to appeal to the EqD and TRG gods), it's not at all enough to take away from the overall experience. Well, except for when he goes through the blatantly unnecessary trouble of counting coughs (really, Cerulean?). Unfortunately, the flaws of the story are strong enough to keep me from placing this among my favorites, but it's still a solid overall story that I would highly recommend.
The longest entry in the list and easily the best, Upheaval: Breaking Point is a grand and complex adventure AU tale that focuses on far more than just Twilight. In this story, we learn that the Equestria we know is but a single part of a much larger land. Celestia chose to rule Equestria with her siblings — one of whom is the alicorn OC Terrato. My immediate reaction to the phrase alicorn Oc is to roll my eyes and get ready for the Gary Stu-ness. I am happy to say that's not what happened at all.
According to this tale, Celestia, Terrato and Luna decided to live in Equestria against their godlike parents' wishes. However, Equestria was immediately set upon by its warmongering neighbors. Celestia feared that war would transform her beloved ponies into heartless fiends, and so formed a plan to seal away the heart of Equestria. This region, known as the Heartland, was surrounded by a powerful magical barrier that those inside where blissfully unaware of, and Celestia and Luna would rule that land in peace, prosperity and harmony. The rest of Equestria, known as the Barrier Lands, is ruled by Terrato, who has pledged himself to protecting the ignorant, happy Heartland from all outside threats. This arrangement has lasted for thousands of years, with Terrato becoming a master general ever-loyal to his elder sister's decree, even though he has been slowly alienated by Celestia due to her distaste for his ability to wage war.
All of this gets thrown for a loop when Twilight inadvertently breaches the barrier, setting in motion a chaotic chain of events right when Equestria's enemies, the Wolven and their ice-king Fenrir, launch an invasion.
I can sum up this entire story with two themes:
1) The time for sunshine and rainbows is over, and
2) Celestia is preposterously incompetent.
Now, some of you who know me will say that #2 is just my usually disdain for Celestia's style of rule. You'd be wrong. Visiden Visidane's depiction of Celestia's is so harshly incompetent that it exceeds even my expectations, turning her into a true failure as both a leader and as a sibling. Hammering that point home is that everyone in the story is aware of it: Luna, Terrato and legions of ponies in the Barrier Lands. Even Twilight Sparkle, who starts off the story with the view that Celestia can do no wrong, openly opposes Celestia's decisions (though she never loses her loyalty to the princess). The situation throughout the story steadily grows worse and worse as Celestia makes one terrible decision after another, to such a degree that even her own mother makes an appearance to inform us that she's on the verge of falling from grace permanently. It is truly staggering how terrible a ruler Celestia is in this story.
On the flip side, we have Terrato, who is absolutely devoted to impressing Celestia and earning her affections, to such a degree that he outright refuses to challenge her inane decisions even as he knows they could mean the doom of Equestria. This is truly curious, as Terrato proves himself to be a very common-sense, powerful and capable leader, albeit a very harsh one. Terrato stands out as an extremely well fleshed-out character who is always interesting to watch, whether he's planning for how to fight the Wolven or making fun of his siblings with his ever-present sense of humor. He comes out as one of the more complex characters I've read in a fanfiction. In Terrato, Visiden Visidane shows us how to to work OC royalty the right way.
In the end, however, it is Luna who truly shines in this tale. Seeing the rift between her elder siblings and the coming calamity Equestria faces as a result, she spends the entire story struggling to convinces both Celestia and Terrato to see reason. Luna establishes herself as a strong, wise and capable pony who, unfortunately, is unable to exercise her prodigious mind to any task due to having no power to speak of. She is constantly relegated to the sidelines and brushed aside by her siblings, but even so she manages to make all the difference before the end. Simple fact: if either of them had listened to Luna from the very beginning, none of the terrible events that have occurred by the end of the story would have come to fruition.
And then we have the Mane 6 and Spike, the lot of which are thrown on the front lines of the war. Here we get to the #1 point of the story, which is our famed heroes being forced to deal with the harsh realities of bloody battle. There's no pies thrown in these fights or happy singalongs; these battles are full of blood, gore, death and sacrifice. Each of them are forced to come to terms with this harsh reality, and it gradually and believably begins to change all of them. Even those not directly participating in the conflict – Spike, Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy – are faced with the brutality of their new world. Gradually, the understanding arises that the harmony among the heroes is ebbing; war is changing who they are and distancing them from one another. This is wonderfully done throughout the story and I applaud it happily.
