What happens when your friend creates a portal? You test it, for science
When your friend builds a portal there are two things you do: question how he did it, and become a guinea pig. But what happens when the experiment goes awry and you dont end up where you plan? Well you go with it of course.
I don't have an editor to help me so if I screwed up, please tell me and if you want to edit it just contact me. This is my first fic so its a little rough around the edges, so tell me what needs improvement.
*EDIT* Changed to Teen for mild swearing in chapters 4 onward
Have you ever had one of those days where nothing goes right whatsoever? No? Just me? Ok then, well this is a story of a day like that.
So I'm sitting on my couch relaxing, watching TV when my friend Rick calls me. I can tell he is excited about something but he isn’t speaking slow enough to understand.
“Rick, slow down, and EXPLAIN please” I say slightly annoyed, mostly because he was interrupting my show.
“Right sorry, Alex I have invented a cross-dimensional portal” he says in words I can actually understand.
“Uh huh and how did you do this?” I ask slightly skeptical and unconvinced.
“Oh it doesn’t matter just get over here and help me test it” he says getting excited again.
“Okay I’ll be there in a few” I say as I hang up. Before I left I placed a note on my mom’s keyboard “went to Rick’s to test cross-dimensional portal, be back sometime” yep, that sounds REAL legitimate doesn’t it?
When I get to Rick’s house he is waiting outside with his portal thingy. He runs up to me grabs my arm and pulls me over to it.
“Ah easy, I’m not a ragdoll and I need my arm” I say moving my arm in a circle after he nearly pulled it out of its socket.
“Sorry Alex, but here it is, the Cross-Dimensional Teleporter 1” He says going behind the panel. “Now just stand inside and tell me where you wanna go” he says.
“Um ok, I guess, take me to Bikini Bottom.” I say thinking of the first place to come to mind.
“Good choice, now take this” he tossed me a remote with a singular button “to get back just press the button, oh but before you one more thing, this thing can read your thoughts so make sure you’re thinking of Bikini Bottom”
“How is this even possible?” I ask looking up, a little scared now.
“The magic of science” He says as he presses the button to send me off, unfortunately I let my mind wander at the last second and was thinking of the episode of MLP I was rudely interrupted from.
“FUUUUUUU” I say as I'm engulfed in a pink glow and teleported away.
…
Meanwhile at Canterlot castle Princess Celestia was sitting on her throne when she felt a small spark in the back of her mind and she knew exactly what it was.
“Luna, he is returning” She said to her sister standing next to her, talking about the events around Equestria.
“I thought he wasn’t supposed to return until his death.” Luna replied slightly surprised.
“As did I sister, as did I” Celestia said before slowly standing up and walking towards the door.
...
I feel myself coming back to reality after I blacked out on the trip over to Equestria, and as I opened my eyes I realized something didn’t feel right, then I looked down and realized I was in the air.
“Oh great, I really hope cartoon logic works here” I mutter as the pink aura released me, no such luck.
As I began to fall I realized that I was about to die, so I just crossed my arms, well hooves now I guess, as my arms were now blue forelegs.
As I was about 40-45 feet from the ground I was suddenly hit from the side and flying sideways.
“Who are you!?” my unintentional assailant asked rather angrily seeing as she was falling considering I was holding onto her back leg.
“I could ask the same thing” I reply slightly dazed, but I didn’t have time to care because she stopped and I was flung into the side of a tree, or what looked like a tree.
“Ow” I say as I fall off the side of the tree which I now realize is actually a building and hit the ground, but not hard I realize.
“Rainbow, what was that for?” I heard a familiar voice say as I groaned and rolled onto my stomach, shaking my head to clear it.
“What, he ran into me, so I had to get him off of me” She replied landing and walking over.
“Yeah just ignore the guy who could’ve just suffered severe brain damage, thanks” I say standing up and rubbing my head. “What?” I ask when I notice that the two mares are staring at me.
“Are you okay? I’ve never seen you before so I didn’t really notice” the purple one asked me.
“I guess so, where am I?” I ask, playing dumb as to not raise suspicion
“You’re in Ponyville, I'm Twilight Sparkle, and this is my friend Rainbow Dash, Dash for short though” Twilight said.
“What were you doing so high up in the sky if you’re a unicorn anyway, teleportation spell go wrong?” Dash asked with smug look on her face.
“Um, no, truth is I don’t know any spells” I say looking down at the ground “and it’s a long story why I was in the sky” I say looking up again.
Rainbow Dash just looked at me and said “I like you, you don’t mind taking risks” but then Twilight just completely pushed her out of the conversation.
“YOU DON’T KNOW ANY SPELLS?? WELL COME INSIDE AND I’LL HELP YOU” Twilight pretty much shouted at me even though I'm 5 feet in front of her.
“Um, don’t you think you should show me around town first, you know, like good ponies?” I ask a little frightened by how assertive she was about magic.
She seemed to snap out of it when I said that “Oh yeah, good idea, let’s go Dashie” she said before turning and beginning to trot away, with me in tow.
“So how did you get your cutie mark?” Dashie asked looking at my cutie mark which was a baseball inside a mitt. “Oh um I got it awhile back in Manehattan when I was playing baseball, I guess I was really good at it.” I say, a little surprised because I didn’t have to lie about that, which confused me some.
“Oh, that’s cool, I got mine because I'm-” Rainbow Dash starts
“The fastest Pegasus here, I noticed” I finish for her.
“Yeah, how did you know?” she asked a little surprised.
“Lucky guess?” I reply still feeling a little light headed from my long fall/ride/crash.
“By the way, what’s your name?” Dash asked “my name’s Alex” I say “I don’t really have a last name of interest” “Oh, okay” she says, jogging ahead to catch up to Twilight.
The tour took about 20 minutes to do because, while Ponyville is really small Twilight just feels the need to explain every little detail about every freaking building making the whole tour take, as I said, 20 minutes.
As we began to walk back to the library we walked past Sugar cube Corner I was suddenly tackled and surrounded by pink. “Oh my gosh are you new? I’ve never seen you before so you must be new! Hi I'm Pinkie Pie, your new best friend; I'm everyone’s friend here in Ponyville!” the pink assailant said faster than Rick did.
“Pinkie Pie, calm down a little” Twilight said while trying to stifle a laugh at how silly we apparently look.
“Sorry I just get really excited when I meet someone new” Pinkie said getting off of me after she so rudely tackled me.
“It’s fine, I’ve had a rough day and just want to lie down and relax” I say shaking my head yet again, I swear if I don’t die from others, I’ll kill myself by snapping my neck by swinging my head.
As we returned to the library Twilight’s little helper, Spike I think she called him, ran out holding a letter.
“Twilight you got a letter from the Princess requesting you go to Canterlot with the others and your new friend” he said handing her the letter, which she took with her magic.
“Now why would the Princess want to see us, is something wrong?” Twilight asked “and how does she know about you?” addressing me with the last question, which I just shrug to in reply.
“Well let’s go get the others and go, best not leave the Princess waiting” Dash said taking off and hovering in place. They didn’t know it yet but they were in for a surprise no one person (or pony) could’ve expected.
Be warned, this chapter makes minor sexual references, read with caution.
On the train ride up to Canterlot Twilight decided to get me associated with everyone else in the mane 6
“Ok Alex these are the rest of my friends: Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy” she said pointing to them in order
“Hello” I say doing a little wave before walking over and sitting next to Applejack.
“So I hear y’all are the new colt in town?” Applejack asked me when I sat down
“I guess so” I reply, looking out the window.
I noticed Fluttershy sitting quietly so I decided to say hello.
“Hi I don’t believe we’ve met, I'm Alex” I say sitting down next to her. She kind of just squeaked and looked away.
“Ok then” I say before looking out the window “lovely day isn’t it?” I ask to everypony else.
“Oh of course” they all answered in some form or another before an awkward silence befell the cabin until the train reached the Canterlot station.
When we reached the castle we were quickly ushered into the throne room, so that’s when we quickly realized how important it was.
