Aug
20th
2014
- Member Since 2nd Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 16th, 2022
Kaidan
Q(^_^Q). The friendliest misanthrope you'll ever meet.
Kaidan
Joined 2nd Jan, 2013 ·
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wow, true words.......
I would love to be your friend! I want to talk to you more! I just thought you were too popular for me to be able to talk to...
I really did want to be your friend, you just seemed to important...
Never been one good with words. Especially involving such disgusting and messy things as....emotions, but even if for now all you've added to the world is cartoon horse porn, it's something people appreciate and like. It may not pay the bills, but you've just with that single mildly questionable thing, you've added more to the world than some people twice your age.
As for the rest - the people in your life you personally know - I obviously can't truly speak for them, or know the whole situation, but while they may not tell you you matter in words the simple fact that they'd be able to say "oh yeah, that guy, I know him" means you are at least something to them. And I'd imagine your friends, and especially family, would say a lot more than that.
Also, you've given me a chance to learn that I have no idea what I'm even saying when I'm trying to say something meaningful to a guy 50% older than me who I've never met when it's nearly midnight local.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but the only way to stop that is to walk up to them and tell them.
No one is going to hold you hand, you have to go to the deep end of the pool and dive in yourself. Confide in them, tell them stuff. The reason you are alone is because you chose to be. The only cure for it is to stop saying 'I'm so alone no one understands me' is to go out there, talk to them, confide in family, find friends, and prove to yourself that it isn't true.
If you don't try to change, nothing will.
I'm going to have to agree with DE_K I've been reading your stories and your blogs. You are a very interesting person Kaidan. Your imagination is a wonderful thing. Not just for horse porn, but for the stories you write. Which is how people here know you. I, probably among others, would love to know more of the real Kaidan, away from the computer. But alas, I'm all the way in Montana, so the only way I can offer comfort is words on a screen. And I do apologize for that. That being said, just being a person who speaks to you online isn't bad. I have several friends that are pretty much online only, and I take comfort in their friendship. Real friendship isn't defined very easily, and it comes in many forms. Online, offline, it doesn't matter. Reach out, you have friends here.
If I had a way to make seemingly hundreds of thousands of dollars, I'd share my wealth and buy you the swankest box an alley dumpster could get!
Kidding aside, It's not just the one side to this here, Kai, and I can tell you why. If these 'people who don't care' aren't giving you the time of day, maybe it's because you don't give it to them either? A successful partnership relies on trust, and if you can't trust your classmates or friends or family enough to let them into your life, then they'll cut you out of theirs. Make that extra little effort, no matter how dreadful, to show you actually recognize their meager, sad little existence as well, and they'll maybe return the favor.
Don't let life and the assholes who're gifted with it bring you down, and remember that even if tasteless anon internet parties tell you you make a difference...then you might actually be making said difference. You can't trust what the internet spews forth, but you can semi-trust the voices that place those words there, for they took those meager seconds from wallowing in their own pity and sadness to let you know that their lives are brighter because of you. You could have written something, or told them something nice, or consoled them in times of need. And sometimes, just being there is all we need. You may not be changing lives daily, but your words and actions have lasting impacts, both here and in real life.
I found it easier to cope with the loss of my nana simply because some honorable soul saw fit to offer their ears and arms for any of my grievances and sadness. That person's kindness reminded me why we continue to breathe: to make a difference. It might be a difference in attitude, or a difference in lifestyles, your smallest actions can create the biggest craters.
You might find yourself to be less-than-satisfactory, but everyone gets that now and then. Perk up, and remember, that for every life you change on here, you've got a pair of arms offering their solace for you in return. I know you've got a pair right here, and they're always open.
Kaidan, I just want you to know that I have great respect for you. Not only for your writing, which of course I find phenomenal, but also for serving our country, and for having the guts to go back to school.
If you want, or need, anything, I would be glad to try to help.
Hey Kai, As you said people online try to make you feel better, I am one of those people. Please just listen to me. I understand what your going through and give you lots of empathy, even though you may just think of me as just some person, know that others struggle like you do and would change things for the better if they could. I struggle with depression daily and not very many of my friends seem to notice or care; but if you can find that a friend or two you know and love, tell them how you feel and try to get them to understand, even if they are internet friends. It can save/ change your life, it did for me at least, it kept me from doing that Id regret or could possibly effect people around me. Dont start pushing the ones closest to you away if you start to feel alone, try to bring them closer.
You may not think of my opinion as great cause Im still in school and how I must just be some over exaggerated teeenager, but know that some of us on the internet care, even though we may not know you personally and only know you for your writing, we still posses the ability to care and show sypmathy/empathy towards others. I just want you to know that Even though I dont know you personally, I care and understand and I like people for themselves and not just for the things they do. I hope this helps a bit, its hard to help someone you dont know in person.
If you need anything just P.M me and Ill try to help.
Let your friends and family know how you feel. As a veteran, you've already done more with your life than most of the people I know.
I have considered suicide, and actually attempted it once. At that point, when I was at my lowest, I saw how much I actually meant to those in my life. Just because they don't vocalize it doesn't mean they don't care. Take it from me, suicide is never the answer. There's always hope for a better tomorrow.
I've had those thoughts before... A few too many times. I was in a similar situation, around people yet felt alone... Then I made a choice, I could have lost my life and I would have lost my mind but now I'm fine and I find that that had been the best night of my life. That was the day I decided to make the world a place I want to live in. That's really all I can say, make the world a place you want to be in.
I know how that feeling man, but you have to find something to keep you going. You just need to find the thing that will inspire you to keep moving on.
I've tried to kill myself, over the course of more than ten years of being suicidal. On some occasions I was physically stopped, but I did end up being carted away in an ambulance one time.
