Site Post » Reviews! Round 45 · 3:38pm Jun 10th, 2014
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
“Hey! Hey, Sock!”
Casca bounded into the main hall with a sheaf of paper in his arms. He was wheezing, as he tended to do after running a block and a half; he looked up at the article in question, who was surveying the ongoing operations below the deck. It wasn’t until Casca reached arm’s length that Sock turned around, looking mildly surprised.
“Hey yourself,” said Sock, eyes darting to the sheaf. “Are those the potential fics for the round that you said you’d get?”
“Even better!” Casca’s eyes were unusually wide, and his mouth was hanging open a bit too much. It was probably the asthma. “Did you know that the world is now robots? See, look, here’s the page...” He thumbed through the sheaf with difficulty and produced a red-and-black bannered sheet.
“Oh?” Sock took the paper gingerly and tried to read it as he clenched it in his mouth. “That schunds-”
“Also that fish need love? How interesting is that, right?”
“Yes, Casca,” said Sock, dodging the next paper thrown at him, “but you see, the reviews are due really soon, so shouldn’t we be getting to those stories-”
“And - and - ‘Every Move You Make’ is actually a terrible wedding song! Crazy, huh?”
Sock took the time to reflect on his colleague’s dishevelled look. It was hopefully the asthma, but ages of wisdom had taught him the futility of optimism.
“You couldn’t find any stories?” asked Sock gently. “And the last one wasn’t really news per se.”
“I... I tried,” stammered Casca, slumping to the ground in trembles. “But they were all... so many shallow shipfics... and the amount of bad semicolons... there was even a bait-and-switch foalcon with Pipsqueak and Snails...”
“There, there,” said Sock, patting him on the shoulder. “I was expecting this. Come up and have a look.”
He walked over to the edge of the deck, where a thick glass wall separated them from the rows of moving machinery. Vats steamed, automated carts and arms moved large ark lumps, and at the end of the cathedral-wide area was a glowing silver canister, receiving countless insulated pipes that ran along the roof and walls. There was a whine, like a driver falling asleep on the largest lever in a locomotive cab. The glow of the cylinder pulsed.
“What on earth is that?” whispered Casca.
“The solution to all our problems,” replied Sock.
ROUND 45
Braeburn’s met the filly of his dreams, and he’s corralled Cheese Sandwich, Equestria’s premier party planner, to throw the biggest wedding Appleloosa has ever seen. Of course, he’s only exchanged letters with his intended, but Braeburn’s sure she’ll be everything he ever thought she’d be.
APPLES? YES. CHERRIES? YES. BOTH? NOOOOOOPE!
Romantic comedies have never been one of my favorite genres. They’re formulaic, usually devoid of any major twists or turns, and generally contain characters about as appealing as a wet sock on a cold locker room floor. Romantic farces, however, are another story entirely. Because if there’s one thing I can’t every get enough of, it’s schadenfreude.
What, you thought this would be a straightforward little shipfic? Far from it. For one thing, it’s got a unique pairing (admit it, when was the last time you even saw Braeburn and Cherry Jubilee both tagged on the same story?) and second, it’s destined to end in tears. That’s not a spoiler, by the way—the very first scene pretty well establishes that everything is going to turn out less than ideally for our amorous apple-loving associate. Luckily, he’s got a good friend in the form of Cheese Sandwich to help assuage the pain.
That leads me to my next point: Cheese’s characterization is perhaps one of the most interesting things about this story. Here, he plays the straight man to Braeburn’s comically inept attempts at romance. In most any other fic, those positions would likely be reversed (and would probably involve a lot more positions, besides). Seeing Cheese as something other than Pony Weird Al is both novel and intriguing, and his constant observations as to Braeburn’s mistakes makes him an effective chorus for the reader to relate to.
The fic’s construction is another of its highlights. For anyone who has ever wondered what in medias res can do for a story, this one is a prime example of it being done right. From the get-go, the reader gets a sense of where things are going, and can’t help but read ahead to find out how we got to the beginning. The following scenes likewise hit the right marks on their pacing and conclusions, and it all comes back for an overall finale that had me barking quite a few laughs.
