Chapter 1: Kashmir

Author's Notes:

This will be a short and sweet author's note; chapter 2 will have a better one.

Welcome to my latest creation! Feel free to peruse, and I hope you enjoy your reading/listening experience ... if you know what I mean.

The only thing to take into account is that the character in this story is a very, very, very, close tribute to a cousin of mine ... and if you're said cousin and reading this then you are welcome and I regret nothing. :D

Feel free to ask any questions regarding the lore of the world and I will answer them in 'character' unless I feel they are one of two things. 1) A question so facepalming you might not get a response, or 2) a question deserving of being added into the story! More details in chapter 2's note.

Edit: I forgot, here is the title song for you all! Kasmir - Led Zeppelin

Enjoy!

Equestria (Many Years Ago)

“The entirety of Equis lays on the precipice of disaster. A new dark force that seemingly came out of nowhere has arrived to take the world for its own. Unrivalled by anything that even us immortals have seen ... It will destroy all that we know and love. Such force … such an unstoppable force must have a weakness, but yet even the best minds of ponykind have failed to find any answer, let alone understand where it came from. Truly it is Equis’ darkest days.

“Will a hero arise to stop this madness? Perhaps the Elements will return once again to cleanse the land and bring about peace undisturbed. Such is only the hope of mortals. Yet it is in these mortals that us immortals must trust. They have been granted the greatest powers to stop the forces. If they cannot … all is lost … all is-”

“I invade West Zebrica!” shouted Luna to the group of four ponies.

“No! That could take away my card bonus!” Celestia cried out in response, abruptly ending her monologue.

“Exactly! The Lunar Republic will conquer this world my dear sister, and taking away your card bonuses is the first step! Now roll!” she shouted before throwing out her six dice. Straight sixes.

Celestia gulped audibly before shakily rolling her own four dice in response. As each die landed on the board, it merely showed how badly she lost. Not a single one of them landed on a six, thus allowing Luna to capture her territory. She threw her forelegs up into the air in anguish, crying to the heavens for all the non-existent Zebra lives lost in the invasion and conquest.

“Stupid Risk … . How is it that you always manage to win?” Celestia asked Luna, not even bothering to acknowledge the giggling that Cadance and Twilight were doing at her antics.

“I don’t always win,” Luna said, blowing her sister a raspberry. “You merely lose all the time. Twilight won last time, remember?”

“You’d think ruling a nation for over two thousand years would have given me some sort of battle experience,” Celestia grumbled, not really speaking to anypony.

“Well, if your records are right, you only ever had four ‘wars,’” Twilight answered her former mentor. “One against Discord which lasted approximately three days, one against Sombra that lasted no longer that ten minutes, one against your sister which lasted a whole night, and then there was that incursion by the griffons during your solo rule. That one lasted a year, only because neither side acted until the griffons eventually gave up out of boredom.”

“Don’t remind me,” Celestia groaned. “Longest year of my life.”

“Oh, you forgot your loss to Queen Chrysalis, dear sister!” Luna shouted before dashing out of the room, knowing Celestia would chase her.

Of course, Celestia did in fact give chase, a white pillow following in her magical grasp. This left the room to only Twilight and Cadance who merely laughed at the sight. This was how most ‘Princess Nights’ usually ended. The four would gather in Canterlot to play some sort of game, and relax outside of their princessly duties every other week. Risk had been a recently released board game, and the Princesses had taken to it immediately.

So, with the other two opponents currently gone, Twilight stood up and stretched before speaking. “Looks like I won again. Those two can never complete a game! Though, what I want to know is how come you are always the first to lose?”

“Hey, I was never the best at planning …,” Cadance sulked, folding her forehooves over each other in front of her. “You know that, the wedding proved that!”

“Well I’m just glad you saw the error in what you were doing and instead joined Equestria,” Twilight replied as her magic got the game pieces collected and deposited in the box.

‘Cadance’ dropped her disguise as she too stood up to stretch. Chrysalis was only using the disguise in the first place because it was too fun to fool Celestia with her near spot-on imitation of Cadance. Though she only pulled it out if Cadance had told Twilight before hoof that she would be busy. Sometimes her date night with Shining Armor landed on Princess Night, so Twilight understood … eventually.

“I think it is time to retire,” Twilight said with a yawn as the pair proceeded to walk out of the ‘Games Room’. “It’s going to be another early morning.”

“I know …,” Chrysalis grumbled, “I’ll have to take over for Celestia at morning court. She said she was expected in the Gryphon Empire by mid-morning or something like that.”

Twilight merely giggled before saying her goodnight to Chrysalis. As they departed in opposite directions, neither of them noticed the abrupt meteor shower that appeared in the southern night sky. Of course, if they did, they would have chalked it up to Luna, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Elsewhere (Not in Equestria) in the Present

I am a survivor.

Or so I have become. When I was younger, I used to be a walking body bag more or less. Injuries occurring to me every this way and that, yet I guess I still pushed on. Perhaps that was what made me a survivor. During the prime of my life, or what people called the prime (sixteen to twenty three), I played a lot of sports, mainly baseball, but still enough that injury was expected. I had only broken one bone really, and that was hardly anything important, a simple upper mandible break. It was everything else in my body that got injured.

It happened enough in the span of two trips that it made me fear going back to Florida in case I was going to die the next time. You know, incremental happen-stance and all that. Either way, what I am trying to convey is that by all means, out of everyone that should be alive right now, I shouldn't be one of them.

Yet there I was, standing on top of a rocky outcropping, neither legs injured, nor any other body part. In fact, my entire body felt better than it ever had before … I’ve yet to determine if this is irony or not.

I shook my head as I had enough reminiscing and deep thought, seeing as I’ve only got so much time allocated for that each day. I hit my quota earlier, but the view just needed some meditation to make it complete. Either way, I slowly took my eyes off the deserted landscape that I had been staring at. For miles there was hardly anything but sand, though every once and awhile you could spot some green. Of course not everywhere was like this. Sometimes it was the reverse. Other times it was all white!

Either way, the land looked nothing like what it used to. I mean, I know New Jersey was a desolate landscape before, but this is being too literal.

With slow movements, I straddled the motocross bike that had taken me all over the continent formerly known as North America. It even got me all the way down to Mexico, but that damnable desert was just too tough to cross without being prepared. Not saying New Jersey is a cake walk either, mind you … .

So with a little kick and a flick, the bike started up. My old pal Fawkes. Yes, I named it after a Fallout 3 character. What’s Fallout 3? Seriously? It’s been over two decades since it was released, for me, and even I remember it! Jeez. Anyway, lets just say that he was bad-ass and carried a lot of stuff. Sounds perfect for my bike, right?

I’d describe it for you, but unfortunately all the sand really dealt a heavy blow to anything that wasn’t my engine. Sure I’ve cleaned it up since this adventure but what’s the fun in tell you something not from the exact storyline? I knew I was going to need to find some paint sometime soon. Either way, with the bike humming, and New York quickly closing in, I needed to gain as much ground before nightfall. Find some place to hunker down for the night.

So I flipped open the cover of a little box that I kept on myself at all times. Said box was linked to a cord that seemed to sneak under my heavy clothes. Said cord was linked to a set of headphones that were in my ears, awaiting their chance to deliver sweet sweet music to me. Yeah, out of everything that I owned, only three things I kept in mint condition. The first being my M110 SASS, the second being my iPod, and the third being a small photo album I had managed to scrape together.

Though enough sappiness! Lets burn it away with some rock! I’d go metal but I could never find a better travelling song other than this one Zep song. Let the story begin!

Seriously, this is exactly what I played when I drove down those glass hills.

When the song started up, I gunned it over the ledge, aiming right for a nice little slope that would send me flying across the open desert once more. And no, I didn’t miss. I do have some experience doing that, after all.

So, since I’ve decided to completely skip out on a formal start to this story, let me start again with some introductions. Since all of you are new to this little cave of mine. By the way, do you like the cave? I know I could do with something better but it’s nice and out of the way, and I still have the necessities. Besides, it was a gift from your town a few years back.

You know what? I didn’t have a name in mind before I started but after playing that Led Zeppelin song, I think I found a suitable name for this story.

This story, henceforth, is going to be called … Over The Hills and Far Away. You’ll see the significance of the ‘Far Away’ part as we go.

Anyway, let’s get introductions under-way.

Hi, I’m Ryan. No, you don’t get a last name. Why? Because reasons, that’s why. Anyway, I’m Ryan, and I’m roughly forty years old … I think. Time really flies by when there isn’t a clock around. The only clock that I had for awhile was my iPod’s clock and that ended up resetting one day, and since then I’ve lost track of what time it was or would ever be. I mean I have a watch, but I usually have that set on a timer so that it beeps every so often.

As for my age, like I said, I lost track of the years so I could be older, or I could be younger than forty. Who knows? Who cares? What does matter, is that I’ve lived and survived one more day. And sometimes, just making it from day to day, is all you really can do in this day and age. So let’s assume that I am over forty years old, just so we can get a decent bearing.

When you live in the North Wasteland, my own title for it, you seem to not care about things as small as time. Food, water, shelter, and living to see the next day are the most important things. That and music. Music is still damn important.

What is the North Wasteland, you ask? Well let me tell you, it isn’t as bland as it sounds. Sure there are many different types of climates throughout the land now, ones that I never expected to pop up. Did you know that apparently New Mexico can be a tropical rainforest? Yeah, me neither. Though I can only wonder how you don’t know what the North Wasteland is? You live in it! Though I guess most of you never have even seen the outside of your little town huh? Must be pretty nice, I mean you get to live in the comfort of a rather large village that seems to have all the necessities to live and thrive.

Hell, this is probably the farthest you've ever been outside your walls, right? Fuck, we’re maybe fifty meters from your walls … you all have a lot of growing up to do. You've all got the look of being ones that are privileged with skills that don’t require you to venture beyond your walls.

I’ve got to ask though, haven’t you been taught about the world beyond your walls? No education or anything?

Really? You've got to be shitting me! Well at least they teach you the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic, but to not have taught you much about the outside world? You all must have the life that everyone wants. If this was a different time, people could call you sheltered and it would be an insult, but now … I wish I had your upbringing, that way I wouldn’t be who I am.

…

Haha, at least I was wrong in my assumption that all of you were the same way. Good to know that at least a couple in this group used to live in the world prior to its fall. You know what it’s like out there, right? Good, then at least some of you will understand. Sorry about judging you all together, by the way.

Anyway, this new and odd world was built from the ashes of what I’ve heard some call ‘The Old World.’ Ha, most of those that say that haven’t been around long enough to have seen such a time. Ever met those type of people? They can be a blast. It’s barely been one generation since The Reckoning and people are already starting to assume that the people before them were some sort of mythical figures! Though I blame that on the lack of education nowadays.

Once a world run amok by corruption, greed, and death on the surface while the good was merely overshadowed by those that didn’t care, now turned into a world that knows only life or death. It’s sad really. I had such hope for everything. The future was looking bright, especially when people were actually starting to get together and change the world. Then it gets fucked up because some psychopathic ultra rich idiots decide to try and take over the world from the inside of each country or something like that. I really don’t know since no ones know how it all started but that’s my personal guess. So, don’t blame the average Joe for the hell we now live in. Blame that small group of dicks that tried to pull such a stunt. Or don’t! Whichever.

The ironic thing about that was we were currently in what scientists called the ‘6th Mass Extinction.’ Looks like they were more than right. We basically rid ourselves of this world … though humans are persistent. What amazes me in all of that, was somehow we didn’t fully nuke our planet. Just small portions but not enough to actually destroy the world completely.

A depressing topic, huh? Yeah, well if you find that depressing then I better not tell you my personal story. Yeah, actually I won’t. my music is uplifting right now, not depressing. That’s Led Zeppelin's Kashmir for you! Though I guess I should cut the music, or it’ll be of more focus than the story itself.

By the way, if you want depressing thoughts then I have only one thing to say to you, go hump a moose with your depressing thoughts!

Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention. I’m Canadian. Eh?

Name; check.

Citizenship; check..

Some sentimental stuff; ehhh, check.

It seems I’ve about wrapped up the introductions … am I missing something? Oh, wait, I remember what I was missing. Two things!

I’ve travelled the world over, at least that’s what it feels like, and I’ve met many who lived in my time. The many settlement camps spread around throughout North Wasteland, including yours was built on by survivors. Most live in the changed areas that actually prospered yet some … some still life in the desert. Why live in a desert when there was more … palatable lands to settle? Ehh, not like I cared. I only stopped in settlements long enough to fill any needs; you know, food, water, gas, bullets … the usual. After that I always made myself scarce unless there was a local job willing to give me something I might need.

Either way, I always kept on the move. Why? Because sitting still always led to raiders. You all are lucky to be out of the way enough to never see people like them. People who have no morals left in them. Could call them completely debased and no longer humans, but that would be rude. I actually had a nice chat with a dying raider one time. Found him laying against a dead log. Gave him a little hit of morphine to dull the pain, he wasn’t going to make it no matter what I did, so I kept him company. Odd point of view, but at this point in my life, I’ve learned to stop debating viewpoints and just listen.

So, there's that: describing what my ‘job’ is. Now as for the second thing on my list, I’m going to give you a little bit of a general summary, if you want to call it that, of this story.

You see, many years ago, I happened to get caught up in some completely random events that led me into something that no one could have ever guessed. It took me to another world for fuck’s sake! Yeah, I know you kind of got a gist of it based off the word of mouth rumours going around your camp. This’ll be the second time I’ll be telling the story now, though it will be a little more complete this time through.

So I guess it’s time to return to what I originally started with. Back to the events of the story. In fact, you could call this ‘Part One.’ Now as to how many parts there are … well I can’t say for sure. The previous telling was a two day affair because I skipped through a lot of things, but this time … well, it’s going to be much longer than that. I’m going to tell you everything, and I mean everything.

I’m going to give you your only chance to back out of this and leave now because if you decide to stay, I expect you to be in this for the long haul.

…

Huh, not a soul, well that’s brave of you. Back to the story we go.

Picking up where I left off, the reason I was riding through this desert on a direct path for New York is because I heard of a rumour. Apparently some guy made it to New York, a city that basically doesn’t exist minus a handful of skyscraper tips pointing out of the sand, and found a way to a cavern that still had intact ruins. Ruins meant tech from my day and age. That meant an advantage in staying alive, or at the very least it meant I could scavenge and barter in nearby towns.

Now, I had never actually been to New York before the world died, but I had visited it after … and it’s not the same tourist spot that it used to be, in fact far from it. A bustling city it once was; now it’s nothing more than ruins.

Wait? You need me to explain, in detail, what New York looks like? Whatever happened to the imaginations of youth? Or in some of your cases, the knowledge of the aged? Whatever. Anyway, picture this. You have a desert, the one I am currently in, that is basically dirt, more dirt, and some small patches of weeds or plant life; said desert then leads to a massive ditch of sorts, like a gulley left when a river completely dries. Said river used to the be Hudson River. Of course I remember there being other branching ‘rivers’ but it seemed that they had been lost to the sands of time.

Heh, sands.

Anyway, the mighty bridge that spanned the Hudson was still standing last time I checked, not like it really mattered aside from something to marvel at. Now, as for New York itself … well, let's just say it’s not exactly there any more. Remember how I said that it was basically just building tops sticking out of sand? Yeah … that’s essentially it. Whatever happened here, covered most of the city; collapsed, what I can only guess as, ninety percent of all buildings high enough to not be buried, and then left it to die. If people somehow lived through all that, I would be amazed.

So yeah.

It’s such a sad place now. Though perhaps there would be a silver lining if this ‘entrance’ existed. Of course, said silver lining was for me only. There was no silver lining for anyone else … especially former inhabitants.

Every once in awhile I always stop for the briefest of seconds to view my surroundings, listening for any tells of engines or anything that could tell me that something was happening. As I listened, I could hear a very faint popping in the distance to my left. How? Well it was probably only so faint because of the engine … and it was in between songs. Either way, waited just a little more, turning my music off, to see if more came up.

A whole rattle of pops sounded off. First response? Shit, someone was in a gunfight … I needed to make sure I wasn’t around when the winner decided to move on. That should be everyone’s first response when they hear gunfire in the distance. So I revved my engine back up, before gunning it once more towards my goal. I really needed to get to New York before the sun went down, or there would be no sleep for me that night. Though that was only a secondary reason for trying to book it, the primary one was I didn’t want to have to get in another fight.

So for roughly an hour, it was just me and the desert, both of us living together in a quiet harmony. The wind was a part of the equation, but it was that horrible friend that people only hang out with because if they don’t then it would break into your house and steal all of your shit.

Okay, fine, that’s a horrible analogy for the wind, but it might as well have been true! No one likes wind, especially when riding a motorcycle.

So, as I was saying, it was just me and the open desert for the longest time. That was until a bullet whipped past my head.

Believe me, it was a fucking hell of a good shot! To put a round that close to someone when they were pushing upwards of a hundred and forty kmph, fucking impressive.

I didn’t even bother looking back to see who was shooting, why they were shooting, or where from. Instead, what with New York’s only land connection approaching, I simply started zigging and zagging enough to throw off any decent marksman. Which this person apparently wasn’t. More shots came but none came even close to touching me after that first one. Apparently everyone gets lucky sometimes.

Oh and zigging and zagging refers to erratic movements side to side, just for those of you who didn’t have the upbringing needed to tell what that was. Sorry, I’m still kind of shocked at the lack of general education about the world. Fucking weird.

Despite my best movements that a bike could pull at those speeds, a loud smash, and suddenly I was down a side mirror. So my guess on whoever it was being a shitty marksman was correct, but I didn’t expect them to be as fucking lucky as they were! Thankfully, so was I.

Now, when I say that, I’m not over exaggerating. You might think that it’s just me telling the story and that I since I survived that I was lucky, but I’m not kidding. I might as well be a walking talking rabbit’s foot. My life has been riddled with instances that would have broken others, killed others, or just not allowed them to go on. Me? Whenever I encountered an obstacle or situation that was impassable or there should have been no way to survive … lived. I think death gave up trying to kill me years ago and just said “fuck it, he can live forever for all I care.”

Within half a minute of losing my mirror, I saw the massive bridge that was somehow still standing after all these years in the distance. All I needed to do was get across and pull behind one of the few building tops, find decent cover, and pick off whoever was shooting at me. That or hide if there was way too many of them. Either or, you know.

With a little harder of a rev, and a decent wheelie, because it’s damn fun, I continued on my quick pace towards the bridge, and handful of bullets zipping past, but once again they didn’t get anywhere close to me.

Damn, I seriously need to describe what a wheelie is? Ugh … it’s when a bike only has one wheel on the ground yet keeps moving forward. All done on purpose, mind you. That clear enough for you to picture? Good.

Lets just say, that instead of narrating the six minutes it took for me to clear the bridge, and find cover, we skip that? Hmm? Good. Apparently my attackers were a little hesitant of crossing the bridge, which allowed me just enough time to set up in a little roost overlooking the bridge exit. There was a good chance that my attackers were a group of people who weren't alive before The Reckoning. Those are the only people that actually seen ruins as being superstitious.

I’m going to move onto the battle, cool? What do you mean, no? Why can’t I just move on to what happened next?! Must I describe everything?! Fine.

I have a feeling that I’m going to become a much better storyteller out of this … even if it annoys me to no end.

Anyway, as I crossed the bridge fully, I pulled a hard right, remembering how the bridge itself was north of where that old man told me the entrance was. I raced forward, covering as much ground as possible, which was a surprising amount, though that was only because I was gunning the bike harder than before. I darted around a few building tops before finally finding cover for a direct route south. Fastest way between two points? A straight line.

With a quick check behind me, I couldn't see them but a gut instinct told me I was still being chased. Luckily, I could see some partially fallen buildings that would provide me the perfect area to ambush them. You see, though many of the buildings were still standing, a few of them were toppled so to create an acute angle with the sand (junior high math, go!). One of them, specifically, would be my sniping point. From what I could see, there were many windows that faced the direction I had come from, and it was far enough away that I would have the distance advantage.

Honestly, I wish I could say what building it was, but I only knew a handful from New York, and this one was not one of them. Either way, as soon as I approached the building I gunned it a little bit more so I rounded the corner of said building quickly before I killed the engine and hopped off the bike, not even bothering to put the kickstand up. Poor bike, am I right? The old thing could handle it. Without missing too much of a beat, I started scaling the building on all fours until I came to a decent height off the ground.

As per the normal, I gave a quick check of my surroundings before moving towards the side of the building facing the direction of the bridge. No, it wasn’t pure luck that I chose a building that had its broadside, per say, facing northwest-ish, I literally just told you I did it on purpose! Ugh, moving on. I slowly lowered myself into a broken window, which was tougher than I thought since I had to carefully pick my way down to what would not be considered the floor.

After a moment of careful planning, I slipped. Yep. Hurt like a bitch too but …

Luckily the fall itself wasn’t that bad and I would just be left with a few bruises, nothing more. If I hadn't been as lucky as I was, I would have probably been impaled upon one of the many things that littered the floor.

Once back on my feet, I moved slowly to another open window frame, I quickly unshouldered my M110, before flipping out the bipod, and the flaps of my scope. I truly love this weapon. So many customizable aspects, a few of them I had on me back then, and it had such a nice ability to do nearly anything. I mean, I could have gone foregrip and red dot sight but that would be pointless when I had range on them … as well as time-consuming to change the right parts.

Want to see it? Here, I keep it wrapped in blankets nowadays when it isn’t resting on my shoulder.

…

Nice weapon, huh? Yeah it was rather advanced for its time, really. Sure there were weapons that had a more futuristic design back then but they were few and far apart, not to mention that they were barely prototypes. This thing ... versatile in range or closer quarters. Truly it was a lucky find when I actually got it. Despite what you might think, this wasn’t my first weapon when the world became this dog-eat-dog thing that it is.

Anyway, back to the rather quick gun battle, though don’t worry, I’ll make sure it’s fully told. Once in my spot, the bipod resting solidly, and making sure I was just a bit inside the window so not to let the barrel poke out, I adjusted my scope to fit for an easterly breeze that, admittedly, was hardly there. Never overlook something when sniping! You’d be amazed at how many people seem to believe a bullet goes straight and is unaffected by outside forces. I blame Call of Duty.

Don’t ask.

Oh! Did I mention I consider myself the best shot in all of North Wasteland? What? No one’s ever challenged me before, so that means I am. It’s a simple fact, you can be as egotistical as you want until someone can put you in your place. I wouldn’t doubt there is someone who can shoot better than me but until I meet that person, I call dibs on the title.

Finally, after what felt like forever, my targets found their way into my sight. A jeep carrying four people and a single biker, though it wasn’t a dirt bike so the dirt and sand must have slowed it down in the chase. My strategy for dealing with them? Well first off, I had to wait for them to slow down enough for me to pop a shot off at them. By pop a shot off, I meant a precision strike aimed at removing the biker from his bike.

Honestly, I’m surprised they were still following me. They almost gave up chase at the bridge, so they must have been desperate to kill me for whatever reason.

They were slowing down, becoming weary of the buildings, aware that it was a good place for someone to ambush.

Just a little slower …

Slower …

Perfect speed. ‘Oh, biker, you’re going to give me a new side mirror’ I mumbled to myself. Without a second thought, I slowly depressed the trigger, letting the shot sail. It cut through the breeze easily as far as I was concerned, and made direct contact with the chest of the biker, sending him flying off his bike. One down, four to go.

As I moved to aim at the jeep, it swerved behind one of the other skyscraper tops before appearing on the other side, before the group hopped out and ran for cover. They had no idea where I was though, or else they would have started firing on me. That meant I could get at least one more without having to worry about return fire.

An errant thought crept to the front of my mind. One that wasn’t new. One that I also crushed like a bug, quickly pushing it to the back of my mind for later. I didn’t need to think of my morals when fighting for my life.

It’s something I’ve personally dealt with my entire life. You see, before the world ‘ended’ I was guided by a strong set of morals that I made for myself, ones that I hoped that I would never have to break in my entire life. Of course, much like the plans we lay, they never survived first contact with a situation that called for something that didn’t conform to my rules. Ever since that first time, years upon years ago, I’ve always struggled with keeping my life at least somewhat aligned with my moral compass.

Anyway … they were probably within … maybe four hundred meters? I wondered if they could hear me if I gave them an ultimatum. Yeah, an ultimatum because of my damnable morals. Sure they were raiders as far as I knew, but looks are often deceiving, even in this world. Though at a four to one advantage, they probably wouldn’t have listened anyway. If they thought I was going to give them a decision to save themselves, I had to thin the numbers. The less people, the less chance of having one dickhead spearhead the idea that they could take me.

Slow, deep breaths. Slow, deep breaths … the key to keeping your sights steady.

It’s never good to hold your breath when sniping, did you know that? Cause when you breath out again you get a little too shaky. You've got to slow your heart beat down, easing out the breaths and drawing them in slowly. Ever so slowly. Slower, and slower as you peer down the scope. One breath at a time.

Crack

Down to three in a single shot.

Now a tip when being cornered by a sniper. If you’re going to do anything, you do it at full speed. Going to peek your head out, you do it quick like a rabbit before ducking it back in. That or you get some sort of MacGyver thing going so that you can be behind cover yet still look for the sniper. Another idiot lost his life today because of the fact that they had no clue how to preserve their own lives. Though of course that was fortunate for me.

Three left, while two laid on the desert ground. One dead with a hole in his chest, another missing half his head … I could and still can only imagine if this shot a three three eight lapua round instead. Just an FYI for all of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, my M110 fires a seven six two by fifty one millimeter round which is equivalent to a three oh eight winchester. That’s a round that is bigger than a AA battery. You know, the ones you all use in your lights. A three three eight lapua is one of the closest rounds you’ll find to a fifty caliber round, which is one of the biggest rounds you’ll find out there … well at least one of the most common of the bigger calibers. Here, I’ll show you what mine looks like.

…

Right, pass that around. Now, the round I’m talking about is about a few millimeters thicker and taller. The lapua rounds can punch through metal easier than what you’re holding and that thing could go through a vehicle’s exterior extremely easy as long as it is head on. Maybe on one of the trips in between the story parts, I’ll find a round to bring back and compare.

Back to the story.

I adjusted my scope so that it could cover the entire building. Oh how I love having an adjustable scope, you’d all find the same love if you were in any of my situations. The raiders wouldn’t see me for awhile no matter what. Only the dead guy got a look when he peeked out. An errant thought wondered if perhaps I could have just snuck away?

In retrospect that wouldn’t work. They’d notice certainly, not to mention if I messed up the move they would probably hear me fuck up. Perhaps … perhaps it was time to try the ultimatum. Now, in normal situations, with a regular guy, you wouldn’t think of doing something like that, but hey … I’m not exactly a normal guy and I don’t get in normal situations any more.

It’s wonderful what people used to own. You can find all sorts of things in an apartment, even with a quick glance.

Another tip. Never leave your scope before giving one last cursory check. Such things can reveal movements at the last second, enemies you didn’t see, or in this case, the old “stick a helmet out around a corner hoping to draw fire while another is probably looking for your shot” trick. Hilarious.

Believe it or not, that was actually the first time I had seen it happen outside of movies. So I actually did laugh a little when I walked away from my sniping spot.

Oh, and another thing, don’t ever leave you rifle exactly as it was, unless you’re in a concealed location. Because light could still stream through the windows if angled properly, I pulled my rifle back from the window and set it down beside me.

I slowly departed my rifle, leaving it in its previous place before carefully picking my way a few meters into the apartment. As I said before, you’d be amazed at what some people own. Such as a megaphone! The Old World way of amplifying your voice!

And the batteries worked! What a lovely day!

When I made it back to my position, I looked through my scope just in time to see one of them try and scamper from cover. By scamper, I mean fail horribly and trip after moving out of cover. Just enough time to put a round through his leg.

I swear I was aiming for his leg ... definitely meant to shoot for his leg, and wound him, you know. For sure.

Funny thing to note, that man can reach one hell of an octave. I swear it was almost louder than the gunshot itself, not mention it was piercing like a shriek instead of a regular yell. It was the perfect time to issue an ultimatum by all accounts.

With a flick of a switch, the bullhorn … or megaphone, though bullhorn sounded cooler, gave off a quick click of static, letting me know it was alive. Curiously, I pulled the cover off the battery compartment. Thank all that is mighty for the power of Duracell.

“Hey! Bearfuckers!” I said into the bullhorn. I snickered silently, letting that sit in for a little bit. I knew they probably wouldn’t respond. I love using random quips like that to throw people off.

“Yes, I’m talking to you three that are cowering behind the building. I’m going to give you an ultimatum. I’ll let you gather your dead, and run away with your jeep. I won’t shoot again, and you can live to see another day. Though you need to leave behind that nice bike. To do this, simply walk around the other side of the building, the one closest to your jeep, with your arms out in front of you, hands empty, and I will let you go. You have my word, and I am a man of my word,” I said, pausing for a moment to let that option sink in.

“Now, if you choose to not agree to my extremely nice ultimatum, I will continue to pick you off, one by one, until all of you are dead. I’ve got all day, and I can be extremely patient. ‘Cause, you know, that’s how things like this work. I mean, it was your fault for chasing the best sniper in all of the land …”

I let that hang in the air before putting the bullhorn down beside me. Sure, they could take the chance and risk trying to guess where I was again, but any person that respected their life would take my ultimatum.

Thankfully they had respect for their own lives.

One by one, they appeared around the corner, arms outstretched with their weapons slung over their shoulders. One guy was carrying their almost headless friend, while another one slowly moved to get their biker buddy. It was only now that I actually got a decent look at them.

Geeze, they weren't anything special. Nothing like any of the usual raider clans. Probably just opportunists that thought a single target was an easy kill. This thought brought an option to mind. Do I rid them from the wasteland and save others? It could mean helping many in the end, or helping not a single soul for they could always just give up their ways.

A difficult choice, considering that I had seen both options happen in the past, and a realist like me knows that no matter the choice, there is always a chance that anything can happen. Of course, it was that time that my moral conscious flared again, reminding me what I had said all those years ago, when it all began to fall apart. Not to mention that I had given them my word after all.

No. They were going to live. Caesar had raised his thumb for them.

Eventually they managed to get into their jeep, despite being scared shitless. They even left the bike! How thoughtful of them… not like they had much of a choice considering it was part of our agreement. Looks like I was going to get my new mirror the easiest way.

I stayed in my sniping spot for a good fifteen more minutes, making sure they had indeed left. Though if my eyesight was as good as it should have been, the dust trail being kicked up from the bridge in the distance was more than enough to tell me that they had left.

Yay, another fight won.

Unfortunately, I didn’t receive any xp.

Ehh, I was probably max level anyway after all those years. I know I am now, but back then there was still hope to see little numbers add onto a progress bar.

It’s a joke, of course there was no fucking xp! Though, good on you for knowing what xp is.

Though I think you guys are starting to wonder if I am truly as old as I say I am, well I can assure you I am indeed around the age of forty. Sure I can act younger, but that is the case among my family. We never let go of our childish ways, because they keep us young. As for my skills and abilities … well as long as you don’t let yourself go, eat healthy, and keep fit, you can fucking live forever! Not really, but wouldn’t that be nice. Of course there is also a possibility that some of my adventures changed me in a more physical way than one would expect but we’re not here to hear about such instances.

Now, the next part I can skip over since it wasn’t all that interesting. Simply put, I left my sniper spot, climbed back down the side of building, took my time in moving the surprisingly well conditioned bike over to my personal one. That took me about twenty minutes to do, maybe a few more but either way it left me noticing one thing in particular.

It was getting surprisingly late, the sun almost fully set and the moon was starting to become even more prominent. Wasn't evening yet, but I could tell by the sun that it must have been approaching five o’clock or so. Either way, I needed to find a spot to set up camp, and it seemed this building would have to do. It had been good luck so why not keep with it?

So without hesitation, I began to slowly push my bike and the recently acquired one up the side of the building and into an open window. That was a bitch to do since it was a fucking ridiculously slopped building for pushing something up. I probably would have been better off using a rope to pull it up.

“Now wait just a moment,” you might say. “How would you get that bike out again? Surely you would be trapped!”

Way ahead of you on that. You see … there is a large enough side window … just big enough to allow a bike and its rider to fly out of and land on the ground not even ten meters below. Yep, I knew what I was doing. Though at the same time I was worried that old Fawkes might not be able to handle the impact.

Though, with both bikes in, it looked like I was going to have to call it a night and start searching for the entrance tomorrow. The worst part about this entrance is that the old man had marked it with a chalk X across the door. Yet he didn’t tell me which building! He apparently forgot the exact building … which was just great! It wasn’t like fate loved me or anything and put that chalk X on the door right in front of where I was standing! ‘Cause things don’t work that way! This isn’t some made up fantasy world where the character gets everything right on the first try! This is the real world and in the real world, the X was on the door just slightly further to my right!

By the way, what I’m blowing you all is called a ‘raspberry.’ Why do you think I chose this specific floor? Smarter than an average bear here after all, and you all thought I was going to have to wait till the next day which could have been in an entirely different part for all you knew! Bah, my luck is over ten at this point, and I might as well be the adopted son of Fortuna for all I know.

That’s the Roman god of luck, also probably where we get the word ‘fortune!’

Hmm, lets see … what do you think I would need to go wandering through a more than half buried building and into what is apparently a really large cavern? Rope … flashlight … medical pouch ... empty sack to carry stuff. All very good answers for you all.

Large cavern? What do you mean ‘large cavern?’ What else do you think would be down there? Seriously? I have to explain it again … why can’t you just get on my level?

Anyway, the whole point of the trip was because some elderly gentleman spoke of an expedition he took to a large cavern buried underneath the sands of New York. Apparently the cavern was massive, spanning what he said to be miles in every direction. Now, if that was true then there would certainly be something of interest down there. Of course skepticism is my nature.

Now, where was I in my check list? Empty Sack? Thanks. Right so, empty sack, compass, radiation detector … what? That’s a normal item! Carrying on, matches and a cloth wrapped stick for a makeshift torch, though I probably wouldn’t need it because of the next item. Something I kept close and made sure I always had.

A hand pumped mini generator with an electrical rectifier attached to it. Okay, which part of that didn’t you understand? Oh, so you’re too young to know Fallout 3 but you remember Metro: Last Light? I don’t know whether to be disgusted or impressed. Anyway, a rectifier is simple in terms of what it does. It takes AC electricity and turns it into DC electricity. That way I can literally create electricity from the pump and use it to keep my various electrically-charged items alive. Remove the rectifier and I can charge the battery on my bike.

Right, I’m not explaining it any further than that. If you don’t know what AC and DC is then it's your own fault. Not mine.

Also, no. You are not allowed to see it. It might as well be a precious artefact of a long lost age with the way I treat it.

I Continued with my preparations … or not, since that was the last item to be added to my excavation tools. Wait … food! Right, you can never forget to pack food. I mean, I was pretty damn sure that I would get back to the surface, but if by some crazy happen-stance that I didn’t make it back to the camp, I needed some food. Mainly beef jerky. Seriously, it was easy to store an absolute shit tonne of beef jerky. As for water, I was good on that. Just trust me on that.

Right … well I think that covered all the preparations. Now the only thing left to do was to actually descend the stairwell without dying.

…

Seriously? Did you seriously ask if I survived the descent? I … I have no words for how stupid of a question that is. No. Just be quiet, for … I don’t know, just never talk again. Ever.

Anyway! The trek down the stairs was a little annoying to say the least because the angle that the building had fallen to. The initial stair section was tough since it was a near vertical climb down and from there it was only the beginning. I literally was dealing with an almost forty degree flat slope with the wall, mixed with a set of stairs that were near vertical from that. Getting back up would be at least ten times tougher than going down, and trust me, it was.

So I figured that, since it took me what I assumed was nearly two hours of carefully descending stairs, that night was going to be spent awake … yay all nighters without Red Bull. No, I’m not explaining that.

Thankfully I had decided to buy those still intact climbing gloves last time I visited Dead Springs. Which, believe it or not, was a rather vibrant town, despite the morbid sounding name. It was a good name for a town in Nevada, considering all they did was change the first word, thus replacing it with a ... darker one. Back on track!

When I felt like I was going nowhere really, my end goal actually reared its beautiful head. One floor down from where I was, I saw a faint glow coming from a doorway. That either was a good thing or something horrible. Yes, horrible is always a possibility, especially when you are underground. Though on a scale from luckiest thing ever to finding Satan under the rock you just overturned, the result was probably ‘well that was unexpected.’

Upon reaching and opening the door, I found out that our earth was weirder than I originally thought.

What I saw was beyond baffling. There was, indeed, a large cavern but instead of it being maybe a building or two in size like I originally thought, it was just as the old man described. The cavern had to be nearly two kilometres long and probably a single kilometre across. The place was massive! It was a wonder that something like it could have existed, and made from the blowing of dust or whatever happened to New York. Incredible I say!

What was that? How could I even see? I was getting to that … jeez, jumping ahead of the story.

Right, as pointed out, it should not have been possible for me to see in an underground cavern unless there was some sort of light source of some kind. Now upon hearing that, you’re probably thinking one of three things.

I forgot to mention that there was a natural skylight. By some miracle all the street lights and such in that sector were still working.Or finally, there was actually a massive sprawling metropolis of people who had survived the incident in New York.

Of course, by assuming any of that you are instantly wrong. In fact you are so wrong that … well you’re wrong.

You see, in fact there was two things in play that made me able to see the cavern in all its glory. The first one isn’t the major of the two but why not build suspense to the second item, hmm? Anyway, the first one was a massive pool of water that sat on what I assumed, judging by my compass reading at the time, was the eastern side of the cave. It literally was almost half of the cave in itself.

Secondly, and most importantly, there was … luminescent fungus. Yep, you heard me right, luminescent fungus. As in holy shit there was so much of the stuff. Literally the entire cavern ceiling was covered in that shit. Yet your fearless adventurer wasn’t scared, no siree! For he knew exactly what that was, therefore letting him remember that it wasn’t radioactive and wouldn’t kill him.

Cause that was exactly how it happened and I’m sticking to that. End of story.

After confirming that my initial instincts were right, I slowly scanned the rock face that the building had lodged itself into and found out that nature is very kind to those who see beauty in the small things. There was a constant, descending group of ledges that were easy to maneuver about. It was like I was being handed a set of steps and told with a massive sign that this was my destiny.

So I did what I came there to do, descend the natural staircase or whatever you want to call the ledges, and went down to the ground level of a section of New York. Of course on the way down, I stopped many times to marvel at just how well preserved some of the buildings were. Skyscrapers that still had at least most of them left over, while buildings lower than the roof were almost perfectly intact.

This only made me wonder, though … the bridge that connected Manhattan to the mainland was still at the same height as it used to be, yet right then and there I was easily under sea level and so was the actual section of the city. How was this even possible? How had The Reckoning done this? Had we truly fucked up the planet that badly? Some questions would never be answered.

As I left the thoughts that bordered on gruesome in the past, I got a glance of something that interested me more than anything, even more than all of the still standing buildings. It was like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

In the distance, I saw the distinct southwest face of The American Museum of Natural History. Ah, I see some of you recall the name. Yes, the ever-famous Natural History Museum was still standing. I was lucky that it was used in enough pop culture that I could recognize it even though I had never been there before. Yes, the inner collector, historian, and child in me were all jumping for joy and seeing that it was part of this still standing New York stretch.

You can easily guess what I did after seeing the American Museum of Natural History. Yep, I basically said fuck everything else and dashed my way as fast as I could to the museum. It would be my El Dorado! Once again, just forget the reference. Either way I was going to be rich! People killed to find old world stuff, and I knew some historians from towns that would love to get there hands on truly ancient artefacts.

Okay, Okay, I’ll skip ahead. Well, it’s not like I spent much time in the streets anyway. When I decided upon my destination, I made sure that I would get there no matter what. So I said screw it to all of the other buildings for the time being and instead booked it down the crumbling streets.

The only things that really caught my eye as I ran was that somehow, despite everything, there were skulls and bones lying on the ground all around the streets. Morbid to say the least, but it’s reality for you. It was as a little reminiscent of the aftermath of the atomic bomb … or perhaps in New York’s case, a nuke. Though that could only make one wonder how most of the buildings had survived if a nuke had been dropped on the world. So many questions! Not enough answers.

So, after trekking easily through the surprisingly clear streets … minus the human remains, I found myself face to face with the front entrance of the natural history museum. It was now or never … yet for some strange reason I decided that the front entrance was not the right place to start. What was the reason … oh! It slipped my mind there but I remember. After many documentaries and shows, it was kind of ingrained in my head that the best stuff, the items that are the most important, are usually stored in the employee section of the museums.

So I continued my journey to a back entrance that required some force to get into … no pun intended. When I was inside, past the loading dock that was crumbling a little and full of pack peanuts, … well it was bland. Simple hallways with rooms that held nothing except desks and paperwork. Trust me, I checked most of them. Of course, what had I expected, really?

If I had gone through the front doors, I would have been describing the museum’s still standing exhibits and the condition of the famous entranceway. Instead, I’m telling you how bland travelling the back hallways were. No decorations, just doors and walls. Walls and walls and walls.

Isn't monotony fun, kids? I’m glad you all agree.

So after what felt like hours of strolling through back halls and scouring every room I could find, I was ready to settle in for the night. Of course, my persistence to find at least something before I hit the hay led me to one more room. This one … well this one was a little different. Yes there was a desk and the usual paper work but as well there was a sealed, glass container. Said container was sitting on top of a specialised, yet mobile table, underneath a pair of high beam lamps that would allow for the item inside to be inspected with extreme detail.

Now, the item inside was a whole ‘nother ball game. It was, well it was extremely beautiful not just in its craftsmanship, but also in just how it sat there. When I first looked at it, well it looked like a pair of large snakes, carved from a massive ivory piece, intertwined around each other, snaking upwards to a total height of maybe one foot or thirty centimetres. Of course my initial look was wrong about one major aspect.

As I drew nearer to it, I noticed that the snakes were anything but. Instead, they looked to be the top down view of … now don’t you laugh, winged unicorns. Yes, you heard me right, winged unicorns. Well I guess you could call them pegacorns if you want to simplify it. Either way, as I got closer I could see the intricate detail of each pegacorn. Small grooves in the ivory even seemed to create the illusion that there was actual fur on the statues, and feathers for the wings. Truly it was a masterpiece.

Now, in the back of my head I knew that it would hardly fetch anything since it wasn’t a known piece, but my personal eye loved the detail so much that it would definitely be the first item to my own collection.

Easily, I lifted the glass container, setting it down on the floor, before slowly tracing my gloved hand over the statue. I’ve felt ivory before, and trust me when I say, that this statue was something else. It felt so alive, almost as if there was an actual pegacorn holding the pose. The touch was almost electric.

So electric that it started arching across my hands.

Blue arcs of electricity shot across my hands before moving up my arms.

You know how to respond to that? Well I do.

“Aww, fuck nuggets.”

Then black. And pain. Black and pain were all that I felt for probably a split second before I went completely unconscious. So the lesson of this part of the story? Don’t touch statues that look like pegacorns. Seriously, those fuckers are evil … not in the bad guy who wants to destroy the world evil, more like, puts cayenne pepper under your nose while you sleep evil. Truly the worst kind.

Don’t ask how I know that brand of evil. Seriously, that’s a long enough story as it is. Well, it’s only long because it’ll be later in the story but you know what I mean! It’s not the right time to ask that.

All right, story time is over for tonight. Come back in two day’s time, same bat time, same bat place.

Oh, though before you go, I just wanted to tell you all that if for some reason I can’t tell you all the story then, than I’ll get someone to meet you all here. It’s not like I just sit in this cave all day waiting for you all to return. Hell, the only reason I am staying in this town for so long is because your town council needs me to lead your scavengers into Nellis. That place is dangerous.

So yeah, come back in two days and if I’m not here than someone will be and they will tell you when to come back. See ya till then.

Equestria (Many Years Ago) Part 2

Luna raced down the hallway, giggling at her sister’s antics behind her. While by all means Celestia was graceful and nimble in her movements, her head was easy to get into. Luna knew just the right buttons to poke to get Celestia riled up, and when ‘Tia got riled up, she got careless. In fact, that was the second maid that Celestia had nearly bowled over in her mad dash to smite Luna with the pillow she had in her magical grasp.

Most ponies that had seen Princess Luna and Princess Celestia behaving as such, often wondered why Princess Celestia didn’t just launch the pillow at Luna. There was good reason for that, and only a certain few were allowed to know said reason.

If one were to ask Princess Cadance, she would easily divulge the answer for it always caused her to fall into a fit of laughter. A couple of years back, when Luna had recently regained her full strength, she and her sister had had a true test of who was the better pillow fighter. At that time there were no rules as to how they fought.

The result was both Celestia and Luna being launched clear of the castle with the sheer force from hurtling pillows at each other. Not to mention that Celestia’ room was covered in feathers from the resulting explosion. Neither Princess was hurt, but it was a mess to clean up and repair the walls where there was alicorn-shaped holes.

Since that day, they agreed that the most they could do was whack another with the pillow while it hung in their magic. Unfortunately for the castle staff, but luckily for the local construction contractor, this still caused indents in walls more often than not.

Despite being immortal, Luna didn’t like the idea of having her head smashed against any more concrete than was necessary. So onwards she ran, her laughter causing Celestia to just chase her more.

Even as she ran, Luna caught the bugged out eyes of one of her guards, who tried to quickly duck into the nearest room to avoid what he knew was coming after her. Luna was much faster on the draw, though. With a quick telekinetic flick, she pulled the guard into the path of her sister while she continued to run.

As she heard a loud smack followed by a clang, Luna looked over her shoulder briefly before quickly saying, “Don’t worry! You’ll get paid double for this week!”

Luna didn’t want to risk staying around for long and proceeded to charge up a teleport while Celestia was still trying to untangle herself from the mess Luna had forced her into. With a quick burst in the air, Luna was no longer in the West Wing of the castle, and instead was sitting on top of the castle. It wasn’t her first choice but it was safer, since if Celestia came around she could at least fly away.

As she slowed down her heart rate, panting a little to help cool her down, Luna noticed what looked like a shooting star. It caused the blue alicorn to frown deeply. She had not planned for there to be such an event that evening. In fact she didn’t plan for one to happen for awhile. While the stars were her domain, and she knew that these ‘shooting stars’ were in fact not stars, she still made to sure that any asteroids entering the planet’s atmosphere were burned up quickly unless she planned for one to happen.

Contemplating such things caused Luna to sigh lightly. She didn’t like the idea that many ponies still thought that ‘shooting stars’ were actual stars that Luna ripped from the night sky. Luna was the raiser of the moon and the curator of the night but even she knew that she couldn't control something so far away. No, instead she simply chose to allow certain stars to be seen each night. She rarely covered one up unless there was a good enough reason to remove it from the sky. It had been Celestia who suggested this years ago, but Luna realised it was a necessary thing. Ponies always were fragile in nature and those that tried to utilize her night to take advantage of them often caused ponies to become fearful of that aspect.

She remembered how Sombra had often called upon certain stars when he took his rule, forcing ponies to think that said stars were menacing and bringers of evil. How she wished to allow the star he called ‘Umbra’ back into the sky. It helped to make the Pegasus constellation that much more meaningful.

She shook her head, removing the dreadful thoughts of knowing deceit. Yet her mind still lingered on how come ponies still hadn't learned the truth about what was only able to be seen at night. She knew that Twilight had at least a semblance of an idea, but with her ascension her mind had drifted from studies and instead focused on her job. She had been so close … maybe one day somepony would tell the world. Or even perhaps another species would bring it up … yet she didn’t hold any hope for such a thing.

When she finally refocused on the night in front of her, she realised that the ‘shooting star’ had actually slowed down to the point she could still see it move across the sky.

“I sense a great disturbance … one that I have not felt in a long time,” Luna said as she watched the shooting star fall past the horizon. “It’s as if a milli-.”

With a loud thunk, Luna was sent flying off the roof of the castle, and plummeting into the castle fountain below. Celestia still clutched her pillow in her magical grip, watching as Luna made a massive splash in the fountain. She gave a small chuckle before tossing the pillow off the roof and trotting back towards the open hatch that allowed her up on the roof. While the pillow fluttered to the ground, the five bricks inside managed to slip free and plummet to the ground.

“She still hasn't learned how to open her wings when in shock …,” Celestia said with a chuckle. “No wonder she makes me deal with aerial situations.”

Chapter 2: Land of Confusion

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Ahh, welcome back! I see you brought more people this time, which is a little bit surprising. Honestly I didn’t expect even half of you to come back. You’re making an old man feel welcomed. So you have my heart felt thanks for actually showing up and listening to me speak.

So before we continue on with what happened after I woke up, let's do a little bit of Q&A, hmm? I could tell from last time that there was a lot of questions so we might as well get those over with.

Let’s start with you!

Why did I bet so much on this rumour?

Well that’s kind of an easy question to start with. First off, almost everything I own is packed onto Fawkes, with the exception of all the gear I carry on my body, and a few places that I keep caches. Honestly, that was how I lived for all those years. Continuously moving, so I really wasn’t betting too much. Though if the question is also asking why I put so much credibility on that one statement? Simply put, that guy had a street sign from New York as proof. Same street to, Central Park West. How could I not believe him when he showed me it? I highly doubted he somehow snatched it before The Reckoning, especially since New York had been buried during the second day. I still remember the only station that broadcasted anything after the bombs fell. They were getting reports from all over, and New York was a big one since it was completely flooded and dried in a single day. They got through the first few hours of coverage on the third day before the TV signal went blank.

Sad to remember, really. Alright, you’re next!

What's that? Has following my conscious moral compass ever caused me problems?

Uugh. As I said yesterday, my luck is unbelievably ridiculous for some reason, so when I make moral decisions, they tend to never come back and bite me. Though that doesn’t include instances of people immediately taking advantage of my judgement. It’s never been an issue though … I’m usually in a much better position than them.

Yes, I am referring to shooting positions when I say that. I never put myself close enough for them to react and not get a bullet as a parting gift if need be.

Alright … you there! Speak up! Did I find traces of people in New York?

A little grim there, ain’t you? Also I thought I did a fair job describing New York last time? Oh well, I guess it’s easy enough to miss a section. Well to answer your question, yes I did and though I would have preferred to leave it at that, you want to know. I can see it in your face that you wouldn't be satisfied with me giving a simple yes or no. Well, the long story made shorter is that I found many things that indicated that people had been there, though not anytime around when I was there.

There were easily more than a dozen skeletons, hell I think it would probably be easier to say that there was an unaccountable amount that littered the street on the way to the museum. It was a little bit morbid because they were nearly bleached to a shiny white from whatever had happened. Possibly nuclear fire, possibly something more natural. You see after all this time, a skeleton cannot look like that, it’s nearly impossible. The natural act of decaying should have turned the bones at least a little brown. Yet there they were, pure white as though someone kept dipping them in bleach or something. Either way I was more than a little disturbed by that. Though it wasn’t the worst of it.

I found three skeletons on the ledges leading to the street. Apparently someone had somehow survived and tried to flee … or something. Thinking about it only helps to add to the mystery of what happened there. A mystery that I don’t really want to think about … it’s just something I hate to ponder.

Right, next question. Less morbid, please.

Did I find anything else in the museum rooms I searched? I thought I went over this already … .

Well this is a shorter answer. Honestly, no. I found documents that were either charred or still in good condition. A few were interesting to read but the rest were of the typical bureaucratic kind. Some small office trinkets were the other frequent thing but honestly nothing of interest minus the statue. Yes, I’m referring to that statue.

You in the hat, what’s your question?

MREs? Yeah, what about them? No, I’ve never eaten one and there is no way I am going to try. When you can hunt and scavenge the land, why eat something that was packaged years ago? Seriously, that stuff is bound to give you the runs. I would easily take a wild boar or even a reptile over a packaged meal from decades ago.

Right, last question.

What did I look like? Umm … oh, you mean, what was I wearing? I’m sorry child, I sometimes forget that not everyone has a complete understanding of survival gear and proper dressing.

Well, lets see. See these beige and brown coloured pants I am wearing? Well these are the same pants as the ones I wore back then. They are part of what could be called ACU or Army Combat Uniform. Essentially they are Desert Camo khakis that, as you can see, have multiple pockets that are useful for carrying the many necessities of a wasteland survivor. The boots I’m wearing right now are actually the same as back then as well. I found them among an army supply store, and let me tell you … these are the most comfortable boots ever. In the history of man.

Lets see … for a shirt I kept it cool and thin more or less, just a simple white tank top. Though that wasn’t what I normally wore around. I always had some form of jacket over top. The one I used then was of the same camo as the pants, though unlike a normal military jacket, there was no insignia. I used another jacket for material to add some breast pockets. I usually carried some smaller stuff in there.

The rest of what I had on my body was a series of pouches and bags that would probably weigh me down now, but back then it was easy to carry all day. A large rucksack on the back, a belt of pouches for my ammo, a rounder backpack which sat just above my hips. I usually carried a blanket or something like that in there … I also had two chest pouches that were held by a suspender type system that didn’t attach to my pants, no matter what you think. To finish off my body gear, I wore a pair of hiking-type gloves over my hands, protects them from whatever, really.

Oh, and I had my pistol holster on my right thigh. Easier draw from that area.

Now, back then I usually covered myself rather completely for my head. You can’t even begin to understand how annoying it is to get things stuck in your beard when travelling by bike. Seriously … it’s fucking annoying. So I basically used a series of thin scarves that held the camo pattern as well and wrapped them all along my neck and head, though I didn’t use them to fully wrap my head. Just up to the point that my hat took over. Yeah, I had a full desert camo hat too! Form fitted, New Era, seven and three quarters hat with the Tampa Bay Rays logo on it.

They were a baseball team back when the world was fine. No, I’m not explaining baseball tonight.

Anyway, to top my head gear all off, I had and still have, a pair of Radarlock Oakleys. I had customized them a few months before the end … everything about them are perfect, and no, you don’t get to see them. Let’s just say they are black with some blue highlights and green lenses. Etched and everything. The perfect glasses.

Finally, topping it all off, I utilized a hijacked Dragonskin tactical vest. Honestly, at this point in my life I had spent so many hours on the road and visited so many places. I was loaded with everything I could have ever needed. I searched long and hard for that piece of equipment but it was worth it. Saved me more than once from a bullet round … if you ever find one then keep it close. Seriously, it is the greatest thing in terms of protection.

Right, now we can get moving onto the story again. If you have questions that you think need answering, well too bad. You’ll have to wait until next time to get them through.

So, leaving off at blackness and pain. Well, let’s say that I saw and felt that, respectively, for a while or at least what felt like short little bit. Honestly it is tough to tell the passage of time when you’re unconscious. It could have been hours, a day, or even longer. Thankfully, despite the passage of time, to my conscious mind it felt like minutes at the longest. That’s the only plus side.

It wasn’t like any of the times I had been put under to have surgery when I was younger. Those times had passed in what felt like seconds. No, this felt more like I had been dreaming for a few minutes before being shook awake.

So-

… Alright you have a point, I could have checked my iPod and in hindsight I should have but I didn’t so ...

Anyway, when I opened my eyes again, I definitely did not see what I thought I would. I definitely wasn’t in the room I remembered being in. I’ll be frank, the only thing similar was the statue sitting on the ground. The rest … well … .

I had been underground in a building prior. At that moment though, I was sitting in the middle of what resembled Arizona. Yep, not even the sand deserts of New York, just endless dry dirt inter-spaced with tiny traces of flora and mountain-like natural structures. To say I was surprised would be right on the money.

Some of you remember Arizona right? A fair amount, well to help those of you too young to remember it, if you look to the east of your settlement, you’ll see low lying hills in the distance right? Well just beyond those hills is the closest thing to Arizona. Reddish dirt, desert type fauna, and home to only those who can stand the heat.

It took me a few minutes to gather myself and survey what I was seeing, before my attention was grabbed by the statue once more. A loud hum started as the thing started to glow blue once more and the hum continued until it was as though my head was right next to my bike when the engine was idling. The hum continued for a few seconds before a loud pop went off, much like a gunshot and the blue glow fled upwards from the statue before disappearing into thin air.

“Fucking magic,” were the first words out of my mouth. Now, I wanted to obliterate the statue and be done with it, but if it had somehow transported me, then I wanted to know if it could get me back.

Also I like to think that was the beginning of my experiences with how broken magic was.

So, the short answer to that question if it could take me back: it couldn’t or it didn’t. Whatever the blue glow was, it left the statue unable to perform and thus in turn left me to rot in the desert. Well, it wasn’t like I hadn’t been in worse situations before …. You know, just an entirely different place, no bike to carry me onwards and only a few days worth of food. Honestly it wasn’t the worst situation I’d ever been in.

Ever been to Alaska? No? Good. Don’t go to Alaska. Hell, don’t ask about Alaska. We don’t speak of anything that happened in Alaska. Seriously, even the few people in Alaska don’t talk about Alaska.

First rule of Alaska? Don’t talk about Alaska.

Moving on, I decided that sitting on my ass waiting for something to happen would be the worst of my choices so instead I placed the statue in my bag, covered my eyes with one hand, and began spinning in a circle. Yep, blind luck was my guide, though it wasn’t the first time. Either way, the moment I took my hands away from my eyes and the world stopped spinning, I began marching forward. I was ready for possibly my last adventure if I couldn’t figure out where I was. I mean, I could have been stuck on an island for all I knew, though admittedly I didn’t even believe that statement.

If that was truly magic, which it was but back then I didn’t know, I was probably in some sort of different dimension or parallel universe or something like that. While a cool thought, it didn’t help me get home.

For the first ten minutes I constantly told myself there was no point in checking the compass, because it had to be fried or at least put off its regular magnetism. It would only be logical considering I had fucking teleported to the middle of nowhere. If the teleportation hadn’t fried it completely then there was no chance that the poles were the same in this weird dimension. Eventually though, I gave in and reached into my pack to fish out the compass to find …

Gasp! It worked.

Seriously, out of everything you are curious about, you wonder if I actually gasped or just said ‘gasp’? I don’t have enough hands to cover all of the facepalming I need to do now.

So, it seemed that I was headed west, at least based on the compass. If I was somehow still in North America, than I would find myself in California and the coast eventually. If not … well then my adventure was truly afoot! Though I wouldn’t be telling this story if I had indeed landed in Arizona. Yes, amazingly Arizona still had areas that looked like it used to, even The Reckoning figured Arizona was a hell hole enough.

So, instead of explaining the boring trek through the rather open desert, I’ll instead move to my thoughts, because despite my rather brash manner of speech, I often consider myself an intellectual. So now it’s Pondering Time. A mental spin off of Clobbering Time.

First I started thinking about the statue itself, contemplating the possibility that it wasn’t of earth origins, which at the time was a crazy notion. Ancient civilizations have made plenty of ivory statues with that level of craftsmanship, so it was possible that it was made by one of them. Though the question of which culture could have created such a thing was what was up for debate. As far as I knew, the oldest reference to Unicorns was from ancient India and then the Greek culture, but that was only Unicorns. Pegasi though were originated from the Greeks … so that would narrow the time of creation to sometime during or after the Greek Empire. Though I bet there are references to Pegacorns somewhere in history, so really it is broadened once again.

That meant the only true clue I had was the material the statue was made of. Ivory could be traced back for ages though … in fact, I think the Romans and possibly the Greeks used it. It would make sense for some of the art and sculptures I had seen in the past. Perhaps it was indeed Greek. If I ever found my way back to that museum (which I did), I would, without a doubt, make sure to read the notes associated with the statue. That was of course if there any notes to read.

See? Intellectual and a deductive thinker. Unfortunately, by the time I had finished that train of thought I had made no significant progress in my trek. Now, what did I think of next … oh right! Now I remember.

It was at that time that I remembered I had my iPod, but since I wasn’t zipping down the open land on my bike, it would be smarter to keep the earbuds out of my ears. It made me a little sad that I couldn’t listen, but that was the way it was. Life before death and all that. Either way, that got me thinking about music once again, reminiscing about music from before The Reckoning and what it is now.

You see, back before The Reckoning, there was all sorts of music! Metal, pop, techno, rap, metal, blues, R&B, rock, metal, punk rock … and I guess country if you consider it music. Either way, there was a massive selection back then, and I preferred the genre that probably had one of, if not the widest selection. Metal. There was hardly a day that went by back then that I didn’t listen to my music at some point or another, and it was almost always metal, with some rock mixed in. Whether it was fast paced thrash metal, slower and more technical progressive metal, or even the darker throes of death metal. Whatever metal it was, I could be found listening to at least one band from the sub genre. So what was my query to ponder while walking? Why the differences of the music between then and now obviously!

Honestly, the music back then held something more guttural at times, as well as had a soul that could actually be considering positive and uplifting. Even the darkest of songs held a little light that could be seen in the darkness. Today's music? Well there isn’t enough good memories being made to actually allow artists, the small few that are around, to create songs that bring joy into people’s lives. Now, they don’t necessarily create depressing songs but they do feel as if they are lacking any upbeat feel to them. Maybe, I’m just holding high standards, reliving the glory days of music. That, and there is nearly no metal being made. Every once and awhile some band will create something close but it’s no Kreator; or Blind Guardian; or Amon Amarth.

Though of the few musicians I had seen, there was only two actual bands that made rock or metal. Most of the musicians were either just singers or they were instrumental acts. The world had changed us greatly, reverting us back in time a little. There was no more dubstep or electro dance music. Just old fashion vocals and instruments. Sure there is still access to computers and the like somewhat, but I haven’t heard a single person make that type of music anymore.

Now, by the time I had finished pondering the music up to that point, I had probably been walking for a couple of hours. Yeah, I took that topic rather slowly … and I gave you a cliffnotes version of my thoughts.

So when I saw a rather odd-looking shape ahead, I immediately dismissed it as the heat of the desert getting to me. Then I remembered that not only was my clothing surprisingly breathable, but I had also acclimatised myself years ago. It had been many, many years since my last heat-induced hallucination. So what I was looking at was either completely imaginary brought on by some sort of optical illusion or I was looking at a real, living … or dead, griffon.

Well shit.

Yep, that was my first thought upon see a griffon. Great thought, huh? Though could you blame me? Something like that was impossible by the standards of our world, so it also brought a whole mountain of possibilities crashing down on me.

What’s a griffon? Oh … right … a lot of you don’t know much about mythology. Well I guess I need to explain it then.

You see, a griffon is, by our standards, a mythological creature that has a body made of two different animals. The front half is made up of a eagle or some sort of predator bird. The back half is usually made up of a lion, or if you want to be general, a large wild cat. The weird thing about the griffon I was looking at was that it didn’t look anywhere near what I thought it would look like. The thing had a feeling of … anthropomorphism to it. That means it felt human-ish.

This griffon definitely had an eagle look to its front half, and judging by the tuft on the end of its tail that meant it most likely was half-lion as well. So I was looking at the prototypical griffon, though one that still had a weird feeling of human-like qualities to it.

Back to my train of thought … I was talking about a mountain of possibilities, right? Good; anyway, there would be time later to review that mountain or lack thereof. Instead of standing around wondering or gawking, I withdrew my weapon and crept closer. You see, the griffon was laying on its side, head against the ground, among a small pile of broken and dead tree branches. It was easy to spot it among the mess, considering said tree branches were a pale white while the griffon was only white on its head, while having the rest if its body made up of golden fur and brown feathers as well.

As I drew closer I noticed a couple of things, one being the amount of scratches and gashes along its side, and the second being one of its forelegs, yes forelegs is the right term, was bent at an odd angle. Lastly, as I was within only a meter, I saw how shallow the rise and fall of its chest was, not to mention a surprising amount of swelling near its wing joint. Whatever it had been through, this griffon was in bad shape and needed some medical attention. Without hesitation I reached into the backpack I was carrying and withdrew the medical pouch I had brought along with me. Everything I would need was stored in there … minus a splint, but that was covered.

Now you may be thinking, ‘if it’s just an animal then why did you want to help it?’ Well that feeling I told you about? The one that said this thing had human qualities? Well that was what drove my instinctual move to utilize general field medicine. That, and perhaps by doing such a thing then I would gain some karma for my next life. Well not really, but it couldn’t hurt to help it and feel good, right? Perhaps even make friends and train it to be a pet or something.

First off, and in the back of my mind I knew that it was a risky gamble, I pulled out a small syringe that contained a dose of morphine. Now, the reason why it was risky was because I didn’t know how it would affect the griffon considering its different biology, and I didn’t know the amount to give it. So I took a shot in the dark like all good malpracticing doctors and gave it a small portion of the syringe and hoped it would be enough to help and not kill it.

After that I proceeded to fix the most pressing issue, the broken foreleg. That was a little bit harrowing considering the snap it made when I put it back into place. I still shudder thinking about that sound, though the same could be said with any broken bone that I’ve had to snap back into place … mine or someone else’s. Either way, the moment I had straightened the foreleg and made sure it was the proper way, I found a suitable piece of wood that I could take my knife to and whittle it down to the proper shape.

Years of practice had made me rather quick at making a basic shape for splints. Sometimes all I did when I was bored was whittle wood.

A quick wrap later, and I was ready to start treating its cuts and gashes. That was simple though, a little hydrogen peroxide on them, followed by a gauze piece and a single wrap of what I have always called athletic wrap. A perforated wrap that had a less sticky adhesive than a band-aid but would still stick in the end and not hurt when pulled off.

Now that part was tricky since I had to move it around more than once to wrap the wrap around its entire body, which thankfully wasn’t that large … which also helped me in regards to saving a least a little wrap. Hell, based on what I was seeing, if it stood up on its back legs, it would be about shoulder height, maybe neck height at best. Either way, it wasn’t a small thing but not too large.

Now you’re probably wondering how it didn’t wake up during the entire procedure. Well I’m still wondering to this day, honestly. I would have thought that fixing its foreleg would have been enough to force it awake. Yeah, well apparently I was wrong.

Anyway, as I was finishing with its gashes, I took a closer look at the swelling around that wing joint, and knew almost instantly what was wrong. It was dislocated and pretty badly. So I prayed to all the deities that it wouldn’t wake up, then proceeded to pop it back into its socket. Luckily all I got was a groan from the unconscious cat-bird. I simply smiled at how easy it had been in the end, but then my smile turned to a frown. What was I going to do now? I couldn’t stay around for when it awoke, it would probably attack me! At least that was one possibility. Sure I mentioned trying to tame it as a pet, but in all reality, to even consider such a stupid thing is … well … stupid.

...

You are correct in asking that question. Why did I care this much about it? Well at first it was based entirely on the possibility that it was one of an extremely rare species and thus if it survived then possibly more would be around in the future. That was my original reason at least, until I began to pack up and walk away.

“Mom … .” A hoarse whisper escaped the beak of the griffon. A hoarse female whisper. I froze immediately, not believing my ears at first, but it wasn’t completely done with its unconscious moaning. “I’m sorry … don’t leave … Mom.”

“Of course this makes perfect sense, abso-fucking-lutely perfect sense! ‘Cause why the hell not?” I mumbled to myself before turning around and walking back over to her. Yes, I referred to her as it until this point in the story. Why? Dramatic storytelling.

So there I was, standing over an unconscious sapient female griffon and debating my choices once again. Though it wasn’t much a debate in the end. My morals made a show of force this time and told me to take this griffon to a safer place and wait till she at least woke up. Of course that meant carrying her at least a good couple of kilometers or so if my eyes were any good. I just hoped she wouldn’t wake up while I was carrying her bridal style ...

After a minute of making sure I held her in a comfortable way, I began my trek through the desert once more, though this time with a companion … no matter how unconscious she was. Was it fun? Hell no, and I was quietly swearing the entire way. In fact, during that trek I ended up creating a few new swears that probably sounded horrible, but nonetheless it helped relieve stress created by the entire situation. Another thing the trip gave me, was the time to think of the perfect insult word to use next time I needed to.

No, you don’t get to know it till the moment I actually used it and yes I did use it along with a hilarious rant.

So skipping over the few minutes of my walking and swearing, eventually I found an ever elusive oasis. What perfect timing too … seriously, this was too perfect. I hesitated for a moment outside the oasis and watched carefully. Surely there had to be some sort of trap or issue, yet after minutes of waiting and paying careful attention, there seemed to be nothing.

I mean, it was too perfect. Lots of flora … shrubs, and grass mixed along with trees, that conformed to no specific type, that seemed to surround the pond of nearly perfectly blue water. This place had to be at least size of a football field, though the pond wasn’t that big. Either way it was the perfect spot to rest and recoup.

Still … I wasn’t ready to trust it, but what other choice did I have? Cautiously, I made my way towards the pool of water and the trees surrounding it. Whatever was wrong with this place, it didn’t matter. She needed to rest until she awoke, and this would be the place she awoke to. Perhaps I could find something to hunt and prep for me … and her I guess; maybe a boar! Actually … yes that sounded like a good idea, which it was obviously. First I had to set up some sort of camp though, which wasn’t too tough. I still have that blanket in my lower pack, so I could use that and the rope to build a makeshift tent. There was even a group of what appeared to be palm trees that were close enough to do such a thing. Thankfully I had holes sewn into the blanket already for such an occasion.

A little rope here, the entire blanket there, and some hard pulling resulted in a small tent that would shield her from anything falling from the sky … as long as it was only rain. After studying my handiwork for a few moments, I dropped the rest of my gear under the tent, next to the griffon, and proceeded to draw my rifle. It was time to hunt!

Listen … I’m just going to skip a big portion of this if not all until she awoke. Why? Well do you really want to hear how I just waited and slowly tracked a boar around the general vicinity? Of course you don’t because that would be boring as hell. I mean sure, you might learn a few things but honestly it wasn’t much more than looking for out of place foliage and prints in the ground.

…

Listen, this is the reason why I’m not going to tell you about the stuff after the tracking period, It was fucking boring. Do you even understand how routine and tedious it is to build a fire and a makeshift spit roast out of wood? Well I’ll tell you right now, it’s extremely routine and fucking tedious.

All of my time was spent setting up the goddamned thing and then slowly rotating a dead boar over a fire. Do I really need to spend time telling you of every minute that I utilized in doing so?

Good, we’re moving on.

Anyways ...

At The Camp Three hours later

Slowly the black void of unconscious began to dissipate and clear, letting strands of the waking world into Gilda’s view. Yet what she saw was not what she remembered seeing last before she had blacked out. She remembered the sight of the approaching ground and the impossibly strong winds of the tornado whipping around her. She had also remembered the ground being inches away from her when she lost consciousness. So why was she seeing a flask in front of her with what appeared to be a blanket made into a tent?

For that matter, why was her arm in a sling? The moment she tried to move it, a massive amount of pain shot through her, causing her to whimper slightly before biting back the rest of the cry. She couldn’t show any weakness of course, especially after all that had happened, she was a griffon! … though that wasn’t here nor there.

Her attention returned to the flask in front of her, eyes studying it carefully, trying to tell what was actually in it before she even dared to touch it. For all she knew, the liquid in it could kill her! Though a more rational part of her mind told her that if whoever had put the flask there had indeed poisoned it, then why would they have also put her arm in a sling … and wrapped her body in gauze?

Though she was laying on her right side, she still tried to reach out with her good foreleg to grab the flask and at least bring it close enough for her to open and smell. What she found odd about the flask was that it didn’t look anything like the ones that she often saw fellow griffons drink from. No, this one looked much less metallic and was a multi-hued colour scheme that almost seemed to blend in with the dirt she was laying. Well … somewhat, the dirt was closer to a red colour while the flask was more brown.

This new revelation caused her to recoil her outstretched arm, attempting to re-examine her previous conclusions. She was so thirsty, yet at the same time she couldn’t risk it … could she? With some hesitation, she reached out again, but that was instantly stopped the moment a voice spoke up.

“It’s just water, nothing more. Drink slow and space out the sips, don’t want to drown yourself right now,” the voice said from outside the makeshift tent. Immediately she froze, heart beating in her chest at the reality that she was being watched. Her first thought was to fight, that was the griffon’s way, but then she remembered her arm, so she contemplated flight. At first it was the best option, until she actually twitched her left wing. The immediate pain that she felt in the socket caused her to whimper once more. That was her last option.

Now she was at the mercy of whatever had spoken, whether or not it was trying to help her. With what had happened all throughout her life, she wasn’t going to trust the stranger in anyway possible. She could barely trust those closer to her, why should she trust someone she didn’t know, let alone couldn’t even see! She wanted to run, she truly did, but then a thought occurred. What if she was being held captive? Could she even attempt to leave? The thought sickened her for a second until she squashed the idea for the time being. At the very least, she needed to see what her possible ‘captor’ looked like.

So with a scowl and a little bit of effort, Gilda sat up into a laidback lean, her right arm the only one supporting her. Yet that almost gave out when she saw what she guessed was the source of the voice.

Crouched beside a fire pit that had been made out of sticks was a two legged, surprisingly skinny minotaur. Was it a minotaur? It didn’t have any horns and there was no tail, not to mention that the face was flat and all of the proportions were completely wrong … so what was it?

“The boar will be cooked in a few minutes, though you should drink up first,” it said, its face still facing the fire and the boar that had been spit-roasted above said fire. The sight puzzled Gilda at first, especially since there was no known carnivores that looked anything like this weird creature. Her education was top notch and she definitely didn’t remember such a thing being mentioned in all of her time there.

Even though she was still hesitant to trust anything the creature said, she was extremely thirsty and needed to drink something. Her throat felt as though she had swallowed sand. So she slowly reached down to grasp the flask, having to balance herself into a full sitting position, unscrewing the cap before lifting it and then grabbing it in her good hand. There was no smell coming from the flask other than the nearly non-existent smell that water gives off. So carefully, Gilda raised the flask to her beak before pouring a little bit. Nothing tasted off which Gilda took as the okay to drink more.

“See, I told you, nothing but water,” the thing said before turning its attention back to the boar. Gilda’s eyes followed the thing even as she proceeded to pour more water into her beak. The thing stood up and circled the boar briefly before crouching down and withdrawing a knife from a sheath on the side of its leg.

“What the hay?!” Gilda screeched before trying to flee, only to have her entire body flare up in pain, causing her to collapse. The being just looked over at her for a moment before shaking its head and turning back to the boar and sliding the knife down the animal.

Gilda scrambled as fast as she could, which wasn’t fast at all, in fact it was agonizingly slow, to her three usable legs before spinning around to see if the being was looming over her, ready to strike. Instead, she found said being sitting cross legged in front of her, strips of boar meat laid out on a cloth in front of him.

“Calm down and eat something. If I was going to hurt you, I would have done it hours ago,” It said calmly. “Or I could have left you where I found you. You would be just as dead that way too.” Gilda’s only response was a growl from her stomach, which did more to persuade her than the thing’s words. The words it spoke were cold in a way, but at the same time there was sincerity behind them.

So silently she sat in front of the clothed being, wondering what the buck was going on.

Present

Let me be honest here, the griffon was slightly adorable. Yeah, yeah, I know … razor sharp talons and beak. Probably eats meat and hunts prey and the like. Still, the way she was hesitant at almost everything was absolutely adorable. She kept trying to put up a mean or intimidating face, but when she thought I wasn’t looking her nervousness would show once more. I swear she was more cat than bird … .

What? I used to have cats, so I can’t help but think that anything close to them is adorable in certain ways.

Whatever; either way we sat quietly for the longest period of time, her eating the boar meat I cut, while I either watched her or moved to get another piece. I decided not to eat, since I had eaten my own meal that was made up entirely of my emergency beef jerky. It wasn’t really emergency stuff anymore since the boar meat would last a while. Though it was still a backup just in case.

Did I forget to mention that I always carry around enough salt to smoke meat? I didn’t? Well I shouldn’t need to mention it, it should be a part of your everyday survival kit when wandering the wastes.

So, I’ll be completely honest with you folks, we sat that way for a little bit, her slowly nomming on the boar and taking sips of water, while I sat there and did everything I could to make the entire situation awkward. That was of course till she went to take a sip of water and found that there was none left.

Now, at first I thought I would need to take the canteen away from her to go fill it up with some of the water I had been stealing from the ‘lake.’ Another lesson, always keep a small pouch filled with iodine tablets or whatever could be used to sanitize ‘fresh’ water. I always kept a large supply of them, and no, you can’t have any of them. They are kept close to me as well so don’t even think of stealing them … I’ve killed thieves before, and even if you’re from the settlement I’m not afraid of possible backlash.

Still, I was surprised when she got up and slowly meandered her way to the lake before bending down and taking a rather dainty sip. Apparently she was testing the water because then she started lapping at it much like a cat would while at the same time filling her beak with small amounts. This catbird shtick was rather interesting to watch. Though apparently she realised I was watching and sheepishly made her way back to the food. The griffon had a weird sense of shame to say the least. She tried to hide the way she acted even if it probably was natural … in retrospect it makes sense, considering her personality.

Despite every bone in the humorous side of my body saying that I should continue making the whole ordeal awkward, I decided that it was then that I should break the silence and try to initiate for contact with the first extraterrestrial that I had ever met.

Let it be known, I did not use a cliche to start the conversation. Nor did I let my humorous side take control and start off with ‘Bitches be trippin, ‘ight?’ Don’t think for a second that I have enough shame to not use such a line. If the moment is right I can say anything without feeling any remorse.

No, I was much more smooth with it.

“How’s the arm feeling?” I asked, while gesturing towards the broken ‘arm.’

At first she hesitated and kind of shied away from me for a second before swallowing hard and replying with, “It’s not an arm, you dweeb. Leg. It’s a leg.”

Of course that made me raise my eyebrow in realisation that I had probably met the perfect alien for first contact. One that was not afraid to be a little bit frank about everything. If I didn’t know better, I was looking at me. You know … just more female … and feathery … with fur. You get the point.

“Woah now, watch the name calling, you might bruise someone’s feelings with that,” I snarked back at her, which caused her to recoil. “Listen, I’ll be straight up with you. I was going to leave you for dead until you spoke, ‘cause when I found you, I thought you were nothing more than some animal. Instead, I bandaged you up, fixed multiple injuries of yours and moved you to this camp. You can snark all you want and you’ll get it back, but from what I can see, you are good enough to be on your own. If I feel you don’t need me anymore, I’m going to be heading out at first light.”

She took this information in and by the look in her eyes, she was debating between pride and realising she wouldn’t last too long out here. Eventually she let loose a deep breath, “I … can I go with you?”

Pride lost that battle. In the game of life, survival will always override pride, and it seemed that the griffon knew when she couldn’t survive on her own.

“I don’t see why not, you’re native to this land while I am fresh off the truck,” I said, to which she just looked at me with a puzzled expression, “Human idiom. Don’t worry about it. So, since we’ll be travelling, we should get introduced. I’ll start.”

I gave a small cough into my fist to clear my throat. “Hi, I’m Ryan, and I’m an alcoholic. … Shit, wrong speech. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find a good time to use that. Right, getting back on track. I’m Ryan, and I’m a human, which is probably something completely new for you, given your dumbfounded expression when you woke up. I’m … well I think I’m forty three but it’s tough to tell nowadays. I like long walks on the beach, looking at the sunset, and romantic … I swear I don’t get this stupid this quickly. Oh, and if you haven’t guess by this introduction, I tend to make badly timed and unfunny jokes.”

Gilda stared at me for a few seconds, the look on her face changing from confused to amused after a little bit. Apparently my bad jokes were rather amusing. She gave a small snort before giving her spiel, “I’m Gilda. I’m a griffon and I’m from Griffonstone … oh and I’m twenty-one.”

I frowned at the briefness of her answer, though she couldn’t see the frown because of my facial coverings. I mean I understand considering that I barely gave her an answer, but I was so used to talking to others that would freely talk about themselves. So I was a little peeved that she barely gave me anything to work with. “Come on, there’s got to be more to you. You give a little more info, then I will. Or we could play twenty questions.”

Then her scowl came in full force, apparently she was quick to anger. “I’m not going to play a stupid game like that.”

“Can we add ‘bitchy’ to your resume?” I replied. She was making it too easy to make comments like that.

“Sod off!”

“Ooh, British swears now? Come on, Gilda, unless you’re willing to go full force, you can’t win a swear off with me,” I replied with a smirk, to which she stumbled briefly (metaphorically) before she sat there a little stunned. Honestly I wasn’t sure on why she stumbled or was stunned. nothing I said was shocking or anything. Still I felt that I should at least be the amenable one. “Listen, if we are going to be friends, we need to do more than give the basics and then talk trash at each other. How about you ask the first question?”

After a few moments of thought, she relented and nodded her head. “Fine … where are you from?”

“Another world probably,” I replied with a shrug. Of course my answer wasn’t really enough as she started to bristle at my lack of answering despite her deciding to play the game. “That’s all I know, Gilda, honestly. I don’t know where I am and if I’m on the same planet anymore, but I doubt it because griffons don’t exist where I’m from. Even if I was to be specific as to the country and such you probably would have never heard of them.”

“Try me,” she said, rolling of her eyes.

“Canada? North America?” I asked, which caused her to ponder the names for a second before she told me what I figured.

“Never heard of them. Oh and your world sounds lame,” she replied. I merely chuckled in return. To anyone who wasn’t human, those names probably would sound weird … even if said non-human spoke perfect English.

“My turn,” I said before taking a sip of my own canteen. Yes, I have two of them. “How’d you end up injured?”

“Rogue tornado.”

I sat there for a minute, trying to process what that would look like, considering that tornados in themselves were ‘rogue’ so what would one that is called a ‘Rogue tornado’ look like? Most importantly, how the hell did she survive?

“How?”

She just looked puzzled at my response. So I elaborated, “How in the name of all that is fucking crazy, did you survive a tornado? For that matter how is one rogue?”

“What, are you saying I can’t handle a tornado!?” she screeched back, obviously taking offence with what I said. Perhaps it was my delivery of the question.

“If by handle you mean almost getting killed, then yes! Tornadoes are not to be messed with, especially if you fly. I can only imagine the g-forces you’d encounter,” I replied sharply, though mumbling that last part.

“Buck you!” she yelled. I was going to respond but instead broke down laughing after realising her answer. Of course my response wasn’t something she expected and instead gave me a puzzled look.

After a few more moments of nearly rolling on the ground due to my laughter, I looked back at her expression before saying, “You call that swearing? Christ, it’s like a goddamned kids show here. Tell me, can you actually swear, or is that all you got?”

Gilda glared at me for a few seconds before replying, “I’m no dweeb, but even I was raised better than you!”

I took that as confirmation that she couldn’t actually swear properly, though only because it was apparently a horrible thing. Though only after that did I realise how far back we had gone in our question game and probably our ‘relationship.’ Sometimes the heat of the moment can overwhelm even me and cause it to be taken in a completely opposite direction. That was the reality of what had happened. Instead of just accepting the tornado answer until my question, I had apparently insulted her in a way that I didn’t understand. So I figured I would make amends.

“Look, let’s forget this and return back to the question. You tell me how you can handle a tornado, and we’ll move on, deal? I’ll also say I’m sorry for laughing at that,” I offered, hoping she would accept so that we could move on. She nodded her head in consent, so I quickly apologized before awaiting her response to my question from earlier.

She kept scowling at me for a few moments before she relented with a sigh, folding her forelegs in front of her chest. “In school we were taught everything about weather manipulation, and back home I did work on the weather team, no big deal. It’s not something we have to deal with often, but even the greenest recruits know how to deal with a tornado.”

Trying to understand what she said was like trying to stab myself with a football. So I broke it down. Weather manipulation … they can fly which shouldn’t be possible considering wing to body ratio, so whatever was helping them fly probably helped them manipulate weather. Weather team … they control weather in teams … I guess I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. Though at the same time I smirked at the thought that perhaps I was indeed in Kansas.

“Shiiiiiit, I really am in a different world,” I mumbled before looking back at Gilda because apparently she said something. “What?”

“I said, what are you?”

“Ah, I thought we covered this already, whatever, your loss of a question. I’m a human, simply put. Also male if you didn’t pick up on that already …”

She merely rolled her eyes at that, “At least let me see what you look like, dweeb.”

“Ah, ah, ah. You’ll have to buy me dinner first.”

Apparently facepalms are universal, because she smacked her face shortly after that statement. Of course I had to amend what I said, so we could move on quicker than last time.

“I like to keep my face covered in front of people who aren’t yet friends … perhaps one day you’ll see what I look like,” I replied with my excessively rehearsed answer. You would be surprised at how often I’ve had people ask to see my face. I used to use a different answer years ago, but for the past decade that has been my answer.

She merely rolled her eyes, “Whatever. So what, it’s your turn now?”

“Nah,” I said. “We’ve done this longer than needed. The sun will be up in a few hours I think, so we might as well prepare to move out. Oh, and don’t go to sleep.”

“Why?” she asked rather sharply. It was a fair question, though she could have not been so snippy with the way she asked it.

“Because of your concussion. It isn’t smart to go to bed so soon after having one. Might cause you to slip into a coma and all that jazz. Sure the chance is low, but it’s there nonetheless,” I said nonchalantly before getting up and moving back to the boar which was still spit roasted over the nearly diminished fire. I needed to finish carving the meat off the thing so we’d have food for our trip. Though I would leave a little left on it for any scavengers that roamed the area.

If Gilda had anything more to say, I didn’t hear it, but either way I kept my eye on her to make sure she was going to be alright. She might not be the best of travelling companions from our initial conversation but she was still one, which meant I had to look after her whether or not I liked it. I’m loyal to those I need to protect.

Though I did like it in the end … you’ll hear all about it.

Right, that’s where I’m leaving off for today. Next time you’ll get to hear me talk more, ain’t that exciting? I know, I know … though you’ll still come back anyway.

Auf wiedersehen!

That’s goodbye in German, now skedaddle ye mangy bastards!

Author's Notes:

Please read this author's note.

Welcome to Over the Hills and Far Away. Sure this is the second chapter but I didn't make a proper author's note so here you go! This is a large project that I have been working on for some time and no matter what it will be finished.

Before we get into clarifications and stuff, I would like to thank all of my editors for everything they have done. Check out their pages and what not, bunch of awesome people!

Now, I want to start off by telling you all that at the beginning of each chapter, Ryan will answer questions, usually ones from the author. They are played out as though he is hearing them from his audience. So if you want to receive answer on questions regarding the chapter and such, then feel free to ask! From each chapter I will pick one or two questions from the audience that will be asked in the chapter, so have fun with that!

Secondly, I would like to clarify that in this world, season five is underway, BUT there is no Griffonstone episode. That has not happened and Griffonstone is not as portrayed in the show. They are a part of Equestria but they are more prosperous than what was shown. Despite that, the Gilda you are seeing is more akin to if Griffonstone happened, there are reason as to why she isn't as harsh as she was. But that's spoiling stuff!

Lastly, here is the song that the title of the chapter is ripped from. Disturbed Version and Genesis Version. Enjoy the music and thanks for reading!

Chapter 3: Far Away From Here

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Is it that time again? It feels like it was just yesterday when you were coming around looking for another part of my saga!

Yes, I know it was yesterday, I was just … ugh, nevermind. Some of you boyos just aren’t that bright are you? Anyway, so once again before we start things off where I left them, why don’t we get another Q&A done?

Yes! You in the back. Did any of the plants or the boar look alien-like?

Surprisingly enough, not a single thing looked out of place or gave off the vibe that I was actually in another world … you know, minus the fact I was helping a female griffon. It was one of the few blessings that I had in that world. A nice feeling of familiarity can really help a man’s condition when he is lost in a rather unique and different place … or world in this case. The boar looked like a typical boar here, and the plants all looked common for an Arizona or a desert setting in general.

Next question. What do griffon feathers feel like?

Honestly that is a surprising question since it never really came to my mind when I was helping her. Now that I think about it, they felt much the same as any feather from a large bird. Wait … actually, they felt extremely soft, like an almost uncanny valley type of soft. Honestly, in my entire life, it was probably the softest thing I had ever felt and trust me, I have touched a lot of very soft fabrics. Though come to think of it, they probably had ways to take care of feathers, not that I ever saw them, honestly. Sure, later on I saw her groom her feathers but never saw her use any product to help them. Great, now I’m wondering how she kept them so soft.

Ugh, this is going to bug me for longer than I would like to. Any more Gilda orientated questions while we are on the topic of her? Was she a good dining partner you asked?

Considering some of the people I’ve come by and eaten with … yes. Probably one of the best, honestly. Had great manners for being a cat-bird hybrid from another world. Hell, off the top of my head I can count at least seven people I’ve eaten with that not only would talk with their mouths open but at the same time they were trying to chew food … or they would eat with their elbows on the table, or even just scarf food down so quickly it was like it wasn’t on their plate (which it wasn’t). So to eat with her when she chewed softly and ate slowly … it was a change of pace from some people out here.

Did Gilda remind me of anyone? Damn that’s a doozy of a question really.

I’ve met so many people in my lifetime that it is getting tougher and tougher to remember all of them. You’re going to have to give me a second to recall some of them.

Hmm … no, not him, or him. Definitely not her.

Hmm.

Hmmm.

Hmmmm.

Alright, I’ve done the best I can in remembering but I can only come up with three people. Two of which I knew before The Reckoning and one which I met prior to the mysterious trip. The first was one of my friends that I met in college. Probably one of my best buds from that time. The connection isn’t that close really but much like Gilda, Nolan often called me names and gave me a hard time … which you’ll learn about later, but in the end they both were friends that I could always rely on.

Now, the other friend was the polar opposite of Nolan in ways and pretty much is the exact same as Gilda’s “opposite side.” Even though she was a great friend in the previously mentioned ways, she also would leave me hanging in situations where watching me from the sidelines would earn her a good laugh. She also tried to trip me up often, especially if I told her anything that could be used against me. She was essentially my closest friend, Bryan. She and that dude would have laughed at my misery if they ever met.

Now for the last person, her name was Match. Now, much like the other two, Gilda and her only have a certain area of similarity. For her, it was definitely Gilda’s anger. Honestly, I’d rather not recall any of the times which Match got angry, though when a part of the story where Gilda’s anger flared up comes along … just picture Gilda as a five foot four Russian gal that could wield a semi-auto shotgun with one hand while carrying around way too much dynamite. Horrible … horrible mixes.

Next question, I say we got time for a few more.

How could I tell that Gilda’s wing joint was back in place properly? Reasons. And sheer luck. It was literally all about me guessing which way the wing was supposed to be based on her other one, and then just popping it into place. Honestly I was worried about it for a few days after but when she started flying again … well I just assumed I had gotten it right, especially since she never complained afterwards.

Three more questions and then we’re moving on. This has been lengthy enough. You, you’re up.

...

Wait, let me make sure I have the question right. Why was I willing to risk approaching Gilda at the risk of exposing us to possible diseases and such which neither of us could have immune protection from? Or did I not have that in mind when approaching Gilda?

Is that correct? Yeah? Jeeze that is a hell of a thought. Wished I thought of it then as well. I’ll be frank with you, and Jim if need be; that type of thought didn’t even cross my mind when I first met her and helped her. Hell, I think the only thing that actually could be considered a rational thought was when I brought up the point about her attacking me … you know, prior to the realization that she could be considered sapient.

Damn that is a hell of an idea. Everyone, I would like you to note this question. Remember it well and burn it into the back of your minds for next time because that is how you ask a question.

Damn.

Right, two more questions. Go. Were the stars the same?

Oh, you’re trying to get spoilers now … even if unintentionally. On the first night I didn’t really pay attention to such things as I was more focused on securing food and ensuring that said cat-bird was alright. Though don’t worry, I’ll answer that question in the next leg of the story.

Last one. Yep, you.

What exactly was The Reckoning ... as in what happened specifically? Fuuuuuuuck … do you even know how long of a question that is if I even tried to comprehend it myself? Ugh, this is going to be longer than I want to allow it.

I’ll keep this as short as possible.

The Reckoning as you all know is essentially the end of the former world as everyone knew it back then. Some, if not half, never saw it and were born in the Post-Reckoning era that we are living in. So I guess you can say The Reckoning is simply another name for Doomsday. Hell, as far as I’m concerned it is merely one of many names attached to the events … though definitely the coolest name in my opinion. Anyway, moving on.

The Reckoning happened … probably over two decades ago, I’m exactly sure what year it is now, but not the exact date it all started, because it wasn’t just a simple day-long thing, no siree, was November 8th, 2015. It truly was the worst day in all of history, for not only did the world end … it happened before the tenth. God what a horrible time to end the world … don’t worry about the tenth … I don’t even want to think about the tenth. Anyway, that was the start of what was a world-encompassing two day war, though could it be called a war when most of the attacks were simply drone or missile strikes? Hell, there was only a handful of nuclear attacks and those only happened at the end of the ninth. It was fast and deadly, attacks on major cities mixed with the sheer pandemonium and tumult that the public caused in response to thinking the world was going to end. I think I even heard about a few last minutes doomsayers saying they predicted it from the get go … fucking liars.

My family and I bunkered up in our house rather heavily. Boarded up windows and the like before setting up camp in the basement, hugging our supplies and means of self-defense.

So following the colossal shitstorm of those two days, the world looked like a fucking mess. Yet we could still pull together and would have if the eleventh didn’t happen. See, despite probably losing almost every main government in the world or at least forcing them underground during the times, people were still helping others and constantly working to make things better. Everyone knew that society was fucked and broken but we were still able to gather the pieces and put it back together. That was what the tenth showed … hell, I even still had my entire family. Though they were in rough shape and … and only lasted a week after the eleventh.

Shit. Sorry. Still a rough memory for me.

…

Alright. Now, if you ask anyone who survived The Reckoning and the weeks after it, they would tell you that the war was only the prelude. What happened after … I can’t even begin to describe it. Honestly, it was shaky and rough, not to mention there was next to no way of telling what happened across the world. All I knew was that my home city, and I’ll remind you this all happened during a span of three days for us, flash flooded even despite the fact the river was in a low valley compared to the rest of the city. Then following that it proceeded to flash freeze, fucking everything up greatly. An enormous amount of people died in that process. Next it was as if the ozone didn’t exist over the city, and the frozen ground and water melted within hours before baking the entire city to the point of nice golden brown. Finally … on the third day it rained for half the day before the entire city was overtaken by plants.

Let me hold there for a second and state something. This took three days. Three. If there was comprehensive book listing all the rules of nature and physics … well it would seem that ‘Mother Nature’ decided to light the book on fire before putting it through a shredder. None of what happened made sense and the scarce few that survived were nearly completely broken. I was lucky to escape sane … my parents were already insane before I was born, haha! Still, I ended up running into someone who studied geology? I think that’s what he studied … lets just say he wasn’t all there … he was insane.

Now it was shortly after all that happened and my parents passed away that I finally took off. Started up one of my parents’ cars that was still fine … minus some water damage, and started my journey.

Now if you try to ask me how any of this happened? Well at the beginning I mentioned my theory on how the war started, but as for how the world up and decided to turn against everything on this planet … that’s something no one knows. Hell, if we can’t tell exactly what happened, what is the point in asking the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’?

Right, this Q&A thing has gone on too long this time. Going to limit the questions next time I think. So where were we yesterday? Talking about the first night together. Well that wasn’t till later if you know what I mean …

Ha! You should see the looks on your faces! Fucking priceless. Nah, we didn’t hook up or anything like that. Sure I got a little close to a few of the beings there, but Gilda? Ha, she would have beaten me to death before such a thing.

So back to the story, the sleep was rather peaceful but surprisingly sparse of dreams, and trust me, I can tell. Usually I can lucid dream, but that requires me to actually be asleep first … most of the time. You just have to be aware that you are asleep and ask yourself that when in your dreams. Simplistic is the process, but extremely tough in application. Either way, when I awoke rather early the next morning, I was surprised by two things.

First one was that Gilda was still there when I checked, ‘cause I half expected her to bolt when I drifted off asleep.

The second … well it actually should have been the first, was that I was alive. See, normally I forestall sleeping until I can find an area of terrain or a building that allows me to bunker down for the night. Instead, last night we had slept in what should have been a massive gathering spot for all sorts of animals. Yet there I was, alive and awake. What a blessing this world was … at least in the small ways.

So the routine of eating food and gathering up all my gear for the day trip went as well as it usually did, with the only exception that I had to wait for Gilda to wake before stowing the food and the second canteen … and the blanket. Surprisingly she was a rather heavy sleeper. Probably the cat side of her.

So instead of passing the time lazily and just waiting around doing nothing, I decided that it was the best time to clean my weapons.

And thus I proceeded to do just that. Seriously, you don’t need me to walk you through each step of my day.

Eventually Gilda woke up, a little surprised that everything that happened yesterday was indeed reality, but after tossing her a piece of boar, she settled down again … well that’s actually a bit of an over-exaggeration considering that she didn’t freak out or anything. She just took a few minutes to comprehend last night all over again.

When she had scarfed down her bit of boar meat, we proceeded out into the desert. As we first started off, I made it clear that I was wandering at this point and had no general direction except west. Apparently Gilda had no objections to this as she was also going west, though she was headed to a town called Ponyville apparently. Yep; Ponyville. Let that sink in for a second.

See, I was tempted to laugh at her and brush off what she said, but the amount of conviction in her voice told me she was being serious. Still wanted to laugh, but in the end I held it back, instead opting to tell her that Ponyville sounded like a wonderful destination.

She slugged me in the leg for the sarcasm that dripped off that statement.

Now, normally I wouldn’t do what happened next, but since my travelling partner was a mix of a cat-bird, I figured why the hell not?

“Yo, G,” I said out of the blue, after we had been walking for at least ten minutes of dead silence.

Now at first she didn’t respond, probably because she either refused to or she didn’t adhere to the nickname ‘G.’ So I proceeded to repeat what I said … multiple times. Finally, she actually responded, and not with an angry response either.

“Huh?”

“Right, two things now. First off, a tip for wandering in areas you aren’t extremely familiar with. Don’t ever drown your senses out by trying to daydream. That is the best way to get careless and die … in that order respectively. This is especially important since both of us are in rather uncharted territory,” I said while gesturing around us.

She gave a small nod in response, and the fact that she started scanning around told me she actually was paying attention.

“The second thing … and while this is hypocritical of me, I was wondering if, for at least a few minutes, you could take up the duty of keeping an eye on the surroundings. I need to listen to some music and think.”

“Wait a sec! You just -”

“Which is why I’m being hypocritical. If it wasn’t for the fact I have no idea where I am, or for that fact what I’m going to do now aside from head west, I wouldn’t be asking for such a blessing. Right now? I need like fifteen minutes to gather my thoughts … cool?” It was a shot in the dark.

“Ugh … fine … dweeb,” she muttered in response. Now I didn’t reach for my iPod right off the bat, only because I knew the statement would finally click in and she would ask the most important question. “Wait … how would you listen to music?”

“Glad you asked, my dear cat-bi-”

“Griffon.”

“Cat-bird!” I finished before pulling out my iPod Touch and holding it in my hand as we came to a stop. She looked at it closely before casting a dull glare back at me. It was safe to assume she was not amused. “This little thing here, holds thousands of songs, actually. They are all fed into it via a digital program that literally reduces the songs to electric pulses. Said pulses get run through a digital sound processor and thus it gets spewed out through a speaker or headphones which you can see are attached … at least that’s my basic understanding of it.”

“Like I’m going to believe that,” she said before sitting down and attempting to fold her forelegs across before wincing in pain.

“Here, let me show you,” I said before offering the headphones to her. “Put these in your ears and I’ll play a song you might like … possibly.”

She merely rolled her eyes before slowly taking an earphone, brushing back some of her feathers and placing it in her ear, then repeating the step for her other ear. Once she had them in, I asked her the most important question, “How fast and hard do you like your music?”

She gave me another deadpan look before answering, “I’m a griffon. I can handle anything you can throw at me, idiot.”

“Right-o! One hard ass song coming your way! Let’s see how you handle this!”

You’re lucky I found speakers for you all to listen to what I played her. Just listen.

Keep listening. In fact don’t even pay attention to me until it’s done.

…

I said stop looking at me and focus on the song. I don’t care if some of you don’t like metal, it’s only four minutes, so suffer if you really can’t enjoy Slayer.

…

Right, now you can pay attention to me and my story again. Jeeze, some of you … I can’t believe you guys were so impatient that you were actually complaining! It’s four minutes! You can’t even wait four minutes for me to continue talking!

So, as I can see by some of your faces that you were taken by surprise by the song. Well to be honest, you all did better than I thought, though at the same time so did Gilda. See, like some of you who were nodding along, she actually got into it as far as I could tell.

After the song ended, she looked up at me as though I was a chump who had been played. “Please, lame-brain, that was hardly anything. It was crazy at the end but otherwise nothing that I haven’t heard before.”

Now you see, that actually brought a smile to my face since that meant if I had to, I could easily resort to listening to whatever she had listened to. If it wasn’t obvious to me before, I knew then and there that Gilda was going to be a good friend as long as I was there in that land. So, much to her surprise I decided to up the game a little bit. With a surprise I asked her a question she probably wasn’t expecting.

“So, faster and heavier or just straight heavier?” She knew what I meant immediately so she simply shook her head before saying four words.

“Give me your best.”

Yep, that meant another song for her … and it means another song for you all!

“This one goes to eleven,” I said before pressing play. And thus time to listen for another four minutes.

…

Wow, you guys were actually much better that time. Not a single one of you complained about it being too long … though apparently some of you were evidently struggling to cover your ears. Actually from the looks of it, more people liked the previous song … huh. Honestly I can’t see how you can dislike Twilight of the Thunder God. Seriously, I followed Amon Amarth for many shows. Saw it back to back at least once and even travelled to a different country to see them. You all missed out on the best of times, really …

Anyways, back to how Gilda took that last song. Now, this time she actually reacted closer to how I expected, though I think it was due to the singing for the most part. Slayer has the speed and intensity easily down but Tom Araya could actually sing for the most part. Johan Hegg … he was meant to be a growling viking. Seriously.

“Okay … that was … that was a lot to take in,” Gilda said, handing the earbuds back to me before using a claw to poke at her ears.

“Oh, Gilda. Sweet, sweet, Gilda. If only you knew what other songs are on this iPod. That was merely the tip of the iceberg. I have songs that eclipse that easily. You barely even moved up really,” I said as I wiped an earbud clean before putting it in my ear and maneuvering the iPod into its resting pouch.

“So, now that you have had a taste of my music, let us continue and be on our merry way. And like you promised, you need to watch for a few minutes while I gather my thoughts,” I said before fishing the other earbud out and into my other ear. I’m pretty sure just after I pressed play, Gilda mumbled something about me being stupid, but hell if I knew.

So I’m going to give you two options. You can either go and get a snack within the next fifteen minutes or stay and listen to me ramble about what I thought about for the duration of like four well-used songs. If you want to go, then go right ahead … alright, I see none of you left. And here I was hoping all of you would leave so I could just move on. Right, tally-ho and all that jazz I guess.

As my music started to play, I decided to look at the facts that were in front of me. I was more or less being guided by a sentient cat-bird on an alien world that could possibly see me as either a nobody which is one of the better options or they could see me as the ultimate evil that requires them to use some foreign alien weapon to vaporize me … though that was a long shot in all reality. Gilda had been fearful of me originally, but that could also have been attributed to what she last remembered and the fact I was holding a knife at the time. So there was a possibility that they would actually warm up to me if I just either gave it time or didn’t do anything stupid.

That actually brought up the next point, what was I going to do when I reached a town, let alone a major city, or found a way to get me back? My initial first contact plan had surprisingly survived … well, survived first contact. That was a rare if not an impossible thing. Never had my plans survived initially, though looking on the bright side, they hadn't ever critically failed before.

So if we made it to a town, I guess I needed to act friendly and not show myself as being intimidating. If I could manage to actually keep the townsfolk at ease, then I could actually survive in this odd world. Following that, I would need to establish myself as something useful … find a way to gain currency to gather payment either for goods and materials or to hire a scientist to find out how the fuck I am here. Of course that’s assuming that this world was anything like home. Who the hell knew.

Oh, by the way that was literally my train of thought, obviously I would find out but back then that was what I thought. Back to somehow remembering my pondering word for word!

That actually brings up a great point I didn’t really think of … who the fuck inhabited this world. I never actually asked Gilda what the dominant species was. Was it griffons like her? Or perhaps it was another species that mainly inhabited the planet? Would that mean that Gilda would be more of a burden than a boon in my travels? Too many damn questions to answer and not enough information to even answer one of them. Fuck it all.

Now, would you believe that was only about one song worth of thinking? Yeah, I slowed it down for the storytelling aspect, though in actuality I resolved to ask a few questions after the last song, but until then, I would simply listen to the beauty of Symphony X, Blind Guardian, and Kreator.

No, I would make you listen to them, it’s really a shame though that you’d have to go scavenging extensively to actually find an album of theirs let alone something to play it. Alright, I’ll be moving on before I have to start explaining what an album was …

When my last song was up, I pulled the earbuds out and tucked them away before taking a deep breath. It was nice to smell such pure air. Sure there is many place on earth that had pure smelling air but for some reason this place just was another level of purity. As I gazed around, I noticed that we were near a hill, nothing of true note really but the decent height on that meant that it could actually give us a nice view of the land. The hill was a little rocky on the side facing us but that wasn’t an issue, it would be more pertinent to see the land, even if it meant a slight deviation from going true west.

“Hey, Gilda,” I said as I nudged her. She gave a simple sound of acknowledgement in return. “We should get to the top of that hill. It’ll give us a nice view of the area and allow us to see any resting spots.”

“Ehh, why the buck not?” she said as she shrugged.

“Right, I’ll lead the way, you take your time climbing it but I’ll make sure to make a path that’s easy to follow,” I said, almost not realising my mistake, “only because you’re hurt and all that.”

She simply glared at me before walking ahead of me in the direction of the hill. At least she didn’t try to do anything stupid. Seriously, that griffon had issues with being nice.

So, the following half and hour was spent trudging up a hill that had a surprisingly high altitude to it. Seriously, it looked tiny but the moment you tried to climb it the fucking thing decided to grow another hundred meters. It was fucking ridiculous I tell you. Either way, no matter how much the hill fucked with us, we still ended up making it to the top. Well I made it up first by a few moments and upon reaching the summit of the hill, I found a startling revelation.

“Hey, uh … G?”

“What?!” she yelled back. Apparently my cat-bird was getting grumpy and hungry … though I found the latter out later.

“Well … good news … we won’t need to hunt tonight, hopefully,” I said as she finally made her way to the top.

“Why no-” she stopped mid question as she saw what I was looking at. Over the hill and (a little) far away … yes I had to make that joke, sue me … anyway, over the hill and far away we saw a town, and in that town I could see a fucking train. Thank every single god ever for this blessing.

“Looks like only a little more walking left,” I said as I unslung my M110. Of course it was the moment I peered down the scope that she decided to ask about the weapon.

“What is that anyway? You’ve been lugging it around and it doesn’t seem to do anything,” she said, all the while probably staring at it.

I gave a big sigh, because if she didn’t know what a gun was then that meant some rather unfortunate things, really. I’ll let you figure them out. Luckily for her, I had seen all I needed of the town, and let me tell you something … that place was as close to an Old West town as anything I had ever seen. Though it wasn’t just a single stretch town thankfully, which meant it would definitely have nearly everything I needed.

So now to the gun thing.

“This, Gilda, is a gun. Have you ever heard of a gun?” When she shook her head I sighed a little. “Alright, I’ll give you a description and then a demonstration.”

I first ejected the magazine so I could show her everything. Then I pulled the chamber open, ejecting the round which I caught in the same hand that was holding the magazine. Yeah, I’m good like that.

“This, is an M110 rifle. It is probably the only gun you will see if my theory is correct. This thing takes bullets,” I showed her the single bullet I ejected, “and it uses a little tiny hammer to ignite gunpowder inside the bullet to fire that copper tip down the barrel and forwards in a rather straight line at speeds faster than our eyes can perceive. In my world they are meant to hunt things or kills others that threaten you.”

“Does that mean you’v-”

“That is a can of worms for another time, Gilda. I’m going to only tell you one thing before I show you what it can do. Only the wicked and morally debased find themselves at the end of my barrel.”

It was actually kind of funny to see Gilda stunned speechless, yet she still followed along. She hadn’t questioned what I said or even thought to criticize me on how such a thing couldn’t be really. Apparently she was a good listener when she knew someone was being serious.

I gazed around for a moment as I placed the single round back into the magazine, and thankfully, facing away from the town I saw a single dead tree which we had passed earlier. I fed the magazine into the lower receiver before cocking the gun and flipping the safety off. I slowly laid down on the ground and opened the bipod before taking a quick second to feel for the wind. None was always a good wind.

“Do you see the dead tree down there, Gilda? The one we passed earlier?”

“Yeah …” she replied hesitantly.

“Good, you see the long tree branch on the right?” I asked, to which she also replied yes. “How well can you see it?”

“Clearly, I mean what do you take me for? That tree is only like a kilometer away,” she replied nonchalantly. I mentally fist pumped that this society used the metric system before turning the dial on the side of my scope barely even a single click.

“Thanks for the distance,” I said, before adjusting myself to be perfectly comfortable. “Now watch that branch … and plug your ears.”

I waited roughly ten seconds before exhaling and slowly depressing the trigger. To me, a soft thud sounded from the barrel, for Gilda it probably was the loudest bang she ever heard. The kick was hardly anything anymore but even before I could really register such a thing, the tree branch I had been aiming at exploded from the rest of the tree.

I quickly went through my process of de-mobing myself from my firing spot as I had always done, as well as picking up the single shell casing. The only thing different was that I had a griffon staring at me with wide eyes. I simply sighed before kneeling in front of her. “There is a reason I don’t want to ever see these weapons leave my possession. Understand?”

She nodded in understanding before giving a small gulp. I had actually scared the griffon into silence. Yay for me.

“Let’s get down to the town and hope they don’t kill me. Perhaps we can even get some good food for once,” I said before starting to cross the summit and descend the side facing the town.

Food break!

…

Alright, now that I’ve got some beef jerky and whiskey in me, I think that we can continue. You see the next part really needs to be visualized but unfortunately you’ll need to hear my hopefully descriptive enough words. Seriously, the next part was probably one of the greatest things I had ever done in my life, really. Sure it wasn’t overly badass or action-packed. Nor did I pull off some crazy stunt but instead … well I’ll let you determine it when we come to it. I’ll warn you when it happens.

So, essentially Gilda and I spent a little bit of time going down the hill, though this was much easier for me than climbing up. For her it was tougher … at least for the first little bit since about half way down it got too tricky for her to even attempt with three legs. So begrudgingly on both sides, I offered to give her a piggy back down the rest of the hill. At first you might think it was adorable or something like that but in reality it was a little bit of a nightmare since the cat-bird was volatile as fuck. I was worried she would get upset at something that would be an accident and then slice my throat with a single claw.

...

No, I didn’t fucking survive the descent down. She sliced my throat halfway down and I bled to death on the mountain. I’m just a fucking ghost that is telling you all this for no fucking reason other than to entertain you.

…

Stop talking and go sit in the corner. I’ll be over shortly with some goddamned duct tape.

Holy shit.

Alright, back to what actually happened. When we finally reached flat ground I let Gilda down so there wasn’t any confusion between us, ‘cause god knows she had the hots for me. That’s sarcasm. Yes, yes it was.

“Right, so when I looked through the scope I didn’t exactly see any griffons … in fact they looked more like miniature pastel horses. Explanation please?” I asked as we continued walking to the town.

“Oh … right. Griffons actually only have about three cities back east. Ponies make-up Equestria for the most part if not all,” she replied.

“Ponies? Equestria?” Yeah it sounded exactly as you’d think. This was only the start.

“Yeah, you know. Unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies, and alicorns. You act as if you’ve never heard of ponies before, dweeb,” she replied quickly enough to not think her response fully through. Though after the dead silence for a few seconds, she eventually caught on. “Oh … right.”

“Yarp,” I said in response. “Luckily for you I can kind of guess each of those races … minus a few facts … and alicorns.”

“Alicorns? They have wings and a horn and they lead the country. They’re know as the Princesses and whatever.”

“You mean pegacorns.”

“No, I mean alicorns.”

“I’m pretty sure pegacorns is the right word,” I said, barely holding back the mischievous grin.

“It’s alicorns, you haybrained dork!” she replied with a little venom filling her voice.

“Yeah … I think I’m the expert here and I say pegacorns.”

“Alicorns!”

“Pegacorns!”

“Alicorns!”

“Pegacorns!”

“Alicorns!”

“Pegacorns!”

“I’m glad we came to a mutual agreement,” I replied. At this point I was close to collapsing in laughter.

“Good … hey wait!” she caught on quickly, obviously.

Of course, when she caught on I was allowed to fall over laughing if I truly wanted to. Usually I can stand and keep my dignity for the most part, but when she shoved me to the ground for pulling that old trick on her, the dam burst and I laughed harder than I did for a long time. Ahh, if only you guys got the jist of that joke. I truly made Bugs Bunny proud right there. No, I’m not telling you who that is.

So after I pulled myself off the ground, I apologized quickly which surprisingly went over well enough. It seemed I was slowly breaking through to this stubborn griffon. Either way, we continued walking before I needed to ask another question.

“Is there anything I should know about these ponies? Like why they are crazy different colours?”

“Don’t ask me that question. All I know is that some of the colours make my eyes hurt, and their damned cutie marks are weirder than anything else,” she said dismissively.

“Cutie marks?” I asked incredulously. This was starting to sound like a happy-go-funland type of place.

“Yeah, each pony gets some butt tattoo that symbolizes a talent or something. Another question to not ask me,” she said ending that conversation. Though it wasn’t like we had to actually last in silence for too long for the town was quickly approaching. As we got closer and closer I noticed that this place was exactly like an Old Western town. Crazy things this world had already shown me, and believe it or not, there was a whole shit tonne more to come.

Now, at this point as we started to actually enter town, I expected at least something to happen. Someone to freak out and do something, or for everyone to freak out and do something. Either one of those would have been suitable to my expectations. Hell, it would have been a nice addition to the story in the end, but no. Nope. Nothing happened at all really minus one thing.

“Welcome to Dodge City! My name’s Braeburn and if I must say so you two are the most interesting pair to come wandering through this town,” the golden furred male(?) pony said as he seemed to greet us. “An injured griffon and by far the strangest minotaur I’ve ever seen!”

Honestly, I think Gilda wanted to sock him right in the mouth. Hell, I kind of wanted to for the oddest of reasons but at the same time, he was too damned nice to. Also, sorry to break the badass character type you’ve seen me in but a miniature horse or pony in this case wearing a cowboy hat and a vest was fucking adorably funny at the same time. Yep, you heard me and now back to my badass routine.

Kind of.

“Yeah … minotaur, right. Listen. I saw a train pull up. If you don’t mind, we’ll just be heading that way and all that,” I replied, trying to walk past him but instead he seemed to follow.

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, partner, but the train won’t be going anywhere for a little while. The tracks connecting us and Appleloosa were destroyed in a rogue tornado two days ago. We’re all stuck here until they bring some new tracks from Griffonstone and that won’t be for a couple of days at the earliest.”

Now how he knew all of that in the … hour, that it took to make it to the town was fucking amazing. Some crazy skill or something, but that wasn’t actually a big issue for me. Though at the same time I didn’t want to wait ‘a couple of days’ for the tracks to be fixed.

“Huh … great. Thanks for the update,” I said before zoning out. I needed a new plan. Thankfully, the golden pony took my zoning out as a hint or something and said something before departing. Now, when this actually happened I literally just stared forward for a good minute before Gilda poked me in the leg.

“Right, we’re going to need supplies if we continue on foot. At our pace we should make another town in a few days depending on how far away they are. We’ll most likely finish the trek before the train is complete anyways. Now the big issue is acquiring the local currency in order to purchase said supplies unless they use a barter system which means tha-” I started rambling out my plan before Gilda slugged me in the leg.

“Dude, I always keep bits on me, calm down,” she said before pulling a sack out of the feathers around her neck, much to my amazement. How did I not find that when I was patching her up?! And to this day I still don’t know the answer to that.

“So what do we need?” she asked. “I’ll go buy them … I have a way with ponies.”

“If by ‘way’ you mean to threaten them until they cower in fear …” And slugged in the leg again.

“Hey! I’m better than you think, dweeb.”

“Use ‘twat’ next time. Mix it up,” I said with a snicker before turning serious again. “We’re going to need to get you some bags of sort to help carry stuff. Food for the both of us, though water will be the biggest of the issues, so another canteen or two. Also anything that is medical in nature since you’re wearing like a third of my medical kit. Finally, anything that can help us make a camp overnight. So a fire starting kit is the most important, then anything that allows us to camp outside. Oh and any sharpening stones if you can find some.”

She looked at me for a few more seconds before nodding and heading off in the direction of what I assumed was the General Store, I honestly didn’t know. Of course the moment she was out of talking range I realized I forgot to add whiskey to the list. It was a serious blow to the group morale at the time.

Hmm, what was that? Yes, yes, yes, I’ll get to talking about the town. Now, as Gilda left I was still standing in the middle of the main road of the town, albeit on the outskirts more or less. Still, it allowed me to see pretty much everything about the town, which wasn’t very much. It’s tough to describe it past saying that it was a stereotypical Old West town.

One main road through the center, a few roads that went in between the larger buildings that seemed to hide smaller buildings behind it. The building structure was completely wood and had the typical look of a two room store for single story buildings with a covered patio that connected somewhat to the building next to it. The two two story buildings were obvious in their nature, especially since the blatant English writing, which is another baffling thing, said Tavern and Common House.

Now aside from the ponies milling about around the front of the stores and on the street, there was a wagon of some sort parked in front of a building. Now that wouldn’t have been anything special normally, but said wagon had a stage attached to it that was rather lavish in design. It seemed that a performer or snake oil merchant was in town today. In fact, that seemed like the best place to start my wandering of the town, even if it was just to see which of the two it was.

As I neared I got my answer for I could hear the shout of a mare, and yes that is the actual term for a female horse and pony in this case.

“Come one, come all to the greatest magic show of all time! The Great and Powerful Trixie will regale you in stories of mysticism and wonder!”

Travelling storyteller and magician rolled into one? How can you not resist even if you’ve seen everything … and no that was just a joke, I haven’t seen everything.

I saw a group of older stallions leaning by a post across the street while families made their way to the front of the stage. Why should I go into the crowd when none of the ponies even came up any higher than Gilda? Which by the was was roughly my waist.

Now, I kind of expected them to move when I came over and leaned against a pole right next to them, but instead they gave a simple nod of their heads before turning their attention back to the stage. Apparently I wasn’t even close to a big deal around this town. Back then, I couldn’t tell whether or not it was a compliment or an insult … in hindsight I feel it was slightly insulting.

Now, I’m going to be completely honest with you. When the show actually started I should have been enthralled since she did things that are not possible in our world. Magical things, literally. As I said, I should have. The reason I wasn’t? Just before the show, I saw what appeared to be a unicorn mother pick her foal up with a glowing aura that seemed to be coming from her horn.

Now there is a reason they call me the Logical Lamenter or Laramie … yes that was an actual nickname for me for a little bit. No, I’m not making that up. Laramie is still around and if I went back there they would call me that. Seriously.

Anyways, because of my awesome logic skills I concluded two things at once. One, physics in this world made physics in our world look like a toddler playing with a toy. Secondly, these unicorns, if not all of the subspecies of ponies, had access to magic of some sorts, or at least basic levitation. Now I have to admit levitation would have been the more reasonable choice based upon the evidence, but that didn’t feed the inner kid in me. Nope, I went with magic which meant that this travelling showper- I mean showpony, probably was a unicorn that knew some other spells.

So I guess the wonder died a little for me but that didn’t mean I didn’t pay attention to the show. After her grandiose introduction, she proceeded to tell a story about a ‘Ursa Major’ and how she and her trusty sidekick had wrangled the bear up through stunning illusions and trickery. She was able to actually visualise it with what looked like neon lights of some sort. It was pretty rad. That tale took a good amount of time and did some flash things, in fact so much time, that Gilda was actually back from the store and was standing beside me looking on.

Now, as she started the next story which apparently was a story about a magic duel, something unexpected happened. Something that lead to my moment of semi-badassery and epicness. Yep, it’s coming up.

A group of three stallions stormed on stage with a fourth sneaking from the other side while the other three had her distracted.

“Who said you could play in this town, you horn head? I don’t think you’ve paid Red Hooves his fares yet,” a dark orange stallion said.

“How dare you interrupt Trixie in the middle of her performance!” Yep, she spoke in third person … or is that third pony. Hmm.

“Oh, you can get on with your show, just as soon as you fork up the bits,” the orange stallion said as he drew closer to the blue mare on stage. Oh, yeah right, I never described the appearance of the performer. She was a light blue all the way around minus a silver hairstyle, though for the most part she was covered up by a star speckled cape and hat.

“Trixie will be paying nopony for something she has been allowed to do! Now please leave the stage before I have to hoof you off!”

“You can darn well try! Knocks!” As he said that, the fourth member leaped on her and hit the hat on her head but it didn’t seem to come off, instead causing her to fall to the ground in pain. They must have hit her horn.

From there … well they started to actually attack her all the while laughing, which was the final straw to what I could take. It definitely was not part of the act. As I removed myself from the post, I prepared the exact line I was going to use on those fuckers.

I quickly, though in more of a speed walking manner, made my way to the left side of the stage and slowly walked up. Cue epic moment.

“Oi! Chucklefucks!” I shouted as I marched up on stage, which apparently drew the crowd’s complete attention away from the violent scene which none of them tried to stop.

“Who the buck are you and what do you want, you skinny minofreak?!” the orange stallion said as his gang slowly stopped beating on Trixie.

“This is Les Grossman, who is this?” I said, barely holding back a sadistic grin.

“I’m Flaming Dragon you haybrained bull!” I kid you the fuck not. He actually was either named Flaming Dragon, or was called himself that. It just made my world a whole lot easier. I got right up in his face, well as close as I could while standing tall.

“Oh okay, Flaming Dragon ... fuckface. First, take a big step back … and literally fuck your own face!!” I yelled much to my delight and the stallion’s creeping terror. “Now I don’t know what kind of Pan-Equestria bullshit power play you’re trying to pull here but Dodge City, jack, is my territory so whatever you’re thinking, you’d better think again otherwise I’m going to have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you! You’re going to have to call the fucking United Nations to get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you! I am talking scorched earth motherfucker!

I will massacre you!

I will fuck you up!!”

Then I brought a wicked uppercut underneath his muzzle, sending him flying backwards.

I didn’t even bother to pay attention to his buddies, instead forcing my way forward and picking the stallion up by tail and neck, then proceeding to hurl him off the other end of the stage. Of course if he wasn’t unconscious after the first hit, the throw definitely put him out. The moment he hit the ground, I turned around and proceeded to crack my fingers on both my hands before cracking my neck. “Alright … who's next?”

Apparently without their big bad leader they were nothing but whimpering pussies, for they ran around me and fled the scene, but not before picking up their fallen leader and carrying him off back the way we had come. I watched them clear the town and take a right before turning around to face the downed mare. Said mare had apparently managed to pull herself together after the whole incident and stared at me for a brief moment before limping into her trailer.

I turned to the crowd and gave them all a shooing motion before deciding to follow the mare and see if she was alright.

The door to the trailer was luckily open but I was by far too big to fit into it, so I had to make due with poking my head in to see if she was okay. “You okay in there?”

“Leave Trixie alone! She’s been humiliated enough!”

“I’m not here to humiliate you! I’m just seeing if you were okay. You had a fair amount of blood on your face before you left.”

“I’m fine! Now just leave Trixie alone.”

Oh I was too stubborn for that. “Not until you come out so I can help you. I know first aid.”

There was a rather lengthy pause before she finally emerged from a small room in the back of the wagon. The mare wasn’t as bloody as before but you could definitely see the cuts on her face and the bruises on her body. She didn’t limp, which was a good thing, but it was a slow trek for her to come out and sit on the stairs which was just enough time for me to pull out my First Aid kit, and for Gilda to appear once more.

“Who’s she?” the blue mare asked while pointing at Gilda.

“Gilda this is Trixie, Trixie this is Gilda. And I’m Ryan, not Les Grossman. Now that introductions are underway, hold still while I clean those cuts,” I said before taking a puff ball that had rubbing alcohol on it and dabbing her face gently.

“So who were those stallions I had to humiliate?” I asked.

“Trixie has no idea, they simply attacked Trixie for no reason, claiming I didn’t pay them. The mayor allowed Trixie to do her show!” she said in between winces from the rubbing alcohol.

“One of them said Red Hooves or something like that,” Gilda said from behind me as she proceeded to make rustling sounds. Probably organizing her bags. Though this made me think for a second … not her organizing the bags, but what she said. Based upon the actions I saw and what they said, there was a good chance that I was going through the typical storyline of ‘outlaw/crook running the town through fear and extortion.”

Though in retrospect, I should have realised that even in this world that plotline gets a little twist that I wasn’t expecting.

“Excuse me, sir … it is sir, isn’t it?” a male voice behind me spoke up. Apparently Gilda didn’t give enough fucks to let me know through whatever forewarning system a cat-bird had. So I slowly turned around, one hand reaching for my sidearm on my hip. Didn’t I ever mention my sidearm? Really? Huh … well simply put it is an all black CZ-P09 pistol that I might or might not have a suppressor for … maybe. Seriously I thought I mentioned it before because I was sure I told you I had a pistol holster … hmm. Oh well.

When I finished turning, I saw three ponies addressing me and well … they were attempting to look serious or intimidating in ‘sheriff's’ clothes. It was more funny than anything really because the look just didn’t suit them. You could tell that despite wearing the badges they were hardly officers of the law. Probably stand ins until the new one came into town. The leader of the group was a dull yellow in colour, but had a brown moustache (and mane) that looked completely out of place considering the pony didn’t fit a ‘weathered sheriff’ role at all. He was too skinny and looked nervous as fuck. The other two, a light blue stallion and a green mare, looked even worse as deputies.

“Yarp?” I answered back, because why not. By the way I am going to use that a lot … and for you slow learners that is yes in the language of Lurch.

“Umm … yes … well you see, sir, as by the show we have been having an issue with Red Hooves and well … the actual Sheriff is in Appleloosa trying to get ponies to help capture Red Hooves … but the train is … I mean … and then you said those things … on stage …” the pony fumbled his words around as though he was talking to someone important. Important in their eyes at least, and I was nothing of the sorts, but I understood what he said in the end.

“What have they done?” I asked, a little curious.

“Well umm … extortion … assault … stealing money are the ones that happen the most but they also …” he gulped audibly before dropping his voice into a whisper, “raped some ponies.”

I cut him off from needing to say anymore by putting a hand in the air before turning around to face Trixie again. “Listen, Trixie, with those bruises and cuts you might be a little more injured that I think. Now I suggest going and finding a doctor to get them looked at if there is, but that is up to you. We can talk more perhaps later if you are still in town? I’ll pay for drinks!”

Gilda shot me a look that asked her question without her having to say it.

“With Gilda’s money of course,” I finished, my previous line much to Gilda’s resentment who actually shouted out in protest but I simply started laughing which told her I was kidding.

“Hmph! Trixie doubts she will stay in this miserable place! Trixie doesn’t need a train to get around … “ she said trailing off, a few tears appearing at the corner of her eye as she mumbled something. Something I definitely heard, and probably Gilda as well. I’m not going to tell you what she said because some things are more personal than others, and this is one of them.

I was actually going to leave at that and move onto my next objective but Gilda actually pulled me aside, away from the small group. She pulled me down with her good arm, forcing me to her level before whispering in my mind. “She mentioned Ponyville! We should see about getting her to come along … cause it seems like she really wants to.”

“Wait a moment … when did you grow a heart?” I replied sarcastically.

“Shut up, twat!” Score. “She has a wagon that would make it easier to travel in … as well as give shelter.”

I nodded my head in agreement while gazing over at Trixie before turning back to Gilda with a small smile. As I rose I gave her a small pat on her head. “Good thinking … a little behind me in the thought, but good try.”

I left her quickly enough before she could punch me again; moving over to Trixie, I could see that she was struggling a little bit to keep tears out of her eyes. She had been sitting on the steps of her wagon but there was enough room for me to scooch in … barely. Either way, I sat next to her, forcing her to turn away even more to hide the tears.

“Listen, Trixie. If you can wait until tonight, you can come with Gilda and I to Ponyville. You allow Gilda a place to sleep at night, as well as storage for our gear and I will ensure that not a single hair in your mane gets damaged,” I said, rubbing her back slightly which actually made her relax a little. I guess it was a universal thing.

She didn’t respond immediately, so I could tell she was really thinking about it. “Just think about it, alright. We’ll be going no matter what so if you want to come just talk to Gilda. Don’t be afraid of her outer demeanour … she’s actually a big softy on the inside.”

She simply nodded before I got up and walked back to Gilda. I stopped in front of her before turning to look at the group of three ‘sheriffs’. I knew what had to happen next.

“I’ll be back in a few hours … nightfall at latest. If she decides to come with us, then you two should get some sleep … if not … we’ll find a way to get some sleep. We’ll be travelling by night tonight, it’ll reduce water consumption.”

“Wait! Where the hay are you going?!” she asked, almost angry.

“Don’t worry about it. The more you think about it, the more the mind will wander,” I said before nodding to the sheriffs and gesturing with a finger for the first one to come over.

I bent down and whispered in his ear, “Make sure neither of them are hurt, and I’ll take care of Red Hooves.”

With that I walked away, not even bothering to look for a response. If they had been that desperate to ask the ‘minotaur’ for help then they would agree to anything. Even something so simple.

“Really?” he asked with a small shout.

“Permanently,” I replied just loud enough.

“What?” he asked slightly confused at the question.

“Permanently,” I answered once more.

I’m not going to tell you what happened. This is one of those things that are better left out of the story. Sometimes a story is better told with gaps … ones that leave the entire episode up to the listener’s imagination. This is one of those times.

No.

No matter how much you beg or say you can handle it, I will not recall what happened for you all. Leave if you find that unfair, curse me out, but that is my decision and it will stay final until my fucking grave.

Dodge City Immediately After Ryan’s Departure

Gilda watched as Ryan walked out of town, surprisingly slowly for someone claiming he would be back in a few hours. She didn’t exactly know what to make of him, even despite having travelled with him all day. Though that was probably entirely due to the fact neither of them really talked much past a few spur of the moment topics. Neither of them really wanted to talk about each other that much anyways.

She was an odd griffon because of that exact reason. Despite being part of Equestria, the griffon province of Prospero was almost an entirely different country to those not born in it. The culture was the biggest shock to visitors, and the oddest part of said culture was just how open griffons were when talking about themselves. Extremely boastful in accomplishments and willing to share nearly all stories, it was extremely odd for a griffon to not partake in such cultural norms.

Though there were other reasons Gilda refused to talk to Ryan, besides not taking part in that cultural aspect. Mainly, he was still hardly an acquaintance to her. Barely a travelling partner at that and only because she was too injured to just fly away. Of course that would be the only reason she would give up. Others would have to pluck out all of her feathers to get her to even say another if she didn’t want to.

“Why are you travelling with that … minotaur? Trixie doesn’t understand,” the blue mare spoke up from behind Gilda.

“Ugh, he patched me up. If it wasn’t for my bad wing I would have ditched him a long time ago,” Gilda responded, turning to face the mare who asked the question. “Also he isn’t a minotaur. He’s a human apparently.”

“Human? What’s that? Trixie has been all over Equestria and never heard of a human,” she said, even more puzzled.

“You’ve got to ask him that one. All I know is that it is what he is,” Gilda replied before flopping backwards on her back right next to the steps of Trixie’s trailer. She didn’t care at this point, she felt exhausted even though it hadn’t been that hard of a day … or even a full day yet.

For a while the two sat in silence, just enjoying the silence that enveloped the general area. Almost no ponies even passed by the area that Trixie’s trailer took up. The only ponies that even paid them any mind was the temporary sheriff and his deputies. That was how Gilda preferred it actually, and though Gilda didn’t know it, she was right next to a kindred spirit in that way.

Despite being a showmare, Trixie enjoyed the time she had to herself, even if it was the most depressing time in her life. At least that’s what she told herself.

Eventually Gilda decided to ask the question that needed to be asked. “So, are you coming with us, or what? We’re headed to Ponyville if that means anything.”

This took Trixie by surprise as she hadn’t expected the griffon to ask the question so quickly or bluntly for that matter. It made her wish that the human was back so she could deal with something that actually had tact … though after she saw how he dealt with the ruffians she wasn’t sure tact was one of the human’s assets.

It took minutes, or what felt like forever to Trixie as she kept going through the pros and cons in her head. If she went with them, he had promised her safety and that was always something that she lacked in journies across Equestria. Despite Equestria being the most peaceful country in the world, minus the supervillains, there were always areas that the Equestrian Legions couldn’t patrol and monitor. Those were the areas that the roughest outcasts inhabited. The same areas that were beyond tough to avoid.

The cons were … well it was her travelling company. She would be travelling with something that doesn't actually live in Equestria for all she knew, as well as griffon which seemed to truly not give a buck about what happened to her. Would they actually keep their promise, or just use her like so many others had in the past? She really couldn’t make up her mind on what to do in this situation.

It was this exact situation that made Trixie want to crawl back to Ponyville and ask for Twilight Sparkle to help her.

When she was last there, she had done horrible things, but in the end she felt like a changed mare, for the better. Sure, she still thought of Twilight Sparkle as her rival, but not in the bitter form that she originally was. No, it had turned into something friendly yet still competitive. Of course that was before she became the Princess of Friendship.

