A human who decides to pull pranks on his pony friends and faces the consequences for them.
Your name is David. You lived in Ponyville for a few years now. During this time, you have developed friendships with the ponies, particularly the Mane Six. You have suffered some pranks from them and you decide that it is time to get them back.
Only question is, will you be able to escape from their retribution?
A party was going on in Sugarcube Corner. A new pony arrived in town, so Pinkie Pie decided to throw another Welcome To Ponyville party and invited everyone to join. I personally didn't care much for these parties, but I would attend anyway. Partly because I did not want to be rude with Pinkie and the others. Friendship sometimes means sacrificing your own convenience in order to bring happiness to others. However, I'm not going to complain tonight, because my other reason is much more ulterior. Tonight will be the best opportunity to get Rainbow Dash.
When I first arrived in Ponyville, Pinkie Pie was nice enough to throw me a surprise party. The party took place in Sweet Apple Acres, where the Apple family lives. Applejack was the first one I met and although we came to an awkward start, she eventually warmed up to me and provided me a place to sleep in the barn. As a way of saying thank you, I asked if I can work in her farm and she happily agreed. During my first day at Sweet Apple Acres, Pinkie happens to show up in order to give AJ the baked goodies she promised to give, and that's where she met me. She gasped and then ran away, much to my confusion and shame. I asked AJ what that was about and she said not to worry about it, so I continued working. When I was finished for the day, Applejack offered me to share a meal with her and her family. "How can I refuse," was my response, which she chuckled at. When I came inside, I experienced the surprise party Pinkie planned for me. Most of the inhabitants didn't trust me at the time, so it was only just a few ponies. This is where I met the rest of Applejack's friends: Twilight, Rarirty, Fluttershy, and finally, Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash did not seem to like me at first, she was always the judgmental mare. I couldn't really blame her, I knew I had to warm up to her first. Unfortunately, what happened next I will never forget. Twilight was talking, asking me questions when I grabbed a bottle to drink, without actually looking.
"Uh, what are you doing?" Twilight asked.
I drank the bottle before responding.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm..." I didn't finish my sentence because there was so much heat in my throat, like if someone started a forest fire in there. Smoke burst from my ears and I ran outside screaming, desperate for some water.
I found a trough full of water, stuck my head in it and sucked the water in. Thankfully it was only clean water, or I would have another to problem to contend with. Satisfied, I stuck my head out to breathe. I heard someone laughing behind me. I turned to see Rainbow Dash hovering and laughing while she was holding her belly.
"THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE WAS PRICELESS!" Rainbow yelled as she continued to laugh at my expense.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want, you bastard," I groaned, not happy that someone was enjoying my misery.
In all fairness, the others did laugh too. It wouldn't have mattered later on if it wasn't for one thing. Rainbow Dash would keep bringing it up every now and then and embarrass me. It was starting to get annoying and I decided that the only way to get her to stop was to give her a taste of my misery.
Everypony was enjoying themselves at the party, dancing, eating the sweet treats, etc. I was sitting down waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. As I was eyeing my prey, I was interrupted by an energetic Pink pony, who made me jump a little.
"Hey David!," Pinkie gleefully said. "Havingfunatheparty! Huh, huh?!" She noticed something I had in my hand. "What you got there?"
"Oh, a little surprise," I said grinning. I was holding a cup that is meant for my target. I did a little research and found out that although Dashie loves spice, she can't handle a specific amount, which is more than I could handle I would add. I decided to get myself some liquid from an actual Rainbow, which I had to get from a Pegasus who owed me a favor. I was able to get one that was ten times stronger than what Dash was used to, which should give me the satisfaction I wanted. "This is for colors over there."
Pinkie was looking at who I was referring to, at the table where Dash was sitting, then she turned back to me and bounced. "ooh! ooh! ooh! Want me to go get her?" Pinkie offered.
"No," I stopped her before she took off. "It's a prank. I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity to get her."
"Oh, I can help you with that. I love pulling pranks," Pinkie said as she bounced slightly.
"All right, can you distract her while I switch the cups?"
"Yep, sure can."
"All right, lets do this."
Pinkie and I got in position. Rainbow Dash was sitting at a table, talking with her friends about her new tricks. "When I present these moves in the next Flying Competition, the Wonderbolts will definitely ask me to join. After all, who can refuse the fastest flyer in all of Equestria!" Rainbow gloated. I swear that she is one cocky bastard, one other reason I want to pull this prank.
I inconspicuously sat at a table behind Rainbow, where I can see her. I sat there waiting, pretending to mind my own business and waited for my window. The opportunity came.
"Hey Dashie!" Pinkie said, standing to RD's left. This caused the colored mare to focus her attention on the pink pony. "Enjoyingthepartyandthecake! Haveyoutriedthechocolatecake! oooh oooh oooh, I gotta show you th-" Pinkie was interrupted by Rainbow, who placed her right fore-hoof in Pinkie's mouth.
"Pinkie, slow down," Rainbow said, letting go of the mouth and grabbing her cup again. "I'm enjoying the party. I mean, your party is always great. Never a dull moment," she happily argued. "I will try your cake when I'm finished telling these ponies about my awesome techniques!" She gloated with her hoof pumping her chest.
"Ocki-Docki-Lockie!" Pinkie beamed and trotted away.
"So any way," Rainbow Dash continued as she chugs and finishes her cup. She gestures with her hooves as she speaks. "I was flying high up in the air at the highest attitude, higher than my past record by the way, and then made my descent. I was speeding up, in order to trigger the sonic rainboom when I reach the-"
"Um sugarcube, ya'll alright," Applejack worriedly asked from across the table. "Your sweatin rivers rite now."
"I'm fine," Rainbow assured, wiping out as much sweat as possible while she was panting. "I'm just...just...." She held her mouth with her hoof, sweating profusely. All of a sudden, smoke comes out of her ears and makes a train honking noise, catching everyone's attention. Then she breathed fire into the air, screaming at the top of her lungs and immediately flew upstairs to the bathroom, no doubt wanting to drink from the sink in order to cool her throat.
At that moment everypony, including myself, burst out laughing. Pinkie and I were on the ground and laughing so hard our bellies started to hurt. The plan went perfectly! For you see, as soon as Rainbow used her right hoof to shush pinkie, I switched the cups with speed and subtlety. Nopony in the table noticed except Pinkie, giving me the opportunity to humiliate Rainbow Dash.
I stood up from the floor and yelled at the upstairs, "WHO'S LAUGHING NOW RAINBOW FLAMING DASH!" I just kept on laughing, bending down and slapping my thigh. When I recovered from my satisfying laugh, I went over to Pinkie, who got back up raised her hoof in the air. We gave each other a high five, or a high hoof in her case.
"That was so funny!" Pinkie giggled. "No one is going to be able to forget that!"
"I'm counting on it," I said with so much amusement. "Now she will experience the same embarrassment as I had."
"David," AJ said, who got from the chair and stood next to Pinkie. "Ya'll should know that RD is going to get you real hard for that, right? She always seeks retribution for pranks pulled on her." A half smile was on AJ.
"Well," I shrugged. "I don't go down easily. If she wants payback, she's going to have to catch me first." I then noticed both AJ and Pinkie glancing at each other and then back at me with slight wide eyes, although Pinkie was smiling the whole time. I was about to say 'what' when something clicked in my mind, filling me with dread. "She's right behind me isn't she?"