If you expect much snogging to happen with this little romantic romp, you’ll likely be disappointed. But if you’re like me, and enjoy watching a character face-plant while in the midst of said romping, you’ll get more than a few kicks out of reading.
This is actually only the third Cheese Sandwich fic I’ve read, and thinking back, I reckon writing him must be difficult - as difficult to write as Pinkie in keeping the zany balanced and still engaging, without any of Pinkie’s Mane 6 connections or setting background to fall back on for a boost in story elements. Plus, as with Pinkie, it’s too easy to flanderize the character into a caricature - energy ball on one side and Weird Al on the other, resulting in decidedly flat characterization.
This fic manages to play on expectations and flip the dynamic by introducing a character that’s more kooky than Cheese - and it’s Braeburn of all ponies, with a setup that is rarely seen. “Proxy romance gone bad” had a brief flare for a while when being pen-pals and pen-lovers were made easier via email, and to see it used again piqued my interest immediately. The in medias res opening is a great hook, and I like how the author knew exactly what he wanted - avoiding the spoilerinos, let’s just say he gets the story moving right on along into fresher, equally fertile-for-funnies ground.
And while Braeburn’s soon-found woes are mined for humour, Cheese’s own perspective provides a parallel source of exploration. It’s a good time when nothing in a story is wasted - there is always a big problem whenever the central conflict isn’t directly related to the POV character, over time rendering said character into a Nikon tripod. But the author handles it well by continually letting Cheese’s thoughts build up and roam. The momentum remains, and so does Cheese’s relevance, and the result is a solid piece of work. Also, that final joke had me laugh. It caught me by surprise so much that it sealed the deal for selection.
If you’ve been looking for something pretty darn well written (I know I have), that’s all-around feel good, demands little, and imparts much, this is the fic for you.
STORY 2
Tick. Tock., by Pseudo_Nym
A monster threatens to destroy Ponyville, again. More importantly, it wrecks havoc with a certain clockmaker's schedule. Quite infuriating, that.
TIME HEALS ALL THINGS, EXCEPT ONE’S SENSE OF TIME!
There’s this thing we call “narrative voice,” readers. For those of you who don’t know, this is the quality ascribed to the overall diction, tone, and “feel” of the written words an author puts to the page. It’s almost a psychic phenomenon—the words entering your head, giving you a sense of everything that the story’s about—like the constant subliminal whispers of one’s socks that determine their every action. When a story is said to have a strong narrative voice, it means that the story conveys character through its very words alone. In short, it’s a good thing.
When a story is told from first-person perspective, the narrative voice is of utmost importance, because it is literally the entire story. The reader is being put into someone else’s head, after all, and no one likes being forced into a cave full of cobwebs and bland observations. It goes without saying that deciding on how the subject of the piece relates their experiences to the reader is a tricky business. It also goes without saying that this fic succeeds at this.
The subject for this one is Ponyville’s resident hourglass butt (how’s that for an identifier?), One Mr. Time Turner. That’s right. Time Turner. Not Doctor Hooves. Time Turner. That alone is rather refreshing, since it seems like whenever this guy shows up in any fan work, it’s with David Tennant’s ghostly visage grinning unsettlingly in the space above him. Here, Time Turner is given his own personality, his own drives, and his own spin on how he views the world. As one would expect, he’s very chronologically-conscious, right down to how the transitions between vignettes are handled with the ticking of a clock. It’s an effective, believable characterization that’d I’d appreciate seeing emulated.
Now, does this one do anything truly revolutionary? Probably not. You’ll likely see where it’s headed easily enough, but that hardly detracts from the experience. If you’re looking for a great example of how to write from within a character’s mind while still conveying a fun, cute, comedic romp, go ahead and give this one the time of day.
This is a classic SA feature, where everything about the front page betrays the actual quality of the fic. There’s the first-line dedication. There’s the irritable character with a whiff of pretentiousness, and I’ll admit my intolerance of such things. If you ever need convincing that summaries are damn important, just go browse the front page, and tell me just how many fics you found yourself handwaving away from.