When that happened, Trixie had felt hurt, betrayed, lost, and yet happy for her rival. She didn’t really understand that last one especially since it meant she basically lost the competition, even if there wasn’t officially one. Yet a small voice in the back of her head told her that not only did that mean she was friends with a Princess but also that her friend had done something amazing.

Of course the rest of her told her that she shouldn’t return to Ponyville because of that exact reason. What if Twilight Sparkle had changed and become meaner … she would banish Trixie for even setting hoof in Ponyville, no doubt. That was just a small excuse, with the main one being focused entirely on her lack of being able to do anything important.

Her friend had saved the world multiple times over, been the student of Princess Celestia, and gained the title of Princess … as well as wings. All the while Trixie barely survived with her show … barely made any bits or anything. No tales of adventure that would make anypony marvel. No heroics. Nothing.

Today, though … today showed something to Trixie. It showed her that perhaps she was going about her life all wrong. She had always wanted to be the greatest mage in all of Equestria, and she wanted everypony to know it. She wanted to travel and show off her talents … yet what did it get her? A bunch of bruises and cuts, and having to be saved by a mysterious creature.

It was afterwards, when she was being cleaned up, that she felt the most lost. She felt like she had nopony to help her at all. Yet that small voice in the back of her head spoke up again, telling her that she was telling herself lies. It spoke of friends that would help her in her time of need. It told her of a purple pony that no matter what title she held, she would let Trixie bawl her eyes out into her shoulder before helping her get on her feet.

She needed Twilight Sparkle.

It was the first time in her life that she could actually say that line, and not have it being uttered with a sarcastic quality to it. The first time that there was an emotion behind those words that didn’t make a pony wince when they heard it.

And at the moment she knew her answer to Gilda.

“Trixie will go,” she replied, a little quieter than her usual boisterous voice. Instead, her voice nearly wavered; the fresh thoughts of despair still plagued her mind like a weed that just seemed to spread no matter what one did. Every single thought was focused on what she would do when she returned.

“Then … uh … we should get some rest? Like Ryan suggested,” Gilda said hesitantly. She heard the emotion in Trixie’s voice and even she knew that it was better to leave such a wound alone … at least she had learned that.

If she was even a year younger she would have said something. Now? Now she knew that the blue pony needed time.

“Sure. Trixie’s trailer has enough room,” she said before walking into the trailer. Gilda followed behind, passing through shortly after the mare and shutting the door behind her.

Night was about to start its slow descent upon the when I arrived back in town. There were still some ponies mulling around, but for the most part, the ones that had been out earlier in the day had retired back to the houses. So it was quiet, which was … not a nice change of pace, in fact it was the same pace as usual. Too much quiet drives a man wild. If you’ve ever worked as a painter, you'd understand the sentiment.

Oh, so you work as a painter? Fun, isn’t it? Have you solved the mysteries of the universe yet? Ha! That was a joke I heard a long time ago. Man walks up to a painter doing the side of a house. The man ask the painter how's it going. The painter doesn’t respond at first, still brushing the side of the house. The man tries again but this time a little louder. He startles the painter, though not badly. The painter apologizes, saying he was lost in his thoughts. The man asks the painter what he was thinking about. The painter says, the mysteries of the universe. The man, a little shocked, asks “What mysteries?” The painter replies, “Why we’re here, what our purpose is, if we are the only thinking beings in the universe, you know … those kinds of things.”

The man asks how far he’s thought those out. The painter replies with, “Oh, I’ve figured out all of those already. What I can’t wrap my head around, is how the hell I’m still stuck here painting.”

Ehh? Funny huh?

…

It was funny to me. Tough fucking crowd.

Whatever, continuing on I guess.

So as I walked the sole street in the town, I saw that Trixie’s carriage was still there, and that in fact the three officers of the law were still guarding it. They held up their end of the deal, much like I had held up mine.

When I neared them, they perked up a little and started to meet me slightly ahead of my destination. It seemed that they were eager to hear if I had done what I set out to do. So eager in fact, that you could see their faces brighten up drastically, filling with hope.

“Are they …” the interim sheriff started asking but I cut him off.

“You’ll never have to worry about Red Hooves again,” I said simply, no real inflection in my voice.

“You drove them off?! Thank Celestia, mister!” And I’m not shitting with you. That was probably the most country-sounding phrase ever.

“Sure … drove them off,” I answered. If that doesn’t spark your imaginations and shut you all up, then fuck me sideways and call me the Princess of the Moon.

Whatever.

They gave me their thanks over and over again, while constantly telling me that if there was anything I needed I could just ask of them and they would be more than happy to help. Of course to that, I told them that we wouldn’t be in the town for much longer so there wasn’t anything I really needed.

Of course, the moment they started walking away I remembered the one thing that I hadn’t told Gilda to get.

“Whiskey!” I said, getting their attention thankfully.

“Whiskey?” The interim Sheriff said hesitantly.

“Yeah, your finest whiskey or bourbon. Hell, Scotch also works if you don’t have the others. And I want the whole bottle,” I replied with a grin that they couldn’t see. A hero such as me deserves that at least.

“Plum, go to the tavern and get this minotaur the finest whiskey!” the interim Sheriff said to the mare deputy. She raced off to get the bottle. Thank god for small miracles, eh?

During the time that it took her to get the bottle and bring it back, the air was filled with awkward silence, which was broken the moment I had the bottle in my hands. They were still filled with joy at my success and parted ways before that joy died down. I bet they actually went to the tavern to get shit faced.

I didn’t really care where they went afterwards since all that was on my mind was getting back on the road. With or without the third partner. Speaking of which, I decided to go see if Gilda had convinced Trixie to come with us.

Why did I want her to come with us? Good question, and though I would love to be a sarcastic bastard and throw the question back in your face, it actually helps develop the plot and I completely forgot about it.

You see, at first you might think that I was using her completely for the fact that she had a wagon which would greatly increase our survival skills and well as our storage capacity. Well … you’d be right … initially. When I first saw what she had, I figured she was a traveller as it was, and after the result of the performance I knew that she would most likely want to get out of town. She was no different than many others who had fallen into the same issues.

So why not ask if she wanted to come with us? She would be moving to another town and we would get the help that her trailer offered. Perfect idea, really. Of course, that was until I heard what she said. It brought me back to the destination that Gilda had mentioned this morning, and with a quick bout of reasoning, she should be more than willing to travel with us if she desired to go back to Ponyville.

When she had said what she said, and I’m still not going to repeat it, I knew that I couldn’t look at her as mere means of improving our travelling conditions anymore. She was in need of help and comfort. A solo travel would do her no good, and most likely leave her in a situation she wouldn’t be able to endure alone. So why not offer my help? It was the ethical and moral thing to do.

Damn my morals, huh? Haha!

As I neared the trailer, I noticed that there was no light coming out of the windows, which meant that either they weren’t there or they had indeed taken my advice about sleeping now so we would be able to continue during the night.

So I knocked.

Knock, Knock, Knock “Trixie.”

On the third knock, the exact opposite of Trixie opened the door and growled out a very firm ‘what?’. Ah, that was good news at least, since that meant Gilda and Trixie had gotten along at least.

“Good evening to you too, Madam Gilda. What a pleasant evening it is! Perhaps you’d like to go for a leisurely stroll amongst the rose garden? I will ask the butler to bring out the wine and we shall sit and gaze upon the encroaching moon,” I said with a seductive voice and a shit-eating grin.

Gilda glared at me for a good moment, not even phased by what I said. Apparently she was learning to take anything, that I didn’t say seriously, at face value. The only response I got was a groan of annoyance before she let the door handle go and proceeded back inside.

If I had decided to follow her, I would have had to crawl to fit well. It wasn’t extremely small mind you, but I knew that unless I wanted to be bent at the waist, essentially, I would have to crawl. Of course I didn’t actually follow, instead opting to wait outside, listening as Gilda apparently shook Trixie awake.

I took to humming a song off the top of my head, which I won’t play because there would be no point in it. Let me just say that it is an awesome song. All my music is awesome.

So when Gilda finally came out of the trailer, she simply stopped in front of me, none of her bags on her or the supplies for that matter and simply said, “She’s coming with us.”

“Solid … we’ll need to pack up her stage though. Ugh, this could take a little bit,” I said, rubbing my hand over my still clothed face. It would delay us longer than I wanted since I was actually back a little later than expected.

“There is no need for that! The Great and Powerful Trixie has that all taken care of!” Trixie said in her, what turned out to be normal, boisterous stage voice. The blue mare trotted out of her trailer, right past us and to the side of the stage before turning to look at the stage. The stage was encased in a magenta glow. At least I think magenta is the colour? She never told me and I never cared to ask.

Either way, the stage was surrounded in the glow which was probably coming from her horn. At first I … well I didn’t even have a clue as to what she was going to do originally. So when the stage seemed to shrink before folding up into the side of the trailer, I was amazed to say the least. Well … I think it was amazement from her tricks earlier that had yet to be spilled outwards.

So I gave a clap at what I saw, which actually elicited a confused look from Trixie. “What, have you never seen magic before, human?”

“Nope, and if you’re interested I’ll tell you why,” I said before doing a few stretches to get my body ready. Gilda actually followed my lead in a way and decided to proceed to do the same. Yeah, sure the stretches were kind of out of nowhere, but that’s what happens when you are old. Your body starts to get stiff and you need to stretch to get used to travelling again. Hell, I’m lucky to be as agile as I am for my age. I blame all those nanomachines I swallowed back in Berlin. Now that is a hell of a story. One of my best tales really.

Too bad this ain’t it, huh?

Trololololo. Haha! You don’t know how long I’ve practiced that troll thing. Years! Fucking years and it was worth it!

Ahem, so as we all prepared to head off into the wild blue yonder, I saw Trixie looking at me as those I was supposed to say something to enlighten her.

“What?”

“Trixie is waiting for you to tell her why,” she said indignantly, all the while hooking herself up into the harness for the carriage.

“Oh, you expected me to say it now? Ha! That’s not how things work right now, Trixie. Even ask Gilda; in this travelling chain gang, we play twenty questions to find out answers,” I replied, earning a huff from said cat-bird. I lowered my voice just a little so it was still loud enough for Gilda but soft enough to imply it was supposed to be a whisper, “Gilda is horrible at it by the way.”

You ever been punched in the nuts? From behind? Some of you? Fair enough, well let me tell you … the bony knuckles of a human hand are soft and plush compared to a griffon talon. You’re all lucky bastards for never having experienced such pain.

“Oh god my jimmies,” I squeaked out before collapsing to the side, my hands trying fruitlessly to ease the pain.

The next few minutes were agonizingly painful, and apparently I was pretty pitiful, laying on the ground holding my nuts and whimpering, because when I finally was able to stand again, despite remaining traces of pain, something unexpected happened.

“I’m … I’m sorry,” Gilda stammered out, looking completely opposite of how she normally looked. That’s to say, shy. Let me tell you … it was cute as fuck. That face beat the face of every single woman I have ever seen. Ever.

“Yeah … don’t worry … all’s good,” I groaned out as I attempted to fully straighten myself, which brought on a new type of discomfort in my groin. Well … new as in at that exact moment, all you guys know what I mean.

So skipping ahead, past the minor bit of snickering and the agonising time it took to walk off being punched in the nuts, we eventually made it out of town. As we exited the other side, right next to the train tracks, I got a good look at the train, and let me tell you. It was designed by a six year old girl. It was that … crazy of a design to say the least.

Either way, we wouldn’t be riding it it anyways so I didn’t have to even worry about thinking about it. Instead we simply followed the tracks because it was the smartest thing to do when you needed to get to the next town over. Though in the end it might not be the best if it had other stops … so for that moment it was headed southwest-ish which meant it was alright to follow it.

Now … let me tell you something that is honestly a little surprising. You’ve heard a little bit of how Trixie acts and how I’ve described the blue mare. Well let me tell you something … she does indeed shut up. Apparently there is a universal rule or at least one in this land that read along the lines of ‘All travelers must walk in awkward silence until a certain point’.

I’m not kidding. It happened with Gilda earlier in that day and it happened that night.

Speaking of which, let me tell you something I’ve learned and grown to love over the years. When you get away from cities, you see the most beautiful pitch black darkness amongst the ground and the brightest stars up in the skies. It is one beauty that our world has now after everything. In Equestria … that’s cranked up to eleven … thousand.

The moon was bright … holy shit it was bright as fuck. Bright enough that it was acting as a dimmer sun for the most part. Dark enough that if you closed your eyes it didn’t keep you awake, yet at the same time it allowed anyone to see in the dark. Did I mention it was also fucking massive compared to ours? Seriously, it was probably twice the size of Earth’s.

Yet the most beautiful thing of the night was the stars … the endless amounts of stars glistened across the sky as though a light was being shone on them to enforce their beauty. Such was the night sky that you could even see what appeared to be galaxies among the sky. Coloured clouds that fell in behind the stars. I marvelled at the sight, letting my eyes take in the entire spectacle.

“It’s just the night sky,” Gilda said to me, finally breaking the silence.

“When most of your life, you see hardly a star in the sky because of light pollution and a horrible atmosphere … you can’t help but see such a sight as the most beautiful painting of them all,” I replied before looking back down to her. Apparently my response drew out a thought as she contemplated something before nodding her head.

“I guess you’re right … for once,” she finally said.

I hummed in reply, knowing that slowly I was worming my way under the hard shell that Gilda encased herself in. If I was going to help her or Trixie for that matter, I needed to know more about them. It wasn’t a cut and dry case of ‘they need this’ like some people I had helped in the past. No, this needed to be handled with care and by someone who they could consider a friend.

“So I guess, I know more about you then you know about me … or probably even Gilda for that matter,” I said to Trixie who had maintained our previous silence. “So let’s start over, hmm?”

“I guess that is suitable for Trixie,” she said with a small smile. “She is curious about you, human.”

“Well to start off, my name is Ryan. I do have a last name but that is being withheld temporarily. I’m probably about forty two, though not sure … and don’t ask how that happened. My home … it’s impossible to tell how long it has been. Oh … and I’m from another planet. Fun, huh?”

“Another planet? That explains why Trixie’s most simplistic magic impressed you … hmm,” she murmured but her thoughts were cut off as I gave Gilda a slight nudge to introduce herself.

“I’m Gilda, from Griffonstone,” she said with a little bit of finality to that statement, but I gave her another nudge and a glare. She needed to work on opening up. “Ugh, fine! I was travelling by myself to Ponyville when a Rogue Tornado caught me by surprise and knocked me out. Ryan … ugh … saved me. Now here we are, good enough?”

She spun her head back to me at that final question. “Now, was that so hard, Gilda? Sometimes you have to be friendly and open up.”

“Whatever,” she dismissively said, though I felt as though some little tidbit got through to her.

“How about you, Trixie? Aside from your name and what you’ve been doing, we don’t know much … though the same can be said for Gilda,” I said, which apparently went right past Gilda.

“Well, Trixie is a travelling showmare. She resides in no one town and is always moving. I’ve travelled to many places to entertain … though it seems that Trixie’s stories are not good enough anymore …” she said with a somber tone before sighing and continuing. “My cutie mark is in magic and showponyship, which obviously shows my talent!”

“Ahh, gotcha,” I said with a nod, still paying attention to Trixie but hopefully trying to convey that I didn’t want to talk about that subject. Of course that’s not how life works.

“So, Trixie wonders if humans have cutie marks? Or are you closer to minotaurs as everypony referred to you as?”

Huh, this mare was smarter than I thought.

“If you want to compare me to a minotaur then sure, that works. We don’t get cutie marks … though if we want to we can willingly ink ourselves.” I have some pretty awesome tattoos … though you don’t get to see them. I will describe them, but later on when it actually happened in the story.

“Oh, so you have tattoos as well? Closer to a minotaur than I thought … or perhaps a griffon …” Trixie said with a voice that was implying something. I immediately dismissed it and instead looked to Gilda, who apparently had caught the inflection and the meaning.

“Ugh, no way in Tartarus,” she grumbled before continuing forward at a little bit of a faster pace. Though one thing I noticed as she walked ahead was a little stumble with her unbroken foreleg. That wouldn’t be good if she wore that leg out from walking too much. I mean we had been probably walking silently for an hour and no doubt her legs were getting tired, considering the earlier part of the day.

“Hey, Trixie … think you can pull the trailer and someone in it at the same time?” I asked, not sure if she was as strong as a normal horse would be.

“Easily! Trixie worked on a rock farm for a while; pulling my trailer is hardly anything for me!”

“Good, because Gilda needs to rest her legs. The strain of walking on three instead of four is getting to her,” I said. Unfortunately that statement was loud enough for Gilda to hear.

No, I didn’t get hit in the balls again, thankfully enough. I did get a fair amount of spittle on my jacket though. And yes, I was still wearing all my gear. The heat did not and still doesn’t bother me anymore.

“What did you say?! Did you call me weak?!” Gilda turned around on me, the anger almost palpable in the air.

“I said you need your rest because you’re going to wear yourself out if you don’t-”

“I’m not weak! I can walk on three legs easily, and no twat, especially not you, is going to tell me that I can’t!” she cut me off.

When in a normal conversation I can stand for someone to cut me off, meaning I deal with it. When there is a shouting match or an argument … that’s a step across a line that you can’t cross.

“Listen here, you piece of shit hodge-podge of chicken feathers and house cat, if you want to fucking keep walking on your three remaining legs, go right fucking ahead, but when you fucking collapse in the middle of the desert, neither I nor Trixie is going to fucking pick you up. I will fucking leave you to be feasted off of by vultures before I fucking let a prideful bitch like you think for one moment that I will help someone that can’t even fucking understand when to accept help. So I’ll say it once and only once. Either you get inside the trailer or I’ll leave you to die.”

Yep.

Word for word.

Kind of went Drill Sergeant … except not at all at the same time. If only I could have recorded some of their lines, it would have helped immensely in my life. Mine were weak compared to some stories I heard.

Gilda stared back at me for a few moments, her posture still showing defiance, but as I looked at her eyes I saw that within her gold eyes that there was belief that I would leave her. There was fear in the brash griffon’s eyes.

I knelt down in front of her, grabbing her by the shoulders, pre-emptively stopping her from running. “Listen, Gilda. Sometimes what one says, no matter how harsh, is for the best. As long as you trust me to help you, I will not do anything that could harm you. If you truly want to go off on your own, I can’t stop you, but as long as I am around I will not let you die on purpose … no matter if I say it out of anger.”

She turned her head, and especially her eyes away from me before nodding her head in acceptance. I released her letting her head into the trailer, though she left the door open when she fully walked inside.

“It needed to be done,” I said before even looking at Trixie. I didn’t know if she was going to say anything or not, but instead I just started walking again.

That was the beginning of the longest gap of quiet.

Even now when I look back on what I said … I still think it was the right thing to do, even Gilda agreed when I asked her about it later. Still … recalling it is a little painful. I never like recalling things that involved hurting someone I care about. Though often enough it comes up in stories I tell … it won’t be the last time I remember such a time in this story.

One thing I forgot to mention when we started our journey that I kind of skimmed through, was that I turned my stopwatch on on my iPod. So during our little, or in this case extremely long, break of silence I checked my stopwatch.

We had been travelling for three hours. Wow, that’s actually pretty impressive, all things considered. Especially considering how I only took two light sips of water and neither Trixie nor Gilda had any. Honestly, time truly seemed to fly while we walked, though I was regretting the silence that loomed around us. Talking was always a good way to make the journey shorter.

So we continued walking in silence because there was really nothing to talk about at the time.

Another hour passed …

And another.

Though eventually one thing won out over us all. Hunger.

It started off with a growl from my very own stomach, though not even close to loud enough for them to hear, however it did start the chain reaction of hunger pangs. Trixie was the second one to fall prey, while Gilda’s was by far the loudest … also because she directly stated she was hungry immediately afterwards.

“Agreed, lets stop here for a little bit and eat and relax. Take a nap if you want to,” I said before stretching my arms up and out. Sometimes even though you’re already loose, you just need to stretch.

“Hey, Gilda. Is there a fire-starting kit in there?” I said as I neared the entrance of the trailer.

“Yeah, catch,” she said before chucking a small box out at me. I caught it easily before replying with a thanks and turning around to see about where to make a fire.

There was surprisingly enough stuff around, though just barely. I could easily gather the rocks to form the makeshift pit, but the wood was a little more sparse. Luckily I spotted a downed tree in the distance that would easily allow us to burn the bark a little bit if we chopped it carefully. The ultimate last resort was my whiskey, but that was only life or death use.

“You do realise, Trixie could just use her magic to make the fire,” the blue mare said as she neared me while I built my little rock pit.

“If you utilise magic all the time, you’ll become accustom to it so badly that when it fails you’ll be helpless,” I said simply, not even looking at her. I was still a little ‘bitter’ from the Gilda incident even though I had already resolved the issue, including the one in my own head.

I think Trixie actually balked at that statement. In fact, I turned around to her and found her struggling for words. I simply patted her on the head before saying, “It’s not meant as an insult. It’s how I view all things when used excessively and inclusively.”

“Oh,” she replied simply.

“Mhm, though I wouldn’t mind if you used your magic to drag that downed tree over here so I can make a fire for us to sit around.”

Without a sound, Trixie made her way over to the fallen tree, which wasn’t that far, maybe thirty meters away, and picked it up in her magic as though it was nothing. She then proceeded to trot back to me with the surprisingly large tree in her magic. Oh how I would love to have a taste of being able to do that. It would allow my old bones to rest more often.

So as she dropped the tree close to the pit, I simply snickered and shook my head at the sight. She of course was confused but apparently didn’t want to question it for she instead made her way to her trailer, probably to get some sort of food. Or at least that’s what I thought.

Shortly after she disappeared, she reappeared with an axe in her magic. To that I smiled, because it meant something rather important.

Trixie knew what she was doing.

And I knew what I was doing.

So we both just nodded at each other and began to hack at the tree. With what did I hack at the tree you ask? Didn’t I tell you? I always keep a machete with me. It rests in the small of back right underneath my other pack back there. I usually use it for … wait! I fucking told you already!

Yeah, I did! In fact I told you last time that I used my knife for cutting the boar!

Okay, so I said knife instead of machete, sue me! It’s a fucking machete.

Whatever you fuckwads.

So while Trixie went about hacking off logs that we would use to stoke the fire, I proceeded to hack off smaller kindling and bark so that the fire would have a nice little kickstart at the beginning. While we were hacking at the tree, I heard Gilda moving around behind me before walking back to the trailer … and then back out here. She did that a few more times before she went back into the trailer for good. Hmm.

I didn’t worry too much about that, especially since I needed to get the kindling done quickly, Trixie was starting to really destroy her side of the tree. Though I wasn’t too worried since my job was infinitely easier than hers. Well … kind of. She had magic on her side so it could be considered cheating.

Eventually we both finished, though we left a large enough piece of the tree. Left for … well for whatever reason.

So as I moved back to the fire pit, I noticed that there were small containers of food on a small wooden tray somewhat close to the fire, as well as a sleeping blanket and some pillows that sat on top of said sleeping blanket. Wow … Gilda either felt really bad not being able to help or … well that was the most likely scenario.

I’ll just skip some boring filler about me making a fire and the others gathering around. Eventually we sat down to our meal. Trixie ended up cooking some grains and vegetables while I roasted some of the boar from the previous night. She was surprisingly calm about our eating meat, which I merely attributed that to the fact she had travelled a lot.

Eventually I broke the silence by saying that I was going to go have a nap, before heading off in the direction of the trailer. Which actually elicited some concerns, and I’ll tell you why.

“Dude, there is no way you’re fitting in there,” Gilda said with some hesitation behind her voice. Still probably fearing me a little.

“What’s this now?” I asked while standing next to the open doorway of the trailer.

“Trixie’s trailer is larger and all, but Trixie knows you will not fit well in there,” Trixie replied instead of Gilda.

“Oh, who said anything about sleeping inside the trailer?” I said as I climbed up onto the roof of the thing.

Now you may be wondering two things.

A) Why did I decide to sleep up on the trailer? and B) Could the trailer support me?

First off, I enjoy looking at the night sky while I sleep, it feels relaxing. Secondly, I knew for a fact Trixie’s trailer could support me, mainly because I had slept on a smaller one in the past. That trailer was simply a cargo trailer compared to hers that was made for living in.

I don’t think I properly explained to you what the trailer looks like. The thing was probably six meters long and at least two meters across so there was easily enough room for anything to be in there. The reason I wouldn’t fit was because the ceiling was made for these ponies that came up to my waist. Sitting on top of the trailer base was a rounded roof that was easily flat and large enough at the very top for me to lay on comfortably (thankfully I rarely moved in my sleep).

Unfortunately I can’t for the life of me recall the exact decorations and the colour of the carriage. It has been awhile since I’ve seen it after all. That, and it didn’t really make a memorable impression … unlike that fucking train.

Back to the moment after I said that line.

I simply used a few foot holds and thus scaled the trailer with great ease, crawling up until I was able to position myself on my back. Staring up at the night sky was always a lovely thing to do. Of course, before I laid down, I made sure to shift around my weapons, and bags so that they were beside me or on my chest.

“Wake me in like an hour,” I said as I leaned up to look at the two down there. They nodded their heads, which meant … sorry, I know you’re not that stupid.

Alright, now let me tell you something before we move into the next part. First off, and I stated it before, I can lucid dream. That meant I can tell when I am in a dream thus making me able to morph the dream to my will. I’ve long since mastered it … when you do it almost every night it becomes ridiculously easy. Now, the second thing I need to tell you is that I can also wake up on command, though that is more from inducing a shock to me in the dream. Those guys from Inception would be proud of what I can do.

Thirdly, let me tell you this. Despite what happens, it’s, by Equestrian standards, not at all freaky or creepy. You’ll see why I said that in a second.

Now, have you ever had a dream that you couldn’t forget no matter how hard you tried, if you even tried at all? Some of you? Well, this is one of those dreams. Sure the beginning of it was also one that I always remembered and returned to, but that night’s outcome is always fresh in my mind because looking back, it was fucking hilarious.

So when I closed my eyes, I actually started off in a black space, one that I could walk on. That’s where I always start when I decide to build my dreams. Yet that night I was feeling rather nostalgic and decided to build one of my dreams that I kept going back to.

A family reunion in a nice provincial park that we always visited. It included every family member that was descended from my grandfather on my dad’s side. Every two years we would go there and unwind. It was the same cabins almost all the time, the same fire pits we’d sit by and bullshit. It was heaven to remember all of them, yet at the same time it was extremely somber because it made me remember all of my cousins.

I didn’t always get along with every single one of them, but that didn’t matter for just the setting and all the family mended any frayed bonds quickly enough. We’d play bocce ball, volleyball, minigolf, golf, biked around, and took walks through the forest. Then when we weren’t doing that, we drank and acted silly. Such great times and I would give anything to have one more family reunion there. Anything.

Sigh, what a sad thing huh? Well that was exactly how things went weird.

See, I kept my normal image, the one I actually looked like and then just adjusted the dream so that I would appear like the old me to my dream family. Everything I wore and had was on me yet I went around acting like I was twenty again. It was amazingly fun, but then something happened.

We were all sitting around a campfire, chatting. I’d heard the stories all before, but no matter how many times I was told them, I laughed at them as though it was the first time hearing them. Yet when it came around to a story from me, I froze. There was something watching the scene. Or somepony watching, to be correct.

Behind me, I heard a voice speak, though it wasn’t directed at me or for that matter anyone of my dream family. It was as though the mare believed herself to be alone. “What an odd dream ... and odd creatures too. They seem so happy yet the dream is melancholic and wistful. I wonder why?”

Now, I knew for a fact that the mare that said this was not of my imagination. Now, the only reason I’m telling ahead of time that it was a female pony is because I actually caught her out of the corner of my eye. She was not directly behind me, but more to my seven o’clock, seven thirty at best, so I was able to turn my head slightly and go undetected.

I was legitimately freaked out that I was seeing this pony in my dreams. That wasn’t the worst part of my fears though, and you’ll know why in a second.

The mare took a step forward as sounded off by the crinkling of the grass, yet when she took a second one, I knew that was enough dreaming for one night.

With a simple thought the entire dream faded out, only to leave a light gray background and the camping chair I was sitting on. This startled the pony immensely.

“What?! What is going on? Why did the dream unfold?!”

At that, I stood up and turned to face the pony; the chair disappeared the moment I started to stand. When I finished facing the pony in question, my face paled.

Standing in front of me was a much taller, darker blue mare. Said mare had this weird ethereal mane and tail that flowed in an invisible wind. This pony stood roughly at pec level on me which meant that not only was this mare taller than any other pony I had seen, she also had to be special. How right I was when I noticed the two most defining features of her.

Her horn.

And her flared wings.

She was a pegacorn … or alicorn if you are picky, which meant one thing and one thing only.

One of the Princesses.

Now in a more normal situation I would have acted rationally and greeted the pony princess, but this was my first time meeting her and it was in my dreams. That freaked me out more than I like to admit. Of course my paled face and wide eyes didn’t stop the Princess from trying to talk to me.

“You’re the dreamer?! Amazing! Who are you? How’d you change the dream like that? I’ve never seen anything like that, or you for that matter! Wait … what are you doing?” she said

See, when she first began speaking I was standing stock still in fear, but as she started to not attack and kill me, I proceeded to come up with the most on the spot way of waking myself up. I imagined a small red two dimensional box, about the size of both my hands stacked on top of each other. Then I added a small wire that ran to my arm. Said wire would deliver a shock when the button was pressed.

Upon seeing said box, the Princess got the hint. Mainly because the red box had an X on it and above it, floating in the air, read the word ‘close’.

“Wait, wait, wait! Don’t go! I don’t mean-” she managed to get out before I cut her off with a single, loud …

“Nope!” then pressed the box.

Next thing I knew, I was awake. Awake and unharmed by the blue pony princess. Thank all that was good.

“Oh! Good, you’re awake, Trixie was about to wake you,” Trixie said from the ground to the left of my sleeping position.

“Yeah … yeah, I’m awake. How long was I out?”

“Only an hour, dork … you know, like you asked?” Gilda replied instead.

“Oh … good,” I said as I sat up, seeing the fire put out and all the supplies and items gone. They had packed up camp without me. “I guess it’s time to get going. huh?”

“According to your plan, yeah,” Gilda replied again. I simply sighed before slipping off the top of the trailer and onto the ground.

“Then let’s get going,” I said as Trixie hooked herself back up to the trailer, and Gilda sat down in the doorway, so she could at least be a part of the travelling team. So just like that, our break was over and we were off towards the next town.

Believe it or not, this time we actually spoke! Gasp! What magical wonders are ablaze?!

…

I can see that even now, my sarcasm isn’t that welcomed. I am severely disappointed in your town for not being able to handle such amazing sarcasm. Though admittedly few people I have ever met can in fact handle my sarcasm well enough.

Now, despite the fact we were talking, I initially didn’t like it. Why? Because they got to ask the questions first … though predominantly it was Trixie who asked.

“Trixie is curious what your world is like,” Trixie said out of nowhere. “You have yet to speak of it! Even Gilda has no clue.”

“There is a reason for that,” I mumbled under my breath, probably still loud enough for them to hear, but if they did, neither of them showed it. “First off, let me say that when I compare your world right now, to my world … well I don’t have enough to really compare, but I can safely assume that your world is going to be a paradise in comparison.”

“Why do you say that?” Gilda asked.

“We haven’t been attacked yet … or killed for that matter. Though would we even know if we were killed? Perhaps we are merely walking in purgatory awaiting judgement!”

To that they simply looked at me with confused faces. None of them got it … nor the sarcasm that the statement was literally dunked it.

“You’re bucking weird,” Gilda simply said. Buzz kill.

I decided to actually go back to Trixie’s question, “Simply put, Trixie, my world got ravaged by the closest thing to an apocalypse and now humans are not only much scarcer, but also not in control of the world anymore … the planet itself is its own master once more.”

“Interesting … is that why you carry such weapons?”

“What?!” I nearly shout back at her, the surprise on my face was indeed palpable.

“That thing on your back, and the one on your leg. It looks like the weapons that Trixie saw minotaurs use in Tayros,” she said nonchalantly. Damn this mare was crafty … I liked her more and more … despite the near heart attack. I would have liked to keep the fact I was carrying weapons a secret from at least one of my travelling companions.

“Minotaurs … are using guns … and they haven’t taken over the world?”

“Well, they never called them ‘guns.’ That’s such an ugly word, though flintlock isn’t much better,” Trixie replied to which I visibly relaxed. “Besides, the minotaurs are the friendliest nation aside from Equestria. They just like inventing things.”

“Riiiight …” I said before becoming quiet. If she didn’t answer my question like that, I would have had a big issue being here. Still … that could be a problem in the future.

Or was it?!

Maybe it was!

Maybe it wasn’t!

Find out next time on Dragonball Z!

…

Haha, you should see your faces right now. Fucking priceless.

No, I’m not done for this segment. I know I’ve been talking for like four hours straight. You only have to suffer a little more.

Eventually, after walking a little bit more in silence, I decided to flip the question back on Trixie. “What’s Equestria like?”

At first, Gilda looked like she was going to respond, but after a moment of hesitation, she became quiet and contemplative. Odd … very odd … if she doesn’t open up next time I ask her, I’m going to need to get her drunk enough so that she does answer.

“Well … Trixie likes it … for the most part,” the blue mare said, though she appeared to be thinking as well. I guess it is tough for a native citizen to really describe their country without being biased. “For the most part, it is a calm and peaceful place … minus Ponyville, but that’s because of all the harmonic magic that Equestria resides on.”

I gave her a flat stare, one that wasn’t questioning her, but closer to asking her silently.

“Oh, right. Trixie forgot you aren’t from around here. You’re lucky Trixie studied at the Canterlot School for Gifted Unicorns!” Right back to boasting … even if it was temporary. “Thanks to many factors throughout or history, The Founding, The Rise of the Sisters, and the Discord Wars, Equestria has become a ground that is basking in harmonic magic. The magic keeps everything in sync with one another. It allows pegasi to manipulate the clouds, the earth ponies to accelerate their farms, and unicorns to perform many feats other than levitation. It essentially is what allows Equestria to be Equestria!”

Wow, right?

Yeah, some decent info drop she threw me then, and it still amazes me that the only reason the ponies could do what they do is because of some latent magic in the land. Amazing.

Want to know my response?

“Uhh … cool … back to the topic?”

“Right, Trixie is sorry … Trixie has been told she rambles at times, but Trixie still doesn’t hear it,” she says haughtily before finally getting back to the topic. “Trixie would say that Equestria is a good place to live, for the most part. Rather boring, but it is nice.”

“Interesting, interesting … say .. can you tell me about the Princesses?”

“Tell you?! Ha! Trixie is friends with one, of course she can tell you! I’ll start with the one Trixie knows the best. The Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle! She used to be just a purple unicorn … now she’s a purple alicorn. When she was a unicorn, she and Trixie were rivals, but now … well as you can tell that isn’t possible,” she said, to which I nodded. Makes sense, can’t attack royalty and all that, though Trixie didn’t explain how Princess Twilight Sparkle became an alicorn. “Then there is Princess Cadance, the Princess of Love. She rules over the Crystal Empire with her husband Prince Armor. Trixie doesn’t know them as well. She’s pink is all Trixie really knows.”

Yep, you heard it. Pink and known as ‘The Alicorn of Love.’ Can anyone say marketing ploy for young girls? Which … surprisingly you’d be mistaken … mainly considering that she’s a real living being and all that.

“Then there is the oldest two Princesses. Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. They raise the moon and sun respectively, though Princess Luna is also the Dream Warden,” Trixie said, though before she could go on, I cut her off. I wasn’t going to debate the whole ‘rise the sun and moon’ portion right then. That was for another time.

Yes, you’ll get to hear it. I know, I made you guys balk at that statement.

“Let’s start with Celestia,” I say really, really quickly. When Trixie said ‘Dream Warden,’ a quick shiver ran up my spine. There was no doubting who I met in my quick dream.

“Well, Trixie has never personally met Princess Celestia, but Twilight Sparkle says she is really kind and loving. Twilight Sparkle used to mentor under Princess Celestia so Trixie believes she is blinded. Princess Celestia is known as the Great White in some circles for a reason … aside from the fact she is white. She seems to know everything and anything that happens under her nose. Trixie isn’t sure if that’s good or bad,” Trixie says with a small sneer.

Trixie was also displaying a biased attitude, but I let her continue on thinking otherwise. It wouldn’t help if I pointed out her faults on a regular basis … especially that third person speak.

“Now, Princess Luna … Trixie likes Princess Luna. Trixie sympathizes with her, feeling like she is in the shadow of another. That, and Princess Luna has helped Trixie on a few occasions with dreams and life issues. Trixie only wishes she could repay the Princess back. Also, Trixie likes her because she is blue and blue mares need to stick together.”

I merely nodded, still thinking about how my first ‘meeting’ with Princess Luna went. Perhaps next time I won’t be so hasty in pressing the big red X. That, or I’ll come up with something more imaginative to close out my dreams with.

Apparently that was the last question of the night … only because the sun was rising as she finished speaking. It was going to be a long day since if I had my way, we’d keep moving through the approaching town.

Right, I didn’t mention that as Trixie finished speaking, the next town came into sight. Hell, we made fucking great time. Seriously it was a little weird that it only took us one night of walking to make it to the next town, yet that golden pony back in Dodge made it seem as though he was stuck there …. What a pansy.

Nah, not really, I just like name calling.

As we approached, Trixie spoke up once more, “Ahh, Appleloosa! … Trixie dislikes it here.”

I started snickering at how she managed to instantly kill an excitement she seemed to create. That mare was a keeper.

“Alright, so we’ll park Trixie’s trailer and then stock up on a few supplies. Once that’s done, we can sleep for a bit. Around midday we’ll get going again. Though if this place has a tavern I think it would be a fine idea to get a drink before we leave.”

“Trixie agrees to that idea,” she said approvingly.

“Fine, whatever … just wake me up when that happens,” Gilda says before giving a big yawn. Once done, she made her way into the trailer to find a place to sleep.

“Just give me a list with stuff you need … oh and some bits … I’m good for them,” I said, rubbing the back of my head.

“Sure you are, and Trixie was born yesterday,” she says with an eye roll. “Trixie will lend you some bits for now, but she expects you to pay her back in some way.”

“Agreed.”

And with that we went into Appleloosa.

And with that you all are free to get the fuck out of my cave.

Ta-ta! Toodaloo! Arrivederci! Good riddance! And so on and so on.

Chapter 4: Asleep in the Deep

View Online

Well … honestly today feels like a ‘meh’ type day, know what I mean? You don’t feel like doing much, but despite that you know you have obligations? Like this for example! Despite how great of a crowd you’ve been … and how many more there are of you, I just don’t feel like answering your questions or even continuing the tale today.

Of course that would be a travesty for my viewership! That would be you. Viewership sounds better than listenership … and I think the second one isn’t even a word!

Right, question time I suppose.

Why did Trixie speak like she did? Oh, you mean in third person? Yeah, that’s what it’s called when you say your name instead of ‘I’ or ‘me’ and any other words that are possessive. As to why? Hell if I knew. I honestly think it might have been brain damage because I asked her at one point and she didn’t even understand what I was talking about. It was … kind of odd.

Why did Trixie hate Appleloosa? Well honestly I never asked her about that. I just assumed that one of two things had happened. Either she had a bad show there that might have had something happen or she was really indifferent about towns that were only ponies. She did seem like someone who was more comfortable around different species.

Anymore Trixie oriented questions?

Trixie’s favourite food? Hmm … well I don’t honestly know since I saw her eat many different types of food, but based off the amount of times I’d seen her eat a certain food, I would say it was peanut butter and crackers. I swear she had a stash of those in her mane or something with the amount of times I saw her munching on them.

Hey, why don’t you say ‘that wasn’t a valid question’ to the kid’s face, huh?

Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought … jackwad. Just for that, you’re not getting your question answered today.

What skills do I have that could have gotten me a job in Equestria? Huh, odd subject since I was almost sure by now you all figured out that I’m a Soldier of Fortune … so to speak. Let's see … well prior to the apocalypse I was an electrician and even got some minor electrical work since then, because you’d be amazed at how few electricians there are now. Aside from that I also have experience in building and repairing stuff … actually, come to think of it, I probably could have done a lot of things that needed to be done. When you’ve had to use all of your skills to survive as well as gain new ones … well you become a jack of all trades. So let’s say that I could have gotten hired for many things.

What was that? Did the situation seem too good to be true? What makes you say that?

That’s actually a good point and indeed something I noticed. With everything that was happening, it did seem like all the pieces of the world was flowing seamlessly together as though it was merely a script that I was following. Of course it wasn’t the first time I experienced something similar. in fact, this one was faring better than the Berlin tale, which I’m still not going to tell you. This adventure did throw in more twists and turns that were actually surprising, and you’ll hear of such as we go.

Right! That’s all the Q&A today, this part of the story isn’t as long as last time’s anyway.

So when we rolled into Appleloosa, we were a little tired to say the least. Well they were more tired than I was. I was used to a max of about forty hours without sleep. It used to be more, but that was when I still had youth on my side.

Trixie was trudging along, but it was clear that sleep was starting to get to her, in the form of a big yawn. Which then overtook Gilda because of the Yawn Transitive Property. It was obvious that those two needed to have a nap when we reached Appleloosa and I would make sure they did … after forking over a few bits to pay for the supplies we needed, aka alcohol.

No, I didn’t follow in the yawn line. There are ways to make yourself immune from the YTP. We’re calling it YTP now. A monk taught me the trick to it, though it is a very closely guarded secret nowadays, so unfortunately, you aren’t going to be learning it anytime soon.

Appleloosa, as a town, was just waking up from their sleep … farmers and cowboys always rise early if you didn’t know. So we were actually able to get a few stares, though I was the main source of the stares, since who else in their entire life had seen such a funny looking minotaur? Though after they had gotten an eyeful of me, they seemed to not give another fuck and then proceeded on their way.

When we finally came to a stop, the trailer was parked in a little alleyway, one that we had actually gotten permission to use. Yep, the building owner had seen us eyeing the spot and offered it for free. How generous, am I right? Yeah, you’ll learn eventually that ponies were really, really generous.

“You two go to sleep for a bit. I’ll wake you up in a few hours … say three hours? That way we can continue on today and then sleep at night this time,” I offered, to which they both heartily agreed. Though heartily could be summed up as Trixie muttering, ‘Thank Luna’ and Gilda just turning around and walking into the trailer.

I was going to voice that I would need some bits to add to our supplies, but I didn’t need to, since it appeared Trixie had predicted it. Her magic levitated a small bag of bits in front of me before letting go as the door closed behind her. Thanks to my amazing reflexes, I snagged that bag out of mid-air instead of being shocked at Trixie’s mind reading capabilities.

Let me tell you, that a bag of bits … they’re fucking heavy, surprisingly. I mean, not much more than maybe ten pounds at best, but whatever those things were made of had to be the reason they had such a weight to them.

Yeah, yeah, hold on! I’m getting to it, I’m just creating a lead up here, Jesus Christ!

What now?! Seriously? You’re offended by that? Where have you been for the past couple of decades? Just ignore it … ugh … and now we know why I didn’t want to tell the story today.

Anyways, I opened up the bag of bits, which still was one of the oddest and most ironic currency names I had ever heard. Inside that bag, and I kid you not, was a rather large amount of gold coins.

Gold. Fucking gold coins.

I lifted one up, and checked it under an awestruck and yet scrutinizing eye. There was no weird tint to it or off colour, which meant that there was a good chance it was indeed gold. I made a mental note to ask about that, because if gold coins were currency then this was closer to heaven then anything.

Though at the time I didn’t find that as odd as the fact they were labelled much like our world’s old coins. Each one had a different value, yet they all looked the same! The only difference being the amount labelled. Some were marked with a ten, others with five … the inner economist in me was and still is confused. To this day I’m not sure if I can call that money or fiat currency.

I ended up shrugging it off and decided to see if the tavern/salon/watering hole was open that early. So following the signs that were still in English, despite my minor denial that such a thing was even more unlikely that sharing a common spoken language, I ended up in front of the local salon … which also doubled as the hotel. That gave me high hopes for finding something to drink.

With a casual humming of Metallica’s Hit the Lights accompanying me, I strode into the salon to find that there was indeed a bartender behind the bar. That, and a surprising amount of eyes were directed at me. Apparently ponies in this town liked to get an early start, or so I thought. That was changed when I saw a waitress taking orders from a table in the back that hadn’t seen me yet. Ah yes … it would be breakfast time. Perfect, get some eggs and liquor all at once.

Though I had to do something about all the curious eyes.

“The word you’re all looking for is human. No, I’m not going to explain it. Yes, this is your first time meeting one. No, there is no more. Yes, I will take on all drinking challenges, even this early in the day.”

That apparently satisfied every single pony in the building, which was an oddly satisfying feeling. That of course gave me the idea that I should enter all buildings with those exact lines. It would be amusing to say the least, and cause a great amount of confusion all at once.

So I made my way up to the bar which had stools that were surprisingly the right height for me, though more in the sense that my feet were on the ground while sitting in them, so I guess you could call them chairs instead, but that’s just being nitpicky.

“Ah yes, my good bartender, I’ll have a double of your finest whiskey on the rocks. And if you’re taking orders for breakfast, then a plate of scrambled eggs,” I said, adding a bit of poshness to my voice.

The brown stallion with a nicely groomed moustache, yes I take notice since I do have facial hair and all that, simply nodded before walking down the length of the bar and into the kitchen. He of course reappeared shortly after, though unfortunately without the scrambled eggs … which I hoped they knew what I meant. Hell, I was just taking a lucky guess that he understood even half of what I said. I was, in the end, proven that he at least knew what ‘a double of whiskey on the rocks’ was.

He took his time letting the amber coloured liquid splash over the ice cubes that filled the glass, which made me even more thirsty for the whiskey. I just hoped that it was worth the amount of bits it was going to be … I did say ‘finest’ after all. Eventually the teasing stopped and the whiskey was in front of my face … or well, on the table at least.

I pulled down the scarves covering my face and proceeded to hold the whiskey under my nose so I could breath in that delicious scent. It was so rich and refreshing, yet so strong! You know one of two things when taking a smell of whiskey causes you to shudder. Either you’ve got a good whiskey on your hands, or you’re a lightweight that should stop drinking whiskey.

Oh, you want to know what I looked like back then? Well since it wasn’t too long ago, I didn’t look too much more different than I do now. A few less signs of old age, a few less scars, and a massive beard in comparison. Right now it is rather trim, though still fully encompassing. Back then I was barely able to hide it under the full length of the scarves, and that was something to be said.

The beard itself was showing a few less signs of grey hair compared to now, but even then you could probably tell my age by the amount of grey.

I even removed my hat and sat it down next to me, letting my bald head come to bare. Yep, bald. No, you can’t see it.

The reason I sat my hat down was because it is proper table manners to not have anything on your head when eating … well at least in my culture. I know a few that pay no attention to that and such. The only thing I did leave on was my sunglasses which is a necessary thing to have when you need to look intimidating. Not because you want to cover your eyes, no. It’s because when you slowly pull them down to reveal a fucking crazy ass glare, it’s hilariously easy to scare people.

Mhm, did that a number of times in my life.

So I eventually took a sip of the whiskey, letting it slowly make its way down my throat on its own, and let me tell you … let me tell you. It was without a doubt the second best whiskey I had ever tasted. It had easily taken that spot for itself.

What was the first you ask? A man I met in Scotland a couple of years back, saved my ass from this mutated goat an-

Yes, I said mutated goat. Listen, you don’t want to go to Scotland because of that exact reason. It sounds laughable at first but when you’ve seen one for you own eyes … it’s like staring at the Devil itself.

Anyway, the man that saved me took me back to his home and poured me a glass of his own home brewed stuff. I nearly wept at its taste. It was beautiful. So, so, beautiful.

Getting back to the story, I hummed with great appreciation before waving the bartender over again. I needed to know what that stuff was.

“You’ve got to tell me the name of this whiskey,” I said as I took another sip.

“Ambershine,” the bartender said before walking back into the kitchen.

“Ambershine …” I muttered to myself at first. “Either this whiskey dates back to before brand names were a thing, or this world likes being overly fucking obvious.”

Shortly after, the bartender came back with my eggs. Now, I didn’t delight in the eggs as much as I did with the whiskey, mainly because it hadn’t been as long a time since I had myself some good scrambled eggs. Don’t get me wrong, the eggs from that kitchen were good, but I’ve made better in my life. It’s a delicate practice that I’ve learned over the years, but I make mean scrambled eggs … and a delicious omelette!

So I sat there and ate. Just me, my scrambled eggs, and my whiskey. That covered a good hour since I made sure to take my time drinking that delicious glass. The eggs were gone in five minutes, if that, but that whiskey needed to be savoured. Eventually though I knew I had to leave because I couldn’t just waste three hours sitting and drinking … not that early at least.

Though when the bartender came back and I asked for the bill, a thought occurred. Well it was less of a thought and more like a desire to have a bottle of that Ambershine.

“So … how much is the bill?”

“Eight bits, sir,” he said, which made me smile. I had way more than eight bits in this bag.

“Now tell me … how much for that Ambershine?” I asked, steepling my fingers as I rested my elbows on the counter.

“That bottle would be twenty three bits,” he replied.

“Two of them, sold to the man standing above the rest!” I said with vigour before digging into the bit bag, pulling out five ten-bit coins and three single-bit ones as well. He put the bottles on the counter while I pulled my scarves back up. Though before I did that, I gave him a big grin to show my thanks.

When I left, I was beaming a little brighter than I had over the past two days. I was going to get to enjoy such beautiful whiskey for at least a week, depending on how safe we would be at night … and how fast it took to consume the two bottles. Everything depended on that, you’d understand if you lived in the wastes.

So, there I was, one hour down, two bottles of beautiful whiskey in my bag … to accompany the one from Dodge, and I still had two hours to kill! To say that I was eager to get something done would have been an understatement. Knowing I had all that Ambershine somehow reinvigorated me so that I felt ten years younger.

Now, I most likely had a host of options to choose from in terms of what to do, but honestly I wasn’t feeling like relaxing or doing nothing. I actually had a need to get something done. So I narrowed my list to something that I could either earn bits from or at least help out and get good Samaritan points.

I pondered a little farther and reduced the list a little bit more. I could have offered some labour work, but the question of how taxing it would be on my old body would have come into question. Well that and the fact I didn't have any tools to work with. That second point meant I couldn’t do much electrical or other trades work, which kind of reduced my talent set.

Though luckily that was solved as I saw a group of ponies across the street gathering and talking rather loudly. Well it was one pony in specific that was talking loudly, as though he was giving orders. It piqued my curiosity since for all I knew they could have been trouble. Though that thought was dashed when I saw the sheriff stars on their chests. The group of mares and stallions hardly noticed me as I walked up behind their, what I assumed at the time, sheriff.

“Excuse me,” I said, clearing my throat as I said it.

“Not now, citizen, we’re preparing to receive a … delegation,” he said without even turning around. Of course when he didn’t even turn to look, I got a little evil grin. The ponies he was addressing saw who I was and their faces displayed a mix of … well actually all of them showed a slight hint of fear now that I think of it.

“I was actually going to offer some help, if you need it,” I said, a bit of amusement lacing my voice as I spoke.

“Listen, we’re dealing with a rather … rough group of buffalo. Even if we needed help, we wouldn’t ask a random cit-” he said as he finally turned to look at the ‘pony’ that had interrupted them.

…

That gesture is called air-quoting. I’ve done it tonnes of times in this story already and yet now you ask? Great timing … now I’ve lost my train of thought.

…

Right, now I remember.

So as he turned, his face went from showing annoyance to conforming with the faces of his officers. I was close to laughing at the sudden change. Close.

“Hi. My name is Ryan, and as you can probably guess, I am pretty capable of handling myself, so,” I said, barely holding back a snicker, “I ask again, can I be of any assistance?”

He actually was still gawking at me. Huh … apparently only some ponies actually were calm about my appearance. This group of law enforcement officers were not part of said group.

“You said a rough group of buffalo? I’m going to assume those are the delegation?” I asked, receiving a small head nod to answer my question. Now what I said to them was completely pulled out of my ass, really ... thankfully it was a very lucky pull. “Beings like those see a lack of strength as a weakness. If you want peace with them than you need to bolster your ranks with others that show you are strong, even if you don’t mean to fight. If anything, I can provide a little show if it comes to it.”

“Okay,” the sheriff said in a rather dazed voice.

Now you all are probably thinking something along the lines of ‘he had to probably be doing something badass, or something crazy happened at this meeting.’ Well as much as I want to say you are right, once again you all are wrong.

Let me sum this up because honestly it was as boring as the whole walking section.

I followed the sheriff and his deputies to the meeting. At said meeting, the buffalo leader who didn’t apparently need to announce his name, much like the sheriff didn’t need to, came on a little aggressive and full of himself. By the looks of a few older looking buffalos in his party, the chief, and I might be racist for comparing them to Native American hierarchy because of their headdress, was young and trying to prove himself to the others. So I simply stood tall and silent beside the sheriff, not bothering to even make an indication that I noticed the buffalo. Just one of the perks of having my glasses.

Eventually the buffalo leader finally paid credence to me, while I had merely tuned out the entire conversation, only listening for certain key inflections and words that would tell me I needed to intervene in a more violent means. He tried to get up in my face and show his force against me by getting into my personal space. When he got a little too close, I merely tilted my head downward to look at him for a second, his glare bouncing harmlessly off my glasses, or so it seemed to the others.

“Back up,” I said in a monotone voice, not moving at all from my position. Sure, inside I was a little worried about him headbutting me with those horns, but I had to keep up appearances.

“You do not give me orders!” he said before rearing his head back, looking to headbutt me in the stomach. See, this in a fight is never a smart move because to rear your head back like that lets your opponent know what you are intending. This chief gave me a tell that could have been spotted by a blind person.

I dropped my right leg back, and swiftly caught his horns in my hands. It fucking hurt like hell at the moment of impact, but I gnashed my teeth to stifle back a groan of pain. I surprised him long enough that I was able to move my right leg to the side a bit and utilize my leverage in swinging him off his hooves enough to send him rolling to the ground on my right.

As I said earlier, my body wasn’t what it used to be. Sure my reflexes were still amazing, but my durability was what was questionable. I knew my body would need the last little bit before we left to rest, especially my hands.

Either way, the group that the chief was with was impressed at how I handled the chief so easily. In fact, they managed to talk down the chief from charging me the moment he got back up. Something about him dishonouring the meetings by trying to attack first. Don’t really know, since my mind was more focused on my throbbing hands.

Eventually the ponies and the buffalo managed to work out a deal or something and I found myself walking back into the heart of the town. The sheriff stopped me while the deputies went off to parts unknown as far as I was concerned.

“Thanks for the help … you were more than right about the strength part,” he said, as pushed his hat back. “I don’t want to think of what would have happened if one of my deputies was in your place like we planned originally.”

“Think nothing of it … I was a little bored and had time to kill,” I said as I idly rubbed my hands.

“Still … what you did was a great service to Appleloosa. Here,” he said as he dug into a pouch on his jacket. “Take these bits as a payment for your help.”

He dropped the bag of bits into my hands in a mind blowing way.

He was an earth pony. No magic as far as I knew. Yet he somehow held the bag on his hoof when it was turned sideways, and it didn’t fucking drop! My logical side was yelling at me to shake the stallion silly and ask him how in a rather loud voice. Of course, I didn’t do that and instead just stared from behind my glasses.

When the bag was in my hand I just stared at it for a moment before looking back to the sheriff. He ended up saying one more thank you before heading off to the rest of his job. I merely tipped my cap in response, my mind still reeling from the physics-breaking demonstration I had just been given unknowingly.

I think I was still rather shell-shocked by that simple feat, that when I came to from my temporary catatonic state, I was sitting with my back against one of the wheels of Trixie’s trailer. It was actually a little shocking that I couldn’t explicitly remember walking over. Yet I knew I had time to kill, so instead of worrying about such things I merely spent the rest of the time doing inventory count and some cleaning of my weapons.

Yeah, it takes an hour or so usually to do all of that now. You never want to be too quick or it could cost you your life.

Let’s see, after I confirmed, via my iPod, that all three of the promised hours had passed, I gathered my gear up, repacked it and then walked to the front of the trailer.

Knock knock knock

I heard a few grumbles from the inside before the door finally opened to reveal a tired looking Trixie.

“What is it?” she asked, not fully recognizing who was in front of her, I think.

“It’s time,” I said.

She looked at me for a second, processing what I said before groaning and walking back inside, most likely to wake Gilda.

Do you mind if I skim through this section?

You don’t?

You do?

Make up your fucking mind! Screw it, I’m skimming.

So eventually Trixie and Gilda exited, proceeded to be amazed at how I actually had a net gain of bits with me, then went for coffee. That alone took about fifteen minutes before they appeared back at the trailer. There was small talk about what I did, which started and ended with saying I got two bottles of Ambershine. The reason it ended at that was because I actually saw Gilda smile sincerely at that statement. I swear, she was so close to actually showing affection. So close.

With that, we proceeded to leave town, once again following the train tracks as they continued to press west, but I knew that eventually we would encounter a turn in those tracks. It was inevitable. Never in all of my life had I heard of perfectly straight train tracks, they always curved. Though that’s not important right now, especially since most of you have never seen a train in your lives.

The next hour or so that we travelled was much like the previous hours in that not much was said. We all were left alone per se with our thoughts to keep us company, though much like every time we travelled, (you’ll learn of those later) Gilda spoke up to break the rather nice silence.

“So what did you do? Have a nap or something?”

“Nah, I went around town and did a few things. Nothing big really,” I replied casually.

“That’s what I’m asking about, doofus!” she said in her irate tone which I learned at this point was her normal tone more or less.

“Got some breakfast, and some whiskey all at once. Ever heard of this Ambershine?” I asked to which they both shook their heads. “Well, you get to tonight. After that, I helped the local sheriff deal with some buffalo diplomats or something like that. I wasn’t exactly paying too much attention when they met, all I knew is that their chief was young and idiotic. Tried to headbutt me.”

“Wait! A buffalo charged you?” Trixie asked in a baffled tone.

“No, I said one headbutted me. Besides it was no big deal, just used his own horns to send him flying off to the side. Apparently the elder buffalo with him were impressed that Appleloosa had such strength.”

“Let me guess, after that you, proceeded to fix the railroad or something like that?” Gilda said sarcastically.

“Nah, nothing that boring. Just did some inventory and cleaned my weapons,” I said with a dismissive wave of my hand.

“Riiight,” Gilda said as she rolled her eyes from her lounging position at the doorway of the trailer.

Now, just as we finished talking I noticed a figure moving towards us. Well not explicitly towards us, but more in an intercept path. What I mean by that is that we were headed west, and this pony, yes it was a pony, was headed south-ish. My first instinct was to draw my weapon and proceed to call out a halt order or be shot. Since, you know, that’s how it’s done in the Wasteland. Instead, I looked to Trixie, who merely shrugged.

After walking a few more meters, we stopped to ensure that said pony was just crossing us. Of course that wasn’t my luck. No, this unicorn mare which I could see finally was not going to be a random stranger but one of my most groan-filled encounters. See I would have been fine with a small battle or just a random stranger who uttered a premonition of utter doom, but no. We got something infinitely worse.

A travelling preacher.

At least that’s what I assumed it was afterwards.

“Greetings, travellers! You wouldn’t mind me … what are you?” the pink-ish unicorn mare asked me, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Human, and if that’s not enough, just think of a minotaur,” I said simply. I didn’t, and still don’t to this day, like explaining who I am, or in that case, what I am.

“Right … well, as I was saying, you wouldn’t mind taking a few moments from travelling to hear about Equalism? Would you?”

“No, we don’t. In fact, Trixie believes we are be-” Trixie started, but I cut her off by flicking her ear.

“Now, now, Trixie. Let her speak her piece, it’s the least we can do,” I said, hiding a small snicker behind an admonishing tone. Trixie merely glared at me, but when I looked down at her, I gave her a wink. She caught on fast enough.

“Fine, I suppose we have a moment,” Trixie replied, which got a massive groan from Gilda.

“That’s great to hear! Trust me, it will change your lives!” the unicorn mare said, a big grin plastered on her face. “Now, Equalism is a great social policy that aims to ensure that everyone in the world is happy beyond what they could possibly achieve on their own!”

“Communism,” I muttered behind a cough that was actually real. The dry air sometimes caused me to cough more than I liked.

“As I’ve learned over the years, that the cruelty of the world, especially among ponies is derived from our ability to truly be one among our society! You see, it’s because of cutie marks that we can’t be equal! How can we be equal when one of our defining traits is to be better than others? It’s not fair to everypony that strives to excel in any field, or for any other species for that matter,” she said with extra emphasis aimed at Gilda and I.

“Equalism has been proven to thrive among society, with an entire town having been formed through ponies that were weary of living in a world that was dominated by those who excel more than they do. So now, I’m traveling to spread my message of Equalism and help show everypony, as well as the world, just how horrible our cutie marks can be to all beings.”

“What happened to the town?” I asked, knowing that she was not prepared for such a question.

“What?” she asked, a little stunned.

“What happened to the town? I mean, I’m going to assume you are the creator of ‘Equalism’ so why are you moving from the town that succeeded so well? Wouldn’t you have others do that?”

She gave a small cough into her hoof, “You see, despite my best attempts to shelter them from such a hostile world, the society they had fled disliked the idea of Equalism and captured the town in a forceful raid. It was sad to see everything we had built be destroyed by those that oppress us. I was fortunate to escape when my followers skirted me away just in time.”

“Captain decides to abandon ship with the only lifeboat, huh?” I said.

“I am appalled, sir! How can you say such a thing?”

“Easy when sarcasm and humour go together with a sharp wit,” I responded. She was confused and thus this was my time to strike.

“So who runs this supposed Equalist society? I mean, based on everything you have said, it would seem that it was a legitimate paradise in which we are all equal so I must assume that everything is done via true democracy? You know, mob rules and all that?”

“Well, yes … that is indeed how it is run, though there would be an appointed head to oversee everyth-”

“So a republic, then? Voted via the people that follows their desires and makes sure that the needs are met without pushing their own desires first? Though that would be completely against your rules of your ideology since that would make someone greater than the rest.”

“Well, yes but I-”

“Ah! The only logical option then is Communism! That would assume that each and every single person, pony in this case, works completely for the state and that everything is communal. Truly equal for not a single soul has more of an advantage than anyone else. Though still … it would need a governance head to lead.” I was nowhere near done if I could help it.

“Which-”

“You would lead? I can assume, based on your cutie mark there,” I pointed to which was showing under her cape barely, “that you would be the one above the rest? Truly, if you followed your own ideology then you would have no cutie mark, yes? Or something that everyone else would have?”

“Of cour-”

“You know, this is sounding more like a cult, honestly. One led by a mare who believes that she is better than the rest,” I said, but before I could continue she interrupted me! How rude!

“Will you let me speak!?” She nearly screamed.

“Actually no,” I said immediately after. “I’m not going to let you speak because I’ve heard arguments exactly the same as yours propositioned by better leaders than you. Each time they went around saying how that by making everyone equal we would be better off, since then everyone thrives. You know what happens? A slow decline before death of the society. I’m going to give you a great example here.”

“There was a class in a university that was studying history among other things. The top percent of the class was doing really well on their exams but the lower half were struggling. While the top half were working their butts off to pass each exam, the lower half was often out partying and doing nothing to help their situation. So the teacher proposed a great idea, everyone would get the same mark as the top person in the class. Of course, the lower half was completely thrilled by this notion, while the top half was skeptical at best, furious at worst.”

“So the first exam, under the new system came around, and the teacher was pleased to announce that everyone got A’s on the exam. The lower half was beyond happy at this while the top half was completely appalled that those who didn’t study hard were able to get such a great grade. This of course really hit home with a few, who made up their minds that they would do the same and not study at all. So the next exam came around and everyone got an A again, which had the same effect as the last exam. More students decided to coast off the others, which started their train to disaster. With each passing exam, less and less people studied. A’s turned to B’s, B’s into C’s. and so on until multiple exams were flunked.”

“Eventually the final came around, and by that point most students were barely passing, hoping that someone would study. Bullying and fear mongering became apparent and it came to a point where some refused to actually attend class because of the deal. Prior to the final, the teacher offered the old way back, much to the luck of those who actually studied usually. The vote was unanimously in favour of the old way, but with only a day before the final, there was no way for them to essentially relearn the course. In the end, nearly the entire class failed because of the idea that all should have equal marks.”

“The only way to get everyone to comply under this ‘Equalism’ is through an oppressive regime that would be seen as tyrannical to those outside of it. In such a regime, there will never be true happiness … just oppression. Now perhaps, you had managed to somehow get their throne of Equestria, what are you going to do about the rising of the sun and moon? You know, assuming that you can get the two diarchs to submit to you and all that.”

She was looking shocked at everything I told her, so it was time to wrap that up and let it be.

“Think twice before you follow something like that. It hurts more in the end. Sure, there are ponies who see it as awesome, but that is until the thing they like to do the most is taken from them since they are no longer good at it. So right now … right now, I suggest you walk away and think long and hard about what you are doing,” I said finally before starting to walk past her, the pink mare just standing there in shock at what I had said.

Trixie also started moving with me, not wanting to deal with the mare anymore, at least that’s what I assumed. I didn’t care. Much like I didn’t care when she yelled out ‘buck you’ as we kept walking. I glanced over my shoulder to see she was still where we left here, then promptly decided to flip the bird at her.

So we continued on our way, though I noticed that Trixie was glancing at me every once in awhile. I could safely say we had been walking for about ten minutes before Gilda broke another silence.

“Wow, dude … wow. That was … that was fucking brutal,” she said, much to Trixie’s minor shock and my delight. They grew up so fast!

“Don’t get me started … her Equalism is the exact same as communism in my world and I fucking hate it. It’s never been successful for long … though that’s also because of conflicting ideals. Take to mind that I don’t like republics either since they can easily become corrupted. That and the demented version of capitalism, crony-capitalism, that plagued our society. I just hate communism a little bit more since it’s a rights and freedom remover,” I said, a look of disgust on my face that they couldn’t see, but it was there. I finished that line of thought off by muttering, “Never discuss politics and religion with friends. It almost always clashes.”

Things died down back into silence for awhile after that. And for awhile, I mean until nightfall hit. I’m not kidding either, it was a really long silence that was as much awkward as it was long. Well kind of. I’ll explain.

Now, that was hours of silence, as in about five hours. Yes, five hours. You might ask, how was that possible, well I’ll tell you a little secret. See, when I mean silence, I usually refer to my involvement in any conversation. While there were periods of time when we all didn’t speak, Gilda and Trixie actually held some conversations while I kept my mouth shut.

I don’t remember all they talked about, sometimes about Trixie’s travels, sometimes about griffons, and sometimes about trivial things. I always kept an ear on the conversation to see if I needed to actually hear anything of importance, but for the most part it was futile. They didn’t ask me my opinion, so why would I have needed to interject or truly pay deep attention?

Though the only tidbit of info that I heard was Gilda finally opening up, which actually wasn’t much as she was asked why she was going to Ponyville, and Gilda merely said she had to visit a friend. Then they went back to things that were pointless to me.

When you travel so long by yourself you learn to enjoy silence. I had learned a long time ago that the most entertaining thing I can garnish from travelling was my thoughts. That’s also a tie back to the painter joke by the way.

As the daylight gave way to the soft glow of the moon and its rather enjoyable presence, I looked skyward to see the shimmering sea of stars start to unfold. I’ve told you how I loved the night, right? Yeah, I told you yesterday! Seriously, you want me to expand on it more? Fuck … right!

So, when I was really young I used to be actually scared of the night and afraid of the monsters that lurked in it. I was but a mere child back then and have since grown, but it was also when I was a child that I learned the beauty of the night. My father used to ask me to sit and watch stormy nights with him, in the garage. We would simply sit and watch the beauty of the falling rain and the night sky that was covered by the grey and overwhelming clouds.

We would talk, father to son in a way that only a young child and his father can. Knowledge being passed down at a young age that would undoubtedly be lost by the next day, yet I remember the moments fondly, not for what we talked about but instead for the scene itself.

As I grew older we did it less and less but, that didn’t mean there wasn’t a feeling of enjoyment when a storm rolled through on a late night. Yet as I continued to age, I began to see the night sky without the clouds as a more beautiful thing. The crisp air that can only be brought around during night time, and the dim light that overtook the world made everything seem so much more awe-inspiring.

Many people I knew couldn’t wait for the next day to begin so that they could do everything they desired, yet I often wanted the night to continue more and more. Urging it to stay and let me see the wonders it beheld. So when I was old enough that I didn’t have to listen to my parents as to when I should go to bed, I stayed up, eager to bask in the night. Others started to see the bonuses as well, but their views on it shifted towards partying and drinking … I didn’t mind such things, but I was more eager to go out and see the night from different places.

During our family reunions I was usually one of the last to go to bed, drinking in the night as much as possible. If I had my way, I would have simply packed up supplies, taken one of my guns, and walked into the wilderness just to be able to get the best viewing at night. Of course the park had a gun ban so that wasn’t allowed.

When the world ended, and the light pollution from cities became nothing but a memory, I often found places to sleep in the day while I moved in the night. Though I learned quickly that there were more predators that were far more well equipped than I was to live at night. Now, I travel twenty-four hours at a time, to enjoy both aspects of the world.

Enough about that, let me continue with the story.

Once night had fallen, our travelling slowed over time. We had made such great progress during the day that it was understandable that we would stop earlier than desired. Eventually we all mutually agreed that we would make camp for the night.

Thankfully all the supplies we needed for the night were all in Trixie’s trailer. Of course you all know that’s where we carried our stuff, but did you know that we kept leftover pieces of firewood so that we could make another one? Exactly!

We had stored enough firewood for us to easily make another three fires, and given that Trixie apparently knew some magic that would also create a fire source for us, we were well off. So we all went about our tasks of preparing to set up a small camp for the night. Trixie got the food out for us, I started up the fire pit, and Gilda laid out cushions for us to sit on while we sat around the fire and ate.

Trixie had some fried vegetables again, as well as some cooked oats that she held over the fire in a heatable container. Gilda was fine with just the leftover boar, while I ate some of that as well as some of Trixie’s vegetables. Got to get in those daily vegetables you know.

Now you might be wondering how I ate with my scarf around my face. In fact I bet you’ve been wondering that since I talked about breakfast. Sure, I ate without it during breakfast but this time I simply pushed one scarf a little further down so that it left a small opening around my mouth. The only reason I did this was because I wanted to make a point of unveiling my face when we drink the whiskey.

I willingly let silence permeate the area while we ate. I always believed that talk was better suited for either before eating or after when someone broke out the alcohol. Not just beer mind you, since that was a common dinner drink among many people, but I’m talking the harder stuff. In that particular case, I’m referring to Ambershine.

When we had indeed finished our meals, I proceeded to stoke the fire a little bit more before reaching into my pack and bringing the beautiful Ambershine bottles to bear. Trixie was apparently one step ahead of me, as she brought out three drinking glasses for us all just as I took the Ambershine out of my pack.

“Let me tell you two something before I open one of these. I’ve led a long life that has been filled with many litres of whiskey. I’ve had bottles from all over my world, at least four from each continent alone, but in my life I have only experienced one whiskey that was better than the bottle I am currently holding. So pass me the glasses so I may pour out one of the finest whiskey’s I have ever let touch my lips,” I said before twisting the top off.

Trixie utilized her cheater magic to float all three glass up in front of me. While I gave her a minor glare for being able to do that in the first place, I proceeded to pour the whiskey in each glass until they all had around a third of a glass. Mind you these drinking glasses were maybe my palm length in height.

I took my glass from Trixie’s magic before taking a deep sniff of the beautiful stuff. A pleasant shiver went down my spine at its smell once more. Then I held up my glass in front of me.

“First off let me say that is has been fun travelling so far and that I hope it stays that way,” I said simply seeing them nod in agreement. “Secondly I would like to say that at this point, you two are the closest I’ve had to a friend in a long time. So because I consider you both friends, I think you’ve earned the right to finally see my face.”

“Bucking finally!” Gilda said with a chuckle amongst her sarcastic tone.

“I know! It must be a dream come true for you, huh?” I replied back. At that we all laughed heartily before I set my glass down beside me. It was time!

I took the top most scarf on my head before slowly drawing it downward so that it finally was bunched up around my neck. To me it was nothing really special, but by the way they looked at me, it was as if I was an entirely different person.

“And here I thought you were hairless,” Gilda muttered as she stared at my bushy dark brown beard that I revealed.

“Is that the only place you grow hair? Trixie is curious since you have none on your head,” the blue mare said, which earned a grin in response. It was the first time they ever saw me smile, though that wasn’t as big of a deal apparently.

“Nah, humans can grow hair essentially everywhere, though it’s all about thickness. Body hair on guys is thicker than girls but still not like ponies, while women tend to have more hair on the top of their heads than guys do. Guys though grow facial hair such as this, while women can barely due such a thing, not that most of them want to, mind you.”

To that they both hummed as they continued to stare at me for a while before looking down at the glass of whiskey they each still held.

“Ahh yes, let us drink of this beautiful liquid! A toast to safe travels and fun adventures,” I said, to which they both gave a nod of approval before we all slammed back the entire third. At least those two tried.

I bellowed a laugh as they started coughing slightly. While Ambershine was the second best whiskey I had ever tasted, it was also a very strong whiskey, so if they were not used to it I wouldn’t have expected anything less.

As they struggled to get their coughing under control, I proceeded to pour myself more. They eventually asked for more, to which I obliged them. This time though, they took it slow and sipped the whiskey. I smiled before a thought came to mind. I had actually never seen what type of whiskey I was given back in Dodge.

Can you guess what I found?

Haha! You’re right! More Ambershine! Truly the golden nectar of the gods!

As I poured out a third glass for all of us, I looked at Trixie, a question bubbling to mind. “Hey, Trixie … you’ve never said much about yourself … mind giving us a little background?”

“Hmm,” the blue mare said as she took another sip of Ambershine. “Trixie will only speak if you do as well. Trixie would like to hear more about you.”

“Wonderful,” I said with a raised glass. “We’ll all go around and give some background!”

“Wait! I didn’t agree to this bucking idea!” Gilda protested after spitting out some of the Ambershine.

“First, Gilda, apologize for the blasphemy you did by spitting out the whiskey. Second, let’s put it as a way for you to pay me back for helping you. What good are travelling companions if you know nothing about them?”

Of course the question was rhetorical, but I could tell that Gilda was actually searching for an answer to said question. Though eventually she visibly deflated and I took that as a sign that she accepted the deal.

“Now, Trixie … why don’t you start?” I said before refilling my cup.

“Trixie’s tale is nothing special, despite what she has said to many others. Trixie was raised as an only foal by her mother and father in Manehatten. Trixie led a normal life until she found her true calling in being one of the greatest mages of all time! With her talent, Trixie went to Canterlot’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Unfortunately it was there that Trixie stumbled. She was outpaced by students that were more gifted at the school work. Trixie passed, mind you, but her talent alone didn’t make her that noticeable among the other students. Eventually though, during a night out with some others, Trixie found out she desired being up on stage and performing. You could say Trixie found the true reason for her cutie mark. It wasn’t long after that that Trixie began performing as she is now.”

“Have you always spoke in third person … or third pony if you want to be correct, I guess?” I asked, having only taken issue with that one little bit of her story.

“Trixie doesn’t understand what you mean by third pony. Trixie has always spoken like this,” she said, giving me a confused look.

“Right …” I said before looking at my glass and downing the rest in a single gulp.

As I poured myself more, both of them started to look at me in anticipation. If I had wanted to be funny I would have asked them if I had something on my face. Though I wasn’t feeling down or anything, I just figured that they can only take so much of my quick wit for one day. So I decided to cut to the chase.

“You want to know about moi? Well, lets see … I too was an only child. Born in one of the northern-most countries in the world, though that isn’t to say we had snow all the time. Just more in the winter than the rest of the world, ‘cause Canada is like that. I loved my parents to death for they constantly opened my eyes to new things and realities of the world even when I wasn’t around them. When I was a teenager and an early adult, I played a sport called baseball. Simple sport in design, one guy throws a ball, another tries to hit it with a wooden bat. If that person hits it, they have to run the bases while the others try to get him out via throwing the ball to a person at the first base or tagging him if he’s not on a base. Though you’re not here to listen to me ramble about a sport.”

“Anyways, I wanted to do that for a living and while I was good at it, I was just not that good. Eventually I opted to follow in my dad’s footsteps and become an electrician. Though I barely got anywhere in that career when the world all but ended. I call it The Reckoning, but essentially it as an apocalypse brought on by certain bastards that were complete assholes. Though that isn’t to say we were the sole reason for it. Nah, the planet apparently hated us and fought back. Long story short, not a single place was left with the same climate that it had before the Reckoning. Since then, I have spent the better part of two decades travelling and living on the road. Everyday's an adventure for me.”

“Any questions for me?” I offered, hoping that it was limited to none.

“Trixie probably already knows, but must ask. Do you have a cutie mark or something similar?”

I chuckled at that before replying with the obvious, “No, we don’t have cutie marks. The closest thing we could possibly have is tattoos that we get via ink being shot into the skin to dye it. I have a few tattoos on me, though the only one you’re going to get to see is my forearm one, only because it’s easy to show.”

With that I rolled up the sleeve on my right arm to show them that just before my elbow was what looked like a black ring that wrapped around my entire forearm. Though they moved closer to inspect it further and saw what it truly is.

In fact, I’ll show you right now. Come closer for a moment and you can see.

As you can see, and what they saw, it appears to be a top down look on a snake that is eating its own tail. A very detailed snake at that.

I tell you what I said for them, and that’ll suffice in explaining it to you.

“That is an ouroboros, or also known as the snake that eats its own tail. In many cultures it means many different things. For the most part it symbolizes cyclicality and a never ending cycle of re-creation and return. I think a culture or two might have viewed it as time or something like that, but I prefer the idea that it represents that life is all about cycles no matter what we look at. A great saying that actually goes with this tattoo, one that I have that tattooed on my left bicep actually, is that ‘those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.’ A common phrasing on a quote by George Santayana. It reminds me to never fall into the same pattern as those who came before me,” I said before rolling up the sleeve once more.

“Trixie thinks that is a worthy reason to mar one’s body,” she said with an air of finality.

“Good use of the word ‘mar,’ Trixie,” I said simply before turning to look at Gilda, who seemed to visibly shrink under the lack of a withering stare from me. Seriously, the griffon looked as though I was aiming to pluck out every single feather of hers and then cook her alive. Which, let me tell you right now is something only a psycho thinks about. If any of you thought about it, then get yourself fucking checked up on by a doctor or something.

Anyways, eventually Gilda seemed to pick up on the lull in the conversation and realised that it was her turn. At least that’s what it looked like to me, no one knows what goes through other people’s brains.

Now, just a little thing to note before I get into this part. First off, what I tell you here is basically all I’m willing to tell you in general. She does in fact speak to me about her past in detail, and I will mentioned that we have a conversation about it, but in no way am I going to share it with you. Her past is a private thing to her, and by telling you all, I’d be breaking said trust, even if we are on different planets or whatever.

So to fully clarify for those who are a little slow in this crowd; I will tell you what she told me and Trixie at that campfire. I will not tell you about the future instance when she confides in me. I will not accept questions regarding her past. Alright? Cool.

“I …” she started but stopped before looking back down at the glass of whiskey she still had. At first, I was going to sigh and go over to her and tell her that she didn’t have to if she couldn’t bring herself to remember.

Of course, that idea was thrown away when she quickly knocked back the whiskey before tossing the glass over to me. Former baseball players are always ready to catch something, so no broken glass that time.

“One thing you have to know is that in griffon culture, honour is a key aspect of our lives. If we do something that dishonours our family or ourselves … well it is a big deal, okay? My family was a minor noble family, only because my dad served in the Griffon Regiment with Equestria’s Second Legion back in the day. He even ran it for a bit. He wanted to have two sons so he could teach them to follow in his path. He got one son, and he got me. When he drank he often let it slip he wanted another son. I found this out though when I was young, when he essentially raised me as though I was another son. My mother was loving but she let him go about his ways, she was often caught up in trying to be more important than what we were … you know, trying to rise in the noble ranks,” she said before I handed her another glass of whiskey.

“Is that why you are bitchy?” I asked before taking a sip, myself.

“Wha-” she said initially, but cut herself off before trying again. “Yeah … I guess so.”

It was quiet for a moment before Gilda took another sip of her liquid courage so she could talk about it again.

“When I was about seven, my father wanted me to go to Cloudsdale and have the best teaching in aerial aspects of life. There I met my only real friend in Rainbow Dash. We hit it off quickly and it was a lasting friendship until the academy days were over … then I had to return. When I returned, my dad was even more bitter than I remembered. He was … he was hard on me … I grew to resent him. I rebelled against him and his decisions for my life, not wanting to follow in his footsteps. I tried to get away to Ponyville for a bit, but … I messed up. I mess up and went back home, thinking maybe it was just best if I went along with it until he croaked.”

“It didn’t work, did it?” Trixie asked.

“No … he caught me doing …” she shook her head for a second, trying to clear that thought out. “It was about last year that mom and him thought I brought dishonour to the house, and started to shame me as much as he could. Guilt tripping me or whatever his fucked up mind thought I was doing. Yet it was just him … just him and mom that thought it was shameful … no other griffon cared or even thought anything like they did! … but they didn’t listen. They just kept hammering at me until about a week ago. There was a massive fight between us … and it left me without a home. So I flew … I just flew as far west as I could, hoping to just keep flying forever. You know the rest.”

She had barely choked out the last part of the story, letting her distress finally come to a head. No matter how tough anyone is, there is always something that brings about some form of breakdown. That was GIlda’s.

I simply moved over to her, sat down beside her despite the lack of pillow under me to sit on, and hugged her. At that moment I didn’t see her as the wounded and grumpy griffon that she had been portraying herself as, despite her constant slip ups in her personality. No, I saw her closer to a little girl that had her family torn from her life, even if they had done the tearing. She needed comfort before anything, and I was the one that would comfort her no matter what.

I guess it was there that ignited a revelation about that later on in the story. Sorry for foreshadowing and leaving you hanging, but in the end you’ll hear about that at least.

I just held her that way, as she buried her face in my side, her tears still slowly falling down her face. Though luckily she wasn’t audibly crying. I only consider that lucky since I was assuming that a griffon, which is part eagle or something, would have some sort of incredible vocal pitch.

I think we just sat by the fire like that for a good thirty minutes until Gilda was all cried out. She eventually moved herself away from me, wiping away the tears that were still under her eyes. She looked at me for a second before slowly making her way back into the trailer. The entire time, Trixie was staring at me as though I was mad.

“Trixie is-” she started.

“Confused?” I offered.

“No, baffled as to why you just let her go like that. Trixie has seen many a stallion use such situations to ‘go comfort’ her,” she said, using her hooves to make air quotes. I merely shook my head at her before standing up and stretching.

“There are a few reason I can think of as to why I’m not going to follow her any time soon. Some of the obvious ones involve me and the trailer. One of the less obvious one is that Gilda is probably half my age, Trixie. That probably goes for you as well,” I said before turning my neck to crack it. When I looked back at her I sighed, letting myself slump briefly. “I’m far past the age or even desire to be with another, Trixie. The one I had loved died during the Reckoning, and it left a hole in me, Trixie. One that won’t be filled in my world or this world.”

With that I picked up my gear, stowing the Ambershine in the pack before moving it over to the trailer, and proceeding to place it on top of the trailer. I heard the shuffle of hooves behind me, and then the door to the trailer opened slightly before closing. It made me make a mental note to get some oil for the hinges. The wagon probably need a little bit of a good fix up. If I had the right material I could have done it for her then and there, but I didn’t.

I went over to the still flickering campfire, and proceeded to pour the remnants of Gilda’s whiskey onto the fire. She hadn’t finished her last glass and the fire would be a nice thing to have going for at least some of the night. There wasn’t much grass around, let alone near the campfire so there was no threat of it catching from an ember.

I stared at it for a little bit, deep philosophical thoughts going through my head. Nah, I don’t feel like talking them over for they were rather depressing at the time. A lot of it had to do with fire and instances in my life. Eventually I just turned around and proceeded to climb up on top of the trailer.

The night air was anything but cold, really. It was a surprise considering that usually in the desert, the night was a polar opposite of the day in terms of temperature. My closest guess was that it was a nice twelve degrees celsius outside. That was beautiful considering my clothes added a nice thick layer.

I pulled out a small blanket from my pack, one that I usually used to rest my head on when I slept. Which is exactly what I did that night as well: folded it up and proceeded to rest my head.

Like the previous nights I simply looked up at the stars for a bit, loving the way they shined. It looked as though someone had created a painting for the entire world to view from below. Of course that reminded me about what Trixie said earlier. Princess Luna ... raises the moon, and can apparently dreamwalk based on last night. That only made me chuckle, because it brought to mind the idea that after she raises the moon each night, she would then meticulously place each star as well.

I chuckled to myself at the time, finding it funny. Now … you don’t even want to know really. Seriously, it would cause a scientist’s brain to explode. Anyone here old enough to have seen Scanners? Two of you? Nice! Yeah, you remember the scene I’m implying, right? Yep, just like that.

So as I drifted off to sleep, I realised that I would most likely get visited by the Princess again. Eventually I would have to stop avoiding her, so I decided then and there to lay a trap for her. Let her talk to me on my terms.

Now, I’m going to tell you straight up, that before I went to sleep I contemplated what happened the previous night. I’m not going to bother rambling through the entire process but eventually, based on what I remembered her saying, she often visited dreams that seemed negative in their feeling. Of course, later I learned that was true only because she wanted to help others.

Got it? Good, back to the story.

Now, the trap I had in mind was nothing devious but I planned on having any discussion with the Princess on my own terms. So when I closed my eyes and found myself in a black featureless land, I immediately called up a personal home theatre set up. I had used it before when I wanted to remember videos from before. It’s amazing what one can do when they are able to tap into their long term memory.

Trust me, you can’t do it. It was a side effect from the Berlin story once more. Nothing crazy, except that I seemed to be able to remember a lot of things very vividly. That’s actually how I can remember this entire story!

So with the movie theatre set up, I needed to play something that would entice the Princess to come investigate.

Long story short, I remembered a moment from my childhood that is heart wrenching for me even now. So I watched.

And watched.

No, I’m not telling you about what I was watching, that one is private, alright? There is a lot of things I can remember that I could tell you about, but that moment … that’s between me and my family.

So eventually I was beginning to think that she wouldn’t come that night. Then I felt a disturbance in the dream, just outside the door to the movie theatre. Finally she had arrived. As soon as she was in my dream, I would contort it to fit my needs. That was the plan, and you know how I say that plans never survive first contact?

This one did.

She entered the theatre carefully, inspecting what was going on. The moment she had entered, I stopped the video that was playing and dimmed the lights before changing the screen so that one of those old school countdown screens played. This of course got her interest.

Now, I don’t have this video on me obviously, but I will tell you that the movie I chose to start off the dream when she entered was a hilarious choice. Super Troopers is always a hilarious choice no matter the situation.

Mother of God! You remember it? Haha! That’s awesome! You are an awesome person and should be given a medal for just remembering it. Unfortunately because you spoke up, you get to describe the movie for us!

…

Yep, that about sums it up completely. Good job, rookie!

Anyway, when she fully was in the theatre, the door behind her closed and locked immediately. I think she was a little frightened at that because I heard the sound of all four of her hooves hit the ground. A little jumpy she was.

“Come, take a seat. The one next to me is fitted for you,” I said, not turning away from the opening scene. She couldn’t see me over the massive chair I was sitting it, yet I could see her because it was my dream. This was one of the few times that I truly enjoyed a dream. Only because I got to make said Lunar Princess nervous as fuck.

Eventually the sound of her hooves escalated in sound until she appeared around the side of the chair next to me. The one that, like I said, was made for her. I think the fact that I was sitting in the other chair stunned her. Now, this time I didn’t have to use my ability to shape my dream to see her shock, because she was standing just at the edge of my vision.

“Yes, I know,” I said before gesturing to the seat beside me. “Sit. This is one of the best parts.”

She did exactly that, so I didn’t miss Thorny and Rabbit start their game of messing with the three idiots in the car. At multiple times she opened her mouth to speak to me but I simply raised my hand to tell her to keep quiet. Sure it was a bit rude but at the same time, I needed something funny.

Eventually the title of the movie came up, and from that point on I knew it was going to be funny, but I had time to talk to her.

“So, how about we start with greetings this time, miss intrude into my dreams unannounced?” I offered as I turned to look at her.

Now, most of you know what she looks like because last time I told you about the previous encounter, but I think I’ll give another description. Princess Luna, was a deeper shade of blue than Trixie, and stood a good bit taller than her, just judging by size. Of course there was the obvious facts that she had a horn and wings, but that was pointless at the moment. To me she was just another pony … one that was able to enter my dreams, mind you. Her mane was … well the best definition would be aethereal, but trying to explain that alone to you would be tougher than it would take to say it wasn’t hair like normal but instead seemed to be closer a really intricate cloth that you could probably put your hand through. Oddly enough, you could actually see what looked like the night sky in it … yeah, puzzle that one out will ya? I’m still trying to understand how.

“Oh ... “ she said with a blush. “I’m Princess Luna, guardian of dreams. The only reason I barged in was because I felt such negative emotions coming off of it.”

“Being sad and regretful are not negative, Luna. They help you understand who you are and where you come from. It is impossible to never be sad in your life, no matter how much you repress it,” I said simply before conjuring a small glass of whiskey in my hand. “Want a glass? Ambershine is an amazing whiskey.”

She looked dazed for a moment, staring off into space as though I had told her the secrets of the universe.

“Luna?” I asked again.

“Oh … my apologies, I was just … just getting over the fact that you didn’t use my title,” she said with a weak grin. I didn’t press further, but instead let her take the glass out of my hand.

“I’m informal for the most point, with the only exception being when my life is on the line. Anyway, my name is Ryan, and welcome to my dreams, I guess,” I said before turning back to the movie to catch another hilarious moment.

Luna seemed to chuckle a little at the screen as well. Though her attention turned back to me. “May I ask what you are? I’ve … never seen anything like you in my life, and I have lived a long time.”

“Human,” I said simply, giving it a second before I decided to elaborate. “I’m not surprised you’ve never seen a human before. I can only assume that humans didn’t exist on this planet until I awoke here three days ago.”

Much to my surprise, her eyes didn’t exactly widen at the answer I gave her. Though at the same time I could see realization take over her appearance. “Ah, you must have fallen through the portal.”

“... portal?” I asked, my curiosity completely piqued at that one word.

“Yes, the Crystal Mirror acts as a portal to your world and ours. A friend of mine, Twilight Sparkle, visited the world about a year back. She said it was fascinating and even gave an acute description of the place, after having a rather magical adventure with her friends at the school. I guess seeing a human up close is a bit of a surprise … though as to why you aren’t a pony if the portal works both ways …” she explained before rubbing a hoof against her chin in a pondering pose. “Still, it is good to know that at least you are well in the care of the Crystal Empire.”

“Aaah, nevermind. You’re wrong on all accounts, Luna,” I said before taking another sip. When I looked back at her, she looked as though I had slapped her. “I never came through a magical mirror. Just ended up in the middle of a desert. First town I came upon was Dodge City, not this Crystal Empire. Actually … did Twilight say anything about the people she met there?”

At first it took a second for Luna to recover from the fact a ‘human’ had come from somewhere that wasn’t the portal. “Twilight Sparkle had said that it bore an uncanny resemblance to our world in that many of the people were named the same and even had the same colour as their pony counterparts in-”

I cut her off with a hand wave. “Sorry to interrupt, Luna, but definitely not the same world. I’ve seen the coats of ponies and in my world there is no such thing as a blue human. Well not unless they dye themselves blue.”

This actually brought a look that surprised me. I originally thought she was going to be shocked, but instead she apparently was excited. “Art thou saying that we are the first to have met thee?”

I looked at her for a second before taking my sunglasses and putting them on the brim of my hat, then pulling down my scarves before resting my elbow on the arm of the chair, and my face on my open palm of that arm. The expression was obvious to Luna … extremely obvious.

“Oh my! I’m sorry! When I get really excited I still slip into Old Equestrian,” she said as she tried to cover her face and subsequent blush with her hooves.

“No worries, my tick is that I swear a lot. We all have one,” I say before removing myself from that position. “Though to answer you, no you aren’t. I ran into a griffon that was injured and she would be the first.”

“Shit,” Luna muttered, swiping a hoof through the air. I just gave her a massive grin. “What? Why are you grinning like that?”

“You are the first being in this world that has used a legit swear on instinct,” I said before leaning over and reaching an arm across Luna’s withers (that’s a horse’s shoulders!) and pulling her close. “This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, I can already see it! We’re going to go far with our natural swearing abilities! First Equestria, then the world!”

That got her giggling pretty heavily, which I saw when I let go, and just like anything these inhabitants do, it was fucking adorable. After her finishing died down we merely sat in silence for a few moments, my focus on the movie and her focus on me.

“May I ask a few questions?” she asked seemingly out of nowhere.

“It’s why I set this up. If I wanted to bolt, I could have done so by now,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone, my elation having waned off rather quickly. “Though space the questions out, kills time faster.”

She nodded before taking a second to ponder what question she wanted to ask first, or at least that’s how I saw it. “How are you able to morph dreams? Do you know how to dreamwalk as well … no no no, that’s assuming you know how to use magic …”

“You are correct in that regards, I don’t know how to use magic. I can shape dreams because I am a lucid dreamer,” I said, which earned an inquisitive look. I knew exactly what the look was for. “A lucid dreamer is one that can realise they are in a dream. The moment one becomes aware they are dreaming, they gain the ability to morph it into whatever they want. Believe me, I could make up some weird dreams if I wanted to … or if I was much younger.”

“Liiiiiike?” Luna said in a drawn out way as she edged closer. I could smell the trap from a mile away.

“No. Next question.”

“Spoil sport,” she said as she stuck out her tongue … ponies apparently blow the best raspberries.

“By the way, you only get two more questions before we go question a piece,” I said as I refilled my drink with a brand new bottle of Ambershine. Best part about drinking in your dreams is that you don’t get drunk!

“What is your current situation, soldier?” Luna asked in a surprisingly serious tone, and she apparently thought that my gear meant I was military. I could see the smirk on her face, it was probably there because she thought she had guessed something about me.

“First off, I’m not a soldier despite your guess,” to which she muttered another ‘shit,’ “and secondly, my situation is that I am travelling west, past Appleloosa in the company of one griffon and one unicorn mare.”

“Interesting, I can only assume that eventually your travels will take you to Ponyville. You should talk to Twilight Sparkle there. Maybe she can help you,” she said while rubbing her chin.

“That is our destination, though not by my own choice. Going there for the other two,” I said simply. “Last question before it’s my turn.”

“Fine,” she said, blowing me another raspberry. “Hmm … ah! If you are not a soldier, like you claim, then how come you have apparel and items that look the part?”

“That would be asking me what my world is like … in the same question,” I said in a flat tone before grinning, “crafty, crafty there.”

“Thank you!” she replied before taking a small bow.

“Well, my world essentially decided to hit the reset button, nearly literally. Our humans, while amazing and benevolent at most times, have a history of cultivating some of the worst scum without even knowing it. Long story short on that is that eventually the scum started to rule more often than the benevolent people. Said scum then tried to initiate a global takeover, as far as I’m concerned, and it ended causing a new world war that started the apocalypse of our planet. Billions, yes I said billions, died, while billions, yes I said billions again, still lived amazingly enough. That changed though when the world itself, and take the fact that we don’t have magic in our world into consideration first, decided to tell us that we fucked up in the most abrupt way possible. Days of completely ridiculous weather and disasters struck until the human race was once more into the millions. Now, I have no clue on the exact number, but I doubt it’s even close to a billion anymore.”

“Wow,” Luna whispered through her hooves that were covering her muzzle in shock.

“Yeah, but I’m not done. After that, society decided to fall down the rest of the drain until we had no major cities, and the only surviving ‘towns’ were ones that, maybe, numbered up to a couple hundred. All of that happened nearly two decades ago … or over two decades ago. When global methods of counting days are removed and each person is forced to do it for themselves … well it gets kind of rough to tell. Hell, the only way I know it was two decades was because i met someone who kept track. Crazy one, he was.”

Luna just continued to look at me in shock as I continued speaking.

“Now as for the gear, this is what I have accumulated over that period of time. Everything you see me wearing, minus what I carry in my two packs and my rifle, is what I take with me wherever I go, no matter what. The world has a weird climate so I keep the scarves around my face so I am prepared for anything. My clothing is insulated perfectly for cold temperatures, yet at the same time it is breathable enough for hot temperatures for me. I’m over forty, Luna. I was there when the world collapsed and I’m still around as the world attempts to rebuild. I’ve honed my survival skills to a degree of perfection. I may not be a soldier, but I’m the closest damn thing to the Lone Wanderer, The Chosen One, Vault Dweller, The Courier, and Mad Max … minus a car.”

Though still shocked, she also had a look of confusion on her face. I simply rolled my eyes before conjuring up a little sheet that held my knowledge of what those characters were. I turned my attention back to the movie as she read it over. It wasn’t meant to be lengthy, just enough to understand what I was implying.

It was amazing how quickly time flew in a dream when one monologues or converses with a pony princess. The last scene from Super Troopers was playing, which meant the next movie needed to be picked right after. When everything was normal, I had a massive movie collection … now all I have left is my memories.

I know someone asked for a little dose of depressing, and there you have it!

Eventually Luna handed me back the sheet, which I promptly crumpled up and proceeded to throw behind the chairs. “So, there was your answer.”

“I never expected that your life could have been through so many hardships in such a brief time,” she said, sorrow lining her voice.

“There are always those who have suffered worse, Luna. People like me are lucky … the people who died at the beginning were even luckier, I assume. Don’t feel too bad for me, Luna. I might have moments in my life that are a cause for sadness but as long as I am still breathing, walking, and laughing, I never let those moments get to me.”

She nodded her head solemnly for a moment.

“Movie’s done. You get to pick the next one,” I said before handing her three dvd boxes to look at.

She looked at the for a few moments, scanning the back of the box and reading the synopsis. Eventually she handed … hoofed me back Thin Red Line. “This one. I’m guessing that this one is closer to showing me about your world then the rest?”

“Somewhat … this is about a campaign fought in World War Two. The war was only about seven years according to normal history standards. I believe the build up and the rise of the Axis Powers, prior to the outbreak of war, should be counted. Anyways, this focuses on a single island battle. One fought over a longer period of time than it was supposed to take. Bloody and emotional yet a very powerful movie.”

“You’ve got me intrigued!” she said, a small smile adorning her face.

As the movie started, I simply sat back and enjoyed watching Luna watch the movie, as well as the movie itself. It was nice and relaxing, not to mention quiet … aside from the movie that was playing. It was around halfway through the movie that Luna actually looked over at me, puzzled.

“Aren’t you going to ask a question?”

“Not tonight. There will be other nights to talk, this is a nice way to relax … assuming you have no duties to fulfill to others with your dream guarding.”

“No. There has been so few nightmares over the past few days. Besides, I am always monitoring to see if they come up,” she said before apparently getting an idea. “Do you know what popcorn is?”

I didn’t even answer, didn’t need to. All I needed to do was create a bucket of popcorn for Luna and I to share as we continued to watch the movie. She was extremely content with the popcorn because not only did she devour the bucket rather quickly, but also had quite a few audible moans while eating it. Apparently human popcorn was damn amazing, you know … despite all the shit that went into the butter and seasoning.

I’ll be honest with you all. We really did nothing else but watch movies that night. I mean, I can list them off, but what would be the point considering that there is such a small chance you could even play a movie … let alone the ones I mention.

You seriously want to hear the titles? Alright, fine.

After Thin Red Line, we watched Serenity which Luna quite enjoyed because it was all about space. Following that, I chose something a little slower with Moneyball. Luna liked the idea of baseball which made me think that perhaps in a dream we would play it. Following that, I nixed her idea of watching a romantic comedy … mainly because they suck and I don’t remember a single one.

The last two movies we ended with were Elysium, which was one of my personal favourites despite the reviews when it came out. She seemed a little upset at the predicament that the world was in but did rejoice at the finale, though some tears came to her eyes when Max died. Finally we ended with Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Classic comedy, nothing more to say about that. Well that and Luna actually snorted often when she laughed full blown instead of giggling.

She eventually parted ways when it became obvious that I was going to wake. Nothing important about that really, either since all it was was a quick ‘be safe and we’ll talk again tomorrow night.’

And that, my good audience, wraps up today’s part of the story. Come back next time for the continuation of Over The Hills and Far Away.

Aww quit your moaning, not every section has to have action! Besides, at this point we are still just getting started! Farewell, ya fucking wankers!

Author's Notes:

I'm sorry for this not being up on Saturday! I completely forgot to post it ... not that the day was hectic or anything, just completely forgot!

A couple of things to note:
-A reminder that the Griffonstone episode doesn't exist in this world, so stuff is different for the Griffons.
-Sorry for spoilers on Elysium if you haven't seen it!
-Yes that is Starlight Glimmer. Since there is only speculation on what happens to her during the finale of season 5, I have placed her as a wandering "philosopher" more or less. Also the views expressed in that monologue is not mine, but my cousin's.
-Headcanon: Luna is adorable in that she snorts when laughing too hard!

Here's the music to fit the title. You are all lucky that it's slower stuff right now :P Just wait till later when the true heavy metal comes out. Mastodon - Asleep in the Deep

Chapter 5: You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

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May I say that all of you are still as ugly as last time you were around? Here I thought you’d at least dress nicely for me! Maybe clean up a little, go to a spa or something and get all pretty for the story …

By the looks on your faces, you’d think I’d have grown a second head and started preaching the return of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. No, that’s not a real thing. Seriously all of you are bland as fuck when it comes to humour.

Actually, it’s not fair to say all of you, in fact that’s a definitive, and I fucking hate those with a passion. It amazed me when I was young at how often I would hear people speak in clear cut definitives. It was always, ‘it is this and only’ or ‘they always do this and never that.’ It got to the point often enough that I listened to people speaking and they would use definitives constantly until I just left, ending the conversation.

Hell, I remember this one time, when I was in class back in college. We were doing a class wide discussion and this one person was constantly involved, speaking their point and arguing with anyone. I don’t remember what the topic was, I think it was ethics or something, and I don’t even remember the person, but I do remember how they spoke with complete certainty. It was during one of her points, that I threw my hands up and walked towards the classroom door. The teacher asked me where I was going. I told them that if I had to listen to that person be so narrow sighted and unable to understand reality than I would rather quit the class.

Of course this sparked an outrage by the person. I cut her off, much like I did that preacher in Equestria, and told her that in life, definitives are only found when dealing with mathematical equations and death. Sure there are other things, but I made my point that as long as they kept using definitives in cases that cannot support such an idea, they had no ground to argue.

I didn’t get any real response, but I did shut the person up and actually allowed a reasonable discussion. Said person wasn’t as heated in following discussions, but it didn’t matter to me, my point was made and I didn’t care past that.

Good times.

Oh … I guess you guys want to ask your questions now? Yeah, sure, go ahead. You first.

Which movie did Luna like the most? Based on her reactions alone, I think she liked Elysium the most out, but there was another one that I can guarantee she loved the most, and you will learn it when I get to when she watches it. It is one of my personal favourites, probably second favourite movie ever. Number one is Saving Private Ryan if any of you want to know.

Glad to see something people remember it, good movie … amazing movie.

Alright, you next.

What are Native Americans and how did they relate to those buffalo? Shit, you guys really are clueless, aren’t you? See, him. Yeah, him. His descent is Native American, I can not only tell by his looks, not to be racist, but also by those by those symbols he’s wearing. I’ve had a lot of time to learn about cultures as I’ve travelled and I’ve learned how to tell them apart.

If I must explain it, a ‘Native American’ is someone who is a descendant from the people who originally inhabited the lands that we refer to as North America, or North Wasteland. For a while, people referred to them as Indians, but it was more correct to refer to them as Native Americans. I’m not going to explain anymore, if he or his family is willing to explain then they can, but it is not my job to butcher a culture because I’m not part of it.

Now, for the buffalo part, I admit in hindsight I was a little bit racist in my classification because I made the assumptions based off the markings they had and the headdresses they wore. If I had more to work on I would have been able to actually ascertain the true cultural comparison, but with what little time I had in contact with the buffalo, I couldn’t be that specific.

Did I meet any other sapient creatures? Woah now, you’re just looking to spoil the story for people! How’d you get the inside track on stuff coming up?! Haha, either way, the answer is yes, I met many others, though it was only three other species. I’ll let the story tell you about them instead of skipping ahead, though.

Did I ever travel in a group before or like the story’s group? Honestly I can’t say I have ever travelled in such a relaxed group dynamic before. This one felt more like a small moving family after a while. It even started to feel like that after only a couple of days of travelling. I’m not going to spoil anything later on, but it became an even tighter-knit group later. Now, for the first part of your question, I have travelled in a group before, like this one venture down to South America, for instance. Though that one went to shit, there have been other times which travelling in a group actually helped immensely. Probably the best example would be during the Berlin Incident. The only reason I survived was because of the others I was travelling with. Scary times back then …

Next question … and probably last question. Was I surprised how quickly Luna warmed up to me? Tough question really, because in some ways I was, and some ways I wasn’t. Let me explain. I’m not exactly the most charismatic guy, and I could probably say that I tend to fit in by just being myself … which is basically me being not very social. Sure I can talk in front of groups easily, but warming up to people takes a bit more time.

Now for Luna … well it kind of started when I first saw her in my personal dream. When she looked so eager to meet me and yet shocked, not to mention afraid that I was leaving so quickly, it kind of reminded me of well … me. Not explicitly, but it did bring back memories of how I used to act when I was younger. So when I went to meet her the first time, I essentially thought of how I would act if I were to approach myself; which seemed to do the trick. It was odd just how similar we were in well … in movie preferences as well as how we talked, so I guess I could say that was what surprised me.

Alright, enough questions. Time to get back to the story.

I awoke shortly after the last movie Luna and I watched. It was probably the best timing that could have happened, considering that I didn’t feel like talking that night. Though I believe that the only way to truly understand and know somebody is through communication; I’ve learned over the years to read people based on how they react to certain visual stimuli as well as how they act when they believe they aren’t being watched.

Based on what I had seen at night, Luna was a gentle heart that had struggled through a lot of things. She empathized with characters that had to undergo internal struggle as well as ones that went through trials and tribulations that were forced on them. It made me question, at the time, what she went through to become that way. Perhaps she was naturally one that was empathetic to such personalities, perhaps she had gone through her own. I didn’t know at that moment so it was pointless to ponder such ideas.

I also learned that Luna was extremely light hearted when it came to stuff that could be defined as comedic. She often would laugh at the smallest of things while we were watching Harold and Kumar. It made me question what she did to entertain herself in her off time.

So, as I slid off the roof, I noticed that I wasn’t the first to rise that morning. Though the sun had crested the horizon, it was still rather early, or at least my iPod said so, though I could have been easily off by hours at that point.

You know which one of my companions was the one to beat me in waking up? Gilda. Yeah, it seemed that the whole ‘early bird gets the worm’ saying was rather accurate of griffons. She was simply sitting on the fold-able steps to the trailer, a small mug of coffee in her talons. It made me laugh then and it makes me laugh now, because it seemed that every woman or female in my life liked her coffee in the morning. I can’t stand the stuff, myself. Too bitter for my liking.

When I laughed out loud, Gilda merely turned her head to face me. She had probably heard me slip off the roof so I wasn’t all that surprised that I didn’t frighten her. Though I was curious as to why she was up so early. “How come you’re already up?”

She didn’t say anything in response, she merely sipped on her cup more as she watched the sun rise. Curiouser and curiouser. Though in the back of my mind I knew the most likely reason for why she hadn’t responded, but I didn’t dare vocalize it. At this point, after the previous night, she needed to speak up on her own. I had given her the first steps, so the rest was up to her.

“You know, back when I was your age, and yes I can legitimately say that, I used to try and cling to my sleep if I could. Only with the help of an alarm could I get up this early. Now … now my age is catching up to me … that and a hereditary lack of sleep. Seriously, my entire family was that way; used to run on minimal sleep all the time,” I said, not really speaking to Gilda but at the same time hoping to give her an opening to speak up.

“I could barely sleep,” she mumbled out, just barely loud enough for me to hear.

“Ugh … I’m going to hate myself for saying this, ‘cause I always gave my parents shit for saying it but … was there something on your mind, keeping you awake?” I asked, squatting down next to her as I took a sip from my canteen. The one that had water in it … yes I have a canteen of whiskey, but that’s irrelevant.

She was quiet for a few moments before she looked up at me. “Yeah. I … I was thinking about last night … and when we get to Ponyville.”

I wanted to snark about the fact that I had seemingly misplaced my strong headed griffon companion named Gilda, but that wasn’t the time to do so. She was hurting, although not physically, it was still visible.

“Sometimes it hurts to talk about the things that bother us the most, Gilda. It’s a hurt that can only come with the healing process. I can help you only as much as you want me to; last night I pushed for that to happen, and I’m sorry for that, but you and I both know it helped. You let go of a lot of tension, and I bet that despite the lack of sleep you feel lighter, no?” I asked, to which she nodded her head in agreement. I smiled sadly at her. “There is still a long way to go, but you’ll make it. You’re fucking strong, Gilda. As for Ponyville … based on what Trixie said we should get there around midday tomorrow if we keep up the same pace as we did the previous days. We can deal with that when we get there or we can pre-empt it. It is up to you. Don’t rush the decision. You have hours of travel to do some thinking.”

She simply nodded before a faint smile touched her beak. It was good to see her smile again, and it even caused me to smile a little as she went back inside the trailer to wake Trixie.

The mare ended up taking some time to wake up, nothing major, but enough that I had to busy myself with ensuring that all the gear was collected and we had a supply of logs still for the next night … which I had to task to Gilda since we stored them in the trailer. Either way, after about forty five minutes of packing up camp, Trixie was ready and we were off on the road once more.

Now, let me regale you once more of how much time we spent walking in either silence, or with the two females in conversation about stuff I had no interest in.

Three hours.

Three boring as fuck hours. During that time we were able to eat a little mobile breakfast, we didn’t want to lose time after all. It was also during that time I had put in one headphone to listen to some music to keep my from going insane. Sure I had my thoughts, but those were mainly daydreams of things that could never possibly happen.

Dreams of what Fallout 4 would have been like mainly occupied my thoughts. Yeah, believe it or not sometimes random thoughts pop into my head and I go off on massive tangents regarding them. That was one that took me two hours to complete. Eventually what drew my attention away from my thoughts and my Fallout 4 related dreams was the approaching forest. Yes, that’s right, I said forest.

It was like I was looking at home, kind of. Have you ever been to the Amazon Rainforest? That’s a rhetorical question obviously. Anyway, even despite the earth going bananas, that place is still a fucking dense rainforest. Now, take the Arizona desert, which now that I think about it is also the same … right, back on track. Take the Arizona desert, and then put it right beside the thickest jungle in the world. That’s what that fucking scene looked like. It literally looked like someone used a ruler and divide what was desert and what was jungle.

“What the fuck is that?” I said, pointing over at the jungle.

“That’s the Everfree Forest,” Trixie said, a shivering going down her spine that would have been visible to a blind person. “We’ll be skirting the edge of that place. Few ponies would be able to make it through that place alive … most just get lost forever.”

I tipped my glasses down my nose, letting her see my eyes and my raised eyebrow. “Is that a challenge?”

“Luna, no! Trixie would never want anypony to go through there! Far too many dangerous beasts that could easily eat a pony!” she said in sheer horror at the prospect of me leading them through there. I wasn’t stupid … the trailer would have a rough time fitting, after all.

As we walked beside the forest, which wasn’t as perfectly cut as it looked at first, I couldn’t help but think of what kind of ‘beasts’ lived in that type of jungle. Of course I decided to ask Trixie if she knew … to which I got a list.

“Off the top of Trixie’s head: Manticores, Hydras, Timberwolves, Cockatrices, and Ursa Majors are the most common. Trixie has heard tales of Harpies, Lamia, dragons, and phoenixes … though phoenixes aren’t hostile unless you harm them,” she said in relatively calm fashion, considering how she previously reacted when she just mentioned beasts.

“... is the planet’s name perhaps, Greece?” I asked, giving her a dull stare.

“No, it’s Equus as far as Trixie knows, but it might be different in other countries,” she said in a manner that befitted someone who had asked what their own name was.

“Interesting,” I said, but added nothing more to the conversation as Trixie and Gilda became quiet. I had a feeling that as long as we were passing by the forest, they would remain quiet until I got them to speak. That actually ended up being true, which was odd considering that they were extremely talkative, surprisingly, until that point.

I could only wonder just what was the cause of such fear from ponies with regards to the forest. Being that the world had ‘magic’ I came to the conclusion that the place was ‘off’ in terms of magic, which caused such a reaction. Of course I never got a straight answer from the ponies, no matter who I asked. When I say no matter who, I truly meant it. I would later ask Luna about it and she was eager to change the conversation from that place.

Truly a mystery, one that I wished dearly to solve, but I knew that it was a little beyond my world if magic was the case. I could handle the creatures at best, assuming that they didn’t have some sort of method to divert flying pieces of lead and copper … considering everything, that was quite possible.

We kept walking in silence, though this time it was true silence. It was an odd feeling after two days of travel with them, well roughly two days. Their conversations had filled the air for enough time that I was actually starting to get used to it. Sure, I was used to silence, but when you expect something to happen and it doesn’t … well you become worried.

You know … I was almost tempted then and there to say the worst possible words that can be said in any situation. I can see some of you understand what I’m referring to while the younger ones are a little lost. I’ll explain what I meant, since the next little bit of the story is just us walking while I kept a watch on the forest, mainly since I was on the left, but also because I had the best means to defend us.

Anyway, the dreaded words, or saying if you will, that can be said in a ‘volatile’ situation are, what’s the worst that could possibly happen?

Yeah, they don’t seem very menacing right? Well let me tell you something; despite what you think about fate and luck, saying such words can lead to … well, the worst possible thing for that situation. It’s kind of a universal constant that fate will specifically seek out those who invoke its wrath by saying those words. I’m not lying either, okay? You might think that I’m being superstitious, but this is coming from a man that is neither religious, nor believes in fate or destiny. Yet, seeing it happen multiple times in my life … well it makes it tempting to start thinking fate is real.

I guess I’ll tell you of one specific instance, and let me remind you, this is just one instance of many that I have seen in my life. This one happened a little more recently. See, I was scavenging a military base in Louisiana, which let me tell you is not a kind place to visit. The world made that place even worse of a swamp than it used to be. Traversing it is nearly impossible without mounting a full expedition with others, which is what I got onto. We had navigated the swamp with help of an old swamper from before The Reckoning. He got us all the way to the base, and was patient enough to stick around for the day while we scavenged. It was there that I was lucky enough to find my current side-arm. Despite it being hardly military issue, it seemed that the armoury carried a few extra weapons that weren’t standard use for the military.

Sure I found a couple of other items I have kept over the years, but those are stashed away in my personal ‘stash’ let's say. No, you can’t know about it, then it wouldn’t be personal anymore. Anyway, as we were exploring the base we came across a depot or sorts, one that still had a surprising amount of fuel in it, which was actually one of the payment methods for the swamper. So we grabbed some already filled jerry cans and started moving them back to the boat, can you guess what happened next? No, well this next part is a doozie.

You see, one of the guys, I think his name was Jeff, not sure really, well he realised that we were running out of jerry cans that were full. His solution was to start up one of the pumps that was in there, linked to a large gas container, one of those massive cylinder types. Being a former electrician … or current since the license never expires, I told him to leave it; the wiring was almost definitely faulty, frayed, damaged, and would cause a spark to blow us all to hell. Of course he laughed at me because of my use of ‘definitely,’ and said those dreaded words, “what’s the worst that could happen.”

I, of course, booked it out of the depot, one jerry can in my arms and a look of panic in my eyes. All but two of the crew thought it was hilarious to see the “old man” bolt like that. The other two … the youngest two, probably both barely seventeen, hustled behind me. We had gotten about a hundred meters from the depot when a deafening explosion rocked the entire base, and sent us tumbling forward.

I told them the wiring was fucked, I had warned them; yet Jeff had to say those fucking words. So instead of having a full crew of eight guys, we were down to three in a matter of seconds.

I stared at the inferno from the ground, watching the flames lick higher and higher, burning off all that gas and oil. The worst part, was I saw two of the crew slowly stumbled out from the burning mess, completely blackened and on fire. They were barely alive as they fell to their knees, and eventually to the ground, just meters from the flames. They had somehow survived the explosion, yet got roasted alive in mere moments. I couldn’t imagine having to endure that type of painful death … burning alive … I’d rather bite a bullet.

I ended up escorting the kids back to their home afterwards, their shock almost constant for the entire two day trip out of the swamps, and the couple hour trip back to the town. For them it was the darkest moment of their lives, yet also the most lucky for they had enough sense to listen to me. For me … just another list of horrible incidents that I was forced to watch in my life.

So there you have it, a tale of why you should never use that saying.

Why did I regale you with it? Well the span that I just took to tell you all of that, about forty minutes right? Well, that eats into the time I would have spent rambling about how absolutely nothing happened during our trip around the Everfree. Would you rather have a distraction or me rambling and trying to find space to fill in time? It’s not my fault you all wanted a colour commentary type of storytelling. Hell, I could have easily just given you bare bones in terms of what happened during this entire adventure, but then you would complain later of how shitty of a storyteller I was.

Instead, here I hand you a brick wall of prose that just transitions to the next fucking scene. Be happy with it already, I could always just stop and leave. Let you wonder what happens next!

Good, then shut up about my storytelling methods.

Now, it was about mid-afternoon, around three o’clock according to my iPod, that I started to become aware that we were being watched. It’s one of those feelings you learn to trust when you’ve lived your whole life on the edge. Call it a sixth sense, but I knew that we were being stalked by something … as to what, I didn’t know at the moment.

I didn’t say anything to the rest of the group, because it could have easily been nothing, and I didn’t have any proof that my feeling was correct. So I held my tongue at that moment, waiting until I was sure we were being stalked.

It took fifteen minutes of playing innocent, and using my peripherals, but eventually I caught the sight of a pair of golden eyes from the dark jungle, and the quick movement of a rather large body. Yep, we were being stalked if not outright hunted.

“Listen,” I said without moving my head to tell, “stay extremely calm and keep moving, but we’re being stalked by something big. The trailer is safe enough if you can get inside quickly.”

“Wh-what?” Trixie stammered at first, surprised by the sudden revelation.

“By any chance can a unicorn, namely you, teleport?” I offered, still watching for movements.

I think Trixie nodded her head, but I didn’t pick up because I didn’t want to remove my eyes from the forest. Eventually I asked again, to which she vocally replied, “yes.”

“Good, when I yell, you teleport as quick as you can inside the trailer, and you and Gilda bunker down there until I kill it … or it leaves with my body.”

I could tell by the silence that what I had said shocked them both once more. To be so crass with the idea that it could kill me must have been something entirely new for the pony and griffon. It’s how I lived and how I still live. I’m afraid of death and will do everything I can to escape its cold embrace, but at the same time, I know it is one of the true constants in the world.

Eventually they both agreed to what I was saying, though the tones in their voices told me they were unsure as fuck as to whether it would work. I didn’t tell them that if I didn’t manage to scare it off or kill it, I would have ran straight into the jungle to take it as far from the trailer as possible.

Now, before any of you stupid question askers or sarcastic bastards say it, of course I fucking lived.

So we kept walking for maybe a few more meters before it finally decided that it had had enough of stalking us. The moment the bushes rustled, and my eyes caught the emergence of a golden furred body, I yelled at Trixie, and with a pop she disappeared, or at least I thought she did at the time. Of course I did learn afterwards that she had indeed teleported inside.

I was the closest target for the beast to attack, so I knew that in mid flight if I rolled away just in time I would dodge it for the moment, there was no way I was going to try and fire at it mid air. It could have crushed me for all I knew.

So with a last second dodge, I rolled away from the beast as it came down in my previous spot. I ensured my safety by doing another quick roll following the first, moving even further from the beast who was apparently confused enough to give me time for a second roll.

With a quick spring, I popped up into a standing positioned and brought my rifle to bear on the animal, who was simply staring at me in either amusement or curiosity. Yes, that’s right; I said that it actually had feelings in its look. Yeah, it confuses me to this day as well.

So when I got my eyes on the beast, I came to the realisation that Trixie had been telling the truth … well at least about manticores. Let me tell you what they are. You take a fierce and demonic looking lion, give it bat wings, and then decide that it’s claws and fangs aren’t enough, so you also swap out its tail for a fucking scorpion stinger. Scared yet? If you were in my position you would have been to.

Now, when I realised it was judging me, I decided to say fuck it and try my luck at seeing if the world was as completely insane as I believed it to be.

“If by some chance, you can understand what I’m saying,” I told it, “then let me tell you, this pointy stick I’m pointing at you? With a simply pull of my finger, I can put a hole the size of a large pebble through your head.”

The beast continued to look at me with curiosity in response, but it hadn’t attacked, so I kept my aim on it and decided that I might as well continue.

“What that means for you, is that when this stick goes bang, you won’t even get to hear it go off before your world will be over. Dead. Gonezo. Fin-eeto. So I’m giving you the option to run away and back into that jungle before I have to take such measures.”

Eventually the beast’s eyes widened, as though it was realizing that I was correct or something like that. If this was our world, I would have thought such a thing was impossible but all things considered, I didn’t give a fuck anymore at that time. Oh and by saying its eyes widened … well it didn’t have very animal-esque eyes, no these were the same shape as something that was sapient.

So, going along with the insane world, the beast slowly slunk off back into the jungle. Though before it entered, it looked back at me, and it … it fucking nodded. Yeah, it fucking nodded as though it was agreeing to my deal. If it wasn’t for the adrenaline pumping through my blood, I would have had an aneurysm at what I had witnessed. Thank god for that adrenaline, huh?

Yet, though the manticore had left and made its way back into the forest, I still kept my M110 trained on the forest line. There was still a part of me that thought that it wasn’t anything more than an animal, and that it would come back at the moment that I decided to drop my guard and turn my back. Though eventually the adrenaline faded and I realised that in the world I was currently in … it was all too possible that what happened was indeed what happened.

“It’s gone …” I said quietly at first, as though my voice had disappeared and left me completely. Once again my mind decided to tell me all was well despite my reflexes saying no. “You can come out, the manticore is gone.”

The door cracked open the same moment that I had finished saying that, which made it apparent that despite what I said to them, they were all too eager to see what happened. Trixie was the first to peek out, the gentle glow of her horn seemingly attached to a common glow that surrounded her entire self. Right there was the first time I would see a shield magically created by a unicorn, yet I didn’t think about that at all.

For some reason I felt even more out of it than normal when I went through such situations … you remember the raiders from the first part? Yeah … when I killed them I didn’t feel too much. No fear, no regret, no real emotions went through me until I moved on. Yet with that manticore … it felt like the first time I had come close to death. You know, I still wonder why I felt like that. I was the farthest thing from death in that situation when I compared it to all the other times.

Hell, I was closer to death in Louisiana than with that manticore. Yet why did I feel such emotion immediately afterwards?

Heh … I don’t expect any of you to answer that. All it is is merely the rambling of an old man. Circular questioning that leads nowhere. I’ve already used that thought process before, back then when it happened, I don’t need to be thinking it all over again.

Eventually I was poked in the side by Gilda who had also come out of the trailer. I had gone kind of comatose … or torpid if you want to be picky. No, wait, the right word would have been catatonic! Yeah, I had been a little bit catatonic, all those thoughts rattling around in my head. Thankfully Gilda had found out that poking me with sharp objects, namely her claws, easily stirred me out of the state.

“You okay, dude?” she asked as I looked down at her.

“Yeah … yeah, I’m good. It was just a manticore. No big deal,” I said with a small smile and chuckle.

“Sure, just a manticore, and I’m the long lost princess of Equestria!” Gilda said before letting loose a laugh that sounded akin to a warble or something bird like. That of course caused me to laugh, which in turn caused Trixie to chuckle. It was a laughter fest in the middle of nowhere. Of course it ended when Gilda decided to charlie horse me on accident by slugging me in the leg.

So once more we got moving on our path again, though this time I can safely say that we were not hindered by a manticore or any other Greek mythological creatures.

No! Fuck you! Don’t be a smart ass and suggest non-Greek mythological creatures! Don’t even try and deny it, you jackass, I could see that sparkling in your eye at such a grand opportunity.

…

You’re not going to be quiet about this are you? Fine! Fine, just fucking say it already.

…

Happy now? Good, now shut up, there is still a lot of story left.

Now, as for the travelling portion of this part of the story, we were once again back to being silent, though I think it was due to them being nervous. I had become contemplative at that time, trying to figure out two things.

First, how a manticore could even comprehend speech, and secondly, the whole fear issue I spoke about. Yeah, you don’t really want me to narrate those thoughts; they were a mess as it was, jumping back and forth making connections that made no sense once my mind had calmed down.

So it was, eventually we made camp though a little bit away from the Everfree forest for good measure. Though I was sure that the manticore wouldn’t be back, I didn’t want to have to deal with anything else. Trying to kill a hydra without precision tactics … that and a flaming sword. You know, cauterize the wounds so the heads wouldn’t respawn. Easier said than done obviously.

Either way, we did the same as last night. I got the fire started while the girls broke out the food and comforts that the night would need. Once more I brought out the Ambershine because having a drink while beside a fire is a key component to camping. Those who think otherwise are the same people that are known as buzz-kills.

Anyway, we eventually got to the same stage as the previous night, where we were all sipping on drinks, warm food in our bellies, and a nice campfire dancing in front of us. The only downside was that we ended up running out of boar meat that night. Thankfully we were expected to reach Ponyville the next day. You want to know how I knew we were getting close? Well when we moved up to the camping location I took a look west with my scope and saw another one of those clear cut and defined areas. Yep, desert ground gave way to lush grass … truly the world was made up of blocks at that point.

So I guess really the only thing left to tell you all before I met Luna that night, was what we talked about around the fire, for however brief that was.

“Tell me about, Ponyville, Trixie. I need to know if I will be ‘allowed’ in or what,” I said out of the blue.

“Oh well … Trixie isn’t entirely sure. The time she spent there is … well it wasn’t very good,” she said sheepishly.

“Oh? They treat you bad or something?” I offered, a little intrigued at her response.

“More like, Trixie tried to take over the town,” she said with a light chuckle.

I merely leaned forward a little while looking at her intently. I think it was easy for her to pick up what I was conveying, which for all of you listeners was ‘you should probably tell me before we have a problem.’

“You see, Trixie felt humiliated the first time there, though it wasn’t nopony’s fault. That’s another story, but Trixie got … angry to say the least and tried to get revenge by showing up Twilight Sparkle. Unfortunately what she thought was a simply magic pool booster, was actually an amulet that corrupts the user and allows them access to forbidden magic. Trixie was lucky that Twilight Sparkle saved her from the amulet, and forgave her. It is something Trixie is ashamed of, yet it is important for it taught humility to Trixie.”

“Humility?” I offered, eyebrow perked in a questioning pose.

“Yes, Trixie was very boastful prior to the mare you know today. She used to refer to herself all the time as ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie.’ Now she just refers to herself as Trixie,” she explained.

“Say, ‘I’ instead of she or Trixie,” I said, hoping to see if she might catch on.

“Isn’t Trixie saying that?” she asked, a confused look on her face.

I simply got up, walked over to her, and proceeded to pat her on the head before returning once more to my cushion. Gilda was giggling a little at what I did, while Trixie continued to look confused over what had happened.

“Don’t worry, Trixie. Now do you know anything else about Ponyville?” I asked.

“Like Trixie said, she knows very little but what is told. It is a normal small town in Equestria, though it is also the home of Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony. Oh! And there is a rather delicious bakery called Sugarcube Corner. They make the best peanut butter and crackers.”

“Elements of Harmony?” I asked, more than a little intrigued.

“Yes, that is what Trixie said. They help restore peace via magical discharges that put disharmonious things in there place, much like Discord, the God of Chaos,” she replied promptly, but I could tell she was still thinking about the peanut butter and crackers.

“So, a super weapon essentially?”

“Yeah, essentially,” Gilda added, though it didn’t sound as strong as her normal interjections. I could sense she had something on her mind once more. Prior to that, she had been happily sipping on her whiskey and just listening.

Now, back to the superweapons. I can tell you all, at that moment I truly thought I was going to be fucked over just by entering the town. It was a chilling thought at the time, considering that if they set things straight in the world, and I wasn’t from that world, I could have easily been a target. Of course neither Gilda nor Trixie gave any more info as to what the Elements of Harmony were. It made me wonder if it was a targetable weapon, or if it was a general shield that did a pulse or something.

Honestly, back then I was really imaginative with what the possibilities were, but could you blame me? Gilda had basically confirmed it was a superweapon and damn are those scary. You remember all the stories of how the ‘nukes’ fell? Yeah, well those were super weapons. We were lucky only a small few actually launched and detonated, but they essentially helped to create our new world.

Alright, I’m going to pour some whiskey and take a brief breather.

What? No, of course I didn’t go straight to bed after that. It was still relatively early by my standards. No, the reason I am taking a break is because I am skipping a part, and this is a fine time to take a break before the Luna part.

What am I skipping? Gilda and I had another talk, simple as that. Remember how I told you last time that I would be mentioning it but not actually telling you anything about it? Yeah, well here we are.

I’ve told you, and now I am skipping it.

Equestria, Years Ago

“Trixie is off to bed, she wishes you a good night,” the blue mare said as she walked into the trailer, and shut the door immediately following her disappearance from the night air. Both of the other two looked at her as she disappeared before their eyes switched targets.

Gilda looking at her cup solemnly, not even daring to speak or look at the other being occupying the area around the fire. Her nerves were working overtime, causing her to feel fear where there should have been none, yet even despite her desire to talk and tell him her reason for wanting to go to Ponyville … she still had a little voice in the back of her mind telling her that she shouldn’t have to tell anyone anything about her.

It wasn’t a question of whether the human could be trusted or for that matter, whether he would just dismiss her … she had just been hurt inside so badly that she felt nauseous whenever she even thought about what had happened.

Ryan, for the entire time Gilda fought her inner demons and voices, just sat across from her, staring at the griffon. Waiting. Waiting for the right time to talk, or for her to talk first. It wasn’t his choice in the matter but eventually there had to be communication. He wasn’t a mind reader and had no magical skills to call upon, yet he didn’t need either in order to judge what Gilda was thinking. Her posture and the fact her eyes darted away whenever she tried to look at him told him that she was in an internal struggle with herself.

So the two sat, in a standoff of sorts. One battling with a choice that was beyond obvious, while the other waiting for the choice to be made. The only sound accompanying the moment was the crackling of the fire, chirps of the crickets, and a stray howl from either wolves or timberwolves.

“I ran from home,” Gilda said in a soft voice, nearly cracking with a sob. Tears weren’t falling from her eyes, but even the most clueless of beings could see that the griffon was distressed. “I wanted to go to Ponyville because I ran from home the day before you found me.”

Ryan moved from his spot over to comfort Gilda. At first she refused, trying to put up a facade of toughness, trying to bury her emotions deeper within her, and push him away, but his persistence won out and Gilda reluctantly let Ryan sit next to her, an arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

“What was the straw that broke the camel’s back?” Ryan asked simply, to which he garnered a sad laugh, one that came from not knowing the saying and considering it amusing.

“One day … about a month ago, my parents found my … my journal in my room. Well … my dad did at least. I had been careful in hiding it from his ‘room inspections’ but I forgot one day before I stormed out of the house in anger. When I returned, I-I found him reading it. I yelled and screamed at him expecting to cause another fight, one that I almost hoped would come to actual blows. In-instead he simply stared at me before leaving the room, dropping the journal on my bed.”

She was silent for a moment, considering how she was going to say the next part. She had kept another side of herself to herself for so long that it felt weird to even consider talking about it, let alone with someone that she had only met days prior.

“No ... no, why should I tell you!? You’ll just do the same thing! You’ll hurt me just like him!” she screeched before pushing him away, which did not come as a surprise to Ryan.

She attempted to run off, but Ryan was quick enough to grab her tail, stalling her progress, much to her shock and fear. The voice in the back of her mind screamed at her to fight back and run, that he was going to hurt her or something even worse.

Yet he did none of that, his eyes showed no malice towards her and her attempt to flee, only pity filled them. “To conceal one’s emotions is the worst they can do for themselves, Gilda. I should know, I did it most of my life.”

Much to her surprise, he let go of her tail and instead just kept sitting there, looking at her. The silence was broken when he spoke again. “There was a time when I bottled up all my emotions. My sorrow, my anger, my regret, my fear … even my own happiness. When I was younger, Gilda, I was cynical of everything and anyone but the closest of friends. It led to pain that I couldn’t explain, yet I thought I had an inkling as to what it was. I joked about it, getting an ulcer from all of the bottling up, and never thought much of it. Yet one day, I was forced in bed from the sheer pain in my stomach. At that moment I thought to myself, ‘this is too soon, it shouldn’t happen this early.’ For a bit, Gilda, I thought I was going to die because of a self-created ulcer.”

Ryan took a pause to let that sink in, allowing him to pat the cushion she had been previously using. She took the hint and sat back down next to him, though this time there was no contact.

