The Gamer; Displaced Equestria

by Flutters Is Shy

First published 11th of July, 2015

I went to a normal convention with my buddy. I found this table brimming with REALLY cool swag. I decided not to break my bank, and just bought a bat from manga. And now I'm trapped in Equestria. As a game character.

Have you ever read The Gamer?

No, no no no, not the crappy movie with the weird gesturing and all that.

The Gamer. It's a Korean manga focusing on a guy named Han Jee-Han. One day, he wakes up and status windows start appearing around him and he learns that he is himself like a game character. He went up a level, put his points in strength, and his strength actually went up!

So anyway, the first weapon he uses is a bat. A baseball bat. The same one I managed to find on a table among a litany of other overpriced props. Portal gun, Clouds sword, an infinity gem, this freaking merchant had it all. But I chose the stupid, freaking bat.

Guess where I am now? If you said anything other than acting as a 'willing host' to a borderline psychotic unicorn wizard lady named Twilight, then FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Character Sheets

This 'chapter' is basically to let me keep track of everyones stats, equipment, skills and otherwise. It's no where near complete, and feel free to offer advice regarding pretty much anything.
The rules for making a character are as such.
You start off with a total of 50 points. Start at level one, then go to whatever level you think your character is at. Note that level doesn't mean everything. A level 30 character could potentially be stronger than the princesses.

Twilight Sparkle LV18
<Arcane Mage>
HP: 180
MP:900
-LV1|LV5|LV10|LV18
STR:06|06|06|06
VIT: 07|09|10|12
DEX:07|07|07|07
INT: 25|44|60|85
WIS:10|18|31|47
LUK:05|05|05|05
-Status: Unicorn; +10 to INT and an additional +1 INT per LV.
-Fangirl; -25% to ALL gained EXP.
-Well Read; +5 to INT.
-Princess Celestia’s Student; +5 to INT, +20 Solar Damage to all Spells. +25% EXP gained when learning Lawful Nuetral or upwards aligned spells.
-Element of Magic;(Not currently active) ALL spells deal +50% Damage. ALL spells are 50% more likely to hit a target. ALL spells require 50% less mana.
-Socially Awkward; -50% to gained Reputation EXP.
-Mother/Sister; +5 to STR, VIT and INT, -5 to WIS and DEX when protecting Spike.
-Friendship is Magic; +5 to ALL Attribute Stats when in a party consisting of (Twilight Sparkle), (Fluttershy), (Rarity), (Applejack), (Rainbow Dash), and (Pinkie Pie/ Pinkamena Diane Pie).
Bookworm; -10 VIT after a sprint that exhausts Stamina. Debuff remains for five minutes. Can stack multiple (Bookworm)’s
EQUIPMENT
-Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns Regulation Mandated Mages Staff;+5 to INT,+15 to WIS. One Handed. A mass produced quarter-staff, for use by members of Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns. The crystal/gem/ other in the top of the staff is generally selected with the user in mind.
-Wizards Cloak; +10 to INT, +5 to WIS.+5 to Defense. -25% to Stealth. -25% to DEX. -15% to acrobatics. A cloak fashioned after the one worn by Clover the Clever. It’s functional, and fashionable.
-Acolytes Robe; +3 to INT, WIS.+3 to Defense. Perfect for the beginning mage, this loose robe has tons of pockets.
-Comfortable Pants; +2 to DEX.-5% to Stealth.+1 to Defense. They’re comfy, and loose. This looseness may constrict movement regarding running, jumping, leaping, generally being athletic.
-Leather Boots; +1 to Defense. They’re boots. They protect your feet. Made from Brahmin hide, what more do you want?

-|-

Spike LV13
<Dragon Assistant>
HP:480
MP:280
-LV|01|13
STR:16|28
VIT: 08|20
DEX:11|28
INT: 11|28
WIS:08|68
LUK:06|06
Status: Dragon; +3 to STR, VIT, INT, and an additional +1 to STR, VIT, INT every THREE levels.
Baby; -10 to STR and DEX.
-Adept Assistant; +5 to DEX when assisting (Twilight Sparkle), (Rarity), (Fluttershy).
-Thick Scales; +20 Defense
-Prehensile Tail; User has a tail they can use as another limb, with limited usage.
-Dragon Claws; User has sharp claws at the ends of each finger. +5 to STR when attacking without a weapon.
-Dragon Sight; User can see weak traces of magic, depending on how strong the magic trace itself is.
-Dragon Appetite; User can consume inedible foodstuffs and materials.
-Mature Beyond His Years; + 20 to WIS.
EQUIPMENT
-Pants; +1 Defense. Worn mostly for modesty, Spike can be quoted as stating “Theres really no point to this, you know. My junk slides up under a sheet of scales, there’s nothing to see! Nothing but smooth scales! But nooooooo, everypony always goes nutso when they see a dragon walking down the road without any pants on.“
-|-

Rarity LV19
<Enchantress>
HP: 150
MP:340
-LV 1 | 5 | 19
STR:05|07|07
VIT:05|08|08
DEX:05|09|29
INT:15|20|34
WIS:30|40|90
LUK:05|05|05
Status:Unicorn; +10 to INT, +1 to INT per LV.
-Master Seamstress; +30 DEX when creating, altering, repairing, so on and so forth when regarding Crafting Clothing and Cloth.
-Veteran Enchantress; +25 to INT and WIS when placing an enchantment upon any article of clothing.
-Eye of the Needle; +15 DEX when using more than one crystal dagger via (Telekinetic Magic Control).
-Debutant; +50% Charisma when interacting with an individual of (Neutral) or higher reputation.
-Egotistical; -10 Dex, STR, INT and WIS during Initiative.
-Pampered; -10 VIT after a sprint that exhausts Stamina. Debuff remains for five minutes. Can stack multiple (Pampered)’s.
EQUIPMENT
-Elegant Dress; +5 to INT and WIS.+1 Defense. A hand sewn dress made by Rarity’s own hand, the plethora of jewels sewn into it make it a perfect conduit of magical energy.
-Elegant Shoes; -5 to DEX and VIT. +1 to INT and WIS. A less than standard choice of footwear for a town like Ponyville. As Rarity would however claim, ‘I know they aren’t quite ideal for a dirt road, but if one looks good, they feel good. And I feel really good~’
-Rarity’s Diadem; +5 to INT and WIS. +1 Defense. An intricate structure of metal and jewel work, this headpiece fits on around Rarity’s own horn. A perfect custom fit.
-Sorceresses ribbon; +20% resistance to magic attacks. Stylish, and practical!
-Crystal Dagger(s)(37); 3 Damage. ‘One is pretty. Two are beautiful. Thirty seven? Divines still my beating heart, the dance they weave around my head,’

-|-

Fluttershy LV26
<Druid>
HP: 1230
MP:240
-LV1|LV5|LV26
STR:13|13|13
VIT: 27|40|110
DEX:10|10|13
INT: 08|13|24
WIS:08|13|24
LUK:03|04|14
Status: Pegasus; +10 to DEX, additional +1 DEX per LV.
-Grounder; ALL DEX bonuses from Status (Pegasus) are changed to VIT bonuses.
-Dragonshy; 90% chance to flee in terror when confronted with adult Dragon.
-Meek; 50% chance to acquire (Terror/Fear) debuff when confronted with somepony of a larger body type, or with a boisterous personality.
-Stare Master; 60% for skill (The Stare) to be successful, regardless of other modifiers.
-Woodsy; +20% increase in any outdoor survival type skills such as (Campfire), (Climb Tree), (Pitch Tent), and so on.
-Mama of the Forest;+ 200% increase in all Reputation scores for any encounterable Wildlife.
-Shadows! Shadows, everywhere!; .05% chance in everyday situations to become irrationally fearful of the environment.
-Barefoot; +5 to VIT when in the forest. -5 VIT when walking in the city without foot protection. Screw those stupid sharp freaking stone tiles all over the freaking place.
EQUIPMENT
-Floral Dress; +20% in all animal affiliation. +1 Defense. A dress made by the resident seamstress Rarity, she admittedly had a hard time creating a dress out of a plant and enchanting it so it wouldn’t die.
-Hooded Floral Shawl; +5% in all animal affiliation. +1 Defense. A hooded shawl made by the resident seamstress Rarity. Residents of Ponyville still reminisce on that fateful day Rarity cussed out a piece of clothing because it ‘was making things difficult by not $#%&ing working correctly’. Also appears to be lined with feathers, but they aren’t her own. At least I’m fairly certain her feathers aren’t blue…
-Braided Pouch; Carrying capacity forty pounds. Perfect for keeping picked herbs in.
-Leafy Staff; +5 to INT and WIS. 7 Damage. +20% mana regen. This chunk of wood still has leaves growing out of it…

-|-

Angel Bunny LV18
<Evil Incarnate>

HP: 540
MP: 170
-LV18
STR: 21
VIT: 33
DEX: 28
INT: 17
WIS: 45
LUK: 11

Status: Beast/Rabbit; +1 to STR, VIT and DEX. +1 to VIT per LV.
-'Evil'; -50% resistance to Holy/Solar aligned attacks.
-Dumb Animal?; +10 to WIS.
-Unseen, Ignored; +10 to WIS
-Just a Little Cottontail; +10 to WIS.
-Carrot Eater; +20% to all sneaking skills, tricks, spells and otherwise.
-Vitamin A; +20% to all perception based skills, tricks, spells and otherwise.
-She’s MINE; +20 Damage when protecting (Fluttershy).
-Small; -5 to STR.

-|-

Rainbow Dash LV22
<Elementalist>
HP:570
MP:200
-LV1|LV5|LV22
STR:15|18|28
VIT: 16|19|29
DEX:25|35|97
INT: 05|08|20
WIS:05|08|10
LUK:03|04|05
Status: Pegasus; +10 to DEX, additional +1 to DEX per LV
-Bedhead/Lazy; Once unconscious, user will have 20% harder time waking up outside of a full restful sleep.
-Weather Captain; +100% Reputation with all Pegasi of (Ponyville).
-Daredevil; +30 DEX when attempting an aerial trick
-Eye In The Sky; Double Archery Skill LV.
-TASTE THE RAINBOW; -200% in all attempts at Stealth.
-Braggart; 20% chance to fail a trick if DEX is equal to Challenge Difficulty of trick.
-Sonic Rainboom; If trick (Sonic Rainboom) is successful, increase DEX by 100 for the next three rounds of combat. Does not carry between combat.
-20% cooler; If trick is successful, boost Charisma by 20% for the next half hour.
-I’d rather fly; -5% movement speed when walking and running.
EQUIPMENT
-Rainbow Dash’s Weather Team Outfit; +7 to STR, VIT and DEX. +4 Defense +20% protection against Lightning Element. The standard weather patrol garb, this outfit was designed to shed wind drag, and protect against the elements. Rainbow Dash has had her personal outfit modified from the standard, removing the sleeves to encircle the shoulders with a plume of her own feathers.
-Weather Team Pantaloons;+1 to DEX. +4 Defense. Simple legwear designed to shed wind drag and protect against the elements.
-Skintight Zip Up Thigh Highs; +3 to DEX. +2 Defense. According to Rainbow Dash, she uses these to keep her pants from collecting wind drag. When told that her pants were designed to prevent wind drag, Rainbow Dash replied, ‘Look, speed is my thing.I can tell, and these pants are slowing me down. I’d just go without, but ponies seem to have some sort of a problem with that.’
-Standard Weather Team Bow; +5 DEX. 14 Damage. A standard bow used by the elementalists of the weather team, this is used mostly to launch bolts of electricity into clouds.
-Twin Daggers; +2 Dex. 9 Damage. These daggers were given to Rainbow Dash as a birthday present from her number one fan, Scootaloo. Made by Applebloom, both of these blades have a lightning bolt motif, mimicking Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark. Regardless of their appearance, both of these are effective in battle.

-|-

Applejack LV21
<Paladin>
HP: 700
MP:50
-LV1|LV5|LV10|LV21
STR:22|30|50|91
VIT: 15|25|30|41
DEX:10|12|17|29
INT: 04|04|04|05
WIS:04|04|04|05
LUK:05|05|05|05
Status: Earth Pony- +5 to STR and VIT, +1 to STR per LV
-Headstrong;+ 50% chance to ignore (Negate) control effects. 20% chance to ignore (Negate) physical restraining effects.
-Cowpony; +15% effectiveness to any Farming, Rodeo, or (Apple Family) related Tricks, Skills, or otherwise.
-Fancy Mathematics; -10 to WIS.
-Headstrong (Negative); User has a tendency towards stubbornness. -50% to all attributes, skill effectiveness, and otherwise when in contention against another player.
-THAT’S MAH HAT!; -10 to DEX and WIS when an enemy takes/steals the users hat.
-Mah Parents Ain’t Dead!; 3% chance to enable Debuff(Rage) when another player insinuates that (Applejack’s) parents are no longer among the living.
-Apple Family; +20% to all skills, tricks, or otherwise when working alongside a family member (Apple Family).
-Big Sister; +5 to STR, VIT and INT, -5 to WIS and DEX when protecting Applebloom.
-Down on the Farm; +5% to movement speed when on (Sweet Apple Acres)
EQUIPMENT
-Stetson; +5% heat resistance. +1 Defense. 20 pound carrying capacity. A family heirloom, this hat has been passed down from Applejack’s father. It has been enchanted by a traveling unicorn to hold a sundry of items within a dimensional space. Applejack has been seen pulling a lasso, and even her lunch on occasion from her hat.
-Weathered Cloak; +5 Defense. As the name might imply, it is an old, weathered cloak. Passed down in the (Apple Family), Big Macintosh previously wore this.
-Iron Plate Cuirass; +15 Defense. -5 to DEX. +30% heat resistance. +10% magic resistance. A series of thick plates of metal, spelled to resist a wide range of magic. It fits with the rest of the set.
-Iron Plate Gauntlets; +5 Defense. -1 to DEX. +30% heat resistance. +10% magic resistance. A series of thick plates of metal, spelled to resist a wide range of magic. It fits with the rest of the set.
-Iron Plate Greaves; +5 Defense. -1 to DEX. +10% heat resistance. +10% magic resistance. A series of thick plates of metal, spelled to resist a wide range of magic. It fits with the rest of the set.
-Hybrid Iron Plate Boots;+2 Defense. +1 to DEX. +10% heat resistance. +10% magic resistance. A series of thick plates of metal combined with a cowpony boot, spelled to resist a wide range of magic. It fits with the rest of the set.
-Blessed Claymore; +37 Damage, 5% of total damage converted to Holy Damage. 30% chance to reflect a magic spell. 5% chance to cut through a magical shield. A double edged sword wielded by Bloomberg Apple in his youth, this blade is rumored to have even killed a Deamon. It has definitely seen more than a few days use.

-|-

Pinkie Pie/Pinkamena Diane Pie LV 25
<Trickster><Shadow Blade Assassin>
HP: 680?
MP:340?
-LV1|LV5|LV25
STR:10|14|34?
VIT: 10|14|34?
DEX:10|14|34?
INT: 10|14|34?
WIS:10|14|34?
LUK:10|14|34?
Status: Earth Pony- +5 to STR and VIT, +1 to STR per LV
-Master Trickster; +50 to LUK
-????; Randomize ALL Attribute points at random intervals.
-I’m ASSAULTING him with cake!; +10 to damage when using unconventional weaponry
-You Know What This Needs? A Party!; +50% to Speed when preparing a party.
-Mentally Unbalanced; User(Pinkie Pie) has a 10% chance to switch equipped Persona to alternate (Pinkamena Diane Pie<Shadow Blade>)Persona. +50 to DEX, -50 WIS during this switch. The switch lasts ten minutes. (Mentally Unbalanced) is only triggered in times of extreme perceived rejection.
-Hammer Space; User has access to a limitless dimensional space they can store and retrieve items from.
-Welcome Welcome Welcome!; +20% to all reputation EXP.
-And I said ‘Oatmeal, are you CRAZY?!!?’; +50% critical hit chance when using skill (Bluff), (Confuse), (Debate), or (Tic-Tac-Toe).
-Prehensile Hair; User can use their hair as another limb, with limited usability.
EQUIPMENT
-Jesters Cap; +1 Defense. This cap is insane, it’s crazy! Aristocats. This particular cap has Pinkie Pie’s cutie mark sewn into the fabric.
-Happy Cat Mask; +5 Defense. It’s pink, it’s smiling! Almost looks as happy as the face underneath!
-Simple Leotard; +5 DEX. +1 Defense. Little more than a reinforced one piece bathing suit, this piece of clothing has been designed for day to day use by an acrobat.
-Jesters Coat; +5 DEX. +1 Defense. This sleeveless coat features a ruffled collar, two useless buttons sewn into the front and two long coattails. For a little bit of extra class in your clown attire.
-Jesters Sleeves; -1 DEX. +1 Defense. I… wait, what? I already said the coat was sleeveless… wait, they go on before she puts on the coat? What the heck is the point of that? Why doesn’t she just wear a coat that comes pre-made with sleeves? Gah, fine, whatever. These long poofy sleeves are connected to a pair of bright white gloves. Assumedly with magic runes woven in, to assist her in pulling items from her (Hammer Space).
-Jesters Boots; Two simple boots, each with an adorable Pixie design. Who doesn’t like curly toes?
-(Hidden Mask) Faceless mask- +10 Defense. It’s white, it’s… manic. Almost looks as scary as the face underneath.

-|-

Scootaloo LV 6
<Samanera Arcane Monk>
HP: 260
MP:70
-LV1|LV6
STR:12|15
VIT: 09|11
DEX:28|48
INT: 02|07
WIS:06|06
LUK:03|03
Status: Pegasus; +10 to DEX. +1 to DEX per LV.
-Filly; Most adults without (Friendly) or higher reputation affiliation will treat you like a child, and belittle the meaning of your words in favor of their own intelligence.
-Fangirl; -25% to all EXP.
-Cutie Mark Crusader; +30% to all attributes and skills, tricks or otherwise effectiveness when in a party consisting of (Applebloom), (Sweetiebelle), and (Scootaloo)
EQUIPMENT
-Scarf; +1 DEX. +3 to Stealth. A long, fluttery orange scarf. Perfect for making quick movements look 20% cooler.
- Training Gi; +5 STR, DEX. +2 Defense. A simple top styled after the uniform of old. This has been modified, two sections of hardened materials making up two pauldrens over the shoulders.
-Simple shorts; +2 DEX. +1 Defense. As the name would suggest, these are simple shorts. Held up with a belt made out of braided rope, you’ll be hard pressed to find a simpler pair.
-Simple shoes; +1 DEX. +1 Defense. A simple pair of shoes made from Brahmin hide.
-Dual Cestus; 13 Damage, 25% Critical Hit Damage. +5 DEX. This pair of cestus have been modified by resident Artificier, (Applebloom). (Applebloom) has added in (Scootaloo)’s own feathers, for flair. Anything to be all that much cooler.

-|-

Sweetiebelle LV 6
<Amatuer Bard>
HP: 150
MP:200
-LV1|LV6
STR:05|08
VIT: 06|07
DEX:04|08
INT: 15|20
WIS:30|36
LUK:05|15
Status:Unicorn; +10 INT. +1 INT per LV
-Nimble Fingers; +15% towards all Spellsong effects.
-Voice of the Divine; +15% towards all Spellsong effects.
-Filly; Most adults without (Friendly) or higher reputation affiliation will treat you like a child, and belittle the meaning of your words in favor of their own intelligence.
-Short of Breath; User has -50% Stamina. +50% Stamina recovery.
-Cutie Mark Crusader; +30% to all attributes and skills, tricks or otherwise effectiveness when in a party consisting of (Applebloom), (Sweetiebelle), and (Scootaloo)
-My Sister Makes Dresses!; -70% to crafting skill (Dressmaking) and all skills associated.
EQUIPMENT
-Hooded Coat; +5 WIS, +4 INT. +1 Defense. An elegant hooded coat, at first glance one might assume it to be part of the dress underneath. Made by (Rarity)
-Simple Dress; +5 WIS, +2 INT. +1 Defense. An elegantly simple dress, at first glance one might assume it to be part of the coat on top. Made by (Rarity)
-Simple Shoes; +1 Defense. Simple cloth shoes. Made by her sister (Rarity) specifically for her, Sweetiebelle claims these to be the most comfortable shoes she’s ever worn.
-Oak Lute; +5 towards skill (Spellsong) +5 Damage. An actual instrument carved out of a thick chunk of wood. Can probably be used as a blunt weapon in a pinch.

-|-

Applebloom LV 7
<Amateur Artificer>
HP: 230
MP:200
-LV1|LV7
STR:08|14
VIT: 07|09
DEX:14|24
INT: 17|20
WIS:11|26
LUK:03|04
Status: Earth Pony- +5 to STR and VIT, +1 to STR per LV
-Amateur Artificer-Class Title; +1% Crafting success. +5 STR and DEX. +3 to INT.
-Filly; Most adults without (Friendly) or higher reputation affiliation will treat you like a child, and belittle the meaning of your words in favor of their own intelligence.
-Mechanically Inclined; +10% towards Crafting success.
-Family Mare; +5 DEX and VIT while on (Sweet Apple Acres).
-Cutie Mark Crusader; +30% to all attributes and skills, tricks or otherwise effectiveness when in a party consisting of (Applebloom), (Sweetiebelle), and (Scootaloo)
EQUIPMENT
-Shirt; +1 Defense. It’s a yellow t-shirt. Nothing more to be said.
-Artificiers Vest; +5 Defense. +5 to all crafting skills. An intricate and functional vest, this not only protects the wearer from the elements, but can also hold a plethora of tools and other little bobs and doodads.
-Modified pants; +5 Defense. A thick material with metal plates affixed to the kneecaps. Perfect for the budding mechanic.
-Heavy boots; +5 to STR.+6 Defense. Holy Plated Metal! All kidding aside, these plated boots have been blessed against blight. It’s kinda hard to tell where the metal starts, and the boots themselves end!
-Sturdy Wrench; 20 Damage, +15% critical hit chance. A block of metal, formed into a shape to assist in tightening and loosening bolts. This wrench has seen better days, but it IS still a solid chunk of metal.

-|-

Ditzy Doo/Derpy Hooves LV 30
<Muffin Mancer>
HP:700
MP:220
-LV1|LV5|LV30
STR:06|11|31
VIT: 06|06|31
DEX:10|19|39
INT: 02|07|22
WIS:34|40|85
LUK:02|07|22
Status: Pegasus; +10 to DEX, additional +1 to DEX per LV
-E=Mc(2); +20 to WIS.
-Every Action Has An Equal and Opposite Reaction; +20 to WIS.
-Rainmane; +20 to WIS.
-Forest Derp; +20 to WIS.
-Legally Derp; +20 to WIS.
-Dude, Where’s My Muffin?; +20 to WIS.
-Pineapple Muffin Express; +20 to WIS.
-Derpy Want Muffin!; +100 to WIS.
-But… She’s Derpy; -220 Perceived WIS of (Ditzy Doo/Derpy Hooves) from other ponies perspectives.
-Cross-eyed; +10% to all perception based skills, tricks, spells and otherwise.
EQUIPMENT
-…Cloak?; +3 to DEX. I… I think this is a cloak? I… wait… is this a tablecloth? Pinned with a broach of a bubble pattern, with a flair of green and white feathers not of Ditzy/Derpy’s own wings.
-…Shirt? Coat? Thing?; +5 Defense. This… shirt has long loose sleeves, with a back that extends downward into a coattail. Splits in the front directly under the breasts, giving it the look of an elaborate belly shirt.
-...Sure, Hotpants, Why Not.;+10 Defense. A pair of shorts with the generally known title of ‘hotpants’. Held snugly by a simple brown belt.
-…Leather Boots? Are These Just Plain Leather Boots? Are You Sure?; +2 Defense. I… I think these are leather boots? They look like plain leather boots… Could they really be just that?
-Bubble Wand; +10 WIS. You can blow bubbles with this… but where is the soap coming from? How is this a weapon?!!?
-Muffin; 20 Damage. +10 WIS. I… This is a muffin, right? It looks like a muffin. That’s it, I quit!

-|-

Doctor Whooves LV915
<Time Lord>
HP:16,780
MP:15,180
-LV1|LV5|LV915
STR:03|08|381
VIT: 05|09|1297
DEX:05|12|1062
INT: 05|18|1518
WIS:20|24|1183
LUK:17|17|1017
Status:Gallopfreyan; +5 to VIT, DEX, WIS and LUK. +1 VIT and WIS per LV.
-Run!; + 5% to DEX
-Time Traveller; (Doctor Whooves) starts every combat, regardless of initiative.
-Bad Wolf; In every round of combat, 2% chance for an enemies health to drop by 20% of their maximum health.
-Allonsy!; +30% to DEX when escaping combat.
-Not again… Never Again; WIS increases by 200% when defending (Ditzy Doo/Derpy Hooves)
-It’s Bigger On The Inside; User has access to a dimensional pocket they can store and retrieve items from.
EQUIPMENT
-Trenchcoat; +1 to Defense. A stylish brown trenchcoat, this coat was made specifically for the Doctor by (Sexy), his Tardis. Allows him to carry a multitude of various items, including his Sonic Screwdriver.
-Normal Outfit; Shirt, tie and pants. Has no defensive capabilities, beside covering up one’s modesty.
-Sand Shoes; Freaking brits… these are sneakers! What the heck do sneakers have to do with sand?
-Sonic Screwdriver; +10 to WIS and LUK. What can’t this thing do? This device uses sonic beams, waves, pulses and otherwise to do pretty much anything the situation calls for. Doesn’t work on wood.

-|-

Big Macintosh LV 27
<Cleric>
HP:540
MP:460
-LV21|LV27
STR:70|80
VIT: 25|25
DEX:29|29
INT: 31|46
WIS:16|27
LUK:05|05
Status: Earth Pony- +5 to STR and VIT, +1 to STR per LV
-Big Brother; +10 to STR, DEX and VIT, -5 to INT and WIS when defending (Applejack), (Applebloom), or (Granny Smith).
-Stallion Of Few Words; +50% to all Bluff, Intimidate, or otherwise related Tricks, Spells, Skills or otherwise.
-I’ve Been Doing This My Whole Life; 90% effectiveness in Tricks, Spells, Skills or otherwise relating to farmwork.
-Big Red; -70% effectiveness to any Tricks, Spells, Skills or otherwise relating to (Stealth).
EQUIPMENT
-Voluminous Cape;+ 10 Defense. +10% heat resistance. A rich cape of red material, resistant to most dirt and other effluents. A staple of Big Macintosh’s wardrobe.
-Gold and Steel Composite Plate Armor, Chest;+20 Defense.+5 % Mana Regen. +10% heat resistance. A standard set of Royal Guards armor. It has since been modified by the legendary blacksmith Muramasa, incorporating aspects of hardier metals in case the spells enchanting it fail.
-Gold and Steel Composite Plate Armor, Faulds; +5 Defense.+5 % Mana Regen. +10% heat resistance.A standard piece of Royal Guards armor. It has since been modified by the legendary blacksmith Muramasa, incorporating aspects of hardier metals in case the spells enchanting it fail.
-Gold and Steel Composite Plate Armor, Greaves; +5 Defense.+5 % Mana Regen. +10% heat resistance. A standard piece of Royal Guards armor. It has since been modified by the legendary blacksmith Muramasa, incorporating aspects of hardier metals in case the spells enchanting it fail.
-Gold and Steel Composite Plate Armor, Boots; +5 Defense.+5 % Mana Regen. +10% heat resistance. A standard piece of Royal Guards armor. It has since been modified by the legendary blacksmith Muramasa, incorporating aspects of hardier metals in case the spells enchanting it fail.
-Sweet Purity; 55 Damage. +25 Holy Damage. Two Handed. A clerics greatest ally is the mace they wield. Big Macintosh named this monstrously large hammer after his Grandmother (Granny Smith/ Purity Smith) and her late sister, (Sweet Apple).

-|-

Granny Smith/ Purity Smith LV 42
<Sage>
HP:900
MP:370
-LV01|LV05|LV42
STR:10|14|51
VIT: 05|05|41
DEX:05|15|49
INT: 05|05|37
WIS:25|30|79
LUK:10|15|49
Status: Earth Pony- +5 to STR and VIT, +1 to STR per LV
-Elderly; -90% to ALL Stats EXCEPT WIS.
EQUIPMENT
-Weathered, Comfortable Shawl; +5 WIS. +1 Defense. A piece of cloth almost as old as Granny Smith herself.
-Weathered, Comfortable Robe; +5 WIS. +1 Defense. A piece of cloth almost as old as Granny Smith herself.
-Weathered, Comfortable Shoes; +5 WIS. +1 Defense. A pair of shoes almost as old as Granny Smith herself.
-Walking Stick; +30 to INT, WIS. Hidden within the core of this stick is a shaft of crystal. It’s rumored that Granny has been saturating this staff with life energy for the past sixty years.

-|-

Mayor Mare LV15
HP:300
MP:330
-LV01|LV15
STR:05|19
VIT: 11|17
DEX:07|13
INT: 15|33
WIS:15|55
LUK: 07|07
Status: Earth Pony- +5 to STR and VIT, +1 to STR per LV
-Named Mayor; +50% Charisma and Reputation within (Ponyville)
-Studious; +10 WIS
-Excellent Penmanship; +20 to DEX when writing, or inscribing.
-Pink Hair, Dyed Grey; -10% to reputation for any adult that knew (Mayor Mare) back before she started dying her hair grey.
-Witty Repartee; +10 to DEX and LUK when wielding a rapier.
EQUIPMENT
-Spectacles; +1% to any perception skills, spells, tricks or otherwise.
-Diplomats Outfit; +5% to any (Diplomacy) or (Speech) checks. A simple yet refined combination of a buttoned collared shirt, a waistcoat, slacks, and classy slats.
-Rapier of Quick Wit; 20 Damage. +5 to DEX. A blade of peerless design, it was passed down from (Mayor Mare)’s mother, (Governor Mare).

-|-

Twist
<Confectioner>
HP:900
MP:370
-LV01|LV04
STR:05|08
VIT: 17|17
DEX:08|19
INT: 06|06
WIS:13|17
LUK:11|11
Status: Earth Pony- +5 to STR and VIT, +1 to STR per LV
-Candy Maker; +5% to all cooking based crafting.
-Filly; most adults without (Friendly) or higher reputation affiliation will treat you like a child, and belittle the meaning of your words in favor of their own intelligence.
-Lisp; -5% to all speech-craft skills.
-Adorable Lisp; Ignoring status (Lisp), +5% chance to absorb all attention of all individuals in a room in a given conversation.
EQUIPMENT
-Bakers outfit; +10 to skill (Cooking). A combination of shirt, pants, hat and an apron, this is the look of the quintessential baker.
-Wooden Spoon; 2 Damage. +5 to skill (Cooking). It’s a spoon! It’s wooden! It’s a wooden spoon!

-|-

Zecora LV 32
<Shaman>
HP:660
MP:440
-LV1|LV5|LV32
STR:03|03|34
VIT: 05|05|32
DEX:03|13|45
INT: 03|13|44
WIS:39|43|70
LUK:07|07|21
Status: Zebra; +5 to VIT and WIS. +1 to WIS per LV.
EQUIPMENT
-Bangles; A series of metal rings. Worn on the arms, neck and even the ears. Traditional, and decorative.
-Tribal Wrap; A simple strip of fabric, to cover the breasts. Rides a bit over the fur, but overall comfortable.
-Tribal Loincloth; A simple swathe of fabric that protects a woman’s modesty.
-Tribal Mask; At first glance it looks like a wooden shield. At a cursory glance… it’s a giant face?

-|-

Octavia LV15
<Epic Bard>
HP:570
MP:200
-LV1|LV5|LV15
STR:05|09|19
VIT: 05|10|20
DEX:35|40|45
INT: 05|10|10
WIS:05|10|40
LUK:05|05|10
Status: Earth Pony; +5 to STR and VIT. +1 to STR per LV.

-|-

Vinyl Scratch LV 15
<Sonic Mage>
HP:570
MP:200
-LV1|LV5|LV15
STR:05|05|05
VIT: 05|14|19
DEX:15|18|48
INT: 10|15|25
WIS:15|20|35
LUK:10|12|12
Status: Unicorn; +10 to INT. +1 to INT per LV.

-|-

Shining Armor LV33
<Ardent>
HP:570
MP:200
-LV1|LV5|LV22
STR:15|17|50
VIT: 10|10|44
DEX:10|12|45
INT: 10|20|48
WIS:10|20|60
LUK:05|05|05
Status: Unicorn; +10 to INT. +1 to INT per LV.

-|-

Cadence/ Mi Amore Cadenza LV23
<>
HP:570
MP:200
-LV1|LV5|LV22
STR:05|09|27
VIT: 05|05|45
DEX:10|18|60
INT: 10|20|38
WIS:15|15|15
LUK:20|30|56
Status: Alicorn +5 to STR, DEX and INT. +1 to STR, DEX and INT per LV.

-|-

Celestia LV140
<Arch Mage>
HP:4100
MP:5440
-LV1|LV5|LV140
STR:05|10|145
VIT: 05|15|265
DEX:05|10|145
INT: 30|34|544
WIS:15|23|73
LUK:05|05|05
Status: Alicorn +5 to STR, DEX and INT. +1 to STR, DEX and INT per LV.

-|-

Luna (Nightmare Moon) LV137
<Dissonant Parasite>
HP:3030
MP:2800
-LV1|LV5|LV137
STR:05|09|146
VIT: 05|15|157
DEX:05|09|146
INT: 10|14|280
WIS:35|40|454
LUK:05|05|05
Status: Alicorn +5 to STR, DEX and INT. +1 to STR, DEX and INT per LV.
-Infected; +200% to ALL stats.
-|-

Luna (Reduced) LV137
<Umbra Mancer>
HP:3030
MP:2800
-LV1|LV5|LV137
STR:05|09|146
VIT: 05|15|157
DEX:05|09|146
INT: 10|14|280
WIS:35|40|454
LUK:05|05|05
Status: Alicorn +5 to STR, DEX and INT. +1 to STR, DEX and INT per LV.
-Weakened; -90% to ALL stats.

-|-

Luna (Restored) LV137
<Umbra Mancer>
HP:3030
MP:2800
-LV1|LV5|LV137
STR:05|09|146
VIT: 05|15|157
DEX:05|09|146
INT: 10|14|280
WIS:35|40|454
LUK:05|05|05
Status: Alicorn +5 to STR, DEX and INT. +1 to STR, DEX and INT per LV.

Author's Notes:

Again, this is just a diagnostic chapter. Feel free to comment, leave suggestions, any little bit helps.
I need status for each of the main six relating to their element. Again, any little bit helps.

Gonna start saving comments up here, so I can find them easier.

Regreme says;

One change I'd like to point out for Rarity. Though she prefers working with cloth, she's been shown to be skilled with other crafting types as well. Like that puppet stage in that one episode with the imagination manifestation. Or when she made all that armor for Rainbow Dash during the Art of the Dress. So, I'd some slight boost to other crafts, though not as potent as the boosts to cloth type crafts.

1- Prologue; Do You Accept?

I lay on my bed, idly swatting at the bluish screen of reality defying transparency. I swung at it with what I can only assume caused it to start in the first place. A baseball bat. It was a MATTSTAR Aluminum bat, made by a company called RealTek Manufacturing.

That might not mean much to you. What you SHOULD know, is that this is a fictional company. As far as I know. It's slightly referenced in a manga called 'The Gamer'. It was the first weapon the main character used, and one he still kept with him all the way up to the most recent chapter I had read.

I had found it at the convention I was at yesterday. In one of the myriad of halls connecting all the different events, I found a large grouping of choice places to lose all of my hard earned pocket change. Twelve inch figures of every anime imaginable. Keychains of every series you could possibly name. I even noticed one poor sod selling off a REALLY highly detailed model of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Among all this, I came across a solitary table. I should have thought it weird, what with all the saliva inducing goodies scattered on top of the table. With all that, how come there wasn't a single person pressuring her for a price on any of the items there on her table? How come... it was if no one even noticed?

I saw Clouds buster sword propped up along one side of the table, along with a portal gun, Vash's gun, Dante's guns... there were a lot of prop guns. Point is, if you can name it, right here and now, this brilliant girl had it somewhere on her table. And among all of that, I found it.

The bat. It just looked so out of place, a normal bat alongside all these other fantasy and science fiction themed items. I gravitated towards it, and of course I picked it up. Gave it a couple practice swings. Again, in a packed hall, weird that I was able to do this. Almost like... people were unconsciously avoiding this table. Naaaaaah, I must have been imagining it.

I had to have it. Being able to find such an obscure piece of memorabilia in such a weird place was just too good of an opportunity for me to pass up. I payed the nice African American lady -she had actually been a bit creepy, after I bought the bat she got all mad. Asking why I was 'still there' and why I hadn't left yet- and left with my prize, having a thoroughly productive remainder of my day. There was even a new Star Trek movie announced!

Anyway, that was about a week ago. I had to go back to work almost the very next day, so I didn't have a lot of time to inspect my booty. Countless posters and promotional items, the bat, a Magical Girl Madoka figurine -it would look so freaking cool lined up alongside the others!~- and an item I would never willingly admit I owned to any sort of civilized company. A Sakura Wars mouse-pad.

'Ooooh, but Colton,' I hear you asking. 'Why would a mouse-pad be anything bad? It's just a mouse-pad!'

I'll tell you why. This mouse-pad featured one of the leading ladies... with her breasts... as... ahem... 'cushioned wrist support'.

Buying items like this were my guilty pleasure. I had a whole drawer of stuff like this!~

Not that I'm a pervert or anything. Nothing of the sort.

So anyway, about a week after I got that, I was just wasting my time in my bedroom.... when something right out of the manga happened.

A blue, semi transparent rectangle flashed into existence in front of my face. Proudly declaring the text-

A Portal Has Opened To The Next Area!
Do You Accept?

I stared at it for a good couple minutes, wondering if perhaps I was drunk. That of course was a preposterous thought. I hadn't touched a drink for over three years, had the three stupid little chips to prove it. At times they inspired me, others it seemed as if the circular bronze disks mocked me.

So I sat there, trying to figure it out. Accept? Accept what? That the portal was open, or that I could go through it or what? Accept that yes, it did exist and wasn't a figment of my imagination? Or Accept the exact opposite, that I had actually gone insane?

Such thoughts weren't helping me. I picked up the closest thing to me -which just so happened to be the bat lying against my bed- and tried to smack the blue window. It didn't do anything, just phasing through the rectangle with only slight ripples in the surface to show I had even touched it.

A couple more swipes, and I realized my efforts were pointless.

Do you accept. Huh. Well... if the context was anything to go by, pressing yes wouldn't necessarily suck me through or anything. If that was the case, it would have said something like 'Travel to the next area?' or something similar.

Right?

Author's Notes:

The chapters I have have finally been edited. Enjoy!

2- WHY THE HELL DID I PRESS YES?!!?

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!

Mother-fuck-it-up-the-ass-and-call-it-christmas-WRONG!

How could I have been so unutterably god forsakenly stupid? Press yes, nothing bad will happen of it! Nope! Nothing wrong with that!

I pressed the button marked yes. I immediately found myself smack dab in the middle of a forest. No zip, bam, wizz or anything like that. No fanfare, nothing that would remarkably say anything along the lines of 'I've been transported magically'. Just, one second in my room, the next I'm lying down on the middle of the forest floor.

I got up, brushed myself off, and accessed my surroundings. Definitely a forest of some kind. Birch, oak, and elm all in the same grove. This was certainly a weird forest, to be sure. Moss on all four sides of the trees, which didn't bode well. Moss was only supposed to grow thick on the north side of the trunks, the side that got the least amount of sun over the course of a day. I guess the trees foliage were too thick for that trick though, guess I wouldn't be telling my direction from that, at least.

I heard an irritable twitter up above me, and craning my head I managed to catch sight of a bird. A bird in a forest, how mysterious. It fluttered down to a lower branch, tweeting at me all the way. Almost like it was trying to get my attention. How odd. Maybe the bird was house trained? It would be sorely disappointed if it expected any food from me. Looked like the little guy was some kind of hummingbird, but I couldn't place a name to the exact type. He looked... rare? I guess the word I'm looking for is rare. I remembered seeing his feather pattern somewhere online... oh well. Didn't help me to stress on that now.

It let loose a low twit of birdcall at me, then settled back on it's branch.

"Silly bird, I don't have any food for you," I laughed, "if you are someones pet, I wonder if I could go get them? Let them know a random city slicker somehow found his way into the middle of a forest?" I asked, the situation not lost on me. Of course I didn't expect anything to come of it, it was just a stupid bird after all. Still, it made me feel better.

To my surprise, it let loose with a flurry of tweets, then flew off. Guess I must have said something similar enough to a command it knew that made it want to return to the roost. Perhaps it had flight commands for specific locations. For all the good that did me. Watching it's departing form, I squinted my eyes to see it better as it got further away. It looked like a... "Honduran Emerald," I confirmed, having taken my mind off of my current situation for a scant few seconds. Wait, did that mean I was somehow in Honduras? It was the only place they could be found in the wild, anyway...

A skill has been created through a special act.

Through continuous observation, a skill to find the targets information, 'Observe', has been created.

"Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," I said to break the silence as the rectangles faded from view.

I had... gained a skill? Like... from the manga?

Well, it wasn't the craziest thing that had happened to me today. Status windows were appearing in front of me, I had apparently been teleported to the Honduras highlands or something, the existence of magic wasn't exactly the most surprising event of the day.

"Inventory," I called out, testing my theory. Sure enough, a brown screen segmented into different slots popped up in front of me. On the left side of the screen was a silhouette of my body, with several boxes overlaying it. Of the twelve open slots, four of them were filled. The bat I was still holding in my hand was in the lower left corner, so I have to assume that was the 'weapon slot'. To the right of that, it showed what shirt and pants I was wearing, and just below those... socks.

Oh right, I was just laying on my bed. My shoes were back in my apartment. What, you lay on your bed with your shoes on? Weirdo. I kinda wish I was a weirdo too right now, a forest was not the kind of place you want to wander around in nothing but your socks. Sharp sticks and so on. Fuck it all.

"Observe," I said on a whim, staring at the inventory window floating in front of me.

Your Inventory Window. Allows you to store and recover items from a pocket dimension, as well as shows what items and other equipment you currently have equipped.

"Observe," I stated again, whipping my head top the side to look at a tree as I waved the inventory window away.

An Elm. A deciduous tree comprising the genus Ulmus in the plant family Ulmaceae. Size would indicate that this tree is around three hundred to three hundred and fifty years old.

"Observe," I said once more, trying to get into the spirit. If I had the ability of a skill that allowed me to supernaturally observe my surroundings, I might be able to catch a glimpse of a portal or something that brought me here, maybe I could get back and get my shoes at the very least.

Timberwolf. Lv 13
HP: 700
MP: 30
With the souls of deceased pack wolves granting them life, their bodies are comprised of twigs, logs, and leaves. Territorial, and extremely aggressive.

I did a double take at the little window, looking back to where I had been when I last said 'observe'. I saw nothing, it was just a pile of leaves, twigs and other stuff. I poked at the pile with my bat, noting that it didn't immediately jump to life or anything. Maybe the-

A jaw manifested from the pile, clamping down on the end of my bat as the rest of the pile rustled and moved. It gnawed and gnashed at the end, not realizing it wasn't actually a part of my vulnerable, fleshy body. What the fuck.

Fuck this forest. The portal thing couldn't have left me in a normal forest? Well at least I knew I wasn't in Honduras. At least I'm fairly certain they don't have carnivorous piles of debris running around in Central America. And the portal dumped my ass literally three feet away from the vicious little ankle biter! What the fuck, portals are bullshit.

Seeing as I'm not a complete fucking dumbass, I didn't wait for it to lose interest in the bat and turn its attention to chewing on my entrails. I forced the bat from its mouth, and brought it down on top of its head. You might think this was cruel. If I may rebut, fuck you. It was an animate bundle of twigs and other shit, probably a product of black magic that had no feeling aside from 'hey, there's something living, I think I'll eat it'.

So you better believe I started whaling on it with all my energy. Time and again, I brought the bat crashing down, using it in a golfing swing every once in a while to send random bits of it flying off into the woods.

A skill has been created through a special act

A Skill To Deliver A Strong Blow, 'Power Strike', Has Been Created

Power Strike(active) LV1 EXP: 0.0%
Strikes the target with strong force
15% increase in Critical Rate
50% increase in Attack Damage

A skill has been created through a special act

A Skill To Utilize Blunt Weapons Freely, 'Blunt Weapon Mastery', Has Been Created

Blunt Weapon Mastery(passive) LV1 EXP: 13.92%
Allows the user to freely handle blunt weapons
10% increase in Attack Damage with Blunt Weapons
5% increase in Attack Speed with Blunt Weapons

"Fuck ooooofffffffffffffff," I muttered, trying to get the stupid screens to go away and stop obscuring my vision. I was in the middle of trying not to get my legs chewed off by a wolf made of wood, I could read shit later. Once I managed to wave them away, I looked back down at the ground.

