The blog in which Minalkra moans and Rarity loses her mind · 5:07am Nov 27th, 2014
An Excerpt from a Meeting
"Ok, let's try this again." Minalkra removed his glasses and ran a hand down his face. Arrayed around him were half-empty soda cans and opened nicotine patch containers. To his left, the scowling blue face of Bruce in a haze of smoke; to his right, the scowling elderly face of another human; and across form him, the tired and strangely sympathetic face of Rarity. "So after the song-and-dance bit, you get led around by Willy Wonka and ask ques-"
"I already said no," Bruce bluntly stated with a sneer, speaking out of the empty side of his mouth. The movement caused the cigarette to wobble and drop ash across the table - much to Rarity's discomfort. "There is no way in hell I'm going to be even remotely interested in pony toys. Especially after that opening."
"I did not sign up for a walk-on roll!" Gene 'Willy' Wilder banged a fist on the table.
Bruce slammed his hoof down as well. "Bruce doesn't care about toys, he wants to get home!"
"The piece is about the ponies, not about you!"
"Bullshit, you just want to hog the camera!"
"I am a star, damn it! I demand more screen time!"
"I demand you shut your face!"
"Gentle stallions, please." Rarity begged, putting her head in her hooves. Normally she would have been more ladylike but from the state of her mane, it was clear this had been going on for quite some time. "Can we focus on getting some sort of compromise together before I lose what little composure I have left?!"
Minalkra groaned as a fresh round of bickering broke out, Rarity's voice now added to the mix. "What did I do to deserve this?"
So yeah. I am still working on it but it is not going well. Bruce refuses to have anything to do with Willy's Toy Emporium but I can't just kick him out immediately - Willy would get really upset (i.e. I would waste a good opportunity to do things and that's kinda awkward for me to introduce a new setting and then immediately leave). I have a part of an interlude sort of planned out but even that isn't coming out right and the timing is off enough to make me wince.
But I am still alive and when I write, I write this. Mostly. when I type, I type at this - and then immediately delete about four-fifths what I type. And then cry.
Eh... you'll get it figured out... eventually. It's not like I don't have other things to read.
those aren't tears. Its the creative juices flowing.
Heh, you know how it goes, you lead yourself somewhere and don't know where to go next. Then you just sit there for hours on end arguing in your head trying to figure out how to write your way outta this mess you've written yourself into. It's partially why so many fics never close on a proper note. Especially considering fan input and comments, good and bad.
Anyway, if you ever need some ideas or help writing, we're always here to help or just talk. Talking your way through a scenario with another person can help bring forth fresh ideas or an idea you hadn't considered yet.
(I would waste a good opportunity to do things and that's kinda awkward for me to introduce a new setting and then immediately leave).
I've done it before, you take them out of the scene only to show up in an even crazier or more chaotic setting. It can work.
Much sympathy to your muse, I say you should have someone throw a sack over Bruce head and MAKE him enjoy his childhood. After all isn't he sorta royally mandated to be a kid... well at least Bureaucraticlly mandated, but they serve the crown so I'm sure it's legit.
I will pray for you, and I hope things go well.
Seeing as this concerns the story, I do have a suggestion: Focus a little less on forcing Bruce to enjoy childhood. This can be done one of several ways, but here's a few suggestions.
Let being a child and having the freedom from adult stresses be something that he comes to terms with instead of forcing him into being a child, forcibly or inexplicably by way of deus ex machina (a.k.a. the body he's stuck in in bringing about these changes). Bring about something that makes him question why he wants to go back, or find a way to get him to understand that, while he doesn't have to be so...kiddy...as other foals, he still has the opportunity to have the childhood he deserved, or at least a second chance at life.
Find a compromise that gives him the space and freedom to be the adult he is. Find a way for them to recognize him as an adult and let him at least have some control over his life, cause he could really use some. Give him some autonomy and maybe his own place to stay. Let him be the adult he is, even if his body has some growing to do.
Basically, get him out of this weird adult/kid limbo, cause it feels like it's worn out its welcome. Stick with one of the two, though you shouldn't completely ignore the other side. It just feels like at times he's a little kid with little kid fears and problems, and the next he suddenly remembers he's an adult and has something he needs to do.
