What happens to the characters when the cameras stop rolling?
A "collection of bloopers" and "backstage interviews" from my "archives". From Princess Twilight in Friendship is Forever to Seven of Nine in My Little Voyager, some of the more goofier moments that took place.
Note: new chapters will be added as new stories are published
Warning: "Lots and lots and lots and lots-" "We get it, Pinkie. A lot of fourth wall jokes. Sheesh."
This is a special milestone story for 100 followers. Hope you enjoy it and comments are encouraged.
Sex tag is for occasional lewd humor.
Chapters are in the order of which the story they represent were written.
"What's with th' book, Twi?" Applejack asked as her and Flash walked into the waiting room.
"Well you see, Thunder Dash has been really really grumpy like Cranky Doodle Donkey but won't tell no one what's wrong so then she got became a real meanie head towards Fluttershy by pushing her up against a wall and now Twilight's gonna send a message to Sunset Shimmer so that she can use her mind reading magic to find out what happened to make Thunder Dash into a big meanie head," said Pinkie as she bounced through the door right behind her.
"An' jus' how in the hay do you know that? Y'all jus' got here," Applejack said skeptically.
"Well, duh, that's what the script says," Pinkie replied. "Plus I've been watching the production monitor whenever we were off camera. What?"
Applejack facehoofed at her friend's answer.
"Would anypony mind telling me why th' <censored> there's an attempt at humor during what's s'pposed ta be a serious scene?" Applejack questioned.
---From the chapter: Cider Season Is Here---
"What in th' hay is goin' on Sis?" Applebloom hissed. "Are ya tryin' ta wake th' 'ntire house up with yer shenanigans? T'day's th' openin' day of cider season an' th' last thing we need is fer y'all ta be hungover, 'specially since we got two stands this year."
Applejack replied with a huge grin. "Ah'm jist needin' a reason ta git sloshed."
There was a short pause where the sisters just stared at each other with goofy smiles on their faces.
"Ah'm sorry, sugarcube. Ah can't seem ta remember mah line," Applejack said as she scratched the back of her head.
Applebloom chuckled. "That blitzed already?"
"Nope. Th' <censored> that they got fer me ta drink is so <censored> weak that Ah'm already out an' barely have a buzz," Applejack complained.
"That's the strongest we could get on short notice," one of the producers shouted off screen.
"Short notice mah country <censored>," Applejack shouted back. "Me an' th' girls got th' script last year. Y'all had plenty o' time ta git th' good stuff."
"CUT!" shouted the director.
---From the chapter: When Things Look Down...---
Rarity walked into the maternity ward of Ponyville General to visit her friend who had just become a mother for the first time last night. It was bittersweet visiting this ward of the hospital as she knew this was the only way she could be in the nursery. She entered the room and the first thing she noticed besides the twin colts, was her friend's mane which was more frazzled than usual.
"Pinkie Pie," said Rarity in her clarion voice, "what ever happened to your mane, darling? It's everywhere. More than normal I mean."
Pinkie looked in the mirror that was on the bed tray so she could see what Rarity meant.
"Oh yeah," Pinkie laughed, "I told makeup that it was too much but they wouldn't listen because they claimed it's how mares look after giving birth and I know that's a load of hooey because I remember what mom looked like after she had my younger sisters and her mane was a little crazy but nothing like this I mean come on somepony had to seen a mare post-birth at some point."
Rarity couldn't take it any longer and fell to the ground, laughing hysterically. She wasn't alone in her laughing fit as the camera crew laughed to the point of one of the cameras got knocked over.
"CUT!" shouted the director as she caught the camera with his magic just inches from it hitting the ground.
"What was wrong with that take?" Pinkie shouted back, causing everypony to laugh even harder.
---From the chapter: ...Friends Help You Up---
"As many of you all know, 21 years ago we found out that I was sterile, which devastated both of us," Rarity announced to the crowd as she hoofed the mic off.
Lonely took the mic and continued, "Thanks to a verbal nudge from Pinkie Pie, Rarity and I are making a trip to the Canterlot Orphanage next month to adopt a unicorn filly."
Everypony in attendance began cheering and stomping their hooves on the floor. Upon seeing the reaction from the other ponies, Rarity started felt a feeling of happiness that she hadn't felt in years. As they left the stage, everypony was lining up to congratulate the couple.
"You would've thought we told them you were pregnant," Lonely laughed as they began dancing.
"Actually, I am," said Rarity with a large smile.
"CUT!" came from the now frantic director. "Rarity, please tell me that you're making a joke line for the archives."
Looking offstage, Rarity replied, "Ummm, maybe?"
"<censored>!" came from the direction of a now annoyed producer. "How the <censored> are we supposed to film a mare that's supposed be sterile when she's going to be bulging in a couple moons?"
---From the chapter: Voices---
"Rainbow Dash, I need a model for the diamond studded, gold dress for the Hall Of Fame show tonight," Rarity begged. "The coloring of your mane will just make it dazzle under the runway lights."
"No way!" Rainbow Dash replied, annoyed. "Besides there ain't a fashion show tonight anyhow."
"And just how do you know that?" Rarity said, raising her voice. "I have all the show dates memorized, especially the Fashion Hall Of Fame show. Considering this year I'm finally going to be inducted after 20 years..."