The Timberwolf was gone. Had I... completely destroyed it? No, it still had a fair amount of its mass when the windows had started popping up. Did it sneak away? Why? It wasn't like it could do much anymore anyway, so maybe I could just not look this gift horse in the mouth.

A sharp pain in my shoulder promptly told me to stop being a dumbass, and to kill these fuckers to the last twig the next time I saw one. It had circled around to my blind spot while I fought my epic battle against the status windows. It then somehow leapt at me -I BROKE ITS TWIG AND BRANCH LEGS. HOW DO YOU JUMP WITH NO LEGS???- and tore out a chunk of my shoulder with its passing.

It landed in front of me, showing me exactly how the hell it had managed such a feat. It was reforming itself. Pieces of itself were being dragged back towards itself, sliding along the forest floor. For fucks sake. Fucking hacking wolf bullshit.

It let loose with a sinister low growl, then leaped in for the kill, straight at my throat.

I had less than a second to react. So instead of trying to dodge, I risked it all on an off chance that probably wasn't going to work.

"Inventory!"

The screen popped up in front of me, and I grabbed onto the edges of the metaphysical object. I swung it as if it was a physical object, swinging it straight at the wooden wolf. To my surprise, this actually fucking worked. The wolf disappeared into the window, leaving me with a pounding adrenalin rush and nothing to work it off on.

For a couple seconds, I enjoyed the silence. Then I quit being an idiot, and turned the inventory window to look at it better. Sure enough, right there at the upper left the first little segregated box was now filled in with a slightly cartoonish graphic. It... looked similar to the timberwolf I had been fighting, but it looked like it was curled up on its side. It also looked like a puppy version of itself. For some reason.

I prodded the square and said, "Observe," hoping it would tell me what the hell I had actually just done.

Runt Timberwolf Familiar*Common*(passive) LV1 EXP: 0.0%
You succeeded in capturing the essence of a Timberwolf and binding it your own.
Much of its strength, experience, and memory has been lost in the process.
The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's skills will mirror your own, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's appearance will begin to mirror your and its own actions, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
Max number of Familiar *Timberwolf* you can currently have in the Pack: 1.

"I... wait, what? Bound? Essence? You make NO SENSE, that should have just trapped it in my inventory, the fuck do you mean I now have it as a famili-"

A skill has been created through a special act

A Skill To Capture And Turn Unbound Monster Souls, 'Trap Monster', Has Been Created

Trap Monster(active) LV1EXP: 0.0%
30% chance to trap.
Creates a dimensional trap, One foot by Two feet to trap souls that are not bound to a living body.
Monsters of Higher level have an increased chance to break free of the trap.
Due to the size, only a Monster that can fit in the trap can be caught in it.
5% greater chance to trap monsters of lower level than the user.

The fuck. He never got anything like that in the manga, and again I just wanted to trap it in my inventory. Well I guess I can't argue with results. I poked at the boxes again, making everything but the inventory disappear. I poked at the slot that held the tiny little wolfy, hoping against hope that letting it out wasn't going to end badly for me.

My hand sunk into the window, and I felt a rough weight descend onto my hand. About five pounds, if I was gauging it correctly. I pulled it out of the window... and fuck all if this thing wasn't fucking cute. It was curled up in the palm of my hand, looking no bigger than my hand itself. As I continued to stare at it, it let out an adorable little stretch and the cutest fucking yawn ever before returning to it's curled up state.

"Where did so such a small Timberwolf come from?" a feminine voice asked from RIGHT OVER MY FUCKING SHOULDER. "To be as such, small enough to fit in your palm?"

I did a less than manly pirouette, letting loose with a high pitched screech as I did so. My outburst woke up the little bugger resting in my palm, who immediately took to my shoulder and started growling at the lady who had sneaked up on me.

The lady...horse... zebra... thing.

She was wearing a tight strip of cloth over her breasts, and continued her 'amazon garb' theme with a loincloth and a short furry cloak over her shoulders. She had a litany of golden rings encircling her neck, her wrists and even a single solitary ring was pierced through one of her ears. Her clothes were the most normal thing about her, seeing as she looked like a furries wet dream come to life. Her head was horselike... but softer. Cartoonish, almost. Definitely attractive in a way that certain folk might find attractive. Looking downward, her legs ended in- SHE DIDN'T HAVE FEET. SHE HAD HOOVES OH MY GOD HER LEGS JUST WENT DOWN AND ENDED IN STUMPS OH MY GOD.

"Um." I was probably the first human to ever meet an ACTUAL other species that was capable of human speech. English, at that. I had to put my best foot forward, seeing as she wasn't all that frightened by my own appearance. Had she seen humans before, if her reaction was anything to go by? The portal could have landed me in a world where 'Horse' was simply another species modifier. Like 'Elf' and 'Lalafell'. In that case, she might know where to go to get back to civilization.

"Hello! Hi. Hows it going. I... kinda captured its soul or something? Somehow? I don't really know. Look, I don't know where I am," I led after having... kinda answered her question. "Would you happen to know where the nearest... town is?" I asked, halfway hopeful.

She continued to inspect me for a couple seconds, eventually responding, "I can guide you, and I will, back 'pon the town of Ponyville. Is that all right, sir pony? I ask that you mind the path, in some parts it grows quite stony."

I... did she just call me a pony? I wasn't a pony. I quickly inspected my arms, using my hands to reach up and test my ears. Still human.

Roll with it.

"Yes, that's fine with me, stop that," I chastised the little wooden wolf perched on my shoulder, still growling away. At my words and wagging finger in front of its face, it clammed up. It let it's tongue loll out and began panting. "I don't mean to impose on you yet further, but is this town far? I seem to have been transported here against my will, and as such wasn't allowed the time or thought to grab my shoes."

Her gaze traced down to look at my feet. Then back up at me.

"I thought twas only your choice in those, to gallivant about in naught but hose."

Bitch. "Well it wasn't my choice, and that doesn't matter, I'm here, I can't figure out how to get back, and I don't have my shoes. Nothing I can really do about that. Is this... 'Ponyville' close?"

"Tis but a short walk through the wood, a twenty minute walk or so, if you could?"

I definitely could, but her fucking rhyming was starting to get on my nerves. "Uh, yeah. Thanks. I think I can manage. Well then, my name is Colton, and you are?"

"Zecora," she said simply, setting off at a brisk walk.

What? No rhyme? Maybe I upset her or something. Don't know how, I may badmouth people to my fucking content INSIDE my head, but I try to have a polite exterior.

She led me through the forest, stopping every once in a while as I sat down to pry a stick or splinter or OTHERWISE from out of the bottom of my soles. My socks were fucking BLACK on the bottom by this point. It was like the entire goddamn forest wanted to take up housing in the soft fleshy underside of my feet.

"You take breaks an awful lot, I bet most definitely, your shoes you wish were brought?" she said in a happy tone. Bitch, delighting in my pain.

"Yes. I wish I brought my shoes. Haha. How much longer, you said this was going to be a twenty minute walk, and so far it's been," I brought up my watch, checking the time. "Thirty seven minutes. It's been closer to an hour. Are we anywhere near close?"

"Closer we would be, if not to stop every minute, for your feet," she retorted.

It was almost twenty minutes after that that we finally came out of the forest. Enough time for me to bitch and complain and for her to actively ignore me and lead the way. Suffice to say, we tolerated each others preference. Her because apparently she was actually a good person, and myself because I needed her help.

I gave her a curt nod, and a slight word of thanks, and she returned the gesture. Then she disappeared back into the forest. Wellllll, can't say I'd miss her.

Not quite in the distance, but far enough away to still piss me off because it meant THAT MUCH MORE walking, was what looked like a town My poor, poor feet. I trudged my way over to the nearest house, making my way out into a busy street. The street itself was plain dirt. That didn't speak very well of the state of the civilization itself, but apparently such observations was unfounded.

There were humans. Walking around, doing human things. WEARING human things. Normal HUMAN clothes, shirts, pants, so on and so on. Slightly old timey fantasy-esque style clothes, but... kinda normal. Supplemented by a variety of... medieval looking accessories. Everyone wore an array of pouches, either on belts or sewn directly into the clothes themselves. Such a welcome sight. Even though this looked like a bit of a boonies town, I didn't see even one person on a phone.

NOT ONE.

What I did see, was that pretty much every last person was carrying a specific item.

A weapon. The woman I just passed had a hatchet slung through her belt, and a trio of flower peddlers each had wicked looking stillettos half hidden within the folds of their dresses. Across the street, I saw two more women. The one with musical notes stitched into her skirt sash and a pair of vibrant maroon sunglasses perched up on her brow had a couple of bladed chakram hanging from a bandolier over her shoulder, while the sea foam green haired lass she was talking to had a harp cradled in her arms. Even from this distance, I could see the upward tips of the harps 'u' shape were sharpened to a deadly point.

Good god I was in a rural fantasy town.. I looked over and saw a couple of people enacting a transaction. Money, for apples. The lady at the stall had been wearing a cowboy hat along with a long thick brown cape, which in itself was weird. I could see the hilt of a sword over her shoulder, by the size of it I could reliably say it was almost as long as she was tall. What really caught me off guard, was what they USED as money. Coins.

Not just any coins, but GOLD coins. Called them 'bits'. Guess that went with the whole horse theme they had going on here. Their town was named Ponyville, there were anthro horse people walking around -oh did I forget to mention that? There were a SHITTON more humans, but every so often I saw a couple anthro... donkeys? I guess? Also a couple goats. No one seemed to care, so I guess I shouldn't either- and even their money was something horse themed.

So I was screwed there. Even if I had had my wallet, I highly doubt they'd take more than one look before telling me to get lost.

"Umm... excuse me... are you all right?" I heard a timid voice ask behind me.

Turning around, I beheld a vision of moe the kind which fans only dream of. A girl with long as fuck pink hair -Yeah, they may have been human, but a lot (read, ALL) of them had the weirdest fucking hairstyles and haircolors ranging from hot pink to aqua blue- was standing there, wearing a yellow and green dress. The bottom of -and her overarching theme- her dress was plant themed, the folds of green fabric opening outward in a flower bell down towards her feet. Encircling her shoulders was a leafy cloak, fastened with a pink butterfly broach. In her hand, was what looked like an ornate staff. Most surprising however, was what I could see peeking out from behind her.

She had WINGS. Long, fluttery, large yellow feathered wings. She had them tucked against her, but they were still visible. Was she an angel? Some form of variant of human? Asking might be seen as rude. So I didn't.

Perched on her shoulder was... that bird from the forest. God dammit, it was house-trained. Made me feel kinda miffed that it didn't go and get help. Bird sure as shit wasn't no lassie.

"Umm, I'm sorry... it's just," she stuttered, "Mr Mango here says he saw you in the Everfree Forest, and that you asked him to go find help?"

...Fuck-up-the-cherry-windpipe-with-bacon. Fucking Lassie bird. Why the fuck not? Wait-

"If it can actually speak, why did it only tweet at me?" I asked in a slightly overly irritated tone. I knew I had overstepped, due to the fact that she cringed and actually tried to hide within her own hair. I let out a low sigh, scratching at my brow with free hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. What I meant to say was-" FUCK YOU STOP HIDING IN YOUR HAIR YOU SCAREDY CAT BITCH AND JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME! "If the bird is intelligent to the point of being able to talk to you, how come he didn't talk to me?"

She seemed to perk up at my softened tone, peeking out from the folds of her hair. "Oh... well... That's just an ability associated with my special talent. I can understand my animals... because I work with them so much..." her voice was quiet, and it honestly was kinda hard to hear her. I wish she'd just fucking speak up already, it wasn't like I would bite her.

Then she caught sight of the yet to be named timberwolf perched on my shoulder. Her eyes grew wide, and I could practically hear the gears grinding away in her head. With a squeal I can only assume was audible all the way on other planets, She closed the distance with a speed I can only call 'inhuman'. Well she did use her wings.

And she snatched the little 'smiling' -you know what dogs do, it's not really smiles,but it sure as hell looks like it.- bundle of twigs and branches right off my shoulder, laughing as it slathered her face in messy dog kisses. I don't think that was actual slobber though. Looked like tree sap.

"Whats... his name?" she asked tentatively. Good god girl, grow a fucking spine.

"Haven't given him one yet," I replied succinctly.

She frowned, a slight curling of her lips that was admitably extremely cute. "But if he doesn't have a name... what do you call him?"

I returned her frown with one of my own. I didn't like being put on the spot. Especially in naming pets I didn't really ask for.

The tiny timberwolf let off a small wuff of air, panting and 'grinning' at me.

"Hax."

"Hacks?" the girl parroted back at me. I could hear the 'c' and the 'k', don't judge me.

"Short for Haxxors. Two x's. It's a personal joke." That, and the fact that he even existed was in and of itself, fucking hax. It didn't even have lungs, yet it was happily panting away. "It fits him, trust me. Can I have him back?" I held out a hand, and without any further prodding Hax lept out of her hands and back into mine. Guess he liked me better or something. He made his way back to my shoulder, and settled in. What was he, a freaking parrot?

"It's... a cute name," she said quietly. Fuck you it wasn't cute, it was awesome.

"Thanks," I said in short.

We stood there for a few more seconds, before her gaze tracked over to my other shoulder. The shoulder Hax wasn't resting on, the one the previous version of him had mauled.

So yeah. It was torn and bloody. Strangely enough, the flesh underneath wasn't ripped to shreds like it had been, I didn't even notice how quickly it had healed. I guess that was an effect of one of the two passive abilities the main character had from the start of the manga.

Gamers Body, and Gamers Mind.

Gamers Mind made it so the user wouldn't freak out in times of stress. It wasn't like you would go into a panic if your onscreen character was in the middle of a battle.

Gamers Body made it so the main characters body acted like that of a video game characters. He had a health bar, and all long as his health refilled he could recover from any wound. Wait, so I could recover from any wound now too? Awesome.

Quite predictably, this meek little girl freaked the fuck out about it. I guess it was pretty bad looking, but it was just torn up and bloody, not like it was anything actually bad. She made a loud fuss for a few seconds, grabbing at my shoulder and trying to get a better look at my wound. Once she figured out I was NOT grievously injured, she calmed down

She had managed to tear my shirt even more. Fucking bullshit, and I couldn't even pay for a new one.

"I'm sorry... " she muttered under her breath.

Mousy little thing of a girl.

"It's... it's fine. I didn't really like this shirt anyway," I lied. It was one of my nicer shirts, a plain brown one that was a size too large. Perfect for using as my pajamas. At least I hadn't taken off my pants before settling in to relax. God knows how awkward that would have made the travel through the forest.

"But... I mean... I know someone that can..." she continued on in her quiet tone.

Good god fuck girl, speak the fuck up. "I'm sorry, I don't want to be rude, but could you speak up? My hearing is kind of bad," I lied.

"I... have a friend that could take a look at your shirt?" she suggested.

"Think she'll do it for free?" I asked, pulling out a handful of coins from my pocket. Nickels, dimes and pennies. Seems I hadn't gotten any quarters recently. "I don't think our currency is compatible. A few minutes ago I saw someone buy a bushel of apples with something called bits?" I led.

"We use bits, yes."

... anything else to provide? No? God dammit I think she forgot about my question. Not surprising, I doubt anyone would be willing to do something free for someone they never even met. "So I take that as a no? Not surprising. Do you know of anyone around here who might have a couple tasks or something they might need done? Just so I could get a few quick bits. A little tear like this shouldn't cost too much to fix, right?"

Honestly, I'd rather save what I got, and buy some fucking shoes. But from what I had seen, an apple on it's own cost an entire bit. Something like shoes might well end up costing hundreds of bits.

"I could pay..." she meekly supplied.

But why would she pay for me to fix a rip in my shirt? In fact, why the hell was she being so nice? It made no fucking sense.

"I wouldn't want to impose on you-" I started, but she cut me off with an enthusiastic word.

"Oh it'd be no problem at all! It would be the least I could do for somepony who was so polite to Mr Mango..."

The fuck. Did she just say. Somepony? In what kind of backwater yokel of a burg did the term 'somepony' become a common phrase? That Zebra lady called me a 'pony', too. So... humans were called ponies here? Why the fuck not. Fuck tradition, call everyone after a fucking miniature horse.

"He also told me how your appearance chased off a mongoose that was giving him a hard time..."

I reiterate. The fuck. If the bird was smart enough to convey not only the idea of 'oh hey, this person asked me to go get help', but also, 'when he showed up, Dr. Mongoose -a PHD in EVIL- got frightened off', then could it really be classified as an animal at that point, and not a person?

Mango let out another twitter at me, and Hax let out a woof to mirror it. The fuck, were they talking to each other? Wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen today.

"... and that why... I wouldn't really mind helping you out..."

God dammit, I was paying attention to the dumbass animals while she was talking. She gave me a reason why she was helping me, and I didn't even fucking listen. Oh well, I could just ask her again later. An excuse like 'I was paying attention to your animals' seemed like it might actually fly with this girl.

Well okay then, she apparently trusted a complete stranger she just met, based solely on the word from her bird. I'll buy that.

I'd still have to ask about a pair of shoes.

Or failing that, given this town, boots.

---

"Ahm tellin' yall, we already been down this way twice!"

"Then why didn't you say anything before?"

"Ahm sayin' somethin now!"

"Applebloom, Scootaloo? I think you should take a look at this."

The two cutie Mark Crusaders quit bickering amongst themselves, looking over to where their third member was half sticking out of a hidden door built into the wall of the passage.

"Ooh, whadja find, Sweetiebelle?" Scootaloo asked, her light purple hair bouncing with the sound of her voice.

"I think you were right, we were just going in a circle! So I started checking the walls as we passed, and this one kinda just swung open!" Sweetie replied jauntily. Rarity would be proud of her, an apprentice bard managing to accomplish something even full ranked Sneaks, Thieves and Diplomats found difficult at times. To sniff out a hidden passageway with such ease, Rarity would just have to praise her for that. Mom and dad though... they'd praise her for pretty much anything. It was nice... but it lacked a certain 'oomph' when they gave her the same level of support for mastering a complex song, as they did for cleaning up her room.

Of course, their parents might just try and discipline them for going and getting themselves stuck in an unmarked dungeon.

The way things worked, if a dungeon or other such location was found, the location would be marked and a request to the guard in Canterlot would be sent for a crawl. When they finally got around to it, a battalion of twenty to forty guards would 'crawl' the location. Mages, Sneaks and others would meticulously disable any traps, magical or otherwise. All combat efficient personnel would systematically clear out any harmful or dangerous wildlife, sentinels, and so forth. Everything of worth would be distributed among the town that had logged the 'dungeon'.

And they would definitely log the presence of an undiscovered dungeon. If they could figure out how to get out of it.

What had started out as a simple request to locate and harvest herbs and other flora for Zecora, had quickly taken a turn for the worse upon exploring a cave that MIGHT contain a particular kind of lichen. The floor had collapsed underneath them, and they had found themselves dumped two stories down, no way to make their way back up as the cave had closed itself behind them with a miniature avalanche of falling rocks.

They had come to the conclusion that they HAD come across a dungeon, right after the second skeleton. The second animate, skeleton.

The first might have just been a fluke, after all.

They might have had an easier time if Sweetiebelle had brought her lute. She knew a fair amount of spellsong that would have proven useful at a time like this, ranging from a simple orb of light to better illuminate their way -Thankfully, Applebloom had been carrying a couple of chemical light sticks. They were difficult enough to construct, but well worth the trouble- to a charmsong of dispell, to rid the skeletons of their motion for a time.

As is, they had to rely on Scootaloo to distract the ones they had come across, giving Applebloom an opening to smash them over the head with her wrench. The tool was much better used in her craft as an Artificer, but it did the trick for these skeletons. It couldn't rid them of their locomotion, but that was easily sorted out by smashing every last bone into shards. They still tried to move around, but they couldn't menace them with their crude swords anymore.

"So what should we call this place?" Scootaloo asked, looking at the walls of the tunnel as she walked behind Applebloom.

"What?" Applebloom retorted, ducking at a low patch of ceiling.

"What should we call it!" Scootaloo reaffirmed. "We found it, right?"

"Oh yeah!" Sweetiebelle belted out, "We got first dibs! We should totally call it something like the... Crusader's Grotto?" she ended weakly, unsure in the naming.

"The C.M.C Skeleton hideout of kick butt awesomeness!" Scootaloo offered.

"That's kinda a mouthful," Applebloom said, her nose wrinkling as she tried to think up a cool name. "What about... Crusaders Cave? Ah know it's kinda like Sweetiebelles, but it rolls off the tongue, right?"

"I like it!" Sweetiebelle chirped, a joyful lilt to her voice.

Scootaloo let out a low sigh. She knew she was outvoted. "Looks like Crusaders Cave it is."

They trudged on, the low ceiling eventually evening out into a flat, featureless rock. The corridor turned into a square hallway the further the went, until the path turned a sharp ninety degrees to the right. They each stopped, surveying where the path had led them. It was a dead end.

Of a sort.

The hallway ended in a wall of flat, grey-ish rock. On either side of the hallway, stood four doors set into the stone.

"Okay, I don't need to be a Sneak to say this looks like a trap, right?" Scootaloo supplied warily. "Cause if anything ever looked like a trap, then this looks like a trap."

"Can't you just use your 'magic monk' powers to find which door is the right one, if there is a right door?" Sweetiebelle asked.

"I'm an Arcane Monk. I use spirit energy, not magic," Scootaloo rebutted.

"What's the difference?" Sweetiebelle pressured, "I've never really been clear on that."

Scootaloo let out a harsh sigh, "It just is, all right? So what do we do now?"

"Not much we can do, is there?" Applebloom confirmed, walking over to tentatively place a hand on the first doorhandle. "Unless we wanna go back to the endless circle till mah sticks die out, we check the doors," She gulped. her trepidation sounding in the quiet of the tunnel. "Bein' as careful as we can be the whole way. Iffin' a room looks dangerous, we close it as quietly and quickly as we can. Agreed?"

Scootaloo and Sweetiebelle each gave her a curt nod.

Applebloom opened the first door, revealing a room piled high in an endless ocean of golden bits, sparkling jewels and other sorts of treasures.

Scootaloo took a step forward, the glint of gold dancing in her eyes. With all of this, there was no end to what they could buy! A new scooter for her, that glistening gem of a lute Sweetiebelle had been pining over, all the little parts and sundries Applebloom could ever want for any of her creations-

Applebloom shut the door, placing a hand on Scootaloo's chest to stop her forward progress.

"What the heck Applebloom, what are you doing? Did you see that in there? All left unattended, we could take all we could carry and it wouldn't even make a dent!"

"Scootaloo. Calm down. Think. Weren't you just saying to keep an eye out for traps? What better room for them? A room where you abandon your inhibitions, just to get a single handful of gold. After all, it's not like anypony would miss it, right?" Applebloom said with a smile, watching as Scootaloo realized her blunder. "After we log this dungeon, we'll get a finders fee. If there actually is any gold in there, and it ain't some sort of illusion."

"Y-yeah..." Scootaloo admitted weakly.

Applebloom took out a marking substance, painting the surface with a 'P,T'. Possibly Trapped. She made her way to the next door, opening it slightly. It opened into a rather nondescript are, the room small and claustriphobic. From the door alone, it didn't seem to be that there was anything of interest.

Applebloom opened the third door. And froze. There was at least twenty skeletons... milling about. Bumping off of one another, they avoided the walls. Endlessly walking.

Sweetiebelle let out a sharp hiss of a gasp.

Each and every last skeleton stopped, frozen in their steps as the sounds of their movements died down to nothing more than echoes. As a singular entity they each turned their bony heads on their dessicated necks to stare at the trio in the doorway.

"Maybe... they'll stay in their room?"

As one, they all made shaky steps towards the crusaders, their bones clacking and clattering against each other. Applebloom slammed the door shut violently, reaching into her belt pouch and dragging out a bundle of powder. Both applied to the door handle and a quick spark to ignite the concoction later, and the doorhandle had slagged inward upon itself.

"That'll give us a couple seconds," Applebloom huffed, hurriedly making her way to the next door while preparing another handful of her forge burning powder. Open door, quick look inside. She slammed it shut and moved on to the next one. Much of the same, she moved on to the other side of the hallway, and it's four unchecked doors. The sounds coming from the skeleton room were becoming worrysome, the door itself starting to splinter with the ferver that they were forcing upon it.

Applebloom whipped open the first door in the set, her face growing pale as she saw what lay within. She tried to slam the door shut like she had the others, but a long rubbery tentacle snaked it's way out of the room and lodged itself in the doorjamb. She hurriedly whaled on it with her wrench, shouting with joy as it whimpered and withdrew back into it's room. Applebloom likewise disabled this room as well, moving to the next one.

The door holding back the skeletons caved under their onslaught, it's remains falling inward to the hallway.

"No time to check the other ones!" Scootaloo yelled. "One in three chance! I choose this one!" she opened the far door, ducking inside and waiting for her friends to join her. They rushed past her, and she slammed the door closed. Applebloom threw a dash of her forge powder at the door handle, melting it to the door itself. They quickly rushed about the room, laboriously dragging a large wooden desk in front of the door.

"Trust me to find the most boring room in the lineup," Scootaloo groused, the dangers of being killed put at bay for a few scant seconds. "A stupid freaking study. Somepony like Mayor Mare might freaking love a place like this, but it doesn't look like there's an exit in here..." Scootaloo stopped, watching her friends frantic movements as they ran around the room, upturning books and papers as they searched for something. "Uh... did I miss a memo?"

"I ain't just gonna sit back and let those skeletons kill me, whoever made this room might have put in a secret exit or somethin', just like the hidden door in the tunnel!" Applebloom reasoned.

Scootaloo nodded, and joined into the fray. She pried back a bookshelf, letting it topple to the floor. An examination of the wall behind it revealed nothing.

Finally they exhausted all possible surfaces that might contain a hidden door.

"We ain't got no choice, we gotta fight em," Applebloom admitted with finality. "We got one advantage, they all gotta go through one tiny little door, iffin' we can smash em to bits before they get through the doorway we might have a chance. Sweetiebelle, grab something you can use like a club."

They got into position, each side by side as they faced down the inevitable.

"Welp, gotta say girls, I really didn't think it'd end like this," Scootaloo griped.

"Like what? Death by skeletons? At least we weren't grabbed by that tentacle monster, right?" Applebloom laughed.

They each joined in on the laughter, clamming up after a few seconds.

"Wish we had asked Big Mac to come with us. Rarity, heck, even Fluttershy could have taken ten times the amount of skeletons piling up back in there." Applebloom nodded. She wished at least one of her sibling had come with her, they wouldn't have had this kind of problem.

"Yeah... but wishing isn't going to do us any good, is it?" Scootaloo stated with a short laugh. "While we're wishing, how about for a Hero to come save us from across space and time, a prince in shining armor to fall in from on high, like down on a falling star?"

They all enjoyed another chuckle, quieting as a low rumble echoed throughout the room.

"What was that?" Sweetiebelle asked.

"Sounds like more of the cave's collapsing in on itself. Ain't surprisin', that's how we got in this mess, remember?" Applebloom responded.

With a titanic clash of rending stone giving way, the roof opened up and deposited a form in front of them.

"Did... I just get a hero that fell in from on high?" Scootaloo asked incredulously. "Should I wish for a way out?"

"Fuck ALL the ducks!" a voice roared in pain from the pile of rubble lying in front of them.

"Maybe... not."

"Fuck your goddman mother in the face with a tire iron!"

Author's Notes:

Just like with all my other Displaced stories, feel free to leave a question for Colton! He'll be more than happy to respond to your questions. Just leave them down there in the comments.

And apologies beforehand. Colton is kinda... crass. His response very well might make a sailer blush.

3- Quid Pro Quo

"Can you go look for my sister?"

Such an innocent question. Such a simple request. Or at least, it should have been.

It had actually gone quite pleasantly from the very first second I walked in the door of that building with the strange architecture. It looked like a giant carousel, which was kind of morbid considering the motif these people had going. We had been immediately greeted by a genuinely drop dead gorgeous woman. She seriously looked like she could have been a model, with pristine fair skin, and a head of hair that probably took her hours of preparation each morning. Her dress tried valiantly to rival her own beauty, but I think it came in at a very close second.

Like the first girl... she wasn't exactly completely human. She had a horn of bone spiraling from from her forehead. At the beginning, I had just thought it a decorative head piece due to the tiara she had that wove its way around it. Upon closer inspection -she had insisted upon taking my measurements for some reason, I didn't see any problem with that plus it allowed me to actually look at her without looking like a creeper- I could see the bone like substance actually came out from the skin in her forehead, leaving a barely noticeable fold of flesh in a ring around it.

She had been very understanding of my situation, and in an act of generosity creepily mirroring the first girls she had not only offered to fix my shirt, but also lent me a simple cloth shift to wear while I waited. In addition, she also gave me a pair of simple sandles. They had apparently been left there by a girl named Rainbow Dash, and had been left unclaimed for almost a year.

Don't quite know how I feel, knowing I have feet only slightly larger than a girl. I always did have small feet... but actually having it confirmed like this... ehn. So I laced them up, and boom. Viola. No longer are my poor little toesies unprotected against the ravages of the world. Slight protection is better than none.

And yes, her name was apparently Rainbow Dash. Model lady had the name 'Rarity' floating above her head, along with the class title '<Enchantress>', while the meek little girl with the hummingbird was apparently named the inane title of 'Fluttershy'. Along with her name was the class '<Druid>', I guess that fit with her animal motif. I hesitated to ask, but the way they talked names like these were commonplace. The fuck.

If I came across a chick named Twilight, I was gonna shit sparkles for a week. Nah, there was no way anyone would name their child so foolishly. No way in hell.

It was after this simple gift of footwear she asked of me a seemingly equally simple task. If I could but retrieve her younger sister to come pick up her cape while I waited for the repair of my own garb. Sounded simple, anyway.

I wasn't given any clue as to her whereabouts, so I had to actually ask around. No one was really sure where she was, aside from the general idea that she was out with two of her friends. Apparently they were doing what I had sought to do, going around and doing random menial tasks for bits. Pretty smart, for little girls.

No one knew where they actually fucking were. I finally got fed up, and called out "Quest window," once I found myself alone in a dusty alleyway.

QUEST: Retrieve Rarity's Sister, (Sweetiebelle), and return her to the Carousel Boutique.

Well that sure helped me out a lot. "Minimap?" I asked the quest window. It surprisingly obliged, a small 2d circle that faded into view. I dragged my finger around on it, and it showed the path I had taken out of the forest -marked as the 'Everfree Forest'- and the small area I had traveled within the town.

"Quest marker? Show waypoint. Quest line. Help Line. Marker path to quest objective."

In my verbal stumblings, I actually managed to say something that did what I wanted it to. It lit up an area on the map, simultaneously giving me a little arrow that showed where I was as well. The marker for Sweetiebelle was... back in the Everfree, in an unmarked region I hadn't been to yet. Wonderful.

So I tightened my belt, relaced my new sandles, and set back out into the forest. Hax was happily panting away on my shoulder, content to keep his wooden feet away from the forest floor. Every once in a while, he would whip his head to the side and growl for a couple seconds, then go right back to panting like a dumb mutt.

I finally made it to the marker on the map. I looked around at the forest clearing I had found myself in, no little girls in sight. Not a one. I walked around the clearing, always making my way back to the same spot. It was just an empty clearing. I looked up high above me, she hadn't said so but I guess her sister could have wings and be off somewhere above me. If she could fly. If Fluttershy herself could fly.

Nothing. Did the quest marker lead me to a general area? The only other option was that she was somehow below me, but the ground was undisturbed and I didn't see any openings or anything else that would have allowed such a thing.

"Am I just blind, Hax?" I asked the miniature mutt. "I'm not seeing anything. All that's here is solid ground!" I gave a couple stomps to enunciate my point. Hax looked down, letting out a keening whine as he did so. "Shows what you know, you dumb dog. It's solid. Miles," I jumped up, landing on the ground in a loud thump. Hax need to learn some basic survival skills, if he was going to come along with me on these jaunts. "Of thick." Another jump, another solid thump. "Rock solid," Yet another jump, predictably another thump as I landed again. "Earth."

I landed for the final time, flashing jazz hands as I did so. Why not? It's not like anyone was around to see it. Certainly no little girls. Especially not the ones I was trying to find.

Hax let out another little whimper, and the ground dropped out from beneath me.

I landed bodily. I saw numbers flash in front of my eyes, indicating that I had just taken seventeen points of damage. Hax was cheekily panting away, sitting on my chest.

"Don't be so fucking smug," I wheezed out, "So there was a secret room right under the ground where I was standing. So fucking what. At least it was only one floor dow-"

The ground decided to screw gravity and drop out from under me once again, landing me in another room below where I was. I landed on my left leg, and I let out a bellow of pain. Another twenty three points of damage, and a status indicator popped up saying I had reached a status of 'low health'. I still had sixty health, it didn't know what the hell it was talking about.

I blinked the dust away from my eyes, wincing as I saw Hax once more sitting on my chest, giving me a shit eating grin.

"Not. One. Fucking. Word. Two secret rooms directly below me. What are the fucking odds. At least it was only two-"

FUCK YOU WORLD FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU-

Three. Three goddamn floors, all weak enough to collapse right out from under me. I landed on my left leg again, my blood running cold as I heard the bone snap from beneath me. It was a sudden, shocking pain that laid me low and caused a stream of obscenities to spew from my mouth. I felt like it was deserved. Just in response to the status window that popped up saying I was under the status effect 'crippled limb' for the next minute and a half. Just because of that, not because I was in suddenly REALLY bad pain.

A Skill Has Been Created Through A Special Action

Through The Power Of Your Body To Endure Pain And Damage, (Physical Endurance), Has Been Created

Physical Endurance(passive) LV 1 EXP: 42.08%
The Bodies Physical Endurance Increases, And You Take Less Damage.
3% decrease in damage from physical attacks

Fuck off! Much like the character in the manga, this was something I DIDN'T want to see at this point in time! This was not something I wanted to feel! And it was just... oh fuck...

"Fuck ALL the ducks!" I let out, reaching down to check my leg. I gave it a prod-

OH GOD WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE LIMBS CAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING SUCH SENSATIONS???

"Fuck your goddamn mother in the face with a tire iron!" I screamed in frustration at my leg as my foot faced the wrong way. It said I still had... a minute and thirteen seconds? Did that mean in about a minute my leg would go back to normal? I sure as hell hoped so, in the manga he managed to sustain damage that should have killed a normal human. Just my luck to have about a ton of rock fall on my leg.

"I don't think so," I heard a young voice say through the haze of settling dust, "In fact, with his leg lookin' like that, I don' think he's gonna be much help at all."

"Well he did block off the door," a softer voice retorted.

"Oh great, now we're STUCK in the room with no exit?" a tomboyish voice whined.

"Hax!" I called out, just now remembering my diminutive canine. "Where you at boy?"

He let out a low huff of a bark, a puff of dust rising from the cloud beside me. I reached out a hand, giving him a pat on the head. I'd only known him a short time, but he was definitely starting to grow on me. Hopefully only figuratively. I mean, I guess he was technically a plant... monster... could I teach him a skill or ability similar to 'root'? If I could get a 'vine whip' out of him one day he would be officially better than my level ninety eight bulbasaur I had in that one game I hadn't played in over a year. I guess he was already better, by proxy of the fact that he was actually real. Couldn't let him get a swelled head, though.

"Hax?" I heard the first voice ask. "Did he bring his dog with him too?"

"Who would name their dog something like Hax?" the tomboyish voice asked. "That just sounds weird."

"Your face sounds weird!" I retorted to the best of my intelligent of responses. Childish, I know. But I still had about half a minute of 'crippled limb' I had to deal with and I wasn't exactly the happiest of campers.

"... really? A 'your face' joke the best you got?"

"Really? Your face the best you got?" I retorted snappily.

"Ooh, burn," the first voice said, a slightly southern twang audible in her voice. "Would you like some salve fer that?"

"I don't get it," the soft voice inserted.

The dust slowly settled, finally allowing me to properly see the room and the three new people... AHEM, ponies -god I hated this place- that were in it. I could see three little girls staring right back at me, looks varying from shock to confusion.

<Amateur Artificer>
LV13 Applebloom

-hung above the head of a girl standing off to the side. Her long red hair was tied off in a rather large pink bow, but beside that she looked relatively normal. No horn, no wings. She was wearing an outfit that vaguely looked steampunk. She had a simple looking yellowish shirt, but she also wore a pair of loose fitting -thick looking- brown slacks. It looked like they had large metal plates sewn in right over her kneecaps. Over her shirt, she wore a rather immaculate looking blue vest, the trim lined with golden cloth and all manner of pouches and holsters and pockets sewn into it. All manner of tools hanging from it as well. She wore a single glove on her left hand, the intricate plates of metal stretching back past her elbow. Her boots... damn. They were heavy duty. I couldn't tell if they were more metal than leather, or what. They were definitely made for stomping. She also held a thick, scary looking wrench in her right hand.

<Samanera Arcane Monk>
LV12 Scootaloo

-was hanging slightly above a girl with a rough growth of purple hair. It wasn't nearly as long as 'Appleblooms', but it was still unnaturally long to me. Must have taken years for these girls to grow their hair so dang long. She wore an interesting outfit of her own, her blue shirt looking like a simplified version of a karate gi. She had simple, loose orange shorts that were tied with a thick braided rope over the bottom of the shirt. Around her neck she had a bright orange scarf, the ends of which draped over the back of her wings. Oh yeah, she had wings. Not as large as Fluttershy's, but she herself wasn't as large as Fluttershy. Goes with the territory of being a little girl, and not a grown woman. They looked... about to scale regarding Fluttershy's, though. Maybe a little smaller. Adorning her shoulders were two slim pauldrens of thick looking material, they almost looked like scales. Hanging from her belt were two... things. I couldn't really tell what the heck they were, but they appeared to be accented with... her own feathers. Weird. Nothing to say about her shoes, besides the fact that they looked rather simple. Standard, leather, foot coverings.

<Apprentice Bard>
LV12 Sweetiebelle Von Ambrose Dilliguie The First

Sweetiebelle had the simplest of the three's outfits. A poofy white shirt with a hood, lined with pink accents fit comfily over a light purple dress. She had hair with two tones of color racing through it, a soft pink and purple. Hers was even longer than Appleblooms, as far as I could see. She was definitely Rarity's sister, if genetics was anything to go by. She had a spiral horn erupting from her brow, at any rate. Her shoes... were just a pair of soft looking, cloth coverings. Nothing impressive.

Of course, I probably didn't look all that impressive to them either. A crappy brown covering as a shirt, normal blue jeans, and lace up sandles. Sandles that while soft blue, had distinctly feminine accents on them. Marks that looked like feathers and so on. Especially with my left leg turned around like it wa-

->*CRRRRKLE*<-

My leg spun back around to the front of me, letting out a sick crack of splintering bone as it reformed itself. Among a chorus of "Ewwwwww," "groooooss!" and other cries of dissent, I noticed my leg had stopped hurting. Oh joy.

"Did yer leg just-" the girl known as Applebloom started.

"Fix itself? Yes. I heal fast," I lied. Technically. Technically a lie. I mean, I guess I healed, but it wasn't like I had an ability or spell that did it. It was just Gamers Body, hard at work.

"Cooooooool," came a chorus from the three.

"Now that that is remedied," I said as I leaned up into a sitting position, simultaneously trying out my leg and transferring Hax back up to my shoulder. "I assume you are Sweetiebelle?" I asked, directing my comment towards Applebloom. Not like I should just let them know I could see their names floating above their heads. And 'assuming' one was the other would give them a chance to properly introduce themselves. "Your sister sent me to find you. Apparently your cape is ready for you to pick up?"

"Ahm not her!" Applebloom exclaimed, pointing at Sweetiebelle.

"You aren't... your friend. Well that's all well and good Sweetiebelle, but I didn't say anything to insinuate you were," I teased. I watched as this Appleblooms faces grew red in frustration, as well as her friends who were each trying to keep from laughing.

"Ahm not Sweetiebelle! Ahm Applebloom! She's Sweetiebelle!" she belted out, pointing a shaking hand at at Sweetiebelle.

I did my best to steel my expression, looking back and forth between the two young girls.

"Well why didn't you say anything, miss?"

She let out a sharp grunt of a blast of air in irritation. Man, I loved messing with little kids. "Ah DID say so!"

"Whatever. So you're Sweetiebelle?" I said, turning to the girl in question. "I guess it's you whose sister is looking for her. Your cape is ready."

"Well that's nice and all," she replied, eyes flicking to the blocked up... doorway? Doorway. The doorway behind me. The thing that used to be a doorway. Before it got covered in all kinds of dirt, rock, and whatever the hell else the floors and ceilings were made out of. "But we're still in kind of a rough position here. There's at least a score of skeletons right behind there, and that might hold them but-"

"A score? Whats that?" Scootaloo cut in.

"Twenty."

"Twenty what?"

"A score is twenty. It means twenty."

"Why not just say twenty?"

"Because using the word 'score' is prim, and proper," Sweetiebelle ended with her eyes closed, her voice lilting in a tone of one reciting from memory.

"It sounds stupid," Scootaloo countered.

"Girls!" Applebloom exclaimed, "This ain't helpin'! We're still trapped in a room with no way out, we gotta dig out the door and take em all out one by one!"

"Or we could leave via the hole I just made," I suggested.

Three pairs of eyes tracked my pointing finger, glancing upwards towards the gigantic hole my entrance had made.

"Oh."

"That could work."

"How are we gonna get up there though?"

"You have wings?" I suggested incredulously. I leaned forward and jabbed Scootaloo in the gut. "You got wings, and the hole is large enough. just fly on up there and find a rope of something. Tie it to a tree, and let down the other end. Simple as pie."

Scootaloo fidgeted around nervously, tracing a line in the dust with her foot.

"What." I stated it without a trace of question, content they would know exactly what tone I was trying to get across.

"I can't fly."

I stared at her for a couple seconds, then jabbed a finger forward and poked her in her fucking forehead. She flinched backwards, both hands coming up to rub at the spot. She gave me an incredulous look, but didn't question me or even say anything.

"You are a pegasus, are you not?" I asked, to which she flinched again. "Those are wings I see behind you, right? Wait, is this an age thing?" I stopped. It had never even occurred to me that they might not be able to fly until they were older. The fact that she was embarrassed meant that yes, it was possible for them to fly. So it had to be another variable. "Please excuse me if my questions have been rude, we don't really have any pegasi where I come from. So disregarding the fact that you can't fly, can you still use your wings to assist you in lateral movement? Say, if you were to try climbing out through the hole, would they make it any easier?"

She stopped her cringing, giving my words thought. Finally, I had hoped I'd get through to her sooner rather than later. "That... maybe? I dunno, I never even thought about using my wings to... help me climb," she said with a slight laugh.

Without further prodding, the three of them got into a huddle, whispering among themselves. A few seconds later, they shouted "Break!" and started scurrying around. Hax watched them with great interest, even forgetting to pant for a few scant seconds. I watched right along with him, as they eventually managed to become a human ladder. They hoisted Scootaloo above their heads, her stretching fingers searching for the lip of the hole I made. Eventually they found their mark, and she pulled herself up with a flap of her wings. The other two let out a triumphant yell, toppling over into a pile of books.

I waited for a few seconds, as she called down that she had made it up another floor.

"So what the hell is this place, anyway?" I asked as I leaned back against my pile of rubble.

Both of the girls that were left stared at me, as if I had suddenly grown a second head.

"Unmarked dungeon," Sweetiebelle chirped.

"Possibly trapped room at a dead end," Applebloom added.

"Wait... what? Trapped... are we safe?" I asked, a wad of saliva sliding noisily down my throate at her words.

"Yeaaaaah... as safe as we can be with that army of skeletons outside."

"Oh." Skeletons. Right off the bat, a fucking army of skeletons. Wonder what level they were? For as young as these girls were, they actually looked pretty competent. Two level sixes, and a level seven. What the hell level was I, anyway?

"Status window," I said, covering it up with a wracking cough that frightened Hax. He dug his little claws into my shoulder like a damn cat. Little fucker.

Name: Colton Niscon
Class: Displaced Gamer
Level: LV 03

---

HP: 150
MP: 90

---

STR:9
VIT:8
DEX:7
INT:9
WIS:7
LUK:12

---

Point: 0
Money: 58 Cents

Why the heck were my stats so low? The main character of the manga started off at level 4... but I guess he did mention how he had gone up a level since the beginning of his... condition.