“That was when I was twenty, Gilda. At twenty years old, I thought I was having something that shouldn’t manifest till my current age. It was funny when I learned that it was just very bad food poisoning, but that didn’t change the choice I made at that moment. I knew I had to change my thinking, to allow my emotions to actually flow freely or it would end up killing me. For two years after that, I felt great and I was thinking clearer. Yet I relapsed. It was after The Reckoning … the near death of my world, that I started bottling up again. I had no family left, and I thought I was truly alone. I resigned myself to inevitable death for years until I ran into an old friend again. Not a real friend per se, but instead a book I read once. The book was called, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari. I was reminded me of better times, of my father and mother. It told me that I had power over myself as long as I didn’t allow myself to fall into another pit of despair. To be humourous, you could say I was saved, and enlightened.”

Ryan turned himself to look at Gilda directly, putting himself down to her eye level to stare at her and drive his point home.

“What I am saying, Gilda, is that if you are afraid to let your emotions show from time to time, you will be wearing something worse on your sleeve, you understand that saying?” Ryan asked, to which she replied with a nod. “Good, now listen. You don’t have to tell me anything if you truly don’t want to, Gilda, but let me tell you … no matter what happens, as long as I am alive, you can consider me to be a trusted confidant. One you can confide in, and feel safe around. If you ask for help, I will aid you to my foremost ability as one who has experienced a lot in my long life.”

“No matter what I tell you?” she asked quietly.

“That is never a promise one can make, Gilda. Yet right here, no matter how much I hate definitives, I will promise exactly that to you,” Ryan said with a firm voice, but a soft smile.

“Why?” Gilda asked softly again.

“You remind me of more than a few people I used to know … and even one that was close to me. Heh, if adoption laws allow humans to adopt, I’d take you in before letting your family try to claim you again,” Ryan said with an amused chuckle, but he was speaking a little bit of truth. Gilda merely laughed softly at that, though she also had understood the inflection in the words.

“The day I left … my parents confronted me shortly after noon. They had avoided me all those days before. It … it started slowly, talking about what happened, or at least that was how mom started it. She tried to be the reasonable one, but I felt it … I felt the malice in what she was saying, not directed at dad, no … it was, well you know. Then dad said it as though he was talking about bloody murder!” she said with a choked back sob.

“What was it?” Ryan asked simply, but he had a good guess on what the topic was.

“That,” Gilda started but paused to take a few deep breaths. “That I’m gay. A fillyfooler, a dyke, a lesbian … and every other name that he could think of.”

“And are you?”

All he got in turn was a small nod. That was all he needed before pulling her closer to him, into a tight embrace that helped drown out the small sobs that the griffon gave off. That had been the toughest thing she’d ever had to do in her life. Another moment used to hold that title, but compared to admitting to someone the true her … that other event meant nothing.

For what seemed like hours, they just sat there, Ryan holding Gilda, while she allowed her emotions (and tears) to flow once more. It was essentially a repeat of last night, but this time it felt different. The previous night had been one of sheer condolence, one that was more friend to friend. This time, the embrace that Gilda was wrapped up in after her admittance felt more like a father comforting his little girl and telling her everything would be alright. It even made Gilda think back to what Ryan had said previously, but she quickly pushed the idea away for the meantime.

Eventually she pushed herself out of Ryan’s hug, using a claw to wipe her eyes. She had needed that, and felt infinitely lighter afterwards. She even felt ready to continue her story.

“We started swearing at each other, probably the biggest shouting match we had ever been in. Mother didn’t even really try to intervene, she simply looked at me sadly when I tried to get her to help me. Eventually … I just lost my temper. I had had enough of him constantly telling me how I had ‘sullied’ his honour and the honour of the family … I swiped at him … caught the fucker across the face as well,” she said with a small laugh. “He started bleeding badly as I rushed out of the house. Yet I could hear him yelling at me. Telling me that I was disowned and claiming he didn’t even have a daughter anymore.”

Ryan just continued to listen, his face showing neither the disgust he felt, nor the anger at hearing what happened, he just listened passively.

“And you know what? Fuck him. He never did anything for me anyway …” Gilda said with a surprising amount of conviction. “So I flew as fast and as far as I could … which well, you know the rest. I guess … the reason I wanted to go to Ponyville was because my first crush and … and former friend Rainbow Dash is there. For a moment I thought that if I found her and apologized that all would be better …”

“Do you still hope for that?”

“I don’t know anymore. I was sure of it until … until now, I guess.” she said before sighing deeply.

“Why don’t you think that things will get better?” Ryan asked, noting that he was going full therapist on her.

“She hated me when we last saw each other, over a year ago. I was an idiot, and a loser for doing what I did to her new friends. I felt jealous that she had other friends … I thought she didn’t even think of me as a friend anymore, let alone a chance at being something more. I knew for a long time that she was into mares as well, but with how close she seemed to her other friends … I thought I had lost my chance. I … ugh … I … I fucked up badly,” she said. If it hadn’t been in such a heartfelt confession, Ryan would have been proud of the swear.

“Everyone fucks up from time to time, Gilda. Sometimes it feels like you messed up worse than anyone ever, and I understand that feeling. You have to realise that every single one of us are merely … mortals. We aren’t perfect, nor can we be. Rainbow Dash will take you back as a friend, and perhaps she will finally see in you what you see in her,” Ryan offered.

Gilda nodded solemnly at first, but when she looked back at Ryan, there was the faintest hint of a smile on her face. He knew that his words had gotten through and that they had truly helped the griffon in her time of need.

She grabbed him in a surprise hug once more before getting up and walking to the trailer, but before she entered, she turned around. “Can … can we keep all of this between us? Can we go back to the way things were … I don’t want to say before since it was just yesterday but …”

“Whatever you say,” Ryan said before a small grin graced his face. “Cat-bird.”

Gilda merely laughed, albeit a small one, before flipping the finger to him and walking into the trailer. Ryan gave a smile in return before letting out a deep sigh. He felt a little relieved as well. Despite the fact Ryan was her shoulder to cry on and her counselor, he had felt a heavy burden going into the argument.

Eventually, Ryan picked himself off the ground and made his way to the top of the trailer. He had a meeting with a Princess and wasn’t about to miss it as long as he could sleep.

Present

Right, so I guess you all have been waiting patiently enough during the break for me to finish. I guess I should apologize for how I spoke about it. Sometimes, I forget that my social skills around others is not the same as it used to be. I apologize for how I’ve acted to most of you … and some of you deserve it.

Perhaps I am getting slightly senile already … it could explain why I need the breaks now. That is for another time though, for I should finish today’s part.

So skipping about an hour or so of me and Gilda talking, I eventually hit the hay and laid down to rest on the roof of the caravan once more, contemplating what scenery I should set up for Luna that night. Eventually I decided that while it was to entertain Luna, I also needed some form of interest as well.

Eventually I decided to recall the Normandy beaches I had visited as a kid. They were important way before any of our times. I only know them from the history passed down to me. I can see some recognition on a few faces. Yes, back in World War Two they were important because they were the site of the invasion of France to liberate it from Nazi Germany. Though as well that is another story entirely.

When I closed my eyes, I was once more in the black area that I always awoke in. Oh, I forgot to mention that normal lucid dreaming isn’t anything like what I enjoy. Once more I blame the Berlin incident, but even I can’t be sure how it started, it merely started one day. I merely tell others that I lucid dream, it is simpler and quicker.

So, I quickly remembered Omaha beach, the bluffs overlooking the stretch of sand. I perched myself on top of one such bluff, a blanket laid out over the grass and a pillow underneath my ass for comfort. Not to mention I also set out a cushion for Luna when she decided to arrive. Which, by the way wouldn’t happen for about half an hour. That left me enough time to really enjoy the scenery and take in the fresh air that wasn’t even real.

Eventually though, I felt her presence enter the dream once more, though she appeared on the beach instead of up on the bluff. So for a few minutes I got to see her wonder where she was, and if the look on her face showed anything, who was dreaming the dream. Of course that made me contemplate if she could tell what dream she would be going into and whose it was. Perhaps I was just the mystery?

I thought about those questions for the few minutes it took for her to finally spot me up on the edge of the bluff. The speed at which she was up and in the air flying was marvellous to see, and told me just how excited she was to see me and speak more.

“Greetings, Ryan!” she nearly shouted as she came in for a landing.

“Hello, Luna,” I said with a smile. “Having a good night?”

“Every night is enjoyable when friends are around,” she said with an eager grin.

“Oh? Am I a friend already?”

“We um … we didn’t mean to push this upon you. If … if you don’t,” she said rather meekly as she thought she made a fictional mistake.

“Haha, I’m joking, Luna. If you see me as a friend, I feel honoured to be such to one of the rulers of a country,” I said, patting her on her shoulder.

Her big grin returned instantly. It was as though I was saying the best news in the world to her. That did make me wonder about a few things, but they were of non-issue at the time and were instantly put to rest.

“So, I suppose it is your turn to ask questions?” Luna offered, as she looked out at the beach.

“You can ask the one on your mind first,” I replied simply.

“What is this place? It is very serene but unexpected.”

“Remember the movie ‘The Thin Red Line’?” I asked her to which she answered with a nod. “Well that was just a small part of the massive war that was World War Two. What lies in front of you is a beach in Normandy, France, that was designated Omaha Beach. The Allies designated that in preparation for their invasion to reclaim France from the greatest of the Axis powers, Nazi Germany. The beach saw thousands die in a mad rush to cross the sand and scale the bluffs so they could gain a foothold in the country. When I was very young, around twelve, I visited this place with my family. It was one of the most memorable points in my life,” I answered her, all the while smiling at the good memories.

“I see … it is a shame that so many gave their lives here,” she said sadly.

“Despite everything I think, Luna, there are times where blood needs to be spilled in order to cleanse the evils of the world.”

“Wise words from such a young being,” she said all the while nodding her head.

“Young? Haha, Luna, I am hardly young. Being over forty is roughly halfway through my life!” I replied with a hearty chuckle.

“Half way through a life span is indeed a long time, but when your conversation partner has been around for millennia, and isn’t even near halfway, it makes you look young,” she said with a smirk of victory over me. I merely balked at what she had said.

Yeah, and that’s what she had said! She said millennia! Not millennium which means only a thousand years, no she meant more than a few thousand … I mean hell, a century is long for us! Imagine a few thousand years! It still shocks me now!

“A … millennia … how old are you? And don’t give me this whole ‘it isn’t polite to ask a lady’s age’ bull, you brought this upon yourself,” I said, wagging a finger at her.

She merely chuckled at the statement, as though I had made a joke at my expense. “The last time I took count, I was tallying in at four thousand eight hundred and sixty one years old. That was this past year. My four thousand eight hundred and sixty second birthday is still a few months away, I believe.”

“And yet you still only look twenty three! You must tell me your secret,” I said with coy look that basically screamed I was flirting. Though it was all in good fun. Of course, Luna took it more literally and blushed hard at the flirtatious statement.

“Now, Luna, I believe you owe me some answers for questions I have?” I offered, switching topics since I didn’t want to possibly be smitten by what was practically a god.

She simply nodded as to indicate for me to go ahead and ask them. Unfortunately I hadn’t actually thought up a single question. Honestly I was going into every situation blind anyways, and it made me almost smack my forehead in response to my lack of preparation.

“How about we start with something simple; tell me about the world. You know, since I’m new and all that,” I offered. Sure it wasn’t really a question, but I figured I had a right to know.

“While not a question, I think it is acceptable,” Luna said before blowing a raspberry at me. “Now, the world itself has no official name, which each culture and species calling it something different. In pony culture, much to my and my sister’s dismay, scholars have titled it Equus. We both personally feel that it is too …”

“Speciesist?” I offered.

“Yes, that is a good word to describe that. Now, aside from the planet name, you have many different species living amongst this world, but there are only really six major ‘nations.’ This is despite there actually being many small and independent states that do not align with any of the major nations. You of course know of Equestria, the country you are currently in. We have the most diverse culture and population of any nation, usually welcoming others in with open wings. According to our latest census actually, we can officially state we have at least one citizen of each known species.”

“Very impressive,” I said, actually quite impressed.

“Indeed, though in the case of the griffons it wasn’t an easy thing. A king of their old country ended up bankrupting the entire nation and put them in such a debt that they willingly became a state of Equestria. In more recent times they have become more of a protectorate by all means, but do accept our overall ruling when it comes to certain situations. Now, as for other countries, to the north is Yakyakistan, though they are the smallest of all nations. As the name implies, it is a country comprised mainly of Yaks,” she said with an amused giggle. I couldn’t help but follow suit as I too found it hilarious, though it made me wonder if she realised the punnyness in her country’s name as well.

“To the west and connected by land is what is known as 'The Dragon Territories'. For the most part they have formed settlements and a legitimate country, but that hasn’t stopped many flights of dragons from continuing their nomadic and … random lifestyle. It often baffles our ponies as to why the current dragon government allows it, but Celestia and I know that it is tough to stop something that is blood bound. It has lead to dragons inhabiting areas in Equestria that are forbidden, but there has yet to be a non-peaceful outcome.”

While I was interested in all of what she was telling me, I couldn’t help but think that the only reason she was telling me all of that was because she was bragging about her country. It actually made me smile a little as it was obvious that she had rarely ever gotten to speak on such things to someone interested enough.

“Finally, across the Proteus Ocean, there is the Saddle Arabians,” which I snickered at, “Minotaurs, and Zebras. Saddle Arabia is a sister nation of Equestria, for they and us have descended from common ancestors. A lot of the Eastern Continent is arid badlands, desert, or grasslands. The Saddle Arabians are from the southern part of the continent and actually border all three in a triangle-like form. Tayros is the most western nation, populating the most mountainous areas that act to separate them from Zebrica. Zebrica is located to the east of those mountains and is landlocked due to a very hostile desert north of them and an extremely dense jungle to the east of them.”

“Can you tell me about those three nations?” I asked.

“That counts as a question, you know?” Luna countered back with a smug look.

“Which means I have two left, correct?” I hoped she wouldn’t remember the count from last time, which would have meant I only had three.

“Nope! Only one!” she said in an extremely chipper tone. She had undoubtedly caught me in the act. “Now, the Saddle Arabians, as I said before, are essentially cousins of ponies, but are much larger in size.”

“Horses?” I offered, to which she looked extremely surprised.

“How … how did you know?” she asked, stunned.

“Luna, on our planet we have millions upon millions of non-sapient creatures. For example, you have wolves, we have wolves. You have birds, we have birds. Such like that, but on our planet, we are the only sapient species. Because of exactly that, we have many non-sapient species that directly reflect four of the nations you mentioned. Yaks, zebras, horses, and yes, ponies. The first two are wild creatures for the most part, but the latter have been domesticated by my people in the past. Used for labour or transportation, and are considered pets for the most part.”

“Very curious,” Luna said simply before looking distant for a second.

“You’re not worried, frightened, or appalled?” I asked, truly surprised by her reaction.

“It is not outside the realm of possibility that there are worlds or dimensions that have such things occur. I cannot judge your people and what happens in your world on second hand accounts. While it is sad to hear of such things, I will not hold it against you or humans in general,” she said with a small smile. Though it instantly grew into a large grin before she added a second part. “Plus, Twilight Sparkle met a ‘horse’ in the human world she went to, so it’s not as surprising as you think.”

“Oh … continue then,” I said.

Luna simply giggled before continuing to answer my question. “The Saddle Arabians used to be nomadic, but during the past thousand years have settled and become a rather rich nation, lavish in their ways. They are one of the smaller nations in terms of population, but that hasn’t held them back in any way shape or form. They are also one of the three nations that does not have access to magic in some form, naturally. Many can learn earth pony and zebrican ways, but it is through dedication that they do. Often they rely on ingenuity to help them, much like the Minotaur nation.”

“Tayros, yes? Trixie mentioned it once or twice,” I interjected.

“That is indeed their country’s name. The minotaurs ar-” I held up a hand for Luna.

“To help with your explanation, let me tell you that many species in this world of yours, are myths from an ancient civilization in my world. So you don’t need to bother explaining the minotaurs.”

“Hmm, now that is odd. Something to ponder later I think,” she said before returning to her little lecture. “Now, in Tayros, the minotaurs are very bright and open minded. They have had the disadvantage of being like the yaks in that they can’t use magic at all. Of course that hasn’t stopped them. Their physiology has helped them become the engineering geniuses of the world. They have invented many of the tools that are used in Equestria, sometimes in collaboration and sometimes just because they can. Thankfully their nation is extremely peaceful in how they act. For the most part, you will never find a nicer being than a minotaur, though that doesn’t mean they aren’t skilled in the more … physical altercations. History has proven why they have been at peace for so long; second only to Equestria. The nation itself is ancient by all means and is often the site of many archaeological expeditions.”

That last line got my attention, and Luna just smirked at how I perked up. I wanted to tell her that she had played me like a fiddle but I kept quiet, not giving her the satisfaction.

“Finally, there is Zebrica. Their nation is very similar to Equestria, but you could say it holds mysticism in higher regard. Many arrogant and speciesist ponies often view them as nothing more than barbarians just because they hold onto their ancient ways. It is actually very amazing at everything they can do. Though this isn’t to say that they haven’t changed and embraced the world as it is. Since you know what a Zebra is, I guess the last bit to say is that Zebras are very skilled in alchemy and enchanting. We do a lot of trade for their herbal medicines, and in return we help them with the weather,” Luna said before doing a little stretch to pop her back. This girl was after my own heart!

I only say that because in my entire life, I’ve been addicted to having to crack my back. Moving on!

“Well that was one hell of an info dump,” I muttered as I contemplated my next question. “Alright, I’ve got my next question. Can you tell me about magic?”

Luna paused for a brief moment before smirking at the question. Unfortunately she couldn’t stop her laughter and it eventually came out at full force, snorts and all. I felt like I was being mocked at what she was doing, though I didn’t make it known until she eventually calmed down. When she did, she looked at my face and noted the indignation on it.

“I’m sorry, Ryan … I didn’t mean to act like that,” she said in what was easily the most shamed look I had ever seen. “It’s just … it would take a long time to explain magic, even the basics to those who have no natural magic or were not born into a society that relies on magic. Even scholars and geniuses from other nations have trouble learning pony magic.”

I sighed at the explanation. It wasn’t the one I wanted, but at least she was sorry for her reaction. Though I did feel a little cheated. “I guess that suffices, but I think you owe me another question.”

“Ask away!” she replied, a little more chipper after the non-verbal scolding.

“When I arrive in Ponyville … what can I expect? A little voice in my head is saying I’m going to die when I arrive,” I asked, ending on an obvious joke.

“Haha, nothing of the sort. Ponyville, while being a relatively small town, has seen its fair shares of things that are abnormal. In fact, you could say it is the most abnormal town in this world, and that is not an exaggeration. It has seen many things that nopony would wish to see in their lifespan,” she said with a shake of her head. “To be honest, Ryan, you would probably be the most tame thing to enter that town in a long time.”

“So no getting blasted by these Elements of Harmony?”

“Oh Faust, no! The Elements are nothing like that, and even if one were to get blasted, it only affects those with evil or malice in their hearts,” Luna said lightly before getting serious. “Now, where did you hear about them?”

“Trixie apparently knows them or at least one of them. She mentioned it during one of our conversations,” I said with a shrug. Luna knew that I was only giving a half truth in terms of when we talked about it, I could tell by the look on her face. Eventually though, the hard studying to see if I was lying gave way to a sigh of relief.

We ended up just sitting there for a little bit, allowing the soft rolling of the waves to fill the silence arounds us. I was pondering up what to say and ask next, which was probably what Luna was doing at the same time.

“Question for question?” I offered.

“Sure, but not too many, I have other duties tonight,” Luna said in reply.

“You can start then,” I offered.

“How do you plan to get home? For that matter, how did you arrive exactly?” she asked.

First question off and she dropped one of the big ones on me. Honestly up until that point I was basing my travels off the idea that I probably wouldn’t be going home. It didn’t even occur to me to think about asking the other two in my group about the statue and how I arrived. It was like my priorities had been turned around or something like that. Looking back, I realise that I truly should have made that my number one issue. Everything else? That could have been dealt with after I got some answers.

At that moment, though? I guess I had more of a sense of adventure than homesickness or any drive to return. Sometimes the moment takes away all sense of reality and causes you to lose track of the things that needed to be focused on.

“I actually hadn’t even thought of returning. I guess I kind of resigned myself to staying on this planet for the rest of my life. Well … perhaps that isn’t the right thing to say. It’s more that I’ve gotten caught up in being here that I’ve kind of forgotten that I am here unintentionally,” I said before taking a quick second to gather my own thoughts. “As for how I got here? Would you believe that I simply touched a carving?”

“A carving?” she asked incredulously, though I could also see some disbelief in her facial features.

“Indeed. Here, let me show you,” I said before mentally conjuring up the carving in front of us, placed on a little stand. There it was, exactly as it was in real life. Ivory carving that showed two pegacorns, or I guess alicorns in their case, intertwined like snakes. You guys remember it from the beginning right? Good.

“This is what you touched to take you here?” Luna asked in mild shock.

“Yes. It was sitting in a ruined museum,” I said in return.

“I’ve seen many statues like this before … a long, long time ago. It was just after my sister and I took rule over Equestria,” she said, inspecting it very closely. “They were nothing more than gifts and items to represent us …”

She looked back at me with a look of shock resting upon her face. “How the fuck did one get into your world?!”

I barely was able to hold back a chuckle at seeing the “Princess” swear so easily compared to other ponies. Truly, Luna was a good representation of a mare version of me.

“Beats me, all I know is that I found it and bam! Land of colourful ponies,” I said with a small laugh while spreading my arms out as if to mock a rainbow appearing.

“Hmm … I would suggest you bring this to the attention of Twilight Sparkle, Ryan. She would be the best bet at finding a way to send you home,” Luna suggested as she continued to look at the carving. “Despite my sister and I’s powers … we often enough do not have the knowledge of the intricacies that would make up such a feat.”

“Good enough plan for me,” I shrugged before thinking of something that would be hilarious to play out. “Luna, have you told your sister or anyone else of me?”

“I have not. I was going to speak to my sister though tomorrow. That decision was somewhat hinging on your questions,” she admitted.

“Don’t tell anyone,” I replied quickly.

“How come?” she asked, a little surprised and wary at the idea.

“Eventually, I’ll make my way to Canterlot, probably relatively soon. You know, exploring Equestria and all that. If I find a way, or perhaps if you find a way to get me an audience, I would love to have a laugh at your sister’s expense … if that is okay by you.”

Her face broke out into a maniacal grin. “I think we can arrange something.”

“I know just the thing to do. All you have to have ready is enough beer and or shots for a drinking contest,” I said with a devilish grin.

“You’ve got it … and I know how to get you into the castle for a meeting,” she said with a grin of her own. “Though it will require telling Twilight Sparkle about me … or should I say ‘my sister’ knowing you already.”

“Oh?” I asked, intrigued by what she was implying.

“I’ll simply forge a letter in my sister’s name requesting her to bring the being named Ryan to Canterlot. She’ll arrive and I’ll tell my sister that Twilight and her friends wished to visit … it will be glorious!”

“Now you are starting to thinking like a winner! Send that letter around … well a couple of hours after midday. We should be in Ponyville by noon according to Trixie,” I said. “I’ll need some time to help deal with a few things before you request their presence.”

“Done!” Luna said, followed by a small giggling fit. Eventually she calmed down and stood back up. “Well it seems I must be off for now, Ryan. We will talk in pony tomorrow if all goes well.”

“Have a good night, Luna,” I said. With only the nod of her head she disappeared from my dream in the blink of an eye, leaving me to the nice scenery.

For a little bit I simply sat there before I changed the entire scene to one of a happy moment in my life, allowing me a nice and peaceful night from there on out. Nah, I don’t feel like telling you about it, not that it's too personal or anything but more that it's a rather boring moment.

Part five done, beotches! Now, unless you brought alcohol and wish to drink, I think it is time you went home. The night’s dangerous to those who aren’t ready for it, even if we are within sight of the guards on the walls.

Oh and be ready for the next part … it’s going to be long if I have any say in it.

Author's Notes:

Chapter 5 is here! Things are moving along, albeit rather slowly as it is but that's only really due to the story's narration. Don't worry too much, more stuff happens with each additional chapter. Once chapter 10 hits, then you'll start seeing more and more plot advances and action befitting of this story! Just you wait :P

Now as for the Gilda moment, I told you earlier that this story has Griffonstone as being entirely different than the canon. Now I know it might feel like Gilda is being soft but without the Griffonstone episode, her character is up for grabs on why she is a bitch. Enter this background. Tough exterior because of life, but she's a little bit softer past that. Don't worry, Gilda won't lose her edge.

While it isn't metal, I loved this song when I was a little younger so I figured why not use the name. Here's You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

Leave comments and questions! If you want Ryan to respond to them in the story just ask it to 'Ryan.'

Chapter 6: Through the Looking Glass

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Welcome back … can you believe it’s barely been nine days? Honestly, that is some sort of record for me staying in one place, though it will be broken the next day and so on until this story is over. You know, I bet if this story was being told by someone else, it would have been over already. It would have been a simple cut and dry story, you know the type.

‘He went here, and this happened, while he met these people. All before moving on and doing something else.’ Sure it would probably be told in a nice way, lots of description, but even then they would have left out so many parts. That’s what happens when it is told by someone who wasn’t there. So consider yourselves so lucky that it is this long.

I suppose you all have questions to ask me again? It wouldn’t be a story told by yours truly if I didn’t allow some questions before we started.

You there, you first. What is my opinion on magic? It’s fucking OP and is only used by 'leet' hackers … I don’t know what I really expected from saying that. Honestly, I sometimes forget that most, if not all of you don’t know much in terms of the old culture, or memes for that matter. Anyway, I always saw magic as an extremely useful tool that of course felt like cheating because I couldn’t use it. Though I wouldn’t doubt that it had drawbacks, which I never really learned about; it still seemed like something that anyone would give their arms and legs for. I mean you wouldn’t need them if you could just float yourself …

What? Did you expect me to have some sort of resentment or worry about magic? Honestly, I could care less, for I know for a fact because of magic, they have been stunted in terms of scientific growth. Can’t have both I guess … near stagnation, one would say.

Moving on, you. Who is Faust? What … I don’t think I understand.

…

Did Luna say that? … yes … yes she did. Huh … how did I forget that so easily. Either these nanobots are starting to wear off, or my age is really catching up to me. And no, you’re still not hearing about Berlin.

Anyway, I don’t know what I can really say to answer your question because I never thought much about it. Sure I ended up hearing that name from Luna a few more times afterwards, but I just assumed it was their ‘god’ that they swore to. If I could go back and talk to her, then that would actually be one of my first topics to bring up.

You can ask your question next.

…

Wait, let me get this straight … you’re suggesting that Luna was an ‘anchor point’ for me? What would make you think that?

…

Really? My stories suggested that I needed an anchor in the first place? Huh … that’s a new one for me. Well, I’ll be frank with you, this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a such a thing. Luna was simply the closest non-family that was essentially a gender-flipped and pony version of me. I felt like she could relate to everything my life had been, which was true … actually, now that you mention it, I guess in some way you could call her that. Though that’s in hindsight, I’ve actually been really good and staying sane through all of this. Each person deals with it in their own way. You’ll learn mine through the story.

Next.

Was I surprised at how easily Luna understood western culture? At the time? No. In hindsight it is an amusing thought, but let’s be real, when everything was happening I was going with the flow of things. In fact, you could say I was sitting in a raft and floating down a river; that’s an accurate description of how I was going with the flow. Though if I were to speculate now … well I’d probably still wouldn’t be too surprised. They seemed to be developing much like any country that was included in ‘western culture.’

You … how did I decompress? Care to explain? Come here so you don’t have to speak so loudly.

…

Okay, okay, I gotcha. Let me rephrase though, for the rest. By decompress he means, take time to really absorb all that was happening and come to terms with it. So his question is asking how did I decompress in the world. That’s actually a rather interesting idea. Most of the time there was always something happening or something to take my mind off such a need, that I guess I really didn’t decompress at all. In fact, that’s what I tend to do in situations that would usually require such a thing. Take that Louisiana story, for example. Due to all of the things going on constantly, I hardly even had time to come to terms with barely making it out of there in one piece.

Only one of what you suggested was a ‘method of decompression’ for me, though. The travelling to Ponyville, it wasn’t as you implied, since that was a goal for us to reach. I’ve gotten used to walking and travelling for a long period of time with little on the mind.

Now, the second option; my iPod, can be considered my decompression method. I’ve always used my music to get me through rough times or bring about emotions that needed to be released. To give a little spoiler, I actually got some time a little later on in which I was able to just relax and listen to my music. Even then, I never really took the time to actually think about it … thinking too deeply on issues that you lack the knowledge on is a way to drive one insane. That’s my opinion, though.

Once more we are done for the Q&A today. If you didn’t get your question asked … well too bad, try again tomorrow. I might just need to take a day and answer questions at this rate …

Now, getting back to the story.

So eventually I came to, awoken by the beeping on my wristwatch that I literally only used as an alarm; the thing was loud enough to wake the dead. So I just stared up into the slowly lightening sky. It was probably very early in the morning, the sun not even having begun to crease the horizon, just the light that always heralded its presence. I guess the right term would be ‘Twilight.’

After laying there for a few minutes, my stomach let out a low growl, telling me that I was mistreating it. If you only listen to one thing in your life, let it be your stomach … never a good idea to ignore it. With a deep sigh, I begrudgingly rolled off the trailer, landing on my feet barely before stumbling a little. It’s always the toughest when you were just waking up.

As I found my footing, I remembered that my packs were still up there so I had to scale back up enough to grab them and pull them off. Thankfully, that wasn’t much of an issue, since the cart itself was barely taller that me. It actually amazed me that it could hold me while I laid on top of it, as well as the fact that the two inside actually had enough room in there.

So, with my packs back on solid ground, I decided to get a jump start on breakfast. Which, was about the same time that Gilda came out, stretching and yawning like there was nobody there. It was actually amusing that she didn’t notice me sitting by the steps, or notice the sounds of me ripping into a piece of beef jerky. My guess at the time was that she was still groggy from waking up as well. Though that idea didn’t make sense when I saw the lack of coffee in her talons.

Either way, I simply ate my jerky as I watched her do some stretches around the fire pit, as well as take a few peeks at her arm and coat.

Oh! Shit, I forgot to mention this earlier! Ha, I can’t believe it slipped my mind. Now, a lesson here, always make sure to check up on any sort of wounds as well as change the bandages for them.

Now, it only slipped my mind in storytelling; I did remember to change Gilda’s bandages every day, which ran us low on medical supplies, but that wasn’t going to be an issue for very long. I had done it shortly after eating, and thankfully she was a rather quick healer. Most of the cuts were looking good and starting to heal nicely. Her wing was still going to be an issue for her for a bit, though in my opinion she would be up and flying within a few days. The arm was a little more interesting, but given enough time it would heal.

Anyway, yeah … completely forgot to mention that. See! The nanomachines … nanobots … nanites … whatever, see, they might be failing. Hopefully not too soon …

I could have kept myself unknown to Gilda for a few more moments past her doing her stretches, but my neck was stiff and I needed to crack it. You ever crack a body part so loud others can hear it? Yeah, well sleeping tends to make my neck very stiff initially. Though just in a way that requires me to crack it, nothing worse thankfully.

So I simply turned my head with a little pressure, letting loose a series of loud pops. It relieved me immensely … and scared the everliving shit out of Gilda. Seriously, if her wings weren’t wrapped, she would have flown away in surprise. She got some good air though, before turning around sharply to see me sitting there with a grin.

“Why’d you bucking do that?!” she hissed at me, a talon clutching where I assumed her heart was.

“Haha, I didn’t do anything on purpose, cat-bird. You were just too lost in your world to even notice me,” I said with a grin. “And here I thought griffins would have a keen sense of smell at least.”

“You could have at least said something before scaring me,” she muttered, not really intending for me to hear that. “Still … shouldn’t scare a griffon like that, you twat. I could have attacked you!”

“I think I feel a little insulted that you think I wouldn’t be able to defend myself,” I said with a small pout … tough thing to do with a beard, by the way. “Still your fault for not being aware of your surroundings.”

As I made to stand, the door to the trailer flew open once more, letting Trixie walk out, a cup of coffee in her magical grasp. “It’s too early for you to be this loud!”

“And now that the gang’s all awake, let’s go!” I said with more enthusiasm than what should be allowed in the morning. Well at least that’s compared to how I used to be. Never was a morning person until I needed to be, so I guess I still kind of look down upon mornings.

They both glared at me hard before walking back into the trailer. It was a little bit amusing to me since Trixie had literally walked out and then right back in when I said that line. Apparently humour was lacking amongst the group at that point in the morning … and let me tell you ahead of time, it was almost always one sided when it came to honour being dished out early in the morning.

So I continued to stay outside and let them do whatever they needed to do in the trailer to be on our way. That meant I basically cleaned up everything by myself, which was probably faster in retrospect, because I was able to multi task and move without possible hindrance. It was during that moment that I actually re-realised that I was so used to be being alone when travelling that I hardly had any need for the other two except company … and storage.

Of course, I had to remind myself the real reason why they were with me for the trip. I had asked them if they wanted to follow me in a certain direction and they accepted. Sure, their own goals were in the same direction, but still the premise stood.

Eventually, when everything was cleaned up, minus the pillows which were stacked by the door, the other two made themselves known again. I was certain that they purposely waited for me to clean up everything; their form of payback for my ability to wake up early … and for Gilda not being aware. Ehh, whatever, right?

So with only a few words, we were on our way once again. The early morning was really getting to them as they were extremely quiet for the first little bit of the trip. Only a few words spoken though I guess that was also because they were also eating as we walked. Some things can’t really be helped, and them being unable to wake up early was one of them.

Eventually, probably after an hour of walking, I was the one to break the silence. I know! I was the one, what sort of sorcery was that?!

Haha! Ahem.

“Is there a hospital in Ponyville?” I asked to the both of them. They confirmed my suspicion was correct.

“Good, that means you need to see a doctor, Gilda. The wounds are looking good from the last bandage change, and so is the wing, but a broken arm … leg, isn’t something that you want to leave to field first aid,” I said to her, but didn’t really get a reply back. I was tempted to ask her if she heard me, but I eventually came to the possible realisation that she was still thinking about last night … that or she had nothing to add.

“Also, would you happen to know of a place where I can have a shower? I mean I can always use a river or lake …”

“Trixie isn’t sure if there is a public shower or any place that has free access to bathing … there is the spa,” she offered with a grin, hoping to entice a reaction out of me. I smiled inwardly at the thought of her trying to lure me into a trap. One that I would take hook, line and sinker … and then completely reverse on her.

“Ugh! A spa?” I said with indignation originally, but I immediately switched to sarcasm. “I mean, they probably wouldn’t be able to do my nails properly! You need a specialist for those, you know … though I guess I could use a relaxing mud bath, open up the pores, you know?”

Trixie actually pulled a full stop at my response. Of course I simply kept walking as if nothing had happened. Eventually the shock wore off and she rushed to keep up, Gilda laughing her head off at my response.

“Never try to out wit me, Trixie … or use such blatant sarcasm,” I said with a chuckle. I couldn’t flash her an evil smile since my scarves were in the way, but she could probably have felt it from under the clothes. “I’ve learned from the masters of wit and sarcasm, Trixie. It’s a skill I have honed over the many years I have lived. Even in this new world, I bet it would be tough to find one that can match me in talking stupid and bullshitting.”

“Talking stupid and … bullshitting?” Both of them asked, in almost perfect synch.

“Talking stupid … what I was just doing, and bullshitting is telling tales either in hilarious manners or making them ridiculous no matter if they are true or not. Want to know why I’m almost certain I am the master of it on this world?”

“Your swearing capabilities?” Trixie offered.

“Your inability to take anything serious?” Gilda asked while blowing me a raspberry.

“Well those are two very good traits to have, and you are both correct about them,” I said in complete seriousness. “The true reason is because of my heritage. Listen up, girls, for I have a story to tell!”

And yes, this is now a story within a story … storyception! Haha, you’ll never understand. Also don’t worry, it’s another one of those short ones.

“Back in the old land, my people were renowned at using our wit to talk the biggest bullshit anyone had ever seen. We could tell the tallest tales and people would hang onto every world as though they were scripture! And that skill was only matched by our ability to talk stupider than anyone else. When you thought you had hit the bottom of the well in terms of stupid talking … we dug the well deeper. Now, eventually my forefathers spread out, weakening their ability to utilize their group powers in such a manner, but with each of them, they took the sacred arts and skills to new lands, preaching along the way.”

“Others tried to copy and even match my forefathers’ abilities. A few came close, becoming disciples when they realised that my forefathers were pulling punches on them. So their words spread, and when my forefathers found suitable mates, the next generation was in the making. It was said that the abilities could only be passed down to those under our sacred name. Even when my forefather’s sisters married into another family, they passed on the ability. I am that generation that the sacred powers got passed to … and I am the last of said generation … possibly the last of the entire family line, so I must ensure the sacred powers are in their purest form within me!”

Let me tell you something.

Never in my life, have I ever seen a more deadpan expression than the one I got from both of them. It was truly amazing just how obvious it was that they were not having any of my bullshit. Honestly, I was actually impressed by how well they were pulling it off. Usually my fables like that got, at the barest minimum, an eyebrow raise. Trixie and Gilda? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

That’s why I laughed hard enough for them to actually put me behind them. In fact I was still laughing when they had put on nearly a hundred meters of extra distance. Sure, it doesn’t seem overly funny right now, probably because you had to be there, but trust me when I say that it was one of the best moments in my life … well, in my post-Reckoning life.

So I had to jog to catch back up to them, but it was worth it. Completely and utterly worth it.

Thankfully, it also jump-started their own conversations, which this time it was actually more Gilda listening to Trixie tell her about Manehattan. Yeah, apparently our worlds are so similar that they had a place that was like New York … or Manhattan, if you want to be specific. That got me to thinking just how close our worlds aligned with each other.

So I made a mental note there to bring that up with Luna next time I talked to her.

Right, so it was approaching probably around ten o'clock when we finished climbing this rather long sloping hill which made me ponder just how fucking long the hill went on for at its twenty degree slope. When we finally got to the top, I saw something that baffled me beyond any doubt. I was so baffled I think I nearly baffled myself out of my baffled socks!

In the distance was a massive mountain, something that one would only see in the largest mountain ranges in the world, though not an Everest or K2, but it was still massive! … And it was in the middle of fucking nowhere!

I’m not kidding, it was as if the mountain had sprung up from the ground just because it fucking wanted to. It was the goddamned random hard-on of the world! I just couldn’t believe my own fucking eyes.

I stopped in my tracks, looking over at Trixie for an explanation, but I couldn’t even bring to words what I was looking at. I held up both of my hands towards the mountain, silently asking Trixie for an answer.

“Canterlot Mountain. On the side of the mountain is Canterlot, Equestria’s Capital,” Trixie said simply.

“Wait …” I managed to get out before whipping my rifle out to look through the scope.

Now, let me tell you something I realised about the world right then and there. Sure, I had some inkling of what the world was like, but what I saw when I peered through the scope was without a doubt, the second craziest thing I have ever seen. The first being The Reckoning, but it was a solid second place.

There, on the side of the mountain, with what looked like not a single support beam that I could see … was a fucking city. I’m not talking cliff-dweller cities that are made into the rock, no, no, no. It was a fucking city that looked to be sitting on multiple overlapping platforms that even had a little stretch of pure green grass leading to it.

That’s the best I can do to describe how it was built along that mountain … seriously, I went through a whole brain reboot at seeing that because by all means it was either the greatest feat of architectural engineering in the history of fucking ever, or physics decided to cease existing in the world as I knew it. It was right then and there that I did what any sensible man would do.

“Done! Screw this shit, I’m going home,” I said, throwing my hands up in the air and turning left … which was actually the way we were going to go anyways since the forest had cut away from us a little bit ago.

I didn’t obviously give up on the whole situation, but it was then and there that I truly threw out all my previously learned ideas of the world. My suspension of disbelief was completely shattered there … a lesser man would have broken down into a quivering mess. Me? I simply resigned myself to knowing buttfuck all about the world.

So, with my new outlook on this world, we continued walking in the direction of Ponyville once more. This time there was a lot of snickering from the two girls … mares … lionesses? I’m going with girls from here on out. Anyway, while they snickered at my new outlook on the world, I simply kept trudging along.

Now, Trixie’s guess of when we would reach Ponyville was getting damn accurate, mainly cause in the far distance I could see the outlines of a few taller buildings … including a building that was shinier than anything I had ever seen. Trust, me I’ll come back to that in a minute.

Now, to say that Equestria was beautiful was … very accurate. The reason I bring this up to you is because this was a different type of beautiful. There is the wild nature type which brings awe to people in how it’s soo different than anything they’ve really seen. Then there is the beauty in sheer perfection and symmetry, which is what I was seeing. Perhaps not the symmetry part, but it was perfection in how well groomed the landscape looked. I swear that even the grass looked the same height! Even the trees looked like they were constantly groomed, and don’t get me started on the clouds! Though that last part is because they controlled the weather … yeah, it’s still baffling to me.

Back to the main plot, enough of me speaking about how awesome the countryside looked. Now, when Ponyville started to come into view, the European-style houses, and the distant forms of ponies going about their day, Gilda and Trixie started to look a little nervous, though the latter was putting up a much stronger face than the other.

Now, I’m going to skip the few minutes to close the gap between that previous spot and Ponyville. The next part is way more action packed! Well considering that it’s either listening to me recall conversation or listening to me speak about my musing and walking.

Now, we were probably about two hundred meters from the town when a group of six ponies came marching forward as though they were trying to intercept us … which they were. They were either the town’s welcoming party, or guessing by the fact the head one was an alicorn, we were going to have trouble.

Not the trouble that required me to draw my weapons, but the type that needed my suave talking … or so I thought. Buckle up for some interesting conversation!

Though to help facilitate the conversation and ensure that you all understand one confusing point, I will mention that I asked Trixie if she was willing to give me some bits, which she did. The perfect amount to buy another bottle of Ambershine. She didn’t even question my motives!

Now, here we go.

“Oh no …” I heard Gilda mutter as they approached.

Psyche! I need to describe them first! It would have been bad story telling to describe them in between what they said.

Now as I said, the leader was an alicorn … and purple … so I was guessing that it was perhaps Twilight Sparkle as I had been told about. She was just a smidge larger than the rest, but it was made obvious that she was the leader by how she carried herself … disciplined … well, as disciplined as one could be for having their name based off a shitty book series.

Sorry, went off track there. Anyways, not much more to say about her, but I was already coming up with nicknames and insults just based off the name alone!

Kind of behind her but in the air was probably the most eye-catching pony out of the group ... blue furred and wearing the colours of the rainbow for her messy hair and tail. Yep, at first I wanted to call her skittles, but then I remembered the name Gilda mentioned; Rainbow Dash.

She definitely lived up to her name to say the least. Though Gilda didn’t mention that she looked constipated when she was trying to glare someone down.

Now on Twilight’s right was a white unicorn and a yellow pegasus. The unicorn, whose name I didn’t know at that point was … well … let’s say that my own personal judgements screamed that she was a stuck up bitch. Later experience proved otherwise for the most part, but trust me when I say that her purple curly hair style and the way she looked at me like she wanted to vomit was a good indicator of why I thought that about her.

Now the pegasus: she was the most out of place, though only because she was just barely hiding behind the unicorn. Her face showed multiple reactions depending on who she looked at. When she looked at Gilda, there was only fear. Me? Outright curiosity. Though strangely, enough there was no real reaction with Trixie. Yellow fur with a pink mane … she looked like the softest in the group.

I mean in terms of her personality, you fuckwits! Christ!

Now on Twilight’s left was two earth ponies … ones without a horn or wings. The first one, an orange-furred one, screamed that she belonged back in the setting we were previously in. Call me a stereotyper again, but the stetson on her head screamed cattle rancher. She wore a very even look, one that spoke of a true neutral character. Not ready to judge until she had heard of all the facts, though I can speak on experience, those types are also sometimes the ones to judge first.

Now the final pony of the group … pink. So much fucking pink. It nearly hurt my eyes to look at her. So much pink .... so much …

Also she was smiling like a maniac … just looking at her felt disturbing.

So there you have it, got a good picture of them all? Good because I’ll be bouncing this conversation all over the place, considering that’s how it happened. Ready? Hold on tight!

Actually it’s not that exciting in reality … haha!

“Look who decided to show her face around here!” Rainbow Dash snapped, probably at Gilda.

“Rainbow!” Twilight shot back to the blue pegasus. “Anyway, it’s good see you again, Trixie, and it seems like you have friends with you.”

“They are merely tag alongs to The Great and-” she cut herself off before giving a small cough and rephrasing. “Trixie, just Trixie.”

Twilight smiled at that, probably because she was annoyed by the title or something. “Though I am curious as to how you acquired your … unique friends.”

“Oh, oh, oh! I bet you she found them someplace when she was trying to do a show and they all decided to travel here because they all had important meetings that they didn’t want to miss!” the pink one said very quickly. If I didn’t have so much covering my face, the ponies would have seen my look of shock … one that was not mirrored by a single pony there, or griffon for that matter. It seemed like they just ignored her … rude much?

“What are you even doing here, Gilda?” Rainbow Dash asked before my side could respond to Twilight’s … or the pink one’s statements. “Come back to gloat with your friends and call me a dweeb?”

Much venom. Such hate. Wow.

Gilda looked as though she was going to respond, but Rainbow zoomed over and got up in her face, despite the fact she was still in the carriage.

“What, am I not good enough for you to even come out of the carriage? I don’t know why you came here, but you should just leave before you hurt any-” she didn’t get to finish as I grabbed the scruff of her neck (yes, ponies have that apparently) and pulled her away from Gilda, to deposit her next to Twilight Sparkle. You’d also be surprised how light she was! Though I guess that made sense for her to able to fly ...

She kicked and squirmed the entire couple of meters I carried her. When I dropped her, she simply landed on the ground in slight shock at my actions. I merely backed up to my former spot on the left side of the trailer. Every single being in the little powwow was staring at me in shock.

Eventually the reactions started to come in. The orange one got in a charging stance, the yellow one hid behind the white unicorn more, and Twilight’s face started to harden. I knew a situation would escalate unless I said something.

“If you rush to her defence over such a simple thing, than everyone here is going to have a bad time. Don’t side with the instigator,” I said simply.

“Instigator?” the orange one asked in her extremely southern style accent.

“Gilda has done nothing, and yet Old Yeller here decides to get in her face like she was being interrogated … yeah, your friend is the instigator here,” I said, folding my arms over my chest.

“Done nothing!?” Rainbow all but yelled at me, getting in my face. Like I mean way too close for her own good. “She terrorized my friends last time she was here, and ruined a bucking party for her!”

“Get the fuck out of my face before I put you in the ground,” I growled back at her.

Before she could even respond, a purple field of magic wrapped itself around her tail before yanking her back to the group. It seemed, based off their faces, that none of them really supported Rainbow on this issue.

“He’s … it is he?” Twilight asked, to which I nodded. “He’s right, Rainbow … despite his language … but you can’t do that.”

Rainbow looked completely crushed at being told that, but she didn’t leave, instead she just started grumbling and went back to her hovering. Now was my time to defuse this … and before I started up, I mentally made a note to apologize to Gilda and Trixie for bringing this up instead of letting them state their intentions.

“Right, let’s start this over with some introductions here. You’re all obviously rather well versed with each other, but the human standing here is a newcomer,” I said, noting how the six in front of us seemed to go a little wide eyed at that. Though Twilight wasn’t as shocked. “I’m Ryan, somewhat new to this land and looking to not have to resort to hostile intentions. That being said, I’m merely here because of these two beside me. Trixie needs to speak to Twilight because of a revelation regarding her career. Gilda here, has some extremely important things to talk to Rainbow Dash about. Things that should probably be done in private. Oh and if you could use your goddess-like powers to heal her injuries, that’d be great. Now, if you’ll excuse me, since I have no relevancy in these conversations, I’m going to go find the local bar, which I am sure is open if they are a decent bar.”

With that, I simply strode past them and into town. Yep. It was that fucking simple! Truly, it was a thing of beauty. Though I also felt a little bad for Gilda since I was essentially feeding her to the lion’s den. Why only a little bad?

Well the thought occurred to me to escort her and help her along in the conversation with Dash, but then I realised that if I coddled her like that, then she wouldn’t learn anything from the ordeal. It was a moment where I decided to say, tough love was indeed the answer. No matter the result, I would be there for her in the end, as long as she told Dash everything she had told me.

So I set off in search of the bar … which was way too close for my own good. Though along the way I noticed the massive shiny thing I saw prior.

Imagine … a tree. Yes, I said imagine a tree. Now, take that tree, remove its leaves, and turn it into crystal. Still following? Good. Finally, expand that tree to about ten stories tall, with branches that were house-like in thickness, and then add windows and balconies all over that tree. Got it? Yeah, that’s essentially what I saw. It was a fucking Tree Castle or something.

I simply shook my head and went into the bar. I didn’t even make it to my seat before I ordered a bottle of Ambershine. Surprisingly enough, the bar actually had some patrons in it. My guess is we arrived on the weekend, so it made sense to drink as early as I did.

Now, I’m going to skip ahead a little, only about half an hour, since absolutely nothing happened. I merely perched myself in a corner booth, kicked my feet up on the table and sipped on my bottle of Ambershine. Not a single pony decided to bother me, until the one being I didn’t want to see that early came hobbling up to my table.

“Well, that was quick, Gilda,” I said before taking a drink. “All sorted out? I know your injuries aren’t.”

“Yeah, all sorted out, can we leave now?” she asked with a slightly choked voice. It was then that I noticed the tear stains on her feathers.

“How about you tell me what happened?” I said, still in my relaxed position.

“There’s nothing to say!” she snapped at me before reeling and returning to a ‘calm’ demeanour. “She wouldn’t let me get in a word at first … and when I tried, it didn’t come out right. Just bad comments and yelling. It went … downhill from there, and turned to a yelling match. I stormed out, okay? Can we just bucking go!?”

“Sure, sure, but here, have a drink first, you look like you need it,” I said after dropping my feet from the table, before holding the bottle close enough for her grab. Though, when she reached for it, I swiftly pulled it back.

“Or, you can griffon the fuck up and go back to the mare you care about and set things right. This is on you right now, Gilda. Rainbow Dash is a douche right now, but that can change if you take charge and tell her exactly what you told me. Take fucking charge and stop hiding behind a thin veil of false security.”

She looked to make a response but I removed my glasses, set the bottle down, and reached forward to grip the sides of her head, making her look into my eyes as I gave her the hardest glare I had ever given a griffon. “Go back to the walking rainbow and say to her, ‘Look, Rainbow Dash, I was a massive dick biscuit when I was last in town. I wasn’t behaving like I should have, like you used to know me for. Things changed before I arrived and it made me bitter in all the wrong ways, and things have only gotten worse. But that isn’t a reasonable excuse for how I acted. Can you just listen to me explain this, please? Can you give me this one thing at least?’ If you say exactly or along those lines, I can guarantee she will listen. What happens after that is up to you. I’ve given you the tools to help repair your friendship … it’s up to you to use them properly.”

She simply nodded in my grip before I let go of her, letting her start to backtrack. “Oh, and one more thing, Gilda. If you actually call yourself a dick biscuit, you get my backup bottle of Ambershine all to yourself. Now, shoo, Cat-Bird. Go talk to your mare.”

With that, she made her way out of the bar. Yep, I felt proud of my little pep-talk. Proud enough that I stared the closest pony in the eye, for a good reason too, since he had been staring at me the entire time, and said, “Yeah, I give motivational speeches to griffins for fun, so either stop staring or I’ll wedge that chair you’re sitting on, so far down your muzzle, you’ll be shitting splinters all week.”

That got him to stop staring instantly. In fact, it even made him change tables. That reminds me, have you ever been asked the question, is it better to be feared or loved? I can say that I have been asked that before, and despite all of the years I’ve had to contemplate my answer, I still have yet to decide what is better; though perhaps it all depends on who you are? Some would take being feared just because they feel that it earns more respect, but at the same time others see that as a more … psychotic option. Then the ones who prefer to be loved tend to be the same that have a rosy outlook on life. If there were more options than it would be easier to choose … between those two? I can’t say.

Why did I bring this up? Well, when that stallion fled my general area, it made me wonder if I was coming off a little to brash for this place. Sure, it was who I was at times but I could also be very tactful … yet so far I had done exactly the opposite of that. So I ended up re-evaluating my approach until my watch beeped. See, I had set a timer to tell me when two hours had passed since we entered the town. Two hours, because I knew somepony was expecting mail.

Well, it was time to get moving I thought, so I got up, stretched, walked to the entrance and flipped a ten piece bit at the bartender for a tip. Sure he hadn’t gone above and beyond, but just the fact that he had served me and asked no questions was good enough in my books.

Anyways, though I mentioned I did some thinking, I didn’t want to bore you all with the exact train of thought. Instead, I figured I would skip right to the outcome of my introspection. Sound good? Good.

I needed to utilize humour … a lot more humour. I mean sure, I was already on the path to possibly baffling one of the rulers of the nation, but I still realised that I had made the situation tense earlier, despite my justified reason. So humour would be able to diffuse the whole thing … well at least in theory it would. No, that isn’t foreshadowing. For all you know at this moment I could have easily succeeded or I could have failed. Don’t try and guess what happens based on little idiosyncrasies in my storytelling method.

Also, another thing I figured that could help lighten the air around that group would be asking questions in a friendly manner. It’s always a great way to start a conversation, and make sure you all remember that. The art of conversation is on life support right now, so hopefully you can at least teach that little titbit to others.

Where were we? Oh, right! Heading back to the group, gotcha.

Now, I didn’t really know where they would be, but I had to figure that Twilight would take them back to the castle for whatever reason, so that was my first destination … and luckily my last destination.

Now, the town was rather simple in design. You had about three houses right beside each other with just enough room to have a small fence, but after that there was another street. Truly whoever designed the town was going for that perfect symmetry look that I described earlier. Either way, it made my journey endlessly easier since I nearly had a direct path to the massive crystal tree castle.

Said path though, involved a fair amount of stares … actually now that I think about it, they were hardly stares and more like curious glances. A few ponies looked at me as I trudged through the city before turning their attention back to whatever they were doing before hand. Truly I was amazed at just how little attention I was given on my short trek to the gigantic shrubbery castle. Heh.

So to spare you as many pointless moments of me rambling about putting one foot in front of the other, I’ll just skip to me standing in front of that giant ass castle. Now, what surprised me was the complete lack of any sort of defence around the castle. No walls, turrets, ramparts, or even a moat! Truly whoever designed this thing was a moron … that or the castle’s structure was as fucking hard as diamonds.

Though I did see a pair of guardsponies … yeah it’s the correct way to say it … still weird to say as well. So this pair of guardsponies were just standing on each side of the massive doors that lead into the castle, doing absolutely nothing. It was amusing to see them holding these spears in their front legs, though … amazing and confusing.

As I walked up to the doors, I could see their eyes tracking me and trying to understand what I was there for. Though when I got a little too close, they crossed the spears over the door, barring me from where I was going.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle has forbidden visitors at the moment. Please leave the area. Court will open again tomorrow,” the one on my right said in a very even voice. So even in fact, that I was actually a little impressed, but they weren’t going to be able to hold those doors closed for long … and I would have nothing to do with it!

“How about ten bits says that within five minutes, the Princess and her entourage of guests comes walking out of those doors, greets me, and then we all walk to the train station?”

Now this actually caught them a little off guard; when you are that specific with probable events, it tends to freak others out. Their eyes widened at first and then narrowed, in almost perfect synchronization, I must say.

“I don’t know what you are implying … thing,” he said, trying to figure out what I was, “but if you’re not careful with your next words, then we will have to take you in for questioning!”

Now, the next part would have looked like complete magic to them because they were paying complete attention to me, but I actually was able to look past them and see into one of the windows by the door … yes there were windows by the main door. When I looked into the left one, I was able to catch a glimpse of Twilight walking out of a room and towards the door. So I decided to act upon the crazy amount of luck I had.

So I held up my palm. Five seconds.

Dropped my pinkie finger. Four seconds. The guards looked ready to apprehend me.

Dropped my ring finger. Three seconds.

Dropped my middle finger … giving up on a personally funny moment. Two seconds.

Pulled my thumb in. One second.

“Bingo,” I said as I pointed at the door … which opened exactly as I said that. Truly all the gods of luck were protecting me from the travesties of the universe. I couldn’t even begin to imagine just what I could get away with because of the crazy luck I was having. Want to know why I couldn’t begin to imagine? Because when you do, you lose the luck. Plain and simple.

Now, as the group of seven ponies and one griffon exited the building, much to the shock of the guards, I simply stood there. To say I had shocked them once more … well it’s correct. It seems my fortunate timing fit well with what I assumed was Twilight’s summons.

“Ah, perfect! Just the human we were going to get,” Twilight said with a smile, quickly replacing her dropped jaw. “Princess Celestia, the co-ruler of Equestria, has summoned us to Canterlot. You especially. It seems that she has been paying attention to your arrival. So let’s go! Chop, chop, or we’ll be late.”

Then she proceeded to trot past me and in what I assumed was the direction of the train station. I looked at the rest of the group, which was still standing on the castle steps. They looked a bit less confused as me, but still holding onto a small bit of confusion from the looks on their faces.

“That’s Twi for ya,” the orange pony said before moving to follow Twilight. I simply waited for most of the group to go ahead, so I could take up the back with Gilda who was trailing the group because of her limping. Of course I fixed that by going to a knee and turning away from her. I was going to give her a piggyback again.

She knew what I was doing too, and at first tried to ignore and even go past me, but I am stubborn if anything. Eventually she relented and got on. Sure it would be awkward for her to be seen like that, but I was thinking in terms of her health more than her pride. Though when she finally got on, a certain blue pegasus came swooping by … now don’t jump to conclusions. Despite her being a bitch earlier, she apparently had listened to reason.

“You’ve got it made, G! Your own personal slave!” she said with a massive grin. I couldn’t help but give a small laugh at that. It was essentially true at that point.

“Har, har, Dash,” Gilda said from above me. “Don’t give him too rough of a time … he doesn’t know anything else!”

Oh ho! They were ganging up on me! Well I can easily flip that around.

“So do I owe you that bottle of Ambershine or what, Gilda?” I asked simply.

“Wha-what?” she stuttered for a moment. Oh I had to gamble on that alone and say she used it.

“Ahh, so you did call yourself a dick biscuit, good for you! Admitting what you are is the first step,” I said with a chuckle, which drew a laugh from Rainbow.

“You bet her to say that?” Rainbow said in a little bit of an wheezing tone. You know, since she was laughing the entire time.

“Best bottle of whiskey I’ve ever given away!” I said, much to GIlda’s chagrin. She was groaning above me now that I had mentioned that. I merely laughed louder at that, hiding my mirth about her and Rainbow’s ‘repaired relationship’ with the fact that I had made a joke at her expense. It definitely came to mind that I would have to have a talk with Gilda about what happened.

What do I mean by repaired relationship? Oh! Oh … oh. Right. Yeah, I neglected to tell any of you about that didn’t I? Well you see, the previous night Gilda and I talked again and she revealed to me that she wanted to go to Ponyville to repair things with her long time friend Rainbow Dash. That’s also how I knew her name. She had done something stupid a while ago and it broke up their friendship.

Caught up now? Good.

Anyway, the rest of the trip went in relative silence for me, though the rest gossiped amongst each other. Rainbow and Gilda were talking about flying and stuff when Gilda’s wing healed, though that actually reminded me to ask her.

“So I guess that means no hospital trip to help heal you?” I asked to the griffon on my shoulders.

“Princess Purple Smart said everything looked good according to her magical scans, so I just need let them heal and in I’ll be in the air again,” she said with a fair amount of enthusiasm in her voice. Honestly, after what she called Twilight, I barely heard her say she was going to be good to go.

“Purple Smart …” I muttered just loud enough for Gilda to hear. Rainbow was too busy flying and laughing to comment.

“Oh no …” she said in response, apparently knowing where I was going to take it.

“You’ll be taking the blame for this later, I’m sure of it,” I said with a smile. If I had my way, the entire country would never have heard of Twilight Sparkle … only Princess Purple Smart. The name was just too fucking funny!

So eventually we did make it to the train station. I only use ‘eventually’ because to me it seemed longer than it should have, but I guess that’s the result of having to walk everywhere. When we did get there, the train seemed to pull up as though it had waited specifically for us to arrive first. Hell, for all I know it was waiting on Princess Purple Smart to arrive.

Either way, despite the many interesting looks that we all got, we were able to board the train peacefully and calmly, not to mention without any delays … you know … such as buying tickets. I guess that is the beauty of being guests of royalty. If I could have gotten Luna to vouch for me, I could have gotten away with so much … assuming my morality didn’t kick in first.

Now, for the entirety of the trip to the train station … yes I am talking about this trip again, I paid attention to a couple of things. The first being any conversation that Rainbow Dash and Gilda had … which was non-existent. The rest of my mind was trying to focus on following the ponies through the streets, while at the same time taking in the rather homely town. Honestly, it’s tough to describe just what the town was like … the best and probably most apt description I can give you is that it looked like any relatively small town from Western Europe. I already mentioned the design of the houses, but we happened to pass near a relatively open area that reminded me much of a few market places I had seen when I was younger, and the world still stood tall.

I just had to clarify a few things, since you all seemed to be disappointed that I hardly gave any description of the trip. Happy now? Good.

So, when we got onto the train, we entered a car that must have been reserved for Purple Smart because there was not a single other pony aside from our group. That and the carriage looked to be more of a first class type car. Where rows probably should have been, there were couches that faced into the middle, with tables and the like in between said couches.

When all the others got into the train car, they seemed to pair up and lay on the couches together as though they had a ritual or something. I mean it made sense for the other six since they were the Elements of Harmony … yeah, minor spoiler there. Trixie and Purple Smart took a couch so they could talk, Gilda and Rainbow did the same, while white and yellow teamed up and orange and unhealthy amount of pink did the same.

That left me a couch to myself … which I did not mind one damned bit. Hell, I was all but ecstatic at the fact that I was given a rather comfy couch to myself. So you can say for sure I stretched out and laid down on that thing, which luckily had pillows to keep me propped up enough to see the rest of the group. That was an important thing after all, since I felt the need to actually speak to the whole group for once.

“So … this is nice and all, but aside from those two pairs,” I said while pointing at Gilda and Trixie’s couches, “I know none of you. While at the same time it can be said you know hardly anything about me and all … so … how do we proceed?”

While that indeed broke the general silence in the train car, it also caused more since they were unsure as well on how to proceed. It looked like a job for the god of breaking the ice … though I reserved myself that time for something more tame and reasonable.

“Here’s an idea … how about we go around the room, say our names and something about yourself? Hmm? Sound decent? Too bad,” I said in rapid fire. “I’ll go first!”

So I cleared my throat decently, first of all. If you make any speech, you definitely need to do that first. It gets attention, after all.

“As I said earlier, my name’s Ryan. I’m a human … which I also said earlier, and the way to my heart is with food and whiskey … and that’s completely serious. You’d be amazed at how scarce decent food is from where I came from.”

That seemed to get everything started, though they also seemed a little taken aback by my statement. Hey, I feel little shame in telling the truth when it comes to food and drinks. Also just a heads up for the rest of you, it doesn’t work that easily. I know when I am being manipulated.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle, I’m the former student of Princess Celestia, and current Princess of Friendship,” she said with a smile that was directed to me. Hell, this whole thing was mainly for me despite any altruistic outcomes.

“Trixie’s name is Beatrix Lulamoon, and you still owe Trixie bits for your alcohol,” she said with a smirk aimed at me. It was a well played tactic, don’t you think?

“Rarity is my name, darling, and not to brag, but I am one of Equestria’s top fashionistas,” she said, definitely enjoying saying that. Though she looked like she wanted to say something more to that, but the world will never know what she wanted to add. Nor do I ever wish to know, honestly.

“I’m … umm, I’m … Fluttershy … and I … um, I …,” she couldn’t even continue. No, I’m not kidding, that’s exactly how she said it. You all will never know just how fucking adorable and yet painful it was to watch her struggle with saying just that.

Though she eventually was able to get a few deep breaths through before adding that she loves animals and takes care of them. Her nature definitely suggested that she’s good with skittish types to say the least … and her name was spot on.

“I’m Gilda … and well,” she said cautiously and quite unlike her normal way of speaking, but when she finished it made sense why she was hesitant. “I’m currently homeless.”

That caused a wince by everypony in the train car, as well as a hug from Rainbow Dash amongst the apologies from the rest. I didn’t say anything, for she knew I’d be there for her as long as I could be. Either way, after a few moments of silence, Rainbow Dash decided to speak up.

“Rainbow Danger Dash is the name, and I’m currently on track to be the fastest Wonderbolt in history!” she said with an extreme amount of pride.

Want to know how to deflate one’s ego in a split second without meaning to? Simple, ask them the one question they would never expect.

“What’s the Wonderbolts?” I asked with all honesty.

Her eyes must have bugged out so hard that she nearly fainted. I’m not kidding, not only did they expand to ridiculous sizes, but she actually fell backwards on the couch, nearly having passed out from my question.

That ended up causing a detour in the conversation, having to listen to her passionately describe the Wonderbolts. Essentially they sounded like the pegasi version of the Blue Angels or other stunt fliers from years ago. Stunt fliers are those who do intense manoeuvres in the air. The Blue Angels used planes since they were human … the Wonderbolts probably could easily pull crazier tricks, though it made me wonder how well they handled G-Force from all the manoeuvring.

Ugh, ask someone else what G-Force is … I don’t have time to explain every single thing I say.

…

Listen, do you want me to continue with the story, or start explaining what I know about physics? Good, then stop inquiring here and ask someone else instead.

So after we had cleared up that whole debacle, we moved back to the introductions. Next it was Orange’s turn.

“Ah’m Applejack, and mah family owns the largest apple orchard in all of Equestria, and that’s the honest truth,” she said with a tip of her hat. Do you understand how tough it was for me to not ask her if her accent was fake? I mean it sounded a little forced, but at the same time I felt like she would be one of those that couldn’t lie for shit. At that time I called it a feeling … the reality of it was that it was part of some natural magic that she was a part of. Sounds like complete bull to me but it's the truth, trust me on this one.

Now, this next part is … well it’s fucking tough to tell since it requires me to speak a little faster than normal. You see, I don’t think it is possible to replicate what happened with accuracy. Somehow the pink one managed to say this whole thing without taking a breath. So I’m going to break this up a little bit better so you can actually know what she said.

“My name is Pinkie Pie and I’m so glad to actually meet a human for once since Twilight has said so much about them after she came back from the other world through that weird mirror which I think that evil meanie took the Element of Magic through but Twilight saved everything and returned so she could get a massive palace and help save the day again because if she wasn’t here then she wouldn’t have defeated Tirek and then we wouldn’t have had any more parties because Tirek was a super duper evil meanie! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I forgot to ask you but do you like parties, huh, huh? ‘Cause I’m already planning your welcome party but since we are going to Canterlot to meet Princess Celestia I wasn’t able to get a welcoming party together in time but since you’re still here I can ask you so many questions to help make your party the super dooperest! What’s your favourite type of cake? Oh do you even know what cake is? What about cupcakes? Do you like sprinkles on your cupcakes? How about your favourite frosting? Or can that be answered by your favourite flavour as well? Do they count as the same flavour? Wait, do you even have parties where you are from? Because that would be so sad if you didn’t even have parties in your world I mean the world Twilight went to had parties but it’s obvious you're from a different world because of those weird things you are carrying and you didn’t come from the mirror! What does this even mean? Are you an alien? Or was there some kind of really cool dimensional rift gate that you decided to walk through in order to meet new worlds? Or maybe some relic brought you here through crazy means because you were meant for some sort of prophecy!? I ca-”

Oh my fucking god that was painful to recite … and I was taking it slow! At most I was going like a third of the speed she was. Once again I am thankful for those nanites … remembering that would have been impossible otherwise. Now, I’m thankful in the retelling that Applejack shoved her hoof into Pinkie’s mouth to stop her from talking … though at the time I found it amusing to see that they needed to stop her from talking. Though I also thought it rather disgusting considering they walk on those hooves …

Either way, what I did was probably the second funniest thing I’d done on that trip … though you probably won’t find the other one that funny. Whatever. Anyway, immediately following that long ass rant, I sat up and looked at her for a second before answering.

Answering every single question. In order.

“Yes, I like parties. Ice cream cake has always been a personal favourite, but chocolate cake is delicious as long as it is moist. Refer to previous answer for whether I even know what cake is. Also, cupcakes are delicious as heck, like mini cakes but easier to eat with hands. I don’t mind sprinkles, but only in moderation. Anything but strawberry for frosting. It can be answered by that answer but they are different foods so it can also be it’s own question. Yes there are parties but they have changed a lot in my life, with them almost always being more about drinking alcohol nowadays. I’ve yet to answer what this all means but I’ll tell you when I find out. Alien is a broad term for all that are unknown or not of the normal habitation, so in technical terms, yes. I don’t want to know how you know about Stargate, but the answer is unfortunately no. And finally, you’re closer than you think about that relic business.”

Yep.

It was perfect. Though I made sure to thank the nanites silently for my unique ability to be able to parse that mess of a rant and remember the order of the questions. What a unique super power, huh?

Anyway, when I finished with answering her questions, I had every single eye drawn onto me. Now, I’m used to having others stare at me because of stuff I do or what I look like, but it’s extremely creepy when the ones looking at you have eyes that take up way more than what should be deemed physically possible. Though I instantly played that off to the fact that physics stopped making sense in that world. It actually helps a lot of just take things in stride like that.

It took a few seconds before the first one to react actually … well … reacted. The first one was Pinkie, who first of all took Applejack’s hoof out of her mouth before slowly making her way over to my couch.

She walked up to me for a second, before placing her front hooves on my knees to look at my face more closely. Remember, I was sitting up at the time, not lying down. In response, I took off my shades to look her in the eyes as well.

She then proceeded to wrap her hooves around me in what was probably one of the strongest hugs I had ever had; her face was burying into my stomach. I was a little surprised, but I eventually reciprocated the hug, only to finally get a response from her.

“I think I’m in love,” she said rather softly, but loud enough for the entire train car to hear.

Which caused every single being in the train car, minus her and me, to have a small aneurysm … I mean that’s the only way I can possibly explain how all of their jaws dropped past what their jaw structure should allow.

Of course, immediately after, Pinkie broke the hug before laughing incredibly loud, which only cascaded towards me and caused me to join in the mirth of the whole situation. It was beyond amusing for me, especially because I knew it was meant to be a joke.

“Just kidding! Though it makes me wonder if you have Pie blood in you! Only ones that I know that can keep up with what I’m saying are my sisters or my parents. So that was super cool!”

“Haha, thanks, Pinkie,” I said simply before she made her way back to her couch. Despite the fact she embodied the colour pink, I felt she would probably be the most chill out of all of them … and no that isn’t saying something about the colour pink. I just assumed that I wouldn’t be able to stand her because of how bad my eyes would hurt. Yeah, so I’m judgemental at first, not a single soul can say they have never judge a person based on first meetings.

Yet during all of this, the rest were still in the state of shock, before Purple Smart finally shook her head while staring at me in a different state of shock. It was the type of look that a scientist would have given if you had just walked through a wall in front of them. She even did the typical point and try and create words, but instead look like a fish out of water before finally giving up.

I think I shocked the rest enough that they just wanted to move onto anything but what had just happened because, without even acknowledging my apparently amazing feat, Rarity decided to completely switch the topic. One that led to the funniest thing for me.

“So, darling, I can’t help but … notice the … interesting style of fashion you are wearing,” she said with gritted teeth. Yep. Military fashion has rarely been something that the fashion orientated have desired. “May I ask you why you wearing such … unique clothing?”

“Well, simply put, Rarity,” I said with a smirk under my scarves, “the reason I wear this is because they are more or less my business clothes.”

“Business clothes?” Rarity asked, a little shocked that any ‘business’ would utilize such things. Of course this was merely a setup to my next joke. One that I had been waiting for a long time to use. Trust me … a long time.

“What's ya business than?” Applejack asked in Rarity’s spot.

“Killing is my business … and business is good,” I said simply. Once again, something I said brought shock to every single face in the car, though a little less shock to Trixie and Gilda. Gilda especially. She was more shocked that I was so blatant about it. How did I know that? ‘Cause she utilized the typical ‘oh god why’ facepalm that typically signals such a reaction.

Of course at the reactions, I burst out laughing. Laughing hard enough that I fell out of my couch and ended up rolling on the ground, even with my pack and weapons still attached. Sure it poked and prodded me in annoying ways, but I didn’t care at the time.

So, let me explain the joke to you, and it’s really simple. A while ago, a band named Megadeth created an album and a song that was titled exactly that. It’s a good song; here, I’ll show you.

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsaoU6MT1Ts]Here it is. It’s a quick song so let’s just listen.

…

Yeah, Dave Mustaine’s voice is shrill, but I think it fits these type of songs perfectly. Also, the guitar work is fucking impeccable. Anyway, now that you know the song, and the fact I knew about it for years, it was tempting to fit it into something. I was originally planning to use it to intimidate someone, but honestly in retrospect, getting a laugh out of it was worth it without a doubt.

Of course, I had a lot of explaining to do for said joke.

“Okay, listen before you say anything. My world has a rather violent past, and the culture I grew up in originally often had to speak up against brutality and wars and such, but when they found out that being peaceful asking for it to stop didn’t work, they tended to make light of it in a satirical way. I personally don’t know what led to the creation of a lot of songs, but what I said was in fact a song title. It’s along the same type of music as that first song was, Gilda,” I said, to which she simply nodded in understanding.

“Now with that said, and you understand it was a joke, I’ll be serious. The reason I am dressed like this and carrying such things is because my word isn’t all hunky dory like this world seems to be in comparison. Sure, I bet this world has many issues, but on my world, when it is more or less a struggle to live each day … well, you can tell that where I came from is a veritable hell in comparison.”

“Hell?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Hell. You know, fiery pits of the underworld where evil goes to?” I responded. Of course the answer just made complete sense, considering the whole Ancient Greek theme.

“Oh! You mean, Tartarus,” replied Purple Smart. That made my eye twitch rather sharply.

“Sure! Why not!” I semi-yelled before slumping back into my couch. I took a deep breath before looking back at the group. “Anything else you want to ask? ‘Cause who knows what will happen when we get to our destination.”

“Canterlot,” Purple Smart said quickly. “The Princesses live in Canterlot, for it is the seat of power among the nation. Since Princess Celestia has summoned us, especially you, we are bound for Canterlot. It’s not a long trip, though. Roughly two hours and ten minutes of travel time with no stops along the route.”

“Right … questions anyone?” I said, quickly shifting the subject away from the trip itself. It wasn’t like the topic was horrible or anything, but talking about things only makes them take longer … it’s kind of like watching water boil. You watch it and it will never boil, but the moment you take your eyes off it, boom! Boiled.

“If you give me a few minutes, I can prepare roughly twenty questions for you to answer. Do you want them in oral form, or written?” Purple Smart asked with way too much enthusiasm. It reminded me of a professor that was eager to give out tests and see his class fail.

“Seriously? No one wants to ask a question … someone but her?” I nearly pleaded.

Thankfully, Rainbow Dash decided to step in … sure, her question wasn’t exactly the greatest one, but it did take me away from having to deal with Purple Smart’s list.

“Have you ever killed somepony?” she asked, a little too blunt in my opinion. In fact by the way she was kind of glaring at me, it looked as though she was sizing me up.

“I’ve killed many in my lifetime … many because it was either them or me … and many because it was either they live and many die or they die and many live. There has been a few that … that were done for money, but they were few and far apart. The world molded each and every survivor to be something different. Some were worse off, becoming little more than a shell of themselves, while some thrived. I am who I am now because of my world and what I’ve done to survive each day in my world. I’m far from the savior of the wastelands … but I try my fucking hardest to ensure that I only do something with a morally good purpose,” I said, taking the question farther than it was intended. They all looked a little shocked again. Honestly I was starting to get used to that being their normal faces. “So yeah. To answer your question, Rainbow: I’ve killed in the past, but hopefully here things will be different … for as long as I’m here.”

They all seemed to accept my answer to the question, but I noticed that Gilda was looking at me with a little suspicion. Yeah, she remembered that I took that one job back in Dodge City; though she was probably trying to see if I gave off any tells as to what I did back then.

“Dude …” Rainbow whispered.

“Sometimes I get a little winded and philosophical with my answers,” I said with a shrug. “it happens from time to time. Anyone else?”

This time it was the most timid one that spoke up. Though it surprised me with how calm she was with her questions. “Umm … may I ask what your … what your diet is?”

I knew what she was implying. The fact that she took care of so many animals meant she most likely had to deal with animals that were of all three groupings. It also allowed me to assume that she probably was able to tell what an animal ate just from their teeth.

“Omnivore. Though lately more carnivore because of a scarcity in edible vegetation. I was in a desert before I came here, and I appeared in a desert once I got here. Tough to find vegetables, berries, and fruit in the middle of badlands.”

“Oh … I guess that means …” she replied, looking down in sadness, but at the same time, she probably understood the whys, I mean they had griffons on this world after all. At least that was my guess.

“Yeah, though I make sure that I don’t let it suffer and I utilize as much of the body as possible,” I replied truthfully. I always liked the idea of leaving little in terms of food waste, truly living in one with the land … as much as humans can. “Though I only hunted wild animals that were usually rather numerous in population. Since humans are the only creatures that are sapient on my world, it’s easier to bring oneself to kill a wild deer or smaller game. Though tough to hunt without a dog … which is why we call them man’s best friend.”

“Oh! You have pets back home?” she perked up at the mention of a, probably, common domesticated animal.

“Yeah, I used to own a few cats when I was much younger. Never was able to keep a pet though … was always on the move too much and there was no room to carry one with me.”

She nodded at my response, apparently a little pleased that humans at least were kind enough to keep pets. Though I didn’t dare mention that some people didn’t exactly treat the animals well …

“Might as well get a question from all of you,” I said before removing my hat and scratching my bald head. It had been itchy for a while but I didn’t dare scratch it … it only makes it worse, I swear!

“Doe-” Purple Smart tried to speak but I cut her off quickly.

“Only one question per pony,” I said, much to her irritation and dismay.

“Well, ah guess ah got one for ya,” Applejack spoke up. “Ah know ‘round ‘ere, tellin the truth is a mighty big deal. So are ya an honesty type or are ya a liar?”

Now at the time I found this question to be completely random and pointless, but of course later on when I learned a little bit more about the Elements, I learned why she asked that. I’ll make sure to point that out when we get there.

“Here and home are two different places, are they not? Telling a lie can mean a multitude of things. It gets blurry when trying to determine if a lie is ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ If I were to tell you a tall story just to entertain, is that not a lie? Yet is it a bad lie since the point was just to amuse? Perhaps there was a harsh reality that someone is better off not knowing at the time. How harmful is a white lie in that case? So who’s to say that a lie is actually bad?”

I took a brief pause to let that sink in before continuing on my philosophical rant. Take notes, this shit is good … in my opinion at least. “The same can be said for the truth. If the truth is something that one cannot handle, what is the point in telling it to them? Would it not do more harm in speaking the truth in such a case? I can already tell, Applejack, that you’ve got a chip on your shoulder about something I said, it’s easy to read in your face. Yet would you want to know everything no matter what it’s about?”

“Yes, ah would, if it meant that ah learn who ya are!” she defended.

“Then I’ll tell you right now, you will only get what I decide to give you,” I said. I knew that by adding that last part I actually led myself into her side of the argument. “No matter how much I hold onto my belief of this topic, I will concede that point, Applejack. Right there it is better to have the truth … without a doubt.”

She looked a little ticked off at my statement that I wouldn’t spill the beans about myself. Though I had a solution, at least at the time I hoped it would be one.

“How about this, Applejack. If you really want to know every ounce of truth, then I will tell you … and only you. A confessor of sorts, but that means you can’t act out against anything if you are against something about me?” I offered.

She took a few moments to just stare at me, her eyes not leaving me for a moment before she finally replied.

“No.”

“No?” I asked.

“No, ah will not be a confessor or whatever ya want to call it. If ya lie, ah will call ya out on it, plain and simple.”

Yeah, she was definitely a stubborn type of pony. I grinned briefly at that response, only because I knew what it was like to just stick to your guns and not want to back down. Of course immediately after that grin, I frowned. I can’t win them all no matter how much I try … that was one of the ones I lost.

“If you wish. Next question?” I said coldly before turning to look at Pinkie, who had her front right leg waving in the air. Oddly enough, she wasn’t looking as surprised or appalled as the rest, though those also might be too strong of words to use. The only thing I could think of that could relate to how they were looking at Applejack and I is the situation of you introducing two of your friends, but you get to watch as they both essentially say they don’t like each other. Simple as that.

“Oh, oh! What’s your ideal party?! And what do you mean when you were much younger?” Pinkie asked with a fair amount of enthusiasm. Apparently she was completely fine with Applejack and I being at odds. I don’t know, I never tried to reason out some of the things that mare could do.

“Ones with alcohol. It helps to allow one’s inhibitions to take a break. Worrying about looking like a fool isn’t needed at a party. Also, I mean when I was like eighteen years old,” I said simply. Yes, I didn’t add in any major philosophy to my answer.

“Wait … eighteen? How old are you?” Trixie of all people asked. That actually made me pause since I thought we discussed how old I was.

“You know, I thought we talked about this already? I told you at least, right Gilda?” I asked to which she nodded in response. “Huh … well I’m going out on a limb since I’ve lost exact count, but I’m probably between forty one and forty five years old. Remember, it’s tough to keep track of time when it’s last on your priorities.”

“Forty-five! My goodness! You’re as old as my father!” Rarity exclaimed. Interesting … I knew Gilda was young, but if all of them were … that meant I was essentially hanging out with the wrong generation.

Yeah, funny realisation for an old man, though it also meant that I still held my youth in how I acted … that can never be taken from you, remember that.

“If he is indeed forty-five, than he is roughly the same age as all of our parents, Rarity,” Purple Smart said. “Of course that’s assuming that time functions the same in this world as it does with his world.”

“Good point, though I’m not going to bother even trying to reason that … I’m not a physicist, so I’m not qualified to understand time distortions or whatever phenomena that happens between worlds,” I replied.

Hint. Upon returning and finding out, and returning back to the last village I visited before New York, I found out that the amount of days that passed were extremely close, if not the same. I mean, I’m sure the travel shaved off a day or something.

“Alright, Purple Smart, hit me with a question. It’s your turn after all!” I said as I turned to her with a grin, hoping that she would reply like I wanted. Which never happened since the train ride apparently liked to counter my luck.

“You’re not getting me to ask a question about that absurd nickname,” she said simply before putting a hoof to her chin for a second. Probably to sort out her best question. “Since, I’m certain that I will be there when the Princess questions you, I guess I’ll ask you something regarding what you said. Why do you think you are the only sapient race on your world?”

Now, you all probably don’t think that is too tough of a question, and for the most part you would be right. The only thing is that trying to tell that to a pony, who had been raised on a planet that had at least seven races that were sapient, was rather tough. It meant I needed a justifiable argument that just didn’t sound like arrogance.

“Tough one really … never had to think about it too much. I guess the easy answer is because recorded human history has been around for roughly five or six thousand years I think. I’m not sure if it is longer than that, I could have told you many years ago, but now … not so much. Since then we have been the only species on the planet that has created civilisation and culture. The term sapience can be broken down to ‘we question why’ in the lowest of terms, and for as long as I am aware, and our entire race is aware, we are the only ones to have ever asked the question,” I replied to the best of my ability. “It’s a tough one to answer, Purple Smart, since our world has no magic that we can perceive … minus whatever The Reckoning was, so it is impossible to utilize your reality-hacking skills to answer that question for us.”

She nodded in acceptance first before stopping, picking up on something I said.

“Wait, you said ‘The Reckoning’ like it was something important … can you explain?”

“Yes, I can explain,” I said as I moved my gear around so I could fully lay back on the couch, “but I won’t. One question limit for this trip, remember?”

Of course this caused the mare to shout in frustration … and facepalm … or facehoof, whatever is the correct term for what she did. Either way, it elicited a giggle from Trixie and pretty much everyone in the train car, minus Applejack and I. Applejack was still staring at me despite everything, but could I blame her? I essentially didn’t answer her question nor did I give her a response she wanted. Ehh, win some lose some.

“Aren’t you hot in all those clothes?” Rarity asked out of nowhere. Of course she broke the one question rule. Curses, right?

“If I can wear all of this while trekking through deserts and badlands, I don’t think a train car is going to make me want to shed any layer. Besides … only two of you have earned the right to see my face. Gilda and Trixie. Those I consider friends or allies gain that right,” I said simply, waiting for backlash. Instead, I got the one question that hadn’t been asked in a long, long while.

“Why?” Which came from Rainbow Dash.

I laid there for a little bit, wondering how they were asking questions that actually required me to gather my thoughts. Eventually, I responded to her question with one line. “One’s identity is something sacred to all … if I gave mine away so easily, could it be considered mine anymore?”

Cryptic and vague … and to be honest it didn’t make much sense. Hell, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense now.

I’m going to level with you all on that last line. I pulled it completely out of my ass; yep, total bullshit right there, and it somehow got past the living lie detector. I’ve actually lost the real reason as to why I wore all of this. I mean, I’m no longer wearing my scarves as you can see, so even somedays I wonder why I keep them bunched up under my chin. When I answer that for myself, I’ll let you all know … if I’m still here when I do.

“Anyway, I’m going to listen to my music until we arrive. Flick me in the head or something when we arrive. Ask Gilda about the music,” I said before stretching out across the couch, tilting my hat down over my already sunglass-covered eyes, putting my earbuds in my ears, hitting the little play button, and taking a nap in peace.

Want to know what I listened to? No? Darn, I had such a great playlist lined up! Oh well, you’re loss, honestly.

Though at the same time there were about ten other songs I don’t remember. I mean I remember the first four and then the last song I had on when I got woken up again, which was actually a flick from Gilda.

Hold on, let me get something to wet the throat, then I’ll start back up on the whole Canterlot part. I mean, you’ve all been here for awhile now, and there is no good stopping point, why not just continue on?

…

Ha, I remember back when I was younger, companies used to try and sell bottled water to people and they would drink it up like crazy! I understand that at times the only access was bottled water, I truly do, but they tried to pawn it off as ‘purified water’ when you could get the same stuff from a tap in your own house.

Honestly, nowadays the water is cleaner and overall better for you. It’s actually amusing that at one point, the land we live on used to be in the same state it is now? Well, not the exact same, let me explain. Back before the mass droves of people came from across the seas, it is said that the water and land were so fresh and fertile that it was a paradise in ways … though the winters were complete bitches … not to mention wildlife. Anyway! My point is that the water you are drinking everyday now is purer than what I used to drink.

Right, that’s some damn good liquid. Let’s continue, shall we?

So, as I mentioned, Gilda decided to flick me to wake me. She was the only one with a finger like appendage … aside from me, so it made sense that the one to flick me had to be Gilda. Of course she didn’t need to flick me in the head more than once. I was up instantly with the first one, and by up I mean I was sitting up. So you can imagine that for her to flick me again was more than a little out of her way.

I knew that I had asked one of them to rouse me when we reached Canterlot, but I still jumped when I was woken up abruptly. You learn to be able to wake up immediately when something wasn’t right. It was and is so ingrained in me that even if I knew I was safe and away from danger. I would still be ready to go in a moment’s notice. That’s why I had a hand over my pistol despite knowing that I was still in a train car.

Hmm? That’s a good point actually. That nap was the first time in a long time that I decided to forego trying to build a dream, instead I just allowed myself to slumber peacefully and quietly.

I let my hand lower from my holster as Gilda made her way back to her seat before the train decided to break and possibly send her tumbling. The rest of the occupants in the train car were chatting among each other with regards to stuff I really didn’t care about, so I figured that it wouldn’t be a problem if I left a headphone in. I mean, my favourite song was on.

Nah, I’m not going to show you … today at least. It’s nine minutes so I don’t think you all want to listen to it right now. The name? Soldiers of the Wasteland’ by Dragonforce. Haha, it’s amusing to think how that is my favourite song despite the fact that it is hardly hard in comparison to almost every other metal band in my music.

Getting back on track, I turned to look out of the windows of the train, only to spot white walls and the train platform quickly coming up. It was then that I had a sneaking suspicion that Canterlot was going to blow my mind with its design; I prefer older architecture compared to all of that new age bullshit that was being passed around in my time.

So long story short, the train came to a stop at the station, which just held more ponies wanting to get on while there were also many ponies that were just milling about, probably waiting for the train. It was right there that I saw the most ponies in one place at one time in my life on the planet … which wasn’t that long so it made sense. Hell, even the trek through Ponyville brought less ponies to my eyes than the train station did. Apparently the train was a very popular mode of transportation in Equestria.

So the entirety of our group slowly exited the train car, and onto the train platform, much to my dismay. Here I was hoping for a way to not be seen in public by hundreds of ponies. I mean sure, there was a solid number of them that didn’t give a rat’s ass about me, but have you ever felt the collective stare of around a hundred people at once? No? Well you can imagine it was uncomfortable beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Though on the flip side, my music helped me from saying something that could have gotten us in trouble. Though I wouldn’t doubt the presence of Princess Purple Smart helped them all understand that it was not polite to stare. She has a rather mean glare when she needs to.

Now, here’s something that confused me and I’ve still never gotten an answer on it. As we crossed the train platform, a group of ten, what I assumed were guards because of their equipment and weapons, surrounded our entire group and proceeded to escort us. Now, I understand that since there was a leader of the nation in our midst, it made sense to have a guard escort with us, but the fact that they were purposely waiting for us is what bugs the hell out of me. I mean, I had assumed that they didn’t have cellphones or the like, which turned out to be true mind you, so they didn’t have long distance instant contact. So it only made me wonder what the hell had happened during my time asleep.

Yeah, I never brought it up afterwards … sometimes it’s better not to ask questions.

Well, I guess it’s time to talk about the walk through the city and the city itself. Hmm, how can I explain this without going either overboard or completely neglecting everything? I guess I’ll break it down into parts.

Let’s start with the physical description of Canterlot.

Now, to say it was a major difference from Ponyville would have been a massive understatement. It seemed, despite the cobblestone roads, the rest of Canterlot was rather new or at least it was designed to be cutting edge for whatever cutting edge could be called in Equestria. The buildings we a little too uniform for me though, but I guess that was simply just the section that I was seeing. Sure you had a fair amount of buildings that had designs that were unique but for the most part, they all looked like apartments of office buildings that were once apartments. Rectangular shape, coloured white with gold trimming, and slanted rooftops.

Though when you found buildings that were businesses that had a customer base, service industry type, they looked unique and didn’t always follow along with the whole white and gold style. It actually made me sick of white for the most part.

Now, there were aesthetic things to be seen during our brief ten minute walk. I mean, they had old timey gas lamp posts which I found oddly fascinating … though when I mean gas lamp posts, I just mean in design. The fucking flame inside was magic of all things! Yeah, when I was told that after making note of the lamps, I was shocked and appalled. The nation was a bunch of cheaters.

Oh, and we passed a park! It wasn’t something large, but at least it was beautiful in design. The trees were all trimmed and kept in great shape, and the bushes followed suit. The grass was a lush as natural grass but it was kept in trim to make it look proper and inline with the rest of the scenery. Though, I was glad that the little river and lake flowing in the park didn’t have the same cut and dry look. That part actually looked natural … as natural as one could be for a city that was basically floating alongside a mountain.

Got a decent idea what Canterlot looked alike? I mean, aside from the castle. That’ll come later when I get to that part. You do? Good. Moving on to the next section of interest during the walk. The ponies I saw.

Now, you all know I am one to judge based on first look but then change my outlook upon actually conversing with them. Well I could tell from at least half of the ponies I saw that Canterlot was home to those who considered themselves above the rest. I mean, I never had seen a pony don a suit, but at least a couple dozen were wearing suits! Well, ones without the pants, but still! The most facepalming part of them were how high they held their noses in the air, as though you were all below them and not worth their time to look at you. Though apparently I was worth their time.

Many of those stuck up pricks looked at me with shock and curiosity, not to mention hoof points and a few chuckles. It was probably the guard escort that brought on those last two; they probably thought I was some creature being paraded down the street. Ehh, let them think what they want, right? Prove them wrong when the time came, but until then they can stick their heads up their asses for all I cared.

Though this isn’t to say that I didn’t see normal ponies. Hell, I saw a lot of non-posh ponies, more so than the previous group. Though they didn’t catch my attention too much, if you don’t count the sheer amount of colours I was seeing. Seriously, I bet they had at least one pony for every colour in existence! Just in the city! Though I noticed there was a surprising amount of unicorns and very few pegasi or earth ponies.

Racism within your own country, kids, is even prevalent in a land full of colourful ponies! Well, I actually didn’t know that at the time so I just assumed that it was coincidence.

Okay, we’ve done the scenery and we’ve cleared the ponies … oh right, next is to tell you about the conversation and anything that happened.

Now, for me it was rather boring aside from the street lamp part and the constant looking around with interest. The walk wasn’t too long in itself, but we slowed down for Gilda, who this time refused to let me carry her. I frowned deeply at that but there was little I could really do about it. She was her griffon, and despite what I could say and tell her, the ultimate choice was hers. Though I didn’t mind since it allowed me to actually talk to Rainbow Dash for a second without her being right there to hear.

“Rainbow, can I talk to you for a second?” I said before falling back a little, which undoubtedly caused a little bit of annoyance for the guards who had to keep us together.

“Sure, but can you call me Dash? It’s much cooler than my full name,” she replied as she hovered around my head level.

“I could call you skittles if you want,” I offered with a snicker. Of course she just looked at me all weird, which answered a question I didn’t even really know I wanted answered. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that at some point I would like to sit down and have a … serious talk with you.”

“Oh?” she asked before crossing her forelegs all the while still flying. Apparently she realised that I was not joking, which was exactly how I wanted to come across. “What about?”

“About her,” I said while pointing to Gilda.

“Gilda? If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, then buck off,” she said with a little venom. Loyal to the last drop when she chose to be loyal, it seemed. “What me and Gilda talked about stays between us!”

“That wasn’t a request, Rainbow,” I said coldly. She just stared at me for a few moments while I kept walking. Apparently she can fly backwards … yeah, she got in my face, not from my side, but instead from right in front of me. She didn’t say anything but eventually she simply turned around and went back to slowly hovering around the rest of the group.

I merely just sped up my pace to get closer to the group; for the guard’s sake.

Honestly that was the only thing of note during the entire walk to the castle. Oh and let me tell you right now, that said conversation will not be retold. Yeah, I know I am leaving out whole sections of the story, but they have no real point for you all. You don’t need to know Gilda’s full reason for going to Ponyville, nor do you need to know what Dash and I talked about with regards to Gilda.

Though I don’t doubt some of you are starting to piece things together. If you are, then please keep it to yourself and not speak it out loud? Okay? ‘Cause I swear, if you do … there will be an imprint of my knuckles in your skull.

Good?

Good.

Now we get to the climax of this point in the story! Arriving at the castle or palace … whatever.

Well to be honest it wasn’t anything spectacular despite that entrance. You see, I do enjoy architecture, that is true, but with regards to the castle .... well it wasn’t anything spectacular. I mean there was a fair amount of massive towers and the whole thing was fucking huge, don’t get me wrong. Unfortunately there was no inspired design to it and trust me, I’ve seen enough castles to know that this thing on the outside was rather dry in its appearance, though it had an Arabian feel with how the roofs of the towers were designed. Kind of a rounded bell that had a little tip. Tough to describe since I’ve only seen such a design on palaces from the Middle East and India.

Honestly, I think I was more interested by the fact that it had a massive and welcoming entrance, but outside of the entrance building it had some fucking high walls. Yep, a walled-in palace within a walled city that seem to levitate on a mountain. An attacker’s worst nightmare, really. I could only imagine having to try and take the city with weapons that didn’t have explosive charges.

So, we walked easily through the entrance building that was surprisingly not white on the inside! In fact it had a slight blue tinge to it, though you could see it was a blue and white mixing. Possibly with regards to both of the princesses who lived in the castle? That was my guess and still is.

One thing I had to give those who made the castle … they didn’t make it out of fucking crystal. Honestly I preferred it to lack that ‘natural’ beauty of crystals, since when it’s used in over-abundance it makes it horrible to the eyes.

Right, moving on because I’m already rambling and grasping on strands to describe the castle.

When we cleared the entrance building, we entered a very neatly trimmed outdoor area that kind of resembled the park but it was obvious that it was meant to be purely for show, because there were stone pathways that winded around the grounds from what I could see. Not to mention I caught a glimpse of a statue garden to the west of the building … assuming we were heading north, I kind of lost track because I just wanted to get to my destination already.

Finally we entered the main palace which looked more like a massive cathedral from the front, but the insides were anything but. You see, in a cathedral you immediately enter an open hall that encompasses the majority of the building. The room we entered was a second fucking entrance hall! Though it was different because it had a massive set of stairs that separated at what would be deemed the first and a half floor before having some more stairs on each side leading to dual second floor doors.

“Princess Celestia is in the Throne Room, Princess,” one of the guards in our escort said before tailing away and returning the way we came. Apparently we were so safe in the palace that we didn’t need a guard escort anymore. I almost wished I could have met the idiot that made up such regulations … or at least smacked that guard upside his head.

So we took a right upon walking up the stairs and decided to take a few winding hallways before we reached the Throne Room. I guess before I talk about the third round of introductions, I’ll tell you about what I saw in the hallways.

Art. So much motherfucking art. I mean, I have nothing against art and often believe that it helps rejuvenate the soul, but having a bust, small statues, vase, or painting every three feet was overkill. Didn’t they have a museum to house all those pieces in? Seriously, it was like I was being swarmed by art.

Of course I held my tongue for the time being, waiting for the right moment to speak up.

So when we were in front of the doors to the Throne Room, Purple Smart turned around and looked at me with her best serious face. It was pretty damn serious. Seriously.

“Alright, now there are a few things that you should know when talking to a Princess. First off-” she started before I held up a hand for her to stop.

“Trust me, I’ve got this,” I said before striding forward to throw open the doors, striding in with the confidence of a man who was prepared to die and was not going to be scared anymore.

I barely even made eye contact with what I assumed was Celestia and who I knew was Luna before I belted out my line in this great piece of shenanigans. “The word you’re all looking for is human. No, I’m not going to explain it. Yes, this is your first time meeting one. No, there is no more. Yes, I will take on all drinking challenges, even this early in the day!”

I think I could hear jaws drop, as in I actually heard them hit the ground. That, or it was the face palms or face hooves from every single being behind me. Perhaps it was also a faint or two. Either way it was all part of my plan.

I saw Celestia’s face actually look completely baffled at me, even she had an open mouth. That was Luna’s cue, which she executed perfectly. With a deliberate purpose, she slowly trotted off her throne beside her sister, and descended the stairs towards me. She had an evil glare on her face, while I kept my neutral look and stance … though none of them could see my face anyways.

As she neared, I heard a frantic scramble behind me. Yells that were trying to plead with Luna to have mercy were cut short with an even louder yell of silence by the blue alicorn. She then looked me in the eye and spoke exactly what I was hoping to hear.

“You’re on!” she said while pointing a hoof at me before her magic flashed, and we were both deposited on chairs in front of a small table that had three rows of eight shots in front of each of us. Luna had a smirk of victory upon her face before downing the first shot. I simply pulled down my scarves before returning the smirk.

Of course, despite whatever was happening around us, I was not going to lose my first drinking contest in Equestria. Being born into my family as well as years of drinking hard probably caused my liver to grow a manly beard and start smoking cubans within me. So I slammed back my first shot. Vodka. Luna had made a horrible mistake. I lived in Russia for three years … there isn’t water in Russia … only vodka.

She took her next shot easily.

I followed suit, slamming the glass back on the table upside down before giving her a shit eating grin while flashing my teeth. “Step up, puny pony princess.”

Let’s just say that we had both been through about six shots a piece before someone finally spoke up at what was going on. It was Gilda and it was absolutely perfect.

“What. The. Fuck?!” she said, not even caring to censor herself. Though when I looked around to see what was going on, I was greeted by an amusing sight. Actually, screw amusing, it was downright fucking batshit insanely hilarious.

A few feet away from the table, on my left, Celestia and four guards were watching eagerly, Celestia floating bits out of the guard’s hooves while they were chattering about bits. Even Pinkie had gotten in on the action as I watched. This was my type of rulers.

While the group I had arrived in Canterlot with was essentially paralyzed with insane amounts of ‘what.’ The two Princesses who ruled the country were willing to partake in the situation.

“Your turn, or are you going to give up so quickly?” Luna said as she slammed another glass down.

“Don’t worry … I’ll hold your mane back later when you are bent over a toilet,” I said before slamming my seventh back.

Back and forth we went, and it was around our twelfth that I think it finally kicked in with the rest that this was actually happening. Sure Gilda had understood rather early, but I think this whole scene broke Purple Smart and Rarity, especially the part about Celestia taking bets from the guards … which had actually doubled in number after a guard detail walked in.

Now, this whole event was me taking a chance that despite Luna being thousands of years old, and essentially immortal from what I gathered, she would have a normal liver. Even the hardiest of people I have met usually had an issue around the fifteenth. Of course many had gotten past it, but by then they were sitting on the cusp of passing out.

The part about living in Russia and drinking vodka? Not that far from the truth. Three years living there had actually given me three years of nearly killing my liver only for it to come back stronger and stronger.

So when the magic number fifteen hit, and the flush on Luna’s face was extremely noticeable despite her fur, I knew that I had a great chance to win. So much so that I decided that I would make a wager with Luna. “Say, Luna … if I beat you, what do I get?”

The burp was somewhat artificial, helping to pass it off to Luna that she might win. Her answer … not what I was expecting from an immortal alicorn … or anyone really.

“Heh, hic, if you win … I’ll … I’ll suck you off!” she declared, and punctuated her statement by throwing her hoof up in the air. “But … but! If I win … I get to hic … get to ride you! Like a fucking horse!”

Behind me three thuds happened, and a boisterous laugh came from Celestia. Hell, I almost fell off my chair from the statement, which would have meant I lost, but I managed to hold my balance before nearly choking on my turn to down a shot.

Apparently Luna abided by the fifteen rule, though by the faces on the guards when we reached fifteen, not many ponies could reach that number. Either way, when Luna took her sixteenth shot she wavered with putting her glass down before looking at me straight in the eyes … and slowly, almost comically, tipping backwards and falling to the floor.

I let out a deep laugh before downing my sixteenth with relative ease. Then a seventeenth and eighteenth for good measure. Of course immediately after my drinks, I walked over to Celestia.

“First off, don’t worry about Luna’s statement. Not going to happen. Secondly, how much of that bit collection you going to give me? Finally, you are a horrible sister for betting against your own sister,” I said with surprising clarity. Like I said, Russia does miracles for your drinking capabilities.

“Despite her being family and her drinking skills, I can judge character very well based on appearance, and you reek of a being that knows the bottle,” she said with a serenity that surprised me. I decided that to stand and converse, despite the fact she was right at head level with me, was not going to be wise for me. So I took my chair, swung it around, and rested my chin on my arms which rested on the chair’s back rest.

“What else can you guess about the human known as Ryan?” I asked. Of course after I said that, I shook my head. Talking in third person left a bitter taste in my mouth.

“Well, based off your attire and your general attitude, I can guess your life back in your home is very tough and not something that you would willingly have if you could change it. The lack of shaving also implies that you either lack the necessary means to keep tidy or that it is meant to show off and appear hardened,” she said as she tapped her hoof on her muzzle while inspecting me. The guards had cleared out and returned to their posts, Luna was snoozing on the floor of the throne room, and the rest of the group was either still trying to comprehend the past twenty minutes or was taking interest in what Celestia was saying.

“There is nothing to deny in what you say, though the latter is true about the beard,” I said, to which she smiled.

“Can you remove your glasses?” she asked, to which I complied. Yeah, I was being a hypocrite about the identity thing, but like I told you all, when I said it I hardly believed my own words. I simply did it. Nothing more than that. So when I put the glasses on my hat, I looked back up at her with my normal look.

She hummed and hawed as she looked at me, while I simply followed her eyes.

Eventually she let out a little bit of a sad sigh before scootching a little closer to me, close enough to whisper to me and ensure that nobody else heard. “Your eyes speak of many hurtful decisions and events. Ones that have made you jaded about certain things. As to which things, I cannot tell, but they are obviously very hated by you. They also speak of one that follows a moral compass despite your hard life, as though it was a legacy of someone you once knew … or once were. Your eyes tell tales that are not for me to learn unless you speak of them … in your case they truly are the window to the soul.”

I felt a small tear roll down my cheek. Only one, but it was enough for Celestia to understand that she was more than spot on. Thankfully my back was turned from the group, so not a single one of them saw. They didn’t need to see me soft … especially not Gilda. I had been the rock that broke the waves for her … she couldn’t see me fall.

Celestia’s horn glowed just a faint glow as she grabbed one of my scarves and used it to wipe the tear away before letting it fall. Immediately after, she gave me that serene smile before taking a few steps back and laughing. Not at me mind you, no it was a laugh that was meant to be for me. One aimed at what I had done for her in creating this drinking contest.

“I must say, that this has been the most unique and entertaining first impression a guest of Equestria has ever made,” she said before getting up and trotting past me to engage her student. Though she kept speaking to me. “Though I have a feeling that this wasn’t exactly spontaneous, was it?”

“Haha, not a single bit, Celestia. Been talking to Luna for a few days in my dreams. Wanted to make this memorable,” I said as I spun around on my chair. The faces that I got were once again priceless.

Gilda had her non-injured arm’s talon covering her face, trying to hide a smile. Trixie was straining to hold back laughter, so much in fact that her face was going red. Purple Smart’s face showed a mixture of shock, confusion, possible insanity, and anger at what happened … though amazingly enough it quickly switched to a small smile and a few giggles. Rarity looked as though she had met the devil and he said he created fashion or something like that. Rainbow Dash was following suit along with Trixie in trying to keep in her laughter. Applejack had that disappointing look that was levelled at me. While surprisingly enough, Fluttershy wasn’t cowering or doing anything negative, in fact she had a small smile but at the same time was looking over at Luna with some concern.

Then there was Pinkie. She was bouncing and smiling. Simple.

Yep, it was a hilarious prank and when Luna awoke from her alcohol induced coma, she would never be allowed to live down what she said. I was going to hang that over her head for as long as I could; though I restate, it was never going to happen and it never did. A little too weird for my tastes, and I have much deeper reasons anyway.

“It seems, Twilight,” she started but I immediately cut in.

“Purple Smart!” I semi-yelled. Celestia turned her head to look at me for a second before giving me a smile that smelled of horrible things to happen. By horrible, I mean horrible for Twilight … I mean Purple Smart.

“Well, it seems,” she said before taking a pause. At first Purple Smart was eager to hear the rest, but the longer the silence went, she started to key onto what was going to happen. Eventually she let out a deep groan of resignation. “It seems you have found a one of a kind being, my dear Purple Smart.”

That was the little bit that broke Trixie’s and Rainbow’s composure. Within a split second, they were rolling on the floor laughing. If I was to die that day, it would have been a perfect end to my life. Going out on a high note like none other.

I know you don’t exactly believe me that this all happened, but it’s completely true. Apparently something that I was learning then and there was somewhat of a national secret. Despite the outward appearance of being ageless rulers of a nation, the two sisters were actually fun-loving pranksters.

...

No, that doesn’t mean it’s over. Just, that it happened the next day and this one day has gone on longer than it rightfully should have. Still, there was a few more things to be finished before the day actually ended. So back to the story it is.

Now, after the situation slowly died down and we were all calm, and Purple Smart was no longer wishing to have her life ended right then and there, Celestia decided to bring back her serious side for the time being.

“I should rouse Luna before we head to the dining room. It is nearly supper after all,” Celestia said before walking over to the still comatose Luna. “Though I guess it is a little forward of me to assume you are staying for supper?”

I simply shrugged before replying, “Got nowhere better to eat.”

The rest of the group had that whole range of emotions thing going again. Apparently only two of them had ever gotten the chance to eat with the Princesses, though that hunch was based off the fact that Rarity and Purple Smart were the most calm-looking ponies of the group. I’m not going to bother to list their faces, it would be extremely boring to go through that again.

It seemed that Celestia was pleased enough by the response, though. “Well then, I guess it’s time to rouse Luna.”

Now, I had originally thought that I would have indeed needed to hold her mane back as she upchucked into a bucket or something. That, or I would have had to help her walk back to her quarters. Instead, the white alicorn used even crazier reality hacking powers.

She touched her horn to Luna’s horn as it lit up, causing a rather bright but not blindingly bright light. Still, damn close to having a flashlight shined in your face. Anyway, the light flared a little brighter before it died completely and Celestia lifted her head away from Luna.

Smart move, considering that Luna shot up like a spring loaded … spring loaded something. I don’t know, she just stood up really quickly. Seriously, sometimes similes can be fucking hard to properly write. Anyway, Luna was on her hooves extremely quickly as well as too quickly, for she stumbled and almost fell over.

“Ugh, I hate that spell,” she said as she sat down and cradled her head in her hooves. “Yet I don’t think I could live with hangovers all my life.”

Yeah, you heard it right. The ponies had a spell to magically remove hangovers. I’m going to let that sit for a second before I get to spoil it for you.

…

Good? Yeah, they had a hangover removal spell, but it also only works on alicorns. Only alicorns could be affected by the spell. It dashed many of my hopes and dreams right there. Well, not really, but it did stop me from downing the rest of those shots immediately. How did I know this? ‘Cause that’s the next part.

“You have a spell … a fucking spell to remove hangovers?” I asked, staring at Celestia as though she had grown a second head that decided to eat the first head, only after putting tartar sauce on it first.

“It is very useful for our monthly free night. Though I wouldn’t ask us to cast it on you; it only works on alicorns,” Celestia stated with a smile before starting to trot off to the doors on the left behind her throne. “Now, if you all follow me, we can finally partake in supper.”

Of course I waited for a few seconds, just watching the group start to leave. Why was I watching? Well I was still in shock from that statement. Why wouldn’t I be?

Also remember that despite my ability to handle drinks, I was in that state of tipsy where everything was a little more fluid in its movements than usual. You know the state? You can remember everything but as you are going through it, everything feels weird? Yeah, you older guys know it.

So it was the shock that kept me seated for a little bit longer. That, and I had an ulterior motive to bug Luna as she was also lingering behind. As I said before, I was going to ensure that she would never live down what she offered as a prize. Well ... never live it down as long as I could constantly bring it up.

“You going to be alright?” I asked as we made our way behind the group, which included a limping griffon. So we were going at a fairly slow pace.

“I’m … I’m fine. Sometimes I forget that despite our ages, we are still rather normal ponies,” Luna said, obviously meaning her sister and her.

“I can understand why. So much time would probably bring about a few presumptions that stick. Though I have to say that I am impressed by the amount you drank. I have a positive win/loss record back home for a reason,” I said with a grin. Yeah, I still kept my scarves off. At that point I barely cared about the whole identity thing.

“I am truly impressed by the amount, though I think it was around twelve that things started to get fuzzy for me,” she said casually, though a little blush did permeate her cheeks. It was truly a sight to see a tinge of red through that darker blue fur.

“Oh, so you don’t remember what you told me after the fifteenth shot?” I said. Luna looked completely lost; I thanked many a deity for the lack of memory despite the removal spell. “Well it was at the fifteenth shot, I asked what would I get if I won the drinking contest.”

“Ahh, so you are going to reap your rewards, I assume?” she asked, completely oblivious to what she was implying, though how could she have known? Either way, I was struggling to not laugh at that.

“Well, you see I would … but you’re a pony and while I don’t doubt you are easy on the eyes, I don’t think you’d like the salty taste too much,” I said with my best attempt at a poker face, which mind you can either be extremely hard to read, or easy as hell.

“Wha-what?!” she stuttered with a semi-yell.

“Well, you said if I won, you’d suck me off so … I mean, I guess if you really desired to there is little I can do against magic,” I implied, leaving it open ended on purpose to mess with her. The response was beautiful. Her eyes went extremely wide, her jaw flopped open and closed a few times before she bolted forward, through the air mind you. Though that was before she yelled out.

“‘Tia!” she shrieked in a tone that spoke of disbelief and pure shock, a type of shock that not many like. Well, I felt great about myself … that was slightly sarcastic. I mean it was funny at first and if she was anything like the one I compared her to, she would just try and get me back, but at the same time I felt horrible because of how her scream sounded.

It was around that time that I noticed Gilda had slowed down to keep pace with me. “First, my leg is starting to get sore so can I get a ride, dweeb? Secondly, you’re a dick.”

“Sure, and at least I’m not a dick biscuit,” I said before bending down to allow her to get on my back once more. “Though I agree … probably went a little further than I should have.”

So we trudged on behind the group, that now had Luna at the front, who was having a rather animated discussion with her sister, that included multiple glances back to me. Though I had my glasses on again, so if they were looking for a response they didn’t really get one. I needed to take a minute or two to think about how I was going to diffuse the situation and calm things over between Luna and I.

In fact, I would have the entirety of supper to do said thing. When we reached the dining room, I set down Gilda where she wanted to be seated, which was surprisingly next to me and Dash. In fact, I was a little bit lucky to not be seated across from Luna. The head of the table was apparently reserved for Celestia, while she had Luna on her right and Purple Smart on her left. I also sat on the right, mainly to even things out a little. So on Celestia’s right, the seating order went Luna, Applejack, Dash, Gilda, and finally me. The other side’s order was Purple Smart, Trixie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and finally Pinkie. So it was neatly balanced … perfectionists and OCD people rejoice.

The dining room was nothing overly spectacular, but the table was indeed a beautiful and ornate thing to look at. Gold coated, goddamned the ponies were rich! The sides and legs were designed meticulously and included embedded gems alongside designs that seemed to have been shaped from the gold itself.

Eventually the waiters came around, passing out menus while also taking drink orders. I was the last to have my drink order taken, but I was the first to make my order. I noticed that on the menu, there was a section for Omnivores, probably because of griffons, so I ordered a salmon dish with roasted mini potatoes for the side, and a mixed bunch of steamed vegetables. It was a simple order but it had been a long, long time since I had salmon, not to mention the roasted mini potatoes … I had to see if they were even as good as my mom’s.

Oh and I had a water.

I think the waiter was a little surprised that I was ordering already. Hey, when you see something you want, you get it as soon as possible. I was never one to mull over choices for long if I could. Besides, I was fucking hungry!

Now I, thankfully, was not part of the topics discussed prior to our meals. In fact, most of it was Celestia and Luna catching up with their subjects, even with Gilda and Trixie. I was a little surprised considering that it made sense for Luna and Celestia to be relatively close with the friends of a fellow princess … or so my logic at the time thought so. Still, it was nice that the two went out of their way to help two out of the three oddballs feel included. I was of course the third, but I didn’t need them to help me with that.

I’m at home wherever I go. It’s my way of living.

Eventually the food arrived, which was kind of unfortunate because despite the fact that I ordered my food ahead of time from the rest, it came along with every other dish that was being served. Still, when it made it to the table I dug in a little greedily, but at the same time with enough restraint to remember my table manners. Thankfully this land didn’t have a grace or anything that was said before meals … at least I think they don’t. I never heard one spoken in my time there.

The meal itself was very good and filling, though I was saddened … yet relieved when the mini potatoes were as I assumed. Good, but nowhere near my mom’s. I mean, roasted potatoes with certain spices makes it taste as though you were eating steak … just in the form of potatoes. The ones in Canterlot Castle were decent, but didn’t have that same exotic and required taste. Now the fish though was superb, cooked so perfectly that it seemed to melt off my fork when I tried to pick it up. Just how I liked my salmon.

Truly a great meal to have before the resulting after dinner conversations. I knew they would be directed at me because I could see Purple Smart and Celestia looking at me every once in a while between bites. I knew that eventually Purple Smart would get her question and answer session whether I liked it or not. Unfortunately since I know you all at this point well enough, I know that you’ll all want to hear the questions and answers.

Yeah … figured so. We’re definitely going to be here longer than I originally wanted.

Alright, let’s get this all over with.

As everyone finished up, I saw some eager twitches and motions from Purple Smart, as well as the fact that she was staring at me, that told me I was not getting away from any conversation unless I completely walked out, which was not going to happen. I had better manners than that.

“Fine, get it over with,” I said before slumping in my chair briefly. The only reason I changed my posture was because I knew that I would get a back cramp if I kept myself in the position for too long.

“Excellent! Now let’s begin with formal statements,” Purple Smart said as she levitated multiple sheets of paper and what looked like a fountain pen out of nowhere. Hacks. “First, may I get your name, date of birth, age, and gender?”

“I didn’t realise you were writing a goddamned biography on me or something,” I said as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“It’s important to take organised notes when it is in regards to something foreign. Now, please answer the question,” she stated all too formally. I really wanted to plead for my life with Celestia, but I figured that after embarrassing Luna like that, I would have been forced into the predicament no matter what.

“Name: Ryan. Born on the eleventh day of the fourth month of the year nineteen ninety three if that means anything to you. Age … let’s go with forty-four. As for gender … I’m not going to bother answering since you know it already,” I said with a deep sigh. It wasn’t a sigh with regards to giving away personal information, nah I had no trouble with that. You all know why I was sighing.

“That is true …” she muttered before shuffling her papers briefly. “Alright, then can you please describe your world for us?”

“I can,” I said. If I was going to do this Q and A stuff, I wasn’t going to do it without being snarky as fuck.

A few moments past in silence as I took a sip of water and waited for them to figure it out. Eventually Purple Smart figured it out, because she face-hoofed ... hard. “Fine, will you please describe your world for us?”

You know, I’ve always wanted to turn that around on someone. Though my original aim was to use it on a teacher … Purple Smart was the closest I had to such a target.

“My world … my world,” I started off slowly. “Well, the most apt and shortest description would be that my world is essentially fucked up. Completely and probably irreversibly Fubar’d.”

“Right … umm, Fubar’d?” Purple Smart asked, more than a little flustered by the ease of the swears. I thought she would have figured me out by now, or at least realised I swore a lot. That pony needed to pay better attention to others.

“Fubar. Stands for ‘fucked up beyond any recognition.’ Apt description for a world that was nearly completely blown up before it decided to reclaim the entirety of the land for itself. I’ve told this a few times now, and it’s starting to get easier with each explanation. The world used to be populated by humans to a degree of overabundance. Eight billion people living on the same world? Far beyond the sustainability of the planet. We had created means to keep everyone reasonably well off … some far more than others, but we were on borrowed time. A world war broke out for horrible reasons that consumed many parts of the world in fire … though there was even more of it just left in ruins. From there the world, a world that had been devoid of magic that we knew of, somehow decided that we had had our run as the ‘rulers’ of the world. Cities were swallowed up in a three day mass climate, vegetation, and overall shift in the world. Areas that were once farmland? Mass jungles or deserts. Cities? Swallowed up by the earth or in a swarm of vegetation. Coastal regions? Either expanded by the retreat of oceans or completely engulfed by the exact same oceans,” I said before I took another sip of water.

“What was once eight billion … now maybe a billion? I’m not even sure. Countries and any form of government collapsed completely. It was back to the days of city states and every person for themselves out in the new world. That is my world. A Post-Reckoning world … oh and that’s the name of the event. At least, that’s the name I use.”

There was no real response to that answer. Three had already heard the basics before, and no one really wanted to touch on that subject, instead leaving it for Purple Smart to ask. “You mentioned a world war … is that common for your race?”

“Depends on what you consider common. Now, I like to consider myself a realist and sometimes we come off a little misanthropic … is that a word here?”

“Yes, it essentially refers to a being that strongly dislikes their own race,” Celestia answered first.

“Ah, see back home it just refers to humans. Anyway, I’m a realist so you’ll get a double-sided answer. First off, we’ve had three ‘world wars.’ Ones that were given that title and they only happened in the past century and a bit. Now, it’s not an all encompassing war, just large enough that people deem them world wars … minus the third one which was all encompassing. Prior to those rather modern wars, societies and countries often fought over lands or certain beliefs. I hate to say it, but it is in human nature to desire more and more. We are greedy. Though it’s only a certain few that show the levels of greed that are required to start a war … unfortunately too many leaders in history had that flaw. So to put it simply … yes, conflicts and wars were extremely common for our society.”

Purple Smart wanted to say something, but I cut her off. I was going to say my peace.

“Now on the flip side of that, in between and during those wars, people were also as generous and caring as we could get. Everything that you could think of … minus any magical stuff, we did it to help our fellow humans. Despite the many wrongs that marred our history, and the many corrupt and evil people who made those times the most prominent, we still kept dealing out the kindness, generosity, and selflessness that we had come to know was in us. Humanity as a whole? A two sided coin, without a shadow of a doubt. Corrupted and morally debased on one side … and on the other, what humans are capable of when we display the right values.”

“Though that’s assuming you subscribe to the whole two-sided assumptions. I mean at one point it was probably something rather accurate, but now? A gray cloud. The higher parts of the cloud are what could be considered good, while the bottom of the cloud is the worst. Why is it grey? ‘Cause even those at the top can be horrible with the right context. It’s all about context.”

I took a pause, sipping on my water once more. I was tempted to reach into my bag and produce the bottle of Ambershine I had still in there, but I stopped myself. I had enough drinking for awhile.

So, that’s my view on humanity by the way. Though who am I to judge where each person sits, or for that matter if it is even correct? I could be full of the biggest shit you have ever heard and humanity is exactly black and white. Who knows! That’s what’s great about individual opinions, isn’t it? Wouldn’t have it anyother way, really.

Their reactions? Contemplative to say the least. Celestia and Luna looked to be calculating something based off what I said, while most of the rest, minus Gilda and Trixie seemed to be rather unsure of me. Applejack was actually a little smug in her look, as though I had just proven to her that I was horrible or something. Ehh, who knows, she was by far my least favourite of the group. Purple Smart had to cough into her hoof a few times to clear her throat or something. Though in that brief moment, Celestia spoke up.

“So are you a misanthropist? You never said yes or no,” she asked.

“Ha, no a million times. I love being who I am, and I love people for being who they are. Sure there are fucking idiots, psychos, dicks, and bastards, but that doesn’t mean that I would ever betray my race or forfeit it. Despite the flaws, I would never condemn us … we’re like cockroaches; no matter how hard you try, we’ll live.”

“Right … let’s see … that answers those questions,” she muttered as she moved her pen around the page before flipping to another page. “Ah yes! Tell me about your world’s technology and how it compares to what you’ve seen here.”

“Even after the break down of society, we still are miles ahead of you in technology. Sure you have magic, but from what I’ve seen … you can’t compare.”

“Oh, do go on …” Purple Smart said with a cold stare. I guess she didn’t like the fact I was dissing the ponies.

“Motorized personal carriages … or cars. You don’t have them. Weaponry: you’re still at spears. I’ve seen no radio equipment, nor have I seen electrical wires, though on the flipside they could be buried. Still utilizing coal burning trains … I can’t think of much more off the top of my head, but I bet I can get back to you as days go on. Though I think the easiest way is to show you all my music device … did you tell them about it, Gilda?”

“Nah, they didn’t ask,” she replied nonchalantly.

“Right, perfect,” I said before reaching into the specific pocket that held my iPod. After a few moments of pulling it out of my layers of clothes, I put it on the table before sliding it to Purple Smart to take a look at, headphones still attached. “The frogs of your hooves should be able to work the touch pad. If not then slide it back and I’ll just put it on speaker.”

“What … what is it?” she asked as she looked at it, while suspending it in her magic.

“An iPod. It utilizes a miniature but powerful battery to send electrical pulses through micro wiring that is connected to microchips and a specially designed CPU to light up the screen and allow programs to be ran,” I said as simply as I could put it. Trust me, I might have been an electrician and a little bit of a computer nerd, but I never really desired to look up the specifics on how an iPod functioned. That was just the general way any sort of mobile device functioned.

The entire group just stared at me blankly as though I had been speaking some foreign language to them, which I might as well have been. Jargon like that was at times even beyond people who owned them! If people from the race that created them couldn’t comprehend it at times, I doubt that they would but hell, I had to take a stab in the dark.

“Do you have computers here?” I asked.

“Oh, oh! Purple Smart used to have a computer in her basement that she used to run tests on things!” Pinkie said while being completely oblivious to the loud groan Purple Smart let loose after hearing her friend use my nickname. She recovered quick enough to answer my question fully.

“There are two computers in the world. One of them is at the University of Canterlot and the other is at MIT in Bitton.” I’m not touching those puns. “They are quite impressive compared to mine that I built from spare parts, though they have often said that their ideas are based off of mine. Theirs are so much larger though, and much more capable of storing information.”

“Right … well what unit of measurement do you use for storing information?”

“Bytes,” she said simply. Sure, let’s continue to have things cross over worlds … seriously, it was getting ludicrous.

“So do ours, I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume your computers can’t hold nearly as much as that iPod,” I said, to which she looked like I had mocked her once more. She initially moved to refute my claim, but before she said anything I finished what I was going to say. “Thirty gigabytes.”

Jaw drops from her and Luna. The rest were still rather confused on what we were talking about.

“Yeah, that far ahead in technology,” I said before doing a few twists on the chair to pop my back. When I faced forward once more I decided to move the topics forward. “What’s next?”

It took Purple Smart a few moments before she collected herself, floated my iPod over to me, and brought the pages back up in front of her. “Yes … umm, since it seems we’re not going to need roughly a full page of questions here, I think we’ll just skip to another one. Can you describe cultures from your world?”

“Can you describe all the cultures of yours?” I asked back.

“No?” she replied with confusion.

“Likewise. Too many that I have no clue about, not to mention that I’d butcher the ones I do know somewhat. And don’t bother asking me about mine, since it was essentially a mishmash of cultures,” I said bluntly. Some questions I literally couldn’t answer. “Let’s just say that there are more cultures in my world than there are countries. Or was.”

“How many countries are there?” she transitioned smoothly.

“Over two hundred before The Reckoning … I think there are only two countries that are still semi-operational. Australia and New Zealand. Though they have their own problems to deal with …”

“That is ...that’s horrifying!” Fluttershy said of all beings in the room.

“Yep, that’s my world for you,” I said simply. Why put it lightly for them if they wanted to know about it … better for them to have to slap them in the face once, rather than slowly stab them. “Next?”

“Ugh! Nearly every time you answer, you negate a bunch of questions!” Purple Smart said before throwing out another sheet of paper, though she quickly picked up another. “I’ve got one that can’t possibly have the same outcome. “Can you tell us about your family?”

Ever get one of those moments that despite everything you try, a single thing sets you off? Kind of like a switch being flipped? I know that ‘people’ back in my time used to use the word triggered, but those ones … well they were the same that wanted to censor everything because they were afraid to hurt someone. I’m definitely jaded on that because I never experienced these moments of sheer shock or whatever. Whenever I was, quote unquote, triggered, I would simply get over it and move on or find a coping method before dealing with the issue.

This time, well I don’t know what, but her bringing up my family just did that whole flip switch. Not violently mind you. I’ve always been the one that just walks away from the issue if it was something I couldn’t deal with at the time. Walk away and recuperate before heading back and dealing like I just said.

Though looking back, I bet the whole ‘had just done eighteen shots’ part was a major factor in the reaction.

I think Gilda saw that switch flip … and Luna for that matter, because even before I reacted, I heard them both say my name lightly as though they were trying to calm me or something.

I simply looked at Twilight for a second before pushing the chair out, stood up, and walked swiftly yet with heavy feet out of the room. I just went back through the path we took, leaving them all and my pack in the dining room, despite the calls for me to come back.

It took me no time at all to find myself in that in between spot where the entrance building and the entrance hall of the castle gave way to open air. I just stood on the pathway for a moment before looking up and running my hands against my hat rather forcefully, nearly pushing it off before turning right and heading in the direction of that statue garden I had seen earlier.

It was only then that I noticed how late it was. The sun had already started falling behind the horizon as the night sky started to shine in, and the moon rising to its place in the sky.

I needed to distance myself a little and just take the time to calm myself down before returning.

I’m not going to bother going over what I was thinking. No, the most is that I will skim it and say what the general topic was; my actual thoughts were more of me being stupid … though with a whole bunch of f-bombs being dropped. A ratio of one f-bomb per three words or something like that crazy.

Thankfully I was going to get something in the way of a distraction.

Now, when I entered the statue garden, I felt a little weirded out because it felt like some of the statues were following me with their eyes. The artists that sculpted them did a hell of a job at making them look as realistic as possible. Though some of the artists must have been off the deep end or something to come up with some of the statues I saw. I mean, who would have thought to make some thin chimera-like creature doing a powerslide on its knees while strumming on a guitar, head tilted back in a rock type yell? The creative mind that somehow developed such an idea was one to be commended.

Well at least if it had been created by someone not completely insane.

See, as I was admiring it, a voice came up from behind me. One that was far too familiar. Let me explain, you see countless amounts of people from the generation just before mine knew about a character named Q from Star Trek. I knew of him because my mom used to love Star Trek and it got me curious when I was younger. Not my show really, but I happened to watch an episode with this godlike character named Q who did whatever the fuck he wanted. It stuck in my head because it was a cool concept for a show, among other things.

The voice behind me … sounded exactly like the character or the actor that played Q.

“It is quite a marvelous piece of work if I do say so myself! So … expressive! It makes you want to … rock out!”

I groaned hard at that pun, despite the fact that I was wondering about the whole voice thing. Sometimes it’s tough to not react to very well placed puns, especially ones that are puns on top of puns.

So when I turned around to see the one who spoke, I saw the exact same creature as the statue I was looking at. Literally, exactly the same creature was standing in front of me, except said chimera thing was wearing a beret on its head, a scarf around its neck and those half glasses that hipsters liked to wear back in my day and age. Though admittedly the white goatee helped pull off the whole ‘elite artist’ look.

“Should I even ask who sculpted that?” I asked while pointing a thumb over my shoulder, aimed back at the statue. “You know, don’t even bother answering that. How about you start with what the fuck you are?”

“How rude! Not even going to critique my marvelous piece!” He said with a pout before he snapped his fingers and disappeared, only to pop back into reality behind me, on top of the statue. “Well if you must know, I am a Draconequus, specifically the Draconequus of Chaos! Or God of Chaos for short, your choice really, though the first does have a nice feel to it now that I think about it.”

“Sorry, I don’t know of Draconequui or whatever. Especially not one of Chaos. You worship Tzeentch or something?” I said with a smirk. Utilizing human references was always amusing in a world that never got them. Of course it had to backfire sometime.

“That old has been? He wishes he was as successful as I am. Can’t even see his own Heresy through!” he said in reply before floating down in front of me. “Don’t even get me started about the rest!”

“I … I don’t even want to know how you got those references,” I said before walking past it and instead farther into the statue garden. I could just feel that it was following me, so I decided I might as well introduce myself. “Ryan, by the way.”

“Oh, I already knew that, but if we’re introducing ourselves then I say, ‘tis a pleasure! You may call me Discord,” he said in response.

“What about Bedlam?” I responded.

It actually stopped him for a second, his face scrunching up in confusion before a light bulb literally appeared over his head … one that he pulled to turn on, which apparently caused a revelation.

Now before I go on, I’m going to give you a disclaimer. The following scenes involves excessive amounts of pure unadulterated ‘wat.’ It may also cause you to stop thinking because of the impossibility of the acts and what he did. I mean, I was already giving up on the world making sense, so it didn’t affect me as much … that, and I had a conversation to focus on.

Right, continuing.

Once the light bulb turned on, it disappeared before he grinned. “Oh, that’s clever. I can’t believe that in all my years I never thought of that. Oh, I’ve got to write that down!”

Much like Purple Smart earlier, a note pad and a pen appeared out of nowhere. Only with Discord, the pen was one of those giant ones, bigger than the note itself … and it had rainbow-coloured feathers sticking out from the top … not to mention it was made of chocolate. See, I warned you!

When he was done, he actually came down to the earth, instead of floating like he had been. Now, believe it or not, immediately after that weird act, he got completely serious.

“I’m going to get this out of the way because I know that Fluttershy would chew me out if I didn’t clear it up now. I knew you had arrived on this world, the moment you hit the dirt. It would be appalling if I didn’t sense such an ancient flux in magic! Oh, and no, I didn’t bring you here. Just an FYI so you don’t FTFO, okay?”

I had no clue what FTFO meant, but I simply gave him a half-hearted stare before shrugging my shoulders and walking over to another statue, this one of Princess Celestia shaking hooves with a minotaur. I simply didn’t care at that point, since I was going off the assumption that anything the ‘God of Chaos’ said was either completely made up or completely insane.

“Soo … whatcha doing?” he asked.

“Calming my thoughts before I return to the dining hall … or wherever they went off to,” I said, not stating who I was referring to. It was more than likely that Discord knew who I was talking about.

“Did they push the wrong buttons?” he asked before a wall of forty or so buttons popped in front of me, all of them labeled ‘wrong.’

“More like inadvertently flipped a switch,” I said before walking around said wall of switches, which promptly disappeared.

“Geeze, tough crowd,” he mumbled before pausing. “This is boring, come get me when you decide to be fun.”