This isn't to say you should completely turn him into a child, but the flip floppy personality is a bit jarring. Probably why you're having such a hard time with this particular story arc.
Which reminds me: what happened to the whole bit where the Mane 6 have the complete wrong idea about him and are trying to "uncover his true purpose" or whatever? Feels like that fell by the wayside. Then again, I guess i'm just used to reading stories that follow many characters' point-of-view.
I don't know if this is actually a good time/place for criticism, but I hope it helps.
I write the same way, bro. I've tried making several stories, but every time I write it, I spend a good few hours typing, "and then immediately delete about four-fifths what I type. And then cry."
The toy store was a brilliant idea, I can see why you wouldn't want it to go to waste. I don't really have advice or any help, and I don't think you posted this looking for any, so instead I'll just say I appreciate the effort you're putting into your story since it's a consistent source of joy whenever you produce it. So ya, thanks for trying so hard dude and enjoy your turkey day!
*gives a hug*
Oh yeah. Trying to type yet having to rehaul a large portion of what was already typed... but still wanting something to come out even though the desire to move on to "more important things" is strong...
I know what that's like. *gently pats your back*
Maybe you're writing it all wrong. No offense or anything, but maybe the real reason that Bruce is refusing to work with you is probably because he thinks that it's a bad idea, or he doesn't like the eccentric type...
At least, not after the incident with Pinkie and her friends.
So, if you're going to make Willy's Toy Emporium, how about another trapped human on Equestria, trying to adjust to life, months before Brucie ever got there? That could work... or have him accidentally come across The Doctor.
(In my opinion, go for the formal than the lateral.)
2619061
This could be it. You could be trying to force your character into a situation that in no such way, they would perform. I mean, I get you're trying to have some kind of interlude between the last shit storm, and the next by having him explore a bit of the childhood he never had, but maybe you're going about this the wrong way. Not every child will gush and obsess over toys and candy, especially if when they were younger, they didn't really have them. Sure one or two things may catch their eye, but the don't really feel that want it, need it desire. And considering Bruce is like a 30 something old man mentally, I doubt he'd begin to feel the need to play with toys again.
You could try books though. I was one of those kids who rather than have a chest filled with fucking batman action figures, and army men, I had a shelf of books I would read, my favorite being the Eragon series, the first of which took me fucking forever to read considering I was in like 4th grade.
Id also be pretty funny if Bruce would walk into the toy store, see willy wonka of the toy world, see him start breaking into song and dance, and just say "Nope" and walk right out, leaving Wonka hot, sweaty, and unsatisfied, while Rarity is hot and bothered by the incident.
I'm going to have to join those saying that you're trying to crowbar a character into a situation he'd never willingly get into, and that's a problem. That said, it is a solvable problem. Bruce may not care about the toy store, but Wonka may still force the information upon him. Plus, there's the musical number to work with.
I guess what I'm saying is use all the characters you have to work with.
It's almost a universal law a child who has or just survived a life-threatening illness gets a get-well sympathy gift, so this might get the attention of his foal side when he gets a song dedicated to and directed right at that part of him.
I can see him trying to do the whole stony face through Wonka's inevitable song-and-dance routine, finding himself smiling, hoof-tapping or tail swishing in unguarded moments. Equestria's musical moments are VERY strong mojo -second only to cutie marks it would seem.
It might be funny that just when Wonka is at his wits end trying to get Bruce to pick ANYTHING in the last part of his song, Bruce finds something that gets his attention. "B-but that's for Fillies!' "-Not where I come from, bub!" and accepts it just because it's disturbing the adults..
Have the CMC go with him, or any other foal. Peer Pressure is a wonderful thing. So even if he says no the other child won't care and drag him along anyway.