He had pooled all five of his points from that level up in his strength. He went from ten to fifteen... so apparently I was weaker than he had been at the start? But my luck was crazy high. What the hell did that mean? Was I lucky? I didn't feel lucky.

How the fuck would I increase my luck stat outside of level points, anyway? I knew I could grind VIT by running a lot, STR by taxing my strength in various ways, and my INT through rigorous study.

In fact, that brought to mind something important. The higher your stats got, the harder it got to level them up outside of the level up points. So... would it be better of me to save all my points, grinding my attributes as much as I could?

A knotted vine swung down from the hole above me, smacking me in the face.

"Hey! Slowpokes! You gonna stay down there all day?"

"Quite," I muttered, rubbing my forehead. "What's her name, by the way?"

"Oh, she's Scootaloo, she's a monk," Applebloom helpfully interjected. Well that didn't tell me anything more than I already knew.

They didn't waste any time with words, Sweetiebelle clinging to the rope and Scootaloo hauling her up.

"You next, mister," Applebloom said.

I stared at her for a couple seconds. "Excuse me?"

"Look, mister, ah can tell ya ain't no combatant jes by lookin' at you."

Hmm. Again, I guess I didn't look that impressive. Who was I to argue about going first? Screw being chivalrous. I was more than okay with ascending out of this hell hole. Maybe 'inventory' a few of the books here, in case some of them were skill books.

I leaned up into a standing position, reaching forward to grab the hanging vine-rope.

My progress was halted, and I nearly fell over backwards. My arm was caught.

"What are you doing?" the feisty little red head asked.

"I... just a second, my hand's stuck on something."

I pulled at my left arm, trying to jerk it free of the debris. With a might wrench of my whole body, I managed to drag it free.

Along with the skeleton clinging to my arm. Seems it had grabbed on when I landed, the weight of the rocks and other shit pinning it within the pile.

I let out a less than manly shriek, punching the half buried skeleton in the face with my free hand.

"Observe," I choked out, so I could see this stupid things HP. This let me see that I had managed to take... nine damage off of it's fifteen hundred health. God damn that would take a lot of face punching. Thankfully though, it seems that It was already at... four hundred and ninety four points. Must have happened from the rubble crashing down on it or something.

I continued hitting it, punctuating each blow with a word. "LET. GO. OF. ME. YOU. STUPID. BAG. OF. BONES!"

Ten hits. Ninety points of damage. Carrying on like this... it would take.. a hundred and seventy more strikes? If I was adding that correctly. Probably wasn't.

->CRSSSSH<-

I stared at the skeletons head, crumpled inwards as a long stem of a metal handle seemed to grow from it's cranium. Applebloom leaned past me, grabbing at her wrench and pulling it free with a splintering crack of breaking bone. Instead of playing dead, it opened up its mouth and let loose a sinister hiss.

"No!" I exclaimed, hitting it with another rabbit punch. "You do not hiss at the nice young lady! Sit! Roll over! PLAY DEAD!" A bit out of place for a human skeleton, and kinda cheesy seeing as it was already dead... I'll think up something better next time.

A skill has been created through a special act

Through reckless abandon in attacking without a weapon, a skill to capitalize on attacking an opponents face, 'Face Punch', has been created.

Face Punch(active) LV1 EXP: 5.9% MP COST; 15

Against all odds, an unarmed, untrained strike directly in the face.

5% chance to ignore all armor and defense buffs.

3% Attack Damage increase when attacking a targets face directly, without a weapon.

3% Speed increase when directing an attack towards a targets face.

5% Critical hit Chance increase when attacking a targets face directly, without a weapon.

Next I looked and the skeletons health was at two hundred and sixty eight points... did she hit over a hundred points of damage with one strike? Damn. Maybe it was because she actually had a weapon."Inventory!" I called out, dragging out my bat. I hit it three more times, wincing as it only served to show up three counts of '21' points of damage. Even with the bat, I was doing nothing more than chip damage. It looked like I got more damage out of the combination of the two blunt skills, as opposed to the new... face punch. What a... ridiculous name. Awesome.

"Hit it again!" I told her hurriedly, "You do more damage than me!"

"It doesn't matter!" she retorted, her wrench rebounding off the arm that held me as she tried a different tactic. "It's an undead, and we don't have a magic user! it'll just keep coming!"

"Trust me," I pleaded, looking her in the eye, "I have a passive magic effect currently active, it's leaching the magic from it. You're doing substantial damage to it, it started off at a numerical value of about four hundred health, and after what I did you knocked it down almost a full hundred! Just hit it again!"

She gave me a look signifying that she probably thought I was crazy, but she did oblige me by giving the half destroyed skeleton head a smack. Another hundred and twenty six points of damage. Daaaaammnnnn. And she was just smacking it halfheartedly, god knows what damage she'd be dealing out in an actual fight. She returned her efforts to the arm, "See? It doesn't do anything!"

"It's down past a hundred, give it another whack!"

"Gah!" she belted out in frustration, smacking it in the dome once more. "See? It's an undead. You can't kill an undead, you have to have a mage or magic user tear apart the magic holding them together!"

So... she couldn't kill it? Was she not governed by the rules set upon the 'gamer'? She wasn't in my party... she she herself still acted like a normal person. She couldn't deplete its health, if the aggravating 'One HP' that hung above it's head was anything to go by.

"Really?" I asked, sliding the bat back into my inventory. I gave it a quick jab in the gob, watching as the one HP turned into a zero. With a crack of displaced stone, the skeleton turned to shadow and dissipated.

Gained 2490 Experience

Your Level Went Up By One

Your Level Went Up By One

Your Level Went Up By One

Sweeeeeeeeeeeet. Wait, crap, I didn't see what level the skeleton was, I had no idea if this was actually impressive or not!

"It... wow, so you weren't lyin'?"

Ye of little faith. Wait. Technically I WAS lying to the little guttersnipe, but I was just trying to kill the skeleton. Ends justify the means, I guess.

"Of course!" cue M Bison sound bit. "You doubt me, but the proof is seen by your own eyes!"

"Hey, whats the holdup down there?" Scootaloo called down.

"The new guy just punched a skeleton in the face so hard it exploded into dust!" Applebloom called back up.

"No, seriously, just hurry up," came from Sweetiebelle.

Applebloom gave a huff of discontent, shaking her head. "They're never going to believe me... oh well. C'mon then, up you go!" she waved back towards the rope-vine.

"Gimmie a second," I stooped down, grabbing a couple books off the ground. Both were rather impressive looking, one rimmed in golden trim, the other with a motif to look like a clear night sky. Maybe they were skill books, but they had to be important to be in a secret room, hidden beneath the ground.

"Hurry up! Or I'm gonna leave ya down here mister!" she barked, so I hurriedly stuffed them in my inventory.

I tried to haul myself up the rope by my own power. Emphasis on try. In the end, I did manage to make my way to the top. Huffing and puffing as If I had just run a marathon.

You Gained 1 STR For The Continued Training Of Your Body

I stared at the floating box in contempt. Just floating there. Mocking me.

Hmph.

Author's Notes:

Edit- I didn't really feel right with how much damage Applebloom was putting out right from the start. I nerfed how much health the skeleton had when Colton 'found' it, and how much damage Applebloom was putting out.

Woooo, look at all those downvotes! Looks like my writing pisses some of you off!~ Now you might think that I should be upset by downvotes. But they just mean someone read the story and didn't like it! Someone reading and having an opinion differing from mine is perfectly normal. If I might make a small request, however. If you do end up downvoting, can you leave a comment, or failing that -if you don't want other users to know of your dissent and wish to remain anonymous- send me a message detailing why you downvoted, that will do me a world of good in future writng. Please and thank you!

ilikereadingthisshit asks: Colton, if you could change the User Interface(UI) on your powers, would you, how?

"I guess the only thing I'd do would be to change the verbal commands to completely nonverbal. Make it so I can just think them in my head."

4- Alpha and Omega

Name: Haxxors (Hax) Runt Timberwolf Familiar*Common*(passive)

Pack Alpha: Colton Niscon
Level: LV4 EXP: 77.32%
Affiliation: The Gamer
HP: 200
MP: 40
STR:14
VIT: 9
DEX:11
INT: 4
WIS: 5
LUK: 7

Point: 15
Size Level: 1
Skills: [Strong Bite LV 1 EXP: 17.06%: Additional +5 damage, COST; 10 MP.]
[Rampant Tackle LV 1 EXP: 0.00%: additional +15 damage, additional -5 to DEX, COST 20 MP.]
[Timberwolf Overgrowth LV 1 EXP: 0.00%: Boost HP Regen by 500%, COST 40 MP MINIMUM, USES ALL REMAINING MP.]
Status: Runt: -5 to STR, -5 to DEX, -5 to VIT
Info: The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's skills and attributes will mirror your own, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's appearance will begin to mirror your and its own actions, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
Max number of Familiar *Timberwolf* you can currently have in the Pack: 1.

So even size was a skill Hax had to level up? Bummer.

I ‘clicked’ the word ‘size’, watching as another window opened up.

Size LV1 EXP: 13.09%
Runt.
The physical size of the ‘Runt Timberwolf Familiar’. It’s not very large at the moment… can it even get any bigger?

Well that didn’t tell me very much. Why couldn’t the stupid fucking thing actually tell me something useful, like how to increase its size? I tried putting a single point into it just to see if it worked, but nothing happened. Since its actual level went up by three –presumably from the skeleton, same as mine,- and its size level was still one, I had to assume it worked off of a different EXP set or something.

Maybe it would level up from eating? But eating what? It was a freaking plant, was I supposed to feed it people food, or other timberwolf souls or something? Whatever, didn’t help me to dwell on it right now.

I waved the window away, focusing on the conversation in the other room. They appeared to be in the middle of a terse discussion, and I pressed closer to the closed door to better make out the words being said on the other side.

Through A Special Action, A Skill To Hear Muffled Or Quiet Conversation, (Listening), Has Been Created.

Listening(passive) LV1 EXP: 12.62%
All conversation lower than an audible level is amplified by 5%

Oh. Cool. I placed my ear against the door, trying to aid my eavesdropping.

“I’m not saying that I don’t believe you girls,” I heard an older woman's voice say. Older as in maybe forty years old. Middle aged, not grandma old. Her voice had a very posh tone to it, one well used to public speaking. “But the dungeon is already registered. It was registered by one ‘Sweetie Drops’, almost… it says she found and registered it nearly twelve years ago. The guard came and it was declared cleared,” she said, the tone of her voice of minor annoyance.

“Yer wrong, though!” I heard Applebloom argue. “There was walkin’ skeletons, hidden rooms and a giant tentacle monster!”

“Yeah, we barely got out of there alive!” Scootaloo affirmed.

“Look, at best I can have a team check it out first thing in the morning. If this isn’t a prank, then it’s of utmost importance that we sort this out,” the woman admitted.

Was it really that big of a deal? What the hell was with there being actual dungeons, anyway? If we had dungeons in our world, they’d be fucking nuked minutes after being found. No way anyone would tolerate skeletons and shit. And if they were confined to actual buildings and stuff, there was no way we wouldn’t bomb the fuck out of them. Go through the ruins afterwards, systematically demolish any remaining baddies with a bevy of high powered firearms.

“Applebloom, can you ask your brother if he’d be willing to give it a look?” she asked, her voice almost dipping down to levels I couldn’t hear. Moments later, a window popped up in front of me.

Listening(passive) has gone up a level

Listening(passive) LV2 EXP: 0.00%
All conversation lower than an audible level is amplified by 6%

I really couldn’t tell the difference, it sounded just as quiet as it had before.

“And see if miss Fluttershy is free too, they seem to work well together. Skeletons… skeletons…” she muttered, and I could hear a fluttering of papers she presumably was sifting through. “Do we currently have any other mages capable of dispelling necromatic enchantments?”

“Well we-“ Sweetiebelle started, before the woman cut her off.

“Lyra!” the woman's voice practically shouted, causing me to twitch from the sudden volume shift, “Lyra Heartstrings, she’s a full fledged bard, her spellsong should be able to…necrophobia... fear of dead things. Wonderful,” her voice became despondent, and I assume she was reading her information off of one of the multitude of papers I could hear being moved around. “Wonderful. Maybe another bard? What about… Vinyl Scratch? She’s not currently on tour, is she?”

“The dungeon is underground,” Sweetiebelle supplied. "Not to mention she's a sonic mage, and not actually a spellsong variant of a bard..." she added under her breath.

“Dangit,” the woman muttered, “She’d just end up causing a cave in…”

“We actually know-“ Scootaloo started, before the woman once more cut them off.

“Octavia? No, she’s currently in Canterlot…” she muttered.

“WE KNOW SOMEPONY WHO CAN DISPELL NECROMANCY!” the three girls yelled out, the only variance being Scootaloo ending on ‘break dead things’.

“Oh?” came the woman's voice, a slight dazed tone to it. “Well why didn’t you say so? Wait, this isn’t that zebra who lives in the Everfree, is it?”

“We keep telling yall, Zecora’s nice! Ain’t a bad bone in her body! But it ain’t her, it’s the stallion we brought here!”

“Hmph,” the woman let out a blast of air in a huff, muttering, “Lives in the forest... necromancer… Fine, this stallion, the one waiting in the hall?”

“Yeah! He punched a skeleton in the face, and he hit it so hard it turned to dust!” Applebloom stated enthusiastically.

“Uh…huh,” the lady ‘scoffed’. Well she didn’t really laugh, but I could hear it hanging out there at the edges of her words. “I see. Well then, if we could just get him in here so I can get a better look at him, that would be wonderful.”

Wait, what? Holy crap crap crap crap crap-

I backtracked away from the door, plopping back down in the chair they had left me in. Wouldn’t help my case if they found me doing something suspicious right off the bat. The door opened, and I could see a grey haired woman peering out. Above her head was her name and title.

Mayor Mare LV 15
<Elected Leader>

Ha. Fucking HA! Her name was Mayor? Good god, that must have gotten her some serious flak back in school. ‘Well then Mayor, what do you see your career being in the future?’ ‘I wanna be a singer!’

Anyway, she looked pretty normal. Waistcoat, button shirt, slacks. Some sort of classy looking shoes. Loafers, maybe? Perched on the end of her nose were a pair of delicate looking spectacles. She had mostly purely slate grey hair. Mostly. I could see traces of pink at her roots, meaning she dyed.

“Excuse me, Mr. … I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name?”

I froze for a couple seconds, before just giving her my name. Wasn’t like I had anything to hide. “Colton Niscon.”

“Colt… Nice Son?” she exaggerated, causing a wave of irritation to run through me. I hate it when people make fun of my name. It’s a perfectly normal name, like the fifteenth most used in the United States or something. Perfectly nondescript. Yet people seem to harp on it regardless.

“Colton,” I corrected her, “Colton Niscon. Niscon, just one word.”

“Oh, my apologies, would you please come in,” she waved a hand towards the inside of her office, where the three girls were waiting.

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” I said, making my way inside.

“These three were just informing me how you can… dispell traces of necromatic effects?” she led, and I could almost hear her trying to trip me up. I was going to have to be careful in how I responded.

“I actually have a rather… hard to describe effect on magic around me,” I started, thinking fast to remember what I had said to the girls. “I kinda… leach off of it. Passively. It’s not really something I do on purpose, but as long as I’m in close enough proximity, things that can’t be killed… well as long as enough physical or magical damage is done to them, I can finish them off by… God, I don’t know what to call it. I guess, I eat the energy holding them together? Something like that? Anyway, yeah, I can kill skeletons.”

“That… is a rather odd ability. What class did you say you were?” Horribly named Mayor Mare asked.

Now, I may not be college level intelligent, but I’m not fucking retarded or anything. You don’t say a sentence like that unless you’re fishing for information. She said something similar while asking for my name. Something she didn’t know, which I freely gave. Perhaps foolishly, at that.

“I didn’t say,” I said pointedly, “And might I mention that I find such a fashion of inquiry as very rude. You don’t need to trick information out of me, Mayor. If you want to know something, just ask. As it so happens, I don’t have a class. We didn’t really have such a system where I come from. Unless you have a class that translates to ‘librarian’?”

I’ve worked in the same library for the past seven years. Just being surrounded by books every day, it was a dream come true. I could tell you where any book you cared to ask about was, right down to the last number in the serial. There are few things more perfect than the Dewey Decimal system.

She considered my words, no doubt figuring out some way to spin this to her favor, get even more information out of me.

“Scholar,” she finally said, giving me a short nod. “Although that does raise a question. Why would somepony with such a unique talent become a scholar? It seems like an odd shift in priorities…”

“Where I come from…” I started, carefully choosing my words, “Well, there aren’t any dungeons. Everywhere is just a big, connected city.” Half… kinda true. No dungeons, for certain. I guess the states could be considered a giant web of connected cities. “There’s no need for such a talent. Society just needs a bunch of little cogs to turn the machine of civilization. Little cogs like a bunch of librarians to run a library. Mechanics to keep all the different machines working. Teachers to keep the youth of the nation up to a certain level of intelligence, so that the machine of society can keep on ticking. If you wanna fight for your life for those that can’t, you join the army. Or the Navy. Air Force, Marines.”

Maybe I was a retard. I gave up too much. She didn’t even ask for that much.

“Anyway, I’ve never even so much as seen an animate skeleton before. I honestly wasn’t sure it would work, it was previously just an unproven theory,” I explained, hopeful that my words would be taken as truth.

Through A Special Action, A Skill To Convince Others Of Your Words, Truthful Or Otherwise, (Bluff), Has Been Created.

Bluff(passive) LV1 EXP: 0.00%
User has a +5% chance to convince target of their intentions.

Huh. I just kept getting new skills that the Gamer never did in the manga. I got the blunt weapons themed spells, so I could obviously still get the ones he had. But It was still worrisome.

“Hmm. Regardless of whether or not you’re telling the truth,” she started, sifting through a stack of papers, “It seems we are indeed in need of the services of a particular classless scholar. Might I ask for you to undertake a scouting mission, back to the supposedly re-infested dungeon these girls have brought to my attention?”

Huh. Was she seriously asking me to go back to the hole with fucking living skeletons, just to see if there actually was skeletons, because she wouldn’t believe us when we said there was skeletons? Gee, sure, let me get right on that, I’ll be more than willing to go risk my life for no reason, without even being payed to-

“I would of course, be more than willing to compensate you for your troubles,” she said coyly. Bitch had my number pegged.
I paused for several seconds, letting her stew before I started fishing for information myself.

“What exactly are we talking about here? Because I won’t say no to some extra cash. I was kinda teleported here against my will, and I really don’t know how to get back home. Would what you’re suggesting be enough for say… a weeks rent at a local motel or something? Just a little bit of cushion while I get back on my feet and can start earning a bit of money for myself?”

I know I was asking for a bit much. No way a simple ‘scouting mission’ could be worth a whole weeks of free residence. But the trick with haggling is, you have to start ridiculously high. Then they try to lowball you and guilt you for asking for such a high amount. Then you try to guilt them right back for lowballing you, offering a slightly lower price than your original. It was just savvy business.

She gave me a cold, calculating look as she studied me for a few seconds. Then she let a warm smile spill out over her features.

“Just… residency? I’m asking you to head back into a potentially deadly area and all you ask for is… residency. Well then, I guess we have a deal, Mr. Son,” she said with a happy lilt in her voice.

So… what the fuck just happened? I… did I ask too little? I asked too little. I fucked up the haggle and started too low, she saw that I didn’t fucking know what I was getting myself into, and jumped on my offer before I could change it in my favor. Should have asked for two weeks. And some bits. A LOT of bits! God dammit, so fucking stupid.

{Quest Alert}

Retrace your way back to the dungeon you found Sweetiebelle in. Provide support regarding potential undead.
Success- Scout the required area, return to Mayor Mare.
Failure- Death, or otherwise failing to return to Mayor Mare.
Rewards- 10 EXP, 5 bits.

---

“Don’t say much, do you?” I said to my almost silent companion.

He was a big guy. And saying that is almost a disservice. He was a freaking giant of a man, he had to be at least seven feet tall, maybe even seven and a half. And for a guy like me who is barely five feet and a couple hairs, I can definitely say he was stupidly tall. Guess he didn’t get the name Big Macintosh on accident. The plethora of plate armor and the big sweeping cape he wore didn’t exactly give him a ‘cute and cuddly’ image, either.

“Eeeeenope,” he drawled, adjusting the hammer slung over his shoulder. Sweet Purity, according to the observe I did on it. Didn’t get anything other than the name, guess the skill was still too low.

“Is he always this charming, or does he just really like me?” I directed towards Fluttershy, who was walking on the other side of Big Mac. Mcdonalds. Heh.

“He’s just… a mane of few words,” she explained. God, these horse puns would be the death of me.

Listening(passive) LV3 EXP: 17.20%
All conversation lower than an audible level is amplified by 7%

Well at least one good thing came of speaking with these two. They were both leveling up my listening skill like there was no tomorrow. If only Flutteshy would just keep talking. Wasn’t like Big Mac ever initiated conversation.

“So… you guys do this often?” I asked, watching as Fluttershy’s face was tinged with a flash of red.

“That’s… it’s not just… we just-“

“Standard procedure,” Big Mac supplied, “Minimum one melee, one magic wielder for dealing with blight infestation, or otherwise.”

“We work well together,” Fluttershy added.

“Blight infestation?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation going as we walked. We were still a good ten minute walk from the hole I made into the dungeon, and I had no idea where the other entrance the girls had found was.

“You really aren’t from around here, are you?” Fluttershy asked as Big Mac gave a snort of amusement.

“As a certain resident loudmouth who does nothing but yammer on endlessly says, eeenope,” I responded.

I got a small laugh out of both of them. “Well then you really wouldn’t know,” Fluttershy quietly explained. “Every so often, a wild beast wanders into town, infected with the blight. They can be a huge danger to themselves-”

“And to noncombatants,” Big Mac interjected.

“Y-yes… if they aren’t stopped, somepony could definitely get hurt… so the town usually issues five pony teams, usually… with me at the forefront…” she stopped suddenly, her gaze pointing downwards at the ground in front of us.

“Druids heal blight,” Big Mac supplied.

“I, yes!” she stammered, “I can heal the blight! So If I can reach the blighted critter before they’re killed…”

She was silent for a few seconds, before Big Mac took up the slack.

“She heals the beasts, they go back to their nests, their holes, their homes, and get blighted by whatever source they contracted it from in the first place. Then they come back to Ponyville, and we start the cycle all over again. Far kinder to just let them die.”

Huh. Tense subject, if the shaking Fluttershy was anything to go by.

“Sometimes,” Fluttershy started, her voice shaking almost as much as her body, “Sometimes the spells to cure the blight fail. They don’t always work. In that case, it is kindness to end their suffering. But if we can restore them… then it’s worth it.” Her voice grew steely, and a new text box popped up in front of me.

Through a special action, a skill to detect killing intent, (Sense Battle Aura), has been created.

Sense Battle Aura(passive) LV1 EXP 42..91%

In the seconds I stood waiting for her to finish, the EXP counter steadily rose, even passing the EXP max and giving me a level on the skill. And then another. And then, yet another. Damn, I could literally feel the hairs on the back of my neck trying to squirm away from this mousy little girl. I wasn’t even the one she was ‘directing’ her ‘intent’ towards!

“And don’t you ever forget that.”

A few more seconds passed before the big guy responded.

“Mmmmkay.”

Okay. So I could definitely see they had different opinions on how the world should be. Apparently something called ‘blight’ was a thing? The way they talked, it sounded more like the T-Virus or something.

We walked in silence from that point, much to my chagrin. Fluttershy’s talking had been giving me a great chunk of EXP towards Listening. She was just so quiet. So SHY.

Like her name. Yeah, I caught that. Were these people not named until they finally developed a defining trait or something? Because that was a bullshit naming system. I’d have probably been dubbed ‘Asshole’. Or Whino. Something demeaning, I just know it. I can’t think of much worse than being given a name that says to the world ‘Hey! I’m shy!” Seems counterproductive or something.

“So Colt, I see you managed to get some shoes?” Fluttershy said, shaking me out of my reverie.

“Colton. And yeah, apparently some girl named Rainbow… something or other left them at the dress makers place.” Fuck! I forgot the fucking name. Rainbow… god dammit,it’s on the tip of my fucking tongue. It was something really fucking obvious, like Train. Or Track. One syllable. Super fucking easy to remember. God, this was gonna drive me nuts…

“Oh, I thought they looked familiar. Do they fit alright? From what I remember, Rainbow has pretty small feet…”

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffdlfnaslvnfncioeanncoinqpirenp;cldmqpvmcapmmagafnazbumwizzco;qeinvnlknfv;nd;pnlnbfvl;dsagafnazbumwizzvp’nfib’iadn’lkendlfnaslvnfncioeanncoinqpirenp;cldmqpvmcapmmco;qeinvnlknfv;nd;pnlnbfvl;dsavp’nfib’iadn’lkendlfnaslvnfncioeanncoinqpirenp;cldmqpvmcapmmco;qeinvnlknfv;nd;pnlnbfvl;dsavp’nfib’iadn’lkendlfngafnazbumwizzaslvnfncioeanncoinqpirenp;cldmqpvmcapmmco;qeinvnlknfv;nd;pnlnbfvl;dsavp’nfib’iadn’lken.

Sorry for that brief mental lapse. Just a little hiccup, nothing to worry about. Why does everything taste like copper?

“They… fit. They fit alright.”

“That’s good.”

“Can’t help but notice,” I started, looking down towards her own feet. “You aren’t wearing any shoes. That ever bother you?”

“Oh, it’s never been a problem. I just… love the way the ground feels under my feet,” she admitted with a slight giggle. “There used to be a slight problem with cuts, but when you’ve been barefoot for as long as I have? You tend to get some pretty thick calluses.”

Oh. Duh. That made sense. Guess she was a flower child through and through.

“Makes sense.”

“Eeeeyup.”

Oh shut up, chatterbox.

The conversation kinda died again, and it stayed quiet until we reached the clearing with the hole to the dungeon.

“Colt, this the place?” Dick Macintosh asked.

“Colton. And yeah, this is the place,” I responded testily.

“How did you find this place?” Fluttershy innocently asked, “It’s not like it’s very… defined.”

Ehn. I didn’t like these people asking about things relating to my gamers ability. That felt personal. Like… it was mine, not theirs. So? Time to lie! And lie convincingly.

“I… well, it’s complicated. The whole process is complicated. I first went around town, asking people about Sweetiebelle to not only gain a firmer mental presence of her, but also to collect traces of her magical aura. Then I used that to home in on her like a compass. Unfortunately, it didn’t lead me along the same path she and her friends took, instead leading me to her actual physical position. Which just so happened to be here,” I gestured to the hole as the red caped asshole pulled a long strand of rope out of his bag. “Above her, I’ll admit, but very nearly her exact location.”

“That sounds very useful,” Fluttershy said.

“Sounds like a lie,” Big Mac said harshly.

“Big Macintosh!” Futtershy admonished him.

“Just sayin’, sounds like a load of hooey,” he retorted.

I was going to have to watch this guy. He didn’t seem like the sort to be taken in by falsehoods. Well he was a Cleric, according to his class tag thingy above his head. They had the whole ‘monk/priest’ thing going on, right? Righteousness and virtue and all that?

“Whether you believe me or not is your own problem. Are we climbing down there?” I asked, pointing to the rope he had just tied around a tree.

“Eeeyup.”

He followed this by jumping down the hole –sans rope, he let that fall alongside him,- and landing with a heavy sounding thump. I looked down the hole at him, as he looked around the room I had fell into myself only an hour or so earlier. I shot a look at Fluttershy as she spread her wings, “Yeah, no. I’m going to climb down the rope like a normal person.”

She didn’t respond to this, descending into the hole by her own wing power. I was left to my own devices, so I called down “Are you sure you need me down there?”

“…yes?” Fluttershy tentatively called back up.

Hmmm. Could I argue with that? If I did, would I just end up having to go back down there anyway?

“Fuck,” I muttered to myself, “Fine. I’ll go down the fucking hole with all the things that want to kill me, alongside the fucking guy that knows that I’m lying straight to his face. I’ll climb on down, and put myself in a tiny room with him, this is a greeeeeeat fucking plan.”

“Colt? You okay?” Fluttershy called up.

“Colton! And yeah, yeah. I’m coming down!”

I slowly made my way down the rope, the trip seeming to take longer than my trip up the vine that Scootaloo had found. Speaking of, where the hell did that thing go? It didn’t just walk off… My feet touched down, letting me know I could tear my eyes away from the rope. I looked around, noting that Fluttershy was watching Big Mac dig at the pile of stone I had let down over the doorway.

“Find anything interesting?” I asked, picking up a chunk of rock and tossing it to the side.

“Eeeeno-“Big Mac stopped, shifting a section of the pile. The Skeleton he had uncovered took this opportunity to politely hiss at him. As politely as a fucking SKELETON can be. Big Mac responded as politely as he could as well. He unhitched Sweet Purity from his back, and brought it down on the sad sack of bones with the force of a freight train.

He brought his hammer back up, letting me see the still remains. Note that, the STILL remains. Not twitching, no sign of life –regardless of the whole SKELETON aspect- at all.

“The hell. Did you guys even need me here? Why the hell did I come if you can kill them on your own?” I asked, rankled that I hadn’t gotten any EXP from the kill. Must have been because he wasn’t a part of my party. I’d figure out how to leach free EXP from him at a later date.

“New enchantment,” Big Mac explained. And by explained, I mean he said those two words, and nothing more. Real helpful. “A new Blessing I managed to apply to ‘ol Sweet here.”

Yeah, that tells me a lot. Wait, actually, it does. Cleric. He’s a cleric. Holy or something, right? So he could make effects called blessings? Were they actual faith type ‘blessings’, or magic or what? This warranted further investigation.

“Meaning that little miss pink roots doesn’t know about it, right?” I guessed.

A snort of laughter, quickly followed by silence from Big Red, a nervous chuckle from Fluttershy.

“Eeeyup.”

I turned away from them, looking back towards the rope. “Can we go back now? You got proof now right? Good enough to give to the big bad boss lady?”

“As I hear it, the ‘big bad’ is going to be paying you for literally doing nothing,” Big Mac said in a dry tone.

He had a point. If we went back now, she might renege on paying me, simply because I didn’t technically do anything. I looked around the small room, trying to think of something. My eyes fell on a messy pile of books, fallen from one of the numerous bookshelves in desperate disrepair.

“Inventory,” I stated, starting to collect books and slide them into my inventory. Hax didn’t seem to like this all too much, as evidenced by the fact he kept on sneezing from all the dust I was moving around.

“What are you doing, Colt?” Fluttershy asked with great interest.

“Colton,” I responded, brushing the dust off a book before I put it in my inventory. “I don’t like the idea of being completely useless dead weight on this trip. I assume that if you ‘clear’ this dungeon of all the little bony’s and other monsters, you’re going to pack up anything of value and sell it or distribute it, right? I’m just expediting the process, as I see it. If I take all these books back in my pocket, that’s one less room someone else has to sift through, and god knows how many pounds of stuff someone has to lug back up through the hole. Am I wrong in thinking this is a good idea?”

Plus, if I sheltered all of them away in my inventory, I could dole them back out at my leisure. And if it came to light through my proddings in my inventory that a book happened to be a skill book? Well I would just so happen to ‘forget’ to unload it. Win win. And by that, I mean I win, and I win. Best of all, no one could see into my inventory. Thank you, Gamer’s ability.

“A dimensional pocket?” Fluttershy asked.

“Uh… yeah. We just call it our ‘inventory’, but I guess it’s the same idea,” I stated.

I continued to pack books away, wincing mentally as each book I picked up failed to give a ‘would you like to learn so and so’ message. Was I just putting them away too fast? Maybe. I slowed my pace for a couple books, turning them over in my hands and looking them over as I brushed the dust from their covers. No indicator. Nada, zip, zilch.

Neither Big Mac or Fluttershy deigned to start conversation back up, but they didn’t interrupt or try to get me to stop. I continued like this for the next fifteen minutes or so, only stopping occasionally to watch as Big Mac shored up the doorway with scattered rubble or destroyed furniture.

“I’ve gotten… pretty much every book in here,” I said, turning in a slow circle to look around and give the room a second once over. “All the ones I can see, anyway.”

“We should head back,” Big Mac said, startling me. Good god, for a minute I had forgotten he was there. For a guy as big as him, that was actually pretty worrying. Did he have some sort of stealth skill, or was I actually that inattentive? “Mayor Mare needs to know we have confirmation for undead. If what mah sis and her friends say are true about how many of them there are, then we could have a major problem.”

Fluttershy actually let out a squeak, a petering sound that echoed around the room.

“The hell was that?” I asked incredulously. “A hissing skeleton doesn’t faze you, but someone saying we might have a problem is cause for alarm?”

“I didn’t really see the skeleton before Big Macintosh destroyed it,” she explained. “It’s just the idea that a legion of undead monstrosities could be lurking less than twenty meters away… it’s enough to just…”

“We need to head back, now,” Big Mac said forcefully, grabbing the rope and ascending out of sight.

“I… yes. We should go back. Back outside, where there’s trees, and grass, and wind,” Fluttershy muttered shakily, following him with a flap of her wings.

A single feather floated down from her departure, which I hurriedly tucked into my inventory. I could inspect it later, maybe if I learned alchemy or something I could use it. Maybe it had unique properties, it did come from a pegasus. Human… pegasus-hybrid-maybe-thing-person.

I grabbed onto the rope, slowly making my way up. After a few seconds had passed, the rope was almost jerked out of my hands as I hung on for dear life. I was hauled upwards at an unnatural rate, stopping only after I had cleared the hole and was hanging in the sunlight.

I hung there for a couple seconds, the juggernaut of a guy holding up the rope in one hand.

“Yer really light,” he joked in a dry tone.

“I try to watch my girlish figure,” I retorted, straining to reach the edge of the hole with my outstretched toes.He swung the rope -with me on it- back over the ground, letting me fall into an undignified heap.

"Are you okay, Colt?" Fluttershy asked.

I brushed myself off as I stood up, "I'm fine. And it's Colton. Colt-UUUUHHHHHNNN. I've corrected you like ten times now, why the heck do you keep calling me that?"

She uncomfortably avoided my gaze, staring off at the clouds in the sky. "Sorry..."

"I mean... I guess it isn't that big of a deal, but why would you keep calling me something I obviously didn't want to be called?"

She didn't respond, instead opting to fly off back towards Ponyville. I watched her retreating form for a few seconds before Big Macintosh broke the silence.

"Dun goofed... Colt."

---

I followed Big Mac back to Ponyville, but I didn't see Fluttershy again from our trek from the outskirts to town hall. Guess she went home. Big Mac had a heated discussion - I didn't WANT to listen in, but my listening skill skyrocketed up to level six all on it's own.- with the mayor involving the validity of skeletons. Eventually, she caved and said something along the lines that she believed him, and would send an order requisition form to Canterlot or something.

He also told her about how I picked up every last book in the room at the bottom of the hole. Fucker, I was hoping that might get lost in translation. Oh well, I could still flub the number, and just forget to regurgitate the ones I didn't want to give up.

"Oh, that sounds perfect!" she replied.

Perfect? Perfect for what? Did their local book supply go up in flames or something? That didn't bode well, that basically meant I'd have to give up more than half the books if I wanted to deflect suspicion. Hopefully not too many of them turned out to be skill books.

I was once more left to my own devices, so I decided to pull Hax's stats back up, maybe allocate a few of the points he had.

Name: Haxxors (Hax) Runt Timberwolf Familiar*Common*(passive)

Pack Alpha: Colton Niscon
Level: LV4 EXP: 77.32%
Affiliation: The Gamer
HP: 200
MP: 40
STR:14
VIT: 9
DEX:11
INT: 4
WIS: 5
LUK: 7

Point: 15
Size Level: 1
Skills: [Strong Bite LV 1 EXP: 17.06%: Additional +5 damage, COST; 10 MP.]
[Rampant Tackle LV 1 EXP: 0.00%: additional +15 damage, additional -5 to DEX, COST 20 MP.]
[Timberwolf Overgrowth LV 1 EXP: 0.00%: Boost HP Regen by 500%, COST 40 MP MINIMUM, USES ALL REMAINING MP.]
Status: Runt: -5 to STR, -5 to DEX, -5 to VIT
Info: The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's skills and attributes will mirror your own, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's appearance will begin to mirror your and its own actions, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
Max number of Familiar *Timberwolf* you can currently have in the Pack: 1.

Nothing seemed to change since the last time, but that wasn't that big of a surprise. Not like I had gained any more experience since then...

I plopped six points into INT right off the bat, not only did I want my pooch to be as smart as he could be but I also wanted to give him more MP for his moves. With a hundred MP, He could pull off a few bites and tackles, and still be able to activate that weird 'overgrowth' regen thing. The fact that it ate up the remainder of his MP was truly a shame, meant he couldn't spam it. I still had nine points left, so I first slotted five points in WIS. Anything to get his MP regen up that much more. I put the remainder into VIT and DEX.

Name: Haxxors (Hax) Runt Timberwolf Familiar*Common*(passive)

Pack Alpha: Colton Niscon
Level: LV4 EXP: 77.32%
Affiliation: The Gamer
HP: 240
MP: 100
STR:14
VIT: 10
DEX:14
INT: 10
WIS: 10
LUK: 7

Point: 0
Size Level: 1
Skills: [Strong Bite LV 1 EXP: 17.06%: Additional +5 damage, COST; 10 MP.]
[Rampant Tackle LV 1 EXP: 0.00%: Additional +15 damage, additional -5 to DEX, COST 20 MP.]
[Timberwolf Overgrowth LV 1 EXP: 0.00%: Boost HP Regen by 500%, COST 40 MP MINIMUM, USES ALL REMAINING MP.]
[Magic Siphon LV 1 EXP: 0.00% : Drain from a singular target's MP pool. Mana drain is equal to mana gain from (Magic Siphon). Gain 1MP per attack. Magic Siphon cooldown between activation; 50 seconds.]
[Root LV 1 EXP: 0.00% : Fasten a target to the ground using organic growth. Duration 1 to 5 seconds MAX. COST 30MP]
Status: Runt: -5 to STR, -5 to DEX, -5 to VIT
Info: The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's skills and attributes will mirror your own, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
The Runt Timberwolf Familiar's appearance will begin to mirror your and its own actions, growing and learning alongside its Pack Leader.
Max number of Familiar *Timberwolf* you can currently have in the Pack: 1(+1).

Ooooh, so leveling up didn't give him new skills, but leveling up his attributes did? I boosted his intelligence, so I guess that translated into him gaining magic oriented skills... Magic Siphon... it was practically useless as it was currently. I'd have to help him level that up as soon as possible. If I could get it to where he gained at least ten MP per attack, he could reliably stay in the fight for a good amount of time.

Through A Special Action, A Skill To Lead a Pack, (Pack Leader), Has Been Created.

Pack Leader(passive) LV1 EXP: 1.92%
+3% Damage for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+3% Damage reduction for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+3% HP Regen for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+3% MP Regen for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+20 HP for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+5 MP for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+1 to Pack Size

Oh, now THAT was awesome! It not only boosted the attack for Hax, but it also... I guess It allowed me to go get another timberwolf? Maybe? I scoured Hax's status window, smiling as I saw a certain bit of info. Max number of Familiar *Timberwolf* you can currently have in the Pack: 1(+1). The plus one had to be from the leader skill thing, which was a huge boon! All I had to do now was... go back into the forest. And find a dangerous magic animal that in it's natural state, looked exactly like a pile of leaves and other forest things. In the forest. And then I'd have to hope my 'monster trap' thing would actually work. Which it might not.

I quickly pulled up the stats for the "Monster Trap', wincing as I saw that it was indeed, a 30% chance at success. As in, a 70% chance at failure. Not in my favor.

Okay, so I'd look into getting another Timberwolf... but it didn't say it HAD to be a Timberwolf. It just said canid type critters. That meant dog, right? So I could potentialy have a pack of all different kinds of dogs? Cool? I guess? Well at the very least, I knew the basic area where to find timberwolves. If I could just find some way to ensure that I wouldn't get my feet chewed off if things went wrong...

ID CREATE. In the manga, it created a pocket dimension that he was immediately transported to. So theoretically, If I learned that I could potentially make tracks outta dodge whenever I wanted. Plus I'd get the ability to use magic in the process. If I could get it to work.

I slumped in my chair, trying to shut out the conversation from the other room. How the hell did he do it again? Something about strength? Hands and strength.

'Just put some strength into your hands,' if I was remembering correctly. I tried to follow that instruction, focusing on the feeling in my hands. I imagined them steadily growing hotter, a heat drifting down and pooling in them.

A Skill Has Been Created Through A Special Action

The Skill To Directly Use Mana, [Mana Bolt], Has Been Created

Mana Bolt (Active) LV1 EXP:0.0%
A skill that attacks by emitting mana.
Attack power increases by INT
Range 10 m.

Good, I was on the right track. So to make an imaginary pocket dimension... Appear.

Appear.

Appear, Illusion Barrier!

A Skill Has Been Created Through A Special Action

A Skill To Make Illusion Barriers, (ID Create), Has Been Created

ID Create (Active) LV1 EXP 0.0%
A skill to create Instant Dungeons
Stronger Instant Dungeons may be created according to skill level

The conversation, -and really all sounds- died out suddenly. I looked around, noting as it still appeared I was still within Town Hall. I got out of my chair, slinking forward to knock on miss Mares office door.

"Hello? Anyone in there?"

I opened the door cautiously, noting with satisfaction that there was no one inside. It worked. Now just to create the skill to get back out, ID Escape. I closed the door -kinda unneeded, but I did it anyway- and sat back down in my chair. I went through the process again, the varriation this time being that I kept on chanting 'I want to escape' in my head.

The air cracked around me, falling apart in shimmering fragments that crumbled to nothing. Ambient sound returned, letting me hear that Big Mac and Mare named Mayor were still talking.

A Skill Has Been Created Through A Special Action

A Skill To Get Out Of The Instant Dungeon Illusion Barrier, (ID Escape), Has Been Created

ID Escape (Active) LV1 EXP: 0.0%
Used to Escape Instant Dungeons

It worked. Good, now I had a viable route of escape from any dangerous situations.

Plus I could now use magic. If I could just skip a few steps and get the rest of his altered Mana Bolt spells... maybe town hall isn't the best place to play around with exploding balls of magic. Just maybe.

I picked Hax off of my shoulder, turning him back and forth. He didn't look any smarter. Or stronger. Hax cocked his head to the side, looking me over as well. I was suddenly hit by a certain thought. Was he thinking the same thing about me?

"Hey," I started off, bringing him closer to my face, "I put six points into your intelligence. You any smarter?"

He didn't respond, unsurprisingly. He did however strain forward and lick me right on the lips. Uggghh, tree sap, gross...

I set him down on my lap, contemplating his existence. He looked like a bundle of twigs, leaves, and other greenery. His spit was apparently sap, however the heck that worked. Petting him... his body actually felt just like really coarse hair, not sharp or rough tree stuff. His eyes were apparently hollows, filled with a soft green light. That was kinda weird. His tail was the softest part of him, even though it looked to be made of the same material as the rest of him.

"Colt," Big Mac said, somehow suddenly standing right in front of me. I REFUSE to believe I'm that fucking inattentive! He had to have some sort of stealth skill, no one that fucking big was that fucking quiet! "Mayor wants to see you."

I got my beating heart back under control, watching as he clomped off. No way in hell I missed him, making all that noise. After I caught my breath, I made my way back inside Mayor Mare's office. Hax of course took residence up on my shoulder again.

"Mr. Niscon, so good to see you again. I believe we have a matter of residence to sort out?"

---

I looked around the room, noting the litany of bookshelves peppering the walls. The scent of them permeated the air, infusing the room with that oh so good wood pulp smell. This was offset by the warring smell of a grove of thriving trees.

I was inside a hollowed out, still living tree, after all.

How the fuck does that work? Fuck if I know. Magic, if I were to guess. Seems to be these people go to answer for pretty much anything else.

"This is..."

"Would this be satisfactory, Mr. Niscon?" Mayor Mare asked, startling me out of my reverie. Kept forgetting she was there. "There is an attached living space, as well as a spacious basement for any storage concerns. I can personally attest to the quality of the kitchen appliances, they're all powered by the earth itself, along with the plumbing!"

They had plumbing? They had fucking plumbing, but still had dirt roads? What kind of bullshit was that? Gah, I can't complain about anything in this fucking place without it becoming trite. Magic. Magic answers ANYTHING. Fucking bullshit.

"I can of course offer you a weeks residence as we previously agreed," she started, drawing my attention, "But if you were willing to make this a more... lasting placement..."

I stared at her for a few seconds before I responded. "I'm listening."