"CUT!"
"Now what?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Nothing you've done, Rainbow," the director replied. "Rarity got her line wrong... again. We've been over this. The line is 'after 40 years' not 20."
"So I have to be halfway in the grave before I get inducted into the Hall of Fame?" Rarity said as she approached the latest director to take over the filming. "Your predecessor would always let me ad-lib my lines to my liking as long as they still made sense.”
”But I'm not my predecessor, Rarity. Stick to the script so we can get this finished on time.”
“Why you… no good…” Rarity fumed. “Grrr… fine! Have it your way.”
"Now I see why so many directors have quit," groaned the director.
---From the chapter: A New Life---
"Y'all mind if Ah address th' elephant in th' room?" Applejack asked with an uneasy smile.
"What elephant is that?" Pinkie said. "Oh that's right. I was supposed to bring one for this scene wasn't I? Oh well. I'll have to make do with this."
Pinkie pulled something gray out of her mane along with a bicycle pump and began pumping air into the the object.
"What's that?" asked Fluttershy.
"You'll see," Pinkie said with a smile as she continued pumping air.
"Pinkie, is that-?" Twilight said, looking at her friend.
Another couple minutes passed and Pinkie finished pumping air into the inflatable animal.
"You can address the elephant now, Applejack," Pinkie said. "I can't guarantee it’ll answer you though."
"Ugh, CUT!"
---From the chapter: A New Life---
"Thank you so much everypony," Fluttershy said as she hugged Spirit. "I love everything you've done. I was so worried about how much of burden I thought I would be that I completely forgot how far you would go to help me have some independence. Scratchie, Do you think you could help me to my new chair?"
"Sure thing. Hop on," Vinyl said as she knelt down in front of Fluttershy so that she could lean over onto the unicorn's back. Vinyl gently carried her from the manual chair to the power chair. Vinyl then lit her horn to steady Fluttershy as she set her into the new wheelchair.
"Wow. Y'all look ya did b'fore," Applejack said to the couple with a smile.
"Actually we do," Fluttershy replied. "Scratchie does it this way for me because it doesn't make me feel helpless like it would if she moved me with her magic."
"Not that as much as we used to though," Vinyl said. "Doing all these takes with Fluttershy in a wheelchair has made her put on some weight."
"I beg your pardon!" Fluttershy shouted uncharacteristically. "I'm only in this thing when we're shooting scenes. That's it."
"Do I have to say it?!" the latest director asked.
"Keep it rolling," Vinyl said with a grin. "This is good stuff. Plus we haven't gotten to the line mentioning about how Tavi walked in on me and Fluttershy <censored> in the bedroom."
"Wait! Where's that line at?"
With that, everypony on set began laughing like hyenas.
---From the chapter: Mixed Emotions---
"I am not going!" said Fluttershy in louder tone than normal. "I've been doing this for almost a year, Scratchie. It just isn't working."
Vinyl Scratch looked at her paraplegic marefriend and just sighed. Fluttershy needed to go to her physical therapy appointments to try to build strength in her wings and hind legs, even if she's not able to use them again.
"I know you feel like it ain't working but it's for your own good, critter lover." Vinyl responded calmly.
"The only thing I've been able to do is learn how to drag my butt across a glorified yoga mat!" Fluttershy shouted in frustration. "I can never fly again, nor will I be able to walk. So what. Is. The. Point?!"
After taking a deep breath Vinyl responded, "You learned a better way to deal with an itch on your <censored>."
Fluttershy couldn't help but to break character at Vinyl's comment. "I can't believe you just said that," Fluttershy said as she attempted to hold back her laughter.
"Between you and Pinkie Pie, this thing is never going to be finished, Vinyl," the producer moaned.
---From the chapter: Birthday Surprise---
"Well, we had to make excuses as to why we couldn't attend the 'After-Birthday' Party for Gummy," Rarity said. "Twilight told her she had to study, Applejack said she had to pick apples, our heroic pegasi claimed they had to cave-sit for a bear and I, *gulp*, I had to do the most revolting thing in Equestria."
"And what might that have been?" Cheese pried.
"Do I really have to say this line?" Rarity asked the director. "My stomach is already churning from thinking about it."
"Good. It'll make the vomit scene more realistic," the director replied.
"You seriously aren't going to film me..." Rarity said before she covered her muzzle with one of her hooves and ran to the nearest garbage can to empty her stomach contents.
"Oh no," Fluttershy whined. "I can't be around somepony throwing... be right back."
"Anypony else have to be sick before we restart the scene?"
---From the chapter: Farewell Parties---
"How was your nap?" he asked as he gave Pinkie a nuzzle on the cheek.
"It could've been better if the foal would've taken a nap too," she chuckled. "I can't wait for D-day though. My hooves are killing me, I gotta use the bathroom all the time, I'm the size of a buffalo and all these naps are keeping me from planning super awesome parties."
Cheese just smiled as he grabbed a sandwich off of Pinkie's plate, earning him a death stare.
"This is your freebie for the week," Pinkie growled. "Do. Not. Take. My. Sandwiches. I need these."
"Well don't take too long. You have your doctor's appointment in a little bit," Cheese reminded her.
