“Cotton? Sweetie? May I come in?”
Spike knocked on Cotton’s door as he spoke. All he heard in response was sobbing. He let out a deep sigh before he turned the knob and let the door swing in. He found Cotton with her face buried in her tear-stained pillows. After a quiet breath, he slowly pushed his head into the room.
“Sweetie, I’m sorry for barging in like this, but I just want to be sure; you do understand that none of this is your fault, don’t you? Neither yours nor Steadclaw’s. Neither of you did anything wrong. You aren’t being punished for anything.”
Turning her head to free her muzzle, Cotton shut her eyes tighter as she screamed, “Then why does it feel like I am?! Why is he being ripped away from me?!” Then she buried her face back in her pillows as another sob was ripped out of her.
Spike sighed again. “Sweetie, we all talked about this earlier. Steadclaw’s father was in an accident, so he and Stella need to return to Griffonstone and take care of his grandmother Gilda. An old Crusader is standing in for the moment, but she’s getting on in years herself. They need to go and—”
“But he said he wouldn’t!” Cotton cried as she uncovered her muzzle again, looking at her father through bloodshot eyes. When Spike tilted his head for her to elaborate, she continued, “He said he wouldn’t go anywhere unless I wanted him to! I don’t want him to!”
“Cotton, this is out of Steadclaw’s control. No matter what he told you, he and Stella are both going back home; they have to.”
Cotton dove back into her pillows. “Why can’t Stella go and let Steadclaw stay?” she cried through her muffled sobs.
Spike closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. “It would be very irresponsible of all parties to let a sixteen-year-old live on his own like that, Cotton. He may be capable of it, but he is still a minor.”
“He could stay in the castle!” Cotton said, lifting her head up and looking at her father with pleading eyes.
Holding back a grunt, Spike responded, “Cotton, that would be highly inappropriate. There are other places around Canterlot that he could stay, but look at it this way: if you were living up in the Crystal Empire and I became ill, would you not come back and take care of me?”
Cotton sniffled. “You’d have Aunt Twilight, Aunt Luna, and Auntie Tia to look after you.”
Spike raised a brow. “So you wouldn’t come home to take care of your sick father?”
“Of course I would!” Cotton screamed, sitting up on her bed. “If you’re trying to help me feel better, it isn’t working!”
Hanging his head as best he could in the tight space, Spike asked, “Then what would you like me to do, Cotton?”
“Fix it!” Cotton shouted, pounding her hooves once on her mattress. “I don’t care how! Just fix it!” she cried.
Spike sighed. “I can’t, Cotton. There are many things I can do, but that isn’t one of them.”
“Why not? You’re royalty! You can do anything! You just want me to be miserable! I hate you! Get out!” she screamed, throwing one of her pillows at Spike’s snout before diving back into the rest.
“Cotton, I’m not—” Spike started.
“I said get out!” she screeched.
Spike rolled his eyes as he pulled his head out of Cotton’s doorway and shut the door behind him, listening to Cotton’s choked sobs.
Ж
Curled up in the back of his room, Spike rested his head on one of his massive cushions. Twilight sat on another in front of him.
“…What do I do, Twilight? She said she hates me. And the worst part is, I don’t blame her.”
Twilight shook her head. “She doesn’t hate you, Spike. She just… dislikes you intensely right now.”
“I dunno, Twi,” he responded. “She’s been mad at me before, but she’s never said she hates me.”
Twilight smirked, then replied, “Spike, kids say things they don’t really mean sometimes. Especially when they’re angry.” She put a hoof to her chin as she thought for a moment, then looked back to him. “You should have been old enough… do you remember way back when Shining had his military graduation party?”
Spike raised a brow to match the direction his eyes moved. “Vaguely. I’m pretty sure I was still in my single-digits.”
“You were,” Twilight said. “Well, I wanted to go out and celebrate with Shining and his friends. I wanted to go so badly, but no matter how many times, and how many different ways I asked, Mom kept saying no. She said I wasn’t old enough.”
His face contorted in disbelief, Spike asked, “Weren’t you fourteen or fifteen? You wanted to go out and celebrate with a bunch of drinking, probably horny stallions?”
Her smirk split into a grin, and Twilight nodded again. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty, Spike. Obviously Mom was right in forbidding me to go, and you understand because you’re a father.”