As we entered the massive doors behind us were shut and the Princess put up a spell, I'm not really sure what it was but I think it was soundproofing the room so no one could overhear us.
After she was done she sighed and turned towards us.
“I suppose you are wondering why I called you all here today, am I right?” she asked, moving into a more comfortable position on her throne.
“Um yeah we kind of didn’t get a memo as to why we were called here” I said and the others murmured in agreement.
The Princess let out a sigh and there was a long pause as she collected her thoughts, at least I think that’s why there was a long pause, I wasn't really sure.
“The reason I have called you all here is because I have an announcement. Alex, I suppose you’re wondering why I included you in my letter” she said
“Um yeah, I guess that did surprise me” I replied a little confused
“Well the reason for that is because you have been here before, a long time ago” she said obviously getting nervous.
“I have?” I reply clearly confused and dumbfounded.
“Yes, oh I guess there is no more avoiding it, Alex, you are my son”
“SAY WHAT?!?” I shouted as I was engulfed in light which only lasted a few seconds and when I could see again I realized that she had levitated a mirror in front of me.
I had never noticed before but now I knew what I looked like. I had a dark blue coat with a white mane along with light green eyes and a foot long horn and wings that I didn’t feel like spreading cause we were indoors.
“Wow, I look awesome” I said turning to look at my side when I realized that I didn’t have a cutie mark.
“Hey, what happened to my cutie mark?” I asked, obviously saddened because I love baseball.
“It was part of the illusion, but still real in a sense” Celestia said, then continuing after she saw the confused look on my face.
“Growing up you loved baseball, but I needed to keep you under an illusion the whole time so no one would know you were a prince” she began “I suppose I should start from the beginning shouldn’t I? It was about 500 years ago, relatively short in Alicorn years, and I still missed Luna, even though she had been corrupted, she is my sister and I missed her, but I digress” she stopped momentarily, most likely to recollect her thoughts.
“I was very upset one night so I decided to get a drink, well that drink turned into a few, and things happened and nine months later, there you were. I figured it wouldn’t look good for the ruler of Equestria to have a foal on a drunken one-night stand so I decided to use an illusion spell to keep both of us safe from unwanted attention” she stopped to make sure we were following.
“But, what does this have to do with me and baseball?” I ask slightly confused.
“Hush child, I'm getting there. Anyway so about ten years had passed and you had grown, obviously because it had been ten years, and you had been listening to my assistants talk about how things are going across Equestria and she mentioned something about a baseball game and you asked what it was, so I explained as best I could. You always loved learning, much like Twilight” she said. She continued recollecting, seeing as it was almost 500 years ago I can see why.
“You immediately wanted to join and unfortunately Canterlot didn’t have a baseball team then, I don’t know why, but that’s not the point. So I used an illusion spell and sent one of my assistants with you to Manehattan, despite its distance away, to sign up there, a few months later you got your illusion cutie mark after going 6-6 with 2 HR’s, 2 Triples, a single, a double and 4 RBI’s*” she said, finishing that statement.
“Uh-huh, just a random question but do I call you mom or your majesty?” I inquire out of nowhere.
“Um, your majesty for official affairs, would be nice but elsewhere I see no need for discretion” she replied.
“Okay cool, but I still don’t see why I needed to be teleported away” I said still confused.
“I had to because there was no relevant thing for you to do as royalty. After about one hundred years you needed a royal duty, and I'm sure I could’ve come up with something, but nothing of relevance came to mind. So instead I decided that you needed to be sent somewhere that you would be of use so I sent you to the human world, I'm not sure why but I did.” She said, finishing her story.
“Ok then. So I guess that means time moves faster here than on the human Earth, because only fourteen years passed there.” I respond.
“I guess so; using my math that ratio would be 28.5 to 1, Equestria to human years. Interesting” Twilight said
“Um, thank you, oh wise one, but I really don’t think an exact answer was necessary, but Princess, when was I supposed to come back?” I ask
“Well, you were SUPPOSED to come back after you passed away on Earth but since you’re here now I guess that won’t work” She replied “So now you need a royal duty”
“Um, won’t people notice that there’s a new prince around?” I ask
“Oi stop asking questions! Anyway, in retrospect the whole ‘teleport you away to some strange world’ routine was really stupid but the story needed a plot alright?” she said
“HEY BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL’S MY JOB!!” Pinkie shouted from the back of the group, slightly angry
“Hey both of you stop groveling; if there’s one thing I can’t stand its ponies groveling, now about that royal duty?” I say looking at Pinkie then Celestia
“Oh right, you have three choices: Prince of the Sea, Prince of Life and Death or Prince of the Earth which will it be?” she asked
“Um well I have no clue what I’d do as any of them so some explanations would be nice” I reply
“Alright, Prince of the Sea controls water temperature, current direction and power and tides. Life and Death means you help ponies and other animals through the process of death and bless the foals to a life of good health and Earth means you will control the plate tectonics and earthquakes and such” she explained
“Oh okay then I would to gain control of the seas as my royal duty” I say after a few minutes of thinking.
“Alright, you seven shall meet me in Manehattan harbor for Alex’s instruction in two hours, while I explain everything to the townsfolk” the Princess said
“Wait, why do we need to go?” asked Twilight confusedly.
“Well he’s your friend isn’t he?” the Princess said before dismissing everyone.
Monty Python reference in there, if you can find it I'll give you a cookie
(For those who don’t know baseball terminology, RBI’s are how many players you scored, known as Runs Batted In, 6-6 means you have six hits in six at bats, HR’s are home runs and the rest you can google)
So our story begins right where it left off: in a carriage, going to Manehattan, with seven ponies, one of them a prince, on board. Oh joy.
“So tell me: how did you get here again?” Twilight asked quizzically.
“Well, first my friend called me then I stepped into a portal…” I began.
“Scientifically speaking!” said an unamused and monotone purple pony.
“I’m no scientist!” I replied “I’m a bucking historian, get off my balls, dang” I say.
“Watch your mouth, your highness!” said Rarity “my YOU need some manners” she then began muttering to herself.
“Hey lay off, he can talk how he wants!” Rainbow shouted “if that’s okay, your highness” she quickly recovered, red in the face.
I chuckled a little. “Please, Rainbow, it’s fine, and call me Alex at informal events, I hate this royalty tag crap.” I said.
I’m not sure why, but something about Dash’s behavior seemed… Odd to me, but I decided to ask her about it later.
“If you’re no scientist, why does the title say Science of Teleporting?” asked Pinkie clearly breaking the fourth wall.
“Um… ANYway, like I was saying I’m a historian. I could tell you an in-depth history of World War II in about hours if I wanted to” I say giving Pinkie an estranged look.
“What was this World War II?” asked Twilight.
“Well, it all started in 1919 with the Treaty of Versailles…” I began. I then began a spiel about WWII, only getting to about D-Day when Rainbow chimed in.
“OH MY GOD SHUT UP!!!!” She yelled. “Sorry for yelling” she quickly replied before covering her face, which was clearly blushing fiercely.
“Hey, it’s cool, I’m used to that response.” I told her, placing a comforting hoof on her shoulder and an equally comforting smile on my face. I knew something was up, I was definitely going to talk to her about it.
We then arrived in Manehattan and found our spots behind the princess, quietly, back behind her on the stage they set up. … “And THAT is what happened” said the princess, finishing that long explanation of events. “And now, Prince Alex”
I got up and walked forward. “Um, hi. You can rise now, I guess” I said because they had bowed, they rose quickly. “Um, I hate public speeches so um, yeah, nice weather, thank your friendly neighborhood weather pegasi for that, and yeah bye.” I said before walking back to my seat. The princess stepped forward again to end the assembly.
“Goddess I hate talking the crowds” I said after the crowd dispersed. The others kind of murmured and I was confused, then I saw the shadow. “Yes mom?” I said, turning “Be careful what you say and to whom, it could save your life. Now, back to Canterlot.”
We began the long ride to Canterlot in separate carts because there wasn’t a lot of room, so I was with the other girls, while Celestia was with the guards.
When we returned from the rather uneventful trip home we were summoned to the great hall.
