Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every other Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"
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It was supposed to be just a regular day for Applejack... until a peach farmer comes to town and challenges her to a rodeo competition. She doesn't know who this pony is, but he's out to beat her in whatever way he can. What did she do to tick him off? Does he really think he can beat Ponyville's best? There's only one way to find out.
Cover credit: atryl
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That was quite the read.
Fuzz is a bit of a dick, yeah?
Nice job, man.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2952982
P.S.
This is his entry for the contest.
2952997
!!!
Ok, noted!
~Skeeter The Lurker
2952982 I think the operative phrase is "was a dick". Maybe someday I'll write another story featuring him. Maaaaaybe.
Glad you approve!
I thought it was great from beginning to end. It could be an episode.
2953425
I am SO glad to see you write that... because it's exactly what I was going for.
I'm with Spike on this one. That is one hell of a pick up line.
2953859
Except poor Fuzz was too starstruck to use it correctly!
If you will forgive the pun, this fic was just PEACHY.
Also anyone who dislikes this story is an AJ hater.
Words to describe this: In character, episodic, funny, interesting, and many more different (and mostly positive) words that I would say if I wasn't up so late and didn't have work in the morning. Night...
2955436
Glad you enjoyed it!
I guess I can forgive the pun.
2956349
I was trying to give it the feel of an episode, so I'm glad you mentioned that. I sorta wanted to do a letter to the princess, but the contest limit was 10k words and I figured I was close enough as it was. If inspiration ever hits I might do a Family Reunion sequel, but that might not be for a while (if ever). Great that you enjoyed it, though!
Time to give my official review, I suppose. (MINOR TEXT WALL IMMINENT, TL;DR at the bottom.)
I'm sure you've heard everything praise-worthy already...
Although I am reluctant to say it... for as much as I hate the show, I concur. The only things standing out to me (besides your abhorrent disregard for correct punctuation in favor of what you feel is right
) were your OOC moments and the whole 'Pinkie Pie speaking to the readers' bit. I'll address them respectively, but before I do that there's also something else I need to point out.
Peach Fuzz:
Why does he take so long to accept the Apple family? It's not as if the Apple's are criminals or anything, yet he holds a grudge like they killed and tortured his parents and raped his sister while he was forced to watch. Over what? He's crying because he lost a real-life game of monopoly! This was business as usual. You have a business, you have competition. If you can't compete, you don't belong in that business. Doesn't matter if you were there first, you have to do something to protect your assets, such is life.
OOC or out-out-character instances. Applejack and Apple Bloom were not quite right. They were a little too oblivious to the situation, socially. Peach Fuzz is at his stand giving them death glares and they just smile and wave.
Facehoof. Facehoof everywhere.
Here's the big one. Pinkie Pie talking to and about the readers;
There's something every serious story needs to do. Get the reader out of the fucking story. Pinkie Pie is not a valid excuse to break this rule. I would have immediately disqualified you for this if it was up to me.
You managed to pump out a good fic despite the Pinkie Pie thing. That earns you some respect for having such a huge negative and still making a good story. 2/3 votes means you won this contest.
TL;DR
OOC Apple family, your grammar sickens me, Peach Fuzz is a bitch, and get the reader out of the story. You won. Congratulations.
assets.amuniversal.com/22fb3950807d01302581001dd8b71c47?width=900
3022840
I had no idea this was going to get an in-depth review. Can't complain, though, I like to get in-depth analysis.
I get that, really; his response seemed extreme even to me, but if I made him get over it quick I wouldn't have had much of a story. I know from experience that there are people out there who would definitely react like he did... but it's still a solid point.
I guess this one's my fault for skipping most of the activity at the marketplace, but you totally read that wrong. AJ was not ignorant to the vehemence thrown her way, and neither was Apple Bloom. AJ was just trying to keep her temper in check and avoid getting into a fight.
On the one hand I have no idea how you got to thinking of them as being ignorant to his anger, especially considering AJ's furious rant at the end of that scene where she lists off his acts of sabotage. On the other, I guess I should have wrote in the part where he was actually doing the sabotaging to detail her frustration.
I'll admit, I knew that I could get called down for that scene. But it was fun to write, which at the time was all I really cared about. I do write for the fun of it, after all. Forgive me a little self-indulgence.
My job here is done.
Truth be told? I can't believe I won this sucker. Then again I was expecting a lot more competition. So yeah, many thanks!
3023304
In-depth? Don't kid yourself. This was a scratch below the surface.
Heh, apparently Fuzzy Navel would follow Twilights fuzzy little Peach anywhere. Fun little story. And I like when Pinkie breaks the fourth wall and confuses Spike. It was funny and something you expect that random little pony to do. And what I really enjoyed was that Applejack was just so confused by everything happening. Its just so far outside her zone its inconceivable and she needs not only to be hit over the head with the issue but still had to have it explained to her.