Pinkie paused a moment before swallowing half the sandwiches in one gulp which was followed by a loud belch that could be heard outside.
"Such manners," Cheese commented.
"Listen. We're filming this while I'm ten moons pregnant. I'll have whatever manners I feel like," Pinkie grumbled. "Besides who's brilliant idea was it film a pregnant, moody, hormonal mare this close to the end of her term?"
"That would be mine," the executive producer admitted.
"Remind me to shove a trick candle up his <censored> after I give birth," Pinkie said.
---From the chapter: The Grand Finale (sort of)---
Pinkie Pie laid in the bright pink coffin with burn marks painted on her right side of her face, simulating where a party cannon had hit her with a errant blast. She listened to Twilight giving the opening statements to the funeral scene.
Time to have one last prank on the director, Pinkie thought mischievously.
Just as Twilight was about to deliver her final line, Pinkie opened her eyes, sat straight up, set off a mini party cannon she had hidden in her mane and shouted, “SURPRISE!”
"Seriously?!" the director shouted as all the ponies on set erupted into laughter.
"Sorry," Pinkie Pie sing-songed as the director cringed. “I just had to do it.”
"SUNSET SHIMMER!" hollered Pinkie Pie at the top of her voice as she tackled me. This was her normal greeting for all of us since we came back from Camp Everfree.
"Heya Pinkie," I said.
"Everyone is inside but I decided to stay outside so that I could tell you that everyone else was inside so... oof!"
While Pinkie was still on top of me, I had heard Derpy shout, "Dog pile!" seconds before landing on top her. Just moments later, I felt three more bodies land on top of us.
"Can... you all... get... off of... me... so I... can breathe?" I forced myself to ask while gasping for air.
"Not again," the director complained. "Yesterday I had to fight with Sunset to walk from the bedroom to the bathroom nude and now Derpy and the Crusaders are screwing this scene up."
Everyone had finally gotten off of me so I breathe and reluctantly get back into position for the beginning of the scene. Pinkie followed me to my spot with her goofy smile.
"Why am I afraid, Pinkie?" I asked her.
"No reason to be afraid but think about it. Even though I have to tackle you again, you don't have to be naked for the scene," she said with a wink.
I took my seat toward the middle of the classroom, one row to the left and two seats behind Twilight. Not the best seat in the room as far as seeing the whiteboard, I still liked the view though. Especially on those days when Ms. Cheerilee would drone on forever. I would sit and just stare at her tiny butt all class long. Just imagining both of those beautiful ass cheeks cuddled up next to me in bed...
Suddenly my train of thought was broken by a red piece of paper from Pinkie Pie. I figured it was just an invite to her Hearts and Hooves or Valentine's Day party this weekend. So I just picked it up as soon as Ms. Cheerilee's back was turned but couldn't get it opened up fast enough.
I heard, "Sunset! I hope those are class notes you're passing along the floor."
"They are," I replied hoping to avoid what would be coming next.
"Would you please come to the front of the class and read what you wrote?" Ms. Cheerilee asked.
I made the walk of shame to the front class and unfolded the note. It read:
Sunset, I know you're into girls. So tell me if you think Ms. Cheerilee is hot.
-PP
"PINKIE!!" I shouted. "This is the wrong note!"
Pinkie sat in her seat whistling innocently with her hands clasped together. Meanwhile, Ms. Cheerilee was turning red and the rest of the class was making kissing sounds.
"Why are you blushing Ms. Cheerilee?" I asked. I suddenly felt a look of surprise hit my face when she excused herself from the room.
"That worked out better than I thought it would," Pinkie said with a huge grin.
"So," Twilight began, "my cute butt and breasts drive you wild?"
"Uhh, well, you see," I stuttered, "Pinkie was making Valentine surprises and she just wanted...mmmph"
Before I could finish, Twilight had planted a big, sloppy french kiss on my lips.
When she finally pulled away, she whispered, "I'm so glad you answered Pinkie's note the way you did."
"Huh?"
"I needed to know if there was a chance if I could see you topless again," Twilight said as she looked toward my chest.
"You can see more than her boobs if you watch the replay from the opening scene," Pinkie said, popping up between the two of us.
"Really?" replied Twilight.
Looking toward the camera, the three of us giggled as the director facepalmed.
"Hey check out my new bikini Rarity custom made for me," Sunset said holding up a red and yellow striped bikini emblazoned with the same symbol on her future pendant on the left breast of the top and front of the bottom.
"That's pretty cute," I told her.
She lifted her camp shirt over her head and tossed on her bunk. Then she reached behind her back and unhooked the clasp holding her bra on. I knew I was staring at her, especially her full, round <censored> as they were released from their captivity.
"Like the view?" Sunset asked me.
"Umm, they're, uh, bigger than I thought," I said with my eyes still glued to her chest.
Sunset snapped her fingers above my head to get my attention. "Up here."
"Sorry."
"Twilight, this is the fourth time we've done this scene. My breasts don't change sizes between takes," she said as she put her bra and shirt back on. "You're only supposed to stare for a moment and then discreetly shake your head."
"But... I... can't stop thinking about..."
"Twilight you're going to have get ahold of yourself if we're going to make this porno."
"But..."