Pinkie and AJ confirmed my suspicion with their nods. Uh Oh. Without thinking, I immediately sprinted and ran for the exit, passing by ponies who watched with both shock and amusement. I managed to get out of Sugarcube Corner and ran down the street. Unfortunately after twenty steps, I felt a smack against my back, causing me to fall face-flat on the ground. I tried to get back up, but then I felt fore-hooves pinning me down. One my left arm and another on the back of my neck. Struggled as I might, I wasn't going anywhere. Then I listened with dread as the colored pegasus whispered to my left ear.
"You know," Rainbow mischievously began. "I didn't take for you to be a prankster. That was pretty clever." I knew in this type of situation that flattery was a clear sign that I am in for it. "But now I believe it's payback time."
I began sweating in fear, not knowing what she was going to do to me.
"Before you interrupted me with that spicy taste you put in my mouth," She continued. "I was talking to my friends about the new moves I came up with, so I figured that it's time I give you a first hand experience."
At this time a lot of ponies, including Applejack and Pinkie Pie, gathered outside to see the spectacle between me and the mare planning a devious comeback. It took me a second to register Rainbow's last comment, causing me to tense up and squirm.
"Rainbow!" I panicked. "I knew that you were a cocky bastard, but I never knew crazy was part of your vocabulary!" She chuckled at my comment, with a tone that sounded like 'you should have thought better than to mess with me.' "What if you drop me?!"
Rainbow raised her head and mischievously replied, "Only one way to find out, scaredy boy!" Before I can react, she speedily wrapped her fore-hooves around my torso under my arms and then took off to the sky, climbing up the altitude at high speed.
"NONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOO!"I screamed as I was flaying my arms and suffering my new misery, which no doubt would top what I just did to her.
While I was up in the air, everyony was watching in anticipation of Rainbow's comeback against me. Pinkie jumps up and down with excitement and laughter. "DAVID IS GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN UP THERE!"
Applejack rolls her eyes at Pinkie's comment, but nonetheless has amusement in her face. "I reckon he will, if he does'n die from a heart attack." This caused everypony giggle at AJ's cruel words about me.
"I don't get it," Pinkie asked with a confused face. "Does his heart become alive and starts hitting him or something."
My attempt to humiliate Rainbow Dash has taught me a very valuable lesson. The next time you pull a prank on the ponies, DON'T STICK AROUND, OR THEY WILL RETALIATE! When that devious colorful mare caught me, she decided to take me up to the skies and demonstrate her latest tricks. THAT WAS NOT FUN! She performed twists, loops, zig zags, and dives! Jeez that was scary as hell. Thank goodness she did not do the sonic rainboom, I don't know how much I would have taken it. When she finally put me down, I was so discombobulated that it took me a good five minutes to recover. When I came to, she got up to my face and in a mockery tone gave me a warning.
"Nopony pulls a prank on Rainbow Dash and gets away with it," she smirked and prodded my chest.
I will have to lay low for now and catch her when she has her guard down. For now, I have other targets in mind. The whole time Rainbow Dash had pinned me down and announced my unfortunate flight to the skies, none of her friends tried to stop her, not even Applejack and Pinkie Pie. It is for this reason that they have become my targets and I have an itchy plan for AJ.
It took me a couple of weeks to get everything I needed, but I eventually got them. The only thing I needed to do was wait for Tuesday, which was the day Applejack would be the only pony harvesting besides myself. Big Mac, her older brother, would go into town to buy more supplies from the Ponyville's equivalent to Home Depot.
When Tuesday arrived, I got up at two o'clock in the morning and went to execute my plan. Since I slept in the barn, I didn't have to worry about waking up the Apple family and made sneaking around easier for me. I grabbed the stuff I hid behind my hay bed and went outside. The day before, I asked Big Mac where we were going to harvest next, which gave me ideas on where Applejack was going to buck. I did not want to ask Applejack herself, fearing that she might get suspicious and start asking unwanted questions. I jogged to the tree where I knew Applejack was going to buck and got to work. The tree was at least four hundred yards away from the house, so nopony would be able to see me from that far, unless they have binoculars which made me glad they didn't. I took out the stuff I was carrying and started putting them carefully on the leaves and branches of the tree. It took an hour, but I was able to accomplish my task. It would be an hour before the "early birds" start waking up, so I jogged back to the barn. When I got back, I hid the container back behind my hay bed, no need to display my evidence yet. I changed my sweaty shirt for a clean one and went back to sleep. Even though it was only going to be an hour sleep, it was better than no sleep at all.
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"G'mornin sleepy head."
That was the sound of Applejack's voice. I usually hate alarm clocks or rooster noises that force me away from my dreams. The voice of AJ's country accent was much more smoother in comparison and I would prefer to have her be my wake up call. Still it is always hard to force myself up, especially now that I got less sleep last night. I opened my eyes to see my familiar employer with those big green eyes.
"C'mon and git up," AJ said as she shook me up, making me sit up right. I started to get up and stretch myself, making the kind of noises you let out when you are tired and getting out of bed. AJ cocked her head in concern. "Ya didn't git enough sleep, David?"
I did not want to give away my plans yet, so I waved in dismissal. "Don't worry about it. What's for breakfast."
Applejack seemed unconvinced at my reassurance but nonetheless turned towards her house. "Follow me." She replied as she started trotting away and I followed.
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I ate breakfast with the Apple family, which I always enjoyed doing. As I was eating and listening to the conversations, I keep glancing at Applejack who was looking at me with a slight frown. As much as I tried to look normal, it looks like my tired face was betraying me. I just hope I can keep the ruse until it is too late for her.
"What were ya doin last night that ya didn't sleep that well?" AJ asked with some suspicion.
I put some food and in my mouth and started chewing, trying to come up with the best answer that will not give away my intentions. I swallowed and responded.
"I spent some time reading a book, hoping that it will tire me to sleep," I lied.
AJ narrowed her eyes at me like if she just caught me. Inwardly, I was getting nervous. She knows I'm hiding something! I better be careful here.
AJ looked around and saw that everypony was finished. "Al'right, let's pick up the dishes," she said happily. The family and I picked up the plates, cups and utensils and put them in the dish washer for Granny Smith to clean. Applebloom got ready to go to school and went with Big Mac, who went to the barn and carried a cart out of the property. With the two of them gone, it was just Applejack and I. We got outside and started to get to work. I did my best to keep it cool so that I don't give AJ any more reasons to suspect me.
Applejack and I spent the morning apple bucking (the orange pony with her legs and me with a sledge hammer). The weather was clear with no winds whatsoever, relieving me of any worry that my trap would be screwed. It was thanks to a pegasus who let me know ahead of time of today's weather, which was another reason why I chose today to pull the prank. Lunch time was approaching and Applejack was approaching the 'trap' tree I was working on. Learning from the last time, I did not want to stick around when she finally got to the target area. With that in mind, I was going to ask Applejack if I can use the restroom, but before I had the chance she turned to me with a serious face.
"David, I need ya ta tell me the truth," AJ said firmly. Oh crap here it comes. "What were ya really doin last night? Ya better not be lyin again." She finished by pointing her hoof at me with an accusing expression.
I needed to think of something fast because for whatever reason, she knows when I'm lying and I can't afford to say anything that might jeopardize my plot, especially when I'm so close. Then an idea came to my mind.
"Okay you got me," I conceded with my hands in the air. "It's kind of a secret and I don't want to tell you yet. Not until the time is right." I put my hands down, hoping she will accept my answer.
"Al'right," her face softens. "But next time don't lie to me again. ah don't like it when I'm lied to. clear?" I nodded. "Let's take a break and head back for lunch."
