Sweetie Belle (and other CMC) Fic Review 5: The Koprulu Sector · 4:24pm Sep 24th, 2013
Alright, I finally have another review. Here's an adventure story mainly following the CMC: The Koprulu Sector. Written by: Unholyheaven. I'm writing this review after only reading half the story (24 chapters, about 125k words), but I do of course plan on finishing it off soon. Still, I believe that at this point I have enough to say about this story in a review.
So, I was asked to review this story, and that's what I'll do. So first off, any Starcraft fans out there? Because this is a crossover with Starcraft, and in a big way. It borrows more from the Starcraft universe than it does from MLP. Fortunately, I have played Starcraft for many years. While I wouldn't consider myself a super-avid fan (in the way that I am with ponies) I still consider myself quite well-versed in that universe, and so I didn't feel lost when I stepped into this fic. Is it mandatory to know about Starcraft before reading this fic? I want to say 'no', and I firmly believe that many of the sharper readers could navigate themselves through the fic just fine by latching onto the characters. Still, a love for the crossover material will certainly help the experience.
The first thing that is evident in this story is Unholyheaven's love for the Starcraft universe, and the way he meshes the two universes together into a believable universe of its own is nothing short of admirable. I think the worldbuilding is perhaps the strongest element of this story. It's very fascinating to see how the two universes have interacted and what the result is. I have always been engaged by any new city, planet, faction, or place that is explored. While you can tell that the story is written very much on a spur-of-the-moment basis (not unlike my own stories), there is an attention to world-building that really makes this universe come alive.
The next strongest point would have to be the characters. Yes, we have teenage CMC that are pretty much the common ground, the characters that the reader can relate to, and what they use to immerse themselves in this story. The CMC are close enough to their canon counter-parts to engage the new readers as the CMC are swept up by the conflict of no less than three (and more) separate factions. Each character has their goals, and they are all going about trying to achieve them. They struggle, many fail, and many adjust their goals as the situation demands. As the chapters go on, more protagonists and antagonists are introduced (much like Starcraft actually, so kudos for emulating that feel).
I only have a couple complaints about characters. I feel like only a few of the characters ever really get to be explored as much as I want them to, preventing me from being as engaged as I could be. And the narrative jumps from one character to another rather whimsically without always giving the readers enough time to actually be engaged by the characters. While this isn't really a bad thing, and keeps the reader on their toes, because they honestly don't know exactly which character is going to be in the next part. But I think that a lot of this could be solved with a bit more showing in place of some of the telling.
Oh, and on the narrative. It's a 3rd person omniscient, for the most part, though it does change to limited every once in a while. The changes can be slightly abrupt, and at times made me frown slightly, but I think it's easy enough to overlook with all the other great stuff going on here.
Plot: The plot itself has a fair number of tropes for their conflicts, but they are pursued in an organic manner that makes the story feel fresh and original for the most part. There are also a lot of plot points. This is a full scale adventure that covers multiple planets and much of space, and there is a lot going on in the words, and even more going on off-screen. The busy plot adds to the feel of just how diverse and expansive this universe really is.
Atmosphere: You also get the whole Starcraft feel from it, more so than the MLP vibe, although the MLP portion still has its presence. It's a dark adventure that explores the characters as they struggle to find their places in the universe and it seems to use these themes to challenge the theme of friendship that MLP carries (and that the CMC share). Whether friendship will win out or not is questionable, but certainly a fascinating struggle to behold.
And now for the thing that irritated me the most: Grammar/Spelling
The story is riddled with numerous mistakes. Just about every paragraph has at least one mistake in it. Luckily, I could overlook this aspect of the story in order to see the real treasure of a dynamic world. To be fair, the mistakes also gradually got fewer and fewer as the chapters went on, but they are still there. ('ally' instead of 'alley', basic mistakes like that, the story is kind of riddled with them and my own inner editor was screaming at me to make a list, but I honestly didn't have the time to do so. You can see what was meant to be written, but it is kind of irking.) I think if Unholyheaven went back through and caught those little mistakes, then we'd have ourselves a fantastic gem of a story here.