"No buts. I'm not as comfortable being naked around others as some people seem to think," she said as she glared at the screenwriter. "Let's get this done and over with. Okay?"
---From the chapter: Planting The Seeds---
I walked out of the changing room in the thong and bra. I still felt naked due to the lack of fabric. Rarity began howling with laugher.
"What?" I asked her, confused.
"Tw-Twilight... have you... have you ever worn... a thong be-befoe?" she said as she continued to laugh at my expense.
"No. Why?"
"Th-the wide part is... supposed to go in... in the front."
"That explains why it's riding a little high in the front," I said, fidgeting with the underwear.
"Seriously, darling," she said as she finally settled down. "In all your years of, to quote Rainbow Dash, 'being an egghead' you mean that you never came across a photo of a lady in a thong."
"Umm, not that I can remember."
---From the chapter: Feeling The Love---
"What the <censored>, Sunset?!" I said in shock.
"Just relax and leave it to me," she replied and then <censored>.
After calming down, I gave Sunny some advice. "While that felt great and all, I'm really not that comfortable having <censored>. Okay?"
"Oh thank Celestia," she replied, staring a hole in the producer. "It seems that some humans are <censored> perverts and their fetishes are just... ewww."
"I know, right." I said as I put my pajamas back on. "Who gets off watching others having stuff put in their back door?"
"Lots of people do," the producer replied. "Haven't either of you watched pornography?"
"Gross," replied Sunset.
---From the chapter: The Party---
"Sunset! Twilight!"
That's the sound we heard when we got to Pinkie's house, just seconds before we were knocked over by a pink blur.
"Hi... Pinkie," I managed to say, gasping for air.
"How did the porno shoot go the other night?" asked Pinkie before ending the hug and letting us breathe. "Are the rest of us gonna get to see it?"
"You watch porn, Pinkie?" asked Sunset, raising an eyebrow in confusion.
Pinkie laughed as she answered, "Duh! Doesn't everybody?"
"Can't say that I have," I replied hastily.
"You're really missing out on some good <censored>," said Pinkie with huge grin.
"Um, Pinkie, two things. First, I'm pretty sure this isn't the conversation in the script," Sunset said.
"What's the second thing?"
"I don't think this conversation is appropriate to be having outside," Sunset finished.
Pinkie didn't say anything in response, just stood there with a goofy grin on her face.
---From the chapter: The Party---
With an audible groan, she reached in the smaller box and pulled out a bottle of lubricant. Everyone started laughing at the sight.
"Seriously?" she asked, clearly annoyed.
"Read... the... label..." I managed to say as I laughed. "It doubles as massage oil."
Before Sunset could reopen the large box, we heard an audible thud on the floor. We turned to look in the direction of the noise and saw Fluttershy face down on the floor.
"How was that?" she whispered.
"Very convincing, darling. However, you are a bit early," Rarity reminded her.
"Are you sure?" Fluttershy replied.
The director passed a copy of the script onto the set so that Fluttershy could refresh her mind with the scene.
"Oops," she said, blushing slightly. "I guess I was supposed to see the dong first."
"Hey I gotta question before the retake," Pinkie asked.
"What's that?" asked the director.
"Can I watch you film the scene where the dildo gets used?"
"NO!" Sunset and I shouted in unison.
---From the chapter: The After Party (sort of)---
We arrived at Sunset's place late in the evening and planned on going to bed and skipping the sex scene because we were exhausted. The production team had other ideas. They let me wear the pajamas Sunset bought for me but made poor Sunset wear the same skimpy outfit from the other night to make me aroused.
"Is there a reason why everyone wants to know if we watch pornography?" I asked with the pajamas in my hands.
"Who knows," Sunset replied in an annoyed tone. "I just hate filming it. I feel like sex should stay in the..." Sunset suddenly trailed off and turned her attention toward the window.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Excuse me," Sunset said as she headed toward the door. "Pinkie, you are not watching me and Twilight <censored>. Please go home."
"Pinkie, I know you and Cheese Sandwich are dating, but can we have one of our 'girls only' parties for this occasion?" asked Twi as she blushed slightly.
"Ah'm likin' that thar idear, Twilight," said Applejack as she gave Rainbow Dash a kiss on the cheek.
"Oh, that is a great idea!" Pinkie said, her eyes wide with excitement. "I got sooo many more ideas for a girls' night party than one with our boyfriends."
"What kind of ideas?" I asked, hoping they weren't something sexual.
"That's a surprise for everyone," Pinkie said, grinning from ear to ear.
There was a collective "Awww..." from all six of the rest of us.
"I'll tell everyone what to bring later this week," Pinkie said as the bell signaling the end of lunch rang.
We all filed out of the cafeteria and headed to our lockers to get our books for the next class. I got the feeling I was being watched and when I closed my locker I was greeted by one of the most mischievous grins I had ever seen.
"So..." Pinkie said before I cut her off.
"No, Pinkie," I told her.
Waving a new copy of the script in my face, she replied, "Oh, yes."
"Wait! Is this official?" I said snatching the packet of paper from her. I got to the party section and saw something I wasn't expecting or thrilled about.
"It's very official," Pinkie said as she skipped by me giggling.