Crap. Thinking fast I asked, "You still want to know?" She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me with a inquisitive face. "Tell you what, I propose a challenge." I pointed at the 'trap' tree. "If you can buck that tree and make all the apples land in the basket, not on the ground, I'll tell you about last night." I finished with a challenging look on my face.
Applejack took a moment to think, tapping her chin with her hoof. Then she put the hoof down and looked at me with a smirk on her face. "Deal." She walked up to the tree and placed her baskets carefully on the ground.
I stood a careful distance away, crossing my arms with a grin on my face. This is it!
Applejack gave the tree a good bucking. The tree vibrated and dropped not only apples, but huge chunks of brown powder. "What intarnation is this?!" Applejack groaned, wiping a lot of powder from herself. All of sudden, she started scratching herself intensely with her fore-hooves. She groaned at her discomfort as she continued to unsuccessfully relieve herself of the itch she was experiencing all over her body.
I burst out laughing, rolled on the floor and was holding my stomach. In case you haven't guessed, the stuff I used was an itching powder I bought from a store in Ponyville. The reason it took me a couple weeks was because I needed to accumulate the money I needed to purchase them, plus I needed to wait for the perfect day and weather. Everything went according to plan and it was perfectly funny.
"DANG IT DAVID!" The angry farm pony yelled while she continued to scratch herself. "YA SHOULDN'T HA....AHM GONNA...AH HORSE APPLES!" She couldn't take it anymore. She ran to her house, which was quite a far distance from where I am.
I just kept laughing, pounding the ground with my fist and enjoying my victory. "What's the matter AJ?!" I called out. "YOU ITCHING TO GET HOME?!" I just couldn't stop cracking up.
"DANG IT DAVID!" AJ yelled from afar.
After I recovered from laughter, I got up, I grabbed the apple-filled baskets, put them on the cart, and decided to head back. I made sure to keep the apples stained with the itching powder separated from the rest. I would need to clean those up later.
After lunch, I headed out to continue working while I was holding the sledge hammer over my shoulder, whistling the Yankee Doodle tune. I got to the 'trap' tree and smiled. Man, that was so perfect. I made a mental note to try and clean up the tree later. Wouldn't want to leave it like that.
I got to a tree that had empty baskets underneath and raised my sledge hammer for a horizontal swing. I saw something out at the corner of my eye and lowered my tool for a better look. When I fully turned, my eyes went wide with terror and my jaw dropped. Applejack was running towards me with fire in her eyes and rage all over her face.
[You might want to play Rainbow dash and Applejack are running in the 90's from youtube]
"OH CRAP!" I dropped my sledgehammer and made a run for it. Why didn't I learn my lesson from last time! I should never had stuck around and now I am going to pay dearly for my shortcoming.
"GIT BACK HERE, YA DIRTY LIL' CRETIN! AHM GONNA HAVE A WORD WIT YA!" Damn she sounds pissed! I didn't think she would get mad over a prank. No time to ponder, I gotta the hell out of here before she gives me her piece of mind!
"CrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAAAAAAP!" I yelled, running for my dear life.
I can't run a straight line or she's going to catch me. I started running around the trees in zig zag and trying to create a distance between my angry pursuer and I. I couldn't afford to let up though because AJ is a great athlete and she's used to running around obstacles at full speed. She's not gaining, but she's not falling behind either, I need to do something fast because I'll be running out of trees soon. I looked ahead and saw an opening into a forest. Not the safest to run into I admit, but desperate times calls for desperate measures. I stopped zig zagging and sprinted for the forest. If I can get in there, I can lose her there even if she comes after me in there. There are plenty of hiding spots in there and a lot more obstacles I can use to slow her down. I'm almost there, just a few more steps and -
"OMF!"
Something strong wrapped around my arms and torso, caused me to fall on my back and started pulling me back away from the forest at a high speed. Before I realized it, I came to an abrupt stop and found myself looking up at an angry farm pony glaring daggers at me with one hoof holding my chest, breathing very hard at my face through her nose. I realized then that she lassoed me, which I gotta give her credit for her foresight. All I can do now brace myself.
[Stop the music here]
"What's up?" I asked with a nervous smile, which was not a smart comment at the moment. SMACK. She hit me across the face and put her hoof back on my chest, almost stomping it. Damn those hooves hurt.
"Now ya listen ta me real good," she scolded and lightly pressed my chest. "Da next time ya pull a prank on me, do not touch mah trees ever again. Damaging the trees is damaging mah livelihood!"
I struggled to breath. "Didn't Pinkie and RD.......do something similar to you?"
"And Ah told them not ta do it again, and they respectin mah wishes."
"Why....am I not...getting the same warning." Her hoof on my chest starting to really hurt, which I'm glad she lifted it slightly to let me breathe.
She lifted her her and took a moment to think. Then soften her face and looked at me. "Point taken." Then she leaned and glared again. "But ya still gonna clean up that mess and pay for the damages. Ya better promise that ya will not mess with mah trees again, understood?"
What she was proposing sounded reasonable. I can pull more pranks on her as long as I do not touch her trees. That way I won't face this kind of punishment again. "All right, All right. Trees off limits," I conceded. I remained adamant on one point. "But I'm still gonna pull pranks on you, that I promise." I had a defiant smile on my face.
"Hm," she smirked. "Ah would'n have it any other way." Then she gave a sinister smile. "Speaking of which. Ya know how long it took ta get that itch off of me?"
"Do I look like I care?" Still smiling.
Her smile got wider. "As soon as ah finished gettin the itch off, I went ta the barn and found this." She pulled out a container from her saddle bag with her hoof. It was my itching powder She must have suspected that I hid that container in the barn when she put two and two together.
My eyes went wide at the realization at what she was going to do. "Ooooh no!"
She gave an evil chuckle. "hehehehehe, Oh yes. Now ya gonna get a taste of ya own medicine." She pulled the cap out of the container with her teeth and held the container in her hoof, holding over my head. "Ya ready, sugarcube?"
I mentally curse myself for failing to empty the whole container earlier as I gave a weak reply.
Two times I have learned the lesson of not sticking around. The first was my encounter with Rainbow Dash. The second, well, was with Applejack. After the cowpony caught me, she poured my own itching powder on me. Talk about cruel irony. No only did she poured the powder on my bare skin, she stuffed it in my clothes, INCLUDING MY PANTS! UUUUGH! Nothing feels worse than to constantly scratch my manhood for the next several hours. Of course I cleaned up the 'trap' tree and paid for the contaminated apples, which was the right thing to do.
I'm going to have to lay low with Applejack for a while and find some other means to prank her. Right now I'm going to focus on one particular target who has come to be known as Ponyville's fashionista. Yep, you guessed it: Rarity. Why you may ask? One time I went to the Carousal Boutique to buy new clothes at Rarity's request. She said something about my clothes "looking old." I didn't much care for her opinions, but I was starting to run out of things to wear, on account that I keep ripping my clothes apart during my daily activities. (Don't ask me what they were.) I came to the store and found Rarity at work. We did a little business together and were able to wrap it up quickly. As I turned to leave, Rarity stopped me to ask for a favor.
"Darling, will you do me a favor?" She asked with a slight British accent. "There is a box by the stairs on the second floor. Would you be a dear and get it for me? I need to finish my order before the day ends and I can't afford to lose time." She requested as she flutter her eyes. I'm a little perplexed at why she would asked me for such a favor when she could just lift the box up herself with her magic.
I shrugged, wanting to get this over with. "All right." I climbed up the stairs and was a little confused, because I didn't find anything when I reached the second floor. I looked around when something popped in front of me from the ceiling.