Carry me, Twilight-senpai, to where the suicidal humans no longer reach Equestria…
But once you peel back and just start, you’re met with this:
Thunder roared and dark winds raged. A long-forgotten beast from the deepest pits of Tartarus now roamed the streets of Ponyville, its rich laugh echoing off the brightly colored rooftops. Its form was blacker than the deepest night; its heart was blacker still. Six mares stood before it, unbowed and unafraid. Several more ran screaming in panic. The rest of us were used to this kind of thing by now.
“Yeah, can I get those hay fries to go?”
Then you see that what seemed like pretentiousness and irritability becomes rather neat lampshading and meaningful poking, which leads way to an actual case in favour of T. W. Turner (that’s his name), a rather clever snapshot - I hesitate to use portrayal, because it’s the briefness that makes it so sweet - of Ponyville, and as the events scale and he tries so very hard to get done his one goal for the day, the twist comes, and all becomes good.
Short as it may be, there’s a good deal packed into it, and it definitely wouldn’t hurt to choose this for a five-minute repose.
Hoofprint Publishing presents: Daring Do, coming to a town near you!
This month, Daring Do will be touring Equestria with the release of her most exciting adventure yet! She'll be on hand to answer questions about her latest adventure and sign copies of her new book. Come along and meet the intrepid explorer in person. It's an experience you'll never forget!
Tour dates: Manehatten - 16th; Ponyville - 17th; Las Pegasus - 18th; Trottingham - 19th...
YOU CAN CALL IT YESTERDAY, BUT FOR ME, IT WAS TUESDAY!
So, big thing to note right up front: this story was written before the episode Daring Don’t made its debut, so some of its contents may come across as non-canon. If that matters to any of you, well, may corns claim your soles, because you’ll be missing out on one darn intriguing interpretation of the character of Daring Do. See, in this story, she’s non-existent. Or at least, she might as well be for the pony who plays her.
That’s the central quirk of this fic: it’s all about one mare’s experiences beneath the mask of Daring Do. It’s also all in first-person, which is no mean feat given its length. Remember when we were talking about the importance of narrative voice? This fic demonstrates precisely why it’s important. If you’re going to keep your reader hooked for several thousand words, the conflict and emotion that a character is going through had better be present in the words themselves—especially since the fic is utterly devoid of dialogue.
“But Sock!” I hear you ask, “How can a story go for so long without any dialogue?” Well, dear reader, I’d say it accomplishes it in the same way I’m doing it right now. I don’t need to give myself quotations to hold a conversation with you. All you need to do is listen like the good little foot-puppet you are. Heck, have a listen to your own socks sometime. I’m sure they’ve got some interesting things to say about your choice of shoes. And hygiene.
Yes, as should be apparent—and as the author admits—this is a highly experimental work, one which makes for a good example of the pros and cons of an entirely first-person, stream-of-consciousness style. It’s an intriguing work for that alone, but it also manages to tell quite the heart-tugging tale, as well. Suffice it to say that our narrator Footlight goes through quite a few trials and tribulations over the course of the story—“Emotional rollercoaster” hardly begins to describe it. And the conclusion to each chapter, which are really more like narratives in their own right, read like night and day.
On that note, I’ll leave you with a little thought experiment, readers. Once you’ve read through this one, go ahead and ask yourself whether you like the first chapter on its own or prefer having both. It ought to give you some insight as to what you expect and desire out of a story.
I never expected to take to Daring Do stories so much. Honestly. I wasn’t too fond of the idea when Reading Rainbow aired, because I knew the imitation Indiana Jones fics with little to no pony were abound, and I couldn’t envision really what kind of character you could describe her as besides Indiana Jones. Then came Daring Do’s actual episode, and by then the buzz had long faded, and the status quo of “meh” did not budge very much. But somehow these things find their way to our plates, and today’s feature is a real doozy.
If the first two features weren’t your kind because they were too short, too light for your tastes, you’ll like this one. It’s definitely well-crafted, mechanical- and writing-wise, and the author manages to capture otherwise irritatingly vague concepts like resignment and depression well. As in there’s good justification for it, and the emotions, echoing through
word choice, pacing, sentence structure, all the things that make writing sound so dry - the emotions that are conveyed by flowing writing ring real. I’d talk about more, except Sock beat me to the punch, so I’d be happy to just harp on a few key things.