"Well, as it so happens, Golden Oaks Library had a competent caretaker until about two months ago. A Mr. Pen Wright had been living here for the past twenty eight years, but decided to move to Manehatton to live with his granddaughter. The only other scholar we have currently living in Ponyville owns her own house, and has a profession she decided she couldn't give up. Ms. Cheerilee is a good sort, putting her job as a schoolteacher before her own personal wants..." she trailed off, reminiscing on some memory or something. I fake sneezed to draw her attention back to the current point, "Oh, yes. So we are in need of somepony to deal with the upkeep, organization, so on and so forth regarding Golden Oaks. If you took up these duties, I could see about extending your residency indefinitely. As well as sending pay your way, it's not like I could ask you to do this job for free."

Was she fucking serious? She was not only offering me technically my own house, to do whatever the fuck I wanted in, but also offering to fucking pay me for that too? As long as I kept the place tidy, I guess.

I'd have to be fucking insane not to take this deal!

{Quest alert}

You've been offered a job!
Sucess conditions: Accept.
Failure: Rebuke the offer
Rewards: Indefinite Residency within Golden Oaks, and all the paperwork that goes with it.
25 EXP
50 Bits.

Now that was even better, I couldn't say no now! Fifty bits, just for getting a place to sleep? That was insane over the price the other quest gave me...

"You got yourself a deal, Mayor," I said, offering my hand for a handshake.

She took it in her own and gave it a single firm shake.

"Well then. May I be the first to welcome you, Colton Niscon. Classless Scholar, Welcome to Ponyville!"

Everything... was going my way.

Author's Notes:

Okay, to start off, more than a few people voiced concern that Colton didn't get the physical resistance skill in the last chapter. He fell through three stories off rock and other stuff, shouldn't he have gotten it?
Yes, you are all absolutely correct. I went back and did my best to shoehorn it in, hopefully it doesnt feel too obtrusive.

To add to that, I also altered Colton and the CMC's run in with the Skeleton. Messed about with the damage they were outputting.

Before you go off and start harping on Big Mac being an ass, let me explain. Colton LIED, straight to his face. As to his actions towards Fluttershy, He's been fighting alongside her for a good long while. He's seen several of the very same beasts Fluttershy 'supposedly' healed come right back and cause bodily or property based harm. He's a bit sore about that, and can't understand why they don't take the utmost steps to prevent that.

In the last chapter, I had the level up's read 'You Level Went Up By One'. YOU LEVEL. HOW DID NO ONE CATCH THAT? AND WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU TELL ME!

For that one guy that asked if the 'Pack Leader' skill would affect a Displaced like Amaterasu, if she became a temporary 'member' of the pack. Short answer, yes. As long as she was in the 'pack', she'd get a boost from the Pack Leader ability.

Added in a couple 'quest' windows.

Fictional Fanatic asks; Question for Colton: Are you going to take a look at the options menu anytime soon?

Wait, what? Options?
...
...
...
Fuck! I completely forgot about that!

5- Getting Settled In

After she left, I set about going through the books I had gotten from the ruin. Turns out a majority of them were worthless to me. The ones that weren't damaged in some way were all manifests of some sort, in the end I only came out with three actual spellbooks. Two of which were the ones I picked off of the top of the pile from the start. So my actions had been almost completely unprofitable towards my repertoire.

Had a bunch of books to catalog and shelve, at least.

The first one was-

Spirit Technique Of the Lunar Sister

Of course I immediately tried to learn it, but it informed me I needed an INT of 20. So against my better instincts, I poured 11 of my points into INT. Trying again, this new message popped up.

A Skill Has Been Learned From A Skill Book

Spirit Technique Of the Lunar Sister(active&passive) LV 1 EXP: 0.00%
A basic inner Mana technique developed by the Sister of the Moon. It purifies Mana and allows the user to store it within their Mana center, enabling the user to freely manipulate the power.

After the development of the inner Mana techniques, Ponies have become able to overcome the limits of the Equine species.

The increase amount depends on the amount of inner Mana. Inner Mana level (MP) permanently increases from inner Mana training.

Passively increases STR by 10%.

Passively increases DEX by 10%.

Passively increases VIT by 10%.

Passively increases INT by 10%.

Passively increases WIS by 10%.

Additional 30% increase in STR when active.

Additional 30% increase in DEX when active.

Able to use Mana Strike when active

That... that was almost exactly like another one of The Gamers almost starting skills. One of the Chunbu skills. Was the parallel important? Or was it just coincidence? The next book didn't give me any problems, immediately allowing me to learn it.

Solar Meditation(active) LV 1 EXP: 0.00%
A method to regain used up Inner Mana and recovers it quite rapidly. Additional 30 MP gain per minute when activated. External shock may break Mana meditation and cause you to fall into a state of Mana Confusion.

(Solar Meditation) will recover an additional 40 MP per minute if performed in sunlight.

They were the exact same damn skills! They just changed the name, and changed 'ki' to 'mana'. Seriously, how lazy can you be? Of course the fact that the solar one gave additional benefits for being in sunlight was... weird, I guess. The last book in the trio was a brown covered book, with three stars inlaid in the cover. It was a shame that it had to be destroyed.

Starswirls Shortcoming(passive) LV 1 EXP: 0.00%

Basic mana technique developed by Starswirl himself. Starswirls Shortcoming is based off observing the Earth Pony form in comparison to his own Unicorn physiology. Makes the body strong and increases the body's defense power.

Increases STR by 10%.
Increases DEX by 10%.
Increases VIT by 10%.
Increases VIT recovery rate by 10%.
Increases stamina recovery rate by 10%.

That... again, it sounded stupidly familiar to what the other skills were called. If the 'game' or whatever was 'in charge' -I sure hope there was someone watching over me, didn't just leave me to rot in Ponyville.- wanted to shove these skills down my throat, why not at least let them stay the same?

I had the same skills being called two different things in my head, it was kinda confusing to keep straight.

Absorbing skill books... it was weird. It wasn't like I read them and their contents, it was like I wrote them myself. I could remember each word being written down, smell the ink as quill touched the paper, remember my emotions and what I was feeling as I wrote it all down. I understood immediately exactly how each of the spells were supposed to work... but then it faded.

The feelings I had as I was absorbing them slowly faded dying down into a dull feeling. I could remember, but once again they were just books that had been written by someone else. So, weird feeling. It was like someone flashed an incredible wealth of knowledge in front of my eyes, and I blinked.

I now had a better understanding of mana though, My stats weren't the only thing that was passively altered by the consumption of these books. I could probably end up activating them without even saying the activation phrases... better not to push it. I'd stick with verbal mutterings for now, at least at the start.

These were actually an incredible find, so early on. They would boost my abilities far beyond what I was normally possible of doing, allowing me to level up that much faster. I was only a level 6 after all.

"ID Create," I said for what seemed like the hundredth time since the mayor mare named Mayor Mare who is a mayor and is not a mare left.

I followed that with a quick "ID Escape", slowly creeping my way up to level two. The sooner I could get to a level that allowed me access to the time warping ID, the sooner I could begin grinding in earnest. Till that point, I'd be crawling along at a glacial pace.

"ID Create."

62%

"ID Escape. ID Create."

75%

"ID Escape. ID Create."

90%

Alright, so I skipped a bunch of them, but it's not like we should dwell on that, right? I would have thought it would have leveled up earlier. So tedious.

"ID Create."

You gained 1 skill level

ID Create (active) LV 2 EXP: 1.02%
Used to create instant dungeons.
Stronger instant dungeons may be created at higher levels.
Currently available ID list:
1. Empty ID- monsters: none.
2. Timberwolf ID- monsters: timberwolves.
3. Zombie ID- monsters: zombies.
4. Combined ID- monsters: timberwolves, zombies.

I... what? Why the hell was 'timberwolves' on the list? It should have been zombies and ghosts, we never got to see it in the manga but it still should have been there!

To say I felt cheated was an understatement.

"ID Escape, Timberwolf ID," I said on a whim. I found the world melting around myself, slowly coming back into focus as it reformed itself as to my request. I was still inside the library, but it had subtly changed around me. Instead of the uncleaned building I had found myself in, it appeared to have a 'ruins' filter overlaid over everything. There were cobwebs over everything, and even the light itself seemed a little bit darker, a little bit bleaker.

Everything looked damaged, even the window I was standing in front of was shattered beyond anything someone like I could possibly fix. Thank goodness this was an ID thingy, I like having windows I can close.

I gave the edge of the window a shove, wincing as the rotted wood splintered and sent the window shattering off of its hinges. Judging by the distant howls I heard out of the gaping hole, this was obviously a bad, bad idea.

Hax let out a low whine, reminding me that he had come along for the ride.

"Don't worry little guy," I tried to assure him, "I just wanna look around for a couple minutes, see if I can't find another lone wolf. See if I can't get you a little brother... and speak of the devil," I ended, looking out the window. Prowling outside the front door and trying to find a way in was just what I had asked for. "Am I lucky? Or am I just lucky. Hax, can you do something for me?"

Hax cocked his head to the side, giving me a look that said 'what".

"Can you activate one of your abilities for me? I want you to 'root' that doggy out there," I said, pointing at the increasingly agitated timberwolf. It sounded like it was trying to dig through the half destroyed door.

Hax dug his claws into my shoulder, leaning to better look off over the lip of the window. He let out a little 'arf!' and looked like he was straining for a couple seconds. A panicked whine sounded from below, and when I looked back out I could see an almost web of growth reaching up to encircle the lone timberwolfs' legs.

"Good job boy," I said, reaching up to give him a brief ear scratch. I had to be quick, from what I remembered the root skill wouldn't last long. I half hopped out of the window, trusting that the two story jump wouldn't hurt me too badly due to 'Gamers Body'. Thankfully I wasn't wrong in my suspicions. Only twelve damage.

"Monster trap!" I called out, grasping the slightly glowing window that suddenly appeared in front of me. I suppose I had to use it exactly like I had with my inventory to catch Hax...

I whipped it down over the timberwolf's head, smiling in anticipation. That was so fucking easy! This was a guaranteed thing, in the bag! The wolf was actually sucked into the window, and it began to shake in my hands. The fuck was it doing? I already caught it, if I had failed It wouldn't have sucked it up or-

A glowing red X appeared on the side of the window facing me, before the entire fucking thing exploded.

I got blown backwards, Hax landing on my face as I came to a rest in a crumpled heap.

"raff..." Hax let out with a slight whine.

"Fuck... you can say that again," I wheezed out, checking my status and surroundings.

I had taken an additional thirty damage from whatever the hell that was, and Hax had taken a single ten. Lucky bastard. The timberwolf was nowhere to be seen, regardless of how hard I looked. Hanging in the air in front of me was a new window.

Monster Trap Failed!
Backlash!: 40 Damage
Timberwolf: Dispelled
Acquired item: Damaged Timberwolf Soul Gem

"Screw it, I can look at that later," I claimed, quickly making my way to me feet. A quick check assured me I made no EXP from that, even though it apparently destroyed it. So the attempt itself destroyed it? How did that affect all monsters? It's not like I could reliably depend on defeating timberwolves like this, if anything this was abjectly a bad thing. I may have gotten an item out of it, but that in itself wasn't a guaranteed thing.

I got backlash? Because the skill failed? Shit, I should have checked its level beforehand, if it was lower than mine I would have gotten the +5% bonus... or maybe that had been added to the attempt anyway, and I still fucked it up. Regardless, next time I needed to start off with an 'observe'. Stupid, so fucking stupid.

I heard a series of echoing howls, and twisted my head to look. I couldn't see any enemies in the street, but they didn't sound all that far off. I was already down forty health, I didn't want to tangle with a group of enemies with only Hax to fight alongside me in a situation like this. We were both woefully under-prepared for a real fight right off the bat, I had definitely been hoping I could just go out and nab another timberwolf.

Looks like he wouldn't get a new brother any time soon. Or maybe I'd just have to wait until next time, we might get lucky.

"Escape I-" I started, before a thought struck me. I didn't want to pop back into reality out in front of the tree-house, wasn't even sure if I would but it didn't hurt to stack the deck. I hurriedly clamped my lips shut, Looking back at the sagging tree.

I really shouldn't have just jumped out the window. That was extremely stupid of me. The doorway was almost completely blocked off, even with all the progress the timberwolf had made with its wild digging at it.

I poked at it for a couple seconds, making little headway. I peered back up towards the window, quickly ascertaining that I wasn't going to be able to climb back up easily.

"Screw it, Escape ID," I stated, twitching as reality superimposed itself over the rotting facade it had worn seconds previously. It was really an uncomfortable sensation, even knowing that it had been a fake version of the world I found myself in. Reminded me of that one Lemony Snicket commercial. The one movie with Tim Carey. Love that guy.

"Agh!" an outburst of surprise sounded from behind me, and I whipped around to identify the source.

Fuck.

I had apparently popped back into existence right in front of the three girls I had found earlier.

"Apologies, still getting the hang of that," I lied, turning around to face them head on. "You'd be surprised how hard it is to keep orientation straight when teleporting. So, something you girls needed? Or were you just coming by to check out a book? Don't know if you've heard or not, but you are now looking at the new librarian of Ponyville," I said with false enthusiasm, striking a pose and wiping a piece of imaginary lint off of my shoulder. The one Hax wasn't perched on, of course.

You might view this as unnecessary. You might be right. But it seemed to do the trick. All three of them each gave me a stereotypical 'Ooooh' and even an 'Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh'.

"So yer gonna be stayin'?" Applebloom asked, not quite a tone of elation in her voice, but at least it wasn't as unenthusiastic as 'bored'.

"Yes indeed, little lady," I confirmed, mentally wincing as their expressions didn't change from their normal 'happy child' norm. Why the hell were they here, anyway? "As per the agreement I signed, I now have indeterminate residency. If I read the papers correctly, I can actually even buy the library if I manage to scrape together the required money. Its a bit of a longshot, but I could even be looking at a permanent position." Not that long of a longshot, if I could grind boss monsters within the confines of the various ID's. They should give not only loot, but copious amounts of money. Hopefully.

"So you could be staying here for good?" Scootaloo questioned. Don't really like it when people ask a question I just fucking answered. Makes me question their overall intelligence.

"Uh... yeah."

"Cool."

Glad to see they had some similarities to normal girls. I was beginning to worry.

"Cool indeed. So again I'll ask, why're you here? Certainly I don't warrant the attention of three monster slaying warriors such as yourselves?" I said, noting with satisfaction that they all had varying expressions ranging from embarrassment to smugness. Looks like I had poked the right buttons.

"That's why I wanted to talk to you," Scootaloo of all people spoke up. "We noticed you aren't exactly... the greatest fighter. Like, at all. So I-"

Applebloom elbowed her in the side, followed by a scathing glare from Sweetiebelle.

"We,"she continued sheepishly, "thought we'd offer our expertise," she put a lot of inflection on the last word, making me think she probably didn't know what it meant. The other one must have told her to say it, her sister did seem like a socialite, and if she spent any time around her she probably would inevitably pick up some more articulate words. "You know, if you wanted any. Any help, I mean, most ponies just take up an exercise class if they want to get in shape, but if you want to get yourself in fighting shape we'd be more than willing to help!"

"Uh-huh..." I replied, drawing out a pause of silence. They sounded pretty straightforward, but I'd be a fool not to at least try to see if they had ulterior motives.

That being considered, in the manga the main character had his best friend who just so happened to a bit of a master martial artist. He probably wouldn't have progressed as he had if he hadn't had someone experienced to spar against.

I currently had no one. Well, I had Hax, but I don't think he'd be much of a help in that department.

"Not that I'm outright saying no, but do you know of anyone... better qualified to teach a novice?" I asked, a hint of laughter edging its way into my voice.

"We are qualified!" Scootaloo claimed.

"Oh? So you can show me some papers, documents so on and so forth that show you are legally warranted to teach me?"

All three bowed their heads as one, obviously not expecting any resistance. I nearly laughed at the sight, but if I didn't say something soon they might get the wrong idea and not realize that I was joking.

"Hey hey hey! I'm just pulling your legs, I'd be more than happy to receive any help if you're willing to offer it. First things first though, do any of you know where I could get some training weights? Like, clothes or something that I can wear, but are super heavy."

Again in unison, they all gave me a look of confusion.

"Why?" came from Sweetiebelle.

"Well if I'm going to be training, I want to be training," I said with false determination. They didn't seem to notice my playacting, however. "Going all out, not simply lazing around as I lift five pounds above my head every couple of minutes."

The three of them suddenly gathered into a whispering huddle, their conversation too fast for me to track with my listening skill. If that would have helped at all, given that it described itself as allowing me to hear muted conversation while saying nothing about keeping track of people who talk fast.

"-do you?"

"-dunno where mine-"

"-bet Rainbow has-"

"-used to have some, dunno where he puts 'em-"

"-could just ask my-"

"-I AM CONTRIBUTING," I drawled in a monotone, having sneaked forward and placed my face right between Applebloom and Sweetiebelle's.

"-uff," Hax huffed, sitting on Appleblooms other shoulder. Guess that boost to his INT really did its job, little bugger was definitely smarter than I gave him credit for.

"This is kinda awkward," Scootaloo claimed, despite the fact that she and the rest didn't move from the huddle. Hax decided to give her cheek a lick.

"Well, ah was just sayin' that mah brother probably has some, but ah don't really know where he keeps 'em," Applebloom explained, an uncomfortable expression flitting across her face. I think. Kinda hard to tell by looking at her face sideways.

"I've never had any," Scootaloo claimed, "my dad just has me use practice on getting faster with the weapons I have," at this, she unhooked one of her... punching blades? Things? She unhooked one of them from her waist and held it out in the middle of our impromptu circle.

Still, not one of them had broken the huddle. I was beginning to think this was a liiiittle fucking weird.

"He says that training with weights might end up hampering my progress in the short run. I can't start using them until I'm older."

"I don't use them at all, they're really not that useful for a bard. I mean, I guess I might be able to use them to make it so I could run faster or something. That's besides the point though, my sister could probably make you something, if you're okay with the end result looking overly shiny and fashionable..." Sweetiebelle clammed up after a few seconds, plunging us into silence once more.

"Soooooo, I don't wanna be a jerk and break up what might be a pleasant moment, but is it normal to just stay in a huddle with some random guy you literally just met that same day?" I asked, the muscles in my back starting to strain due to my posture. I could put my full weight on either of the girls to my sides, but I don't think they'd like that.

"Nope," Applebloom muttered.

"Not really," came easily from Sweetiebelle.

"This is actually pretty dang weird," Scootaloo whined.

"Good enough for me!" I claimed, leaning back out of the circle and popping my back as Hax leaped back onto my shoulder. Huh. Mighta thought he would stick around on Applebloom for a while. Weird dog.

"So what are we waiting for? I'm not gonna be able to get training gear just standing here," I stated, spinning on my heel. I got two steps before I realized something crucial to my plan. "Uh... wait..." I turned around, flashing an apologetic grin, "Where are we going? Your purple haired sister, right?"

"Rarity," Sweetiebelle affirmed.

Right.

We headed over to the odd shaped building her sister had set up shop in, Sweetiebelle leading the way. What? I didn't remember where the hell it was. This town was deceptively large.

On the way, the three of them prattled on about a myriad of different topics. Applebloom started off talking about how she was planning on upgrading some sort of wagon -I really don't know. From the way she was talking, it kinda sounded like she was talking about a red rider wagon.-, which was apparently powered by Scootaloo attaching her scooter -Yeah. Scootaloo rides a scooter. What next, is Applebloom going to end up being... an apple farmer or something? Maybe Sweetiebelle rings a sweet ass bell.- and buzzing her wings. Their words, not mine. Buzzing.

Hey, if she wanted to describe her wings as 'buzzy' then that wasn't any of my business.

Scootaloo talked about how she was going to go watch some chick named 'Rainbow Dash' -good god, and I thought Fluttershy was a god awful name- do some sort of aerial practice. 'Super awesome tricks an stuff'.

Sweetiebelle was by far the most normal of the three in my opinion, ending their conversation on how she had to practice on her lute. Neat. Apparently her parents were on her case because she was spending most of her time with her friends, skiving off time she said she would set aside for it.

Kids will be kids.

We finally reached the paradox of pony proportions known as the one building that looked like a carousel. Because, you know. Little horses skewered on poles, forced to bob up and down as tacky music plays. Should totally put that in a pony town, THAT makes sense.

We entered, and after the horned lady got her introductions out of the way again -like I wouldn't know who I had been talking to for the last ten fucking minutes- we got our discussion of proper business underway.

"Well, what are you asking for, specifically?" she asked in a soft tone, "I've actually finished repairing your shirt, I set it aside right over here."

Well wasn't that the million dollar question. Million... bit? Bit question? Whatever.

"Thanks, again. What I want, with as much clarity as I can muster, is I want pants, shoes, and a shirt. The purpose for these would ultimately be training, so I'll leave the color, cloth and whatever up to you. I have fifty five bits, and I'd like these three items to be made as durable, and as heavy as those bits can allow. Ideally, I'd like both the pants and the shirt to be at least forty pounds each, if that's at all possible. Of course I'd like them to also be as comfortable as possible at that, seeing as I plan to be exercising in them. Is that comprehensive enough to start from?"

She blinked slowly at me, giving me a measured look. "In all honestly, that's a fair amount than I usually get from my usual clientele. Those that are local to Ponyville are better than most, but you won't believe how many times all the information I receive as to what somepony is looking for as 'I want a green dress, but I don't want the bad green."

Ah. Of course she would be familiar with the idiotic customer base. Even in... pony(?) version of medieval dark ages, customers wore their fucking idiot badges with pride, thinking they were made of gold.

"Well, as one who has worked in retail before, you have my condolences for your woes," I replied. "So will fifty five bits be enough for what I'm asking?"

She took a couple seconds to consider, sadly shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but what you're asking for is a specialty job. Heavy fabric... perhaps woven gold... interlaced with cotton... That still won't be nearly as heavy as you're asking for. I'd have to enchant it to be heavier, heh, usually it's the other way around..." she mused, pacing in a circle around the shop. "I'm sorry, but for what you're asking, it will have to be quite a bit more. I can make the boots for around forty bits, maybe thirty five if I still have the supplies I think I do, and don't have to send an order to Manehatton..."

Ponyville. Manehatton. Fuck all, was every town name I was going to come across going to be some sort of horrible pony pun?

Regardless. This raised some problems, ones that I could probably remedy with little trouble. I didn't have enough bits, but if I could start killing off boss monsters in the ID's, I'd have access to a nearly unlimited amount of money. Hopefully. It might decide to give me US dollars, or yen, and not the shiny bits these guys passed around.

And even if it did give me bits, in a small community like this it might become heavily suspicious for the new librarian to suddenly have hundreds upon thousands of bits from not doing anything. I'd have to be careful in how I flashed my coin.

To add to that, it was never really clarified in the manga whether the money was considered counterfeit or not. I'd have to find someone willing to take them in exchange for real bits if that turned out to be the case. Regardless, maybe I could start off doing what the three 'Crusaders' were doing. Odd jobs, for bits. At least I think that's what they had been doing.

Just until I could reliably grind the ID's.

A spark of inspiration flashed in my mind.

"What about layaway? Would a situation where you make the stuff, give it to me and I pay you off as I acquire the required money sound like a good deal to you? I just got signed on as the librarian of Golden Oaks, so I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. And besides the government paycheck Mayor Mare said I'd be getting, I also plan on doing as many odd jobs as I can for a bit to get me in better shape."

And to gain all the EXP and Bits that were likely to be added as quest rewards, but she didn't need to know about that.

"Layaway..." she muttered, tapping at the thick red rims of the glasses she was wearing. Odd, seeing as she wasn't wearing them the last time I was here. "I can't say that the idea is completely unfounded, but I will have to hold you to your agreement. No exceptions. Even though you did help out my sister, you are still relatively new in town. I have to treat you with at the very least, a degree of wariness."

Smart, but that worked against my goals.

"I swear I'll be good for it, I already have a place to stay, and it came with a prestocked kitchen. So I won't have to waste money on lodgings or food. I'm sure I'll be able to scrounge up enough money in a week or two, if what the girls told me about the plethora of jobs available pans out."

"Hmm," she mumbled, glancing over at the three girls. "I guess I can make an exception. If you don't mind, I'll be taking payment for the boots upfront at the very least, we can work out the cost of the other garments."

"Raf!"

"Oh," I grunted, remembering my diminutive pup. "Almost forgot a crucial detail. Hax here seems to like sitting on my shoulders. any chance you could reinforce the shoulders against little wolf claws or something?"

"Of course, that won't be any trouble at all," she replied, taking my forty bits as I passed them to her. Yeah she said it might only be thirty five, but why not stack the deck and not antagonize her by trying to skimp off as much as I could?

She had me strip down to my shorts, levitating a measuring tape around me to take my measurements. Even measured my feet, so I guess she actually really knew what she was doing. It didn't even occur to me that she might need to measure my foot, I guess I never really thought about it. I always just go in the shoe store, and try on any 7's that catch my eye, see if they're comfortable or not.

"Well I guess that's settled," I stated glibly once we were outside. "Sorry to put my shopping concerns on your girls shoulders again, but would any of you happen to know where I might be able to buy a dog? I don't want Hax to get lonely..."

Plus I wanted to get another dog so I could properly utilize the full extent of the 'pack leader' skill. It said I could have two canid's in the pack, so It was to my best interest I got another one as soon as possible.

All three of them got a look of... well, I hesitate to call it happiness, as disturbed as I was by the sudden display, but they all looked happy. Super happy. 'AAAAAAGGGGHHH run and hide' made its way across my mind, but I squashed it down.

"We know just the pony!" they practically all yelled out at once. Fucking stereo surround. Not desirable for when the 'speakers' are gathered around you in a circle, and have lung capacity which could rival a horse.

"Agh. No. Don't do that. Too loud."

"Sorry," came synchronized from the trio.

"It's... that's okay. So who is this mystery 'pony' selling puppies?" I said, trying my hand at alliteration.

They each gave me a wide brilliant grin, and said as one-

"Fluttershy!~"

Author's Notes:

Went back and tweaked the CMC's levels. basically, for everyone that's looked at the character sheets, everyone pretty much is going to be getting a buff, so that Colton isn't just 'bloop, hey I'm level 20, woobwoobwoobwoo'.

Greycait says: Hey Colton, why don't you try talking to Hax and seeing if you develop a canine language skill. Or at least Wild Empathy.

I have been talking to him. Nothings happened so far. He does seem to be smarter now, though.

Fictional Fanatic says: "Colton, how much of "The Gamer" do you actually remember? How much experience do you have in MMO RPG games yourself? And are you going to exploit the system as much as they did in the 'Manhwa' (Yes, it's called 'Manhwa' and not 'Manga' when it's from Korea.) Because, I want to remind you that leveling up illusion barriers allows to create ones that bend time. Surely it would be the most useful tool to quickly level up your abilities?"

PS, sorry for the multiple questions.

I've read through it a couple times. Honestly, I've only played Runescape extensively. Oh, I plan on exploiting the FUCK out of this system. As much as I can. Also, the fuck is a 'man-wah'? Just say manga you weeaboo. Damn straight I'm going to be going straight for the time distortion ID's.Thats okay, sorry for calling you a weeaboo.

Additional says: hey colton, what kind of path are you gonna take? are you doing the same as in the gamer and being a mage? or are you doing something else?

Dunno yet. I guess it all depends on what options unfold before me. Since I intend to exploit this buggy system however, I might very well go full magic. I already know it works in the manga, after all.

Hard Cider says: Hey mista Coalton, whatcha gonna do next? Are ya gonna start 'grinding' with tha dungeon power?

*Holds out fist for a fist-bump*

Kenshinryuu says: Colton, if you saw two bullies picking on the three fillies you happen to know... would you send them to a dungeon full of harmless but creepy monsters as punishment????

They're all a higher freaking level than me... If those three can't handle themselves, I don't think I'd be able to help as I am right now.

Maybe... In The Future?

Gilgamesh LV∞
<Immortal Badass of Badassitude>
HP:∞
MP:∞
-LV9999
STR:∞
VIT:∞
DEX:∞
INT:∞
WIS:∞
LUK:∞
-Status: Gilgamesh; be awesome and say 'fuck it' to the normality of common stats. Decide what you want your stats to be and just keep increasing incrementally them from there.
-Fanboy; -25% to ALL gained EXP.
-Praise the Sun; +25% to ALL gained EXP, as long as you start the day off praising the almighty sunbutt's sun marked butt.
-Praise the Moon; +25% to ALL gained EXP, as long as you start the night off praising the glory of Princess Luna's shapely shanks.

Now for the actual sheet written up by our very own shinigamisparda!

Gilgamesh LV 1,062
<Displaced Wandering Warrior>
HP: 5,190
MP: 940
CP: 349
RP: 640
KP: 767
STR: 134
VIT: 385
DEX: 255
INT: 94
WIS: 127
LUK: 45
Status: Legendary Warrior; +10 to STR, VIT, and DEX. +1 to STR, VIT, and DEX per LV.
-Famed in Battle; +90% Reputation from those who know of any of his deeds.
-Combat Incarnate; 70% chance of inflicting (Terror/Fear) debuff on ALL enemies who know of him.
-One With the Wind; +50% Damage, -70% MP cost for Wind elemental attacks. Any non-combat Wind techniques use no MP. +50% Resistance to Wind attacks.
-Heat of Battle; +25% Damage, -30% MP cost for Fire elemental attacks. +10% Resistance to Fire attacks.
-Supreme Commander; +30% INT and WIS when commanding a party of 10 or more.
-They Were My Responsibility; -30% INT and WIS when those he is commanding suffer death or serious injury. Debuff lasts one minute per injured subordinate.
-Hero of Equus; +1,000% Reputation with ALL citizens of his version of Equus.
-I Fight for my Friends; +10% INT and WIS when in a party with those he considers friends.
-Those are my Friends You're Hurting!; +50% STR, VIT, DEX, and LUK when attacking an opponent that kills or seriously wounds one he views as a friend.
-That’s Amore; +30% INT, WIS, LUK, and Reputation when interacting with any version of Princess Luna who both finds him attractive and he finds attractive.
-To Court the Moon; +80% INT, WIS, LUK, and Reputation when interacting with his own version of Princess Luna.
-YOU DARE HARM HER!?; +300% STR, VIT, DEX, and LUK, -30% INT and WIS, and (Enraged) debuff when his version of Princess Luna is severely wounded.
-All Life is Precious; +50% VIT when attempting to defeat a sentient opponent without killing them.
-Can’t We All Just Get Along?; +40% INT, WIS, LUK, and Reputation when attempting negotiate peace between others.
-Art of Ninjutsu; All techniques based around Chakra draw from a separate source than MP. Adds Chakra Points (CP) to stats. CP calculated DEX+INT.
-Art of Sendo; All techniques based around Hamon/The Ripple draw from a separate source than MP. Adds Ripple Points (RP) to stats. RP calculated VIT+DEX.
-Art of Ansatsuken; All techniques based around Ki draw from a separate source than MP. Adds Ki Points (KP) to stats. KP calculated VIT+DEX+WIS.
-Pokemon Power; All techniques based around Pokemon moves have their own number of uses (PP) separate from MP.
-Shifter Power; All techniques based around Gravity Shifter powers draw from their own source.
-Stand Power; All techniques based around the stand Tusk function as projectile items and do not use any meters.
-Rotation Power; All techniques based around The Rotation can be used indefinitely.
-Haki Power; All techniques based around Haki can be used indefinitely.
-Cue the Fight Song!; +5% STR, VIT, DEX, and INT when playing a song in battle.
-The Highest form of Flattery; When using or imitating the technique of another character, acting like that character and/or using the technique in the same way they would increases its power and effectiveness by +20%.
-This Ain’t a Battlefield, It’s a Dance Floor!; +40% DEX and LUK when dancing in a fight.
-Leitmotif; +30% STR, VIT, DEX, and INT when playing a character’s theme song when using or imitating their techniques.
-Jam on the Big Bridge; +50% to ALL stats when playing any version of (Clash on the Big Bridge) during battle.
-DO YOU EVEN POSE!?; +10 to ALL stats after making a dramatic pose. Buff lasts one minute. Can stack multiple (DO YOU EVEN POSE!?).
-Hot Blooded; +40% STR and VIT when enjoying a challenge.
-Heroic Willpower; 100% chance of resisting a successful 1HKO technique. -10% each time technique is resisted. Recovers after battle.
-Ain’t that Punny?; +5% to ALL stats if a pun is made that someone laughs at. -5% to ALL stats if a pun is made and no one laughs.
-Aura Sense; +5 INT and WIS. Allows user to sense position of others in a 1 mile range, emotional disposition of others in a 30ft range, and whether or not someone is transformed in any way in a 10ft range.
-Mix and Match; Able to use weapons from other transformations at the cost of -25% damage.
-An Extension of the Body; All weapons can be controlled even when not being held. -50% damage for melee weapons.
EQUIPMENT
-Genji Gloves; +12 Defense. -6 DEX. +10% magic resistance. +25% Fire and Ice resistance. Immunity to Paralyze and Frog statuses. Part of a legendary set meant to be worn only be the greatest of warriors. Said to have gained its strength through centuries of blood, sweat, and dust.
-Genji Helm; +18 Defense. -4 DEX. +50% magic resistance. +25% Lighting and Wind resistance. Immunity to Confuse and Sleep statuses. Part of a legendary set meant to be worn only be the greatest of warriors. Said to have gained its strength through centuries of blood, sweat, and dust.
-Genji Armor; +22 Defense. -8 DEX. +20% magic resistance. +25% Earth and Water resistance. Immunity to Mini and Aging statuses. Part of a legendary set meant to be worn only be the greatest of warriors. Said to have gained its strength through centuries of blood, sweat, and dust.
-Genji Shield; +9 Defense. -6 DEX. +10% magic resistance. +25% Poison and Holy resistance. +50% chance to completely negate physical attacks. +25% chance to completely negate magical attacks. Immunity to Poison and Blind statuses. Part of a legendary set meant to be worn only be the greatest of warriors. Said to have gained its strength through centuries of blood, sweat, and dust.

-Special Effect Genji Set; Immunity to ALL negative status effects. -95% chance of 1HKO. Triggered when all Genji Equipment is equipped.
-Scarf of Epicness; +5 DEX. +5% Reputation EXP. Woven by Rarity and enchanted by Typhon and Geo, this scarf will never age, never take damage, and can transform into dragon wings to allow flight.
-Enkidu; +109 Damage. Originally unnamed but later christened after a loyal companion, it is indestructible, will never lose its edge, and can cut holes in reality and allow the user to travel to any place they have been before as well as other universes.
1st transformation: +250% to ALL stats
EQUIPMENT
-Spear; +119 Damage. The form Enkidu takes when he transforms. Currently unnamed, but possesses all the abilities of its previous form.
-Axe; +91 Damage. A powerful one handed axe. Also unnamed.
-Claws; +87 Damage. Well-made claws. Also unnamed. “I really need to think of names for these things.”
-Caliburn; +100 Damage. 20% of total damage converted to Fire. Can cast Firaga. Formerly the ultimate joke weapon Excalipoor, it was upgraded by Geo in thanks for aiding him in life.
2nd transformation: +500% to ALL stats
EQUIPMENT
-Bradamante; +132 Damage. The final evolved form of Enkidu, taking the shape of the Bradamante Gun Halberd. Despite this it does not shoot bullets, but does possess the same abilities of before.
-Axe; +122 Damage. Evolved form of the previous axe. Still unnamed.
-Claws; +93 Damage. Evolved form of the previous claws. Still unnamed. “I’m beginning to see a trend here.”
-Mutsu-no-Kami; +142 Damage. A legendary katana, also known by the names “Yoshiyuki” and “Sky Render”. A phantom blade that moves like a mist.
-Ridill; +140 Damage. A scimitar with a black blade and a razor’s edge. Its dark gleam is the last thing many a foe saw.
-Hauteclaire; +146 Damage. 20% of damage converted to Holy. A holy blade made to battle evil, inflicting divine retribution on evil
Final transformation: +1000% to ALL stats
EQUIPMENT
-Machine Gun (2); +60 Damage. “See these weapons I picked up in The Rift?”
-Rocket Launcher (2); +90 Damage. 10% of damage converted to Fire. “These weapons let me predict the weather!”
-Sub-machine Gun (2); +40 Damage. “Bullet showers and rocket storms!”
-Katana (6); +118 Damage. A set of unnamed katanas that have seen many battles. Sometimes a humble team is better than a big name.
-Caliburn; +160 Damage. 40% damage converted to Fire. Can cast Firaja. An advanced version of Caliburn with some better stats caused from the transformation. A step up from Excalipoor by any standards.
-Bashosen; +175 Damage. 40% of damage converted to Wind. Inflicts slow and removes one buff on the enemy. Can Cast Aero. A mythical fan blade, its peculiar shape belies its deadliness.
-Masamune; +193 Damage. A blade named after the legendary swordsmith Masamune. Its beauty and is rivaled only by its deadliness, a testament to his craft.
-Muramasa; +184 Damage. Drain converts 40% of damage to HP. A blade named after the infamous swordsmith Muramasa. Said to be infused with the madness of its creator, it is nonetheless a spectacular weapon that shows off his skill.
-Excalibur; +190 Damage. 40% of damage converted to Holy. The legendary holy sword said to be wielded by King Arthur and only be worthy of kings.
-Zantetsuken; +210 Damage. 100% chance of cutting through magic. Focus allows the ability to choose what gets cut and what doesn’t. A lightning-shaped sword that, despite its impractical appearance, can cut through anything. Was said to have been wielded by the god Odin and slew entire parties with a single strike.

Enkidu LV 197
<Loyal Companion>
HP: 1,990
MP: 1,050
STR: 107
VIT: 92
DEX: 127
INT: 105
WIS: 96
LUK: 20
Status: Legendary Wolf

STANDARD STATS
Base form
HP: 5,190
MP: 940
CP: 349
RP: 640
KP: 767
STR: 134 (+10)
VIT: 385 (+10)
DEX: 255 (-9)
INT: 94 (+5)
WIS: 127 (+5)
LUK: 45
(Legendary Warrior), (Aura Sense), Genji Gloves, Genji Helm, Genji Armor, Genji Shield, Scarf of Epicness

1st Transformation
HP: 5,190 (+250%)
MP: 940 (+250%)
CP: 349 (+250%)
RP: 640 (+250%)
KP: 767 (+250%)
STR: 134 (+250%, +10)
VIT: 385 (+250%, +10)
DEX: 255 (+250%, -9)
INT: 94 (+250%, +5)
WIS: 127 (250%, +5)
LUK: 45 (+250%)
(1st Transformation) (Legendary Warrior), (Aura Sense), Genji Gloves, Genji Helm, Genji Armor, Genji Shield, Scarf of Epicness

2nd Transformation
HP: 5,190 (+500%)
MP: 940 (+500%)
CP: 349 (+500%)
RP: 640 (+500%)
KP: 767 (+500%)
STR: 134 (+500%, +10)
VIT: 385 (+500%, +10)
DEX: 255 (+500%, -9)
INT: 94 (+500%, +5)
WIS: 127 (+500%, +5)
LUK: 45 (+500%)
(2nd Transformation) (Legendary Warrior), (Aura Sense), Genji Gloves, Genji Helm, Genji Armor, Genji Shield, Scarf of Epicness

Final Transformation
HP: 5,190 (+1000%)
MP: 940 (+1000%)
CP: 349 (+1000%)
RP: 640 (+1000%)
KP: 767 (+1000%)
STR: 134 (+1000%, +10)
VIT: 385 (+1000%, +10)
DEX: 255 (+1000%, -9)
INT: 94 (+1000%, +5)
WIS: 127 (+1000%, +5)
LUK: 45 (+1000%)
(Final Transformation) (Legendary Warrior), (Aura Sense), Genji Gloves, Genji Helm, Genji Armor, Genji Shield, Scarf of Epicness

Now for a couple from NewUnitedEmpire!

Loki
<God of Balance>
HP: Unknown
MP: Unknown
-LV ?

STR: Unknown
VIT: Unknown
DEX: Unknown
INT: Unknown
WIS: Unknown
LUK: Unknown
Status-The ascendant God of Balance, with a mega troll and a pessimist living within him.

-The Cloak: Allows plus 35% to stealth and hides stats, 5% chance of tripping

-Antimagic Life Force: magic damage does 15% less, can generate brusts which reduces all MP to zero,

-Reality Warping: Alters the terrain to serve a advantage.

Neltharion the Earth-Warder/Deathwing

<The World Given Form>
HP: Depends
MP: Depends
LV: Error
STR: Depends
VIT: Depends
DEX: Depends
INT: Depends
WIS: Depends
LUK: Depends
Status- The Dragon-god of earth and the embodiment of the planet.

-Voice of the World: Earth, weather, water and fire based attacks do 50% less damage, and cost 20% less MP to use

-Metal skin: Takes 30% less damage, healing is reduced by 45%

-Size Shift: Alters form between small Dragon, Titan Dragon, Alicorn, and Human forms altering stats which each form.

And now for Umbra from Schroedingers_Katze

Umbra LV27
<Dark Ruler>
HP: 450 (550)
MP: 200
STR: 35
VIT: 20
DEX: 25
INT: 20
WIS: 20
LUK: 60
Status: Overlady; innate ability to call & command Minions

- Fangirl; -25% to ALL gained EXP.

- Pop Culture reference cannon; +25% chance to confuse the enemy/ally when using a reference related to the users home dimension. .0007% chance for Fonzie to strut by in the background after a reference is made, let out an exuberant 'Eeeeeey!~' before strutting off and disappearing without a trace.

- Cheapshot Queen; +50 Damage when attacking a victim’s family planning.

- Sweet tooth; +20% HP and MP regeneration when consuming sweets or or sweetened drinks.

- Hard drinking; +25% chance to withstand the “Drunken” status when indulging large amounts of alcohol.

- Stoner; 20% chance to withstand any mind addling effects when affected by drugs.

- Kinky; certain preferences add +18% to withstand any effects that use pain to incapacitate the target.

- Clam & Sausage if you please; exactly what it sounds like. “Flirting” and “Seduction” attempts against the character have a +15% chance to succeed from both, males and females.

Equipment:

- The unleashed Beast; 35 physical damage, 60 poison damage over 3 rounds, one handed. A heavy mace, it´s head decorated with three snarling wolf faces and downwards curved spikes that drip with a potent magic poison.

- Evil Glare, Head; doubles the amount of souls that are absorbed by the wearer. A solid helmet that both is decorative and protects the evil brain.

- Gauntlet of Dominance, left Hand; +5 Defense. A massive gauntlet made of black steel, with a brightly glowing gem in it. Acts as a catalyst for spells when worn.

- Netherworld Armor, Chest: +15 Defense. +100 HP when worn. An impressive piece of armor, consisting of thick, black steel plates.

- Netherworld Armor, Boots: +5 Defense. Made of black steel, they give your kicks the extra ‘omph’ and protect your feet on top of that.

- Netherworld Armor, right Hand; +5 Defense. A simple black vambrace that goes well with the rest of the set.

- Cape: a short-ish cape, made of red fabric with a fur trim. A bit ragged but still very decorative.

- Red Tunic; worn under the armor to prevent chafing or instead of a shirt when out of armor.

- Pants; a completely ordinary, if slightly torn article of clothing.

- Pantie; blue and white stripped, protects a woman’s modesty.

- Belt pouch; an ordinary pouch made of leather. Contains all kind of knick-knacks.

And one from Fictional Fanatic!

Blood Cleaver/Diane Pie LV -۩-
< Blood Mage><Trickster><Ki warrior>
HP: 2085
MP: 11,811.00 (AKA Power Level.)
-LV: ۩ Gravestone: (The level difference between the two of you is too big for you to observe.)
STR: 6,012
VIT: 2,272
DEX: 5,432
INT: 245
WIS: 87
LUK: [Invalid]

-Status: Solid Class/Sayian warrior (royal bloodline)- +250% Physical resistance. +100% Ki manipulation. +20 STR. +20 VIT +5 STR +5 VIT, +1 to STR per LV, +5 to STR per LV, +5 to VIT per LV
-Unreal Trickster; +500 to LUK
-Common problem; Blood Cleaver’s name tends to sometimes make others assume things about her before they meet her in person. -2 Charisma.
-Tailless; Due to not having been part Sayian since birth, Blood Cleaver does not possess a monkey tail and cannot transform during full moons. (-Great Ape Transformation.)
-I use it however I want; +10% to anything when using unconventional item.
-I’m firing my LAZOR!; +10% to damage when using Ki based beam attacks.
-Hammer Space; User has access to a limitless dimensional space they can store and retrieve items from.
-Look, a distraction!; +50% critical hit chance when using skill (Bluff), (Confuse), (Debate), or (Tic-Tac-Toe).
-Contract; User has a contract with higher being from beyond the Fourth wall and knows of its own destiny as well as having agreed to “play along” to receive a reward in the end.
-Deux Ex Machina; The user has the ability to bring out items and weapons that they did not possess before to save themselves from an impossible to deal with situation, as long as they are able to provide a reasonable explanation. (They do not actually have to explain it if nobody asks.) (Not to be confused with “Hammer Space”.)
-Mentally Incomplete (recovering); this character lacks… character in certain areas but is slowly recovering from whatever the cause. The character will from time to time regress into an earlier stage of their life, point in life may wary.
-Ever killed yourself?; This character has at some point met and killed another version of themselves/evil twin. +20% Cruel -15% mental stability +50% peace of mind.
-Mental Fortitude (Advanced); the user has trained themselves in the art of the mind to protect themselves from outside interference. +45% mental stability +200% peace of mind.
-It’s just a scratch; the user can shrug off nearly any wound as it is easily healable, making the user extremely tolerant to pain. -20% peace of mind +30% intimidate.
-Void Traveler; This character is accustomed to traveling the Void and is immune to its maddening existence outside of the universes.