With that, Discord disappeared in an audible pop which also left confetti all over the ground. I think at that point I was far too exhausted to even think about making a reaction at that.

It was also around that time that I started to feel the weight of everything that had happened. Despite it being not nearly as rough as some days in my life, the fact I had come to a different world, and had to deal with drama issues and such so early made it feel like I had been carrying a three hundred pound weight across my shoulders. Yes, I do know what that actually feels like … kind of. I mean, when I was young I max squatted a little more than that when I was training for baseball, so it’s essentially the same.

I ended up slowly making my way over to a tree that was discreetly placed behind some shrubs and out of the way of the rest of the yard. When I reached the tree, I leaned against it before slowly sliding down to the ground. Hell, even the trees in this world were perfect in their shape, cause there wasn’t even a single root underneath me when I sat down, just cool grass.

From my spot, I got a partial view of the side of the castle and the mountain in the background, it was better than the other side. Far too close to the wall for anything more than just a slab of white in front of me.

The lights from the rooms in the castle made it look rather nice, warm and inviting. It made me wonder just how many ponies or whatever lived in that building, because it could probably house thousands easily.

So I sat there for a few moments, just staring at the castle before I closed my eyes, looking to get a start on the sleep I had been needing. I didn’t want some fabricated dream at that moment, instead I just wanted to fall into a subconscious-created wonderland of whatever.

I didn’t get that wish granted right away though, for I felt a poke on my arm, which annoyed me just enough to open my eyes and look at what had poked me; finding a griffon staring at me.

We just stared at each other for a few moments before she finally broke the silence.

“Took me a while to find you. If I wasn’t a griffon, I would never have noticed the small flicker of light off those glasses of yours,” she said as she sat down next to me.

“Wish I had eyes like yours … would make things a lot easier,” I said with a small chuckle.

She laughed lightly at my joke before it became quiet once more. She looked like she wanted to ask a question that she feared would be answered horribly, I could tell by the fact that she kept avoiding my eye contact.

“Go ahead,” I said as I sat up a little bit more.

“Why did you leave so suddenly?”

I sighed a little. My fear that I would make it so I was no longer Gilda’s rock had become a reality quicker than I thought it would. I always knew that eventually I would show myself as simply being a broken man that only portrayed a rough exterior.

I mean, that’s what I am isn’t it? Isn’t that what we all are when we try to push through the pain of life yet keep a strong face? It only takes one time of that feeling to understand that sometimes we just put faces on for others. The one I put on for Gilda had cracked quickly.

“Despite what I show you, Gilda … and what I show others … I’m still the same man I was a few weeks after The Reckoning. The same man that had to watch as my parents died slowly from wounds that I couldn’t heal. The same man that had watched all he knew crumble before him, mocking his inability to help things. I’m not the only one that feels like this or has these scars, but I know that I am one of the only ones that chose to run from everything and never stop running.”

I took over my hat, and shades, laying them down beside me before running my gloved hands across my bald head. I looked forward for a second before turning to look at her once more. “When I was young, I ran from problems I couldn’t solve right away. Ran to find a place where I could think it all out and if I couldn’t fix it, I ran more. So what happened back there … that was me running from something I couldn’t handle. Yet I should have handled it. The strong face that I put on broke with a simple pebble being thrown at it,” I said with a sad chuckle.

“You must think I’m weak right now,” I said immediately after I finished laughing.

“No … no I don’t. Despite you being a dweeb and a dick at times, you’ve taught me more than a few things that I would have never figured out by myself. You’ve helped me more than anyone I’ve ever known … everything you’ve done for me? I could never think that you’re weak,” she replied as she got closer to me, to lean against me.

“And here I thought I only taught you to not bottle up your feelings,” I said as I pulled her closer with my arm, wrapping her in a small hug.

“It seems every time you talk you’re teaching me something,” she responded.

“Corny,” I snickered out.

“What?” she asked in confusion.

“That was corny, Gilda,” I said before laughing.

She took a few moments to think about it before laughing as well, “Yeah, I guess it was corny, huh? Don’t tell anyone though, or I’ll kill you … or something.”

“Heh, yeah, ‘or something.’ Don’t worry, no one will ever know that you’re the corny one in this travelling family,” I replied with a smirk.

She laughed before settling into me as we just sat there for a bit. Just sitting under the tree and watching the night work wonders on displaying the Canterlot Castle with its glimmering starlight and faint glow of the moon. It was a beautiful sight indeed.

“Are you going to sleep out here?” she asked, not moving from her spot.

“Yeah … I’ve spent nearly half of my live sleeping outside. It almost feels wrong to sleep indoors … or in a bed for that matter.”

She just hummed in response before laying her head against my side completely. She hummed a few more times before finally talking again. “Mind if I stay?”

“Don’t you want to be with Dash?” I asked, a little surprised.

“We’re still working everything out, so I wouldn’t be with her anyway. Besides, they showed us the rooms we were going to stay in … they were too large and empty for my liking.”

“And here I would have thought they would have been out creating a search party for me instead of showcasing rooms!” I said with a laugh.

“Nah, I told them you’d come back begging for forgiveness soon enough,” she replied with her own laugh.

“Definitely sounds like something I would do, you know,” I replied with mock seriousness. “Don’t go being a dick biscuit now, Gilda … oh wait …”

“Har bucking har, jerkwad. You still owe me that bottle by the way,” she replied before giving me a half hearted jab in the side.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll get it when I get my pack back. Where is it anyways? Hopefully not in the dining room still.”

“Nah, they gave it to me … sort of. It’s in my room.”

“And you didn’t go through it to get what you wanted? I’m truly surprised!” I said in mock shock. Yeah I was getting some practice in acting out emotions.

“You truly are a dick,” she replied with a laugh.

I just snickered a few more times before the lull in our conversation came around again. It’s a common thing mind you, since there is rarely a person that can take a conversation and make it flow constantly. Those that do are blessed.

Eventually Gilda broke the silence again. “Do you have anything to remember your family by?”

“Yeah,” I said in a voice that was more somber than it should have been. It had been twenty years, so I should have been over it.

…

No, I’m not over it even to this day, though it’s better now. I’m learning to accept it day by day. It’ll probably take till I die, but one day I will fully come to terms with it and revisit where I buried them.

…

That’s a good point, one that I never really considered. Perhaps it was the way that they died that caused such a deep wound … it would have been better to have them live out a full life and not die when they were but halfway through life. Yeah … yeah, you’re right. Thanks.

Right.

I eventually replied to her after a rather long silence, finally deciding to bring out that photo album that I kept on my body wherever I went. I mentioned it all the way back at the start of the story, back when I was in New Jersey. It would be the first time that I ever showed anyone that photo album. “Yeah … some pictures … and a bunch of memories.”

“Can I see?” she asked as she turned around so she was looking at me instead of out at the castle. How could I say no to my own cat-bird?

The album itself was one in the design of one of those old multiple CD cases, though smaller so that each tab held a singular photo on each side. Though the amount of tabs made sure that you could hold hundreds of photos. Hundreds of photos that I scavenged through still working technology and my old house.

“Sure,” I replied softly before shuffling to pull it out. When I finally managed to get it out of its nook in my clothing, I started from the beginning of the photos. From the very first one I told her everything I could remember of what lead up to the picture and anything I thought was important.

I don’t know how long I flipped through the album before Gilda was fast asleep, her head resting on my right leg. Light snores that sounded more like purrs coming out of her mouth everytime she breathed. It was truly something to behold.

It was also something that helped me sleep easy.

Fin.

For today! Yep, after all this time spent, we finally reached the end of this portion! I hope you’re building up fortitude and a tolerance to me talking, because we still have a long way to go before this whole saga comes to a close. Don’t worry … later portions often have a lot of time off in between. One day we’ll cross the threshold from telling a day at a time to … well to multiple days I figure.

So, have a good sleep … I know I will after all that.

I’ll leave you with one more thing, a little bit of advice to those that have someone in their lives, be it family, friends, or spouses. Always cherish them, for you never know when they might one day disappear forever.

Author's Notes:

Ho boy that was along one, huh? If you haven't noticed by now but each chapter more or less represents a days worth of events. Sometimes more happens in a day than others, and this one was one of those. Sure I could have glossed over parts but then you wouldn't get the full experience!

Now to shed light on some stuff.
1) I don't know if it was mentioned, cause my memory is not as good as his, but if Ryan explained the vodka in this chapter then there ya go! If not and it comes up in the next chapter ... well ... For the sake of the character in this story, the shots number is a little higher and the lack of hangover due to enough conditioning over the years. In reality, my cousin's top number that I know of was twelve shot, though that made rather drunk :P

2)Yeah, I obviously had to do a question seminar with Twilight, clichéd I know but it has to be done because you know it would be done.

3)The Princesses in this are from my own personal headcanon :P

4) Finally, if this chapter feels all over the place with random emotions, then just think about a regular human being when presented with many different stimuli. Are they always calm and rational in their thoughts, are they always just one feeling during a day? It's an emotional rollercoaster I say!

And I think that's it. If there is something else that needs to be cleared, just leave a comment.

Title song is ... Through the Looking Glass = Symphony X

See ya next week!

Chapter 7: Wings of Feather and Wax (Part 1)

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To be honest- and I think I started with those lines before but ehh- I honestly didn’t think any of you would have wanted to return after such a … long session. I mean, I was rambling pretty hard there and it must have been multiple hours of me speaking. I can only imagine how long it would have been if I wrote it all down! God, I would feel sorry for the bastards that decided to read such a garbled mess.

So, like always we should probably get the Q&A period out of the way so we can get onto the meat of the next part in the story.

First up … let’s see … you!

You know, sometimes I wish I didn’t have to restate the question for all of you to hear, but I guess that’s my fault for having such a booming voice! Haha!

Anyway, as he said, did it occur to me that the ponies were surprisingly human like? Now, that’s a good question despite only going off of what I tell you. Now that I look back on the events while I was there, and that day, it did make me wonder just how close they were to us, but then I realised something … what if … what if, they were actually the older civilisation! I mean, the Princesses were fucking old, but there was no way they had been around since the very beginning. If that was true, then we could flip that question and ask ourselves, just how close are we to ponies?

See what I’m getting at? Though, I’ll still answer your question and say I was indeed surprised that they seemed so close to us in how they acted and such. Though I think what surprised me more were the crossovers in culture and history.

Moving on, you thar!

Yes I said thar, not there. Get over it.

What motivated me to come back despite the world being a paradise? Well, first off, I never said paradise, and secondly, I’m going to dodge the question a little since it more or less gets answered throughout the story. I think I might have said something with regards to it already. Pretty sure I did, so I guess I’ll just kind of say it again.

Essentially, though the world was idyllic in so many ways, I wasn’t meant for that world. Now, listen before you think I threw away a good chance at peace. While I did, I am more or less bound to this world because of everything that I’ve left behind already. Sure it’s a measly strand of a reason to hold onto, but as long as my family rests in the dirt that this world holds I will stay bound to this world.

Right, next question. You there.

Fine, I’ll allow a double question but only if you keep it short. Any explanation on Discord’s abilities and what do I think is the definition of insanity?

First off, I don’t have any explanation. I mean, I met him a few times after that, which I will tell you about, but assuming that we are going off that sole meeting … well actually even with all the other times I have no fucking clue. It’s like he actually knows he’s a goddamned hacker! Seriously … freaky as fuck!

As for the second question, I really, really, really, wish I would have memorized that Vaas quote just for this one time. Truly I missed out on a great opportunity! I mean I remembered the entire Flaming Dragon rant, but not this one … I am disappointed in myself right now. As for the answer to your question, I’ll go with Einstein’s answer. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Cliche, but I believe it.

Also Vaas is from a game long ago. Just a clarification.

Alright, you’re next.

What about the bits? If they were gold why didn’t I bring any back? That’s assuming that I didn’t. Though you are correct I guess, since I didn’t. The bits were indeed gold, but the reason I didn’t bring any back is actually going to be a complete shocker to all of you … I forgot. With everything that happened leading up to my return, I completely forgot to even think of bringing back such valuable currency. Everyone makes mistakes and that was one of my mistakes that I regret little, but at the same time I wonder … what if I remembered?

Oh well, last question.

With how many events that happened during that day, what was the most memorable? Now that’s a tough one considering that the entire day had many instances of very memorable moments. I could easily say that the time spent with Gilda was extremely memorable while at the same time so was the whole drinking contest which essentially started everything. You could also say my meeting with the reality-hacking Discord was also memorable.

I guess what I am trying to say is that everything can be memorable depending on what you define as memorable and what you feel the need to remember. I guess if I really had to choose an overall winner … it was the time spent with Gilda. Call me sappy, but it really reminded me of a lot of things that I had basically forgotten. Hell, it was the first time I opened the photo album in over four years.

Let’s move on. Enough questions for this time.

So I woke up to three things. The first being the sunlight that had somehow snuck around the castle and shone just bright enough to irritate the fuck out of me and force me to wake up. Secondly, I found Gilda still cuddled up to me, with her head resting on the general area of my belly, which was adorable since she did that little snore thing she does. The third was something I only really noticed when I was finally awake.

My nose was on fucking fire. It was as though I had swallowed a jalapeño … with my nose. Yeah, that bad.

I manned up long enough to slide out from under a still sleeping GIlda, gently laying her head down in the process, before I bolted to the nearest fountain … and there was many. In the statue garden area there had to be four fountains at least, and the one I bolted to luckily had a collection pond at the base of the thing.

So without any hesitation I tossed my hat and glasses off, unwrapped my scarves and proceeded to dunk my head underwater for a good twenty seconds before returning to the surface. While it helped for the most part, I had inhaled whatever it was which just meant I would have to tough it out until it decided to go away.

You know when something goes up your nose and then enters the back of your throat? You know how you can sort of taste it? Yeah … I had a little taste …

Cayenne pepper.

Someone had put cayenne pepper under my nose.

And that someone was waving from one of the tall towers of the castle.

I just happened to look up after dunking my head, and I found Luna gazing down at me while waving one of her hooves in a rather ecstatic fashion while the other was covering her face. No doubt in an attempt to stifle a giggle or a full blown laugh. Either way, I knew who my culprit was … and I intended for some revenge.

“You okay?” Gilda asked as she came up behind me. I looked at her with my dripping wet face, much to her amusement. “Haha, what happened?! You decided to wash your face in the fountain or something?”

“Yeah … had to clean out my nose … some blue horse decided that putting cayenne pepper under my nose would go without punishment,” I said before grabbing my scarves and drying my face. They would dry in time, and I didn’t need them right away, instead all I needed was a little direction. “I think we’ll see how well she fares with revenge from a mind that had to deal with a college baseball team’s pranks.”

“You’re going to prank the Princess? Count me out, dude … I don’t want to get banished or anything,” she said as she wove her good talon in front of her face, the universal way of saying ‘fuck no.’

“Don’t worry, you can head back to your room or wherever … I need to go search for a castle hospital … or perhaps a drug store … mind lending me some bits?” I said with a grin that made Gilda’s eyes widen. She simply nodded before handing me the bag of bits she kept concealed before heading off. Apparently she didn’t want to even know how much I needed.

I made my way to the nearest entrance that could possibly have guards. First off, I needed to ask them if there was a castle hospital.

When I found a pair, I got my answer quickly and without hesitation. They probably had some kind of note or something saying I was all good. Who knew, anyway, my answer was much to my liking since they did in fact have a hospital that was housed in the castle. First part of my plan was going smoothly.

As stealthily as one could be while also trying to act nonchalantly, I made my way to the hospital along with my new guard escort. So yeah, it wasn’t as stealthily as I wanted, but perhaps I could persuade them … hmm.

When we reached the hospital, I asked if they could wait outside for me to return.

Now, the castle hospital looked much like a normal one you’d actually see nowadays in that it had a makeshift feel, though for them it was probably due to the fact that they only needed to treat a certain amount of ponies if needed. Either way, they had a front desk with a mare sitting behind it, doing paperwork or something. On the left side of the desk, there was a set of doors that had a sign saying ‘Staff Only’ while on the right side, there was an open doorway without doors that lead to beds in the back.

“Good day, my good mare … I was wondering if perhaps I could acquire a few laxatives. It seems I’ve been rather irregular lately,” I said with a rather sophisticated accent, so as to make myself seem important.

She simply stared at me for a second before she got up from her chair and replied. “Take a seat, and I’ll have a doctor out shortly.”

“Ah, you see, Nurse …” I leaned in to look at the badge on her clothes, “Purple Heart, I am rather in a rush and I need those laxatives … preferably extra strong ones.”

She stopped and eyed me wearily, before turning to completely face me. She stayed silent for a few more seconds before her eyes narrowed and she spoke up again. “I have a feeling you’re not actually ‘irregular.’”

“Perhaps … I can persuade you?” I said while pulling out the bit bag from the pouch I had placed it in.

“Who’s getting pranked?” she asked with a deep sigh. That made me infinitely curious. My eyes widened in response to her statement.

Hold your fucking horses! The Nurse explains it if you can just fucking wait!

“Pranked?” I asked simply, pretending to be shocked.

“Yes, though you are the first to ask for laxatives in a long time,” she said before seeing my confusion still. “You must be really new … Princess Celestia is infamous for good natured pranking along with Princess Luna. They've picked on many a pony in the past, especially themselves. So I’ll ask again, who’s getting pranked?”

“Luna,” I said simply. It was beyond amusing to think that the two immortal rulers often decided to prank their subjects, let alone themselves. Oh, that meant I would have to initiate both plans at once.

“The laxatives won’t do much to her since we’re fresh out of ones that powerful,” she said with a shrug. That made no sense! She had a liver that was inferior to mine! How could she have strong bowels? It didn't matter really but it meant one thing; I had to change my plans up.

“Can use chloroform to knock out a Princess?” I asked, which shocked the nurse greatly. She looked up at me as though I had suggested murdering her. Though, within a few moments that shock turned to a sinister smile.

“While not chloroform specifically, I do know of something. Let me see what I can do,” she said before she trotted to the back. Good … good. I was slowly forming my plan. The next part still involved getting the guards on my side. So I poked my head out of the hospital doors to check on my escort.

“Question … either of you ever been pranked by Luna?” I asked quickly, and though they didn’t reply immediately, they both flinched just enough to confirm that my suspicions were correct. “Ten bits apiece if you play along and act as a distraction. I’m going to get her good.”

“Done,” they both said in unison. Perfect.

So by the time I paid them and turned back into the hospital, I was met with a nurse holding up a cloth and small capped bottle that barely had anything in it.

“Turn the bottle over in the cloth. I made sure to leave just the right amount to knock out an alicorn in it. Just cover her nostrils, and she’ll be out like a light,” Purple Heart said.

“You … you are a mare that would watch the world burn …” I said before grinning like an idiot. “Mind saving me a spot next to you?”

She merely laughed before hoofing me the cloth and bottle. When I put them in my pockets, I turned around and left before saying thank you to the amazing nurse. I would definitely not rat her out while I was on death row.

So my guard escort and I moved on, the next place, the kitchen.

“Right, so I need to know … do you guys have condoms here? Be serious, this is part of the prank, and no it doesn’t involve sex with Luna,” I had to clarify to the almost frightened guards. I decided not to get their names since I didn’t want to implicate them when the whole thing was over. Either way, they both told me that condoms were a thing.

“Good, I need one of you to buy me about two dozen. I think twenty bits should suffice, right?” I asked before receiving a ‘yes’. So I handed over twenty bits and watched the stallion gallop away before I remembered to call out one last thing. “Meet us in the kitchen!”

Little did I know, I could have gotten those condoms in the hospital, which I presumed was exactly where the stallion went. Oh well, twenty bits of Gilda’s well spent. The next part needed to happen quickly …

“When does Celestia and Luna have breakfast?”

“An hour and a half from now,” the guard said without even checking a watch or anything. I didn’t even want to know how he knew right off the bat like that. Whatever it was that allowed for such a thing to happen, I chalked it up to reality hacking.

“Good, we’re going to need to do this within that time frame. We’ll need at least two more ponies on board …” I muttered.

“I can get you a dozen easily,” he stated bluntly.

“Really? Fucking sweet … let’s get to the kitchen first. Once there, we’ll prep the next part,” I said.

Long story short, we made it to the kitchen swiftly and just before the other guard caught up with us from a different direction. I still think that he went to the hospital but I had no proof … oh well. Anyway, when we entered, it was empty save for one chef in there. Apparently most weren’t due for another forty five minutes. Fuck it was really early, well that just meant everything was going to be that much simpler.

Sorry, but I’m going to shorten the conversation since it was rather dull.

Essentially it went along the lines of me asking if the chef would be complacent in an epic prank on Luna. She agreed and left the kitchen after directing us to where the yoghurt supplies were. Yeah you can kind of see where this is going, right? Good.

The guard who escorted me to the kitchen left to find some buddies to help while I explained to the other guard, who was a unicorn thankfully … I mean no offence but a non-unicorn would have sucked at this part, that he needed to fill the condoms with yoghurt but only an amount that a stallion would produce. It was a fucking awkward conversation, but he understood what I meant … much to my delight that I didn’t have to fucking show him.

Roughly around the time I finished with tell him his part, the other guard returned with four more recruits, though they were willing to work for free thankfully. The next part would be the toughest by far … we needed to get Luna from her room and into the dining room without being spotted, and do it as quickly as possible. We were running out of time, since there was just under an hour left.

So my four new buddies and I made our way stealthily through the castle halls, and up the winding tower to where Luna’s room was. I was worried about the stairs, but if Luna was as light to carry as the rest, then I could easily haul her over my shoulder. That or I could get one of the unicorns to carry her in their levitation field or whatever.

By the way, if all of this feels like I am speeding through it, good. I’m doing it for a reason because let me tell you, all of this … it happens before seven thirty in the fucking morning! Do you even comprehend how much more of the day there is to go? I mean, I like to ramble on and on, but that doesn’t mean I want to be here forever, just talking about stuff in a ridiculously slow way.

Now, when we reached the doors of chamber, I noticed that there were two ponies in front of the doors that were much different in appearance to all the other ponies I had seen. I’ll try and explain this as simply as possible …

Take a bat. Take a non-unicorn pony. Now give said pony a darker coat, kind of like a medium grey or something, than plant bat wings on its sides that are proportionate to the pony. Finally give them those vertical slit eyes like a cat, and add some elongated canines and boom! Bat-pony. Oh and for some reason they had much … fluffier ears than a regular pony. Don’t know why but it’s true.

So, yep, that’s what the two guards outside of the door looked like. In a way it kind of made sense to me because Luna was the Princess of the Night and bats are more nocturnal creatures … so … see where I’m going? Good.

I gave a low whistle to get there attention, though we were just at the point where the stairs merged with the flight. I didn’t dare go farther since I didn’t want Luna to hear me. The both looked over to me with disinterest. I waved them over, but they just shook their heads before returning to staring straight forward.

“Shit … well unless any of you have an idea to distract them without Luna noticing, we might be screwed. ‘Cause I was hoping to buy them off …” I said to my retinue who were farther down the stairs. They all took a few moments to ponder before one of them started to smirk.

“Give me a second to remember it,” the unicorn guard said before his horn lit up. So we waited a few moments before the only two pegasi in our group suddenly were consumed in a bright flash.

When the flash faded and the spots cleared from my eyes, there stood two more bat ponies! Fucking clever, right?!

“How?” I asked with a grin.

“It’s a simple enchantment spell that we are required to know if The Night Guard’s numbers are insufficient. That hasn’t been the case as of late since many bat pony tribes are still returning to Equestria, but it’s still taught,” the unicorn said with pride.

“Fucking A plus … I’ll add what you did to my eulogy. You’ll forever be remembered as the one that saved the plan. So we’ll need to retreat back down all these steps and wait for them to change guards,” I said before we broke off. The two remaining regular guards followed me back down the stairs and down a hallway where we waited for the other two to do their jobs.

Eventually, after waiting a few minutes, the two bat pony guards trotted down a hallway that, thankfully, wasn’t ours. That of course was our cue to move, so we hustled our way back up the stairs to find our compatriots waiting just at the top of the steps.

“Right, now we need to lure her out. I might be sneaky as fuck, but her hearing, not to mention her nose, will probably pick me up easily. We need to get her out of the room in a panic so she won’t recognise me right away. Create some sort of distress to draw her out, I’ll be waiting on the other side to sneak up from behind,” I said to the group. They all nodded, and they took their places in front of the door to offer a distraction.

When I was in place, and I had poured out the bottle of chloroform into the rag, I pointed at them to go ahead.

“Princess Luna! We have a problem down in the castle! The human has taken a pony hostage and demands to speak!” the only earth pony in the group said. Those motherfuckers, am I right? Using me as my own distraction! Cheeky bastards … not to mention clever.

The sounds of her … shoes I guess, echoed behind the doors before they opened up. Luna stepped out with a little anger behind each step. I could tell because they were harder than usual.

“He has taken a pony hostage!? And I trusted him … alright, lead me to where he is. Do you know who he took hostage?” she asked, setting me up for one of the most perfectly timed responses in my life.

“Yeah,” I said as I snuck up right behind her, the rag with chloroform on it in hand. “You.”

With that, I wrapped the hand not holding the chloroform around her horn, and placed the rag right in front of her nostrils. She initially struggled for a second, eyes wide in pure surprise, but eventually the chloroform kicked in and she was out like a light.

Now, the next part can be summarized as something that sounds and was completely silly.

Four guards, escorting a human that was carrying the Princess of the Night over his shoulder, running through the halls of the castle.

We bumped past a few maids that looked completely shocked until the guards simply said, ‘Prank.’ Apparently the entire staff was onto the games that the Diarchs played. Well they would all hear about this hilarious situation afterwards … as well as my death at the hands of the blue alicorn.

When we finally reached the kitchen, the unicorn guard that I had left in charge of the condom filling was sipping on some water while over a dozen condoms full of yoghurt were suspended in his magic.

“Perfect! Now to the dining room! We need to get her all set up for when Celestia arrives!” I said before hustling to the dining room, Luna’s surprisingly light frame not hindering me that much.

I’m going to skip the set-up of Luna and just go straight to the whole event. Yeah, it’s going to be hilarious to talk about, but you have to wait a second for the events leading up to set it up perfectly.

Now when we were finished setting up the Princess, I, along with the original two guards that had joined me, walked away from the dining hall and towards an intersection in hallways that would allow me to meet Celestia on the way to the dining room. Also, by sheer coincidence, I also met all of the mares … and griffoness that was part of the party yesterday.

When the intercept happened, Celestia was making her way down from her tower.

“Well, good morning, Ryan. I’m glad to see you are still around … I was afraid after last night you would have left,” she said with a genuine smile on her lips.

“As tempting as it was to just walk away, I figured I can stay for a bit longer. I mean, I’ll be leaving eventually, but I think I’ll grace you all with my presence for a little longer,” I replied with a chuckle.

She merely laughed in response as we made our way in the direction of the dining room. As we approached the entrance, we intercepted the other eight, who were all walking in one big group.

There was a small cheer of ‘Morning Princess Celestia’ from the entire group, some who still looked groggy from sleep. Well when they opened the door … no grogginess left, I can assure you all of that.

Celestia replied with greetings to each of them there. It made sense why she was as loved as it seemed … she was, and not to be too crude, fucking nice as hell. Haha!

Alright, ready for all the reactions?

Good, because they were all so amazing. I mean, even Gilda, who knew something was going to happen, was completely shocked by it all.

When the doors were finally opened, the entire group fell deathly silent as jaws dropped and eyes bugged out. Hell, Rarity and Fluttershy fainted outright!

There, on the table, laying in a rather suggestive position, was Luna … covered in splotches of yoghurt that looked closer to … well you know what, I don’t need to say it. Spread about, on her and around her, were the condoms that also held the yoghurt. She had at least half of them on her body, including one across her muzzle! Another was also wrapped around her horn … it was truly a glorious sight.

Now, despite my rather … adequate, I guess, description, I want to emphasise just how crazy this looked to the ponies.

Celestia … the sister who had bet on the drinking contest, and had probably seen everything that there was to be seen … had her jaw hanging open and her eyes as wide as they could be. One of them was even twitching! It was amazing!

I did everything in my power to not laugh as to give away the fact it was a prank. Instead, I used one hand to close my nose while I slowly approached the unconscious Luna. I felt it was my civic duty to wake her up and show her just what a compromising situation she was in.

So when I neared her, I made a fake gag just for good measures, though at the same time I realised that the ponies should have been able to at least smell the difference … though in retrospect, the shock of the sight was probably enough to make them consider not listening to their noses.

“Oh, Luna … wakey wakey, Princess of Orgies,” I said as I poked her. That statement got a small laugh from Rainbow Dash behind me.

I had to poke her a few times in the side, which was luckily not a spot with yoghurt on it, before she started to stir awake. Apparently Purple Heart was some sort of psychic and saw just how much of the stuff we would need. It was a blessing and a little freaky, but I paid no mind to that thought, instead opting to focus on Luna and what would surely be the one prank to rule them all.

“Wha … what?” she asked in a very groggy state, not even noticing anything was wrong as she moved slightly.

“It looks like you had a little bit of fun last night … well actually more than a little bit! Take a bath or something,” I said in a mocking tone. I knew she would remember what happened eventually but I thought I might as well taken a few moments to get in a few good quips.

“A bath … what do … you … mean,” she managed to whisper out as she saw the condom still sitting on her muzzle.

“I bet all of the guards are happy!” I said before making a hasty retreat back to the rest of the group.

Her eyes widened much like the rest, but then promptly narrowed to the size of pinpricks, which was a rather freaky thing to see, but with how big those ponies eyes were … it made sense in a proportional way.

Eventually the shock managed to wear off as she looked at me with pure rage in her eyes … and a little bit of mirth at such a good prank, but that was quickly snuffed out by the rage.

“Well, my work here is done,” I said before backing up through the dining room doors. “It was good knowing all of you. I expect to be buried somewhere nice. Keep the funeral small, but make sure you read my last words. They’re in my breast pocket … if you ever find my body, that is.”

When I was finished speaking, I bolted down a hallway as quickly as I could, but the last thing I saw as I peeked over my shoulder was Celestia finally realising what happened and falling down as she started to wail in laughter.

After that, I focused on seeing how far from the castle I could get before being caught by a yoghurt-covered alicorn. You’d be amazed at how much your vision narrows when it’s life and death … or you’re at least under the perception you’re on the brink of death.

I busted my ass down those hallways, rounding corners and almost running down ponies that were just doing their jobs. I’m pretty sure I was reaching the fastest speed a human could possibly run while carrying about twenty to forty pounds worth of gear. Of course it didn’t help that in between panting breaths I was laughing so hard that my lungs hurt.

I was going down one hall when I happened to run into the nurse. Well run into in the sense that I saw her entering the hall. Quick thinking helped me utilize the situation.

“Tell me how to exit the castle!” I yelled at her while sprinting down the hall towards her, only slowing down a little as I neared her.

She must have picked up on the urgency because she instantly replied, “Next right, then your second left, then the last right.”

“I’ll remember this!” I yelled as I passed her, once again picking up speed as I followed her directions.

Now, this time I did end up running into a pony as I rounded the corner. Unfortunately for me it happened to be a pair of guards, so not only did I just assault, technically, a guard, but I also slammed my right knee into metal armour. If I wasn’t so hyped up on adrenaline, I probably would have started limping in pain.

Instead, I merely stumbled before picking up the pace once more, yelling a brief apology over my shoulder. Of course that didn’t satisfy them, they instead opted to yell at me and start chasing me as well. Now, I know by normal standards, horses and ponies can easily outrun a human, because four legs are better than two, right?

Thankfully, this wasn’t normal standards and that ponies were smaller than their human equivalents. Also, they apparently had trouble on polished surfaces. I was able to make my turns perfectly, but both of the guards slid into the walls on both instances. That of course helped me gain a massive lead on them. What also helped was that both were earth ponies so no cheating in terms of flying or using hacker magic.

I entered the massive entrance hall quickly and did the first thing that came to my mind instead of taking each step on the way down. I slid down the rail that flanked the left side of the stairs.

I’d like to note that it was my first successful slide down a rail. Apparently in times when you are fleeing for your life, you’re able to pull of many feats that are amazing by your own standards.

This gave me open room to run, which could have been my downfall if I wasn’t in the shape that I was in. That, and if I didn’t know the keys to sprinting.

Run on the balls of your feet, mainly your toes, and your legs can only go as fast as your arms can pump. True fact! So when I hit open ground, and thankfully open doors, I kicked it into a gear that was purely aided by adrenaline. Hell of a drug that your body makes!

It took me no time at all to clear the entrance hall and the little bit of open air between it and the Entrance Building. I had to slam through the doors to the Entrance Building … which sent two more ponies flying based off the subsequent crashes, but I could deal with that later, I just had to get out of that city as soon as possible. Anything short of that and I would have been easily tracked and returned. Sure there were hiding spots but if they cordoned off the city then I was fucked. My only hope for survival was to somehow clear the distance from the castle to the Everfree forest before they could catch me. I figured I had a good chance.

Now, when I cleared the Entrance Building and passed into the city itself, I immediately racked my brain to remember the way to the front gate … which I had never been to but it had to be in the same direction as the train station. That was assuming that logic would work.

So as I bust out running down the streets, and through the crowds and what not, you’d be amazed at how many ponies just don’t do anything despite seeing a two legged unknown creature bowling his way through the street.

Long story short, I reached the thankfully wide open gates. Another amazing coincidence, was that not a single guard was standing in front of the gate. In fact, it was open as though they had no clue what had happened! I was going to make it.

I was about to cross the threshold of the gate when I spun around briefly to point two gloved middle fingers at the looming castle before yelling, “I win, bitches!”

I then promptly spun around, threw my arms up in brief celebration and took about four more steps before the world became a blinding shade of white. That white only happened for a split second before I was looking down at the flooring of the castle, which was marble when I could actually tell. Of course it was a perfectly shiny and clean marble floor until I up-chucked the contents of my stomach all over said marble flooring.

Yeah, apparently being displaced through teleportation took a toll on one’s body when they had not experienced it before.

Now, despite what all your faces are telling me, no it wasn’t a horrifying up-chuck that made one feel along the lines of them dying. In fact, I don’t think I’ve experienced such a feeling in my life. Some people see throwing up as something horrific and rather terrifying to experience. I’ve thrown up a lot in my life. Enough times to know that, despite the taste and initial feeling, it is something that is necessary from time to time.

So despite the ‘ewws’ and ‘gross’ statements from the group behind me, I just made sure I got all of it out of me before leaning back. I was still on my knees, so I was in a kneeling position as I pulled a rag, not the chloroform one which I had disposed of earlier, out of one of my pockets and promptly wiped my beard free of any traces of puke. One of the many problems of having a beard. Stuff will get in it, plain and simple, many of you know that feeling.

“It … um, seems I acted a little hastily with that teleport,” Luna’s voice cut in behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to confirm it. Hell, if I still had a little bit of bile left in me, it was going on the pile I had already started.

“Just a tad bit … at least now I know what it feels like to be destroyed and then put back together,” I replied grimly.

“What!?” The shout from behind was by Purple Smart. “But that’s not how teleportation works! It merely bends the walls of reality to punch a hole through, allowing one to pulled through said hole and into the new position! It must have had some sort of adverse affect on your physiology! Incredible yet completely horrifying!”

“Pulling your leg, Purple Smart. It felt closer to be launched into the air, then being pulled back down with the same force … ten times over … in immediate succession,” I said with a chuckle before gagging and spitting up a little more bile. Fuck I really wish I had Tums on me, just retelling it is making my stomach queasy. None of you will ever understand the beauty that was chalky calcium chewable tablets … they can do wonders for your stomach.

“I’m still sorry, Ryan,” Luna said from behind me. Honestly I was a little surprised that she hadn’t dragged me into a cell by then.

“Why are you sorry over that, I’m pretty sure my next destination is jail,” I said with some dry humour, though it was also what I thought was going to happen.

“Jail?” Celestia replied with a chuckle. “Faust, no. It was merely a prank! An extremely impressive one, mind you. I’m actually a little surprised that you pulled something off. If anything, I think I should give you a reward for pulling off such a feat.”

It was then I decided to turn around and figure out what the fuck was happening. So I stood on shaky feet, still reeling from the spell, but I managed to get standing without falling or stepping into the puddle of puke that was still on the floor. I was a little wobbly on my feet, but when I managed to turn around, I gave them the best face I could managed for hearing such a line. I pursed my lips, tilted my head to the right, and squinted at them before finally saying, “What?”

Surprisingly, despite what her sister said, Luna wasn’t surprised at all, or for that matter looking angry in any sort of way. Instead, she was smiling along with her sister, though there was also a little bit of a predatory grin in her smile. It told me that I had started something that I didn’t want to be a part of.

“In the long lives of my sister and I, I don’t think we've ever seen such cleverness pulled off by a mortal being. I mean, it can’t stand on the same level as our pranks that have had years of planning, but for any being to pull of such a feat in a mere morning … I would say that even Discord would be proud,” she said with a small smile despite the flinch that followed that name.

Of course you can guess what happened next.

“You’re darn tootin’ that Ah’m proud of that son of a gun!” Discord said before materializing out of nowhere, wearing a cowboy hat and cow print chaps. He was even talking with an extremely fake western accent.

“Discord, what did I say about making fun of ponies,” Fluttershy said as she … well … fluttered up to the ‘God of Chaos.’

“Aww fine,” he said before snapping his fingers and the entire get up disappeared in poof of magic and smoke. “With or without the costume, I’m still so proud! So much chaos and I didn’t have to lift a claw!”

“How’s this chaos?” I asked simply.

“How’s this chaos? How’s this chaos?!” he asked in a shocked manner, his eyes actually popping out of his head. “My dear boy, this is the epitome of chaos! From the prank to the reactions! How can this not be chaos?!”

“It was planned. For it to be true chaos, things would have had to happen without a single soul understanding what was happening. As long as there is a thought before the execution, it can no longer be considered true chaos. If I were to punch you right now, it would only be random to those who aren’t me, but I would have still pre-meditated the action so it cannot be chaos,” I said before letting a horrible tasting burp go. Still had bile apparently.

He did that gaping fish mouth thing. You know, the one where someone wants to retort back, and tries to but they fail to find any words? Where they keep opening and closing their mouth until they eventually decide that the only winning move is not to play? I know it’s rare but surely some of you have seen it! Bah, simpletons!

Anyway, apparently I had somehow reasoned the Mad God to the point where there was steam coming out of his ears. Actual steam, not metaphorical steam; it was odd to say the least, but by then I expected anything to happen when the draconequus was involved. Try to say that species name three times fast!

Eventually, Discord found his words which was probably the most random thing he had done up to that point. “I’ll get you next time, Gadget!”

Then he promptly disappeared. Sure I was a little confused at first, considering he referenced a really old cartoon series from even before my time. Well … just before my time, I was still able to catch reruns of it. Either way, after a brief contemplation on how he knew that saying, with me deciding it was through his even more powerful hacking abilities, I decided to let loose a laugh. One that was as deep a bellowing as I could make it. A real gut laugh that one would have expected out of a very husky type of person.

Eventually my laughter died down, and I actually did that whole slap your knee thing when I was finished. Everything about the day had been just pure nonsense, whether or not it was planned.

When I looked back up at the group, they were all eyeing me cautiously as if I was going to explode or something. I just flashed them a smile before replying in the easiest voice, “So when’s breakfast?”

I’ll use this phrase again, long story short, the mess got cleaned up and we were once again sitting at the table, waiting on food. Truly I had it easy right then. It was probably the easiest time of my life, but do you ever get that pull to return to what you once knew? That, despite everything, you wanted to go back to how things used to be?

It was that feeling that I was getting as we waited for food, the rest of group chatting animatedly while I just sat there in contemplation. Yeah I was thinking about giving up the life of luxury that had come from the … not even a full day of time spent in the castle.

I missed the wandering. It was who I was for the longest period of time, and I was yearning to get back to it all. I knew that I would be leaving the castle soonish. I had made up my mind when I reached Ponyville that as soon as I had helped Trixie and Gilda, I would move on. Drop off the statue, find a way for Twilight to get in touch with me, and then go explore. Wander once again.

Yeah, I’m going to stop calling her Purple Smart all the time. It was funny for a while but I think I overused it, huh?

My mind was set, I would go back to Ponyville with the group when they left, then say goodbye and continue my never ending journey. If only the kid from Vault 101 could see me become the older, yet spitting image of him.

Though he is a fictional character in our universe so highly unlikely chance of that!

No, I’m not going to explain what I meant.

No, I said-

Fine, just shut up!

One word: Multiverse.

That means that there are universes or dimensions that can be anything we’ve ever done but slightly different, or it could be based off of something we’ve written. Hell, Equestria could just be a children’s story in some universe! Who knows!?

Eventually the food came, just some eggs and pancakes, which made me grateful that they had invented pancakes.

So we ate in silence, or at least I did. Others talked and I merely paid attention to my food; the need for me to be involved with any conversation had not yet arrived and I would have liked it delayed as long as possible. Despite loving the sound of my own voice, which I will agree to only because you’re all thinking it, I enjoy silence. Though I’m pretty sure I had said that before.

When the food was finished, we all just lingered at the table for a while, relaxing and basking in the delicious food that had been served. Of course, the silence and precious moments after the meal was broken by someone deciding to ask a question. This time it was Celestia.

“So what are all my little ponies’ plans for the day?”

“Well it’s been awhile since most of us have been to Canterlot, and it’s Gilda’s first time, so we figured we’d go and check out the shops and just have a nice day out on the town,” Twilight said.

“That sounds like a wonderful time, though I think you forgot somepony … or should I say someone,” Celestia said, all the while hinting towards me.

Twilight’s eyes widened for a second as she realised a mistake or something before she stammered out a few words that were hardly coherent. I cut her off though by speaking my mind.

“They didn’t forget anyone, Celestia. Even if they had offered, I would have refused. I might have grown up in a city, but I no longer wish to see one. I think I’ll mosey on down to an open field or something, get some relaxation in. Or perhaps go for a run. I can find ways to entertain myself,” I said with a small smile.

“Are you sure, I mean, it wouldn’t be much of an issue, darling,” Rarity of all ponies spoke up.

“Consider this. If you look around the table, what do you see?” I asked, hoping they might arrive at the conclusion. Of course the answers were not what I was trying to get across.

“Three alicorns, two unicorns, two pegasi, two earth ponies, a griffon, and a human?” Twilight suggested.

“A bunch of cool ponies and griffons, and human dork?” Rainbow offered, which earned a snicker from Gilda.

Now I expected Pinkie to all of a sudden jump in a point out some sort of random conclusions, only because she looked like she was ready to do just that. Her bouncing in her chair was starting to annoy even me! Luckily, Luna came up with the right answer.

“Eight mares, one griffoness, and a sole human male,” Luna replied.

“Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! As you can tell, girls, after that was pointed out, I am the only male here and no offence, while I bet I would see a bunch of cool things along the way, the estrogen in the room is starting to get to my head. In fact, after Rainbow Dash and I have a little chat, I’m going to see about finding a nice out of the way spot to take a little me time,” I said in response before standing up. “Let’s go, Rainbow. We have stuff to discuss.”

She groaned initially before taking to the air and following me towards the door.

“Wait, you’re just leaving like that? And taking Rainbow with you? Why her?” Gilda asked, a little bewildered at the whole thing.

“I have things to discuss with her, Gilda. You’ll get her back afterwards with nary a scratch,” I said with a wink, which caused the griffon to blush shyly.

And I’m going to skip to the next scene after the talk. Another one of those private moments, you know?

I’m glad you are all finally understanding why I am doing it. Very mature of you.

Equestria Years Ago

Ryan walked down the hallway for a few more steps before stopping in front of a random door, which he opened before peaking into it briefly. When he pulled his head back out of the room, he opened the doors fully before gesturing for Rainbow Dash to enter the room. Once she had walked in, he followed behind her and shut the doors.

“Fine, so we’re here, what now?” Rainbow Dash asked gruffly. She didn’t want to have to go through with a talk about her friend. Sure if it hadn’t been for the human, she probably would have never gotten back together with Gilda, but that didn’t mean he wanted to talk about mushy feelings or anything like that if she could help it.

“I’m going to be as blunt as possible because you seem to prefer it that way,” Ryan said as he pulled up one of the chairs from the room. It was a small conference room that they had entered. Standard stuff like chairs and tables were obviously there. He flipped the chair around before sitting on it backwards. “Gilda, despite our short time travelling together, means a fair amount to me. I was one of the first she has ever opened up to.”

“Yeah, she told me-” Rainbow said before being cut off by Ryan.

“Shut up and listen. She might not be flesh and blood but she’s basically family to me right now, Rainbow. So let me get this clear. She might not be the best at times, hard to handle comes to mind, but if for even one moment you abandon her without trying to fix the mistake … no matter where I am, you will pay the price for hurting her,” Ryan said with a very stern voice. One that spoke of practice in being confrontational.

“You think I’d just abandon her. I’m the bucking Element of Loyalty! I don’t abandon my friends,” she all but yelled back, flying up and into Ryan’s face.

“You abandoned her last time, so don’t lie through those teeth of yours or you might not have any left for future lies,” Ryan said, not moving from his spot.

Rainbow growled slightly but couldn’t refute what he was saying. She had abandoned Gilda, though at the time she thought it was the right move. She had been the one to buck things up, so she had been in the right. Had she?

“There are few people in the universe that have only evil intent in their hearts. I can tell you’re not one of them, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do the wrong thing when a situation arises. So from here on out, I expect you to actually use your head and think an action through. Gilda has gone through a lot to be back with one of her, if not her best friends,” Ryan said, not moving from his chair but his tone getting gradually lighter. “I don’t need to hear what you two spoke about, but whatever becomes of your relationship, I expect you to at least not hurt her like last time.”

Rainbow just hovered in the air for a few moments, looking around, doing anything to avoid making eye contact with Ryan. Eventually, as she processed her next words and what Ryan said, she realised he’d said something more than interesting. Gilda had mentioned that she had feelings for Rainbow, and despite the shock to her, she had told Gilda that if she had a little bit of time to gather herself, she would respond to such a statement. How did Ryan know of this? “Relationship?”

“Not my place to imply things, but even a friendship can be a relationship. What I know about everything, and what she has told you might be two different things, but let me be clear. As of right now, and as long as she is within my reach, I’m taking over the role of her guardian. The previous one forfeited her. Her birth father he may be, but even he would have to go through me. She's been through one layer of hell ... I won't let her go through another.”

Rainbow gulped a little, though making sure she didn’t outwardly display that nervous little action. It had been obvious to Rainbow from the moment she met him that Ryan was not one to take lightly, even if she could fly faster than he moved. The mere inflections in his voice implied that she was hardly anything to him in the long run.

“Do we understand each other? Don’t hurt Gilda through your stupidity, and we’ll never have an issue. Now, you’ve got to get back to your friends, and I’ve got some relaxing to do. Off with you,” he said as he finally stood up.

Rainbow was still a little cautious after the sheer threatening implications of his statement, but she eventually made her way to the now open doors that Ryan stood beside. He had a small smile on his face, which Rainbow couldn’t understand. Why was he smiling after all of that?

As she made her way back to the dining room and Ryan went the other direction, she looked back at him one last time before shaking her head. She definitely needed to think about what she was getting into if Gilda accepted his claim …

Present

So after the talk with Rainbow Dash, which let me tell you went well despite the topic, I decided to make my way back to the open courtyard or at least possibly a park, I didn’t really know at the time.

Though my time away from them would take a little twist instead of what I had planned. See, as I reached the entrance hall, a pair of guards entered from the doors that lead to the eastern courtyard. At first I didn’t care, but within a few moments I came to realise that they were the same guards that had originally helped me with my prank.

“The human lives!” the unicorn said aloud before walking up to me. “We heard all about the results and what happened. I have to say, I didn’t expect you to actually try and flee the castle.”

“It was bucking hilarious! I saw him bolt through the castle as though Celestia had lit his fur on fire!” the pegasi guard gushed with a chuckle. I merely flashed them a grin before responding.

“If you had seen her face when I woke her up, you would have been running for your lives as well. Now, since we’re both safe from the wrath of Luna, I never got your names,” I said to them.

“I’m Wind Shear,” the pegasi responded first before pointing a wing at his partner, “and that is Sigil.”

“Ryan,” I replied simply before bumping my fist against their hoofs. I had seen a couple of ponies do that when walking through Ponyville and Canterlot, so I figured it was their way of shaking hands … hooves. “So what’s going on?”

“We’re just about to head back to the barracks. The Sergeant wanted to run some drills with the platoon so we need to get back before he chews us out,” Wind Shear said with a shrug of his shoulders … withers, whatever.

“You should come, it would spark the interest of the guards. Not to mention but a few of them are curious of your skills. I mean, you look military after all,” Sigil offered. I couldn’t help but grin at the fact that another pony had mistook me for a military type. That’s what I get for wearing body armour and camo, apparently. Though I didn’t bother to correct them, why should I?

“Got nothing better to do. Just don’t expect me to do drills … well nothing that’s not made for someone who stands on two legs,” I replied with my own shrug. I figured that this would allow me to get in my workout and relax with non-estrogen riddled mares.

“Great! Just follow us,” Sigil replied, as I walk in step behind the two guardsponies.

Now, despite liking to talk, I always found small talk to be a bit of a nuisance since it meant having to chit chat about things that didn’t really matter that much. I always preferred to talk about something that actually had weight to it. Still, that didn’t mean I wasn’t good at making small talk.

“So, you’re in the guard I assume? Unless it goes by a specific name?” I asked.

“Yep, part of The Royal Guard, Celestial Branch. There’s the Lunar Branch, aka bat ponies. You saw them yesterday outside Luna’s room. Our task is to guard the castle and specifically Canterlot,” Wind Shear replied with a smile. He was obviously proud of his job.

“Ah, so essentially a branch of Equestrian Military, I take it? What ranks are you two, anyway?” I asked.

“We’re both Corporals. Though I’m Third Rank and Sigil here is Second Rank. As for the military, the guard is part of it but more of a reserve force, though it’s not to say that we don’t get transferred to areas if we are needed. Though it’s been many years since the military has been actually needed outside of ensuring that outlying towns are kept safe. There hasn’t been any true conflict in Equestria for many years,” Wind Shear replied again. Good news to the ears of one who had seen too much violence and war.

“Yeah, though sometimes we get recruits who are actually itching for action. They soon learn that no matter what, they aren’t going to get to be heroes like they want to be,” Sigil said in a rather disappointed voice. My guess was that he had been one of those recruits at one point.

“Trust me, you don’t want to face any action. Nothing about war is glorious in reality,” I said simply. “I’ve had my share of experiences and not once did I walk away thinking I was a hero.”

“Really?” Sigil asked, his ears perking up in interest. “What was it like? Did you have to defend your country from an invading force? Or was their some sort of hostage situation you had to deal with?”

“Sigil, shut your trap! It’s obvious he doesn’t want to talk about it,” Wind Shear said, snapping at his partner.

I guess he made that conclusion based off the thousand yard stare I had as we kept walking forward. Despite everything that happens and my reactions to the situations, I still look back on all the times I’ve had to kill with disdain. I rationalize that it was for the better, and it allows me to sleep easy, but at the same time I don’t like remembering too much.

“Don’t worry about,” I said simply to them, waving a hand in dismissal. “He can ask all he wants. Whether I answer him or not is up to me, though.”

“Aww, that means you won’t,” Sigil whined but I paid him no heed, though I decided to humour him with my thoughts on one thing.

“If you want the glory you’re speaking of, you’ll have to kill. It’s almost guaranteed. Those who enjoy killing … they’re the ones that don’t belong in society. It gets easier but that doesn’t mean I want to take another life, because it means I ended the entirety of that person. Think about that before you consider the idea of killing another, no matter the cause,” I said. “Let’s switch topics. What’s the guard’s training grounds like?”

Sigili remained more than a little thoughtful over what I said, while Wind Shear answered me. “Nothing overly special. Drill yards, buildings for equipment storage and more recreational means. A couple of firing ranges for the unicorns, and a track for running. Though we also have one that goes around the mountain, but that doesn’t really count as part of the grounds.”

“Sounds fun, maybe I’ll take a nice run,” I replied as it became obvious we were getting closer, mainly because I started to see more guards going in the same direction. “Will they let me in?”

“Don’t know, as far as I’m told, Celestia has given you clearance to pretty much anywhere,” Wind Shear said with a shrug.

“Interesting,” I mumbled, just barely loud enough for me to hear though with those ears, I wouldn’t doubt that they heard it as well.

Now, when we crossed through a rather large gate near the rear of the castle, we entered the training grounds. It was pretty much what Wind Shear described to me. There was a track in the center, with buildings surrounding it, and a couple of drill areas spread out throughout the area. I couldn’t see the firing range that he mentioned, but I didn’t need to visit there. I was limited in my ammo as it was, I didn’t need to expend it on lifeless targets.

“Form up!” I heard a gruff voice yell, which drew my escort away from me. I merely stood where I was and just watched a group of guards gather into formation. I think there was roughly twenty guards who gathered up. I was going to head off on my own, but apparently I was being drawn into this.

“I said form up, maggot!” a rather gruff Drill Sergeant type of pony yelled directly at me as he made his way to me. “What part of ‘form up’ didn’t make it through that braindead skull of yours?!”

It made me wonder if he was doing this on purpose or if he was the braindead one, since it seemed like he missed a memo of two regarding who the tall lanky creature was. It made me question wearing my full outfit around the castle. Another pony mistaking me for a military type could be an issue if they were the wrong pony.

“The part where I’m not part of your platoon. Nor the guard,” I said with a dull tone. Though apparently that was the wrong answer since a quick glance at the formed up platoon had them staring at me shock.

“It seems we have ourselves a joker on hoof here. We’ll what do we do with jokers in this outfit?” he asked with a devious smile, though from what I could tell, this pony was one hundred percent not as bad as Drill Sergeants from my world. The fact that he was speaking normally and not including every single swear in existence was my major tip off.

His question earned a groan before they all repeated in unison, “We run sir!”

“That’s motherbucking right! You all get to run because of this … this thing here!” he said as he wove a hoof at me. It was then that I had my suspicions confirmed. This had been planned, or at least the Drill Sergeant knew what he was doing.

Whatever, I’ve ran a lot in my life. If this was a matter of stamina, then I would win. Well that was the hope at least. I mean, I was going off the idea that we were going to be doing a group formation run, which favoured me since humans can lope along at a steady pace for longer than most animals can. Human nature right there … well human nature from before we became civilised and wore shoes. Thank god for insoles …

There was no specific formation, in fact, as we took off across the grounds, we were loosely grouped together while the sergeant merely kept pace beside us. He wasn’t one of those really old Drill Sergeant types, though I was also basing my guess of human tell-tale signs of age.

So we started running this mountain course that I was told about. It was nice, a large road that was very sturdy and had a very nice view if you looked out. Overall, a nice run though it made me wonder just how big the mountain was. I mean, I just wanted a nice run, nothing drastic or extreme.

I kept my mouth shut as they chanted out things. It was one of those things that I never got an answer to, not just in Equestria but in my entire life. How did they know what to chant? Were they given a pamphlet or something? Told before hand? Hell, I knew people in the army yet I never asked, and now it was bothering me since I was apparently a part of it.

I merely hummed lightly to myself, breathing in slow and methodically in between hums. Time was actually going by rather quickly, since I didn’t really pay attention to anything that was going on, and just focused on enjoying the view at the decent pace.

Eventually we rounded the bend that held Canterlot in view, so we kept going. Canterlot got closer, and we kept running. We made it to Canterlot, and we kept running through the entrance on the other side of the walled city. The guard’s training ground was in view, while we just kept running. Finally we passed the training grounds and went right back onto the mountain path.

It was then that I began to look around a little more at the group, and found out that they were doing pretty well. You all thought I was going to say that I was barely breaking a sweat while they were all dying of breath, right? Haha, well that wasn’t the case actually. In fact, I had a sinking feeling it was going to be the opposite way around. I mean, from what I could tell, we had been running for easily twenty minutes. Hell, from our pace, I’m pretty sure we had covered close to five or six kilometers.

I might have been in great shape, and I am still in great shape but I am also about twenty years older than most of them. I would even hazard to say I was at least a decade older than the Drill Sergeant.

I’ll skip ahead a little and move onto lap three of the course. It was on this lap that I was beginning to really hagger and feel the pain of moving. Thankfully there were also some ponies that were showing signs of this. Often enough I caught a rather sadistic smile from the Drill Sergeant aimed at me. One that drew my stubbornness even more so than usual. I figured my body would hate me without a doubt for what I was going to do, but I’d be damned if my ego would allow me to be the first to collapse.

Of course, I also had to worry about the old ticker. Though I banished that thought when the Drill Sergeant asked if I was ready to quit. That was going to be how I died, right there. Running my way to a heart attack just to prove the dick biscuit that I wouldn’t stop until he told me to.

Looking back at it … well it wasn’t the smartest move because my legs completely gave up when we eventually stopped, but I won. I collapsed fourth from last. Out of twenty, I was fucking proud I could run some of those ponies into the ground.

Aw, now I spoiled the ending for you all. Shit … still want to hear what happened?

Cool.

Well, we were on lap five, about half way when I could feel my heartbeat in my head. That’s when you know you’re not getting enough oxygen. I had been struggling to keep pace since the beginning of that lap, but I wasn’t the only one. All I had to do was make sure I didn’t loose my footing and I would eventually cross that line.

“There is no shame in giving up! Just fall on your face and crawl the rest of the way, the medics will come pick your sorry ass up eventually,” the Drill Sergeant got out between his own breaths. Even he was starting to tire. He was probably too tired to actually curse them out!

That statement did it for one pony who just slowed down to a crawl before dropping in exhaustion.

From there three more dropped before we made it back to the training grounds. I was on my final legs, all I needed to do was cross that gate and enter the training grounds before I could stop and tell the sergeant to go fuck off.

I was counting the steps at that point, and after about five hundred, we crossed the entrance to the training ground.

With that I slowed down, dropped to my knees before flipping both of the birds to the Sergeant who had stopped to give me that smile before I said, “You can go fuck yourself, asshole.”

He trotted, rather haggardly over to me as the rest of the group fanned out and found their own spots to rest. He stood in front of me before laughing a little. “I guess the human actually has some skill. Here I thought the rumours were boosting you up higher than you could ever be.”

“Oh get off your fucking high horse, jackass. I’m over forty years old, dickwad; halfway through my life and I outran ponies who had two more legs than me. Go suck a cock or something.”

He merely chuckled before walking away and back to the rest of his platoon. Some orders or something were shouted, but I didn’t hear because my ears were filled with the sound of my heartbeat. I knew, that despite my legs being on fire, I needed to get oxygen into my lungs, so I shakily stood up and placed my hands on my head.

It’s a good technique for opening up your lungs a little more so that you can get a little bit more oxygen.

After a little bit of standing there, I felt a hoof poke me in the back of the leg. I spun slowly, still wheezing a little, just to see a female guardpony holding what looked like an oxygen mask on one of her hooves. I merely smiled before shaking my head. She simply shrugged before heading off in some direction. That was before she paused and turned around.

“Prince-Brigadier Shining Armor would like to see you in the tower,” she said as she pointed to the singular tower than was a part of the training ground. It wasn’t anything special but it definitely didn’t look like one of the castle’s towers. Looked closer to an air traffic control tower.

I gave her a thumbs up before returning my hands to the top of my head. She didn’t react at first, instead looking at me oddly. I had forgotten for a quick moment that ponies had no clue about hand gestures. “Gotcha.”

She nodded before turning and continuing her trot away from me.

I stayed in place for a little longer, still pushing to catch my breath, which was taking longer than usual. Perhaps I had gotten too used to riding my bike. Well at least in the pony world I would be able to get some exercise, huh? Hell, if I stayed long enough, perhaps I would be in even better shape than before I arrived, though that would be pretty tough. Even at forty I’m still chiseled!

Haha, kind of but not really. Never could get the body definition down, just the strength and stamina that I needed.

When I figured that I had enough oxygen pumping through me that I could actually move my legs with some purpose, I decided to make my way to that tower that seemed to loom ever so slightly over the training grounds. The only thought going through my head was … why did there have to be stairs after the run?

So I made my way through the camp with more than a few ponies looking at me in curiosity, but I simply didn’t give a flying fuck and instead decide to keep myself focused on my purpose. It wouldn’t do to be distracted by something and then make the Prince-Brigadier or whatever silly title he held, waiting. Good first impressions and all that, though I wasn’t too worried about making it a decent impression, it wasn’t like I was staying for long.

Though that title made me laugh a little, Prince-Brigadier? I could only imagine that someone pulled some strings to get such a title made up. Probably some entitled jackass that had pull enough to be a ‘Prince’ and then decided to try his luck at running a division or something akin to that. Hell, I bet a ten year old could have made up a better title than that! Like I said though … I could only imagine … at the time.

Despite the fact I tended to be right more often than not through sheer luck, I was definitely wrong about my presumptions regarding Shining Armor. I’ll explain when the time comes … which is very shortly.

When I entered the building with the tower, it was more like a mini complex that had rooms on the bottom floor as well as the tower sticking up through the middle of it. It even had a receptionist, who just looked up at me for a split second when I entered before going right back to doing her paperwork. I was starting to see the difference in mares and stallions much easier. The mares had a more round and softer face, with the muzzle generally being shorter, while the stallions had a much more cut muzzle and definitely larger.

“Second door on the right,” she said simply. No ‘hello’ or anything. Too many receptionists tended to not give a shit about the people who came to them. I mean, I know there are many that are extremely nice, but at the same time there are a good number that are ten seconds away from telling you shove it. Well, that’s based off receptionists since like 2010.

“Thanks,” I said half heartedly before going down the hall and taking the door that she said. When I opened the door, I came face to face with a bunch of stairs. Oh joy, my legs were still killing me and I had to do stairs.

So after many, many painful steps, I eventually made it to the top, which had another receptionist desk in front of a pair of doors. Nothing special, but it still had a feel of you walking into a Lion’s den. At least I was still armed.

Oh, and yeah, I did the entire run with a rifle on my shoulder. I’m pretty sure I had a massive bruise under all my clothes, and that the scope had probably bounced its way into oblivion. By that, I mean I was going to have to adjust it all over again.

“Take a seat, Lord General Shining Armor will be right with you,” she said with a smile.

Lord General? Prince-Brigadier? Which one is it, do you think?

Good guess.

I’ll save the explanations for what he said.

So I took a seat in one of the three chairs that were present, nearly collapsing from having to squat down. I’m not kidding, my legs hurt like a fucking bitch and I think they had decided to take on the burden of all the pain that my body had produced after that run. Seriously, the rest of my body felt great, but my legs hurt like no one’s business.

I think I was waiting there for a solid five minutes before she walked into the room, and then promptly came back before saying, “The Lord General will see you now.”

I stood up slowly, letting my legs adjust to the position. Yeah, I’m going to keep bitching about it. I didn’t bitch back then, so I get to bitch to you all now. Deal with it.

When I finally got standing, and yes it felt like I should use the word ‘finally,’ I did a twist to crack my back, then turned my head to crack my neck before finally walking into the office. Though I did notice the shuddering look that the receptionist had on her face. It seems that the universal dislike to cracking one’s body parts is truly universal.

When I walked in, I noticed that the pony in there was actually getting work done. Here I thought that I was going to be called in because of some brilliant idea that threatening me would be a good thing, or something like that. So I half expected Shining Armor to be facing away from the door and looking out over the training ground. Instead he was at his desk doing paperwork. I could already say that he was a notch above what I previously thought.

“Ah,there you are, have a seat,” he said as he looked up from his desk and motioned to the chair in front of it. To be honest, he sounded like a typical ‘bro’ college guy. I doubt many of you or any of you know what I’m talking about, but trust me, it sounded completely off for someone holding a position as high as his.

So I took the seat, after taking my rifle off my shoulder, and leaning it against the side of the chair.

“So-” he began, but I cut him off. First things first after all.

“Lord General or Prince-Brigadier?” I asked.

He looked at me for a few seconds before chuckling lightly, apparently he knew something I didn’t. “Ah, I see they are still using that. It was a joke that a few Colonels used when I decided to continue leading the Royal Guard, though more from behind a desk. The official rank is Lord General.”

“Some special type of General or something?”

“You could say that,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s the only title I can have in the military or the navy now. I’m not really a fan of the title, but it’s one of the things with becoming a Prince.”

“Sure, you’re a Prince, and I’m fucking Celestia in the ass every night,” I said with a small exhale of laughter. Of course, I should have known that using Celestia for that comment was a bad idea, well not necessarily bad, but definitely should have been avoided.

Shining just glared at me in response to that statement. I held up my hands in that typical ‘defense’ posture. “Sorry, didn’t mean anything by it. Just can’t see the whole ‘Prince’ thing.”

“Well I was a guard before I was a Prince, so I’m not surprised by that. I got lucky and married a Princess,” he said, a small smile replacing the glare.

“Luckily they dropped the ‘Consort’ part of the title huh?” I asked, which earned me a blank stare. God the ponies weren’t having none of my wit anymore. I guess I was in the wrong crowd for jokes or even wit. “Nevermind. So why’d you call me up here?”

“I arrived in Canterlot a couple of hours ago to hear talk about a two legged soldier wandering the halls. I figured I’d see you around somewhere and we’d talk. Didn’t think I would see you running with a platoon,” he said with a grin. “Though I had to say, I’m impressed that you lasted as long as you did.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” I muttered. “The Drill Sergeant or whatever drafted me into the group out of nowhere. If I was twenty years younger I would have outran his ass …”

“Twenty years … how old are you?”

“Old enough to be your father, probably,” I said with my typical snarky tone. “Forty something. Don’t know.”

“Well call me impressed. Outrunning my soldiers and you’re older than most down there, but you’d have to be older to be my father. Though it makes me wonder, how can you not know your own age?”

“You look like you’re twenty one but who am I to judge. Anyway, let me level with you, Shining, I’m not a soldier. I’m only dressed like one because it’s the best outfit to survive in, back home. Don’t ask about the world, just call it a Wasteland and think of a torn apart world. Boom, my home. I don’t know my age because we don’t give two fucks about ages once you get past eighteen.”

“So if you wanted to talk to a soldier, I’m not one. Anything else, or is that it? I mean no offense but I have more relaxing things to do than sit in an office and prattle about random schtick,” I said with some finality. It was true, I wanted to do something other than sit and talk more. I had spent enough time around others, and was lacking on quality ‘me’ time.

“And what would you be doing right now?” he asked with a glare, as though I insulted him or as if he was judging me based on my next words.

“Unless there’s a bar open before noon, then probably take a nap. Though after that running I have to recalibrate my scope again. Though that’s not going to happen in a city unless you’ve got a two hundred meter plus firing range,” I responded.

“The only range we have is a hundred and a half meters at best, though that would require the guard to clear room. Whatever you mean by recalibrating, I’ve got no clue but it has been awhile since I’ve had a drink with the guys.”

“What bar would even be open right now?” I scoffed at him. Still before noon.

“The officer’s club is open. Lunar Guard shift ended not too long ago. Could probably still catch a few of them …” he said, well the last part he muttered. I was a little surprised that he was willing to drink so early. Hell, I was kind of surprised at myself that I was going to drink again. Usually it took me a few days before desiring another drink. Three days, back to back? I was on a roll.

“If you’re being serious then lead the way. If not, then I’m going to go find it.”

“As much as I need to do this paperwork, I think I can take some time off for once,” Shining said before he got up off his chair and lead us out of his office.

“Hold all appointments or whatever comes up, I’ll be at the officer’s club,” he said to the receptionist. She simply nodded in return. “Hope you can hold your liquor. The Lunar Guard are notorious for drinking ponies under the table.”

“I like to think I can hold my liquor pretty decently,” I stated simply. I wasn’t going to tell him about the previous day. If he hadn’t found out already then I’d let some guard tell him. That, or I’d just drink another pony under if the case popped up. So with my game plan set, I just focused on what he was talking about.

“So, I’ve heard a few interesting things since arriving, all of them regarding you,” he said. “Well, you and Princess Luna.”

“Yeah, we’re an item. Popped the question this morning.” I said in a dull tone.

“Riiight, though it does seem like she likes you. I don’t think anypony aside from Celestia would be alive after what you apparently pulled. Cadence was disappointed that we arrived afterwards,” he replied, not even chasing my bait.

“You all have weird names,” I said out of nowhere.

“What?”

“Luna, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Shining Armor, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and probably anyone else I’ve heard a name for. All of them are basically nouns, adverbs, adjectives, and verbs. Hell, Luna is what some used to call our moon back home. As I said, you all have weird names,” I said. We kept walking at a decent speed but I figured that we were getting close. We had covered enough ground.

“Oh, then what’s yours?”

“Ryan, a nice normal name.”

“Normal?” he asked with a chuckle. “That’s a weird as hay name. Never heard it before.”

“I blame your culture for being weird. It’s normal where I’m from. Our names, for the most part, are not based on actual words. Some are … some of them are dumb, but generally our names are different than our words,” I said with a shrug.

“Don’t mind me while I take that statement with a grain of salt,” Shining said with a laugh.

Ehh, it’s not like I was trying to persuade him or anything. It was merely me pointing out something. Also if you have a name that is also a word that could be used in everyday language … well, not hating on you, just saying that it’s odder than normal.

“Ahh, here we are!” he said as we reached a building that literally had a sign saying ‘Officer’s Club.’ “Don’t let name fool you, all ranks are welcome here. It’s just a very old name so they figured they might as well keep it.”

“Right,” I said with little emotion. He led us inside, the doors opening up to show a typical bar look. Chairs and tables around, a long saloon-type bar, and a stage at the back for whatever reason. There were even some speakers playing some sort of music. Sounded like a mix of classical and dubstep or something. It wasn’t very loud but you could easily hear it in the background.

“Officer on deck!” a shout went through the entire bar. I expected them to all stand up and salute, but instead they all took a swig of their drinks before returning back to whatever they were doing. Mostly what they were doing was eyeing up who had just entered.

Surprisingly enough, nearly all of the patrons to the bar were that bat-pony hybrid I told you about earlier. So it was a little odd for me to be standing in there. Why? Well aside from those eyes which were a little creepy, the fact I pulled a rather cruel prank on their specific deity was a good indicator that unless something out of the blue happened, it was going to be weird.

“Hey, Boreas, Glean! Don’t let the human get too close, he might grab your drink while you go to the bathroom!” a bat pony sitting at the bar yelled out over the crowd. It caused a massive uproar of laughter to ring out, much to the dismay of those two wherever they were, I’m sure.

I followed Shining over to a table that already had three bat ponies sitting at it, placing my rifle over my lap. Just an FYI but from now on, just assume that I remove it from my shoulder before sitting. Anyway, a brown stallion came up shortly after we sat down, asking for our orders.

“Start with something simple, Apple Farm Cider,” Shining said. “Order whatever, it’s always on the house.”

“Ehh, sure. You got bourbon?” I asked, to which the waiter nodded his head in a yes. “Great, double of bourbon on the rocks.”

As the waiter disappeared, I turned my head back to the table who were looking at me, all of them, minus Shining, holding beer in their hooves. “What? I don’t drink beer.”

“Really?” one of the bat ponies asked.

“It’s too weak. Can’t bleach your memory with it,” I said with a shrug. That caused some chuckling from the group.

“Ryan, this is Second Lieutenant Horizon, First Lieutenant Star Luck, and Sergeant Major Candlelight,” Shining said as he pointed to each of the bat ponies before pointing to me. “This is Ryan.”

The first was … well honestly they all looked pretty much the same to me. I mean, I could see slight shade variations, but other than that they looked pretty common. Horizon, a stallion, looked a little rougher and larger than the others but he had a friendly grin on his muzzle. Star Luck, a mare, looked a little greener than the others which was shown through softer features than the rest, but I bet she could still kick ass better than most. Unless of course she had somehow fast tracked her way. Candlelight was also a mare, but she definitely had the look of someone that had to deal with new recruits. She looked gruffer than the rest and surprisingly bulkier than the other mare. I wouldn’t doubt she spent time as a Drill Sergeant.

The only reason I’m explaining them, even though they are beyond minor characters, is because saying ‘one of the bat ponies’ starts to get annoying when telling the story to you all. Seriously, it’s by far a mouthful compared to the names.

“Oh, we’ve heard about him. I don’t think anypony in the castle hasn’t about the human that pranked the Princess,” Candlelight said before taking a sip of her beer.

“Word spreads fucking fast here,” I grumbled. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was literally impossible for ponies to keep a secret at this point. How would they have known I was a human anyways? Such a different world, am I right?

“You know it,” Horizon said. “So what brings the Lord General and the human to the bar this early?”

“Paperwork,” Shining said with a laugh that earned chuckles from the rest. They looked over to me.

“Alcohol addiction,” I said with a shrug; they obviously didn’t laugh at that, but I wasn’t done. “I mean, I thought we were going to the park but apparently alcohol can’t get enough of me. Tricked me into coming.”

Weak joke, huh? Yeah, even they thought so. Sounded better in my head.

“Really?” Candlelight asked.

“Ehh,” I said with another shrug. Luckily that was when our drinks arrived, so I could get on with pouring burning liquid down my throat instead of conversing. Which I promptly did. I mean, I could have done that double in one shot probably, but I didn’t feel like getting drunk again. Just a decent drink. By the way, it was a very good bourbon. Wasn’t too bitter like I find that most tend to be. Had a little bit of sweetness to it actually, which surprised me more than anything.

Thankfully, despite being the most interesting one at the table, and don’t try and debate that, I’ve got enough stories to talk for years, I wasn’t the center of conversation. In fact it was Shining that had the questions directed at him.

“How goes it up in the Crystal Empire?” Star Luck asked.

“Boring, honestly. All it is is paperwork and looking good beside Cadance,” he said with a shrug. It seemed that the day was all about shrugging.

“At least you get that ass every night,” Candlelight said before taking another sip. I was kind of lucky that I was still wearing my shades because it allowed me to give her a rather shocked look without it being noticed.

It was only shocking because I wasn’t expecting it to come from her or at all. I mean, I know anyone could say that but I guess the fact she was so open with which team she batted for, I was caught a little off guard. So think of it as surprising me for a split second before the bombardment of lewdish comments came from the rest.

“There’s a reason I call her Candyass is bed!” Shining said, which got a boisterous laugh from the rest.

“You’re lucky you snagged her up first, or you know I’d have her between my legs every night,” Candlelight continued much to the delight of Horizon, who was grinning like crazy at what was being said.

“Sure, you talk a big talk, Candlelight. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of somepony who talks a bigger game than you, yet can’t back it up,” Shining countered.

“Please, I could get any mare in here if I wanted to. Even Star here would be powerless to stop me from taking her back to my room,” she said before licking the cheek of the blushing mare beside her. Said blushing mare gave off a small meep before her cheeks got even redder, which still amazed me, considering the fur and all. Horizon and Shining just burst out laughing.

Me? I just kept sipping on my bourbon, but if things kept going at the pace they were, I would need another drink.

“What about you, Horizon? Still keeping with your made up marefriend?” Shining said with a predatory grin. Horizon didn’t even flinch.

“Nah, she’s on vacation with her parents in Las Pegasus,” he replied smoothly.

“What he means to say is that she’s currently holding his beer right now,” Candlelight chirped up, loud enough that the next table heard us. That started a whole chorus of rowdy laughter.

It was starting to remind me of my college days, where even though we were all teammates, we would often ‘chirp’ each other. This back and forth banter that the guards were having was bringing back good times, though I quietly reminisced while they kept going at each other.

“Hardy bucking har. Big talk coming from a mare that lifts her tail for any mare she sees,” Horizon shot back. That was followed by a few statements of ‘sick burn’ and the like. Yep, just like being back in college.

“Oh, you want to go?” Candlelight said as she stood out of her chair.

“Calm down now,” Shining said with a light chuckle. “I think we can all agree … that Star Luck probably has the best sex life out of all of us.”

This earned another ‘meep’ from the mare as she tried to shrink behind her beer. Apparently our conversation had drawn more attention to our general area, a few tables nearby having forgotten their conversations and instead looking over to us. I personally think more than a few eyes caught the lick and expected something to happen.

I almost felt bad for the mare, having been turned into the center of attention in a conversation which she didn’t want to even be a part of.

“What about the human?” Star Luck managed to spurt out, which took the attention completely off her and instead onto me.

Nevermind, she could burn for all I cared.

I froze, looking at their growing smirks. There was only one option.

I took a small sip, and held my glass there, slowly sipping away. They kept looking at me, expecting me to put the glass down and talk, but I just kept the glass at my lips, the drink slowly, ever so slowly, pouring down my throat.

Yet they kept looking at me. It was going to be a question of how long till I finished my drink. Luckily, the waiter was carrying a tray of drinks on his back, and passing around our table. I noticed one wasn’t beer, instead probably whiskey or something. So I kept going until he was passing on my right when I promptly reached out and snagged the amber coloured drink, quickly downing the remaining few sips of bourbon before placing the new drink to my mouth. Which was surprisingly bourbon.

“That was smooth,” Horizon said, but other than that they kept staring at me, knowing that I would eventually run out.

“We can wait all day,” Candlelight chimed in, still staring at me with a rather lecherous grin. She was right, I couldn’t keep drinking like that even if I wanted to. Eventually I would run out a drink and one of them would snatch the empty glass away from me. So I did what any cornered man would do.

I slammed the drink back, before shouting out, “Bartender, I need seven shots of your strongest stuff, over here. Asap.”

If I was going to talk about my sex life, I needed to be blitzed first off.

“He’s going to do it again!” a shout came from one of the nextdoor tables.

“Again?” Shining asked aloud.

“You didn’t hear, sir?” a much younger sounding voice spoke up. “He challenged Princess Luna to a drinking contest and won! He went eighteen shots to her fifteen!”

“Damn, now I want to see this!” Horizon said before leaning in eagerly. “Anypony that can out drink the Princesses must have an iron liver.”

“Aww, but I wanted to hear about his sex life!” Candlelight moaned out in frustration.

“All you think about is sex,” Horizon chirped at her. “Don’t worry, we’ll make him talk after.

As I tried my best to not focus on having to talk about that, mainly because mine had been nothing to talk about, I noticed that there was a growing amount of ponies surrounding the table. Apparently I was becoming an attraction in the bar.

Imagine it; come one, come all! See the amazing Ryan drink more alcohol than anyone in the entire bar! Watch as he slowly destroys his liver yet still lives and breaths! Truly amazing!

Definitely not something worth a circus act but hey, if it brought entertainment and forestalled me having to tell them about my sex life, than whatever floats their boats.

When the waiter approached, he was holding a small platter that was holding seven shot glasses filled with a green liquid.

Shit. Absinthe.

There was no fucking way in hell I was going to get any farther than maybe ten shots before I’d be lights out. Vodka is one thing, but absinthe is a game changer. Not to mention that I had two glasses of bourbon in me.

See, with Vodka, I could have a good chance of getting a rather low alcohol percentage as well as my amazing tolerance for the stuff … absinthe though? It has better chances of being two thirds alcohol than lower. So, you can see my issue with the recently placed shot glasses.

“Why not?” I said before taking one glass in my hand. “See ya tomorrow.”

Downing it was simple. The taste after was simple. Reaching for the next glass was the struggle because half of my brain was yelling at me to put the glass down and just leave.

Second glass down.

I figured by the fifth glass, that voice would be changing it’s tune to telling me to drink more. So I went for glass number three.

Three down.

“I say he gets to the seventh then drops!” a random voice shouted.

“No way, he’s going to twelve, I can bucking feel it,” another voice popped up.

“Twelve? That’s ridiculous, there’s a better chance that Candlelight is a virgin!” Horizon threw in his own chirp.

“Hey!” Candlelight said at the remark, which caused another uproar of laughter. I laughed along with them before downing glass number four. They had something right, by glass seven or eight I would probably be too far gone.

“I’m sorry, Lighty, may your virginity rest in peace. Taken at such a young age by the horniest batpony in all of Equestria,” Horizon amended, much to the laughter of the entire crowd once more. Even Candlelight was laughing, though a look at her eyes told anyone that Horizon was dead the moment the table stopped separating them.

“To Candlelight’s virginity! May it come back and save us all!” I decided to get in on the action. I thought for a second that there was going to be a big pause and then I would realise it wasn’t my place to say such a thing. Instead, I got a massive round of cheers.

Candlelight facedesked or facetabled in that case. Apparently the human getting in on it meant you would never win.

“If I must go down in shame, I’m taking Star Luck with me!” Candlelight proclaimed before grabbing the fellow mare by the side of her head and then smashing her lips into the other’s. To me it wasn’t anything since they were just ponies, but it made sense that the entire bar went off at that, hooting and hollering. I don’t think I need to explain why they went wild.

Also, do you see why I made sure no kids were around this time … well anything younger than fifteen at least? There would be too many things to explain.

I promptly downed the fourth one, slamming the glass down but not a soul cared as it seemed that both mares were getting into it more than they should have been in front of all those guards. Though it wasn’t just stallions watching the show, in fact there were many female bat ponies watching eagerly.

That was my opening. I used that perfect distraction to slip out of my seat, and promptly speed walk my way to the door. I don’t think a single pony in that bar noticed me, expect a few patrons who weren’t gathered around the show at my former table.

I managed to slip outside, closing the door behind me before moving and leaning against the wall to the right of the door.

“Fuck, that was close,” I said while wiping my brow.

“Trying to escape from someone?” a voice asked me out of nowhere. If I wasn’t slightly blitzed, I would probably have reacted with a fist flying in the direction of the voice. Instead, I merely turned my head sharply to see Luna walking up to me.

“Heh, you could say that,” I said with a chuckle before twisting my back to illicit a few pops from my spine. “It’s getting rowdy in there. I had to get out before things got out of control or I would be waking up tomorrow.”

“More drinking already? I can’t tell if that’s sheer dedication or an addiction,” Luna said while blowing me a raspberry.

“Don’t know, mix of both perhaps? What can I say, it’s a loving relationship,” I said with a small laugh. “So what brings you around here?”

“Well, I thought that … perhaps if you weren’t busy …” Luna said, obviously going somewhere with the statements but, me being me, I couldn’t help but jump all over that statement like a lion going after its prey.

“Listen, Luna. I haven’t really given us much of a thought, and while I haven’t dated in a while … perhaps there is a chance I’d make an exception, but if you’re going to ask me on a date, I want a little more enthusiasm! More panache!” I said with a little flair. Of course this caused Luna to blush a little bit, but she just seemed to laugh it off while shaking her head.

“It seems the alcohol has already kicked in. Barely even noon …” she said with a small smile. “No, Ryan, I didn’t come to ask you on a date. Though I did want to know if you wanted to go to a museum with me. If I am correct, I do believe you said, or at least implied, that you enjoy history.”

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a museum that was still intact. I accept your location for the date! Though I get to choose the restaurant … unless you have that picked already,” I said dramatically before jumping backwards a little to dodge a swipe of her hoof.

“Perfect! We’ll be there in no time!” she said with a rather feral grin. Her horn then began charging up. My eyes went wide as I finally put together what she was saying. Of course by the time I did it was too late.

Next thing I know, a bright light surrounds us, and I’m leaning over a large flower pot, my insides telling me they wanted out.

“Don’t be dramatic now,” Luna said beside me. I just flipped her the middle finger before dry heaving a few more times, my insides not wanting to actually let go of my meal. I waited a few more moments before I let go of the pot and turned around to give Luna a piece of my mind.

Instead, I found a smaller blue unicorn staring up at me with the same eye colour and the same evil grin that Luna usually had. At first I wanted to ask her if she saw a big blue alicorn that would soon be sporting a grin with two less teeth, but my mind slowly clicked and I realised that there was a good chance that she had hacked reality and changed herself into a unicorn.

“Now don’t be pulling any shenanigans on me here,” I said at the blue unicorn, who merely laughed.

“It’s easier to be out in public with this look than one of a Princess. Otherwise I’d be swarmed with subjects trying to stick their nose up my plot,” she said with a rather irritated sounding exhale. “It’s easier to be in disguise.”

“Wouldn’t know,” I said with a shrug. We then promptly entered the museum which we had been standing in front of. Honestly it looked like a smaller version of the Greek Parthenon, well at least on the outside. When we entered, the front area looked like the Museum of Natural History. Yeah, I know I didn’t describe what the entrance looked like because I went through the backdoor of the museum, but there was a trilogy of movies that often showed the entrance hall of the museum so I was more or less going off that.

Essentially there were a bunch of exhibits lining the bottom floor, while a massive, circular reception desk was placed firmly in the middle of floor, and two stairs heading up to a second floor sat behind it. Not to mention many doors heading off in different directions.

Oh did I mention all the fucking ponies? It was fucking packed in the building. Tour groups going this way and that, lines to the reception desk, and ponies just milling about in general. Now, I always expected some attention when walking into a room that had me being the only human, but I was actually surprised by the lack of looks. Very few ponies actually gave me more that a cursory glance, except for a few children that actually looked up at me with wide eyes and opens mouths. I was something completely new to them, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and smiled at the ones who I made eye contact with. Yeah, I was still not wearing my scarves.

I had actually left them behind to get washed. Gilda took them that morning actually, forgot to mention that.

So we walked up to the reception desk, which earned us a few looks, only because we were bypassing the entire line. I could only assume that Luna had some sort of deal going on. Said thought was confirmed when a mare at the desk looked up and saw who was approaching.

She immediately reached under her desk and pulled out two passes, before sliding them over the counter top. Luna grabbed them in her magic, floating one to me while putting the other over her head. There was no doubt that she had a deal or something going, much to the frustration of the ponies in the line.

“Let’s go check out the ancient history portion. You might learn something or two!”

Believe it or not, I did learn something or two. In fact I learned a lot more than that. See, I enjoy looking at the exhibits and actually reading the placards underneath. Too many just went there for the visual eye candy.

Now, I’ll try and enlighten you on most of the stuff I read and saw, but there was also a lot that had outlandish names that I can’t pronounce. Though for the most part, that was always in referral to mythical beasts of old.

So, I’ll skip over the general walking and banter which was more or less just Luna describing parts of history, whether or not they were on the placards or just off the top of her head. From the gist of what I learned in forty five minutes was this.

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far far away-

Ah, fine you caught me. Yeah, that’s Star Wars. Glad a few remember that at least.

Starting again; more than ten thousand years ago, they figured that ponies were forming herds in ways and roaming over most of the land. Around that time there was only one real civilization which was comprised entirely of dragons. They didn’t do much regarding the rest of the world, instead kept to themselves and just did their own thing for many, many years. Around eight thousand years ago, the other races starting showing sapience but had the same mindset as the ponies. Operate in flocks, herds, or just roving groups. It’s rather close to how humans used to be, but in a much shorter time frame than we had.

Everything was pretty simple, though all the races apparently looked much different and magic, though natural, was something that was seen like humans believed magic to be. Outlandish and crazy … minus levitation.

At the the seven thousand mark, ponies were starting to develop tools and build houses and the like. In fact many races were starting to actually develop culture around that point. Nothing formal, and most places were what could be called city states. Ponies learned and developed, but nothing spectacular happened in that time. I mean there was fighting and minor wars that resulted in nothing but lives lost, but otherwise, it wasn’t any different than us.

It was around the six thousandth year … which started to make me feel worried that this was all happening around general whole numbers. Anyway, around that mark is when a great catastrophe happened … which was extremely vague. Hell, according to Luna and the museum’s shown history, not a single record of what happened has been found, nor was there any oral teachings that made it through history. Archaeologists didn’t find anything either so as to what this catastrophe was, or even if it existed, was a mystery to them all.

Apparently this catastrophe was so great that it actually called the sun and moon to no longer obey non-magical assisted orbits … which meant that either the sun had always rotated around the planet, which I still was skeptical about, or the planet could no longer rotate around the sun. I wasn’t going to try and comprehend the physics break bull that the whole period of time became. Nor was I feeling up to asking questions about how it all worked. All I needed to know was that it did, good enough for me, as I think I would have gone insane from trying to understand to understand such a different reality. The museum didn’t have any of the answers I would need and Luna told me to not worry about it when she caught my reaction to that part.

I’m just going to skip that part because most of what was told about that was how ponies and the other magical races developed their magic beyond what they had thought it could be limited to. Hell, they had a massive group of unicorns band together to raise and lower the fucking sun and moon … which was how they described it … not put the sun on a course to revolve around the world and bring day to the side that was previously in night time. There was a lot of facepalming that was put on the back burner during that time. I held back many retorts at those statements.

It was also in this sixth thousand era that ponies became racist to themselves. You know, kind of like us who are all human yet we say that people who look different are less human than the rest? Well they called it tribalism … entirely different word for us, but to them that meant segregation of the three pony types. Now, since they had for the most part gotten past all that bull, the museum actually showed many … and I mean many, racist depictions and statements to get their point across that it was a bad time for ponies.

Unicorns thought they were god’s gift to the world since they moved the sun and moon. Pegasi thought they were the strongest and didn’t need rules or treaties for the general part. Earth ponies were the most humble in their ways but when crossed by another species they could be more brutal in their overt racism than the rest. Unicorns moved the heavens, pegasi controlled the weather, and earth ponies toiled the land. Unity only through necessity.

Now this time didn’t actually last till the next major turn in events. Halfway through that millennia, around five thousand six hundred or something, a group of ponies fought off something called a wendigo which amounted to evil spirits that thrived on hate and division. They were apparently lethal enough to freeze the entire land over. Through … and get this, the magic of friendship, six ponies defeated all the wendigos and cleansed the land. From then on out there was increased unity and a severe drop in racist policies. Luna proceeded to speculate that as far as they knew, that was the first instance of the Elements of Harmony.

The names of those six? Random question for you all really. Okay, there were two pegasi. Named Commander Hurricane and Private Pansy. Yeah, fucking odd second name there. Then two earth ponies; Chancellor Puddinghead and Smart Cookie. Finally there were two unicorns; Princess Platinum, and Clover the Clever.

The last one was one of the biggest to Equestrian history according to Luna because she revolutionized magic and apparently was one of the key pillars to the true founding of Equestria. From there is gets complicated, with the Ancient History section ending just as Luna and Celestia get involved. I’ll still wrap it up.

When Equestria was finally founded and built, it went through turmoil in the form of infighting as well as invasions by other nations that had actually been founded quicker. This part of the museum was more focused on Equestrian history than the rest so it never really described the other nations’ foundings. The one thing that caught my attention was that it mentioned that the griffons had a full fledged empire that were much more focused on a war economy. A little surprising considering I knew that griffons, three days after I arrived, were merely a part of Equestria, though given some autonomy.

There were many dioramas of miniature sculptures that depicted various fights that were apparently crucial to the survival of Equestria. All of it was interesting mind you, and I could go on about those fights but I can already see you are bored. Don’t worry, a couple of them do come up at crucial points in my story so you’ll get to hear about them either way!

Now around the five thousand mark, that big whole number issue raised its head again as a being named Discord came to rule Equestria for many years, causing great chaos and pain among the ponies, as well as other nations. Though the problems that the other nations dealt with were apparently less severe in every shape and form. It was like he was toying with them, while actually using the ponies as puppets. Though according to Luna, that was all speculation by Academia since pretty much every cultural aspect from that time didn’t survive the sheer amount of chaos. Luna said that her sister and her had a few remaining volumes but they were of such great importance that they were kept under lock and key.

I expected her to be all hush hush about it, but instead she straight up told me that all the books were about the cruelties of the time, and how Luna and Celestia had ascended to being who they were. When I raised an eyebrow at her wording, she admitted to something that I agreed would have been shocking to the entire population that believed they were immortal goddesses.

“We were once normal ponies, not always alicorns that moved that which ponies cannot touch. They believe us to be sent down by Faust to guide them forever. One day they will see us go, though only for awhile. The burden of being a celestial alicorns is that we never truly die, just get reincarnated again and again. You never know you’re one until after the ascension, when all the memories come flooding back,” she said with a sad look.

I thought for a moment on what to say. Of course my humorous side made the most compelling argument.

“So how old are you then? I mean, I can date a four thousand old, maybe five thousand … anything more … that’s a deal breaker,” I said with a smirk. She burst out laughing like there was no tomorrow. It caused a few eyes to be drawn in our direction, but for the most part they didn’t really care.

She never did answer the question, but on the flip side I never really meant for it to be serious. At least it got rid of the minorly depressing thoughts. I had and still have enough bouncing around my head that I don’t need others around me to add onto them.

As we finished the Ancient History portion of the museum, my stomach decided that it needed food instead of just going along with my plan to live on alcohol for the rest of my life. One can only dream of such a thing being a reality.

We left the museum, handing or hoofing, whichever one, in our passes before leaving. Luna still didn’t explain the whole deal with them despite me asking, but it didn’t really matter. You never question a good thing unless you have a feeling that said good thing was actually a … well something bad. I had a saying in mind but I completely forgot it. Damn.

Anyway, Luna figured that we should get some dinner at a cafe that was not far from the museum. Sounded good since they served meat, much to my delight, but all good things lie behind some sort of adversary. This adversary came in the form of some holier-than-thou douchebag of a self important pony.

As we made our way to the cafe, I happened to accidently, and it truly was accidental, bump into said self important dickbag. I hardly noticed it, since I was talking with Luna about what the cafe could be serving, though I did manage to get out an apology before the prick decided I had been wrong completely.

“Watch where you’re going you bipedal imbecile! Why we even let creatures like you walk around Canterlot, I swear! You’re just as bad as those mud ponies,” he started. “I’m surprised you’re not on a leash! I should have the Royal Guard come and take you to the pound, you and that whore you’re standing beside.”

I slowly turned around to see a dark grey unicorn, with a light blue mane. The clothes he wore, a suit and tie, along with a small top hat told me nothing really about him, other than that he looked like an idiot. The words on the other hand, and the accent told me his was probably a prick that was birthed with a silver spoon in his mouth. Not used to having others talk back or stand up to what he said.

“Big words, coming from a stallion with a pencil dick,” I said back at him. “I bet the mares just fawn over your little straw.”

“My word! You’re just as barbaric as you look! Such a low blow, truly you deserve to be put down,” he said with some shock before returning to that sneer.

“I’m sorry, did I hit a soft spot? If you’re so affronted then why don’t you run a long and go cry to your mother before suckling on her teat some more. Oh and do apologise to the mare you insulted first,” I said in response. The jackass was nothing special.

“Hmph! I will do no such thing to a mare that debases herself with such a creature. I think I was rather accurate with my statement,” he said with a smirk. I looked down at Luna who was glaring daggers and looked like she wanted to cancel her disguise, but I merely patted her on the head before stepping forward and grabbing the unicorn by the horn and his throat. The horn gave me enough leverage to actually lift him in the air.

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you think you’re some sort of self important noble. Haven’t worked a day in his life and sees everyone who has as a lower class. Probably even views those who he doesn’t see at social events as some sort of peasant that needs to only shine his hooves.” I growled at him, only loud enough for him to hear. “Whether or not I’m right, you listen closely, you piece of shit. Only the most debased would go after someone who hasn’t done a fucking thing to them, let alone their companion. If I wanted to, I could fucking wring your neck out right now. I could even rip your horn off if I wanted to. So I fucking dare you to say something again, you over-inflated douche canoe.”

“Is there a problem here?” a gruff voice spoke up beside me. I looked down from the unicorn to see three Solar Guards standing beside us, two unicorns and a pegasus. The unicorns looked ready to do something. “I suggest you put the pony down.”

I did that, though all the while grinning like I had won a massive bet. “Oh, don’t worry, officers. I was just having words with this stallion here over his manners. Isn’t that right?”

“That beast attacked me unprovoked! He should be put down! In fact I demand you arrest him!” the unicorn yelled in a very scared voice.

The guards merely looked at me before looking at the unicorn. At first they looked to be considering the action, but the unicorn on my right nudged the pegasus in the middle before whispering something in his ear. I noticed his eyes dart towards Luna’s direction before returning back to us.

“Let us escort you out of here,” he said generally, which the unicorn thought it meant give him safety or take me away because he seemed to fill with pride, which immediately deflated when he noticed that they didn’t restrain me or anything, instead taking up positions between me and the unicorn. Then one of the guards turned to him, “Sir, if you can please leave before we must resort to measures less than peaceful.”

“I am the victim here!” he yelled even louder.

“Yeah, but I’m staying at the castle, bitch!” I said over my shoulder before flipping him the bird and walking away with my escort. I had nothing more to say to the unicorn, and instead walked with Luna to the cafe as intended. She was shaking her head with a little bit of a disappointed frown.

“What?” I asked.

“That could have been handled, better, Ryan. You and I both know that it shouldn’t have gotten as far as it did,” she said, her Princessly voice kicking in.

“No, only you know that. I think it went exactly where it should have gone. The dickbag was insulting not only you but as well me and my entire species,” I said with some finality in my voice. I wasn’t going to argue this with her. “You see diplomacy where action is necessary.”

Of course she didn’t leave it at that. “What would you have done after that, Ryan? What would have happened after you let him go?”

I didn’t respond. She had me cornered on that, but at the same time I wouldn’t admit I was wrong, instead I flipped something onto her. “You’re sounding less like Luna, and more like Celestia.”

“What?” she asked, in a shocked manner. Apparently it caught her off guard enough to stop her from continuing the topic.

“Your sister comes off as the diplomatic and ‘we must all get along’ pony. You were more action based and saw justice as something that needed to be taken into your own hooves … at least that’s what I thought was the case was when you all talked. Now … you’re just emulating her. Being nothing more than a shadow.”

Luna was shocked completely at this, so much so that her disguise rippled for whatever reason. I figured it was just shock.

She eventually found her footing, though. “I will not stand here and let you talk to me like that!”

“Yet you allowed him to call you a whore. How is this worse?” I asked, poking her buttons, although a little unintentionally.

She dropped her disguise in the middle of the street, getting more than furious at what was being said. “You forget yourself and your place!”

“My place is wherever the fuck I choose it to be, and I think it’s you who forgets, not their place, but themselves,” I said with finality. Whatever she had to say, it wouldn’t matter. In my mind I had won the argument.

She merely looked at me as though I had grown two heads. Then her eyes narrowed before she turned around and took to the air, leaving me in the street with three confused Solar Guards behind me.

“Just go, the cafe is up ahead, I can see the sign. I promise to not hurt a single pony unless hurt first,” I said while raising a hand in an oath pose. They looked cautiously at me for a few moments before eventually heading back down the way we came.

I, on the other hand continued down to the cafe.

I went in, got a seat, and ordered some food. It was a griffon-oriented cafe because they actually had a hamburger on the menu.

So I ordered that, and ate. I ate in silence, not really thinking about much, instead just enjoying the food.

If it isn’t obvious, I was kind of pissed off about the whole thing. The day was going great yet some asshole just had to fuck it up. It was at that time I started to get it into my head that I really needed to get on the track to finding a way home. I had delayed it and just put it off as an impossibility despite what I had been told. Then … right then and there I told myself that if I could go home the next day I would. Life was simpler back home.

Didn’t have to deal with assholes like that or people who didn’t see the reality of life, even with their age. Back home I would be able to do whatever I wanted, alone, and without the worry about being accepted.

…

It was a good burger.

Chapter 7: Wings of Feather and Wax (Part 2)

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It wasn’t the best of burgers, but I have to say that it ranks pretty high, especially since there’s no more Five Guy’s restaurants …

Yes? You have something to ask?

No. Why should I have been worried? Luna was wrong, simple as that. She, obviously was trying to take after her sister too much, so no, I didn’t feel remorse from that argument. She’d get over it eventually.

Anyway.

I guess I was lucky that I was still holding onto the bits that Gilda had lent me. Though I would need to pay her back somehow, and the only time I had actually ever made any of their currency was doing that one job for the Sheriff back Appleloosa. It was a good haul, but it was to pay Trixie back. I couldn’t keep mooching off of her, especially if she decided to part ways tomorrow. That meant I needed a form of money, and rather quickly.

I spent a little bit, just sitting at the cafe and thinking about that fact. While I had talents that could earn me money, I didn’t have any way of getting employed. No doubt they would have the same bureaucracy that our world used to have. That meant registered employment was out of the way … and the only thing I could freelance on would be as security. That was the only job I had equipment for.

A lot of decisions. Not to mention I needed to convince Purple Smart that she should help me return home. Oh and I’m going to casually switch between her real name and the given nickname.

There was a lot of things that I needed to do, and a lot of options to utilize, but I was drawn to the idea of perhaps travelling the world and exploring it like I had done with Earth. It was extremely tempting, but no doubt it would require resources.

Decisions, decisions.

See, I’m not exactly sure why I just keep moving. I’ve had many people call it many things. Some have told me it is wanderlust. That I am making up for all the time that I spent in my youth just living in one place. On the other hand, some tell me that I must be searching for something. I just laugh and reply that if that was the case, then I would have found it by now.

…

No, I’m not running from something. Forty years of being on the move between places, I’m pretty sure that if I was being chased then I would have known it by now.

…

No, now moving o-

I said we’re moving the fuck on! Get that through your fucking thick skull! Can you not hear the words coming out of my fucking mouth? Do I have to drag you closer so you can hear me? I’m not running from something, you half wit!

…

Fine, leave for all I care. Stay or get the fuck gone, I don’t care.

Eventually I decided to leave the cafe and make my way back to the palace, taking my time to enjoy the surprising lack of ponies out on the streets. Must have been a work day or at the very least most ponies followed a rather strict lunch schedule. Who knows why it was empty, but it didn’t bother me one bit, less chances of running into another asshole who would ruin my day.

The walk, like I just said, was quiet though I helped fill the air with a little humming. Nothing special, just a random tune that was stuck in my head. I knew it was from one of my songs, but at the same time I couldn’t really pinpoint it. Even now, I’m having trouble remembering the song, though if I happen to hear it and remember, I’ll make sure to tell you all.

I think I killed about a half an hour while walking back to the castle. Usually my walking pace was always at a speed that was meant to get me somewhere, never meant to sightsee, but I was in no rush to get back to an irate Luna or any other things that could ruin my day. Especially since by this time there had to be a few guards that were expecting me to down a few more shots of absinthe, and tell them about my sex life.

When I finally reached the gates of the castle, the guards were eyeing me up as though they were debating whether or not to allow me access, but they didn’t even move a muscle. I simply walked through to the entrance building where I saw a very familiar group of ponies talking. Though I was more interested in why they were in the entrance building.

“What’s going on?” I asked as I approached them.

“Celestia shut down day court earlier for some reason, though she hasn’t said why, which has caused a massive ruckus in the castle. They’ve kept us from going in,” Twilight said in response. The other ponies barely left their conversations to take note of the newcomer, which was me. Though Gilda did wave at me while she continued to take part in a conversation between Dash and Applejack.

But one thing that Twilight said made me wonder. She was a Princess … why was she barred from the castle? Odd.

“Odd,” I said with a shrug. “Hey, Twilight, can I talk to you? Over there?”

“Sure, I’ll be right back, Trixie,” she said to the blue mare before following me away from the group. “So, what did you want to converse about?”

“... right, can you take a look at something for me?” I said as I reached into the nonexistent bag, since it was in Gilda’s room. “Shit … Gilda still has my gear in her room. I have this smaller bag that was holding what I wanted to show you.”

“Oh,” she said at first before continuing, “was it important?”

“Yeah, it was regarding why I am even here,” I said casually, knowing that would spark the more scientific part of her.

“Really?! Hold on!” she said excitedly before disappearing in a pop of magic. Huh, I didn’t expect that reaction. I figured she would just use her Princess authority or something to get us into the castle, not just disappear in a flash of light.

Well, what could I do but take a seat on the hard floor and wait for her to return. Or at least for something to happen really. One was bound to happen before I got bored enough to leave the castle once again.

But before I could do anything else, or for that matter even contemplate doing something to pass the time, there was another pop or magic and Twilight once again stood in front of me, all of my gear floating in her magic. The whole act had drawn the attention of the rest of the group, who made their way over to see what was going on.

“Here it is! Now quickly! Find what you were going to show me!” she said as she practically bounced in place. I had expected that from Pinkie who I had sworn literally bounced everywhere. Did I forget to mention that? Yeah, instead of walking normally, she just fucking bounced … yeah.

I didn’t respond to Twilight, instead I just dug into the bag that held the statue. It was buried a little under the rest of the items in the bag, but once I withdrew it, there was a general chorus of ‘oohs’ or ‘what is that?’. I simply forked the ivory statue over to Purple Smart who took it up in her magic.

She didn’t say a single word as she turned the thing this way and that. Instead she seemed to be inspecting it for traces of something, and it was clear by the fact her horn often glowed more intensely before dying back down to the regular look it took on when she levitated stuff. At least that’s what it looked like to me. Who knows what she was actually doing.

After a while, she gave a small ‘harumph’ before setting it down on the ground and laying flat in front of it, looking at it from floor level more or less. I was curious as to what she was doing.

“So …” I offered, hoping she would respond.

“Is this actually what brought you here?” she asked, looking up at me while waiting for her answer.

“Yeah, I found it in a buried museum. Touched the thing and it knocked me out with some sort of electrical charge. When I awoke … boom! Here,” I said simply. She continued to look at me for a few seconds before going back to intently staring at it. The rest of the group was following her actions before a certain someone spoke up.

“Right, I’m bored,” Dash said as she gave a fake yawn. I know fake yawns from real ones. Fake ones don’t transmit that goddamned yawn disease or whatever the phenomenon is.

“Shhh!” Twilight hissed loudly at whoever talked. Her horn lit up again but the object didn’t move at all, nor was there any obvious changes going on. I had no clue what she was doing.

After a few more minutes of that, Twilight eventually got back to her hooves and held the object up once more. “Do you know what you have here?”

“A really expensive statue that hates me?” I offered, much to the giggles of a few from the group. Probably Gilda and Dash.

“No,” she said bluntly, not even biting at my quip. “This statue, according to my scans, is extremely old. In fact, it looks as those it could be as old as five thousand years.”

“So … what you’re trying to say is that the statue is … worth a lot of money?” I offered, not really following her line of reasoning.

“Ugh!” she all but shouted before taking a few deep breaths and doing something with her left hoof. “This statue right here is something that has been found before, and the dating via all magical scans tells us that the statues are from the Discordian Era. They were used as ritualistic worship for a small amount of time before ponies began to inscribe them with teleportation runes in order to be able to escape, if for a brief moment from Discord. That’s the idea behind all major papers at least. If there is an alternate reason, it is unknown by Academia.”

“So what you’re saying is … that somehow it found its way to Earth and when I touched it, I got teleported to this world?” I offered, piecing the puzzle pieces together.

“That seems to be the most likely cause. Now before you suggest it, and I can tell you want to, but no, I can’t just inscribe more teleportation runes onto it. The real trick is to find some sort of signature that would allow me to trace a route back to your home world,” she said with a hoof directed at me to silence any stupid comments.

“What’s the time frame we’re looking at?” I asked, hoping for something short.

“Bare minimum, a month. That’s assuming that my research goes according to plan and that there is indeed a traceable thaumic signature. I can only imagine the time scale would be upwards after that,” she said with a frown. “Could be years for all I know if the right setbacks happen.”

“Huh,” I said, sitting and staring at the ivory statue that I really wanted to toss against a wall. “At least that makes up my mind for me.”

“I don’t follow,” Twilight said.

“Oh, I was debating on what I would do until I could go home. Since we’re looking at a month worth of time at least, I’m probably going to skedaddle and venture around. You know, see the the world and its many sights, that sort of thing.”

None of the ponies really said a word at that, though there was a look in Gilda’s eyes that said she had something to say. It never came, however. Instead, I got up from where I was, grabbing my stuff and swinging it over my shoulder. “You can keep that blasted thing. It’s done me no good. Call me or whatever if you make some sort of breakthrough.”

“Wait! Don’t leave!” a congregation of voices said. Well more like two or three voices.

“What? I was just going to find my room and drop my stuff off,” I said simply, looking at them in confusion. At my statement, the entire group looked a little sheepish as though they had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have.

They didn’t say anything after that, as I walked away into the castle. I had barely crossed the threshold of the entrance hall when I thought I heard another chorus of ‘wait’ but I wasn’t sure, so I just kept walking forward. For the castle being closed or whatever, there was a surprising lack of guards enforcing that rule. Luckily, I happened to walk past two guards when I climbed the stairs.

“Hey, do you guys know where my room is? I never ended up going to it,” I said to them.

They looked at each other for a moment before nodding. One of them walked away while the other motioned for me to follow him. I obliged and followed the guard down the various halls. It was a very uninteresting trek, let me tell you that.

When it was done, I was left standing in front of a set of doors that looked a little less like a visitor’s door and more like some ornate piece that would be the door to Celestia’s or Luna’s chambers. Though not necessarily theirs, but you get what I mean. It definitely didn’t look like the doors belonged to a visitor’s bedroom.

I tentatively pushed the door open, expecting to find Celestia on the other side of the door. Luckily from what I could tell at first glance, she wasn’t in the room, nor in the general vicinity. That could change with a simple cast of teleportation magic for all I know, so I kept my guard up. I figured that Celestia would probably do some sort of payback or something. Why did I feel like that? I’m not completely sure why to be honest, but it’s always safer expecting something that never comes than the opposite.

I made my way over to the bed and sat on the side for a second. It was fucking comfy as hell. Like something that was beyond compare. I could only dream of such a bed, prior to that moment. I nearly tossed my pack and the rest of my carryable gear off me before flopping backwards into the bed and giving a little sigh. I had slept on so many hard surfaces that laying on something so soft was beyond my comprehension. There was a little nagging in the back of my mind from past experience that told me that I should be ready to have it ripped away from me.

Then came a knock on the door. I gave out a loud groan, thinking that I had predicted my own future by thinking such horrible things. Eventually I pulled myself off the bed and made my way to the door. I was making mock bets in my head on whether it was going to be Gilda, Twilight, Celestia, Luna, or Shining Armor.

When I opened the door, I lost all of my bets.

Remember how I said Pinkie was blindly pink? Well I found the second place, runner-up without even trying.

Standing in front of me was a pink alicorn, not much smaller than Luna. She was more like Twilight in ways because her mane didn’t decide to fuck over physics and do the wave bullshit that Celestia and Luna’s manes did. Instead it kind of bounced … and hung around the pink mare’s head like it was part of a scarf or something.

“Can I help you?” I asked the smiling alicorn.

“I expected you to be bigger … though I do enjoy gruff ones!” she said with a sultry smile. I squinted at her for a moment before reacting.

“Right, I’m just going to slowly close this here door and forget that this happened,” I said cautiously before slowly closing the door. The pink alicorn didn’t move nor did she change the look she was giving me. In fact she even tried to make the look even more … sexual. Yeah, let’s go with that.

I was about to get the door closed when a hoof stopped it. “Now, now, that isn’t how you treat a lady. In fact, if you remove those clothes, I’ll show you how to treat a lady.”

She threw open the door with a surprising amount of strength. I was more or less powerless to stop her from entering the room. Instead, all I did was back the fuck up across the room with the mare advancing on me, swaying her hips in a very over-exaggerated motion. She couldn’t really see my eyes but they were bugged out by what was happening. I was being sexually assaulted by a mare from another world. If it was a random woman from our world, well I might have been down or I might not have, really depending on the mood…

This though … she was a pony … way too similar to our world even with the whole sapience thing. There was no way I was getting involved with the closest thing to bestiality. That was my thought at the time, things change though ...

“Playing hard to get? I do love a bit of foreplay before being rutted till I can’t walk!” she said, her tone never leaving that sultry one she started off with.

Right, I could only think of one thing to do to deal with this situation. Well two of them actually, but the first one involved me assaulting possible royalty. The second option was much more viable.

“Fine, you’ve got me, though it's been awhile, and I’m feeling a little more kinky than usual. How about out on the balcony?” I said gesturing to the balcony door that was apart of the room. She seemed to beam at that idea.

“Ooh, a little bit of an exhibitionist streak in you, huh? You’re making me wet in anticipation, big boy,” she said lewdly. Right, I couldn’t take much more or that.

I quickly moved to her and picked her up in the same way you would pick up a dog. When I picked her up, she squeaked lightly but when she realized where we were going, she cooed in response, giving me looks of lust or whatever as I moved to the balcony with her in my arms. Thankfully her horn lit up to open the door, which was done in a swift flick of her head.

As we stepped out on the balcony she stopped making those sounds, instead switching back to talking. “Well, how should we start? Perhaps you want me to suckle on your meat for a while?”

“Yeah … about that …” I said before chucking her off the balcony.

She got good air at least.

I knew she had wings, so I wasn’t really playing a dangerous game there, but I didn’t bother to check if she opened them. Oh well, if I was going to kill royalty as least my story would be interesting.

So I slowly backed up into my room before locking the balcony door once I shut it. I then proceeded to pull the curtains over the door, blocking out all light. Then strode across the room, locked the main door, before picking up my bags and promptly barricading myself in the attached bathroom.

By barricading, I mean I utilized every moveable item to block the door that thankfully swung inwards. Not the greatest moment for me, but I was expecting the Royal Guard to burst down the door and take me by force.

Regardless, the door did slam open, though.

“Aha! I knew we’d …” Shining’s muffled voice cut through my room, much to my confusion. “Cady? Ryan? Why are the curtains drawn closed?”

“Wait, he’s not in there?” another voice cut in. One that sounded suspiciously like Candlelight’s. “But Princess Cadance got into the room! Where are they?”

There had to be at least four of them … and I took a guess and figured it was the group I left behind at the Officer’s Club.

“I don’t know … they’re obviously not in here,” Shining said with confusion.

“You mean I gave up eating out Star Luck for this! Gah!” Candlelight announced, which was followed by a squeak which I took to be said mare.

“Well, I guess we better-” Shining said, but was cut off by an extremely loud frustrated yell.

“Where is he! I’ll kill him for that!” Cadance said in a very angry voice, stomping into the room. In fact this was the angriest I had heard anypony be up to that point.

“There you are, Cady - woah, what happened?” Shining asked rather innocently.

“He threw me off the balcony!” she yelled. “I was lucky there was a shrub to break my fall!”

Apparently some alicorns and pegasi were unable to open their wings in panic or something like that. That was my only explanation for how she didn’t correct her fall. The good news was that I didn’t commit regicide. At least I had that going for me.

“You know, he could be in the bathroom,” Horizon said. Dammit, I was fucked.

“Lemme at him!” Cadance shrieked before the door took a brunt force impact. I was glad I used those dressers to block the door. The door glowed and rattled a fair amount, but thankfully I had wedged those dressers and chairs in there well.

“What a way to go … it was Cadance, in the bathroom with … herself!” I muttered before chuckling at my little reference.

“I can hear him! You will wish you were never born!” Cadance yelled as the door glowed even more intensely and kept on rattling.

“Cady, honey, calm down. It was just a misunderstanding. No one needs to die,” Shining said in a nervous voice, though it apparently did no good as the door just glowed more.

Suddenly a piece of the door exploded towards me, nearly taking off my head. I was lucky to duck in time. When I looked back up, I saw Cadance’s face looking at me through the not very large hole in the door.

“Here’s Cadance!” she shouted with a maniacal grin. I didn’t even tremble in fear, instead reacting to the fact that she had quoted The Shining out of nowhere.

“How the fuck do you know The Shining?” I asked aloud. Though apparently she didn’t hear, for another piece of door exploded, thankfully this time not even close in taking my head off.

Want to know what happened next?

White light.

Me on the floor dry heaving.

I got teleported the fuck out of there.

“Once … I’m done … heaving up my stomach … I’ll give you a hug,” I said in between heaves, not even caring who just teleported me away. All I knew was it wasn’t my room since my room had a rug floor and I was crouched over on tile.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary … I don’t think you’ll want to be hugging me shortly,” Celestia said in a rather serious tone.

I didn’t bother to respond, though I was trying to understand what I had done wrong to garner such a serious tone. Perhaps throwing Cadance over the balcony was going to get me in trouble, even though she still lived. Of course, I could always defend myself by saying that she advanced on me and I was pretty sure Shining and his bat pony friends were in on it.

I kept heaving for a little bit longer, but unfortunately I didn’t puke. Why unfortunately? Because when you actually let go and let your lunch or whatever out onto the floor it feels better than having to go through the motions but having nothing coming out.

That and it might have derailed whatever Celestia wanted to talk to me about. As it stands, like I said, I was about done.

“Fuck … I hate teleporting,” I murmured as I stood up, a little wobbly still, but at least I wasn’t on my knees anymore.

“Quite,” Celestia said with that serious voice. I finally got a good look at her and she was sitting on a cushion, staring at me with a glare that probably could have melted those steel beams. Heh, memes.

I knew that there was no choice but to talk to her about whatever she wanted to talk about, but on the flipside, I didn’t have to actually be apart of the conversation if I didn’t want to be. That’s the great thing about free choice. Yet in the end, my morals won out and I decided to sit on a cushion and listen to her speak.

Listen, I’m going to skip the conversation because let’s be honest, it wasn’t all that vital to the story, nor did she say anything that was of importance. She tried to get me to reason out my actions regarding that douchebag of a pony I’d met earlier. I told her very clearly why I did what I did and she actually listened to it and accepted it. That was the jist of the conversation.

So let’s move on.

Equestria: Years Ago

“I’m going to talk, and you are going to listen, Ryan,” Celestia said in her serious tone to the sitting human. He just nodded his head, maintaining direct eye contact the entire time. “I know nothing or your world aside from what you have told me and from what your eyes have expressed. Do not doubt that I don’t judge somepony, or someone in this case, based on their situation. I have spent many years learning from mistakes, others’ and my own alike.”

“So I must wonder why one, such as yourself, chose to act as they did when confronted with a situation that had no grounds for confrontation,” she continued. Ryan attempted to speak to defend himself, but she cut Ryan off with a glowing of her horn, and he closed his mouth to prevent further escalation. “I said don’t speak, just listen.”

She waited to see if he would try to respond again. When he made no move to do so, she continued. “You’ve made the observation before, Ryan, that this world is nothing like yours, especially in this country of Equestria. We are a peaceful nation, and for the most part, a peaceful world, that has not felt the touch of true war or true fighting for many, many years. We have striven hard, not just Equestria, but all nations to keep a peace as long as we have. What little conflict there has been has been solved with little to no bloodshed. Even when Canterlot was invaded a few years back, it was stopped without having to resort to violence on the scale that you have described. The event was over before it even began. So it pains me to see confrontation on such trivial grounds. It pains me even more that it has caused such a negative ripple across Canterlot.”

“So please, tell me why you chose to act instead of walking away,” Celestia said, looking at Ryan with disappointment. He didn’t respond at first, proceeding to brood over her question while looking at the plush carpet floor before eventually looking up at Celestia.

“You’re arrogant to assume that there isn’t fighting or lack of peace in your nation, Celestia,” Ryan said with a stolid look on his face. “I did what I fucking did because the scum not only insulted your sister, but went after my entire species as though we were of less value than mud. How can I just walk away from that?”

“If you give them a reason to react, then they will react. That is the nature of those who pick on the weak,” Ryan continued. “But if you go beyond what they want to do, then they fear trying to do it again. They say violence leads to more violence, bah! It only leads to more if you allow them to be able to resort to violence. He fucking learned his place.”

“This is not your home anymore, Ryan! Your way of thinking is not one that we subscribe to. You and I both know that as long as you are here, you need to act as if you are a part of Equestria. Is it so hard to not resort to violence?” Celestia asked. “Can you not see who you have hurt?”

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, Celestia. You have a mind capable of processing thousands of years and realising mistakes from afar. Try walking in a mortal’s shoes and you’ll see that none of us can see the outcomes of everything. I am who I am, and there is nothing that will change that. Besides, who says I even want to be a part of your ‘society’. I’m leaving tomorrow regardless of how long I’m stuck here. So don’t worry, you won’t have me in your majestic fucking hair for long,” Ryan said before picking himself off the cushion, grabbing his gear and walking out the door.

Celestia made no movement to stop him. Despite Ryan’s broken and jaded argument, he had a valid point. She had been alive for so long … perhaps she had forgotten what it was like to be mortal. If anything, she just hoped that Luna and him could make amends.

After all, she would deal with the nobles that were asking for his head.

Present

So after Celestia and I had our nice discussion, I decided to make my way back to my room … wherever it was. I had to ask another guard to escort me there, this time really taking note of the pathway, which was good because we passed the dining room on the way. At least I would know which way to take when supper was going to be served.

When I got back to my room, I saw three ponies standing in front of the door. Specifically, three bat ponies.

“Finally! Celestia knows how long it took for Shining to calm her down,” Horizon said as he spotted me coming down the hall. “You better get in there and clear things up.”

I simply gave them a raised eyebrow in response before entering my room to see Shining holding Cadance as they sat on the lone couch in the room. They looked more than a little worn out. Also my furniture was back to its proper position … though my bathroom door still had a hole in it.

“So … am I still being charged with regicide?” I asked before tossing my bags onto the bed, the soft cushion easily absorbing the impact.

“Heh …” Shining muttered while rubbing the back of his neck. “This is actually my fault. See, I wanted to pull a prank on you for leaving the bar earlier … and corner you into finally answering that question … though that part was all Candlelight’s idea. So I drafted Cadance … and well …”

“Ah,” I said as I started to pull off some of my gear. I realised, while huddled in the bathroom, that I could probably take a shower for the first time in awhile, so I figured I might as well. I’d also need to wash my clothes …

“Cadance was supposed to seduce you and then we were going to catch you in the act and use it as blackmail to make you speak … though you know what happened,” he said with a light chuckle.

“Ah, so this is your wife …” I said, finally getting the implications.

“Hi,” Cadance said sheepishly. It was obvious she felt bad about the recent series of events.

“Hi,” I replied back as I continued to pull off my layers, neatly stacking them in place on the bed. I was down to my main jacket and pants, all my gear in a net pile on the bed.

“I’m sorry for the freak out … it’s been a rough couple of weeks,” she said with a light chuckle. I wanted to dismiss that as an excuse, but I noticed that she looked a bit round in the stomach from the way she was sitting, and not in the pudgy way. You know what I mean, so it made some sense.

“Congratulations,” I said, not really taking my attention away from what I was doing.

“Oh! Thank you,” Cadance said from behind me, her voice lightening a little. “It’s our second. It’s only been a few months but it’s been much rou-”

She stopped talking as I proceeded to make Cadance taste her own medicine. I didn’t pay it too much mind, the removal of my jacket and my undershirt felt too good. I hadn’t let my skin breathe for a long time, or at least it felt like that. I enjoyed the feeling of the air on my skin; you’d know the feeling if you wore the same all-encompassing clothing for weeks at a time as well.

I turned around to find Cadance trying to look away from me with an embarrassed look on her face, and Shining shaking his head with his eyes closed.

“You two alright?” I asked them, a little worried, but my worries were put to rest.

“Yeah,” Shining said his voice wavering slightly. “We’re fine.”

“Solid. Anyway, I’m going to take a shower, been too long since I’ve had one. I’m amazed none of you have said anything,” I said as I made my way to the shower, everything I needed in hand. Yeah, even despite travelling in a Wasteland, I kept a toiletry bag! Funny how some things always stick, huh?

“Oh, and don’t worry about the prank. As long as I don’t get charged with attempted regicide, we’re all good,” I said as I opened the bathroom door, but I took one look at it before amending my previous statement. “Oh, and if I also didn’t charged for this. So … uhh, you can let yourselves out when you wish, I guess.”

With that, I closed the bathroom door behind me and started up the shower. Yes, I’m going to talk about the shower, only because it’ll hopefully make you all realise just how lucky you have it to have showers in your village.

Let me tell you, having a hot shower for the first time in what was probably years … it was fucking glorious. It felt like I was being massaged all over and that my muscles could finally stop being ready to jump away from something. I don’t think there was a better feeling right then and there.

If there was one thing I was going to miss when I left Equestria, it was this shower specifically.

It was like years of tension had been melted away in only a few seconds. I could have stood in that shower forever with the way it felt, but I knew that my legs would give out eventually. Maybe there was something to actually staying in towns, I pondered. Up until then, and until now really, I never stayed inside any town, instead finding a place somewhat near the edge of town that would provide me shelter. I never trusted people enough to just let myself be boxed in and taken advantage of.

Eventually I finished washing up, scrubbing off the grit and grime that had accumulated and finally feeling clean for the first time in awhile. It was a refreshing feeling, to say the least. Also, I was glad I didn’t have any hair on my head to wash … my beard takes up enough shampoo as it is.

When I finally got out of the shower I felt like I was missing something in life … though at the same time something was different from how I remembered it. I used to hate getting out of the shower because the cold air always nipped at you after being doused in hot water. In that bathroom though … there was no cold air; it was as though I had merely turned the shower’s temperature down a little. Let’s say that it was another thing that made me want to stay in that world … though not a big enough reason.

So with a towel wrapped around my waist, I poked my head out the door to see if the two had left, which they already did. So I decided to get changed, but in this situation I needed to get my clothes cleaned. That and possibly patched up, which meant I would need to find someone that could work on rather short notice … I’d have to look.

So I got dressed in my backup pants and a shirt I kept from all the way back then. Even two decades later, it still had little wear and tear to it. It was the only band t-shirt that Kreator sold on their tour. The shirt pictured a demon, that Kreator often used, standing in front of a demonic looking background, while it held the Canadian flag. So many good memories all woven in the fabric of that shirt. I still have it, mind you, but it feels nostalgic nonetheless.

I checked in the mirror and felt like I was missing so much, though that was also true because I was no longer wearing my standard gear and flak jacket. That could be remedied quickly.

So I slipped my body armor over me, and strapped my ammo belt on. Essentially everything that I normally carried, minus my packs, was back on. Also I decided to forgo the hat for the time being since my head needed a little bit of a tan.

When I decided to look back into the mirror, it wasn’t like looking at a survivor anymore. I looked like the typical jackass hired merc. You know the type that was always shown in movies? The ones that are portrayed as complete badasses, yet they are either the bad guy or they get easily killed? Yeah, I nearly laughed myself into a fit at the sight.

I didn’t really care though, this was so I could get my clothes cleaned, not try to look like a pretentious douchebag.

So I shouldered my jacket, shirt, pants, socks, and underwear and made my way out of my room. Luckily for me, it was at this time that the rest were coming down the hall to their rooms, which were apparently next to mine.

“Woah dude, looking pretty rad there,” Rainbow said as she zipped over, “didn’t know you were so ripped! Bet I could still tak- holy Celestia!”

I gave her an odd look from behind my glasses, why was she freaking out all of a sudden? I looked over to the rest, who had quickly gotten over to see what was wrong, but as they approached they all took on rather horrified looks as well. Well, Fluttershy and Pinkie looked horrified; Pinkie to the point her hair was deflating … literally. Twilight had a face that was more in line with someone who was curious as to what they were seeing … or as to the reason. Applejack had her eyes open a little and gave a sharp whistle as she looked my arms up and down, while Rarity had fainted, though she had also grabbed my clothes in her magic before fainting. My guess was the reaction was to my clothes. Gilda and Trixie were the more calm out of the group but Trixie had a very similar face to Twilight’s, while Gilda looked a little bit distant.

“Seriously, what is with you ponies? First Shining and Cadance do this, now you all? What are you shocked about?” I asked, becoming a little impatient at the constant reactions of horror.

“Your … your … arms,” Pinkie managed to blurt out despite her nearing the brink of tears. I looked down at them to find … my arms. Nothing special, no abnormalities, just my arms. Hell, they got to see my tattoos, but I don’t see why that was a big deal.

“And?”

“And? Dude; can’t you see?! What happened to your arms?” Dash said from her position in the air. Once again I looked down at them to find nothing of issue, so I decided to look over at Gilda, who didn’t have as big of a reaction, but her eyes showed concern.

“Anyone got any clue what is going on, because I’m lost,” I asked. She took a moment longer to look at the group who were wincing in some way, or in Fluttershy’s and Pinkie’s case, nearly crying. Eventually she looked back at me.

“The scars … it’s the scars,” she said.

Part of me let out a massive ‘oh’ in understanding, but at the same time it amazed me that this reaction was because of some scars on my arms. I had scars all over my body; it’s what happens in life on a apocalyptic world, so I was still confused why it was such a big deal.

No, I’m not going to show you, but I guess I might as well tell you. Prior to The Reckoning, there were hardly any scars on my body; just a few, no more than an average guy really. After two decades of brutal survival? Well, you could say that the amount of scars shot through the roof. I only had three sections of my body that had bad scarring. First was my chest because you can only take so many blasts and firefights without getting numerous scars. Most of it was from before I found my current body armor, but still, it was easily visible. The other two places were actually the two places they could see.

Both of my arms had gotten beat up through my journeys. You accidently fail to dodge a knife slash and you’ve gotten one scar. You use your arms to shield your face from something … another scar. Break a bone in your arm, good chance of another scar. Those first two happened often compared to the broken bone one … that only happened once. Still, I had intersecting scars running up and down my arms.

No, not that intense, you nitwit. They intersected a few times but for the most part, the scars just took up small portions of my arm. Sure, they were noticeable, but I didn’t think they were worthy of such attention.

“So what? They’re scars. You live long enough and do dangerous enough stuff, you get them,” I said, all the while wondering why I was still standing there, letting a fainted or should I say ‘fainted’ Rarity hold my clothes in her magic.

“But … but,” Pinkie said. I crouched a little and looked them all in the eye.

“I’m going to be a little crass with how I put this, but you have to understand it from how I think of it. To me, these are nothing more than signs that I am still alive, so when I look at them, only one thing comes to mind. Shit happens,” I said before tussling the pink pony’s mane. “I still walk and breathe in front of you, so these scars are hardly important.”

“Don’t they hurt though?” Fluttershy asked a little timidly. “I mean … if you want to … um talk about it.”

“Nah, they’re really old at this point … well, most of them. Either way, they don’t hurt; never have really,” I said with a shrug. This seemed to cause Pinkie to completely rebound from her ‘flatness.’

“Phew, for a second there I was afraid you were hurting! I don’t like seeing my friends hurting because that means they are in pain and if they are pain then something’s wrong, and if something’s wrong the-” Pinkie said before Applejack put a hoof in her mouth, cutting her off from continuing whatever she was saying.

Yes, I knew what she was saying … how else could I retell you it? I just didn’t know what she was saying after the hoof was stuffed in her mouth.

“Right, now that that’s out of the way, anyone mind telling me why Rarity is holding my clothes and still fainted?” I asked, pointing over to the unicorn that had fainted onto a couch. Yes, a fucking couch of all things. How it got there? I don’t fucking know. It baffled me but was hardly the most important things.

“Naw, ole’ Rares ain’t fainted. She’s just being dramatic and such,” Applejack said as she removed her hoof from Pinkie’s mouth, who had stopped talking just before she did that. “Watch.”

She went over to Rarity, and stood beside her before clearing her throat. “Princess Luna and Twi are secretly gettin’ hitched!”

“What!?” Rarity jumped up in pure shock, only to find the group around her slightly chuckling at what had just happened. She looked down from the couch to see Applejack holding back a snicker. “That was not very nice, darling.”

“Why are you holding onto my clothes?” I asked, rather serious despite the giggling of the ponies.

“Oh … um, I figured that you were getting rid of your garish clothes from before. I’d be happy to make something for you! It would be a fantastic challenge for me, and you would finally have something marvelous to wear!” she said with a little too much drama.

“Yeah, no thanks. I’m trying to find a place to wash them and then patch up some spots. I’m not the best at needle work, or I would do it by myself … already learned it’s better to let someone else work the needle,” I said, barely mumbling that last part. They didn’t need to know that I wasn’t referring to clothes for that.

“You. Want. To. Keep. These?” Rarity asked through a strained voice.

“Practicality over fashion … darling,” I said with a little flair to make fun of her word choice. She merely rolled her eyes while the rest giggled.

“Hmph. Well, I was thinking of helping you, but I’m not sure anymore,” Rarity said as she turned her head away from me. As expected, she was trying to bait me into falling for her trap of allowing her to make my clothes.

“Nah, it’s okay. I think I saw some stores that do repairs. I’ve still got Gilda’s bits-”

“Hey!”

“-So I’m good for a bit,” I said, ignoring Gilda’s protest. She’d get them and more back, I just needed to use them for a bet. I was already thinking up an idea that I could use to gain a good amount of money.

Rarity’s eyes narrowed in a rather vicious death glare at what I was implying. Sure, she had known me first, but if she was going to play this game, I was willing to go around her and to other businesses just to spite her.

“Oh no, you don’t. I will have these clothes washed and sewn up, like they were brand new! You don’t even have to pay, just let me take your measurements,” Rarity said with an air of finality, as though it was her final offer.

“Well, I’m leaving tomorrow so I need everything done today … and I need to do some stuff as well before I leave,” I said, not realising the mistake I was making by saying that.

Instead of Rarity, the rest of the group burst in, by yelling a rather synchronised “What?!”

“Oh, yeah … I decided that I’m going to wander around or something till Purple Smart’s done with the statue,” I said with a shrug.

There were a lot of comments coming from the ponies, but I couldn’t get a bearing on any of them specifically. They rambled for a second before Twilight spoke up, “Girls! Quiet!”

That got them to stop except Pinkie, who finished off with, “And that’s how John Cena made Equestria!”

Don’t bother asking. I just filled it away as if I never heard it. Yep, I’m pretty sure that was an improvised line.

“We were planning on leaving as well, since we can’t stay in Canterlot forever,” Twilight said towards me. “Would you at least come back to Ponyville before you go?”

“Ehh, why not. Stock up on supplies and stuff,” I said with a shrug.

“Perfect! We can get everything sorted out and you can even allow Rarity to take measurements,” Twilight said. Yay, right?