---From the chapter: Beware The Shy Ones---
The girls began laughing even harder at me and Twi trying to keep each other from hiding due to embarrassment. To be honest though, it was pretty fun dragging Twi from under the couch cushion by the waistband of her yoga pants exposing her bright red thong.
"Well so much for that game," Pinkie said, annoyed.
"What game was that, Pinkie?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"Guess what kind of underwear your friends are wearing," Pinkie replied with a sheepish grin.
"I know, right," Rainbow Dash said. "Who would've guessed that Twilight wears thongs. Besides Sunset, of course. I pictured you as the 'granny panty' type."
"I would've guessed," Rarity piped up.
"Say what now?" Applejack said in shock.
"I gave them to her," Rarity replied. "She wanted to feel sexy, so..."
"Okay let's end this topic here," Twilight interrupted.
"I have a funny story about that day though. You see..." Rarity got interrupted when she was tackled by Twilight who was beet red in either embarrassment or anger, I couldn't tell which.
---From: Beware The Shy Ones---
When we got into the kitchen to slice the cake, I froze in my tracks when I saw it.
"Really, Pinkie?" I asked. "A penis cake? Isn't that going too far?"
Pinkie Pie rubbed her chin and thought for a moment before replying,"Nope! It's a 'Congrats On Getting Your First Dildo' party. Sooo, you need a dildo cake. Don't worry, it's not made from actual dildos."
"It's, um, very... realistic," said Rarity as her eyes were glued to the cake.
"It should be," responded Pinkie. "I used Cheese Sandwich's <censored> to make a mold."
I swear Rarity's face turned bright green when Pinkie said that. Not that I blame her. The thought of a man's <censored> being used as a mold for anything edible was gross. Me and Rarity weren't the only ones affected by Pinkie's statement. Applejack casually walked over to the trash can and threw up.
"You guys really need to learn to take a joke," Pinkie grumbled.
---From the chapter: Heavenly Bliss?---
Me and Fluttershy went in for our seven minutes and I could tell she was up to something.
"What did you think of my gift?" she whispered in a semi-seductive tone.
I didn't know what to say. I hadn't gotten a chance to use it yet, so I improvised a response.
"I like it, Fluttershy. Thank you," I said quietly.
"Yay! I hoped you would after seeing that huge dildo landed in front of me," she replied softly. "I had also heard about how much you enjoyed using it."
I sat there with my mouth hanging wide open. Neither me nor Twi had told anyone about our 'adventures' in the past week but somehow Fluttershy knew.
"H-how do you know about that?" I asked.
Fluttershy hid behind her long locks and barely whispered, "I can't tell because Pinkie asked me not to tell you."
"PINKIE!!!"
---From the chapter: Pinkie's Pervy Promise---
After taking a deep breath she replied quickly, "Your feet make me extremely horny!"
I was dumbfounded by her response and just sat there on my heels in shock for a minute or two before I was able to put words together.
"Oh, that's, uh, interesting," I stammered.
"It's your fault though."
"My fault?" I said, taken aback by her accusation. "How?"
"Well you're the one that made me kiss your feet all the time when you were a jerk," she said. "After a while I began to look forward to it because it would make me aroused and, well, there's a reason I had to go to the bathroom after kissing your feet."
My eyes widened in shock at her admission but I still couldn't help myself by asking for clarification. "Are you telling me that you <censored> at school?!"
"The upside of being quiet," she giggled.
"Anything else you'd like admit before we do the retake?" the director said.
"Yes. You make some pretty good adult films," she told the director.
My jaw almost hit the floor when I read that. I knew the other girls were not going to believe this unless I showed them the message. And speaking of messages, while I was talking to Twilight my phone went off with this text:
BRING YOUR PJ'S AND GUITAR! (and a certain movie you made with Twilight in Book 5)
Sleepover at Sweet Apple Acres Sat. March 22, 6:00pm Dirty fun, very dirty games, and Pony Ups guaranteed
See you there, Sunset!
-PP
P.S. Please bring the tape.
Seriously? I thought as I facepalmed.
"Cut! What now?" said the director.
I didn't answer him. I just handed him my phone to show him the text message.
"Pinkie Pie! For one time in this whole series, can you please stick to the script? She's still supposed to be seventeen at this point of the series."
"I didn't send it," Pinkie claimed.
"So if I have Sunset reply to this, your phone won't go off?"
"That's right," swore Pinkie.
"I want you to stand here beside me with the volume up when Sunset sends the reply."
"Okey dokey lokey," Pinkie said as she bounced over to the director.
I sent a question mark as the reply.
Pinkie's phone went off.
---From the chapter: Time For A Familiar Face---
I walked into the Sweet Shoppe for our weekly girls day out late as usual.
"SURPRISE!" yelled all my friends. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
As crazy as everything has been lately, between working extra hard to prepare for the Friendship Games, and band practice, I had completely forgotten my own birthday. I was glad that someone remembered for me.
"We got you lotsa presents and surprises and cake and... and... can I see the script? I forgot what came next," Pinkie said.
"Again?" Rarity complained as me and the others laughed. "How is that you can ramble on about nothing for hours on end but when it comes to a thirty second line, you forget? This is the fourth time in the last fifteen minutes."
"Let's see you do any better during the Friendship Games party, then," Pinkie shot back.
