I doubt anyone will ever get this message. Even if someone does, I seriously doubt anyone will actually be able to do anything about it. For the most part, I'm just venting here. I would love to be proven wrong, though.

My name is Mike Hassenfeld. Some time ago, I was an unexceptional man living an unexceptional life whose only worry was forcing myself out of bed in time to make it to work. One day, however, I opened the front door of my apartment and found myself in another universe.

I quickly discovered that I and my apartment had fallen through a crack in reality and have been thrust into a whole bunch of alternate versions of Equestria from My Little Pony.

Now, I bet I know what you're thinking. "Mike, what are you complaining about? That's like the majority of the stories on this site! What, are you going to meet the Mane 6 and discover the magic of friendship?"

I'm still holding out hope that that scenario will happen to me one day. Instead, I've been attacked by deranged killers, imprisoned by mad sorcerers, and been stranded in hostile wastelands. I've been attacked by Changelings, xenophobic ponies who want to forcibly turn me into one of them, comic-book supervillains, and insane cannibals. About the only thing keeping me from going insane (if I haven't already) is an alien amoeba who is serving as my roommate. Again, I'm not a hundred percent sure I'm not insane and living in a lunatic asylum.

It hasn't been all bad, though. I like to think I've done some good along the way. I know I've saved more than a few ponies' lives in my journeys, overthrown some tyrants, maybe even saved a couple worlds.

And I can't remember the last time I've had to sit through a car insurance commercial. That's got to count for something, right?

The name "Firefly" is legendary among the ponies of Equestria. The first Wonderbolt, she is renowned as perhaps the greatest pegasus to ever live, her speed and strength unrivaled in the air even to this day. Few know, however, that this legend of Equestria began as a frail and sickly filly from Cloudsdale.

Thousands of years ago, the greatest threat since Discord's defeat reared its head in the north. King Sombra, warlord of the Crystal Empire, allied with the Griffons to bring all Equestria under his iron hoof. His mighty armies stood ready to crush any opposition, and spies in the Equestrian military made countering this threat a massive undertaking. In an effort to stop Sombra and provide a symbol for the army to rally around, the greatest unicorns in Equestria began working on a spell to create the ultimate soldier. All they needed was a volunteer.

That volunteer, ready to give everything to defend her home against the forces of evil and tyranny, was Firefly.

This is the beginning of the legend of Captain Equestria.

After the discovery of a portal beneath the Black Temple, the Alliance and Horde are locked in another bitter conflict to make use of the resources of the new world of Equestria. When the ponies of Equestria decide to accept the Alliance's offer of allegiance, their ancient rivals from the Griffin Empire ally themselves with the Horde. Tensions threaten to boil over into full-scale war for the first time in centuries, but little does either faction realize that far greater enemies loom on the horizon.

For decades, Victor von Doom has waged an endless campaign to take Earth in his iron grip. Every time he has victory within his grasp, however, the accursed Fantastic Four snatch it away from him. During one battle in the Negative Zone, Doom is lost in the void and assumed dead.

Little do the heroes of Earth realize that Doom is still alive, having found himself on a new world. Setting up a new base, Doom uses his advanced technology, devious intellect, and skills in the dark arts to impose his will on the land of Equestria.

Nanok of Jericho, a warrior of the ancient world, is sent on a quest to recover a mysterious artifact known as the Horn of Epona. Legends claim this artifact can gift horses with extraordinary powers, and a ruler that possesses it could command an army unlike any other. Nanok is no stranger to seeking powerful artifacts, but there is a catch. The Horn lies in another world, a world radically different from his own. A world called Equestria...