“Alright Alex, listen up; your duty will be to manage the tides and currents as well as wave height and any tropical storms you deem fit. You start tomorrow morning. The tide times are in your room and please, try to avoid many storms” she then dismissed us and left.
“Rainbow, can you come with me to my room please? I want to talk to you.” I said after the others dispersed to their rooms for the night. “Um, okay sure” she replied nervously.
We walked in silence, only the occasional greeting to the guard here and there, until we reached my room, then I opened the door and let her go in first. After I entered I closed the door behind me.
“Are you okay Dashie? You’ve been acting really strange today.” I asked her after I closed the door.
“Um yeah, totally cool” she said nervously. “I don’t believe you.” I said “Please, I’m your friend, tell me what’s up” I said taking a step towards her.
“I’m fine okay! Sheesh.” She said angrily, but her voice quickly changed. “I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.” She finished.
“Why would I hate you over one little outburst? You’re really tense” I said as I walked up and hugged her with my wings. “Please, go to bed and get some rest, then we can talk in the morning. Dismissed.” I said after releasing her.
“Thank you” she said before kissing me quickly on the snout and running out. “I knew it” I thought as I lied down in my bed. “Aw crap, here come the dirty thoughts” I said as I put my head against the pillow.
Thankfully, the night passed without any hitches, just a dream about going home. In the morning I looked at the tide schedule and saw that the tide needed to be changed in about 10 minutes so I got myself ready for the day. Thankfully the tides were easy to change, with some help from Luna since she originally did it, I learned I didn’t even need to leave the palace I just looked at the ocean and, with a bit of magic, changed the tide to it’s proper stance. Although the magic part was a little difficult, so Luna helped me focus.
After that was done I had to check the fishing reports to make everything was in line, then the pollution reports because of those gosh darn factories, then I had royal court to go to.
After the long and boring court Luna and I were released for the time being (Luna would be needed at 1400 for a second court, but that was only land based things.) I quickly called a messenger dragon to write to Rainbow to tell her to meet at the Rising Tide Bar at 1500.
At 1445 I gathered my things and headed out. Even though I was only14 in my own world I well over the drinking age in Canterlot, as was Rainbow, and I got there at about 1455 and waited. Several people asked me water related questions, which I answered to the best of my abilities.
At 1500 I turned to see Rainbow come through the doors and I waved her over. When she sat down she ordered a shot of vodka and I got a glass of moonshine, not the illegal kind.
“So why did you ask me to come here?” She asked after taking her shot.
“I just came to talk for a while, I guess” I replied taking a sip from my glass. The liquid seemed incredibly strong, probably brewed at the last full moon last night.
“Is that all?” She asked again.
“You are full of questions aren’t you?” I asked back, and she blushed. I just laughed and said “It’s cool, I ask a lot of questions too”
After about three hours of banter between us and the bartender we decided to leave, I covered it all, and then some, and we left the bar. On our way back Rainbow took me off the road and by an old willow tree.
“Listen, Alex, I know we haven’t known each other for long but there is something I want to tell you.” She said sitting down, patting the ground next to her, and I sat.
“Yeah, what would that be?” I asked, expecting an obvious answer, but it is was still unexpecting
“Alex I- I love you” she said and she quickly leaned over and kissed me, deeply at that.
As much as I wanted to say it back, I really couldn’t. I mean heck, I’ve only been here for TWO DAYS!! That’s not exactly a long time to get to know someone, unless it’s in The Sims 3, then that’s more than enough time, but this isn’t The Sims 3!
“I’m sorry but it just hasn’t been enough time for me to say the same back to you” I replied and I saw Rainbow’s face go from nervous to sad in a few seconds. “Oh okay.” was were only response.
I saw how bad she felt so I pulled her close anyway and said “listen, if we hang out more, I could probably give you an answer within the month, but now, after two days, I can’t” I stood up. “Now, come on, we supper at the castle waiting, unless mom ate it all. Fat ass” I say standing up.
This merit’s a light chuckle from Rainbow who is standing up beside me. We begin walking back to the castle and we talk the whole way there, and despite what I said, I couldn't help but feel… warm inside, when around Rainbow, and I figured I’d probably have her answer before the moth was over.
After the meeting with Dash in downtown Canterlot I went back to the palace and decided to tuck in early, then I remembered “Oh yeah, I have tides to change.”
After changing the tides I decided I didn’t want to go to bed so I decided to try out my wings. It didn’t end well. I figured I could learn to fly (insert Foo Fighters joke here) OR I could talk to the trusty palace scientist for help. I choose the latter.
“Hey, Opp! How’s it going?” I ask, seeing the scientist, Oppenheim, inside his lab.
“Ah Prince Alex, how are you today?” He asked taking his eyes off of his lab table to look at me.
I might not have been here for very long, but Celestia said I spent a lot of time in the labs as a kid, of course Oppenheim wasn’t around then, but he had heard of me and we became friends after I walked into lab for the first time.
“I’m pretty good. Listen, I don’t want to learn how to fly right now, but I still want to fly, can you make me something to do that?” I asked him.
“Hmmm, well what’s wrong with the carriage?” He asked.
“Eh, to official.” I reply “I need something that won’t make me look like an official prick, but is still portable”
“I got it!” He exclaimed after I finished, and he looked around his desk. “Now I have a reason to build this!” He said pulling out some blueprints.
“Um, what is that?” I asked, looking over his shoulders.
“It’s the Flying Bathtub T-7!” He exclaimed moving out of the way so I could see it.
“What the heck?” I asked starting to laugh. “That would be perfect”
“You think so?” He asked a little skeptical
“I know so” I replied “I want it”
“I will begin construction immediately, now you go to bed, it’s late” He said, his face glowing.
I looked outside and realized he was right. “Whoa, thanks for the heads up, night Opp” I said before leaving.
…
I was called down to Opp’s lab about a week after I sent my request to him, and he said it was finally done. However when I got down there, it wasn’t there.
“Um, Opp, where is it?” I asked looking around as I walked in.
“Why here.” He said pressing a button, then the T-7 unfolded into it’s full shape.
“Hot damn, that’s awesome! How’d you do that?” I asked, beaming.
“Science!” He exclaimed, pressing the button, making it fold in again. “Come, let’s test it. To the courtyard!”
We then proceeded to run to the courtyard. When we got there he explained the science behind it and he told me that it would automatically fly to me if I pressed the button while folded.
“Now lets test it!” He said jumping in. “For science!!” He exclaimed as I got in, taking the controls.
I started the engine and the T-7 roared to life, and we took off with a roar and began flying over Canterlot.
We then decided to fly to Ponyville where my friends had retreated back to because of there duties. Lets just say they heard us coming.
“THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!” I exclaimed getting out in the town square with Oppenheim.
“Success!” He shouted. We then looked around to see a bunch of ponies staining there, confused.
“Well, this is awkward. Back into the tub!” I said as Opp and I jumped back in and started the engine.
As we were flying back at a leisurely pace I saw Cloudsdale floating so I decided to fly over.
“Where are we going?” Opp asked, looking at me.
“Cloudsdale” I replied
“Watch out, the T-7 might destroy some of the clouds, set it to hover as we get close” He said.
“You got it” I replied, and I pressed a button to turn off the engine and turn on the hover system under the tub.
We landed outside Rainbow Dash’s house because I knew she would be there. I knocked on the door and she opened it, looked over my shoulder and started to laugh.
“What is that?” She asked in a fit of laughter.
“That, my dear friend, is the T-7 Flying Bathtub, or as I call it, the best thing ever” I replied smiling. “Want to go for a ride?”
“Who is that in it with you?” She asked, pointing at Oppenheim.
“That is Mr. Oppenheim, he is the scientist behind this thing” I say looking at him and waving him over.
“What is it Alex?” He Alex, walking over and folding the bathtub up.
“Opp, this is friend Rainbow Dash” I told him after he walked over.
“Yep, that’s me, the fastest flyer in Equestria” she proclaimed. “She has a bit of an ego” I whispered in Oppenheim’s ear before asking him for the tub back.