"Cut!"
"<censored> that," Rainbow said. "This is too awesome not to catch on camera."
"What does that mean?" Rarity growled as she began turning red.
"Four to one odds that Rarity kicks Pinkie's <censored>," Rainbow whispered to the rest of us.
"I'll take twenty-five dollars on Rarity," Fluttershy said as she fetched her purse.
---From the chapter: Time For A Familiar Face---
We all gathered backstage after Rainbow Dash's semi-motivational speech during the pep rally. After Fluttershy and Rarity got their school pride sentiments out of the way, Applejack brought a serious point to the table.
"Is anybody else wondering how Dash ponied up without playing her guitar?"
"What's the matter?" Rainbow said with a cheesy grin on her face. "You jealous?"
Applejack bit her lip due to Luna being on set with us. She's a nice person off camera but she hears any profanity, it's best to find something to hide behind. Her tirades make the Sirens Equestrian forms look like cute puppies or kittens.
"You want to try that line again, Rainbow Dash?" Rarity asked.
"Remember the Friendship Games party..." sang Pinkie Pie.
"Are we taking bets again?" asked Fluttershy.
"Not again. Cut!"
---From the chapter: Time For A Familiar Face---
After floating for about a minute, Rarity suddenly had a tired look on her face before suddenly powering down and collapsing into Applejack's arms. Then we got the surprise of our lives as the door opened.
"Twilight?" we all said in unison.
"Uh... yes?" she replied.
"Question. Do you wear that around Sunset at home? It's kinda sexy in a way," Pinkie commented.
"Ya know somethin' Pinkie? All these sex jokes an' th' stalking of Sunset an' Twilight at their apartment is really gettin' old," Applejack deadpanned.
"I agree, darling," Rarity said, hands on her hips. "Including this one, you've been going on for four of the last five chapters. It's time to stop."
Pinkie looked at everyone's face and saw the same annoyed look from the rest of us.
I took the bus into Canterlot the next day to see if anyone that worked at the music store knew anything. I walked up to the counter to talk to the clerk. She had pale white skin, short blue hair, magenta tinted sunglasses and headphones.
"Hi, um, I'm Twilight Sparkle," I nervously said. "I'm doing a research project at Crystal Prep Academy and I was wondering if anything strange happened here in last couple days."
The clerk looked at me and gave a thumbs up.
"Great! Can you tell me what happened?" I asked her.
She gave me another thumbs up, pretended to play the guitar, made a flapping motion with her arms and made pretend ears with her index fingers. The motions she was making caused me to burst into a laughing fit.
"Cut!"
"I... I'm sorry... I can't help it," I tried saying through my laughter. "It... it's..."
"It's the wings, isn't it?" Vinyl asked with a chuckle. "Just to let you know, it wasn't my idea. I practiced this in front of Tavi and got the same reaction."
"It's... just so... Pinkie Pie-ish," I said as my giggling continued.
"Glad you think so," I heard Pinkie shout from offstage. "Because it was my idea!"
---From the chapter: Games---
"Um, excuse me," I said to the group of friends, "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just wanted to learn about the strange energy coming from your school. I didn't know that it was magic or how it works."
"That's okay. Neither do we," a rainbow haired girl with wings told me.
"Um,Twilight? Isn't that necklace supposed to be stealing Rainbow's, uh, magic right now?" Fluttershy whispered.
"Huh?" I said, looking at the pendant. Noticing the lights were off, I gave it a tap a couple times to try turning the lights back on.
"What's going on?" the effects supervisor asked as she came over to check out the pendant.
"I don't know. It's just not working," I said as I scratched the back of my head.
We fiddled with it for a couple minutes before finally removing the battery cover.
"Who took out the batteries?!" asked the effects supervisor.
"Ummm..." Sunset said sheepishly.
---From the chapter: Vacations---
I was so excited. Mom, Dad, Shiny and I had gone to the beach a few times when I was younger, but not in recent years and even when we went, it was only for the day. The seven of us (and Spike) all met at Rarity's house the Wednesday before the party to get fitted for swimsuits.
My swimsuit was a navy blue one-piece with purple trim and pink stars that matched the hair beret I always wear.
"How do you like it?" Rarity asked.
I tugged on the shoulder straps a few times before answering. "It's beautiful but I feel a bit restricted. I'm used to that skimpy bikini you made me for Sunset's dream scene in Book Six. Plus I think my <censored> is showing a littlebit."
My opinion caused her to look down to my lower regions. "<censored>! Oh terribly sorry for the language. I just can't believe I screwed that up."
"I think it looks fine!"
"PINKIE PIE! ENOUGH!" Rarity shouted in disgust.
---From the chapter: Vacations---
The others quickly joined in embracing me in celebration of my newest accomplishment. I was at a loss for words as my new wings accidentally smacked Rarity and Fluttershy in the face, surprisingly eliciting giggles from the two of them. It was a surreal experience that I knew mom and dad wouldn't believe.
Unfortunately we had to hang up the instruments for the night a little while later, due to noise ordinance laws but we ordered pizzas and held a tournament on Rainbow's Ponystation 4 instead.
"What the <censored>?!" Rainbow shouted as I defeated her with a "Double Flawless" win on Immortal Battle. "How the <censored> did you get that good at this?"