“Where are you going with this, Twilight?”
“I’m getting there, Spike,” she replied. “When Mom told me ‘for the last time’ that I couldn’t go to the celebration, I was furious. I stormed up to my room and slammed the door. When she came upstairs and opened it to try and talk to me, do you know what I did?”
Spike cocked a brow. “Lemme guess…”
“I screamed at the top of my lungs that I hated her.”
Spike pursed his lips for a moment.
“…and then I threw a book at her.”
His eyes widening, Spike said, “Who are you and what have you done with Twilight Sparkle?”
Nodding once again, she responded, “Mhm. I was that angry. Luckily, Mom closed the door in time to avoid getting hit. And of course, I cleaned the book and put it back on the shelf right afterwards…” Twilight blushed and rubbed the back of her mane. “…but my point stands. Obviously I didn’t actually hate Mom, but I let my emotions choose my words for me. I can tell you from experience, the same is happening with Cotton.”
Spike let out a sigh. “Well, at least she only threw a pillow at me.”
Gesturing a hoof in Spike’s direction, Twilight said, “See? She even threw something. Trust me, Spike, Cotton just needs time to process what’s going on. She has every right to be upset right now, though, don’t you think? She did just find out her boyfriend is getting torn away from her, after all.”
“I guess you’re right. I probably would be feeling the same way,” he said. “Hopefully she sticks to throwing pillows, if anything.”
“Hey, just be glad your daughter isn’t an alicorn,” Twilight told him. “I remember Shining telling me that when he threatened her first special somepony, Flurry threw the entire west wing of the Crystal Castle at him.”
“…Isn’t that where he kept his comic book collection?”
“Yes. She was lucky he opted for the earthquake-level comic book sleeves.”
Ж
“Well… what about your suit vest? You looked really good in this,” Cotton said, holding up the garment for Steadclaw to decide on. Taking a glance back inside his closet, she added, “And that’s the last thing in here.”
Steadclaw looked up from the pile he was rummaging through, let out a sigh, then shook his head. “As much as I like it, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t have anywhere to put it where it wouldn’t get wrinkled. Let’s put it in the giveaway pile; I’m sure someone else could get some use out of it.”
Cotton looked over at the modest pile of items at the foot of Steadclaw’s bed, consisting of a record player, some ancient records, towels, books, used and new school supplies, and a few knick-knacks. She shook her head as she gently laid the vest down along with them. “You’re bringing like, nothing with you.” She looked towards his closed bedroom door where his satchel lay, next to a hat, scarf, and a drawstring bag with a small collection of bits. Pointing at them, she huffed, “You’re telling me those are the only things in this room that you actually care about?”
Steadclaw turned his head around and looked at the pathetic pile for a moment. Then he let out a deep sigh before he stood up and walked over to Cotton, caressing her cheek. “That I can bring… yeah.”
Cotton’s eyes softened, then she reached up and held his claw against her. Feeling the tears welling up, she sniffed, then whimpered, “I don’t want you to go.”
Steadclaw closed his eyes for just a moment, then looked down at the floor.
Cotton buried her face in his chest. “I’m sorry.”
Steadclaw leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “For what?”
Taking a breath, Cotton replied, “I just realized—for the past two days I’ve only been thinking about myself. What I want. You just lost your dad.” She wrapped her forelegs around him and gave him a hug. “I’m so sorry.”
“…Thanks,” Steadclaw responded, returning the embrace. After a moment, Cotton felt his grip on her tighten before a drop fell onto her wing. “But now I’m gonna lose you, too.”
They heard the doorknob being released, then the slow clicking of claws going down the stairs.
After a minute or so, Cotton and Steadclaw loosened their grips on each other. Cotton lifted her head as she said, “There’s still one thing you can do.” She turned and walked up to Steadclaw’s giveaway pile. After looking through it for a moment, she picked up a three-section notebook and ruffled through the pages before nodding and giving it to him.
“This just has my Equish notes in the front,” Steadclaw said.
Cotton nodded again. “You’ve got two sections’ worth of blank paper. Write to me.”