“Then it’s settled! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find some gullible guards,” I said before turning and walking away, but as I turned, I noticed one last thing: it was Gilda looking a little more than sad.

“Hey, Gilda; want to come along? We can get some drinks after if we make the right bets,” I offered to her. That seemed to perk her up a little as she limped her way towards me. I noticed she wasn’t wearing my splint on her foreleg anymore. I wanted to ask, but I chalked it up to the doctors or at least some sort of skilled practitioner.

We walked down the hallway for a bit before I decided to break the silence. “So what did you get up to today?”

“Nothing much, really,” she said casually. “Got the splint removed, then got a tour of Canterlot. It was bucking boring.”

“Eh, I kind of know what you mean,” I said. “Though I thought the Equestrian Museum of Natural History was pretty cool.”

She looked disappointed at me for a second. Of course, she probably still had reservations about doing stuff that she thought was lame; that was probably the reason she was giving me such a queer look.

“Hey, don’t give me that look. I might be a fucking badass but I’m as much of a dork at times as Purple Smart,” I said, raising my hands in defense as I gave her a grin. She merely shook her head and chuckled a little at me.

We kept walking until we finally found an exit that would hopefully lead us closer to the guards’ training ground. I remembered the way, but not from inside the castle.

“So, what’s your plan to get my bits back?” she asked as we exited the castle into the eastern gardens or whatever they were called. Not paying much attention to her question, I realized I knew my way to the training ground the moment we got outside. It was the same route I took the first time, and hopefully I would see some familiar faces or something. Though in retrospect, why I even assumed that was beyond me, considering they all looked the same.

Annoyed at me not having answered her question, Gilda decided to wait until we got to the training grounds.

“So are you going to tell me what your plan is?” she asked, obviously a little irritated I didn’t answer her the first time.

“The ‘plan’ is resting on my back right now,” I said with a smirk. She gave a small ‘oh’ before grinning as well. She didn’t know my skill but she must have realised that I was going to play off their naivety with weapons or something along those lines.

Eventually, we found our way to the Officer’s Club with not a single pony stopping us, surprisingly enough. I would have thought that at least one pony or another would have realised that neither of us were a part of the guard. In fact, I found it weird that a few ponies had given me a nod as we passed by. Huh.

I pushed open the doors to the Officer’s Club to see that it was surprisingly full of ponies; not just bat ponies, but also regular ponies that were not all fucking white! In fact, there was a myriad of colours, yet they all wore that golden armour that all the guards wore. I stared for a few moments before deciding to just shrug it off and file it under ‘Magical Bullshit.’

“Hey, Ryan! Over here,” I heard from to my right. I looked over to see two ponies who I had no clue who they were, but the voice I heard was familiar. There was a pegasus that was white with dappled grey from what I could see. His mane was a black mohawk that reminded me of some sort of punk rocker, though not as bad … at least it wasn’t neon green or something. The other pony was a unicorn that had a darker red coat and a rather sharp orange mane. Truly ponies were of every type of colour.

“Do I know you two?” I asked rather bluntly as I made my way over to them.

They looked at each other before a spark of realisation flickered in their eyes and they laughed. The pegasus was the first to speak after the laughter. “Yeah, it’s us; Wind Shear and Sigil!”

I would never had guessed it was them. I had to actually do a double take before finally sitting down, Gilda pulling up a seat beside me. “Well, I wouldn’t have believed my eyes … and here I thought you all were white.”

“Nah, just a guard enchantment on the helmets,” Sigil said before taking a sip of his beer. “So what brings you to the bar … and who’s this griffon?”

“Oh right. Gilda, this is Wind Shear and Sigil. They were my main conspirators in my prank on Luna,” I said before turning to them. “Wind Shear, Sigil, this is Gilda, the first one to find me when I came to this world.”

They exchanged pleasantries before a waiter came around asking if we wanted anything. I just asked for water, while Gilda asked for some ale. It earned a funny look from the two guards.

“No alcohol right now, I need to keep my head on my shoulders if I want to make some money,” I said to them, which caught their attention more than the lack of alcohol being ordered on my part. They opened their mouths to ask, but I cut them off before they could. “I owe Gilda some bits, so I figured that I can make some money off bets … non-alcoholic ones. Know any ponies willing to take a bet on target practice? Preferably ones who don’t realise the bet is lost from the start?”

I gave them a wolfish grin at the mention of what I was doing. I didn’t mind getting them in on the whole thing, as long as in the end I came out with more bits than I really needed. The only real question was whether they were going to help, or they were only going to watch.

“Gullible types? I think we can help,” Wind Shear said with a smirk.

“For a price?” I asked with a raised brow. There had to be a catch.

“Nah, we already extorted you earlier,” Sigil said with a dismissive wave of his hoof. “Besides, the ponies I’m thinking of need to be put in their place.”

“Yeah, just give us a few minutes. But how do you want to play this?” Wind Shear asked.

“Boasting. Tell them some false story about me saying I could out range any unicorn or guard. Something to that effect, I trust you two to play it up enough to get some bets. Make sure it’s specifically about range or accuracy … or both,” I stated before a thought crossed my mind that I was a little curious about. “Wait … do you guys have crossbows or anything? I mean, I’m using a gun … you do know what those are right?”

“Yeah, we have crossbows, we do know what guns are, though you won’t find any here. And don’t worry, we’ll round the ponies up; you just have to prove them wrong,” Wind Shear said, before hammering back his beer and departing the table. Sigil followed behind him.

“Think you’ve got a chance?” Gilda asked, a little skeptical of my plan.

“Listen, even if they make me use a crossbow, I can still shoot well enough. I don’t have a lot of practice with a crossbow but I know the math behind the arrow,” I said with a grin. That wasn’t a lie, either. It wasn’t something that was drilled into my head, or that I really needed to know, but I was taught it by this Russian in Siberia. When you run out of bullets, you resort to something easier to create. “As long as range is involved I’m one of the best from my world, if not the best.”

Still untested, so I can still claim it.

So Gilda and I drank for a little bit, in almost complete silence until finally Wind Shear and Sigil came back to the table, a group of ten plus ponies behind them.

“Ready to lose your bits?” Wind Shear asked with a wink.

“You should be asking them that,” I said, pointing to the group, as I stood up. Yeah, we had to act a little to make sure they didn’t figure out that I was playing them.

So we went outside, the group having gotten a little larger, probably due to some overhearing the bet. I was hoping Wind Shear wasn’t going to fuck me over in some way, shape, or form. He was essentially setting the whole thing up, so I had to trust that he knew what he was doing. When we exited the bar, the group of four from earlier came trotting up. How the bat ponies were still awake despite pulling night shifts was beyond me.

“What’s going on here?” Shining, who was at the helm of the group, asked. I only then noticed that there was actually a fifth with them, specifically, Cadance. Huh, wonder what she was doing with them.

“Nothing, Sir!” Wind Shear and the rest said in a garbled mess of replies. He didn’t buy it for a second, instead looking up to me with an expectant expression. I was taking a gamble by telling the truth about it, but I had nothing to lose.

“Some of your guard think they are better at target practice than me,” I replied cooly.

“Really? Well don’t let me stop you from humiliating yourself. In fact I want to see how badly the Guard beats you!” Shining said with a boastful manner that seemed odd coming from him. My guess was that either he was secretly really competitive or that he had something planned.

I shrugged in reply, before following the group once more, this time over to what looked like their ‘firing range.’ It wasn’t anything special, dividers in between stalls, with dummy pony-shaped targets at the end that were positioned so the side was facing us. Well it was just the general shape of a four legged creature. I didn’t really care as to what they were supposed to be.

“Hey, can I have a second to adjust?” I asked Wind Shear, who was guiding everyone around to sitting areas. He simply looked at me for a second before nodding.

I pulled my M110 off my back, and flipped the bipod open before unloading it completely and setting it on the ground. I needed to fix it with its stock sound suppressor before I could fire it. I didn’t want there to be that loud of a sound in a city … might cause some minor panic or something like that.

The suppressor was merely an extension of the barrel; really, all I had to do was unscrew the flash suppressor at the end, and then slip the sound suppressor over the barrel and attach it to the railing at the end. Very easy.

When I went into the prone position, I could feel a few curious stares at me, but I shrugged them off. I paused for a second, expecting to feel the breeze, but the dividers that were in between each stall made it nearly impossible. I really hoped Gilda was still next to me.

“What’s the breeze, Gilda?” I asked casually, not even looking away from the scope.

“Easterly, at seven kilometers,” she said as though she was reading a script. “We’re also facing east.”

“Thanks, I said before adjusting for the stated wind variations. I really hoped that my scope had kept its original adjustments. The running earlier could have easily thrown it off, the only bad thing about having it on your back when carrying it.

I didn’t aim for a target, instead looking at the dirt mound behind the targets, aiming for a specific section that had a little bit of grass in it. A direct hit meant that I was good to go, if not, then I needed to adjust.

Breath in, breath out. Nice and calm. Small tension. Faint pop.

On target.

The ponies wouldn’t know what hit them. I stood back up, with my rifle still occupying its spot on the ground. I just needed to wait until the bets and everything else were cleared. So I waited patiently, Horizon coming over to me during the time where Wind Shear was taking bets and the challenges. Gilda made sure to get in and place our bet, which was nearly all of what I had left out of her original sum.

“What are you trying to pull?” Horizon asked me with a suspicious eye.

“Nothing, just trying to win some money,” I asked nonchalantly, trying to not give away the game.

“Sure, you are … you’re not taking my money. I can see it by what you just did there. Those idiots in the Solar Guard didn’t see it but I did,” Horizon said with a smirk that showed off his fangs. “Take ‘em for they’re worth.”

“I will … and I’m not playing a game. I’m just good,” I said with an equally large smirk. He laughed and headed back to his fellow bat ponies. I watched as he whispered something to them, which caused Candlelight’s eyes to go wide before she seemed to stuff a bag back under her armour.

“Human, you ready?” Wind Shear came over to me.

“Yeah, what’s the game and whose challenging?” I asked simply.

“Straight Lance here says he can hit the target at maximum distance. One hundred and fifty meters. One shot. Tough thing to accomplish,” he said simply. I looked over to Straight Lance, who was a light blue unicorn with a silvery mane. He had that overly confident smirk on his face that braggarts usually had.

“Does he know what I’m using? Moreover, do they know?” I asked.

“I told them you were using a gun, and they just laughed. I mean, I nearly did when you told me as well … they’re hardly a match for a spell,” he said dismissively. That time I could tell he wasn’t acting.

“Sure, whatever. If we both hit, how do we tell who won?” I asked.

“Based on killshots. Our Lord General here has volunteered to officiate. Once one of you have fired from the position, Lord General Armor will teleport down there and check the results,” he said as he gestured to Shining Armor who was sitting beside his wife. Apparently they did this often since there was a set of bleachers.

“Alright. Let him fire first,” I said before leaning over the divider. Lance was two dividers away, preparing with whatever a unicorn would do before firing a spell. I don’t know, I’m not a pony so I have no clue. “Oh, and what’re the odds?”

“Against you, that’s all you need to know. Lance is one of the best shots in the Solar Guard right now,” Wind Shear said before trotting over to Lance.

“Sure he is,” I mumbled.

“Ready?” I heard Wind Shear say to Lance, who replied with an affirmative. I didn’t even bother to watch what was going to happen. It would only serve as a distraction.

I heard a faint crackling before a loud zap. A few seconds passed after the sound before I heard a rather loud pop, most likely Shining going to check. It sounded much like when Twilight teleported earlier. A few moments later it was followed by another pop, and Shining was back.

“Direct hit! Barrel shot, tore through the upper chest cavity. Dead within moments,” Shining said a little too cheerfully. Good shot apparently.

The crowd cheered and jeered me at the reaction, while Lance gave a rather victorious smirk. I didn’t reply with anything, instead picking up my rifle and moving to the stall he had been in. On the move over, I looked to see Horizon and Candlelight beaming at me.

“Get set up,” Wind Shear said as I made my way into that stall. I simply placed the rifle on the ground, went prone and was ready within moments.

“Good to go,” I said, one hand on the grip and the other on my stock, my breathing already slowed.

“Clear the target!” I heard him yell. I looked down the scope to the target that had a black mark in the area that Shining had described. In the amount of time it took to blink, a new target was in there, the other one having completely vanished.

Magic, am I right?

“Ready?” I heard Wind Shear say from behind me.

“Ready,” I replied steadily. I didn’t expect a second confirmation. Instead, I simply placed the crosshairs on the target’s head.

Breathe in, breathe out. Nice and calm, muscles relaxed. Small tension on the trigger. Faint pop.

All they saw was the dirt kick up behind them. Well that’s all I expected them to see. The silence behind me was deafening. It’s an expression.

Shining did his teleport thing, while I got out of my crouch, grabbing the lone shell casing on the ground. The teleport was louder than my shot, thank god. The reverse would have been true if my suppressor wasn’t attached. Shortly after, Shining reappeared back with the group.

“Direct hit … headshot. Dead instantly … Ryan wins,” he said with a little bit of disappointment. The crowd was stunned, but Wind Shear still went around and collected the bits that were being forked out. I packed up my weapon while watching him walk through the group. He brought the bits back to a table that I didn’t notice was sitting in front of the bleachers. He proceeded to count them out.

“House takes its cut. Sigil takes forty bits. Gilda takes a hundred and sixty bits. Star Luck takes twenty bits. Finally, Princess Cadance takes forty bits,” he counted out before hoofing over the bits to the respective parties. More than a few ponies gawked at Princess Cadance. I was interested as well, especially over the fact that she’d bet on me. Though I wasn’t interested enough to say. I didn’t expect Wind Shear to garner that much interest in the bet that in one take we were well into the black.

That means a positive monetary gain, by the way.

“Gentlemen,” I said before Gilda and I walked away. I was good for the day, and I didn’t need to be around possibly angry ponies.

Once Gilda and I were out of the training grounds, she broke the silence. “You could make a lot of bits doing this.”

“It’s a waste of ammo,” I simply replied.

“Well, make more! Seriously, we could be rich if we did this often enough,” Gilda said, apparently feeling the weight that the added bits had given her coin purse.

“Unless you have refined gunpowder, bullet primers that fit a seven six two by fifty one round, and access to a blacksmith or something that can make me copper bullets that fit the casing perfectly, we’re not going to be doing this again,” I deadpanned.

She didn’t respond at first, instead coming to the realisation that there was more to my weapon than she thought. That caused a sheepish look to appear on her face.

“Don’t worry about it, Gilda,” I said, cutting her off from having to say something. Whether or not she was going to say something was irrelevant, but I figured I might as well stop her from apologizing if she was going to. “I think it’s about supper time. Let’s see if we can get an early supper of something.”

We walked for a little bit longer, passing the gardens and back into the door we had originally come out of. Once again it was in relative silence but … once again, Gilda broke it.

“So, you’re leaving tomorrow?” she asked me, a little hesitant.

“Yeah. I don’t like staying in one place for too long. Feels weird, you know?” I replied. She didn’t answer right away, instead taking time to think about it. Well, at least that’s what she looked like she was doing. Couldn’t really tell.

“Can I come with you?” she asked, shocking me completely. I was a little blindsided by the statement. I hadn’t expected her to want to come with after she had become friends with Dash again. Hell, it was only a day after they had made up!

“Why would you want to follow me? You have Dash now,” I said, more than a little shock slipping into my voice. “You’d follow an old man you barely know instead of your best friend?”

“Shut up, dweeb,” she mumbled, not even remotely answering my question. It took her a second to find the words, but she eventually continued. “I just feel like it’s something I should do. Despite everything, I just feel I should follow you … and keep you from getting in trouble.”

I laughed at that last line. “Keep me from trouble … ha! You have a better chance at finding alien life!“

Yes I know, ironically bad example … but you get what I mean. Hell, even you all understand that my life is just full of stuff that happens no matter what. I’ve been getting into trouble the moment that society broke down. So it made little sense that she could keep me from such a situation.

“Yes, I know, Gilda … bad example. Think about what you’re saying though. You have a lot in front of you, and you want to waste it by following an aging human around your world?”

She gave it some thought, never breaking stride. I thought she was going to answer an immediate ‘yes’ much like many people who fully believe in what they were saying. It gave me hope that Gilda would see reason and instead stay where she had a chance at building a decent life, instead of being on the move for who knew how long.

“Yes,” she said. “Despite how much of a dick you are … you need me. You wouldn’t survive for long without me.”

That earned a laugh from both of us, but once she was finished laughing she gave me a hard stare to drive home the fact that she wasn’t kidding. I didn’t understand why she wanted to do it, but I wasn’t going to stop her. This was not my choice, no matter how much I wanted it to be.

“Fine, but you have to clear things up with Dash before we leave. As in, put everything out in the open. Capiche?” I asked. She looked confused at the last word. “It means okay.”

“Fine, I will,” she said finally. That at least put my mind to ease on one thing.

I know I haven’t really addressed it, but even though I had only been around her for a while, she reminded me too much of someone that was close to me a long time ago. Much like her weird feeling to follow me on my trip, I felt a strange feeling to make sure I could protect her when I could. Maybe it was some fatherly thing that develops when you get older, and I was old enough, but I felt as though I was more of a guardian for her than just a random stranger in her life. It was probably the first time I had ever felt something like that.

Sure, there were times I realised I had to protect someone to the fullest extent I could, but never had I felt a connection like I did with Gilda. Looking back, I blame magic … what else could it have been? Nothing should develop that fast.

Nothing.

Nothing …

Oh … sorry. Got lost in thought there for a second. Hmm, let’s see; oh yes, I remember where I was now.

It didn’t take us long to make it to the dining room, though when we arrived, we found out that we were the first ones there. The room was surprisingly daunting when it was empty, but that was probably because of the fucking gold table. It’s mind shattering to think that something so precious back home was rather common on Equestria. I mean, it had to be in order to have bits made of gold and not have it be much of a big deal. I could only imagine what else would have been common for them.

Unfortunately, with us being so early, there was no waiter that would come and take our meals. It was unlucky, really, since that meant we had to wait an undetermined amount of time to order any food whatsoever. So we just opted to sit down and wait. Let’s just say that it felt like a long time to wait.

Long enough that I eventually found myself stretching out on the table itself. I had to admit that I felt lighter without all of my jackets and stuff bearing down on my body. I made a mental note to remember to do that more often, though only when I could … which has been never since returning. Just not enough times where I’m truly safe from harm. Sure, I had my weapons still on me, but my jacket carried many other useful items for potential unexpected situations.

“You ever get the feeling that someone, somewhere is pissed off at you?” I ask out loud, doing nothing more than staring at the ceiling.

“Does it count if you know someone is pissed at you?” Gilda replied, countering my point.

“Touche,” I say before the main door swung open with a small creak. They really needed to oil that door … it had hardly been noticeable earlier, but it was getting progressively worse as the day wore on.

I didn’t move from my spot or even look over at the door; I was in the middle of counting the stylized moons and suns on the ceiling. Let me tell you, there was an absolute fuck tonne. I think I was around a couple hundred or something when we were interrupted.

“What are you doing?” Trixie asked from somewhere off to my right. I didn’t bother checking where exactly.

“Waiting for the staff to realise that we’ve been out here for like ten minutes. That, or for something to happen … either one works,” I say, before resuming my counting. It had taken a lot of concentration to keep my eyes on the exact spot, and to remember my number, but I pulled it off.

“And here Trixie thought she was late,” the mare murmured to herself before pulling up a chair somewhere close to where I was laying across the table horizontally. After she got into her chair, nothing happened - just more silence as I continued to tick away the suns and moons on the ceiling. Eventually, Trixie decided to break the silence, thank god. “Where do you plan on travelling, if Trixie might ask?”

“Don’t rightfully know. I mean, I know nothing of this world, so I have no clue as to where there is to travel to. All I know is names, not places. Though I’ve always wanted to see minotaurs, so perhaps I’ll travel there. I’ve heard that … what’s the name again?”

“Tayros,” Trixie answered.

“I’ve always heard Tayros was a nice place to visit in the summer,” I said nonchalantly not really caring just how wrong that statement was.

“It isn’t summer, dweeb. Still spring, and you’ve never been to Tayros,” Gilda said, probably rolling her eyes.

“Right over your head,” I muttered before deciding that I was bored with counting those suns and moons. So I sat up, letting my legs hang off the edge of the table. I saw that Trixie had taken a seat right beside Gilda, though she still left a spot for Luna, if she decided to dine with us. “I swear that if something doesn’t happen shortly, I’m going to find the kitchen and whip something up myself.”

If you ever want something to happen, just remember to say out loud ‘nothing’s happening’ or something like that. Murphy’s law will kick in and something will happen. It’s almost completely guaranteed.

Before long, the rest of the party - including Celestia, Luna, Shining Armor, and Cadance - made their way into the dining room via the squeaky door. . Apparently Shining and Cadance were extremely close with Twilight because they were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn’t notice the human sitting on the table. Though the rest of the party did, mostly just looking at me with curious glances, Luna and Celestia giving me their best poker faces … they were fucking amazing at them by the way. Couldn’t read a single thing from them.

“Ooh! Are we having a table party?” Pinkie asked before hopping up onto the table, bouncing the entire time, yet somehow not making the table shake or anything.. “If we are, I can grab the party favours! I know I stashed some around here, somewhere …”

“No, Pinkie, we aren’t having a ‘table’ party, dear. Now please get off the table so we can eat,” Rarity said, obviously killing Pinkie’s fun. Though she was right, as long as I was sitting up on the table and getting odd glances, we’d never get food. So, with minor reluctance, I slid off the table as well.

The waiters came, took orders and went. I wanted a steak but they apparently weren’t serving that, which was unfortunate. Thankfully, they could make shrimp, which was a bonus since it had been forever since I had shrimp. So I had shrimp linguine alfredo, with a fine scotch to drink. Sure I had already downed more than enough alcohol for the day, but I felt that if they were going to offer it, I might as well take up the offer.

There was idle conversation for awhile, but that all eventually died as standard silence took up the room, much like it does whenever people run out of things to talk about. If you look long enough, you can see that everyone has something they want to say but are being polite in that they won’t talk about themselves unless asked.

“So, how do you three know each other?” I asked while gesturing at Twilight, Cadance, and Shining. “I assume it’s just a Royal thing?”

“Us?” Cadance replied before giggling. “Oh Faust, no. I used to be Twilight’s foalsitter when she was just barely old enough to walk by herself! That, and Shiny here is her BBBFF.”

I merely lowered my glasses to let them see that I was wondering what the fuck she was talking about. I mean if you heard that, would you understand without any context? Exactly.

“He’s my Big Brother Best Friend Forever!” Twilight said with some odd chipperness. Well at least it was odd to me. I simply gave an ‘ah’ in response to that before dropping the topic. It was done with for all I cared, since I got my requested information. He was her older brother, she used to be babysat by Cadance, and the nepotism ran heavily in Equestria’s rulers. All I needed to know.

When the food finally came, I was starving … well, close to starving. I hadn’t even dipped into my jerky reserves today, so I was feeling empty with only having three distinct meals. Sure, it sounds hardy, but when you get used to eating every hour or so, you start to get hungry at certain times as though your stomach was an alarm clock. Every hour without eating a little bit left me increasingly hungry.

Let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to have a decent cook make shrimp linguine Alfredo for you, do. I used to hate the taste of the creamy sauce over noodles but when you mix in the shrimp, you either forget about the sauce or come to appreciate the flavour. That and shrimp is awesome.

As I was eating my meal, I happened to catch a few looks from the rest of the ponies, specifically looks that lasted a little too long to not be nothing. They were curious about something. I figured why not ask.

“Any reason you all keep giving me glances?” I asked to the table in general.

None of them wanted to speak up at first, instead opting to look at each other or trying to focus too intensely at their food. The only one still looking at me was Luna, who had that poker face on still. It made me wonder what was going through her mind, but I was brought back to what I asked when Gilda leaned up and whispered to me.

“Lack of hair, dude,” she said. “Ponies rarely see it that bad.”

I looked at her for a second before looking over at the table in amusement. “Really? Is it the baldness? Why? I’m pretty sure you’ve already seen my head ...”

“Sorry, darling, but it’s just a little confusing. You have so much … hair on your face yet none on your head,” Rarity spoke up. At least she was willing to say something. I gave her points for that.

“Hereditary baldness, and a hereditary predisposition to facial hair. Shaved my head years ago, and kept it that way. Makes the beard stand out more,” I said while stroking my beard a little. I had never had a problem with the look, in fact I always saw it as awesome. It gave me a fear factor when in groups.

The group gave a somewhat collective ‘oh’ then returned to their food, though unsurprisingly Twilight was staring at me in fascination. I shuddered a little since I remembered that our Q and A session was cut short on my account and deep down inside, she was probably looking for more answers. That could wait or perhaps be skipped if I played it right.

So dinner went on, we finished our food, and I declined dessert much as I always do. I’ve been offered dessert often in the past, and I’ve always declined. It was a personal thing. I went through a rough time when I was younger where I would decline any possible luxuries that were offered because I felt that I didn’t deserve them …

I grew out of that phase, coming to terms that if anything, I should accept them because life is too short. The only thing that I kept up after that time was the dessert thing. Over time, I had gotten so used to never having it that it became second habit to just decline the offer … that, and I feared that if I tasted anymore fancy food from Equestria that I would never want to return home.

Of course I’m kidding about that last part. Once my mind is made up, I rarely change it, especially when it comes to trivial matters like that.

The group went back to its chattering ways when dessert was done, each pony talking about their day again or the meal itself. Everyone was talking to someone … except Celestia, Luna, and I. What their reasons were for their silence I had no clue about, but I refrained from talking just out of habit. I always preferred to listen until someone brought me into a conversation.

The talking died down enough at one point for Celestia to do just that. “So, Twilight tells me you are planning to leave Equestria.”

“Yeah,” I replied before swishing my scotch. I always drink that stuff slowly. “Figured that if it will be a month or more till I can return home, why stay in one place? I’ve got a whole world in front of me to explore.”

“Oh, where do you plan to go?” Cadance asked, jutting in.

“Tayros. At least to start. Always wanted to see a minotaur,” I said before taking a sip. “I’ve never been one to stay in a place too long.”

“Always on the run?” Celestia asked, a leading question if I’ve ever heard one … which I had heard all too often.

“Such questions are unbecoming of conversation out of a courtroom,” I said with a deadpan tone. Most of the group looked confused at the statement. I decided to somewhat answer her question in the end, though. “I enjoy new sights. Something learned from my world. Couldn’t travel without money before …”

I settled my eyes back on Celestia, who was giving me a rather icy stare for that statement. Not my fault; she was the one trying to imply something by putting words in my mouth. If she didn’t want that type of response, she should have asked better questions.

“I’ll be going with him,” Gilda chirped in during the silence. I don’t know why she decided to speak up, but perhaps it was to break the building tension. It was a horrible attempt. A horrible, horrible attempt.

Probably the worse attempt in history.

Maybe in all of time.

I think that’s a safe bet.

“What!?” Dash yelled from her spot across the table before leaping up into the air, her face a mixture of pure rage and shock. She came zooming over to our side; if I didn’t force my hand to stay down, I would have reacted somehow. I don’t remember the exact direction my hand was moving but it was either to my pistol or to cold clock her in the head.

“Yeah, I’ve decided to go with him,” Gilda said in response.

“But why?! I just got you back and you’re leaving! How come you chose him over me? Did he brainwash you or something?!”

“Woah now, Dash. Calm down,” I said trying to be peaceful in this situation.

“How could you do this to me!?” she yelled at me, spittle hitting my face. “Do you understand how much she means to me?!”

“Yes I-” I didn’t get to finish before something unexpected happened.

“Shut up!” she yelled before letting a hoof fly, catching me in the left cheek with a sharp right hook.

She had surprising power behind that small frame because it knocked me and my chair onto the ground. Hell, I was seeing fucking stars and my jaw felt out of place. Not the first time for either but I was in daze from the unexpected attack. Hell, my hearing had disappeared or something because, all I heard from behind me was muffled sounds. Nothing recognisable but by the loudness of said muffled sounds, something was happening.

While down on my knees, I managed to orient myself enough to at least push my jaw back into place. It gave a sharp click and I hissed in pain as a response. Like I said, it wasn’t the first time, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to have it knocked out of place. Oh, and yes there is a little bit of difference between fully dislocating it and what happened. Imagine a ball and socket. Dislocating would have it completely out of the socket … this was more like it wasn’t sitting in the bottom, instead up one of the sides.

So yeah, still painful but I had to give it to her. She had actually caught me unaware, which wasn’t something I was used to anymore.

I poked a finger into my ear to try and pop it and get my hearing back, but it wasn’t of any use. So I figured I might as well just get back into my seat, or at least stand up and let them know I was fine, since not a soul had surrounded me since I went down, just more muffled sounds. I shook my head and blinked a few times before utilizing the table as leverage.

When I got off my knees, my hearing suddenly returned, allowing me to hear the full shouting match that was going on. I’m not going to describe it since it was still a little confusing, but essentially almost all parties at the table were yelling at something or another. Mainly it was an argument between Gilda and Dash, but I could see Cadance and Shining trying to intervene, while Rarity held Fluttershy, who was shaking … and Pinkie as well who was shocked and shaking slightly as well. Applejack and Twilight were apparently going at it as well, but I think what took me for some surprise was the fact that Luna and Celestia were just sitting there watching.

I made eye contact with Celestia, who kept that poker face, and though I wanted to be angry at her, I realised that she wasn’t to blame. Hell, not even Rainbow was to blame.

Yeah, yeah, I know. ‘But she clocked you one’ you say in shock. Yeah, well she had a fucking bomb dropped on her by Gilda, so I wasn’t too surprised. Though that didn’t mean I didn’t have some anger to release … fucking adrenaline or whatever.

I made my move to get this whole situation under control. Ryan style.

“Everyone of you retarded fuckwits, shut the fuck up and sit your asses back down or I will ensure you never walk again,” I roared at the top of my lungs. It took me back to the two years spent coaching high school baseball. They only listened to yelling that was louder than them. All the ponies, minus the two diarchs, and the sole griffon suddenly became very quiet. Hell, even Shining was looking at me with quiet patience. If my head wasn’t still spinning a little I would have smiled, but it still was. “Good, you fucking done with your yelling matches?”

A few nods came in reply.

“Great, just fucking great. I think it’s my turn to tell you all to just listen,” I said at a much more reasonable volume. “Going to make this plain and simple. I’m not pissed at you, Dash, though I have every right to be. But in the future, calm your fucking nerves and learn some control. Gilda, you’ve got to talk your peace to whoever needs to hear it. The rest of you, I have no clue why you were arguing, but how successful was it? Whatever. Oh! Finally, you two diarchs … yeah, great moderating or whatever sitting in your chairs was. Now excuse me, I’m going to find that hospital again … think I blacked out there for a moment.”

With that, I made my way a little shakily out of the dining room, thankfully to find a pair of guards outside the room. Why they hadn’t moved at the commotion was beyond me, but it wasn’t my place to berate them on that. Instead I did ask if one of them could take me to the hospital. One of them agreed a little hesitantly, but either way I was on my way to the hospital.

Every couple of steps my vision swam a little before returning to focus. Dash really had hit me hard, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if I had a concussion.

Spoiler alert, I had a minor one.

The nurse from earlier wasn’t working, but either way I was examined and told that at least by pony symptoms I had a concussion. I asked what pony symptoms were, and she essentially listed off the same things humans look for but with a few added ones.

So yeah, I had to take it rather easy for the next little bit, and also not sleep or be woken up often that night. For good measure, she said. Ehh, I’ve gone longer without sleep so what was one night.

Eventually she dismissed me, after she made sure I completely understood what she was talking about; understandable really ... though she didn’t have to go over it a second time. Of course, because she decided to do that, I purposely repeated her statements with the exact opposite of what she was trying to tell me. She gave me a smirk before shooing me off. I didn’t even get my head wrapped! I wanted to be Bald Snake, the fourth ‘son’ of Big Boss. Ha.

...

Awesome! At least someone knows Metal Gear. If you stick around for the entire thing, you’ll hear a few more lines that will make you laugh!

I was lucky that the guard was waiting for me because if he had left I would have been lost. I still wasn’t up to snuff really, and if I couldn’t easily navigate the corridors while normal, what hope did I have when I was concussed?

Though I had a thought as he was walking me back to my room. If I wasn’t going to sleep tonight, I might as well get a decent view of the city and night sky later on.

“Is there somewhere high enough to would allow me to look over the city?” I asked to the guard. Nameless guard number eight or so … not actually, but it’s funny to think of them as such. Anyways, number eight replied that he could take me to the observatory.

“Well, what are we waiting for? High Ho Silver!” I yelled before lightly jogging forward. Now it would have been a good move if we hadn’t been at a T intersection and our turn was supposed to be right. So I had to jog back and actually follow the guard. I regretted nothing just because of the confusion the guard showed for a split second.

Long story short, the guard deposited me in front of the observatory before heading off back to his duty. I was greeted by an unwanted, yet familiar sight. In front of the doors were three bat ponies. Two were completely unfamiliar, but the third was the one bat pony that you don’t want to really run into.

“Hey! if it isn’t my favourite human!” Candlelight said as she trotted over to me. See, the guard had actually just left me at the top of the stairs, not bothering to actually get me inside. It wouldn’t have helped anyways.

“Only human,” I corrected before giving her a rather warm smile in return. Despite what I just said, she was actually one of the coolest ponies I had met.

“Semantics! What brings you up here? If you came to visit little old me, I’m sorry to say but I don’t swing that way,” she said, never losing that grin.

“Yes, I came up all this way just to get into your metaphorical pants. I guess I’m just all out of luck. The only pony that I wanted to bone and she turns out to be all about pussy,” I said with a lighthearted deadpan tone.

“Really? You wouldn’t even buck Princess Cadance? Or Princess Luna?” she asked, either buying that statement or going along with it. “Hmm, well I guess it would be a big buck you to all the stallions … and I could claim I bucked an alien! Let’s do it!”

“Wait wha-” I managed to get out before she turned around and trotted forward a little before pausing. She looked back over her shoulder, eyelids halfway before she flagged her tail.

Flagged means raised, morons.

Yep, my only reaction was to facepalm just enough to cover my eyes. I think I also groaned a little, but that only because I smacked myself in the face. I was still sore on that side and everything.

Of course the response to that was obvious. Candlelight burst out laughing like there was no tomorrow. I even peaked between my fingers to see her actually rolling on the floor. It was a true R-O-F-L. Otherwise known as ‘roll on the floor laughing.’ I simply shook my head and sighed in response, then proceeded to make my way past the laughing Candlestick and into the observatory.

I wasn’t feeling good enough to fully deal with that shit. Hell, even if I was healthy enough, I don’t think I would have wanted to deal with that. I merely wanted to sit somewhere nice and stare at something that wasn’t small enough to give me a headache … so no reading, unfortunately. Thankfully the answer to my wants was presented to me the moment I entered the observatory.

It was a three-level room that had shelves lining the sides of both levels. On the far side of the room was a massive glass window that allowed one to see out over Canterlot and the like. The design of the place was cool in that half of the first level was in an open area. It’s tough to explain, but think of it like this. The second level only covered half of the first, with stairs being directly ahead of me. There was a small second level ring that ran the outer rim of the room, but other than that at least half of the first floor wasn’t covered.

Finally, I could see the third floor doing the same thing to the second floor, but it only held a large telescope instead. It truly was a beautiful design for a room. And I probably butchered it for all of you … sorry.

I decided to check out the second floor, because I could easily see the first and the third look liked it was just made for the telescope. Which, might I remind you, was one fucking big telescope.

As I approached the stairs, the sounds of hooves coming up from behind in a slow trot reminded me that there was a pony that was probably going to laugh at me for the little stunt.

“So what brings you up here anyway? Not that I mind really, since you’ve made my shift awesome already,” Candlelight asked as she followed me up the stairs. I waited till the top to answer her.

“Not allowed to sleep tonight so I needed some place to relax and that’s away from others,” I said as I looked around to see what there was to do. Thankfully, I noticed that there was a couple of cushy-looking chairs in front of the big window. The view alone was probably worth putting the chairs there. Every once in awhile you find a chair that looks like it has a set purpose in life. Some are simple office chairs, others are tricked out gaming chairs. You had bean bag chairs for chilaxing and you had sofas just to lay across and do nothing. These chairs - these tall red, intricately carved chairs - were reading chairs. There was no other purpose in their meaningless existence as far as I was concerned.

“Really? How come?” Candlelight asked, a little bit of concern actually making its way into her voice. It was weird hearing that gruff voice show some concern.

“Got sucker punched by the walking talking rainbow after some stupid conversation pieces in the dining room. Got a minor concussion, no big deal really, but I figured instead of laying around in my boring room, might as well catch a view and attempt to read a book if the small print don’t make my eyes hurt,” I said as I walked to one of the chairs, tracing the curves of the thing before sitting down and letting off a deep sigh. It was amazing to sit on. “How come you’re still up? Didn’t you sleep at all?”

“I do not know what this ‘sleep’ is. I’m in the Lunar Guard for Luna’s sake,” Candlelight said with a smirk as she hopped up onto the chair to my right. Apparently she was of importance enough to spend time talking with me instead of doing her job.

“That’s right. Besides, you run on alcohol and the juices from mare’s pussies,” I said sarcastically before chuckling. It was an amusing thought and I wouldn’t have been surprised if I was correct.

“More powerful than Princess Twilight’s coffee!” she bellowed before laughing as well. After a few moments though, her face became hard as she looked at me with wide eyes. “Seriously, never drink her coffee. It dissolves walls. Full walls!”

“Don’t worry about me; I don’t drink coffee anyways,” I replied while shaking my head at her overly dramatic statement. Don’t confuse me shaking my head with me thinking it wasn’t funny. I love over the top statements, especially when someone sells it perfectly. “Don’t you have a job to do or something?”

“Nah, most of my job is keeping the recruits in shape and assigning jobs for the night. After that I’m more or less on call,” she replied.

“Really? That sounds like the best job ever. You are fucking lucky,” I said with some shock. I wasn’t kidding, ever. That sounded amazingly simple and rather fun.

“You’re bucking right it’s the best bucking job ever! Though it took years to get to this position, so don’t you dare try and steal it from me,” she said before pointing a hoof at me as though I was going to do something traitorous.

“Ha, you don’t have to worry about that,” I replied with a small laugh. “I’m leaving tomorrow, then heading off to Tayros the day after. The urge to explore never dies for me.”

“Really? You’re leaving that quickly? Damn … and here I was just starting to like you,” she said with a small frown.

“What, just starting to like me? Here I thought I was your favourite human?” I said in jest.

“Well yeah, but I was talking on pony scales. Entirely different,” she replied before blowing me a raspberry. Then she got quiet for a little bit, just staring out the window. I decided to do the same, just in time to watch the sun finally fall beneath the horizon.

Only for the moon to slowly appear in sight from top of the window. I stared up at it all the while hearing small murmurs from Candlelight. I looked over to see her head bowed, eyes closed, and her lips moving slightly. Whatever she was saying it looked like a prayer in my eyes. I was curious as to what it was, but I knew that it wasn’t in proper form to ask her directly. Instead I just switched my gaze to the city that seemed to stay alive despite it being night time … though I constantly flicked my eyes back over to Candlelight.

“Do you ever pray?” she asked me out of nowhere. I always hate religious lines of conversation. So just for a warning if you really need it, but nothing I say should be taken to heart. Just my personal views on stuff, they are not fact.

“No. Never really saw a reason to. We never had physical deities,” I replied to her. Okay, as far as I know, that one line is fact. Otherwise, just take it with a grain of salt. I don’t know if you all are religious or not, and truly I don’t care enough to ask. To each his own as long as his own doesn’t require other’s own to be pushed out for his own. Got it?

“Our history is broken and lost for the most part,” Candlelight said. “All that we really know is that bat ponies-Thestrals if you want to go by our mother tongue-appeared during the Discord era. Princess Luna saved us and integrated us into Equestria … with that she became more than just our ruler. She became our goddess.”

“Only we remembered when she was banished, and never gave up hope for her. She saved our race and gave us hope … how can we not keep hope for us? So when she returned … it was the biggest celebration for us. All the other races and pony tribes saw it a simple thing, one to be celebrated, but that was it. For us, it was the greatest gift since our addition to Equestria. Hay, it even made me a believer. After everything, how could I not be?”

I had no response to her rhetorical question, but one word jumped out. Banished. What had happened that got her banished? I wanted to ask so many questions, but I knew that this was not the time or place. Hell, despite my inner desire to start arguments for the sake of learning and speaking, I felt that that topic would be a sore one. If I was going to bring it up, it would be with Luna herself, not someone who idolized her or whatever it’s called.

I don’t think she wanted me to respond anyway; instead she merely switched the topic from her ‘religion’ to mine. Or lack thereof. “You don’t pray because you’ve never seen your deity?”

“It’s more complicated than that for me, Candlelight. Though humans have never seen their god or gods with their own eyes for all I know, I don’t pray or anything because after everything I have ever seen … I always ask myself, if there was a god or goddess, then why would they let all these horrible things happen? It’s a weak argument if you assume our god or gods have more creations than just the ones on our planet, but if it doesn’t … then I just wonder.”

“About?” she offered.

“About what that means when compared against human history. Human kindness … human cruelty. Against what became of our world … what became of ourselves. I’ve seen things that would break others, Candlelight. The greatest cruelty that people could think of … yet it wasn’t just a bad dream or anything. No I was there, watching … waiting for something to end it. For someone or something to come and just tell me, to tell them it was all just a dream. Yet, no one came down from the heavens to stop it, no magical, all powerful being … no saviour. The only one that came to put an end to the suffering was me, Candlelight. I had to endure my own inner pain at the tragedy to make sure that they didn’t have to suffer any more. So why should this old man believe in something that does nothing? Why should I put faith in something that lets us perform such horrors against each other?”

I became quiet after that. I was feeling a rolling wave of emotions that stemmed from just thinking about all that. It made me recall some of those horrors I experienced and it made me furious that people still could believe in a ‘god’ when such things were happening. Though as I said … I’m just an old man. Who am I to say if there is or isn’t something?

…

Don’t dwell on those words. I’ll move on.

Candlelight was looking at me with sympathy or something like that in her eyes. She hardly blinked as she stared at me. I was about to question why she was looking at me like that, but I felt it first. There was a tear falling from my right eye.

With a gloved hand I wiped it away, removing the offending liquid from my face. I wanted to pass it off as nothing, to chuckle and just go back to the lighthearted conversation, but I couldn’t. I took this to a bad place … I created the path we metaphorically walked. The only way to end it was to stop making the path.

“Can I be alone, Candlelight? I’ve … I’ve got things to think about,” I choked out, the same sound someone makes when they are holding back tears … much like the ones I fought to let fall.

She didn’t say a word at first, instead nodding in response and getting off her chair. Instead of leaving, however, she trotted over to me and placed a hoof on my knee. No words were spoken, just a gesture meant to tell me that she was there if need be.

“I’ll make sure to … to say goodbye before I leave,” I said with a sad smile, which just earned a reciprocal one in return. With that she left me to my own little inner ball of misery.

I had to fucking dig up those thoughts, I just had to pull out those buried thoughts at that moment, to kill that little bit of time spent with Candlelight. I wanted to just yell at myself and berate myself for pulling something like that. Instead, I remained quiet, just staring out at the night sky and watching the faint twinkling of the stars while I tried to calm down and tell myself that it was going to be alright.

Yet I realised that it wasn’t going to be alright. Nothing as morbid as what you might think but more along the lines of me relapsing back into a frightful stage in my life. I had dug up a repressed emotion that I never should have buried. I thought I cleansed my thoughts years ago - reminded myself that I couldn’t keep going on if I kept holding onto the past with that death grip. Yet there I was, near crying because I found a skeleton buried so deep in my closet that it might as well have not existed till that moment.

…

Do you want to know? I don’t want to deviate from the story too much, but do you want to know?

Fine.

It was a couple years after The Reckoning, I was just getting accustomed to life really, though barely scraping by with what I could find. I hadn’t made a name for myself like I have now so I was just a nobody, scavenging where I could, hunting down ways to keep me fed and alive. Yet I didn’t drop myself to the degrading practices that I saw some perform. Nothing really sickening, but they acted more like savages, and I had decided to only see them from afar, never getting close to them

One day, I was making a trek through what used to be North Dakota. The place wasn’t changed too much, still lush with trees but the landscape was completely different than what my maps said.

I was hunting a deer when I heard a gunshot ring off somewhere far away, but the distance wasn’t anything of note. However, I heard many more follow it, which indicated one thing - automatic fire. I was young and naive at that time and more curious about what was happening. I should have gotten out of there and ran. I should have left that moment but no, I had to find out what was happening.

I slowly and cautiously made my way in the direction of the shots. It wasn’t tough to do since there more shots rang out every once in awhile. Eventually, I found myself at a rocky outcropping.

I slipped through a few cracks, allowing me to peer into the open area just beyond it. What I saw off the bat wasn’t easy to look at, but when I peered through my scope I found an even worse sight.

There was what looked like a settled area that had the charred wreckage of cars and trailers scattered around among the scorched ground, and a few fires burning rather large. It looked like a mess, as though someone had dropped a bomb or something on the area. When I peered through my scope, I finally saw the extent of how bad things were.

There was a pack of maybe six men and two women, either reclining in chairs or watching around, the garb suggesting they were more of the savage type. In front of them was a little kid, nearly butt naked, cowering in fear while one of the men pointed a pistol at the feet of the boy before firing, causing the kid to jump. The boy cried all the while, begging for something that I couldn’t hear because of the distance, which was about two hundred meters. The men and women just laughed at him. That was disgusting enough as it was but I panned to the right a little and found cages, most of them empty but tinted with what looked to be red colouring or blackened marks. In one cage was another young kid. This one was crying just as much, curled into the fetal position. He barely looked older than maybe three from that distance, while the one being shot at had to be six or so.

I was horrified as it was, but I just happened to look up a little and saw the worst sight of them all. Those fires I had seen were bonfires … ones built to burn people alive at the stake. Three of the fires had a blackened human-looking figure in the middle, slumped over, the life having been burned out of them. Yet there was a fourth bonfire … one not lit just yet. A woman stood on it, her eyes wide as they could be, her mouth opening and closing quickly, trying to speak or reason.

She didn’t get far with it. One of the females took what was possibly a lighter and lit the bottom of the pyre. The fire ignited, causing the woman to shriek loud enough for me to hear.

Cheers arose from the group, some of them holding something in their hands. When I focused on what they held, I saw it … burned meat.

My vision seemed to swim with a red tinting, my finger instantly flicking the safety of my Ruger Scout. That was my weapon back then, my own personally-bought weapon from before The Reckoning.

I lined up the woman that had lit the fire. Pulled the trigger. Her chest exploded out onto the fire.

Bolt action was the reload method on the Ruger, so I had to work quickly. Once reloaded, I aimed at another, who was confused at what was happening. I fired again, making a hole in his stomach as small as his finger, but his lower back showed his kidneys when he spinned around before falling to the ground.

Reloaded and ready to aim, I saw another one of them that was still confused. Took the shot, putting a hole in his neck, blood spurting out like a geyser as his head almost fell completely off his neck. I hoped he wasn’t dead instantly.

The man pointing his pistol at the kid ran and grabbed the kid, but I didn’t care at the second, instead reloading and taking out a fourth that was trying to hide behind a car. Idiot was facing the wrong way. The bullet tore through the side of his chest, putting him on the ground instantly.

I watched as the other female and two men ran away, hopefully screaming like banshees. yet the man who had shot at the kid still stood, having figured out my direction. He had no clue where I was, but that didn’t matter to him as he held his pistol up to the struggling kid’s head.

Under my breath I kept begging the kid to bite him or something and cause him to let go. I waited for a few seconds, watching the kid bawl his eyes out as the man held him up off the ground with arm, the gun resting against the kid’s temple. A few seconds too long. The fucker pulled the trigger, causing me to do the same. He had just been fast enough to kill the kid … but not fast enough to save his own head.

One for one is not a good thing! I was not fucking fast enough!

I wasn’t fast enough ...

After that, things get hazy as I remember running as fast as I could to the camp, hoping to at least save the woman at the fire. She smelled … oh god the smell … I would have puked if I wasn’t so focused. I ran immediately over to the fire hoping that it wasn’t large enough to be out of my hands …

It was.

She screamed and yelled at first, her head thrashing this way and that as she writhed in pain. I looked around frantically, searching for water or something to drown out the fire. There was none that I could see, hell I even checked the only useable camper. Nothing.

I ran back to the woman, who had stopped thrashing and instead was slumping over slightly. I feared the worst at first, until her head rose slightly.

“Just save him,” she choked out, her eyes filled with sorrow and regret. At that moment as I stared into her eyes I felt everything that she felt, I knew … I immediately knew what they meant when they says the eyes are windows into the soul. She started to go limp, her last breath coming slowly. She managed one last line. “His name’s Joshua.”

I didn’t even have enough time to reply before she went slack against her bindings. She had died right in front of me because I had hesitated. So I stumbled backwards, falling to my knees all the while just staring up at the woman. Twenty-four year old me realising right then and there that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to save those who needed to be saved. I couldn’t save my parents or my family, and I couldn’t save that woman.

I nearly cried right there, my emotions finally catching up with me as my adrenaline slowly died down. Yet I didn’t … I couldn’t. My emotions got shattered before I could even vent … like a building had toppled on them, erasing them from existence. I just felt numb … it was worse than the first time I had to kill someone in self defence … at least then I could reason with what happened.

There … I couldn’t think of anything. I don’t even remember hearing anything … not the crackling of the fire or the light breeze that seemed to whistle in my ears.

Nothing.

Until crying pierced the veil.

After that, I blacked out kind of … I mean I did something, I don’t really remember. The next thing I recall is that I was standing in front of a gate to a small settlement, one called Freedom’s Call, the gate rising as I carried a sleeping child in my arms, blood on my face and covering my legs where mud didn’t.

I ended up finding a family that was more than willing to take the kid in, but the whole scene of me walking down the town’s main street caused the sides to be lined with people. I don’t remember anything about them or what they whispered, but I can still feel their looks.

I left the town after finding a family. I didn’t even stay a full day, maybe an hour at most just to make sure everything was going to be fine for the kid. For Joshua.

When I made my way back into the forests that surrounded the settlement, I did an unconscious equipment check. Back then, I had a Glock for a pistol. I don’t recall the type, but I do remember what I saw when I went over it and my ammo for it.

I had been at full stock of five fifteen round clips. I was down to three, and the front of the Glock was splattered in blood. I didn’t really think too much of it, my mind still feeling numb from everything.

Then I bent over and wretched.

…

There, happy to have heard what horrors I was talking about? No matter what I saw after that incident, I will never recall anything worse. Sure, you all might think some of the others are worse, but to have been there and seen what I had seen … nothing will ever been worse. I’ve had to mercy kill others and yet I still remember that event as a more gruesome one then anything else …

Right.

Back then, sitting on that chair in the observatory, I replayed the events through my mind, tears falling down my eyes as I sat motionless, staring out the window of the observatory. I felt bile rising in my throat, but I choked it down.

No longer able to contain the anguish, I rose from my seat, made my way to the one that Candlelight had sat in … then grabbed the bottom of it and chucked it against another chair, causing a loud bang to resound through the observatory as they splintered.

More memories began to surface in my mind and in front of me, the visions being almost too much. I was recalling all the time I had killed, had seen someone killed, saw the aftermath of raiders, saw the torture cages and pits of Berlin … and saw my parents. All of it appeared before my eyes.

I didn’t even see what was happening, just the visions. Visions that shouldn’t have been there, that I had rid myself of years ago. Yet there they were in front of me as clear as the day I had seen them.

I felt was someone beside me, holding me while I sat on the ground, my vision swimming before finally blurring back into reality, finally clearing of all the memories. I felt something wrapped around me, a blanket of sorts, but once my eyes finally saw where I was and everything around me I noticed that said blanket was blue in tinge … and made of feathers.

“Memories are often painful, even some of the best are too …” Luna said beside me. She felt larger than she actually was, but that was probably because I was curled up.

I didn’t respond to her statement, hell, I didn’t even look at her. Instead I just stared at the overturned chairs, a couple of them missing legs. There was a handful of books scattered around and the shattered remnants of a table. I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I had possibly done that. What had I done?a

As though she somehow knew what I was looking at, she responded to my unasked question. “My guards heard a ruckus in the room. One found me while the other tried to control you. When I arrived, I found one of my guards knocked out and you trying to pull your face off while yelling, ‘get it out.’”

I stayed quiet, listening to Luna speak of what had happened. I didn’t remember a single thing she said I did … just the memories. They were so real and vivid … unlike anything I’d ever had before, unlike even my dreams. I shivered at the thought of me assaulting someone out of nowhere.

“Calm yourself, it’s over,” Luna said softly as she held me close. I stopped shivering but I didn’t feel any safer from myself.

Eventually I managed to choke out a word. “Why?”

She didn’t respond, though I felt her shifting a little, probably looking at me, but I couldn’t meet her gaze. I felt horrible at the outburst … felt unworthy or something like it. But I did manage to get out more words.

“Why were they ... so vivid?” I asked.

“It isn’t something so cut and dry … I can only speculate it is because of you and the planet. That is all I know … nothing more,” she said, seemingly holding back something, but I didn’t want to know. Whatever had caused the memories to flood back so quickly was something that I didn’t even want to contemplate.

She ended up just holding me for what seemed like the entire night. I knew it wasn’t but the passing of time crawled by slowly. Eventually I found myself sitting in a chair once again, looking out over the now peaceful Canterlot and the lands beyond. She even got me tea before finding a seat and quietly sitting beside me.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked, much like a little kid would ask their parents. That’s what I felt like right there. I had been a master of myself for so long … so to lose control felt like I was merely a child once more. Nothing more than a child.

“Earlier, yes. Now … no. I too can act quickly about certain things … and can forget that others are not like my sister or I,” Luna said with a soft sigh. “If you worry about our friendship, then don’t. It was never in harm’s way.”

I gave a small and rather sad laugh to that statement. I had never thought that, even I knew that all relationships have arguments. If you can not have an argument with a friend and then be alright in the end, then they were never your friend. That’s how I see it at least.

“I never thought such a thing … to be as old as we are and hold grudges over something so simple … foolish,” I said, giving Luna a small smile which she returned with a larger and … well, less sad one.

For the rest of the night we just sat in silence, neither of us really doing more than minor shuffling around or sipping the tea provided. Every once and awhile Luna would disappear briefly, only to return a minute or two later.

The night had become peaceful once again.

…

Alright, that’s it for this chapter. Sure I could go on, but I think I have to lay down for a bit. All of those memories … it took a lot out of me. Come back next time for a brighter segment … a much brighter segment to be sure.

Chapter 8: When All is Said and Done

View Online

Welcome back … I know it’s been a couple of days since the last part, but I had some stuff to do. Your village needed to me to lead an overnight expedition and unfortunately for you and me, they wanted to stay longer than just one night.

Anyway, like I promised a few days ago, this chapter will be brighter for the most part. Thankfully, I didn’t have any mental breakdowns or fights to deal with so I can safely say that the overall mood, of this section of the story, is bright.

Let's get some questions first.

You there. What was the Discordian Era?

That’s easy, it was simply the time in which Discord ruled the world. It was mentioned at the museum I went to … I guess I forgot to actually call it by the name they applied to it. I can only imagine what it would have been like to live under that guy. Chaotic to say the least.

Since that was a quick question, I’ll answer a few more than usual. You next.

Why didn’t the pony’s words affect me, yet the ones directed at Luna did?

Call me protective - or for that matter - call me anything really, but I can handle verbal jabs for the most part. I’ve learned to tune out and ignore such things, and if they get up in my face about it, then I start getting snarky before being physical. What he said was not even bad compared to others I met in previous adventures. Sure, he was going after humans in general, but it was sheer stupidity and ignorance that accounted for that one. I’ve had others purposely attack me with words in order to get inside my head. They were much more effective.

As for the ones directed at Luna … well, I normally hate white knighting situations that hardly need it, but that was uncalled for entirely. She hadn’t spoken up or done anything. No, she was just attacked for being there. Maybe that’s what sets me off?

Next.

Why wasn’t I more affected by Cadence’s little act?

Heh, that’s a good one. Sure, if I was a hormone-riddled twenty year old again I would probably have been powerless in that situation, but trust me when I say that it takes a lot of willpower sometimes. That wasn’t the case there. I knew from the get go that something was up. Never in my life have I seen someone that straightforward, and I have seen some that are so blatant that they start propositioning after a single line of small talk.

Besides, to me those years are behind me. When I was nearly thirty, I happened to find myself in a settlement for a bit, hung up because of a storm. It wasn’t a very nice time spent, but I had a lot of almost hate sex then. Not hate towards the girls who were prostitutes but hate of myself. Still, sex was sex, and I more or less cleared it out of my system for good from then on. It caused a flashback one time, and I spent the rest of the night in a corner nearly pulling my hair out.

…

… Let’s move on.

How aerodynamic was Cadence?

…

Anyone else got a question about me tossing her off the balcony? Yes? Are alicorns as light as dogs?

…

Haha! I love these questions! Now these are the type of questions I like to answer! Silly things they are!

Alright, so Cadence was indeed rather light, and the assumption that she is as light as a dog is safe to assume. Though in retrospect, I believe a lot of it was due to the fact they could fly. If they weighed as heavy as … let’s say, a pony from our world or even a person, then there was no way they could fly with their wingspan. I mean, unless they utilized some sort of hack then they could, but even that sounds far fetched to think about. No, they were in essence more like birds in that aspect. Weighed less in order to fly and all.

As for the aerodynamics, well I was a little surprised by how much distance she got from my underhand toss. I expected her to just tumble over the railing or something like that, but she probably made it about three meters out from the balcony before doing a near straight plummet. I can only imagine what would happen if I decided to wind up and toss her from my shoulder or something like that.

Back to serious questions now.

What was the one thing I remembered most about that day?

You’d think it was the violent episode or the long wait with Luna till the next morning … yet it wasn’t. Hell, not even the prank was the best part, though it was the fucking funniest part.

No, the best part was the faces of all those guards who had bet money just to lose it all to me. They looked like they had just seen their moms getting fucked by a Princess, or something equally hilarious. You never forget someone’s face when you show them up beyond any doubt. So it’s basically impossible to forget a dozen or so faces that were the same. I only wish I could have said a snappy one liner to them … oh well.

Last question.

Am I surprised that my breakdown helped fix my relationship with Luna?

I was not aware it was broken until then … I mean, sure we had a ‘fight’ if you could call it that, but everyone has fights with people about something. If you can’t get angry at someone and then diffuse the situation later than perhaps you’re in with the wrong party. Not much more to say to that.

Alright, enough questions for today.

So, if you’ve noticed, I’ve been telling each segment more or less based on each day that passed. Well last time, I had to split it up since that day felt like it went on forever. In fact, I even had to end it in the middle of the night, despite the fact that there was no real break.

Well if I had continued, then you’d have been listening to me ramble into the night. So we’ll pick up near breakfast since as I said last time, Luna and I hardly talked that night, instead spending it in comfortable silence.

Evidently, when Luna came back after the sun rose, it was nearing breakfast. The sun had done a nice job in ushering in the new day, but to me it just felt like I was still enduring the previous day. All I needed to do was make it through another day before I could sleep soundly once more … probably one of my last sleeps in a perfectly safe environment.

“Do you wish to have breakfast?” Luna asked me before yawning slightly. Apparently even immortals needed their sleep every once in a while.

I sat up from the chair and popped my back a few times before gathering my stuff. Looking back, I was glad that in my fit of rage or whatever it was, I hadn’t drawn my weapon or instead of a knocked out guard there would have been a dead guard.

“Yeah, I guess I need to eat,” I said before following behind her, making our way across the observatory. Just before we got to the doors, I asked one last thing. “Does anyone else know of what happened?”

“No,” she replied. “I had thought on telling my sister, but it was never her problem to deal with. Only thing my guards know is that you knocked a corporal out with one punch. That will get you some respect.”

“Heh,” I simply replied before looking down at my feet while rolling my shoulders to get the kinks out of it. “Can you not tell anyone? This is something that no one needs to hear.”

She gave me a rather quizzical look at first before it morphed to a little bit of an annoyed look … then it finally settled on a sad one. Hell, she went through a full range of emotions at the request. As to why, I couldn’t understand since it seemed like a reasonable request. Yet in the end, she consented by giving me a small nod, followed by a deep sigh.

We ended up leaving the observatory immediately after that exchange with her leading me down to the dining room. While there were things I was going to miss about the castle, mainly the food, I wouldn’t miss wandering the halls … definitely wouldn’t miss wandering the halls.

Much like always, the walk to our destination was in silence, and I didn’t mind. Ever since last night, I didn’t feel much like talking … unfortunately, back then, I knew that I would have to interact with others no matter what I felt like. That's the burden of being an adult: having to deal with life no matter what you feel like doing.

When we reached the dining room, Luna walked in first, letting me catch a glimpse of the already pony-filled room. I stalled briefly and took a few deep breaths before making my way into the room, my eyes hidden behind my glasses and a small smile on my face, hopefully trying to convey a different attitude than what I was feeling.

I eventually said fuck it to my worries and just strode into the room despite everything, and took my seat where I normally did.

Rarely in my life have I ever walked into a room that had as much tension as that one did; you’d have needed an axe to cut the air. You think I might be kidding, but I wasn’t really.

I gazed around the table to take in the looks and actions of everyone there, and let’s just say that it was rather somber in ways. Every single one of them was quiet and trying their best to look away from me, especially Dash, who had her head cast down as though her hooves or something under the table was the most interesting thing in the world.

Of course, Gilda was a rebel to what was happening and was watching me the whole way, probably wondering if I was okay.

Right, so Gilda wasn’t the only one watching me, because there was still Luna and Celestia to count on. Luna was an obvious one, but Celestia was still watching me out of the corner of her eye. As to why she needed to keep an eye on me, I was stumped without a doubt. I could only wonder what she was thinking, and when I tried to contemplate such things I decided that my life was tough enough as it was.

“So … are we going to eat or anything?” I asked, breaking the tense silence, hoping to make someone at least laugh or something. Despite my mood, I knew better than to let it spread and fester.

There was no real answer to that, a few of them, mainly Gilda, Dash, and Applejack, were looking at me as though I had said something completely wrong or not addressed something. If the latter was the case, I knew what the problem was, but I felt no reason to address that again because I had already made my case the previous day.

“Don’t tell me that I missed breakfast,” I said, moving the one-sided conversation along. “I was just getting used to having it …”

“No, silly, we haven’t eaten yet! We wouldn’t eat without everypony and if we did, then that would just be rude and Grandma Pie always said that was a great way to lose a friend! Well that and telling secrets, spreading rumours, hurting them, and even trying to bring up a horrible, horrible past! Though now that I think about it why would that be a ‘great’ way? Wouldn’t it be a bad way?” Pinkie spoke up in her rambling way before going silent and taking up what I assumed was a pondering pose. I merely chuckled lightly at that, she was a good source of amusement to say the very least.

“All of that is true, Pinkie,” I said, breaking her out of her pondering pose. “Yet they can all be mended simply enough. Sure, some are caustic enough to refuse such an action, but most will often sweep it under the rug as though it never happened.”

She nodded and smiled. That was such a great way to approach life … well a normal life at least. Just nod and smile. Or as a certain band would have said, ‘smile and wave’.

Heh, little bit of an insider joke, only for the people who know what band I’m talking about.

Eventually the conversation died out once again; apparently Pinkie was the only pony who actually understood my message yesterday. Seriously, I thought I was going to be a downer there, yet somehow the ponies managed to outdo me even in that.

“Well, I don’t know what crawled up all of your asses and died, but I’m boycotting breakfast until we remove all this tension … seriously, I think I’m starting to choke on it here,” I said as I leaned forward onto the table and rested my chin on my crossed fingers. “I can sit here for a while, sure I haven’t eaten in a bit, but I’ve gone for longer without food. So who wants to start?”

More silence as heads actually rose and looked around the room, yet still not a single soul decided to speak up, and to say that it annoyed me … well I decided that I would step up my game. Apparently my luck was turning around again because it was perfectly timed.

I got off my seat and crawled up onto the table before crossing my legs and sitting in the middle, giving me the ability to see the entire group in a single view instead of having to turn my head. This was all done just as the waiter was coming into the room.

“Oh no, you don’t. Leave for a bit, we’ll call you back when we need you,” I said at the waiter, who hesitated before looking at Celestia, who didn’t acknowledge his worried look. “Well? I said shoo, these mares and griffoness can wait. I know I can.”

The waiter was probably in a rather large conundrum as he wasn’t being given the order from Celestia or Luna, and yet neither of them countermanded my suggestion. Eventually he gave up trying to figure out what to do, and instead took my suggestion and left.

“So … I’m comfy and ready to clear the air,” I said, looking out over the group.

More silence.

And … you guessed it, more silence. In fact, it was such mind-numbing silence that I was about ready to get up and leave. Anything had to be better than that silence. It was at that point that one of them broke.

“Alright, fine! I’m sorry!” Dash finally burst out. Not in the tears type of way, but more along the lines of anger that was directed at herself. She didn’t say anything after that statement, instead opting to plant her head on the table and cover her face with her forehooves.

“For?” I offered, not leaving it open ended like I could have, but instead adding an inflection that sounded more confused than anything.

“For?!” she nearly yelled in shock. “For punching you! I bucked up, alright! I didn’t think …”

“I still don’t see why you’re sorry. I already forgave you, so what’s there to be sorry about?” I offered, hoping it would bring about some sort of closure to her or something. Instead, it brought a facepalm from Gilda and created a rather shocked Dash. They didn’t speak, but their reactions told me everything. “Seriously, I already cleared you so you don’t need to apologize. I’m the Canadian here, so perhaps I should have apologized.”

Random stereotypes that completely fly over aliens’ heads for the win. Literally, it killed the conversation so that I could shift it from Dash. It was looking to be a roundabout one anyway.

“Anyone else? I mean it doesn’t need to be with regards to me, which I would be surprised if it was,” I said before scratching my chin. I didn’t think there was anything else that needed to be cleared up with regards to me, so whatever was causing all of the tension must have been something else, right? Wrong. Apparently ponies are often very caring … at least the non-jackass ones.

“Just like that?” Shining asked, looking a little bewildered. “She clocked you and you forgive her just like that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? It wasn’t even a flesh wound! I mean, if anything I should be congratulating her since I did not see that one coming at all. In fact - Rainbow, great punch, though I think you might have extended a little early. Keep it coiled a little more on contact and follow through with the extension. Plus, get your entire body into it if you can, more mass behind it can add more power,” I said towards Rainbow before giving her a light clap in appreciation or something like that. Once I was done, I paused for a moment, clutching my head for a second. “Admittedly she might have got me better than I thought.”

Silence permeated the room again, blasted fucking silence I tell you! Seriously, it was annoying beyond anything. I might be a man of solitude, but when it came to being in a crowd I was used to there being noise. Silence is the opposite of noise, so …

I was getting desperate to not be a part of a depressing room. “Can we perhaps just forget about yesterday? Seriously … please?”

For a brief moment, it seemed like more than a few of the mares in the room wanted to speak up and say something to that but said moment passed and nothing was spoken. The group of six that had accompanied us all this way, Twilight and the crew, looked at each other with sideways glances before nodding in decent unison as if to say that they agreed to let it go.

Out of everything, that somehow did the trick. Don’t ask me … seriously, don’t ask me. I’ve got no fucking clue, but after that, apparently all the tension just disappeared as multiple conversations suddenly started up. Cadence and Luna were talking while Celestia and Twilight spoke. Rarity and Fluttershy and so on and so forth. It was like I had somehow flicked a magical switch that changed the entire room.

I was tempted … very, very tempted to throw my hands up and walk out of the room at what occurred, but instead I simply shuffled on the table till I could slide off and get back into my chair. Apparently I was openly displaying my shocked face, because Gilda just reached up and patted me on the shoulder. “Ponies are weird, dude.”

“Nailed it right on the head,” I mumbled back. Eventually the waiter returned and we got breakfast under way once more, though I could tell from his look that he wasn’t pleased with me sending him off. Oh well, sucks to suck I suppose … or something like that.

Had an omelet for breakfast, which was good. It had been awhile since I had one, so I took a chance and it turned out to be pretty good, though nothing really special. So really in the end, breakfast was okay. Sure, it had that hitch at the beginning, but other than that it was nothing more than a regular breakfast.

After we finished eating, we all departed instead of sticking around. Most of us went to our rooms to gather all of our stuff, though I was a little annoyed that I had to pack a lot of my stuff since Rarity hadn’t washed my outfit yet. We had agreed to meet in the entrance hall before we all left.

Yeah, I’m being a little quick here because you and I both know that neither of us wants another endless segment like last time. Instead, I’ll summarise what happened until we gathered in the front hall to say goodbyes and all that.

I gathered my stuff and packed it away carefully, hooking what I could on my ammo belt and such. Either way, I was missing the pockets of my jacket. After that, I proceeded to make my way to said entrance hall, just in time to run into a certain mare once again.

“Hey! My favourite human!” Candlelight said as she trotted over to me before doing an about-face to follow me as I trudged through the castle hallways.

“Didn’t you say that last time?” I asked before chuckling.

“Doesn’t make it any less true now, does it?” she said with her usual smirk, but it died off shortly after, instead being replaced by a little bit of a worried face, which was a little weird to see from her. “How are you feeling? You looked … disturbed before I left.”

“Better … better. A lot I had to get off my chest. I didn’t get it all off, but that isn’t of concern right now,” I said before giving a deep sigh, then doing a one-eighty and changing to my joking attitude. “Shouldn’t you be off somewhere with your head buried between a pair of legs, or is that only when off duty?”

“Unfortunately, the Princess prefers us to keep such things away from our shift. It’s a real mood killer to be honest, but I get by,” she said before sticking her tongue out at me.

“Don’t you just hate it when your job gets in the way of sex?” I asked with sarcasm lining each word.

“Amen to that,” Candlelight said before laughing a little. It was contagious enough that I followed suit immediately after. We ended up walking down the hallway a little more; the silence was nice and all, but I was feeling like talking.

“It’s unfortunate you can’t come with me. I mean, you could try your best at seducing one of each species or something. I would be willing to put up with endless innuendos, just to see you try to fuck a dragon,” I said with a smirk.

“Dragons? I’m pretty sure there are no dragons in Tayros,” she said with mild confusion. Ahh yes, that was the only place they thought I was going to.

“Tayros isn’t my only destination as far as I’m concerned,” I replied. “If it takes Purple Smart a while to find a way to send me home … well, I travel quickly.”

“Ooh! Going off to see the world? Lucky! I’ve never been outside of Equestria,” she said with a frown before it turned into a smirk. “I expect a gift or something when you return.”

“Ha! If I find something suiting of ‘Candlelight the Insatiable,’ then I’ll bring something back,” I replied with a deep chuckle. I could only think of possibilities that would garner the best response from her.

Unfortunately for our little heart-to-heart, we entered the Entrance Hall and found the entire group waiting there. Apparently, I was the only one that actually had anything to pack up. I mean it made sense, considering that not a single one of the ponies wore anything unless you count the guards. That, and I didn’t see any of them brings bags along when we first got on the train two days ago.

“I can’t be seen this far off duty by the Princesses,” Candlelight said as she paused in the doorway, hiding around it just enough that she couldn’t see the Princesses. How she knew they were in there … smell or hearing was probably the answer, but I didn’t bother to ask.

“No worries,” I said before crouching down and wrapping the ‘thestral’ in a hug. She actually squeaked at the sudden contact but it was brief enough that she didn’t have time to recover, nor did she really need to. “We didn’t spend a lot of time together, Candlelight, but you can lord it over Horizon that you’re the best bat pony. I’m going to miss your innuendos … that’s always been my weaker section of humour.”

She simply smiled and waved at me as I descended down the stairs to join the rest of the group. They probably had been waiting long enough for me as it was. Didn’t want to keep them waiting … they were paying for my train ride after all. That’s a rule to live by, just so you know. If someone is paying for something or giving you something for free, you don’t want to show bad manners and either be late or … well, just don’t be rude.

I couldn’t think something up for the ‘if they give you something for free’ scenario. It’ll probably come to me in an hour or so.

Gilda and the rest were in a little group facing the Princesses, and coincidentally, the stairs. Celestia and Luna had their back to me, but it was apparent they both heard me coming by the flick of their ears . Lucky ponies and their swivable ears.

“Ah, Ryan, there you are!” Twilight said as she saw me approach from behind Luna and Celestia. “The train will be arriving shortly, so we better get going! Don’t want to be late, that would really ruin the schedule.”

I wanted to ask what she was talking about, but a few frantic waves from her friends behind her told me to just drop it entirely. That instead just made me laugh; only your best friends would warn others of topics that could be of danger to their health.

I decided to split Luna and Celestia down the middle instead of going around them. Why not, more direct route. See, you might think that it was some way of saying ‘fuck you’ or I had some sort of ulterior motive, but that wasn’t the case. In fact, if you thought I had a reason for that, then you have not been paying attention to my storytelling. I’ve told you many minute details about what happened, so why are you surprised that I included that?

…

Okay, okay, I specifically included that just so I could jokingly berate you all for jumping to a reasonable conclusion. I know, I’m a bad person for that … we all good? Sweet.

I cleared them just enough so that I could turn around and not hit them in the faces with my gear. That would have been extremely rude.

“Thank you for everything. My first time meeting leaders of a nation, and it was a pleasure. I hope I didn’t cause too much trouble in my short duration. If I did, then just give it a week and it’ll blow over … since I’ll be far clear of Equestria and all that,” I said, rambling more than a little. I hadn’t meant to add that last part, but it slipped out … somewhat.

“It has been a pleasure as well, Ryan. We both hope you well in your journey and I wouldn’t worry about trouble for us. Nobles here are extremely fickle and easy to sway,” Celestia said with her normal calm demeanour and serene smile. That was one thing I was glad to be rid of. The nobles I mean … not Celestia’ face. Got it? Good.

“In hindsight, that noble had it coming,” Luna muttered as she turned her head away from me but snapped it forward immediately afterwards, bringing to bear a true smile … not one like Celestia’s. “Don’t worry, Ryan, we’ll always have your dreams.”

“Is that … no, never mind,” I said in reply. I thought for a second she had been making a reference, but I quickly dismissed it. We never watched that movie … nor had I. I only knew that one line honestly.

“Here, I got you a going away gift,” Luna said with a big smile before floating me a packing paper-wrapped object that looked like a tube. Just a tube, though more along the lines of those tubes that painters carry rolled up paintings in. Any of you know the type? Do you know the name? No? Damn.

Anyway, hovering beside the tube was an envelope that looked surprisingly bulky. It didn’t have anything written on it nor was it fully sealed, instead the flap was just tucked inside the opening. I took them before giving them a once over, not fully inspecting them but at least giving them a look before I slung my backpack off my shoulder to place them both in there.

“You should keep the envelope on you. The contents should help!” Luna said chipperly, earning a little bit of a weary look from her sister. I was tempted to ask her if it was all just a prank. Tempted, but at the same time I realised that if it was, she had probably gone through a lot of effort for it. Might as well give her that. “As for the package, feel free to open it whenever!”

“Thank you, Luna,” I said before putting the tube away in my backpack and the envelope away in a pocket. Once my backpack was slung over my back, I walked forward and gave both of the alicorns a hug. It was a little awkward for a hug, since the parts of them that were around hugging height were literally their heads and necks. So I kind of just gently hugged their necks, making sure to not make it look like I was trying to strangle both of them, because that was quite a possibility … and you know what? I never knew neck hugs would be so awesome …well not awesome but they were better hugs than I expected. I mean, that’s how they reciprocated … well at least how Luna did. She used her neck to add pressure to me like a regular person would during a hug.

Anyway, as I said, Luna reciprocated, while Celestia appeared shocked or something. I don’t honestly know what to exactly call the face she made, but the fact that she didn’t look happy or whatever made me wonder what her thoughts of me were. After a few seconds, I let go of that train of thought before turning and walking up to the waiting group of ponies, and griffon. They gave me all that typical negative range of looks at what I had done, though at least none of them actually verbalised it. Apparently giving two immortal alicorns a hug is taboo or something. They really needed to lighten up, honestly.

So eventually we went on our way, the group talking about stuff while I just followed along in silence … much like our escort of six guards. They really didn’t like having everyone walk through a city without an escort … or perhaps I was the one who needed the escort. If that was the case, then I felt honoured, if a little insulted. Though the possibility did exist that it was all just a formality, considering that Twilight was indeed a Princess and everything. Who knew, really …

During that walk, I thought back to the events of the past two days, and it hit me. For a brief moment I realised that I would possibly miss the city. Possibly. I mean, I didn’t really know it well enough to actually decide whether or not I would, but as first impressions go, it wasn’t half bad at all.

As for everything that had happened … well there was going to be regrettable memories; which there was. Yet at the same time, those events helped me more than anything. Sure, they led up to me having a rather big breakdown during dinner, as well as getting a concussion … not to mention a minor breakdown on the first night … and Luna getting mad at me for some reason … okay, okay, so most of the events hadn’t been positive in any way, shape, or form. In fact, you could say that a good portion of them were negative in their outwards appearance.

Yet they all helped me realise that perhaps the human world was not meant for me. Sure, I constantly talked about going back, but there was still a part of me that felt that living in Equestria was the smart decision. My flashback cemented that. I was too broken for that world. Never had I had an episode like that until I arrived in Equestria, so it only made sense to me that I would be better off back where I belonged.

I mean, look at me. When you look at me, do you see some sort of person who can function in a “normal” society any more? Do my stories talk of someone that could live in your town and be a productive member? Other a few of you, I can see you all silently agreeing with me. Perhaps long ago I could have integrated, but I was also a different person back then.

Don’t pity me, I don’t need or want your pity. Despite my words, I enjoy my wandering now. I’ve found purpose in what I do, so I don’t think I would ever want to go back to attempting to live in a settlement or city. One day, when I can no longer walk or journey, then perhaps I will find a house, and make it my last residence, but until then … my home is out there.

Heh, enough rambling.

We eventually made it to the train station and onto the train, all according to Purple Smart’s schedule. The guards departed, and as I watched them leave, I remembered that I didn’t get to say goodbye to Wind Shear or Sigil. Fuck; the hasty leaving was really annoying at times, that being one of them. The other being that I was honour-bound to allow Rarity to take my measurements. That was going to be an event … a bad one based on their previous reactions to my arms.

Sure, they didn’t even notice the scars any more, but my chest was more beaten up than my arms. You don’t survive an explosion without taking some heavy burns or shrapnel … now imagine that but more than once. Yeah, I’ve got some deep wounds in my body, almost died once. Shrapnel piece punctured my left lung, thankfully hitting that one instead of an even more vital organ that was just a bit higher up. But that’s not for this story.

In the special car just for us, I relaxed once again on the couch that they had been kind enough to allow me to take up. Wait … that didn’t sound right, let me try to say that in a clearer way … ahem. Once in the train car, which was the same as we occupied on the first trip, I stretched out on my own couch while the rest paired off once more.

Yeah, that sounded better.

So we had a few hours again to kill on the train trip. I knew I needed to get some sleep, and that was my plan, but I was also curious as to what was in the envelope. So I decided to at least sate my curiosity before taking a much needed nap.

The rest of the group was talking or doing their own things while I laid on the couch and proceeded to open the envelope. Inside it was … not something I was expecting. In fact, it was probably the exact opposite of what I was thinking. Hell, I thought Luna would attempt to prank me in some sort of way, but the contents of the envelope were anything but.

First off there was a small hand, or if you want to be technical, hoof-written letter. It went like this. Ahem.

“Dear, Ryan. I hope this helps out. Don’t be an idiot. Oh, and you owe me big time. Sincerely, Luna.”

Truly, she had outdid my prank. That’s not sarcasm either, trust me. When you are put in a place where you owe someone, then you’re at their complete mercy … she could have me do anything. Of course that meant my only options were to either never return, or hopefully get home before I had to repay that debt.

I placed the letter aside while I pulled out the next thing that was folded in the envelope. There were three pieces of paper that were folded over each other. When unfolded they were rather official-looking in design; fancy borders and writing were the tip-offs. So I proceeded to read them.

‘“Holy shit,” I whispered in shock before dropping them and fishing out the third thing. I proceeded to look the third thing over before giving out a rather loud whistle in amazement. Luna had pulled some fucking strings.

Of course my whistle had drawn the attention of the rest, all wondering what had happened, though it was specifically asked. I sat up straight, shuffling the papers in my hand before getting up and taking a step over to Twilight, passing her the papers. “Here, you read them and explain.”

She gave me a questioning look. I didn’t blame her, it was rather random, considering I could easily read what was on the pages. I just figured that if she read them then and explained then the rest would understand better. That and I would have dropped a lot of f-bombs in the explanation process.

“Hmm, let’s see,” she said as she hovered the four pieces of paper in her magical grasp, examining them briefly before her eyes shot open. “These … these are notarized bank notes! All for the sum of twenty thousand bits! Not to mention this document which clears you for free usage of the Royal suite on the HHA Daedalus. How in Equestria did you get these?!”

“It was in the envelope that Luna gave me. HHA?”

“Her Highness’ Airship,” Twilight replied quickly before going over the documents once more, trying to see if perhaps I did some sort of expert forgery or looking for any signs that I had stolen them. It’s what I would have done if someone had just handed me such things.

“Airship … huh. Cool,” I said before passing the envelope over to Twilight, which also contained the note from Luna. “You figure all that out and just, I don’t know … put it on top of me or something. I need a nap.”

“Aren’t you curious as to why you were given this? Or for that matter, what this means?” Twilight asked, a little shocked at my casual response.

“Luna wants me to owe her, and it means Gilda and I now have access to money on our trip, and free rides. Now, wake me up when we get back to Ponyville,” I said before pulling my earbuds from their resting position and plugging them into my ears. Then I hit play, getting a nice blast of some Faroe folk metal. Tyr was a great band … in fact any band from Scandinavia that sung about norse mythology, or vikings, in a metal way, was awesome.

Take a break for a moment and [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZX_7lrtnRU just listen to this song. My personal favourite song from Tyr. Just take a moment to let that song play. Enjoy it and don’t worry about the lyrics. It was their native language from their home, the Faroe Islands.

Ten Minutes after Ryan Fell Asleep

Trixie had been quiet for quite some time at that point. Her mind had been in constant thought, contemplating her actions for the foreseeable future. It was who she had become, one that would weigh all of her options. She hadn’t always been like that, in fact it was only a few years ago that she decided to start doing such a task. Her horrible mistakes in the past made up a very convincing argument as to why she should carefully consider her options at all times.

So what were her options at that moment? Well, there were three options that she could foresee.

The first was to stay in Ponyville and find some sort of work, possibly even helping Twilight Sparkle. That, of course, wasn’t the most ideal option in her mind, but nonetheless it was there. She had spent so much of her life on the move that it was impossible for her to say that finally settling down was not a little tempting. Unfortunately, such a choice would lead to the question of what she would do for work. Her entire life, minus the brief stint on the rock farm and as a tyrannical ruler over Ponyville, had been spent as a wandering magician and story teller. What stories could she possibly come up with if she spent all her time in Ponyville?

Trixie flinched at the thought of having to give up what she had been doing since she was a little filly. Her shows were her life …

Then there was the second option. She could leave after a short stay in Ponyville and get back to wandering on her own, visiting locations that few ponies went to. Stopping in towns to provide a show or two before she moved on, continuously journeying. That had been her plan for the longest time, but after the little episode in Dodge City, she wasn’t feeling overly up to adventuring on her own. Equestria was relatively peaceful but that didn’t mean all lands were. She would be endlessly safer in Ponyville.

Trixie proceeded to hold back a sigh at the thought of her career ending due to some sort of ‘accident.’

Finally, the third option. The option that actually was sounding increasingly appealing to Trixie. She could continue journeying and she would be able to hold onto the feeling of being safe. All she needed to do was ask the human if she could join him. While Trixie had always preferred life by herself, she had to admit that he would attract some attention … not to mention that once his journey had ended she would have endless tales to tell the masses. She could put on big shows and tell the story of the only human in Equestria!

A small smile came to Trixie’s face the moment she realised the benefits that could come from following the human.

“Twilight Sparkle, Trixie has decided that she will go with Ryan as well,” Trixie said to her purple friend. At first the words didn’t register, but eventually they slowly filtered in the ears of the pony who was still examining the papers that Ryan had been given.

“You are? How come?” Twilight asked, more than a little confused. Although she was more restrained about it, she was just as surprised as when Gilda had told Dash she would be following him as well. She was slightly confused as to why they were both going with the human so easily. Many thoughts crossed her mind as to how it could have happened so easily. The most ridiculous one being that he had somehow mind-controlled them both. It was rather ridiculous, but Twilight didn’t rule it out.

No; instead she performed a quick scan of Trixie to see if there was some sort of mental manipulation to the mare. She fully knew Trixie would be able to notice the spell, but she decided to allow Trixie to ask about the intentions to better facilitate the discussion.

“What was that for, Twilight Sparkle?” Trixie asked with a small glare. This caused Twilight to sheepishly smile in response before composing herself.

“I just found it odd that both of you are going with him,” Twilight responded. “So I performed a quick spell to check for any mental adjustments that could have been made. Thankfully it came back negative.”

“Please, Sparkle, Trixie would know if she was being manipulated!”

“Like the Alicorn Amulet?” Twilight offered, which stopped Trixie in her tracks and caused her to pause for a few moments.

“Trixie relents on that point but that doesn’t mean she is not correct. Trixie has her own motives for following the human on his adventures. Also, Trixie forgives you for the scan,” Trixie said with a smirk.

“Oh?” Twilight asked, her brow raised in curiosity.

“Fine, Trixie admits that her reason for going is so that she can profit off any possible stories,” Trixie said all too quickly. Usually she was a good liar, but for some reason, around Twilight Sparkle she couldn’t tell a single lie.

Twilight thought on the revelation for a moment, pondering what the implications of the Trixie’s decision could be. In the reality of things, if all went well, then it wouldn’t matter either way. Ryan would return home and Trixie would have her stories to tell. There was no harm being done to either parties, so she had no real objections against it.

“Just don’t use him, Trixie,” Twilight replied finally. That was the only warning she could think of.

“Use him? Bah, Trixie would never think of not being a faithful member of the adventuring party. Have more faith in Trixie than that, Sparkle,” Trixie said as she flashed a grin at her friend again.

Twilight merely gave out a small chuckle before turning back to examine the documents. At that point, she was more or less just making sure it was all in order. Reading over the written note by Luna more than a few times had indeed proven that Ryan had legally obtained the items as a gift from the Lunar Princess … that, and Luna gave Ryan the gift herself. Still, it was hard to believe that Ryan had been given such a gift after such a short amount of time spent in Equestria. It seemed slightly unreal but at the same time, one of her best friends was Rarity, so …

Twilight sighed eventually, folding all the documents back up in the envelope before floating it over to Ryan’s sleeping form and placing it in one of his pockets.

Then a thought hit her.

“Trixie, what are you going to do about your wagon? I don’t think the Daedalus will allow you to bring it on,” Twilight said as she turned to face her couch partner. This caused Trixie’s face to scrunch up, the revelation hitting her in a not so nice way.

“Trixie admits that she never thought of that,” the light blue mar replied before tapping a hoof to her chin. “Trixie hates to say it, but perhaps she has to leave it behind.”

That was when another thought hit Twilight, only this time it was one of brilliance instead of realisation. She knew a spell that would be perfectly suited for the situation.

“How about Shrink Ray’s Shrink Ray?” Twilight asked Trixie who just gave her a confused look. Twilight lightly giggled at the face before explaining. “Shrink Ray was a unicorn who developed a rather easy spell that would allow one to shrink larger objects so that they could be utilized for storage. Unfortunately, he never devised a counter spell to re-enlarge the object. Thankfully, his great-great-granddaughter, Big Idea created the counter spell and was able to finally complete her great-great-grandfather’s work.”

“Is Sparkle implying that Trixie shrinks her wagon for the flight?” Trixie asked skeptically.

“Exactly that! It would allow you to store your wagon almost anywhere depending on the size you shrink it down to!” Twilight nearly shouted, a giant smile practically beaming on her face.

“You must teach Trixie this spell, Sparkle,” Trixie said with an almost equally giant smile.

“Alright, first off …”

When I awoke again, I was being shaken by a clawed hand. I must have really needed that sleep because it was another dreamless rest. I hadn’t even tried to make a dream out of it, instead my music lulled me into a dreamless yet extremely restful sleep.

“Wake up doofus, we’re here,” Gilda said before walking away from me and towards the end of the train car. Hell; I slept all the way ‘till we pulled into the station … usually I wasn’t that deep of a sleeper.

I initially struggled to get off the couch and remove my earbuds from my ears, but after shaking my head a few times, I felt a little more awake. Don’t ask why, it’s just a thing I’ve found that works.

Once I felt more awake, I quickly grabbed my packs and exited the train. I was back in Ponyville once again, and though I knew I hadn’t been gone long, for some reason I expected it to be vastly different than last time I was here. I don’t know why I expected that … perhaps it was due to how much time I usually spent away from settlements. I mean, here, I tend to spend months or more away from a town before coming back. That, and my stay in Canterlot felt longer than it really should have been. I wasn’t even there for two full days, yet it felt like I had been there for weeks.

There was a bunch of ponies standing on the train station platform, but none of them paid me any attention. Hell; a few casually looked at me, but just smiled and then continued doing whatever it was they were doing. It felt weird to be so casually regarded, especially after having received many stares and long glances when in Canterlot. I grinned slightly at the prospect that I wasn’t anything special. I liked that feeling.

“Come on, you dolt! We’re waiting on you,” Gilda’s shout came from a little to my right. I glanced over to see an impatient griffon among the group of conversioning ponies.

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered before walking over to them. They were talking about some stuff, but nothing that I really picked up on. I waited a few moments for a lull in the general conversation before deciding to say something. “What’s the game plan?”

“Well, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie have to leave. They’ve been gone too long from their homes and their jobs, so they need to leave in order to tend to them,” Sparkle said nonchalantly. “While I’d like to think Rainbow has work as well, she apparently is willing to head to Carousel Boutique with us.”

I glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. From what I could tell, the name of the place we were going to was not one that a tomboy like Rainbow would enjoy. Of course, I was basing this entirely on looks, perhaps deep down inside she truly enjoyed fru-fru stuff. That would have been amusing to see, especially considering her general attitude of trying to not give a fuck about anything.

“So, is that our next destination?” I asked, never having heard of that place. Though, like I said, from the sound of it, it was interesting.

“I can’t take your measurements, darling, without my tapes,” Rarity said out of nowhere. Well, not out of nowhere, but she hadn’t joined the conversation until that moment. In fact, when I looked around, I saw that the group had whittled down to Gilda, Purple Smart, Rarity, Rainbow, and Trixie. The other three had apparently left when I wasn’t paying attention. I scolded myself for that … I was slipping up way too much lately, but I was lucky that it had been in relatively peaceful and relaxing areas.

“Oh … I take it that this ‘Boutique’ is your place?” I asked tentatively.

“Indeed! Carousel Boutique is currently the place to be for fashion!” Rarity said, beaming with a maniacal grin. As soon as she said that, I knew I triggered something. So I did what most cultured male instincts told me to do. Tune her out as she rambled on about fashion.

Luckily when she started talking, the rest of the group just laughed and started walking in the direction we were supposed to be going. Which was the exact same way to the castle. Yeah, my memory is sharp.

Some agonizing minutes later, we arrived a place that I faintly recalled from last time we walked down the path. It did live up to the name of ‘Carousel Boutique’, with it looking like a carousel and all … I’m not fucking kidding either. Some of you have seen the ruins of that amusement park, right? Yeah? Well, you know the ride that’s circular that has those plastic horses with a pole down the middle? That’s a carousel. The house was essentially the same design as the non-open parts of a carousel.

The whole thing looked like it belonged in a circus more than just a random building in a town! I could only imagine what other buildings would look like. You have a castle that looked like it had been cut out of a mountain comprised only of gems, no dirt or anything. Now you have a house that looked more like a multi-tiered fair ride. What next? A fucking gingerbread house?

Don’t ask. … Just don’t.

Anyway, we entered the place, and I had to say, it looked more like a place of business rather than a house. That threw me for a loop since I had been expecting Rarity to take us to her house or whatever, not where she worked.

“Welcome to my humble abode,” Rarity announced as she walked around the entrance area before disappearing through a set of saloon-style doors. She immediately stuck her back out. “Do make yourselves comfortable while I get my tools.”

“Abode? She lives here?” I asked to no one in particular. I didn’t receive a reply, thankfully. It wasn’t meant to be a conversation starter.

The rest of the group got cushions thanks to Twilight’s magic, but I knew that there was little point in me sitting down as I would be the one getting measurements. Still, I had no idea why she required said measurements. I mean, I didn’t need any clothes, nor had I ordered them. I could only speculate as to her reasons why.

While I speculated, I slowly and carefully set down all of my gear, removing the body armour as well before sitting on the edge of the platform where I could only guess she would have me stand. I looked over at the others and saw Trixie and Twilight in a conversation that was rather quiet and had a lot of... horn lighting... going on. Rainbow was looking closer to falling asleep; I just wish she wasn’t doing it while splayed out on her back. Her tail did nothing to hide anything, so I just shook my head and averted my eyes. Gilda was apparently chuckling at something, but I didn’t bother to ask what it was, nor did I have the time as Rarity came trotting in.

“Alright, darling. Your clothes are currently being soaked. While we wait for that part, we’ll be taking the measurements. Now up on the platform, clothes off,” she said in a curt and businesslike tone. I stayed in place, giving her a weary look. She wanted me to strip? Yeah, not happening.

“Not happening,” I said.

“Pardon me?” Rarity asked, a little shocked by the blunt statement. It apparently was shocking enough that all eyes were on me.

“Two things. First off is the scars part. That’s straightforward, but the second one isn’t. I might have little shame, but humans have an ingrained social taboo regarding nakedness. The most I will do willingly is strip down to underwear. Nothing more,” I said, still sitting on the edge of the platform. The group eyed me with varied expressions. Rarity had a look of contemplation, Gilda, Rainbow, and Trixie had questioning looks, while Twilight had what looked like a quill hovering over paper or something. To be honest, I wasn’t surprised with that reaction.

“Come on, dude, we’re all adults in here. Nothing we haven’t seen before,” Rainbow said with a shrug. Goddamned naked pony society.

“Human nudity taboo. If you can’t parse that then I’ve got no more words,” I said with a little bit of a bitter snap. Rainbow, thankfully didn’t take offence to it. If she did, I was ready that time so she would have been the one on the floor, not me.

“I think what he means,” Twilight spoke up, “is that in his society it is considered extremely rude to be naked around those who are not close. As in really close. At least that’s what it sounds like.”

“You can really read in between lines, Purple Smart,” I said with a small smirk before looking over at Rarity. “Well?”

“I guess I have to respect such things,” Rarity said with a sigh before mumbling something that was too quiet to hear. I nodded my head in acceptance of her willingness to work around such ingrained factors.

So I started by removing my shoes, socks, then pants and finally shirt and glasses before getting up on the stage. I stood in the middle in a rather rigid, arms by my side pose, because I had to do a fitting once before and knew that deviating from what the seamstress or seamster wanted would get me poked.

I waited for her to start the sizing. Nothing happened … and I knew why.

“I might have patience, but …” I said before looking at the ponies that were eyeing my body cautiously. They got to see the multitude of scars that laced my chest and the few on my legs.

I said earlier that I had survived many blasts among other things. Before I happened to find my body armour, I had to be much more careful with doing certain actions. Unfortunately, I was still caught in more than a few explosions or had glancing shots that still caught me a little. I mentioned the shrapnel that pierced my lung, right? Well, that was one of many. The worst by far was from my attempt to dodge a machete swing. I ended up getting a two and a half centimetre deep gash that went from above my right hip, all the way up to my left nipple. Ghastly thing it was but it taught me a valuable lesson: stick to guns, cause I can’t fight with a knife, sword, or machete for shit. Sure, I have one, but that’s for non-combat uses if I can help it.

Aside from that unfortunate encounter, I happened to get a few glancing shots that caused small scars from the close misses. The shrapnel incident happened to leave a half moon-like scar on my right side, right in between two ribs in the upper section of them. Fun, huh?

I happened to catch Gilda, out of the corner of my eye, tracing a section of her chest like she was imagining what the scar would look like if she had received it instead of me. I nearly chuckled at the thought, but instead bit it back. To them it wasn’t something to laugh about.

“Can we move on?” I asked with more urgency, hopefully enough to make Rarity realise she was wasting my time by gawking at the scars.

“R-ri-” she said before clearing her throat. “Right, let’s get started. Can you spread your feet a little and raise your arms?”

I complied with her request before feeling multiple measuring tapes wrapping themselves around sections of my arms and legs. They were moving very fast, but I wasn’t all that surprised. I could only imagine if humans had the type of capability to do so. All of those agonizingly long fittings that people endured would have been cut to almost nothing easily!

Long story short, since I don’t think you want to hear about me standing there and waiting for her to finish fitting me, Rarity was extremely quick with her work and roughly five minutes were actually spent measuring. Unfortunately, she spent another five minutes muttering about human taboos or humans in general.

It was interesting listening to her mulling over her complaints of human attributes, but looking back, those statements were nothing more than her constantly asking why I was shaped as I was, followed by her stating that she wished I was simply a pony.

I simply chuckled whenever she realised she said that out loud and tried to apologize. Those little ‘accidental’ statements were of no consequence.

When she was done with her measurements and I was clear to finally put my clothes back on, I sat back down on the edge of the platform while she went into the back for some time. Needless to say, there was no real conversation during that time. The rest of them were either doing something to avoid eye contact with me or going over notes. I’m pretty sure you can guess who was doing what.

Three yeses and one nope. Gilda and Dash were trying to look away, though Gilda wasn’t as blatant about it as Dash. I could see that the blue pegasus really wanted to speak up and ask something, but instead she kept her mouth shut. The one nope was that Trixie was also looking over notes with Twilight.

Anyway, I figured that before I put my shirt on, I would at least humour Dash.

“Which one?” I asked, keeping my back tall to allow her to see the scars. She seemed taken by surprise at first, but as I gestured to my stomach I could tell that she was actually thinking about which one she wanted to hear about.

“That really long one,” she eventually managed to say. Yep, you even get to hear the whole story … though I more or less told you about it. Actually it wasn’t the whole story but an excerpt with a little bit of background info.

“About a decade ago, I think, I was in a big city that was across a massive ocean from my home continent. I had managed to find someone that was insane enough to make the crossing. Remember this was after The Reckoning, so society had broken down and the world was trying to kill us. We ended up taking a large boat across and had no troubles. So, after months of wandering Europe, the name of said continent, I ended up in a large and surprisingly intact Berlin. Though intact was just with regards to the structures. All morals and organization broke down in that city, leaving it to be run by only the most ruthless and morally decrepit gangs.”

“I managed to lay low for the most part, getting by just barely and only working with someone who knew German and English. They would do all the work for me in terms of speaking while I got what I needed. Unfortunately we were being watched by someone. We tried to duck and dodge from our follower but they cornered us in an alley. This guy was a hulking mammoth of a person. Taller than me by a good amount and was large in every other way shape and form. The bastard was carrying a machete with him, so he obviously had an intent to kill.”

“Now, I could have easily defended myself by using this thing,” I said while tapping the gun on my leg holster, “but I figured I’d just draw more unwanted attention to us. So instead I pull out my knife, which was much smaller than the one I currently have. Here I thought I was good with a knife, having practiced a little. Turns out I wasn’t that good. See, I managed to deflect a few attacks and dodge a couple but I never was able to strike. On one specific attack he lunged with an upwards swing. There was no way for me to parry it, or I would have lost my arm probably. So I thought I could jump back. Turns out that I couldn’t react fast enough.”

“I got lucky in fact. That slice could have killed me easily, instead I just got this deep gouge. Obviously since I got cut during the dodge I fell backwards, rolling slightly. That fucker tried to look intimidating as he lumbered slowly over to us. I was in too much pain at that moment to really give a shit about my actions, so instead I drew out my CZ-P09, and luckily put a shot into his skull. After that we ran, and got out of there as fast as we could …”

I took a sigh, as I traced a finger over the scar, remembering the incident like it had happened yesterday. It wasn’t a nice memory, but it was one nonetheless. I looked up at Dash who had a little look of shock, probably from the kill or be killed aspect, but I dismissed that and instead finished my little story.

“I ended up having to get this thing stitched over, though it wasn’t by a full fledged doctor or anything like that. They were a high value commodity that gangs horded, and since we had no clue who that guy worked with, my buddy had to get the equipment and do it herself. She was good for not having any medical background. Perhaps if I had seen a real doctor it would have healed better, and not left such a noticeable scar. Either way, it’s in the past,” I said, wrapping up the story. Only then did I hear the sound of water droplets hitting the floor off to my right. I looked over to see Rarity holding my soaked clothes in her magic. She looked a little shaken … maybe, I couldn’t read the face that well.

“Yes, well … um, Twilight, dear, do you mind using a drying spell on these?” Rarity said with a little hitch in her voice. Twilight nodded wordlessly before her horn glowed, that purplish colour encompassing my clothes for a few seconds before fading. When it left my clothes, they were perfectly dry. I hated and yet loved unicorn hacks. “Here you go, darling.”

“Thank you,” I said before taking them out of her magic and inspecting them to see if they had fully dried. They had, and much to my relief I could once again wear my jacket and actually keep things in their rightful place instead of in my packs.

I kind of tuned out everyone in the room while I proceeded to re-organize myself. It’s a very important thing despite what some claim. You have to know and have access to everything you need almost instinctively. Anything less and you risk running into a situation where you take a little too long to find something and boom … dead.

It was the same as when I was an electrician … though not deadly. It was closer to, ‘if you have to go looking then you fall behind’. Though when comparing situations, falling behind in electrical is the same as getting wounded or something like that.

So after what I suspected was ten minutes of sitting there and organizing my stuff once more, I was ready to go. The group had all but disappeared … well, only Gilda was left in her spot. The rest had apparently wandered off or something.

“They went into the kitchen,” Gilda said before rolling her eyes and pointing in the direction they left.

“Ah … well, now what do we do?” I wondered aloud. I was kind of asking Gilda, but at the same time I didn’t want to actually ask that question.

“They’ll be right back, doofus,” Gilda said with a small smirk on her beak. “So, travelling head-case is coming with us now.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, not completely hearing what she said right. Or at least so I thought.

“Travelling head-case … Trixie? Yeah the mare thinks she can keep up with us,” Gilda scoffed.

“Keep up with us? Last I checked you were having her pull you around,” I said as I walked to her and poked her in the chest before jumping back. Despite knowing she wouldn’t hurt me out right, a sharp beak is nothing to mess with.

“Shut up!” she nearly shouted.

I raised my hands to show her I didn’t want an escalation of the situation. “Just poking fun, Gilda. If she wants to come, then she can. Besides, who knows just how helpful her unicorn magic could be,” I said with a small smile.

“Why are you letting her come without a fuss? You made a big deal out of it when I wanted to come!” Gilda snarled as she got in my face. Yeah, having a pissed off gryphon in your face wasn’t exactly the nicest thing to have.

You have to be smooth as ice to diffuse such a situation.

“Because I try to protect and distance those I care about,” I said simply. Her scowling face instantly vanished as she backed away, her eyes going wide and darting back and forth before she leaped across the room and into the kitchen.

Such a smooth criminal right there.

Ugh … a Michael Jackson joke.

Either way, that right there told me one important thing about Gilda. Well, didn’t tell me, but rather confirmed it: she disliked sappy stuff or showing off any emotion that wasn’t anger. Given that, I knew right then and there that I had a lot of ways to bug her if she tried to get in my face again. At the same time, it would be hard to tell how she really felt about the serious stuff.

I proceeded to wait until the group came out of the kitchen, all of them chatting minus Gilda, who was being poked and prodded verbally by Dash much to her chagrin. She looked at me before quickly looking away. Such an odd cat-bird.

I silently followed the group out of the Boutique, though Rarity stayed behind, obviously. That just left us with a group of five.

“So what now?” I asked. The group all pondered ideas before a muffled gurgle sprung out of nowhere. It wasn’t mine either. See, you’d think that for it to be audible, it would have had to be mine. Hell, even Gilda’s would have made sense since she seemed to be the biggest of the group. Seemed to be.

No, it was Twilight’s stomach that was telling us our plan of attack.

“Is anyone else hungry?” she asked with a sheepish smile. I couldn’t help but breakdown in a mad fit of guffaws. I mean it wasn’t enough to roll on the ground with, but just something about it all just flipped a switch in me and caused me to start laughing.

It was apparently contagious enough that Dash started to laugh! Hell, even the rest of them joined in in some way. Eventually we stopped, and I wiped my eyes under my glasses. I fucking needed that …

“So where to then?” I asked. Twilight thought for a moment before Dash piped in.

“How about Sugarcube Corner? Pinkie’s probably on shift so we know the good stuff will be in the oven.”

“What does it sell?” I asked, trying to not to picture an actual sugarcube for a building. It was a tempting thought considering these ponies seemed rather literal.

“Pastries, sweets, cake, and other treats mainly,” Twilight replied, still apparently considering her options.

“Anything that isn’t filled with sugar?” I asked. I hadn’t had a sweet tooth in a long time, and honestly I don’t think I could handle something that was too sugary or sweet.

“To be honest, no. They specialise in desert,” Twilight once again replied. “Oh, how about that new sandwich place that opened up? What’s the name again?”

“Sandwich place?” I asked, curious as to what they would make if they didn’t serve meat in their sandwiches. I mean, there was the chance that they would serve meat in them.

“That’s the name! How’d you know?” Twilight said, completely catching me off guard.

“Umm … what?” I asked, more than a little surprised.

“It’s called Sandwich Place, I can’t believe that I couldn’t remember. Maybe you saw it during our walk, that’s probably how you remembered it,” she said as she brought a hoof to her chin as if she was actually contemplating it. I mean she could have been, but there was no way someone was that oblivious.

Also, let me point out that calling a ‘sandwich place’, Sandwich Place is either the most idiotic thing in history, or the owners are the greatest marketers in the fucking universe. Think about it! You hear someone say ‘let’s go to that sandwich place’ and you instantly think of the business named Sandwich Place because it’s the title of an actual business and yet as well as a type of place. Fucking brilliant.

Or fucking stupid, like I said.

“Dash, do you know where it is?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah, I’ve passed by it, like, a dozen times,” she replied with obvious exaggeration.

“Great! I’ll meet you all there. I’ve got to go get Spike. He’s been cooped up in the castle while we were gone. And he’ll get to meet Ryan!” Twilight said before popping out of existence.

“Spike?”

“Twilight’s little brother. Dude’s cool,” Rainbow said before gesturing for us to follow. “Try to keep up!”

She then proceeded to zip away, leaving a little bit of a chromatic blur behind her. I just proceeded to watch her go before slowly walking in that direction. Trixie and Gilda did much the same. The only difference was that Gilda decided to try out her wings.

She took a few tentative flaps before zooming upwards briefly, then doing a loop and coming back down next to us, though hovering slightly.

Let me explain two things before moving on. First off, since being in the castle, Gilda had all of her bandages and stuff removed, as well as she had been apparently cleared to do activities. That part I don’t really know, but it was a solid guess considering there was no wrap around her body any more. Also, that brought up some weird ideas on just how fucking fast ponies and griffons can heal.

The second thing was that even though she was hovering a little more than a meter away from me, I felt no displacement of air. It was as if her wings were doing nothing to keep her up but some sort of magical force was.

While we kept walking, I figured I should at least ask her about that.

“How come I don’t feel air hitting me with each flap of yours? Not to mention, how do you not move up and down while in place like that? It makes no sense!” I said, coming across louder than I wanted to.

Gilda just laughed before pointing to Trixie. I swung my head around to see the mare. She giggled lightly before replying with the most annoying answer in history. “Magic.”

I simply sighed heavily in response. There was a myriad of actions I could have done but no … I just opted to sigh. What else could I do? The world was essentially a counter proof to everything I had learned regarding science and the laws of nature. Who was I to try and combat a whole world in how it worked? So I just sighed and went right back to resigning myself not to understand anything about the world.

Now that was taken care of, I had one more thing to ask Gilda, and hopefully shift away from my constant reminder that the world I was in totally sucked.

“Why aren’t you off chasing Dash if your wing is healed?” I asked directly.

“I umm … I’m supposed to take it easy! Yeah,” Gilda said with a completely horrible poker face. I wanted to smile at it; hell, I wanted to laugh at the horrible response, but instead I gave her a simple ‘gotcha’ as a response. If she didn’t want to truthfully answer it, then who was I to give a fuck? I wasn’t Applejack or anything.

So we walked quietly along the streets, every once in awhile Dash would come zooming back to tell us to hurry up. She gave up after telling us twice and reluctantly fell back to keep pace with us. I kind of felt bad for Dash, but at the same time it was her fault for going off and assuming that we’d run to keep up with her.

Sure, it may have saved us a few minutes had we just ran after her, but walking was fine with me at least. I didn’t need to be in a such a hurry as it was. Even though there were things that I wanted to get done, none of them were important enough that they needed to be done that exact moment. Especially not going to a place named Sandwich Place. In fact, that was probably the least important thing on my To-Do list.

When we arrived, we were actually greeted by the sight of Twilight and what seemed to be a small purple lizard sitting outside in a ‘gated off’ section of the restaurant. Unfortunately, that meant we had to go inside first just to tell one of the waiters that a friend had already grabbed a table. I always hated having to do that … I can see the reason, but that didn’t mean that this was any less annoying.

So we sat down at the table Twilight got: Twilight, Dash, and the lizard on one side, Trixie, Gilda and I on the other. Best part was that I needed a special chair. Fucking cater to me! Haha!

“Ryan, meet Spike!” Twilight said with enthusiasm as she gestured to the lizard. I didn’t understand why this was a big deal to her, and from the look on the little guy’s face, he wasn’t all that excited either.

“Sup,” I said to him casually.

“Sup,” Spike replied before dropping the conversation. I didn’t mind, there was little to talk about as it was.

Apparently that wasn’t enough for Twilight, as she looked to get a little twitchy at the very short conversation. It was the fact her eye was twitching violently and her mane started to spring out of place that told me she had issues.

I mean, I knew she had issues based upon many of her reactions. Hell, we all have issues, so it wasn’t a big deal. The fact she reacted so extremely to the brief interaction showed me the extent of her issues, though. They were possibly pretty bad.

“That’s it?! That’s all you’ve got to say?” she asked, standing in her seat. Only when there was no response did she seem to realise what she was doing. With a very nervous chuckle, she slowly sat down and proceeded to mumble apologies while rubbing her hooves.

“Chill, Sparkle. We’re guys. Totally different social interactions,” I said with a grin. Spike nodded his head in agreement.

Thankfully we were saved from any other awkward conversation by the waiter. Orders were taken and I was lucky to find out that they had tuna salad sandwiches. That was good enough for me, honestly.

I just chilled and sipped on my drink while everyone else became a little awkward and anxious. At least that’s what I saw. As to why, I had no fucking clue. To me there wasn’t anything that could cause such a reaction.

“I’m sorry … I didn’t know what got over me,” Twilight said with a light chuckle. I thought she had already apologized, so if anything, I gave her a curious look. The rest of the group said acceptances and such, which seemed to ease Twilight a little.

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing. Everyone freaks out from time to time,” I said before going back to sipping on my water. Did I ever mention how fresh it tasted? ‘Cause it was fucking fresh.

There was no response to my statement, not that I needed one, honestly. Hell, I was hardly paying any attention to the group as it was. The extent of my curiosity was being taken up by all the things going on beyond the sandwich place. Well, there wasn’t a whole lot actually going on, aside from ponies going about their daily lives.

I have to admit, that I like to people watch; enjoying seeing what they do in whatever situations they find themselves in. It’s amusing to me to say the least.

I mean, for example I saw two ponies chatting rather intensely on a bench. One sat much like a cat would, while the other attempted to sit like we would. It was fucking amusing to see, and thankfully the pony had enough taste to keep her tail between her legs. Though maybe taste isn’t the right word … perhaps luck for me. I mean I didn’t doubt these ponies saw that stuff everyday, but I had no desire to see such things.

Anyway, there were those two. Then there was a lot of haggling going on at a few select stalls that seemed to be selling vegetables based upon their signs. It was funny to see a few ponies getting angry at whatever they were arguing about. It seemed a rather universal gesture for them to stamp their front hooves down when enraged or angry. I filed that away for any later encounters.

Honestly, aside from those two instances, the people watching was going rather slowly as well. There was a whole lot of nothing going on. So much nothing in fact, that I’m going to glaze over the next few hours spent at Sandwich Place.

Eventually our orders came, which snapped me out of my little starring session. We proceeded to eat, Spike and I apparently going to town while the others just nibbled and ate. Well except Gilda; she seemed to just chuck her sandwich into her mouth before it went down her gullet. I was a little impressed at the speed of her eating.

From then on, there were a few more conversations about Ponyville and the like. Hell, I tuned those out, only knowing it was about Ponyville because I heard the name mentioned a few times.

To my relief, it came time to leave the place and move onto to more exciting pastures. Unfortunately, the next plan was actually extremely boring for the most part, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Don’t worry, I’ll get to it.

We left the sandwich place shortly after letting our food digest, the group still talking about things while I proceeded to hang back from the rest and just walk casually.

I’ll be completely honest with you all, I’m trying to make all of this sound interesting, but it was rather dull and uninteresting … which is the same thing in a way. Thankfully the next part utilized the dullness to allow me to relax.

If that makes any sense …

You see, we made our way out of town and apparently to a park or something where the group seemed to split off. Twilight and Trixie sat down on a bench and were talking about whatever they talked about. Gilda and Rainbow took to the air to do bird things that were beyond me. You know what I mean by bird things … you know.

As more for me, when I saw them all split up, I picked a nice shady tree and sat underneath it, back leaning against it. It might sound like I was going to take a nap, but the reality was that I just enjoy nice relaxing spots to sit back and listen to music. So that’s exactly what I did.

I threw on a shuffle of my music and just lightly closed my eyes while going over the past day or so. I rushed through them rather quickly as it was all still fresh in my mind, but it did bring up some interesting things that I would need to address.

First off, if I was going to be gone from Equestria, then how would Sparkle contact me when she was finished finding the way to send me home? I wasn’t going to have any form of permanent address, so mailing a letter or something was out of the question, unless they had messengers that carried each letter or something. Hell if I knew, but that would have been a great occupation for a pegasus since they could fly and probably find people easier.

Yes, I know I’m saying people instead of ponies; do you have a problem with that? ‘Cause I don’t see how people couldn’t be an all-inclusive term to talk about anything that is sapient or whatever.

Anyway, I doubt my messenger idea was a real thing in that world, so it only made me wonder more as to how she could possibly get a hold of me. Then it registered, the most obvious thought that I completely skipped over. Magic.

She would probably utilize it to hack the world somehow and just tell me, or something like that. It was the most logical illogical answer that made any sense.

I hated how the world was so different from ours, yet at the same time, if I could have learned a way to use magic … I could only imagine what I would have done. Such power must have a cap or something. I mean if it could do anything, then a human wielding such a thing would be the scariest thing in the known universe. The endless possibilities that our minds could come up with … if we removed our own self limitations … god it would be total anarchy.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at such a thought.

“What’s so funny?” Spike asked from right beside me. I nearly fucking jumped right then and there. Once again I was fucking caught by surprise! I almost wanted to punch myself for being so sloppy with regards to my surroundings. I mean, someone snuck up on me again! That had to change immediately.

“Christ … you scared me. Nothing … just imagining impossibilities,” I said, muttering the first part. “Don’t sneak up on me, man.”

“I didn’t?” he said as though he was asking a question. “I’ve been sitting here for a little bit now …”

“Ugh … this place is dulling me …,” I said with a groan. “Need anything or just chilling as well?”

“Actually, I wanted to ask you a few questions!” Spike said as he got up on his stubby legs.

Hold on. I never described Spike to you all. Shit, now I’m getting sloppy in my storytelling. Alright, so imagine a chubby-ish two foot tall purple lizard that has human-like features. Green underbelly scales and rounded off spikes that seem to go from the top of his head downward. That’s essentially Spike. Now, I know you all pictured something different, but it’s tough to describe something that was completely foreign to me in every way, shape, and form. Hell, even Gilda and all the ponies somewhat resembled earth counterparts. Spike though … can’t say he looked like anything I’ve ever seen.

“Sure, as long as you tell me what you are. Never seen anything like you,” I replied curtly before sitting up a little. Slouching is bad, kids.

“Oh, I’m a dragon! Well I’m just a baby dragon, but according to Twilight, in a few years I’ll hit my first growth spurt!” he said with much enthusiasm. Hell, the kid was probably barely a teen at that. At least that's what he looked and sounded like.

“Ahh, gotcha. You can ask your questions now,” I said before turning the volume down on my music. I wasn’t going to outright pause it, the shuffle had already given me some of my favourites, so I wasn’t going to mess with it.

“Twilight told me a little about you, but is it true that you’re a soldier?” he asked with all the joy of a little kid meeting a hero or something. I was torn as to what to tell him. He looked like he was anxious to hear me say yes, and if he was as young as I thought he was, I didn’t want to ruin any potential dreams he had … or something like that. Well, not to mention, telling him that I was would have been better than trying to explain that I merely wander and struggle to survive.

Hell, now that I think about it, I wasn’t all that torn. Don’t know why I paused to answer, then …

“Yeah … I was a soldier from my world. I was among those that worked to keep people safe,” I lied, giving him a small smile. He seemed to beam at that.

“That’s so awesome! But how did you end up here? Twilight didn’t say …” he said, taking a second to ponder or something before his eyes lit up again. “Did you get teleported here by some evil wizard or something?! Or were you sent to help Equestria in some way?! Does that mean we’re allies with humans? Oh my Celestia, that would be radical!”

I fought myself to keep from laughing at the statements. He had a vivid imagination for sure, though to be honest I liked the style of what he was suggesting.

“Nothing like that, kid. I happened to stumble upon some weird relic from your world. No idea how it got to mine, but it sent me here. Besides, we don’t have wizards in our world … everyone is just a ‘regular’ person. Anyway, your big sister is going to find a way to send me back, but I don’t know when. Until then, I’m just going to enjoy this world,” I replied with a small chuckle. He visibly deflated a little at the fact that my story was not as interesting as he hoped it would have been. “Sometimes reality isn’t as cool as make believe, huh?”

“Yeah … why did you call me a kid? I’m not a goat,” Spike said with a little bit of a huff.

“I wasn’t implying you were,” I said in a merry tone. “That’s just what we call children sometimes.”

“Ohhhh,” he said before becoming quiet. He stayed that way until he eventually spoke up again. Apparently he had taken after Purple Smart a little too much. “What did you mean by enjoy the world?”

“I’m going to see what this world is like. Here’s a little quirk about me, Spike … I can’t stay in one place for long. I start to feel anxious and eager to move on. So I just travel a lot. It’s … uhh … why I became a soldier. I saw all my world had to offer, and here I am with a chance to see another world, so I’m going to travel,” I replied before looking up in the sky to see Dash and Gilda zooming around, smashing their way through clouds at incredible speeds.

“That’s awesome! Where are you going to go first?” Spike said, bringing my attention back down to him.

“Tayros. Never seen a minotaur before, so I figured I’d start there,” I replied simply. It wasn’t a very tough question to answer, after all.

“You’re lucky! Twilight hardly lets me do anything cool like that,” he said with a little pout that lasted a good minute before his eyes once more lit up. The way he was looking at me told me everything I needed to know about what he was going to say.

“Sorry, Spike but no. One day you’ll be able to travel, but that day isn’t now and it isn’t with me,” I said, essentially killing the kid’s ‘fire’. “I bring ‘bad luck’ wherever I go, Spike … travelling with me isn’t safe for others. The only reason I have travelling partners is because I can’t stop them.”

“But-” he tried to say before I shifted around to hold his shoulders and look at him.

“I understand the desire to see new places, but if you’re going to do it, do it with your sister or with family … not with some random alien. Perhaps when I get back from my travels I’ll try and persuade your older sister to take you somewhere or something. That is unless you do it yourself,” I said with a wink …. that I realised he couldn’t see because of my glasses.

He nodded solemnly at first before his smile returned and he dashed off towards where Twilight and Trixie were sitting. Thank god I had diffused that situation … then I made a mental note to have Trixie do a complete check of her wagon before leaving. Well that, or at least make sure I could visibly see Spike by Twilight when we left. I’ve seen too many shows and movies where they get a stowaway because of carelessness.

Eventually the group reassembled and called for me to follow them. I had lost track of how long we had been in the park, but if I had to guess it must have been roughly an hour or so. I was on track fifteen of my shuffle, so … though I do have songs on this device that near half an hour or more, so it could have been longer.

Sure, I could have chosen to trust the clock on my iPod to tell me the time, but admittedly I was still under the assumption that the time was different there. I mean, if we were currently in Colorado or Alberta, I could correctly assume the time, since my clock was set to that time zone.

I still had my music on, so whatever they were talking about was lost on me as we headed back to the castle, I mean you could guess the direction since the castle essentially stood over the entire town as it was. So I just hummed along with my music as we all made our way there.

…

Alright, I’ll show you the song I was humming to. It will help me try and find words to make the next bit sound more interesting than it really was.

This one is called, Under the Red Cloud. It was from a band called Amorphis.

…

The album was amazing when it was released … and I got lucky. I found it just a few weeks before the start of The Reckoning, so I got really lucky with this find.

…

Alright, great song huh? Yeah I can see a few of you nodding your head. Good, as long as I can do this I will ensure that metal won’t die. Though that’s probably something I shouldn’t worry about … as long as people are alive, there will be the opportunity for metal to continue.

So, continuing on, once we reached the castle, I decided to pull out my earbuds and listen to the ongoing conversation.

“Gilda and I are going to tool around Ponyville for a bit. We’ll catch you all at supper, cool?” Dash said while wrapping a foreleg around Gilda’s neck, pulling her into a small hug.

“Alright, Dash. Supper will be in three hours precisely, don’t forget,” Twilight said with a small giggle.

“Hey, ponies as awesome as me don’t forget times! Let’s go, G!” Dash said before taking to the air. Gilda gave me a look as though she was asking for permission or something. She was acting a little more clingy than usual, which weirded me out a little. I just gave her a shrug before nodding my head. I had no control over what she did but I might as well consent just for good measure, right?

“Trixie and I are going to be up in the study, Spike and Ryan. You’re welcome to join us if you want,” Twilight said as she looked between us, which was weird considering that Spike was riding on Twilight’s back, so it was more like she was looking between me and her ass.

Spike gave a shrug of consent, apparently not having much else to do. I, on the other hand, was not going to be content with just sitting around doing nothing. I was too sore to go for a run or anything like that … yeah, the run the previous day really did a number on me. I didn’t have the same body that I used to have when I was younger.

I figured that I might as well read up on where we were going, so I made the snap decision as to what I was going to do. “You have a library here? I need to read up on Tayros.”

“You … you want to visit the library?” Twilight asked, looking cautious in her approach to my statement.

“Yes? Might as well learn about Tayros.”

White light.

Me on the floor once more, though luckily only dry heaves. At least it was getting semi-better with regards to being teleported. At that rate, I only need like four more before I would just feel minor nausea.

“You’re going to need this book, oh and this one … no, this doesn’t have anything on minotaur culture …” Twilight’s voice said behind me. Apparently she didn’t even notice me on the ground. That girl had issues. “This one … this one … oh and you definitely cannot forget about Eloise’s Encyclopaedia of Equis, eighth edition! It has almost everything regarding all of the world cultures! There is a massive section regarding Tayros just in itself!”

I managed to get to my feet, my head spinning a little less than last time, yet at the same time I still felt like my sense of balance had been flipped around a few times. Not a great feeling, mind you, but at least it was quicker to pass that last time.

By the time I finally focused on what was going around me, I was in a massive open area that was lined to the wall with bookshelves that stretched all the way to the ceiling. One thing I had to admit as I looked around the room … the interior really fit the whole ‘crystal castle’ thing. I mean, the entire room looked like a cavern in a cave made out of crystal … a cavern that had a massive window that let me look out towards Canterlot mountain.

…

Yeah, you could say it was pretty closely designed after the observatory … in a way. I mean, it wasn’t a multi-tiered place, just a massive room that also had many tables and small carpets spread out around the place. Now that I think about it, only the window had any similarity to that place.

“Alright, that should be all of the books you need! My study is just to the left, up the stairs and the fifth door on the right! Come find us if you need anything!” Twilight said before she started to head for the exit. I wasn’t looking at her, but the clopping of her hooves on the flooring told me that she was getting further away.

“Trixie apologizes … Twilight Sparkle is rather … oblivious at times,” she said with a small smirk.

“Yeah, I think I can see that,” I replied with a small laugh. Trixie just flashed me her smirk again before following Twilight’s path out of the library. I couldn’t actually see the door thanks to some bookshelves that seemed out of place by being in the middle of the fucking room. Whatever, it wasn’t a big issue.

I decided to crack open that one book that she actually named.

Do you want to know how big it was?

Look at my forearm. Yeah, the thickness of the book was about the length of my forearm. From elbow down to the wrist … that fucking thick.

Thankfully, it didn’t break the table that it was placed on, or I was going to have trouble reading it. So I sat down in a chair and got down to business. Thankfully, Sparkle had been kind enough to give me a small notebook and a pencil to write with. I needed to make notes as to where would be cool places to visit.

You see, in our world we can just free roam as long as we have the means to access an area. Of course it wasn’t always that way, thanks to the fact that we had stable countries and functioning economies … not to mention people ‘owned’ land and forbid people from going on it. Well you see, Equis was exactly like that.

At least that was my guess, considering that countries and governments existed. Who knows, maybe I would be wrong, but I didn’t leave it up to chance. So I planned a little in terms of where I would want to go.

Trust me, you don’t want to know about everything I read.

In fact, I fucking beg you all to not bother with it all! Please!

No, please don’t make me tell you! I can remember it, sure, but that doesn’t mean I want to tell you all anyway! Seriously, I’ll even give you all a spoiler if you don’t ask me what I read! It was sooo fucking boring!

…

Well not really boring, but not something I want to paraphrase, let alone word for fucking word.

…

Thank you! Fucking thank you!

Alright, I’ll give you all a second to get a consensus on the spoiler you want.

…

Good? Alright, let’s hear the question.

What happened to me when I first got to Tayros?

Well … that’s not too bad of a spoiler, really. Thank god … alright, so when I first got to Tayros, I got essentially mistaken for a very, very, skinny and sick minotaur. The cow who did that, and yes I found out later they named minotaur women cows, almost suffocated me in her chest. While awesome in one respect, I’m not kidding about the suffocated part. Apparently minotaurs are fucking strong with upper body strength; like really fucking strong!

It was apparently hilarious as fuck for Trixie and Gilda, who just laughed at me continuously for that. They were still snickering half an hour after it happened … yeah it was slightly amusing to say the least.

Oh and I forgot to mention but Minotaur women, while shaped pretty close to our women, are taller by nature, and stronger for the most part. That isn’t the ‘best’ part about that, though … you see, apparently minotaurs don’t know what shirts are … and yes by ‘shaped pretty close to our women’ I’m outright implying that they have tits. Breasts if you want to be more formal about it.

Don’t worry, you’ll get to hear the full details soon enough. I hope that was satisfying enough for you all so that I can skip the contents of the books.

Good.

It was a couple hours later I think when Twilight swung by, finding me with my nose more or less buried in the book still. I think she was a little shocked at the fact I was still going over that encyclopaedia. How could I tell? Hold on.

“You’re still reading that?” she asked me, shock filling her voice.

“Yeah? It’s got a lot of useful info and all, but some of it’s tough to parse without constant referrals to other sections,” I said before putting the book down and rubbing my eyes. They were starting to ache a little … must have been age.

Sparkle didn’t say anything at first, instead apparently inspecting me with some magic. At least that’s what I thought, until I heard a small scratching sound coming from just under the edge of the desk. So I promptly leaned over the desk as far as I could, only to find a quill writing on paper once more. Her writing was a little tough for me to read upside down and from that far, but I could only assume that it was regarding what I had said.

“Eh heh heh … umm, supper’s ready?” Twilight said before making the quill and paper disappear. I looked up at her with a deadpan face to see her shying away while rubbing the back of her neck. I merely shook my head before standing up, grabbing my pack, putting my notes in it, and gesturing for her to lead onwards.

She did so in haste, most likely eager to escape further embarrassment. I wasn’t angry at her, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to see her pay her dues for possible implications in that writing.

Of course, I didn’t actually do anything. No, she was doing a fine job at making herself squirm and look sorry. Hell, I just casually walked behind her while she led on to the dining room. Every once in awhile she would glance backwards at me and give me a shaky smile as though she was worried I would snap at her.

Don’t worry, I only let her suffer until we reached the dining room.

The door was already open, luckily, but she still gestured for me to enter first. Obviously I walked right past her as I did, thus allowing me to give her a quick reassurance.

“Don’t worry, no harm done,” I said before reaching behind her ear quickly and scratching a little. I didn’t even bother looking at her after I started scratching … though it only lasted a couple of seconds, so why bother looking. I swear I felt the air get a few degrees warmer though. Immediately after I stopped scratching behind her ear, I walked into the dining room.

Honestly, do I need to describe the dining room? Or can you guess what it looked like?

…

Exactly. Crystal everything. Crystal chairs, crystal table, walls made of crystal, and the floor was still crystal. I was starting to get a headache from all of the blue and purple tinted crystals.

Still, I wouldn’t pass up possible food, so I silently took a seat next to Trixie on the right side of the table … well right from entering the room. Dash already had the spot next to Gilda. Twilight took the head seat, while Spike was absent.

Actually, thinking about absent stuff, I noticed that aside from the guards I had seen outside of the door, and two inside the door, I hadn’t actually seen a single member of castle staff or any other pony for the matter. The castle was as fucking empty as a cave … minus bats and whatever. Actually it seemed rather fitting for a castle that was made of crystals. Still, it made me wonder if she had chefs or something. I mean, I’m not a picky eater by any means, but it was still something to wonder about.

It kept me entertained for a few minutes until I realized who was missing and connected the dots.

Spike was cooking dinner.

It was the only option that made sense, and silently I was groaning inside since I’ve never had a good experience when a kid tried to make a meal. Sure, there were ones out there that actually could cook but I had never run into one, so it only made sense to assume that my luck in that matter wasn’t changing any time soon. Thankfully I’m wrong sometimes.

Shortly after I sat down, Spike opened a door that looked like part of the fucking wall until a cart came rolling out of it, with Spike steering it towards the head of the table. He looked like a damn professional!

No, not in cart steering! Idiot!

…

Though admittedly that didn’t really make sense now that I think about it, so sorry. What I meant was that on the cart was a bunch of trays that were covered by lids that thankfully were not made out of crystal. It looked very professional. That’s what I meant.

When he stopped the cart next to Twilight, he hopped up onto his seat and promptly sat down, apparently letting Twilight do the rest of the lifting with her magic. It made sense, since he was only a little bit taller than the table itself.

The food platters floated promptly in front of us, each person getting their own, which caught me a little by surprise. I mean I had expected a communal feast due to the fact that Spike was the cook. It would have been a much simpler task for the little guy. No, instead he had to go out of his way to make all of the food. At that time I felt somewhat sorry for the kid, so much hard work done for such a horrible outcome.

Once again, thank god I’m wrong sometimes.

“Forks and knives are under the cover, so dig in!” Spike said eagerly before yanking the top of his platter off to reveal what looked like smoking gems. Like rubies, sapphires, and such … I nearly cried when he took a bite of a large sapphire. I mean, sure this was a different world, and he was a fucking dragon, but still … it had so much value back home!

I just squashed my sorrow with a sigh and watched as others lifted their covers. Twilight, Trixie, and Rainbow all had a mix of steaming vegetables and what looked like spaghetti with the typical spaghetti sauce.

… phew, I don’t have to describe spaghetti. Thank god you all remember it.

Anyway, Gida lifted her cover to find what looked, and smelled, like one of the best fish dishes I had ever seen. I mean it was covered in some sort of creamy looking sauce and it just looked like it would fall off if you tried to use a fork … I’m sorry, but I can’t help but remember the smell of it … so fucking good.

That’s when I decided to open up my platter.

Shock. Pure unbridled shock.

I was looking at a cut of steak. A thick, medium rare, seasoned with what looked like peppercorn, dripping with juices, beautiful cut of steak. It was like looking back in time to when you could get such things cooked at the highest class restaurants or specialty grills.

“It’s sooo glorious,” I whispered as I leaned forward a little to get a full inhale of the scent that just wafted off the delicious cut of meat. I didn’t even want to cut into it at first, the thing was a fucking piece of art. It was amazing to look at; hell, I bet I could have stared at it until it got cold, and I would feel full. Don’t ask me how that makes sense, but that’s how it felt when I looked at it.

I briefly glanced over at Twilight as if to ask if this was real.

“Applejack’s farm has cows on it. When they get near the end of their lives, they are pampered and taken good care of. In exchange, they … well … there are carnivores on this planet after all,” Twilight said with a small smile.

That dampened my mood slightly as it told me that I was most likely eating something that had once been a sapient being. I didn’t like the thought, but at the same time I realised that this was how it was. I wouldn’t have been surprised if that was the case with everything in this world … in fact, that just gave clarity to the whole manticore attack.