"Me and Sunny do more than just study and <censored>," I giggled.
"I can vouch for that!" said Pinkie with a huge grin.
"Unfortunately," Sunset groaned.
"I thought we agreed you would quit harassing Sunset and Twilight regarding their sex life in the last chapter," Rarity said.
"That's gonna be kinda difficult since the next chapter is outtakes from another clop!"
"Um, Rainbow? Do you think you could tell us how it felt?" Fluttershy asked, causing a look of shock to not only replace my look of anger but also everyone else's looks of disbelief to a look of shock. Fluttershy. The one person that we expected to remain a virgin for her entire life due to her personality and she was the one asking me how it felt to get laid.
I forgot my <censored> line because of how genuine Fluttershy's delivery was of her own. Pinkie decided it was her turn to put her two cents in while I was scratching the back of my head.
"Thought you were a super lesbian that wants as many feet in your <censored> as you can get?" Pinkie then leaned in as close as she could get to Fluttershy's ear and whispered, "I think that's freaking hot by the way."
"Not again! Cut!" shouted the director. "I thought we agreed two chapters ago that you'd drop the 'Pervy Pinkie' routine."
"Hey, Rainbow's Rave is a clopfic. There's no way 'Pervy Pinkie' is sitting this one out," Pinkie said. "Especially since we've got an 'anything goes' version of Truth or Dare scene at AJ's."
"She does make a good point," Twilight chimed in. "As much as I get annoyed with Pinkie spying on me and Sunset <censored>, 'anything goes' means just that. 'Pervy Pinkie' has gotta be in this."
"Ugh, fine. Just don't let it get out of hand," the director said as a huge smile appeared on Pinkie's face.
---From the chapter: Fun On The Farm---
We laid out the ground rules (which was pretty much anything goes) before Fluttershy won Rock, Paper, Scissors for the honor to start us off.
"Um, Sunset. Truth or Dare?" Fluttershy asked.
"I'm going to regret this, but I'll take dare," Sunset answered.
"I, uh, dare you to suck on... all Rarity's toes for one minute with your pajama top off," Fluttershy said hiding behind her hair with a slight blush.
"Like I said, I'm going to regret it," Sunset replied before stripping off her top, moving in front of Rarity and began licking each of Rarity's toes before going back over each one to clean off her saliva. Pinkie had her eyes glued to Sunset's bra-covered <censored> the entire time.
"Sunset?"
"Yes, Pinkie?"
"Can I feel your <censored> before you put your top back on?"
"Maybe later if things start getting out of hand," Sunset said after thinking a moment.
"Awww, I wanna know if your <censored> feel the same as mine since you're not from this world."
"Cut! Take it from the top!" shouted the director.
"Again?! Pardon my uncouth language, but are you <censored> kidding me?!" Rarity shouted angrily. "I am really getting tired of having toes sucked. The nail polish is beginning to come off from Sunset's saliva."
"I don't mind seeing you getting your toes sucked," Fluttershy whispered. I started laughing my <censored> off as Rarity's face almost became the same shade of red as Sunset's hair.
---From the chapter: Fun On The Farm---
"But still... oh never mind. Pinkie Pie?" Rarity said as she realized her argument was a lost cause.
"Oooh, oooh! Truth! Truth! Truth!" Pinkie said excitedly as she pulled her hands out of her hair.
"Pinkie, if ya toss that confetti in yer hands, Ah'm gonna smack ya," AJ warned. Pinkie's grin grew quickly a split second before emptying the contents of her hands into the air. Applejack growled, pushed her way past me and tackled Pinkie.
"Oooo. I can grab your <censored> now. You mind if I give you a kiss?" she asked as the rest of us laughed our <censored> off.
"Pinkie... Ah'm gonna give ya... thirty seconds... ta get this mess cleaned up," Applejack said angrily.
"Okay," Pinkie relented. "Can I grab your <censored> after that?"
"No!"
"Cut, cut, cut, CUT!" shouted the director. "I'm putting a halt to the Pervy Pinkie shtick as of right now. Things are really getting out of hand with it."
Vinyl sifted through her laundry after getting out of the shower looking for a specific article of clothing. After a few minutes of looking she finally shouted, “Tavi, have you seen my sports bra?”
“Which one?”
“The white one with the music note on the left breast.”
After a short silence, Octavia replied, “I think it's in the dirty clothes. Why?”
“I've got a date with Fluttershy tonight, remember? I really don't care to have certain things be noticeable,” Vinyl answered.
“Vinyl, I hardly consider hanging out here a date,” Octavia said. “Just wear what you usually do.”
Vinyl entered the living room wrapped in a towel. “Tonight’s kinda special. I'd like to be somewhat presentable if possible.”
“Would you like to borrow my heather gray one?”
“Your yoga bra?! Gross,” Vinyl said with a disgusted look on her face.
“What's so gross about it?”
“It's sweaty and got your boob germs all over it,” Vinyl replied.
“I’ll have you know that I wash that bra daily,” Octavia shot back, offended. “Besides, you're not planning on, ahem, doing certain things, are you?”
“Well, no,” Vinyl said.
“So why does it matter what bra you're wearing?”