Ж
“…Well, that appears to be all the important things,” Stella said, stuffing some papers into a folder and placing said folder into a satchel sitting on the couch. “Everything else is either unnecessary or impossible to bring. Whoever bought this place will be getting much more than just furnishings. I still can’t believe it sold so quickly.”
“Why is it so surprising?” Spike asked, his head sticking through the townhome door into the family room.
Stella placed the satchel by the door, then brought a chair from the kitchen to sit down. “Well, I bought this place because it’s relatively cheap for Upper Canterlot; this area is known for pickpockets. I was worried that it would take at least a week before I even heard from the agent. Imagine my surprise when she contacted me yesterday and said someone offered higher than market value for it!”
“That certainly is a stroke of luck,” Spike said, nodding within the confines of the door.
“Absolutely,” Stella responded, “though our opportunity to leave sooner does mean less time for the kids to spend together before we go.”
“Hmmm… that’s true,” Spike replied with a rumble in his chest. “If I may, how is Steadclaw taking the whole situation? And how are you?”
“Well, Steadclaw’s taking it like any tiercel would,” she answered. “He’s putting on a brave face and claiming that he’s fine. He hasn’t seen his father since we moved here; Godrick was willing to stay behind to take care of his mother while I brought Steadclaw here to get a more well-rounded education. I personally haven’t seen any letters between them for the past two years, nor have they even seen each other in that time. My son does have a habit of being secretive, though.” She sighed. After a moment, she added, “Perhaps he gets that from me…”
Spike furrowed his brows. “Why do you say that?”
“Well…” Stella hung her head before looking back up at Spike. “I must admit, I’ve been putting on a bit of a facade myself. I didn’t only bring Steadclaw here to better his education.” After another pause, she lowered her voice and continued, “Godrick and I were separating.”
Spike’s eyes widened. “Did Steadclaw know?”
She half shook her head, but then shrugged. “Well, we didn’t outright tell him, but Steadclaw is a clever boy. It wouldn’t surprise me if he somehow figured it out. Steadclaw and Godrick didn’t have the same kind of relationship that you and Cotton have. Granted, they never disliked each other, but I never saw the same kind of familial love between them that I see between most other parents and their children. Perhaps that’s why Steadclaw didn’t make a fuss when I told him his father was staying behind when we left Griffonstone.”
“Didn’t your husband need to stay with Gilda?” Spike asked.
Stella tilted her head from side to side. “Well, yes. Stubborn as she was to take care of herself, my mother-in-law did admit she needed a little help from time to time. Not enough that she would need a full-time caretaker, though. I was lucky enough to have a good relationship with her. When Godrick and I told her about the situation between us, she allowed us to tell Steadclaw that she was the only reason his father was staying behind. That hen is a saint.”
“Yes, from what I hear she’s changed quite a lot since the first time I met her,” Spike said. “Steadclaw speaks quite highly of her.”
“And he has every reason to,” Stella responded. “Now it’s time we go back and help her when she needs us. Miss Gabriella can only aid her for so long. As pained as Steadclaw is to leave Cotton, he won’t let me go and take care of Gilda myself.” She glanced toward the stairway for a moment, then continued, “I told him I wouldn’t say anything, but I offered to look for someplace in Canterlot where he could stay without me and still be properly looked after so he could stay here with Cotton. He refused—said he needed to help take care of his grandmother first and foremost.”
Spike’s eyes widened again for a moment before he let out a breath. “I have to say, even though he’s had his moments, your son continues to impress me.”
“Thank you,” Stella said, nodding. “One of the best things I did with Godrick was raise a wonderful son. I’d like to believe I continued to do so on my own.”
Smiling, Spike said, “You did. My daughter found quite a catch.” As Stella smiled back, Spike’s faded. “We’re both very sad to see you go.”
Stella nodded again as she looked down. “As are we.” She let out a deep sigh, then turned around and headed for the stairway. “They’ve been up there for a while. Let me go see if they’d like anything to eat.”
After Stella ascended the stairs, Spike tilted his head in either direction to get a glimpse of what he could. The carpets had been cleaned, the table cleared, and everything that the mother and son griffon had to leave behind had been put somewhere appropriate for either decorative or functional purposes.
Would’ve been a shame if they’d really had to just leave all of this to somepony random.
A moment later, Spike heard the slow click of claws coming down the stairs. When Stella re-entered the family room by herself, he asked her, “Are they not hungry?”