“And this doesn’t bother you?” I asked Twilight, who smiled before pointing over to Gilda. The catbird looked up before looking between me and Twilight for a second.

“What?” she said with a mouthful of food.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said before looking back down at the steak. Despite possible reservations, I couldn’t let it go to waste … especially considering that it probably was the best looking and smelling steak I had ever seen or smelt.

So I took my ‘steak knife’ and cut into it slowly … I hardly needed pressure to cut it. Oh god even the sight of it being cut made me almost cry in sheer joy.

None of you will ever know the feeling of living off of preservatives and campfire-cooked meat, especially now since you have livestock once again. You guys have lived in your settlement almost all of your lives, right? Exactly. I haven’t; sure that was my choice but the fact still stands, that I never had a delicacy like that since before The Reckoning.

Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I can see I’m making you all hungry. I’ll stop with the dinner scene … at least the eating part. I’ll cut to the after eating where we discussed some stuff.

So after that delicious and completely filling meal, we all just sat in our seats for a little bit, letting the food digest, me especially since that steak was fucking massive. I thought back to their ways of acquiring the meat and the fact that Twilight just happened to have it … then I remembered that they have magic, so preservation was probably well ahead of what we once had, though only through cheating. So it was a safe bet that Twilight, being a Princess, had a stock of meat just in case she had carnivore or omnivore house guests.

Still a little morbid about the cows, but it was done and over with.

“So, find anywhere interesting to visit?” Twilight asked me. I realized that I had been slouching after the awesome meal, so I sat up. I always found it rude to talk to someone when slouched.

“A place called Ephyra, apparently they have a castle there that is in nearly pristine condition, and has stood for a couple thousand years or something like that. That’s definitely something to visit, for historical purposes. Oh and then I figured the capital, Calluna City, would be nice to see … and that’s all I can think of off the top of my head. Didn’t commit it to memory yet,” I said. My notes had more, and sure I could remember them, but I still played it off as though I didn’t recall all I wrote down.

In reality, the big places to visit were those two plus Hellespont which was apparently a beautiful city in their eastern mountain ranges, Asphodel which was home to an estate that apparently made a very rare type of bourbon, then there was Archon as it had a series of caves below it that according the book were very beautiful, and then finally there was Edras … there wasn’t anything on the city at all aside from the fact that it was a city in the mountains along with Hellespont. It was the lack of info that made me curious about it.

“I’ve been to Calluna City on a diplomatic mission, it’s really pretty in the spring! It’s unfortunate that you showed up now; two moons earlier and you would have been able to see it. Either way, I wish I could see the other places you’ve mentioned, as I’ve only been able to read about them,” Twilight said with a sad sigh. Damn, she looked like a sulking kitten or something … it’s tough to ignore that, especially since I used to have cats.

“Got a camera? I can take pictures … or Trixie can take pictures,” I said, trying to sluff off the task to the blue mare. She perked up at my mentioning of her name but when she realised the context, she shot me a little glare.

“Really? Yes! I’ll get you the best camera I can find! Oh thank you, thank you!” Twilight said before leaping from her seat and grabbing Trixie in a massive, bear-type, hug. I meanwhile shifted from my seat and moved it between her and I. Unfortunately, she utilized her unicorn cheating to grab me from behind in what I assumed was an equally large hug, but due to my size … well it looked like she was more of a backpack.

“Alright! Spike, show them their rooms, I need to see about acquiring a camera!” Twilight said before she popped out of nowhere once more. Hell, she didn’t even let go of me before disappearing. It was a fucking creepy feeling.

“That’s her Royal Eggheadedness for you,” Dash said as she manipulated a toothpick to pick at her teeth … pony hooves were just as fucking creepy. Either way, Spike eventually sighed and got out of his chair before gesturing for us to follow him out of the door I had originally come in through.

I tuned out everything about that walk, and by that, I mean I held my hands close to my eyes and tunnel visioned myself on the small body of Spike walking ahead of us. Why did I do this you ask?

Well, remember how I was complaining about all the crystals? Well it was starting to give me a migraine, as in a really bad one. It had been a long time since I had a migraine, but the feeling of it coming on is not something that you just forget. Eventually we stopped, and the blue legs that I assumed belonged to Trixie walked out of my limited vision.

“Trixie may wander the castle more later,” Trixie stated before I heard a door silently close.

As we started walking, I felt a claw poke me in the side of my leg. It seemed Gilda noticed what I was doing, and my little game was up. Though it wasn’t a big deal, obviously.

“You alright there, dweeb?” Gilda asked, and despite the name calling I could hear worry creeping into her voice.

“I’m starting to get a migraine from all the crystal shit,” I murmured in response.

“Oh,” she replied simply.

“Don’t worry, just need to close my eyes from all this for awhile, and pop a painkiller,” I replied before sighing, the migraine starting to get worse. “Doesn’t help that I’ve barely got any sleep under me .. my age is starting to show its signs again.”

Apparently Spike overheard me since we stopped abruptly. He pointed to his right, thankfully being short enough to fit into my vision. “Um, this room is mostly covered …”

“Thanks, Spike,” I said before giving up my tunnel vision and pushing open the crystal door.

It was a rather simple and circular room, with no extra rooms minus a small closet. I didn’t need anything like the room in Canterlot, I just needed a bed.

Luckily, as Spike said, it was covered enough to make the crystal walls and floor hardly noticeable. There were enough carpets around the room and banners that it looked like something had decided to have a field day with the room, not that I was complaining or anything since that meant I would hopefully be free of the headache sooner than later. I was also glad that the bed had an awning over it so that I didn’t have to look up at the damned ceiling if I laid in bed.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow … I’m probably going to sleep right away,” I said, to which the rest of the group replied with ‘goodnights’. Once the door was closed, and the group was gone, I promptly started to disarm and the like. I was carefully setting everything out in a way that would be quick to pick up. Sure, disarming would be stupid back here on Earth, but in the castle … well let’s say I was trusting these ponies to not let my life get in danger.

Once I had spread my gear, jacket, boots, and body armour on the largest table in the room, I dug into my pack and found my medkit section. I was silently thanking all the deities for somehow saving many pharmacies over the years. Sure some of the pills were fucking old, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t work … I mean there is always the off chance that something goes wrong when ingesting a pill, but otherwise there had never been an issue.

So I downed an Advil, which was a brand of painkiller from pre-Reckoning, and then flopped on the bed, not even bothering to lay on it the right way. Those of you that get migraines, if there are any of you, understand how little of importance sleeping properly in the bed was to me. I just needed to close my eyes.

The blissful dreamless sleeps that I had had over the last two nights were extremely tempting and I figured that I had earned a night in which I probably wouldn’t be interrupted by Luna. Sure it was nice talking to her, but I really just wanted to sleep again.

And so I did. I literally fell asleep within minutes of face-planting myself in that bed. It was fucking glorious to say the least.

Anyway, that’s all until next time. Don’t worry, next time’s segment will have a lot more stuff going on. I mean, even I’m surprised that I managed to drone on for this long … hell, I’m surprised that you guys have stayed through this much considering the sheer lack of action since the first chapter. Don’t worry, the good shit is coming up soon, I’m giving you my promise that we’re nearing the best parts of the story … or worse parts in some ways.

Don’t worry about all of that though, just know that we are coming up on action and you shouldn’t be disappointed. It’s my job to worry about remembering those times … and my job to deal with those memories, not yours. You’re just my audience. Just my audience ...

Now, off with the lot of you already, I’ve kept you all too long. See you next time … whenever that is. Hopefully it will be soon.

Chapter 9: On the Backs of Angels

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Welcome back! Good news, in our recent trip I happened to come across a house that had an ammo stash. You guys remember awhile back, I think it might have been the first telling, but I told you all I would bring back a three-three-eight lapua round for you all to look at. Well, I found one among the stash. The weapons were rusted to hell from bad conditions but the ammo was kept in good storage.

Here, pass that round around along with one of my seven-six-two rounds. Here you go, don’t take too long to look at it though, got a story to continue after all.

Now, while we are passing around the shells, let’s answer some more questions, hmm?

How about you, little girl? How adorable was Spike?

Well I don’t think I can rightfully say, mainly because that would sound extremely weird coming from me, after all. He was a cool little kid to hang around, but I figure that some of you would find the way he acted to be rather adorable. Though he also seemed to have a way about him that said he was actually older than he looked. it might have been a dragon thing, but still … .

Who’s next … you! What was the weirdest thing I found in the encyclopaedia?

Heh … well I didn’t exactly read up on it, but there was a section dedicated to minotaur sex practices, mating habits, and the like. It was really weird to say the least … whoever wrote that thing must have been very dedicated or had some good sources. Hell, I know encyclopaedias for the most part include such things, but the section that had all of that under it … it was a very large section. I stayed clear of the section just for good measure … I can only imagine what was in it.

Alright, you. Did I research on the minotaur’s technology?

Somewhat, I mean that I skimmed it really, but I already knew that the minotaurs had much more out of date weaponry compared to me. I could thank Trixie for that part, but other than that, it seemed that a lot of their tech was more focused on making everyday activities easier. It was rather close to early nineteen hundreds from the sounds of it, though with an apparent use of steam tech in some things. Hell, from a mentioned page it seemed like they might have been a big part in the Daedalus’ building. I only got a gist of that part, since it wasn’t laid out in detail.

Next! If I ran out of ammo would I buy one of their guns, or learn how to reload my own?

First off. I feel offended that you would think that I couldn’t reload my own ammo … seriously, offended right now. Of course I can reload my own ammo, what good survivalist can’t reload their own ammo?! Bah! Anyway, at the time my plan was to conserve my ammo as best as possible, as well as see if I could get the necessary materials to reload my own rounds. If I couldn’t, then I would just be extremely cautious with ammo and probably buy one of their weapons.

Though you’ll learn what happened in the end with that plan.

Last two questions. You first.

Purple Smart of Sparkle? I don’t think I understand; can you elaborate? How endearing was she?

Tough to answer, considering the little amount of time I have spent with her. I mean, I can nail her personality type, but that doesn’t mean I can get used to a person so quickly unless they are the perfect match to me. I guess I would say that if I spent longer around her, she would grow on me rather quickly. I mean she was probably one of the few that naturally has the term ‘adorkable’ tagged to her.

Final question. Did I find out why the crystals gave me migraines?

Pfft! Haha, I’m sorry, but were you expecting it to be something crazy or magical? hate to say it, but it was nothing of the sort. In fact, it was merely the constant reflection of light. You can essentially chalk it all up to the crystal being too ‘shiny.’ I’ve had such migraines in the past before, usually from absorbing too much light at once, so I was kind of expecting such a reaction.

Alright, back to the story, folks! No more time for questions!

I woke up from the blissful nap thanks to someone shaking my arm.. Apparently, someone was trying to get my attention. I played dead for a little bit longer though, since I was curious as to who it was. Sure, in other situations, I would have done something forceful and quick to get a grip on the situation, but I repressed that instinct. I was safe where I was.

“Wake up, dweeb, breakfast then we are leaving,” Gilda said before shaking my arm again. It had to be Gilda … if it wasn’t, I might have grab them and wrestled them into submission for fun … maybe … if it was Dash. There was the chance that Gilda was still healing, so no action for me.

Think of it as a little prank on those who decided to wake me up ... well, would have been.

“Yeah,” I muttered, my voice half muffled by the blankets. “Go on ahead … just give me a second to wake up.”

“Can’t do that you dolt, you’d get lost without me,” Gilda said; the smugness was so apparent in her voice, I could see it even with my eyes closed. Yeah, it crossed over from one sense to another, it was that apparent.

“Fine … fine,” I said as I struggled to get up. That morning was really making me feel old. Whatever was going on with my body and Equis, I didn’t want any part of it any more. I had previously felt so young and fresh back home … in that weird world though … my age was starting to catch up.

I got to my feet and drearily looked around, forgetting that there was no bathroom attached to the room.

“Is there a bathroom nearby?” I asked Gilda, who was sitting on a chair by all of my stuff.

“Take a right and it’s the second door on the right,” she said to me before turning to look at all of my stuff strewn about the table. As long as she didn’t touch anything, we’d be good.

“Don’t touch anything,” I muttered before finally leaving the room in search of a washroom. Thankfully Gilda didn’t lie or anything, because I was not really feeling in the mood for pranks. Yes, I know what I said, but it’s different when dishing one out and receiving one.

You know what I do when I have access to a source of water? Well I tend to dunk my head underwater or in the running water until I start to feel awake. The underwater one is always better, sure, but even utilizing a shower to do so … it wakes you up without a doubt! Though only with cold water, hot water just makes you want to sleep more.

So, skip forward about five minutes to when I walked back into my room to find Gilda poking at a few things, not actually doing much aside from giving tentative prods to a few items. The main ones that had her attention were my personal charging device and a tube that I carried around with me. This one wasn’t the one that Luna gave to me, no, this one I hardly mention, but I did give a brief hint to it.

“Curious about something?” I ask as I sit down on the other chair and proceed to put on my boots.

“What are these?” she asked, pointing to the two aforementioned items.

“The first one is a portable electric charger. See the two handles?” I asked, to which she nodded. “Take the rigid one in the palm of your claw and then squeeze the moveable one twice, in fast succession.”

She did as was told and you could hear the whir of the small generator in the device. There was a small spark at the receptacle in that I attached after the rectifier. Gilda almost dropped it in shock at the spark. That’s what happens when something new catches you by surprise … shock, that’s what I was implying.

“Woah, this thing makes electricity?!” Gilda said in a shocked voice.

“Small amounts really, though the more you pump, the more that it creates over time. Honestly I just use it to keep certain devices running, and to charge batteries,” I said as I pulled my jacket over me before I started to refill my pockets with all the small stuff I kept in them. “That tube you were looking at has my alternate scope for my rifle. Hmm … come to think of it, if we are going to be in enclosed places, I should really change the scopes. Mind passing me the tube?”

She simply nodded before handing it to me gently; I gave her a curt nod in thanks before picking up my rifle and laying it down on the bed. I heard the small clicks of her talons on the floor as she came over to see what I was doing.

The scope on my M110 wasn’t exactly hard to detach, but a special little Allen key was needed to make it a lot easier for those who wanted to remove it. Luckily, I always keep said key in a small inside pocket of my jacket, one that was very well sealed.

A few seconds later, and I was slowly twisting the knobs that kept the scope attached to the rifle’s rails. A couple of seconds after that, the scope was fully detached and I was reaching for the tube that had my red dot sight in it.

Though I let Gilda undo the latches, eh why not, right? When she opened the tube, she found a Redfield Crossfire red dot sight. That means little to all of you, but think of it as a small scope that lacks magnification capabilities, and underneath the scope itself there is a small laser dot. Inside the scope itself is a small, electrically-created dot that acts like crosshairs but only takes up a very small amount of space in the middle.

Anyway, I attached that easily before tightening the knobs and placing the long-range scope in the container. That was essentially all it takes. I hadn’t touched the adjustment dials on the red dot, so it should be good, though at short range it hardly mattered for the most part. Hell, I only really used it for the laser dot underneath.

Gilda looked a little bit disappointed that that was all it took, her beak frowning slightly as I went about getting the rest of my stuff together. It took no time at all since I was proficient at packing up really quickly … many times being on the run from raiders helped to make sure of that.

In short, after about five total minutes of packing, I was ready to leave to go to breakfast. So I silently followed Gilda, though I think she was expecting me to say something or anything, since every once and awhile she looked back at me. If she was expecting a constant stream of conversation then she must have forgotten I wasn’t blue, small, and a pegasus.

Eventually we reached the main dining hall, which was full … well fuller than the dinner the previous night. The rest of the group had apparently showed up to say goodbye to us or something. I gave a small wave before taking an empty seat next to Gilda and Trixie. For some reason it was always one or the other sitting with me, never any of the others. Speciesist ponies.

So we had breakfast. Yeah, seriously it was so lifeless really for the most part … well, that’s actually stretching the truth a little bit. in reality, it was dull towards me as most of the questions were actually directed to Gilda and Trixie about stuff that didn’t really pertain to the trip.

Hell, we got through eating before I actually received my first question. Oh and the breakfast was eggs, fucking delicious. And the question was more of a statement by Purple Smart.

Don’t get me wrong, I was glad that she did what she did … I just kind of wished I was a bit more involved in the conversations

“So since you’re going to Tayros, Trixie and I took the liberty of planning ahead last night. There is a train leaving in an hour and a half that’s headed for the Manehatten port. It’s the last stop in Manehatten and the best for avoiding the big city. From there, the Daedalus should be in dock one if the schedule is correct. By the time you arrive at the dock it should be commencing boarding. Just show the tickets Princess Luna gave you and all will be well!”

“Thanks, this will help make things easier,” I said before giving her a thumbs up, then going silent. What else would I say to her, really? The conversation line was really dead on that topic. Hell, for the most part this send-off that seemed to be going on was more for Gilda and Trixie’s sake. Sure, I could consider myself a decent acquaintance of the group, but even I knew that it wasn’t about me. The whole Ponyville trip was initially about Gilda … then eventually Trixie as well. I only got something out of the Canterlot portion.

Yeah, so I just sat back and watched as they talked, then when they all started to get up and leave the room, I silently followed. Eventually we were outside the castle as it was, Trixie’s wagon parked just off to the right. Oh, and don’t forget the guards that stood outside the doors.

I didn’t know if they were the same as the ones that had originally barred my way when first in Ponyville, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about ways to humiliate them or at least poke fun at them. Of course, I never did anything, but still … tempting.

The group continued to chatter before all of a sudden Trixie spoke up, much like she did when she had been doing her show. “Watch as the Great and Powerful Trixie shrinks her wagon to the size of a key chain!”

Yeah fucking right.

Her entire caravan was encased in the pink glow that her horn gave off when she levitated things. I glanced over to her horn to see that the magic resonance that is usually given off was much brighter and larger than normal. At first, I was going to assume it was from her straining to lift the caravan or something.

Then I was proven wrong.

With a pop, which was about the same volume as a suppressor, the caravan disappeared. I was fucking shocked, mainly because it looked like she had teleported it away. I wanted to ask her what she thought she was doing … that was until she walked over to where the caravan had been … and then picked up a really small object, not even as big as half her hoof.

“As you can see, The Great and Powerful Trixie, with much assistance from her assistant Twilight Sparkle, has shrunk her caravan to a size that could fit in a pocket!” Trixie proclaimed, which actually earned a few claps from the group. Sure there were eye rolls, but there was also clapping. I was trying to say something, but I failed to form words at that moment..

Trixie proceeded to walk over and pull my right hand out with her magic. She then floated the little object into my hand. “Take care of this; Trixie can’t imagine what she would do to you if you lost it.”

“Right,” I said simply before inspecting the tiny caravan-looking key chain figurine. It had to be it yet of course my rational mind kept denying that what I was holding was the caravan that Trixie travelled with. Still … for good measure I made sure to put it in the same padded container that I kept my scopes in.

While I stared at the thing as I placed it into the container, the group started walking towards the train station without me. Hell, I had to run to catch up to them as they made good time at their trotting pace. I envied horses since they were moving at such a fast pace, yet they seemed to be conversing as though there were walking … well fast is relative, they were moving at a decent jogging pace. The type of pace where you run out of breath quick enough that you can’t really talk with others.

Eventually I caught up to them … when they stopped at the train station. Fuck my legs were hurting a little bit, though not as much as the previous day. Still, it wasn’t fun having to run through town just to catch up to the ponies, but I couldn’t complain really since … well … I’ve got nothing really, but I still didn’t complain or think of complaining.

Anyway, the ponies began to sit and chat as Twilight went to the booth and ordered our tickets for us, which was a really awesome gesture by Purple Smart. I mean we could have bought our tickets, but it was still nice to actually have someone buy something for you … it always is.

So we sat and waited for a good ten minutes, the rest talking about stuff while I just relaxed on a bench. Once again, they were lost in their own world that didn’t include the human, but I didn’t mind at all, the relative quiet was nice. At least it was until the whistling of a train that was pulling up broke it..

Oh god it was that garish thing again!

“Wait,” I said out loud, enough for them to hear me. “The train is coming from the west … we’re headed to Appleloosa again, or something?”

“No, no, no, there is a junction prior to Appleloosa that goes northeast until reaching Manehatten. It isn’t nearly as far as where you came from! That would be silly,” Twilight said with a light giggle.

“Then how long is the trip?” I asked, getting a little annoyed that I was just being told that.

“About six hours to Manehatten. Appleloosa is a little over six,” she said with a smile. Yeah, the content was starting to sound weird in shape. It didn’t matter though, since I was going to be off it shortly.

“By the way, Ryan, I forgot to give you some stuff … unfortunately they are currently in Trixie’s trailer … hehe,” Twilight said sheepishly as I merely raised an eyebrow beyond my Oakleys. “Umm … inside the trailer is the camera I told you I was going to give you. Not only that, but there is also a green bottle in there. It is liquefied dragonfire that is linked to Spike. If you need to send a letter, just let a drop hit the paper and it will be sent!”

I looked at her for a second, the pieces of what she said slowly falling into place thanks to the help of me using the ‘it’s magic’ excuse. Eventually, I just nodded my head and gave a small thanks before returning to watching the train get closer and closer.

The thing eventually came to a stop before a whole mob of ponies started to disembark. Well not a whole mob … more like ten really, but still. I got up off the bench and proceeded to the train car that was in front of me. As I stepped in the doorway of the train car, I looked back to see the whole group doing their goodbyes and the like. Trixie and Twilight hugging, Trixie and the others hugging, Gilda and Dash uh … hugging, before Dash looked at Gilda and whispered something that was just out of my earshot. It probably wasn’t meant for me to hear anyway.

Eventually the group broke up, allowing Gilda and Trixie to proceed past me in the doorway and into the train car. I stayed in the doorway, even as the train conductor came by and started to try and marshal me inside. I simply glared at him ‘till he relented to let me stay. I kept looking at the group that I had met not so long ago and … well, I wouldn’t say became good friends with. Let’s go with decent acquaintances.

I mean it wasn’t for the lack of trying on their part, really. I’m just a cruddy old bastard that felt outside of his age group. Still, they had made a place in my memory enough that I would miss them for the time being. Sure, I would see them again, but in who knew how long. Years had already started to fly by, but that didn’t mean that at times it also crawled.

Eventually the train started moving, and the initial jerk caused me to reach for a handle. Still, I stood in the doorway and watched as they slowly started to get smaller and smaller as the train moved. They waved to me and I tipped my cap back to them before they eventually were too far to see.

I sighed before eventually moving back inside the car. When I entered the one that Gilda and Trixie went to, I noticed something to my delight. It was completely empty … well minus Gilda and Trixie of course.

So I sat my pack down at the head of the car and proceeded to sit on one of the benches that allow me to lean up against the wall.

“Well,” I said to the other two, both of them proceeding to look at me, “it seems our journey has begun.”

“Indeed. Trixie is eager to see what becomes of this,” the blue mare replied as she laid down on her own bench, across the aisle and one row down from me. Gilda followed and sat on the bench in front of me.

“So what now?” she asked, apparently already impatient.

“Now … now we dance!” I said before sitting up right and pointing the ceiling in dramatic fashion. After holding that for a few seconds I proceeded to flop backwards, once again leaning against the wall. “Actually, fuck that.”

That got a decent laugh from Gilda and Trixie alike. At least my humour was still sharp. Though Gilda had a point … what were we going to do to kill a six hour train ride? I mean sleep was an option, but there was no way that I would be able to sleep well the entire train ride away. The only option was maybe the deck of cards I kept in my pack. In the end, I decided to wait for at least some time to pass before breaking those out.

“How were your visits?” I asked them, a little curious as to how it went for both of them. Sure, I knew some details, but there was also a lot of time spent away from each other.

“Twilight Sparkle was lucky to have Trixie. She helped bring light to her life, obviously!” Trixie said boastfully, causing me to sigh and shake my head upon hearing that. Apparently, Trixie saw that as she quickly amended her statement. “What Trixie meant to say was that it was very nice to see Twilight Sparkle once more. She helped Trixie with her dilemma and now here we are.”

I nodded in acceptance before looking at Gilda with a raised eyebrow. This time she could see it since I had removed my sunglasses and put them on my cap. She actually blushed at my look. It was definitely funny to see, considering her ‘hard’ nature.

“It was cool I guess. Dash’s friends aren’t that big of dweebs after all, so it went alright. Dash and I are uh … friends again. So yeah,” Gilda said as she rubbed the back of her neck, trying to play the whole thing off in a cool manner.

“You’re welcome,” I said in response. I figured that was the best I was going to get from the catbird, so I might as well take it and roll with it. Eventually I would get her to try something else other than cover her feelings with half-truths and whatnot. That wasn’t the time, though.

“What about you? Trixie hardly saw you at all,” Trixie asked, turning the tables on me.

“Eh, it was fine. Learned some new stuff, met new people … ponies, drank a lot, and had decent meals. Can’t say I’ve had better recently,” I said, playing it off much like they did. There were obviously things that didn’t need to be discussed between us and I was perfectly content with that. I wasn’t Applejack, I wasn’t going to call anyone out on lies.

Speaking of which, I bet you all thought that there was going to be a confrontation or something regarding a lie, huh? Yeah I can see it in some of your faces, you thought Applejack and I would go at it. Well I had thought that a few times while I was there, but thankfully, there wasn’t a single time where I lied and she was around … hell, I hardly lied that whole time as it was.

So, for a good amount of time, we just sat back and basked in the silence that filled the train car. At one point, a train attendant walked through to check our tickets, so that was a little bit exciting. Other than that, it was a dull little bit of time.

Sure, I had my music to listen to, but I didn’t feel like listening to anything at that moment. Well that was at first anyway, and then an idea struck me. Trixie might be of use and we could listen to some good human metal.

“Hey, Trixie … you got a sound increasing spell or something?” I asked suddenly, nearly startling the mare. She calmed down quickly, though.

“Trixie does know such a spell, why?” she replied, looking more than a little curious at what I was thinking about doing.

“We could listen to music, to help pass the time or something. Dunno, just a thought,” I said with a shrug. Yeah, I had thought it was a good idea at first, but then saying it out loud made it seem a little lame.

“Trixie supposes it couldn’t hurt, though she wonders how we will listen to music,” Trixie said, an eyebrow perking up in curiosity.

“With this,” I said as I pulled my iPod out of its pocket. “This is an iPod. It currently is the host to over two thousand songs. I figured there would be something you might like. Get cultured with human music; you know you want to.”

“How is this going to pass the time?” Trixie questioned.

“Don’t know about you two, but music passes the time for me. I guess it can be a background thing while we do something else,” I said with a shrug. “Can you two think of anything better?”

“If we had cards, I could beat both of you dweebs in poker,” Gilda said from her laid-back position on her seat. The griffon looked damned relaxed as she was currently staring at the ceiling of the train car while lying on her back.

“Looks like we’ve got something, then!” I said as I fished through my pack. I knew I had a pair of cards in here. Solitaire is fun to play when you've got nothing else going … that, and I was on an endless journey to teach people card games.

Well, maybe not endless, since I haven’t taught you all any, but you know what I mean.

I eventually found said cards and tossed them over to Gilda. She sat up in surprise before leafing through the deck and starting to shuffle.

Either way, get ready for some background music, I’ll keep it low enough that I can speak up over it, but I’m still going to play a few songs. Only a few though, since there was a lot of time passed via music and cards. I can only talk about such things for so long, after all.

“Trixie supposes that is as good of an idea as we will get,” the blue mare said as she made her way from her seat to the couch Gilda was currently on. I was about to ask what we were going to use for a table before Trixie’s horn glowed up again, and a pink, see through table appeared. The same colour as Trixie’s magic. I looked at her in sheer confusion, to which she smiled. “Trixie is very knowledgeable in magic! A simple table construct that has a permanency glyph added. Until Trixie dispels it, it will never disappear!”

“Impressive, now about that sound-increasing spell?” I said, completely ignoring Trixie’s glare by giving her a big smile. She gave a small ‘harrumph,’ then her horn flashed and the iPod was encased in a glow briefly before it disappeared. “Thanks!”

So while Gilda kept shuffling, I scrolled through my music to see what song I could play for them. No doubt I would want to stay away from the death metal, thrash metal, and the like … that was fine actually, since I had a good range. Eventually when Gilda had dealt out the cards, I found a good song to start with.

“Let’s start with this song. Blind Guardian’s Mirror Mirror,” I said before pressing play. The song blasted louder than I wanted, so I turned the volume down until it was a reasonable level. “Now, what are we playing?”

“Poker, but since you don’t have any bits of your own we can’t play for money,” Gilda grumbled.

“Play for bits but give me a cut, and everything that I lose will be owed to you both when I do make some for myself. If I win then I keep them, how about that?” I offered, which seemed to go over well with them. So we started almost immediately, with all of us having a hundred bits. Thankfully, Gilda had enough to give me leverage.

I’ll try and skim over the poker since it was rather quiet for the most part except in between hands, which is when we talked. Anyway, the first hand went my way rather nicely. I got the small blind of one bit with Trixie forking up two for the big blind.

Yeah, we were trying to stretch this game out so we kept the numbers small to start off with.

Oh, I forgot to mention that we were playing five card stud. Anyway, I got dealt two jacks, a five, a nine, and an ace. I called Gilda’s bet of five bits before we swapped out cards. Of course, I threw away the rest while keeping the jacks, and you know what I got? Another jack among that three. Yep, I felt pretty good about that.

I ended up playing it casually and just calling Gilda while Trixie folded. She only had a high pair, so of course I won. It was a good start, honestly. I usually have bad luck in poker.

Anyway, while I shuffled, we decided to talk more; the topic was actually about the music surprisingly.

“What is this song? It doesn’t sound too bad, though a little fast,” she said as her head slightly bobbed to the music.

“I told you when I played it,” I said with a light laugh. “Blind Guardian was a … let’s just go with metal band. Pretty much all of my music is metal though some are slower. Guitars, drums, and powerful singing … that’s pretty much metal.”

“Or growling …” Gilda muttered, though loud enough for both of us to hear.

“Yeah, Gilda got a taste of the heavier side in my music. Metal is diverse and has many types of … singing, let’s go with that.” I proceeded to deal out the cards in a quick fashion, before setting down the deck and picking up my own hand.

“Trixie understands, she thinks. It sounds somewhat like minotaur music but much faster and louder,” the blue mare said as she checked her cards that I dealt out.

“Sounds like I’m going to enjoy my time there then,” I replied with a large smile. Then we went back to our game of poker.

Long story short, I promptly took the next hand with a nice bluff … and a little bit of intimidation, though I’m pretty sure it was mainly the bluffing part. I’m good at telling lies when I need to; always have been. Hell, I used to make my baseball team believe all kinds of false things about my life before meeting them. It was always hilarious to see their genuine reactions.

Good times.

Anyway, promptly after that hand, I switched on a new song. Sure, there were two others in between the Blind Guardian one and the one I am going to show you, but they were hardly interesting for the other two.

The song I switched it to was Amorphis’ Death of a King. This song was also off the same album as the song I showed you yesterday … god I loved that album when I found it, which was only a few weeks before The Reckoning happened. I got fucking lucky if you ask me.

The only reason I am showing you this song is because they actually commented on it, unlike the previous two.

“Trixie must say, this song is interesting … different from the last two,” the blue mare said as she promptly shuffled the cards in her magic. “Trixie feels that Ryan might have some musical taste, but that is yet to be determined.”

“I don’t know if I should take that as a complement,” I said with a small chuckle.

“Too slow for my taste,” Gilda muttered as she picked up her cards. I simply laughed at that statement before picking mine up as well. Absolute shit of a hand. There was literally nothing in there, the whole thing being a random mix of cards that just didn’t work together.

“I could always play more of that second type … the one that was too hard for you?” I said with a small elbow jab at her side. She glared daggers at me in response, so I held my hands in mock defence. “Don’t worry, none of that is on the playlist. Though I can add more songs to it if you want.”

There was no response as we all placed bets and got our new cards, with me deciding to do a full hand shuffle. Why not, right? What could I hope to lose, really? The answer of course was the hand, since I folded promptly after.

“Trixie ponders just how advanced you humans were. You only mentioned it briefly but never elaborated,” Trixie said, seemingly out of the blue since there was no real reason fo- … wait, no, that was a tie in after I mentioned adding songs, wasn’t it? Damn, and here my response was wrong then.

“Out of the blue, but I’ll bite,” I said in reply as Gilda won the hand with three of a kind in jacks. As she mixed up the cards, I looked over to Trixie. “What specifically do you want to know?”

“What was the pinnacle of human technology before you came here?” Trixie asked, no real flourish to her voice like the one she usually had.

“Pinnacle of human tech … I like how you worded that. However, the question is a bitch to answer, since it’s all about perspective. I mean some would say that our pinnacle would have been the latest technology or probably the internet. Don’t even ask what the internet was … it’s a long and painful experience. For me, though … that’s a tough one. Give me a hand or two to think about it,” I said in response before picking up my cards.

So we took our time with the next few hands, Trixie and Gilda winning them respectively. All the while, I pondered her question, remembering all of the tech that we had in our world, looking even at what survived. It was a little bit of an arduous journey through that train of thought … I mean I had to go back before I was born as well as recall info that I had only been told about once, if at all. Let’s just say I thought of a great answer, in my books, but I know that more than a few would probably have disagreed with me.

“I think I have an answer for you, Trixie,” I said as I picked up my next hand. Natural flush. I of course played it cool so that I could try to garner more out of the pot.

“Trixie is listening,” she replied, and judging from Gilda’s casual glances away from her cards to me, she was as well.

“Now, I could have gone with a lot of answers, and I mean a lot. We’ve had many millennia to learn and gain knowledge in a world that gave no shortcuts. So, I could have gone with an elaborate answer revolving around what my music device is. I could have said something regarding my weapons, or I could have just told you about some sort of gadget created before The Reckoning. Those would have been easy answers. To me, though … the pinnacle of human tech was flight.”

“Flight? Pfft, lame!” Gilda said in response, to which I merely smirked. I had expected as much, and a lesser man would have probably “gone after” her with statements and what not backing what was said … I don’t deny every once and awhile being a bit of a lesser man, but I do it with class.

“You were born with the capabilities to do so, Gilda. Hell, I bet you could use magic as well if it came to that. So you have always had a way of being a part of the wide blue yonder. You’ve had access to the knowledge of how flight works since the beginning … humans … we could only look up in amazement for the longest time. When I say we, as a species, have been alive for millennia, I mean upwards of ten thousand years of improvement. Yet since the Reckoning, it hasn’t even been two hundred years since we invented the first heavier than air flying machine. Two hundred out of a possible ten thousand is beyond imagining to most. Yet it’s not just defying our born nature that makes flight the pinnacle.”

We finished the hand before I continued my lecture. Besides, sometimes I do my best thinking when I had something to control the fidgeting that my hands do. Oh … and I won the hand, woot woot.

“From then on we have used flight to gain access to places that would have taken untold amounts of time to find, used it to visit other parts of the world that … well would have been like I just said … in fact those are pretty similar, anyway! It also allowed us new forms of recreation and fun, allowed us to study things that we would never had seen or truly understood without flight, and it gave us access to the stars. Without flight, we would probably have been behind by unknown years in regards to our tech. So why not consider it one of the biggest achievements we’ve ever made? It essentially allowed us to be more than what nature intended us to be.”

They both took some time to take in my answer as I dealt out the hands. Hell, it took them a rather long time, as we were able to get through three more hands, which thankfully had me holding onto more bits than I started with.

Eventually, Trixie responded. “Trixie can’t say that she isn’t surprised by your answer, though Trixie does see a whole new light on what we take for granted.”

“Really?” I ask, a little bit of sarcasm creeping into my voice. “After that little bit, you see things in a whole new light? I’m calling bullshit.”

“No dweeb, I get what she means as well,” Gilda said before folding her hand. “We take things for granted when some aren’t born with such things.”

I just stared at the both of them with squinted eyes, trying to discern if they were playing a game or something with me. I mean it only made sense, right? Who in their right mind doesn’t even argue a point before coming to a conclusion that they had been looking at something the wrong way?! No one! Even Gilda was acting weird, despite her being the most normal out of everyone I had met thus far.

“Right …” I said slowly before turning back to the poker game. Things became quiet after that, the rest of us focusing solely on the game and the recent turn of bad luck for me. Now I want you to understand why I was suddenly down to roughly forty bits out of a hundred previously given.

Cards have their own luck god. Seriously, cards is a game where you can be the better player without a doubt, but the sheer amount of chance that is involved when you’re not running numbers in your head is ridiculous!

What I mean by numbers is card counting. It’s tougher with poker but can be done with Blackjack. Anyway, apparently the card god was having it in for me as that flush I mentioned before the rant was the last good hand I had. I mean I had maybe a couple of low pairs but even with that I couldn’t bluff my way through when both of them were pulling straights and such out of nowhere!

Eventually it all came down to a last hand with me holding onto twenty bits, and I had my first decent hand in a while. A three of a kind. I was going all in, no doubt!

I apparently had done something to make the card god angry with me. Gilda ended up winning all of her bits back from me with a fucking royal flush! A fucking royal flush! I have never seen one in my goddamned life prior to that hand! Do you know how rare they are? Well they are beyond rare as far as my life was concerned! I had started so well … and then it all went down the drain.

Enough of me bitching about my card luck; I should get back to the story.

Now, despite the fact that I was expecting them to pull something or say something that would counter their willing acceptance, nothing ever came. Nothing. They just laughed at how bad my luck was regarding the card game and then continued on playing until Gilda eventually came up on top of the whole thing, taking the pot of three hundred bits, much to Trixie’s annoyance.

All the while they played, I kept the music to something from the slower half of my library, that and tried to reason out how the hell my little speech went over so well. Eventually speculation gets you nowhere and you just need to ask.

“Right, I’m confused. How did my lecture just turn around your opinion? Especially yours, Gilda?” I asked, more than confused at that point.

She shrugged at first before she went back to laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. “I was going to say something, but then I remembered you came from a world without magic. Just kind of clicked.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose at how simple of an answer that was, then proceeded to look over to Trixie. She didn’t respond immediately as she focused on collecting the cards and packing them back in the deck. Once done with that, she proceeded to float the cards over to me so I could put them away. Then she proceeded to pick up my iPod, that I had turned off, and did something with her magic before floating it over to me; probably dispelled that previous spell. When I snatched them out of her magical aura, she answered my question.

“Trixie has learned a lot of lessons about humility and looking at things from another perspective. She believes that you are right with what you implied, and as a species it does sound like flight was a good choice,” she said before trotting back to her couch. “If you had met Trixie a few years ago then the answer would have been to mock you, but that was a young and naive Trixie.”

“How old are you again?” I ask with a joking tone. In response, she utilized her magic to flick me on the side of my head, much to the amusement of Gilda, who snorted in response. “I kid, I kid!”

We settled down slightly after, just in our own worlds, really. Trixie was reading a book that I don’t understand how she got, while Gilda was apparently sleeping. I on the other hand, decided that I wanted to see the rest of the train car.

So I left my pack behind with them, but kept my weapons on me as I opened the door of the train car. See, back before the Reckoning, the little spec in between the train cars was usually covered up so that people could pass without the howling of wind annoying them or whatever the real reason was. This train and all its painfully coloured features had no such thing. Instead you walked in between cars by stepping outside.

I didn’t mind one bit.

In fact, I took my time when I exited our car. I just stood on the small platform immediately after the door. It was nice to feel the wind grazing by me, but I still pulled up my scarf to cover my face. It was nice just being outside after an hour of being cooped up in that train car. Yeah, only an hour of it and it was getting annoying. I had truly become an outdoorsman.

I think I stood for a good ten minutes, just looking out at the passing scenery, which was grassy hills interspersed by groups of trees and the occasional house. It was nice to see something other than just straight buildings again … still, I kind of missed some of natural wonders that the Reckoning created. I mean, did you know that Manitoba, which still has the most lakes out of any province by sheer luck, now has the largest waterfall I’ve ever seen? I mean, it’s probably bigger than the previous record holder, only because it literally falls off what is essentially a cliffside. Annoyingly, out of all the things that didn’t change in that place, the mosquitoes are still fucking massive.

I’m rambling a bit. Anyway, eventually I stood back up, since I had been leaning over the guardrail slightly, and took one last deep breath before proceeding into the next car.

When I first opened the door, I noticed a few ponies turn their heads to see who was entering the train car, but after sizing me up, they went back to their normal … whatever they were doing. I didn’t spend much time in that train car, as it had nothing of interest. Sure, there were new ponies I didn’t know, but I wasn’t in the mood to chat up a random stranger or anything.

So I’m not going to bother describing any of the ponies since they are absolutely irrelevant to the story. I mean, I know I have been telling you all minute details, but not for this part … that would be agonizingly long.

I quickly made my way through the train car, exiting it and stepping outside once more, where I took my time again to just watch the passing landscape. It was a nice time once again.

As I was about to cross to the next train car, another pony stepped out of said train car, pausing for a second to see that he wasn’t alone outside.

“Need by?” I asked before gesturing to the door behind me.

The older looking, golden-coloured, white maned, unicorn stallion just shook his head before replying. “No, I just wanted to get some fresh air. I didn’t expect anypony to be out here.”

“I can believe it,” I replied simply before continuing to look out at the landscape. Sure I had wanted to go in, but this was a nice form of silent company.

“Crossroad,” he said before turning and offering a hoof to shake or bump … whatever you want to call it. It didn’t sound like a name, but hell, there wasn’t anything else he could be referring to.

“Ryan,” I replied before giving him a fist bump. Immediately after, we went back to our silence, with him eventually using his magic for something, but I didn’t see what it was since I only caught an orange flash out of the colour of my eye.

“Want one?” he said with a slightly muffled voice. I turned to see him holding a small box of what looked like cigars. I looked at the box for a second before looking back at him. The cigar box was floating in his magic while he was holding a cigar in the corner of his mouth. I simply shrugged before picking up one of the cigars.

He quickly floated over the cigar cutter and snapped the end off. He then proceeded to make the box disappear before his magic flared again, which resulted in the ends of the cigars being lit up. I gave a simple ‘huh’ before puffing on the cigar a little.

I don’t smoke necessarily but I do make exceptions every once and awhile for a good cigar. This one was a good cigar. I couldn’t really describe the after taste it left, but I can tell you that I could only think of two better cigars from my past. One was Cuban, which only made me confused as to how a man in Rome got his hands on it. The other, believe it or not, was Chinese. To me that’s weird only because of the impression that I still have on China from before The Reckoning. Either way, this pony cigar or whatever it was, was damn good.

We just stood there, puffing on the cigars, enjoying the silence. Eventually, I decided to ask the only thing on my mind. “Why?”

Thankfully, this stallion knew exactly what I was referring to. “You and I are two of a kind.”

That was all he said … that was all I needed. This pony and I were truly two of a kind, the type that don’t need anything to really solidify a bond of sorts. It was these sorts of people that were rarer than you might think. Sure, lots of people want to be the silent brooding types, but this wasn’t that. This was simply two very, very like-minded people not needing to speak to have a conversation. You’ll understand one day when you find your ‘other half,’ which is not referencing future love or anything.

No, I always believe that no matter where you go, there is the chance of running into what I call your other half, someone that is nearly exactly like you almost down to the point of not needing a single word to know everything about you. This stallion was the pony half of me. Oh, and by other half, I’m not inferring that there is only one other person like that … there could be infinite people who are your other halves … if you subscribe to the multiverse and multiple dimension theory.

Anyway, eventually he decided it was his turn ask the single worded question. “Career?”

“Wanderer, you?” I reply simply, taking another puff.

“Traveler,” he replied simply before puffing on his cigar as well. Then we met each other’s eyes for the first time. It was like there was a click, and I knew that he wasn’t telling the whole truth, just like he knew that I wasn’t telling the whole truth. Whoever this pony was, he truly was my other half.

So we stood there until the cigars were on their last breath, when he dropped his and snubbed it under his hoof before walking back to the train car he had come out of. He looked over his shoulder before tilting his head, then opening the door and thus leaving me alone outside the train car.

I decided that was good enough for my exploration of the train car, and headed back the way I came.

When I returned to the train car, I found that Gilda had completely passed the fuck out, a little bit of drool falling down the crease of her beak. Trixie was still reading her book in a curled up position.

I wasn’t tired, so I just took my seat once more, plugged in my earphones, and proceeded to listen to some music. I wanted to remove this rather mellow mood, so I blasted some of my best metal that had an upbeat type of sound.

…

You want to hear it? Really? Alright.

Lucky for you, I didn’t choose a song that was too long. Here’s the song, I did say it was upbeat! Just not using the same definition of upbeat as you probably do, haha!

…

Upbeat huh? Yeah, that’s what you get for asking for the music before asking for the name of the song and what type of music it is! Life lesson right here, write it down or something.

Anyway, I simply sat back and kind of meditated while I had metal blasting into my ears. Unfortunately, it didn’t really pass the time any faster; we were probably half way through the trip at this point. That was a rough estimate of course, but it was still rather accurate if I remember correctly. I might have a really, absurdly sharp memory, but that doesn’t mean that the passing of time is something that I actively remember.

That’s a whole ‘nother can of worms though, regarding theoretical physics that I barely know anything on, and personal beliefs in the situation

Eventually, a pony rolled a food cart into our car. It was loaded, top to bottom with what looked like pastries, some packaged food, and a few bottled drinks. Though that was all I could see at the moment; she did have a menu of what she carried but I didn’t bother looking at it. I spied my treat right away so it was pointless to ask to see it.

Gilda managed to wake up from the smell of food alone, while Trixie put down her book and promptly began to look at the offerings. It was at this point that I realized that ponies probably had some weird way of metabolising sugar on absurd levels. The reason I say that is because of the sheer amount of sweets that was on display on the second level of the cart.

Fucking fine! I’ll tell you what the cart looks like but not the mare, since she simply took the bits and said her courtesies. The cart had three levels of open food, enough space for them to be lifted from their spot and moved out. After the three levels, there was a connected metal bin of sorts that had one door. I assumed it was for storing the rest of the food.

Anyway, Gilda immediately snatched up the only meat product that was carried, which wasn’t even a meat product since it was a fish. Yeah, I don’t even understand why they just happened to have sushi with them … that’s essentially raw fish. Sure, there is a better description, but it’s not important.

I simply shook my head upon seeing her going ham on that fish … it’s a fucking saying, alright? Jeez … anyway, I eventually managed to guilt Gilda into giving me enough bits to buy myself a nice big bag of trail mix … and by big bag, I actually managed to persuade her to give me the current stock, which was equivalent to a four litre jug of milk … of trail mix. It was going to be a decent trip after all!

Yeah, and the best part was that it was the “M&M” kind by my standards. Essentially that means it had little chocolate pieces included in the mix. Any trail mix without the chocolate aspect is deemed heresy in this camp from now on! Heretics will be executed immediately!

…

I was, joking! Gah, you guys take things too literally … though I was only sorta joking. Only about the execution part.

Moving on!

Trixie was the last to choose something, but when she did … a packaged thing of peanut butter and crackers. Yeah, that mare had an addiction or something to those things; I can understand loving something, but it seemed like that was the only thing she ate when it wasn’t a planned out meal.

The snack mare left after we had our food, and we all went back to what we were doing. Gilda was lounging while patting her belly, apparently liking that fish, while Trixie went immediately back to reading her book. I, on the other hand needed something to do to keep my hands busy. So what else then clean my gun and do some basic maintenance.

Yeah, I started to kind of get OCD about cleaning it, I mean when you have little else to do and you’re a fidgeter, you find something to keep your hands busy or it starts to get annoying. I mean I could have done some lap drumming, but I’m pretty sure that would have caused an irritated Gilda to try and kill me after a while.

I took my time dismantling and cleaning my M110. By that, I mean it took me a little over an hour to do so, because why the hell not right? I could do it quickly if I needed to but I really had no rush, so why not take my time.

Now, on the home stretch of the train ride, which is the last half of the ride in my books, we ended up hitting a stop at a station. Apparently a rather busy one as well, because of what followed.

I was a little surprised by the stop, so I opened a window and saw a station platform that had roughly twenty ponies or so based on a quick guess. Thankfully we were the last train car, and based on my journey through the next one, there was easily enough room for the new additions. By that, I mean I hoped that not a single pony would come to our car. I could only imagine the sight.

Unfortunately we were graced by three mares coming to the back train car, probably hoping to find it empty. Instead, they ended up finding a weird creature, a relaxing griffon, and a reading mare. They were most likely fine with the latter two, but when they took one look at the weird creature cleaning something, they slowly backed up from the entranceway to the train car before closing it slowly.

Best pony version of “nope” that I had seen, and would ever see. All three of their faces bugged out slightly, just enough to be noticeable but not enough to be over exaggerated, and then they just gave a nervous grin before walking backwards. It was amusing enough that I broke into a fit of laughter once they had closed the door.

I laughed pretty hard, all by myself, Gilda and Trixie not really bothering to join in or even look at me. I think they finally realized that I laughed at things that were not necessarily funny to them. Hell, I laughed at a lot of stuff that most people wouldn’t find funny.

Once the train started rolling again, I started to settle back and go back to what I was doing.

I’ll be honest, the rest of the train ride, which was two hours of nothing, were exactly that. The only thing that happened was me listening to music and eating trail mix, while the other two did their own things … aka read her book and nap, respectively.

Do you mind if I skip the boring two hours? Fine, I’ll play you another song in exchange. Here’s your options for genre type. You’ve got power metal, prog metal, thrash metal, sludge metal, or death metal. Choose!

…

Sludge, really? Well I can’t say that it’s a bad choice, just unexpected. Alright. Here’s Gojira’s L’Enfant Sauvage. And yes, they are a French band.

…

Not exactly everyone’s cup of tea, huh? Glad I could see some nodding along with it, I don’t blame you anyway. It took me awhile to really get into them as well. Still, they are a great band in my books … unfortunately they weren’t able to release any new albums before The Reckoning. I was hoping for something at least, but nah … too many versions of that same situation.

Alright, so I’ll skip ahead to when we started entering Manehatten. You see, I was expecting everything that I saw, I mean with that sort of name, there was no way that it would be some sort of small town. Thankfully my deduction that the pony world had essentially copies of things from our world, I was right. Manehatten was truly Manhattan.

Skyscrapers in the distance, large apartment-looking buildings, warehouses and a large amount of big business-looking buildings … it was truly what I expected from seeing the pony version of a well-known American city. It’s tough to explain to you since it wasn’t anything really different for me. If I had seen something out of the ordinary I would totally have explained it, but this … no, I was expecting it … as I’ve said more than once.

Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of New York from before the war, so I can’t really give you a comparison … I’m sorry everyone, but despite everything, this is one time when I can’t go into detail. There was too much of what I was more or less used to … it was almost too human-like.

Either way, I still looked out at the myriad of passing buildings, not even bothering to pay attention as multiple ponies ended up boarding into our train car, apparently not caring about its previous occupants. Hell, Trixie and Gilda had to share a seat … I have good peripheral vision.

A couple of stops down the line was when I finally cued in on something … there were speakers that announced the stops. Yeah, the entire time I had somehow completely missed hearing it … well not really ‘somehow’ since I was almost certain that it was due to the fact I had been listening to music the entire time. Hell, I only just managed to pull out my earphones before a voice came over said speakers.

“Manehatten docks! Last stop in Manehatten!”

Thankfully, I was all packed up by the time we came to this station … our station … whatever. Either way, Gilda and Trixie proceeded to hop off their seats once the train finally came to a stop. I picked up my pack as well before following them out of the door.

The sight that came in front of me? A smaller looking station, kind of like Ponyville’s in design in that it was a single building that wasn’t too much taller than me, really. Probably only nine or ten feet tall, or if you’re normal then roughly three metres plus, while being long enough to probably have multiple rooms.

It wasn’t the station that drew my attention … no, it was the fucking humongous thing in the background. Right, so maybe humongous isn’t even the right word … let’s go with … Godzilla-like. That seems more fitting in a way.

…

Godzilla was a make believe giant lizard that destroyed cities. Moving on.

What I was looking at looked like a massive galleon that had some sort of giant engines sticking out the back of it.

A galleon was an old ship, made of wood, and utilized massive sails to move around on the sea. That’s the best description you’re going to get from me, since it’s been a long, long time since I have seen one, let alone described it. I can only remember so much despite said augmentation. Oh! Here, have any of you ever heard tales of pirates that roamed the ocean? You have? Perfect! Remember the type of ship they sailed on? There you, that’s a galleon more or less.

Now, this galleon, with what looked like rocket engines on the back, was probably ten times the size of what you’d imagine for a galleon. Hell, this thing looked like it could transport an entire city's worth of people!

“What. The. Ever. Living. Fuck. Is. That?!” I said, actually punctuating each word with as much ‘wut’ as possible.

“That’s the Daedalus, you idiot,” Gilda said before walking ahead with Trixie, leaving me staring at the ship in complete and utter shock. I didn’t know what to think … I truly didn’t. Hell, thinking back, it’s tough to exactly picture it as it is.

Let me try here. Alright, this might be a little rough in the description.

The body looked to be made of wood like a galleon’s, but the underside had what looked like a metal plating, and yes, I could see the underside since it appeared to be hooked up to a bunch of massive towers or something to hold it in place. The whole ship was painted with brownish coating, and it was obvious that it was a furnished wood. Though on the metal at the bottom of the ship I could see very distinct coloured plates. One was painted blue with what looked like stars in columns on the horizontal sides of the metal pieces. That wasn’t all, though … that piece only covered half of the ship’s underbelly. The other half was another metal piece that was coloured with what looked like a cross between red and orange paints that alternated vertically with white strips. It kind of looked like the American flag all in all, except that the pieces had an obvious divider and that the stripes were vertical instead of horizontal. Those were the key differing aspects.

As for the rest of the ship, well since it was actually up in the air, I couldn’t see much past the broadside, but I can tell you about the engines a little.

Let’s see … they were fucking massive. Any of you remember the rockets that were used to launch spacecraft? Yeah? Well there was essentially two of them. I don’t mean that massive one in the middle, but those white support rockets that were on the sides. That’s how fucking big the engines on this ship were. The only difference was that instead of just being saddled up along the side of the sip, they seemed to merge into the ship after a little bit.

While staring up at them, a thought crossed my mind … I would jump ship if I found out that they ran on steam. Don’t ask why … just don’t.

I have to say that for the most part it was an extremely impressive craft. The ponies had done something really impressive for their tech, and while it was extremely cool, I still liked the more aerodynamic designs of our ships. The only questions I had about it were why it was hanging up in the air, how something that fucking heavy could hang up in the air, and if we were going to board it before it was dropped into the dock.

I had to forcibly shake myself from my thoughts when I heard Gilda yelling back at me to hurry up or I would be left behind. Yeah, right … I was the one with the tickets, after all. So I started walking and eventually caught up to them, my eyes eventually deciding to stop staring at the massive ship … instead moving on to scanning around to see what the Manehatten docks looked like.

Let me tell you something … those ponies were neat freaks. Neat freaks mixed with more than a hint of OCD as everything looked to be meticulously placed, not a single fucking fibre out of place in that entire dock. Hell, the ponies who looked to be working there were also moving around in a very militaristic fashion. My guess was that this ship was more or less an Equestrian Navy vessel that was being used for transporting people.

How did I know that last part, about the whole ‘transporting people’ thing? Well you see, there was a tower leading up to the deck of the ship itself, and at the foot of that tower was a fucking massive line of everyday ponies. I was tempted to facepalm at the possibility of waiting for fucking ever, and by the looks on the girls’ faces, they were thinking the same thing. Of course, that was until I remembered exactly who signed off on our passes.

Actually, come to think about it, I never actually read over the documents outside of the banknotes. I took a wild guess and figured that Luna had expected such a thing … well more like a wild prayer.

So I put down my pack and withdrew the tickets from the envelope. I mean I needed them anyway, might as well check it before taking a spot in line.

Lady Luck had returned!

On the ticket was an explicit statement that said ‘whoever bears these tickets has full access to Royal perks in accordance with Equestrian Royalty and Minotaur Leadership.’

That meant no fucking lines! That and some other stuff, but I was more excited about getting to cut in front of everyone standing in that line. Sure, I felt a little bad about it, but not enough to actually go against what I could do with the tickets. Call me selfish, but waiting for hours is not something I like to do if I can help it

Now, Trixie and Gilda were a little hesitant of just striding past everyone. By that, I mean they were all for it but they didn’t want to do it while looking like complete bosses. So you have three random people walking towards the front of the line at the base of the tower. Two of them, a blue mare and a griffon, were walking normally as though it was nothing new to them. The third on the other hand … well he strode with his head tilted upwards, a smirk on his face, and shifting his entire shoulders with each step.

Really, just imagine the most badass and stuck-up type of walking you can do. What I did matches or even tops that. I had no qualms with looking like a dick, I really didn’t. I want to give you a good reason for it, but honestly outside of not giving enough fucks, I can’t say I had a reason for doing it.

So we strode up to the front, a few complaints being shouted every now and then, but we didn’t stop to pay them attention, only because of the amount and the pointlessness of it. If there was a way to calm their minds easily I would have taken it probably, but there wasn’t.

When we eventually got to the front, I noticed a few ponies giving me looks. Based on looks alone, they were the type of people that were massive pricks to others, just because they could be. Assumptions aside, they got what was coming to them.

…

Look, I’m sorry in a way, because I do sound like a massive dick here, and I won’t deny that I was, but everyone has their moments of just wanting to shove other’s faces into the mud. Most people don’t actually act on it, and hell, I never acted on it for the most part … minus sarcastic responses. This one time was one of the few times I acted out on my inner dick’s feelings. Call me an asshole or whatever, but what happened, happened, and there is no changing it now.

A group of three, what I assumed were Marines or something because they didn’t wear guard armour, approached us as we neared the front. Instead, they wore a mixture of blue and white armour, kind of like in a camo pattern but not as random. It’s a tough description since I could see patterns, but the patterns themselves had no real pattern as to where they went … fuck it, you see my desert camo pants? Yeah, it was like that only with blue and white splotches. The armour itself wasn’t as directly metal as the Royal Guard ones, instead it looked closer to a very thick fabric. As for helms, they had much the same helms as the Royal Guard, but once again, the helmets didn’t look metal, just like body armour in a way. It’s a rough description, I know, but it’s the best I can do. Sometimes there isn’t the right words available for describing what you see.

The one thing I noticed explicitly out of the entire get up was that in the middle of the helm and on the left side of the chest piece was what looked like an upside down anchor with a light blue background, almost the same colour as the blue on the bottom of the ship. Well those decorations, and the fact that they had what looked like crossbows and swords on their backs.

“Get back in line, civilians. There is no cutting of this line,” the lead guard spoke in a very curt and plain manner, much like a serviceman who dreaded their job or something like that. “If you refuse to comply then we will detain you.”

“At least you make your intent shown …” I muttered before pulling the tickets out of a breast pocket I had stored them in before passing them to the guards. “Viola! Read ‘em and weep.”

The lead guard gave me a very flat look as though he was asking me if I thought this would actually change anything. Hell, the ass didn’t even take my tickets, he just kept looking at me before his mouth opened to speak. I was having none of that!

“If you don’t read ‘em and weep, I will have to tell Luna and Celestia that their favourite human was denied access by their own navy! Whoa, I can only imagine just how much ass chewing will happen if that occurs!” I said slightly dramatic-like while slowly pushing the tickets under the nose of the stallion who wanted to have none of my bullshit, but the Princess name drop was enough for him to look at the tickets, at least.

Of course we had a crowd watching this debacle, and though none decided to make a big fuss about it, I could hear a few of the ‘higher class’ ponies talking about how, and I quote from one of them, “the Princesses would never associate with something as wretched as that thing.” Yeah, it proves that even colourful ponies of the magical land of Equestria could be snobbish pricks that needed to be punted in the balls.

Long story short on what happened next; I did a little ‘fuck you’ dance as the guards confirmed the authenticity of the tickets, then led us up the tower.

It was a glorious thing to have done. Especially the ‘fuck you’ dance, which involved me giving them all the middle finger while doing a slight jig behind the three guards who led us up the boarding tower.

...

Of course I was singing ‘fuck you’ all the while. I can also confirm that more than a few guards and regular ponies chuckled at the sight. I mean I only directed the ‘fuck you’ dance at the assholes who made those type of comments, so of course some might laugh.

Moving on. We were on our way to the top of tower, and thankfully there wasn’t an endless set of stairs to climb, instead they used what they called ‘levitation pads.’ There was about four of them that took you to the top, and about eight ponies or so could fit on one, at least by my estimate, since the six of us had decent room. When they said ‘levitation pads’ I really wanted to get into another ‘alicorn/pegacorn’ type of debate, since they were elevators no matter what they wanted to call them.

You don’t know how glad I am that I don’t need to explain elevators to you all. Moving on.

When we left the tower at the top, a nice little breeze greeted me first. The second thing I noticed was a pony in a formal type of navy dress standing in front of us once we exited the tower. I could only assume that said mare in front of me was the Captain of the ship. I mean it made sense, since I’m pretty sure Captains introduced themselves personally to each V.I.P and such.

“Welcome aboard, I’m Admiral Tempest and this is my ship,” a light blue tinged fur bat pony mare with a black mane that was done up in a bun said to us. By light blue I mean it was so close to being grey that only a careful eye would notice it. She stood with a posture that told me she had spent many years in the navy and such. Now, the mare wasn’t that young really, being a slight bit older, but from what I could tell she most likely deserved that rank for prior service history. It was only a feeling, but something told me she held her title in name only. Her voice… seemed familiar..

The entire introspection happened in a short period of time before she spoke again. “Now, am I to understand that you are carrying Royal Tickets? ‘Cause a forgery is not something to take lightly.”

“You know the world’s gone to hell when you can’t trust the word of others any more,” I said, a little bit louder than I should have as I handed her the tickets. She looked at me for a second before chuckling lightly.

“Few have said truer words,” she said with a light smile as she examined the tickets.

After examining the tickets for a few moments, she gave a small whistle, shaking her head at the same time. I was tempted to ask her what that was supposed to mean before she handed back the tickets to me, and in a very unprofessional way said, “So I guess my sister was right when saying you boned the Princess. Though I can totally see why she went for you. I definitely wouldn’t mind getting a piece of you as well, if you know what I mean.”

Jaw dropped. Her eyebrows wiggled.

Face paled. Her eyebrows wiggled harder.

Eye twitched. Her eyebrows were still going.

I was currently on a ship being run by Candlelight’s sister.

When she said those words, I could literally hear it in her voice - there was an uncanny similarity in how she spoke, so much so that I might as well have been talking to Candlelight. And as my eye twitched, I noticed just how much they looked alike. Sure, she had that blue tinge to her coat, but I could see it without a doubt: a striking resemblance.

Now you might ask why I was that shocked. Well you see, while I found Candlelight funny for the most part, I had been able to keep my distance because of her shifts and the fact that it was a large city we were in. I could have gone anywhere if she annoyed me or such. Here, I was stuck aboard a ship that was being run by her sister, and by the way she said that last line … she wasn’t gay.

“What are the chances that I can jump off this bridge and not be caught by one of you?” I said as I motioned to Gilda and that group of pegasi sailors lined along the sides of the bridge in their motionless at attention stances. It wasn’t an enclosed bridge but the railings were high enough that it would have been more than a little tough for ponies to hop the railing, I know I could have.

“Zero, sir,” one of the pegasi sailors spoke up, and I swore I saw him smirk.

“Fuuuuuck me,” I said, pulling my hand down my face in a dramatic facepalm.

“That’s the plan,” Tempest replied with more than a little amusement in her voice. Of course I just heard Trixie and Gilda laugh at that reply, it would only make sense for them to laugh at my pain.

I looked around briefly before sighing. “Fine, let’s get this over with.”

With that, I walked right past a smirking Tempest, one of the sailors following along with me. Sure, I dragged my feet a little at knowing that what was going to happen was without a doubt happening, but I figured I might as well get it over with.

No, I’m not referring to sleeping with Tempest. Fuck you all; all of your mind are in the gutter. I was referring to this ride in general. I was headed to my room, nothing more, and don’t think otherwise.

“Wait! It’s standard protocol that VIPs are supposed to share the first night with the Captain of the ship!” Tempest called as I walked past her, my laughing companions in tow. “By that, I mean -”

“I know what you mean! And no they’re not!” I cut her off as I yelled back without actually looking at her. I just kept following the sailor who was leading us down the deck and towards what I assumed was the entrance to the passengers’ quarters. “You’re not a captain either!”

“How about a quickie, then?!” she called back, seemingly never leaving her spot.

“No!” I replied promptly, not even thinking it over.

“How about oral?!” she yelled back just as we got to the door. “A quick sixty-nine?!”

I didn’t even bother responding, instead ducking my head as I followed the sailor into the depths of the ship. The entire trip was going to be one long attempt at seducing me; I just knew it. I didn’t have to have magic or some mystic foresight that allowed me to know this, it was just the truth. It might as well have been literally written on the walls.

And by literally, I mean it. I might as well have walked down the ship’s hallways and seen it repeatedly. It would read, ‘she’s going to try and fuck you!’ That’s how blaringly obvious it was to me.

Now I know a few of you who would think exactly the opposite, but remember … I wasn’t there for otherworldly pussy. If I had a single goal while being there, it was to see the world and continue doing what I had been doing back on earth. I’ll leave it to wonder if that means it happened or not … at least until I give you the answer in the end.

So, the hallways were surprisingly large for a ship, but then I remembered just how fucking large this ship was. It had that typical wooden ship type of feel, with one being able to see each plank, but thankfully, the halls were painted with a light shade of blue and white. I would have hated looking at all that brown for however long the trip was.

Yeah, surprisingly enough I didn’t actually ask how long the trip was, and nor did I think to ask during that trip. I guess I was a little odd in that regard. Most people would have dreaded the time spent in travel, but even with the whole ‘Tempest’ thing, I was looking forward to the time killer.

Eventually the sailor stopped in front of a rather large set of ornate doors. Why were they ornate, you may ask? Well if I still had the tickets, I would flaunt them in front of you and tell you that it gave us the same access as royalty, since you dolts don’t listen very well. I said this earlier … damn some of you can be slow.

When I opened the doors to reveal our living quarters … we all just stood there looking at the room in awe. Everything was furnished with the most beautiful furniture you’d ever seen. We’re not talking about just decent looking furniture, no … we’re talking about the fact that everything looked to be made of fucking gold! That table with four seats at it, gold .... not to mention that the chairs were gold-looking with a purple, almost silk-looking seat. Hell, there was a couch that looked just like the chairs for the most part! Gold and purple silk everywhere!

“Is … is …” I asked, barely managing to get a single word out, my shock was that immense.

“It is not gold, sir. Just appears to be, though the silk is real. A gift to the Princesses and Minotaur Prime Minister from Saddle Arabia’s Sultan,” the sailor said in a practiced manner. I could only imagine how many had asked that question. “There are four separate bedrooms, each with their own bathroom. A bell just around the corner, in the room, can be utilized to call for food. Otherwise, there is the main restaurant two decks down. Just follow the signs. If there is anything else, do not hesitate to bring it up with the Admiral. Here are your keys to the room, and have a good stay.”

I managed to give the sailor the thumbs up before taking the keys from his magical aura, then slowly walking into the room. I thought that my room back at the castle ... that I didn’t really use, was nice, but this was … this was something else entirely. In fact, it was far too much for me to handle at one time. Yet most importantly, I needed fresh air, especially after being stuck in that train for way too long. So without further ado, I simply set my bag down on the lavish couch before heading back the way I came … though I did decide to knock on the table to see if it was actually gold.

Two knocks later, and the door was confirmed to be wood painted gold. Hell of a job they did, but alas, it wasn’t all gold … and here I was going to start cutting chunks out of it if it were. Cut enough out of the rooms, and I could be rich when I returned home.

“I’m going to head topside until they force me back down here. Feel welcome to join me or not,” I said with a shrug. Surprisingly enough, they both shook their heads in response.

“Trixie is going to explore the ship. This might not be her first time on it, but she can tell there has been upgrades. But first ...” she said, before disappearing into her room. Then I looked to Gilda.

“I’d join you, but I’m starving right now. Going to see if any of the dorks on this ship cook meat,” Gilda said before walking past me and down the opposite direction of the way we came in, which I only assumed would lead her deeper into the ship.

Now, I didn’t explain the hallway or the journey to our rooms very well, but that’s only because it was a very short trek to the room for you. See, the moment we entered the door into the ship, we turned right, headed down the hallway for a bit, and then stopped in front of our door.

Oh, yeah … also forgot to mention that our room had a sick view out of the rear of the ship … or aft if you want to go nautical. Whatever.

So I made my way back onto the deck of the ship, just to see a steady stream of ponies coming aboard, though their destination was entirely different than ours when we came aboard. In the time it took for us to get to our room, the bridge we had walked across grew two additional sections that actually branched off to the left and right in a downward angle. From my view I couldn’t see where they led to, but I only assumed one of two answers were possible. Either there were doors on the side of the ship that acted as the main access, or they just ended and ponies jumped into a free-fall.

Guess which one was right!

…

I’ll fucking cut you. Don’t think I don’t remember your face, jackass!

Yeah! That’s right! You better fucking move away, let the crowd protect you! Fucking dickbag …

Anyway, I was about ten steps out of the door before I felt very soft hooves wrap around my back. Yes, and by back, I mean a pair at my waist and another around my neck in what was the farthest thing from a choke hold. Hell, I was surprised that the pony that jumped me didn’t knock me over just from that.

“Welcome back,” her voice purred directly into my ear. I entirely mean purred, because you know who was currently holding onto me like a backpack would. Honestly, I didn’t know how to respond at first, part of me freezing up due to sheer amounts of ‘wut’ while another part of me contemplating just what to respond with.

“Aren’t you supposed to be an Admiral?” I asked Tempest as she rubbed herself into my back, apparently snuggling in.

“I am an Admiral. The Admiral of Fleet Proteus, in fact, who just happens to be on temporary leave while the Fleet is docked. And as Admiral of this ship, I am commandeering you,” she said before nibbling on the lobe of my ear. During this entire time, I stood there with a very dull expression on my face. Even her nibbling was not enough to remove my deadpan look.

“And what would your sailors say about this?” I asked, more than a little curious on what I would expect for the rest of this trip.

“They will say nothing if they know what will keep them from working latrines the entire trip. Besides … they’re … ‘used’ to this by now. My crew is specifically chosen,” she said, and I didn’t need see her to know that there was a smirk on her face.

“Fine, if you’re going to be my backpack then I’m not stopping what I was doing,” I said, changing the subject a little. I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said that ponies with wings were lighter than I expected. It was like I was carrying my packs once more … well a little heavier, but nothing that was of a burden. Besides, I figured that I could make the whole thing out to be a hilarious act if I ran into the right ponies.

I don’t know if she heard me say that, since she was too busy nuzzling into my neck. I think that’s the right word anyway. Either way, I figured I would walk the ship’s deck and just get a feel of how massive it was.

Now two things to note from that walk. First, was just how fucking large the ship was. This thing took me almost five minutes to walk across, and that was without stops from others. The stops were actually amusing as it was ponies stopping me to ask Tempest for orders. Do you understand how amusing it was to have your own bat-pony backpack acting all official and officer-like while being attached to you? It was fucking funny as hell.

That acts as good transition to point number two. It’s kind of tough to walk and focus on other things when you have a bat-pony backpack constantly snuggling into you and rubbing her hooves and wings up and down your body. A weaker man would have broken down, no doubt.

Don’t give me the odd looks with regards to this section. I know they looked like ponies, but remember … sapient. It sounds odd to think of at first, the whole … thing that Tempest was doing, but especially for them and their world filled with sapient races, when you get down to the bare bones of it, they are just like us … but look different. It’s a weird topic, but I can see from some of your faces that I’m not the only one in thinking that there was no problem if it came down to it.

Hahaha! Oh, that’s priceless! Watching a crowd search out for the aforementioned! Don’t judge now, or I will kick you out. Only I can judge you here and that’s because this is my story to tell. If you tell your own, then you can judge all you want.

Back to the story, hmm?

So I stood at the foremost point of the ship and got to look out at the sea that was ahead of us. I contemplated what the sea was going to be like. Some of them back home were known to be rougher than others, while some were the exact opposite. Was the Proteus Sea going to be a treacherous journey, or would we be sailing through calm waters? For that matter, how exactly would the engines work underwater? Was there some kind of pony magic that kept the fire from being extinguished immediately? Or perhaps it utilized some sort of pressure-type movement.

All of those thoughts raced through my head until I felt a nip on my exposed neck. Damn, bat ponies had sharp teeth! “Hey! Be careful, or I will drop you right now!”

“The ship doesn’t give its Admiral orders,” she said before apparently licking that spot. This mare was starting to weird me out, but I knew of weird people … still.

“The ship can decide to break at any time … or perhaps go over the edge? Can the Admiral carry a ship on her own?” I asked coyly before looking over my shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

She paused her licking for a second before grumbling a bit. Finally she answered, “Fine.”

Then she went back to nuzzling into me. Goddamn, this mare was crazy. However, I had a feeling that this was just a show or something. Even Candlelight and her antics had another level to her than just being a- and I overheard this term from Horizon in the bar- ‘tail chaser.’ Though I’m pretty sure that the same saying was used back before The Reckoning, it was a much more literal saying here.

Eh, deal with the obsessive, clingy, and horny part of Tempest to get to the normal pony beneath that. I mean, that’s how it happened with Candlelight, so why wouldn’t her sister be the same?

Uhp uhp uhp, no spoilers right now. You’ll hear about it as I go on, so don’t be greedy, now.

I continued to stare out at the endless sea in front of me, the waters looking surprisingly calm and even-tempered. I know there are tons of those moments with our own world, but usually the oceans back home didn’t give off a feeling of serenity at the same time. It was a nice feeling, really. It almost took my mind off of the bat pony backpack.

My staring was broken when I heard an ‘ahem’ behind me. So I turned around to see who had cleared their throat to get my attention. What I saw was a grey male pegasus with white hair standing behind me with a very dull expression. He didn’t look that old for the white hair, but then I remembered that ponies encompassed the whole goddamned spectrum of colours. One thing I noticed above all, was that his face was hardened more than any sailor I had seen so far. By hardened, I mean that there were a few scars across his muzzle and the look alone said he had seen some shit.

Finally, I looked down to see him wearing what looked like officer’s clothing. I could only assume upon first look, and basing it off the pony clinging to my back, as well as the sailors I had seen earlier. Whoever the pony was, they were probably important.

“Can I help you …” I asked, leaving the question open ended so they could tell me their name.

“First Mate Skyline, and you’re not who I wanted to talk to, sir,” he added before pointing a little behind me. I picked up instantly, so I turned around, letting him deal with my backpack. “Admiral Tempest, we’re almost finished with our preparations for launch. All passengers are aboard and the crew are finishing their pre-launch inspections. We’re ahead of schedule and should be ready within five.”

There was a deep groan into my shoulder before I felt the bat pony let go of me and return to standing on her own legs. I turned around to see Tempest smoothing out her uniform, all the while grumbling about her crew being too efficient. I nearly chuckled at that, it was too funny to see her get annoyed at having to stop clinging to me.

She looked over her shoulder at me, before giving me a wink … twice. Then, she walked off with an overly exaggerated sway in her hips. I, in the meantime, just turned around to look out at the sea once more. I loved that calmness.

“You should be back in your room for launch,” I heard Skyline’s voice speak up once more. It surprised me that he didn’t follow Tempest, though I didn’t care too much.

“I’d prefer to be on the deck when it happens, if I can. Always liked the experience of first setting sail into the ocean,” I replied. That earned a small chuckle from Skyline; I didn’t know why he chuckled at the time, yet I understand now.

“Fair enough, sir. Come, I’ll take you to the command deck and you can watch, though Admiral Tempest will be there,” he said with a knowing wink as I looked down at him. I shrugged my shoulders before gesturing for him to lead.

See, I forgot to tell you that there was one little difference about the ship. See, aside from the galleon part, the section that usually had the person steering, otherwise known as the helm, was actually an enclosed area on this ship. It looked to be made almost entirely of glass from a distance … and even from up close. They probably had some magic or something over it to protect it from the elements.

As we walked across the deck, Skyline struck up a line of thought that almost had me blushing. “So, Admiral Tempest has taken a liking to you, I see. You’re lucky … in a way.”

“Oh?” I simply replied, eyebrow propped up in question.

“She knows what she’s doing and she’s rather picky about those she … heh, ‘courts.’” Skyline was wiggling his eyebrows back at me, the meaning not lost on me.

“I can see that … without a doubt the most forward gal I have ever met,” I replied with a light chuckle. “Is she always this clingy?”

“Clingy? Sir, you’ve got a whole betting pool on you two already. I think you’re the first to turn her down for this long. If you can manage the rest of the trip … well I’m sure it would be a record.”

“A betting pool, already? Well call me amused at that, though I think I can manage the rest of the trip. Though I expect a payout when I win,” I responded with a smirk.

“Really? What, you like dick instead, sir? I mean, no offence, it’s perfectly fine, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t surprising,” Skyline mused, but before he could go any farther, I broke out laughing. Well, perhaps not outright laughing, but more of a choked back laughter. Either way, it stopped his musing.

“No, no, no, nothing like that. I’m just far enough along in my life that sex is just not up on my list of things to do,” I replied, almost laughing halfway through my explanation. “By the way, how old is Tempest?”

“If I didn’t serve under her since basic, I wouldn’t know. She doesn’t divulge a lot about herself in casual conversation, sir. Though for the record, she is thirty-three. The youngest Admiral in all of Equestria. Don’t let all the of sexual innuendos and advances fool you, sir. She’s one of the best tacticians in the entire Navy.”

“Good to know,” I say before opening the door to the helm for Skyline. I followed suit, making sure to shut the door solidly.

“Don’t forget to do the locks up,” Skyline said, to which I rolled my eyes before doing up all the locks, and let me tell you there was many. Two full bar locks, a latch at the top and bottoms, and finally a chain lock. Once done, I turned around and walked up the remainder of the stairs to let me see the helm.

I was a little surprised at just how advanced the helm area was. I mean there was nineteen fifties-era tech! Consoles that had read outs and buttons … unless you’ve seen said consoles, it’s near impossible to explain them to you. I mean, the best I can say is that they looked like rather large, three feet high boxes that had all types of old computer-style gadgets on them, including a keyboard!

There was a total of five of said consoles in the room. Two were flanking the rather out of place steering wheel. Then, three more were facing the aft of the ship. That steering wheel, I mentioned? Not made of wood but instead made of what looked like a light alloy … possibly aluminium, though the design was the same as a typical galleon. Not really sure, considering I didn’t ask about it.

“So … how do you run those consoles of yours?” I asked Skyline as he led me over to a group of seats that were behind the steering wheel. The chairs were shaped in a half circle with a large backrest to them. The colouration on the outer portion of the chair was white, while the inner was red … it reminded me of many science fiction movies.

“Magic-infused crystals and electric wires. Wires send the pulses to the right crystals, which then send another pulse through another set of wires. That essentially is what happens, unless you ask one of the techies.”

“Huh,” I replied simply before sitting down in one of the chairs. Just as I finished sitting, Skyline jabbed me in the side.

“That is the Admiral’s chair, I suggest you move before she-” he said before was cut off by an exclamation from said Admiral.

“Look who’s decided to join us!” she said with a large amount of enthusiasm before trotting briskly over to me. I made to get up and relinquish the chair, but Tempest was having none of it.

“No, no! Sit! I can always find another chair,” she said with a mischievous smirk, before looking around. “Well it seems that there are no empty chairs left, I guess I’ll just have to make do.”

I let out a deep sigh at that. Want to know why? Because there were two open chairs that were flanking me. Sure one was probably for Skyline, but she could have easily taken over the other chair. No, I knew just where she was going.

With a quick hop and spin before a flutter of her wings, she landed on my lap gently, then promptly leaned back so that my chin was able to rest directly on top of hers. The entire time, she was smiling with childish glee, and fluttering her eyes at me. I didn’t respond, and instead just looked at her with a questioning stare.

“What? It’s a very comfy spot,” she said before giggling lightly, followed by her clearing her throat. “Is everything ready, First Mate Skyline?”

“Aye, Admiral. We’re clear to depart,” he said before sitting down in his chair.

“Perfect! Strap in, sailors, an-”

What did you ask?

Did you seriously ask me where I put my gun?

Christ, you interrupted me for that? I … I … I guess I didn’t explain it, did I? Fine, storyteller oversight! I stored my M110 in the cabin, making sure to put on the safety and unloading it completely. Other than that, my pistol was still on me, as well as all of my ammo.

Better? Good.

Anyway …

“Perfect! Strap in, sailors, and prepare for ignition,” she said out loud, before looking up and me and whispering. “Let me strap you in.”

Before I could respond, she promptly turned around on my lap and pulled two straps from the side of the chair. She then manipulated them so they connected in the middle, around my stomach, while my shoulders went through their respective loops. She then proceeded to re-sit herself in my lap, looking ahead. “Hold onto me tight, my big stallion.”

I reluctantly wrapped my arms around her, causing her to give off what sounded like a small ‘squee’ or something akin to squeezing a squeaky toy. It confused the hell out of me, but Tempest didn’t even get phased by it.

“Helmspony! Take us out of the harbor!” she exclaimed, to which the helmspony, a blue earth pony mare, saluted before hitting a button in the center of the steering wheel.

At first, I wondered what that was supposed to do, but then I felt a massive lurch from just under us. I knew it was the large engines, but I figured that they would activate when we were in the water. In fact, I decided to ask just that.

“Wait, aren’t we going to be dropped in the water, first?”

Tempest just laughed before grinding herself a little further into my lap. “Water? No, my dear stud, we don’t need water. Activate the wings!”

The ship shuddered again after a few seconds. It was then that the realization of what was happening hit me. We were on a fucking airship. A magical and technological airship. I was done. Completely and utterly done.

Then there was the massive force of us being propelled up into the air at what looked like a forty-five degree angle.

I thought about closing my eyes at first, but then figured if I was going to die, then I might as well see the fiery explosion. Thankfully … and slightly unluckily, we didn’t explode. Instead, we kept surging forward into the air. All the while during our liftoff, Tempest had her forelegs up in the air and was screaming ‘woo’ as though we were on a rollercoaster.

Okay, I can see many confused looks on your faces. Let’s get through them one at a time to get rid of confusion.

What I meant by an airship was something that looks like it should be a boat, but in fact has the capabilities to fly like planes do. You guys know what planes are obviously, right? Good, well imagine this galleon again, though without a mast, has massive engines, and then has wings on the side that don’t flap. Then picture it flying through the air.

That’s essentially what the Daedalus was.

Next issue.

Rollercoaster? Well it was an amusement park ride, where people go in very small train car type of vehicles. About four people per car, sometimes more, sometimes less. Then, a group of them that are connected go through a set track, often at rather high speeds. The track itself takes them up into the air, and proceeds to do large drops, rises, and even loop-de-loops. It’s meant to be a thrill ride, and many people got large amounts of joy out of riding them.

Apparently, Tempest was one of those types.

I honestly don’t know how to drag out an extended scene of the ship just accelerating up into the air. So instead I’ll cut to the chase and say that after a good couple of minutes of having Tempest yell ‘woo’ all the while feeling the thrust of the ship pushing me into my chair. It can easily be implied that I was ecstatic to finally be high enough in the air that the ship could level out.

After a few moments of being at a level course, Tempest decided to get the crew organized again … from my lap.

“Perfect launch, everypony! You all know your positions … if you don’t, then please find your way out of my helm. First Mate Skyline, do inform the passengers that we have reached cruising level and they are free to roam about the ship as they please. And get the air density spell going, we don’t need non-pegasi passing out on the deck,” she said from her spot on my lap. I proceeded to sneakily disengage my ‘seatbelt’ while she was speaking, but I didn’t manage to escape before she turned her attention to me.

“As for you, my big, strong human, why don’t you get comfy right there,” she said as she turned around on my lap so that she was now facing me before purring out, “I don’t mind a crowd.”

“Yeah … no …” I said before giving a gentle push, causing her to slip off my lap and onto the deck. Then, I proceeded to walk quickly to the door, which someone had opened prior to my arrival at it. As I departed the bridge, I could hear Tempest in the background.

“You’ll succumb eventually! They all do! It’s inevitable! I’ll have you inside me one way or another!” Tempest shouted as I made my departure from the area, quickly ducking back down in the direction of my room.

I simply shook my head at that mare. She was damn insistent and up front. If she wasn’t a rather adorable looking pony I would have been creeped the fuck out, but I have to say it eventually does start to wear on you. If she looked anything like a regular pony from our world, then I would have been creeped the fuck out of, but instead, just like every other creature, there was a sort of … cartoony aspect that gave off a more approachable aspect.

I know I never discussed it much, but it’s true that they had a look to them that didn’t feel exactly realistic, while at the same time being obviously real. They looked more like something that should have been drawn by an artist or would fit better in an animated cartoon from back before The Reckoning.

…

Sorry … I just thought of something really disturbing. That train of thought led me somewhere I didn’t realise until now. When I was really young, there was a bunch of things that were being commercialised for kids and all of that, and as a kid who watched cartoons, you couldn’t help but catch a commercial for cartoons or the toys being sold with them. Well, looking back, I remember a toy line that was sold to little girls back in the nineties. it was called My Little Pony if I remember correctly. I don’t remember a thing about it really, except for disturbingly bad looking animations and weird toys.

The thought of this Equestria having a cartoonish feel makes me feel like there is a connection, but I know for a fucking fact that there isn’t. The world I went to wasn’t fucking cringe worthy, I know that for a fact … well not cringe worthy in the same way, at least.

Let’s move on, okay? This line of thought is not one I want to continue.

So, eventually I made my way into my room, opened the door and proceeded to faceplant into the first couch I found. Apparently whatever exhaustion I had decided to come sneaking up on me immediately after we hit cruising altitude. It wasn’t some odd phenomenon or anything, no, it was just my body finally realising that I wasn’t a young kid any more and that even spending hours upon hours doing nothing often can lead to being tired as fuck.

“I hope it’s supper time,” I muttered into the velvet couch.

“Almost. When I checked, the chefs were preparing the food,” Gilda said from my left. “Oh, and I managed to convince them to serve meat.”

Honestly, I didn’t even care that she was there. Hell, I was too tired to act. I mean I knew she would be there since this was our room after all, but still … didn’t care that I didn’t notice her until that moment.

“Sure you did,” I said, not moving from my spot.

Gilda did some sort of movement or something, at least I think she did, because there was a brief silence before she changed the subject. “Where were you, anyway? Getting bonked by that leather wing?”

Yeah, apparently each species has some sort of derogatory name for them, or so I assumed, based upon Gilda’s rather crude statements. Those mainly happened later, while that was the first time I had ever heard her say something of the kind. I didn’t question it … if she wanted to use it, it wasn’t in my realm of things to deal with.

“I got a front row seat to the take off. And no, Tempest has yet to get into my pants,” I replied before finally turning my head to regard Gilda. She was laying down on a couch on the other side of the room. Sound really travelled well in that room. “How many more days do I have to deal with her?”

“No clue, dweeb. Ask The Great and Powerful Dork,” Gilda said while rolling her eyes.

“Where is she?”

“Probably in her room. What, you expect me to know where she is at all times or something?”

“Something like that,” I muttered, though she probably heard it anyway. I moved to get up when I was gifted by Trixie walking out of her room, which was perfect, since that meant I could flop back down onto the couch. “Trixie! When’s supper, and how long is this flight?”

“Trixie has no clue on supper, human. As for the trip, we will be in the air for two full days according to Twilight Sparkle,” the blue mare replied as she moved to hop up on a chair on the same side of the room as Gilda.

“Great … two full days of having Tempest pawing at my dick,” I muttered, which caused the other two to start laughing. Sure, they thought it was funny but neither of them knew the struggle … actually they probably did. Though that wasn’t here nor there at the time. So instead, I just groaned into my comfortable couch.

Then a brief thought struck me, causing me to instantly push myself up high enough to gaze at the table by the window. What I saw caused me to sigh in relief. My gear was still there, rifle and all. With that confirmed, I faceplanted once more into the couch.

Subsequently, there was a knock on the door, followed by Trixie telling them to come in. I didn’t look over to see who it was, instead just listening for the time being.

“Supper is about to get underway and Admiral Tempest has invited you all to her table. If you accept, she expects punctuality in forty-five minutes,” the mare said from the doorway.

“Trixie can assure her that we all will be delighted to join,” Trixie said, much to my groaning protest. She had undoubtedly accept just to watch me squirm. Well … probably not, since Trixie didn’t seem like the type. If it was Gilda who had accepted, then I knew it was to watch me squirm. Either way, I still groaned in protest, but it was of no use as the door was shut quickly.

“Fuck you,” I said before pushing myself up, then moving off the couch to grab my gear. Once that was accomplished, I moved to what I assumed was an empty bedroom, and it was, before turning around and giving Trixie the middle finger one last time. They just laughed at my dramatic exit.

I needed to get cleaned up if I was going to be at a public meal. I mean, I wasn’t in horrible shape in terms of things, but still not in the best either. So when I got into my room, which had another ornate bed like the one in Twilight’s castle along with a few pieces of furniture and a door leading to the bathroom, I placed my gear on the bed, locked the door, and proceeded to strip.

I opened the bathroom door to find a rather large one for a fucking ship! It even had what looked like a fucking shower! A fucking massive shower, at that. It was obvious that this was a minotaur-collaborated ship because that shower was fucking eight feet tall at least. Largest damn shower I had ever used … minus the waterfalls I’ve found. Those are an exception, though.

So without further ado, I quickly showered and got myself nice and squeaky clean, more for my own benefit than to look good for the meal. I mean I had no dress clothes, except my second pair of clothes that Rarity had washed for me … well they were my first pair technically, but now we’re just getting nitpicky.

Anyway, fast forward about thirty minutes and I was fully dressed again. My original shirt was on instead of my Kreator shirt. Said original shirt was just a simple white T-shirt mind you, but I think it was more fitting than the Kreator shirt. Anyway, along with the shirt was my camo pants as usual, pistol holstered on my right leg, my ammo belt, dragon skin vest over my shirt, no hat, and no glasses.

Once again I had changed back from my travelled look to my douchebag mercenary look. All that I needed to complete the change was a military beret or something like that. Yep, that was as formal as I was going to get.

I really should have worn my jacket, and you’ll know why shortly.

So I exited my room to see Gilda and Trixie sitting and waiting for me. They noticed I’d changed and decided to do some mock swoons to get a rile out of me. I simply endured it with a deadpan face before opening the door and gesturing for them to get their asses moving. They laughed and laughed while I just sighed and beared with it. I didn’t have any good comebacks at the moment, so I went with it … but I knew that their reckoning would be at hand!

…

No, not The Reckoning, you moron! It’s a saying when you’re planning on getting someone back.

So we followed Gilda, who had apparently scouted out the dining hall, and I’ll be honest, I really didn’t focus on anything else but making sure I followed and didn’t get lost. The halls of the ship were decorated the farther in we got, but it was of nothing substantial. Just some colour and a few paintings but nothing else, really. If there was something of note then I would tell you, don’t worry.

When we finally descended what turned out to be the last set of stairs, Gilda took an immediate left and opened up the double doors to show us this massive fucking room. Well, maybe massive is overdoing it. Sure it was massive compared to all the other rooms I had seen in Equestria, but honestly it was nothing more than a really large ballroom that had been transformed into a dining room.

There were tons of tables spread out evenly throughout the room, along with a stage that had a band playing music on it. The side we entered from had the stage to our right.

Ponies were mingling at their own tables while also walking towards empty ones. Of course it wasn’t just ponies there but also other races, including my first look at a minotaur. And let me tell you, even though he was sitting, this guy was fucking big. And jacked. I only caught a brief glimpse, but if he was the standard for minotaurs, then I was going to be a shrimp compared to them.

A waiter came up to Gilda, not knowing who she was, and it was a beautiful thing to hear him try and correct her on our arranged sitting.

“This way, miss. Let me show you and your … companions to an empty table,” the male unicorn said. He honestly had the colouration of an average white human, though the fur was actually white. Still, white fur, brown hair, and a brown moustache … which made no sense, considering they had fur, but whatever. Sure it wasn’t the first time seeing a pony with facial hair, but it still confused me.

“Unless it’s the ‘Admiral’s’ table, then push off,” Gilda replied a little harshly while also actually using a title for the first time since I had met her. Hell, she had barely called Celestia and Luna ‘Princess.’

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but that table is reserved for guests of the Admiral, and you are not her guests,” he said with a little bit of a sneering tone. I was tempted to just laugh at Gilda having to deal with him but I didn’t. Instead I just shook my head at the scene. That was when I felt something hit me in the back, and a rather familiar weight latched onto me.

How she did that was beyond me.

I decided to wait and see how things developed before interjecting.

“Listen, you self-righteous prick, we’ve been invited at said table. We’re staying in the bucking Royal Room as well!” Gilda said, trying to pull some sort of bizarre seniority. I just watched and let Tempest nuzzle into my back once more.

“I highly doubt you have such accommodations. None of your party have such a distinguished to them,” he said haughtily. “Now if you refuse to cooperate, I will be tasked with removing you from the dining room.”

Gilda was ready to punch the waiter when I decided to interject by clearing my throat. When both of them looked at me, I simply turned around to show off a certain bat pony that was clinging to my back. I felt her stop nuzzling me for a second, but no words were spoken. After the brief lapse of nuzzling, she went back to it. I turned around to find the waiter stunned into complete silence, eyes bulging yet pupils shrunk to pinpricks. I’m also pretty sure his jaw was dropped.

“So … Admiral’s table?” I asked in a nice tone. The waiter just nodded dumbly before pointing to a table that was at the back of the place, on an elevated level. I could see the First Mate already sitting up there, as well as a few ponies I hadn’t seen before. They were probably pretty important as well. As we walked towards our table, I nodded my head before saying, “Thanks.”

Gilda and Trixie looked at me like I was crazy, then looked behind me to once again see Tempest, who was nuzzling into my back, probably doing so without a single care in the world. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave no shits about what others thought, I know I hardly do.

“Before you say anything, I would like to say that while annoying, you get used to having a furry backpack. That, and she’s surprisingly light,” I said to Trixie and Gilda as we walked to the table. I proceeded to get licked along the neck for that response, which I assume she took as a compliment, considering she didn’t bite me. Honestly, she was more animal than anything at that point.

When we got to the table I pulled out seats for Gilda and Trixie before heading to mine, and what I knew was going to be Tempest’s right next to me. Now, during this entire thing I noticed who else was sitting at the table. One was a white unicorn mare that had a light pink mane, and let me say … she was more like Cadence than any other pony I had ever seen. Slap on some wings, colour the fur and mane, and boom! Cadence. As for the pony sitting next to her, he was a white unicorn as well, though the coat was more grey in colour. Blue mane, and get this … he wore a suit top and a fucking monocle. I knew there was only two options on how this would go. Either horribly, or fucking amazing. Depending on how well he could take humour.

Now, the best part of our arrival at the dining table was the fact that none of the ponies present saw the mare strapped to my back. Yes, it was kind of obvious, but they didn’t notice, trust me on this one.

So after I pulled out Trixie’s and Gilda’s seat, I walked over to mine and proceeded to stand behind it, much to the confused faces of three of the ponies at the table. They looked around a little nervously before the male unicorn decided to speak up.

“Why do you stand, my good ...?” he said, trailing his words so I could answer.

“Human, though you can call me Ryan. As for the reason I am standing … well I’m waiting for our ‘missing’ dining partner to get in her seat,” I said, friendly at the introduction but my voice turned slightly annoyed when I started to refer to Tempest.

“I’m sure she will be along shortly,” the female unicorn spoke up, in a heavy French accent. Damn.. Usually it’s not that bad when a French person speaks English, but this time … it was damn thick. I’m sorry, but I can’t do the accent to imitate … just too tough.

“If she stopped fooling around, she’d be here by now,” I said with a deadpan voice, making sure Tempest knew I was directing that at her. She gave a small ‘harrumph’ into my back that I barely caught before grabbing me tighter. She was acting like a little child for crying out loud! This mare had issues.

“Now,” I said in a sterner voice that confused three fifths of the table, but it worked in the end, as I felt her give a resigned sigh before releasing me and dropping down to the ground. This brought a little shock to the two unnamed guests, and a chuckle from Skyline.

She proceeded to slowly get into her seat, before I sat down as well.

Can you guess what happened when I sat down? Yeah, she tried to leap from her seat to mine, but I was expecting it this time. So instead of having a bat pony on my lap, I had one in my grip. I was a little annoyed at this point, just because it was getting a little ridiculous. So, I promptly stood up and carried a surprised Tempest through the first door I found. Turned out to be a section between the dining hall and the doorway, but it would work.

When I set her down, I squatted to get down to eye level with her.

“Listen … I don’t mind the advances per say, but this is ridiculous. You’re acting more like a little kid, than anything,” I said in a stern voice to her. Her ears splayed backwards before returning to their more alert position.

“And I can’t act like this, because? Why do you get to decide how somepony acts? For that matter, why do you get to decide how somepony shows affection?” she said before prodding my chest with a hoof.

“I don’t, but this is a little too much,” I replied, not really sure on what to say to such a good point.

“You want me to tune it down, then give me a good reason to,” she said with sultry eyes and a shit eating grin. The two don’t match well.

“Fine … how about a deal?” I offered, to which her eyes started to twinkle in wonder at what I was offering. “You can tease me on this flight within reason, but nothing happens. If we see each other after this flight and my time in Tayros, I promise to give you what you want.”

She raised a hoof to her chin and assumed a thinker’s position. She ‘hummed’ and ‘hawwed’ a few times before finally nodding her head. “Deal, but not just once.”

I gave out a resigned sigh before standing up and proceeding back to the table, with her in tow. At least there was a chance I would get out of it, right? Yeah, there is always a chance when you make such deals.

Either way, I secured a less clingy trip for the most part. However, I knew that she would still make a few advances, just not as many as my backpack. At least, that was what I thought at the time.

Out of context of the story, I will say that yes, there was a noticeable change in the amount of advances. Back then, I figured that at the best that would be the case … the worst was that it wouldn’t change that much.

When we sat down again at the table, we were just in time to catch the waiter that was asking for drinks. Tempest took a martini while I asked for my usual … the best whiskey they got - poured over some ice. The classic ‘whiskey on the rocks’ never failed to get me through bad suppers or awkward situations. While this was neither, it was still a good measure.

“Let’s start with introductions, shall we?” the male unicorn started. “My name is Fancy Pants, entrepreneur and noble among the Heavenly Court. This is my fiancée Fleur Dis Lee. She’s one of Equestria’s top models, and is currently designing a fashion line alongside Lady Rarity.”

The mare gave a polite hello and nod when being introduced. Then it turned into a round of introductions by the three heroes, once again. Yeah, this isn’t the last time this is happened. Trixie was next.

“Beatrix Lulamoon, better known as Trixie. Trixie is a travelling showpony and bard,” she said with a smirk. First time I had heard her use ‘bard’ before … huh. “Trixie has travelled much of the world, but even then it sometimes take the right company to find the best tales.”

“Travelled the world you say, I would love to hear a tale or two!” Fleur said with a large smile. Sounded damn genuine for a ‘noble.’

All the eyes turned to Gilda. I was thankfully sitting next to her, so when I saw that she was going to make a snappy reply to these rounds of introductions, I placed a hand on her back. She looked at me at first, a little bit of anger in her eyes, but it died down and she proceeded to do a decent introduction.

“My name is Gilda, and I am from Griffonstone. That’s about it, no fancy titles or anything,” she said, getting a little annoyed at the end of it. She really undersells herself.

“There is always time to add one,” Skyline, of all people, answered her introduction. “Just got to get out there and do something.”

She seemed to accept this at first, but just gave it a dismissive huff eventually. Well if all things went right, she could claim a few titles by the end of my adventure in Equestria. And no, I’m not giving away spoilers at that.

Then the eyes turned to me. I could use more than a few titles, but they would be lost on every single pony there. I took a second to think about how I wanted to describe myself, before shrugging and winging it.

“The name is Ryan, new to this world entirely. Was called a lot of things back home but none of it would mean a thing here. As for what I do … let’s just say I go wherever the wind takes me. Currently on my way to Tayros with these two,” I said while gesturing to Gilda and Trixie. “Beyond that, who knows?”

Everyone but my companions nodded their heads in acceptance of what I was saying, and then Fancy Pants spoke up.

“New to this world? Did I hear that right?” he asked, a rather bushy eyebrow quirked up in interest.

“Exactamundo. The Princesses are looking into sending me back, but until then …”

“Fascinating! A being from another world!” he exclaimed with what seemed like genuine interest. “I happen to know of a writer or two that would love to hear some tales of your world, if you are interested.”

I shrugged at the answer. Sure, I had lots of stories to tell, but I wasn’t much of a storyteller at the time, usually keeping things quick and to the point.

And just look where we are now, huh? Haha!

“Perhaps once I’m done travelling the world, Fancy Pants,” I replied.

“Then I’ll make sure to give you my card, for when such a time arises,” he said, before floating a business card over to me. I grabbed it slowly and tucked it into my pants pocket. Then Fleur spoke up.

“That is interesting fashion, no?” she asked.

“Not as much about fashion as it is about practicality. You can ask Rarity about it if you want,” I replied, which earned a small smile and nod.

With no more questions, it turned to Tempest; though I don’t know why she was introducing herself since … well I guessed everyone knew who she was.

“I’m pretty sure you all know my name at least, but I might as well join in on the fun of telling little facts! I’m the youngest Admiral to serve in the Equestrian Navy, and have been serving the Princesses for nearly fifteen years,” she spoke with pride, though admittedly I was surprised that she didn’t say anything sexual. Then I winced, thinking I jinxed myself … until Skyline spoke up next.

“First Mate Skyline, served under the Admiral here for four years, in the Navy for eight,” he said, keeping it short. Huh … things were going well, surprisingly enough. So well that our drinks arrived at that moment.

I wanted to knock back my glass for good luck, but instead I just sipped at it and thanked the waiter. Let’s just say that there was a feeling that something was going to happen. There are moments when you just expect something to … and now was the perfect time for something to happen.

You don’t know what will happen exactly, but you know something will. I just hoped that it didn’t involve my sidearm.

There wasn’t a word spoken around the table at first, the introduction apparently enough to satisfy, but then Fleur and Trixie started talking about some of her travels. Sure, I could hear what was being said, but I didn’t really pay attention to their talks. I was a little too preoccupied with just looking at the dining room and seeing the rest of the guests.

Back when the world was right, I loved to just take a seat with a friend somewhere and just watch people go by. We’d get a kick or two out of snide comments about the people we saw. We never spoke them out loud or anything like that, instead keeping them to ourselves. Sure, looking back, I was a little bit of a dick with that regard, but it never hurt people.

At that table though, apparently the two females flanking me saw that distant look I had in my eyes. Then I felt dual pokes into my kidneys, somehow perfectly timed that they hit me at the same time. If they didn’t coordinate them, then I am amazed at just how perfect their timing was.

“Hmm?” I said as I rubbed my sides. I never said they were soft pokes.

“You were staring at nothing, dude,” Gilda said from one side. Then Tempest cut in from the other side.

“Staring at nothing when you could be staring at me,” that sultry type of voice spoke up again. I didn’t bother chasing the bait on that one.

“Just crowd watching. Something I do when I’m not involved in anything,” I said, my gaze shifting from the duo to the crowd once more. I think it was the diversity that caught my attention more than anything did. I didn’t remember seeing any others except ponies in the line, but that could have been just an omission due to me not paying attention to it. When I looked out at the dining room, I saw more than just ponies sitting around and eating.

Griffins, minotaurs, what looked to be weirdly shaped bi-pedal dogs … a few zebras, and there was even a fucking dragon! Said dragon was tiny as fuck compared to what I imagined when I heard the word dragon, so I wasn’t sure if that was the right term to use for that race. It was a nice sight to see, especially since, as you all know, we’ve got a severe lack of diversity on our planet when it comes to sapient species.

“Not involved, huh …,” Tempest said from beside me. I know it’s rude not to pay attention to fellow dinner guests, but I was a little short on perfect dinner manners as of late. Tempest said something but I didn’t quite catch it, my thoughts focusing on one specific character in the crowd. A male minotaur from what I could tell, and the guy looked to be telling a rather grandiose story, one that included actions and the like.

“Equestria to lanky twerp!” Gilda all but yelled right next to my ear, causing me to flinch and return my focus to the dining table, which had every set of eyes looking at me. I rubbed my ear briefly before speaking again.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked to no one in particular, not sure who had tried to get my attention before Gilda decided to nearly blow my eardrums out.

“Those scars on your arm,” Skyline said, gesturing at my arm that had been resting on the table while holding my drink. I looked down and turned my arm over a few times. Apparently my mind had went down into a system crash or something, because it took me a second to understand what he was talking about.

“And?” I asked, before pulling the whiskey up to take a sip.

I heard an annoyed sigh from Tempest before she responded in Skyline’s place. “Where’d you get them from? They really add to the air about you.”

“Got them from living back home. If you live constantly on the road, you come by more than a few who want nothing more than your belongings per se. Don’t really feel like talking about it right now,” I said dryly. I didn’t really feel like talking about past memories.

I think Fleur was about to speak, when she caught a look from one of the people at the table. She didn’t ask whatever was on her mind, instead deciding to restart the conversation with Trixie. Meanwhile, I felt Tempest scoot her chair closer to mine, and give me a hug around my chest. Damn those ponies are touchy-feely types.

She didn’t move her chair back when she let go, instead opting to keep it close. Perhaps there was more to her than the whole sex thing.

The rest of dinner went by without a single hitch, not a thing happening. Hell, I hardly spoke during the rest of it. Just little tidbits that involved small talk about the food and such. The rest of the group thankfully overlooked my less than talkative mood and carried on conversations amongst each other.

Hell, they even got Gilda talking about stuff, mainly about Griffonstone, but it was still something to hear. Fancy Pants was one hell of a charismatic dude, knowing just the right words to say and knowing what to avoid. I could tell that he was a decent type just from the dinner alone.

It was shortly after the waiters had removed our plates and given us a dessert menu that I ended up cutting my stay at the table short.

While I want to say that it was just because I didn’t want dessert, which was what I wanted to use as my excuse, it wasn’t the truth about it. There wasn’t anything bad, nor did I have a flashback, or breakdown or anything like that.

I just felt like I was bringing the table down with my rather sullen attitude. They were there to have a good time, while I was just there because of formalities.

No, instead when the waiter came around to check on us, I asked where the washroom was. He directed me to a set of doors that were just around the corner, roughly in the same area that we had come in from.

“Be right back,” I said to the group before making my way to the restrooms …, then right past them, and back up the way we had come.

I meandered through the halls for a little bit, just noting anything that I’d missed. A picture or two here and there; some of them involving minotaurs while others involved ponies. Other than that, there were doors and carpet. It was a rather sparse ship for the most part.

Eventually I found myself in the hallway that held our rooms, but I skipped over them entirely, going above deck for a little bit. I felt that need to be out in the air once more instead of being cooped up in a stuffy ship. So I wandered all the way to the front of the ship, noting that there were multiple latches and doors imbedded in the deck of the ship that I never noticed earlier. No doubt, they were quick ways for the crew to shift stuff up onto the deck.

This was a commercial vessel after all, so it only made sense that they have a way to bring out entertainment or at the very least some sort of seating.

Which reminds me, another thing I noticed that wasn’t there last time I walked the deck, was seating. Tables and the like were scattered evenly around the deck, offering places for ponies to sit and such. Hell, there even looked to be a makeshift bar with a pony standing behind it, organizing bottles. Why not take advantage right? After all, I’m basically an alcoholic, without the whole ‘getting drunk everyday’ part.

I surprised the pony with my order when I approached the bar. Apparently, she wasn’t expecting anyone at that moment. “Can you make a Sazerac?”

She gave a little ‘meep’, almost dropping the bottle in her hooves as I caught her off guard. She didn’t say anything as she stared at me while clutching what I assumed was where her heart should be in her chest. After a few moments of looking me up and down, she shook her head while releasing a sigh.

“Give a mare some warning first,” she muttered before preparing the ingredients. “Yeah, one Sazerac coming up.”

I nodded, though she didn’t see, instead focusing on mixing the drink. A thought struck my mind, “How much does it cost?”

She gave a small snort of laughter while she continued to prepare the drink. “Never been on the Daedalus? As long as you’ve got a ticket here, everything is paid for … tickets are pricey enough as it is.”

“Ahh, makes sense I guess,” I replied, before she placed the glass on the counter in front of me. I picked it up before tilting it towards her in a gesture of thanks.

Once more, I meandered on the deck, sipping on my drink while gazing out at the partially cloudy night sky. Fuck, was it ever so beautiful. The stars sparkled brighter than I had ever seen, though that was probably due to the fact we were flying. Beggars can’t be choosers, though … so I went with it and just chose a table that was a little bit farther away from the rest. With that, I sat down and just gazed out at the horizon and everything above it as the ship moved smoothly through the night sky.

I was finished with my drink by the time I decided to contemplate going back and apologizing for just leaving like that. I knew it was a dick move, especially to the rest, but a part of me asked if I really cared that much about it all. I wasn’t going to see most of them ever again, minus Gilda and Trixie, so it hardly mattered.

Yeah, I was in a little bit of a depressive mood, but that’s what happens when you start thinking about the right, or should I say wrong topics.

I ended up getting another Sazerac before calling it quits and heading back to the room. I was lucky, though there were other ponies starting to come up and enjoy the night sky on the deck, not a single one of them was one I knew. I got even luckier when I made it back to the room and found that neither Trixie nor Gilda were there. So, I decided to call it quits for the night, heading into my room and undressing just enough to climb into bed.

It was an alright day by my standards.

And you’re all free to go again. Another chapter in the story of my time in horse world. I probably won’t be back for a few days. Got a short jaunt north with another expedition, so expect to be back to listen in three days or something like that.

‘Till then, take care, and ask your local bartender for a Sazerac. I know that at least one in your town can make it.

Chapter 10: Down From the Sky

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Sorry it took so long, the scavengers that I was tasked with guiding were idiots who couldn’t tell something of value even if it was coated in gold. So they kept me delayed there a little bit longer because I had to explain everything to them, what with me being the only ‘pre-Reckoning relic.’ Bunch of jackasses and dickwads.

I guess we’ll start with the question period as always, so ... who wants to go first?

You.

What would I do if I had to pilot that airship? Where the hell did you conceive of this question? Do you think that the entire crew would just drop dead at a moment's notice? Seriously … I worry about some of you and your weird as fuck minds. As for the question itself … well I would have to wing it. Literally, I wouldn’t have the time needed to learn how to do it, let alone know where they kept flight manuals … how about this: let’s just be glad that there are those who know how to fly still … in this world and Equestria.

Next question!

Are pony backpacks really that light? Were you here about three parts ago? No, anyone else more or less first timers? A few, alright, that’s not bad. You all have the basics of the story, yeah? Good, well as for that question, my speculation is that in order to allow pegasi to fly with their rather short wings, they either have one of two things. The first being highly unlikely, but still an option; very low bone density. That would mean they are more like birds than ponies.

Though I say highly unlikely, because their wings would still have to be larger for that to work right. As for the second option, I figure it’s got something to do with magic. While I have no clue on how it works, I can only speculate that they have some sort of innate magic that allows them to be extremely light compared to other ponies, while still having the strength and overall weight of a regular pony. While there are unknowns in that route, it is the best option that makes the most sense to me.

I’ll let you guys decide as to the right answer. Anyway, next question.

What was my reaction to Tempest and was I able to actually start something with her? Getting pretty nosey into my personal life, huh? Fine, I guess I asked for it. I’ll answer the second part first: sorta. I can’t explain anything more than that since it would ruin the story, mainly because it’s a later plot point. I’m already giving you too much as it is.

As for my reaction; well, I was a little weirded out by the ‘clinginess’ that she displayed, but honestly I didn’t really care too much I guess. It fell under the category of ‘to each their own’ and for the most part, I’m pretty decent about just shrugging off personality traits. For the most part. Honestly, she was a little more annoying with her forwardness then Candlelight and it often made me question how the fuck she had earned her rank. Still, facts are facts and she acted like that and was somehow and admiral. What can be done?

How about another question?

…

Fuck you.

Seriously, fuck you for wording that question like that. You’re a dickbag for such an insult. Do you know how badly I want to not answer your question, break some of your bones, then just toss you out? Really fucking badly, but that wouldn’t be right … you’re an asshole for abusing my morals.

If you didn’t hear his question, he essentially asked why I didn’t just give Tempest what she wanted, and then he proceeded to take a shot at my manhood. I’ll answer your insult now and say it’s more than you’ll ever have.

As for the part that is a legit question, I’m going to tell you this, and I’m sure I said this countless times. It had been many years since I was interested in pleasures of the body, so first off, sex isn’t as tempting as it used to be when I was younger. The second part is that I didn’t really see ponies as something that I wanted to stick my dick in. Sure, if you thought about it they could easily be attractive, but it wasn’t something that came to mind when looking at her. Hell, the only reason I made that deal was to hopefully cut back on the sexual advances. Kind of backfired, but it was still my reason for it.

I’m tempted to cut this short because of you, you know that … but once again, it isn’t right. So next question, I guess.

Why was I paying a fair amount of attention to the minotaur? Well, since you’re implying that I was contemplating the ways to kill him, I’ll have you know, the reason wasn’t anything like that. Honestly, it was more along the lines of the fact that he just drew my attention with his actions. While the rest were sitting down and eating, the minotaur was constantly out of his seat, talking in an animated way.

That, and it was the first time seeing a minotaur, so I was a little curious … mainly wondering why the hell he wasn’t wearing a shirt at a dinner with a massive amount of guests.

One last question; something quick please?

Any prior experience with cruises? Nope, first time for me. Well, I guess that’s actually false. See, prior to The Reckoning I had never been on a cruise, and as you already know, the breakdown of society more or less stops that from ever happening. But it isn’t the first time I had ever been on a ship for a long period of time, I mean I crossed the Atlantic for fuck’s sake. Though if I were to compare that, where I had to actively help out, to this relaxing thing? I honestly preferred the Equestrian version … minus the whole flying in a vehicle that should never had left the ground … water ...whatever!

Alright, done. No more questions.

Ahem. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I woke from a nice dream that I crafted, one that actually didn’t involve memories, but instead a fantasy land that I read about back when you could mass produced-books for the public. For the longest period of time, I never actually read Lord of the Rings, but when I decided to give in and read the books after the movie, I loved them just as much. So the dream was essentially just me reliving the plot to that book.

There was no beeping of an alarm clock to wake me up, which meant my watch was dead or broken. No, instead I woke up because I had apparently forgotten to close the fucking curtain to the window in my room. That’s what I got for choosing one of the bedrooms that was right against the back of the ship.

So I tossed and turned for a bit, trying to grab more sleep, but it was all for not, as the light had a mind of its own … or at least that’s what it felt like. No doubt that Celestia could somehow do that, but there was no conceivable way that she was able to tell just what spot I was trying to sleep in.

With a heavy groan, I pulled myself from my bed, slipping off of it in a groggy state. Despite what you think, I was not hungover. Been a really long time since that happened … no, I was just starting to get used to decent beds. That was a bad thing, because that meant I would be a little ‘rusty’ upon returning to Earth, and I couldn’t have that. I needed to hone my skills … which made me wonder if there was a weight room on this ship … or if ponies had such things in general.

I decided that if anything, I would get in a nice little run around the perimeter of the ship’s deck. It was basically the size of a track field anyways. With my mind made up, I headed for the bathroom to wake myself up.

After about three minutes of clearing my head in the bathroom, I slipped my boots on, put my pistol in its holster, slid my shades down, and headed up to the deck. Yeah, I was wearing the same set of clothes, but let me tell you, that bathroom? It had a fucking cupboard full of body deodorants. I eventually found one that didn’t add much of any kind of smell but claimed to rid ponies of bad smells. So I utilized nearly the entire bottle on my clothes alone. Why not, I could always change to my other set the next day and I would be good.

I opened my door to the common area to find all the other doors closed and not a soul in the room. At first I was confused on what was going on, but when I looked out the window at the rear of the room, I noticed the most annoying thing … the sun was barely up. No fucking wonder no one was up! It was the crack of fucking dawn!

I was tempted to let out a scream of frustration, or should I say a venomous exclamation of ‘fuck’ in frustration. But no, I didn’t yell out, only because I knew it would wake the other two. So I decided to simply leave the room, my destination being the deck.

After the really short trip, I got to inhale the beautiful smell of fresh air. It was fucking amazing, since the air in Equestria just felt … fresher than the air back home. It’s impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t been able to compare the two, so I’m not going to try.

I looked around the deck to see that not a single soul was out there ... minus the guard that was standing right beside the door I just opened. And no, when I opened it, it didn’t hit him. The door swings inwards, so there was no chance of that.

I looked over to him, catching his quick glance at whoever just opened the door. I didn’t say anything at first, just standing there, hands on hips and a smirk on my face. It was a great day for a run!

“Question,” I said, obviously directing it at the guard. He turned to regard me before I continued. “Is there any issue with me using the deck as a running track?”

He looked confused at such a question, his brows furrowing in thought as to whether it was a safety issue or not. Eventually he gave his answer. “It shouldn’t be, sir, but don’t run too close to the railing. There aren’t enough active guards to catch you right now.”

“I don’t know if that is a fat joke, or …” I said, to which his eyes bugged out at the realization of what he said. He moved to apologize, but I patted him on his head before he could respond. With that, I slowly walked forward, reaching into my pants pocket to fish out my iPod. Did I mention I never let it leave my body? Well it’s true. I never let it leave.

I ran the earphones under my shirt and up to my ears, before blasting some running music and taking off in a decent jog.

…

Okay, but only one song, alright? The only question is what song do I show you from that playlist. Do you want really heavy, really fast, or more melodic but still darker?

Really fast it is!

Alright, here it is! Here’s your really fast song.

…

You liked it, didn’t you? Yeah, don’t lie to me, I could see most of you nodding your heads along with it. Kreator is a fucking amazing band, and is without a doubt my favourite band of all time. So many of their songs were just too fucking good. It’s unfortunate that that song was from three years prior to the Reckoning. They never got to release another album. Makes me hope that the band survived … maybe I have to go back to Germany and search for them. Though thinking about that idea, there is a good chance that even if I did find them, they wouldn’t be able to play because of their age.

Anyway, I managed to get a decent thirty-minute hard jog on the deck before I had to start running. Why did I choose to run, you may ask? Well I was greeted at the door on one of my laps by a recently awakened Tempest, who was giving me a massive smile.

Now, I know what I said to her the night before, but that didn’t mean I needed her to latch onto my back for an undetermined amount of time.

So I ran away, and she gave chase, thankfully on her hooves and not with her wings. That was a bonus for me, because I knew I was a decent long distance sprinter. She didn’t know that, which helped me put some distance between myself and her before she realized that I wasn’t going down easily. Unfortunately for me, when she came to said epiphany she decided to take to the air and chase me from there. So my running routine turned into a game of open area cat and mouse. Her doing swooping attacks to try and grapple me, with me having to dodge and roll away from her. Was I ever glad I didn’t bring my M110 with me.

So picture this, me rolling around on the deck while trying to get back to my cabin. Her, flying above and swooping down on me with a large grin, all the while preventing me from moving towards the cabin.

Now imagine us doing this for some time. By some time, I mean my music was still playing and I had to have been the third of at least an hour worth of songs at that point. It was taking fucking forever just to make it halfway with my dodge and roll tactics.

On one of them, I managed to get a glimpse of my target, only to see about a dozen sailors sitting and watching. Hell, they were probably taking bets on who would win. I almost lost in that brief moment of thought, her hooves just grazing my back as she swept down to do whatever she was trying to do.

Yeah, no shit, genius, she was trying to latch onto me. If you had just waited, you’d have realized I was going to say that! Some people just can’t let you tell a story … .

Anyway, it took roughly five more minutes of me rolling around before I came to a decision. I could take this one of two ways … I could hopefully react quick enough to grab a hoof as she swooped by, then fling her and run. Or I could give up and let her latch on again. While the first option was tempting, it reminded me of the Cadence incident and how she didn’t open her wings up in a moment of surprise. While I doubt a trained Admiral wouldn’t fall for that, I wasn’t going to take the chances of possibly throwing her into a wall or over the edge.

So after one more roll, I stood up and turned my back to her. Next thing I know I’m tumbling head over heels a few times, a weight clinging to my back. Despite the moments of minor pain, I just sighed as we came to a stop. What better way to finish than with me on my stomach and a bat pony clinging to my back?

“That was fun! We should do it again!” Tempest said from behind me.

“I still don’t understand how you’re an admiral … especially when you act like this,” I replied, still laying there.

“We all have our quirks, mine just happens to be hot stallions! Or human, in this case. Lighten up!” she said before nuzzling into my back again.

“You are weird … so fucking weird,” I muttered as I pushed myself up. Well, as long as she didn’t do this the entire day, I’d be fine. I mean, she’d have to get off my back to actually work. No doubt there was paperwork and the like to fill out, or something that required her to leave. “Do you plan on staying there all day?”

“As long as I can, you’re just so comfy!” she replied in earnest.

“How am I comfy? I’ve got almost no fat on me,” I deadpanned. That didn’t dissuade her, though.

“I know! I love all of the muscles you have! They’re just so comfy!” she replied.

“That doesn’t make sense, you know.”

“It doesn’t need to,” she said before nipping my ear, forcing me to jump slightly, not at all ready for the nip. After a few seconds, I just sighed and got back up, deciding that I might as well head back to my room for whatever reason. Sure she would be clinging to my back the entire time, but that didn’t mean much to me.

The guards that had gathered to watch our little display were doing their best not to hide their amusement, and they were doing a pretty damn decent job at it. Though I also noticed that a few of them were changing bags around, probably the wagers that they had placed while I was dodging for my life.

I just let it go with a shake of my head before heading back down into the ship, intent on lying face down on the couch or something. Tiredness was actually starting to creep up on me more and more, an odd thing because until then, I hardly felt such a thing as exhaustion. My life had me always focusing on other things, but then … I didn’t usually have the luxury of having such a thing to focus on.

So when I entered my room, I didn’t even bother to look and see if the other two were up. I just decided to pull another faceplant into the couch, almost swift enough to catch Tempest’s hooves under me. That mare was fucking quick. When I impacted the couch, she managed to do some quick thinking and landed back on top of me, ensuring her hooves weren’t pinned.

You can only imagine the sight when I heard one of the separate rooms open up, the soft clicking of talons on wood coming to an instant halt. I think it was a few moments before there was a reaction to my situation.

“What the buck did I miss?” she asked, more than a little confusion lacing her voice.

“The death of my soul,” I muttered from my spot on the couch. That earned absolutely no response from Gilda. Unfortunately, Tempest filled in the missing words.

“He’s just mad that I caught him,” she said from whatever position she had on my back. I just sighed, wanting to rub my temples in annoyance.

Despite what I tell you, it wasn’t all that bad. I’m being a little dramatic for the sake of being dramatic, but in all reality, I never felt any animosity towards her, minus that one part before supper. Otherwise, I didn’t really care if she wanted to do what she did. If I had given a fuck, I could have easily told her to stop doing it right then and there, but I didn’t … so that should obviously mean I really didn’t mind all that much.

I’m still telling you what was going through my mind though, and I have not lied about that so far.

“You didn’t catch me, I gave up because I was starting to ache,” I replied, actually managing to reach a hand up and rub my temples, despite being mostly pinned by the light bat pony. “I’m not a young guy anymore.”

“Don’t be silly, boo, you’re probably younger than me,” she said with an air of almost certainty. I wanted to laugh a little, truly I did, but instead I didn’t. Why? I just didn’t, because it wasn’t something that funny. She was giving me one hell of compliment. I didn’t want to ruin it.

“Unless you’re forty-some, then I doubt you’re older than this dweeb,” Gilda replied nonchalantly before making a few clicking sounds from her walking somewhere. I didn’t know what she did, but the clicking sounds stopped. Either she left or got up onto the couch, but that’s not important, is it?

“Forty!?” Tempest shouted, more than a little shocked apparently. Hell, she even stood up from her lounging position, and by sheer luck her hooves managed to hit a spot in my back. Said spot gave a nice little pop, causing me to groan in brief pain before it felt blissful. It made me rethink keeping her at bay … she had a knack for massage without even knowing it.

I didn’t give a response, and instead just groaned from the great pleasure that pop brought forth. So she took up the mantle of continuing the conversation. “Is that true? Are you actually forty?”

“Yeah … why does that matter?” I asked, finally getting over that pop, though hoping she would shift and do it again. My prayers were answered as she took two steps up my back, in order to get closer to me. Two perfect steps, one un-knotting a muscle, the other hitting a spot between my shoulder blades that I could never crack.

I think she wanted to say something, but the words were caught in her throat. Well that’s at least what I thought was happening, since I couldn’t actually see her. There was a period of long silence before she finally spoke. “It’s just, I’m not used to somepony I’m interested in being that much older …”

I honestly didn’t see the issue. Age differences were hardly uncommon back home. Trust me, it was way worse when money really meant something, back before The Reckoning. Now you don’t see it as much because there are very few that are actually rich … moving on.

For her it must have been a big deal because she sat down on my back, causing it to pop again. I think Gilda must have been amused at what was happening, because not a word was said around the room until Trixie came barging into the area. Well, not really barging, but she did fling the main doors open faster than what should have been done.

“Did Trixie miss something?” she asked before I felt Tempest’s weight lift from my back. I waited for a second before flipping around to see Trixie and Gilda staring at the open doors that I assumed Tempest had bolted through, since she was nowhere to be found. Trixie looked at me after a moment before finally saying, “It seems Trixie missed something.”

“Huh,” was all I managed to say, though Gilda was snickering behind her talon. I shot her a glance to which I received an eye roll that might as well have said ‘get the fuck over it.’ I didn’t know why, really, but I actually felt a little concerned for her. Whatever her reason for leaving was, the main culprit most likely being the age thing, I felt bad that she had to go … and that she wasn’t giving me an accidental massage.

Eventually I pulled myself up from the couch, smoothing out my shirt and beard before looking over at that girls, who were just staring at me once more. Trixie did so with a confused expression and Gilda with her typical smirk. I just sighed as usual before speaking.

“Breakfast being served yet?”

“Trixie just came from the dining hall. It should be ready by now,” she said before turning and walking out of the room. I followed suit and cat-bird followed behind me. I stayed silent while Trixie talked about breakfast. “Trixie hopes that they have a better selection than last time Trixie was on the Daedalus. They hardly had any selection of rolled oats, and their wheatcakes tasted stale. Perhaps it was because Trixie was in regular class, and didn’t have the luxury of the Royal Room.”

I stopped in my tracks, remembering what that sailor had said when he first showed us to our room. I then turned around and started to head back to the room.

“Yo, dweeb, where are you going?” Gilda asked.

“Trixie is curious too!” Trixie chimed in, apparently wanting to be a part of whatever was happening. I don’t know, that’s just what I assumed was why she said that.

“We can get fucking room service! Screw the dining room!” I shouted over my shoulder before continuing back to the room. I was eventually followed by the sounds of clicks and clops, the other two realizing that we had access to such a thing.

When I reached the room, I looked over to the wall to see an intricate piece of rope hanging from the ceiling, it obviously had a connection somewhere above. It was what the sailor pointed at when explaining the room service … so I gave that piece of rope a vicious yank, hearing a series of small chimes from above.

Nothing happened for a moment before I took grasp of the rope again. Just as I did, a faint sound of ‘clops’ came from down the hallway. The same sound a pony makes when running. Without a moment to spare, a panting waiter arrived at the door, barely skidding to a halt in front of the door.

Said waiter was a light blue in colour, and was a pegasus pony. The mane was a darker blue if you care about descriptions.

I looked at him for a moment before giving a series of claps at the amazing speed that the pony had pulled off. Sure, I had no idea where he came from, but damn if that wasn’t prompt service. “Damn you’re quick.”

“I try, sir,” he said in between pants. He might have been fast, but he was still out of shape. Eventually he caught his breath enough to ask, “What can I help you with?”

“Breakfast?” I asked, hoping that he wouldn’t need a more succinct answer. I mean, that should have been clear enough.

“Ah, yes! Do you have any choices of dishes?” he asked, regaining his waiter form instantly. I couldn’t tell if this pony was a pro at his job or a slacker. I’m going with pro … only because he brought us food.

“Trixie will take a bowl of your best rolled oats. Three wheatcakes, and a hard-boiled egg,” she said from her spot on the couch. Yeah, I forgot to mention that Gilda and Trixie took seats on the couches while I yanked on the rope.

“Excellent choices, and for you, madam?” he said, motioning to Gilda who scowled at the title. That’s my cat-bird.

“Got sausage? Or bacon?” Gilda asked in her blunt way.

“We do indeed have such delicacies,” the waiter said, not even flinching at the choice of food.

“Sweet! Four wheatcakes and a bunch of sausage,” Gilda replied with a smirk.

“Superb choices, and for you, sir?”

“What are wheatcakes?” I asked, a little curious.

“They are a wheat-based saucer that are crisped to a very light brown. They are excellent with syrup and butter,” he answered in that extremely professional manner, despite probably answering a basic question.

“Ah … wheat based pancakes. If only they weren’t so heavily … well, wheat-based. Damn … how about French toast with the toast being substituted for waffles?” I asked, going for my backup plan.

“French toast? Do you perhaps mean Prench toast?” he offered, causing me to bury my face in my palm and groan deeply. It was a cleverly disguised horse pun … so fucking cleverly disguised I wanted to head back to Celestia and Luna, then slap them for allowing it to happen. I never got the chance when I was there … but so help me, if by some fucking chance that I find myself back in that world … I’m going to slap them so hard on those cutie marks that my hand will be their new special talent … or something like that … .

It was fucking funnier in my head, alright!? Christ!

“Yeah, sure. Though have it done with waffles. Oh, and throw in some bacon strips if you have them … the low fat type if possible,” I replied, to which he nodded before bowing … then taking off like a fucking bullet down the hallway. I almost forgot to order to drinks, so I stuck my head out and called after him. “And bring some orange juice or something!”

At the time, I could only hope that he’d heard me yell that at him, I mean it was possible to eat breakfast without a drink, but I’ve never been able to properly enjoy a meal that way … always needed a drink to help wash down the food.

I proceeded to pull one chair over to the low-lying table, well—low lying for me. It was a good height for a pony if they sat on the ground or something. I sat down and let out another sigh, making sure to keep on pace for my sigh count for the day. It had been a hectic and weird morning, and it was only the fucking morning of the first full day! I had another full day to go before we’d be in Tayros … I was going to be bored out of my fucking skull.

The room was rather quiet; Trixie was entertaining herself with another book that I had no clue on the topic or for that matter, where she got it from and where she stored it. I didn’t bother to ask, deciding not to be nosey. Gilda, on the other hand, was lying on the couch while looking up at the wooden ceiling.

“You look bored,” I said to her. She rolled her eyes before turning around to look at me.

“And you’re not? I mean, sure you’re running around with leather wings there, but I can see it in your eyes, dweeb. You’re just as bored,” she said with a triumphant smirk, looking as though she had just won some sort of contest or something.

“Never said I wasn’t bored, cat-bird, just pointing out that you look bored,” I replied, keeping my hands up in a defensive gesture, showing her that I meant nothing by it. Didn’t want to start anything when there was going to be breakfast soon.

“Yeah ... well …” she said, trying to think of something to say in response, hoping to figure out some sort of snappy comeback, but it appeared to fall off the tip of her tongue, or however that saying goes.

“It’s too early to drink myself into a stupor … nothing to practice my shooting at … nor do I want to waste any more rounds than I need to. Hmm … not really interested in wandering the ship aimlessly, we’re going to enjoy enough of that in Tayros. Honestly, I’ve got nothing,” I replied, leaning back in the chair, bringing my hands together in a steeple then placing them at my mouth, one leg crossing over the other. Had to utilize my deep thinking position to hopefully find something to do.

“Well I know that I’m going to go for a flight after I eat. Can’t let food make me weak,” Gilda replied before stretching out her wings as if to show something. The meaning was lost on me.

I looked over at Trixie to see if she was going to chime in, but instead she had her nose buried in the book still, not even paying attention to us. I was tempted to ask her what she was reading, yet at the same time I truly didn’t give enough fucks because it was most likely something of little importance to me.

And don’t ask if it actually was, because I can tell you right here that no … as far as I know, the book played absolutely no role in my experience in Equestria.

Moving on!

“Honestly I can’t decide if I’d rather have your wings or unicorn magic ability,” I muttered, kind of keeping it on topic.

“Duh, the answer is obviously wings. Only those with wings can fly, and flying is the only way to go,” Gilda replied as though it was a known fact. To her maybe, but that didn’t change one thing.

“I bet you that magic could make wings for you to fly with,” I shot back with a smirk. She glared at me before looking over to Trixie, who hadn’t even heard a word of our conversation. Eventually Gilda let out a small cough to draw the blue mare’s attention to us. Eventually Trixie looked up at us, undoubtedly wondering why we were looking at her.

“What did Trixie miss?”

“Can magic create a pair of wings?” I asked, no sarcasm or anything this time.

“According to Twilight Sparkle, they can. Trixie has never seen such a spell, but she trusts the word of Twilight Sparkle,” the blue mare replied before she scowled at us. “Can Trixie go back to reading now?”