“I don't know,” Vinyl said.
An awkward silence fell between the two girls and caused them both to fidget nervously for several minutes.
“I'm sorry,” Vinyl said. “This just isn't working.”
“Agreed,” said Octavia. “If we're going to be talking about bras for this scene, then it should set up for some questionable activities; which - I might add - is NOT in the script.”
”Fine. We’ll go to the backup scene,” the director relented.
“AWWWWW!” came a disappointed whine from a familiar high-pitched voice.
We arrived at the school, which is next door to the castle, about a half hour later thanks to a Pinkie Pie distraction. It was actually pretty impressive. It was built into the hillside with ponds on either side of the entrance path.
The doors creaked slightly as Spike pushed them open. In front of us stood the tallest Christmas (or Hearth's Warming) tree I had ever seen. Even the one I saw in Manehatten as a child couldn't compare to this.
Sunny told me to hide behind one of the plants as she wanted to pull a prank on Princess Twilight. She flopped on her belly and slowly inched her way toward her. When she got about a foot away, she lit up her horn and sent something flying as a distraction. When Twilight looked for whatever Sunny had used to distract her, Sunny teleported directly behind the alicorn.
“BOO!” Sunny shouted with a grin.
“AHHH!” Twilight screamed before teleporting somewhere other than the vestibule.
I snickered after the entire scene unfolded whereas Sunny was rolling on her back laughing like a hyena. “That… that was worth it,” she said through her laughter.
Twilight reappeared moments later with a frown on her face until she saw who it was. “Sunset!” she exclaimed as she ran to give her friend a hug.
“Heya, Twilight,” Sunny said, still grinning from ear to ear.
“Why didn't you tell me you were coming to Equestria?”
“It was a last-minute idea that I thought about doing,” I chimed in, revealing myself.
“Twi!” is all I heard before Twilight gave me a Pinkie-style hug. “It's great to see both of you. I was actually going to send you an invite later tonight to attend the Hearth's Warming play that is being held the day after tomorrow in Canterlot,” she told us after releasing me.
“Me and Twi could only get tonight and tomorrow off from work, so we figured we'd come now,” Sunny lied.
“So do you girls have any plans while you're here in Equestria?”
“Honestly, it was mainly to spend some time with my family, hang out with you and your friends for a couple of hours and…” Sunny paused before lowering her voice, “...see a doctor.”
“Well, it would be too hard to hang out with-” Twilight stopped mid-sentence and did a double take. “Hold on. Did you say ‘see a doctor’?”
“Yes. I did.”
Twilight tilted her head in confusion. “Why do you need to see a doctor here? Aren’t there doctors in your world?” she asked.
“I’ve been under the weather lately and the doctors in the human world can't find out what's wrong.” Sunny replied. “Twilight, I collapsed in front of a national audience two weeks ago and nearly did it again last week during a visit with a sick child.”
About an hour later, Trixie finally showed up with her wagon.
“Took long enough,” Sunny grumbled.
“So the Princess of Friendship can't take her friends to the hospital,” Trixie said after entering the castle. “Now who is this ‘close friend’ that Trixie is transporting to the hospital?”
“This is Sunset Shimmer. I met her last year when I went on that trip while the others had that friendship problem,” Starlight replied.
“Really? And just how ‘close’ have you gotten with her?” Trixie sneered. “It better not have gotten as close as our friendship has gotten when you join Trixie on tour.”
“You've never seen the inside of her wagon, huh?” Sunny said, lifting one of her eyebrows.
Starlight's face turned crimson at Sunny's question. “Uh, maybe once or twice,” she said sheepishly.
"CUT!" we heard from off stage.
"What's wrong?" Sunny asked.
"Nothing regarding your performance," the director said. "It's just not moving the plot along. I don't really know what the screenwriter was thinking with this."
"It's about time you got in here," shouted Dashie. "Now we just gotta get you out of your shell and cut loose."
"Whaddya mean by 'cuttin' loose'?" I asked as I splashed her.
"Skinny dipping on the beach, of course," she answered. "You can't tell me you don't indulge in a naked swim in that pond at the farm during the summer."
"Actually, Ah don't," I told her before she tackled me in the water.
"Really?"
After spitting the sea water out I answered, "Y'all know Ah'm a terrible liar, so whaddya think?"
She then fell back in the water laughing like a hyena.
"What's so funny?"
"You've had the perfect place to skinny dip and you never stripped down for a spontaneous swim," she laughed after sitting up.
"Ta be honest, Ah did strip down once," I said as the waves continued to splash against my hips.
Dashie pointed at me accusingly and shouted, "Ah-ha! I knew it!"
"Yeah, well... when yer splashin' about and one of yer siblings shows up with their apple tree at full blossom, it makes fer a very awkward situation," I explained, refering to the only time I skinny-dipped and accidentally learned how Big Mac got his name.
"Wait! You saw your brother's <censored> hard as a rock?!" Dashie said as her eyes grew wide in shock.
CUT! Why are you making stuff up for this scene? the director asked.
"Ah ain't makin' <censored> up! He really does have a <censored> the size of a horse!" I shot back. "And Dashie... quit thinking about mah brother."
Fine but you realize that this isn't a porno right? No more dialogue about sex please.