EQUIPMENT

-Pink underwear (female); +1 Defense +100% Modesty -100% Sluttiness +60% Comfort. Like any other lady, it’s only proper to wear a comfortable pair of panties and a bra. Made of good quality silk and cotton.
-Black shirt; +1 Defense. A regular piece of clothing that can be found in any color, this one is black.
-Black jeans; +2 Defense +10% Coolness. A good pair of fashionable jeans that adds to that cool look you need. They are also quite tough and won’t wear down that easily.
-Black (faux) leather jacket; +2 Defense +20% Coolness. While it’s not made of real leather, it still looks the part. Leather jackets are cool.
-White socks; +0,1 Defense +10% comfort. A soft pair of socks to keep you from hurting those little feetsies of yours from all minor dangers.
-Comfortable footwear; +1 Defense. +10% Comfort. The perfect footwear for someone who likes to move at their own pace while feeling like they’re walking on clouds. Confirmed to compare to the softness of clouds.
-Small backpack; While carrying things is alright, carrying them on your back while using your arms for something else is better. No more using your elbow to open that door!
-Cute apron (Legendary); +25 Cooking. Makes you look cute and helps against those stains appearing on you. Say goodbye to bad and disgusting food. Even Sweetie Belle can cook with this on!
-Pouch; +1 inventory slot. It’s a pouch, for stuff! Warning: Product does not return jellybeans. Currently holding Senzu beans.
-Pouch; +1 inventory slot. It’s a pouch, for stuff! Warning: Product does not return jellybeans. Currently holding Bits.
-Camping cooking ware; +5 Cooking. On the move and need something to fill that stomach? Worry not! Here’s everything you could need to cook food in the wilderness. (Fire not included.)
-Dragon radar+; A device to find the ∞ amount of Dragonballs? Oh, right. It searches the whole multiverse…

Straight from DJ A String comes...

Richard Lv= WHATARETHOSE?!

<The Terrarian, The Terrarian Tank>
HP: 500
MP: 200
STR: 20
VIT: 16
DEX: 20
INT: 17
WIS: 18
LUK: 13

-Status: Terrarian human: Sleep is nonexistant, Stamina is near infinite
-Lava Waders: Gain ability to walk on water, lava, and all other liquids, and gain immune to lava's effects for 7 seconds when submerged
-Meowmere: Able to shoot a beam of rainbow colored energy when attacking with Meowmere. The energy comes out looking like Nyan Cat for some reason...
-Obsidian Armor: Fire Resistant, some immunity to fire.
-Solar Wings: Gain the ability of flight, and also emit a small amount of light, also gain a small speed boost on the ground, and a massive speed boost in the air.
OTHER STATUS PENDING UPON ITEMS HELD

How about a Trickster Priest from Fresnor?~

Xellos
<Mysterious Priest>
HP:???
MP:???
LV8000
STR:3000
VIT:3000
DEX:3000
INT:3000
WIS:(Willpower) 25291
LUK:3000

-Affably Evil:While evil in nature his personality is so charming that it makes it hard to believe.
-Anti-Hero:While not a hero he will still assist others if doing so coincides with his goals.
-Devil in Plain Sight:Introduces himself as an untrustworthy figure yet has high chances of manipulating others still.
-Even Evil has Standards:While sadistic and evil, doesn't kill or torment others unless directly relating to his plans.
-False Reassurance:Master deceiver without needing to lie, technically.
-Good Hurts Evil:Can be physically hurt when overly positive emotions are directed at him.
-Noble Demon:Constantly reminds others that he is evil but doesn't act in a blatant manner proving it.
-It Amused Me:Often screws around with others, even enemies which can lead to detrimental effects.
-Source of a monster's power: Xellos can feed off of fear, anger, and aggression to fuel his powers.
-Astral Body:A monster's real body is located on another plane and may only be damaged on that plane.
-Self Image is everything:A monster's power is amplified by their own self image, boosting all other stats based on their willpower.
-Foreign Body:Due to the merging of two different bodies and minds odd things may happen based on outside stimuli. (Still in the future of my story for explaining it fully but suffice to say it's mostly a mental thing)
-Sweet Tooth:While not required to eat, has trouble resisting any sort of snack, treat, or delicacy.

Now for Dual from Architect!

Dual LV 25(?)
HP:2356+
MP:1807+
-LV 25
STR/VIT:124+
DEX/LUK:114+
INT/WIS:129+

-Status: Accident. Thanks to being an unintentional Displaced, Dual has access to all 110+ Heroes of DOTA, instead of only one like he should. This is frequently abused.
-Satchel of Holding: Question: Viper has no arms, legs, clothes, or body cavities. Where does he keep his items? The answer is the satchel Dual wields. It can summon any item in the DOTA shop inventory and can have active at any given time. any item removed from the satchel can be used directly without the usual item cap, but it must be held and wielded. Also capable of carrying other objects, although the same six item limit is enforced.
-Goofball: Will act silly for no other reason than because he can. Perceived int and wis -100. Passive: "creativity," inactive.
-Merciful: Considers killing a moral outrage, and will not do it.
-Creativity: Dual has spent much of his life thinking of ways to remove the box. Will bring full mental power against any adversary.
-Level Cap: As long as Dual is at LV 25, he will not gain XP.
-Level hungry: If Dual for any reason drops below level 25 he will lose all rational thought and become a lean, mean, farming machine. In this state he will not use items or spells, but every single passive will be functioning at the same time, something his conscious mind doesn't the capacity for.
-Oh He Mad: Dual becomes enraged when faced with mass atrocity. Effects of Goofball removed and Merciful are removed.
-All the Heroes: Dual focuses all the power he has at his disposal at once. LV=25*# of heroes in satchel, with +3.8 STR/VIT:=, +3.2 DEX/LUK, and +4 INT/WIS per level.

What about Lee from Bronyparasite's story?

Lee Connors LV55
<Forsaken Hero>
HP:170(?)
MP: 80(?)
STR:150
VIT:70
DEX:100
INT:80
WIS:68
LUK:15

-Status: Symbiote; Health boosted by 500%. Mana pool boosted by 3000%. MP drain not applicable. Using mana drains Stamina.
-Depressed; -15% to all social actions.
-Tormented Soul; Able to boost defense by 25% for two minutes, every five hours.
-Blind Faith; Able to double damage dealt for 30 seconds, every five hours.
-Heartache of Darkness; 50% chance to summon a shadow of Clover the Clever to help when health drops below 30%

Symbiote (passive) LV MAX
Able to join with another genetically sentient life form, boosting their own abilities by users own stats. In some cases, a case of 'greater than the sum of its parts' may occur.
Able to detach a part of the users body, to create a 'child' form symbiote. This process can only be achieved after crossing a dimensional tear, absorbing it's unusual energies. After use, user will be debuffed by half HP and half MP for 6 hours. Can be used as a tether to other dimensions, letting the user 'contact' other beings through dimensional tears. Requires that the 'child' form be on the other side of said dimensional tear.
User has the abilities of Spiderman, including heightened agility, strength, and senses. User has the ability to mimic Spiderman's synthetic webbing. User has the ability to supersede an outside individuals heightened senses.
User has the ability to mimic the appearance of any genetically sentient being they fuse with, however temporary it may have been.
User fluids can become poisonous, focused in the mouth.

Author's Notes:

Just a bit of a joke chapter, to tide you guys over while I try to finish up the next chapter.

6- Unintentional Avoidance

It was rather uneventful as my three new friends -and I say that with as much suspension of disbelief as I can manage. They may be nice, but I know next to nothing about these girls other than the fact that they like exploring dangerous places and seem to think I was a charity case,- led the way to Fluttershy's.

Fluttershy's cottage, whatever the hell that meant. I had to assume she just had a smaller house than most of the ones I'd seen in town.

Which made literally NO sense, if what these three were telling me was true. Apparently she not only took care of any animals in town that were brought over by their owners -like some sort of veterinary service slash kennel- but she took on a myriad of animals from the forest as well. SHE HAD BEARS she took care of, if these three could be believed.

Not that that would be the most unbelievable thing I would have come across today.

So if she had to take care of all these different sorts of creatures, surely she had a larger house or dwelling as well? Or maybe the word 'cottage' just referred to the type of house she had. Maybe it was all sticks and straw and that sort.

"-and she even has a quaking cockatoo!" Scootaloo exclaimed, momentarily drawing my attention away from my internal musings.

'Quaking' cockatoo. What next, leaping llama's, reaching rats, bouncing baboons and patchwork parrots?

Actually, I probably shouldn't tempt fate and just wait to see what she has for myself. Wouldn't do to undersell her and find out she keeps... dragons or something.

...

God I hope she had dragons. If I could get something like 'Dragon Master' to go along with my pack leader skill, that would be soooo fucking awesome.

"This may be a stupid question," I started, rubbing the back of my head with my left hand -would have used my right, but Hax was sitting on that shoulder, didn't want to accidentally knock him off,- "But would it be in the realm of likelihood for Fluttershy to have... dragons, maybe? I will admit, if they are real here I'd be very interested in at least seeing one..." I stopped, the sound of muffled laughter hitting my ears as all three of them cupped their hands over their mouths. Hax cocked his head to the side, letting out a slight whine of confusion.

"Am... I missing something here?" I asked, cocking my head to the opposite side as Hax's, so I wouldn't hit his head with my own.

They all kept trying to muffle their merriment, until Applebloom responded between breaths.

"Mistah Colton... ya do realize Dragons aint like animals, right? They're like us, like ponies," she stated pointedly, a bark of laughter escaping from Scootaloo as she interjected.

"You know, aside from all the scales, fangs, breathing fire and stuff, leathery wings, tail-"

"Yah know what ah meant, Scoots!" Applebloom exclaimed in a huff.

"Thestrals have leathery wings and fangs and they're ponies..." Sweetiebelle supplied.

"Kinda like ponies, but also kinda not," Scootaloo argued, flaring her wings before tucking them tight to her back.

Okay then. Social blunder aside, this was good information. Apparently dragons were actual people. Whatever the hell thestrals were here -I remember that they were the invisible skeletal horse things in the Harry Potter series, but I figure they would be about as similar to that version as real ponies were to these three girls,- they at the very least had fangs and leathery wings I could hopefully identify them by.

"So... not only are dragons real, but if I had asked my previous question within earshot they probably would have taken offense?"

All laughter was gone and they each fixed me with a serious gaze. "Oh, they'd beat the hay outta yah for sayin' somethin' like that, mistah Colton, probably," Applebloom said in a sage tone of voice.

"Most," Sweetiebelle added, "not all though, remember that drake that came through town about a year back?"

"The jerk that ignored you if you tried to talk to him?" Scootaloo snapped angrily, resting her hands behind her head. "That guy was so rude! I wanted to belt him for it so bad!" she shook her head slightly, "But that wouldn't be very polite, and would probably have just made him mad. My dad already has me walking on eggshells from the broken nose I gave Diamond Tiara, if he learned I got into a fight not only with a dragon," she gave a little shudder, momentarily halting, "but a visitor to town? He'd box my ears for even thinking about it. Probably say it was hypo something or other."

"Hypocritical," Sweetiebelle supplied.

"Gesundheit," Scootaloo responded.

"That's not... ah, look! There it is!" Applebloom called out, pointing ahead of us.

Over the lip of the hill a house came into view. And my previous assessment went out the window. This house... it was definitely a skewed assumption of what someone would refer to as a cottage. Whereas my library was definitely a tree, this more looked like... a large mound of the earth itself had risen up, taking on a house like shape. There was grassy covering everywhere, wood only visible on the scant few walls I could see, and the large red door at the front. There was a myriad of windows dotting the dwelling, as well as an almost obscene amount of birdhouses scattered around.

Looked like a hobbit hole, right out of lord of the rings.

"Race ya!" Scootaloo crowed, taking off, "Last one there's a cockatrice egg!"

"No fair!" Sweetiebelle whined, hiking up her dress and following after. Applebloom hadn't even said anything, simply accepting Scootaloos challenge and following her step for step.

I had a split second of complacency, before a wild spike of competitiveness flared to the forefront of my mind.

I wanted to win. I was already a couple seconds behind, but if I started right now... I was a little bit taller than them, they were only children after all... my stride would be longer, which would mean I would have a better chance of catching up and overtaking-

I had started running before I even finished that thought, a hand pulling Hax from his perch and settling him into a football carry. Nestled into the crook of my arm as I tried to get into a proper running rhythm, he let out a small huff before relaxing against me.

I had to be careful with how I stepped, -my eyes racing across the ground, searching for any potential gopher holes for example- this wasn't a flat field like I remembered in school.

Right arm up, almost touch forehead while left leg rises. Lower both, extend with right leg, forego left arm because carrying Hax... Really running is quite simple. You just have to think of your arms and legs like pulleys. Your left arm is connected to your right leg, and vice versa. if you follow your rhythm -and if you're actually in good shape, which admittedly I was not the best- with proper breathing, that's running.

I flat out sprinted after the girls, the wind whipping past my face. Hax poked his head past my elbow, tongue waggling as well. I quickly overtook Sweetiebelle, and I could hear her let out a low cry of frustration as I passed her.

"Sorry!" I called out over my shoulder, setting my sights on the two before me.

Applebloom took a quick peek over her shoulder at me, her face breaking into an even bigger grin as she tried to overtake Scootaloo. For Scootaloo, she didn't even look back.

And I was still too slow.

I was maybe doing the same speed as they were, tops. Ever since Applebloom saw I was there, she and Scootaloo actually seemed to get faster. Made me think they were probably keeping their speed relatively low, so they didn't exempt their friend from the fun.

With each step they were getting that much farther away, I needed to do SOMETHING or else I wouldn't even be close to them when they finished. I frantically put every bit of strength I could into every step, willing myself to go faster. It still wasn't enough. I angled my body lower to maximize the push off, I carefully marshaled my breathing, I...

Through a willful act of desperation, an ability to run faster, (Sprint) has been learned.

Sprint(active) LV1 EXP: 0.00% COST 50MP
Channel the users mana to their legs, to allow them to run faster than they would be able to normally.
+100% maximum running speed for (3) seconds.
+10% stamina regen after (Sprint) has been activated for the next (1) minute(s). Only one stamina regen buff can be active currently from trick (Sprint).
+5 DEX for (3) seconds.
While (Sprint) is active, the user has an increased +5% chance to avoid falling or succumbing to treacherous footing.

I CAN'T FUCKING SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The fucking text boxes covered my field of view, which considering I was in a breakneck dash over unfamiliar ground was quite unfortunate. I didn't even get a chance to slow down, such was my gait that carried me past both Scootaloo and Applebloom -both of them letting out a squawk of surprise as I passed them, if only I could have seen the looks on their faces...- before I was even aware of doing so. A whole two seconds passed as I tried to slow down, before my foot decided it wanted me dead.

The traitorous appendage stuck itself right down deep into a hole of some sort -gophers. Its always fucking gophers...- and I went flying. Not a graceful flight like one might expect of a swan, no no no.

This was more akin to if someone had duct taped a jetpack to a mole, and let it go. I skidded across the ground, my momentum carrying me onward like some sort of demented ground borne skipping stone. My cries of protest were mostly cut off as I spun in a beautiful pirouette, slowly spinning about whilst my face dug a groove into the landscape for a few yards. My continued movement suddenly halted, the bottom half of my body suspended above me over the lip of a bank as I lounged in a shallow creek-bed.

An object impacted with my chest, making me release my captured breath -and several clods of dirt- in a pained gasp.

"Roff!" Hax barked, perched ontop of me. Damn, the little pup must have gone flying when I went for my communal with the dirt. I hadn't even noticed that I lost him, thank god it didn't look like he was hurt...

"Are you dead?" Scootaloo called out, standing somewhere up above me on solid ground. As solid as it could be riddled with all of those freaking gopher holes. Effing gophers.

"Scootaloo!" I heard from both Sweetiebelle and Applebloom as they chastised her.

"What? You saw him, he was sandbagging and then he blew past us, and then he was in the air and it was funny as hay," she exclaimed, audibly holding back a gale of laughter. So fucking glad my pain caused someone some joy.

Physical Endurance has gone up one level!

Fuck off. Well, I mean I guess that is good. Eventually all this tortuous pain will be little more than pinpricks. Isn't that a cheery thought.

"Uhm fiiiiiine," I drawled, trying to get to my feet. Unsucsessfully. My legs were stuck up above me, it was harder than you'd think to right myself.

"Are you sure?" Scootaloo joked. "From this angle it could go either way. What was with the magic running anyway?" she asked, "I mean it was pretty cool and all, but it was also pretty obvious you had next to no idea what you were doing."

"As 'evidanced' by the fact that at the first little 'ole bump he went flyin' 'cross the ground like last time Pinkie Pie tried coffee?" Applebloom posited with a chuckle. She reached down and grabbed one of my flailing arms, Scootaloo grabbing the other as they heaved Hax and me up onto dry ground.

"I think her question still was kinda good though," Sweetiebelle said as she brushed off a coat of dirt from my shoulders. Guess her sisters' mannerisms brushed off on her. "You alright? I mean, obviously you aren't dead, but that looked like a pretty bad fall..."

"I'm fine," I replied, "I heal fast, remember? But yes, that hurt, a lot. That was not fun. As for 'what was with that', I dunno. Sorta. I wasn't trying to do that, anyway. It just sorta... happened. Suddenly I was going really fast, and then all of a sudden I wasn't again. And then I was doing my best impression of a tumbleweed."

"Well at least you put on a good show," Scootaloo joked, making a sweeping gesture with her arm. I followed her movements, seeing that an audience had grown during my inattention. A fully non human audience. Well, ponies and shit, I guess they aren't human either. A completely non humanoid audience, then. God. Give me a fucking break.

Who the hell am I talking to, myself? Shit, guess I am. I should stop doing that. Doesn't give me a good leg to stand on when asserting the fact that I am, in fact, perfectly sound of mind. Of course, given my current surroundings, I think my mind went on vacation quite some time ago.

Animals. You never really give them any thought, do you? They're just these things you sometimes have to share your world with, most notably whenever you go to a zoo or when you're trying to get home and Bambi and his entire twenty deer family decided to walk ON the road, down it. So either they are out of sight, out of mind, or directly in sight, and a tremendous pain due to the fact that they don't understand your human shit and don't much care to conform to it.

It was going to be hard to ignore these animals. They were EVERYWHERE. Birds, otters, raccoons, beavers, squirrels, chipmunks, bunnies -a SHITTON of bunnies,- a couple seals and even a few cats and goats wandering around. There was certainly a great deal of variety, I'll give Fluttershy that. Why she didn't have any problems with the cats eating any of the smaller critters? And I didn't see a bear. They said she had a bear. The fact that I didn't see a bear made me worry a little bit. Knowing there's a bear in the area but being unable to see it... not exactly the best feeling.

"Uhh... I didn't trip on any of them, did I?" I joked. I expected to get a reaction out of my three new friends. What I did not expect, was to get one from every single animal there. Heads turned to and fro, squirrels chattered quickly to otters, and then they all turned back towards us. And then they gave me a negative shake of their heads. From pretty much every single animal.

"Guess that's a no," Scootaloo stated dryly. As if this wasn't a marvel onto itself. As if this was simply a day to day occurrence. Spoiled little kids.

Each of the animals had a name hovering above their heads, but I found myself unable to use observe on them. The only thing that did was show me a descriptor screen similar to when I was checking out the trees and stuff before I found Hax.

"Any of you know if Fluttershy is in?" Sweetiebelle asked.

A flurry of movement. A low buzz of back and forth chattering. And then a single white bunny broke from the pack, and hopped its way off towards the cabin. For shits and giggles, I decided to 'observe' it too. Maybe it would have a funny description denoting it as the 'find Fluttershy' rabbit or something.

Angel Bunny LV18
<Evil Incarnate>

HP: 540
MP: 170
-LV18
STR: 21
VIT: 33
DEX: 28
INT: 17
WIS: 45
LUK: 11

Status: Beast/Rabbit; +1 to STR, VIT and DEX. +1 to VIT per LV.
-'Evil'; -50% resistance to Holy/Solar aligned attacks.
-Dumb Animal?; +10 to WIS.
-Unseen, Ignored; +10 to WIS
-Just a Little Cottontail; +10 to WIS.
-Carrot Eater; +20% to all sneaking skills, tricks, spells and otherwise.
-Vitamin A; +20% to all perception based skills, tricks, spells and otherwise.
-She’s MINE; +20 Damage when protecting (Fluttershy).
-Small; -5 to STR.

What the fuck. What the actual FUCK. Even a fucking rabbit was a higher level than me? And what the hell was with all those passive stats? All those little boosts to WIS, dear god. Even with his strength getting curbed by his size, he was still stronger than me. And his DEX and VIT were frankly scary for a creature his size. Thankfully he didn't seem too threatening -title of 'evil incarnate' non withstanding,- and it didn't seem like he payed me much mind.

"That rabbit... I don't know why, but he sets my hair on end," I muttered, trying to deflect three inquisitive glances pointed my way. Guess I had been paying too much attention to the freak of a lupine, went silent for too long.

"He's just a little bunny," Applebloom argued. "What could he possibly do?"

"Right, it just creeps me out. So, enough about bunnies and how threatening they might or might not appear to certain individuals. Training! Yes. That. Or literally anything else that doesn't paint me as a worrywart over nothing. What exactly was the plan? Did we have a plan? If we don't, can we make one?" I queried. Hopefully I could get them talking and ignore my verbal stumble regarding the 'bunny'.

"We already got the clothes and the weights thing sorted out," Sweetiebelle mused, prodding at her lower lip with a dainty finger.

"Yeah, so we can just skip straight to testing him!" Scootaloo exclaimed.

"Ah thought that was step five," Applebloom interjected.

"So what? Three and four are totally boring, better to just skip right to the exciting stuff." Scootaloo argued with a derisive snort.

"You just want to fight him," Sweetiebelle posited, her eyelids drooping in a knowing look. "Getting tired of losing to Applebloom?"

"As if!" Scootaloo cried out defensively, placing her hands on her hips in a 'peter-panish' manner as she glowered at her friend. "I'm telling you, those were just flukes, I totally wouldn't have lost if I wasn't so worn out from all the training I've been doing..."

"Uhm... if you're so worn out from your training, maybe you should consider cutting it back a little bit..." I barely heard her speak, and I didn't even so much as notice her walk up. But low and behold, -regardless of my attentiveness- a certain yellow winged Pegasus stood off to the side, a white rabbit perched on her shoulder as she looked on at the three of us.

"Fluttershy!" Applebloom and Sweetiebelle called out enthusiastically, Scootaloo also joining in but with far less volume and excitement lacing her voice. What followed was a mish-mash of vocal stimuli, all three of them speaking at the same time in overlapping tones.

"Girls, girls," Fluttershy 'called out' in a voice as loud as she could muster. "Please, one at a time, I can't understand when you all talk at once..."

"Mister Colton here-" Applebloom started, before being cut off by Scootaloo.

"Colt already has one but he wants-" Scootaloo got out before Sweetiebelles' voice drowned her out.

"Colton wants another dog!" Sweetiebelle managed to get out, ignoring the pseudo glares her friends were giving her. "What? If you wanted to say it then you should have just said it..."

Her friends cutely pouted at her, but didn't say anything. It was then I noticed something. My hair standing on end. Turning to see just what the hell was setting me off, I saw it.

Fluttershy.

Smiling.

REEEEEEAAAAALLY FUCKING CREEPILY.

"You want another pet?" she crowed, crowding my personal space and wearing a radiant smile. "Oh that is so wonderful! I have so many wonderful choices for you to choose from!"

Aaaaaaaaaand I think she just went and immediately blanked out the 'dog' portion of Sweetiebelles comment. In fact, this suspicion was almost immediately confirmed, seeing as she leaned down and snagged something off the ground before thrusting it into my face.

"Awww, look, I think this little puddy likes you~" she said sweetly, as the cat outstretched in her hands took a few tentative sniffs of my nose.

Crap, I didn't want a fucking cat. They didn't do what you wanted to, and this little furball would be absolutely rubbish in a fight. Maybe I could get a skill that would allow me to train cats? Pffffhah, fuck no, no one can train a cat. They just do what they want, and occasionally what you want them to do is what they were already going to do.

Thankfully, Hax got me out of that particular situation by letting loose a terse growl.

Fluttershy hurriedly pulled the cat back, sheepishly smiling as she placed it back down on the ground. "I... guess not..."

"Sorry about that," I stated, tapping Hax on the forehead to get him to stop growling. "I think it might be best if I were to acquire another canine. My main reason," I paused, trying to formulate my reason. I hadn't thought about it beyond 'I want another attack dog I can use to fight stuff with'. I had a feeling she'd take offense to that. Might not let me have another dog from her 'collection', and might even pressure other pet dealers in the area -if there WERE any- into rejecting my business. "Well, I'm just worried about Hax here," I gave him a reassuring pat on the head. "My work tends to cause me to block out the world around me, and I don't fancy the thought of this little guy being ignored whilst my heads stuck in my job. So the best thing I thought, would be if I could get another dog to keep him company while I work."

Fluttershy 'hmmed', a thoughtful look on her face.

"I... well... I only currently have one dog staying with me at the moment..." she looked off past her cottage, along a dirt path that traced its way around her hobbit hole. "He's a bit of a shy one, he tends to stay near his pond..."

With that, she gave us a beckoning wave, trotting off past her house to follow the treeline. A couple minutes of walking later, and we had arrived at the 'pond'. It was almost entirely encircled by growth, leaving a small entrance where I could probably squeeze through. If I had an insane desire to swim in an almost pitch black body of water, where literally any number of disgusting organisms could be swimming about.

So... he guarded the water hole? Or something? Good feral instincts, I guess. Control the water source, and your pack will live. Personal water source, anyway.

Fluttershy strode over to the pony, before turning to me. "Just... give me a second. Scruffaluss is kinda skittish around anypony new," she explained, kneeling down by the waters edge. "Scruffaluss, here boy, somepony here wants to see you~" she trilled softly, dragging her fingers back and forth through the water.

The fuck was she doing? Maybe it was the only way to get the dogs attention, messing with it's water. Great, that probably meant he'd be super attached to it, and come out here whenever the fuck he wanted. Would make leveling him up harder, if he just up and left without warning.

His name would certainly explain why he was so against meeting new people, if someone introduced me with that name I know I sure as fuck wouldn't want to show my face.

The surface of the water suddenly broke, two diminutive hands covered in smooth, reptilian skin slowly grasping at the edge of the bank. They pulled out their owned just as methodically, slowly shedding the water to peer out at me in an owlish manner. It was some sort of... reptile... dog. It looked almost like a whippet breed, all sleek and smooth elongated features.

But... you know.

Lizard skin. Like a snake. Perfect for if its occupant was a water dwelling animal, like this one so god damn obviously was. Seeing a dog with hands was still creepy though.

It was... it's hard to describe the gradiating color scheme for its main body. It was a dark blue, almost navy as it shifted to a lighter color the farther back from its head.

Bands of red and yellow circled both of its eyes, curling upwards to end at the tips of his ears. Looking back further, I could see his tail. And the third hand sprouting from the tip of it. All three of the hands had only four fingers, and if the tail hand was any indicator they were double jointed. It kept on grasping slowly, first one side, then the other. Kinda hypnotic.

Last but not least, it didn't have a name floating over its head, much less that of 'scrufaluss'. Only a single string of '???'.

"There you are mister Scruffaluss," Fluttershy cooed, patting it on the head. "I want you to meet somepony special. This is Mister Colt...on." she added on, shooting me a worried glance.

'Scruffy' took one look at me, then spat out a stream of water from its mouth. You wanna guess where that was directed? Ding ding ding, right at my face. Drenched in a single second.

"Scruffaluss!" Fluttershy belted out in a chastising tone. "That was very rude of you! Apologize!"

'Scruffy' gave me a snort of disdain, his ears flattering against his head as he gave me a short nod.

"I'm so sorry Colton, Mister Scruffaluss just doesn't like you being so close to his water..."

I kneeled down, wiping water out of my eyes. "Hey there," I started, trying to show a non toothy grin. Dogs think teeth mean you're trying to intimidate them, so I had better keep it as tame as I could. "My name is Colton. I'd like you to come home with me-" another gout of water cut off my further words, forcing me to wipe my face clear again. "Now, I'm not asking you to give up your little pond here," I paused, waiting to see if he'd try to blast me in the face again.

"If you really wanted to, you could come back and check up on it any time you wanted. I just really need your help," I said, patting Hax on the head. This in turn drew 'Scruffys' attention, who peered up at Hax with wide eyes. With a single gurgled bark, he drew himself fully out of the pool.

"Oh, how nice! I think Mister Scruffaluss wants to go with you!" Fluttershy cooed, along with the three girls. I swear, I was beginning to have friggin girl overload. There's only so much I can freaking take.

---

---

LORE TIME WITH SHY
There are some very noticeable differences between the three pony tribes.
A unicorn has of course, their horn. This organ allows greater control of arcane forces, with exception of earth and wind type magics.
Their diet -like pegasi- is an omnivorous one, but due to shipping costs regarding meat from the minotaur provinces most unicorn and pegasi supplement this part of their diet with magically bred flowers and fish.

---

---

I lay there for a second, cradling my aching ribs. Plus, not moving didn't hurt. The bark against my back was kinda rough, but at least I had the forethought to take my shirt off. Wouldn't want to have to get it fixed TWICE in a single day...

"Scootaloo!" Sweetiebelle belted out, just out of eyeshot.

"It's not my fault! I didn't even hit him that hard!" Scootaloo protested.

"Ya kicked him straight in the gut!" Applebloom stated forcefully.

"I didn't get him that hard!" Scootaloo replied again, "I even pulled the kick, it shouldn't have sent him flying so far!"

"Shouldn't but did, Scoots."

"Should we check on him?"

"He's... just freakishly light..."

After leaving Fluttershys, we eventually came to an abandoned area. A fair bit away from the edge of the forest, the ground was covered in lush grass. Seeing we had arrived, Scootaloo immediately challenged me to a fight, to 'see what I was made of'. I didn't really want to, but anything she could have done would be easily slept off. Hopefully. Even though they were higher level than me, they shouldn't be able to do thatmuch damage to me.

I threw my first punch right at her head, accompanied with maybe the shortsided comment of 'No one expects the FACE PUNCH!'. Yeah, calling out your attack is stupid. But I hadn't figured out how to silently activate them yet. So, 'FACE PUNCH!' would have to do.

Needless to say, it didn't hit her. My fist was thrust to the side with an open palm, then she roundhouse kicked me right in the chest. I could never have foreseen that such a little girl would be able to have such a powerful kick. Or that said kick would have sent me flying nearly a hundred feet across the field, straight into a tree.

A hundred and twenty six damage, all from a single kick. Friggin BS. I was left with only twenty four health, leaving me in a very dangerous position.

"I... you know what?" I asked, lurching to my feet with my hand on my midsection. "I think I'm gonna call it a day. Obviously I'm nowhere near being able to fight toe to toe with you girls, and I really just wanna go take a nap. Sleep this off." I needed time to heal the HP she had gotten rid of, and I doubt they would be willing to sit back while I tried to massage myself. I had yet to find a healing spell, so 'massage' was the only thing I currently could think of that would help with my HP regen.

I received a round of 'awwwwwwwwws' for my deceit, followed up with each of them flashing me puppy dog eyes. Funny, seeing as both '???/Scruffaluss" and Hax were barely paying us any mind, lounging in the shade of a tree. Hax was sitting on the larger dogs head, tongue lolling.

"Aw, c'mon mistah Colton," Applebloom pleaded, her eyes somehow getting larger by the second, "Ya can't leave yet, we haven't even teached you anythin'."

"Yeah!" Sweetiebelle affirmed"

"What can we teach him?" Scootaloo groused. "He's gonna need to get at least a little bit more fit before we can fight him..."

"Fightin' aint the only thing we do, Scoots," Applebloom stated, admonishing the pegasi with a hard look. "Ah'd like to ask a question though. Colton, sir? Why didn't ya use your grounding?"

I stared at her for a couple seconds, trying to figure out what the hell she was asking. "I... don't exactly know what you mean by that," I admitted finally, choking back my pride. What little there was left after being knocked tea over kettle by a little girl I should easily be able to bench.

"How kin ya not know what grounding is?" she said in confusion, "Ah've never met an earth pony that didn't know what grounding was..."

Not a pony. Couldn't very well say that to them, however.

"Lets just chalk it up to cultural differences," I said, trying to get her mind off the topic. "So what is grounding? Is it something difficult to learn?"

"No, no," Applebloom laughed, "An earth pony what can't ground ain't an earth pony," she stated with a chuckle.

Shit. Fuck. Balls. Bast- Okay. I could bluff my way through this. If it was a species trait I'd be shit out of luck, but if it counted as a skill... I might just be able to pick up whatever the hell 'grounding' was. Probably just made you harder to move, but if you had an impenetrable shield that would be damned useful.

Not that I had any such shield, but I digress.

"It's easy," she stated, but my attention was elsewhere for the moment. A blue box had popped up in front of me, prompting action.

The CMC would like to become your teachers!
Teacher; Applebloom
Teacher; Sweetiebelle
Teacher; Scootaloo
New abilities, skills, tricks and otherwise will become available to learn from (Teacher; CMC)
+5% EXP gain to all abilities, skill, tricks and otherwise learned from (Teacher; CMC) for the duration that (CMC) is assigned as your teacher.
+5% chance to be covered in tree sap per day.
-50% Reputation with Diamond Tiara.
1/2 Reputation gain for Diamond Tiara.
-30% Reputation with Silver Spoon.
1/2 Reputation gain for Silver Spoon.
Do you accept?

YES|NO

Huh. No clue who these 'Diamond Tiara' and 'Silver Spoon' people were, but their names marked them as pretentious. I didn't think losing 'reputation' or whatever would faze me all that badly. Fuck em.

I hurriedly tapped the 'yes' box, free exp gain didn't sound like that bad of an idea. That 'tree sap' blurb worried me a bit, but it was probably just a joke.

"Colton?" Applebloom asked, and I realized I hadn't listened to her at all. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

"What? Yes. Sorry. I... didn't hear any of that. Would it be too much to ask you to repeat it?" I asked, trying to keep my tone kinda tired sounding. I already got kicked into a tree, I had plenty of reason to be spacey. Now if I could just sell it...

"Oh, yeah, k. Just listen up, alright? Don't wanna have to say this again," she huffed.

"The earth... speaks to us. Its everywhere anypony goes, and its very rare for ya to get someplace without it. It reaches out to us, imbues us with its strength, if we but give it a chance to."

I stared at her uncomprehendingly, as she continued.

"Just... close yer eyes, k?" she said, gesturing at me to follow her direction. I closed my eyes with nary a huff, eager to get this over with. The less time I stand around looking like an idiot, the better. "Now, ya can do magic, right?" I nodded, flinching as I felt her cup a hand against the back of my neck. Her other hand grabbed mine, and gently lowered it down towards the ground. "Do the same thing ya do to get yer magic workin', but reach out to the earth underneath us instead."

I tried to follow her commands, blindly gripping the loose dirt underneath me. I stayed that way for maybe a minute, wondering what the hell I was doing wrong. Then... I felt something... different. It was similarto the magic energy I managed to corral within myself, but this felt... large. I felt it seeping into me as I knelt, slowly filling me to the brim. I opened my eyes, noting another box had appeared before me.

More important than that however was the face breaking grin Applebloom was giving me.

"Ya see? Easy as pie!" she claimed, helping me back to my feet.

Through careful application of an understanding teaching hand, an ability has been learned!

Grounding(Active) LV 1 EXP: 0.00%

Grip the earth and draw power from it.

+2 to STR and DEX for every second of inaction.

Movement beyond 1 foot of starting position negates (Grounding)

(Grounding) can currently only stack up to (5) times.

"Ch-...yeah," I muttered, slowly flexing my hands. "I can't really explain this feeling... but feels... filling?" I guessed, to which Applebloom gave me a short nod. I took a single step see if my feet had actually become part of the ground like they had partially felt, only to note that the ability abruptly vanished.

At my confused expression, Applebloom let a brief laugh escape her.

"Ya can't move around while grounding, Mistah Colton," she explained. "You have to keep full connection with the earth. Ya can't prance about like a flighty pegasus-"

"Hey!" Scootaloo pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I... Thank you," I said, bowing my head slightly. "But I still feel a mite tired. I hope you won't assume I'm trying to avoid you if I still say I wish to return to my place and take a nap?"

A sigh came out of all of them simultaniously.

"Fiiiiiiine..."

---

---

LORE TIME WITH SHY
There are some very noticeable differences between the three pony tribes.
While an earth pony doesn't have any outwardly physical attributes to distinguish itself from the other two tribes, this lack of wings or a horn is a distinction in itself as an identifier. To add to this, an earth pony is verydifferent physically from the other two tribes. Completely herbivorous, an earth pony can't consume meat or other products the other two tribes can without severe gastric distress.
An Earth ponys' body is much denser than either a pegasus or a unicorn, resulting in drastic weight differences. An earth pony can be more than twice the weight of a unicorn their own size, and almost three times the weight of an equitably sized pegasus!

---

---

After I ditched the trio, I headed back to the treehouse. Library house tree thing. That. Once I was safely secluded away inside, I drew all three of us into an empty ID.

"Okay newbie, listen up. I'm gonna try to treat you like you aren't a dumb mutt, so I'll try to be frank with you here," I stated, causing the water dogs' head to cock to the side. "My name is Colton. I don't give a shit if you don't respect me. I really don't care. What I do care about, is getting stronger. One way I've figured out how to do that is by getting dogs," I waved to both him and Hax, who gave a happy wuff from my shoulder. "And then adding my strength to theirs. And theirs to mine. So you can stay, you can leave, go back to your little pond or whatever. But if you stay with me..." I paused for effect, "I promise you'll get stronger. Strong enough to protect your pond from anything, Strong enough to protect anything. This I swear to you. So do you understand anything I've said, or are you just a dumb mutt like everyone probably thinks you are?"

He gave me a long hard stare, eyes unblinking. FInally, he gave a short nod of his head as Hax let out a happy sounding bark.

"Cool. So first things first, I would like to give you a new name," I said, noting with satisfaction as his ears perked up. "I couldn't help but notice you don't seem all that attached to 'scruff'-" I couldn't even finish the name, water blasting me in the face. "...Pfffeeeeh. Okay. I see you really don't like it. Mind If I suggest something?"

He cocked his head to the side, giving me a long look.

"Argos. In an ancient language it literally translates out to 'swift'. It was also the name of a mythological boat, which sailed all over the world and battled monsters and stuff," I continued, watching as both his ears slowly crept up to stand at attention."So c'mon buddy, yes? No? GImmie some input here..."

A few more seconds passed before he let out a jovial, burbling sound woof. THe question marks slowly faded from view from above his head, replacing themselves with a title and a name.

<Argos>
<Ahuizotl Whelp>

"Cool, guess you actually do like it. Welcome to the team, Argos..."

After that I got to 'training'. Running around in a circle around my new tree house, occasionally stopping to take a break. I almost immediately got the massage skill-

Massage (active) LV 1 EXP: 0.00%
An ancient skill that allows you to take the fatigue away from the flesh of a human. And so it is possible for you to cure body or joint related negative effects.
Your targets fatigue recovery increases significantly
Gets rid of 0.05% fatigue per second.

-which was going to help out a LOT in the long term. With this I could effectively say 'FUCK YOU' to sleep. All those hours wasted, lying around and not doing anything. I kept having to reactivate (Spirit Technique Of the Lunar Sister) and (Starswirls Shortcoming) because I kept losing focus on them. So that was annoying. Both Hax and Argos kept at my heels for the most part, until he got bored and took a nap by the side of the tree. I decided to try and get Hax to level up some of his abilities as well as running alongside me, and before we knew it he had his overgrowth skill at level two, along with his (Magic Siphon) all the way up to level four! Having your magic drained feels hella weird.

It was like getting a shot, but painless. You know there's a needle in your arm even if it doesn't hurt you can just feel it.

I figured something else out. I have a clock. IN MY MENU. It's the stupidest thing ever, but surprisingly useful. I kept at it long after Hax gave up to go lay on top of Argos, slowly raising up my VIT. by the time I was finished, it had raised seven whole points! Just from running around! I had also slightly raised my (Mana Bolt) skill as well, blasting it off over the empty houses each time my MP filled back up enough to use. Level seven, hell yeah.

---

---

LORE TIME WITH SHY
There are some very noticeable differences between the three pony tribes.
A pegasus is the most easily identified pony tribe, with their large wings that jut out even when folded against their backs. Counter to their earth pony siblings, a pegasi's internal organs are actually lighter, and more flexible. This flexibility supplements their ability to bounce back from what to the other tribes might very well cause a broken limb, which is very useful when taking all those tiny wing bones into consideration. As such, even when compared to an earth pony or a unicorn of equal size, one will always find the pegasus to weigh less.

---

---

Finally I was done. It was indicating 5:37 on my menus clock, so I decided to call it a day. Or night. Or whatever. I carefully picked up Argos -Hax lazily lying on top of him, his little twig body actually snoring every few seconds- and entered my house, careful not to wake either of them. I shunted us back out to the real world, taking a couple minutes to draw a bath and lower Argos into it. Not deep enough to submerge him, but he had gills so I don't think that would matter. I was more worried about Hax than I was him, so I picked him up and gave him his own towel bed. Thankfully he didn't wake up.

Making my way downstairs however, revealed something very odd. My living space was overtaken by unconscious people. Ponies. Whatever. They were sprawled everywhere, and it almost looked like a party had gone off in here while I was gone. Trash was strewn about, along with plates of half eaten food.

I wasn't going to fucking clean this mess up.

I stood there for a minute, trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do. I had to wake them up, obviously. But how? Shouting and making a fuss was out, as much as I wanted to start walking around kicking heads and demanding that they get the fuck out of my tree, I knew that wouldn't be a viable long term solution. I had to get them up carefully, but how...

An idea lodged itself in the forefront of my brain, and I smiled a devilish grin. I could come out of this looking like a good guy. I'd have them eating out of my palm. Eating being the important word, here.

I carefully took a step around piles of ponies, trying not to wake anyone up. My progress was momentarily halted however, as a hand had latched onto my ankle while I wasn't paying attention. The hand belonged to a girl, curled up and laying over another lady wearing a long trenchcoat who smelled strongly of booze. Which was weird, seeing as I could quite plainly see there weren't any alcohol containers lying anywhere. Where ever she had gotten drunk, she hadn't gotten that way here.

The girl was small, petite. She had an acrobats physique, long legs with a strong looking back. She was wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever, like something a jester would wear at a ren fair. Bright and colorful.

I tried to lightly shake my leg loose, to which the sleeping girl only tightened her grip.

"Mmmmm," she mumbled, a line of drool escaping the side of her mouth. Trenchcoat lady was going to be mad when she woke up. "Dibs..."

I stood there for a couple more seconds, before I carefully pried her hand off. "No, mine," I whispered, half to myself. "I got permadibs. For infinity."

I finally made my way to the kitchen, opening a cabinet to reveal what I remembered seeing the day previous.

Pancake mix. YUSH. There were ten individually marked boxes of the stuff, whomever had lived here previously obviously had a fondness for pancakes. I got the magic grill thing heated up -don't ask. And no, I didn't burn myself, thank you for asking.- and the batter mixed, before I started getting a fresh pot of coffee started up. 'Zebrican' blend, whatever the fuck that meant.

Another box popped up as soon as the first pancake was ready, and I suppressed a grin as I slid it off onto a plate.

Through a diligent act, a skill has been learned

Cooking LV 1 EXP: 0.00%
Food for the body, food for the soul. Everybody needs to eat.
+1% chance for cooked item to contain temporary additional properties beyond what normal cooking would allow.

I fought back down my maniacal grin, before I started cackling to myself.

What better way to say 'get the fuck up', than with a plate full of steaming hotcakes, and the scent of coffee wafting through the air?