The story progression never slows. This is probably important information if you’re going to make the investment in a 6k-15k story. Rest assured, good reader, that it stays engaging and thoughtful throughout the first chapter. The second chapter is... eh. It’s not a terrible copout, and I guess I’m glad I read it. It is well-written and equally crafted as the first. It doesn’t detract and I’d say it does add to the story, but that’s because I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to catharsis. If you like your endings bittersweet, you’d want to stop at the end of the first chapter, but otherwise press on by all means.
The story opts for a less-explored route and carries it out convincingly, with themes that linger and ask gently, Is this who I am going to be? As a reading experience, this is a good one, and worth checking out.
STORY 4
The Lunatics, by SpaceCommie
A traitorous spy who can freeze time. An amoral archaeologist with a dangerous past. A cloudheaded Wonderbolt who wants to be a hero. A secretary in way over her head. Leading them all into the depths of the changeling hive is Princess Luna. Their mission: to capture Queen Chrysalis and bring her to justice. There will be no support, and no going back. And none of them are prepared for what they'll find.
The changelings have a past deeper and darker than anypony imagined. And so does Chrysalis.
THIS STORY IS UTTER LUNACY!
I’ll admit, I was sold the moment I read this fic’s description. I love the idea of the rag-tag band of misfits saving the day, I love the idea of Equestrian gubernatorial intrigue, and I love the idea of Luna getting some adventure time. And now, before you start posting crossover pics and fics at that prompt, allow me to elaborate on this story’s merits.
It’s an offbeat premise, for starters—that much should be apparent. You can never fault someone for trying on a new pair of socks—unless those socks are, like, puce polka-dot patterned—and you can never fault an author for trying something different—unless they fail at it. Even then, you might get some sick pleasure out of the embarrassment. Even better, you might find that the author can actually wear puce polka-dots and make it look good.
That’s what has happened with this particular fic, I’m happy to say. It checks all the correct boxes, setting up its premise well, and characterizing its central characters distinctly and uniquely. It helps that most of them are pretty much blank slates, like Colgate/Minuet, and the others are believably presented. Chief among these is Luna, whose inner conflicts appear to be a central focus. Her motives for undertaking the quest are purely personal, and that has the potential for considerable drama down the line.
If it sounds like I’m speaking purely of the prospective, well, that should come as no surprise. The story’s still in progress, but there’s enough hints of things to come to keep the intrigue going. Heck, the Lunatics still have many miles to go to before they even reach the Changeling hive, and one can’t help but wonder how the story will develop from there. And if it holds to its current form, it’ll be quite the ride, regardless.
As I said, intrigue abounds, but there’s also plenty of action. At the time of this writing, the story has already gotten into its first major set-piece, and it is of a scale that is equal parts suspense and explosions. Something for everyone, in other words. Or at least, something for everyone who likes to see ponies kick some carapace.
Whether you prefer to jump in now or wait until it’s further along, this is one to add to your lists. Either way, I’ll say with good certainty that it won’t disappoint.
Oh lawdy we’re actually doing one of these powered-OC-cast fics. It’s not that I dislike them - I think they have massive potential for epic, world-spanning tales that really wrench connections in your memory. Reading experience in one of its most enjoyable forms, really. If only it wasn’t for the disappointment that comes whenever the powered OC is [insert bland but prevalent trend here], and the adventure is nothing more than doing a meet-and-greet with the Mane 6...
While the impetus of Lunatics seems a bit inadequate - the story is almost too eager, I felt, to jump off the bat - the easy humour and interplay, and well-directed focus on a determined Luna combined with a throb of momentum convinced me that perhaps the trade-off was deliberate - and worthwhile. And then I read a little more, and a little more still and realized I needed to step back and readjust my expectations.