“Oh right, here” he said taking it out of his pocket and handing it to me.
I thanked him and pressed the button so it unfolded. After that I got we got in and bid farewell to Rainbow.
“Hey, I want to come with you” she said not moving.
“Well then get in! Come on” I said as she jumped in the middle between Opp and I and I started the hover engine.
After a nice long flight we returned to the castle because we were hungry, and believe me, the look on the Princess’s faces when we flew in was priceless. Granted we were all asked to go to the main hall for a meeting but I digress.
“Did you see the look on their faces” asked Opp quietly as we walked down the hall, ready for some explaining.
“Yeah, those were freaking hilarious” I replied quietly.
When we got to the hall Celestia soon followed and asked the doors be shut behind her.
“What the hell was that?” She asked angry and dumbfounded.
“That is my latest invention, the Flying Bathtub T-7” Oppenheim replied, proudly.
“Why the buck would you make that???” She almost shouted.
“Mom, it’s cool, I wanted him to build it” I said before Opp could answer.
“Why would you want that?!” She asked actually shouting this time.
“Well, I can’t fly very good, and until I get better at it, I needed something to fly around in” I replied slightly scared at her yelling.
“Why now use a carriage?” She asked slightly calmer.
“Eh, too official.” I said.
She just sighed and said “Very well, you to go back to rooms, no more shenanigans today” Pointing at Oppenheim and I “Dashie, you go home”
“Okay Princess, bye guys” she said before walking out the main door. Opp and I just walked back to our rooms trying as hard as we could not to laugh at our awesome day.
After our exciting and very disruptive day yesterday, Opp and I were hit with a week long house arrest, basically saying we couldn’t leave unless it was official business.
During that time Opp and I tried to make a portal so I could, you know, get home at will. I mostly wanted it because I was seriously missing my Pokemon games right now.
Finally, on the last day of house arrest, we made a breakthrough. Our X-Dimension Mark 1, as Opp called it, I called it a Portal Gun because it could shoot a portal to any dimension, given the proper parameters.
Turns out, I’m a really good guinea pig because I got to be the one to test it. Fun. So we went up to the top of the tower where the princesses went to change the sun and moon to try it out.
“Okay, now use your magic to type it in, I’ll try to make a voice activated one later” Opp explained as I typed in “Earth: Circa 2012” into the machine.
“Alright got it” I said, looking at him. “Good, now shoot the wall and see if it works” he replied.
I fired the gun at the wall and a blue portal appeared, showing a forested region. I realized I had no clue where that was.
“Can I be more specific?” I asked after canceling the portal.
“Yeah, I forgot to tell you that, but I would be discreet at first, until an inter-dimensional war broke out or something so no one would care would be nice” he replied.
“Um… okay then” I say, slightly worried at his example.
“Hey, that’s the only thing that would make me think you could use it in the city” he said, defending himself.
“Whatever, lets go” I said typing in a new location. “This is so exciting” Opp said, getting excited. I just smirked, and fired.
It showed a small wooded area and Oppenheim and I walked into my dimension for the first time in about two weeks.
I was wearing my usual Batman hoodie and grey hat, while Oppenheim was wearing a lab coat and rectangular glasses. He was also slightly taller than me, probably at around 5’10 to my 5’7.
“Okay, now you need an alias, how about Robert, Opp?” I asked him.
“Okay, sounds good” he replied, obviously not getting my reference to Robert Oppenheimer, the famous nuclear physicist.
We walked for about two miles until we actually reached the road through busy Bay City, at least, what little that was.
“Alright we’re almost home” I said pulling out my phone and going to my contacts.
“What is that?” he asked looking at my cell phone.
“It’s my cell phone, means of communication” I clarified after seeing his confused look.
I called Rick, the idiot that got me into this whole debacle, to tell him what happened.
“How long was I gone?” I asked him. “About ten minutes why?” He replied over the phone.
“Um, it was like ten days where I was” I say. I hear him laugh “It worked!!!” “Yep” I say, "we’re on Wilder, by the mall, can you pick us up?" I asked “Us?” “I brought a friend”
…
About ten minutes pass before Ricks’ Dad pulled up to pick us up.
“Thanks” I say getting in the back with Opp. “So this is your friend?” Asked Rick, turning around to look.
“Yep, his names Robert, he’s a scientist.” I reply
“Hello” he says, holding out his hand. I was surprised he knew what a handshake, considering he never had a hand before.
“How do you know what a hand shake is?” I asked him in a whisper. “I’m not that stupid, I have read books before” He replied.
“What?” Now I was genuinely confused. He sighed and began to explain.
“Look, you’re not the first human to drop by Equestria in my lifetime, the other was a panicky fellow, asked my dad to make a portal device, left about three days after that” He replied. “In that time he taught me, a clever young colt, about human culture, a little bit anyway, so I’m totally stupid” he finished.
I just nodded, thinking about it.
We soon pulled into Rick’s personal driveway and his dad left.
“You live alone?” I asked “Since when?”
“About a week ago, I thought I told you.” He replied, then I remembered him saying that, vaguely of course.
“Oh, where’s the portal?” I asked him. He pointed to his garage, the one I accidentally broke the door to by kicking it, and we went inside.
“Awesome, listen I have this portal gun now, so I don’t need this thing, but you should modify that” I then had an epiphany that hit me so hard it felt like bricks.
“We can’t stay, come on Opp” I then shot a portal and prepared to go. It was dark in Equestria.
“Why?” Opp asked. “How long have we been here?” I asked Rick. “About 15 minutes why?” he replied.
“We've been gone over two weeks, bye Rick!” I then grabbed Opp and dragged him through then I broke the portal.
“We are so bucking dead’” I said realizing that Luna was right there. Boy she was not happy.
…
After a long, very explicit, speech from Celestia I was ordered to not leave the palace for any reason for the next month, I was also not allowed into Opp’s lab. However because Opp was too important, he got off free.
I walked into my room and shut the door. About ten to fifteen minutes later Opp walked in and told me that he had modified the old gun and made it voice activated, he also that it could now shoot portals to other areas in Equestria now as well.
I thanked him and he gave it to me. I then messed around, shooting the wall and then the ceiling, seeing as he forgot to tell me that it shot normal portals too, I figured it out manually.
…
About a week into my house arrest something came up. There was a rebellion in Las Pegasus. I couldn’t say I was surprised because there was major unrest in that area for about three weeks, really about three days before my arrival was when it started.
Anyway, it was a cold and dreary winter morning, and a light snow was falling. Then, at around 12 noon, there was an explosion and gunfire rang out.
Not knowing what else to do I went to my window to look. Worst. Decision. Ever. All I saw was death and smoke from grenades and others explosions. That’s when a rebel ran out and looked up at me, almost as if he was on watch. He then shouted something and ran in, that’s when I knew shit went south.
I shot two portals, one in the floor and one in the tall tower wall, and quickly jumped through. I cut off the portal just as the goons ran into my room. They saw me and began to open fire. I then unfolded my trusty FB T-7 and hopped in and flew away, under heavy gunfire.
I didn’t know what to do so I flew to Cloudsdale, setting it to hover as I approached. There were about 20 pegasi watching as I hovered up and landed. They stared at me with fear and awe.
“No time to explain, where’s Rainbow Dash?’ I asked, putting the T-7 in my pocket, and one of them, I think Derpy, pointed off to the west towards the stadium and I ran over.
I had to carefully maneuver, using my little flying skills to get there, and when I arrived I saw Dashie running through the obstacle course set up there.
“DASH!” I shouted as I ran in, getting her attention and she turned and flew towards me. She was listening to her iPod-esque thing so she didn’t hear anything, that is until she took out her ear buds and listened.
“What’s going on, did one of Pinkies parties get out of hand?” she asked jokingly. “Shit. Just. Got. Real” I replied as serious as possible.
Then it dawned on Rainbow and she replied and silently asked me to follow me to the bleachers.
“What happened?” She asked, afraid.
“I have no clue, but we are not safe here” I said, just then a Pegasus holding a pistol flew over the bleachers and saw us and began shooting.