---

---

Name: Colton Niscon
Class: Displaced Gamer
Level: LV 06

---

HP: 220
MP: 200

---

STR:10
VIT:15
DEX:7
INT:20
WIS:7
LUK:12
Point: 4
Money: 58 Cents, 15 Bits
Status; Human. -25% Stamina drain. +25% Stamina Regen. +10% Total HP Regen. +10% Total MP Regen. +1% EXP gain.

Title
1-Unassigned
2-Unassigned
3-Unassigned
4-Unassigned
5-Unassigned

-Teacher
1-The CMC
2-Unassigned
3-Unassigned

Displaced; Dimensional magnetism draws other Displaced Tokens to the users dimensional plane.
Homeowner; +5% EXP gain while within the confines of the 'Golden Oaks' library.

---

Cloth Shirt; Repaired by local seamstress Rarity, there's not much else to note about this article of clothing besides its bland coloring. +1 DEF

Denim Jeans; Bought from a soulless corporate store. They provide more defense than a standard pair of cloth pants, but can't offer anything else.

Rainbow Dash's Sandals; A pair of petite sandals. They don't provide much defense, but they were never really designed with that purpose in mind. +5 SPD

Sprint(active) LV1 EXP: 17.09% COST 50MP
Channel the users mana to their legs, to allow them to run faster than they would be able to normally.
+100% maximum running speed for (3) seconds.
+10% stamina regen after (Sprint) has been activated for the next (1) minute(s). Only one stamina regen buff can be active currently from trick (Sprint).
+5 DEX for (3) seconds.
While (Sprint) is active, the user has an increased +5% chance to avoid falling or succumbing to treacherous footing.

Observe LV 1 EXP 24.10%
Allows the Gamer to more intimately observe world around them.
Allows the Gamer to see Total HP and MP.
Allows the Gamer to see additional information written up by management.

Physical Endurance(passive) LV 4 EXP: 42.08%
The Bodies Physical Endurance Increases, And You Take Less Damage.
7% decrease in damage from physical attacks

Face Punch(active) LV1 EXP: 5.9% MP COST; 15
Against all odds, an unarmed, untrained strike directly in the face.
5% chance to ignore all armor and defense buffs.
3% Attack Damage increase when attacking a targets face directly, without a weapon.
3% Speed increase when directing an attack towards a targets face.
5% Critical hit Chance increase when attacking a targets face directly, without a weapon.

Listening(passive) LV4 EXP: 94.20%
All conversation lower than an audible level is amplified by 6%

Pack Leader(passive) LV3 EXP: 21.29%
+4% Damage for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+4% Damage reduction for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+4% HP Regen for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+4% MP Regen for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+30 HP for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+10 MP for all Canid type creatures in the pack
+1 to Pack Size

Mana Bolt (Active) LV3 EXP:9.13%
A skill that attacks by emitting mana.
Attack power increases by INT
Range 25 m.

Spirit Technique Of the Lunar Sister(active&passive) LV 1 EXP: 82.37%
A basic inner Mana technique developed by the Sister of the Moon. It purifies Mana and allows the user to store it within their Mana center, enabling the user to freely manipulate the power.
After the development of the inner Mana techniques, Ponies have become able to overcome the limits of the Equine species.
The increase amount depends on the amount of inner Mana. Inner Mana level (MP) permanently increases from inner Mana training.

Passively increases STR by 10%.

Passively increases DEX by 10%.

Passively increases VIT by 10%.

Passively increases INT by 10%.

Passively increases WIS by 10%.

Additional 30% increase in STR when active.

Additional 30% increase in DEX when active.

Able to use Mana Strike when active

Starswirls Shortcoming(passive) LV 1 EXP: 82.37%

Basic mana technique developed by Starswirl himself. Starswirls Shortcoming is based off observing the Earth Pony form in comparison to his own Unicorn physiology. Makes the body strong and increases the body's defense power.

Increases STR by 10%.
Increases DEX by 10%.
Increases VIT by 10%.
Increases VIT recovery rate by 10%.
Increases stamina recovery rate by 10%.

Author's Notes:

Cats can be trained. My friend found this girl on Tinder who's a professional trainer, she actually spent a summer and trained a feral chipmunk. It's freaking amazing to watch her stuff...

No, Grounding does NOT use up MP. Currently. All of its energy comes from an outside source, so its more of a charge up type of skill for the time being.

Argos is incorrect. Argos is actually the name of the city, while the boat was called Argo. Colton just didn't remember that.

Does anyone want me to start putting updated status screen for Colton at the end of chapters? Like, if he goes up a level or gets a few stat points, or levels up a skill, would you like me to put the updated version at the end of the chapter? EDIT; I went ahead and did that. NEW question, should I just put that stuff in the authors notes so it doesn't inflate the word count?

And holy crap guys, this chapter is 8k. When the heck did THAT happen?!!? I also managed to churn out a 9k and a 6k chapter over on my story Little Nemo in the past week or so, so I must have gotten a fire lit under my bum and no one told me...

Also, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I'll make an edit tomorrow where I get Colton to answer all the backlog questions in here, so check back if you're interested in that stuff.

So yeah, leave a question for Colton or Hax.

7- A Moooooot Revelation

Authors Note: Despite this being a 12k chapter, it is NOT a displaced crossover chapter. It kinda just got away from me while I was writing. Enjoy!~

"-and then I had to help Mrs. Punch up, because she had been hitting the sauce a bit too hard, if you know what I mean," The girl in the jesters outfit with the pink mass of hair babbled on, as she had pretty much from the instant she woke up.

I shouldn't have given her any coffee. I should have known what would happen by the fact that she almost immediately sprang up, bright and bushy tailed, the moment I walked back into the living room with a platter piled high with pancakes. She then offered to help wake 'everypony' else up.

And help hand out pancakes. It was... weird, to say the least. You wouldn't know it by looking at her, that she was even asleep only a minute prior.

I wish she was still asleep. BECAUSE SHE WOULD NOT FUCKING SHUT UP. Apparently her name is 'Pinkamena Diane Pie' according to the name floating above her head, but she prefers to be called 'Pinkie Pie'. She threw a party for me last night, and was very disappointed when I didn't show up to my own house.

Serves her right for throwing a party in my new house without getting my permission. When asked where I had gone that had kept me out all night, I simply stated I was 'out walking my dogs'. She seemed to accept that.

She then launched into a one sided discussion regarding everything that they had done at the party in my absence, so I 'wouldn't feel left out'. She wanted to tell me everything.

EVERYTHING. By god was she fucking thorough. Every single last party game they had started up, even the ones she hadn't participated in, she told me the outcome. Some lady named Cloudkicker won the apple bobbing contest. Somehow that was relevant.

If a person had a drink, she knew about it, and kept tabs. It was honestly kind of scary. Freaky that she'd be watching everyone so closely.

Apparently they had kept partying long into the morning, hoping to catch me once I finally made my way home. Eventually they had succumbed to their merriment, not even bothering to go home to fall asleep. Apparently this town and society has a far more lax view on privacy. If someone can just up and camp in your living room with no one pitching a fit, I would assume that such a society would be a slightly more peaceful one than mine. Ours. Whatever. This view would immediately be challenged by the fact that everyone went around carrying weapons in full view, but oh well. They even wore them while they slept, if this group was anything to go by.

Oh good god, even the fucking mayor was here, I could see her spooning a guy with wings over in the corner. A rapier poked up out of her belt, jutting outwards to prop up someone elses arm.

They certainly were friendly, if the various pile were anything to go by. At least they seemed to be civilized enough not to have a fucking orgy in my living room. If that was something they did.

It actually reminded me of my older sisters slumber parties. There was never enough places for them to sleep, so they always just set up their sleeping bags wherever. Organized chaos.

And me having just given up on sleep as a past time of the weak. My loss. Looked fun. Of course, if this 'Pinkie Pie' was being as genuine as she claimed, I'd have to sit through a similar party tonight. I wouldn't be able to train, and I'd have to succumb to sleep just like everyone else. I couldn't very well massage myself in plain view of everyone. And if I wasn't showing signs of fatigue, others might try to stay awake, simply so they wouldn't miss out on anything.

What a fucking bother.

Pinkie looked like she had some interesting abilities, even if I could never outright catch her in the act. She cooked up another batch of pancakes seemingly instantly, without me even noticing. Seriously, an entire batch of thirty seven hotcakes, in less than a minute and a half. I could have sworn she never left the room.

Every time I took my eyes off of her, she seemed to teleport around the room. She certainly moved around faster than she should have been able to. I never actually caught her movement, whenever I turned back to look at her she just turned to smile and wave at me. When she wasn't burning my ear off with her never ending spiel regarding what happened during the party last night.

It was slow going, but eventually the piles of people eventually started filing out, off to go live their lives and do whatever the hell their jobs denoted for them. They partook of the pancakes, and I even got a couple winged and horned people asking if I had any eggs. I didn't have any. Wouldn't have made them even if I had them.

I made them fucking pancakes. They can stuff that in their maw.

Eventually I was left alone. 'Alone', meaning that my three new teachers and a few other people decided to stick around.

Rainbow Dash. Her name was floating above her head, which was the main reason I knew who she was. She didn't introduce herself, she just stuffed her face with a couple pancakes and went back to sleep. Bitch is taking up my couch.

Her hair... I can certainly see how she got her name. It was a mop of unruly rainbow tinged hair, streaked through like... wait for it... a rainbow. Not all that surprising, I know.

The other people left were female as well. Along with Pinkie Pie -who would not fucking leave, even after everyone else had left- I was left with someone named 'Carrot Top', 'Ditzy Doo', and another girl the same age as Applebloom and the rest named Twist.

Twists title stated she was a 'confectioner'. I guess that meant she made confections. Or something. I dunno.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked the new girl, who at this point hadn't said a word to me. She'd been talking to the other three girls for a bit, but again, not a word to me.

Seeing as she had been asleep in my living room not five minutes previous, I would be well within my rights to assume that as a bit rude. She definitely looked a bit startled by my question.

"Uh, I wath wondering," she began, lisping all the way. I'm sure she had an interesting story to go along with that, seeing as no one else around here had a lisp. Or maybe they did. I'd spoken to precious few people so far. The sleepy people didn't count, they were barely coherent as they shoveled food into their mouths. "Uh... I kinda thtill have a book from the library, and itth three dayth late?" she fixed me with a 'cute' look, eyes wide and 'puppy dog-ish'.

"I see no problem with a late book, as long as it's returned," I replied succinctly. I'd have to see what the hell the procedure for late books was. If they didn't have late fees, I could try to set something up with the mayor. If she handled stuff like that. Being my own boss was kinda weird.

"I have seventeen books checked out," Pinkie Pie oh so helpfully added, leaning on the girls shoulder, "only one of them involves cooking," she added in a loud whisper.

"Delightful," I stated with false cheer. "It always does my heart good to see folks with a passion for reading."

I was well versed in the bullshit public face technique. Smile, pretend that you actually enjoy the presence of others and they'll come back again to eventually give your place of business additional portions of money on a regular basis. Employers don't give a shit if you have a bad attitude. They just don't want you to show it while you're working. As long as you pretend to be enjoying yourself, they're happy.

"How come you weren't back for the party last night?" Scootaloo questioned, as Twist fell back into line beside Applebloom.

"I took Argos and Hax for a walk," I lied, spreading my hands wide to give off an unconscious sense of 'I'm telling the truth'. Body language is just as important as the words when you lie. "We kinda got lost, spent a fair bit longer out than I would have liked."

Appleblooms face scrunched up in thought, "Who's Argos?" she asked, tilting her head.

Crap. Just my luck, I now had to explain how I changed his name. How could I say this as simply as possible, without irritating myself?

"Uh, Mr. Scruffaluss didn't seem to like his name all that much," I started, glad that Argos was still snoring away in the tub upstairs. It was just water, but you pressurize it enough and it stings like a bitch. "So... I kinda just listed off names until he gave me a happy sounding bark."

The three each gave an understanding nod, whereas the others each had varying looks of non-understanding. Well, Pinkie still had this stupid grin on her face. But the other two didn't really look like they were part of the conversation.

"And you, miss?" I asked, directing my attention to one of the last of my 'guests' -that still wouldn't fucking leave for some reason- "It seems my couch was comfortable enough to lure one mare back to sleep," I nearly slipped over the word 'mare', but Pinkie had been vigilant upon using it when referring to nearly half the people that had been asleep in the living room. "-and perhaps concerns regarding books kept yet another," I eyed Twist, noting that she avoided my gaze as she blushed. Interesting. New guy in town, guess *I* was marginally as well. "And as far as I can tell, Pinkie just wants to make sure I don't feel left out... but surely I'm not handsome enough to keep yet another mare such as yourself from whatever duties you might yet have this fine morning?" I ended, carefully observing her reaction.

What? Her tits were nice. Didn't want to be caught staring, though. The leather jerkin she wore strained visibly under the strain, only partially hidden beneath the folds of a long billowing cloak.

She gave me a subdued smile, the action reaching her eyes as she said, "My, and such a gentlemane? As it so happens, Applebloom informed me you might be looking for some odd jobs? I might have a few things you could take of..."

Hmmm. Well I did need a few bits. And I couldn't just disappear during the day, especially after bugging out so soon. Someone was bound to notice. I wasn't nearly smart enough yet to bamboozle everyone around me like I wanted to. Their entire culture was different than what I was used to, I'd have to do some research. Hopefully this small town library would have a history book or two.

Okay. Plan. I'd get rid of the remainder of my guests and find a book or two to hopefully clue me into common things around here. Landmark names, frequently evoked deities, if I could figure out who the heck ran things around here...

If there was some sort of king or emperor, I sure as fuck didn't want to make a complete fool out of myself by doing something that would right away clue others in to the fact I didn't know anything about anything.

Maybe there was a president. As unlikely as that was, regarding the fantasy surroundings.

After that, I'd spend a little more time leveling up power strike or something. Then I'd go ahead and head over to Carrot Tops'... house or whatever, and earn a little money so I could eventually buy my new clothes off of Rarity.

"Hello there," holy fucking shit where did she come from. Ditzy Doo. I completely forgot about her. I didn't even notice when she snuck up and dominated my whole field of vision. I was doing that a lot recently. Not paying attention to my surroundings, anyway.

She had a messy mop of dandelion yellow hair sprouting from her head, cascading over her shoulders and down her back in a large swathe. She wore a set of dull grey robes adorned with a motif of a pattern of bubbles that curled up over her shoulder, which swallowed up her form and hid it from view. This made her bright golden eyes stand out even more than they already did, what with how they were both looking off in opposite directions.

Her right eye stared straight at me, while her left eye wandered around to ponder a wall somewhere behind me. I barely resisted the urge to look behind me, to see if she was actually focusing on something other than me.

I wasn't fast enough to react as she grabbed my hand, and pumped it up and down in a handshake. She tilted her head and gave me a smile, tightening her grip as she did so. It quickly became painful, almost unbearably so.

"Your words are as pure as the expression on your face," she claimed, the smile refusing to leave her lips. She finally let go, and it was all I could do to keep myself from wringing it in pain. At least I managed to keep my own smile. She was obviously trying to get a rise out of me, and I couldn't risk her actually getting mad.

She had to be at least fifty levels above me, if the question marks where her level should be over her head were any notification. God knows how strong she actually was. Worst thing was she obviously knew I was lying, and putting on a false air to ingratiate everyone around me.

Why didn't she simply say so, if she knew? Did she not want others to know for some reason? If so, why?

I didn't get a chance to ask her, even if I wanted to. After saying her piece, she turned on a heel and left. Chuckling all the while. The moment was kinda tarnished however, by the fact that she trod on the excess of her voluminous robe and careened into the doorway. She bonked off the door frame, landing on her back as she cradled her face in her hands.

"I'm okay!" she called out suddenly, thrusting a closed fist upwards. She quickly got to her feet, brushing herself off before she made her escape.

"That mare," Carrot Top sighed.

"Yeah," Scootaloo agreed, shaking her head in amusement. "Is it just me, or is Ditzy Doo acting more derpy than usual?"

"Can never tell with that mare," Applebloom added. "Seems like most days her head's in the clouds, but... you never can tell with her..."

"She was really sweet, though," Sweetiebelle stated, cooing softly, "She said mister Colt was pure! Even she can see it!~"

I think she was romanticizing it. Oh well, at least as long as the rest of them didn't pick up on the undertones of what she had said.

"Now now," I started, drawing their attention, "Even if the mare is... 'derpy', one shouldn't gossip on such topics. It's quite rude, and unbecoming of fine young ladies such as yourselves," I chastised. My to my delight, each of them had varying degrees of embarrassment stamped on their faces.

"Geez, you almost sound like Sweetiebelles sister," Scootaloo complained, her wings fluffing slightly behind her.

I assume that was an insult. The winged one did give off the air of a tomboy, acting proper around her might end up in diminished returns in regards to how she viewed me. If she viewed me as something undesirable, I might lose that bonus EXP I was getting with them as my teachers. I distinctly remembered something about minus reputation regarding two other people in the description, so I had to assume that I could potentially put her off and dip below the required reputation cap or something.

If there was a required reputation cap. I was still guessing as I went along... and I couldn't risk coming up with a wrong answer this early in the game.

Not if I wanted... to be able to stand my ground if...

It didn't help to dwell on that now. I'd grow stronger, and tackle that problem once I came to it.

"Miss...Top? Was it?" I asked, turning my attention back to my fiery haired guest. "I would much appreciate the chance to get out and do some old fashioned work today, so your offer is very much desirable."

I turned back to the trio -sans confectioner, who had buggered off when I wasn't paying attention- , giving them a short nod, "My apologies, as much as I would love to spend my morning learning something new from you, I really must start cataloging the library and taking stock of what I've been left with. If wanted, you could assist me in-"

"Gah, that sounds hecka boring," Scootaloo groaned, her wings slumping in irritation.

"I actually just wanted to wish you a happy morning seeing as I had to go home from the party early. Plus I have to help my mom in the shop today," Sweetiebelle groused, drawing a groan from Applebloom as well.

"Yeah, I still have a bunch of chores on the farm ah gotta do," Applebloom stated tiredly. "I can come back once I'm done, though! Not sure how much help ah'd be regardin'... catalogin' or whatever, but I'd still be willing to help!"

"Call me once you're doing something interesting, k?" Scootaloo asked, giving a small wave as she backed out of the front door. "Laters!"

"Scoots!" Sweetiebelle protested, following closely on her heels. Applebloom also followed swiftly, leaving me alone with the carrot themed lady.

And Rainbow Dash. She was still snoring away on my couch. I'd kick her out eventually, if it got too distracting. Or if she loitered for too long.

"Miss Top, seeing as I'm currently unaware as to where you currently reside, would you mind coming back later to escort me?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow.

"Ooh ooh ooh!" Pinkie Pie squealed, waving her arm in the air above her head. "I can do that, I can do iiiit! I don't have anywhere to be today so I can just hang out and help him with stuff then when he's ready I can show him around town and introduce to everypony so he can have looooooots of friends!~" she crowed, a wide smile stretched across her face.

"Oh, would you Pinkie?" Carrot Top prompted, matching her smile in turn. "That would definitely help me out, I don't think I'll have time to come back and show him what all I want him to do, I just have so much to do today..."

"Don't chu worry Toppy, I'll get him there, no problem!"

Hey... wait... I... didn't agree to this...

Physical Endurance has gone up a level!

Kinda fucking late to the party, aren't you? If that was from the handshake the perceptive one had given me. I couldn't see anything else I could have gotten from it. This newest revelation was more of a mental attack. I don't think I could stand this girl for long periods of time.

She just had that personality. Hyper, and bubbly. The kind of person that always wants to be involved in everything you're doing, leaving you without a shred of privacy. If I couldn't shake her loose soon, I might be left with a limpet for the rest of the day.

Reeeeeeaaaaaaally regretting giving her a cup of coffee.

Maybe she'd power through the caffeine, and end up tired? I could hope, for all the good that would do.

"Thank you Pinkie, you're a lifesaver!" Carrot Top declared, giving me another smile as she turned to leave. "Mr. Nice son," she said to me as she gave me a nod. Niscon. Not 'nice son'. Why the fuck does everyone around here sound it out like its multiple words?

I was left alone with the pink terror, said nuisance looping an arm over my shoulder. Oh well, as annoying as she was, her chest felt surprisingly nice pressed against my arm. Reminded me of my ex, similar size.

And there go my warm and fuzzies. Fucking bitch. Even in nothing more than memory she was robbing me of lifes little pleasures.

"Please miss, don't touch me," I stated, sliding out of her grasp. I flinched at the hurt expression that flitted across her face, quickly amending that with, "Sorry, just... bad memories. If you wouldn't mind?"

The hurt in her expression quickly disappeared, replaced with her signature grin. "Hmmm... kay!"

A bit too quick for me to count it as normal. Who knew what was going on in her dome. If there was room in her head with her friggin smile taking up so much space. I gave what I hoped was a warm smile, tilting my head slightly as I did so. Body language, remember.

"So whats first? Are you going to make more pancakes? Ooh, maybe we can make it a game! Like, if you had this one thing, and then I started from the other side, and we both had a score thingy and they held it on the other side of the bridge by softly so it doesn't tangle and then you just sorta jumped over it like hop scotch and-"

I stopped listening to her. I had no fucking clue what she was talking about. I fear listening any further might have invited permanent brain damage. Or at the very least, a persistent migraine.

Making it a game... if she only knew how close that term applied to everything I was involved in recently. Her hair bounces when she talks.

I couldn't really do all of what I wanted with an outside observer standing there, watching me. She might ask questions, like 'why are those books disappearing?' or 'why are you shouting out "power strike" while swinging around that cudgel?' How annoying. And she seemed to have a fetish for parties, god only knew what she'd think of if I told her about my party ability. Oh good god no. No no no no no. Not if her current attitude was anything to go by. I wasn't sure if this girl was the kind I wanted to encourage to stick around me. Maybe if she was slightly calmer, but... agh, she was STILL talking.

"-and I said that's not a banana, that's my mother!" with this, she clutched her sides and stifled a snort.

"I... yes. Quite humorous," I lied, turning away to regard the sleeping pegasus.

Still asleep. Even with Pinkie Pie being... dare I even assume that she's like this on a daily basis? We weren't being quiet, that's for sure. Her wings curled behind her, one draping off the side and sweeping against the floor, while the other acted as a blanket on top of her. It actually looked kinda comfortable...

No, wait, I'm still trying to be mad at her. Stealing my couch without even asking. Loitering. Sleeping... peacefully. Actually looked kinda cute, when she wasn't awake to make all those tired looking expressions I'd seen as she tore into her pancakes...

Bah, whatever. One thing I'd noticed pretty quickly, almost every single chick I saw here was pretty attractive. Hadn't seen anyone less than a six yet, at least.

"If she isn't awake by the time I want to leave, should I try to get her up and kick her out?" I asked, eyeing her carefully. Her chest rose and fell peacefully, oblivious to my concerns.

"Dashy?" she asked, giving her an oblivious once over before returning her attention to me. Lucky me. "She's slept on that old couch so many times I'd be surprised if she hadn't worn an impression into it by now. Old Cinnamon Swirl always let her sleep on it whenever she wanted. She's always had a bit of a habit of napping in trees, heehee~" she snickered to herself, leaning against my shoulder before I took a step to the side and shrugged her off.

"Quite. Perhaps I should just give her that one and buy a new one for myself," I mused, ignoring the look that flashed across her face. She was obviously a touchy feely kind of person. I didn't really feel like being felt up by some random person I didn't really know, though. "Maybe then I'll be able to keep my living room to myself... That reminds me. Pinkie."

"Yep!" she belted out, striking a pose.

"I don't know exactly how things worked around here before, but for now and the foreseeable future this library is going to be my personal residence. If you plan to throw a party in here, I would appreciate if you would at the very least get my permission."

Pinkie didn't look like she payed that much attention to my words, seeing as her expression -a wide smile, something I think might be the universal constant for this girl...- didn't shift for a second. "Kay!"

At least she still seemed to be listening to me. Sorta.

While she continued to dance around and ramble on regarding topics I didn't bother to become invested in, I searched the library for any documentation. If I could find a folder full of papers telling me exactly every single book that the library had, that would have been wonderful.

Sadly, after about an hour I finally interrupted Pinkie Pie to ask her a question. She had been talking about something regarding trombones and ... 'parites' or something, but I couldn't tell you 100% for sure. After asking if she knew if the last guy had kept a list or anything she knew about, I learned my entire last hour had been wasted.

Cinnamon Swirl had fucking eidetic memory. The old bastard had kept everything in his head, he NEVER put anything down on paper. I mean yeah, he did have paper, he had forms and stuff for acquisition and so on I could potentially use to order more books from some place called 'Canterlot'.

And Manehatton. And Las Pegasus. Chicoltgo. All the fucking towns here were horse puns. I didn't know whether to laugh or scratch out my eyes in indignation.

So I would have to catalogue everything myself. Fan-friiiickin-tastic. From scratch. My was not is happies.

Swirl hadn't kept his shit in alphabetical order, title or author. I couldn't really get a feel for whatever the hell his system had been, if he even had had a system and didn't just put the books back up on the shelf at random. I wouldn't be surprised.

Would you like to learn (Basic Plumbing)?

Seventh book and it turned out to be a skill book. Yay. Too bad it was only a non combat skill. I wrote the title down on my list, added the author name and put a smiley mark next to it. I'd come back and use it later, once I was rid of Pinkie Pie.

"What's the smiley for?"

"Just keeping tabs of especially interesting looking tomes. I want to be sure I don't forget about them."

And so it went.

Basic Plumbing. Individual Magic Effect Identifier. Pigment Shift. Basic Repair. Dust Begone. Wing Brace. Aileron Roll. Barrel Roll. Warm. Cool. Cleanse. Soothe. Target. Basic Fishing. Alter Odor. Beginners Summon Marked Item. Beginners Telekinesis. Light. Nightlight. Alter Flavor. High Pitch. Featherfall. Muffle. Detect Animosity. Detect Decay. Detect Pie.

Out of all the potential skills I was able to find and keep track of, 'detect pie' definitely sounded like the most useful. I don't know whether I'm joking about that or not. I suppose the tk spell might eventually become useful, but that 'beginner' tag on the front of it pissed me off.

Regardless, the spells or whatever in this library just seemed to be weak, pointless spells. I don't know what I was expecting from a rustic, nowhere seeming town, but at the very least I was hoping for something cool.

Nothing says 'badass spellcaster' like a guy running across a field screaming 'detect pie!' as he waves his arms around.

I couldn't even risk trying to learn any of the skills, the girl never left me alone for a second. She seemed to be placated with my intermittent replies of 'mmhmm' and 'huh' well enough, so I didn't have to listen to her all that closely.

I gave up on cataloguing the rest of the library, I couldn't really do what I wanted with the pink haired girl staring over my shoulder. I went back upstairs, waking up Hax and Argos as I did so. Hax happily leaped back up on my shoulder, but Argos replied with a gout of water when I asked if he wanted to come along with me to my little 'job' or whatever Carrot Top had for me.

Spiteful little brat. I let him turn back over and go back to sleep, I'd just have to make him run more later.

---

---

Lore Time with Shy
Discord
Discords First Curse.
A thousand years before the appearance of Nightmare Moon, a draconequus by the name of Discord ruled the land. He twisted the world with chaotic magics, forcing ponies to serve him and be as his playthings.
All was not hopeless as it appeared, as salvation came in the form of a group of alicorns. They pitted their magic against the draconequus, a valiant effort that eventually drove Discord off.
He left, but not before he cursed the family that had fought him. "Yours will be the last," he stated, "Ne'er again shall an alicorn be born. And all who come after... may they die just as swiftly, bereft and in torment.
The years passed in relative peace, and the family learned that indeed the draconequus' words proved true. They were incapable of birthing new life, and a worrying event had occurred.
An ascended alicorn, by name of 'Periwinkle Portier' had realized the depths and extent of loyalty, and become the protector of his village. The family had been ecstatic to hear of the ponies success, but heartbroken when merely a month later they returned to find his village burned to the ground. Bones of the villagers were found, chewed clean by monsters unknown. The bones of an alicorn were prominently displayed in the center of the corpses.

---

---

Setting out did nothing to curb Pinkies endless rant on anything and everything, instead adding another annoyance to her bottomless source of air. She kept on pulling me aside every few steps, introducing me to new people. Ponies. Whatever.

"This is Junebug," she stated, pulling me off the street and forcing my hand into another handshake with another person, "She's as pretty as a picture, as warm as the warmest hug!" she declared happily. The lady blushed slightly at Pinkies words, but we were gone before I could even utter a 'pleasure to meet you'.

"This is Lotus Blossom and her sister Aloe! They run the Ponyville Spa!"

"This is Mane Goodal, she runs the Pet Vet Emporium and Ink Pot with Silver Quill."

"This is Roma, she mostly grows tomatoes, but she also works with Toppy and grows carrots-"

"This is Torch song, she sings in the Pony Tones with Rarity and Big Macintosh!"

"This is Cheese Sandwich! He's not supposed to be here for a few more seasons and I'm going to deny my knowledge of him in the future for story purposes!"

"This is Mrs. Cake! I work for her!"

"This is Candy Mane! She works with me part time and makes her own stuff all the other time!"

"This is Doseydotes, she works for the flower trio and can grow a magnolia so scrumptious it will melt in your mouth," she crooned, stopping for a mere second to let me catch my breath. Well, not completely a whole second. Like a quarter of one before we shot off once more and I found my hand thrust into another one in so many seconds.

"This is Doc Top! He's a pediatrician! He used to make house calls back when I was an itty bitty little Twinkie Pinkie!"

"Wait, wait wait wait," I pleaded, saving my hand as I tried to catch my breath. I had to distract her for a few seconds, get her to concentrate on something besides me... Wait... we were...

"Why are we back at the library?" I asked, screwing my eyebrow up to better portray my confusion and irritation. We were standing right back where we had started, regardless of all the traveling we had done in the past few minutes. "I thought you were showing me the way to Carrot Tops place?"

She gave me a wide smile. Was starting to get annoyed at that. "Well how are you supposed to make new friends if I don't let you meet them?"

Great. Wonderful. "I don't need you to introduce me to new ponies, Pinkie," I assured her. I could damned well do that shit on my own. "That limits the interaction especially seeing as you only allowed me to see each of them for a few seconds, and cheapens the relationship seeing as I didn't initiate it myself."

She seemed to deflate for a couple seconds, staring at me as her smile slowly waned. And then like a switch flipped, her smile went back to normal.

"Kay!"

... I... shit, well I guess 'kay' is better than nothing. She wasn't dragging me around and trying to drown me in introductions after that, so that was pleasant.

She actually took me to Carrot Tops after that, so I guess miracles do come true. Occasionally. To add on that, she seemed to catch onto my wanting her to leave me alone, leaving me to fend for myself at Carrot Tops. Surprisingly, it turns out that the scary lady from before lived with her, and had a tendency to... Offer food.

I don't know why.

"Muffin?" She had asked, an innocent smile stretched across her face as she stared at me and a pot off to the side. I accepted the muffin. It had blueberries. It was yummy. Still no idea why she offered it, though.

I painted a room. She was initially going to have Ditzy Doo do it, but apparently she was sensitive to the fumes or something. Apparently the 'pros' had asked for an outrageous fee for the project, simply because she lived slightly near the edge of town and would have 'taken them longer to get there'.

As it was, the quest window that popped up promised me twenty five bits and seventeen EXP, as well as a skill called 'Painter'. After I was done, Carrot Top came back in from tending her plant beds and gave me thirty bits. Apparently outrageous is somewhere upwards of 'sixty' bits. She seemed pleased with the job, anyway.

Painting is easy, if tedious. Putting down plastic, taping shit up, and then repetitive movements. It took longer than I thought it would because Hax kept on lapping up the paint. Guess he liked the taste. I couldn't really let him eat it as he pleased though, in case I ran out. So regardless, I finally finished.

Got the money and EXP the quest promised me, but it got screwy once I got to the skill it said it would give me. Apparently it wasn't a skill at all, and was what my Gamer ability called a 'title'.

Painter
Quality of jobs done while title (Painter) is active have a 10% chance to be 2X greater quality.
+20% EXP gain to skill (Painting).
5% chance per brush stroke to not use up applied paint.
Paint will last twice as long once applied.
Quests that involve the skill (Painting) have a greater chance of being generated.
Cutiemarks that involve the skill (Painting) have a greater chance of being gained.
Does not apply to the skill/title (Artist).

Interesting. Thankfully, after the message about the title faded away another one popped up saying I had gained a skill called 'painting'. All it did was give me an additional 5% chance to not use up paint per stroke. So I guess that was good, but it was a little pointless. Unless I wanted to seek out painting jobs specifically, which I didn't really think I would be with my 'odd jobs' search still going on. I could... but I really didn't want to become a one trick pony. I'd ultimately prefer to find a set of jobs that required me to move around more, let me use up physical skills without anyone noticing. Couldn't really use up MP on 'power strike' during painting...

An image flashed through my head, of me swinging a paintbrush around like a hammer with a scowl on my face as I attacked a wall. Heh, I highly doubt that would end well.

I had been using Starswirls meditation thingy during my activity, but I hadn't seemed to gain quite as much EXP as I had previously. I assume it was the situation in context that caused the variance, but I honestly have no idea.

Whatever. It is as it is.

---

---

LORE TIME WITH SHY
Discord
Discords Second Curse
The family tracked down the draconequus, eager to force him to right the wrongs he had placed on the heads of those uninvolved. He had set up in a neighboring land, tormenting the inhabitants there as he had those before. The family saw their folly, knowing they must be rid of the draconequus so that all might live in peace.
He laughed at their appearance, mocking them and their 'so called strength'. Using his powers, he cast yet another curse upon them, and all ponies he could imagine.
"You shall never have harmony with others. You and all those you protect shall ever be segregated for naught but appearance alone!"
With but a cackle and wave of his claw, the draconequus disappeared.
The family looked upon themselves in wonderment and horror, disgusted by their new appearances. Pale flesh stretched where once fur had covered, and upon their return they found that those they protected were in similar straights.
They searched tirelessly for the draconequus past that day, but the family grew worried. With all their strength, all they had managed was driving the creature off. They needed something more.

---

---

After I got through inspecting my new skill, Carrot Top came back in and gave me another quest. Milk run. As I was led to believe there was a herd of cows living in the fields next to a farm called 'Sweet Apple Acres'. After she gave me directions, I set off with the bits she gave me to buy two jars of milk. One normal, the other bottle 'enhanced'. Whatever that meant. She had given me ten bits for regular, then fifty for the enhanced, so maybe it really was 'enhanced'. Somehow. I was supposed to ask for someone named named 'Bessie'.

Once I was pointed in the right direction, I naturally set off. About twenty minutes of walking off into the outskirts of town, and I met up with someone I was... 'happy', I guess, to meet again.

"Big Mac," I greeted, stretching a smile across my face as he quirked an eyebrow in retaliation. "A pleasure to see you!"

"Colt," he replied evenly, adjusting the harness that led back to the large cart filled with barrels. I think I saw mounds of apples peeking over the tops of them, but it could very well have been any fruit at this angle. "Out for a walk?"

"Kinda. I'm doing odd jobs. Milk run for Carrot Top," I explained, gesturing with the two empty jugs in my hands. Hax gave a happy bark at the movement, fixing Big Mac with a dopey grin. "I'm supposed to go talk to some lady named 'Bessie'? Know who I'm talking about?"

Macs slightly antagonistic expression slowly faded as he pondered my words. One of veiled amusement slowly overtook his features as he gave his response.

"Eeeeyup."

I waited for a couple seconds for him to expound further, only to receive silence. Oh. So he was this type of smartass. Wonderful.

"Okay, so you know who I'm talking about, do you know where I can find her?"

"...Eeeeyup."

"You know," I started in a simpering tone, trying to give him an earnest look. "I can't read your mind, Mac. Add to that I don't quite know you well enough yet to properly gauge the unspoken information you think you're portraying with your single word answers. Mind not making fun of me for a minute or two so I can properly do the job someone is counting on me to do for them?"

Hax nipped at my ear, causing me to drop my forced expression as I danced around in sudden pain. With one last yelp, I held him out at arms length. Little jerk didn't even look apologetic, tongue flopping out as he panted away happily.

"You're lucky you're cute," I mumbled, placing him back on my shoulder. Big Mac had been watching me make a fool of myself, a smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Keep followin' the road," he stated suddenly, jerking his head behind him. "Once ya get to the orchards, jes follow the sounds of applebuckin'. Tell mah sis ya need to buy some milk."

"Oh. K. Thanks."

With a shove of his shoulders, he made the cart he was fastened to lurch forward as he continued on his merry way. The wheels of his cart groaned in protest, belying just how heavy his load was. And he didn't even have a fucking horse or anything to pull it for him, he just went up and pulled it along himself, like some kind of humanoid ox on drugs. In full armor, too. If I was pulling a cart, I'd be taking off every scrap of metal I could. Didn't seem to bother him all that much, though.

The title thingy that the painting job had given me was pretty darned useless, looking back on it. It gave me bonuses to painting, which was good I guess. If I found myself continuously painting. Which I really didn't see myself actively seeking out any time in the future.

I trundled down the road for a couple minutes, glad to be rid of his presence. Then something occurred to me. Something I should have asked about the second I heard it.

"What the hell is an applebuck, and what the fuck does it sound like!?" I yelled in frustration back down the road where Big Mac had since disappeared.

Smug jerk.

---

---

LORE TIME WITH SHY
Discord

Excerpt from 'Our Lost Heritage; A Historians Musings; by Lyra Heartstrings.

-which is why congenital traits can still be found in our bodies to this date. Any mortician or teacher with a prop skeleton can tell you a key similarity we share with other races on Equus. They'll tell you the same that I am, that attached to your spine? Right down at the bottom is what is known as a 'tail bone'. That's right, even with the pre-established curse of Discord, our bodies still yearn for what was. Even though we no longer have tails like our ancestors, like our pony cousins of today, our bodies still desire to return to what was. In a discussion I had with a scholar from Bitbridge regarding why ponies still refer to hooves as hooves despite no longer having cloven-

---

---

'Applebucking' apparently was the sound of a person kicking a tree. Roundhouse kicking it to boot. I'd mock how silly it looked, for this chick in full armor -just like her brother, I guess- to be kicking trees with the hope that the shock would cause them to drop their fruit, but for one specific fact.

It was working. With each twist of her hips to thrust out her leg, her cowboy boot covered foot smacked into the trees with the force of a truck. She aimed high, weaving her kick in between low hanging branches. I could feel the impact in my teeth, sending me a shudder through my spine each time. Even at a distance it was jarring.

You want to know the weirdest thing? Every time she kicked a tree, every fruit in the tree fell, perfectly landing in the baskets that were placed around each tree.

If anything was magic, that sure fucking was.

Introducing myself proved to be an exercise in patience similar to dealing with Pinkie Pie. She was stupidly friendly, and sure as fuck didn't know her own strength. Got another burst of EXP towards 'endurance', what with her crushing my hand in a handshake and pumping my arm so hard it felt like she was going to tear my arm out of the socket...

Gave me a welcome to 'their farm', after I told her that her brother had given me directions. Told her I was here on a milk run, and that I was supposed to ask for someone named 'Bessie'. She offered to introduce me, saying she could use a little break.

She trailed me out of the orchards, leading me out into a wide open field.

And right when I thought my day couldn't get any fucking weirder. Bessie was not a person. She wasn't a pony either, far from it.

Centaurs.

Cows were fucking centaurs in this crazy fucked up world. They had the normal main body of a cow, right up until the body got to the neck. Then out of where a normal head should grow, the upper body of a human popped out. It was seriously the goofiest, most disturbing thing I've ever seen. Made even more disturbing by the realization that the reason I was here was for milk.

Their upper bodies were distinctly human, but they didn't seem to be much enthused in the concept of clothing. Like the zebra lady I had met, a simple wrap around the breasts seemed to be enough for them.

I didn't see any guys. Bulls. Whatever. I didn't see any. Maybe they were off at work. I honestly knew nothing about them or their culture. Worse, if I didn't want to fail my current quest, I'd have to dance around on eggshells and act like nothing was wrong.

Nothing at all. With the cow human abominations that were hanging out in a field with two headed cow things.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the two headed freaks of nature that were grazing every few yards? The 'cow-taurs' treated them as if they were pets, patting one on the side or even talking to them in 'baby voice'. The quick observe I flashed said they were called 'brahmin'. Which was weird, seeing as I distinctly remember hearing that name from a video game. From what game, I couldn't remember.

Their description was even stranger, saying they weren't kept for their meat. They were kept to 'promote life energy around a farmland'. Whatever the fuck that meant.

"Ooooh, Carrot Top?" Bessie droned, staring at me with unfocused eyes. Looking at them up close, they weren't particularly dirty, persay. They stank, definitely. But it wasn't sharp, filth musk you get from horses or other farm animals. It actually smelled kind of sweet, and mixed well with the scent of grass. They... didn't seem to put a lot of effort into their hair, though. Each and every single one of them had dreadlocks, matted hair that hung past their waists. Necks. Cow necks, human waists.

God, cows were going to be a fucking pain to refer to, I just know it.

"She's such a dear," Bessie continued, giving me a slow smile. "And you are too, helping her out when she has so much stuff on her plate..." she trailed off, smiling happily off into the distance.

It wasn't that I thought of her as... well, stupid, but she definitely gave off that specific vibe. You know what I'm talking about. Hippies. They aren't dumb, but they have that feeling of detachment from their surroundings. Like they're pondering stuff inside their heads and don't see fit to share with the rest of us.

She waved her hand, flagging down some guy I didn't see before. The name tag above his head said his name was 'Azure Berry', but beside that he didn't look all that impressive. Level sixteen, normal guy with no wings or horn.

"This young lad is working for Carrot Top," she explained to the guy as he got closer, " You have the containers?" she directed at me.

I gave her a breathless nod, holding out the jars as I contemplated whether to make a run for it or not. I didn't see any barrels or anything sitting out here in the field, and it wasn't like she was just going to produce the milk out in the middle of a field. And it certainly wasn't going to be her giving the milk, she was obviously the boss or coordinator.

They probably kept stores in one of the barns over there. Placed in refrigerators or something to make sure it didn't go bad.

My assumptions were shattered as she handed a jar to the guy, he gave me a sharp nod, knelt down, gave a couple heavy breaths on his hands to warm them up and started milking her.

Just... right the fuck in front of me. Like it wasn't completely, unutterable fucking crazy to not feel the slightest bit of shame at such a thing to happen out in the open. To compound on my self preservations' silent screaming, Bessie went ahead and popped one of her massive tits out of her bra-sling-thing. And then she just started milking herself into the other jar.

The fuck was wrong with this place.

"Hoooweee, yer face done gotten redder than one o' our apples," Applejack trumpeted, drawing a motherly smile from Bessie as she continued her ministrations. "Wassamatter city-colt? Never seen a cow give milk before?"

"Never actually seen a cow before today," I choked out, averting my eyes. I'd seen NORMAL fucking cows before. Back in elementary our class went down to a farm, I actually got to milk a cow for a few minutes. It was a WHOLE nother situation when you attached human intelligence to the fucking thing.

"Well, no wonder yer actin so antsy. It's perfectly natural, it's where milk comes from after all," she explained, snaking an arm around my shoulder. She was taller than me. "Can't have milk iffin ya don't pay the cow!" She slowly wrenched me back into a position where I was forced to watch. "See? Aint nuthin' wrong with it."

I was seriously tempted to punch her in the face and run while I could. I highly doubt I could give her one good enough to knock her off her feet though, seeing as she she was level 31, six levels below her brother. Still a crappton higher than my sorry ass.

"Yes," I stated dully, trying to force my body to stop shoving blood up into my face.

"Gee Colt-"

"Colton," I interrupted, an unconscious effect that was becoming more and more common as time went on.

"-yer stiffer than a fence post! Ya need to loosen up, else-wise the heat will go straight through to yer bones," she continued as if she hadn't heard my outburst. "In fact..."

Bessie had by this point finished filling up the jar in her hands. Azure was still at work on her... udders. I don't even want to speculate as to why that was taking him longer.

"Ey Bessie, you carry extra jars just in case, right?" Applejack asked, a smile filtering its way across her face. At Bessies nod, she continued. "Ah know ya just gave, but do ya think ya could fill up another? I'll add the money for it to the chest."

Bessie gave her a warm smile, bobbing her head. She reached behind her, picking through a pair of saddlebags that were draped over her cow... body. She pulled out a jar and turned back to us.

"It's no trouble at all dearie, just give me a minute." With this she tucked the breast she had been milking back into her sling. And then she took out her other one. I won't regale you with what she did to it. I think you know.