Stella let out a sigh. “I didn’t want to interrupt them. I’m sure they’ll come down when they’re ready.”
Spike cocked a brow. “What were they doing?”
“They were having a rather emotional moment,” Stella replied. “And it might be their last, so…” She sighed again.
“Ah,” Spike responded simply, letting out a relieved breath. After a moment, he tilted his head and said, “Stella, I understand wanting to leave sooner rather than later, but for my daughter’s sake, I need to ask—must you really leave right away? You did say you hadn’t expected to be able to leave so soon. Couldn’t you stay another day or two?” After a brief pause, he added, “Please?”
Frowning as she turned away, Stella replied, “Believe me, Spike, I wish we could. But my mother-in-law’s letter did have an air of urgency about it. Since Steadclaw insists on coming with me, we really should leave tonight, now that I know we can. The train ride to Griffonstone is a long one.” Looking back to the dragon, she finished, “I’m sorry.”
Spike shook his head as well as he could without tearing the windowsill. “No need to apologize. I understand. Can’t blame me for trying, though.”
Stella returned the gesture with a small smile. “Of course not. Honestly, it is quite tempting, but I fear lingering longer may just make the departure worse for the two of them.”
“That is a possibility,” Spike responded solemnly. After a moment, he said, “Stella, if ever you and Steadclaw find yourselves able or wanting to come back to Canterlot, please don’t hesitate to send me a letter. I’ll be sure you have a place to stay, long or short-term.”
Holding her smile, Stella said, “Oh Spike, please. I couldn’t ask you to go through that trouble. And before you offer, I refuse to impose on the castle. That’s just too much.”
“Trust me, it wouldn’t be any trouble. Like I said, don’t hesitate.”
Stella’s crest ruffled, giving her a fuzzy look. “Spike, you really are too kind. Thank y—” She stopped herself mid-sentence as her eyes widened. She looked back and forth between the rooms before she turned back to the dragon. “Spike, you didn’t.”
A faint blush arose in Spike’s cheeks. “Was I that obvious?”
Stella shook her head as she chastised him, “Spike, you’ve helped us more than enough already. What in Grover’s name possessed you to do that?!”
Spike tilted his head as his shoulders shrugged outside the door. “I wanted to make sure you and Steadclaw would have what you needed. Real estate is a gamble anywhere in Canterlot these days.” His voice took a softer tone. “And if you ever do come back, I wanted to be sure you’d be comfortable. This way you’ll always have a place you can call home in Canterlot if you need it.” His eyes moved back and forth in the direction of some of Stella’s belongings scattered around the room. “And you won’t need to worry about any of your things being thrown away.”
Putting a claw to her head, Stella breathed out, “Spike, I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Just say that you and Steadclaw will be well, and give my regards to Gilda when you get back to Griffonstone.”
With a shake of her head, Stella responded, “We will, Spike, on all accounts.” She stood up from her chair and made her way to the dragon, then gave him a soft peck on his cheek. “Thank you so much, Spike. I don’t think I can ever repay you.”
“There’s no need to. Just don’t forget about us.”
Stella let out a small chuckle. “I don’t think I ever could, Sir Spike.”
Spike smiled back at her. “Well, if we’re adding a little levity to the moment here, knowing what I do now, are you saying that if Cotton had followed through with trying to set the two of us up, I would have had a chance?” he asked, giving her a wink.
The griffoness guffawed, then smacked the back of the dragon’s head with her wing.
Ж
“So… your mom is giving my dad some of her stuff to sell?”
“That’s what she told me,” Steadclaw said, shrugging at Cotton as they walked out the castle’s main doors. “Doesn’t really surprise me. Otherwise they’d probably just get thrown out. Not like we’re coming b—” He stopped himself, then let out a deep sigh.
Cotton sniffed as she looked ahead to where Spike and Stella were talking, the griffoness sitting on the dragon’s shoulder. “Well… probably never gonna see that again,” she said, trying to force a smile on her face. When Stella planted a quick kiss on Spike’s cheek, Steadclaw’s and Cotton’s eyes widened. “Huh. Maybe I should’ve asked Aunt Twilight to…” She stopped, then shook her head. “Nevermind.”
