Let's all introduce ourselves properly · 2:22pm May 2nd, 2013
I'll start.
Top of the morning, my name is Sir Amit Smithjohnwilliamhamsingkirktonthorpeworthsuponson.
I'm a 16 year old Anglophile (British fan for you Pakis). I draw Contemporary and Baroque on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting my art and watching superior British shows (Doctor Who, Monty Python, Winnie the Pooh and James Bond).
I train with my Independent every day, this superior newspaper can cut clean through government interference because it is researched over a thousand times, and is vastly superior to any weapon on earth. I earned my newspaper license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day.
I speak American fluently, both Latin and the Canterbury dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about British history and their royal statutes, which I follow 100%.
When I get my right of abode, I am moving to London to attend a prestigious Secondary School to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become a writer for the Times or an investment banker.
I own several tophats, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Britain, so I can fit in easier. I shake hands with my elders and seniors and speak British as often as I can, but rarely does anyone manage to respond. God save the Queen!
Pictured: Me.
I wrote this for some fairly nice anon chap on 4chan and Vocaroo'd it; I figured the text would belong here quite well. Feel free to introduce yourselves too.
My name is Brandon Wheldon, i'm a 15 year old American and slight conspiracy nut. I used to be able to draw until I broke my wrist and it's too unstable now to steady my hand enough to draw, so instead I spend my days writing, playing video games, and doing anything creative that isn't visual art.
I speak American fluently with a slight southern accent, as well as knowing a great bit of Italian, enough to have a in-depth conversation with a native of Italy. I know the basics of American history, but I know a lot about medieval times/dark ages. As well as old weaponry and fighting.
When I get to the proper age I intend to go to college for creative writing or character design. I hope to one day become a writer for the video game industry.
Hey, I live in Iceland. I would write more, but the weather has been a bit off recently and my igloo is melting around me, so I'm a bit busy.
And you still didn't mention if you were female...
How exactly does one earn a newspaper license? Not that I want to go into journalism or anything. Also, you should try watching QI, Have I Got News for You and, despite its age, Not the Nine O'Clock News for shits of the giggling variety.
1048826
i don't actually watch any of these shows it's a snowclone of a copypasta and I actually detest the British because they literally robbed my entire family fortune in 1947
But sure, I'll look those up.
1048838 i'm so sorry for the terrible things you accuse us of and i humbly ask for your forgiveness oh wait lol no
But seriously?
I guess that flew right by me.
1048853
actually was pakis but westerners are all intrinsically evil and accomplices to all colonial misery anyway so it's ok
And wait, you're British? Colour me surprised.
1048871 well at least we share the same opinion in that we gave misery its purpose in life
Well, I prefer English, but yes, I s'pose so. Why is that so surprising?
Amit, you can't use a joke that requires knowing things. It took me, like, five whole seconds to get it. Jeez.
you know, this reads like a weeaboo talking about japan, unnervingly enough...
And I'm an italian american living in Italy, because I wanted to say that for reasons that still elude me
Oh, and also I know Chemistry.
A buttload of chemistry.
By internet standards, which means I'm barely passing my courses
1048957
Does it?
1048897
>tfw you forgot to include the 'tophat' line and now sixty people won't ever know the beauty of your satirical excellence
The horror.
Now put his to the tune of "Modern Major General" and you have a winner!
phillbarron.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/bullshit-button.jpg
My fragile ego can't handle that, I therefore reject your statement. Good day.
1049042 But you're supposed to wear it around town, so you can get used to wearing them before you move to England, so you can fit in easier!
"Smithjohnwilliamhamsingkirktonthorpeworthsuponson"
Pronounced "Sarson" mayhap?
I freely admit I have absolutely no idea what's going on. I suspect I move in rather different circles.
1049183
i.imgur.com/Uzkt9CY.png
You even missed the birthday party.
Glastnost, my name is Hamovich.