"BOO!"
"AAAAAH!" I stumbled backwards and tumbled down the stairs. I dazed a little and waited until my senses cleared. I stood back up and saw what startled me. "PINKIE!" I yelled in annoyance.
She laughed as she rolled on the floor holding her belly. "That was so funny! I scared you gooooooood." She just kept on laughing.
I turned around and saw Rarity holding her laughter with her hoof. Then something clicked in my mind. "You had something to do with this, didn't you?" I asked as I accusingly pointed my finger at her.
Rarity feigned innocence. "Whatever do you mean, darling?" Then she giggled at my misery. Oh I see how it is. I left the Boutique as I plotted to get them both for this prank.
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I was sitting on a branch of a tree behind the Carousal Boutique, waiting for Rarity to leave. As I hid within the thick leaves, I was holding a small glass tube containing liquid contents emitting multiple colors. The stuff has a magical energy within it, giving me the edge I need for my plan. I was able to get this stuff from a unicorn who owed me a favor and who had a bone to pick with Rarity. When the unicorn heard what I was planning to do, she was more than happy to indirectly help me. Now I just needed to wait until Rarity leaves the premise. She is scheduled to go with her cat to a spa. Rarity and her marefriends would go every other Friday to do their 'girly' stuff. I'm glad she is taking her cat with her, or this would have complicated things.
As I hid, I heard some flapping wings, causing me to freeze and hide further. The familiar colored mare flew to the back door of the Carousal Boutique and knocked on the door. "Coming~," Rarity sang as she approached the door. If fashion had not been her trade, I can imagine her singing in Equestria's equivalent to Broadway. I would wager that it is located in Manehattan. Anyway, Rarity greeted RD and they exchanged small talk. They didn't talk about anything important except a few lines that caught my attention.
"Darling, why don't you go to the spa with us. Certainly you need to relax from your work," Rarity argued.
Dash shook her head and replied, "No thanks. I've got more important things to do right now." She smirked.
"Like sleeping in a cloud?" She asked with 'really' face.
"Hey, napping is as important as working!" Rainbow snapped pointing her hoof at Rarity. Then with a smirk she continued. "Besides, I need to practice my awesome tricks before I hit the clouds for a nap." Oh Rainbow, your cockiness is as annoying as ever.
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Fine, if you insist. I need to get ready before I meet up with our friends at the spa." Before Rarity turned to get back into her house, Rainbow stopped her.
"Wait, I almost forgot!" The colored mare reached into her saddled bag and pulled out a package. "I got a package for you."
"For me?" Rarity asked with a questioning look.
"Yep, I ran into Derpy and she got lost again. She always gets lost." RD bluntly said the last sentence with her eyebrows furrowed, before she extended the package to Rarity. "She needed to catch up on her mailing route before it was too late, so she asked me to give this to you so that her route will be shortened."
"Oh that's nice of you dear," Rarity gratefully said as she retrieved the package with her horn. She then noticed that the package was slightly opened. "Did you open this?" She asked accusingly.
"Hey, I did you a favor! So don't get sassy with me!" Dash snapped, pointing her hoof at Rarity. "Besides, it was like that when she gave it to me." She calmly stated as she put the hoof down.
Eyeing the package for a moment, Rarity shrugged and said, "All right dear. Thank you anyway. I will see you later."
"See ya." Dash took off leaving a trail of rainbow behind.
Rarity went back in and took out what was inside the package. I had a hard time seeing what was inside, so I pulled out my binoculars for a closer look. A shampoo?, I thought. I didn't pay any mind to it at first, but then an idea struck me, as I put the binoculars down with a huge grin. I think I might be able to kill two birds with one stone.
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The mane six are sitting at a round table in a corner, just outside of a restaurant, eating and talking. I sat alone from across the room where I can see them. I finished my cup of water and put my bag of bits into the table. Even though I didn't get a check yet, I knew the approximate price and wouldn't have mind paying more than I should. I wanted to be able to leave quickly when the crap hits the fan, remembering my lesson to not stick around. I glanced at my watch and kept looking at them. Should be a few minutes by now.
The day before, after Rarity left to go to the spa, I was able to sneak into her house. I went around looking for the shampoo Rarity got from Rainbow. I eventually found it in the bathroom. DUH! I grabbed the shampoo with gloves on my hands, not wanting Rarity to detect my finger prints in case she got suspicious. I'm little paranoid because I know for a fact that Rarity pays attention to the smallest detail ever, so I didn't want to take a chance. I opened the shampoo gently and poured in the liquid I was carrying. I was told by the unicorn who helped me that once the liquid comes into contact with mane and tail, it takes at least twenty-four hours before the spell is activated. After I did what I came to do, I put the shampoo back the way it was and came out of the Boutique the same way I came in. Knowing that the fashionista always takes a shower to smell good, I didn't have to worry about her not using the shampoo. All I needed to do now was wait and see the magic.
I made a mental note on the sitting positions the mane six were in. I can see the faces of Pinkie and Twilight like if they they were looking at me from across. Rainbow and Rarity have their backs to me, and you can guess where the rest are. They were all ten feet away, which made it sometimes hard to hear them, but the distance was necessary if I wanted to be unseen. I was able to pick up on the conversation when the rest of the customers around decided to hush and concentrate on their meals.
"So Rare, how was yer day yesterday," AJ asked with a smile.
"Oh it was wonderful Applejack. Especially when I was able to enjoy that shampoo I got from yesterday."
"Beg your pardon?" AJ asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I had ordered a shampoo and was expecting it yesterday. It was going to be late, but Dashie here was able to get the package to me in time." Rarity replied with gratefulness as she pointed her hoof at Rainbow Dash.
"Pfft. It was nothing," she replied with a half smile.
"Well thank you anyway," Rarity said as she gently touched her own hair. Then she made eye contact with the rest of her friends. "I was able to use it yesterday evening and it felt so refreshing." POOF! "Any way, enough about me. What else do you girls want to-" She stopped mid sentence when she noticed everypony looking at her with surprised faces. "What?"
Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash started laughing hard while Twilight and Fluttershy tried to hold their laughter with their hooves in their mouths. When everypony in the restaurant looked at the commotion and saw Rarity, they joined in the laughter. I held my mouth and cracked up quietly, knowing that my plan worked.
"What is so funny?" Rarity asked with confusion and anger.
"Y-Your mane and tail!" Dash commented between her laughs.
Rarity took out her mirror from her saddlebag and when she looked at her mane and tail, her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped, horrified at what she saw. She now has every color of the rainbow on her hair. When you think about it, it's very funny to see Rarity having rainbow colors while still having a white coat. It was a sight to behold.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Rarity's screams can be heard over the collective laughter of the restaurant.
"MY MANE! MY TAIL! ALL RUINED! WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME?!" Rarity panicked as she held her mane and tail like if her life depended on it. Normally, Rarity is able to use deductive skills to figure things out. However, when she's either mad or sad, her reasoning gets thrown out the window and jumps to conclusions immediately. Knowing this, I knew whom she was going to blame first based on the misery she is suffering now. "RAINBOW DASH! HOW COULD YOU?!"
Rainbow tried to reduce her laughter as she replied, "W-W-What are you... talking about."
"YOU OPENED THE PACKAGE AND TAINTED MY SHAMPOO! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!"
Rainbow immediately stopped laughing and was getting defensive. "Rarity! You don't know what you are talking about! I didn't...HEY! LET GO OF ME!" Dash was surrounded by a blue aura and lifted out of her seat. She was placed on the floor on all four hooves, forced to arch her back as her flank was lifted in the air. She was facing in my general direction as I looked with amusement at the spectacle.