God, damn this was uncomfortable. The sooner I could get the jars and fucking leave the better. Averting my eyes helped a little, seeing as Applejack stifled Bessies slight moans by telling me exactly what it was she ate to help make the best tasting milk.

I couldn't pay attention all that well. I wasn't trying to at this point, humming a song inside my head to distract myself.

Finally she stopped doing... eeurgh. Things. The guy went off back into the fields. giving me another nod as he pushed the filled jar into my hands.

Applejack took both of the jars from Bessie, taking a hard swig from one of them.

"...hoooo! That's the good stuff. Ya'll outdone yourself with this batch," she told Bessie, who wore a bright smile at the praise. Applejack wiped a hand across her upper lip, thrusting the jar into my face with her other.

"Go on, take a swig! Best milk y'all ever done taste, I guarantee it!"

Shit. I felt... kinda bad. Nauseous. I really didn't want to swallow that, that was NOT my fucking fetish.

"I," I opened my mouth, intent on letting her know I wasn't all that thirsty. This proved to be a lapse in judgement, seeing as she took this opportunity to shove the jar in my face and tip the liquid down my throat.

I sputtered, swallowing half of it as the other half dribbled down my shirt front. It was... it actually tasted pretty damned good. it wasn't anything like milk in the stores, it was sweet and... I don't know how to describe it. I tasted good.

"So," whaddaya think?" Applejack crowed, snickering at my coughing fit. "Better'n water, am ah right?"

"It's... " my complaints died on my lips at Bessies expectant look. "This is honestly the best milk I've ever had. It's flavor is far more robust than that which I'm used to... and it's actually really sweet."

"Yep!" Applejack confirmed, pushing the jar into my hand after she took another drought. "You jes keep that, ya hear? Finish it at yer leisure, then ya'll can jes come back for a refill! Bessie here specializes in sweet milk, but iffin ya want somethin' more tart, there are others..."

I nodded, slowly raising the jar to my lips for another sip. It was really good.

---

---

LORE TIME WITH SHY
Discord
Discords Final Curse
They had found the tree. It's fruits in their grasp, they found Discord for the final time.
He laughed at their appearance, and yet even harder at the weapons they had brought with them.
The Sunrise held the fruit of Generosity.
The Dawn held the fruit of Kindness.
The Noon held the fruit of Magic.
The Twilight held the fruit of Laughter.
The Dusk held the fruit of Loyalty.
The Moonrise held the fruit of Honesty.

The beast of chaos laughed with even greater abandon as he recognized the fruits they had brought before him, and recognized that they barely even knew of what they held. He knew he could not flee, could not fight the power of the tree. He held his head high, and slammed his claw into the ground. Blackened bile rose up from the spot in a blighted spring, and encroached on the land around it.

He raised his head towards the family and laughed.

"Blight of the body," he stated, as his body turned to stone, "And blight of the mind!" he declared, leaving his final curse upon the familys heads.

Life continued, and in time the family forgot the draconequus' words. But it was not to be.

Noon was the first to fall. His body twisted yet further over the years, leaving him in torment and misery. When finally confronted with what he was becoming, a draconequus like the beast who had cursed him, the last vestiges of his sanity snapped. Noon was never seen again.

Dawn was the second to fall. She found her kindness stifled, overwhelmed by a tremendous hate that continued to flood her body. She was left as nothing more than a raging husk, and the remains of her family were forced to act. They used their magic to force her to sleep, and sealed her under the plains. Her rage emanated from her resting place, torching the land above her. In the years to come, all that was left was a desert, winds raging in attempt to mimic what lay beneath.

Dusk was the next to feel the effects of the curse. He heard hoofsteps behind him when nopony was there, and grew progressively more withdrawn. He assaulted his family when they tried to comfort him, claiming they were trying to kill him instead. He fled, digging a massive hole in the ground in his haste. He continued digging, e'er trying to get as far away as he could of others. The hole he made was eventually renamed 'Tartarus', in memory of Dusks late pet Tarranadontula.

Twilight was the next to fall. She was beset by a torpor of the body and mind, refusing to act. Refusing to laugh. Refusing to eat. Refusing to live. She faded away, her laughter on the wind the only reminder that she had ever existed.

The Sunrise and the Moonrise were left alone, mourning the fates of their family. But the beasts curse had not yet finally run its course. The Moonrise saw the ponies they watched over, and the honesty within her was twisted. She saw with jealousy that the ponies adored her final sister more than her, and attempted to right this perceived wrong.

The final two siblings fought, their magic ripping great canyons in the landscape in their fervor. The Sunrise grew worried that she wouldn't be able to save her sister, and saw what she eventually would become.

The Sunrise reached deep within herself, connecting with the fruit of Generosity, and through it the other fruits. She thrust their power into her sister, using them to seal her within her namesake. Sealed with a promise. With Generosity, she placed a blessing as much as she could upon her tormented sister. That her sleep would be peaceful, and that she would be given something that the Sunrise would be bereft of.

A chance.

And so the Sunrise sat alone.

Waiting.

---

---

After I delivered the milk, I made my way back home. I found myself once more unwillingly engrouped, a certain girl with bright pink fluffy hair refusing to leave me alone.

"No, Pinkie," I stated, denying her request for me to go back out and make a few more friends. "I made a few bits today, but I really must figure out what all I have to work with here," I pushed open the door I hadn't gone through yet, wincing as it creaked ominously inwards.

"Ooooh, sssssspooky!" she trilled, ignoring my veiled request for her to leave.

"Indeed," I muttered as I peered down the darkened stairwell.

"You know, we can still go out and make some new friends for you if you want..." she prompted.

"It's not like Equestria will implode if I don't make any friends, Pinkie," I groaned. I learned what the country was called. She talks a lot. And if her ramblings are to be believed, somehow her birth and her receiving something called a 'cutiemark' is how Equestria was 'saved'. I counted my blessings that I seemed to be able to drown her out most of the time.

Wait... that painter skill title thingy said it would make getting 'cutiemarks' easier or something.

"Hey Pinkie, I heard someone talk about something earlier, and then you used the word again recently," I prompted, muttering 'mana bolt' under my breath. The glowy ball of energy appeared in my hand, illuminating the dark stairway. It immediately tried to escape from its position above my hand, but I somehow managed to force it to stay static. Actually that was a stupid idea, now what the hell was I going to do with it? Whatever, I could just pop over to the ID and throw it at a wall or something.

"Ooooh, shiiiiny~," she crowed, poking her finger at it.

"No!" I belted out, moving it out of her range. "This is... explosive. I don't currently know any light spells, and this one seems to let off it's own glow..."

"Don't touch, got it. Don't want gooey bits from Pinkie Pie all over the place, do you?" she joked, nudging me with her shoulder. "What word?"

"...What?" I competently responded. What what word.

"The one! The one you were just going to ask me about, before you made a splodeyball!" she responded enthusiastically as she slowly followed me down the stairs. They creaked with age, although I was never afraid they would break under my weight.

"Oh. It might just be cultural differences, but I've heard you and others use a word that doesn't have any context to me. Can you explain to me what a 'cutiemark' is?" I asked, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. I heard Pinkie freeze up behind me, causing me to whip my head back towards her in confusion. She was standing stock still, staring at me in what I can only call complete and utter bafflement.

"You don't know what a cutiemark is?" she asked, her eyes wide and tears threatening to spill forth.

"Hey hey hey now, as I said my culture might just call it something different. Can you just tell me what it is?" I asked, refusing to let her devolve into hysterics. That was my job, goddamnit.

She gave a single sniff, then she was all smiles again. This little brat... "Weeeeeeell, it's that thing that comes to you once you find what you're reeeeeally good at, what your destined to fit in among the rest of the world, lets everypony know you're a true adult and ready to join the world and usually shows up as an image on your flanks and back?" she stated hopefully, drilling me with eyes threatening to burst into tears once again. God.

I had to say something, I really didn't want to deal with her theatrics.

"Oh, the Gedwey ignasia," I stated, thinking quickly. Originally what the hand mark thing had been called in the 'Eragon' series, it was thankfully a familiar enough title I could just whip it out and have it sound halfway believable. Don't look at me like that. The book series was entertaining. The name just stuck with me, that's all. "Literally means 'mark of magic'. Guess I should have picked up on it from the fact they both have mark in them... wait," I stated, faking confusion as I looked around the cramped basement. "How does your gaining your gedwey have anything to do with Equestria being saved? I don't think you illuminated that point very well."

The basement had a thick musty smell, that of paper and ink trapped in a cramped space. He had run a library, not surprising this Cinnamon guy had devoted an entire room to that sort of stuff. The walls were blanketed with bookshelves, their shelves sadly empty. He must have taken his private collection with him when he moved. Despite that, he seemed to have left me an old clothing dummy in the corner beside thick looking desk. Wonderful. I could use that as target practice, I guess.

There was a couple tools leaned up against the wall, a hoe, a sledgehammer and a spade shovel.

"Ooooh, look!" Pinkie crowed enthusiastically, picking a black looking rock off of the desk and shoving it in my face. These people really had to stop fucking doing that. "A kindle stone! We can use this to light everything up!" she pursed her lips, a thankful reprieve from her endless conversation. She almost went cross-eyed staring at the rock, as it slowly lit up and cast a white ghostly light on the room that mixed and combated the mana bolts light.

"Guess we don't need this anymore," I muttered, whispering 'ID Create' under my breath. The world briefly swam around me, returning to focus. Pinkie Pie was gone. Thank the lord, hallelujah! Praise be onto the human looking ponies! I quickly threw the mana bolt at the wall, wincing as my stupidity created a cloud of dust that choked me quite effectively. I withdrew, fruitlessly waving at the blackened air as I stumbled around in the now dark room. The back of my legs hit the edge of the desk, and I caught myself on its surface. My hand slid on a book, accidentally knocking it to the floor. I could feel two other books... shit I'd just pick up later.

Through A Careful Application Of Control, A New Skill Has Been Learned!

The Skill To Remotely Control the skill Mana Bolt, [Remote Mana Bolt], Has Been Created

Remote Mana Bolt(active & passive) LV 1 EXP: 0.00%
A skill that allows the user to remotely control the sphere made by (Mana Bolt)

Speed increases by WIS

.03MPH per point in WIS.

Huh. Cool. I hadn't even though about that, I had just been trying to keep the thing from blowing off and wrecking one of my walls. Like the powdered one I was currently inhaling. I waved the box away, eyeing the ratting clothes encircling the dummy in the box's ambient light before it disappeared.

"ID escape," I stated, coughing a little.

I was disappointed however, when I didn't immediately pop back into the real world.

"ID... escape," I stated again, more forcefully this time. Same result. "Oh you bogus fucking skill," I muttered to myself, placing a hand over my mouth as I made my way to the stairs. Like I was going to stand here and suffer. "Can't even fucking work when I need you to. ID escape," I coughed again, pleasantly surprised when I popped back.

"Colt!" Pinkie Pie gushed, still holding the crystal. The sudden light hurt my eyes, they were almost adjusted to the gloom of the other world. She crossed from where she had been standing in front of the desk, embracing me in a hug. I shrugged myself out of it as quickly as I could, eyeing the space she had been occupying.

She had been standing right where I had. Right when I had been trying to get back... Oh. Ooohhh~

ID escape wouldn't let me come back if my body was overlapping someones in the real world. That was good to know. I'd have to experiment, see if the same applied to random things. like doors.

"I thought you left without me," she pouted, fixing me with a glum look.

"No, just disposing of my... 'light'. Hey, where did the other books go?" I asked, pointing over to the desk. "They must have fallen off... screw it, this basement is creepy I'm going back up," I stated, making my way up the first few steps.

"No wait!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, grabbing my arm. "I have to ask you a question, and I have to ask it before you go back upstairs."

Bollocks, the fuck was she up to now?

"Okay," I said, carefully prying my hand free. "Go ahead, ask."

"Okay! SO, you remember how you were kinda irritated earlier and made me semi promise to ask you before I threw a party in the library again?"

"What do you mean, 'semi' promise?" I groused, fixing her with a sour look. She didn't seem to take notice, continuing as if she hadn't.

"Well I didn't Pinkie Promise-"

"What's that," I cut in, defying my desire to put the words 'the' and 'fuck' between what and that with a titanic effort.

"It's a Pinkie Promise! You know, cross my heart, hope to fly," she said, following the words with physical actions. "Put a cupcake in my eye! It's an absolute promise that can never be broken, and I didn't really give you a concrete answer back before. Not setting up parties, whatever the context kinda leaves me frazzled."

"Okay," I prompted, eager for her to get on with it so I could stop standing at the bottom of the creep, creaky stairs."So what are you getting at?"

"Well, I said I wouldn't throw a party without asking you, so I won't."

I waited for a couple seconds, waiting for her to continue. She didn't.

"And?"

"Would you mind if I threw you a party again tonight, this time an actual one you attend?"

Ehn. More socializing. Gaahhhh, here I was thinking I'd be able to grind some of my skills, alone, in the peace of my own home. Nope! Silly me, in the end all this ridiculous friend-making has kept me from it. Fuck. It could be worse I guess. She could have simply done it without my permission.

"Fine," I muttered, making my way back up the stairs.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" she gushed, hugging/molesting me from behind. I tried to wriggle out of it, to not avail. With a low sigh, I slowly trudged my way up the stairs. She wasn't trying to pull me down them, so it wasn't that hard. What the fuck was with how everyone was so fucking grabby, though?

I grabbed the doorknob, opening my way back into the library proper.

"Surprise!" Pinkie Pie yelled at me from the other side of the door, along with a shitton of people I didn't recognize.

"Aaagh!" I screamed, recoiling. My foot slipped, sending me tumbling down the stairs.

"Fuck!"

"Shit!"

"Goddamnit!"

"Monkey fucking!"

"Christ!"

"Fucking!"

"Ass!"

"Fuck!"

...

"You okay, Colt?" Pinkie called down the stairs.

"...Peachy."

Author's Notes:

Gosh, that was a long chapter, wasn't it? Sorry it took me so long, generic repeating excuse of how I'm going through stuffs. Leave a comment for me, I recently learned with my newest chapter of Little Nemo that I REAAAAALLY care about the comments. They make me feel inspired, and after I worked through sickness to give everyone a new chapter on that story, and out of the 800 views they only left me ten comments. I felt SUPER demoralized after that, like they didn't really care about the effort I put in.

So leave a comment, it shows me you care! I really have no other context to go off of if you guys like my stories unless you tell me.

Also, just published another chapter of High School Just Aint Cutting It for any of you who read that one, it aint dead, go give it a read!

gamer4COD asks;
Colton, what would be your favorite sci-fi gun from a videogame?
Hax and Argos, compromise on a plant for the back yard, Dogwood or Cat-tails and yes, Cat-tails need a pond.

Dubstep gun from Saints Row, no question. Hey! Hey!!! Quit tearing up the ferns you idiots!

Cauchemar asks;

Hey Colton what's your favorite class to play in online games? Heavy blade, assassin, cleric, Mage, twin blade, or tank?

Personally I like twin blades high DPS and Dodging are my bread and butter

Honestly, I've always been a fan of the quicker the better ever since I player Sacred. The amount of damage you can put out, regardless of your base damage when your character attacks quickly enough? Ooooh it's just too good.

Angel767 asks; Colton, why don't you create the magic/spining magic arrow skill?
it can be really powerfull and you already know how it works
and if the comic is any indication ypu will be leveling up really fast

Just haven't tried it yet. Sorry...

Greycait asks; Hey Colton, have you checked if you can eat meat?

If thats a reference to the cows, then fuck off. You're sick. I am not going to be eating them. Actually consuming or sexually. *shudders*

Hard Cider asks;
Dear Colton,

So you can pretty much gain an active and/or passive skill from doing things? Heard of the game Minecraft? No? Well, with the game mechanics, if you continuously "punch" something, it will eventually break. Plus side, you "hand" never breaks/cripples. What I'm trying to say is, maybe you should develop a more passive version of "FACE PAWNCH!" by punching everything, and anything, all the time . . . . . Ok I'll shut up now.
Dear Hax,

Who's ah good boy? Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are.

Punch everything. Got it. Wait, that might actually get me a skill, 'unarmed mastery' or whatever. The gamer got spear and sword master from using specific weapons...

What the... Hax, stop growling. Thats not nice.

Dandan3d asks; For colton do you think you might try catching a zombie as a follower/companion as it could prove as a great scare tactic to stop people from attacking you and to get info from people.

I'd probably more just use them as canon fodder. Capture a bunch of them, then turn them against the boss monster once it shows up. A lot of them would probably be destroyed, but oh well. They're just zombies.

Lunair26 asks; On another note, Colton do you not read any books that won't give you any skills? Who knows maybe the knowledge inside might help you uncover new skills and variations if you use the concepts inside

Plus they're a good way to grind INT EXP, from what I remember in the manga.

gamerzeek asks; Colton what alignment will you be like evil,neutral or good? Reason why I'm asking is because your in a new world so that's mean a new chance in life also if you happen to meet someone name Gilgamesh tell him to train you it will be worth it.

Who? Fuck it, whatever. I guess I'm neutral? I'm not going to be running around, setting Oakvale on fire for evil points, at any rate. And I sure as shit am not going to go out of my way to be a 'shining armor' type hero. If things happen around me, I'll deal with them as best I can. Otherwise? ... ehn.

Shadow Lance asks; question for colt, why don't you up your intelligence and crafting and use magic to power a rail gun?

...I... okay, don't take this as... homo or anything, but I think I love you...

Dipti asks; Dear Colton, How many dogs do you plane to get any way?

If there's actually a limit, I am going to be very disappointed.

Formboy1 asks;
To Colton, a tip and a question. When you encounter someone (somepony?) named Pinkie Pie.... good luck.
Are there any other skill books in the library? I mean, its a library. There is bound to be something useful.

If this annoying little tumor known as Pinkie Pie would just leave me alone for a minute, I totally would. OH YEAH, THANKS FOR THE WARNING PAL. COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN IT TO ME BEFORE I WOKE HER UP??!?!?

Ash Kitsune asks;
My question to you- when is the next chapter coming out?
And a chapter for Colton- Have you considered multiclassing? If you're planning on being a mage-type, why not pick up Artificer from Apple Bloom (at least in the beginning) and start cracking out some of the wonderful human innovations? Nothing says 'Overkill' in fantasy settings like rapid-fire-cartage fed weapons.

Uh... I guess you get the chapter now?

I plan on picking up every last skill I can. And then trying to get my stats up as high as I can before I start putting points in. The weighted clothes from Rarity should help... when I can afford them...

thefroggyninja asks; For Colton: Have you considered learning runic magic? Runes are great for everything. They can be used for wards, enchanted objects, mana storage for powerful one-shot spells and ritual circles for when you're willing to give up mobility and casting speed for that extra oomph. Also Face Punch has the potential to be OP so you should try to focus on that a bit in the IDs. And try getting a subvocalization skill for silent or near-silent activations.

I'm working on it. Geez I've barely been here for a day, gimmie some time to shake off Pinkie Pie, alright!

As always, leave questions for Colton, Hax and Argos! And Pinkie Pie!
What? No, shoo! Get out of here...

8- Unwanted Attention

Authors Note;
Before I even start, I would like to apologize. In the previous chapter I had Colton note that the cowtaurs wore their hair in dreadlocks, and that such a hairstyle was 'disgusting' and 'didn't take any effort'. Apparently some people took offense to this, and I got more than a couple angry messages from people laying into me and insulting my intelligence since I didn't know how hard it was to upkeep dreadlocks.

I'm sorry. I didn't properly take into account how much work or time went into dreadlocks, or how my description of it would be taken. Please stop sending me hate mail.

Physical Endurance Has Gone Up A Level!

NNNNFRRRRRGAFGLRRRRNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnn...

"You sure you're okay?" Pinkie asked, probably picking up on my frustration.

"Nothing broken," I mumbled, leaning back into the couch.

I have no fucking idea how she did that. She was grabbing me from behind, I opened the door... up until the split second I saw her standing on the other side, she was touching me. I would have noticed if she let go! She just... teleported? I guess? It wasn't impossible, especially with this setting. No one else seemed surprised by her sudden appearance in my split second of surprise before I took my tumble.

"You shouldda seen your face!" the rainbow haired one guffawed, YET AGAIN. Apparently my pain was the most amusing thing she had ever experienced.

Once I made my way back up the stairs, -pausing momentarily to marvel at the fact that the fall only did seven damage to me,- I thankfully managed to avoid Pinkies no doubt immediate plan to introduce me to every single person that had bothered to show up. Which, looking around, might just be the entire friggin city. Town. Whatever. I recognized a few faces from this morning, but I couldn't place names to them despite Pinkies rambling.

Much to my own chagrin, I did recognize a few faces I hadn't actually met before. Doc Top. Aloe. Junebug. As much as I would like to hate Pinkie, the people she had 'introduced' me to stuck in my mind for some unforeseeable reason. Count your blessings where they come.

How the hell did she set all this up, though? As soon as I got back, she was there, right at my side the whole fucking time. These streamers weren't up, all those tables with food weren't set up, and there's no way I didn't notice that life sized statue of me with a wide smile before. It was more than life sized. The damned thing was taller than me. It was paper mache, so I can't really claim that there was no way it could have been made in time to... you know.... be here. I still found it rather improbable.

I should probably figure out who made it. And why they made it. It didn't really seem to have any purpose, besides to just stand there. Looking happy. Making me more pissy every time I glanced at it.

"You were like, 'bwah!', and then you fell and it was... -snrrrrk-"

Rainbow Dash was kinda a bitch.

Okay, so that was a bit harsh. She had looked worried as I trudged back up the stairs just like everyone around her, but as soon as she saw I was 'unharmed' it was open season on my fragile ego.

And yes, she had already remarked on the fact that I was wearing a pair of her old sandles. 'I was wondering where I left those', indeed. I saw a couple guys trying to hold in a laugh when they heard that, but after I shot them a quick glare they remained straight faced.

There was actually... relatively few guys here. I could see about five guys milling around... as opposed to the thirty to maybe forty or fifty girls in immediate view.

Weird. Maybe Pinkie assumed I'd rather be surrounded by females and mostly invited girls? Threw in a few guys so I wouldn't get suspicious. Maybe. I dunno. I'm probably just projecting my fantasy without having the facts. More girls showed up than guys simply because the guys had better things to do than show up for the new guys party.

Why she wanted to throw me a party at all was a mystery, I could see organizing a welcoming committee or something but a full blown party, for someone you don't know? She had to have ulterior motives.

Or maybe she was just weird.

Again, I'm hesitant to attribute Pinkies behavior as 'her being her'. I hope she doesn't act like this all the time.

'Dashy' went off to bob apples with Applejack when she figured out I wouldn't rise to her baiting, saying I was 'a riot'. Not surprised she and Applejack were friends, both of them were entirely too excitable for my tastes. Not as bad as Pinkie Pie, but they were high up on the list. They were all pretty excitable, all trying to catch my eye with friendly waves as they went about having fun. Rarity was doing 'pin the tail on the brahmin', having forgone the provided blindfold for one she brought out of her own satchel. Why she was carrying around her own blindfold, I don't know. I don't care. I don't want to think about why a grown woman is carrying around a silky black blindfold inlaid with lace in her purse. That way leads to madness. So I'd prefer to just leave it alone.

I saw a couple girls playing with a knife, having taken my kitchen cutting board and placed it on the floor. I'd have to clean that thoroughly once this was all over. The silver haired girl with the silly looking tiara (anyone surprised that her name is in fact, 'Diamond Tiara'? No one? Yeah I wasn't that surprised either by this point.) started bouncing the tip of the knife around her fingers, letting out a sing song laced tempo as she did so. I'd seen videos of people playing the knife game before, but never in person. She seemed to know what she was doing though, going fast enough that her two boyfriends (a thin, dopey looking guy, as well as a chubby dopey fellow. I wasn't going to mock her on her choice, they actually looked concerned with her safety. But come on, two guys, one named Snips, the other Snails? God damn, I half expected to see another dopey looking kid named 'Puppy Dog Tails'.) cringed each time the knife collided with the cutting board.

I levered myself off of the couch, ignoring Pinkies offer to help. I could damn well walk on my own, thank you very much. I crossed to the refreshments table, dipping a ladle in the second bowl to fill up a paper cup. Apple cider. Yummy. The other bowl had what looked like fruit punch. Don't know for sure, never got a chance to try it.

After a few cups, I noticed I was getting a few... amused glances. I wasn't going to admit I had no idea WHY they were acting so fidgety, so I kept quiet. It was by my seventh cup that someone finally came up and let me know what was on everyones minds.

"Hey, uhh Colt?" Rainbow Dash started, pointing at my cup. "Ya think maybe you shouldn't go so fast? I'm all for blasting through the blessed goodness that is Cider, but if you don't pace yourself you're gonna get drunk and pass out..."

I stared at the cup in my hand, then back to Rainbow Dash. "What?" I stated intelligently, my eyebrows arching in surprise. They thought cider was going to get me drunk? "I can't get drunk off of cider, it barely has any alcoholic content in it to begin with. It barely qualifies as alcohol at all!" I scoffed, enjoying her flabbergasted expression. I mean seriously, cider? I could get more buzz off a bottle of 'hard lemonade'.

"Huh," she grunted, a dangerous look flashing across her eyes. "How bout you put your bits where your mouth is? You and me, drink off, now!" she declared, gathering a fair bit of attention from everyone in the room.

I had very little reason to disagree to her challenge, after a quick 'observe' stated that the cider only had a '.005%' alcohol content. I already knew that earth ponies apparently had denser bodies than me, (due to everyone and their mother telling me how fucking light I was...) so if they actually thought someone could get drunk off of seven piddly little cups of this stuff... They probably could. Even if I could barely fathom that.

I immediately got Rainbow Dash to match my own number, she had already had three cups so an additional four set her off nicely. She was already starting to look kinda unfocused. My win was practically in the bag already!

To add to that, I had gotten a quest when she challenged me. It said I had to beat her at the contest, and if I won I would get an immediate +3 to VIT! It was a sure fire win, and all I had to do was drink her under the table!

"Urp, ya know, you can quit any time you like, I won't blame you," Rainbow Dash burped after belting down her seventeenth cup, gaining a disapproving titter from Rarity.

"What, are you growing tired of cider already Dashy?" I jibed, smirking in amusement as a look of indignation flashed across her face.

"I'm not tired, you're tired!" she shot back, gulping down one cup, then another one in quick succession. She looked proud of accomplishment, giving me a 'bet you can't do that' look as she set the second cup down.

"If you say so," I replied, drinking one cup. "I mean, I could go on like this for hours," another cup of golden drink slid down my gullet. "But I can understand if the poor little pegasi can't hold her drink," a third drink followed the first two, "So feel free to quit anytime, featherweight." A fourth cup ended my angatgonization, the empty vessel plopping down upon the table between us.

She actually looked fairly impressed, amid the rankled expression at my needling. I used to have drink offs with my buddies, I could throw insults with the best of them.

Her next two drinks to match mine followed slowly, her eyes looking glassy and unfocused. I wasn't even buzzed yet, and it looked like she was almost full on drunk already! I was however, starting to feel a bit full. One cannot drink indefinitely, after all.

"Thatsh not fair," she slurred, slightly leaning from side to side. "You cannt be... cannt be not... not drunk. Drunk. Drrrunk."

"Hoooooey, looks like yall finally met a stomach you can't match, huh 'featherweight'," Applejack remarked, reusing my own line.

"You," Rainbow dash stated vehemently, looking around as if she wasn't sure who called her out. "You be quiet Mr. muscles," she slurred out. Who she was talking to I have no idea. "I can beat him. Anno I can beat him. I gots a zecret weapon," she giggled, reaching into her belt pouch.

She pulled out a bottle of clear, pink liquid, and a small shot glass.

"You thinks yer so hooooot," she grumbled, sliding off of her seat, before scrambling her way back up. "Ya thinkz ya can outdrink me? You don't knows nuthin'. So how bout this?" she hiccuped, one eye twitching slightly. "Yer probably just about to crack, I can smells it on you," she remarked, letting loose another hiccup. "This here's the good stuff. If you... if you... if you..." trailed off, staring at the wall with a happy expression. Man, she must have a horrible tolerance if this was how bad she was already!

"Dashy!" I snapped, also snapping my fingers in front of her face a couple times.

"What? Yer not Mr. Muscles..." she stated skeptically, eyeing me before I pointed at the glass and bottle she had brought out. "Oh! zuh secret weapon," she cackled, "so you... you admit you don't think you can win? Not 'gainst mah sec-"

"Oh come on already," I grumbled, snatching the bottle and glass out from in front of her. She stared dumbly at the empty spot in front of her, as if she wasn't sure where her stuff had gone. I had already poured myself a glass, and pulled it.

God but that was fucking dry going down! This was the good stuff, pure ecstasy going into my belly. I almost stopped, thinking about the three coins in my pocket. Was I going to throw three whole years away? I had treated this as basically a joke up till this point, seeing as it seemed all ponies were lightweights by nature. There wasn't even a chance of me getting drunk. But this... nah, it couldn't be that bad. They thought cider could get you drunk! This probably was along the same lines, being nothing more than watered down drink designed for those that couldn't handle it.

So I poured myself another glass, to the astonished silence that permeated the room around me. And another. And another.

And just one more.

---

Lore time with Shy
Ancient History;The Magog
The Magog was an ancient warrior that came 'of the earth'. Although her true pony type has been lost to time, all legends still state this important fact about her. In the times before the alicorn, the lands of this world were beset by a demon. A goat with otherworldly powers by the name of Grogar. This fiend ruled ruled over the land, absorbing poor ponies souls and magic after they had become too weak to serve within his vast armies.

The ponies of this land despaired, sure they would be killed to the last pony in this mad goats attempt at world domination. A rainbow Pegasi who set the sky on fire behind her when she flew said 'no more'. She gathered the magic of the remainder of her tribe, and set out to find a pony that could help save their dying race. She disappeared, and for years her tribe believed her to have joined the ranks of the dead.

Finally, the Great Magog appeared from the heavens upon a rainbow of glistening light. She reached out above her head, and turned the rainbow into a radiant necklace she wore round her neck. She proclaimed herself as Magog, and stated that she would no longer sit back and watch as Grogar tormented her little ponies.

She met the goat in glorious battle, the sky above rent open with their ferocity. The rainbow she wore bent to her will, at once being a whip and another moment being a gleaming shield. She eventually wove the rainbow into a noose, and tightened it around the goats neck. Grogars fury was staggering, and destruction he wrought with his struggles formed fissures and valleys in the ground. The rainbow tightened ever more, and e'er so the goat was defeated.

This was not the end of the goat, however. Some tales say Grogar died that day... others say that an immortal can never truly be killed. Those tales say that the Magog ripped a hole in the sky, and used the rainbow to sew the goat inside of it.

But who can say for sure which tale rings true?

---

I woke slowly, blinking the sleep from my eyes. When the hell did I fall asleep? What happened? And why was I half smothered in a pile of pony people?

I slowly wiggled my way out of the pile ( I had been laying on Big Mac, using him as an impromptu futon. Various other individuals were also in that particular mound, Pinkie being one that had claimed me as a pillow.) careful not to wake anyone.

Once I had extricated myself I tried to locate Hax and Argos. Argos was easy enough to find, asleep once more in the tub upstairs. Hax however... it took me a couple passes to finally find him, asleep on the chest of the yellow winged druid lady, Fluttershy. When the fuck she showed up, I haven't the foggiest.

I was pretty foggy on a lot of stuff, actually. I remembered getting into a drinking contest with the blue winged birdbrain, and then nothing. I couldn't have been drunk, because as of now I didn't have a hangover. No pain behind my eyes, no grogginess, no cotton mouth, just slight confusion.

So I had no idea why I was missing a huge blank after my drink off.

"Oy, Hax," I muttered, picking him up carefully. I accidentally brushed against Fluttershys chest as I did so, but thankfully she didn't wake up. She just turned over, and snuggled into the prone form of a large pegasus with short cropped hair. He actually had the shortest hair I'd seen since coming here, even shorter than mine! His wings were smaller than Fluttershys, though. Not sure if there was a dick correlation or not, but I still felt kinda bad for 'ol 'Bulk Biceps', as the name above his head denoted.

I quickly made my way down into the basement, Hax in tow as he slowly woke up. Letting out adorable little yawns as he did so. I couldn't outright guarantee that I wouldn't be disturbed down here, but it was better than nothing.

I cringed at the squeak the door hinges let out, certain that the sound would wake a few of them up. A couple seconds of no one perking up and demanding food as I had given the day before, and I made my way downstairs, carefully closing the door behind me.

"Okay Hax, it's time we actually got some training in," I told him, his ears slowly poking up in excitement. "I think we should make a zombie run, don't you?"

He barked in affirmation. Good enough for me.

I shunted us across into a zombie ID, wincing as the scent of mildew and mold rocketed up as the walls visibly sagged inwards with age.

"Ugh, gross," I muttered, quickly making my way back upstairs. The rest of the library was in similar disarray, large holes worn through the walls and the remains of books piled in every corner.

No piles of pony people, though. So, silver line. A single person wandered around the ground floor, their flesh fetid and stinking. One of their wings was missing, nothing but a broken stump remaining a few inches out from their back. The other wing hung limp, dragging across the ground. The only other thing to note about their appearance was that half the flesh on their face was missing, showing the dirty bone underneath.

"Level fourteen," I mused, accidentally drawing its attention. "Hax, root that ugly mother fucker!" I demanded, watching in satisfaction as several strands of plant matter grew from the floor and encircled her legs.

The zombie groaned at me, reaching out once it figured out it couldn't move any closer under its own power.

It was then that I realized a particular problem. I didn't have a weapon. I had never really picked one up. I should have filched one from the pony pile, it wasn't like they would have noticed. I'd have just made sure I got it back before they woke up.

So without a weapon, I decided to test out my face punching prowess.

"Face Punch!" I yelled out, closing the distance and landing into its face with a meaty thud. And then I stopped, trying to get my hand free.

Punching a zombie in the face is apparently a very STUPID thing to do. As was evident by the fact that said lady zombie was busy chewing on my knuckles. It had simply let me punch it in the face, quite content to let the food deliver itself straight to her waiting maw.

I checked her in the side of the head with another face punch (which, although it didn't connect with her face, apparently any punch to the head counted.) and let loose with another ten or so before I ran out of mana. Then I just continued to wail on her with my free hand, shaking my hand free once she had broken apart into dust.

"Son of a bitch," I cursed while nursing my hand, quickly making my way back downstairs before I exited the ID.

She had quite handily nibbled me down to half of my HP, prompting a reevaluation of my current tactics. If I couldn't take down a single baddie without losing half my health, this would be a VERY long endeavor. I hadn't even gotten halfway to my next level off the exp she gave.

"The fuck do I do now?" I groused, looking around the room. Wait, the books! There were books on the desk down here, maybe they were actually fucking useful...

Hax let out a chipper bark as I trundled over to the desk, looking around it for the absent books. They weren't there. I got down on my knees to look all around on the ground, but there was nothing more than a layer of dust.

"She had to have come down last night, and taken them upstairs," I reasoned, Hax barking in confirmation. Or maybe he was disagreeing. 'Bark bark' doesn't really give me much.

"Taken the clothes off the dummy, too," I remarked, noting the newly naked dummy stashed away in the corner. I hadn't gotten a good look at them, but I thought I saw a pair of boots at the foot of it. No big loss, but I wish they hadn't decided to just steal my new stuff before I could. The books was more of a loss, I hope she hadn't lost them.

One thing I got out of coming back here, I found a brand new, sparkly, glittering, old and used shovel. It was on the floor with a couple of other tools, all of which looked like I could potentially use them to bash a zombie skull inwards. A hoe and a sledgehammer? I should be able to find some use from those!

And then I realized something that made me feel like a complete and total moron. I had the bat. I forgot about the bat. The bat had forsaken me. And I had forsaken the bat.

I mean, when all you have to attack a creature that 'lives' to eat your flesh is your closed fists, you'd think you would remember having a weapon that would possibly mitigate that. Just possibly.

So I hit myself over the head for that stupidity. I 'equipped' the shovel, just holding it in my hands and swinging it around to try to get the feel for it so I didn't end up braining myself on accident.

"Why the hell did I forget I had the bat though?" I mused, half to myself, half to the hyperactive ball of... fur like wood. Hax did little to help me out in this scenario, simply letting out a short 'wuff'.

"Status."

Name: Colton Niscon

Class: Displaced Gamer

Level: LV 06

HP: 113/of/250

MP: 27/of/200

STR:10

VIT:18

DEX:7

INT:20

WIS:7

LUK:14

Point: 4

Money: 58 Cents, 15 Bits

Status; Human. -25% Stamina drain. +25% Stamina Regen. +10% Total HP Regen. +10% Total MP Regen. +1% EXP gain.

Solar Affinity; +5% EXP towards all solar aligned abilities, skills, tricks, spells and otherwise, provided said abilities, skills, tricks, spells and otherwise are performed during a period of daylight.

Title

1-Unassigned

2-Unassigned

3-Unassigned

4-Unassigned

5-Unassigned

-Teacher

1-The CMC

2-Unassigned

3-Unassigned

Displaced; Dimensional magnetism draws other Displaced Tokens to the users dimensional plane.

Homeowner; +5% EXP gain while within the confines of the 'Golden Oaks' library.

Hung Over; -3 WIS, -5 INT. User will randomly forget pertinent information, based on luck. -20% to ALL EXP gain. Duration, (4) hours, (37) minutes.

Celestially Lucky; +5 LUK. All Solar aligned abilities, skills, tricks, spells and otherwise are increased by 5%.

---

Cloth Shirt; Repaired by local seamstress Rarity, there's not much else to note about this article of clothing besides its bland coloring. +1 DEF

Denim Jeans; Bought from a soulless corporate store. They provide more protection than a standard pair of cloth pants, but can't offer anything else beyond that. +1 DEF

Rainbow Dash's Sandals; A pair of particularly pretty petite pumps. They don't provide much defense, but they were never really designed with that purpose in mind. +5 SPD

Well Worn Shovel; A shovel that seems to have had some use. You gonna dig a hole to hide in? 5 ATK

I snapped my eyes to the newest status effect that had popped up on my screen, my eyes narrowing in barely contained frustration. It said I was hung over! But I wasn't! I could probably go out and run a mile if I had to, I felt great! What the hell did it mean, 'would forget stuff'? I hadn't forgotten anything!

...Except the fact that I already had a melee weapon, and decided to attack using only my fists under the assumption that I didn't...

A cold sweat ran down the nape of my neck, my blood cooling as I tried to stare the status ailment into submission. I would forget important stuff. Based off of luck. Wonderful. So there was basically nothing I could do about it.

I sighed, shaking my head in resignation. I'd work through it. I'd try not to anything as spectacularly stupid as punching a zombie in the face until I had made it sure it couldn't immediately nom on my digits.

Looking over my stat sheet once again I noticed I must have actually won the drink off last night. My VIT was higher than last time I had checked, anyway. And by the three points the quest window said it would award me! Looking further though... my luck was higher than it was last time. And only by two points, so that weird status that had been added wasn't to blame for it. It SAID it added five to luck, anyway. I hadn't even figured out a way to 'train' it yet, so the fact that it had raised seemingly by... well, 'luck' was kinda annoying.

What the fuck was with those strange new status's, anyway? Solar affinity and Celestially Lucky? Obviously the second was associated with why my luck had risen without me noticing, but how the hell had I gotten them? I highly doubt the books that were downstairs would have just arbitrarily given me a luck increase and two new statuses. Would explain why they weren't down there, but I can't say for sure until I ask Pinkie about it.

I sat down and waited for about ten minutes, carefully massaging myself as best I could while I waited for my HP to refill. Wouldn't do to go charging back in at half health.

If only I knew how the hell those new abilities popped up...

---

Lore time with Shy
Ancient History; The Witches of Gloome
Most forget of the tale of the witches of Gloome, a kingdom that used to reside to the south of Equestria's borders. Used to. Envying the bounty that Equestrians held within their borders, a coven of witches did plot to defile the land and thus cursed an unending swarm of sting-ed insects upon the ponies of Flutter Valley. The one who hides sent her two daughter for this heinous task, and to completion did they almost manage.

The ponies of Flutter Valley almost fell under this new onslaught, but not for the Magog. She fell to Equestria once more, and with her powers wrought the creation of the Diamond Dogs. She instructed the diamond dogs to create a cavern under the valley for the ponies to recover safely from their wounds.

The Magog told them to rest in safety, and departed e'er deeper into the earth. For weeks she was unseen, until the ponies despaired to e'er see her again. But then...

The Magog strode out of the darkness and cloying earth, holding aloft a stone. This stone caught the rays of the sun, holding them within itself and radiating its glory to the very corners of the valley. The swarm was dispersed, driving the One who Reeks and the One who Drags from Flutter Valley with their tails between their legs. Their mother was displeased with their failure, but did not order a second attack on the valley.

Some say Flutter Valley is yet another lost landmark, while others claim that Canterlot now rests above it.

As for the stone... well some say that it rests firmly in the crown of Celestia.

---

Celestia sat upon her throne, eyes bleary as she carefully cradled a mug of coffee easily the size of the average ponies head. It wasn't that she disliked mornings, far from it. But having to ceaselessly, throughout the millennia, be the one to rise BEFORE it? To awake before the roosters crow, and raise the sun as nopony else could? It tended to leave her rather... tired. Not that she'd ever burden her precious little ponies minds with such trivial concerns, or let the more vocal to see her in such a state.

Which is why only her personal hoofmaiden was currently allowed to cater her for the next hour or so. Others may complain, some nobles might protest, but to see her before she woke up fully would only fill her poor impressionable ponies heads with worry.

"Quarter," Celestia half groaned from around the lip of her mug. Said pony leapt to attention, holding an armful of papers within her grasp. "What is all that?"

Usually Quarter Master would only bring her the days most prevalent reports, those delivered directly by the numerous information networks she had long since sown and spread across Equestria. Usually, these were sifted through until only a few remained, only those most requiring her almost immediate attention. It seemed however, that her usual aides had forgotten about such a fact, seeing as her hoofmaidens arms were full near to the point where she couldn't hold them all.

She'd suggest simply carrying the mass with her magic, but Quarter firmly believed that anything worth carrying with her horn was something she could 'darned well carry with the arms her parents gifted her'.

"Reports from Ponyville, your grace. We had a deluge of missives over the last few days, which almost doubled in number sometime last night," she remarked, coming to stand at Celestia's knee as she awkwardly sifted through the multitude of paper. She finally settled on one in particular, hoisting it over her head to wave it closer to Celestias waiting grasp.

It wasn't the common ponies fault that at their tallest, they tended to barely reach over two thirds of Celestia's height!

As Celestia took the note in her hand, she carefully applied a burst of magic to expand the material until she could more easily hold it. She had no need for a chant with such a simple spell, having long since mastered such things aeons ago.

Quarter continued as she looked through the stack for the next piece of parchment to be handed up, "The parsers have been up for hours, while there is some repeat information, most of this is... unique."

Celestia eyed the letter in her hand with renewed interest, noting the name that the writer had repeated several times throughout her account.

"Colt... Nice-Son?"

Author's Notes:

Just finished a chapter for my other story I Am The King Of Slumberland Little Nemo, so go give my other story a read too!

I don't drink. Any irregularities you might notice regarding drunkeness that I have portrayed in this chapter are all the fault of popularized tv and movies. They have taught me that being drunk or high makes you into a giggling loon incapable of keeping their 'sitch on the downlow'.

If you ever get the bright idea in your head that making a gamer/'gaming interface crossover fic, heres some advice.

Good luck. It is a horrendous PAIN to have to keep track of every single sheet of numbers and skill sheet. I keep on wanting to pull my hair out from the stupidest things. I keep on getting the update messages wrong! I forgot how much MP Colton had, and such didn't know how many face punches would tap him out! I keep on having to go back and figure out how much HP enemies should have, whether certain attacks can or even SHOULD effect certain enemies. Problems abound as I try to keep everyones levels straight, and try to finagle them into getting stronger, and THEN keeping track of the statistical improvements they go through!

To put it simply, it's really really hard and I'm not quite sure I'm writing this format of story up correctly. I always feel like I'm screwing something up, and eventually someone is gonna just pop out of the woodwork and call me on it. Waggling their finger in disappointment.

So if you really feel the desire to write up a gaming story, you have my best wishes. I hope the writing hell I've imprisoned myself within doesn't affect you as badly as it does me.
And no, I'm not saying I'm going to abandon this story. Theres still far too much left in my head to leave it as is.

The 'Magog' stories are obviously bastardized versions of the Megan episodes from generation one. Hope y'all enjoy how their AU fits into this story.

azarath asks; Dear Pinkie Pie, what is your favorite flavor of cake?