I’ll be honest: I felt that this could have done with a structural polishing. The exposition could have been a little cleaner, the character exploration earlier on could have gone a little deeper, but that just isn’t the focus of the story. What’s going on here is what’s being sold in the summary: group of colourful characters go into a changeling hive and uncover dark changeling secrets. For the purpose of the story the characters are colourful enough - it spends its investment on the mystery of the changelings’ attack on a certain town and the unravelling of it. That this isn’t as much a character-driven story as it is plot-driven, which means that instead of working on creating backstory, the author’s focused on creating fun.
The action, the thrills of interacting powers, abilities, and the system in which it all functions. It’s a ride of outplays and solving mysteries, least of which are the characters themselves. It’s quite unlike any feature I’ve done, in fact, and I like that.
So far the update rate is one a month. That means the next chapter should pop up in a week, if the good author is still carrying on - but if enough of you go over and give it some love we can increase the chance of that happening.
“Well, what is it?” asked Casca, after several beats of silence, during which the whine had repeated twice, followed by a small poot, like the aftermath of a driver having binged on beans in a can in a locomotive cab.
“It’s a Gemfinder 9001! Best thing the insurance money from last time’s definitely-not-arson could buy. With this, the location of good but underappreciated fics will be sent to us via text message, and then all we’ll need to do is show up!” As if on cue, there was another poot. Sock beamed at Casca, and returned to the floor. “So you see, there’s nothing to worry about. Let’s get these papers cleaned up.”
“So that was where the money went.”
Casca and Sock looked up to see alexmagnet in the doorway, a look of unbridled fury on his face. As he marched up to them slowly, his voice, raw and dripping with venom, boomed:
“Celestia’s bells, the entire headquarters burn down, and I spend weeks going back and forth with the insurance company, and they shell out pittance, and it’s a wonder how I managed to explain the barrels of gasoline as just being Sock’s-”
“And you were right,” said Sock sagely.
“-and even after all that and with the machine, your reviews are still late?!”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Gems indeed. That's four more for the Read Later. Thanks!
HA!
A week sounds about right.
Also, I got reviewed by SA? Excuse me while I squee like a 13 year-old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.
With Casca in this review round, I was expecting him to finally put up Sable Tails' Prodigy for a review. Huh, oh well.
I had a feeling that this insurance money would've come from one of your bases of operation being destroyed. Though considering how many of your HQs and secret bases have been demolished over the years, I'm surprised insurance companies still cover Seattle's Angels-related damages. What are we up to now, thirty destroyed HQs? Including a downed space station?
2195718
I think it was an unofficial consensus that it was too YMMV for our purposes. Won't stop me from touting it as a personal recommendation though.
2195706
A congratulations and kudos, by the way, for beating the skepticism! Yours is a rare good in a sea of ehh, and it gives me hope. Press on and weave that crazy changeling story.
That picture of Patchouli and Twilight tho.
Great bunch of reviews, even though about half of these somehow ended up in my read it later list already. You got me more stoked to read them more, that's for sure!
Have you tried putting on a telenovella? I hear they could bring in enough revenue to replace all the stuff the insurance didn't cover. Still, you have to respect any insurance company that still covers acts of derp
in the policy.
I'm stunned. It's nice to get the review, because I'm just too close up to it to see patterns. I didn't even realize consciously that I'd set Cheese up as the straight man. I'm glad you liked the characterization, though!
Wait, which character in The Lunatics is the powered OC? I would have said it was entirely full of canon background characters.
Crap. They are all four interesting, and going into my RL list. Reminds me of the days when my right hand would move of its own volition to bookmark every damn ponyfic that looked good. "Hey...no, you keep that mouse where it is, hand. You keep that cursor away from the bookmarks. HEY, don't you click that! Band hand! I have too much to read! Don't you dare click the bookmark command, or I swear I will...don't you dare select tha-GODDAMMIT!"
And Sock...
Alliteration sounds awful when you're alliteration the short 'a'. You should feel terrible.
2198132
Ya gots me. I would say "you know the kind", because that was the first impression I got when I was handed the link, but, well, ya gots me.
2198132
Well, Moonshine is an OC.
Either I've been mishap in making her presence obvious, or I've done a good enough job characterizing her that you think she's a canon character.
Or you just didn't see her tagged in the story description.
I may be overthinking this.