I did the only I could think of. “Bay City Michigan!” And I grabbed Dash’s hoof and jumped through the portal.
As we emerged from the portal I looked to make sure she got through okay, and there she was. Now I’m not sure if it was because we were humans now or what but Dash looked ten times more beautiful now than in Equestria.
She was roughly my height, she was the same age too, which I didn’t expect but still, what can you do. Anyway she wore a blue zip-up sweatshirt, with her cutie mark as the zipper and blue jeans, oh and the rainbow hair.
“Won’t people look at me weird because of my hair?” she asked when I told her. “Go to my high school, you’ll fit right in” was my reply.
“Now, we have no time to waste, it’s been about half a day since we got here so we have to be fast.” I said before telling the portal gun to set a portal for my room and firing it.
“What do you mean?” She asked, confused. “Time is a lot slower here, one minute is an Equestrian day, so lets not dilly dally” I said before going through the portal, grabbing something and coming back through.
“What’s that?” She asked “Nutella!” I replied, showing her the container.
“What’s Nutella?” She asked again “deliciousness” I replied before setting coordinates to Ponyville. “Now come on” I said and we walked through to outside Twilight’s library.
I picked up some dropped saddlebags and put the stuff in it, and by stuff I mean portal gun and Nutella, not crack cocaine, because this is a T-rated story, not M.
I walked up to door and looked inside. It was dark and the door was locked, seeing as I jiggled the handle as I looked in. I decided that getting in was more important than public safety, so I magically picked out my portal gun and shot some portals to get us in.
We walked through the wall of the library, only to see sandbags piled up by the stairs.
“Well, this isn’t good” I mumbled to myself. “Twilight you here?” I called into the silence.
I heard movement upstairs and soon the familiar purple unicorn walked down the stairs, illuminating the room with her horn. When she saw us, she smiled quickly before ushering us over and upstairs.
“Da hell’s going on here?” I asked when we got upstairs, seeing the room being practically transformed to a small command center before our eyes.
“Well, ever since the princess was kidnapped, ruling out any civil resistance from the army, I turned this into a guerilla headquarters.” she said walking over to her desk where a shaded in map lie open.
“What’s the map?” I asked walking over. “A map of rebel occupation.” she said, the only part West of Manehattan not shaded was Ponyville.
“So I take it the mass of shaded area’s isn’t a good thing?” I said, figuring the answer. “It’s a very, very, bad thing” she replied, taking out a book. “This is a history book, I found it in the bowels of Princess Celestia’s personal library” she began explaining, I laughed a little.
“What’s so funny?” She asked unamused. “You said bowels.” I said still chuckling, then I saw her face “I’ll shut up now” I said quickly getting serious.
“Thank you, anyway this right here, talks about a force called the Ripping Tide, a force of supernatural creatures that can control ponies anyway they want, they controlled Equestria before Discord, believe it or not” She said looking at the first few pages of the book.
I was lost in thought by then, but I asked a question anyway. “Can they adapt?” I asked still thinking.
“Easily, why?” Twilight asked “because I think our luck just turned from bad to worse.”
After I explained that they took over the castle, probably taking the scientists hostage, they could easily make copies of my portal gun and take over my world. “So we’re out of fucking luck basically?” asked Rainbow angrily. I just nodded.
Just then Twilight got a call over her commlink that didn’t notice she was wearing. When the message was over she levitated a gun over to her side.
“That was Rarity, there is an attack at the north wall, I gotta go, come on.” She said before grabbing two more.
Rainbow took one but I didn’t, instead I pulled out my portal gun.
“How do you plan to fight a pseudo-alien invasion with portals?” Twilight asked as we descended the stairs.
“Easy” I replied “by thinking with portals.”
When we left we ran to the north, what I saw shocked me. There was lined up behind cover, firing at other ponies, it looked like a civil war.
“Wait, if you kill the host, do you kill the alien thing too?’ I asked when we stopped. “Yes” Twilight replied “They take over the body, meaning that if they don’t escape before death, they die along with the host.” “Good to know”
I ran to the front lines while Twilight and Rainbow stayed back, providing cover. A grenade exploded by me, but it didn’t phase me at all. I dove behind a sandbag next to Rarity.
“The fuck happened while I was gone?” I asked setting the portal gun to Earths core, certain death for any creature, and began firing at the enemies feet.
“Well, some aliens invaded, for one thing” she said popping up and firing.
“Lovely” I said, just then I saw a portal open up next to us and some ponies shot through. I grabbed a handy dandy knife off the ground and threw it at him, killing him.
“Shit, just what I hoped to avoid.” I said “Rarity fall back” I said before turning and running to cover.
“What is going on?” Twilight asked when we got back.
“They got portal technology, not sure how many guns they got, but they got one.” I said “Where are the others, we gotta get to Earth.” I said.
“We think dead or MIA” said Twilight “So we have to go now.”
A grenade went off, forcing me to cover my head from debris. “Right, Portal: Rick Van Wert’s house.” I said and I fired into a building and jumped through.
When we got there Rick was outside, working on the portal, he saw us though and we ran over.
“What’s going on?” He asked, slightly worried at my arrival. “Shit’s going down man, serious shit” I replied. At that moment a portal opened and two goons walked out, onto Earth.
“Shit, Twilight, your gun” I said and she tossed it to me and I shot them and the portal closed.
“I thought you were only one with portal tech” he said.
“I was” I replied “Then a civil war broke out.”
“Nuts, ok um so I guess that means we are in bad shape?” He said. I nodded. “Okay, I’ll get four guns ready in like two days, can you wait that long?” He asked.
“Equestria’s done for, might as well.” I said, then I realized something. “Nevermind, we don’t have that much time, unless you can invent a time slower for other dimensions.” I said, realizing that two days on Earth is several years in Equestria.
“I can.” he said. “In fact I have a prototype right here.” He pulled something out of his pocket. “I thought it would be helpful. Now open a portal so I can use it.” he said, setting some dials.
When I opened the portal He pressed the button and suddenly all the sped up action in Equestria slowed down to Earth speed.
“Good, now we can focus more” I said cutting off the portal.
Just then about 20 portals opened up around the neighborhood, and gunfire began ringing out.
“Well, looks like things just went from bad to worse” I said as Rick pulled out his pistol.
It was time to nut up or shut up, then I remember the Nutella container and opened it.
“Thanks for killing the moment Alex” Rick said, seeing me.
“What I’m hungry!” I said in defense, then the gunfire was pointed at us and we ran inside, ready for a long battle, because nowhere was safe now.
You know that really annoying chapter full of references in some stories? Yeah, this is that chapter.
As we ran inside to avoid the gunfire, well they ran, I just shot some portals and called it a day, I remembered something of absolutely nothing of importance!
“I just remembered something!” I said when we arrived out of breath in his top story bedroom. “What?” Asked Rainbow.
“We should always look on the bright side of life!” I said, earning a slap from Rick.
“Oh come on, it was fitting!” I said holding my face. “Now isn't the time though!” Rick shouted.
“Okay sorry, I’m just thinking that somehow we still carry on, even through fricking war”
“Yes, yes we do” agreed Rick “now shut up with the references!” I just stuck my tongue out at him.
Then we heard a crash from downstairs and got our guns ready. Even though I declined Twilight's’ gun, I always carry a pistol at all times.
We heard shouting as they advanced up the stairs, then they kicked in the door, but we were ready, filling the first two with bullets.
The last two found cover and we were deadlocked in silence, except for the massive explosions and other war sounds from outside.
Then one stuck his head out, it was quickly blown apart, then the other made a dash and didn’t get very far.
“Well, this was a triumph” I said “Now; let’s go and try to liberate my apparent home world” and I fired the portal gun, after saying Everfree Forest, getting a shiver from the girls.
As we ran through the portal, more baddies ran up the stairs, however were too late as I shut the portal.
We sat there, Rick going to Equestria for the first time, felt very out of place.
“Well, this is strange” he said getting up. “You get used to it” I said, getting up next to him.