So, yeah. I recommend this fic. If you like Starcraft, then I highly recommend this fic. It's ambitious, crafted with a skilled eye, oh and it updates fast. Seriously, this guy pumps out around 7000-8000 words a week, from what I've seen. It's pretty much as big as my own SoC series, yet he only started this 20 weeks ago. Kind of puts me to shame, heh.
Plus there's some fantastic art in there by Rameslack. Seriously. I had seen a few pieces of this art before even reading this story, so it is awesome to see what story it was drawn for.
And, of course, because Sweetie Belle is awesome, and ghosts are probably my favourite SC unit:
I look forward to reading more of this story and seeing its eventual conclusion. Seriously check this story out, if just to see how to go about doing some fine world-building.
Thanks for reading,
~SilentBelle
Post Script: I forgot to mention the pacing for the story is pretty darn good, even if sometimes you are wanting the author to focus on your favourite character (Sweetie Belle) instead of some of the others, none of the scenes seem to go on for too long. There are definitely some great things in this story.
Oh, ew, AU...
).
Okay, it's not that I automatically have a problem with alternate universe fics. In fact, even this particular universe is very close to being something I would love. Where I have a problem is when authors discount the entirety of the actual show. There are plenty of ways that this could've been written without pretending the show never existed. Perhaps the portal was a secret, so none of the show characters ever knew about it. That'd work, seeing as after 400 years only the princess would actually remember it personally. Where this fic crossed the line for me, though, is when it fundamentally changed who the CMC were*. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. They live in Ponyville, Equestria with their sisters (and Scootaloo's lack of anyone who loves her
They are not... this!
Honestly, at this point, I have to wonder why the author even bothered including them in his story. He didn't, after all, include the CMC. I just defined the CMC, and the definition didn't match at all. He's included three OCs wearing the skins of the CMC for the sake of attracting readers who wouldn't intentionally read a story about three OCs.
To each their own, though, and more power to those that enjoy this kind of stuff. It's just not my bag, and I figured I'd explain a little as to why.
* I know one could argue "Oh, but it doesn't change their characters, so it's still the CMC" but I disagree with that. Unless you personally work on the show, or you're some kind of godlike author, there's no way that you can write the perfect, undisputed Scootaloo (or whoever). The best any author can do is write their own interpretation of the characters. This means that the other stuff becomes vastly important. If you make Rainbow Dash not a weather pony, then you've destroyed one of the few things that actually links your interpretation to the actual, real Rainbow Dash. And, in my opinion, this has destroyed everything that links the CMC to the actual, real CMC.
PS: Sorry if that devolved into a
bit of arant on alternate universes in general...As for the actual review, very well done!
I definitely look forward to more of these.
1372841 Oh, that's fair and I understand that AU is often a turn-off for many people. (My turn-off genre tends to be Random) I can look past the fact that these are AU CMC and I feel they are close enough to their canon characters to be a steppingstone for the readers into this expansive universe. Sure AB and SB don't explore their family bonds too much in this story as opposed to the show where those family bonds pretty much make up half of who they are as characters, but the feeling of the CMC as a unit is definitely there, and for me, that was enough to keep me immersed.
I understand your viewpoint though, it is totally legit.
I dont know if you know but there are a few short side stories to this fic that build some background for some of the characters, just thought I whould let you know.
Also I did not expect to see my "art" here
1373014 I saw mention of that on one of the chapters, but I didn't go out of my way to read them. It didn't seem too entirely necessary. I wanted to review the main story line as unbiased as I could, and there would be a problem if someone had to read that supplemental material to understand the characters in the story. Overall though, I never felt the need to go and read the other material, which is a good thing. I'll probably check 'em out after I make my way through the rest of this lengthy fic.
Also, your art is awesome! It should be no surprise that I'd mention it
maybe ill give it a shot. more of a console gamer so i never tried starcraft closest thing i played is prolly halo wars. the art looks great especially sweetie. shes reminds me of a pony bruce willis in that pic bad azz!! and thanks to silentbelle sweetie has moved into my top 5
if you recommend then it should be good. also your review was very kind and you dont see many that are so i respect that. nice job. 
1373047 Its true you dont have to read them but its nice to know that they are there in case you want to in the future. I havent read them all yet myself but I will at some point. And thanks again for enjoying my "art".