Rarity was holding RD with her magic and went to the colored mare's right side, looking mad with a smirk on her face. "So you want to humiliate me in public, let's see how you feel." Rarity levitated something out of her saddle bag. It was a wooden ruler that was two feet long and six inches wide.
Oh boy! Sucks to be you Rainbow! I thought as I continued to laugh silently with my hand on my mouth.
"Rarity! You need to listen to me. I - OW!" Rainbow yelled as her flank was slapped by the ruler.
Rarity continued hitting her victim with each word she hissed. "DON'T. YOU. EVER. DO. THAT. TO. ME. AGAIN!" She finished the last whipping with so much force that it sounded like a crack.
Satisfied with what I'm seeing, I got up from my chair and walked out out of the restaurant in the opposite direction of the mane six. As I walked, I continuously giggled and was enjoying my victory. I was able to not only pull a prank on Rarity, but pin the blame temporarily on Rainbow Dash. Had that shampoo not shown up yesterday, I probably could have only humiliated Rarity and waited another time to get RD. I got them both with one shot and they will never know that it was me.
"Hehehehehehe." I immediately put the past behind and started thinking about my next prank with a grin.
While I do feel bad that Rainbow Dash got the blame for my last prank, I don't have the stomach to confess. To do so would lead me to the biggest butt whupping and I'm not prepared to face that. Nopony needs to know and I'm going to keep it that way
The next pony I'm targeting is the biggest prankster of them all: Pinkie Pie. As much as I wanted to do something drastic, I wanted to keep it simple and I found just the right prank, one that will bring me the satisfaction I want. All I needed to do was wait for Pinkie's next party.
I was in Sugarcube Corner, casually walking around and minding my own business. I spotted my pink prey, who was enjoying the sweets after serving everyone else their first and second helpings. She always volunteers to be the "garbage disposal" when everyone else is satisfied. That pony can eat two meals of sweets and still want more. Jeez, I thought. I'm waiting for my open window so that I can execute my plan, as my hand feels for something I have in my pocket, which is vital to my plot.
My opportunity came when Twilight came to talk to Pinkie and got her attention. Not caring about what they were saying, I immediately got to work. I looked around to make sure nopony was watching while I took out a small brown plastic bag from my pocket. I went to a corner of the table away from Pinkie and opened my bag. I poured what looked like small chocolate chips into five of the cupcakes, emptying the contents out of my bag. When I was finished I crumbled the bag in my hand, put it back in my pocket, and walked away while I kept my eye on Pinkie and Twilight. As I walked, I accidentally bumped into somepony.
"OMF!"
I stumbled and fell back on my butt. I stood back up to see who I bumped into. "Oh, sorry AJ." I apologized as I rubbed the back of my head.
"S'Alright David," she straightened her stetson hat and then looked at me, which I recognized were interrogating eyes. "What were ya doin over there at the table?"
Knowing that I can't lie to her successfully, I decided to let her in on my secret. I leaned over to her ear and whispered. "Just watch what happens."
Applejack narrowed her eyes at me but then soften with a grin. "Al'right." I went with her to a table and we both sat down enjoying each other's company, while I kept glancing at Pinkie. To my relief, Pinkie finished talking with Twilight and went back to munching on the sweets. When she finished eating all of the dairy products, including the cupcakes I tainted, she licked around her mouth and gave a satisfying sigh.
"That was deeeelicious! Nothing is better than eating sweets, well, except eating sweets with your friends. That is more fun and enjoyable!" Pinkie exclaimed as she bounced. She eventually came to greet AJ and I. "How you two doing? Enjoying the party? I always try to make my parties better than the last!"
"Ah'm doing well Pinkie. Always enjoying yer party," Applejack glanced at me and then back at Pinkie with a smirk. "How ya feelin?"
Pinkie continued to bounce as she spoke. "Oh, I'm feeling great! I haven't had this much fun since, well, since this afternoon. I always-" She stopped mid-sentence and suddenly grabbed her stomach, wincing at the pain she was feeling. "ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh OOOOOOOOOOOH!" She bolted and went straight to the bathroom upstairs, leaving a pink trail. Jeez that pink mare is fast. I wonder if she can beat RD in a race?
Everypony started cracking up at what they just saw. I laughed and pounded on a table, enjoying another victory against a pony. And they say that humans suck.
After we recovered from our laughter, Applejack looked at me with a smug and asked, "Did ya had something to do with what happened ta Pinkie?"
"Oh yes," I triumphantly replied, as I pulled out the bag from my pocket and showed it to the cowpony. It was a laxative disguised as chocolate chips. That stuff works every time!
Applejack looked at what I showed her and shook her head with a half smile. "That there was cruel David."
"Hey, I'm sure Pinkie will find this funny, after she finishes dropping bombs in the ocean." I started laughing at my own joke. Applejack just shook her head and snickered at my last comment.
I spent the next thirty minutes chatting with Applejack about various things. She may be my friend, but I'm still going to prank her. She is my last target after all. I got thirsty all of sudden and needed to quench it.
"I'll be right back," I said as I stood up. "I'm going get a drink from the back"
"Al'right David, Ah'll be waitin."
I walked to the room in the back where I found a cooler. I opened it and picked up a soda. With a smile on my face, I walked back to join the party. Before I got back to the main room, I saw Pinkie Pie wobbling downstairs towards Applejack. I decided to hang back and eavesdrop on their conversation. Hey, don't complain about me eavesdropping. It's a vice I have, so get over it. I stayed hidden as I listened intently, which was not hard for me to do because many of the guests had already left by this time.
"Ya al'right sugarcube? Ya took a long time up there."
"Yeah," Pinkie said as she sat down next to AJ. "I don't know what happened."
"David put a laxative in one of them cupcakes before ya eat them."
"Oooooh," the pink mare giggled. "He got me real good, just like he got rarity."
Did I just hear Pinkie right?
"Beg ya pardon?" AJ asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm talking about the prank he pulled on Rarity silly," Pinkie excitedly said.
How the hell does she know that?!
"Ya mean the one wit the rainbow hair? What makes ya think it was him?" A very good question.
"I talked to a unicorn who said that she helped David with some kind of spell that changed Rarity's hair into rainbow. She said she was sooooo happy to help David with his prank."
"Is that so?" Applejack asked with a serious face.
You have got to be kidding me! That idiotic unicorn spilled the beans to Pinkie, TO PINKIE OF ALL PONIES! Why the hell would she do that?! I made a mental note to tell my future partners in crime to never repeat such similar mistakes in my next pranks.
"Hey, what's up?"
My thoughts were interrupted and looked in horror. Rainbow Dash was approaching Pinkie Pie and Applejack.
Oh crap, I gotta bail! I was in a tight spot. I couldn't exit through the front for obvious reasons and there was no back door in the room I was in. The window! I remembered there was a window in the room where I got the cooler from. Not wasting time, I quickly moved and went to the window. Good, I can open this quickly and quietly. And I can fit through, too. I opened the window and slipped out. I exited to some back alley. As I closed the window, I flinched at the words coming from an angry colorful mare echoing out of Sugarcube Corner.
"WHAT! HE WAS THE ONE WHO MESSED UP RARITY'S HAIR AND GOT ME BLAMED FOR IT?! WHERE IS HE NOW?!"
I immediately ran away from Sugarcube Corner, scared out of my mind right now.