We quickly made sure we were okay before quickly, yet quietly getting out of that creepy ass place.
Twilight, Rainbow, and I knew it was probably the safest place though, so we made sure to keep it under wraps.
Then I realized something. “Where’s Rarity?” I asked, looking around.
“I don’t think she followed us through at first, do you?” Rainbow asked worriedly.
I swore under my breath and we tried looking, then Twilight tried to contact her over comm, but got nothing.
As we slowly moved towards Ponyville we passed Fluttershy’s house, or what was left, it was torched.
“Crap, what happened?” I asked, getting angry. “She was the first” said Twilight, walking up to me, since I stopped to look.
“Is she okay?” I asked turning. “I think so, I haven’t heard from her since this started though so…” Twilight said
I sighed and moved in to the rubble, the others followed. When I stepped foot into the rubble and onto her floor, it collapsed, sending me falling about ten feet.
The fall sent a jolt of pain to my back, but I shook it off and looked around.
“How long has Flutters had a basement?” I shouted up. “I didn't know she did have one” was my answer from Rainbow, and Twilight agreed.
Just then I saw movement and drew my pistol ready to shoot. Then I saw the pink tail and relaxed.
“Fluttershy, are you okay?” I asked stepping forward. I heard her gasp and she looked at me, smiling largely.
“You’re okay, but where are the others?” She asked running forward and hugging me. I hugged her back and told her they were above us. I shot some portals and low and behold, we were reunited with the others.
After a short, tearful reunification of the group, I introduced her to Rick and we continued towards town. However, as we approached we saw that a rebel\alien flag was raised over the makeshift walls.
We hid in bushed around the road and spied the gates. I readied my portal gun and told it to launch it at Twi’s library, and I fired. As we jumped through I saw a cart drive passed, and I saw Rarity on it.
“You guys go ahead, I have to get Rarity” I said going back through the portal.
Before the others could argue I broke the portal and made my way behind the cart, thus leading me on a great journey, however before I left 2 swallows carrying a coconut on a line between them flew passed, a sign of bad luck.
…
“He’s so stupid” Twilight said as soon as the portal closed, then she saw a patrol and ushered the others inside.
“Is he always that stupid?” Rainbow asked Rick, and he nodded. “Great, I like a fricking retard.” She said.
“Wait, you like Alex?” Twilight asked. Rainbow, realizing her mistake, blushed and facehoofed before nodding. “Dammit, I liked Alex” Twilight said.
SNAP! Plot twist, sorry M. Night, not, well actually it is that kind of plot twist, not the point, lets continue. So the atmosphere thickened as these revelations came through, making Rick and Flutters slowly leave the room.
They began talking and got a liking for each other, but that’s not the point. Twilight called them back in after about, 15 minutes, and began a meeting for strategy.
“Okay, since Alex is stupid and charged off on his own, we have to rescue Pinkie Pie, and hopefully find Applejack” said Twilight looking over her maps.
“What do you mean?” asked Rainbow, a little nervous. “I think Applejack is already dead, I haven’t seen her since this Blitzkrieg started, and I think she died in an explosion”
That really sobered up the mood, causing a little sob to come from Fluttershy, causing Rick to comfort her.
…
“Well, this could've gone better” I said to myself as I was hung up next to Rarity in the prison. I saw the leader of the enemy walk in and move towards me.
I recognized it immediately. “Opp?” I asked surprised. “Well here we are again, it’s always such a pleasure” he said walking up to me. I knew I thought that “Multi-dimensional war” crap was suspicious.
“How could you?” I asked, realizing it was stupid because he was being controlled by an alien brain fucker.
“You know, under the circumstances, I've been surprisingly nice” he said pacing in front of me.
I sighed and looked around. I then saw something interesting.
“You know, I am a prince” I said “I could go for a large ransom if you let me go.”
This got his attention, and he began to think. “You’re right” he said “You two, let him go and take him to the real jail” he said to two guards by the door.
When they let me go they led me to a cell where they led me in, shut the door and left.
I laughed and grabbed the guards portal gun out of my bag, being awesome and stealing it when he was distracted by the other guard, saying something about Anarcho-Syndicalist Communes, making it rather easy to steal.
“Glad I didn't forget to be awesome” I said shooting it at the floor outside my cell and inside my cell.
I made my way back to the POW room, where I saw a terrible sight: the POW’s getting executed. Rarity was about four people back in line.
I acted up immediately. “Hey Opp, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!” I shouted after slowly opening the door to keep it quiet.
He turned around and looked at me with shock and anger. “What did you say?” He asked angrily.
“You heard me, now come on.” I said “Unless you want to be an electric donkey bottom biter”
He angrily drew his gun and fired, but I closed the door.
“SEIZE HIM!!” He angrily shouted, just then I portaled (yes it’s a word) behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned I punched him in the face and knocked him out.
With him out of the way I freed the prisoners and took Opps’ gun and when the guards came back, I shot them.
“Come on” I said, freeing the prisoners. They ran off in their directions after they ran out the door and outside.
Rarity and I made our way back to Ponyville, however on our way we met a guard in black armor.
As we approached I saw him clearly. He was not moving anytime soon.
“Please move my good man” I said in a royal and important voice, but he just stood there. “Please?” I asked again. He stood there.
“You make me sad, so be it. Come Rarity” I said and began moving.
“None shall pass” he said. “What?” I asked going back. “None shall pass.” He said again.
“I command you, as Prince of Equestria, to stand aside” I said again. “I move, for no man.” He replied.
“So be it!” I shouted and shot a portal under him, sending him falling to oblivion.
"Well, we should go.” I said. Rarity agreed wholeheartedly.
This chapter actually has nothing to do with anglerfish, it just sounds like a cool title, probably because I was listening to song about anglerfish at the time. ON TO THE STORY!!
As Rarity and I went through the Equestrian country side we chatted about things possibly involving anglerfish, but probably not.
“So I was in class and we were watching a movie called Finding Nemo and there was an anglerfish.” I said. I lied, this chapter totally talks about anglerfish.
“Sounds interesting, except I hate anglerfish.” Rarity said as we got to the wall.
“Well, we don’t care anymore, got it? Now we have to get inside” I said when we got about a football fields (That’s one hundred yards) distance away.
“Okay, we should totally disguise ourselves as cacti and sneak through that heavily guarded gate.” I said, getting an idea.
“Darling, why would we do that?” Rarity asked.
…
“I feel retarded” Rarity said as I slipped on the last of her cactus costume.
“Trust me, it’ll be fine, I do it all the time” I said, adjusting my hat “Granted it never works, but that’s because humans have opposable thumbs so.”
So we began to move out, standing on two legs like boss’s, when we approached the guard shouted “Hey, what are you doing?”
“Pay no attention to the walking, talking, cacti moving through your gate, that sounds like a euphemism but it’s not” I said
“Fine, whatever” he said, obviously not caring, or he was drunk, either way it worked.
So we got through, but stayed in outfit to avoid patrols. When we reached Twilight’s library we went through her door to be met with pointed guns.
“Um, pay no attention to the walking, cactus” I said since Rarity gave up on the act.
“Oh shut up and take that outfit off Alex” Rick said, dropping his gun.
“Told you, it doesn't fool humans” I said to Rarity, taking off my hat.
“I’m glad you guys are safe, what happened?” Twilight asked hugging Rarity.
“Well, things didn't go quite as I hoped, Opp went all Benedict Arnold on us, and apparently the alien scum enjoy executing unarmed POW’s more the n the Soviets.” I said taking off the last of my costume.
“What are ‘Soviets’ ?” Twilight asked, obviously not haven’t been educated on 20th century political parties on Earth.
“Long story, also I apologize if you are Communist or pseudo communist *Putin* and you are offended by that previous statement.” I said to no one.
“Isn't breaking the fourth wall Pinkies job?” Rick asked. “How’d you know that?” I asked in return. “Um, I may have read chapters 1 and 2” He said.
“You fucking disgrace! This is almost as bad lying about cake!” I shouted.