After Stella flapped down to the ground, her satchel swung over her shoulder, she called, “Come, Steadclaw. We need to be at the station shortly. We can’t miss the train.”
Steadclaw nodded at her silently, then turned to Cotton. “Cotton, I… I don’t… Dammit, I suck at this.”
Cotton managed a giggle, then she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Here.” Sitting back on her haunches, she lifted a hoof and took one of her hairclips out, allowing the left side of her mane to fall in front of her face. Then she slid the clip into place at the back of his crest with a small smile. “So you don’t forget me.”
As Steadclaw brought a claw back to his crest to feel Cotton’s clip keeping his feathers down, he allowed a single tear to form in his eye. He smiled back at her and reached for her covered cheek to caress it. Her lips had already moved for his beak before he got there.
When they parted, Steadclaw began, “Cotton, someday I will come back. I promise I’ll come back and we can—”
She placed a hoof over his beak and silenced him, shaking her head as tears ran down her cheeks. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Steadclaw’s shoulders sagged, then he reached for her offending hoof, taking it gently off his beak before he asked, “Then can you promise me something?” When Cotton nodded silently, he said, “Whatever happens, don’t ever change.” He leaned forward and kissed Cotton’s scarred cheek. “Always be proud of who you are. No matter what.”
With a hint of a smile, Cotton simply said, “Okay.” Then she leaned forward and nuzzled Steadclaw’s plumage under his neck before she whispered, “I love you, Steadclaw.”
Wrapping his wing around her, Steadclaw kissed the top of her head before resting his own on top of it and responding, “I love you, Cotton.”
When the two of them separated, Steadclaw could feel the matting in his plumage. He caressed Cotton’s cheek one more time before he finally turned and walked toward his mother. When he reached her, he looked into the eyes of Spike.
“Thank you for everything, Spike,” he said simply.
“You’re very welcome, Steadclaw. All the best to you,” Spike replied.
Steadclaw nodded his thanks, then he and Stella lifted into the air and flew towards the train station. He tried not to look back, but he failed. He wished he hadn’t.
Cotton galloped for the castle doors, her tears trailing behind her as she wept.
End of Act Two
*Sigh* It's times like this when I wish I was wrong.
Damn!
Good chapter, sad ending!
Good bit of artwork, but still sad. Hopefully they keep in touch.
...yeah, I thought it would be something like this. Didn't expect it to be because of a death in the family.
Just as long as Cotton and Steadclaw's eventual reunion - however it happens - also includes them getting back together, I will be happy.
All the feels man, why do you do this!!!
god dammit Gilda! gryphon up and move out there, i do hope steadclaw comes back.
Well I'm heartless I didn't feel anything
not a chance this is a gorgeous chapter.
Its a sad chapter, but don't feel bad about it. after all, one of the rules of writing good fiction states: "No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them — in order that the reader may see what they are made of."
8835814
QFFT (quoted for fucking truth!) It's something sadly missing from a lot of fanfiction: people are too close to either their own characters, or their favourite ponies, to put them through events which force them to grow.
Good job on the chapter, LD!
I,m not gonna lie, I do hate that this happened. However I cannot hate the author for doing what is right for the story. Both individuals are barely into their Young Adulthood. They have not even begun to grow as individuals, Cotton hasn't learned self control or maturity and Steadclaw didn't have much self identity outside of his relationship with Cotton. They will both grow, and if they do come back together, they can reconnect as individuals that have grown into themselves. If they don't reconnect, then it will be because they have outgrown the relationship and I hope that growth will allow them to continue their friendship. Cotton and Steadclaw will be keeping in touch, as such the two are entering into a proving ground for their relationship, that will bring them closer together, or it will prove that they need to go their separate ways. Growth only happens through pain, struggle and conflict. The happy and content do not have a reason to grow. So while, as I mentioned above, I hate that this happened, I also applaud the reason for doing so as well as salute the skill with which we all were led to care for Cotton and Steadclaw. Oh, and before I forget, Spike and Stella Shippers unite!!!!!
I hate that you published this on April fool's, haven't even read the chapter yet and I had to search around for spoilers after reading the first paragraph's to make sure this wasn't a joke chapter.
8837057
I know, I'm sorry about that.