All that being said, Upheaval isn't perfect. The author made at least two glaring mistakes (three for some people) in the form of certain odd character decisions and stylistic choices. The writing is mostly good, but suffers every now and then from the occasional odd word choice, repeated phrase or weird dialogue. There's also the issue of Nightmare Moon (or Nightmare Pyre, as I've taken to calling her in this story), who makes herself known early on but then seems to only appear very now and then as an afterthought. Her introduction is nice and effective, and she even engages in a serious brawl at the end of the story, but for the most part she appears to be there simply for the sake of having her, which is frustrating. And let's not forget the pony she now possesses, who all but threw away her humanity (equinity?) on a whim. That was a very disappointing moment.
Final Say: Upheaval: Breaking Point is ambitious, powerful and well-crafted. This is one of the few cases where I regret my policy of only reading stories during my work breaks, because once I was into the story I didn't want to stop reading. The characters are all intriguing, the ever-growing world-building is delightful, the villains are more than just bottles of condensed, pointless evil and there's a constant question of morality. The conclusion is startling but welcome and, best of all, leaves none of the issues of the story resolved, all but forcing you to look into the sequel (which is now in my RiL). There are one or two glaring stumbles, but all in all this is a story that I heartily recommend as a stellar example of character development. Read it. Now.
...
What are you doing? I said read it!
That's it, the show's over. I won't be reviewing anything for a while now, because I'm currently in the first 5th of Background Pony and expect it to take at least three weeks to get through the whole thing.
Update Schedule
The Gentle Nights: Audience of One: January 24 or 25
Frequency: Monday, January 26
Reddux the Tyrant: January 31 or February 1
Stats
Total Word Count: 1,084,000 (+13,000) over 24 stories
Follower Rank: 468th (+1)
Overall Ratings Average: 94.57% (+0.08%)
Highest-Rated Story (Not Counting Stories at 100%): The Gentle Nights @ 99.04% (+0.01%, 8 Weeks)
Story with the Most Votes: Tyrant @ 1853/49 (8 Weeks)
Story with the Fewest Votes: Peach Fuzz @ 20/1
Longest Story: Trixie vs. Equestria @ 144,000
In Upheaval, it is less that Celestia is incompetent, but more that she's dedicated to a horribly naive ideal and continues to make decisions based on what she wants, rather than what she needs to do. So, I guess it depends on your working definition of incompetent. Actually, it's kind of a theme through at least the first two books. That ponies will let their strong beliefs override their more logical decision making process. Both Celestia and Terrato have gotten so deep into their beliefs and roles that they have a hard time adjusting when the world changes. Luna, not having the millennia to build those habits, is the one that runs around trying to smack sense into everypony. Princess Celestia does realize how horrible she's been handling things in the second one, and gets one really awesome badass moment.
Good luck with Background Pony. I'm still struggling against it myself.
2740613
Yes, this defines a certain kind of incompetence for me. Basing leadership decisions on emotion is almost always going to go poorly unless it's backed up by evidence that it will actually lead to the good ending desired, which is almost never the case. Every decision Celestia made was based upon emotion, and that makes her incompetent in my eyes. I don't see how her actions can be defined in any other way.
That said, I readily acknowledge that Terrato made plenty of obviously terrible decisions on the same basis.
Also, I picked up on (and even mentioned on in the story's comments section) why Luna was so much more capable than her siblings. I only didn't mention such background material here because the blog was running on the long side and I was ready to call it quits. Heck, I didn't even bother to do my usual 'go back and proofread' step as I was so ready to move on.
2740623
Fallout Equestria is also on my RiL, though it'll be a long while before I finally get to it.
I tried twice, but could never get into Upheaval. :/ Something about the world they go to just rubbed me the wrong way and I wrote it off as silly.
Oh hey, Paul's doing reviews now. I wonder what—
And I was going to credit you for your help when I write up the acknowledgements for the story. I'm waiting for more artwork and a song to be ready first though, so I have a tonne more content to include with them.
*sees Essenza di Amore*
...
Huh. Cool!
Thanks for the review, man.
Now you understand how long it takes to type up these highly detailed and analytic pieces.
And yes, everyone ever needs to read Breaking Point.
Adding A Rose for Luna to my RL.
2740737
I distinguish between can't do something incompetence and won't do something. Celestia in this story is the latter.
Oh, and you might enjoy The Immortal Game if you haven't read it already. It's very much in the same genre as Upheaval.
2740791
Grr, I'm jealous. I've been trying to get physical copies for a while now. All in the timing.
2740762
I don't know how you could possibly consider the world of Upheaval 'silly.' 'Brutal,' 'violent,' and 'real' come to mind, but not silly.
2740791
Meh, the length doesn't scare me. What bugs me is there's so much hype around it, which usually leads to me being sorely disappointed. There's always an exception, though.