I'm so glad it was night time when I ran. It was easier to stick to the shadows and alleyways as I quickly got out of town. I also made sure that I stayed away from the main road, knowing I will be easily spotted, and I eventually made it back to Sweet Apple Acres. I slowed to a jog, wanting to catch my breath a little while I kept moving. The barn i was sleeping in came into view and I wanted to do nothing else but crash. I immediately stopped and realized my mistake.
David, you idiot! Rainbow Dash knows where you live! Before I could do anything else, I heard a swooshing sound. "Oh crap!" I harshly whispered, as I ran into the nearest tree and climbed up inside to hide. Just in time too, because I started noticing trails of rainbow all around the orchard acres. Whenever RD passed through the tree I was hiding in, I felt strong vibrations all around me. I really hate to admit this, but she is scaring me now. I noticed that Dash finished her sweep by entering the barn I was sleeping in through one of the windows. I am so glad I did not go in there.
Rainbow Dash flew out of the barn and hovered somewhere in the air. I couldn't see her, but I started sweating at the sound of her threat.
"You can't hide from Rainbow Dash forever. I will find you and when I do, your own mother will not recognize you when I'm through with you." On that note, I heard the sound of her wings flapping away.
I did not want to leave the tree at all. Rainbow Dash was not the kind to spew out idle threats. She must really be pissed for what I did to her. Until Rainbow Dash cools down, I am not setting foot in Ponyville, or anywhere out of the Apple Orchards for that matter. As I sat and relaxed in the tree, I meditated on the pranks I have pulled.
I only have one more pony to prank. I smiled softly.
I stayed hidden in the tree until Applejack came back to the farm and found me.
"C'mon down! Ah know ya up there!"
I hesitated at first, but I came down anyway. I kept a lookout in case Rainbow was hiding somewhere and was ready to pounce at me. "How did you know I was up there?"
She had a smirk on her face. "Ah know mah own farm inside and out. Ah'm able ta spot a trespasser in lickety split." Good thing she told me that, because now I know hiding in trees is not a good idea for my next prank. She then had a serious face. "We need ta talk David."
Not wanting to stay out in the open, I asked, "Can we do this inside your house please?"
"Fine by me."
We carried the rest our conversation inside the farm house. She scolded me for what I did to Rarity, because the fashionista took what I did personally. Rarity is cooped up in her house and has been trying to get her natural colors back with little success. I felt bad at that moment and promised that I would apologize to the white unicorn when she cools down a notch. Applejack didn't mind about Rainbow Dash's predicament though, arguing that 'the fastest flyer of Equestria' is a big mare and can handle pranks. AJ did warn me though that the vengeful pegasus will come after me one way or another, which I am not arguing. I asked Applejack if I can sleep in the living room couch, not wanting to be pounded on in the barn while I was sleeping. She didn't mind and got me some blankets and a pillow before heading up to her room to sleep. As I laid down on the couch, I contemplated on what I've done to the three ponies recently.
Pinkie pie
She never takes pranks personally. As the element of laughter, she always tries to lighten up the mood and sees many situations as a game, including pranks. No doubt she will try to get me back, but not in a cruel way. She's the least of my worries.
Rarity
By tomorrow she's most likely going to find out that I was the one who messed up her hair. I'm going to have the biggest butt chewing when I see her next time. I made a promise that I was going to eventually apologize to her, but I want to wait at least one week before I see her, hoping that she will have cooled off by then.
Rainbow Dash
I shudder at the thought. No amount of apologizing or intervention from friends is going to stop her from seeking her revenge. I would expect no less from her, but I much rather face retribution from her when she's not hot-headed. I might need to wait for two weeks before I see her again. Until then, I need to keep my eyes open on the sky.
Applejack
Applejack is the only pony I haven't been able to prank yet without getting caught. It's going to be difficult to pull it off because she already knows that she is my last target and will be expecting it. I can't trick her with my words like I did last time, and she will know if I'm hiding in a tree (though she never did say if she can detect me hiding behind a tree). There's one other major problem I need to consider. The Apple Orchards is my only safe haven from the other ponies. If I pull my last prank on Applejack, I can kiss that safe haven goodbye. That farm pony is as equally vengeful as Rainbow Dash. I would need to leave Ponyville for a specific amount of time before any of them cool down, however long that takes. Knowing the consequences my next action would lead me to, I came to one conclusion.
"I might as well quit now while I am ahead. To do otherwise would be foolish of me," I whispered. Then I made a big grin. "Unfortunately, I've always been considered a fool."
I spent a week preparing for my last round up. During a couple of evenings, I would venture into Ponyville to purchase the necessary items for my operation. Every time I went though, I would stick to the alleys and shadows, not wanting to be spotted by the angry colorful mare. The trips may be risky, but they were necessary. In one of those trips, I went to the library to speak with Twilight and Spike about something important. The dragon and I are good pals, considering that I'm one of his rare male friends. Us guys gotta stick together. Anyway, I learned from Spike that all of the pegasi would be busy on Monday and Tuesday with their intense weather schedule. That means Rainbow Dash will not be around Ponyville during those two days, leading me to make a couple of decisions. I decided that Monday would be the day I will pull the prank on Applejack.
I purchased a ticket to be on the train heading towards Canterlot. Fortunately, I'm in good relations with a specific pony who lives there and has agreed to let me stay at his place for the two weeks. That way I can wait in a safe haven until the dangerous situation in Ponyville blows over. The only inconvenience was that the earliest ticket available was on a Tuesday evening. A minor setback though. All that was left for me to do was ask Applejack if I can have two weeks off starting Monday. When Applejack asked me why, I told her that on Monday I was going to spend the day with Spike and the next two weeks in Canterlot. I made sure not to mention my prank operation. It was a good thing that Applejack can only detect lies, not omitted facts. She was satisfied with my answer and agreed to give me the break I asked for. With everything I got for my last plot, all I needed to do now was wait for Monday.
Monday had arrived and since it was my day off, I slept a little more than usual. I woke up around mid-morning (nine o'clock I think) and got myself ready. After I finished packing and had a light breakfast, I went outside to get my final plan started. I was carrying a book bag that contained all of the materials I bought from the previous week. I went to the barn where the family stores their fruits from the harvest. Applejack was eventually going to come here to store all the apples she collects from the field. Big Mac is busy plowing a field that is far away, Applebloom is no doubt in school while Granny Smith and Winona are in the farm house. At least they'll be busy while I have Applejack to myself, I thought.
I went behind the barn and looked inside my book bag while I waited. I was carrying two lines of chains with each line having a locking mechanism attached, five little firecrackers attached to each other, a lighter, two big rocks, and what was called a staint bomb. Think of it as a combination of a stink bomb and a paintball grenade, only its completely non-lethal and the paint will not hurt anypony when it comes into contact with them when the bomb explodes. Its only effect is making a huge mess and stinking up the place, giving me the satisfaction that my prank battle will finish with a bang. I brought two staint bombs in case one of them was a dud.
After checking everything, I closed the bag, put it on my back and waited for Applejack to show up. I thought about something that made me feel a little uneasy at the moment. I promised Applejack that the next time I pull a prank, I would leave her trees alone. I'm a man of my word and I always keep my promise. There is one loophole to the promise I can exploit. I said 'trees were off limits' and even though the apples are in the barn, they are not on the trees, so I'm not in danger of breaking that promise. Of course it is not going to make difference to Applejack, but I don't care at this moment. I will pay for the damages when I get back, now I want satisfaction.