I've been wanting to get this chapter out for a while, and it just so happened that the day I was finally able to publish was April Fool's Day. In the blog linked at the end of the chapter I did clarify that none of what I did yesterday was a joke, but nothing was said before the blog's break, so your skepticism is understandable.
Again, to clarify, none of what happened in this chapter was a joke. It's all canon to the story.
And now I'm really hoping for a scene where Granny Gilda learns about Cotton, and says something to the effect of "What the pluck are we sitting around here for then? Get your bags packed, whippersnapper!"
8836823
agreed with what of both you guys (Superb cow & Aprion) have said!
unlike most writers have story planned out that features very shocking subject matter (No it isn't grimdark! can't write that nor do I have the ability to)
my specialties are romance and musicals.
to anyone who might thumbs down my comment for self-promotion...back the hell off!
The moment when you don't see the kick in the nuts coming...
Awww what a way to end an act!
....Gah...I wonder what will happen next...*sigh* this was really a sad ending to act two.
Fuck
Even though I just started reading it... I am loving it so far. It’s an interesting concept. Keep up the good work Level a Dasher!
Wait a Minute.
Why are Cotten's scars disappearing with each new image?
Has anyone even noticed that?
Anyway, awesome chapter, poor Cotten though.
Thine sadness hath been doubled!
9119226
They aren't. They're drawn stylistically different depending on the artists—sometimes they're easily recognizable, sometimes not so much, and sometimes they're covered by shadow or other body parts.
If you're wondering if there was some kind of underlying clue for something in the image(s), there isn't. They're purely to give the readers a nice visual.
9120680
Oh.
Still, it was a great chapter.
this entire story makes me think of this song by the way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1mmtIDeuvg
I have to admit... this is very impressive... how you came up with all of these new and original characters is beyond me. Not to mention that family tree! That does not seem like an easy thing to come up with... props to you! 👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻
9120680
He better not be gone for good m8 or this will prob go to my shit list. And trust me it takes a lot to make me put a story in my shit list
I do NOT like sad stories.
No matter how good the story is
And it takes a lot for a story to get my attention
Shouldn't you wait until this story is complete before you start the sequel?
9351850
What you saw published isn't a sequel, it's a side story (FimFic doesn't have a label for that, so 'sequel' it is). Don't worry, there's plenty of the main story still left to go. I'm actually very close to finishing the next segment, so hopefully it'll be out soon.
I was wondering why I didn't feel anything at the end of this chapter... after some introspection, I found my ƨтσиɛ-cσℓ∂, ρɛтяιғιɛ∂ Ħιℓ ∂σ Ɩιʓ
t00.deviantart.net/fppe8CZ7Mt8R-PlyehiYC13dEC8=/fit-in/300x900/filters:no_upscale():origin()/pre00/de53/th/pre/f/2017/232/4/6/untitled_by_nightslayer244-dbksdq1.jpg
i am sorry to say i am pulling this story from my primary list and moving it to my UN-finished list.
i hate to see a story die as it is just happening way to much but well i am thinking this one is finished.
9424677
I'm holding myself to that.
9424687
this is the kind of comment i love to hear from the author.
and i will be holding you to it.
9424687
ok the author has just PMed me and now i feel like a total ass.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/843412/i-finally-have-good-news
^^^^^^^
need i say more.
sorry Level Dasher
9424696
Don't worry about it.
Funny thing now is that I need to work with my editor for this, and I'm currently editing for his wife who's writing an actual novel, so we're all kind of sharing each other.
9424704
sounds interesting.
never hurry a chapter it just leads to mistakes.
wait, why can't Cotton visit on the holidays or whatever?
9542893
Because, if you remember the episode from the cutie map, Griffonstone took Pinkie and RD ages to get to. And, since it's up on a mesa, you can't get a train up there.
I can count the hairs on that mane. It’s an excellent piece of artwork.
Ugh you couldn't have made this anymore cliche if you tried...its well written sure but still you really should have reconsidered this particular story beat not every first love has to fail and there were other far less trite ways to add drama
9981122
Mhmmm. Some loves just work out, and things seemed to be going well for them until this came up. Funny thing is there were solutions, and there are Chekov Things here, so Steadclaw could stay. It's one thing I'm not really happy with.
cant all be happy, kinda saw this coming actually