2740821
But of course! Right now I intend to review pretty much whatever I've finished reading in a given week... which probably won't be anything for the next two or three as I plunge through Background Pony. Speaking of which, what do you have against compelling, creative and evocative writing styles? I love the way Background Pony is written... except when he turns the dialogue into the same style as the narrative. That gets frustrating at times because nobody actually talks like that in the real world, but the narrative voice is excellent on its own.
2740930
Except 'won't do something' is significantly worse than 'can't do something,' as it indicates a better solution is known to exist and has been ignored because of – again, by my interpretation – incompetence.
It just so happens that The Immortal Game was recently added to my RiL, so I shall be getting to it eventually. thanks for the recommendation, though.
2740938
Yeah, that's true enough. Mostly just quibbling on the use of the word incompetence. It's not what I use for that specific context. Anyway, be sure to get to book 2 of Upheaval soon. More of the alicorn family starts showing up and things get even more catastrophic.
BP was amazing and you will feel amazing. :V
Man, it took me like, an hour to convey this point to him >.> It was, really, my only gripe with the story. Added Faves, but wouldn't rank above 8.4
Some-a them names were quite intricate, and mussed with my reading. Like HaviJihad or whatever it was :V Creative, but damn-all to pronouncing it >.>
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I have not played the games at all, and likely never will simply due to a lack of time. We shall see if I can appreciate a crossover without knowledge of the original material.
2740957
Oh, it's going to be a long time before I hit Book II. I have something like 170 stories in my RiL ahead of it, and I always read the stories in the order they were added (requests form friends excepted, of course). I have to get through both Background Pony and Fallout Equestria before I even get close. But I don't mind, I'm sure it will be worth the wait.
2740991
He specifically requested Hindi names. Since I already a few resources in the form of naming etymology sites and translators, he asked me for help picking names that actually had some meaning behind them, rather than just being a mishmash of syllables. For some people it improves the immersion, for others it's just a pain.
2740931
At this point, I don't remember. I just know that I couldn't get more than two chapters in either time.
What was it you said a few days ago, how you were going to be "Too Busy" to do reviews? Hrm?
I won't be reading A Rose for Luna; I rarely read short fics anymore. They just don't grab me like the longer ones tend to. I remember all the stars in the sky though (was I the one who recommended it?); I didn't really care for it all that much. While it was original--which is rare among ship-fics--I felt that there wasn't really enough of a connection between the two characters and the reader, instead relying on the "character crutch" of a reader's preconceived notions about the characters to generate empathy without actually developing them. It just kind of fell flat for me.
I won't be reading Essenza di Amore either. I have little interest in Cadence in a character.
Now Upheaval . . . this one I find interesting. I'm not so close-minded in my affection for Princess Celestia that I wouldn't be willing to read the story, quite the opposite. I'll get to it in do time.
As for these reviews . . . this could be fun. I always enjoy seeing other authors takes on stories. Go for it, I say.
I agree with you on Breaking Point; a great story, with some minor issues.
The sequel is also rather good and I'm fairly sure you will enjoy it but, in my opinion at least, it has one huge, glaring flaw: Let's just say that Mary Sue will rear her ugly head. It doesn't take away from the story too much (Reckoning is still on my favorites list, regardless), but it does irritate me quite a bit.
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I find it interesting that you talk about the 'character crutch' when All the Stars in the Sky is about two characters with minimal face time in the show and one that has to date only one line. More importantly, the depiction of Octavia in that story actually doesn't fit much of the fannon of her, so I fail to see how the character crutch concept applies to her. There was plenty of character development, it's just that all that development happened in the past; i.e. Octavia had already been 'developed' and we were just hearing anecdotes about how she got to be where she was. That's not a bad way to handle things, although I understand it doesn't appeal to those who insist on being there for it firsthand.
Pardon me while I scowl at you. This is easily the single worst reason not to read a story. I know exactly how Cerulean must feel for reading this, because it's just like when people refuse to read my beloved Lightning's Bolt on the sole basis that it stars Lightning Dust.
I tried reading Essenza di Amore, but there was something about it that put me off. I'm not quite sure what it was, but I had to put it on the top shelf for the time being.
Upheaval, though? Freaking. Amazing. I started it last week and now I'm halfway through the second book. A few of the things (the occasional odd character design, odd grammar) do rear their little heads but it's not nearly enough to be bothersome.
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Lightning's Bolt easily shot LD up to my top ten favorite characters, I can't comprehend why readers would skip over it on that fact alone.
A Rose for Luna was a sweet little thing. I liked it.
Apparently, All the Stars in the Sky is already in my RL, so I'll get to it someday. (Not necessarily soon. I have over two thousand stories in that thing.)
And I'll add Upheaval. I always enjoy a well thought out AU, so I'll probaby get to it quickly.
Looking forward to the new updates!
Edit: Upheaval already was in my RL, so I added it again to make it go to the top.