Why am I not now? Materially, I'm worse off. My life is more stressful, more anxiety-inducing, more depressing (it's not fun when Christmas comes and you're eating peanut butter from the jar for dinner because your family would call the police if you showed up to join theirs), and so on.
Pretty simply, it's just that I have a very close friend I can talk to about literally anything. She is the best, and being able to talk about the stuff you "don't want to burden others with" is actually a pretty important release of internal pressure and negative mood-stimuli.
It's not going to fix everything or make you suddenly not hurty or alone or whatever, but you can at least vent the worst. I don't know who your closer friends are, but I'd consider broaching more personal topics with them in private. To take an excerpt from a popular saying, those who mind don't matter (or at least not as much).
You are one of the greatest authors on fimfiction I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Although I've never met you in real life, I know that you are not alone. You have a lot of people who look up to you and believe in you. Look at your followers, all those people appreciate you and care about you.
Don't give up, your not alone.
You could have 1001 people tell you that "you have value," but in the end, it comes down to you. You have to be the one to see your own worth.
I often find myself at times just stop and take a quick glance at the people around me. I see, men, woman, and children. All leading lives in which they are the protagonist. I wonder, who they are, and what the narrative of their lives is like as well as what it was that brought them to that specific place at that specific time knowing that it would be the only time in both of our lives that one of us would reflect on the other's story.
You are both protagonist and narrator to your own story. If you don't like the first draft then break out the red pen and edit it. Do not accept mediocracy.
Damn it Kaidan, where do you live?! I am going to hug the SHIT out of you!
4.bp.blogspot.com/-jtGZtR4okEE/Ubg0WK8pQBI/AAAAAAAAMQw/_umncrDPl0M/s640/get-back-in-there-tear.gif
Woo, that's a lot of comments down there, I'm pretty inclined to just leave it to them, butt-fuck it, imma force my two cents down your throat. Not because I'm a nice person, in fact it's partially the opposite considering a week before Robin, one of my favourite teachers did the same. And a week before that it was a close cousin. So honestly, I'm just sick of it at this point.
What you need is a friend, and no I'm not talking some person you hang out with on occasion or something, just someone you can talk to intimately without any mushy feelings holding you back because you don't want to burden them.
I'm pretty sure this works considering I've had to talk some of my friends out of it a few times, and it was a mutual thing. Tell everything you can to them, no holds barred.
And if you can't find someone like that, someone you can talk to with the honesty of a non-pedo priest, then keep looking for them. Alternatively, if a moment presents itself, just spring your thoughts onto one of your friends with no warning. Not too much, but enough to see if they want to share as well.
Or you could just treat all that ^^ as bullshit and go about your day, your choice.
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Uh... wrong choice of words there when speaking to someone with a mental health problem, my friend, they tend to take those kinds of analogies literally and to heart.
But anyways, Kaidan, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me. I've dealt with similar problems.
Dude, Kaiden, even if you were to stop writing, there would still be people here who would call you their friend.
Yeah, it's the internet, but so what? I'm one of those idiots who goes on the likes of 4chan, and even though it's all anonymous, I still feel like I have friends on their, people who will greet me, hand me a beer, and discus something absolutely retarded with me, just for the sake of not having to spend the time alone.
And while we can't help you move, or help pay the bills, or buy you Taco Bell, many still try and do what they can to support you. If singing the praises about the horse porn you've written helps you get through the day, and if it's worth the attention, there will be those who will be there to tell you of your worth, and skill.
Anon will always be there for you, even if it's just one voice that is, there will always be someone here to help in what way they can.
If you can't get your family, friends, or others to see that and help, then I hate to say this, but tell them they can fuck off. But that's just me, I'd sooner cut the limb off and cauterize the wound, then see it poison and destroy me from the inside.
2385766
My bad, I should have used a pool analogy. I've edited now.
i have no inspiring words of wisdom i can share but i wish i can sing this to you personally:
Hang in there bub
I am going to be simple. I love you man. Your a great guy, and if I ever meet you in real life. I would buy you a beer and we can bitch about life or have a really nerdy conversation.
I am coming to find you so I can give you a hug.
You shouldn't think that you're ruining anyone's life dude. I know that you've already heard this a million times and you're thinking "well that's SO fucking helpful" but fuck it, I'm going to say it anyway.
If you feel like the peeps around you aren't doing enough for or with you, do something about it. Tell them, slap them and say "hey fucktard! See this? Yeah, I did that. You're welcome", fucking throw Pinkie Pie with a chainsaw at them, it doesn't matter. You've gotta let them know. Even just tell one of them, then they'll tell the rest.
My mum has depression, and it fucked up my entire family for a while. I don't wanna know what it's like to actually be the one with it. I know that this won't help much mate, but I'm doing what I can.
Also, it's not just "Horse Porn". You've written fantastic stories, and you should be proud of them. I know I would be.
The clop is just a nice bonus.
God dammit Kaidan! Why you had to quote robin? Now you made me sad ;(
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You gotta step up and confront people thane make you lonely. Hell maybe you can make new friends.
But if you suicide how you gonna write house porn, and play video games?
I think creative people really have the possibility to make their creations felt on the internet when the real world is so much more sleep/work/eat/couple up/buy/sell/etc. On paper it might look like art, writing, making music, etc is a waste of time but its on the internet that the dreamers can connect with people who apprecaite that effort. Sadly that's what makes people drop out of real world connections for more internet ones where they still might never meet.
Don't give up on finding a job and keeping in touch with your family, as you still need those,,,, but i hope you continue to feel that the internet is where you really can spread your wings. That's where your magic can come alive. Hang in there as you are special bud.