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the sound of cart wheels. "She's here, I thoughtfully grinned. I crouched and went to the side of the barn to get a better look. The farm pony was unloading her apple-filled baskets into the barn. I waited until the cart was half empty before I made my move. When she was halfway done, I went to a side window that was fifteen above me and located near the rear of the barn. I took out my chains and quietly put them around my neck. Then I held the lighter with my left hand and the fire crackers with my right. When heard clomping hooves heading to the front door way, I lighted the firecrackers and tossed them inside the barn through the window. I put the lighter in my pocket, grabbed my bag and subtly went near the corner at the side, flattening myself against the wall.
boom boom boom boob boom
"What in tarnation!"
I heard Applejack race to the rear of the barn where I threw the firecrackers at. When the coast was clear, I went and closed both of the barn doors as quickly as possible.
"HEY, WHO'S THERE?!"
As soon as I closed the door, I took out my chains from my neck, wrapped them around the door handles, and locked them in place. I ran to the cart and turned it around so that the rear is facing the door, at the same time Applejack had reach the door and tried to bust through.
"HEY! OPEN THIS DOOR!"
I immediately pushed the cart up against the door, but Applejack bucked the door and caused me stumble back. I quickly recovered, took out the rocks from my bag, and placed them against the cart wheels. AJ bucked again, but the effects were less forceful this time. Just to be sure, I kicked the rocks into the wheels so that they could hold firm. As the cowpony continued to buck the door, I went to the side again with my bag, under a side window that was closer to the front.
"Hey Applejack!" I yelled as I took the staint bombs.
"David! What in the hay are ya doing locking me up in my barn?! OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT OR YA'LL BE SORRY! " She continued bucking.
"I just wanted to give you a parting gift before I left," I yelled with a smile. "I will see you in two weeks, after you take GOOD shower!" I laughed, pulled the pins and tossed the bombs into the barn through the window.
"What ya just throw?!"
I grabbed my bag and started running.
BOOM! BOOM!
I picked up the pace, not wanting to stick around.
"DANGNABBIT DAVID! AH'M GONNA KILL YA!"
"YOU'LL GONNA HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST!" I taunted as I continued to run.
One may advise me that it's never a good idea to taunt your opponents further than is necessary, to not kick them while they are on the ground in a fight, to quit while you are ahead. Otherwise, you are just adding fuel to the fire and it will come back to burn you. However, there's one thing you need to know about me: I am a masochist. I enjoy pissing people off, or ponies in this case. And I enjoy the thrills of being chased at. It's dangerous, but still fun and I wouldn't have it any other way. Doesn't mean I'm going to play fair and not give myself a running start. These ponies can run faster than me, they can fly, AND they can use magic. That is why I'm going to create as much distance as possible from Applejack before she eventually escapes the barn I trapped her in. I can only laugh at the thought of Applejack being coated with paint and stinking real good.
As I neared the town and reflected on my successful pranks, I've set my eyes on one more thing I must do.
"It's time to get the hell out of dodge," I commented and smiled. "or out of Ponyville in this case."
When I arrived in Ponyville, I headed straight to the library with my book bag on my back, the contents of which included everything I needed for my trip to Canterlot, especially my ticket and bag of bits. Of course I had discarded the items I used in my last prank, making my bag a little lighter. When I came in, I told Twilight of my plans for the rest of the day and she didn't mind at all. She was kind of happy that Spike has a close friend whom he can hang out with. Since I had nothing else to do, I helped Spike with his chores so that he can finish his work quickly. Afterwards, we both spent a lot of time talking, playing board games, telling jokes, guys stuff. I always enjoyed Spike's company and the feeling was mutual for him. When the night approached, Twilight and Spike went to their beds for some shut eye while I crashed in a guest bed. After spending a week sleeping in a couch at the farm house, it felt good to lay on a mattress again.
I woke up the next day and had breakfast with Twilight and Spike. We ate PANCAKES! I always love those and was enjoying myself. Spike of course was eating gems, never got used to that but oh well. While we ate, Spike decided to strike up a conversation.
"Man I had so much fun last night. We should do this again!"
I nodded in agreement. "The feeling is mutual. So what are you two gonna do today?"
Spike swallowed his gem before he responded. "I'm going to Rarity's house to help her with her errands." Of course you are. You and your crush with the fashionista. Spike point at Twilight and continued, "Twilight is going to hang out with Rainbow Dash today."
"Oh?" I asked with curiosity in my face. "Your going to Cloudsale." I began drinking my soda.
"Oh no," Twilight shook her head and smiled. "The Pegasi got everything done yesterday, so Rainbow got the day off today. She's going to meet me here soon."
That revelation caused me to spit out my drink into the cup and I coughed hard, trying to catch my breath. Spike and Twilight looked with concern, the latter running up and patting me on the back. "You okay?"
I finished coughing and forced a smile. "Swallowed at the wrong hole." I replied.
"...Okay," Twilight skeptically responded. If she suspected something, she didn't show it and chose not to pursue the matter.
We continued eating in silence. My mind was heavily distracted with what Twilight just told me. I'm screwed! Rainbow Dash wasn't supposed to be in Ponyville today! I swallowed my food hard. I need to leave the library immediately. I don't want to be around when that angry colorful mare shows up to carry out her threat. After we ate breakfast and cleaned up the dishes, I motioned for Spike to meet with me at the second floor. When I was sure that we would not be eavesdropped, I turned, knelt down and spoke with Spike in a low monotone.
"Spike, I need you to do me a huge favor."
"What is it?" the Dragon asked curiously.
"On your way to Rarity's house, I need you to drop my book bag at the train station for me."
"Why can't you do it yourself?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
I was a little embarrassed to respond at first. After a few moments of silence I said, "Rainbow and Rarity."
Spike immediately knew what I was talking about. I'm assuming he must have heard about what happened. "Oh that?" Then he looked at me with an upsetting face and pointed at me. "That wasn't cool what you did to Rarity by the way."
I sighed. "I will apologize to her when I get back. Right now I need to avoid Rainbow Dash. I was counting on her being in Cloudsdale for the day. Now that I know otherwise, I have to get to the train station immediately. But I don't want to take any chances in case she finds me. I no doubt will have to haul ass away from her, and having my book bag on me will slow me down. That's why I need you to take my bag, along with everything I have inside, and take it to that secret spot I showed you once near the train station."
Spike pondered about what I said for a few minutes while scratching his chin with his claws. Then he looked at me and nodded. "All right, I will do this for you. But you owe me after this." He finished his last sentence by pointing at me.
I sighed in relief. "Thank you. All right, go get my-"
I was interrupted by the sound of knocking at the front door. I froze and feared the worst. "I'll get it!" I heard Twilight yelled as she started making her way to the door.
Spike whispered to me. "Dude, that's Rainbow Dash. If you want to get out, now's the time."
"How?!" I harshly whispered. "She'll see me the moment I get down stairs."
"You can use the balcony." Spike whispered as he pointed at the door leading to the balcony. I looked at him with an 'are you kidding me' expression. Noticing this, Spike reassured me. "Relax, it's not that high. Besides you can climb down easily. I've seen how good you are at climbing stuff."
That is true, I thought. I had no other choice. If I'm going to escape getting nasty bruises from Rainbow Dash, I have to climb down the balcony. "All right, let's do this. And thanks again." He nodded went to retrieve my book bag.