“Yeah go ahead, see, Gilda! Told you. Back to square one in my dilemma.”

“Whatever, wings are the only way to go,” Gilda replied with a scoff, not relenting on her view, though I could understand why she had it. I mean she had wings, so of course she was going to believe that it was the only way to go. Sure, there was probably those who didn’t feel the same way and they had wings, but I doubt they were that large of a group; but what do I know anyway, huh?

Eventually, after a few moments of silence, a knock at the door heralded the one thing I was hoping for. Breakfast, obviously.

I opened the door to see three waiters standing outside, the one from earlier was there, along with two unicorn waiters, or waitresses since they were female. I opened the second door and allowed them into the room.

“Just on the table in between the couches,” I told them before following them in.

They didn’t even utter a peep as the unicorns floated our meals over to their respective places, apparently knowing who’s was who’s even though they hadn’t been here when we ordered. Yeah, I was definitely going with the professional angle to these waiters. They definitely knew what they were doing, and they even remembered to bring a pitcher of orange juice and three glasses!

Fucking bonus.

“Here is your food, madams and sir,” the male waiter said with a small bow, while the other two left the room. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

I was going to ask for utensils, not seeing them when the food was brought in, but I heard the small, yet horrible scrape of a knife against a plate. I shuddered slightly before looking back at the waiter. “Do you know when the bar opens? And for that matter, where it is?”

“The bar is located on the same level of the dining room, just a little ways past it. As for when it opens, it should be open around noon,” he replied in a serious tone that befit someone doing their job like a damned professional.

“Thanks, that’s all, I think. Food looks excellent by the way,” I said before looking over my shoulder to see Gilda devouring another piece of sausage. “I think they agree as well. Send my compliments to the chef … if they mean anything.”

“Will do, have a good day, sir,” he said before turning and heading out the door, closing it with him. I smiled lightly before heading over to my spot just in time to catch Gilda reaching over with a fork to try and steal a piece of bacon.

“Up-up-up! Touch my food and you won’t be flying today,” I said as I smacked her hand away from my plate. She gave me a glare before a light growl came out of her beak. That surprised me slightly, but I’m not one to back down. “Don’t you growl at me, missy, or I’ll have to spank some manners into you.”

I think I broke Gilda temporarily, because she gawked at me with what looked like a small blush forming under her feathers. How that worked I don’t know, but eventually that shocked face turned into a scowl. “Don’t you even think of touching me!”

“Then stay away from my bacon! Only I can devour such a gift from the gods! So it has been written, so it shall be done!” I said, utilizing a fork to point at her, emphasizing my point … hopefully. She looked at me for a moment before backing down with a smirk.

“Like you could even wrestle me down to do that,” she said in a mocking manner. I was tempted to do so right there just to prove that the old man could still fight with the best! Yet as tempted as I was, I still had a plate of food that needed to be eaten before I could show Gilda the what for!

I just glared at her the entire time I ate my delicious French toast waffles and bacon. Yes, the entire time. I didn’t even look down at my plate because I instead brought my plate up to my face in order to cut my food so I keep staring at Gilda. Let me tell you, it’s tough to cut food while having one hand full due to carrying the plate. I managed though, and all the while I was making Gilda more than a little uncomfortable.

I could tell, because every once and awhile she would look up to see me staring at her, then her eyes would dart away. My evil glare had a limit … and that was when my stubbornness wore out. That means I could have kept it up for hours if I really wanted to. One of the great things about being a stubborn old fuck.

Eventually I finished my food, still glaring at Gilda, even though she had shifted down the couch after she finished her food. Before I tell you more about my intense staring, let me say, just like the castle, the food was fucking good.

Hell, the meal the previous night was good as well, but I didn’t really take the time to savour it. This breakfast I took said time, eating my food slowly, still staring at the cat-bird. The French toast waffles were delicious, the syrup having just the right amount of sugar to it, while also having that thick syrupy taste to it. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had somehow drained it from a tree that very morning, since it tasted that fucking fresh!

The bacon was pretty damn good, though admittedly my taste-testing for meat other than steak was a little rougher. My heart yearned for steak more than any other type of meat, so … yeah.

Anyway, when I was finished, I kept staring at Gilda to the point where she was starting to really feel uncomfortable. She even started to fidget a little as she withered under my glare, which was a little bit of a surprise, considering just how fierce she normally is. Just went to show that she wasn’t just a hard griffon, and that she had a softer side beneath all of those layers.

“Why the buck are you still staring at me!?” she shrieked, finally snapping under the pressure of my stare. Her breathing had increased.

I held it for a few more moments, before finally speaking. “What time is it?”

Once again I think she snapped, though this time she became completely unresponsive, just staring at me with the same expression she had when she yelled. I had really done a number on her, even if it was unintentional. Hell, she didn’t even respond when I waved a hand in front of her face. So I turned to Trixie.

“What time is it?” I asked the blue mare that had her nose in that book still. She managed to take it out long enough to look out of the window of the common room.

After a moment, she turned back to regard me. “It seems that it is nearing noon. We apparently had a late lunch.”

“Sweet, that means the bar is almost open! I wonder if I can find another pony to challenge to a drinking contest … would be a great way to earn bits and kill time,” I said, scratching my beard in thought. I would have scratched my chin, but … well …

I got up out of my seat, stretching slightly, causing a few pops in my back to ring out around the room. When the third one came, it apparently snapped Gilda out of her stupor. She looked at me with eyes that could have killed.

“Run, monkey … run fast,” she said as she got up from her couch, preparing to pounce or something. I simply raised an eyebrow at her at first, but then I realized that those sharp talons would not be fun to wrestle against. So carefully I backed out of the room, barely managing to open the door while still facing her.

“Just for your information, I was leaving anyway … and you’re not that scary,” I said before slamming the door, just to hear a thud against it shortly afterwards. Sure I wanted to peek inside and see if all was alright, but I knew better than to chance it.

Besides, I now had better things to do, namely finding the bar. As I remembered, the last one I saw on the ship was on the deck, but that would be presumptuous to assume that they only had that single bar. Still, I could at least head to the deck and ask about the bar from the guard that I knew would be guarding the door.

So I strode to the deck, opening the door and once more basking in the beautiful warm sunlight that was gracing the deck. Hell, if I wasn’t such a bad tanner then I would have just laid down and napped in the sun. Instead, I just took a deep breath before turning to the guard that was beside the door. “You know where the bar is?”

“Which one, sir? Deck one, or the one inside?” he responded with the typical military curtness, or was it navy curtness? Honestly you can’t assume which one is being used.

I mean I had a friend in the marines who would often point that out that if I used ‘military’ as the general term for referring to them then I was fucking wrong. It makes it confusing as fuck for sure.

“Which one is currently open?” I answered, immediately regretting the decision to ask the question because it made me look like a fucking idiot. I mean I could have just turned around to see that the deck bar was open, but nope, I had to ask the guard. All of the lack of action and danger was making my sense go dull. If I didn’t get into some hostile lands soon enough I bet my shooting would be the next to go.

“Both, sir,” he said with an ‘are you shitting me’ type of grin. I didn’t even respond as I had already buried my face into one of my hands. Even the guard knew what that meant. So with a chuckle from the guard, I walked away and towards the direction of the bar. My mind was filled with so many thoughts … namely what drink I was going to order. Actually, that was the only thought on my mind.

Thankfully I had a little bit of time to decide, because there was another creature in front of me. Hell, it was that minotaur from the diner if I remembered right. Though I could easily be assuming that all minotaurs looked alike. Still, it would be interesting to talk to him and at least find out some stuff about them. I could imagine that there would be some sort of kinship between us considering that we are similar in many ways.

Eventually he left with his drink, heading over to a bench to sit down and drink it. I made up my mind to join him after I got my drink.

“Hey, back again?” the bartender asked, apparently recognizing me, though that wasn’t too tough considering I was rather damn unique here.

“You betcha, only liquids in my life are whiskey and blood now. Know what an Irish Car Bomb is?” I asked, somewhat regretting asking because there was no way in hell that they had such a thing,

“You mean a Neighrish Cart Bomb?” she asked, a little confused by my order. I simply lifted an eyebrow at her and hoped to hell she was joking, but no, instead she elaborated on it. “Neighrish whiskey in a shot glass, dropped into a glass of stout?”

“May I first say that your world is obsessed with puns. Secondly, that is exactly what I meant,” I said before sighing deeply and making a mental note to inflict some pain on Celestia for allowing such blatant copyrights of countries from my world as well as turning them into horrible horse puns.

“You look troubled; mare problems?” she asked as she got my drink. It was a relatively easy one but still took a moment to prepare. I looked at her with another raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, you could say that, but it’s only accurate since everyone in my life seems to be mares … or a gryphoness,” I said simply in return, not really bothering to clarify what I meant. I mean who would believe a random human, that they hardly even know about, if he said that he knew some of the most important mares in their country. I can tell you right now that I wouldn’t have given the time of day to such a person.

“Really now?” she asked inquisitively. From the little twinkle in her eyes, she wanted to try and be a good little bartender. I don’t mind such a thing for the most part, but this one seemed more interested in just learning what the human was going through.

So I more or less turned a cold shoulder and just pointed at my drink, which she was done preparing. She smiled sheepishly, obviously aware that I had caught her or something like that. She set the drinks on the counter, preparing to drop the shot glass in but I halted her, deciding to do it myself. Following a perfect shot glass drop, I took my drink and walked around for a second, pretending to look for a seat, despite the fact that many were open.

On one look around the deck I noticed that the minotaur stole a glance at me, so I figured that there was mutual interest in a sense. He’d learn about the strange creature on board, and I would learn more about where I was going. It would be a win-win, just had to get passed initial introductions and the like. I mean it’s kind of weird to just randomly sit at a table with another person when there were many other tables to sit at, yet at the same time some people would see it either as smart or just sociable. I never really thought of it too much, considering my loner-like personality prior to all of this interaction.

So I made my way over, standing just beside the table. “Mind if I sit?”

The minotaur looked up at me for a second before a large grin came to his face. “I have to say, Iron Will was curious when he would see you around!”

Oh god, it was like speaking to Trixie but in the form of a half-naked minotaur that looked like he was born in a gym. “Never seen a minotaur before, so figured I’d talk to you about Tayros.”

“Straight to the point, Iron Will approves. Never seen a minotaur, though? And here Iron Will assumed that you were but a runt, perhaps I can be wrong after all,” he said with a smirk on his face as he took a deep drink of his beer. I followed suit but took it slower, it wasn’t a contest or anything, after all.

“You’re not the first to assume I was a minotaur, that’s for sure. As you can see, I’m anything but, though,” I replied in kind.

He didn’t respond, instead just tipping his glass to me before taking another swig. The moment he put his beer down he looked at mine, the fact that it was still rather full apparently causing him to question it. I didn’t need to hear him ask before answering his question.

“Neighrish Cart Bomb, so a little more kick than yours. Besides, I like to savour my whiskey,” I said before taking a sip in turn.

He let loose a small laugh, the deepness causing a small amount of reverb, or at least it felt like it. “Iron Will approves of your choice, and I suppose that not everyone can drink like a minotaur. Now, I never caught your name.”

“Ryan, the only known human on the face of this world. Your name is Iron Will, is it not?”

“Astute guess! Iron Will’s the name and being a general badass is my game,” he said with another bellow of laughter. I chuckled along; the guy was a braggart but not the worst I had ever met.

“If you’re such a badass, why aren’t you swimming the sea to cross it?” I asked with a coy look and an obvious poke at what he said. A grin split his face at the well-intended gesture; he was not the first person I’ve met with that type of personality.

“Even Iron Will needs a break now and then, so I’m here instead,” he replied with that same smirk.

“Break from what?”

“Professions. Was a motivational speaker up until half a year ago, encouraging ponies to stand up for themselves and not back down. Unfortunately, Iron Will realized that my meanings were taken to an extreme extent too often. So instead I’m headed home to find another job,” he said with a little bit of sorrow tinging his voice, but other than that I couldn’t tell. His boisterous nature made it tough to hear emotions in his voice.

“What do you plan to do once back in Tayros?” I asked.

“Well Iron Will has many choices to fall back on. I, like almost all bulls, was drafted into the military for service. Despite the fact that we’ve not gone to war in a millennium, we Minotaurs still value strength in such ways. After that, Iron Will spent time working as a blacksmith until I found my calling as being a motivational speaker,” he answered, a little bit lost in the nostalgia he was reliving.

“Least you’ve got options to fall back on for a good job. Some aren’t as lucky,” I said before taking another sip. I was going to ask a question, but Iron Will beat me to it.

“Like you?” he said quickly, turning the conversation’s topic to me.

“Somewhat, yet not at all. I’ve got skills to fall back on in my world but I choose to do what I do,” I replied semi-cryptically, but I knew that it would easily lead him to asking what I did.

“And here Iron Will preferred the direct approach,” he said, implying his question without asking it. Told you I knew he was going to ask me about it.

“I think of myself as a hand for hire as well as a salvager. My world is a wasteland compared to this so why not help people while picking up pieces to help myself?” I responded while not going into too much detail. Keep it casual and not as fully informative as you can make it so as to not give away your hand to random people. It’s a nice rule to live by as well as use in card games.

“Iron Will supposes not,” he replied simply, not saying anything more. Perfect chance to flip the conversation again.

“So tell me about Tayros. First time going there, so I figured you’d be able to help out a ‘tourist’.” What other word could I have said? Tourist was accurate while not at the same time, since I was there to see sights, yet not there on vacation or anything like that.

“Humid and rocking, simple as that. Us minotaurs are welcoming in general but don’t get on our bad side, you wouldn’t like us when we’re angry,” he said with a rather grim looking smirk, as if daring me to see what would happen. Of course I had a better response that would leave him a little clueless.

“Do you triple in size and turn green?” I asked, which left him completely dumbfounded at what I asked. Why wouldn’t he? It probably makes little sense to some of you, so why would it make anymore sense to a minotaur from another world? His look of confusion told me to move on. “Don’t worry about it. Only real question I have is do they have a policy against openly carrying weapons?”

“‘Don’t start a fight, won’t be walking towards the light,’” he said simply, not even bothering to explain it but I understood what he meant after a moment of thinking about it. Essentially for those who don’t understand, it’s simple; don’t start a fight, you won’t die. So what I took from that is that as long as I only act in self-defense, I was free to carry around as many weapons as I pleased.

“Hmm, that should be fine,” I said for a moment before looking at my drink. “Thanks for the information, perhaps once we land you can show me and my friends to a local bar and I’ll buy you a drink.

“Iron Will accepts your terms, Iron Will can’t wait to see you try some real beer. It’s not for those who can’t hold their drink,” he said with a smirk before chugging the rest of his beer. I give a small laugh before downing the rest of my drink as well, much to his surprise. As I told you I had been sipping it, well that had my drink at about three quarters left. So yes, I chugged three quarters of an Irish Car Bomb without flinching.

“Nice meeting you, Iron Will,” I said before walking back to the bar and dropping the glass on the counter. Then I proceeded to waltz away as though nothing of importance happened, only to hear a deep bellow once more from behind.

Good first meeting of the last member of our group.

...

Shit, seems I’ve given away more than I should … well how about we agree that I never spoke that line and just pretend that I said something clever instead? Does that work? Thank god for you all being decent people.

Anyway, as I walked back across the deck, I looked up to the bridge to see if I could see Tempest, but even with the whole place being a massive house of glass, I couldn’t see hide nor hair of her. It was getting a little weird, and yes, before you all say anything about it I was indeed a little concerned for her. I mean I had more or less gotten used to clingy batpony backpack at that point, so it was weird that she had just up and left without saying anything. Still, it wasn’t up to me to find her; if she wanted to return, then she would.

Instead, I walked back to the entrance to my cabin’s hallway. Yet when I got there, I paused, a thought coming to mind. I turned once more to the guard that was standing outside. “Sauna?”

“Fifth floor, there will be signs to direct you,” he replied instantly, not even bothering to look at me. That was some damn fine training, I have to say.

So I’m going to skip the walk down there because it wasn’t anything of interest, and I truly mean that. Not a single pony I passed had the intent to start conversation even though I was courteous and said hi at each and every one of them. Didn’t matter really, since my goal was to let my muscles loosen via relaxing in a steam bath.

When I got there, I was a little surprised by the layout. You actually couldn’t see into the general area, instead there was simply an attendant sitting behind a desk that was in between two doorways. One led to what I assumed was the female changing room, and the other led to the male change room; that was all assumed by the plaques beside the rooms.

I stood in front of the rooms for a second, hand on my bearded chin, lost in thought as to why they needed change rooms if they were almost always naked as it was. Unfortunately, my train of thought was interrupted by the coughing of the attendant.

“Sir?” she asked, eyebrow perked up in curiosity.

“Oh sorry, just thinking about something. This is where the sauna is located, right?” I asked, approaching her slightly.

“We have three saunas here as well as a recreational pool. There is no fee to use them, but if you want to have a locker in the change room then you need a key … which is free as well,” she said in a rather chipper tone.

“Yeah, I’ll take a key for a locker,” I said, to which the mare beamed before reaching under her desk to find what I assumed was the key. She hoofed me the key, to which I just looked at for a second, contemplating why there wasn’t a number attached to it.

“Each locker can be opened by your key, but only if it hasn’t been locked by another. Each key is different and causes the lock to conform to them,” she said in a recited tone. Hey, at least I wasn’t the first person to ask that question.

“Thanks,” I said before walking through the open doorway to the male changing room. I was a little surprised by how empty it was but that works better for me, not because of shyness or anything like that, but because I didn’t want to hear hushed whispers about my scars. Trust me, it’s bad enough from other humans, I didn’t need it from ponies as well.

Long story short, I stripped, got myself a couple of large towels, and stored all of my gear in a locker before proceeding out into the recreation area. I was a little shocked by the amount of ponies there, many of them just lounging around while there were those with kids that were splashing around in the shallow area.

Let me describe this are for you. There was a large pool in the center, with plenty of space on all sides for chairs to be set up. At the far end of the pool, over top the deepest part, there was a rather large diving board structure that had tiered diving boards attached to it. From there, on the right side I spotted three doors that had sauna written all over them.

That was my goal, especially since I was naked underneath my towels, so swimming wasn’t happening anytime soon.

Like I said, it was rather packed, and I had to walk in front of many widish-eyed ponies, mainly from it being the first time seeing such a creature, then the rest from the scars they could see. At least, that was my assumption. I could guarantee that kids fell into the first category without a doubt.

Eventually, after many stares, I reached the saunas and saw that one of them had a full sign placed on it. Well that was convenient at least. So I decided to choose the third one, hoping that not a soul was in there. I got lucky, since when I opened it, there wasn’t a soul in there, and in fact it was cool so not a single person had been in there yet.

Perfect, I thought before looking at the little coal pit in the center of the room that was guarded by an iron enclosure. The whole room was essentially a square around the coal pit, with there being two levels of wooden benches. There were no directions as for what to do, but I could guess from the poker that I simply needed to push the coals around.

Once again I was lucky in my guess, since when I pushed the coals, a small amount of them seemed to light up, and steam started to slowly seep out of the enclosure. I smirked in triumph before prodding them a few more times to get the heat going. As the temperature started to get into an acceptable range, I walked over to the far side that faced the door, and sat myself down on the top tier of the benches before closing my eyes.

It’s funny to think, but when the world was still functional I didn’t care for saunas at all. The air was far too humid and stuffy for me to be comfortable; had a rough time breathing in it for some reason. Though whenever I think back to that fact, I just laugh. If it wasn’t for The Reckoning, I wouldn’t have gotten used to the sheer amount of humidity and heat, because my province was generally cold most of the year. Afterwards … well it might as well be the new Amazon rainforest. Don’t ask me how that works, just don’t. We’ve been over this already.

So, in that sauna I more or less had the time of my life, because I just laid back and took a little nap. Well I call it meditation since I am aware of my surroundings yet I’m putting my body to rest and letting stress just flow off of my shoulders.

I think it was around an hour of just sitting in there and enjoying the steam, when I heard and felt the door to the sauna open. The colder air unfortunately wafting in brought a small scowl to my face. I bit back any smart ass remarks because it wasn’t worth it. They just wanted to use the sauna … can’t help but opening the door to do that.

“Oh, sorry, sir. We didn’t realize you were in here already,” one said, a stallion by the sound of his voice. I didn’t open my eyes to check, still more or less meditating. “We’ll just leave.”

“Sit if you want, I won’t force you out,” I replied simply, blindly gesturing with my hand to one side of the room. Think of the gesture as one you would do if you were offering something to someone.

“Oh … thanks,” the stallion said before trotting in, followed by another set of hooves behind him. He did say ‘we’ after all.

They took seats I think and all was more or less quiet again, which was great for my meditation but at the same time it did a blow on my social skills. I mean the silence was undoubtedly awkward for the both of them, what with the strange human sitting in the same room as them. So I sighed and proceeded along with my normal introductions.

“Ryan,” I said as I opened my eyes and looked over at the pair that had walked in. The stallion was a dark orange unicorn with a white mane, while the other, a mare, was a very light blue pegasus with a darker blue mane.

“Lance Corporal Roll Call,” the unicorn replied curtly.

“Lance Corporal Blue Grass,” the pegasus said immediately after, her voice holding more than enough ‘southern twang’ to it. Her name was either the greatest choice I’ve ever heard, or it was the most facepalming. Actually I can’t say any of that, since I’ve used that already … let’s just say that her name perfectly fit her way of talking in a very racist way if you want to view it as such.

“Admiral Tempest told us about you shortly after takeoff,” Roll Call said with a small smile, damn those friendly ponies. “Never thought I’d see you around, though.”

“Just got to follow the right halls and you’ll find me … or find a bar,” I said with a small chuckle that earned the same from the two ponies. I decided to scooch a little bit closer as to make it a little bit friendlier, instead of me being more or less on the other side of the sauna room. As I neared, I didn’t realize one thing … the steam that was wafting in the room? Yeah it wasn’t as thick as I got closer to them.

So as you can guess by all the other experiences with me being shirtless, it was a notable thing. Though admittedly this time, the reactions were more akin to Wind Shear and Sigil’s. Curious and intent on finding out why my chest looked like I had gone through a wood-chipper.

“Wow … I’ve never seen that many scars in one place,” Roll Call said, a little whistle finishing off his words.

“Ah reckon ya went toe ta toe with a chimera ta git those,” Blue Grass said … okay her speech was a little more intense than what I figured it would be for that name. “Maybe even a pack o’ them!”

I just shook my head as I finally sat beside them then decided to clear the air. “Nah, I’m just a middle aged man that’s seen more shit than most.”

“Mind regaling us with a story or two?” Roll asked, a little bit eager to hear a war tale. Seriously, some of these guards worried me with their desire to hear about ‘war’ or violence of the like. Sure it was their job to protect, but wanting to go to war isn’t something that I see as mentally stable. If any of you get into a prolonged conflict, a.k.a. a war, then you’ll see what I mean.

“I’ve got nothing better to do while sitting here, so why not,” I responded. “Choose a scar and if I remember it, I’ll tell you about it.”

Roll Call hoed and hummed a little bit, allowing me time to twist my back and pop my spine, much to my relief. It also gave Blue Grass who was sitting up on the next level an opportunity to butt in and choose.

“What that one on ya back? Tha big ’in?” she asked, and I knew which one she was referring to. I didn’t have as many scars on my back, at least last time I checked. Just a few minor knicks and then that motherfucker.

“Not really much to it, but I remember it well … ‘cause it’s easy,” I said simply, a small smile on my face. I mean it wasn’t the worst story I had for a scar so I wasn’t sad or mad to tell the story. “So first thing you have to know is that on my world we have self-propelled carriages that we call cars. Utilizing a flammable liquid and a complex engine, we are able to make such vehicles reach speeds that are only surpassed by what we use to attain flight. That’s another story … oh and the speed most cars can hit is somewhere close to two hundred kilometers.”

Blue Grass gave off an impressed whistle at the speed, the pegasus obviously being the most likely to understand speed.

“So, me and a companion that I was travelling with were attempting to power through the muddy terrain that was the Russian landscape in fall, utilizing a car variant, called a jeep, that was meant for off-road travelling. Russia is a cold-climate country, by the way. We were making good ground but as we were passing a forest, the jeep hit a landmine, a little explosive device hidden in the ground. The jeep flipped easily, and only thanks to the design of the thing, we were able to not be crushed when it rolled a few times,” I regaled to them.

“I was relatively fine, just sore as fuck, but my companion was knocked out since the blast was on her side. So I fumbled with my buckle and managed to get out of my seat from the upside down vehicle. I didn’t see the lick of flames from the hood of the jeep as I made my way around to get her out. Thankfully she did, the moment she awoke though. I was getting her out of the jeep when she came to me saying in her deep Russian accent, ‘I smell smoke.’ Now, normally you have a decent amount of time to get away from a burning car before it explodes, but when I looked at the underside of the jeep, there were flames slowly crawling their way to the gas tank. If you don’t know what gas is … well let’s just say, don’t light a match around it, just to be safe.”

I had both of them eagerly listening to my story, their wide eyes showing their rapt attention. “From that point, I rushed as fast as I could to get her out of the jeep and away from the soon-to-be car bomb. She managed to help run, though we found out she broke one leg in the crash. We got maybe a forty meters away from the crash when the thing finally went off, reducing the jeep to a heap of burning junk. As the explosion happened, I threw my companion to the ground, with me on top of her, out of instinct. Unfortunately for me, that put me at the right height to get sliced by a flying piece of debris, which thankfully missed my head. And that’s how I got that large scar on my back. One of the less severe explosions I’ve lived through, to be honest.”

I don’t know what about the story that left those two ponies stunned but there was silence that filled the air of the sauna room, well that and steam, but … .

Okay, it was a bad joke! Sheesh.

Eventually Blue Grass let out that impressed whistle once more. “Hooee, that’s one heck of an experience.”

“Really? That was pretty tame compared to a few other close chances I’ve had,” I said, eyebrow raised in confusion. How was that an impressive story?

“You have worse stories than that?” Roll Call asked, a little shocked by that statement.

“No, I have better stories than that. Worst experiences yes, but they are better stories,” I said before leaning back, a small scowl on my face. It seemed that Roll Call and Blue Grass took that as a hint, because they didn’t ask for another one. I wouldn’t have minded telling another one, but at the same time I enjoyed the silence.

Yet I was the one to break the silence this time, because I was curious about something. “Speaking of the Admiral, either of you seen her? Normally she would be holding onto my back with all of her strength, but she bolted earlier.”

“I saw her on the bridge not too long ago but she hurriedly left almost immediately after I saw. Don’t know otherwise,” Roll Call answered, a chin to his hoof in thought.

“Odd,” was all I said before letting the room go back to its silence.

Now, it was then that I got my healthy dose of awkward for the day. Which translates into a healthy dose of awkward for you as well! See, I decided to shuffle down a little bit, so I could lean back again yet still talk to the two if something came up. As I did this, I noticed Blue Grass and Roll Call get comfy … as in they stretched out and relaxed.

Why is that awkward you ask, well remember how ponies don’t wear clothes? Well, they had towels on before doing said action. That meant that I got a healthy dose of not only Blue Grass’ … cover your ears kids … pussy, but I, by horrible luck, also got a good look at Roll Call’s package. Mentally I swore, hell I even swore under my breath, before I let my head lull backwards so I was looking up at the ceiling instead of those two. I swear, they purposely positioned themselves so that I got eyefuls.

No, I didn’t ask them if that was the case. Instead I sat there in silence for a few more minutes before getting up and deciding to call it quits.

“Thanks for the talk,” I said before I left, not even waiting for them to reply. Rude? Yes, but it avoided the awkwardness.

So I casually made my way back to the change room, got dressed, and decided that enough time had passed that it was probably getting close to supper time. I for one felt famished even if it wasn’t exactly supper time. Of course I had a possible way of getting an earlier meal … my own personal waiter! Yeah, it was a little bit of power abuse but hell, if you’re given such an innocent thing that hurt no one, why not use it?

And no, that didn’t backfire on me.

Another boring walk to the next area granted me time to contemplate what food I could possibly order from this place. It was then I realized that I actually wanted something simple if they knew what I was going to order. It was a dish that has some sentimental value to it, as my grandfather used to make it all the time. He’d do so no matter what, because he was awesome like that.

What surprised me when I got to the room, was that there were no smart alec griffons or third person-speaking mares. It was an empty room that was locked … it made me curious as to where they had gone.

Not too curious though, I mean I was hungry after all.

You can berate me all you want for not doing anything, but you don’t even know the whole situation, so shut up. First off, their rooms were closed and locked so they most likely closed them before they left. Also, there was not a single thing out of place so there was no struggle of any sort. Lastly, my room was locked and my stuff was still inside it.

So if you had any smart ass remarks about them possibly being kidnapped and I was an idiot for not doing something … fuck off.

Now, as for my food situation, after doing those checks, I pulled the rope and was promptly served by the same waiter as last time. By promptly, I mean that he was there in a span of maybe three minutes at best. That pony was grade A waiter material; I mean he fucking hustled in his job! Very few actually showed hustle to do something as menial as waiting … I’m not apologizing for speaking an opinion but I will say, if you love waiting then don’t listen to my opinion.

Just clearing the air before you lot say anything. Sure, that job is more or less dead now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t suspect that a few of you do the job.

Getting back to the story, I ended up not having to explain what a pierogi was, much to my relief and eternal gratitude. So I was able to get that dish I wanted so badly … pierogies and sausage. Pan-fried sausage. For the vegetables of the meal, I simply ordered steamed broccoli. That part didn’t matter, just the pierogies and sausage.

God was I grateful for that world having pierogies! They are one of the most delicious thing I’ve ever had and will ever have. Yes, that is compared to steak and the like. Hell, I would say they are better than alcohol, and you know me and my liquor hardly ever get separated.

Fast forwarding through the twenty minutes it took to prepare the food to my liking, I was sitting alone in my room eating pierogies and sausage. Truly in that moment I gave no fucks about the whole ‘stuck in another world’ detail, instead focusing on the deliciousness of the potato, bacon, cheese stuffing melting in my mouth and making me whole again.

Yes, they are that fucking important to me! It had been years since I had a fucking pierogi, so shut your whore mouth and let me bask in the memory of the delicious things.

Did I forget to mention that the sausage was made perfectly? Absolutely perfect … the only better sausage would have been my grandfather’s home made ones, that was how good they were … and how good my grandfather’s were.

Once I cleared my plate, I pulled the rope again, which, like all the other times, brought the waiter running. Though this time I didn’t have an order or anything for him. No, I simply said one thing to him before dismissing him.

“You’re awesome at your job, you can slow down when serving up here. None of us are in that big of a rush, nor are we that important that you need to run up here as though you’re running for your life. Oh, and send my warmest regards to the chef, the food was sublime.”

After a brief thank you from him, I closed the door and headed back to my room.

Want to know what time it was?

Gun inspection time!

Yep, dismantle both of my guns and clean them time.

You don’t need to hear about that boring task so instead, I’ll skip that hour of time and take you to the next interesting thing that happened.

Why an hour, you ask? I was being cautious, alright? Well that, and I was using it to kill time since I was more or less bored out of my fucking skull.

Right, skipping ahead an hour.

So after I was done cleaning my guns, I decided to go for a walk. The moment I step outside my door, and lock it behind me, I’m knocked down to the ground by an unknown force running into me.

Now, you might think that it was Tempest latching onto my back again after the entire day was spent doing … whatever she was doing. But it wasn’t exactly that. See, you would have been right in your guess that it was Tempest that ran into me, but the second part is completely wrong.

In fact, it was more like it should have been with a six-foot-tall person walking around ponies that maybe came up to his waist if they were big enough … not counting the princesses.

I tripped over her.

Yep, I turned around and managed to trip over her, sending me sprawling and having her get more or less crushed beneath my legs. Take that as you will, all I know is that I was more than a little confused to find myself on the floor with my legs propped up on something.

After managing to pull myself forward enough to get my feet on solid ground, I found Tempest lying on the ground, somewhat dazed by the whole incident. How can you be somewhat dazed? Easily; fully dazed is when you don’t know what happened at all, somewhat dazed is knowing what happened but wondering why it happened.

That was Tempest.

“How did you trip over me?” she asked, rubbing her head a little, her body still sprawled out on the ground.

“The same way you manage to sneak up on me despite having hooves,” I deadpanned before reaching down and picking her up. She gave out a weird combination between a neigh and a squeak as I picked her up by her sides and placed her back on her hooves.

Ponies make the weirdest noises. Seriously.

“Maybe you just have bad hearing!” Tempest snapped, apparently a little frustrated or something. That was the first time she had snapped at me with anything but humour … and let me tell you, there was some venom in that voice.

“Whoa now, calm your tits and tell me why you’re pissed,” I said defensively, my hands in the air to show her I meant no harm. Though I also think that I really should have thought those words through better. I mean who says ‘calm your tits’ to a woman? I wanted to facepalm right then and there.

She looked angry for a second longer before she deflated, a long, drawn out sigh escaping her. Her shoulders slouched and she plopped her rear on the ground, the whole posture screaming ‘I fucked up badly and I don’t know what to do.’

I was just glad she didn’t comment on that phrase.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice tired and ragged.

“For?” I replied before crouching down in front of her.

“What do you mean, ‘for’? I messed up this morning!”

I was a little confused, obviously. “In what way did you mess up?”

She gawked at me like a fish out of water, not sure as to why I would possibly say such a thing. I don’t know what was going through her head, but I can tell you one thing, it most likely was some sort of jaded view on what had happened in the morning. I mean, that was the only possible explanation as to why she was apologizing to me. At least, looking back, that’s what I realized about that encounter.

When I was actually there … hell if I knew what she was thinking. I mean, it could have been anything to me back then, so I just tried to get her to speak about it, and speak she did.

“I bucked up this morning! How don’t you know that?!” she asked, her emotions in a state of confusion and sorrow at the same time. Possibly a mild form of hysteria … not sure. “I got frightened at the mention of you being older because it was something I never encountered before, so I ran! I acted like a scared little filly …”

“It’s of no issue so don’t worry about it,” I replied simply, moving forward to give her a small hug.

“What do you mean?” she managed to choke out in between her dry tears and sorrow.

“I mean it’s of no issue to me. Sure I’m older, but that means nothing to me. If that’s stopping you from being yourself, then don’t. It shouldn’t stop you,” I replied, not regretting the kind words at the moment but definitely realizing what they could have been interpreted as.

“Does that mean-” she asked, her eyes filled with a lot of hope as she looked up. Apparently Tempest was the type that could easily get over things.

“I’m taking that pool,” was all I said in return. At first she was a little confused by what I had said, but it eventually started to dawn on her. When she came to the realization as to what I was talking about. “Yeah, they are going to be paying me a good share of bits by the end of this trip.”

“You’re taking bits over me?” Tempest said, her lower lip quivering. Yeah, this was more like the Tempest I had been introduced to and had been wearing as a backpack. See, I wasn’t buying any of that fake quivering lip and puppy dog eyes. You learn to be impervious to it as you age. I think forty is the minimum age that you gain such strength.

“Yes,” I replied once more, completely denying her any sort of ‘mind control.’ Yes, I said ‘mind control.’ Don’t take it literally.

“Darn,” she said as she scuffed her hoof against the ground.

“Feeling better?” I asked. She simply nodded and smiled before hugging me again.

“Thanks,” she whispered before letting go. I smiled back as I stood up and turned to walk away, aiming to get to the bar once again.

Yet as I walked away, Tempest stayed in that spot, her eyes shifting around nervously as though she wanted to say something. I knew I should do something, but I felt a little bad for her because she seemed to be alone. “What time is it?”

“Roughly eighteen hundred, why?”

“If you get me an Neighrish Car Bomb, we can have a drink in my cabin and, I don’t know, chat or something,” I offered. She perked up at this but didn’t bite right away, obviously playing me and attempting to get more out of it. I could have stonewalled her and not given her anything more, but I was feeling generous. “You can sit on my lap and that’s it.”

She took off past me like a bat out of hell … heh. Yep, I was in for a night of drinking and mild snuggling.

I sighed before going back into the room.

So, I’m going to speed this up because I’ve got another day to tell you about as well. Yes, I am telling you a two-dayer this time. Shocker, isn’t it? Well don’t expect it that often. The only reason is because very little of interest actually happens. That and you’ll be glad that I got to the next part quicker.

Anyway, Tempest came back with two of my drinks and three martinis for herself. I was a little surprised by the amount, but I didn’t say anything. Instead I simply sat down, patted my lap, and let her recline into me while we both drank our drinks. She started off talking about some things that happened in the day and I would just interject some random questions regarding it but nothing of importance to recant to you all.

Shortly after that, it was quiet for a little bit, as we both just sipped our drinks but eventually, maybe after thirty minutes of quiet, yes that long, she spoke up.

“What was plugged into your ears when you were running earlier?”

“A portable music playing device,” I replied shortly before taking a sip. I didn’t need to look at her to know what the next question would be. “Let me fish it out.”

After a few moments of awkwardly trying to get to my iPod while she still sat on my lap, I succeeded and managed to show her my music device. She ooed and awwed like all the others before asking the obvious next question. “Can I listen to it?”

“Don’t you want to ask what it is first? Or how I managed to fit a band inside here?” I asked with a small snicker. She simply rolled her eyes at me before responding.

“From what I hear, your people are rather advanced, so I’m just chalking it up to magic.” She then blew a raspberry my way, which caused me to return her eye roll with another one in kind.

“Fine, fine. Here, put these in your ears, the elongated part facing forward,” I said before handing her the headphones. At first she stared at them, questioning them for a split second before her gaze turned up to me. It was the same flat deadpan gaze I often give you folks and that I often used on others. At first, I was going to ask why she was looking at me, but then she held up her hooves as if to tell me the fucking obvious. “Lazy batpack.”

“Ya love me for it,” she replied as I fidgeted with the earbuds, putting them into her ears with precision. As you can probably guess, my earbuds aren’t exactly designed to fit inside pony ears, so I had to make sure that they didn’t go deeper than they should.

After a few moments, I turned her head a few times to make sure they would stay. “What’s your type of music?”

“Do grunts and moans count?”

“Only if you don’t mind me dumping you from my lap,” I said, countering her obvious attempt at sexual humour.

“Fine, got anything soft?”

I merely rose an eyebrow at that request before shrugging my shoulders and scrolling down to a decent song. ’Swing Life Away’ by Rise Against was a classic.

She bobbed her head slowly to the music as it began to play, and the smile on her face told me she enjoyed it, though admittedly I can’t see anyone not enjoying the song. It’s so well played and written that it’s essentially a cult classic in a way. Meaning that despite people not exactly liking Rise Against, you can appreciate that song.

Eventually the song ended and I paused it before it could flip to something that she wouldn’t like. Despite me wanting to prank her, the whole scene was too nice to disrupt with her trying to tear herself away from some Exodus or Sylosis.

“Thoughts?”

“I liked it! Another!” she said enthusiastically, and I almost expected her to throw her glass down on the ground … if you don’t get it then it will be impossible to explain it. I simply smiled and changed to a playlist of mine that had the softer songs on it. Though I would need to change songs every once in a while since my definition of softer isn’t exactly the same as everyone else’s.

So we ended up sitting there for a good hour as Tempest slowly got lulled into sleep while I sipped my drink. Yeah, she fell asleep to my music, and it was fucking adorable the way she just kind of flopped over. I had to keep myself from laughing at the whole thing. She was more akin to a dog or cat in that way. Completely passed out, not giving enough of a fuck about what was happening.

I eventually decided that I could just put her in the spare room and that would solve everything more or less. So with ease, I picked up the snoring and out-cold batpony, though I was careful to pick her up gently and not wake her from her slumber.

After a careful bit of moving, I managed to get her into the bed and tucked in. The entire time she mumbled and grinned at whatever dream she was having. I just shook my head and went about letting her sleep. Hell, I figured it was time for me to hit the sack as well.

I was this fucking close to getting into my room and calling it a night when the other two showed up. The door creaked open slowly, much to my surprise. Why to my surprise, you ask? Well I’ll sum it up for you. Gilda and Trixie were blitzed out of their skulls. Yep, smashed, hammered, inebriated, sloshed, wasted, tanked, and last but obviously not least, completely shit-faced.

They were laughing their asses off at something that I didn’t catch, and no matter what they just kept laughing as they stumbled over each other to get into the room, Gilda managing to trip and fall spread-eagle on her back. That only caused her to laugh harder, and Trixie looked as though she was going to pass out from laughing so hard, her face completely red. Eventually she too managed to fall over, much to Gilda’s delight.

I continued to watch from the doorway of my room as the both of them tried to stand up, though each time was met with failure and more laughter. I was tempted to just turn around and close my door, but I couldn’t stop watching how badly these two were handling their liquor. I knew tomorrow morning would be a fun one for the both of them. Still, the least I could do was to help them stand up.

So I moved without a word to Gilda and picked her up.

“Holy Shelestia I’m flyiiing! It’sh like I hash wingsh!” Gilda managed to say before I set her down, though she barely was able to stand under her own willpower. “Didya shee? I wash flyin’!”

“Trix-hic-Trix … Trixyy sha! Hows you do eet?” Trixie asked, not even paying attention to the human that was picking her up as she spoke. Though it seemed that she realised that she was also flying, because she let loose a ‘weee’ as I placed her back on her hooves. Then, with a shake of my head, I went back to my room.

Now, the last thing I saw was a little bit different, so any of you younger than fourteen, please plug your ears or leave … yeah, I know it was a joke, not a single one of you are under fourteen. Anyway, as I was closing my door, the two of them managed to stumble towards each other, large grins sported across their faces.

Then, in a quick moment, they closed the gap in a long kiss that was pretty steamy if I do say so myself! Haha, actually it was a hilarious attempt at drunken kissing that was made even more awkward because one had a beak and the other a muzzle. Seriously, imagine a bird trying to French a horse, it’s fucking hilarious.

I suppressed a chuckle as they both went at it, though I thought that would be it. Unfortunately they took it a step further and fell to the floor once more, their bodies intertwining and starting to grind more than a little.

Yep, I was meters away from watching two ‘alien chicks going at it.’ I can say right now, I probably would have been the envy of more than a few internet people back from my time.

Though I didn’t think that way, and was instead pinching the bridge of my nose and closing the door. I was not going to even try and fix that mess, if you could call it that. In fact, I could only hope that they took it to one of the bedrooms if they went any further.

I just shook my head before removing my clothes and crawling into my bed. Thankfully I was a pretty heavy sleeper when I needed to be. Well … I’m a heavy sleeper by nature, but you learn how to sleep lighter when you have to sleep outside. Think of it as adaptation … that, or genes. I mean my parents were light sleepers, so I probably got it a little bit from them.

And that ended that day, and I was granted a nice dreamless sleep. By granted, I mean I chose not to lucid dream that night, instead letting myself have a nice deep sleep.

Don’t worry, I will be moving to the next day shortly here, just need to get me a drink. Throat is a bit parched.

…

Alright, that was fucking good. Gotta stay hydrated, you know. I mean, drinking water is one of the most important things you can do. Sure I mean in the way that you have to survive, but also it helps your body in many other aspects. Hell, it also helps cut down your weight if need be, because it can be filling if you drink a solid amount.

Anyway, back to it.

So the morning was fucking funny and a little bit … not gross, but awkward. That’s the best word I can describe the scene the next morning.

See, once again I got up at a decent time, also known as fucking early as hell. I mean it wasn’t too late as it was, probably around midnight, so I could easily be well rested if I woke up before six.

My morning routine, as usual when I have a safe place to stay is to wake up, take a piss, and then do some abs. If you don’t know what I mean by abs, it’s exercises that work the abdominal muscles. You just simplify the name down to ‘abs.’

So, following the ab workout, I get changed and prepare whatever I need to for the day. In this case, it was strapping my holster to my leg after getting my clothes on, then readying my iPod because I was going to go for another run.

The moment I stepped outside the door, I noticed the most glaringly obvious thing. Gilda and Trixie were still on the floor. They had fallen asleep on the floor after whatever they did. I couldn’t help but facepalm at them. I mean, they fucking fell asleep between each other’s legs! I could only imagine the shock of them waking up finally.

Don’t mistake me, I was extremely tempted to just wake them up right then and there because it would prove to give me a good bout of humour. Yet I didn’t because I couldn’t give enough fucks, honestly. Let them sleep, if they were anywhere near as shit-faced as I thought they were, then they needed the sleep badly.

I was about to exit the room when I heard the faint clop of hooves on the floor … and they weren’t coming from outside the door. No, they were from the spare room. That meant Tempest had just woken up.

So I decided to wait a little bit for her to exit, instead of going and getting her. That proved to be the best option, if only for my own amusement.

The moment she exited the door, I could visibly see her muzzle scrunch up before she placed a hoof to it, as if trying to cover it from whatever smell she was smelling. I think she was going to say something, but she never got to it as her eyes caught me standing by the entrance door. I held my finger over my lips to tell her to be quiet. She simply nodded before giving a few light flaps and taking to the air.

What could I do other than shake my head at the fact that she was flying in the small room in order to keep quiet? You would think that some wind kick up would wake up my passed out companions, but no … flying doesn’t work like that in Equestria because fucking magic!

As I opened the door to let her leave, I saw that she’d finally caught a glimpse at the reason why she was being quiet. Her eyes bugged out for a second before a look of sheer amusement came across her face. At least she was smart enough to wait until we were far enough away before she let out a howl of laughter.

“That’s why the room smelt like fish and alcohol!” she said in between breaths.

“Yeah, they came in after I put you to bed. They were completely hammered and just winded up going at it on the floor there,” I replied as I opened the door to the deck.

She got just outside the door before she spun around on me. “Wait, put me to bed?”

“Yeah, you fell asleep on my lap and I put you up in the spare room,” I replied nonchalantly as I exited the doorway and onto the deck. The sun was barely out and for the most part was covered by the clouds in the surrounding area. Yet somehow, the deck looked like it was lit up as though it was noon! I swear, magic was starting to wear on me more and more.

“And you didn’t ravage me before tucking me in?!” Tempest said in shock, with what also sounded like disbelief. I simply shook my head, turned my iPod on, and started running. “Hey! Answer me! Stop running!”

Yeah, I didn’t have the sound up loud enough for me to not hear her behind me, her hooves making that typical ‘clopping noise. After a few moments she caught up to me and kept pace, though she was also glaring daggers at me while doing so.

“Going to run with me?” I asked to Tempest, who just gave a huff of annoyance before nodding. She was trying to act pissed at me; it wasn’t working because she, admittedly, was rather cute.

Yeah, being around these ponies for roughly a week was starting to affect how I saw them. Though admittedly I had no issues before hand, all I was coming to terms with was that, for the most part, they were cute in ways. You’d understand if you ever saw one in person. Even if I had a photo to show you, it wouldn’t do justice.

Now, as for the run, there wasn’t much to it really. Well at least not at first. See, it was just us running around the deck once more, though this time Tempest was running with me on her hooves instead of trying to catch me in the air. A much more relaxed exercise, yet it still did what I needed it to. Notice how I said at first? Well for maybe ten minutes of running, all was good.

After that, we got spectators from the guards. It made me wonder what the hell they did that allowed them so much free time to take bets on us. Yeah, that’s right, for the second day in a row, I saw bags of bits being forked over to one unicorn guard while he took notes. I couldn’t believe that they were running bets … they were worse than gamblers back home.

This time, I was intent on making something of it, though. As we neared them on a lap, I yelled at them. “Unless I get twenty-five percent for winning, I will sic her on you!”

I gave a brief glance at Tempest, who wore a predatory grin at that statement. A few of the guards gulped, but the one dealing with the bits just gave an affirmative before going back to his bookkeeping.

Now, a few of you are probably assuming that I teamed up with Tempest to win that pot. Well, let me tell you, I don’t pull any sort of shit when it comes to money. If I was going to win or lose, it would be through legit means and not through fixing the event. Morals and all that, you know.

So, skip forward about twenty minutes, and I was still going at a decent pace. Sure my legs were getting tired, but I could easily go on for longer. I looked down at Tempest and saw her panting. Not in a ‘I’m going to pass out’ type but more like a dog, or something like that. She seemed like she could keep going, though, so I just focused ahead of me once more and got back to running.

Let’s do another time skip! Now, we were probably on the one hour mark when I noticed that a few civilians were starting to come onto the deck. They stayed to the side lines as they watched, what I can assume they thought was, the weird minotaur and the Admiral of the ship running laps.

It was also at this point that Tempest spoke up through her ragged breaths. “How are you still running so easily?”

I answered her through my own ragged breaths. Yeah, I used the same descriptor, get over it. “We’re made to run distances.”

It’s a true fact, you know. Before we became ‘settlers’ and stationary with our homes, humans were nomadic by trade. The reason we were nomadic was because we would follow packs of animals as they migrated. Humans would often jog or walk for long periods of time just to outlast their prey. Why bother trying to dangerously catch it as it was completely healthy and raring to go when you could just out-walk or out-jog it. I mean, it’s speculated, and probably is true, that the only reason North America had people living in it before it was ‘discovered’ by people from Europe, was because they crossed over the Bering Strait Crossing between Alaska and Russia when it was one frozen landmass long ago.

When The Reckoning broke out, and society collapsed, a lot of people started to relearn that aspect of human nature. They learned that people often have to go to extreme measures to get food. Sure, people could easily make farms once more, but a lot of them didn’t have that luxury. I see it all the time: people following behind herds of deer and such.

Anyway, back to the running event.

I think it was nearing the hour and a half mark when I heard a thump next to me. I simply pivoted on my legs and started a slow backwards jog. The sight behind me was Tempest laying on her side and her lungs breathing hard. Yeah, she had exerted herself pretty hard. Still, I wanted one more lap because I was feeling damn good for once.

When I came around to where Tempest was laying on the ground, I made sure to slow down, and in one scoop I heaved her up to my shoulder, much to her initial dismay that elicited a minor shriek. Once she realized what was happening, she quit fussing. I could only imagine that her face was completely red, which only works in the pony world.

Eventually I made my way to the guards standing around, some wearing smug faces, others looking more than a little pissed. I didn’t even look at them, instead just holding out my open hand. At first they looked at it, but then the guard who was dishing out bits caught onto the meaning, and dropped a small sack in my hand.

“Perfect, now … where is Skyline?”

“Right here, sir,” the grey furred pegasus spoke up as he moved forward. “Let me take the Admiral off your hooves, there.”

“Hands, but sure,” I said as I slowly set Tempest down on his back, much to her pleas and whining. It wasn’t a choice for her, because right then and there she wasn’t looking very much like an Admiral.

As Skyline carried her out, I turned around to see the crowd of onlookers. They just stared at me for a moment, and right there was when I got a horrible idea. A horrible horrible idea, and I’m thankful I didn’t go through with it. Yeah, I didn’t go through with it because the entire idea consisted of me saying ‘and for my next trick’ then proceeding to jump over the balcony of the ship.

You can obviously see why I didn’t do it.

Instead, I simply walked back down to our room.

Then I proceeded to walk right past the room because the sounds coming from inside told me then wasn’t the best time.

…

Good guess but no, they weren’t going at it again. In fact it was more of the opposite. The gist of what I heard was as follows.

“Oh my Celestia!” Trixie screamed.

“What … buck me, get away from me!” yelled Gilda.

And that was it before it devolved into just mindless shouting and scampering of hooves and claws. While it would have been fucking amusing to walk into, I doubt that I would be standing here if I did.

Instead I took the smart route and walked right past, intent on finding the dining hall once again. Breakfast was becoming more and more interesting as I cleared many other thoughts from my head.

So, skipping the once again boring walk, I ended up running into Fancy Pants and Fleur as they entered the dining room.

“Ahh, Ryan, it is good to see you again,” Fancy Pants said, while Fleur just gave me a smile and a head nod. “I take it you’ve had an active morning.”

I didn’t need to look at myself to know that he was talking about the nice little sheen of sweat that coated my body. “You could say that. Had a nice run on the deck with our Admiral not too long ago. I would have showered but my room was a little hectic this morning.”

“Don’t be too hard on those two, they were fun,” Fleur spoke up, apparently knowing what was going on … sorta.

“It’s not my place to say anything. Just figured that they needed to wake up and not have me grinning at them,” I replied with a small chuckle, which was returned by Fleur and a sly smile from Fancy Pants.

We walked to a table and sat down, and didn’t even get to start talking before a waiter was out and ready to take our orders. Apparently we were ‘special’ enough that there was literally no wait times for us. I didn’t really pay attention to their orders but I just wanted some pancakes and scrambled eggs that morning. Sure I could have had sausage, but I figured that if my company were both ponies, I could abstain for then.

“So,” I said, initiating conversation, “where are you two headed? I never asked that when we had dinner together.”

“I’ve got a business proposal in Saddle Arabia next week. We figured we’d take an early flight and have time to ourselves,” Fancy Pants replied curtly. I could only imagine what the pony dealt in.

“I almost want to ask about it, but that would be rude now, wouldn’t it?” I ventured, hoping he might actually take the bait and disclose some info, no matter how irrelevant it might be to me.

“Alas, that would cause more harm than anything if I told you,” he said, that sly smile on his face appearing once more. That instantly told me he might just be into shady shit. Sure, he seemed like a decent fellow, but even I knew that there were bastards that hid under nice disguises.

“That makes me only wonder as to what you do, Fancy Pants,” I said with a little bit of coldness in my voice. If I had met him before The Reckoning, I would have only silently wondered what he meant, but my time having to deal with scumbags only reinforced my morals and straightforwardness.

“Oh, don’t mistake me, my dear human. I’m not one to deal with those who do not have the right interests in mind. I am simply bound by our deal to not express details to those who are not involved,” he said, that sly smirk was replaced with one that people who are accused of something, often use. You know, the one of indignation that you pointed your finger at them? Yeah, that’s the one; so obviously, I took what he said at face value and moved the topic along.

“I take it Saddle Arabia is a rather nice country to visit? You wouldn’t be taking your … fiancé if it wasn’t,” I offered, moving the topic to a fork in the road. Only to see which way they took that statement.

“My, very observant! I’m not even wearing the ring,” Fleur said with a large smile on her face.

“It was a lucky guess, nothing more. How long?”

“He proposed just a few weeks ago! We haven’t planned the wedding but it will be marvelous!” she said, a huge smile on her face. I honestly didn’t care too much about their wedding and all that but it was polite to smile and be happy for them. If anything, I was a decent conversationalist.

“That’s great to hear,” I said with a small smile. Unfortunately, that opened things up for Fleur to speak only about her wedding plans while Fancy Pants and I just smiled and nodded our heads. It was a few minutes of listening to that before our food arrived and thankfully it ended that line of conversation. It was one of those that I regret opening because they were akin to a can of worms.

Either way, breakfast came and went and the meal was delicious as usual. One thing I have to say is that they make some delicious buttermilk pancakes. Like holy shit they were fucking fluffy and creamy.

Damn … just talking about them makes me want to attempt to make some. Maybe tomorrow for breakfast …

Oh, sorry, got lost in the thought of food for a second.

Anyway, the rest of the meal was rather quiet, with us mainly focusing on the food. Though Fancy Pants would make little quips about the trip so far and the like. I didn’t mind the small conversations but I didn’t really get involved either.

When we had finished the meal, there was some decent conversation. And this time, it was rather involving for me, mainly since it was about myself.

“So, I never got to ask before your departure the other night, but why are you headed to Tayros?” Fancy pants asked simply, not even dancing around the topic.

I shrugged initially before taking a sip of water. “Don’t have minotaurs in my world so I figured that if I was going to explore your world I might as well start with something that was more … human like. Gives a little bit of familiarity in a sense.”

“I suppose that makes sense, but I wouldn’t be travelling to Tayros right now,” Fancy pants said in a semi-cryptic way. He knew something, or at least a sliver of something.

“Oh, and why not?” I asked, taking the bait.

“Well, I’m not one to abide by rumours. In fact, I hate the things, but a rather reliable source says that the nation is undergoing some problems. They didn’t specify the issue but suggested that we stay clear of the place,” he replied, his tone changing from slightly playful to one of true seriousness.

“Danger, huh? Don’t be offended, Fancy Pants, but I doubt it is anything serious. I personally refuse to trust such general info, if they aren’t willing to elaborate,” I replied with a small chuckle. It wasn’t a mocking one or anything, no, Fancy Pants knew that I wasn’t making fun of him. He’s a smart guy ... pony, whatever.

“Oh I agree for the most part, but my source has been very reliable,” Fancy pants replied before standing up, Fleur following his lead. “I’m sorry to cut this short but I promised Fleur I would take her to the spa that’s onboard. Have a safe flight, and time in Tayros, Ryan. Remember to get in contact with me when you are finished.”

“Will do,” I said with a tilt of my glass towards him. They proceeded to leave, leaving me at the table, sipping on my water, wondering: what the fuck to do now?

I mean, I had a full day to kill and I’ll be honest, I’m kind of a picky guy when it comes to doing shit. Open minded but picky. If I didn’t feel like doing something, there wasn’t a good chance that you’d get me to do it.

So I actually ended up sitting there until they had to force me to leave. Yeah, you heard right, I ended up sitting at my table through the rest of the breakfast. I got lucky that the stream of people wasn’t overly steady since that meant my table wasn’t a high priority. I ended up sitting for another hour and a half, just drinking water and the occasional glass of orange juice that a waiter would drop off. Honestly it was fine by me, especially since it gave me time to think about my plan for what I would actually do in Tayros.

Sure I had a few cities mapped out, but that was hardly a plan at all. So I came up with a basic plan. First off, it was to land and more or less leave the initial town within the day since I planned on staying there for a few days before boarding for another country. If I recall correctly, there was a train line that headed straight for the capital, so I would take that and spend a few days in the capital before setting out on foot. Oh, yes I planned on making sure that we didn’t take the fast route each time. Hell, if I had my way, by the end of the trip, Trixie and Gilda would be pure muscle, just from having to pull that cart with them. Assuming they didn’t shluff it off to me in the miniature form that it currently was in.

Either way, from there I wanted to head northeast and into the mountainous area because I read some cool things about the town there, not to mention there was a weaponsmith there and I wanted something ornate to carry with me.

…

Yes, I do have it but you’re going to have to wait until I actually get to that part of the story.

…

Oh boo-fucking-hoo. It might not seem ‘fair’ to tell you such things and then withhold them from you, but guess what, that’s how this story is going. Sure, call it bad storytelling or whatever, but let me tell you right now, what purpose does showing the blade to you serve? Other than me letting you see, you don’t understand any purpose it might serve other than just the look of it.

Of course then comes the other argument, calling me a liar for not even having it. Listen, I’m telling you this once and only once. If you don’t like how the hell I am telling my story, and you feel like it is your fucking civic duty to express it in ways that make you sound like a know-it-all dickbag, then feel free to get your ass out of here and go on your own fucking adventure, you inbred douche canoe.

…

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, I will apologize for the names, but you’re stirring up a swearing beast when you start such things. If you want, afterwards I will listen to some of your opinions on better ways to tell, but I can’t say I will enact a single one.

Deal?

Good.

So, after sitting there and eventually getting kicked out because they were cleaning up for lunch, I started to wander around the ship, just walking down random halls and what not, not truly giving a fuck if I was lost or anything like that. I mean why should I care as long as it killed hours on the ship. Sure I didn’t doubt that there were facilities to entertain guests, but I doubt that anything they had would be suitable for a human, or for that matter, a human that had my kind of tastes.

It was a cruise ship for those that were looking to take a vacation, I couldn’t even begin to contemplate how they would be able to entertain me. I mean, after so many years of having access to no such luxuries, you learn to find other things to be ‘fun’ or time killers. For example, I would have loved for there to be some ‘skeet’ shooting but alas, ponies didn’t carry guns, let alone have the capability to reload my weapons if I was correct in what the minotaurs had.

Sure there are other ‘vies’ that keep me entertained, but those are hardly noteworthy and definitely not something you’d find on a cruise ship.

So I kept wandering the halls, taking in the sights of closed doors, windows and some pieces of artwork every once and awhile. The art was just more stuff depicting minotaur events and people, or pony events and people. Either way, it was unremarkable to me.

…

Yeah, you’re right, I am starting to get bored with trying to tell you all about this day, because honestly nothing of true importance happened. I mean, I know you’re all so interested in the story and don’t want to miss a detail but let me tell you, the only interesting things that happened in that day was at dinner where I ate up in the bridge with Skyline and Tempest, then before I went to bed where I got to see the awkwardness between Gilda and Trixie.

I honestly did nothing else but wander the ship the rest of the day, every once in a while saying hi to a random pony and the occasional nod to a guard.

…

Really? You’re not shitting me.

You’re actually saying you don’t mind if I skip to those parts? Fuck, you’re a better crowd than I thought. Well let’s start with the supper.

So, after all that wandering and jazz, supper was upon us, yet I had become rather lost. Of course I wasn’t really surprised. What I was surprised by was when I turned a corner and nearly ran into Skyline, the first mate if you can recall.

“Evening, sir,” he said before passing me. I stopped for a second, swallowing my pride for once.

“Hey, Skyline, think you mind if I tag along with you? I’m gotten a little lost in this maze of doors and hallways.”

“Sure, though I’m just headed to the bridge for my shift,” he replied, though he cocked his head immediately after. “Don’t you want supper?”

“Ehh, I can live without,” I replied nonchalantly.

“If you want, I can have a meal delivered to the bridge. Tempest and I often have to have it done when we’re on shift.”

“Sounds good, lead on he-who-knows-the-ship,” I said, immediately falling in beside him as he started to trot back down the way I came.

“What were you even doing down here?” he asked, looking up at me for the briefest of moments.

“I went for a walk after breakfast and got lost,” I replied simply, shrugging my shoulders once again.

“Breakfast? That ended nearly six hours ago! You’ve been wandering the ship for six hours?” he asked, his eyes wide and his eyebrows nearly flying off his head in surprise. I shit you not they were that fucking high.

“Guess so, I mean I stopped to stare intensely at a few paintings, even counting the threads of the sheet they were drawn on.”

“Wait? Really?”

I let out a deep laugh at that; I couldn’t believe he actually bought such an insane thing. “Hell no. I mean, I did stare at a few paintings, but counting threads? I’m not that eccentric.”

He looked at me for a second before letting out a few small laughs at his own expense. I think even he knew that he shouldn’t have fallen for something as ridiculous sounding as that. Though admittedly it was a little lopsided against him, since I had decades to master sarcastic and snide remarks since that was almost entirely how I talked to anyone who wasn’t a friend.

You could call me the local snarkmaster if you want, I know that I’ve heard it before from a few companions.

Surprisingly enough, it was about a three minute walk to actually make it to the stairs that led back up and out of the ship’s interior. I wanted to facepalm so fucking hard at my inability to find such an easy path, but then I realized I never really intended to find a path. If I happened upon one, then all was good. If not, then oh well.

“See, wasn’t so tough,” Skyline remarked with a sly grin.

“Indeed, even a First Mate like you can find his way amongst the ship. Truly it was made for the simple,” I said with a large grin, causing Skyline to falter for a moment before laughing once more at his own expense. At least the guy could take a hit and keep on rolling. God knows there is few that can do such a thing constantly.

…

Yes, every once and awhile I use such sayings that take ‘god’s’ name in vain despite not actually believing in such a thing. It’s a turn of phrase for the most part and one that is tougher to change around than you would think, especially when it is more commonly used than you think.

Anyway, there was some silence between us until we got to the bridge, then he simply asked what I wanted to eat. I could have just said whatever he was having but then I remembered that ponies didn’t exactly eat the same things as we do. Instead I got a small list from him and chose some spaghetti. Something simple yet perfect for the most part.

After that I simply sat in a chair while he went around and did a check on all the ponies sitting at their spots. I guess he was doing a status report or something like that, so I decided not to interrupt, though I didn’t really have much of a choice considering that his focus wasn’t towards me.

What I’m trying to say, is don’t be a douche and interrupt people while they are busy at work.

Eventually, and I say that because sitting around seems to make time drag on, a unicorn guard came trotting in with two dishes. One was promptly handed to me and the other was put on a desk. I simply shrugged and dug into the meal while Skyline kept going about his business, though he did at least acknowledge the fact that his food existed.

Hell, I was able to finish eating before he even began, so there was absolutely no time for convo in there.

Summed up, my night was wandering and silence for the most part. While boring, yes and overall not very exciting to talk about, you are the ones that wanted to hear everything about what happened with me in the alien world.

Just as Skyline finished eating, the bridge opened up to reveal none other than Tempest. Of course you can guess what her reaction to seeing me was. Yep, big smile, hop in her step, and the decision to sit on my lap once more. Honestly, I think I was getting used to that because I truly gave zero fucks about it happening. Didn’t even react, let alone flinch to her weight landing in my lap … well whatever weight there was.

“Evening, Admiral,” Skyline said with a salute.

“First Mate Skyline, how are things this evening?” she asked, her tone surprisingly curt and professional for a pony sitting on my lap.

“Crew and ship are running fine, Ma’am. We should be in port by ten in the morning tomorrow,” he answered.

“Good, another smooth trip. Remember that we have the Tayros crew coming aboard to do their service time, so do let the crew know tomorrow morning,” Tempest replied before leaning back into me, and proceeding to look up. “Now whe-”

I cut her off by holding her muzzle shut. “Hold that thought. What’s the name of the port we’re docking at?”

“Aboretia. A nice place, good port city, but nothing else really. It serves it’s purpose. Why do you ask?” Skyline replied.

“No reason really. Just never got the name of the place we’re landing at. I mean, when I get a map, it’ll be good to know my starting point.”

He nodded in agreement before returning his focus back to his duties, leaving his chair to do so. I simply leaned back in my chair and relaxed, until I heard a muffled shout. Yeah, I had completely forgotten that I was holding Tempest’s muzzle closed. With a mutter of ‘oops’, I let go of her muzzle.

I expected her to just glare at me, but instead she turned around on my lap, thankfully not crushing my balls in the process. She got right up in my face, and by that, I mean fucking inches away from touching me. I thought she was going to start chewing me out for doing that to her.

Nope.

She fucking booped my nose with her hoof … yes I said ‘booped’. Listen, that’s the best fucking description I have for a pony putting her hoof on my nose and saying ‘boop.’ So get over it because it happened and that’s how I retell it.

After a few giggles, while I was wondering what the fuck happened, she spoke up. “I had you going there, didn’t I? Oh you should have seen the look on your face! You thought I was going to yell at you, didn’t you? Don’t worry … I like a little bit of bondage.”

My reaction: “…”

“Yeah … no,” I said before standing up, and letting her slide off my lap, much to her mad scramble to stay on. As swift as my legs could carry me, I ran for the bridge, hearing howling laughter from behind me; not just one person either, we’re talking everyone on the fucking bridge.

Either way, I hauled my ass down to my room, deciding that I was more or less done for the night even though it was relatively early. I could probably take a decent shower and clean my gun before bed, so at least I could kill another hour or so before I called it a night.

That plan didn’t get as far as I wanted.

The moment I entered the room, I was treated to an unhealthy dose of fucking awkward. You all remember the whole debacle with Gilda and Trixie, right? Well apparently they didn’t really solve any issues the entire time I was gone. Nope, they let that issue simmer, then decided to put it into a nice stew and serve it up with a side helping of tension over easy.

When I entered the room, Gilda and Trixie were sitting on separate couches, their eyes focused everywhere else but at each other. I could practically taste the awkwardness, it was that apparent.

I decided I had nothing to lose in running my mouth at this time since both of their attentions had turned to me.

“So you got drunk, and then proceeded to go down on each other, big deal. What’s a little sex between friends? Anyway, you should at least clear up the air between you, because we’re landing tomorrow and then we’ve got at least a month of time ahead of us.”

I wish I had a mic so I could have mic dropped it and then walked into my room like a complete boss. I mean, I did that last part but a mic drop would have been awesome. And for those of you who don’t know that turn of phrase, a mic drop is when you say something groundbreaking or mind blowing then proceed to drop the microphone you were using.

Yeah, it would have been pretty awesome.

Though the best part of the entire thing was that after I entered my room, I heard them talking once again. I’d tell you what they said but I didn’t pay attention to it, really. Instead I started going through my plan of killing some time before bed.

And that’s it, really.

I took a shower, did some quick maintenance on my guns, then fell asleep to another blissful, dreamless sleep. I was starting to enjoy them once again, since I knew that if I dreamed then Luna would be back and I always felt tired after spending a night with her in my dreams. It wasn’t that I didn’t like spending time with her, I just was starting to get used to having decent sleeps is all.

So yeah … sorry for the rush at the end, this whole part just seemed to drag on, you know? Hell, my throat is pretty sore from all of this talking, which is kind of weird since that’s the first time it’s acted up.

Hmm, I’m not going anywhere tomorrow but I don’t think I’ll be telling you the next part tomorrow. Probably will give it a few days before I send out word about when the next part is going to take place. Just being careful and all that, since I don’t feel like getting a ‘pointless’ injury just because I decided to tell you all a story.

Speaking of next parts, you might be wondering why I folded two days into one part. While a part of me wants to just let you continue to guess as to why, the main reason is because the next part is just so damn interesting! I mean, it’s got everything that makes an action packed movie awesome! Well, not everything, but damn near most of them!

…

Yes, I know this isn’t a fucking movie, it’s just … something. Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you all is that the next part of the story is going to be extensive and awesome. Hell, if it wasn’t for my voice feeling sore, I would start tomorrow but I’ve got to take care of my money maker, haha!

Alright, that’s all, now bugger off! Get off my property you youngins! See ya next time!

Chapter 11: Forward March

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You might have noticed that I was absent from the area for the past couple of weeks; well, I apologize for leaving without notice to all you wonderful people, but I had a tip on a place that might have some interesting artifacts. Long story short, I ended up wasting my time, but I got in enough good deeds for the next couple of months.

So where was I before I left? Ah yes, right, airship over the ocean. Let’s get the questions done before I continue. Fair warning, though, this will be a very long segment. A lot, and I mean a fucking lot happened upon arrival in Tayros.

Now, how about those questions? You first.

...

Slow down there, let me get those questions straight! Right, so if you all didn’t hear in that quick span, he essentially asked a couple things regarding Fancy Pants’ insider info. I’ll answer it to the best I can, especially since that was but a passing instance.

The info, at the time was questionable, especially since Fancy gave me no real details regarding what the insider had said, nor did he give me anything more about the insider themselves. So I really didn’t have much to go on regarding the topic, but I also didn’t put much faith in it. There are always people stepping forward and warning of something going to happen, and while a lot of them are legit, a fair amount, if not the majority are those who don’t really have any connection to anything, and are just going on baseless speculation.

I don’t like to speculate on things when there is absolutely no pertinent information to go on. So instead I’ll give you a minor spoiler, that insider never came back up in my times. Yet at the same time I can easily see what they were talking about. Hell, the insider might have been vague as fuck, but they essentially called it. You’ll see shortly.

Next one!

…

Another question regarding Fancy Pants, huh? Alright, he asked what I thought Fancy Pants’ business was.

Well I kind of said it last time, but I guess the long period in between segments brings about blurry memories. I honestly couldn’t tell you anything about my guess work on his business, because I didn’t speculate about it. Why, you may ask? Because I truly didn’t give enough fucks. Hell, I could have been talking to the pony version of an arms dealer and I wouldn’t have really cared. My reasoning behind that, is that it isn’t my world. Sure, me being there already changed a few things, but that didn’t give me the license to just go around, start assuming things and drag myself into every little thing. If I was asked to help, or if it directly affected me then I would get involved, but that’s it.

How about you? How do ponies scrunch their muzzles?

By breaking the laws of physics and nature. You’d understand what I mean if you ever saw a pony scrunch what is mostly bone. Trust me.

You’re next! What do I think caused that whole event between Gilda and Trixie?

Shit, tough question. I don’t really have a solid answer, as it seemed random as fuck to me but if I really had to break it down, then I can only give two possible theories. First, they had some sort of tension from the time we had spent travelling so far. If that was the case then I didn’t know about it, considering that I knew a fairly small amount them as it was. That theory has loopholes though, since I know more about Gilda than I have let on to you guys. Stuff that isn’t going to get told though.

As for the second theory … well, they were probably what a few friends used to call, and no offense ladies, ‘white girl wasted.’ So drunk and smashed that they literally had no inhibitions. When you’re at that state, anything can happen. Anything. I have seen some very, very, stupid and hilarious shit from such situations.

Last question.

…

Who would I take as a spouse if they were human?

That’s assuming I settle down and try to tackle married life. So, let’s assume I do decide to settle down … well, based upon my choices so far, it is either Luna or Tempest. Now crazy as it sounds, Tempest is actually rather high up there in consideration. Luna is very much like me, which rates highly but at the same time I think I would get sick of myself if there were two of me. Not sure, that and who knows if Luna even would feel the same.

As for Tempest, well she kind of supplements my overall lack of getting too close, and I already know her stance on me. Tough decision overall, really.

Right, let’s get to it.

The next morning I woke up a little bit later than usual, apparently the previous day had exhausted me rather extensively. I really had to stop getting used to all the luxuries of being in such a different world. When I got back home, I would be in trouble because of how rusty I had gotten. Of course, as you can see that it all worked on in the end.

So, going through my usual routine of waking up, I proceeded to pack up my gear, and ensure that it was packed up. We were supposed to be in the port by a little before midday, after all. Since I was still not aware of whether my watch was on time or not, I figured I had roughly three hours till we landed.

Yet as I was preparing myself to head out and get some early breakfast, a voice came resounding through the ship.

“We are entering Aboretia air space, please prepare for landing, and thank you for choosing the Daedalus as your means of travel.”

I stood there for a second, slowly feeling the ship loose altitude which, let me tell you, feels fucking weird when you are standing up. You almost feel weightless while it slowly descends. Still, it wasn’t the first thing that came to mind after hearing that announcement.

“I slept that fucking long?” I nearly yelled in surprise. It had been ages since I had slept over twelve hours. I didn’t know if I should have been shocked at it or thankful. For the first time in what felt like aeons, I felt refreshed!

Shortly after that train of thought, I realised that I should probably grab myself and settle down on the bed or something till we landed. Sure, in airplanes they made you sit in seats while fastened with seat belts, but a land of magic must be different.

And it was.

Ha! Fooled ya! You all thought I was going to say that it was actually the same, didn’t you? Well, nope. Their descent was smooth and graceful, despite having a ship that was probably four or so times the size of our biggest planes before The Reckoning.

Yet at the same time, it went faster than what I remember our flights were. It was a weird combination of being grateful for having it happen quicker and knowing that by the laws of physics, we should have felt a much stronger force upon us as we descended.

I don’t know what to tell you all about the descent because I was still in my room. I didn’t get to truly witness it like I did with the initial take off. So all I can say is that it felt much gentler and yet quicker at the same time.

With that, let’s move on to the moment when we finished our landing.

“We have landed in Aboretia. For those of you who are departing, please make your way to the deck in an organized fashion. If you are still staying with us, then please refrain from wandering the halls at this moment. Once again, thank you for choosing the Daedalus for your trip,” that same voice spoke from nowhere. There wasn’t a single speaker in my room, so it definitely wasn’t conventional means. Can you guess what I deduced as the reason for it?

You guessed it, magic.

I figured that everyone who wanted to get off was already up and moving around the halls, so I decided that it was time to finally get my ass of the ship. Walking out of my room, I found my two companions waiting for me as well. Damn, they were on top of it better than I was.

“You two good to go?” I asked while gesturing to the door. “Cleared the air between you two? Or do I have to sit you both down and set you both straight?”

“Pfft, as if you could influence the Great and Powerful Trixie!” said blue mare stated. I simply rolled my eyes before looking over at Gilda, who simply brushed a few feathers on her head and nodded.

“Let us go then,” I said before opening the doors and walking out.

When we got to the deck level, I noticed that there was a surprising lack of ponies waiting to leave. Perhaps they had already left, but otherwise there were only sailors and what looked like the minotaur equivalent of sailors. A few took a curious glance over at us but nothing much came out of it.

The only being that did notice us on deck was you know who. Tempest came trotting over to us in a rather professional manner, meaning that she wasn’t jumping me. “Aw, do you have to go already?”

“For the sake of my sanity, Tempest, yes I do,” I replied, much to the giggling of Trixie.

“Let me walk you down then, got to tell you something,” Tempest said before motioning over to the connected ramp. I only noticed it as I looked over, but the minotaurs had a different design than the access point in Manehatten. While the one back then was a rather tall tower that the ship docked with, this time we were docked with what looked like an entire elevated section of the city. It was as if there was a small mountain we were connected to.

I glanced at Tempest, who seemed to be looking nervously at the other two.. I can take social cues, trust me. “Hey, Gilda, Trixie, you two meet me at the dock, I need to talk to Tempest.”

They both gave me confused looks at first before sly smiles came to their faces. They left us immediately, a few giggles and chuckles coming from them as they walked away. I simply rolled my eyes before looking down at Tempest. Admittedly I was confused as to what she wanted to talk about. Thankfully, she shone some light on it almost immediately.

“I … I wanted to apologize for how forward I acted during your trip. I’ll admit that I have never acted as clingy as I did this time, but …” she said, trailing off. She looked away for a brief second before focusing her eyes back on me. “My sister’s letters painted you to be the perfect pony for me and that I should get you before another mare … well. I was so anxious to meet you and … um … grab you before another mare got there and ...”

“So, what you’re saying is that you continuously rode my back just because you wanted to ‘claim’ me?”

“Ehehehehe,” was the response that came from Tempest as she rubbed the back of her neck in a sheepish manner. I facepalmed at the response. I couldn’t really hate her for what she did because she’d had good intentions, which explained her extreme clinginess and blatant ignorance of my personal space. That, as well as the fact that there was no harm really done, just annoyances.

Still, I was a little annoyed that she did all of that instead of just talking to me directly or one of the many other options that could have been done. I guess not everyone sees things the same way though, and her own paradigm on the world told her that what she was doing was ‘right.’ I let out a deep sigh because this whole situation was stupid and unneeded entirely. I mean, it was good to be able to understand her view on the entire thing, but I had already cleared her of … well … anything. She wasn’t the worst I had ever met, but the most forward pony for sure.

“Don’t worry about it, Tempest. Just … try to not be so forward the next time we meet, alright? If you abide by that, then maybe we’ll see where this goes,” I said. It was the truth, but a very broad truth. That ‘maybe’ was a very big one, since it depended on how I was feeling within a month or so.

She beamed at me with that big smile she had before walking closer and hugging my leg briefly. “Thank you, Ryan. I’ll improve, I swear it!”

“Cool … now can you release my leg? I’ve got to leave the ship before you decide to fly off again. I think that would be cheating on our deal,” I told her, which actually got her to back off, a heavy blush adorning her face. “See you next time, Tempest.”

She didn’t reply, instead opting to blow a kiss at me. I just smiled before turning around and walking down the ramp towards the dock. She was a damn weird pony, but hell, she was growing on me. I guess I was opening up more and more in this magical land of bullshit. First it was Gilda, now it was Tempest. Trixie didn’t really count because she was kind of just there for the most part. Sure she was a decent group member, but she didn’t invoke the same closeness that Gilda did … or Tempest, I guess.

Once I was across the bridging, I saw that GIlda and Trixie were just standing around and chatting. I walked over to them and nodded to them, indicating that I was ready to go. We quickly got to walking down the dock’s massive winding road, or at least, that’s what we would have done had we not needed to go through the worst process that was ever created and somehow managed to cross the borders of space and time.

Transportation security and immigration stations.

They literally had familiar concrete-looking booths, only two of the five were active, that stopped people from passing without doing checks or whatever. On far sides of the area, there were a few armed minotaurs lounging around yet watching each visitor. Damn they were serious about shit like this.

Thankfully there wasn’t much in terms of a line since it seemed very few actually wanted to get off in Tayros. Though I did notice that the minotaur Iron Will was waiting in line as well. He was about three ponies ahead of me, and yes, ponies were the only ones standing in front of me. I think the line might have been about ten people long.

“Fuck off … immigration stations here as well … this universe sucks the big one.”

The other two just rolled their eyes at me, not really giving me much of a response but I didn’t expect them to. It was more of a general statement than one asking for a response. Either way, we just waited in line until it was our respective turns. Believe it or not, this came rather quickly, and made me have hope that Equestria did in fact know how bureaucracy should be run.

Gilda stepped up to one of the two booths first, then Trixie. For a moment I actually had a mild panic attack because I had no sort of papers whatsoever, and if they required such things, I was fucked. The only paper that acknowledged me in any standing was the ‘ticket’ from Luna. For a moment there, I had thoughts that I was going to sit in a fucking prison until one of the four princesses happened to give enough fucks about me to bail me out of such a predicament.

So you can imagine that when I stepped up for my turn, I was a little bit nervous. Still, I prepared myself to play it off and hopefully bluff my way through entirely. Not needed in the least.

“Paper’s ple-” the surprisingly skinny-looking minotaur said before looking up at me. “Ah, right. Nevermind, you’re clear.”

“Wait … what?” I asked, more bewildered than anything. “Seriously?”

“The Equestrian Government has already given us your documents. In fact, here they are,” the minotaur said before sliding a small, almost leather, probably pleather, looking booklet over to me. Hell, it looked like a passport … if any of you remember such things. “Inside you’ll find any necessary documentation for your visit. Have a safe stay.”

I wanted to shout more than a few questions at him, but he was already exiting the booth and heading over to the guards from earlier. Well … at least it was a painless process … weird as fuck, but painless nonetheless.

I walked past the booth, holding the papers in my hand, probably looking more than a little confused over the whole thing. It made me question just what the Princesses thought of me if they were willing to forward ‘official’ documentation. Mind fucking boggling, I tell you.

“Horsefeathers, well there goes ten bits,” Gilda said before forking over a handful of bits to Trixie. I looked at them for a second before facepalming, understanding what had happened. Or at least, I had a good enough idea.

“Did you seriously bet on me getting stopped or arrested?” I asked, my palm covering most of my face; thankfully my sunglasses were on my hat.

“Trixie had faith in you,” the blue mare replied with a sly grin. “Though she did not expect you to have a passport.”

“Yeah, apparently Luna is watching over me or something. Didn’t have shit until they gave it to me,” I said before deciding to open said booklet. First fucking page made me want to facepalm even harder. Somehow, some-fucking-how, Luna managed to get a headshot photo of me. I don’t remember her ever doing such a thing … and the background looked suspiciously like a pillow. Yeah, the blue dream mare is going to get what’s coming to her.

Trixie tried to pluck the passport from my hands, but I gripped that shit tighter than legs wrapped around your head as you … scratch that metaphor. Either way, she did manage to pull out a folded piece of paper that was lodged into the booklet’s pages.

“What is this, Trixie wonders?” she said as she unfolded it while floating it in front of her. After a few moments of her eyes scanning over the page, she slowly lowered it and gave me a rather … shocked glare. “How in the name of Celestia did you manage to get diplomatic immunity?”

Now, when given shocking statements such as that, despite it not being that shocking, I tend to react in one of two ways. Either I question what the fuck I heard, or I …

…

Yeah, you guessed it. I turn to snark.

“It comes from riding the sisters till they can’t walk straight,” I replied, not even realising what I said until it left my mouth. Thankfully, I managed to hide the surprise at my own statement by swiftly taking my Oakleys® and putting them over my eyes.

As for the other two, if Gilda had been drinking water, she would have done a marvellous spit take before laughing her head off. Trixie looked at me with a brief moment of shock before rolling her eyes at me. Yeah, the day was going marvellously already. No sarcasm to that statement.

Alright, so remember a few sessions back when I gave you all a little titbit of what would happen to me in Aboretia? Well, it’s coming up rather quickly. See, we ended up deciding to head out and explore the area quickly before hopping on a train out of the port town. Sure, Aboretia is a nice place, and probably had some attractions to it, but we would be returning back to the place in time, so we, meaning I, opted to skip it for the meantime.

The path from the massive dock was basically a winding cobblestone road with small, roughly thigh-high walls. To be honest, it was a rather old European-looking route, something akin to the castles that you would have seen back before The Reckoning … maybe even now.

I gazed out upon the city as we walked, and it looked rather quaint yet busy. Tough to describe such a mix, really. The reason I say quaint is because you don’t have massive towering skyscrapers like in Manehatten, yet it wasn’t a small town design like Ponyville. Think of it as a combination. More than a few multi-story buildings, but for the most part it was either single-floored houses or two story houses from the looks of it. Each house seemed to fit the general look of a type of brick and mortar home. Something akin to Jerusalem-esque homes.

Yeah, I don’t expect many of you to know what those look like.

From the road, I could even see the train station which was on the other side of the city walls. Yes, city walls. Much like Canterlot, it was a boxed in area, though I think there were some building outside the city if I was correct in my guess. Oh, and last thing to remark about the city was that it had a rather open looking courtyard in what I assumed was the centre. Though open looking in nature, even from afar I could tell it was busy as fuck. Probably a marketplace.

So, yeah … nice city and all that, but you’re all probably waiting for me to talk about the female minotaur incident. Right, so up until our descent from the port area, I had yet to see a single female minotaur, only bulls if you want to call them that, which is fine. Not the weirdest thing per se, in fact far from it, but still, it hadn’t really occurred to me.

When we finally got to the bottom of the cobblestone road, it finally came full frontal at me. Literally … no, I’m serious, L. I.T. E. R. A. L. L. Y. Literally.

“You poor thing!” a voice came from beside me, sparking some brief interest. I turned to look, only to have my face smushed in between what I could safely assume were all natural D-cups. I admit, I was torn slightly between going with it and forcing myself back so I didn’t have a mouthful of fur … very well trimmed fur, but fur nonetheless.

Eventually I was pulled away from between her bosom, yes I said bosom instead of tits or whatever, get over it. I took a few deeper breaths, expecting to be pulled back into the rather smothering hug again. Instead, she picked me up with her hands under my armpits, with ungodly strength. Seriously, this is beyond anything I could imagine back home. Anything.

“You poor calf! Who would do such a thing to you!?” she exclaimed, much to my surprise and the mad guffawing from my two companions. I think I was actually too baffled to speak. Part of said bafflement was about the way she was acting, the other was because she was shirtless.

Hey, give a guy a break. It’s not something you see everyday, even though it’s natural and all that jazz. Either way, I managed to gather myself quickly enough to get some words in before she did something again.

“Um, ma’am. First off, I’m no calf, and secondly, could you let me down now?” I said simply. She looked at me with a confused face before lowering me back to the ground. The moment my feet were on the ground, I straightened my clothes before looking back to her and all of her six foot six or so minotaur-ness. “Thanks.”

She continued to look confused at me though, even going as far as to bend over slightly and rest her hands on her knees as if to get on my level. I felt slightly insulted to say the least, because I am not that small. “I don’t understand, child. What do you mean ‘you’re not a calf’?”

“Human is the name of my species, and despite our looks, I am no minotaur, ma’am,” I replied before taking off my hat to show her I had no horns. “See, no horns.”

Her eyes widened at my statement before her hands went up to her mouth to hide her ‘gasp’ at the statement. “Oh my! I’m so sorry! I feel so foolish now ...”

“No worries, I’m kind of used to random reactions at this point,” I said, more or less muttering the second half of that statement. I decided to test the waters with what could be said in a society that lacks the understanding of shirts. “No harm done, and as a well-travelled person of my species, I can safely say that you have a very attractive figure, ma’am.”

That earned a smile and blush, as well as a thank you. I returned said smile as well before saying, “No problem. Now I have to get going before one of these two jokers behind me bursts a lung.”

I gave a small wave before turning and walking back to my laughing cohorts, then promptly smucking both of them upside their heads before walking off down a street. I decided to keep my hat off just in case another minotaur decided to mistake me for a sick foal or something. Never know, and though I didn’t mind the face smothering, I would prefer not to have it happen too often.

“I can’t believe that happened,” Gilda said between a few errant chuckles. “I wish I had a camera!”

“Laugh it up, chucklefuck, just wait till we get back. I’ll make sure to make things even more awkward for you,” I replied before flashing her a rather diabolical grin. Her eyes widened briefly before narrowing in a ‘you wouldn’t’ type of way. I simply nodded at her, answering her unspoken question. Then I looked over at Trixie and noticed her own little snickers. “You only get away with it because you’re my personal pack mule.”

“Hey! Trixie resents that statement!” She protested but I cut her off quickly.

“Protest all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that your home is also a storage caravan,” I replied with a smirk. “One that I happen to have on my body. Trust me, I can change that very quickly.”

She glared at me in return. “And here Trixie thought you had no mean side.”

“No, you’ve just seen my non-jackass side. I can be quite the asshole if I want to be. I just choose not to be, unless I’m getting jipped or fucked with,” I replied before my grin fell into a brief frown. “I have morals though … the most you two will ever encounter is snarky replies. Don’t take that for granted, though. Now, let’s get to the train station. I hear the capital city is nice this time of year.”

So we walked quietly through the busy streets of Aboretia. Yeah, it was a rather somber affair after my little words. I could see why, though. I mean up until that point I had been an overall decent guy, minus the lewd jokes and the ‘don’t care’ attitude. That was probably the first time I had actually shown them that I can easily be a dick, even to those who are close to me. Not a great personality trait, huh?

Either way, I put the whole event behind me, not allowing myself to dwell on the possible fuck up I did. They had volunteered to come with me after all, so the least I could do was not treat them like shit. They wouldn’t hear me admit it, but it was a nice little blessing to have them with me. It somewhat made everything easier.

On the way to the train station, we happened to pass through the large market that I thought I had spotted from the hill. I was indeed correct in predicting that it was a market of sorts. Of course, it had other uses from the look of it as well.

Well what other uses do you think a giant ass open square would have? There looked to be a few restaurants and such, not to mention a fountain in the middle of it that seemed to serve as a gathering spot al-

What?

Oh … I guess I didn’t really describe it. Glossed over it when I was asked that question. Should probably start from the general makeup of it, huh?

So the market was a rather wide looking circular area from up on the hill. From there it looked like a true circle, not a single irregularity to it. Oddly enough, when we got there, it seemed to continue to portray this exact feel. It almost felt as though the city had started from this exact area. Just a general feeling, mind you.

Now, the ‘square’, as misleading as that name sounds, had many things going on in it all at once. You could easily cast a glance around and see various stands positioned, merchants trying to sell their goods to whoever would be willing to listen to them. Oddly enough, each stand seemed to be positioned right in front of the many buildings lining the square. I can only speculate as to why that was, but at that time it seemed like the people who ran the stands might actually live in the buildings. I would never properly know; I didn’t give enough shits at the time to actually ask someone.

Now, while the stands made up a good portion of the area, there was also outdoor seating for restaurants. It’s easy to pick those ones out because most restaurants want to border off their outside area so that it funnels customers in and out of their restaurant first. I can say right now that there was a good amount of restaurants set up around the square. There were few that were right next to each other, instead spacing themselves out enough to allow more stands to exist in between them.

Once you got through that outer ring of ‘vendors’ and places to eat, there was a rather open square. Now, take in mind that the entire thing was like the streets. Made of stone, specifically cobblestone. So there was a lot of empty space around. That was until you got into the middle of the area.

Sitting probably dead centre was this giant ass fountain. The thing was … well, I honestly don’t know exactly what it was supposed to be a carving of, only because we didn’t get close enough. From the distance we circled the square at, it looked like a giant Native American totem pole. The key differences were that it was made of what looked like a dull metal, and that there was intricate carvings on it. That much I could tell from a distance. at the top of said totem pole was a group of four minotaur-looking heads that spewed out water.

…

Right, forgot a key aspect of the fountain. I knew I skimmed it over when I said that last part. Anyway, despite the general look of a totem pole, every meter or so, there was a circular collecting basin that seemed to bisect the statue. The first one was relatively small, just large enough to catch the flowing water. Each basin after that was progressively large until the last one, which would then let the water spew into the actual fountain part.

Now, as for the whole “another world with magic bullshit” part, or at least I can assume so, there was something keeping the water from flowing out of each basin in a general circle. Instead, each basin had its own four sections to let water flow from it. Honestly, the fountain was a rather interesting thing to look at. I made note to actually visit it when we came back to Aboretia.

Finally, to finish up this long ass description of the market like area, standing just a little from the fountain, there were two wooden platforms on each side of said fountain. One platform was currently empty, while on the other stood a minotaur reading something from a piece of paper or whatever. Flanking him was a pair of rather heavily armoured looking minotaurs. I would later realise that they were part of the minotaur army.

…

I learned it through retrospective analysis once certain events happen, not fucking meeting them. If I had met them, I would have paid a lot more time describing them, no? If you read any stories, you notice a pattern like that, where characters that might be important later, get a little bit more detail added to them than others.

Anyway, last thing to say about said three minotaurs. Whatever they were reading out, which I think I just kind of instinctively tuned out, had drawn a surprisingly large crowd to listen. Could have been anything for all I cared; though looking back, I have a few sneaking suspicions as to what it might have been.

Either way, we walked quickly across the market, earning more than a few glances and silent inquiries. I mean, after that one female minotaur … going to call her a “sow” because that is the right term for their women, anyway, after that one “sow”, no doubt there were others that were curious as to what the fuck I was. Thankfully, it did help to have my hat off, my bald head telling them that I didn’t have horns, so I wouldn’t be put into another awkward situation like that previous one.

Gilda and Trixie were engaged in a conversation, mainly commenting on the area, though Trixie was doing most of the talking as she seemed to be a little bit more familiar with the place. Hell, more than a little bit now that I think about it. She was basically our fucking tour guide … except I was leading us.

But Ryan, how did you ever get to the train if you didn’t know the city, you may ask. Well, during that time spent looking down on the city, I took note of the general direction and the best possible route. See, Minotaurs, in their own awesomeness, decided to make their streets more like New York instead of a fucking maze, where streets were essentially straight all the way until they literally couldn’t go straight anymore. So it was damn easy to see a path to the gates. It was basically a straight shoot from the other side of the market.

Anyway, moving along with the story because we’ve had enough fucking deviation and train of thought derailments.

Once we finished crossing the market, we could literally see the gates to the city. They weren’t really anything special, just fucking massive iron or whatever gates. Seriously, this town was fucking prepared or something. A few thoughts filtered in, mainly me thinking that the minotaurs might be naturally violent or something akin to that, despite having been told that they were rather peaceful for their scientific advancements.

Still…

When we made it to the gate, I saw another fully armoured minotaur approached us, looking rather serious at us. So I did the only thing I thought to do, stare him right back and slowly pull out my documents.

He didn’t even speak to us, instead just snatching the papers out of my hand. Now, let me put this into comparison. I stand at roughly six foot, maybe five eleven, still relatively tall for my age, I thank good genes. Anyway, while I can be imposing in some ways, this massive beast of a … minotaur, was probably twice as tall as me! Well, maybe not that fucking tall, in fact it was probably more like a foot and a few inches taller, but still! Not to mention that he was fucking suited up in what looked like full plate armour. At least something looking like full plate … minus a helmet.

After a few moments of looking at my papers, he simply handed them back and turned around, still not saying a single word. Not to mention, he also didn’t even take a look at Gilda’s or Trixie’s. Sometimes you have to hate the silent types because they’re so fucking mysteriously annoying.

A few moments passed of us just standing there before the gate finally started to open, thank fucking god. Yeah, I was starting to get more than a little impatient at everything. I wanted to get out of the port city, away from the crowdedness of it. Sure I had grown up in a city, but when you live your life on the move for twenty odd years … you tend to start disliking the crowds of people.

Sure, we were headed towards the capital, but that didn’t mean we were going to stay there long. Probably just long enough to stock up on supplies if we truly needed them, then we’d be off to our walking and wandering.

I was starting to miss Fawkes. Truly starting to, only because I knew that there was going to be a lot of walking the near future.

Once clear of the gate, I didn’t bother to turn around and look at how the city’s walls were set up or whatever. My mind was focused on getting on the first and fastest train to the capital. I think Gilda and Trixie knew this as well, because despite their talking, they didn’t address me, instead once more chatting about Aboretia as it was.

The fields outside of Aboretia were very reminiscent of Arizona and Texas from before the Reckoning. Well at least the field immediately outside the gate; hell if I knew what the rest of it looked like in other places. For all I knew they had some sort of pact with earth ponies who for all I knew could terraform the land. Because fucking magic is OP and all that fucking jazz.

Really, this looked exactly like the two towns that we had walked through back in Equestria. Seriously, it was like this world had some sort of disturbing fetish for Old Western settings. At least this one looked more modern compared to the other towns. Well … about the same as Canterlot.

It wasn’t just a one building station with a platform, nope. This was a warehouse type of place, probably used for offloading goods and all that, not to mention passengers. The structure was very different compared to the houses from inside the city. It was a straight metal structure in design; something akin to warehouses … which is kind of obvious now that I think about my phrasing. Anyway, it had a main doorway that was behind another booth of sorts, with a small line of numerous races waiting in front.

By numerous races I mean there was at least a few Zebras, good amount of minotaurs, another griffon, and even a few ponies. Group diversity ahoy!

We walked to the back of the line, receiving a few glances from the ones in line but otherwise nothing like the looks I had received back in the town. When we finally settled in for the eventual wait, Gilda spoke to me.

“You alright there, nerd?” she asked with actual concern, carefully disguised in her insulting tone.

“Yeah, yeah. Just eager to get moving in the countryside once more. Too many cramped areas recently,” I replied with a sigh; it was the truth. “When we get to Calluna City, we’ll get some supplies then head out immediately. When we swing by to return we’ll sight see that city, cool?”

“Ehh, sure,” Gilda said with a shrug.

“Trixie is fine with that,” the blue mare replied as well. “Trixie knows the feeling of not wanting to stay around long. Once a nomad, always a nomad.”

I looked at her for a second before smiling lightly. “Rather poetic ... I like it.”

“You, liking poetry? Pfft, don’t believe you at all,” Gilda spoke out as we shuffled forward a little bit. “You might be a dweeb, but not one that lame.”

“You’d be amazed actually as to my variety of likes and dislikes. I happen to enjoy anything that has a deeper meaning to it, something that can be viewed in an introspective way,” I replied, arching an eyebrow at the griffon, wondering what had given her that idea.

“So you’re not just a dweeb but also a nerd?” Gilda asked with a little snicker, earning an eye roll accompanied with a grin from Trixie as well.

I simply shook my head at her before looking back to see how close we were to the ticket booth. We weren’t too far away now, the line moving rather quickly. “Say what you will, but the most well-read of any species are the ones that rise the fastest. Very few can get by successfully in life while not learning anything, or enjoying the arts. Often, poetry and stories give deep insight into the very psyche of us all, and sometimes give us a new light on problems. Don’t dismiss that which makes you better.”

Gilda looked up at me for a second, her beak moving a little, trying to form a reply but instead she just gave me an eye roll before dismissing the whole thing with a simple statement of “whatever“.

That right there told me that I had actually gotten something through to her. Sure it wouldn’t affect her immediately, but perhaps down the road she would actually take the time to learn something or increase her mind. Who knew, but as of that moment I filed the thought to the back of my mind as we were up in line for tickets.

“Three tickets to Calluna,” I said simply to the female minotaur that was sitting in the ticket booth. She reached behind her to grab three tickets out of a locked box.

“I’ll need to see your papers, and what you’ll be paying with,” she said over her shoulder, using a key to unlock the ticket box. I grumbled under my breath at the sheer need for documentation. It was passed the point of ridiculous now that I needed to show her papers for something as simple as a ticket.

“We’ll be paying with bits,” I replied as I fished out my documents while Trixie levitated her bag of bits up to the counter. “Why do you need documentation for something as simple as a train ticket?”

When the sow turned around, she took the documents from my hand, scanning it over as she talked. “A safety policy due to the state that Tayros is in at the moment. All foreign visitors require documentation as well as any minotaur arriving from the south.”

“From the south? What’s happening in the south?” I asked, a little concerned that there was something odd going on in Tayros and that I had made the mistake of coming here. It actually brought my mind back to what Fancy Pants had said the day before.

“It isn’t my place to say. Your documents measure, the train ride is free for you and your associates. Have a pleasant day,” she said before waving us forward, moving us along so the next person in line could get their ticket.

Trixie said something, but I didn’t hear it, my mind too focused on what she had said. Something was up in this country, something that might do more than hamper my plan to explore it. There was a sneaking suspicion that this trip might need to end early, just because of safety concerns, but that was neither here nor there for the moment. Instead, I dumbly followed the girls as they made their way onto the last passenger train car.

My mind stopped wandering just before I got onto the train, taking the moment to look around at what I had missed in my little introverted stupor.

Any of you ever been to that airstrip in the distance? The one with those large hangars? A few of you? Well the interior was designed something like that, in the sense it was rather sparse in terms of looks but the thing place had all the functionalities it would need … well, minus marketable stuff and advertisements. Though I don’t think those had ever been needed, well unless the train station makes money off of them. Honestly in the end, it was looking like the Minotaurs were a rather socialist-type state.

Hey, as long as it works for them, who am I to judge … even after my rant to that wandering unicorn, though that was on communism in hindsight, there can be success in socialist states, assuming they do everything perfectly.

Moving on, the one thing I noticed that stood out amongst the very sparse looking area, was the train. Thankfully the thing wasn’t a monstrosity to look at like the one in Equestria. No, this thing reminded me a lot of the modern trains that you’d seen in Japan or something. Sleek and stylish looking, yet it still had that lack of technological advancement feel to it. The reason I say that is because of the small and thin smoke stacks that were coming out of the top of the engine at the front, as well as the open compartment style that old coal-fed trains had.

As for the compartment style for the rest of the carriages, it was very modern and sleek looking surprisingly enough. It fit in well with the rest of the train I had to say, appreciating the lack of crazy colours which were replaced with a solid iron-type grey.

Finally, I boarded the train car, filing into the very back of it. Unfortunately, we weren’t the only ones in the train car this time, so we had to be mindful of other passengers. I didn’t really mind though; I was planning on taking a nap. I always sleep on moving vehicles that I don’t have an active part in piloting; true story.

The seating on this train car was different then the pony one, as it was more akin to wooden benches, though surprisingly comfortable wooden benches. How such a thing existed I have no clue. So when I took my seat, I let out a relaxed sigh before turning to place my legs up on the remainder of the bench, while my back was against the outer wall and window.

As the final whistle blew for boarding, a very familiar minotaur walked into the train car. Yep, you guessed it, mister Iron Will from the ship himself. He instantly recognised me at the back and made his way to sit in the seat opposite of me. See, Gilda and Trixie chose the row that was the second from last, leaving me alone in the last row.

“It seems Iron Will chose the right car to sit in! Do you mind if I sit?” he said, being rather humble in his request. Cocking an eyebrow from behind my Oakleys®, I offered my hand to the open seat, indicating he could take it at will.

“Wait, when did we acquire a second Trixie?” Gilda said out of nowhere, earning a massive roar of laughter from myself. That was one of the best remarks and burns I had heard in a long time. Of course Trixie was not amused at such things, in fact I don’t think she even understood what it meant. Poor gal and her confused face, it ended my laughing a little short.

“Iron Will, meet the two I’m travelling with. Trixie, the blue unicorn, and Gilda the smartass griffon,” I offered, gesturing to the other two. A couple of ‘salutations’ and such were given out before everyone went quiet as the train started up.

“Well, looks like we’re off. Onward to another great adventure. Wake me when we get there,” I said as I put my hat back on and pulled it down over my face.

“Are you serious?” Gilda asked from beside me, to which I simply gave out an exaggerated snore in response. I could almost hear her eye roll, to which I actually decided to respond.

“I’ll fall asleep soon enough as it is, might as well get a head start on our … how long is the trip?”

“Three hours at most. Iron Will has taken this train many times in the past,” Iron Will spoke up.

“Thanks,” I replied before closing my eyes and relaxing once more. Though I didn’t have them closed for long, as I realised that I forgot to put in my ear buds so I could listen to music. Quickly pulling out my iPod, I checked the charge, which was a little over half, since I charged it up on the first night in the Daedalus. Yes, I forgot to mention it, so fucking sue me.

Anyway, hitting play and sitting back, I got to relax to some Dream Theater before fully falling asleep.

Alright, that’s it for the day!

…

Alright, alright, calm the fuck down. It was only a damn joke, you jackasses. Obviously I have more to tell. This day was a long in what it felt like.

So, skipping ahead to when I awoke next, I was nearly tossed out of my seat as the train hit its breaks suddenly, nothing like how a train would if it was going into a station. Instantly I was alert, pulling my earbuds out and pausing my iPod before pocketing it.

“Shit, what’s going on?” I asked to one of the four around me who looked just as confused as me. “What did I miss?”

“Trixie can’t tell, the train just randomly hit its brakes.”

“Iron Will isn’t sure either. First time I’ve experienced such a thing,” the big minotaur replied, a frown across his face.

“I think I see something outside,” Gilda spoke up before tapping a claw against the window adjacent to her seat. “Armoured minotaurs by the look of it.”

Swiftly, I undid the latches to my window before sticking my head out to confirm what I was seeing. Indeed, up ahead, next to the tracks was a group of maybe twelve or so minotaurs in what looked like red military uniforms, including two in steel plate. Now, I admit that I might have been jumping to conclusions at first, because I instantly prepared myself for a fight, steeling my nerves. Of course, I proceeded to confirm to said conclusions.

“Hey, Iron Will,” I asked as I let the window back down before proceeding to unshoulder my M110 and pull my CZ P09 from its holster, “what colours does the Tayros military use for uniforms?”

“The clothing is a dull yellow in colour, why do you ask?” the minotaur replied in kind, somewhat curious as to what I was getting at.

“Oh no reason,” I said as I took the scope canister off my shoulder. Since I had my long range scope on, I needed to get it off as quick as possible. Especially so since the train was almost at a dead halt. “Another question, how strong is a minotaur skull?”

His eyes narrowed at me suspiciously before answering. “The front in between the horns is thick. We minotaurs like to lock horns a lot, and I am usually the victor of said locks. Other than that, Iron Will supposes we have the same density as other smaller races.”

“I see, I see. Hey, Trixie, catch,” I said before tossing the rifle to her, the unicorn barely responding in time to catch my weapon. I proceeded to toss her the canister over as well. “Take the scope off and exchange it with the one in the canister. Back bolt of the shorter sight should be on the sixth rail. Get it on as quickly as possible and keep it under the height of the seat.”

“Wha-” was all Trixie got out before I spoke up again, this time to the entire train car.

“Just keep calm everybody, do not leave your seats, things will be alright,” I said, all the while proceeding to pull out my suppressor for my pistol and screwing it on in quick succession. The passengers, mainly ponies but also a couple of Zebra, mumbled about themselves immediately after I spoke. Then I turned my attention to the three I knew well. “That means you too. Don’t fucking move until I tell you to.”

They just nodded at me, noting the fact my voice had gone dead serious.

As the train came to a complete stop, I looked up to the entrance of the train car, just in time to see two burly minotaurs throw open the door to the train car. The first one was wielding a flintlock looking pistol while the second hefted a large battle-axe. Both of them were wearing military uniforms that were a dull red in colour, yet had a very modern look to them. They glanced about the car briefly before the first one spoke up.

“Do not worry, this is simply a routine check, please exit the train car and wait outside in an orderly line.”

I gave a brief glimpse out the window to see that the train car in front of me already had their passengers out of the car and in an orderly line … an orderly shooting line. Time to enact my makeshift plan.

“Stay in your seats, don’t listen to the cow,” I shouted out. Immediately, I knew I’d drawn the attention of the two minotaurs.

“You, in the back, stand up!” he yelled, which played perfectly into my hand. So I did as he told me to, my right hand which held my pistol was behind my back though. I gave them a nice smirk as I stood as if to tell them I didn’t find them intimidating.

“What are you and who do you think you are?” the minotaur with the pistol asked me as he stalked forward toward me. I simply gave him a tooth filled grin in response before finally answering his question.

“I’m the Grim fucking Reaper,” I said before whipping my pistol up and putting two quick shots into the throat of the fucker. The quick succession of softened pistol shots catching him by complete surprise.

He fell to his knees instantly, his hands grasping at his perforated throat, struggling to keep the blood from pouring out of the two newly created holes. Of course the struggle would be in vain, as blood quickly flowed out onto the floor, pooling around him and staining the fur on his legs that wasn’t covered by his rather short pants. The second minotaur’s eyes widened to their maximum capacity before looking at me.

He started forward looking to charge me, but I answered in kind, moving forward, firing two more quick shots into his chest to stagger him. As his head glanced down at the fresh holes in him, I body rushed him, knocking the axe out of his hands and into an empty seat. We both ended up on the ground, though with me basically straddling the form of the minotaur.

I didn’t even give time for him to look me in the eyes before I blew out the top of his head with a pistol shot from under his jaw. Despite the thick skull, it didn’t stop grey matter from leaving his head.

As I stood up, one of my feet planted on the dead minotaur, I turned around to see the one clutching at his throat. He had since fallen over into the pool of blood, staining the rest of his uniform. There was little time left in his life. I was going to spare him mercy but a loud boom resided from outside the train car.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Iron Will, grab that axe. Trixie, give me my rifle!” I said before hustling to the train car door. My group of four came rushing up, even despite the bodies on the floor. Trixie floated my rifle into my hands while I took the pistol and put it in front of Gilda’s face. “Take this. You have fourteen shots left. Pull the trigger only when you point this at an enemy, otherwise keep your talon off of it. Do not point it at anyone you don’t intend to kill.”

“What the buck?” Gilda said in a somewhat frightened voice. Another boom resounded, pissing me off even more.

“No fucking time. Iron Will, how fucking good are you with an axe?” I asked, and thankfully all he did was smile somewhat evilly in return. “Perfect. You take down the melee bastards, I’ll blow the heads of the ones with guns. Stay away from the train car, engage farther away so you don’t get in my firing lane. Kill all of yours, I’ll worry about taking a prisoner.”

He nodded his confirmation, giving me the green go to start what I mentally dubbed: Operation Fuck Shit Up.

The story is going to get rather intense here, as I can already see the whole event flashing in front of me. Expect some bloody descriptions to spew forth.

Instantly I kicked open the doors of the train car because fuck door knobs, then proceeded to hop from the train car, with Iron Will landing right beside me. About ten feet from me, to my left was my first target.

“Who the buck are you?” he managed to get out before I put a round through his thick skull, the seven-six-two round crumpling him as it blew out the back of his supposedly dense head. I didn’t stop there; hell I didn’t even take a second to pause for dramatic effect or anything.

Instead, I pivoted on my foot before dropping to a knee, yelling to Iron Will, “Go!”

The next action was putting two quick rounds into the body of the first minotaur wielding a pistol I could see. The bastard staggered back before dropping to his knees. I finished him off with a third shot through his throat, nearly taking off his head in the process … well damn close, at least.

By the time the second minotaur was lying dead, pure unadulterated bedlam spread through the ranks of the fuckers. I proceeded to go, as many from my time would describe as “full beast mode” as I snapped my sights to various minotaur targets and squeezed the trigger enough times to ensure they were dead.

Third target took a shot straight into the muzzle, turning his face into something more reminiscent of a kid seeing what would happen if you put a steak in a blender. The next target got three to the chest, all pulled with quick enough succession to have the minotaur stumble backwards until he was a couple meters from where he once stood. The top heavy aspect of the assholes made such things commonplace while a human probably would just crumple.

Another crack sounded off as another execution occurred, the pistol-wielding fuckers not even turning to face their only threat.

Eleven shots to go, I missed two as I pulled the trigger early, though I think one might have grazed a shoulder. The twelfth and thirteenth shots hit a minotaur in the upper chest region, left side specifically so there was a good chance he died from having his heart explode.

I stood from my kneeling position and stepped forward carefully, placing four more shots into another minotaur, three of them being body shots while one happened to turn his junk into something more akin to a baked potato, at least assuming so by the amount of bleeding …

The last three shots of the mag actually did take a minotaur’s head off, just as he pulled the trigger on a cowering passenger. Thankfully the shot hit the pony in the leg, and no, not an artery, but that knowledge should come later.

The entire action took about thirty seconds to complete, with Iron Will having already felled three minotaurs as well who had made the mistake of trying to focus on me. Either way, we were left with two more at the far end, near the conductors who were still kneeling. I barely had a chance to slip out my empty mag when the pistol of one of the remaining fucks went off, instantly killing one of the two minotaur conductors.

Iron Will was already charging ahead to engage a sword wielding asshole, while I had to deal with the fucker that was hastily reloading his pistol. Even at a dead sprint it was going to be a close thing.

I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get another magazine in while in a dead sprint so I pulled out my knife from behind me back, then proceeded to use my baseball skills in a way that I think all of my old teammates would be appalled.

With a single crow hop, a shuffle-type leap forward, I let fly my knife just as the minotaur was raising his pistol. The throw was from about twenty-five or so meters away, but I whipped it fucking hard and the sound it made as it imbedded itself in the left shoulder of the bastard proved it.

It wasn’t enough though, for the asshole still managed to get his final shot off, executing the final conductor. I shouted in indignation before leaping at the fucker, one hand driving into the knife to push it even further into the asshole.

The landing was rough and my body was going to be sore from leaping full steam at the asshole, but the satisfaction of knocking him down just so I could fucking pummel his head in was well worth it. And that’s exactly what I did.

I got to my feet much quicker than the ‘stabbed’ minotaur could, then proceeded to drop kick him in the side of the head, most likely knocking him out right there, but I just kicked again, hearing the sickening crack of his muzzle breaking.

If it wasn’t for Iron Will who rushed in to stop me, I would have just kicked the fucker until his face looked like ground beef. Hell, Iron Will had to stand in between me and the downed and unconscious minotaur.

“We need a prisoner, remember! Iron Will will not let you kill him!” Iron Will shouted as I struggled to get past him. Eventually I shoved off the friendly bull before fucking stomping off. I was fucking pissed, so fucking pissed.

Not at Iron Will, not the unconscious prisoner, hell not even at the fucking dead ass clowns that attacked us. I was pissed at myself because I didn’t fucking stop two more civilians from being executed. That put five fucking executions on my head. I had been too slow to stop five fucking executions.

Do you even understand how that feels? I might be a jaded old fuck, I might have seen some of the most depraved shit on the face of this earth, but few things will ever compare to knowing that if I had been a little quicker, I could have stopped five people from dying. So I had every fucking reason to be fucking pissed off at myself.

Hell, I was pissed off enough that I slammed my fucking hand against the side of the train car, causing a surprisingly loud reverberation to sound off. Each time I slammed my hand down I punctuated it by yelling out “fuck!”

Eventually Trixie and Gilda came rushing out, Gilda in the air with my pistol held loosely in her grip. They found Iron Will standing over the unconscious minotaur, rummaging through his pockets while I had my head rested against the side of the train car.

I had seen them head over to us but their first words escaped me, the adrenaline or whatever gave me a weird sense of shell shock or whatever. Happens a lot for me, I always need a second to calm down after battle, speech and all that jazz hardly reaching me. Probably would be a fucking horrible soldier because of it, huh?

“Ryan? Ryan!” Gilda yelled at me, eventually snapping me out of my ‘shell shock’ like state. I took my head of the train side before looking at them, Gilda holding my CZ P09 out, which I took and shoved it into my holster, not bothering to even remove the suppressor. I was lucky that my holster had an open area to accommodate it. “What happens now?”

I looked around at the fact there was a lot of wide eyed civilians looking between us and the dead bodies that more or less littered this little arid area. I just looked over to Gilda for a second before walking towards the civilians.

“Listen up! Does anyone here have experience in operating a train?” I started off, taking a second to see if anyone responded. Once more I was lucky that the rest of the passengers had more or less congregated towards us. Though there a few that were standing around the dead bodies of their fellow passengers. Eventually a hoof rose into the air, though the pony that rose it kept silent. “Perfect, you get to drive. Alright, I know you’re all a little shocked … fuck it, more than a little. You’re probably outright scared shitless. Well we need to get moving in case there’s more of them. I need all the minotaurs and unicorns to help me move the bodies into the last car, with our … casualties being put in the third car respectively. The rest of you need to stay near the front few cars for safety measures.”

At first the mob of civilians just looked around as though they were waiting on something. I simply sighed before yelling, “Let’s go!”

That kicked them into gear. From there on it was a rather somber affair as the minotaurs and the few unicorns did help us pile all the dead assholes into the last car. If it was up to me I would just light the fucking thing on fire then somehow drive it off a cliff, but the train car wasn’t mine to begin with.

Instead we loaded up our casualties, then finally got the train moving once more. You want to know how they got the train to stop? They fucking put a wagon in the middle of the railroad tracks, a simplistic wooden wagon. I couldn’t even comprehend how stupid that was. Either way, once it was removed we were on the move again, with Calluna City being only a little bit away, though not close enough to see on the horizon.

I had Iron Will help out with running the locomotive, while Gilda would act as a ‘messenger’ of sorts between them and me. I just stood at the front of the first passenger cars, my rifle still drawn and ready to fire with a fresh mag in.

It was a bitch, but Trixie was kind enough to help me pick up all of my casings, including the pistol ones in the last train car. I would need those later if I was able to reload them. Hell, even for when I got back home they would be useful.

The passengers were huddled together with the three other minotaurs, originally there was six including the conductors but they were part of the casualties, being the only ones that were handling the situation fairly well. They helped out the others, including a grieving zebra spouse who had their husband having been one of the first to die.

Trixie was also helping the others if they needed anything, but I hardly saw her as she was busy in the second passenger car for the most part.

Either way, it left me standing outside the train car as we rolled along, my eyes looking off in the distance until Gilda shook my leg to get my attention.

“You alright?” she asked, the edginess to her voice all but gone. I simply nodded my head and sighed. Sometimes, certain fights were tougher to get over than others. “That was … something.”

“Yeah … yeah it was,” I replied as I leaned against the train car, resting my weight to my side. What? My feet get sore as well.

“Well, I have to say for a dweeb, you were pretty badflank,” Gilda said, trying to bring a smile to my face. I snorted in amusement at that horrible pun or whatever, but other than that she barely got a response. I was thinking about things, after all.

Eventually I did decide to speak, finally bringing voice to my thoughts. “They just started pulling passengers off and killing them … what twisted fuck would do such a thing? Now I think I am starting to understand what that teller and Fancy Pants were saying. Something fucking big is happening in Tayros, something that the Equestrians aren’t aware of.”

I turned to regard Gilda before continuing on. “Prior to this, I would have turned the fuck around and left, but now … they attack civilians? They fucking threaten me and those around me? As long as I fucking draw breath, I will put a bullet into every last one of these walking wannabe cows.”

“We’re going to stay? Stay and fucking fight? Are you insane?” Gilda said, even going as far as to drop a true F-Bomb.

“I am going to stay and fight. You and Trixie will get the fuck out of here at the first chance,” I replied simply, but Gilda was having none of it.

“No bucking chance in Tartarus am I going to let you run off and get killed! As long as I am here, I’m going to ensure you live, even if it’s just to beat you up for being stupid once this is done,” Gilda said defiantly, stomping one of her talons down in an act of finality. I stared at her before giving a little ‘okay’ in response. Before she took off to the locomotive engine, she looked back at me once more. “Oh, and Trixie is staying too. We already talked about it so don’t you get any bucking ideas about turning her against me.”

Well, that was that, it seemed. My party wasn’t changing anytime soon it seemed.

As to why I just accepted what she said, well I knew better than to try and fight a woman in their decision making. It would either end up with me in pain, or with me in even more pain, simple as that. Especially if said woman had a fucking claw full of razor sharp … well … claws. It’s not that hard to understand when you shouldn’t fight back. Hell, I’d fucking take on a bunch of gun totting raiders but a pissed off female gryphon? Do I look like I want more scars?

Ha, jokes.

Anyway, I ended up staying outside for the rest of the trip to the capital, as it calmed my nerves and gave me time to think about what to do next. The plan I ended up coming up with was rather simple in its general idea. Get to Calluna City, inform whoever the fuck I needed to that a bunch of asshats wearing red attacked us out of nowhere, then get the much needed info before heading off to do what I do best when it comes to fighting; long range warfare.

Oh and get paid, that was another thing to add to that list. Heh … haha! Just remembered a hilarious meme spawned from an old TV show. Step one, get to Calluna City, step two, find out what the fuck was happening, step three … step four, profit. Good times with that show.

Anyway, getting back on track, we eventually started to roll up into the station and that’s when shit started to get real once more. Wait, I’m skipping some parts, let’s back track to actually seeing the fucking city and station first instead of skipping over that beautiful scenery and speaking filler.

So, as Calluna City started to come into view, I noticed something that seemed to be a common theme in this fucking world. It was built partially into a mountain. Somewhat … see, from the distance we were at, I could see that the city sprawled out around the base of the mountain that was facing east. Then it seemed to also climb up the side of it, though unlike the physics defying monstrosity that was Canterlot, Calluna was built into the mountain itself, making it much more aesthetically pleasing myself as well as logically sound.

The city, much like Aboretia for the oddest of reasons, was walled off with what looked like walls that could have rivalled Troy! … somehow our education works better in this hell hole of a wasteland than beforehand. Fucking mind boggling!

The train tracks lead into the city itself through what looked like a gate only way different. I’m talking ‘genuinely surprisingly smart’ different. The wall itself, probably via some intense hinges, opened up to allow the train through. Let me tell you, this was a fucking beautiful idea and that ain’t sarcasm. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the actual workings of the train wall door since I never got around to that specific side again.

I couldn’t see much of the actual city inside the walls because of the walls themselves, but I could see aspects of the mountain structures and I have to say, they were expertly crafted. You could tell that a lot of the housing that you saw, which rivaled a palace in terms of general architecture, was expertly crafted even from afar. It was hardly sparse in the intricate designs that adorned the rock face.

Now, as we entered through the wall doors, I finally got a glimpse of the interior of the city and housing that adorned it. Let me first start off by saying, compared to Aboretia, the city was fucking green. There were trees and variations of shrubs and the like all over the place. The trees weren’t just ordinary trees, hell they had flowers growing off them! Okay, so technically that is ordinary but you know what I mean.

Of course, despite the general green and beautiful entrance, I later learned that it was a city like any other city in that it still had rougher looking spots and business district-type areas, but I have to say, the entrance was fucking beautiful to look at.

And now back to what I was saying about when we entered. See, I think they could tell that something was off because there must have been a standard protocol or something that we didn’t follow leading up to our entrance, because as we slowed down to enter the station, which let me tell you had the same general style as the one in Aboretia but it was at least decorated and busy, a rather fucking large contingent of armour wearing, sword and pistol-wielding minotaurs were covering the entirety of our intended platform.

“Shit,” I muttered before pushing myself off the train car wall that I had been leaning on. I knew that if this wasn’t handled the right way then things would get messy really quickly.

When the train came to a complete stop, each of the car’s entrances was surrounded by countless minotaurs, only countless because I didn’t take the time to count. That included mine, which meant I had front row seats to the eventual shit show … at least one that would have happened if my silver tongue didn’t get to work quickly.

Well, sorta.

“Hands up now!” yelled one minotaur while pointing his flintlock looking pistol at me. I complied but decided to speak before something else happened.

“We’re survivors of an attack! Check my breast pocket! I have papers! The dead are in the rear cars!” I managed to get out before a Minotaur slammed me up against the wall of the train car. Okay, maybe not slammed but shoved while grabbing my arms behind my back. Thankfully my words got through to the one who had yelled at me. I was also thankful that whichever one that had pinned me had better decency than some fuckers I had heard of back before the Reckoning … but that’s a whole ‘nother topic that is a boiling pot of mixed ideas.

Anyway, as I was saying, one minotaur actually took my words enough to heart. “Check the last car, see if this … see if he is telling the truth. Check his pocket as well.”

I kind of want to long story short because getting felt up by retardedly strong hands that were not smooth like that sow, was a little bit awkward to say the least. At least I was having a better time than Gilda who you could have fucking heard over the train whistle.

“You bucking touch me and I’ll make sure you never have offspring! Don’t you bucking dare!”

Yeah, I laughed pretty hard at that. I hoped that they didn’t react violently to her and her policy of not liking to be touched by others … which wasn’t exactly a policy per se but something I noticed. Anyway, eventually the groping session by the minotaur ended as he withdrew the papers which I indeed had in my breast pocket. You know, now that I think about it, I bet a minotaur scout saw the blood on my clothes from handling the dead and suspected something was up. Hell, that made as much sense as anything.

Back to the story, the tight grip on my hands relaxed and I was allowed my arms back, much to my delight. My flexibility is decent but not that good. Anyway, I turned around to see a female minotaur of all people reading the papers. I mean, no offence, but I had yet to see one, and definitely did not see her or hear her when they first grabbed me.

I kept my mouth shut, and instead just rubbed my wrists at being more or less manhandled. Eventually the sow spoke up. “Well, I must say, this is a change of pace. Diplomatic immunity for the ‘human’ and his two friends it seems. Hey, Rhodes, hands off the griffon, she’s got immunity!”

I chuckled lightly at that, because I would have been more afraid for this ‘Rhodes’ then Gilda. Fucking talons and that jazz. I was about to speak up when another minotaur came running forward. “Captain, he was telling the truth! We’ve got a train car full of dead Red Coats at the back, a few dead civilians in another train car, and an unconscious tied up Red Coat.”

The sow’s gaze turned back to me with an eyebrow raised. I think she was going to dismiss me at having killed them but I caught her eyes flicker to my rifle slung over my shoulder. “Can I presume you have something to do with this?”

“Only if I can presume you’re going to fill me in on why the fuck we were attacked,” I replied in kind, hoping to drive a point across that I was eager to do this again. “I’d like to know who I have to pay back for this … attack.”

“You might have diplomatic immunity but that doesn’t mean you have access to Tayros policies and intel,” the sow stated firmly, but I wasn’t swayed.

Instead I unslung my rifle but in a non-threateningly way, gripping it by the barrel. Then I decided to bring out my professional and business tone. “See this? This is what I killed those ‘Red Coat’s’ with. I am willingly offering to be a gun for hire and help you out with this problem, but I need info first. So how about you go talk to your higher ups before denying them an asset that has twenty years of experience in long range elimination?”

The sow looked at me for a second before finally speaking up. “We’ll see. You and your companions will come with me to the Governor's office.”

I nodded my head before opening the door to the cabin of the train car, seeing that Trixie was in fact in this one, thankfully. Made my job much easier. “Trixie, we’re moving out, got an appointment with the Governor.”

“Trixie is starting to like the perks of travelling with you,” she said with a smirk as she exited the train car behind me. “Though it does have some drawbacks, namely blood in the fur.”

I merely rolled my eyes before following the Captain towards the exit of the train station which I forgot to mention didn’t exactly end, as the train seemed to go through the city as well. Pointless interjection!

We managed to pick up Gilda along the way before she tore out the eyes of said Rhodes who was trying to stay the hell away from the extremely pissed griffon. Now, while you might have thought we’d have just exited the building and continued on, we actually didn’t get far from the train before another voice spoke out.

“Hey, Iron Will took this axe fair and square from the dead,” he argued as a pair of soldiers moved to separate him from his recently acquired axe. That gave me a thought. The way he had fought out there and the way he acted without hesitation. He could be beyond useful for me, not to mention he’d have intimate knowledge of the general area.

I stopped the Captain from proceeding on, much to her annoyance, then proceeded to gesture to Iron Will. “He’s with me as well. He helped me defeat the Red Coats and recapture the train.”

I could see the annoyance written on her face - in neon letters almost. Eventually, she relented and called over to the pair to let Iron Will keep the axe before ordering Iron Will himself to follow or he would not just lose the axe. Obviously, the new addition to our group was a little confused at this change of events, but that didn’t stop him from promptly moving to follow our weird group out of the train station. Well at least it was progress, no?

So, despite all the odd looks that we got from the probably ninety percent or more population of minotaurs, we made good time through the rest of the station and eventually to the great city of Calluna! Or something like that. I was lucky to be on a decently close scale with the Captain who was leading us, which allowed me to walk but at a brisk pace. Gilda had taken to the air in annoyance, despite being ‘indoors’ while Trixie was trotting quickly to keep up with us.

Obviously Iron Will kept up well, that’s a given.

When we exited the train station, I was greeted with the nice sight of a massive ass tree with purple looking flowers hanging from its branches. This thing looked like one of those trees that would always be called “The World Tree” or such in a fantasy world. To be honest, it was quite beautiful but at the same time it was ‘wut’ inducing. Why was it just in the middle of this courtyard next to the train station? Why not somewhere more important?

Other than that, the rest of the area looked somewhat like Canterlot. Buildings were nice and stylish, something you’d see in a wealth looking city. Yet at the same time, the minotaurs that looked to be walking around were … I don’t know, regular looking? Essentially, you could see that they didn’t look like the upper class snobs that I had seen in Canterlot.

The houses resembled Italian architecture honestly, in that there were many houses that were connected and they were all multi-storied. Honestly it’s tough to explain architecture to those who have no idea what the old world types were. I mean, you’ll never see anything like that around here. Okay, so maybe not never but you know what I mean.

Anyway, we followed close behind the captain as she walked us through the town though there wasn’t much to see of it, because shortly after the initial square, we took a left to cross a bridge that went over the train tracks that went through the city. I managed to catch a glimpse of things here and there but otherwise my mind was distracted.

…

I am not agreeing nor denying on that statement. I mean it didn’t go over my head that despite being in military slacks, she had a very nice ass, but that wasn’t what had my attention … mostly. No, I was contemplating what to do if I was granted permission to work as an ‘operator’ in the country. I didn’t have a lot of weaponry access nor did I have ammo, so engaging in open firefights would be a no-go. Yet sniping is tough to do when you have limited intel on targets and such. Perhaps the minotaurs had more up their sleeves that would allow me to do a better job. Either way, it was looking like minor Black Ops-type stuff. Assassinations and pinpoint sabotage.

My thoughts made me miss the probably multitude of sights that we walked passed, but once we were climbing up the side of the mountain along a guarded stone road, I started to notice my surroundings again. It was similar to Aboretia in how the road was designed but instead of a road that often double backed on itself in a snake-like pattern, this was straight up and to a point. To my right was a beautiful view of the city, allowing me to see it for all its worth, and I must say it was a very big city from the looks of it.

To the left were houses that were intricately cut from the stone of the mountain. What you would assume to be rather bland in looks considering the singular material they were working with, in fact turned out to be quite decorative as they’d added additional carvings to the faces of the house. A lot of them made no sense but every once and awhile you’d see a house that depicted a bloody battle or such.

I decided to turn my gaze towards the city to see anything of interest. From what I could see, the city layout was very circular in how it was designed. Well, semi-circular considering the city only formed around the base of half the mountain. You could see multiple instances of open courtyards like the large one in Aboretia. Not only that, but I could see what looked like a domed building as well. Perhaps a theatre or a gladiator pit? Okay, that last one might have been a joking one though, but I’m pretty sure it would be used for that as well.

Eventually our fucking long ass trek up the slope of the mountain came to the end with a fucking massive pair of wrought iron gates that had more than two guards standing outside. By more than a few I mean about six guards. All of them were wearing that massive full plate armour that I had been seeing.

The Captain didn’t even stop or pause, instead the iron gates just seemed to open for her as if they were expecting her. For all I knew, they probably were. Either way, the opening of said gates lead us to another small pathway much like the road but this was guarded by walls that were easily twenty feet high or so. At the end of the pathway was a rather beautiful looking open courtyard. Though only beautiful because it had nice green grass and mid-summer bloomed trees. I was tempted to question how they got the grass up here, either through putting a shit ton of dirt in a hole or through magic I assume, but I didn’t ask.

At the other side of the courtyard was another gate, and behind that was a large castle that was cut like the buildings leading up to this place. You could only tell it was a castle because of the windows that line the thing, and the carvings. An interesting note was that the castle had only two distinct sides. One that faced out over the mountain, and the one that faced the gate we were walking up to.

Did I forget to mention said courtyard had a multitude of minotaurs in dress uniform or armour? Well they did, and I have to admit it was a rather interesting show of force. It was as if they were trying to impress me.

Then a thought hit me. I had been given papers upon landing in Aboretia. They had been waiting for me, and they were signed off by Celestia and Luna. I facepalmed while following the captain. Of course I was being led up here, there was someone of fucking power expecting me. I mean, I doubt that Luna or Celestia had set me up but the transferred documents probably drew the eye of someone important. Well shit, that meant I needed to put on my normal and focused face.

Yeah I know I was more or less a shit show with Luna and Celestia, but I had known one of them before I had actually met them, so it made it easier to be around them knowing that they were not informal stick up their ass rulers. For all I knew, there was a minotaur statesman or something that was exactly that.

Anyway, we walked through the second set of iron doors, which lead into another courtyard but this one also had flowers and such in it, so at least the minotaurs had a taste for horticulture? Honestly I don’t know where I was going with that thought.

Moving on! I was starting to get annoyed with the amount of doors I had to fucking walk through as a third set were opened up for us, this time leading into the castle itself. And I have to say I was more or less amazed beyond fucking reason. The motherfucking halls were lined with gold. I’m talking fifteen foot walls of fucking gold. Sure they probably weren’t full gold, just a thin layer, but they were motherfucking gold! I thought I had seen it all when I used literal coinage made of gold, but nope. This was the end-all be-all of ridiculousness in terms of country value.

I made up my mind to forage around for gold if I could to bring some back to earth. As you can see, I forgot said plan and came home rather empty handed. If I could go back, I would find spend my entire time there just prospecting for gold so I could be rich beyond my wildest dreams. Fucking own a town or something, don’t know what I would do with it …

Now, for the oddest reason, the minotaurs felt like adorning the golden walls with paintings and curtains instead of just letting people marvel in the golden beauty. What a waste. Though admittedly it did stop me from more or less going blind due to the fucking shininess of the walls.