“How is that disgraceful?” Rick asked, confused. “I don’t know, I just wanted to put a Portal reference in this chapter” I replied.
“Look I’m glad you two are enjoying ourselves but we have a war to fight” Rainbow said, interrupting us.
“Oh, yeah, let’s continue on that train of thought shall we?” I asked. Everyone agreed. “Okay good, first plan of action, find the princesses.” I said.
“Anyone have a plan?” I asked “Yes, Fluttershy.”
“We could ask nicely.” She said shyly
We all looked at her. “Anyone who isn't a pacifist?” I asked again.
“We need Pinkie Pie” Twilight said “But we don’t know where to find her”
“Did you try looking in a different prison?” I suggested.
“Well we’d have to search them all’ Twilight said “Besides, that will take time.
“Hmmm, what about that oddly placed pink building out there that seems to be shooting rebels?’ I asked, pointing out the window.
“Well, that was convenient” Rainbow said, looking through binoculars “there she is, firing her party cannon”
“Well, lets go” I said turning to leave. That’s when a portal opened and a blue eyed robot flew out.
“I’m terribly sorry but what is going on?” He said in an awesome British accent.
“Hey, it’s Wheatley!” I said excitedly. “god dang this might as well be a Portal crossover” Rick said.
That’s when we heard this over comm “I said that stuff is my job!” Pinkie shouted.
“Oh yeah we should probably help her.” I said shooting a portal all the way in the wall of Pinkie’s fort thing and one in the floor.
“Seeya Wheatley” I said before jumping through with the others and breaking the portal.
“Bloody fucking ponies.” He said before going back to Aperture Science.
We arrived inside and there were turrets EVERYWHERE! Not the point, mostly because they were shooting at the rebels outside and not at us.
“It’s about time you showed up! Darn things just keep coming” Pinkie said over the comm, we quickly ran up to the top.
“Well, this is interesting” I said pulling out my handy-dandy pistol and shooting at the dudes. Just then I got a phone call.
My first reaction was “wow, I have reception out here?” My second was “Now why is my friend Juliet calling me in the first place?” (FYI Names have been changed to protect the innocent)
“Hello?” I asked picking up ducking down to avoid gunfire.
“What the hell is going on over there?” She asked, obviously hearing the rather loud gunfire.
“Fighting a war. Make it quick, I’m kinda busy.” I replied, popping up and firing a few shots and dropping back down.
“Cool, anyway I need your help so if you could like come by my house at some point in like the next 10 minutes that would be great. Bye” She hung up.
“Hey Rick, I gotta go for like 30 seconds, think you can hold the fort without me?” I asked “Yes? Okay bye” I said before he could answer and portaled back to Earth.
Back on Earth it was quiet. Too quiet. I mean there were cars and stuff, but no fighting noises.
I ran up to her porch and knocked on the door. She answered almost immediately.
“Hi, can we make this quick, I’m in a hurry.” I said when she answered.
“Um, what’s that?” She asked, pointing to my portal gun.
“Portal gun, now, what do you need?” I replied.
“Oh right, listen I need you to help me move something.” She said allowing me inside.
“What is it?” I asked, walking in. “Oh” I said Looking at the thing in front of me.
The thing, being quite massive, was not her mom, believe it or not (SNAP), anyway it was the biggest stack of Oreos I had ever seen in my life.
“Do I have to move them, or can I eat them?” I asked, looking away from the gift of God in front of me.
“Well not by yourself , no, with me.” She replied.
“Um, well give me a minute, I need to tell Rick something.” I said firing a portal at the ground.
“Hey Rick” I said popping my head up out of the portal to see them all sitting there utterly exhausted, but no longer under fire “I’m gonna be a little longer then 30 seconds” I said before leaving again.
“Alright, let’s eat!” I said grabbing about ten Oreos.
It’s been about half an hour since I took those first ten Oreos, but it has been hell ever since.
I was lying there, groaning because I ate at least 50 Oreos, with Juliet beside me, looking just as green, just after only like 8 Oreos.
Just then a portal opened and Rick and Twilight walked into reality.
“What the fuck were you doing?” Rick asked, slightly angry.
“Eating Oreos. Best. Day. EVER!! Oh god I’m about to throw up.” I replied, looking at them. Despite my position I was rather happy.
“Well, come on, we have to plan our strategy. Hey Juliet” He said, not very enthusiastic.
“Hi Rick” She replied. Just then I got a call from the library.
“I’d love to, but I have to get a book from the library.” I said getting in very, very, slowly.
“YOU HAVE LIBRARIES HERE?!?!” asked a rather excited and formerly purple unicorn\human.
“yeah, I love libraries” I said “Why else do you think I’m so smart, not the “history” channel”
“Well, let’s go!” She said grabbing me by the hand and dragging me out the door. For an egghead, she was damn strong.
Rick was just standing there. “Well, that’s just fricking great” he said, that’s when he saw Juliet lying there, so he helped her up.
…
I finally recovered enough to walk under my own power once we got to the library and the minor carnage from the small attack was still apparent.
We walked into Alice and Jack Public library and I went to the front desk to get my book, but by then Twilight was gone.
I turned and couldn’t find her. I sighed and headed off to the interior of the library, my favorite place in the city.
After about ten minutes I decided to stop dicking around and actually find her. I knew right where to look.
She was sitting in the reading area with a stack of ten or so novels next to her and I walked in and found her engrossed between the covers of Catcher in the Rye, one of my favorite books.
“Look cowgirl, I’m glad you like it here but we have to be getting back to Equestria” I said pulling the book down a little.
“Just five more minutes, please?” She begged with a pleading look in her eye.
I sighed. I couldn’t resist a smart, cute, girl like her, especially with that puppy dog look she has now.
“Fine, five minutes, but still you should get a library card first, it would help” I said, giving her two dollars to buy one. “And if they ask say 1815 Third Street.”
“Yay!” She exclaimed before jumping up and kissing me on the cheek and running off.
I decided now would be a good time to call Rick and tell him what was going on.
“Hey, sorry about this, I kind of got a little sidetracked, I’ll be there in like five minutes.” I said after he picked up.
“Why five minutes?” He asked.
“Twilight” Was my reply.
“Ah, she has the hots for ya you know” Rick said.
“I figured, anyway here she comes I’ll see you soon” I said before hanging up.
She walked up and grabbed her books, well some, I volunteered to grab the others, and motioned for me to follow her.
We checked her books out and portaled back to Rick.
“I guess five minutes was stretching it” I said after putting my portal gun down.
“Crap Twi, what’s with all the books?” Rick asked, his jaw dropping. “Speaking of which, what book did you get Alex?” He asked, regaining his composure.
“Looking for Alaska by John Green” I told him. “Come on Twi, let’s get back to Equestria.”
“Do I have to? I like it here!” She exclaimed, disappointed.
I sighed “Rick, think you can hold down the fort, I get the feeling I’m not going back anytime soon” I said looking at him.
He seemed to pick up what I was saying “Yeah, sure, as long as you come back whenever you’re needed and check in.” He said
“Of course” Was my reply and then he said farewell to Juliet and ushered us out the door so we could go back to his house.
“As long as you’re here, and I’m not, this house is yours” He said, handing me a key “Until then, I’m off” and he made a portal and went back to Equestria.
“Well, it’s just you and me now” I said, then I went and unlocked the door, letting her in first.
…
(Quick in chapter note all triple dots are no POV switches from Alex to Rick)
Back in Equestria, I met the others and explained everything.
“Why did they stay?” Rarity asked after hearing Rick say we didn’t come back.
“Books I guess, but I think there’s something more” He said, getting a sly smile.
Well as you can imagine, that didn’t make Rainbow too happy, and sure enough she flew off to the clouds and didn’t come back down.
That’s when the gunfire started up again. We all dove for cover, except Rainbow.
“Rainbow you’ve got to get down from there!” I shouted, getting out my gun and firing.
“NO!” Was the response I got “If they want to shoot me, they can be my guests”
“Shit” I mumbled under my breath “Alex I could use your help!” He shouted over the comm.