5295541
Oh, look, someone actually read this story! Granted, it's apparent you're reading all my stories, but still. This is easily my most under-appreciated story. Nobody reads it. It's like it's invisible, and the only reason I can think of is that it's about AJ, who (sadly) is the least popular of the Mane 6.
5296156 I actually like AJ, its Rainbow Dash which is my least favorite. I enjoyed this story though. It has nothing over riding about, no greater plot. Just something that happened one day in Ponyville.
Very cute. I'm a bit curious about what's really going on with the Apples. AJ is so certain that it mist be some sort of misunderstanding and Peach is so certain they're just jerks, I'm kinda wondering what the real truth is.
5420887
I think I'm feeling faint...
What in the name of Heaven? Someone actually read this?
I have had one or two calls for a sequel to set the record straight, but no particularly good ideas have arisen so far. Maybe someday, when I'm feeling in a particularly Applejack mood.
...
I take it back, I do have one idea that might be a solid contender, but I'm on the fence about it and too busy with other projects regardless.
5420951 I know that feeling well
only 26 votes?! this story's starving, so i thought i'd give it a chance.
there were a few things in here that annoyed me. but i really liked how you introduced the OCs! i was compelled to keep reading because of that good first impression. and in the end it was pretty nice and enjoyable, so the flaws didn't seem like a big deal anymore. hey, i liked it.
5859987
Yeah, I think this story is simply doomed to insignificance. I blame it at least partially on the unfair unpopularity of Applejack, but I acknowledge that there's nothing particularly 'wow' in the story description.
5860101
i suppose that'll happen. how does one hype up a slice of life story? a weird gimmick, or flashy cover art?
or lots of shipping, that's probably itsounds like an interesting challenge to tackle. is there a definitive popular fanwork for Applejack? can one be made?
5861162
Oh, I'm confident there are strong AJ-centric stories out there. I haven't read any, but despite being so unpopular she does have her fans. There's bound to be something.
If you like peaches try this. acquire some peach shine, remove enough to allow you to put in half of a big Georgia peach, allow to sit for a few months. imbibe in small doses.
Another idea
1 CUP WHITE SUGAR
3 CUPS FRESH OR FROZEN BLUEBERRIES OR PEACHES
1 2/3 CUP VODKA OR OTHER FORM OF ALCOHOL TO SUIT
COMBINE ALL INGREDIENTS IN A 1 QT WIDE MOUTH JAR
COVER TIGHTLY AND SHAKE REGULARLY ( EVERY DAY OR SO )
LET STAND IN A COOL PLACE FOR 2 MONTHS
PORE MIXTURE THROUGH A WIRE MESH STRAINER INTO A DECORATIVE BOTTLE.
BERRIES MAY BE DISCARDED OR USED IN OTHER RECIPIES
SERVE AS A CORDIAL OR MIX WITH EQUAL AMOUNTS OF CLUB SODA AND
SERVE OVER ICE.
MAKES 2 ½ CUPS
This is a good story.
8427358
It's also a long-forgotten one, so thanks for giving it the time!
8427835
You're welcome.
If Twilight doesn't eat a peach in this story, I will be very disappointed.
So many authors just don't know how to get a good accent down and a good country feel for the Apples, making her just feel like a sort of Applejack Lite or background character.
You're certainly not one of them!
8850642
Amusing you'd say that, considering the constant use of accent was the single most heavily criticized element of this entire story.
8850646
Pfft, ya gotta be authentic! I mean, I've seen some accents that are too thick or not done well, but this was clearly a good example of AJ's accent.
It helps keep an element of her charm, too.
So in the show, there were a couple of instances where AJ or her family were made out to be more than a little fond um, preference wise, of apples, to the extent that the fandom gave birth to the concept of AJ being a one-trick pony "Appuhlz y'all". Every now and again it can be a harmless silly gag, but when I'm reading a story I want to know AJ as an individual, not just a walking talking applesauce for brains stereotype of all things country hick. This is why I really liked this portrayal of her, you wrote her as a multifaceted individual: farmer, businessmare, sister, etc. Oh, she's got issues with her pride and a stubborn streak a mile wide, but when the chips are down, she's a mare who understands family and community, she's not about to let another family suffer just so she can stay at the top of the pile.
That being said, Fuzzy Navel was a right piece of work and by all rights, AJ would not have been wrong to show Peach the door, or have him spend a night cooling his heels as a guest in the greybar hotel. Thankfully, Peach Blossom was there to make sure her brother didn't do anything too drastic and to act as the mediator.
All in all a solid slice of life story which I will add to my fimfiction library.
10236838
People still read this?
...