What? No! Don't encourage her-
I LIKE THE CAKE FLAVORED CAKE.
Couldn't just not poke her with the proverbial stick?

thefroggyninja asks; Colton I highly recommend Unarmed Mastery. It's boss especially since gloves and stuff count and you can make some pretty badass magical gauntlets. Or even just spikey ones. On a side note look out for Twilight Sparkle. She's gonna be important later.

Pinkie you insatiable demon of happiness how'd you get in here? You're not a party member.

Parties?!!?~
Gah, no, different thing Pinkie... and get out of here! Jeez... fucking headache inducing ball of... well, anyway... Wait... Someone was actually fucking retarded enough to name their child 'Twilight Sparkle? Fuck it, I quit. You win, life.

cyberlord4444 asks;

Dear Colton,

I have two skills that you might try.

First, maybe you can learn to teleport by entering an ID, moving within said ID, then exiting said ID. Even if you don't gain a teleportation skill, grinding ID Create and Escape is a good idea.

Second, you've learned how to control your mana bolt's movement, perhaps you could try controlling it's power/property? You could use an extra low power mana bolt as a light, and flaming mana bolts just sound plain awesome.

That does sound pretty fucking awesome... Actually... I wonder if I could shunt other people across opened and closed ID's...

The Murderous Cypher asks; Dear Colton~

What would you personally do if you learnt that there was an interdimensional being wanting to destroy you and your entire plain of existence. For shits and giggles

Curl up and cry? Not like theres much I could fucking do... For now I guess I'll focus on the more pressing matters. Like those without the 'interdimensional powers' but nonetheless still quite capable of wrecking my day. Like Pinkie.

Lunair26 asks; Colton why don't you ask pinkie to leave you alone for a while, just bullshit and say you have very important librarian duties that require no one else and silence

Well gee, ya know, that might have worked and all... but I saw your comment and he diiiidn't~

booklover41 asks;

Dear colton

As a way to improve healing magic and endurance taje a pin and repeated poke yourself. Little pain MAX GAIN! LIFE HACK!

But... I dun leik the painz...

myluna asks; Dear Colton

I was wondering when you start getting items from the ID what do you plan to do with them sell them to a merchant in balk, open up a stand and sell them one at a time, or horde them like a old lady duos to cats.

From My Luna

To be honest, I'll probably do a mix of both. If I get a piece of equipment that does me no good sitting in my inventory, I'll turn that shit into money by selling it off to the highest bidder!

Liqwidice asks: Who else thinks Colt should be getting xp in deplomacy for dealing with these crazy ponies?

Who you calling crazy?!!? Don't make me come out there and introduce you to Pinkamena!!!

Hard Cider asks;

Dear Colton,

I've notice you're slowly accumulation a plethora of GENERAL skills. Hey man, better to have and not need, then to need and not have. Think about it like this: you level up as you gain exp right? You also gain exp from leveling up skills, I think? Eh, well, if you have a skill for everything, you would well . . you could be constantly leveling up . . . All. The. Time. There's probably a skill called "Do Absolutely Nothing Productive" that would still give you exp. Or not, kind of a look-hole there.

A friendly "pony" friend & novice Stichomancy,

Hard Cider

I'll keep my eye out. If I can get a 'sit around on my butt reading' skill, You can be damned well sure I'll be leveling the fuck out of it.

Greycait asks; Dear Colton,

In my defense, I did not know about the cows at the time. *shudders* I'm about as squicked out as you are. Still, considering how good the sweet milk was, you plan to sample the other flavours?

Um. Sure. Once I get over how friggin awkward it all is.

Daniel14541 asks;

To Pinkie Pie: What was with that Dibs grab you did in your sleep?

To Colton: What do you eventually wish to become in the near future as the gamer? Given enough time you can technically specialize in literally everything but what would you first specialize in if you had a choice?

Dibs? What dibs? My dibs? Why would I dibs? Are you dibbing? Can I have your dibs? No you can't, they're my dibs. And I called dibs. Mine.
Eh... depends on if you're asking about combat or just general skills. If combat, I think... some sort of summon, so that I can place yet more meat shields between me and the enemy. As to general... I dunno, that one painter thing said 'Artist' was a title or whatever, so I guess I should look into that. While I'm not the worst ever, I can still say that I have room for improvement...

Shadow Lance asks;

a suggestion for colton, I don't know if you can hear me or anything, my world's time is much faster than your so this message might not reach you but if you do get this here is some advice for your magic. When creating a spell you should try to make it spin, it will make it fly true, add penetrative power or be able to deflect things.

And word of advice, seeing as you have read the book's from eragon, maybe you should try to store some of your magic when your not using it into crystals. who know maybe you could create some spell crystals, (a crystal that has a specific spell in it and can be cast quickly and store energy) you could evening use them to make tools and weapons. oh and you might want to create a cloak of invisibility soon, i can tell that your going to need it.

Rasengan!

gamerzeek asks; To Colton if you had the chance to back to your world would you take it?

If I was able to go back with my new powers? Hell fucking yes. No one else in my world (presumably) has powers, so I'd be pretty much untouchable if I put enough time in.

The master of the game asks; What would be your go-to weapon in a fight (having access to our world's technologies, and even the technologies in sci-fi games)?

Personally, I would go for a one-handed sword, and if shit's getting too tough, I'd get my enemies acquainted with Mini the Gatling gun...

Something that would up the damage I could do while not putting me at risk. Some sort of magically refilling hand mounted rocket launcher or something would probably be cool...

Ribbitfroggy asks;

Question for Colton:

Hey Colton, why don't you try to make a "micro-mana bolt barrage" (though it should have a better name) spell that would (at least at lvl 1) spawn 6-12 mini mana bolts that could be fired either like a shotgun, or rapid fire like a machinegun! Each individual shot would do 1/2-1/4 the damage of a normal mana bolt, but the multiple shots and high ROF would make up for it. It would be a good area effect attack and be useful for crowd control and suppressing fire. Leveling it up would increase the number of bolts (increasing the spread of shotgun mode, and the # of shots for mg mode before having to recast/reload), rate of fire (for rapid fire mode), range, and/or the crit chance. Mana cost would be 1.5-2.5x the cost of mana bolt. It would not be hard to develop as its just a small mod of mana bolt.

(P.S. This move could also be used to get back at Pinkie for all the crap she has put you through. Just aim it near her feet, close enough to scare her and make her dance, but not close enough to hit/hurt her. Since it won't hit her, isn't falling, and isn't a danger to anyone, her pinkie sense shouldn't be able to detect it!)

I still got to this before heeeeee diiiiid~

So again, leave a question for Colton, Hax... or I guess now Pinkie Pie. Doesn't look like she's going anywhere...

The Gamer; Displaced Equestria Kai! Episode 1

Last time on Dragon Ball- Oh crap wrong story. Quick recap for any newcomers, come to see their favorite (or only available) hero in Townsvill- Ponyville.

This story began as many other such stories do.

The author experienced a certain series, and decided; Imma mix that with MLP!

So the author then thought up the main character.

The main character was just wandering around, minding his own business when the author came by and was like "Hey, hey you! You got gamer powers now!"

The main character was like, "What? Oh. Ok, cool, I guess."

"And now your name's Colton, cause I need some sort of horse pun," The author declared.

"Wait, what?" Colton asked, "No, FUCK no, I am NOT cool with that."

Then the author dumped him in Equestria.

"The fuck!" Colton stated calmly. "Where am I?"

Then he was attacked by a timberwolf. Through dumb luck, he managed to not only avoid getting his face gnawed off by the local wildlife, but somehow managed to create a little treedog pet out of it.

"Cool," Zecora stated.

"Agh, why the fuck aren't you rhyming?" Colton asked.

"Fuck if I know," Zecora responded. "Wanna guide back to town?"

And then they went to the town place cause that's where stuff happens and stuff.

Walking through the town, Colton realized he looked dumb since he came to Equestria in only his socks-

"And whose fucking fault is that?!!?"

Yours, Colton. Yours. Definitely no fault at all of the illustrious author.

"Fuck you."

Love you too, you ornery little booger.

So anyway, he decided to go and get some kicks, cause his feetsies were sore and covered in booboos. Arriving at a clothing shop, he realized he had no monies. The bum. Thankfully the nice unicorn lady who owned the shop fixed his shirt and gave him a leftover pair of someone elses smelly sandles.

He then told the lady he would go out and find her little sister. Maybe she asked him to, who knows. Anyway, he went off, and decided to use a function of the map that probably shouldn't have been possible.

Coming to the top of an empty hill, he decided to jump up and down like an imbecile. Predictably, he fell through the thin cover of earth, falling once more through several stories of a subterranean dungeon. At the bottom of this hole, he found three young adventurers self titled the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders'.

"Holy crap, your ankle doesn't look good," one of them bellowed in agony.

"Fuck it hurts," Colton howled in ear breaking pain. The pain was so bad, he even forgot to use exclamation points.

"How are you going to get out of here with your ankle like that?" another one of them asked.

"I got better," he affirmed, his ankle breaking all rules of logic and becoming whole once more.

"Well that's convenient," Scootaloo managed to belt out before Colton tossed her out the hole he had made coming in.

Once they were back in town, The Mayor of Townsvill- I mean, Ponyville was all pissed off that someone had found a dungeon and stuff, so she was like "Go back and check it for peeps and stuff."

"She didn't fucking say that."

Yes she did. Anyway, Colton went back with Big Pony and Shy Pony, and had much dialogues with them. They found Coltons hole, at which point Big Pony and Shy Pony promptly inserted themselves in said hole.

"Why the fuck are you trying to make it sound so sexual?"

They found SKURLUTONS down in Coltons hole, with as many bones as possible.

"Seriously, fucking stop that."

Big Pony whacked the bones down in Coltons hole-

"FUCKING STOP."

-and Shy Pony decided that Coltons hole was simply too darned scary for a young, impressionable young lass like herself. So they went back to town.

Mayor pony was happy about finding bones down in Coltons hole for some reason, while Colton was trying to cheat the system even further by making it so his silly little wood dog could level up somehow as well.

Mayor Pony gave the library to Colton, roping him into psuedo-indentured service. Colton decided he wanted to have monies, so he went and did stuff.

PonksiePei decided Colton could use a friend, so she glued herself to his side. After many protests, Colton decided to simply enjoy her presence.

"What? The fuck that's not what happened!"

So enamored with his companion, he decided to go to a party she set up herself for him. He had many good times and-

"She sprang that on me! It's not like I had a fucking choice..."

So anyway, Colton decided to throw the last few years of commitment of being alcohol free down the proverbial hole (maybe down the aforementioned Coltons hole, who knows) and guzzled ALL the booze.

Wait... something doesn't seem right...

"You skipped over a day, dumbass."

Don't be racist. Oh yeah, TOTALLY forgot about the day when he went and earned monies by painting some guys house. Riveting plot development, don't you agree? Then he went and got up in some cows joober juice.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Colton was being a jackass by drinking all the booze-

"Why's it ok when you're fucking saying it?!!?" Colton whined like a little child. "Quit messing with my fucking sentence descriptors!" he trailed off, forgetting that he was such a monumental crybaby.

So he drank all the booze, and then tried to punch a Zambie. The Zambie decided his knuckle were tasty, and that he was an idiot.

Then we had a cliffhanger of 'ol Sunbutt finding out about the vagrant degenerate!

And that's pretty much all the time we have today on The Gamer; Displaced Equestria Kai!

Come and meet us back here next time, and you readers stay classy!~

Author's Notes:

Quick joke chapter just to unwind. It is a reference to the TFS Kai episodes in which they recap an entire season in a single episode. Usually by glancing over pretty much everything.

So if theres one more thing I can do... I want to issue a challenge to every other Displaced author out there.

This.

Please, just... do this?

Please? I at least would find it hilarious...

9 -Letters

The air was heavy with silence, and the soft fluttering of paper as it was perused. Celestia was a paragon of refinement, carefully peering over every letter as it passed her deft fingers. With grace befitting-

*Snort*

Quarter started, confused. What the hay was that? Celestia still read on, already on the fourth missive before she handed it back to Quarter Master to place in a tidy pile. It must have been a trick of her ears, for the room only held the two of them. Add to that, no window remained yet open to allow such a sound to enter the chamber. It must have been Quarter herself, she must have not realized it-

*pfffff*

A wary eye tracked the noise, glancing upwards. A delicate grin alit upon Celestias features, betraying her inner emotions.

“Miss?”

With a speed that was near frightening, Celestias' head whipped over to look down on Quarter Master. Her expression now held that of shock, as if surprised that she had been caught making such a crude noise.

“Are these… reports all that entertaining, miss?" Quarter asked, genuinely curious. It wasn’t her place to ask, but for her lady to make such noises over a collection of documents as serious as these tended to be was most unusual.

Celestia was silent for a few more moments, answering once she had finished poring over the letter in her grasp.

"Entertaining..." she muttered, a slight smile flitting across her lips. "I guess one could say that. These missives... mind taking a look? See if you notice anything... odd?" she asked, a sly smile curling at the corners of her mouth as she held a letter out for Quarter Master to take. She flipped the parchment around to read, scanning down the page. It was rather odd at the first glance, it didn't even look like a standard field report. In fact, it almost looked like...

"Is this... someponys letter?" Quarter asked, momentarily confused.

"It certainly looks like that, doesn't it? Celestia returned, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Makes you wonder, since last I checked the Hidden Eye didn't intercept personal letters. You should keep reading."

Dear Mayor Mare,
Just got back in town last night, and as you probably know the local party planner was throwing a bash. Heard she had one the night before...

Last nights party was... enjoyable. So sad to see that you couldn't make it, but understandable seeing as I heard Pinkie sprung back to back parties on everypony. It isn't the first time she's done this... but it does still surprise me each consecutive time.

Pies questionable soirees -even odder seeing as the guest of honor didn't even bothering to show up for the first one- aside, the stallion that Pinkie Pie was holding it for turned out to be... an unusual sort. The party started out normally, and I barely saw hide or hair from him. Wasn't looking that hard for him, to be honest. Wanted to meet him, but it wasn't my top priority. You know how I am. Honestly, I only wanted to get home and curl up with Vinyl... but one must keep up appearances.

So the night progressed and eventually I caught sight of the mysterious lad. Drunk off his rocker and belting out shanties. I think I know who was responsible for that as well. Rainbow Dash was nearby, weakly humming along when she could. Wavering about like she was ready to go down at a moments notice. I honestly couldn't tell which one of them was looking more under the weather.

So anyway, eventually one of the colts songs caught my ear. It wasn't masterfully sung, but the subject matter was more than enough to pique my interest. And after you read a few of these lines, you will most likely find it as interesting as I did.

'This man is dead, he is no more, he died a little each day. Like a thief, the chateau d'if has stolen him away.'

A verse most somber passed the lips of the new stallion as he lay down to sleep off his inebriation. A small tear rolled its way from mine eyes at the emotion in his voice, and after parsing the words he left me with my heart feels ever more burdened.

Chateau d'if. My Prench is admittedly rusty, but I remember the words for 'house' and 'of the yew' perfectly well. The house of the yew being a prominent Minotaur clan stationed within the borders of Prance, his words weave a very worrying tapestry, if only one takes the time to look.

Of course, the small line I have started with at the top of my letter might be brushed aside as mere fiddle faddle, the product of a drunken mind and be left at that. If only it was at that. If only there was not more that I have yet to write down 'pon this parchment.

'Dead and cold, the story told, by those he trusted, those he loved, and those who then moved on.'

'I am a ghost, just a mirage, who chases traces of you, dark and familiar, and deep as the sea.'

By those he loved, those he trusted, who then moved on. These words alone depict a terrifying truth of this stallions past. Was he truly a humble librarian as he claims, or was he more as I suspect? My suspicions are thus. He was involved with one or more members of the house of D'if. Whether he was a concubine of one of the line, or so removed as a true lover, his words are clear. He trusted somepony or more of the house of D'if, and they returned his faithfulness with naught but treachery.

They discarded him once they used him up and viewed him as nothing more than refuse, which would plainly explain his haggard appearance upon entering Ponyville. Despite his lack of gear or supplies, the cloth he did wear was of high quality, furthering this suspicion. We should extend a full citizenship to this 'Colt Nice Son' as soon soon as possible. If the house of D'if learns he has successfully traveled to Equestria proper, they may attempt to reclaim him as house property. As is currently their right upon a consort of their house.

I won't stand back and watch as this stallion grasps tenuously at happiness just out of reach. For his sake, I put my badge behind his reputation and vouch for him as one of mine own family.

Wishing a warm evening to my dear friend Mayor Mare,
-Baroness Octavia Melody, of the third seat of Meadow Over Yonder.

"The subject matter seems... alarming," Quarter Master admitted, slightly worried. How did the princess find something like this funny? The tale the ink on the spun felt vivid in her mind, almost tragic.

Celestia snorted in amusement, chuckling softly to herself.

"Your grace?" inquired Quarter, quirking her eyebrow in surprise.

"What? Oh, yes, sorry Quarter Master. This one, while well written, obviously has missed some important facts the author should have researched beforehoof. Such as this line regarding the minotauran house of D'if," Celestia handed down the letter, allowing Quarter to read it freely. "Anypony who kept up with recent events would surely attribute this letter as plausible fact. For one who personally helped arrange the marriage between the current head of the house of D'if and his beloved," Celestia smiled at the astonished look that passed her hoofmaidens face. While most ponies saw her as infallible, it was truly her work behind the scenes which wrought the greatest fruits. "Yes, indeed. For one who knows them personally like I do, the very idea that they would condone behavior as is hinted at within in this letter beneath the eaves of their own house? Bise Lo D'if and his lovely heiffer G'rass Lo D'if would never raise their own to so callously treat others. The very idea is quite laughable, you see..." she paused, allowing Quarter to read it in full as well as she digested her words. "Quite well thought up, but missing important facts. Want to bet me a bit these other missives hold similar content?" she asked mischievously.

"I might as well simply give you a bit, your grace," Quarter evenly replied. She had hoped far too many times that this time would be the one that she would win the inconsequential bet set before her. Her grace was simply too wily, she saw all the varriables set before her and made her 'bets' accordingly. To bet against Celestia was pure fallacy.

"Then note the fact that once again, this is a letter," Celestia continued, bobbing the letter back and forth in her magical grip. "While it is possible that a service pony might have waylaid a particular letter out of potential threat, the fact that this one in particular was taken strikes me as a bit odd."

Quarter Master stared at her liege blankly, unsure as to where she was heading with this line of thought.

"Come now Quarter," Celestia chortled, mirth blinking at the edges of her eyes, "Think. The letter is obviously addressed to the mayor of Ponyville, from the Baroness of Meadow Over Yonder. What is the correct protocal for seizing missives from those of ‘troublesome’ rank?"

It was simple. Nobles liked to complain, but usually they were quite tame. Problem was, if you infringed on a single perceived right -which, according to the laws written up for the current rule they didn't really have, they were more like 'privileges' really- they would usually raise such a stink that everyone invloved would end up metaphorically smelling to high heavens. In the regard of seizing possessions of any nature from those of ‘troublesome’ nature or rank, the smart choice was to make sure they never found out in the first place. This was easily achieved -in regard to letters, specifically- by simply copying any letters and leaving the original copies where they were.

Celestia nodded in smug satisfaction as she saw her hoof maiden mentally work through the question.

“I see that you're following me so far. How about we jump to another letter? This one is actually an official report, but I'm sure you'll see the problem with it right away,” she said in a conspiratory tone, levitating another sheet of paper into Quarters waiting hands. Her eyes trailed down the document, noting the displatches title. She was a well recognized agent, through deed and reputation. Sadly, she was also known for being a mad, erratic individual that many were glad was stationed at a relatively small settlement such as Ponyville.

“The berserker?” Quarter Master asked for clarification.

“Is that misnomer still floating around? Really, they were perfectly justified in their actions. If some pony tried to stab your mother through the chest, how would you react?”

Quarter started, thinking on it for a scant second. “I would tear them limb from limb, then set the remains on fire.”

Celestia hummed, remembering the violent little filly her hoofmaiden used to be. Truly, she had come a long way.

“Has the population of Ponyville truly climbed into the thousands?” Quarter asked, peering down at the paper in her hands.

“Oh yes, they had their thousandth resident retire to the town sometime last year,” Celestia clarified, taking a swig of her coffee. “I believe the festivities lasted well into the fortnight…”

4th of the Sandover of Magog, Agent 34DPP regarding introductory Ponyville citizen 1337 (Colton Nice Son)

I believe I have deduced a clue regarding the reason for 1337's reluctance to speak of his previous life and relations. I sadly suspect 1337 might be disjointed from Equestria's magical field. At 1337's 'Welcome To Ponyville' party, he was witnessed consuming an exorbitant amount of cider (supplied by our very own -442- Applejack, bless her cute little nose!~) having claimed that it was 'barely enough to even qualify as actual alcohol'. Following this statement, resident -613- (Rainbow Dash) replaced 1337's drink with a stronger venue. Minotauran blood wine. Where -613- managed to acquire such a contraband substance should be looked into, regarding that it is a class seven illegal substance. Said substance did not function as previously noted, requiring 1337 to consume four mugs before he started to show signs of inebriation.

Four. I didn't misspell that, not only did 1337 manage to consume more than a measured cup of blood wine with... no deleterious effects, but went on to drink an additional three mugs before he even started to show a sign of inebriation. (Also, side note. Requesting permission to test 1337 for resistances to known poisons. If he can withstand a substance like blood wine, 1337 might have been trained as a potions brewer at some point in the past. Testing might provide additional information regarding 1337's past)

By the point 1337 had become drunk (a point upon which he had consumed enough alcohol to effectively kill everypony at the party twice over) he... started to sing. Enough emotion and magical energy were supplied to start a heartsong, as evidenced by the background of musical instruments to accompany...

But 1337 is disjointed from the heartsong. His singing is passionate enough to start a heartsong (also note that this could have been simply spellsong, but all magical signatures point to heartsong as of this report. Additional investigation is required) but 1337's actual singing is... bad.

I hesitate to call it that. But it is bad. He's off tone, out of tune, and discordant. He doesn't harmonize with the music of the heartsong.

I hypothesize that 1337 might have been ostracized from his community due to his inability to truly connect to the magic of Equestria. This might have precluded banishment or precipitated his simply leaving for a fresh start.

Will continue to observe and report.

Sincerely yours, Agent 34DPP

“... The fourth of Sandover?” Quarter questioned, looking back at the header of the letter, “But it’s only the second, as of today…”

“Indeed,” Celestia smiled, nodding her head in agreement. “So unless somepony recently unwound the conundrum of Starswirls gates and managed stable, workable time travel… Somepony got overzealous and accidentally sent out their collection… early~”

“Early, miss?” Quarter repeated back at the princess.

“Before I unload my theory on you, why don't you look at a couple others?” Celestia prodded, floating another page into Quarters grasp.

Been having a cruddy week, mum. I swear Mr Grotto has never heard of the phrase ‘taking it easy’. He's been wearing me down to the grindstone, I swear I'm this close to just up and screaming at the pompous twit. Not that it would do much good, as much as he growls and rants I doubt he'd hear me over himself.

Anyway, went to one of Pinkie Pies parties a few night ago. Remember Swirl? The librarian? Well, apparently he took off a couple months ago, to go live with his kids or something. Nice as he was, I can't say he made that big of an impact on me. He was almost intentionally dull, never seemed to stick out for me. So, with the library open, the mayor went and hired on a new arrival to work there.

No idea how long he's been in town, at the least I don't think I've seen him around till now. The party was apparently his ‘welcome’ party, so he can't have been here long. No offense to Pinkie, but she's got the patience of a rabbit on rageweed. If it had been longer than a week she'd have probably tied him to one of the rafters.

So ponies got drunk, some more than others. This one Pegasus pulled out this weird stuff -no idea what it was, I've never seen it before- and the new guy drank down a few shots of it. Apparently that was impressive? You know how I am with wine, one glass and I'm out. So I avoided all available sources, enjoying my fruit juice and the knowledge I would be waking up the next day without a headache unlike some of my neighbors.

Dancing bears, painted wings. Things I almost remember. And a song, someone sings. 'Once upon a December'.

One of the songs the new guy was half mumbling, half humming tonight sounded weird. I wrote the one part he kept repeating, but there were other verses I can't quite remember. Wait... yeah, there was this one part > 'Far away long ago, glowing dim as an ember, things my heart used to know, things it yearns to remember.'

Now mum, I know you don't like me putting myself down, but you know I aint the sharpest thorn in the bush or nothing. But doesn't that sound like he used to be in a relationship with some mare named 'December'? Her name sounds almost... cold. Certainly isn't a common name you'd find around hereparts. Can't say for sure, most the night I was hanging with my sis. New guy didn't really seem like he wanted to talk to anyone, and when he was talking I almost always was out of earshot.

Maybe he had a friend, long ago. Sounds like it didn't end well to me. Might explain how he ended up here.

Crud, I'm running out of paper, I love you mum,

Salutations and good tidings,

-Lily~

“It seems a fair few of these focus on the newcomers usage of heart song, or his lack of ability thereof…” Celestia drawled, drawing Quarter from her reading. “This and a few other points of focus draw a picture of the stallions character, but if you look closer you'll see that he seems almost… Transparent. The longer you look, the greater the disparities that are revealed.”

Quarter Master nodded, holding up the most recent paper in her hand.

“Another personal letter,” she noted. “I think it's just from a random citizen, though…”

“Hmmm, once upon a December…” Celestia hummed, plucking the letter out of her friends hands. “Once again, another reference to his singing abilities, yet this one at the very least didn't devolve into platitudes describing the average quality of it. You'll notice that most instances of descriptions regarding his singing,” she paused, guiding a yellow tinged letter towards Quarter, “either claim he started off sounding substandard or simply downright horrible, or say that they witnessed a notable improvement as he went on. A majority try to stress this point, without being obvious. The fact that they focus on this so singlemindedly however, draws ones attention to it even more so and highlights it for what it truly is.”

“My Lady?” Quarter questioned, still unsure as to the direction her princesses thoughts were taking.

“And what of his name, do you think?” Celestia continued, seemingly ignoring her hoofmaidens query.

I don't know what to make of the new stallion. His name is apparently 'Colt Nice Son' -and yes, I realize just how ridiculous his name sounds, but thats what everypony keeps calling him...- and his personality is... very hard to gauge properly. Pinkie Pie invited myself and nearly half the town to a party for him at the town library, twice. The first time he didn't show up, and from what I hear he apparently got lost while walking his dogs. And then slept outside, I guess.

So last night, I finally got to meet the mystery stallion. Right after Pinkie Pie scared him so bad he took a tumble down a flight of stairs. Yeah, she can be slightly... unthinking when it comes to the durability of others. Seeing as she has that berserker side though... I guess scaring a stallion down a flight of stairs and having him walk back up relatively unharmed is a pretty good compromise. So he was... kinda withdrawn after that for a while, but I talked to him for a bit. He seemed polite, if soft spoken.

It was only after the addition of Ponyvilles resident clown of a pegasus, Rainbow Dash, that he seemed to loosen up a bit and start letting loose. For better or worse. She challenged him to a drinking contest, and he spanked her flank so hard. It wasn't even a fair shot, whatever training he's been through made all the cider he drank only affect him as much as a glass of water! And then Rainbow Dash decided to cheat. I know what the hay she brought out, even if she kept it in an unmarked flask. It was Minotauran blood wine. She should be arrested, that stuffs supposed to be illegal! Well, it turns out Colts tolerances were... stupidly high. He drank more than a single shot of the stuff, and then kept on partying the rest of the night. I've had blood wine before, back when I visited my grandmother in Labryne. I only had a single sip, and I was out till morning. I also had a headache that felt like my head was split in two, but I just saw Colt a few minutes ago and he didn't look like he had the slightest bit of a headache. Lucky jerk.

So anyway, he was a lot more... 'open' after that. Laughing, playing along with the various activities that Pinkie had set up. At one point I noticed him crying for a few minutes that the library didn't have a piano, but a few minutes after that it was like he didn't even remember that.

His singing is bad. Way bad. Like... intentionally bad, without being intentional. It might have just been the alcohol. He actually started to sound better the longer the night went, but that might just have been my imagination.

I've never seen a stallion turn down Cloudkicker so fast. And by puking on her to boot! Geez, I mean, I don't hate her, but she can be a little pushy sometimes. It gave me a little bit of perverse pleasure, I will admit. I don't think she'll be propositioning him again any time soon.

Who am I kidding, I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to get him again today.

Okay so... I guess that's it for now.

Sincerely-

Acasia Rock

“I… dont know what to think about it,” Quarter admitted. “It is certainly an odd name, either of the iterations that the letters seem to hold on. It might be a bit on the nose, to be honest…”

Celestia laughed, a tinkling gurgle that echoed in the room.

“Indeed. Colt, nice, son. Or ‘Colton’ as some of the participants have taken to writing his name to avoid immediate detection…”

“My Lady?” Quarter repeated, knowing full well that Celestia was just as likely to ignore her empty query once more in order to continue in her deductions of the surrounding matter.

“Colt. A young stallion. Innocent, unassuming, delicate. Rambunctious at times, a blank slate that any number of personalities can spring from. A perfect name… for a fictional character~” Celestias smile nearly oozed from her face, infectious and growing.

“Of course, I wouldn't envy the poor colt that would actually have to grow up with the name of ‘Colt’. It would be the same as some poor addle brained mare deciding to name her filly ‘Filly’. It might work for their younger years, but as they grow it would become a cruel collar. An uninspired title used towards those whose names you don't truly remember.”

Okay, so like, it totally wasn't my fault! I challenged the new guy to a drink off, and the colt was actually almost passably keeping up with me. He was riding my flank something fierce, so I decided to bring out the big guns. My good hooch, the stuff I always bring along to parties but never get a chance to try because everypony is such a lightweight.

Soooo, I plunked it down on the table and what does the little upstart do? He slams back an entire shot of my heavy stuff! Like it was nothing! Not even a careful sip to see if it wouldn't lay him out, just tip back *GLUG* and it was gone. It didn't even seem to affect him! I mean, of course he isn't anywhere as awesome as yours truly, but I will give him some consideration for having an iron stomach. That sort of tolerance is WAY rare.

And he only got more fun after that, caterwauling on like a drunken cat, lurching from one party game to the next, you should have seen it this new stallion is a freaking riot!

Too bad he isn't a pegasus, that kind of energy is wasted on an earth pony. Not to say earth ponies are undeserving of having that kind of energy but... I mean... crap can I just start over? He's kinda thin for an earth pony, I think he'd look better as a pegasus. There. No tribal bull manure.

I will say this about Colt Nice Son, his singing actually started sounding kinda good later on in the night. Maybe he was getting into his groove, I dunno.

Soon to be Wonderbolt, the awesome and amazing Rainbow Dash!

"An 'official' report," Celestia mused breezily. "Wherein the author directly informs their superior that she not only possessed a certain item that is vaguely illegal, but that she administered said beverage to an unaware pony. Sound... suspect to you, my dear?" She trailed off in a joking tone.

"I get it," Quearter Master griped, hanging her head. "The letters and reports are weaving a story. Why bother, if they were so transparent? What was the point?"

Celestia simply hummed, a middling transient bars that hopped and skipped their way across the room. "Well, now this is an interesting one," she mused, holding up a sheaf of paper that had been stapled together. "A mind healer..."

"One of those mind walkers?" Quarter gasped, "I don't trust any pony that can just traipse throughout ones mind, without you even knowing..."

"The last page, and consequently the last 'memory' she wrote down..." Celestia stated connivingly, holding out a singular page.

One such memory was of an assortment of mages working in tandem to defeat another sect of mages. The second group were cruel and evil, aiming for killing blows and spewing forth derogatory commentary.

There were no unicorn or pegasi to be had within the memory... but some of the earth ponies were... 'disfigured', for lack of a better word. They sported abnormal skin tone and body shapes, a couple even having horns similar to the Nara.

Despite their appearance, each and every single member was a warrior, fighting to the utmost of their abilities. Some flinging magic forth from their hands in a brilliant display of light, while in another group I saw a young filly transform her skin to crystal so that her lover could use her like a club.

A pair of colts could enhance their speed to almost imperceptible levels simply by touching the palms of their hands together. I noted them speaking Espmaneol, so it could be this memory took place somewhere near Mexicolt.

There was an incident of a witch facing off a golem of living mud, where the witch performed some form of spirit walk. She sent a black tinged echo of herself outside of her body, sinking into the mass of mud that made up the golem. The golem almost immediately fell under this attack, dispersing into a mound which I could see an unconscious stallion immersed within. I believe the stallion to have been controlling the golem from within.

Each mage wore a costume similar to what one may find within the pages of a Power Ponies comic, and their powers and abilities were of such a wide range I must question the inspiration for such a comic. I hereby request that 'Kirby Dotts' be questioned about the nature and authenticity of his 'fictional' series. If he is drawing inspiration from real world events outside of Equestria and then passing them off as fictional, then we could be looking at a huge security breach.

-Amethyst Star, Mind Healer; Ponyville Branch 34IB

"While yes, the mind walkers we have stationed in Ponyville are granted the capacity to scan any newcomers to the town for safety reasons, trying to use such an art on an inebriated pony is well known to 'muddy the waters', as it were," Celestia explained slowly, "If she were truly trying to gain information from a target, she would have approached the stallion before he had started ingesting any alcoholic beverages. So what does that tell you, from a narrative point of view?"

Quarter Master thought carefully, mulling over the information that had been relayed to her. "...She was instructed to concoct a fanciful recounting. Designed to make the pony in question out to be a stereotypical hero? She doesn't even focus much on Colt in any of these entries," she offhandedly mentioned, cycling through the various 'memories' that she ha described. "She just focuses on the fanciful events that took place near him. But why?"

Celestia laughed, a deep and echoing call that bounced around the room. "To amuse me, I suppose. It's not a secret that the summer sun celebration is fast approaching..."

Quarter nodded her understanding. "It's not the best kept secret to start with-"

"Thankfully most believe the tales of mine sister to be not more than that. Tales." She sighed, looking over one of the pages that floated around her. "But some still know of my pain. Some, who apparently took it in their own hands to try and cheer me up... Colt Nice Son. A barebones, romanticized charicachure. A hero, from a far off land... You know, I think I'm starting to like this young Colt," she giggled.

"Ma'am?"

"Send a reply to the relay office. Let them know that I find their reports regarding their newest citizen to be extremely interesting," She let out another laugh, imagining the looks on their faces. "In fact, how about you get one of the accountants to write up an official citizenship for this Colt Nice Son? Send it on down to Ponyville, see how they respond..."

Quarter Master choked down the mirth that was threatening to spill from her own lips, instead bobbing her head in agreement.

"If such a character were actually real..." Celestia started, peering off into the distance, "I bet they'd be a true hero. With the poise and dignity to match."

---

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" I snarled out, barely pausing in between breaths in my attempts to run full out carried me onwards.

The first zombie had gone down like a chump. The second one as well. It was at the third I had fucked up. I hit something metal they were wearing with my bat -some sort of breastplate, who knows- and like some sort of demented feeding time bell every single zombie in the area decided it wanted to come over and give me a smooch.

"Yeah, suuuure, zombies are easy, low level monsters," I groused to myself as I ducked down an alleyway, "Couple whacks, they'll go down like chumps! Riiiiight."

"You could try picking them off one by one," Hax offered, following along closely behind me.

"Oh yeah, sure! Good idea, brain!" I groused harder. "Just pick them off, one by one, would be easy, if they weren't all on my ass like a shitstain on a fat mans drawers..."

"Geez, testy much?" Hax rebutted.

"Of course I'm testy! Zambros! Dead things that smell worse... than a... dead hooker..." I trailed off as an errant thought occurred to me. I hadn't said that.

I whipped my head down as I tried to keep up my pace.

Hax smiled up at me with an adorable doggo grin.

"What, you've never seen a wolf talk before?" SHE stated jokingly.

Author's Notes:

Hmm.

It's uh... been a while, huh?

10- Hunter?

Name: Colton Niscon

Class: Displaced Gamer

Level: LV 07

HP: 213/of/280

MP: 98/of/200

STR:12

VIT:18

DEX:10

INT:20

WIS:10

LUK:15

Point: 4

Money: 58 Cents, 27 Bits

Status; Human. -25% Stamina drain. +25% Stamina Regen. +10% Total HP Regen. +10% Total MP Regen. +1% EXP gain.

Solar Affinity; +5% EXP towards all solar aligned abilities, skills, tricks, spells and otherwise, provided said abilities, skills, tricks, spells and otherwise are performed during a period of daylight.

Title

1-Novice Dogkeeper

-+1% EXP gain to all Canine Companion skills-

2-Unassigned

3-Unassigned

4-Unassigned

5-Unassigned

-Teacher

1-The CMC

2-Hax

3-Unassigned

Displaced; Dimensional magnetism draws other Displaced Tokens to the users dimensional plane.

Homeowner; +5% EXP gain while within the confines of the 'Golden Oaks' library.

Dog Owner; +5% EXP gain to canine companions (Hax) and (Argos). EXP share of (0.30 to 1 EXP) from all actions taken by canine companions (Hax) and (Argos) +1 ATK, +1 DEF, +10% to all base stats of canine companions (Hax) and (Argos).

Celestially Lucky; +5 LUK. All Solar aligned abilities, skills, tricks, spells and otherwise are increased by 5%.

Local Legend; +5 CHA -1 PER.

---

Cloth Shirt; Repaired by local seamstress Rarity, there's not much else to note about this article of clothing besides its bland coloring. +1 DEF

Denim Jeans; Bought from a soulless corporate store. They provide more protection than a standard pair of cloth pants, but can't offer anything else beyond that. +1 DEF

Rainbow Dash's Sandals; A pair of particularly pretty petite pumps. They don't provide much defense, but they were never really designed with that purpose in mind. +5 SPD

Well Worn Shovel; A shovel that seems to have had some use. You gonna dig a hole to hide in? 5 ATK [/hr]

I had gained a couple points of strength and dexterity through my various fumbles against the shambling hordes for the past couple hours. I had gained enough experience to go up a level, but I was sick and tired of staring at rotting corpses. Even more so of the stench. According to the manga a boss monster building sized zombro would show up after killing fifty of the normal ones... So I stayed well the hell away from that number.

I could barely beat down a single zombie as is, even with Hax distracting them and rooting them in place. Something for the future, I guess. The FAR future, when I could hopefully shoot giant balls of 'fuck you' out of my hands as well. Hopefully not that far of a future. I wanna be badass, and fire fireballs made of fire so I can set things on fire with fireballs made out of fire.

Going against my previous promise to myself, I used up this levels worth of points rounding out my stats immediately. Raised my dexterity and wisdom to ten, then put a single point into luck. No idea what that would do, but it could only be something good, right?

My HP had gone up, but I wasn't really sure that mathed itself out. As far as I could fathom maybe it was that it started with vitality, multiplied that by ten? Then it added that to dexterity times ten. I think. So far, that was the only thing that made any sense. My MP hadn't increased any, which given the fact that I hadn't increased my wisdom any made that stat pretty easy to puzzle out. The gamer system seemed to like the whole 'multiply by ten' aspect, is all I'm saying.

Due to thinking carefully on a system relating to your now inherent powers, you've gained +1 WIS

Smug asshole game.

Checking back on my screen showed that my MP had indeed risen with that pity payout, increasing to two hundred and ten. Well, the maximum had, anyway. Sadly it seems that managing to increase my HP or MP pools didn't necessarily refill them to full.

My 'hung over' status had long disappeared, only to be replaced by a few dog related things. Both the status and the new title. Dogkeeper. Hax had laughed at that, as if the idea that I was keeping her and not the other way around was something to scoff at. Couldn't really argue that, at least not yet. Kinda sad when your dog is more badass than you are...

Soooo... My dog could talk.

And was a girl. Fancy that.

I mean, I was kinda hoping for the 'talking' bit when I was dumping points into her intelligence, but I hadn't been expecting it out of nowhere. Also, how was I supposed to know she was, well, a she? It wasn't like she had a set of twig and berries, -literally- but how the hell was I realistically supposed to tell? For all I had known, all timberwolves were just genderless tumbles of leafy forestry.

And god does she had a sharp tongue on her. You ever have a friend who just knows what to say in a few words that can shut you down just like that? Well that was her. A scathing and witty retort at the end of every turn.

She reamed into me for not even really thinking of exploring the extents of my gamer power. Something was up with her memories, having access to words and concepts I know I never once muttered in her presence. She seems to think that due to our bond, she's been getting snippets of my memories piecemeal. The names of comic book characters, the smell of certain foods, websites and so much more. At the very least I wouldn't have to worry about saying something she didn't understand.

One thing she told me to do immediately was to check and see if the gamer system had any other accessible screens. 'Menu' 'Start' 'Select' 'Load' and 'Save' hadn't elicited any noticeable reaction, but then I called out the word 'Options'.

->SETTINGS->
->VIDEO->
->MUSIC/SOUND->
->DIFFICULTY->
->MAP->
->SPECIAL->

Virtual Console
Virtual Simulator

"Can you see this?" I asked, grabbing the edges of the floating screen and holding it so that Hax could see it.

"Ooh~" she tittered, "Words.~"

"Ha. Ha."

"Settings isn't opening," I complained, poking at the greyed out text. "Neither is difficulty..." What? You think the first thing I would do upon seeing that I could potentially change how hard fighting monsters and leveling up would be to not hammer on the button? Alas, my easy life would have to be postponed. Until I could figure out how to cheat this game out of whatever difficulty it had started me on.

"Oh no, what ever will we do?" Hax drawled in an amused tone. "Woe is us, for all we have to make our way in this world is overpowered bullshit cheat powers. Truly we are bereft of fair circumstances, and are downtrodden by fate!"

"You done?" I let out.

Clicking on video only revealed two options, 'First Person' and 'Third Person'. Nothing like what I had assumed. Clicking on the second one I was hit by a strange sense of vertigo as I stared down at the back of my head from a disembodied perspective.

"Oh god that's weird," I groaned, turning my head from side to side as my vision trailed along behind me sluggishly. "I honestly can't see how this would ever be useful. Unless I was sneaking around and wanted to see above a counter or around a corner," I joked. Keeping it on for about another minute, I figured out that I could spin the 'camera' around my body independent from my heads motions. Felt super odd, though. It was with a sigh of relief that remote poked my hand into the 'First Person' selection.

"What about music/sound?" Hax asked.

"What about special?" I shot back, bypassing the remaining map option. It dropped down into another menu. Only two selections showed up, with a long line of '?'s underneath them. "Virtual console, and virtual simulation," I spoke aloud for Haxs' benefit, having taken the screen back. I clicked on the first one, a long line of names appearing in a list. "Video games? I think these are video games."

My eyes trailed down the list, noting that each title I saw was one I had personally owned at one point or another. Was it just some kind of 'virtual' emulation or something? Just a way to play games I had already played, without access to the consoles I had left behind?

"Monster Hunter," I read from the list, poking at the title. Monster Hunter Freedom Unite, to be specific. A game on the psp I had played for literal hours, before my buddies psp had broken and thus we hadn't been able to play the multiplayer anymore.

A shame that they weren't sorted by system, that was setting my latent OCD off something fierce. At least the titles were alphabetized.

A flash of light coalesced in the palm of my hands, dimming until the unmistakable shape of a psp lay between my palms. I stared at the device, noting the scratches and scuffs on its frame. Exactly the same, down to the trace air bubbles underneath the screen protector. This was my psp. Which seeing as it should have been stuck in a cardboard box with a plethora of my other personal belongings back home on earth in my parents garage, was something to note.

Text flashed on the handheld devices screen.

Unpause?

"Sure, what the fuck ever," I scoffed to myself, hitting the start button.

My vision faded to black, just to as quickly be overtaken by the glaring might of pure sunlight. Surrounding me on all sides, it took several swear laden seconds for my eyes to readjust. Gone were the walls inside my treebrary, replaced by a bright outdoors. Trees, rocks, birds chirping and bugs being loud buzzy assholes.

"The hell?" I muttered to myself, stumbling back and tripping over a raised tree root. "Damn it. Hax?"

I received no spoken response, but I got a verbal one all the same. A deep rumbling growl, piercing through my skin and permeating deep into my bones. My eyes grew wide, tracking the source of the fierce sound. Standing behind me was what looked like a dinosaur. Upright, it towered at least a couple feet over me.

The last quest I had been on when I last played this game. The easiest monster to hunt in the game, a beginner subjugation quest. The Great Jaggi.

A pittance to dispatch with my decently kitted out character I had played for hours, not so much for my currently normal shovel lugging self.

I barely got off the beginning of a scream before it leaped forward, whirling around to crush my chest inwards with its fearsome and heavily muscled tail.

Author's Notes:

*Putters around, directs you to go read some of my more recent stories on
https://forums.spacebattles.com/members/flutters-is-shy.377404/ *
They're not mlp related, but they are still my stories.