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Biography


User ID: 20,408
Registered: 20th Mar 2012
Last Seen: 2w, 3d ago
Story views: 101,932

Sometimes I sit down at my computer, smash my head into the computer a couple times, and post the result with no editing.

And I call the results my fics.

Groups

Top Favourites

[Tragedy]
Here in the White Box, the lights hurt my eyes.
131130
[Tragedy] [Dark] [Human]
Ash to ash, dust to dust.
97039

New to my stories? Here are some "good" ones to get you started, if you can't decide what to read first.

[Romance] [Comedy] [Random]
A realistic view on shipping fanfics
1836125
[Comedy] [Human]
A humble parody of My Little Dashie
79136
[Tragedy] [Comedy] [Random]
Twilight can't find her pillow
83033
[Random]
Rarity tells Sweetie Belle where babies are made
114563

FAQ

Q: What's your name?

A: TheOnly

Q: What's your favorite food?

A: All of it.

Q: Who is best pony?

A: I do not objectify ponies.  It is Rarity, however.

Q: Can I advertise my story on your user page?

A: No.  Now run before I get the spray bottle.

Q: Why are you only following Chromosome?  

A: I do what I want.

Q: Will you follow me?

A: Are you Chromosome?

Q: What color pants are you wearing?

A: Black.

Q: Do you write clop?

A: Define clop.

Q: Sensual pony fan fiction?

A: No.

Q: Will you?

A: Will you?

Q: What's your favorite word?

A: Defenestration

Q: How big is your vocabulary?

A: Twelve words

Q: Are you a gorgeous piece of man-cake?

A: Yes.

Q: Did anybody actually ask you these questions?

A: Of course they did.

Q: Really?

A: Sure.

Q: Okay.

A: Okay.

Q: No seriously, it isn't an FAQ if none of these questions has been asked, right?

A: It's okay, probability says somebody's bound to ask them.

Q: But that doesn't make them frequently asked, correct?

A: Get out.

The Idea Mill

Need a story idea?  I have plenty that I've completely abandoned for reasons that should be too obvious.  Feel free to steal these.

1) Pinkie Pie is a train.  Choo choo motherfucker.

2) Second person fic that stars you as a saddlebag.

3) Rainbow Dash sits in a room and watches a piece of dust journey across the floor.  An introspective fic about the beauty of moving slowly.  Things blow up at the end.

4) Spike starts reading a book about cooking and gets really good at cooking.  He becomes chef spike and gets his own cooking show.  Hilarious.

5)  Pinkie Pie does something funny.  

6) Twilight steps on a piece of glass and realizes that she's actually made of metal and a robot.

7) Pinkie Pie is actually half-chicken

8) Rarity goes into town and buys something.  She returns to her boutique and uses her bought item to complete a task.  The funny part is the anti-climax.

9) A story that devolves into a race between Rainbow Dash and a rainbow.

10) The earlier years of Tom the rock, when he was a young buckaroo going to parties in high school and getting wasted.

11) Twilight is actually a top level general of the Equestrian military.  She attacks everything on sight.

Welcome

If you're here on this page that means you've taken the time to click my username and whisk yourself off to the magical land of TheOnly's fics.

While you're on this page I invite you to kick back, relax, and enjoy yourself.  Feel free to leave a comment on my page about anything, whether it be a suggestion, a question, a compliment, a criticism, or even just a conversation starter.  I love to talk.  

If you're here to get some updates on what I've been up to, look at my blog, I make new posts often.  

Now, because you've taken the time to come to my page and stay for long enough to read this, I should reward you, right?

Here you go .  

Meh.  No big deal.

Looking forward to new things and backwards at all my other... things... and hoping to improve.  It's been a good year.  Hopefully there will be another good one.  

TheOnly · 86 views

Latest Stories


Class Sins

On a dark night filled with sparkly magic, a group of unidentified enthusiasts of some sort attempt to give Nightmare Moon some sizzle, utterly separate from Princess Luna. But, when the spell is interrupted by Celestia's slav... guards, something totally expected is created.

Now, a little black alicorn filly named Nyx finds herself held captive by Twilight Sparkle, only to be haunted by memories and emotions from her past. Is she Nightmare Moon reborn or is she simply a science experiment? Can Twilight Sparkle protect Nyx from those who would call her out on fillynapping?

Or, will Nyx be forced to inherit the poor fashion sense that may not even be hers and become the greatest evil Equestria has ever known?

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5,887 words · 2,895 views  ·  259  ·  50  · 

Where Do the Clouds Go?

Equestria has practiced cloud clearing for thousands of years, employing pegasi to use their flying abilities to break up and blow away clouds to make sure the sky stays clear.  But the condensed water doesn't just disappear.  After spending centuries plagued by constant torrential downpour with only a few days a month without rain, a certain nation finally decides to figure out where all the clouds are coming from.

More Less
4,904 words · 1,095 views  ·  96  ·  22  · 

How Every Shipfic Would Actually Happen

This is a realistic view on how shipping would actually happen in the show.  Almost every pony has been shipped with everypony else, but this is what would actually happen if two ponies ever attempted at a relationship.


...

No offense to any shippers, even though you shouldn't take any.  If anypony would like to see any other shippings done on this fic, just leave a comment.  Maybe I'll write it if I feel like it.

More Less
7,125 words ( 12 chapters ) · 15,351 views  ·  1,836  ·  125  · 

A Wild Far Fetched Appeared

*This is a parody*

Two humble siblings find themselves in Equestria, with one super-twist.  They're Pokemon!  Whoa!  Now they must figure out how many important details they can skip and omit, what's going on with the acorns, and how epic being Pokemon is.

"Oh man, can you believe we're Pokemon?"

"Actually, yes, considering we're gigantic Pokemon fans.  That's usually the way these things work."

More Less
4,371 words · 940 views  ·  89  ·  22  · 

Coffee Shop

Entrepreneurs of the modern era, Click and Clack hope to revolutionize the market of beverages by introducing their newest discovery.  Coffee.  Dreams of becoming rich already stuck in their minds, they find themselves opening their first shop in Ponyville, a quaint town that would be the start of their business' success.  Unluckily for them, they haven't met the residents of the small town.  They also didn't account for any attachments or entanglements, let alone anything other than business and profit.  And they certainly didn't expect to be in any danger.

More Less
9,643 words ( 2 chapters ) · 233 views  ·  28  ·  1  · 

Comments

#502051 · 2d, 14h ago · · ·
Reply 

Guess who's back.

Just thought you'd like to know.

#436091 · 5w, 12h ago · · ·
Reply 

Hi.

#411865 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·
Reply 
#411294 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·
Reply 

>>411121 Don't worry, you're still my hero.

#411121 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·
Reply 

>>410858 don't rub it in

#410858 · 6w, 6d ago · · ·
Reply 

It's a sad day, for I have realized that I now have more followers than you. ;_;

#384909 · 8w, 5d ago · · ·
Reply 

May the blessings of the forest be with you :twilightsmile:

#377262 · 9w, 3d ago · · ·
Reply 

Discord? I've found you again. The Illogic proves it's superiority to chaos once more!:pinkiecrazy:

#377133 · 9w, 3d ago · · ·
Reply 

Your Idea Mill has inspired me to start writing my own fic. :pinkiecrazy:

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