Right, so after admiring the walls much to the confusion of my group who I hadn’t talked to the entire journey up to the castle, we were lead to another fucking set of doors. The Captain stopped and turned to us. “Wait here, and I swear if you go anywhere …”

I wanted to reply with something snarky, but instead she just turned and entered the doors before closing them behind her. I stilled flipped her the bird for fun after she left. Then I turned back to my group behind me. “So, who’s with me in stripping the walls of gold and making a run for it?”

“Trixie questions your affinity for the metal,” said blue mare … said.

“If I accumulate as much gold as humanly possible, I will be a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very ver-”

“Get on with it, doofus!” Gilda said with a chuckle before slapping my leg.

“Rich man. Gold is a precious metal back home for a reason. Limited quantity and all that jazz,” I said as I moved to a wall to inspect it closer.

“Is he always this odd?” Iron Will spoke up in what could be causally defined as a stage whisper. Also known as a whisper I could fucking hear.

“You get used to it over time, though he does get worse at times,” Gilda replied back, probably just to spite me or something like that. I didn’t care too much as I was too busy inspecting the walls. Hell, I even managed to find out how thick the gold plating was! The door frame gave it away thankfully.

It was a fucking inch thick. See, that doesn’t sound like a lot, but if you all knew how malleable gold was, that meant that the gold that was stretched over these walls was probably enough to fucking buy a small country back before the Reckoning. Hell, I think more than a few countries would have been jealous at just this amount on the walls. I almost couldn’t wait to see what else was made of gold here.

Maybe I could ask for that as payment! My mind was spinning with ideas of how much I could make off doing such simple tasks.

“What were you doing?” the Captain said as the left side of the dual doors opened up. Thankfully I was on the right side.

“Just admiring how much gold you have lining the walls,” I replied with a small grin. Of course the Captain was having none of it, and just deadpanned me with her straight face.

“Right, well if you’re done with that, Governor Hades is waiting for you,” she replied before opening the door. Yeah it took all and I mean all of my fucking willpower to not laugh at that. A fucking politician was named after the Greek God of the Underworld. Yeah, this world had the fucking best sense of irony ever.

Hell, I think I might have been sweating with how hard I was struggling to keep my laughter in. If you knew me from before the Reckoning, I was very … dissatisfied with politicians and all the fucking stupidity that they brought upon the world. Well I might not have fully lost that hatred, so I have to admit that I had extremely low hopes going into this meeting.

Seriously, you want me to explain it? Well I guess it is kind of roundabout. Still, I hate explaining jokes. Let’s make it easier but not fully revealed. Essentially Hades, as I said, was the Greek God of the Underworld. The Underworld is known as Hell or Tartarus. In more modern days, who is usually associated with ruling Hell? There ya go. Makes sense more now, huh?

Anyways, despite thinking this guy was going to be sitting on something that Xerxes from Three Hundred would be proud of, he was actually standing of all things, in front of a table that was also surrounded by other minotaurs. Though the throne also wasn’t made of gold, instead just a nice ornate wood.

The minotaur I assumed to be the Governor was the only one not wearing some sort of military garb. Instead, he was wearing a gold coloured sash across his chest, from shoulder to waist. Seriously, these fucking minotaurs like gold and yellow.

Said assumed Governor raised his head to look at us as we entered the doors. He waved his hand and the doors closed behind us. Well, fuck, right? He then proceeded to gesture over to us as he stepped around the center table that we were all looking at. Some of the other minotaurs looked up but quickly looked back at the table, still talking in hushed voices.

The Governor looked like a typical minotaur honestly, and I bet I would sound racist as fuck for saying so but so far, aside from obvious distinctions, minotaurs were starting to look the same. I have to say though, he was the only male minotaur so far to actually have a decent amount of hair on his head. The others had short cuts or in Iron Will’s case: no mane, just fur.

“Ah welcome; Ryan, is it? The Equestrian Princesses sent good word on you. I figured I would welcome you to Tayros personally since you have such powerful friends. Though it seems you arrived at a rather unfortunate time,” he spoke, going on like any typical politician when they wanted to butter up someone up. Hell his voice was smooth and sounded like any typical charismatic fuck that tried to sweet talk you into something.

“If unfortunate means fighting off a raiding party then sure, let’s go with unfortunate,” I said with a distinctive frown across my face. Right away, I could see the Governor’s face change as he realised that I was having none of his honey covered bullshit

“Straight to the point it seems. A little unfortunate as there are so few that wish to sit and talk casually,” he replied in kind. I was getting a vibe that he was trying to play me, though I didn’t put much credence to the idea … for the mean time.

“I’ll shit and bullshit with the best, but I think we can agree that right now is not the best time for that,” I answered. Yep, I was being straightforward and kind of dickish with the leader of a fucking nation. I could actually hear the facepalming by Gilda and Trixie. It was a distinct sound that I was getting used to hearing. Iron Will on the other hand let out a low chuckle, so perhaps I was doing the right thing? Fuck if I knew.

He looked me up and down for a second before asking me the million-dollar question. “If we are going to be to the point and candid, what brought you here?”

“Well I was going to sightsee, spend some time taking in the many historical and beautiful sights your country has to offer, then move on to another country until I could finally go home. Of course, that was before the little debacle with the train. Now? Now I want nothing more than to make those fuckers pay for taking innocent lives,” I replied with a neutral voice, no venom or anything seeping in. Why would it when it’s just another normal day at the office?

Those lines caught the attention of a few of the minotaurs by the table. One of them looked more akin to a Spartan warrior than anything. Maybe Roman Legion? Not sure, probably a combination. See, he had a rather sculpted looking torso body armour, breastplate is probably the right word, that looked like it was plated gold once more. For leggings he had that Roman Legion type skirt design, and to top it off, under his arm was an exact replica of a Spartan’s helmet. If any of you have been taught history or remember old movies and such, it’s the one with horse mane or whatever standing up out of it in a … mane-type design. Probably heard the word before but I can’t seem to remember it.

Anyway, said minotaur gave a snort before voicing his own opinion. “Oh, and what could you do to help us that our army couldn’t?”

“One thousand one hundred,” I replied, baiting the question of what I meant.

“What? What does that number mean?” The Governor asked me. I was a little disappointed it wasn’t the jackass at the table.

“Meters. One thousand one hundred meters. One of the longest confirmed kills I have made,” I replied with a deadpan voice.

The minotaur general … think it was general, I truly didn’t give a shit, just scoffed at that notion, not even going as far as to reply to the statement. So I decided to just show them … sorta. I needed to switch out my magazines anyway, so I swung my M110 off my shoulder and popped off the magazine, pocketing it before pulling another one out of my pocket and shouldering my rifle once more. I walked past the Governor to the table, meanwhile pushing a round out of the magazine.

“Catch,” I said before tossing the bullet at the General. He caught it one handed like a boss before looking at it, inspecting it as if it were some foreign concept. “Your guns are horribly outdated by my standards. That seven-six-two round right there can punch through any armour you might have and from as far away as nearly a kilometer. Just imagine what it would do to your skull from that distance or more?”

I have to admit that seeing a bunch of ‘leaders’ gawking at as if it were something revolutionary … which it was, was something that almost made me laugh. The reason I didn’t was because that would ruin my badassery. Eventually the round made its way around the table, many of the minotaurs muttering about it. Before it could pass me by, I snatched it out of the hands of one of them, much to their annoyance.

“You’re not keeping this. I refuse to gift you advanced tech of any kind, especially ballistics,” I stated before slipping the round back into the magazine then slotting it into the rifle. “I offer my abilities, not my tech. Now, if you want my skills, better choose now before I decide to do this on my own.”

The Governor shushed any sort of comments from his peanut gallery before turning back to us. Yes, there is still a us, despite barely mentioning them, only because they were basically behind me for the entirety of this whole thing, they still exist! Anyway, Governor Hades spoke up finally. “While your purported skills would be useful, we can’t abide in hiring a mercenary. With that said, if you happen to bring proof of any kills to a city mayor or a Legion General, you will be rewarded with pay.”

“Contract work is fine,” I replied before remembering the most important part of coming here. “That still doesn’t give me the intel needed to help out.”

“I’m sure you can understand that as Governor of Tayros, I can’t be caught giving you state secrets … perhaps as you leave you will run into someone that will give you what you need,” he replied with a slightly mischievous grin. I swear, it was like they were reading this off a script or something, it was just too damn generic. “Now, I must get back to business. It was a pleasure meeting you and your companions.”

See, he said that yet he never got the names of the others, just me. Truly he was a typical politician if you didn’t already get that idea from what I’ve been saying this entire time. At least that feeling that he was going to do something shifty didn’t come to pass. Of course, that didn’t mean I was going to close the flap of my pistol holster anytime soon.

So the Governor turned and walked away while I did the same, and so did my friends. When we got out of the room is when they finally decided to speak up.

“How the hay did you get away with that?” Gilda said.

“Trixie is surprised as well!”

“That took big kahunas,” Iron Will said with a small chuckle.

“Seriously, do you even understand what the buck just happened?” Gilda said immediately after, not letting me answer the first question.

“Trixie admits that she didn’t expect you of all beings to be that monumentally stupid,” said blue mare exclaimed.

“You might have as well told the Governor to go buck himself!” Catbird hissed at me.

I held up my hands to cease further comments from the two, Iron Will was just shaking his head with a grin. “Alright, I’m lost. What did I do wrong? Iron Will?”

“We minotaurs are a proud race, especially in our homes. You dictated the entire conversation which would be very insulting for most other minotaurs. Iron Will can see how you got away clean, though. Governor Hades is one of the most … intricate rulers in our history,” the large minotaur replied.

“Huh, well I’m still standing so it seems all worked out,” I said with a shrug, probably almost causing Gilda to get an aneurysm from the way her eye was twitching. I often refuse to admit my stupidity, and only now am I telling you that looking back on the whole thing, I probably should have known better than more or less challenge the ruler of Tayros like that. Of course, I wouldn’t show that to Gilda; didn’t want to give her any ammunition, after all.

Trixie just shook her head before speaking with a resigned voice. “So what now? Should Trixie be worried about what you plan to do next?”

“Not really. We’re sticking with the same plan as before, just going to take a few detours into wherever those Red Coats are coming from, then pop a few heads and then get back to normal. It’ll be like it never happened, and you won’t have to get your hooves or claws wet.”

“Trixie is starting to regret staying …”

“You can leave whenever, you know?” I replied before starting to walk off. I admittedly wanted to get the hell out of the place, because the fucking gold on the walls was tempting me.

“And miss a great story to use with her show! Trixie thinks not!” The blue mare replied indignantly.

I simply shrugged in response before turning around and walking backwards while looking at Iron Will. “What about you? You can do whatever you want, I mean I just grabbed you to get you out of that mess with the soldiers.”

“Iron Will was already thinking of joining the Tayros Legion as it is, but I think more can be done without the restrictions and rules that are imposed on soldiers. Iron Will will join you!” He exclaimed rather loudly. I’ll admit that there was a part of me that was saying I should remind him that I never actually invited him, but he had been useful in fending off those asshats. That and I think I might have said this already, but his knowledge of Tayros would help greatly.

“Well, that means we’ll need to stock up more supplies. Next stop is going to be the marketplace or whatever. After that we’ll hit the road, deal?”

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Gilda asked as she hovered beside me, her arms crossed in annoyance.

“You signed up for this willingly, Gilda. Who the hell knows why you would do so but you did,” I said with a smirk which just earned me a hard stare from her before a sigh of reluctance. I reached out and pet her on the head, “that’s a good catbird.”

She of course slapped my hand away from her with a grumble, but thankfully that was it and she didn’t bring out her claws to take a piece out of me. That would have been a nice little addition to the story, adding on tonnes of extra story telling about how I had to go to a fucking hospital. Either way, we eventually retraced our original route all the way through the castle back to the entrance, where there was a rather lean female minotaur waiting for us.

Yes, she was topless, you fucking pervs. I like tits as much as any other guy but that doesn’t mean it was the first thing I noticed … sigh, no she wasn’t as busty, much smaller in size. Christ.

Can I fucking move on or are you guys going to obsess about mythical creature boobs? Seriously, this is fucking amazing that you can possibly be so single minded.

Whatever, I’m going to move on. The sow walked up to us with a generic looking vanilla file folder clasped in her hands below her waist. She had a serene smile on her face, though for all I knew she could have fucking hated her job so much that she wore a false mask like that.

“I am tasked to give this to you. My boss would like to thank you for your compliance in ensuring said documents never leave Tayros. Have a pleasant day,” she said before handing over the file folder to me, which I instantly took, before walking away down the hall we had just came down.

I looked down at the thing in my hands for a few seconds, a little baffled that such sensitive documents had been forked over so quickly and so easily. I wanted to believe that there was some kind of trick here, but for the life of me I couldn’t think of anything. Well aside from the most obvious.

Without speaking, I rolled the folder up enough to create a decently tight cylinder shape before stuffing it into my pack. The others looked at me oddly for a second.

“And you are hiding it because …,” Trixie offered as she rolled a hoof, gesturing for me to complete the sentence.

“Imagine being seen reading it by those who don’t know about said deal? I don’t feel like actually being arrested,” I answered before opening the door to the palace. “After you?”

Trixie, Gilda, then Iron Will walked out the door, with me in tow this time, though that didn’t stay that way for long as Trixie paused in the middle of the courtyard, turning to look back at me.

“Where are we headed next? Trixie has little clue as to what plans you have,” the blue mare snarked with a smirk on her muzzle. I rolled my eyes in turn, though my sunglasses obviously didn’t let them see it.

“We need supplies for the wagon, ones for Iron Will that is. We might need a map of Tayros if possible. I doubt the Governor was nice enough to include such a thing in these documents. Iron Will, got any idea of the best place to get food and general survival gear for yourself?”

“Iron Will knows many places like that,” he replied, but that topic of conversation took a screeching halt as Gilda interjected.

“Wait a sec, why is your name Iron Will? I’ve never heard a minotaur name like that before!” Gilda spoke up, poking Iron Will in the chest with a talon.

“And how many minotaurs do you know?” Countered the bull. Yes, bull is the general term for male minotaurs. Sigh, yes I know it is just like cows … can I move on?

Gilda faltered at the line briefly before resuming, “I’ve known enough to know that your name is nothing like theirs.”

“And you are right, griffon. Iron Will is simply the name I adopted during my stay in Equestria. It helped me market myself to ponies. It has stuck ever since,” he replied with a smirk on his face, and in a surprisingly sly voice instead of his typical brash one.

“What is your real name then?” I questioned, not really liking this ‘disguise’ stuff.

“Iron Will likes to keep secrets as well, little man,” he answered, returning to his brash way of talking. Honestly, I wasn’t even mad at the little quip at me. Why the fuck would I be when it is literal in every sense. Still, I wasn’t sure about the whole idea of him withholding his name, but if that was what I had to put up with in order to have a guide and an ex-soldier amongst the group, then I would easily deal.

“Understandable. Now, if there are no more questions I would like to get us out of the city before the sunsets,” I said while gesturing for us to start moving.

“That’s about six hours away, doofus,” GIlda snarked.

“Exactly, my point. So, lead on Iron Will before the guards start thinking that we’re trespassing or something like that, so chop chop,” I stated before clapping my hands a few times as if to scare them into moving like you might a pet. Of course all I received was odd stares and eye rolls at my little antics.

Eventually they started to move though, Iron Will at the front of the group while Gilda more or less flew above our heads, though not high enough to warrant her flying over the walls. She was doing that weird ass hover shit where she barely flaps her wings yet somehow manages to stay in the air. You remember that, right? How Rainbow Dash the walking skittles bag somehow defied physics by staying in the air even when laughing? Well it seems that Gilda decided to do it as well because fucking reasons! Now, they know that I wasn’t from that world so I’d probably be fine with asking such a question, but at the same time I’m pretty sure that they would just laugh at me for asking it. See my conundrum?

So I just kept my mouth shut and shook my head at all the ridiculousness that I had been through already. Sure it was probably going to get worse the longer I stayed in Candyland, but maybe my sanity would crack by then and I’d just accept things for once? Pfft, yeah fucking right.

The walk back down from the castle was surprisingly quick compared to the walk up, though that could probably be attributed to the fact that going downhill is much, much easier than uphill when faced with a twenty fucking degree slope. Oh god, walking up that thing brought back old flashbacks of travelling when I was a kid.

Eh, sure, I’ll tell you this brief one. It’s an amusing memory to say the least.

So basically my parents and I were in Europe for vacation when I was younger, maybe twelve. We were in a small town that had a rather beautiful castle nearby but not right in town. My dad wanted to visit said castle so we start to walk inland a little, as the town was along a river. Well in his infinite wisdom, he decreed that we’d go up this two-mile hill that was at a twenty-degree slope. I told him that I was sure that the castle was the other way as a sign basically said that way to the castle.

Being the young kid at the time, my dad was obviously the more knowledgeable in this aspect, so we followed him. Long story short, we found nothing up the hill except exhaustion, then proceeded to cross through two farm fields and finally down a forty degree, tree-filled hill which ended up depositing us right next to this little restaurant that was at the entrance to a five mile walk to the castle. In the end, walking to and from the castle was a good thirty mile walk. Remember, I was twelve back in a time when cars were the most common method of distance travel.

Yeah, it was hell, but looking back it helped me somewhat prepare for my life now. Though I did luck out by finding a still useable bike to ride on. And I am not going to tell you where it is. I am smart enough to know not to keep it anywhere near my camp near the city, almost learned the lesson the hard way once … but that’s another story for a different time.

I’ve deviated enough in the side story. Either way, after retracing our route back to the bridge and all that, Iron Will led us through the city in earnest, probably taking us in the direction of one of the market plazas that I had seen from the mountain road.

It was a nice enough scenery to actually pay attention - no real metropolis feel to it where there were sparse natural plants while the buildings were overwhelming and overbearing. Somehow the city kept a rather smaller town feel, despite there being a lot of minotaurs and other races walking the streets, and the houses were closer together. It was an odd place really, kind of looked like a utopia in a sense. No doubt there was some parts of the city that were shady as shit, I mean there is not a single place in existence that doesn’t have an area that is more or less looked down upon by everyone who lives there. It’s like a natural law or something akin to that.

With that said, I still admired that the minotaurs put up a great look to the city. The actual residents followed along the same lines in a way, in that they were nice enough in outwardly appearance but I could tell from the sideways glances that they were more than a little curious and slightly skeptical of who we were. Honestly, that was the one downside to the minotaurs. They seemed to be curious of those who are different, while the ponies … at least the ones I encountered more or less didn’t give enough fucks about your looks. Maybe that was just how it seemed.

Eventually we reached a store that was named Ferox’s Outfitters. The store itself looked like a general supply store, though one that obviously didn’t sell food by the looks of it. If the displays were any indicator, this was essentially the Cabella’s or general sporting store of Tayros … yeah I figured none of you would understand that reference.

I opted to wait outside while Iron Will and the others went inside to see as to what they needed. While I was the outdoorsman and survival expert for the most part, giving Trixie a little bit of credit, I had no need to actually enter the store and peruse the merchandise. Everything I needed was either on me or in the caravan.

Yeah, I guess I could have gone in and given some advice to what we needed but honestly this was me evaluating Iron Will and his capabilities a little. A lot can be said about a person by what they buy and deem necessary. You’ll often encounter those that get items that are more of a burden than anything. It’s not as common in our world now but back before The Reckoning … it was rampant. I won’t get into the sheer amount of absurdity I saw … maybe it was just me and my personal bias towards how stupid we were during that time period. Doesn’t really matter anymore, does it?

So, as I leaned up against the side of the store’s brick structure, I decided to take out the folder and at least do an initial look through on what we were dealing with. Sure I’d explain it all to the rest of the group, which I will tell you about in detail, I needed to know at least enough to construct an idea.

I’m going to save the details for later but from my initial look … essentially a minotaur civil war was the big issue going on. And it wasn’t a pretty one to say the least, with the major breakaway faction being the ones who attacked the train … obviously. Hell, this was looking like a very twisted American Civil war. North versus south in a grudge match over ideals. And probably just like the civil war, the shown ideals from both sides were most likely rather impressive fronts.

Christ, somehow I’m starting to become my father, spinning everything into politics or other controversial stuff. Thankfully I can give you a reprieve from personal opinions here and move the story forward a little. I ended up spending more than a little bit of time ‘glossing’ over that document. Hell, I would be re-reading it in its entirety to the group. So when they came out, I had already put the document away and was waiting patiently for them.

Now, while it obviously became apparent that Iron Will was anything but an idiot when it came to survival shit, the initial look I got from the gear he had purchase was impressive. It looked like he was ready for basically any conditions that we encountered. In my mind that was already a check for him being a perfect fit into this group.

Let’s see, from what I could see that wasn’t stowed away in the backpack, he had a nice new utility belt that was now carrying a canteen of sorts which might or might not have been filled up, couldn’t really tell. On the other side he had a decent looking knife in a sheath that wrapped around the upper leg of his pants. Thank god for the fact that minotaurs had skinny ass legs compared to humans, because that would have been one large holster for that knife. Also, well he had a compass attached on another little loop, and in his left hand he was carrying a map which I could easily assume was of Tayros. Even homegrown ones need directions, you know?

And honestly, other than that he just had a large ass backpack. So I guess I couldn’t really be impressed by what he was carrying at the moment but I gave the benefit of the doubt in that he knew what he was doing. I mean the stuff I could see was already pointing in a good direction for him to be of the smarter class of people. If he had anything less than what I could see, I would have doubted his time in the military.

“So, all set?” I asked the trio, noticing that Trixie and Gilda were carrying what looked like saddlebags on their backs, ones larger than previous ones I had seen. I was going to inquire, but my question got answered in short order.

“Iron Will is good to go!” The minotaur boomed with a smirk. Trixie and Gilda just rolled their eyes, Gilda not even bothering to respond, but Trixie added onto the declaration.

“For a store with that name, Trixie was surprised to learn they sell groceries as well,” the blue mare stated. “Can Trixie assume that we will be opening up her wagon when outside the city?”

“Trixie is right in her assumptions,” I replied back, earning a nod of agreement from her. “Iron Will, lead the way.”

“With pleasure,” he said before taking point and more or less marching us through the large traffic. Large in the size sense, not amount. Though it wasn’t like Gilda had any issue as she lazily hovered over us. Even being weighed down with groceries in her pack, she still managed to make flying look like it was nothing more than just flapping her wings every now and then. I can imagine all of the jealous birds we have.

I just shook my head at the thought. It wasn’t going to be the last time, mind you.

Iron WIll did an expert job in leading us through the city, and soon enough we were standing at the foot of a very fucking large set of gates, much larger than any of the previous ones. Hell, the wall itself must have been at least fifty feet high, while the gates were probably three quarters or so of that. Whatever they had going in and out of these walls, must have been something to see.

Like all the other gates, the guards there were cautious as fuck and looked armed to the teeth, so we went through the usual looking over of papers, though it took a little longer because Iron Will wasn’t exactly covered in my documents, so we had to wait for him to be cleared through the ‘checkpoint.’

Due to his hold up, we decided to wait outside of the walls, just to the left on a patch of dirt that was rather empty. See, the outskirts of the walls weren’t just open land, nope. There were numerous tents and the like out there of what I could only assume were either refugees from down south or those who didn’t have the right ‘credentials’ to make their way into the city. Of course by credentials I mean money. Though that’s all speculation without any sort of basis other than the document in the folder.

We decided it was the best time to get Trixie’s caravan back up and going, and it couldn’t have been timed any better as Iron Will was just walking up as I placed the tiny ass thing on the ground in front of Trixie.

“Watch and be amazed!” Trixie more or less shouted before charging her horn up, before letting loose a purple coloured beam at the tiny thing. With a brief flash, the caravan was standing in front of us once more, in its large wooden glory. I looked over to Iron Will, who was just shaking his head.

“Unicorns and their magic, such a cheap way of doing things,” he said, not even that surprised by the ‘trick’ that Trixie pulled. I reached up and patted him on the shoulder.

“I know the feeling, bro,” I said before walking back to the caravan. Trixie and Gilda were already inside sorting things out. You know, I don’t think I ever really looked into it until this point, and I know that I definitely did not describe it to you all.

Well it looked like a regular RV-type setting to me. Which I guess is tough for you all to imagine when most of you probably either never heard of an RV or never owned one. Essentially it was symmetrical in the design for the most part. The initial entry way was flanked by closets, but immediately after that there was two couches that I guess were also fold-out beds in a way. After those couches there was a little section that had a mirror and a general purpose desk on my right, with another closet behind it. At the far end was a room with a closed door, so who knew what was behind it. Gilda and Trixie were currently rearranging the groceries into the closets and on the couches.

“Mind if I put my pack in here?” I asked, causing Trixie to poke her head up from what she was doing. She squinted her eyes at me before looking around. Eventually she pointed to the first closet on the right.

“Put it in there,” she said briefly before going back to what she was doing. I simply shrugged my pack off and gently opened the door to said closet. It wasn’t exactly filled but in there were other bags that were filled and not filled. Schrodinger’s bag if you want to be nerdy about it. Either way, I managed to fit the large ass thing inside before closing the door.

Once fully back outside, I did a series of stretches, much to the curious eye of Iron Will. I simply ignored his looks for the moment as I managed to pop both my hips, multiple spots in my back, a couple of neck pops, and even a shoulder one. Eventually I managed to stop groaning in relief long enough to see that Iron Will had an eyebrow propped in complete bemusement at my actions.

“When you get to my age, sonny, you learn that stretching and cracking your joints feels as good as sex,” I answered, which earned a good hearty snort from the bull. And honestly, if it didn’t sound like he was going to burst out laughing I would have wondered if he was going feral or something on me.

Sure I had dealt with those buffalo pretty decently, but compared to me they weren’t that big … while Iron Will was obviously a fucking giant. Yeah, I would stand in front of a charging buffalo any day instead of a minotaur. But that is neither here nor there.

Almost immediately after that, Trixie and Gilda reappeared. “Trixie has gotten her trailer sorted and is ready to go. Perhaps we should start walking before discussing what that folder has?”

“Let’s get out of this place, already. Some of these minos are looking to get sliced,” Gilda muttered from her perch on top of the trailer. First time I had heard someone use a shorthand term for minotaurs. Also one of the first times that Gilda actually looked a little concerned about a place, though I could easily see why, as more than a few minotaurs were eyeing us with what were implied to be not happy intentions.

I didn’t even need to vocalize my agreement, instead taking up point alongside Iron Will as we walked down the main pathway, which had turned into a dirt path the moment we left the city. You can see the hard earned minotaur taxpayers’ gold at work right there! Ha!

The entire time we were walking through the ‘shantytown’ I kept one hand on my pistol at all times. I wasn’t going to give anyone a chance to jump me, and while it might sound like a fucking horrible stereotype to some, it is necessary now. Even back home here I do it in certain areas. You all have got it good with a decent life and a decent community. Europe not so much; Berlin is the best example of such a place. The areas that are more or less still standing are ‘decent’ in a fucked up kind of way, but when you find yourself in the very rundown areas … always be ready to get jumped by some desperate person.

So I take that mentality into any shady as shit area that don’t have a clear guard patrol or some sort of armed presence. The reason I wasn’t jumpy in Equestria is probably because pastel coloured ponies look harmless as fuck. Sure, I bet a good enough unicorn could literally turn me inside out but with the amount of friendly smiles on their faces no matter where you went, I don’t think you’d often encounter such types. Well, that and all the places I visited were rather decent communities most likely … minus that gang.

Eventually we managed to get out of that place and were once more into the open grassland areas that I miss. Back home here we see too many deserts between the massive forests, and even in Equestria there had been many arid and dry lands. I was happy to finally see that there was indeed a sprawling grassland. Well, at least somewhat sprawling. Actually, I’m being too kind. There was some grassland, and to the northeast there was more grassland but unfortunately I was dictating our direction as south east which I could already see as turning back to an arid looking country. Oh fucking joy.

Still, got a little bit of grassland.

“So, doofus, going to tell us what’s in the folder?” Gilda asked from her perch. Trixie and Iron Will chimed in with their own curiosity.

“One day that smart beak of yours is going to get you in trouble, catbird,” I replied. “As for the document, well it’s pretty straightforward. Tayros is in the midst of civil war.”

Introducing the mixed race chorus of ‘what’ shouted at me. Not deafening, hardly even a competition when you have heard a fifty cal. shot fired from right beside you. Still, it was a decent yell by them all, though I think Iron Will was the most ticked off out of all of them. They chattered at me for a moment, shouting all sorts of questions, and damn was I tempted to fire a shot into the air to get their attention … then I realise my pistol was still suppressed.

“Shush,” I said, just loud enough for them to hear me. It wasn’t instantly quiet but they quieted down long enough for me to talk. “Good, now let me explain before you start assaulting me with your voices once more. I don’t feel like being molested in that way today.”

In a great feat of simultaneous eye rolling, I was given the floor to speak about what I’d read thus far. I started speaking as I passed the folder to Iron Will, “I’ll hand the folder around now, but I’ll give you a brief synopsis. Roughly two months ago, a form of what I would label as neo-fascists minotaur supremacists, or what you all label as the evil pricks, essentially seceded the entirety of the south cities of Tayros. Any city that is south of Ishtar is more or less at war with every city north of Ishtar. While the Governor hasn’t really given me much of the details that are probably known to them, he has given me a general unit placement map as well as a list of high ranking leaders along the southern group. Oh, forgot to mention but they’ve taken to calling themselves The Red Banner, which is a fucking retarded name, but still one that is apparently powerful enough to spark a civil war.”

“Now, aside from the basic overview, what I’ve read basically states that they are more or less based out of Ephyra, where their leader, a minotaur by the name of Hannibal, which is somewhat ironic, is their leader. Not much is known about him aside from the fact he somehow managed to deceive half a fucking nation with delusions that every other race is inferior. So with this info, and that list in the folder, all we’re going to do is just wander around like a bunch of fun loving travellers, and set up camp in certain tactical locations so as to put a few red x’s through that list if you know what I mean.”

They looked at me for a few seconds, the obviousness of the entire statement going right over their heads, much to my dismay. Everything just works out so much better when people just understand what I’m talking about. That’s why this has dragged on for so long, because I have to explain a shit tonne of stuff to all of you; not that I entirely mind in this situation. At least when I explain stuff, it needs to be explained because most of you would have no chance in hell of knowing about it before me telling you. Some shit is just like that.

“I take my rifle, put a bullet through their thick skulls, then we get to put a giant red x … or whatever colour of ink we have, through their profile showing they are dead,” I slowly explained to them, which in turn caused them to finally come to the conclusion of what I was talking about.

“Is that it?” Gilda eventually asked from her perch on top of the trailer. Lucky bird was probably light enough to hardly make a dent in Trixie’s carried weight.

“Is what it?” I asked, legitimately confused as to what she was implying.

“Your plan, is that all? Seems stupidly simple,” she stated with a scoff.

“That’s the overarching plan of attack, yes. I’m not going to devise specifics this far ahead. The smartest people know that no plan survives first contact,” I replied with an air of superiority around me. A self-put air, mind you, hoping to see if she got the little jab at me.

“Smartest? Coming from the same dude who nearly got knocked unconscious back in prissy, prissy Canterlot,” Gilda responded with a raspberry.

“What’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of you trying to fly through a tornado,” I answered in turn.

Her eyes bugged out for a second before she dove at me. I like to think it was all in play fighting and the like, but damn did she look scary in that moment. Also I was not prepared to deal with those talons in the least bit. Hadn’t really put much thought into it, because we had a pretty good run of not coming to blows despite the barbs thrown at each other.

Thankfully the Great and Powerful Diplomat stopped us … mainly her. By stopped her, I mean she literally halted Gilda in mid dive with her magic.

“Now, now. As much as Trixie would love to see who wins in this fight, we can’t have you tearing out each other’s throats just yet. Let’s save that for the grand finale to this little adventure, yes?”

She displaced Gilda back up onto her perch on the trailer. It gave me an idea to bring up but I didn’t get the chance to change the subject like a smooth devil, instead having to listen to Gilda confirm that we were going to go at it once this is done.

“Sure, I’m game to teach this dweeb a lesson once we’re done,” she said with a smirk on her beak. I looked at her with scrutiny for a second, trying to see if I could glean anything from her. Didn’t manage to that time, her poker face was good … or true.

I simply shrugged my shoulders in response before giving a very non-committal ‘sure’ in response. Trixie looked pleased enough. “Excellent! Until then, let us refrain from attacking each other … Trixie would prefer not to have to field dress wounds.”

There was a minor chuckle that went around through all of us, including Iron Will who had been rather quiet during this little segment. Though he was also in the process of looking through the folder … again, I think. Don’t really blame him, after all it was his country that was currently in the midst of being torn apart.

Thankfully I did manage to bring forth my idea before I forgot. “Hey, Catbird. You’re currently the highest up out of all of us, not to mention you fly …”

“What’s your point?” Gilda cut me off.

“As I was about to say, why not act as our scout. I bet your eyesight is better than any of ours … or probably all of ours put together. Either way, it would be a shame to let your natural skills go to waste.”

Gilda rolled her eyes at that statement; who wouldn’t, honestly? “Don’t try to butter me up, doofus, I’m still going to teach you a lesson later.”

“You wouldn’t dare to hit an old man, would you?” I responded in kind. She just blew me another raspberry in response. “Anyway, if you go into my pack, there should be a pair of spotting binoculars. While I know your eyesight is probably ‘the thing of legends’ those binoculars would make it even more impressive.”

She proceeded to tap her claw against her beak for a few moments, as if she was actually thinking as to what she was going to do. Hell, she still had a smirk on her beak basically telling me that she had made up her mind but was hoping to see me walk backwards and trip on something.

Oh, yeah, I was walking backwards while talking to her and the other two. Better to talk to their face in my books.

“Yeah, sure, why not?” She said before lightly hoping off her perch and darting into the doorway of Trixie’s trailer.

When I saw that, a stray thought crossed my mind. She had been sitting in that open doorway the entire time we had been travelling from Appleloosa to Ponyville … that would mean the entire time she had a front row seat to Trixie’s ass. I bet there were countless guys on the planet that would have given an arm or a leg for such a view.

…

It’s a fucking expression! Yes, prior to all of this nonsense … no, not Equestria nonsense, The Reckoning, nonsense! Anyway, prior to this, that was a saying when you wanted something very badly that someone else could either get easily or was just lucky enough to have. Yeah, we had a bunch of fucked up sayings; that was our great society for you! Just you all wait, in time, you’ll develop your own sayings that will make no sense … assuming shit changes…

Whatever, let’s move on.

So once Gilda came back out from the trailer, she had my spotting binoculars hanging from around her neck. She actually had a smile on her face as she moved them up to her eyes, looking ahead. I wondered if she had ever looked through such things before.

“I have to say, these are pretty cool. Gotta say, they actually do enhance my vision,” she said as she looked around with the binoculars raised.

“Wait, what?” I asked, a little confused.

“Every one of these I looked through before were lame, but these things are pretty good. Can see a blade of grass at about two kilometers away,” she said casually as if what she was saying made complete sense.

See, despite how good spotting binoculars are, they are not that fucking good. So what she was saying made sense in only one fucking way. Can anyone here guess what that one answer is?

…

Yep, you guessed it, mother-fucking magic. Yeah, I didn’t even bother to ask how the hell she could see a blade of grass that fucking far away. But I can guess that by the look on my face, the rest of them were confused as to why I was confused.

“You okay, human?” Iron Will asked.

“Yeah … yeah … yeah,” I simply said as I shook my head. I really wanted to try and understand the bullshit that I was being handed constantly, but at the same time Luna had already told me that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. Speaking of which! We’re actually getting rather close to another dream thing with Luna. Yeah, she visited me in my dreams that night despite being absent the past few. Though that was probably due to me more or less closing myself off.

Anyway, we’d been walking for a while, and you wouldn’t have even known until I told you because I made some smooth ass transitions of time without explaining it. I mean, how many times do you want me to say ‘yeah I zoned out and let them talk for a while?’

Exactly.

So, after the whole binocular thing, we were looking at about seven o’clock and the sun was going down over the rolling-type hills in front of us. It was probably about time for us to post up and make camp. Sure we had been following the road, but we’d need to find a decent spot.

“Hey, Gilda. Pick out a spot for the night,” I called up to her, getting a thumb up in response.

After a few minutes of circling, she flew over to the left, just off the road that was by a couple of bushes, shrub like in quality if I do say so myself. Overall it was probably the best spot in general, only because it gave something to the area besides open and arid-looking plains. Sure there were bushes and the like elsewhere but these were of decent height, that being waist high, and enough to ensure we were somewhat enclosed.

It had probably been used before, based at least by the fact the bushes looked to be cut. So that means we claimed a decent spot after all.

“Good choice, Catbird,” I said which earned me the typical raspberry and eye roll combo that she had been doing for a while now. It was becoming a typical sight to see Gilda do such things. I think it was something akin to a natural response when she didn’t have anything to say in reply to witty comments.

Things were pretty quiet for the first half an hour or so as we set out about preparing for dinner and staying here. Of course my mind wandered while I was setting my stuff out for the regular inspection.

Gilda was doing the prep for our food that night. Trixie of course had her own food to look after, and by the looks of it, she was probably preparing for Iron Will as well; no real surprise that he was an herbivore. So yeah, that happened for some time, and eventually it got all the way to us actually eating before a word was spoken … to me! Fuck, I keep forgetting to mention that.

Yeah, it’s never dead silence, but I tend to tune out things not directly focused on me, only because it allows me to be more aware of my surroundings and the like. It’s like the reverse of tunnel vision, except that it’s blocking out the things that would distract me from noticing the big picture.

Anyway, as I was saying, finally someone, specifically Iron Will, actually turned a question to me. “So, human-”

“Ryan,” I interjected, to which he paused for a second before fixing his previous start.

“So, Ryan, Iron Will is curious as to why you want to get involved in my country’s problem,” he asked, looking across the fire at me.

Quick description interlude! Trailer was facing the fire but sitting off to the eastern side of the camp. I was sitting on a sitting pillow while facing south, and towards the small fire pit we had built in the middle. Trixie was sitting in front of her trailer, while Gilda was directly to my right.

I put my food down on my plate and then took a sip of my water before looking back and vocalizing my answer. “The situation of my world has made my base nature of being sympathetic take a nice little spike. That isn’t to say I am blinded by such feelings, but I will help whenever I can. Of course I also tend to seek out fucking revenge when I feel personally wronged. So you could say a little of column ‘A’ and a whole fucktonne of column ‘B.’”

“That only makes Iron Will more curious about where you came from. It sounds like an interesting story to say the least,” the big minotaur replied, and while I was slightly annoyed that I was having to explain this all again, I shrugged and decided why the hell not.

“I’ll keep it short-ish and sweet, kind of like all the other times. Maybe if you catch me when I’m sufficiently drunk you’ll get more, but for now … picture a world that first off has no magic yet has the scientific drive to expand and innovate. That was us before the event we called the Reckoning. Now imagine an entire species that somehow manages to hate and love each other at the same time, thus allowing multiple world wars. Said species then proceeds to create destructive weapons called nukes that could level an entire city in a flash. Yet we don’t … until one day where something sparks a global bombing by all nations that own such weapons. Following said bombing, we’re still alive and kicking and even ready to put this in the past. Then the entire planet says, ‘fuck all ya’ll’ then decides to basically change the laws of physics for a three-day span which turns our planet into a weird mutant of what it used to be.”

I took another sip of water before continuing on. “Now after all of that, we went from a global population of roughly seven and a half billion to maybe a billion at best, which can only be guessed. And the reason for that is because each country fell apart except for maybe two countries and they only survived because the earth apparently didn’t hate them as much. That left us in a state of constant struggle to live each day. I went through my own hell and now you see a forty-some-year-old jaded man who prior to this couldn’t kill an unintelligent animal, but now can kill another person if they are a legit threat.”

Another sip of water was had because it feels like a decent way to punctuate that I wasn’t exactly done. “So, yeah, that’s my situation prior to being here. I mean, you probably already knew ahead of time that I was unique in ways that spoke of me being not of this planet, yes?”

“Anyone could have seen it a mile away. I just chose not to speak about,” Iron Will stated smugly. It was a good cover and even I couldn’t see if he was bluffing. I simply shrugged in response before taking my dish and placing it on the steps to the caravan. And yes, they were actual dishes! Apparently Trixie knew cleaning spells, or at least I assumed she did.

When I came back to my spot I returned not with empty hands, but instead was cradling my final bottle of Ambershine. There was no way in hell I was going to share such a prized possession. You can be sure of that. Yet I could feel their eyes looking over me with curiosity as to whether they would get a drink.

“No.” I stated, not even bothering to specify as to what I was speaking about.

They looked about each other as I prepared to pour myself a cup. I looked up at the perfect time to see Trixie raise a hoof and open her mouth.

“No,” I said once more, before finishing pouring my cup and tightening the lid back up. Sure she could use her magic but I countered it by placing it in my lap, if she was going to try and grab it, she would be more or less be touching my junk as well. I knew that would be a line she wouldn’t cross anytime soon. “This is my last bottle; I’m not letting you moochers get any of it. Buy your own bottle next time we’re in town.”

Eye rolls all around; well, minus Iron Will who simply chuckled at the statement. That guy probably understood what I was talking about.

So we more or less sat around the fire talking for the rest of the night. Well they talked for the most part, Trixie asking Iron Will some questions, and the reverse happening. Most of it was about the life of a travelling performer slash advice giver. It was actually somewhat interesting to listen to as it gave me an idea of what some people actually went through prior to the Reckoning. Sure, we had the modern tech to help us along but most likely the idea was the same.

Of course, it also helped me realise the troubles a few people go through each day during the Reckoning. There are still travelling performers out there you know? Yeah they actually wander our new piece of heaven in search of settlements that need a little uplifting. Of course, they do have armed guards, seen more than a few in my days. But even then, sometimes they just disappear off the face of the earth, never seen or heard from again. It’s a sad little thing.

Eventually, as night set upon us, I stood up, a little tipsy but hardly anything since it was only a third of the bottle I had drunk over the span of a couple of hours. “Listen, I would suggest you all getting sleep. We’ll be up in about eight hours and going again, nice and early. We’ll do watches in two hour shifts from now on, cool? I’ll take first shift. Iron Will, the roof should be able to hold you … assuming you’re not over three hundred pounds or something like that. Trixie?”

“Trixie can assure you all that the roof of my trailer is sturdy enough to handle anything now!” She declared with pride, pointing a hoof up in some sort of declaration way? No idea what it was supposed to be.

“Now?” Gilda asked, her eyebrow perking up in curiosity. That earned a very quick fake yawn from the mare before she scampered out of sight into her trailer with assurances of how tired she was. I simply shook my head at the odd actions. Gilda chuckled a little before following the mare towards her trailer, giving me the best opportunity for a great quip.

“Hey, Gilda,” I said, preparing my awesome jab at how she had ‘spent’ a night with Trixie already. Yet when she turned to look at me with a questioning look, I just couldn’t do it. Perhaps I was actually feeling bad about all of the teasing that I had been putting her through. Of course I know the actual reason but I’m not going to tell you, because that’s up for you all to figure it out based on me as a character. Either way I rather lamely added, “have a good sleep, you’ve got third watch.”

“Whatever,” she said before walking through the trailer door and closing it behind her. I sighed loudly as I stood to pop my back. I looked over to Iron Will’s spot to find he was already on the move to the trailer roof. No good night or whatever … not like I really cared as it was. Iron Will was still somewhat of an outsider to the group. He’d need a few more days to fit in, and he’d get it … assuming he stayed alive and that jazz. Yeah, I know that sounded dark but that was probably going to be the reality of our situation.

I didn’t tell the group obviously, but things were never going to be as easy as I described. I knew this before everything that happened because, as I kept saying, ‘no plan survives first contact.’ There was going to be times where we’d get into situations that actually required we fight our ways out. I only had so much ammo to use, so we’d need to be smart and fight cautiously. I’d need to get myself a sword or something as well, just in case.

As the rest started to fall asleep, most likely, I sat down on the steps of the trailer and leaned softly against the door of the cabin. My mind was working overtime in thinking of what to do in general. I was trying to do that ‘three steps ahead’ planning idea, where you prepare for every situation, and while I was coming up with some good ideas, I was generally thinking more about ensuring that none of the group dies. I think it was the general animal-esque nature of them that made their survival more important to me. Somehow they seemed more important than all my other companions … could also be that they didn’t seem to be as capable in defending themselves.

I had to get the thoughts out of my head for the mean time, I couldn’t stand to speculate the entire night, since it was regarding them … they needed to hear it. So I decided that I should do the most efficient thing to pass the time, patrol the perimeter. If you want to pass the time when dealing with a menial task, a long task, or no task at all, you need to keep busy. Find something you can do to add to your job, or lack thereof, and it’ll make time fly by.

Trust me on this one, time flies not just when you’re having fun, but also when you’re busy as fuck. I remember back when I was working electrical, there were days when we literally had jackshit to do because the other crews were behind in their jobs and they were playing catch up. Well those days went by really slowly, but when we were busy and working hard, it seemed like the day passed in an instant.

And that’s my big tip for the day. Sure I’ve given you other little tidbits of advice, but that is the big one. Now back to the story.

Well, sorta, since this part is a transition to the ‘final scene’ of the day, which only came after I fell asleep.

…

Yeah, you all guessed it, another dream sequence visit by the darker and larger blue mare herself. Anyway, let me finish off this transition part.

So I spent the better part of the two hours, patrolling the night, listening carefully for the sounds of things that should not be wandering out in the middle of the night, namely minotaurs. Of course it was all quiet as far as I could tell, minus the howls in the distance and the chirping of grasshoppers and the like. Yeah, I was a little surprised to hear them despite the aridness of the area.

I made probably six full passes around the camp during the time, with each one taking twenty minutes of my time. In the end, my shift was dull, just like it should be. So when my watch beeped since my timer went off, I sighed in relief and made my way to the side of the trailer.

Using one of the wheels to help prop me up higher, I nudged Iron Will gently until he finally awoke. I didn’t want to shove the guy off, mainly because I didn’t know him well enough for that, and also because I didn’t need to frighten him before his watch.

When his eyes opened, he groaned deeply but surprisingly quietly before slowly slipping off the roof with murmurs of ‘I’m up, I’m up.’

“Nothing happen, and it’s looking quiet. Fire is still going well, but might need stoking,” I said before slipping the watch off my wrist and adding a six-hour timer to the thing. I tossed it to Iron Will who looked at it for a moment. “Wrist watch, has built in timer. I put six hours on it so when your shift is done, just hand it to Gilda and tell her the same shit I just told you.”

“Iron Will understands,” he said before yawning and stretching. I simply shook my head before taking the pillow he had been using and placing it under my head. I gave one last look up to the stars, then decided to try something. I flipped the night sky the bird before settling in for my portion of sleep.

One little black sequence followed by some lucid dreaming later and I was sitting in a kitchen, preparing some tea for the inevitable arrival of Luna. I only knew it was inevitable because I had basically left my dream open, as weird as that sounds. I mean, Luna still had yet to tell me how she finds my dreams but I left a door for her to use so perhaps that was the way. I made a mental note, or in this case a physical one, to ask her about that … and to see if she could use the stars to see me.

A couple of seconds later, there was a knocking at the door followed by a certain pony’s head peeking through the doorway. I simply smiled and gestured for her to enter. “Come on in and grab a seat. Tea?”

“You do know that’s not real, right?” She asked with a grin on her face, probably expecting me to answer in my normal sarcastic way. Well I would hate to disappoint.

“What? It isn’t? Has my entire life been merely a fragment of some twisted game? Everything I knew is a lie!” I said in a very monotone way as I grabbed some coffee cups, yeah not tea ones because reasons, and poured the tea into them. “Honey, sugar, whiskey?”

“Honey and some sugar are fine,” she replied. After making up her tea, I pulled out a flask of imaginary Ambershine and then poured the entire bottle into my tea cup, using my awesome dream bending ways to ensure that it never overflowed. That of course earned a snort giggle from Luna. Eventually I brought the tea over, and sat down to have a nice yet eventually serious conversation with her.

“I must ask, but have you been avoiding me?” Luna spoke up, surprising me slightly.

“No, just needed some dreamless nights, shut down the mind and not have to worry about stuff for a while, you know?” I replied, to which she just nodded her head before sipping her tea. Perfect time for a topic transition. “Though speaking of dreams, how do you even find me each time?”

“When anyone in Equestria dreams, I can feel it as innately as if I had simply looked outside and saw them. For me it is as simple as walking through a doorway,” she said.

“Called it,” I muttered under my breath before letting her continue following and eye roll by her.

“When I entered your dreams for the first time, it gave me an ‘intimate’ knowledge of what your dreams felt like. From then on I could find your dreams easily. Even when you are out of Equestria, there is still a way for me to find you, but it means I must push a little bit further to find your certain signature.”

“Besides the complete lack of personal privacy, that actually sounds pretty cool,” I said as I took a swig of my whiskey and tea. Tasted awesome by the way. Luna just rolled her eyes and smirked at my statement, probably having heard something like it before. “Can I assume that you dumbed down the entire explanation because magic?”

“I wouldn’t say dumbed down … how about ‘simplified it for the less magically inclined’?” She replied, causing me to eye roll this time.

“Har har,” I mocked before taking another swig. Time to pull out the big topic. “Unfortunately I didn’t leave this dream open just for a nice meeting, I’ve got something serious to talk to you about. Or rather, to show you.”

“I’m listening.”

“Not yet you’re not,” I said as I made a piece of paper poof out of nowhere. “Read this and sign it first.”

Luna wearily looked at the piece of paper handed to her. She glanced over it quickly while keeping it afloat in her magic. After a few moments, she slowly lowered it and quirked an eyebrow up at me. “A non-disclosure agreement?”

“What I am going to tell you does not go any farther then me or your sister. No one, whatsoever, not even those who it affects. I’ve been given very private knowledge and I need an agreement that you will not speak a word of what I am going to tell you or show you,” I spoke in my serious voice, removing my glasses to directly look at her.

She glanced back at the document one more time, before giving a ‘harumph’ and conjuring a quill to sign it with. When she floated it back to me, she looked bemused by the idea of such a thing. “You do realise that this is simply a dream and such documents would never hold up in court.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t take you to court. You glanced the document over too quickly, Luna. Fine print is fun to mess around with. And I quote, ‘if said signee breaks the non-disclosure pact at any point, then said signee is subject to one day of humiliation as decided upon by the other signatory.’ I think that’s a pretty sweet deal,” I said with a smirk.

Luna looked at me for a few seconds, probably deciding what to do next. Hell, if I was her, I would simply make the document explode, but then of course she didn’t exactly know that my nanites give me a rather eidetic memory. Eventually she scrunched up her nose before saying, “fine.”

“In all honesty, the agreement is more for me than anything because I know that this information is valuable,” I replied, trying to sooth her pain of being bested.

“So are you going to tell me what said information is?” She inquired, obviously growing curious about what I was going to divulge.

“Earlier today, our train from Aboretia to Calluna City was attacked by a raiding party of minotaurs. They sought to execute everyone that was on the train. Myself along with another minotaur that was with us, repelled the attack with only a few casualties,” I spoke, earning a massive look of surprise from Luna, followed by one of outrage. I gestured with my hands for her to calm down. “It was a random attack perpetrated by a faction called The Red Banner. They are an extremist group of minotaurs that have more or less taken control of half the country under the idea of eradicating everything but minotaurs. Essentially, Tayros is in a state of civil war, and I plan to help speed this war along.”

Luna looked baffled at the info I was giving her. Well, not necessarily baffled but she didn’t have the right words to say. Her face looked hardened and mad but at the same time she kept trying to bring words yet was at a loss for them.

“Gilda and Trixie have agreed to stick around and help in any way they can. Essentially, Luna, I’m going to be a hired assassin for the Tayros Government, not out of monetary greed but out of sheer spite for this other side. Do you see why this info is sensitive?”

She took a second to ponder all of this, her mouth no longer moving in search of words. Eventually she found what she was looking for. “We are … I mean I am not surprised since there has been odd reports from Tayros. Still … my sister and I will need to talk about this new development.”

She looked around for a few seconds before standing up from her seat. I knew what she was doing; the news was important and she needed to relay it immediately. I didn’t even try to talk her into staying any longer, or even question as to why she was leaving suddenly without hearing all of it.

“I will visit you tomorrow night. We will have much to discuss,” she said before exiting out of the door, leaving me alone in my dreams.

I sat there for a few seconds before simply saying, “well, that went about as well as it could go.”

And with that, this segment is done! Sure, I went on to dream more, but that isn’t important.

Been a long one? Well, the next part should be more jammed pack for the extent I will be telling. I mean, I’m going to basically be condensing about three days of activities in one part since two days were basically spent walking and doing nothing.

Though you all might have to wait a bit for that part, might be heading out as part of a trading caravan within a few days. Apparently my old man skills are very valuable.

With that, I’m kicking you out of my temp home, don’t let the door slam into you on your way out!

Chapter 12: Nightfall

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So, where did we leave off? Sure, it’s only been a few days but I figured that I might as well take a second before questions just to reflect because I’m seeing some new faces around here, and trust me … I can tell. Nanites and all that jazz swimming in my system.

We had just left Calluna City and I had informed the group as to our situation, yes? Also, I spoke to Luna overnight so that meant we’d be picking up during one of our days on the road. See, this sitting is going to hopefully be shorter if I remember perfectly, because it was three days’ worth of traveling all day and even some of the night before we got to the next major city in the southeast, which was really close to official battle lines.

Alright, recap is done, let’s move onto the questions because those are still a thing.

How could I tell that Iron Will was younger than me?

Honestly at this point, I assume most people who are in great shape and spry are younger than me, only on the basis that I am fucking fit as hell for a forty some year old. A forty year old that has been doing things that most forty year olds haven’t done in a long, long time. I mean, I’m still in the job of scaving and living off the land, so … yeah. Though for the record, Iron Will is indeed younger than me, I can all but confirm it. It will be mentioned in an upcoming conversation.

Alright, next question!

Yes you, little girl. Did I want to jump in that fountain in Aboretia?

Honestly, there was a small part of me that was saying I should just lay in it for the entirety of the day just to feel what it is like to lay in a pool once more. Sure I had that chance on the airship, but I didn’t take it, so I guess that was where that little part derived from. Otherwise, the only thing I thought of when I saw it was that it had some rather interesting artwork.

Moving on.

How often do physical conflicts come up?

Well shit, that’s a pretty intense question, only because it gets me thinking about just how much of my life is spent in battle.

Hmm.

I have to say that despite my exciting life, exciting being a very broad term in this usage, I don’t get into as many firefights or conflicts as it might sound. Sure it happens about a hundred times more than what any of you would ever see, but that doesn’t mean I find myself in a gunfight against marauders or going hand to hand with a drug addicted psycho each and every day. No, I have stretches of at most weeks at a time where I don’t feel a single gunshot whizz past my head, or I don’t have to deal with the cut of a knife. It’s nice to have those breaks as it allows me to gather my wits and replace any lost sanity.

Now, if you’re talking about just seeing them, then I guess everyday there is always a conflict, though I don’t necessarily see them. While I pride myself on having fucking beautiful morals, there are instances where I hear gunshots and I just keep going. This isn’t some video game where you can just inject a fucking drug into your system to heal yourself and you get to reload a save if you die. No, I like my life a little too much to get involved in things that I don’t have a personal tie in for me. That’s why I was a part of the whole Civil War thing in Tayros. Had my train not been attacked, then I would have cared little probably … probably, but as I’ve told you, it didn’t happen like that.

Oh, you have a spin off of that question? Okay, shoot. Do I see my life as one of war with times of peace, or the opposite?

Another good question. You all are on a roll today. Well, let me think again since it’s one of those intense questions that actually requires more thought put into it.

…

You know, I could do a very simple cop out of the question and simply state that ‘aren’t we all at war without ourselves, so is there such thing as peace?’ While that is one hell of a philosophical answer, I’ll actually answer your question fully. I see my life as one that hangs on the ledge of a cliff. The abyss below that possibly awaits for me is that of war and the flat ground I could scamper to is of peace. Yet that ledge is impossible to get off of in one direction.

Peace is defined as instances of time that lack harmful conflict, usually between people but if applying it to a single person, we can never truly be at peace. Using that saying I mentioned, we are always battling our inner demons, thus we are always at war. Yet to be hanging off the cliff and at war continuously we would essentially be fighting everything and anything, which is a horrible way to live in my opinion.

All in all, I have seen more than my fair share of fights and horrible aspects but at the same time, I see so many people rebuilding and showing compassion that I can’t really say I live with one over the other. It’s that typical brand of ‘humans are too complex to characterize’ that I like to follow. I try to always speak that truth.

Well, let’s move onto the next set of events, shall we?

So, after that whole deal with Luna and jazz the previous night, I’m pretty sure my sleep was restless. I didn’t understand at the time considering that I had slept through worse situations in my past. To be honest I can only speculate to this day as well, but I think that Luna being in a bad mood and in your dreams do indeed leave imprints in them. So there is a possibility her troubled mood as she left was then pushed onto me. Like I said, still speculating as to if that is true or not.

When I woke up, the sun was cresting above the horizon, it was barely the start of a new day. Of course, I was the first one to wake from my sleep. Gilda and Iron WIll were sleeping, I assumed. Well in Iron WIll’s case I could tell because as I rolled over, I saw that he was leaned up against one of the caravan’s wheels. I gave a small chuckle under my breath before sitting up. Of course the sleep had done horrible miracles on my back, meaning it hurt like fucking hell. Oh yeah, it’s been like that every night I had to sleep up there.

I just didn’t bitch about it before because this was probably the worst instance of the entire stay. Yeah it got better throughout the trip as I got used to it, but that day I really needed to stretch badly.

So for a little bit I suffered in silence as I did a few stretches on the top of the caravan, mainly ones that could be done while lying down. Let me tell you, I’m pretty sure the back pops sounded like gunfire with how loudly they came out.

“What was that?” Trixie’s voiced as though she was startled into alertness by the sounds. I rolled my eyes before leaning slightly over the caravan to look at the worried mare, who was looking this way and that in a frantic manner.

“That was my back,” I said with a small chuckle.

The pain was still there but I figured I might as well laugh through it.

For a second she looked at me as if I was crazy, but after a moment she let the stress go with a good exhale. “Trixie thought something had snuck up on her. Not that that is possible, mind you! Trixie’s wards are top notch!”

I lied on my stomach, looking over the edge of the caravan at her; it was decently comfortable. “Without a doubt. Though do keep your proclamations down a little, give them a little bit more sleep.”

“And why should Trixie let them sleep more?” she asked, though I could tell it wasn’t serious, so I just rolled my eyes in response and went back to working the kinks out of my back.

It was a rather strenuous and painful process of going through exercises I had learned over my life, but by the time I was done, I was feeling much better in terms of my back. So much so, that I easily slid off the top of the caravan with little to no effort. It is always a good feeling to get a little bit of your spryness back even if it was only temporary.

I did a few more little movement exercises before deciding that I couldn’t get any more spry than I already was. I also came to the decision that the other two had slept in enough and it was time to eat something and get going. I was decently hungry but not really aching for a meal. I could easily get by on some quick-made oatmeal or something like that.

I gestured to Trixie to go wake Gilda up because she was more likely to not only fit in the caravan but also to not get her eyes torn out from waking her up. I wasn’t subtle in the least when I had to wake people up.

After making my way over to Iron Will, I decided the direct approach was best. So I kicked him lightly in the side. “Time to get up, sleeping beauty.”

He made a movement between jumping and lunging, somehow making it to his feet in an instant, his head moving this way and that before it found me grinning up at him. I think he was trying to figure out a way to murder me without the others realising but eventually he just let out a rather deep yawn.

I walked away before he could say anything, instead moving over to the still burning fire. Someone probably gathered some more wood or something during the middle of the night. That, or Trixie decided to use some magic to help it burn better. I honestly cared little as long as I could heat up something or use it to make food.

Just as I sat down, a bowl encompassed in magic came floating over to me before landing in my lap, along with a small bottle of water and what looked like an oatmeal packet. Well, it seemed that Trixie was thinking along the same line as me today. A good start to the day, probably one of my best when on the road.

Fast forward through my meager dealings with making the food and eating. The rest had gathered and were chowing down on what they had. Apparently there was also toast but I didn’t feel like it at the moment so I let them eat that while I had dug into my oatmeal.

Definitely the best oatmeal I had ever tasted without a doubt; couldn’t even compare whatever they had in Equestria because it was on another fucking plane of existence in terms of taste. So don’t even try to understand just how epic it fucking tasted, because it did.

Wait, pause the story for a second. Yes, I know I’m literally retelling it to you but I forgot to mention this at the beginning: I’m deciding to change up my story telling just a little bit. Basically I’ve come to realise that while I am including every fucking detail I can remember, I am adding a little too much of filler, so with that said, things are going to change.

First off I am going to skip over time a little bit more, especially when there is nothing going on. That means I will probably exclude some conversations that were absolutely meaningless to the overall story. Basically, the small talk that was all just a waste of time.

…

Yes, yes, I know. It doesn’t seem fair that I exclude anything but I realise that if I was to continue on this path of speaking, we would probably be finished in ten years! Well, not ten years mind you, but I bet it would take nearly a full year for me to finally tell my story to you all.

Besides, all of your eager enthusiasm to hear more of my epic just makes it tough for me to keep such a slow pace. Don’t worry! It’s not like I am going to rush ahead and just skip everything! I’m simply going to ensure that we can actually finish this story!

I mean, you’ve already experienced it when I skipped through the meal, so ha! Well are you ready to continue?

Awesome.

So, like I said, the meal was quick and rather quiet but there was some brief chatter, mainly about how everyone slept and if there was anything that happened during the night, to which the only response of note was that Gilda had noticed a passing convoy of military wagons and troops. They were far off in the distance compared to where we were so it was of no issue, at least that’s what Gilda was saying.

I simply shrugged, letting the info take root in the back of my head for later. Always good to be wary, after all. Sure you don’t make a lot of friends by constantly questioning motive, but it’s what you do to survive.

Eventually we were packed up and ready to go, our meager but filling meals were in our bellies and we were once more walking down the road into the great unknown. Well somewhat unknown, we knew our next destination. I’ll take you through the conversation.

“So … Trixie is curious as to where we are going specifically. Don’t get Trixie wrong, she loves walking and hauling around her somewhat overloaded stage-coach, but even she misses civilisation every once and awhile,” Trixie spoke up, not even trying to be subtle about what she was asking.

Gilda chimed in with her own words. “Please tell me we’re not just going to fucking walk across the country.”

“Oh you bet we are,” I replied with a small laugh accompanying it. “How else are we supposed to get around? I’m not taking another fucking train, let alone one that, for some outstandingly stupid reason, would go into what is deemed enemy lines. So get used to it. Besides, you can fucking fly, catbird.”

Gilda rolled her eyes but didn’t speak up as she let me continue on with my little bit of monologuing. “Now with that said, I do have a plan. From the report, if you had read it as thoroughly as I did, stated that currently the lines were just east of a city called Ishtar … which sounds oddly familiar but for the life of me I can’t put a finger on it. Either way, we’ll be headed in that direction, but don’t expect to actually go inside the city. We’ll need to find the local General or whatever the name is for such a rank. He’ll give us the info we need to pass behind Red Banner lines.”

The group was silent for a little bit as they all processed what was said. It was Gilda who spoke up first. “Well, that has to be the dumbest and smartest thing said ever … at once. Bravo.”

Iron Will gave a snort at that response while Trixie laughed out briefly. I simply rolled my eyes before slapping the sarcasm back at her. “Why thank you! You know, it was tough to think of it but I managed to do it. Just glad I didn’t have to ask for extra brain cells to help in creating my grand scheme … wouldn’t be able to borrow from you.”

Eyerolls everywhere. Simply put. Because why not, right? It was the best response to a situation when there was little to be said.

“But seriously,” I continued, “that is the plan. It needs to be simple to allow for flexibility in case of new developments. The only true hitch is going to be if the General has no fucking clue as to what we are doing.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Trixie asked.

“Well then we’re right fucked, aren’t we?” I said with a shrug. Iron Will who had been walking beside me on my right, while Gilda flew above and Trixie just slightly behind us, simply cocked an eyebrow at me, not even saying anything. “Right, right. Basically it would either come down to one of us managing to smooth talk him, or at the very least we just leave … or try to. We’ll see.”

Gilda muttered something under her breath, and because she was flying, it was tougher to hear her, so I didn’t manage to catch it but it was probably her swearing at me for thinking up such a plan. Trixie more or less facepalmed … but with a hoof, so face-hoofed I guess. Of all the ones there, Iron Will was the only one that saw that despite it sounding crude, my plan was basically the best thing we had to actually get us success.

Well, based on the fact that he didn’t really talk about the plan in of itself meant it was a good thing. Well who knows, because I can’t sure as fuck read minds.

Anyway, after that the conversations drifted, mainly about stories and shit regarding each other. Most of them were rather boring as it was just one of their experiences or something like that. I’ll recap them quickly.

Gilda got to meet the Wonderbolts once when she was young. Trixie actually went to Canterlot University before having to stop attending because her mother gambled away their family money. Trixie was obviously really bitter about that experience but at the same time willing to talk about it, so I guess it wasn’t all that bad. Iron Will didn’t say much at first, letting Trixie get in a better story about her previous trip to Tayros, nothing of true note honestly since she couldn’t remember the names of the cities that well. Not a very good bard, huh?

Gilda told us some little stories about shit she did as a child, or in griffon terms, a cub. They were amusing to say the least because they were the epitome of things to do when you’re a little kid back in the day … actually most of you still do the same things I think, at least from what I can tell.

Eventually Iron Will opened up and told us about the time he was in Ponyville, which let me tell you, kick started another new set of topics. Apparently, these three I was traveling with, all had one thing in common. Can any of you guess it?

Nope, try again.

Ehh, somewhat close but not quite there.

What? Hell fucking no, jackass.

So, so close! Here, let me tell you or we’ll be here forever.

Basically all three of them have had run-ins with apparently the six most important mares in Equestria based on what I was hearing about them. Yep, you guessed it, the same six that had more or less escorted us to Canterlot and the jazz. So let me break down the tales.

Starting with Iron Will who initially brought up this topic, he basically told us that his old job as a motivational speaker was rather lucrative for the most part. Yet when he arrived in Ponyville he took on the job of training Fluttershy, purely by luck mind you, and it worked out a little too well. You remember how timid I made her sound, yes? Well apparently Iron Will turned her into a fucking cruel piece of shit by some completely mind fucking means. I mean, he technically did nothing bad to her but somehow common sense went out the window and Fluttershy took everything he taught to heart. So much so that she cranked up the douchebag levels to eleven. Either way, through the help of her friends, and some introspective analyzing I think, she returned to her meek self, though with more self confidence. Unfortunately, Iron Will never mentioned what happened after that.

When Trixie took her turn to speak, I was deciding if I wanted to actually verbalise my idea to place bets on her run in. I had my money on her messing up a story pretty fucking hard. Well, thankfully no bets were placed as I was wrong. Apparently the mare had two run-ins, the first one being a rather confusing one as she was run out of town for being a braggart of a stage performer, and being blamed for an Ursa Minor rampaging in town despite it being two retarded kids.

Didn’t I mention Ursa Minors before? Or whatever? Star bears? Almost certain I did. Ehh. Giant bear shaped clouds of stars defying all conventional physics.

So after running away from town and losing her caravan the first time … she, and get this, decides to exact revenge on Purple Smart. For what, who the fuck knows because Twilight did nothing to her, which she now admits. So, Trixie being the eyebrow raising and confusing thing she was, decides to find an ancient amulet that gives great power and corrupts the wearer at the same time. After hearing that, I actually told her straight up that she was no longer allowed to make any sort of decision for this group, ever. She continued on, more or less accepting my statement with an eyeroll. In short, her story went, she challenged Twilight to a magic duel in which she promptly handed the then-unicorn her ass before going on to rule Ponyville with an iron hoof. Twilight comes back and tricks Trixie into giving up her magical amulet by using bait and switch tactics. I wanted to laugh, but instead I kept my mouth shut as she finished up by telling us that she left on good terms with Twilight and somewhat idolizes her but in a competitive way. Let me tell you, I really wanted to just laugh at her for a bit, but that was detrimental to the group status quo.

I mean, last time I didn’t get to laugh at her because it was more of a touching moment then anything, but this time I could have if I wanted to because the second time hearing it was just that much more funny. She probably would have laughed if I had ...

…

Yes, I purposely re-told Trixie’s story because as you can tell the amount of people here has more than doubled since I told that part of the story. So they needed some context.

We all kind of looked to Gilda, though Trixie and I more or less knew her story. I told you it already so I won’t use details on the story, besides it was mainly for Iron WIll’s sake.

…

Damn, well you do bring up a good point. Right, long story cut extremely short. Gilda met up with Dash in Ponyville a while back, acted like a gigantic douchenozzle, then got pissed when she was called out on it. That spurned the whole ‘Dash’ kind of hated Gilda for a while thing. But yeah … not that funny of a story in retrospect.

After a while of mulling it over while we kept moving, she let loose with the story as quick as she could, though she did touch all the main parts. Mainly her being a gigantic dick biscuit and the like.

It was a nice little bit of story time. Of course, that also killed a decent amount of time, since I completely skipped over the contents of the stories. We were probably nearing lunch time by the time we had finished talking, so I told Gilda to head into the caravan and see if she could scrounge up some food for us to eat while walking. She grumbled all along the way to doing it, but nevertheless the gryphoness came through and delivered with food!

Really, really, creepy food mind you. Well creepy initially. See, she brought out a bunch of hard boiled eggs along with some garlic bread. That second part was super clutch on her part because garlic bread might as well be fucking life at this point. Anyway, the creepy thing was the hard boiled eggs, only because the implications for Gilda and the rest. That led to a rather interesting conversation.

“So … hard boiled eggs?” I said as I turned mine over in my hand. The question was aimed at Gilda who was going through her second one. Trixie was currently levitating the bowl for us to pick out of.

“Yeah? And?” she replied. I looked at her for a few seconds.

“Isn’t that like … I dunno … cannibalism?” I asked, not completely serious though still curious as to whether or not it was in some very, very distant way. ‘Cause you know … griffons might lay eggs so eating eggs … yeah, you’re starting to see my logic in the situation.

She practically choked on the egg she was eating. Eventually after much coughing and chest thumping, she managed to swallow the egg. Then of course she leveled the most disturbed face I’ve ever seen her make at me. “What the actual fuck?”

Yep, so disturbed she actually swore.

“Well I don’t fucking know, Miss I’m half-bird half-lion!” I said in reply, tossing my hands up but managing to hold onto my egg. Of course, I popped it into my mouth shortly after that.

“We don’t lay eggs, you bucking moron! We’re mammals, you idiot!” Gilda said, still completely baffled and probably affronted with what I was suggesting. I simply shrugged as I finished chewing.

“How was I supposed to know? It’s not like I live on this planet,” I replied. She was going to say something but I took a wild guess and cut her off. “And it’s not like I could ask. ‘Uh, yeah, so just out of morbid curiosity, do you give live births or lay eggs?’ I bet that sounds good.”

Trixie and Iron Will were both snickering or laughing, respectively, at the conversation. Gilda wanted to protest to that statement but ended up resigning herself to the fact that no matter how well her argument sounded to her, mine had a better overall base. For the first time ever in the history of me being on that planet, Gilda actually verbally admitted to being wrong!

“Fine, fine … I guess you didn’t know. Either way, eating eggs is completely normal for griffons, and I happen to really like hard boiled eggs,” she said before taking a piece of garlic bread. Rather abruptly she stopped what she was doing, except for flapping her wings mind you, and glared back at me. “What about them, eating eggs, huh?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Horses have been known to eat small birds back on Earth. And Iron Will has sharper teeth than a bovine should have so I chalked it up to being an omnivore. Rather simple, actually.”

They kind of looked at me for a second, which I picked up on easily since I was actually walking backwards at that point. “What? If you think I’m not perceptive of stuff then you obviously don’t know jack shit about me.”

More eyerolls!

Then a thought hit me. Something I should have picked up on when Gilda first came out of the carriage. How the fuck did she boil and cook the garlic bread?! At first I wanted to question the whole feat she pulled off but I decided against it and kept my mouth shut. Better to not know, am I right?

“It occurs to Trixie, that you haven’t shared a story so far,” the blue mare piped up, ruining my good mood despite the garlic bread. Well, not fully ruined but annoyed more like it. I was hoping that I could get away without actually having to speak too much about myself because damn do I like the whole mysterious and brooding type of look.

I remember being a little kid and always placing myself in that situation in my head, being the badass type of character that hardly anyone actually knew about because he wouldn’t speak much and left his origins in the dark no matter what. I think a lot of kids like to do that, honestly … well some then.

I finished swallowing my garlic bread before speaking. “Well you never really asked, so I never really spoke.”

“Well now we’re asking you to speak, dork,” Gilda spoke up as she circled around to look at me before flying back up above us, then taking a perch on the caravan behind us, a decently loud ‘thunk’ confirming it.

“Okay, okay, fine. What do you want to hear? ‘Cause I’ve got a whole shit tonne of stories that I could tell,” I said, though that wasn’t the full truth, and I’ll explain to you via the next section of dialogue, which did happen! No, I’m not going to be making it up as a device to explain stuff to you.

“Got anything from when you were a cub?” Gilda asked from her perch.

“It’s kid for humans, which I thought I already cleared up with you,” I replied first then answered her first question, “and not really. Even with my awesome memory, I can’t remember anything too far back … it only comes to me in bits and pieces, fragments really.”

Which is the truth, there is only a few select stories that I remember from when I was young, the rest being nothing more than some scattered pieces that float together at times but yet feel wrong. It’s not something I can actively change either, the nanites are already miracle workers but even that I bet is beyond their ability.

“Iron Will finds that tough to believe, there has to be even one story,” he said from his spot in the walking formation.

I thought about it for a moment then did realise I had one story that I knew very well. It was a great family story to tell. “Yeah, I’ve got one actually.”

“Let’s hear it already, dweeb!” Gilda more or less shouted, her impatience making me want to smack her upside the head.

“Fine, fine. Right, so back when I was twelve, my family and I went on a trip to another country and continent. Specifically a place called Europe but that means next to nothing for you three. Anyway, we were in a small town in Germany, the name of the country, and my dad wanted to see a castle that was located close to the town. So one day we made a nice little hiking journey of it. Let me tell you right now, for what it was planned to be it spiralled pretty far.”

“We left the small hotel and walked to a main road. I spotted a sign on it that said the castle was five miles to our left, but my dad being the infinite font of wisdom he usually was, decided that we should go right, up this massive fucking hill because normally castles are overlooking valleys. So up this long ass winding road, probably about three klicks or so at a twenty degree angle, we climbed and let me tell you, it was fucking tiring as fuck. At the top, my mom and I took a break while my dad kept going to see if there was anything in the distance. He came back and to our annoyance, no … no there wasn’t.”

“So I get the second best idea of the day, in a non-joking way either. I said we should cross the fields so that we could get to the valley it might be in according to that sign I saw earlier. So we basically trespassed across some fields before coming to another hill … this time it was a fifty degree or so descent through trees. After a bunch of zig-zagging down so we didn’t slip and start rolling, we came to a path. Following said path led us right to where we wanted to be! Not the castle, but the parking lot that led to a five klick walk to the castle!”

“By the time we got to the castle my mom and I were tired as fuck and even my dad was starting to waver. Now we also had to walk all the way back, which meant that all in all we did a twenty plus kilometer walk when in reality it should have been something like ten klicks at the very most. Sure we got to see a very beautiful castle, but the moral at the end of the day was that my dad was never allowed to lead the group again,” I said, finishing my story.

Admittedly, I went into more detail when I told them but the only real additions were descriptions of the place and a little more on the castle. Not worth mentioning. So I decided to slim it down for you all.

The story wasn’t anything of hilarity or awesome so the reactions were dull at best, most of them just nodding or whatever, though Gilda was bored from the story. In fact she decided to voice said boredom. “That was lame.”

“Lame in the retelling but it’s a good memory for me. Besides, all my ‘awesome’ ones are darker then shit, catbird. Not a great time to be telling them in my opinion,” I replied with a little bit of a darker tone. I wanted to keep things light instead of stories about Reckoning, keep them from that topic. Well that was part of the reason.

Yeah, it hurts to talk about it sometimes and that was one of those times. Mainly after recanting that tale I was thinking of my parents, and even if that was many years ago, it was fresh in my mind. I remember them every day and telling stories of times when they were alive is relieving yet still opening old wounds at the same time. Then going on to speak of times without them just hurts … yeah, it’s rough being me, ain’t it? Don’t worry, I’m good today.

Gilda was quiet after that and in fact the whole group was. Yep, major party killer here. It’s a title I’ve owned for a while, I think.

It took a little bit of walking in rather awkward silence before they started talking again. This time it was all directed at Iron Will regarding Tayros. He told the group about where he was born, a small town that was closer to the mountains. It was called Klayne and was nothing of note but it was close enough to Hellespont that he was able to go to the city when he was young. His description of the city was something that made me long to visit it.

“We lived under the shadow of the mountain range but there was a well carved road that led up to it as well as an ancient elevator. The city sat at the top of the two mountains, ancient minotaurs having basically carved the tips into massive cities made of gargantuan rock, then connected the tips of three mountains by large stonebridges. They are still marvels of what our ancient selves could do with stone.”

He didn’t describe much more than that, leaving my imagination to wander and try to sculpt a decent image of the place. Admittedly I was working with very little, but that was of no issue. We’d get to see it soon enough if I had anything to say about it.

But one line held me up, “wait, elevator? You have fucking elevators?”

“Iron Will takes it you know about them as well?” He asked to which I nodded my head. “Well the one there is an ancient thing, but it is massive and is located close to the heart of the mountain. While we have had success in recreating smaller ones, Tayros engineers are still baffled at how our ancient kin pulled off such a feet. I am impressed to say the least.”

Then Gilda cut in, turning the conversation in a completely different direction.

“Hey, idiot,” Gilda said, obviously speaking to me because who else did she call that? No on. “What side is Hellespont on?”

It seemed that Iron Will’s description sparked her interest as well, but in all honesty I think that was just because it would allow her to fly at high heights and use clouds … my personal opinion at the time.

“The Nation’s. The mountain range is technically in Red Banner territory but from what I read, the Tayros army still holds the entire mountain range. Probably a pretty vital area,” I said with a shrug.

“It is, there is many a mine pit around there. Hellespont is probably the most wealthy city in all of Tayros, Iron Will believes,” spoke … Iron Will. I instantly knew a place we were going to try and visit. Mines plus wealth usually meant gold in ancient times, and if anything, this planet was still a place that used lots of gold.

What can I say? I’m a greedy bastard.

Iron Will went on to talk more about his country from what he could recollect, and honestly I cherry picked information from his tale, mainly because he talked much like me at times, a rambler when it came to inconsequential details.

Then they decided to throw me under the bus as a collective group. Apparently my zoning out was bothering them so they had to get me involved! Well, not actually, but hell that might as well be what they were trying to do.

Though honestly, the questions weren’t bad, just that they hit home a little more than I’d like it.

“Say, idiot,” Gilda said, to which no one responded, mainly because that could have been any of us. “You said you’re what, forty years old?”

Only when she dropped the age did I know she was speaking to me, “yeah, something like that. Your point?”

“Well you’ve lived longer than us, so you’ve got to have a tonne of cool stories, right? I mean your story earlier was lame but you’ve got more, right?” Gilda continued, for once not being patronizing or rude.

“By that logic I’ve done everything tonnes of times, but yeah I’ve got more stories. Not necessarily cool mind you, but stories nonetheless. I’ve already told you, they are dark, Gilda. We’re talking mind numbing stuff,” I replied casually. At this point I was so used to the gruesome acts that I’m pretty sure I would be diagnosed with every trauma related stuff a psychologist could name.

“Considering the world that you described for us, Iron Will believes they will be as badflank as I am. They might be dark but it is nothing but stories,” Iron Will added with a grin, trying to pry something from me.

I simply shrugged before replying, “stories can torture and torment a mind as much as living through the actual events.”

“Come on, dweeb, you’ve got to tell us something!” Gilda said as she swooped down from her perch on the caravan. “Something that is better than that first story!”

“Trixie is inclined to agree, such tales she can use as part of her show!” Trixie added, probably snickering at the ganging up on me. I guess that’s what happens when you act like a cool and distant bastard.

“Fine, fine,” I replied, throwing my hands up in the air. “Give me a second, I need to remember a good one for you pesky fuckers.”

So we walked for a little bit longer, and while I was tempted to just not talk after that because of my stubbornness to not relive events, I actually did use those moments to contemplate which story I wanted to tell.

“Right, I’ve got one that isn’t too dark,” I said at first before taking a decent breath in preparation. “I think it was roughly five years after The Reckoning, and I had done a trip around North America just by pure happenstance and letting things take me where I needed to go. It was about this time that I came to the conclusion that despite everything that happened, we would one day thrive again but probably not in my time. I mean, I was seeing people rebuilding in small settlements and starting to get used to the new land. Things, you could say, were going to be fine.”

“Also in that fifth year of survival, I decided that I was going to see how the rest of the world had fared, even if it killed me. I mean, I made it that far with hardly anything greater than some scars to show. So why not test my luck overseas. Either way, I needed to do one last thing before I made for my trip which I knew would probably last a decade or something. I decided to once again visit the places I knew the best, or had known,” I said casually, that was the easy part. Only gets harder the more you remember.

“Visited my home city, which was basically a jungle at that point, that had overgrown vines masses that were in the shape of buildings, and some of the places I used to frequent back then. Yeah, it wasn’t much to see considering that the few buildings there that somehow were not covered in vines were empty and lifeless. After that, I decided to visit the city I was born in, heading down south to visit that … yeah, there wasn’t much of the city left as it had turned into one massive lake inside of a crater. It had been a regular city alongside a river and in some small rolling hills at one point,” I said shaking my head with a small chuckle.

“Trixie is not sure if she believes you,” the blue mare said skeptically.

“You don’t need to if you don’t want to, just telling you what I saw. Hell if I know how it happened, it just did, probably a nuke,” I said with a shrug. “Anyways, I moved from there to another city, one where a good portion of my extended family was staying. Much to my surprise, the city was still more or less standing, though a lot of the houses had a very worn or blasted look. There were many bomb craters scoured among the empty ruins, but overall it was the city that had kept its condition the best. Probably because it was not touched from the Reckoning, just the war.”

I paused to look at them before remembering to clarifying something that Iron Will was not told. “Don’t know if you have them here but bombs are massive explosive ordinance that are dropped from skies by planes akin to the airship. Though there is another variant that is propelled via fuel from great distances away.”

Iron Will nodded his head before I continued on, “so I made my way from the city pretty quickly because it felt eerie as fuck. I was going to make my way to another one I knew I had once had family in, but instead decided to stop in at this town that I visited many years past, that had managed to make a livable life. Town called Cypress Hills, though it was more of a park before the war and the Reckoning. Either way, this place had fought to survive and last I had seen it, it was starting to thrive on its own. So I figured why not make my way there, it was a place that my family often frequented so it would at least bring back good memories.”

“The drive to the park was hard because the land was choppy as fuck, with the hills and valleys having changed completely, making the entirety of it difficult to navigate. Yet thanks to my bike that I was using, a fuel powered bike, it didn’t take too long. You know what a bike is, yes?” I asked, to which they rolled their eyes at me. “Of course you do but how do I know? Anyway, so I eventually made it to the outskirts of the place, not the walled gate they had but the outskirts of the relatively big forest this place was. It was exactly the same as I remembered it from the previous visit. I was amazed, the first time I visited, at how little it changed, if at all. And still after all that time in between, it was still the same, so I just shook my head and went ahead with approaching the gate.”

“See, the gate they had was a relatively new thing, since it wasn’t there last time, but I had suggested they build one to help keep out unwanted ‘guests.’ Well they took my advice to heart, so much so that when I rolled up I was met with the Spanish Inquisition … and cultural humour is lost on those who are not of my culture. Right. So, they met me with weapons drawn and ready to kill me. Skip the dialogue a little and I managed to convince them that all I wanted to do was barter for fuel if they had any. Which they had loads of since it became retardedly common for no fucking reason. It’s like Mother Nature decided to laugh at Alberta and make oil even more abundant there.”

I paused as a thought came to mind, it never occurred to me if oil and gas were a ‘universal’ constant or if it might have been just my Earth.

“You guys use gasoline, or oil, right?” I asked, actually not sure.

“It is a crude method of fuel compared to magic but it has its uses,” Trixie said in confirmation.

“Really? Damn, if only I was a chemical engineer, I could help you guys learn to make it more efficient,” I mused.

“More efficient?” Iron Will asked, a little curious as to what I meant.

“Well, I’m only grasping at straws but from what it sounds like, you guys have a really unrefined version of it. Sure it’s not as efficient as stuff that your own fucking body creates but it would be a good supple-”

“Will you fucking get on with it already?!” Gilda shouted before letting her face hit the caravan roof. “I just wanted to hear a badass tale, not some science-schmience stuff!”

“Calm your horses, cat-bird!” I instinctively replied which earned me a smuck upside the head via magic from Trixie. I knew what I did wrong there, stupid human colloquialisms. “Right, sorry. Anyway, after getting allowed in to trade, I made my way, escorted mind you, to the refueling station. Thankfully my pack had enough needed trinkets to pay for my gas, so it was no true hassle. So I’m waiting on my bike tanks to be filled when this guy comes up to me, apparently recognizing me from last time, his name was Greg. We get into a little conversation about everything that’s been going on in the town and he tells me of all the new improvements and people that came to town.”

“As we’re talking, I’m looking around at everything that’s going on, and I notice this one guy who’s grouped up with a group of five other guys, looking like they are preparing to go out hunting or scaving. I ask Greg if he knows that guy’s name. ‘Of course I do,’ he says. ‘Name’s Tanner! Family of his, pretty big one, came to town a couple of years ago. They’ve been a good addition.’ It finally fucking clicks, it’s one of my fucking cousins. I actually had family that survived. From the sounds of it, more than a few family members survived. And here they were, living in Cypress Hills. I was shocked silent for a few seconds, with Greg asking me what was wrong. I replied nothing, thankfully just in time for my fuel to be finished. Having paid for it already, I simply told him I’d be around sometime again before starting my bike up and riding for the gate.”

“The group Tanner was a part of was heading that way as well. So I rolled up to them and ‘sat’ next to them and waited for the gate to open like they did. They were waiting on a vehicle to be pulled up to the front, so I simply just sat and stared at my cousin, not really knowing if I could say anything or what I would even say. Hell, he couldn’t recognize me, what with my shades, hat and the general beard coverage on my face, it would have been a damn miracle. Eventually he notices me staring at him, just as their truck pulls up and the gate is open. He says ‘you alright there?’ I don’t respond at first, thinking it was just better to drive off and leave well enough alone. Yet my mind was a complete dick there. You know what I said?”

I don’t wait for them to respond, simply moving forward. “I said ‘Yeah, just seeing a ghost for the first time.’ Then I pull my scarf up and gun it, high tailing it out of the town. Yeah, I fucking pulled a bullshit cliffhanger type ending there. For the next fucking week I felt sick to my stomach for not saying something, for not visiting my fucking relatives, those who I had known since I was little. Yet there I went, galavanting off to fucking Europe, and when I did return to North America, still didn’t visit them.”

I stopped there, taking a second to let out a rather defeated breath. Shit, it was a harder memory for me than I thought, though only now it isn’t as bad. I’ve visited them since I’ve come back and it was nice to finally see relatives, despite the news that my parents were long dead of course. Still …

“Fuck, when I get home, I’m going to make a fucking beeline for that place and see them. Put it off for too fucking long,” I said before removing my hat and running my hand across my head. “So yeah, that’s my little tale.”

“Dude,” Gilda said, her voice making it obvious that she actually felt emotions for the first time in her life. Boom! She was going to speak more, I think, but Trixie cut her off.

“Trixie is sorry to hear about that, Trixie knows the feeling of not making the most out of chances,” she said, to which Iron Will chipped in his sentiments.

“So does Iron Will,” he said. I knew that Gilda would add hers in as well, if she deemed us worthy of hearing it, but I’d had enough sap.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s in the past, and I know how to fix it, it so I don’t even dwell on it,” I said before trully taking note of the surroundings. The sun was slowly setting so we were getting close to our time to post up camp. I figured that perhaps we could add in some extra distance, so I proposed an idea.

“Listen, I can go at a decent jog for about an hour before collapsing, let’s try to double our pace for the next little bit, cover some more ground before we call it a night and settle down, sound good?”

“Iron Will has no issue with it, I am always in the best shape of my life,” the bull added with a smirk.

Gilda simply looked at us lazily, “couldn’t even touch my speed but I might as well humour you all.”

I looked to the blue mare, “think you can pull that for an hour?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie has been doing it her whole life!” she boasted with a smirk while tilting her head upwards. I rolled my eyes before starting off the ‘running pace.’

I might be old, kiddies, but old Uncle Ryan can still out distance the lot of you. See I used to be a sprinter in my youth, but over time I slowly worked myself into a more of a distance runner. I’m no competitive runner or anything but I can tell you that I’m better than the average person by a good amount. Outran more than a few people in my lifetime, but my major worry is my heart seizing up. I know my limits though, and as long as these little machines in me want to live, they’ll help me stay at that ‘limit.’

…

I’m not fucking kidding. They help me stay in good shape despite the age, nothing crazy or out of this world but I don’t need that. I just need to stay healthy and not die … though I was kidding about them wanting to stay alive. Who the fuck knows if they have any sort of special programing or sentient thought.

Either way, let me brief you on the next hour of the tale.

We ran.

And ran.

Then ran some more.

Continued to run even more.

And we ran, we ran so far away.

Then finally, when we were finished running for the whole hour, we finally came to a stop, with Trixie and I huffing the most, age and her lack of being a warrior or a bird that barely even got a workout … fucking catbird bullshit. Iron Will was not lying when he said he was in the best shape of his life. Sure he was panting a little but not even close to the level I was. Still, we made good time despite everything.

When we set up camp, Gilda managed to actually do a lot of the work, all the while snickering at the fact that I was laying on the ground, panting as I tried to catch my breath which just wanted to keep running away from me. Still, they were kind in not making me do anything, letting the old guy get a nice little rest.

Like the previous night, we ate around the campfire, this time it was a lot quieter than the rest, what with us having been talked out from all the walking. Though Trixie and Iron Will managed to strike up some small conversations, mainly them comparing notes in showmanship. Gilda ate in relative silence while I munched away slowly and surveyed the land as it slowly fell to night.

We sat around the campfire, somewhat quietly for a bit, before the yawns started to come out. It had been a rather long day, and we had another two by Iron Will’s estimation, with our arrival being on the second day. So we pulled the same watch shifts again, but the earlier bed time meant that we did three hour shifts instead, a good nine hours of sleep for us all.

First shift was mine like last time, and this time it was … exactly the same. Walked around slowly to pass the time, sat by the fire and kept it stoked, did some minor cleaning and maintenance on my guns. Other than that, it was a boring three hours of doing buttfuck all.

Trust me, I know how boring it is when there is nothing to actually do. Worked in sales for a little bit, and that had long bouts of nothing happening. Even Electrical had good spans of pure nothingness as we waited for material or clearance. So yeah, while I might have been prepared for three hours of boring nothing, it was still three hours of absolutely nothing.

So, skip ahead some three hours; which was me jabbing Iron Will in the side enough that he woke from sleep. He simply grumbled at me before sliding off the top of the caravan, allowing me my place to sleep. Though before I closed my eyes to sleep, I stared back up at the night sky again.

Some of you probably heard my rambling about this if you caught the earlier part of the adventure, but it’s one thing I’ll never get over. See, the night sky you see now is extremely clear thanks to the lack of light pollution from major cities. Back before the Reckoning, there used to be major light pollution except in the most obscure areas, away from most of civilization. Somehow, in Equestria, there was no light pollution at all, and everything was extremely clear. It’s impossible to describe but I swear that it was clear enough you could see distant galaxies and gas clouds in space. Fucking beautiful.

Before I closed my eyes, I figured that I’d let Luna visit me that night, and hopefully it would be a nice visit this time. The last one was too serious … though in hindsight I should have known that my luck would never have allowed it to be a non-business visit.

So I closed my eyes and decided to put myself in the exact same place as we were, though I was sitting on the edge of the caravan, looking down at the fire, no Iron Will or others around. Just me. A nice little dream to allow Luna to visit. I even tried to remember the exact night sky the way I saw it before I slept. Hey, even the nanomachine-added eidetic memory had loopholes in it.

I waited for a little bit, staring up at my remembered night sky, trying to get it as perfect as possible, shifting stars around with my hand before Luna’s voice spoke up from below the caravan ledge.

“You had it right the first time; Alpha Mirathati and Callippe should be switched,” Luna said calmly before flapping her wings up to the caravan. I simply shifted over a bit while making the caravan wider, so she could sit next to me. She spoke again as she landed, “though you did a good job of remembering my night … minus some very noticeable differences.”

“Only noticeable since apparently you make the night sky yourself,” I said with blatant sarcasm. She simply chuckled, knowing that it was all in good fun … and minor bafflement still. I mean after a while I learned to accept it, but you don’t just discount fucking physics. Well … kind of. I explained it already, right? That Luna simply just obscures or allows certain parts to be seen? Yeah, knew I did. Still defying fucking physics.

We sat there for a moment as Luna moved the stars around to make it exactly as only she would know … or some astrologer that had an eidetic memory as well. Either way, it was interesting to see Luna manipulate the dream with what seemed like a physical act of movement. Usually it just bent to my will, but hey, to each their own.

“Is this where you are?” she asked, gesturing to the made up surroundings.

“Mhm, camped out for the night, and on the move tomorrow. We’re making good time. Iron Will said we’d be there in two more days. Well, two more days he said, but that probably means arrival on the third day. I think we’re pulling something like fifty klicks in a day. Don’t know the exact distance to Ishtar though, so for all I know it could be two weeks away,” I said while flailing my arms around comically, earning a small giggle.

She composed herself, for whatever reason, before responding. “Well, I’ve talked to ‘Tia regarding the situation. We have no typical strategies for instances like this, but we’ve both agreed to let you do what you must. She at first wanted to intervene because of the fact there are Equestrian citizens in your party and in Tayros, but I’ve convinced her that it should be a last line course of action, and that your party is consisted of willing volunteers.”

“Yep, no coercion at all,” I said while pretending to try to look guilty. That only earned an eye roll. “Either way, we shouldn’t be in too much trouble. I can hit a standing target from a little over one kilometer away, though anything more is pushing the round’s effectiveness … so essentially we shouldn’t be in too much trouble as long as we’re careful.”

“Do be careful. It would do none of us any good if you were to get killed at the hands of such crazy beings,” Luna said, to which I quirked up an eyebrow.

“Am I that important to somebody?” I asked while trying my damn best to flutter my eyelashes at her, which in all honesty made me feel fucking awkward as fuck, but I wasn’t the only one! She blushed pretty damn hard at that action.

And just so you know, that confirms nothing! So burn your damn ships already!

…

Don’t worry if you don’t get it, you’re not supposed to and I’m not explaining that to anyone.

We sat around for a little bit longer, as she kept making small adjustments to the sky. It was then, in her ministrations that she stopped and looked as if she had just realised something important.

“How did you remember my night sky that well?” she asked, obviously confused, considering I don’t think I told her anything regarding the nanomachines and their augmented eidetic memory.

I simply shrugged at first before talking. “It’s a long and very complicated story that involved a city and a bunch of machines that are smaller than the eye can see. Basically I was gifted with an incredible memory, eidetic specifically, which allows me to remember moments pretty damn fucking well. Well, not necessarily eidetic … something more advanced I think. Of course there was other bonuses, though it all came at a price.”

She looked at me with a pretty hard stare as if trying to figure out if I was lying before she went back to looking at the night sky. “Considering everything, you’re a very unique individual, you know? Not just that you are the only one of your kind here, but some of the things you speak of sound remarkably familiar yet so different.”

I wanted to question at first but then I came to the realisation … I would never understand what she was talking about. It was kind of like the whole magic thing; it would take a lot of background knowledge first to even come to understand exactly what she meant.

So I just ‘ho-hummed’ at the statement before allowing her to continue to make her little changes. Eventually she finished though, after what felt like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds in real time for all I knew. Or possibly the reverse.

“There, all done!” she spoke with a giant smile; apparently organizing ‘her’ stars, whether it be in real life or a dream, gave her great joy.

“Cool, drink?” I offered as a glass of light brown liquid appeared in my hand. Well in my hands, one for her and one for me, after all.

“Don’t mind if I do!” she said before levitating her glass from my hand and taking a sip. “Mhm! What manner of whiskey is this? It’s smooth and has a nice taste to it, one I can’t place …”

“Glenmorangie,” I stated simply before taking a deep sip of mine, letting the whiskey sit in my mouth briefly before allowing it passage. Still to this day it is one of the best whiskies I had ever tasted, well of the ones that I could get my hands on. I bet there are tonnes of whiskey that I have yet to try … and even more that I will never be able to.

“Truly marvelous,” she said with a sigh before taking another sip. And so we spent the next ten minutes or so, just sipping on our imaginary dream-created whiskey, no conversations taking place. Then Luna decided to drop the heavy topic bomb.

“What do you plan to do in Tayros, Ryan? How do you think you can influence things over there?” Luna asked, changing to her serious mode, though still not exactly looking at me.

I thought it over for a little bit, really considering just what exactly I was expecting to do here. There was a lot to think about, considering that despite everything, even I knew that in the long scheme of things I could at most be a nuisance. Would I really have a chance to actually influence a war? Sure, I subscribe to the whole idea that one shot can truly change the outcome of things. Hell, it’s done it multiple times in the past.

So what could I do over there? In theory, everything and yet just as simply I could change nothing. Double-sided knife, huh?

“You know … I don’t think I know, Luna. Maybe I could change everything, maybe I change nothing,” I replied back, echoing my inner thoughts. “All I know is that if I don’t try, then I will never know just how much I could have affected something. As for what I’m planning … I guess I’ll just do what I do best: survive and fuck things up for those who get on my bad side.”

She simply shook her head, no chuckle, no real emotion. I could tell that her thoughts on the whole thing was ambivalent, just from the action. Well, not tell, but I could guess as to what she was possibly thinking. Who truly knows what someone else is thinking about, am I right?

Either way, she and I didn’t speak to each other after that for a little bit. It was one of those conversations that served its purpose then quickly died because it was of no use to anyone once it was done. I take part in a lot of those type of conversations, always have.

The drinks in our hand and magical grip, respectively, replenished but was not of my doing. Either way, it was a nice little touch. I lifted mine towards Luna.

“A toast, to outlasting death for one more day,” I said with a light chuckle, taking the humour in the situation. I don’t think Luna saw it but she gave it a small chuckle anyway, before clinking her glass against mine.

After downing the drink like a shot, I wiped the remnants that had collected on my beard away before putting the glass down. It was time to change the direction of this get together again.

“So, Luna … how goes ruling Equestria?” I asked, not truly interested in the minute details that would undoubtedly come but either way, it would be a good way to get things rolling. Despite loving the sound of my voice, which you all can tell and I have told you before, I do indeed like to listen to other people rant about shit that doesn’t involve me. Shit that does involve me tends to make me want to walk away quickly …

“Ugh!” she ughed at me before falling backward on to the top of the caravan, which looked odd considering she was a miniature horse with crazy flexible joints, but that is just semantics. “You don’t even want to get me started.”

“Oh, but I do! I do!” I said, in mock giddiness, as I turned slightly to see Luna laying on her back with a foreleg draped over her eyes in a show of utter defeatism.

“Don’t ever tell ‘Tia this but I think she’s gone loony from having to deal with this … farce for so long. It’s as if everything that quote unquote makes the government run, was designed in order to supply menial jobs to those who have a special talent in being menial,” she ranted, obviously exhausted from something or other that had recently happened, and I had a good guess as to what she was referring to.

“Bureaucracy?” I asked with a grin across my face, hoping I was right.

“Bureaucracy!” she exclaimed before jumping off the caravan and walking around, each step of the hoof reverberated the ground in a manner that was more befitting the tossing of a rock into a lake. “I find a rather sizable loophole in multiple recently passed laws regarding property expenditure and expansions, that allow those brown noser nobles to make use of public funds as long as there are patrons that will partake in it. But the best part is that nothing is stated about the patrons, so they could simply allow their ever so tight circle to make use of such facilities and still pass it off! So what did I do? I decide to enact an addendum to re-write this law, then guess what happened when I tried to do that?”

“Bureaucracy?” I asked, leaning on my elbow as I listened to this surprisingly tame rant.

“Motherbucking bureaucracy!” she shouted and pony swore, which only earned a minor eyebrow raise from me. I knew she had better swears. “They gave me a stack of papers, this high!”

She motioned with her hooves to show a stack of paper that probably was half my height but obviously it was an over exaggeration. “How does that flankhole of a pony expect someone to even be able to keep their sanity from that much paperwork over such small loopholes?! I’m a motherbucking Princess! If I can’t expedite a simple thing as an addendum, how the hay am I supposed to rule a country?! Insanity! Utter insanity!”

“Did you lay into him?” I asked, curious as to how this would turn out.

“No and I completely regret not doing such, as it would have probably taught him a lesson on how government should actually work! But no, I had to keep decorum and be all Princessly like. Instead I think to myself, ‘my sister, who has handled all of this over the years, should know how to bypass this.’ So I go see her, and explain to her all that occurred, and you know what she tells me? She tells me to just fill out the paperwork. Fill. Out. The. Paperwork.”

I waited as she took that moment to breathe deep a few times, obviously trying to calm herself down a little. “I think I had an aneurysm, because I don’t remember what I said to her after, all I know is that at the end of it, I was panting, and she was still sipping tea like there was no worry in the world. Though her guards were shaking slightly when she walked me back to my room. Either way, she’ll apparently take of it, and I get left with the duty of looking like a Princess again, but with no power.”

I didn’t want to continue down this path, but I couldn’t stop myself. “No power?”

Right, let me sum this up for you, because it was a long time before she stopped talking about this one. Trust me, it would take a while for me to ‘re-enact the entirety of it because damn she gets long winded when riled up.

Essentially, she went on a spiel about how despite realising her mistakes in letting some Nightmare thing corrupt her, and feeling horrible for her actions, she was still mad at her sister over just how Celestia had treated her, or lack thereof in the past. This resentment was still there because despite the first few months of her sister doting over her, Celestia just went back to her old ways shortly after that time frame and that Luna was once again getting jealous.

She included a fair amount of swears, human and pony. Hell, she went a little overboard at one point, calling Celestia a variable shmorgeshboard of names that probably would have made George Carlin giddy with glee, bless his long dead and angry soul. Let’s just sum it up with saying that Luna is amusing to listen to when she is pissed the fuck off. In the end, I managed to find the perfect way to deflate her from her rant, with a single line, that would be extremely obvious to any of those who listened.

“Talk to her,” I stated in one of the silences that separated the sections of her rant.

“What?” she said, somewhat confused over the simplistic words.

I was listening to her while lying on my back and looking at her while upside down. Why? Because it is amusing to listen to an angry pony rant while technically upside down.

“Talk to her. It solves everything in the long run. Bottling and waiting for something to happen is the best way to repeat mistakes or create new ones. Who knows how many times I’ve done that, so don’t learn by my actions but what I tell you. Talk to her, and tell her how you’re feeling; shit will change, trust me,” I say, all the while still looking at her upside down.

She sat down in her point of circling, all the while looking at me with a rather flat face as if there was some stupid statement I’d said and she needed to point it out. Still, despite how many times she tried to open her mouth to tell me something, she kept closing it until she eventually decided that she needed to do something important.

“Thanks for listening … we’ll talk soon, if that is acceptable?” she asked, to which I nodded. Without a second thought, she disappeared from my dream in a flash of blue.

Honestly, the imaginary buzz I had going from the drinks, and the blood rushing to my head made me care little that things progressed that quickly. Either way, I spent the next little bit messing with the sky before I got the odd feeling of falling.

Apparently the best alarm clock in the world is the ground, because damn did I wake from my dream quickly. Yeah, I found myself face-first on the ground, basically eating dirt as my breakfast. I groaned lightly before pushing myself up. Of course, the first thing I did after waking up from falling off the wagon … was checking to see if anyone had noticed.

Yep, my ego had to be intact before the rest of me. I looked around and luckily found myself to be alone on that side of the caravan. Thank all above because it would have made the trip absolutely unbearable if I had to deal with the others constantly reminding me that I had fallen off the wagon and landed face-first.

After a brief dusting, I got back up and walked around the side to find everyone asleep. Yes, that included Trixie who was supposed to be up and ready for her watch, but nope, she was snoozing by a fire that was slowly dwindling. What could I do but shake my head at that? I mean, I understand the strain your body takes when you change your sleep schedule and do not get enough; trust me, I do.

Still, that does not excuse the fact that something could have easily happened during the night because she fell asleep. I slowly walked over to the curled up blue mare who was snoring slightly, before poking her with my boot. Yes, I was tempted to full on kick her but even I know that is just cruel and unusual, so I just prodded her side with my boot many times before she practically jumped awake.

“Trixie wasn’t sleeping! She was just waiting with her eyes closed!” she practically yelled, apparently knowing full well that she had fallen asleep on us.

I just rolled my eyes while looking down on the sheepish Trixie, who was rubbing the back of her neck in that typical ‘I fucked up, didn’t I?’ type of way. I was going to say something before the caravan door slammed open, and yes I mean open. A rather grumpy, if not outright furious Gilda stormed out. Now, I figured she was going to say something, possibly lay into Trixie for waking her up … nope, instead she plopped her ass down next to the fire that was basically gone.

We waited hesitantly for a few moments, even Iron Will managed to wake up during that time before Gilda finally moved, much to Trixie’s detriment. She reached over and laid a foreleg around the mare before yanking her over in a jerking motion. A single word came out of her beak, “coffee.”

Then she promptly released Trixie, who scampered hurriedly into the caravan.

“Damn, catbird, you are not a morning person,” I said, which earned a throaty growl in return. I raised my hands in attempt for peace. “Jeeze, calm the fuck down, killer.”

Iron Will padded over before sitting down next to me; he at least looked a little bit more acceptable of the fact that it was morning. He didn’t talk, just yawned, which forced me to snap my gaze away from him so I didn’t gain the infectious thing. I managed to fight it off luckily before Trixie walked back out with some coffee; more than a little skittish if the lowered ears were any indication.

Gilda hurriedly grabbed the coffee from her grip, before gulping at the hot liquid. Honestly, I don’t understand where the fuck this new change of personality was coming from as she had not shown such signs in previous mornings. My only guesses were that she either had a bad sleep or that she had been secretly drinking coffee behind my back and was suffering withdrawal from the lack of access to the substance.

Trixie had brought out four cups of the stuff, with Iron Will and herself taking one, but the one she offered to me was obviously rejected. Who has time for coffee when your blood has enough methamphetamines running through it already!

…

That was a joke, never in my life have I touched drugs … minus that one time I took some peyote with a couple of buds who were scaving with me around what used to be Mexico City. It was … something, let’s go with that.

Anyway, let’s not talk about that anymore than what I have said already ...

The breakfast, which was basically cereal this day, which surprisingly did not have some sort of hay or oats base to it, was over quickly as Trixie floated the food and bowls out to us. It was a quiet one for the most part, with Gilda finally getting the nerve up to apologize to Trixie for being a complete bitch, which Trixie accepted. Other than that, it was a rather quiet affair and we were on the road within about forty-five minutes from the point of my awakening.

And yes, I skipped over my morning routine of stretches, because do you really need to hear about me loosening up my body in order to walk? No, the answer is no, you do not. Any other answer is retarded and that is non-negotiable.

So the walking was as fun as usual, though this time, there was a new little factor that was added into the mix of conversations that were talked about in sparsity today.

“This would have gone so much faster if you could just fly,” GIlda muttered, probably just talking out loud but it was loud enough for me to catch it, and she was going to get fucked over because of those words. Well, not really, but my sarcasm dial is usually set on ‘murder by spoon.’

“What a brilliant idea! I’ll just think happy thoughts and grow wings out of my fucking back! Until then, why don’t you join us in the land of the walking for a bit?” I said with a nice laugh at the end, to hopefully show that I wasn’t angry or anything.

“Like walking is oh so hard,” she said in her counter-sarcastic voice.

“It is when Trixie is pulling your fluffy flank around,” the blue mare muttered. Of course I laughed a little too hard at that, and Iron Will managed to chuckle at our antics. Gilda of course got pretty defensive but then she pulled up some solid backing.

“Oh please, you have spells on this, I can bucking feel them, needle head,” she said before point at me, “and you. You’re supposed to be some badass that doesn’t feel pain so why are you complaining?”

Okay, so the first part was good backing, but the second part was ‘meh’ at best. Either way, she had Trixie in a box and she was grasping at straws on my side. In fact, Trixie was blushing slightly at the fact that she had been called out on them, which made me curious, but that could be saved for later.

“You’re right, if I shot myself in the arm right now, I wouldn’t even feel it … of course I feel pain! Christ, you must be hard of hearing. But I’ll forgive you catbird, as long as you get those wings pumping and fly ahead,” I told her, shaking my head at the sheer stupidity of what she was saying.

“Fly ahead and what? Make a welcome mat for you?” she asked.

“You went to some high end flight academy, right? Well you should be able to do some quick math and figure out how far we are from our destination. Hell, you’ll get some nice exercise and hopefully lose all that extra fat you’ve been saving since winter,” I said, then I waited a full second before rolling out of the way as a possibly pissed off Gilda swooped down and just missed slapping me over the head. That time with Tempest on the boat really did good things for my foresight … that, and hearing the shifting of a body in motion.

As she flew past us, she turned around, stuck her tongue out in a raspberry and gave me the gryphon approximation of a middle finger. By that, I mean that they don’t have four fingers and a thumb, but instead they had three claws and a thumb claw … thing …

Yeah, anyway, we continued walking though this time it was in relative quiet, some minor conversation popping up, mainly asking if Iron Will had ever walked this before, to which he replied that he hadn’t. Then he went on to tell us all about how he actually had few such chances back when he had lived in Tayros.

So once again I’m stuck with telling you that we walked for a while, before something actually happened, that being that Gilda finally came back. She flew back in with rather tame speeds before settling down back on to the caravan.

“So?” I asked, not even looking back.

“Well, from what I can tell,” she said with a pause in the middle, “we’re still far away.”

We kept walking, I didn’t even bother responding to that at first, trying as hard as I could to not acknowledge that she had said something as stupid as that. Well it was hard to keep going without making some sort of comment on what she said, so eventually it all boiled down to one line. “I don’t even know what I expected.”

She laughed pretty hard at my admittance that I should not have put my trust into her to actually do something worthwhile. Well, in reality that is false. She would do something that was needed if it was actually needed. I’m pretty sure that she just figured that the little errand I sent her on was not in fact that important.

Eventually she stopped laughing and calmed down before replying. “Chill out, nerd, we’re about a day’s trek from the city limits. We’ll be there by tomorrow at midday at this rate.”

“And you call me a nerd, miss, I can estimate arrival times based upon fifteen minutes of eyeballing and head math,” I replied, obviously tongue-in-cheek.

“Any gryphon worth their salt should be able to tell you these things, so I’m not a nerd if everygryph can do it,” she argued, punctuating it with a raspberry to which I just rolled my eyes at.

The chatter calmed down for a brief moment before a thought struck me that I was curious on. “Hey, Iron Will?”

“Yes?”

“This wasn’t the first time you’ve killed someone was it?” I asked, trying my best to keep the convo as light as it possibly could be.

He took a moment before he replied, “no, it wasn’t. Despite the peaceful ways of our country, there are those who see such ideals as pointless and want to harm others. My time in our country’s military put me in situations like this before. They were few and far apart.”

I hummed in response, no real statement can be made to that response. Iron Will was proving with each sentence that he had deeper thoughts than what I originally thought of him. Admittedly I was rather judgemental off the bat, not giving him much credit. So it was a pleasant surprise to hear such thoughts come from him. Of course, they always backfire as it slowly turned to me.

“The answer would be the same for you,” Iron Will stated more than asked. “It was obvious that you’ve had to kill before. From what you’ve said, you live in a very harsh place, but that does not mean you need to kill; so what is your reason?”

“It’s become too easy,” I reply with a tired sigh. Too much damn introspection. “Sure it wasn’t needed, but I didn’t get lucky enough to avoid such instances. Instead, I found myself hopping from one incident to another, unlucky enough to be involved in more death than what should be allowed in one lifetime. So you could say that I’ve become dull to the idea of death. It’s not a state of mind that you want to be in, though.”

A few moments of silence elapsed for that to sink in, before Trixie spoke up, breaking it. “Will you ever tell us about some of the darker stories?”

I wanted to tell them no as always, I mean they kept somehow making their roundabout way to this topic, like they were trying to comfort or analyze me, but I kept my ground as strong as I could. I mean, I could tell that they would continue to push against that self-imposed wall but it would not collapse … not fully.

“Perhaps when you know the experience of ending another thinking being’s life by your own power,” I said rather darkly. Being the dark depressing guy I am, I wanted to end the convo and stew in my own head because who the fuck wants to open up and relinquish their fucking emotions, am I right?

Yeah, old-enough-to-know-better-me is still a stupid kid at times. I blame it on spending too much time imagining characters in my own head. It created a complex and character archetype that I prefer to portray instead of just reacting how I would naturally react. Shit, I think I might have forgotten how to do that in some situations.

Anyway, that ended that conversation rather quickly and pretty much killed it entirely for us. The next hour or so was rather quiet, with very few things to talk about aside from reiterating questions asked in previous days. It’s tough to keep conversations fresh when you have three consecutive days of little activity to actually spark the ideas as to what to talk about.

So I just let it be, and so it went that way until night started to creep in around us, the sun slowly setting. Oh, it wasn’t entirely quiet throughout the rest of the hours that passed by, but my words more or less cut off my adding into the conversations and the group tried to talk amongst themselves, but it was little and far apart. I felt a little bad for them because I had more or less screwed the pooch in terms of conversational etiquette. So I figured I’d make up for it at supper time.

Well, slightly after supper. As we lounged around the campfire, I passed out a little bit of Ambershine to the group and allowed them to take a few sips before I went with the best topic I could manage, and it is a good one. “New topic for you guys. Best drunken tales. I’ll start.”

I cleared my throat before proceeding. “So, I’m living in this small town, going to school there because they had a good baseball team. A sport I played back home. So, at the end of the season, the entire team loads up on booze and heads down to this lake that was nearby. We’re out there drinking and having a good time, and over the course of the night more and more people show up. As it gets darker, we start building a bonfire out of wood and beer cases. Eventually this thing is pretty damn high and I’m constantly stoking it up with this stick I found among other things. We’ve got the music playing and this one song comes on. It’s got a catchy beat, being electronic mainly, the music builds up and I heft this beer case in the air as the song hits a peak, then just as the music drops and get’s crazy, I slam the thing down in the fire to a few cheers. Well one spark … one pretty big spark happens to fly out and lands in this girl’s hair. Well then shit got funny as she freaks out before running and jumping in the lake much to everyone’s amusement. She comes back, clothes soaking wet, and out of nowhere just begins stripping down. It was fucking wild, nothing happened mind you but still … fucking wild. Was a hell of a night and I’ll remember it for as long as I am around.”

I took a sip before deciding to end my story on one final note. “It might not have been the craziest thing I’ve ever done while drunk, but it’s the best because all of those guys I partied with, will always be special to me … and I’ll never see them again.”

There wasn’t really much a response, sure the group chuckled at the right moments but there wasn’t a response to the ending. Instead, a dull silence hung there in the air before Iron Will took his turn.

“Iron Will remember’s this one time, during our boot camp way back when, we had just finished our training and it was the perfect time for all of us to drink to our heart's content without any consequence. And Iron Will means no consequence, as our commanding officers gave us a weekend to do whatever as long as it wasn’t illegal. Now, the first night wasn’t too bad, but it did end up with most of us passing out in a tavern drinking. It was the second night that things got rather intense. We had continued drinking throughout the day, so there was no doubt that we were drunk come nightfall! Eventually, one of Iron Will’s platoon mates got this idea: let’s rig up some flash powder bombs to all of the latrine flush pulleys. It took a lot of effort but we managed to draw the active duty guard from the armoury away, long enough to pluck some of the bombs out and run away! We snuck into the latrines and the least drunk of us rigged up the devices, making sure to keep it non-lethal, in each stall, Bull and Sow’s, and we bust it for the closest barrack with a line of view,” Iron Will tells us with a snort before continuing on.

“So we’re sitting in there, giggling like a bunch of calves, when a whole group go into the latrine! The mess hall had served horrible beans and given us the best luck possible. It only took five minutes for all Tartarus to break loose as one by one, loud cracks erupted from both sides of the latrines! Once one flash bomb went off, it started a whole chain reaction and soon enough there was pure chaos around the latrines! Guards come running in, Captains and the like rush to see the commotion and you have a bunch of recently flashed minotaurs struggling to get out, it was a beautiful sight,” Iron Will said with a giant laugh, my own mixing in as well as snickers from Gilda and Trixie. He sighed before wrapping up the story. “Unfortunately they caught us red handed and drunk, so the next day was fun in how badly we got our assess cheewed while running till we passed out. It almost makes me miss my time in the Army.”

We took a few more sips of our drinks and let the little bit of laughter die down, before we moved to our next storyteller, who I volunteered because she needed to be more sociable. “Gilda, let’s hear yours!”

“Don’t really got any good ones,” Gilda said with a shrug.

“Oh please, there has to be something, you can’t tell me with a straight face that you never got blitzed once in your life and had a hilarious story,” I replied, pointing a rather accusatory finger at her.

She tapped her claw against her chin for a moment before she seemed to remember something. “Well, the only thing that comes to mind is the night of our graduation. Dash and I, along with a few other dweebs went out and got smashed into next week. Well, during our night of drinking, the drunk ones of the group managed to convince the more sober ones to sneak into our flight instructor’s room. With a little bit of skill, we pried him and his bed out of his room, and went on a nice little flight around Cloudsdale and all the way to Canterlot. We, haha, we left him, on his bed, hovering outside of one of the castle towers! We completely forgot about him, until the next day when he comes storming into our dorms and proceeds to scream his head off, despite being able to do jack all about it. The lame-os at the school couldn’t touch us anymore so we just laughed him out of the dorms.”

I admittedly was howling pretty good at that one. Fuck, it made me wish I could fly because of all the fucking shenanigans I would be able to pull of. Still, it was a good short story, and damn did it help give her some social confidence because she was actually smiling!

The night was a success as far as I was concerned, so with that we all kind of started to glance over at Trixie who seemed to be staring off into space as though she was trying to think of something. I honestly was surprised with what she said.

“In all of Trixie’s time on the road, she admits that she does not have any good drinking stories … most of her stories are either told in grandiose effort for the sake of her show, or they simply fall flat,” the mare said with her ears more or less pinned against her head in apparent shame or something. “So Trixie will pass.”

“Really, nothing? The Great and Powerful Doofus, has nothing?” Gilda said, though the mocking tone wasn’t her normal one, it actually had an ounce of feeling to it … only an ounce. “I’m shocked.”

“Well when one has to work constantly to live and actually be something in Equestria, it tends to take up all of her time,” she huffed back in defense.

“But even before that? Nothing?” I offered, hoping to spark at least something, but nope, got shot down.

“Trixie did not have much luxury in life. She worked hard in school and out of school to afford to go to Canterlot University but wasn’t able to make anything of it, despite putting her all into it. Trixie had no time to go out and party.”

“Hmm,” I hummed out for a moment, almost willing to let it pass and offer a change in subject, but then I remembered something that happened on the Daedalus.

Oh yes.

It was indeed that certain something.

“Really, you’re sure there wasn’t one particular bender that you might have went on?” I asked, my left eyebrow raising as I leaned down on my hand. Trixie seemed initially oblivious to my implications.

“Trixie know’s Trixie’s own life, so she is sure,” she replied with a flat stare.

“You’ve forgotten that night on the Daedalus already?” I asked with an eyebrow wiggled, which earned a curious look from Iron Will but caused Gilda and Trixie to more or less choke on their drinks. Of course I was howling like a hyena. I didn’t fully see their reactions because I was laughing too fucking hard at the initial ones, but I can only imagine just how red they were when I brought that up.

Being the sneaky bastard I am, I ducked to the side as Trixie hurled a plastic plate at me, just to get smacked by the cup Gilda held. Still laughing, I scrambled away as the two shouted various obscenities at me, including actual swears. I’m pretty sure Iron Will was clueless but I couldn’t tell; tough to do so when you’re hauling ass away from the two, while laughing all the while.

I was wheezing a little by the time I was far enough to see that they’d stopped caring. I couldn’t help but continue laughing despite everything. One of the moments when I could be a real dick, but ehh, I was alright with it. It’s who I am after all, why would I try to change something as inconsequential in the long term as how much you are liked? Maybe if I was going to stick around for longer but ehh, it was of no worry to me at that moment.

Eventually I slowly wandered back to the camp, night had fully fallen so I didn’t want to be that far away from the fire just in case there was something out there that had better night vision than I had. I carefully peaked around the side of the caravan, keeping the rest of my body out of sight; the three were still sitting around the campfire but Gilda and Trixie had noticeably distanced themselves from each other, probably out of sheer shame.

“Can I come back or am I gonna get a plate to the head if I try?” I asked, earning mild glares from the gals, and a smirk from Iron Will who looked like he approved of me being assaulted. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

I sat back down at the campfire, before snapping a twig near my spot and tossing it into the fire. Sure, I didn’t really need it because Trixie was using her magic to keep the fire stoked, but that didn’t mean I didn’t like the little things such as taking care of such a deadly thing.

There was a good amount of silence before I decide to try and do my best at negotiating. Despite being a dick, I didn’t like others being mad at each other. I can handle people being mad at me, but not others I am near.

“Still, you can’t say it wasn’t at least fun?” I offered to Trixie and Gilda, which just earned more glares at me; perhaps they were softer, but I honestly doubt it. “Yeesh, you two got sticks up your asses. Don’t see why. Drunk sex is nothing more than a no strings attached way of letting off stress and having fun. Don’t see why you two are fuming so much.”

See in my infinite wisdom and experiences, I rationalized such events down to that. Of course, that’s me, in my lacking of infinite wisdom, forgetting that not everyone sees things that way and some see sex as more than just a fun way of relieving stress … and procreation. Some tie sex into a very emotional action. Either way, my approach to the subject matter was wrong as I think I caused a large aneurysm for Trixie and a small one for Gilda.

I then realised I had let the whole incident out of the bag and now Iron Will knew, though from the look on his face, he cared little, instead being more amused by the reactions from Gilda and Trixie.

Amazingly enough I didn’t get attacked, instead Trixie simply stood up, marched into the caravan, then shut the door … hard. Gilda took off and flew up to the roof, claiming it for her own. It was going to be one of those nights, the one where I sleep but it is tentative and with some decent back pain.

“Well shit,” I muttered before laying flat on my back against the dirt. I had first watch so it didn’t matter what I did for the next two hours, all that mattered was that I stayed awake. I just laid there as Iron Will moved around outside of my field of vision while I just stared up at the night sky that was clouded over tonight. It made me realise that if we ever got rain over night we’d be screwed as fuck.

At least that was until I realised that Trixie’s stage popped out, so we’d have access to a little bit of protection from the elements. Still not enough to really make a difference but hell, it would be something.

So I waited and walked for a little bit, killing time.

It was nearing what was roughly half of my shift when my little bit of watch became a little bit more interesting. Okay, a lot more interesting because shit actually happened!

I was walking around the caravan, moving from east to west when I saw an approaching light. Just one; like a torch or something.

Instantly my mind kicked into ambush mode as I crouched and removed my M110 from my shoulder, and moved away from the campfire, deciding that the best method of bait was to draw them into the fire that they would be attracted to.

I slowly slunk into the shadows of the sparse bushes that were surrounding us, keeping as low to the ground as I watched the single light drew nearer and nearer until it slowly came to a halt just a short ways from the fire. Yet surely it moved towards the fire, though I could even see the cautiousness in the movements of whoever it was. They weren’t going to assume anything.

The being that appeared was a minotaur holding a torch, one that I didn’t recognise, which would have only been like three minotaurs, four at best. Either way I was prepared to ensure that this one wouldn’t leave this arid land. I slowly crept up on the minotaur as he hesitantly looked around our camp, a small pistol drawn. It seemed that minotaur hearing wasn’t as good as other beings as he didn’t hear me get within fifteen feet of him.

“Drop your weapon, keep your hands in the air, and slowly tell me who the fuck you are and why the fuck you’re standing in my camp,” I seethed out in a hushed tone, keeping my weapon trained on the fucker, not his head, but center back. I could easily put enough rounds into him to kill him if I wished so.

He complied, slowly, not even bothering to try and do something else. Even he knew he would be fucked if he moved. Eventually he got around to replying, though with an extremely shaky tone. “J-just a messenger for the A-Army. Please don’t k-kill me.”

Shit, from the sound of his voice, he was not even old enough to have a fucking beer. If what he was saying was true then there was no problem with that, but for all I knew he could be with the fucking Red Banner. So I was pretty blatant with my next question. “Which fucking army?”

“9th Legion out of A-Archon, sir,” he replied. Remembering the map, Archon was way to the fucking north so this bloke was fine. No doubt the legion was down there fighting so he’d be deployed down there was well.

“Fine, get the fuck out of our camp. Learn from this, boy, and don’t fucking snoop without back up,” I replied with a weary sigh.

“Y-yes sir,” he replied before picking up his weapon and running as fast as he could from our camp. I waited for his light to disappear in the distance before I came out of the bushes and walked back to the fire.

Fucking kids don’t know better than to stay the hell away from camps, especially at night. Hell, if it was Gilda or Trixie I don’t doubt something would have gone down. Or at the very least they would have woken me and shit would have been interesting.

Either way, I managed to calm down after a bit and finished my shift without a hitch. After waking up Iron Will and letting him get his bearings, I settled down next to the wagon, with my back against the wheel, which wasn’t the most comfortable but it would do for the night. I simply closed my eyes and tried my best to will myself to sleep, because I admit, I was pretty fucking wide awake.

So sitting there for some time was not fun, but eventually I managed to keep my eyes closed long enough to find myself in the same spot but without Iron Will or the others. That of course meant I was back in my little dream world. Or at least I thought it was mine.

“Welcome back,” I heard from above me. I looked up, and saw Luna leaning over the edge looking down at me with a grin. I wasn’t surprised in the least because honestly I expected it. She’s basically a goddess in this world so why wouldn’t she know exactly when I was going to sleep? Or perhaps she somehow managed to pull off some crazy magical reflex shtick and plucked me from mine before I even realised it. “Got kicked from your spot?”

“Yeah, brought up a recent memory for Gilda and Trixie and they weren’t thrilled,” I muttered as I stood up, before climbing up to the roof. She didn’t respond to me, instead opting to arch an eyebrow and look at me in a questioning manner, apparently expecting me to actually answer her. “No way am I recounting it, they’d find a way to know.”

“Aww,” she pouted, to which I just glared at her till the pout turned to a smirk as it usually did. Luna was getting a little bit predictable in that she was a jokester and generally laid back person. Used to deal a lot with such people so I knew how to handle them … no, not in that way you perv.

“So, whatcha want to talk about?” I asked, because despite the rather enjoyable times I spent with her in the past, there was always something she wanted to talk about.

“Nothing tonight, I just think you deserve to relax for once. Perhaps a walk around the dream realm?” she asked with a cocky grin. I admit I wasn’t expecting that at all, so I did look surprised. As surprised as I can with sunglasses covering my eyes. Yep, even in my dreams, that’s my default appearance.

“Not expecting that,” I muttered at first before truly responding, “sure, why the hell not! Lead on, moon horse!”

She just guffawed before igniting her horn and collapsing the dream around us, just leaving us standing in a rather blank space, save for one small detail … the two lines of fucking infinite doors!

Yeah, just doors as far as you could see, it was if she had a door fetish or something. Of course that thought didn’t just stay in my head. “So … door fetish?”

She simply rolled her eyes at me before actually clarifying, “it is easier to separate the dreams of all the ponies I must survey this way. The green doors are dreams that are pleasant in nature and require no attention. Grey doors are dreams that are neutral and are up to my discretion. Finally, Red pulsing doors are dreams that require my immediate attention.”

“And what are the requirements to earn a big pulsing red door?” I asked, a little more sarcastically than I wanted, but ehh.

“If the dream that they are a part of causes unnatural stress on their minds then I get alerted to it. I know the desire for privacy, Ryan, and I respect my ponies,” she stated with a flat tone, making it clear that whatever I was implying was false. She began walking down the infinite line, only offering doors a glance at most as she passed.

“Right, right,” I simply said before following her, not saying anything else. I wanted to change the subject but couldn’t think of anything at the time. Thankfully, she carried the conversation all on her own.

“About a year ago, the dreamscape used to be as chaotic as when Discord ruled. I would be hopping from one dream to the next at random, not even knowing which one I would end up in. After an incident that Twilight Sparkle and her friends helped me with, I have since decided that if I am to do my job properly, then I need to be as organized as possible,” she said with a sad tone, as if she missed the previously chaotic way of her dreamscape. That, or perhaps the incident was something pretty significant to her, I didn’t know nor did I ask.

So we kept walking, Luna having gone quiet as well, but at least the scenery had changed a little. The once black ocean of doors was slowly turning into an ocean blue type … ocean … of stars. Yeah, let’s go with that.

“This must be a rather peaceful place,” I pondered out loud, hoping to start a conversation.

“It’s been my sanctuary for as long as I’ve been able to dreamwalk. I use this place as a way to relieve stress and to contemplate on everything that has happened,” she said with a small smile to her face. Of course, me being me, which means a dick and or ker at times, I picked up on the one major thing she said.

“Stress relief, ehh?” I asked in that sexually implied tone that everyone knows. Even she knew! Of course, instead of verbally acknowledging that I had said anything, she decided to swat me over the head with her wing, which was pretty impressive, considering that I was trailing her slightly and am taller than her.

“It seems that no matter the species, you males always think with your genitals,” Luna stated with a small laugh.

“Not always, I’ve just been pent up when it comes to such jokes. The others don’t give me enough opportunities to ‘release’ them,” I snickered before dodging another swat, her keen or perhaps dirty mind picking up on my double entendres. Either way, we walked for a little bit more, though it was slower than usual because Luna would stop and stare at a door before continuing on.

She stopped in front of one of those big red pulsing doors and I thought we’d have a nice little incursion into some pony’s dream in order to sort things out, but my hopes and dreams were dashed all at once.

“It seems somepony needs my assistance. This will have to end our little excursion for the night,” she said before preparing to enter the door.

“Wait, just like that? All we’ve been doing is walking and we’ve barely talked! I was hoping to enter one of the dreams and lend a hand or something,” I protested but all I earned was a shake of her head before being given the absolute no.

“It is not your place to enter the dreams of others and help them. It is my duty and mine alone to guide in such ways. As for the talking part, you could have proposed a topic if you wanted to talk more,” Luna stated a little more seriously than she usually was. I guess the dream business was a big deal for her.

I raised a finger in an attempt to offer a rebuttal but I came up short as nothing came to mind to actually defend what I had said. She was right in every aspect; it wasn’t my place to help and I could have easily lead the conversation if I wanted to actually talk. Eventually I forfeited the point.

“Fine, I can’t argue with the logic of a deity,” I muttered. “How do I get back to my dream?”

“You don’t need to, you’re going to wake up shortly,” Luna said mystically before looking at my confused as fuck face. At least I think it was confused as fuck, no clue but it felt like it was. She laughed once more before clarifying. “In the dream realm, time is an illusion. What could feel like fifteen minutes to one, is three days to another. Only I know what time it is.”

Then she strode through the pulsing door that she opened and I was left standing in the middle of a star and door-filled hallway, probably looking like I’d just had my mind blown open. Eventually, I just rested my hands on my hips and sighed.

Then I woke up. Just like that.

Yep, it was that simple and planned, it seemed.

I looked ahead at the empty arid lands ahead of me before looking up at the half and half morning sky; the sky that still held grasp of some of the night but was slowly bringing in the morning, you know? With a few cracks of sore joints, I stood and stretched, much to my back’s protest. It was a new day and we were close to the front lines, so that meant we had to get going soon. I wanted a bullet in the first target within the week.

And fin.

…

Yeah, I know. Shitty place to end this portion huh? Well, I can see some of you drifting off because this little section turned out to be massive and filled with absolutely nothing. Don’t worry, the next one will be filled with a little more action, and if not action, then activity, depending on how quickly I go. First will come activity then will come action, I promise.

Would you believe that we’re getting close to the halfway point of the story? Well … that might be an exaggeration as honestly I could make this story go on for so much longer, detailing the events in more thorough detail than needed and perhaps I’ll throw in some make believe bullshit!

Haha, just joking about that last one. It’s not like you guys could tell anyway, though I can tell a good group of you have been doubting the legitimacy of my story. Well I’ll give you proof later, you’ll just have to endure.

So see you folks later, I need to sleep, all this talk of dreams has me more tired than I rightfully should be.