…
I got Rick’s message and quickly grabbed my combat gear. Twilight was upstairs while I was in the downstairs kitchen So I left a note and grabbed my portal gun.
I teleported into the heat of a war zone, almost getting shot through the portal. Quickly I jumped through and crawled next to Rick.
“You know, I like Earth better” I say to Rick “Where’s Rainbow?” I ask.
“She won’t come down from the cloud, I don’t know why” Rick replied.
God Dammit, she’ll get shot for sure “Dashie get down here NOW!” I said over comm seeing as she couldn’t hear me without it.
“NO!! If you want to run off with some tramp, be my guest” She replied, rather furious.
“What the fuck happened to element of loyalty?” I asked, shouting through the comm as an RPG exploded against the wall.
“Fuck that shit!”
“What did I do?” I asked Rick.
“you left” he replied.
Then I jumped up to fire when a bullet went straight through my shoulder.
…
I saw my best friend get shot. Then I watched him fall to the ground. I don’t remember what happened after that, or why I’m in the hospital, or what hospital it is for that matter.
(Quick prestory note: now double periods (..) are POV changes and (…) Is a time shift)
I woke up in a hospital bed in some strange hospital in some state I didn’t know.
“Ugh” I groaned as I lied up in my bed, wearing a hospital gown. Rick was next to my bed, along with the others, except Dashie.
“Where am I?” I asked, finally getting a hold of my surroundings.
“Tennessee” Rick replied.
“Why?”
“Because, it has the best hospitals I could find” He replied.
I nodded in acknowledgement and looked at the others, that’s when I noticed something was off.
“Where’s Dashie?” I asked, finding her absence a little shocking.
“She-uh, hasn’t talked to us since you were shot” Rarity said nervously.
“Why not?” I asked again “And how long was I out?”
“We don’t know the answer to the first, and roughly 3 months” Rick said. That’s when I noticed he was holding Fluttershy’s hand.
“THREE MONTHS?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“Yeah, it was a special bullet, magical fragmentation, it stopped 3 centimeters from your spine, they had to keep you under to make sure everything was okay.” Twilight said.
“But three months?” I asked, still confused “Isn’t that a little, I don’t know, excessive?”
“Meh, whatever the doctors say” Rick said.
…
It was about 5 hours after that when I was sent through my first round of physical therapy. It wasn’t to difficult, mostly just rebuilding my muscles that failed due to lack of movement.
Within two weeks I was free to go, then the issue was getting home since Rick had my portal gun. I decided to call him to get me.
However, turns out I didn’t need to because he and Fluttershy were going for a stroll through town and happened to be going the hospital.
“Hey Rick!’ I shouted to him, he looked and I waved him over.
“Well looks finally back to civilization” Rick said jokingly.
“Ha ha, very funny” I said. “How long have you two been together?” I asked, motioning to their locked hands.
“About 2 months” Rick said, looking at Fluttershy and smiling.
“By the way, what happened to the war?” I asked, wondering why everyone was on Earth.
“Well, we found Celestia in the old castle, pretty stupid hiding place really, then we freed her and, it was just awesome” Rick said “Come on, the others will want to see you”
So we walked to the hotel they were staying at and Rick and Fluttershy explained almost everything on the way over. I won’t bore you with it because I’m a nice narrator.
When we walked in Rick asked for an extra key to room 302 for me, since I was checked in there and gave it to me and we went down the hall to the elevator to go to the third floor.
When we decided to go our separate ways I asked Rick for my portal gun back, and he said it was in my room already. I thanked him and walked inside.
As I walked through I was quickly assaulted by a very familiar purple clothes wearing human known as Twilight.
She quickly kissed me before letting me go and smiling.
I smiled back and asked her where the portal gun was.
She pointed to my bed and I thanked her.
“Where are you going?” She asked.
“I got to talk some sense into Rainbow” I replied, setting the portal by hand this time.
“She won’t listen to reason from anyone” Twilight said “I don’t know what you did, but the princesses can’t even get through to her”
“I plan to best them” I said before shooting my portal into the wall and entering Ponyville, in all it’s war ravaged glory.
I looked around to find some, not all, but some of the ponies walking around and surveying the damage.
I decided the best place to look would be Cloudsdale so I flew up there in my fancy flying Bathtub that I forgot about until now.
I guess a lot happened because the air was rather empty, which was rather strange to me because a lot of stuff usually happens up there.
I finally got to Cloudsdale and put my tub away, that still sounds so strange when I say it like that, and walked up to Dash’s house.
I knocked on the door and waited, and waited, and waited.
I finally got sick of the “and waiting” thought’s going through my head so I decided to take the initiative.
I shot a portal through her wall and through a conveniently open second floor window and went inside the awesome way.
After I got inside I realized she wasn’t there, but there was a note. I had a bad feeling it wasn’t a “Gone to lunch” note either.
I ran over to it and began reading. The further I got the worse I knew it was.
“To whomever reads this note, I want you to know that I will not be coming back to this house. I have decided that this life was fun but now it’s time to see if I can make a sonic rainboom all the to Coltna (That’s China to all you humans) and want to thank all my friends for being so supportive.
Sincerely, Rainbow Dash”
“Shit” Was the only thing I said before flying out the window, getting my tub, and speeding off to the place I knew she would go.
..
I don’t know why Alex needed the portal gun but I got the feeling it wasn’t good.
I decided not to worry though and I joined my friends in the lobby for a nice, rousing game of Apples to Apples, after explaining how to play because they had never heard of it.
..
I found Rainbow climbing up to an obscene height and turning towards the ground, I knew time was running out.
“Rainbow, Don’t do this!” I shouted.
“Why not? It’s not like my life could get any worse from now, what else can I do?” She replied.
“Well, you can not kill yourself for one” I said “And second I just want to talk”
“Why? You want to brag about your relationship with that tramp Twilight?” She shouted down.
“No, far from it. Look, I love you ok. I just love Twilight more. I care about all my friends, and they care about you too” I shouted back.
She just looked at me for a minute. At least I think she did, it was kind of hard from about 500 feet below her. Finally she slowly flew back down.
“I guess you’re right. I’m sorry I thought like that, my life has just been total shit lately” She said.
Then I heard a commotion below and looked down and saw a crowd of about 50 ponies, including the Princesses, below us.
“Well, looks we drew quite a crowd.” I said “You know this might cause some sort of mental rehab right?” I asked her.
She nodded and flew down and was quickly met by 2 doctors who began asking her questions. I flew down in front of the Princesses and put my tub away before looking at them.
“What was that?” Asked Celestia, obviously frightened by what just happened.
“Dashie just tried to end her life, I stopped her, glad I came when I did” I replied, looking at her.
“Well, that was probably enough scares for a while I think” She said. I didn’t realize it before now, probably because I hadn’t seen my family in months, but Celestia looked a lot older than before the conflict.
Finally I couldn’t resist. I ran up and hugged her, just glad to be around my true family. She hugged me back.
“I missed you so much mom.” I said “Same to you Aunt Luna” I said hugging her when she walked over.
They both hugged me and for the first time in the whole time I was awake after the accident I felt truly loved.
Now, don’t get me wrong, the hospital staff was nice, but nothing can beat being around family again.
I sighed and looked at both of them. Even after the ordeal you could tell they still had that regal and official aura to them. I then turned to find the whole crowd staring at us. I just smiled and waved to them.
…
About three days have passed. I called the others and told them what happened and that I would be back tomorrow, I just wanted to spend time with family.
“It’s been fun, but I don’t think I’ll be coming back for a little bit” I said at breakfast with the Princesses.
“Why not?” Asked Luna, looking at me.
“I love it here, don’t get me wrong, but I think I belong with humans more” I said. Celestia agreed and said I could come back anytime I wanted.
…
I arrived back outside the hotel to find Rick and the others checking out. As I walked in I was assaulted by hugs.
We all turned in our room keys and began our journey back home. This ordeal got me thinking a lot, and I decided that despite everything, the last day always seems to sneak up on you and hit you hard. You just need to remember to fight through to the end, and eventually everything will improve.