I think that introducing another character might be the right way to go here. I do not remember where she is, but Scootaloo might be a good choice because her more aggressive personality will tend to have tastes more similar to the frustrated adult apex predator crammed into a kid's body than anyone else so putting them together might balance things out a bit more. Another possibility is to use the bullies to kick him off somehow, although that could get messy. A final solution is to take advantage of his more technical background with a zero-safety chemistry kit or fireworks or something (the CMC seem to be able to get their hooves on some crazy dangerous shit so there is no reason Bruce cannot do the same) to let him make something interesting and dangerous to horrify the others. After all, it is not that hard to turn fireworks into shoulder fired fragmentation rockets, brew up some napalm/explosives, make a simple gun, or something else along those lines. If you need technical help on this, feel free to shoot me a PM and I should be able to figure it out fairly quickly assuming I do not know the answer off the top of my head.
Honestly, I'd use his trouble maker side, like he tries to pick out toys that he knows that Rarity won't approve of (violent toys, things that will make lots of noise and annoy her, messy stuff, "filly" toys, a practical joke kit, ect.) just to mess with her or something. Maybe make a few wildly inappropriate suggestions (asking for like explosives or something,) which lead to some ideas (like willy Wonka offering a chemistry set)? Alternatively maybe he looks for something to occupy his mind and help him keep sane (perhaps a punching bag or something that he can take his frustrations out on, perhaps a ball of some kind (lots of males, boys and men, that I know use sports, either practice or play, as a way to vent their frustrations or cope with stress), I'd suggest a journal except he can't write, maybe a deck of cards or something) I mean even adults have "toys" that they use to occupy their spare time, and they have hobbies too. I don't think Bruce mentioned any hobbies, but perhaps he has one of those and could seek items related to it?
Or you could just have Willy Wonka drag him on a musical tour of the place.
Another idea I kinda have is Rarity insisting on getting him a doll or teddy bear or something like that, on the notion that "every colt should have one", and him resenting it but not wanting to pick a fight with Rarity (still remembering what happened with the Cakes) or something.
Yeah you can tell I'm not a writer, but I hope this helps.
Not even a hint of idle curiosity for Bruce to explore a toy shop? No need to stay long or get anything, and seeing what kind of toys pony have is insight into their lives/society.
Well, if early on some toys do something unexpected, like being animated for a few moments (magic!) it could interest Bruce on the intellectual level, maybe. Like play-dough that's always "fresh" and clean, a plushie that gets warm when held, some sort of ball that's reactive to foal's innate magic ect.
I'd be curious to see what magic and pony toys could produce, even if its super creepy-lame-silly.
There might be a few teen/adult oriented games and toys lying around too wich could be less repulsive to him. Like a pony version of chess or Settlers of Catan ect..
Plus.. it would "help" his "integration" to get a thing, and he isnt forced to actually use it anyway.
Good luck with that, Minalkra.
2619276 Assuming I'm understanding your last idea correctly (that Bruce would express interest, one of the adult ponies would badly conceal their sexist horror at same, and Bruce would then perversely grow more interested) that could work quite well.
Treat it like a comedy of errors. Bruce wants to end it fast and get out of there, but things keep going wrong and somehow he always just ends up deeper into it. You don't have to have logical or well reasoned excuses for him to get pulled along on Willy Wonka's toy ride, since people will expect the gimmicks not to make sense, since Bruce is complaining about them the entire time! You could even have Rarity feel out of her element and fail to get off the plot train. And next thing you know she and Bruce are holding each other screaming like fillies while Hell itself emerges around them.
aka https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zail7Gdqro
Or you know, just finding themselves in incredibly awkward and frenetic situations, finally ending up outside wondering "What the buck just happened."
It's a great way for him and Rarity to bond.
"And if we ever have to do that again I swear I'll--"
"Bruce, where did you get that teddy bear?"
He then realized there was an oversized plush teddy bear clutched under his left arm.
"I... have no idea."
Nothing wrong with taking a few steps back and thinking it over, the story will come in time.
Here's an idea: Have Bruce see or hear somepony that he initially thinks might be his wife.
Bruce still doesn't know how he got to Equestria in the first place, so it's quite plausible that the same phenomenon pulled his wife through too. And any hint that she's there with him is going to have him searching to the ends of the Earth (or ends of the toy store, as the case may be). If you want, you could even leave the true identity of the wife-like pony ambiguous, and use it as a justification for delaying Bruce's departure from Equestria; he needs to know the truth before he can leave.