I’m a 27 year old American Cossaku (Russia fan for you bronies). I design nesting dolls and borscht recipes on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting my art and playing superior Russian games (most of which are copyright infringing knockoffs of American games, such as Super Hard-Working Overall Mustache Brothers Race in Small Vehicles, Adventure of Man With Gun, and Steal a Car IV: Steal Additional Cars. Also Tetris.)
I build up my resistance by drinking a bucket of vodka every day. This superior alcohol can cut clean through the human liver because it is made from a potato which has been buried in the Siberian tundra for a thousand years, and is vastly superior to any other beverage on earth. I earned my two-month chip from AA a year ago, then sold it to buy additional vodka.
I speak Russian fluently, both Stalinese and the Zangief dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Russian history and their Soviet code, which I follow 100%, as per regulations.
When I get my Russian visa, I am moving to Moscow to attend Putin's School for Gifted Unicorns. Also, Russia has unicorns. Putin is one of them, but he is wearing a disguise. I hope to learn more about the motherland's superior culture, and eventually become a circus bear trainer, chessmaster, or Rasputin.
I own several authentic Russian turnips, which I wear on my belt, as is the style at the time. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Mother Russia, so I can fit in easier. I arrange the blocks and ask elderly women for DNA samples (in the hope that one of them may unknowingly be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia) but rarely does anyone manage to respond.
Wish me luck in the Motherland!
i43.tinypic.com/210g27r.jpg
1049543
to think that you would be the one to finally have gotten it oh my god
(get on skype you bloody mental seductor)
I am Pashoo and I have The Ponies. It is a terrible, infectious disease that affects and average of thousands of Americans yearly, as well as the occasional Russian. It is characterized by drowsiness, lack of sleep, obsession, and an episodic flaring of pastel equines in the immediate vicinity, coupled with a loud rending of the vocal chords, usually lasting twenty to thirty minutes.
It is only through the help of my friends and family that I have overcome the worst, but the marks of The Pony remain, even to this day. I now work with hundreds every day to increase awareness of this rapidly spreading affliction, but it is only through your own effort that you can prevent the worst from happening.
Know the signs. Don't let The Pony consume your life.
I must go now, I feel an episode coming on.
1050802
L-lewd.
(
)
1049543
Yo, my name is [redacted].
I’m a [redacted] year old [redacted] ([redacted] for you civilians). I [redacted] [redacted] and [redacted] on my camcorder, and spend my days perfecting my art and [redacted] [redacted] chainsaw [redacted] (most of which are redacted, such as [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted].)
I [redacted] [redacted] by [redacted] [redacted] every day. This [redacted] can cut clean through [redacted] because it is redacted which [redacted] a thousand years [redacted], and [redacted] [redacted] any other [redacted] on earth. I redacted my [redacted] a year ago, then [redacted] [redacted].
I speak redacted, both [redacted] and [redacted], and I redact [redacted] as well. I know everything about [redacted] and redacted, which I [redacted].
When I redact my [redacted], I am redacting [redacted] to redact a [redacted] about their magnificent [redacted]. I hope I can become redacted or a [redacted].
I own several [redacted], which I [redacted] skin [redacted]. I want to get used to wearing them before I [redacted], so I can redact easier. I [redact] lotion [redacted] and [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] ([redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]) [redacted] but rarely does anyone manage to respond, or even understand what the Hell I thought I was talking about.
I’m not so sure myself anymore.
Get [redacted]!
1051006
Aren't Class Ds supposed to be cleaned out by the end of the month? :-/
I'm sure the scp foundation has a couple of questions for you...
1051476
It's not my fault I'm a Delta. Aldous Huxley wouldn't let them give me any oxygen as an embryo.
My name is not important — nevertheless, I am a 16-year-old gnostic voyager whose principal cause is that of the truth.
I associate with ponies as a round-about way to slowly learn humility, acceptance, and the importance that irony/silliness plays in a person's life.
I speak American English fluently, and have limited understanding for other languages.
Except for music, that is.
When my time to leave the prison of grade-school eventually comes, I have aspirations of becoming a music performance major (Trombone) with additional tutelage in philosophy and formal logic.