I immediately went to the balcony, closed the door behind me and looked over the edge. I can see Rainbow Dash from where I was, so I crouched and remained unseen. I was able to hear the door open, with the two mares exchanging greetings to each other. When I heard the door close again, I looked over to make sure Rainbow went inside. Good, now's my chance. Climbing down was going to take a lot of time I didn't have, so I went to the edge, swung my legs over the balcony fence, lowered myself, and grabbed the edge as my legs hang idly below. "Please don't let my legs break. I let go and braced myself. As I hit the concrete floor, I rolled so that I could reduce the impact of my fall. I got up and checked myself for any injuries. I'm not hurt, good. As I dusted myself, I was able to hear some talking inside from a nearby small window, the last line making me nervous.
"David's here, huh?" That was Rainbow's voice. "I would like to have a word with him. Where is he now?"
That last line sounded very malicious. "Oh crap," I whispered. Not wanting to waste time, I sprinted away from the library. Twilight is probably gonna tell Rainbow Dash that I'm on my way to the train station the moment they realize that I'm no longer in the library. With that in mind, I ran in the opposite direction so that Rainbow Dash will not be able to spot me the moment she starts flying. I will have to take the long way around and avoid Rainbow Dash as much as possible. If I make it out of here without that vengeful pegasus catching me, I'm going to have to give Spike the biggest diamond I can find as a present, even if I have to venture to Diamond Dog territory to get it.
I traversed through the town, keeping an eye on the sky just to make sure Rainbow Dash was not flying nearby. I was walking nearby these houses that were very close to each other, separated from each other between five to eight feet away. These particular houses seem to have flat roofs, which is not the case for the rest of the town. Hmm. Anyway, when I made a decent distance from the library, I decided to walk the long way towards the train station, still keeping my eyes on the sky. I'm just hoping I can remain incognito before she-
"AHA! I CAUGHT'CHA! GIT YER FLANK OVER HERE!"
(Recommend that you listen to the extended version of Running In The 90s by Max Coveri while you read this)
I glanced back to see who was yelling at me. "Was that..." I gasped at what I just saw. Applejack was running towards me with an expression that says she was going to murder me.
....Oh....Craaaap....
"GAHHHHHHHHH!" I sprinted down the street, screaming incoherently as the wrath of a farm pony was racing after me. "AHH! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! AH! AH! AH! AAAAAAAAAH!"
"YA BETTER BE RUNNIN' YA' DIRTY LIL' CRETIN!"
How the hell could I have been so stupid?! I spent all this time worrying about Rainbow Dash that I forgot to put Applejack into the equation. OF COURSE SHE WAS GOING TO LOOK FOR ME IN PONYVILLE! She knew that my train was not going to leave until today, so she had no reason to look for me yesterday after I pulled the prank, knowing full well that I was not going anywhere until later on today. Plus, she knew I was at the library, meaning even if Rainbow Dash had not arrived I still would have needed to leave in a hurry. Another important thing I overlooked, while I was keeping my distance from the library earlier, I was actually heading in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. ANOTHER STUPID MISTAKE! One that made it easier for Applejack to find me without having to look for me in a big town like this. I assumed that she was on her way to the library when she saw me. REAL SMART DAVID! Now I'm going to pay for my idiocy!
I dared not glance back, but I can hear her galloping hooves, indicating that she was catching up. No matter how fast I run, I can never outrun these damn ponies even if my life depended on it, which is the case right now. I looked in desperation and saw a building up ahead of me with an open door. I ran in, closed the door, locked it, and put myself against it.
BOOM
The door busted open and sent me flying across the room. BAM I hit my back against the wall.Okay that was stupid of me! If Applejack can buck big trees and cause them to vibrate, why did I think I stood a chance against her strong hind legs?! I staggered and saw Applejack at the doorway, scratching her hoof against the ground like a bull ready to charge. I saw an open window nearby and quickly jumped out. "OMF!" I grunted as I landed on my stomach. I quickly got back up and started running again.
"YER NOT GETIN' AWAY THAT EASILY!"
"OH CRAP!" I kept running, trying to increase my distance between myself and an angry powerhouse! I then saw a two story building that was under construction, with a staircase that led to the roof. An insane idea came to my head, which could lead to my death. Ah screw it! "GET OUTTA THE WAY!" I yelled as I raced past the construction workers and ran up the stairs.
"Hey! You two can't be up there!"
I ignored the construction workers as I frantically climbed the stairs with Applejack on my tail. I reached up the roof and ran towards the edge. I'm gonna die! I jumped with all might and landed in the next building. Whew! When I jumped into the next building, I turned back thinking I just won and was catching my breath. "How do you...like tha-" I stopped speaking and saw that Applejack was still after me and was about to jump to where I was. "AH CRAP!" I continued running and jumping between buildings.
"YA GONNA HAFTA DO BETTER THAN THAT!"
Great! Another stupid mistake I made. Applejack is an athlete! She can run and leap between buildings with efficiency. I shouldn't have stopped at all. Minutes into this chase and I am already making mistakes left and right, suffering under Murphy's Law! My heart was racing as I was running and jumping, fearful of both heights and a determined cowpony. I have already lost track of time as Applejack and I leaped from building to building.
"Yer gonna run out of roofs sooner or later!"
Oh crap she was right! I was about to be cornered when I saw something at the street below. A cart carrying a large pile of hay. I'm about to do something dangerous here. Time to go Assassin's Creed here! I jumped off the edge of the roof, screaming as I descended down below.
THUD!
(Stop the music here)
I landed in the hay feet first, relieved that the pile broke my fall.
"Hey, get out of my cart before I buck you out!"
You don't have to tell me twice. I stumbled out of the cart and collapsed on the floor, feeling a little dizzy. A few moments later I recovered and staggered back to my feet, looking up at the building I just jumped out of. Applejack was standing there with her jaw opened, looking at me like if I am the most craziest person in the world. I probably am. "IN YOUR FACE AJ!" I taunted the annoyed cowpony as I turned to run down the alley way.
"YA WON'T GIT FAR DAVID! AH KNOW WHERE YA HEADIN'!"
I ran quite a distance away from Applejack, not wanting to give her a chance to catch up. After ten minutes of speedily jogging away, I stopped nearby an alley way, facing the busy street in front of me. I spent a few minutes catching my breath with my hands on my knees. When my steady breathing recovered I started talking to myself, which sometimes helps me to collect my thoughts.
"Okay. Got away from that angry cowpony this time. She is one persistent mare," I commented and started looking up. "Now I just need to......Oh no.."
I looked in horror at the pony I've been avoiding for the past week or so. She was standing twenty feet away from me, her eyes locking with mine and carrying an evil smile on her face. Chills went down my spine at the look of her face, which bore the expression of a predator wanting to tear her prey apart, piece by piece.
"I told you that I would find you," said the vengeful colorful mare. She crouched down and got ready to pounce at me. "It's payback time."
I needed to do something fast, because there's no way that I will be able to outrun this Pegasus if she takes to the sky. But then I remembered something about Rainbow Dash, her cocky attitude reigns supreme when her anger is not prevalent. Right now, she's not mad like she was last week, she just wants retribution. With that in mind, I grinned as an idea popped into my head.
Rainbow Dash noticed my grin and was quite surprised. "What are you up to?" She asked, not letting her guard down.
I crossed my arms with a smile on my face. "I propose a challenge." This got her attention as she lifted her head up. "Try to catch me without using your wings."
"Why would I want to do that?" Rainbow Dash asked as she frowned and narrowed her eyes at me.
"One," I replied and put up my fingers as I counted. "If you are able to do this, then in addition to beating the hell out of me, you will get fifty bits from my account. Two, I know that the great Rainbow Dash will never run away from a challenge." I noticed that she still wasn't convinced, so I pressed on. "Unless you're admitting that you can never catch me on foot and that I'm too fast for you."
That last sentence certainly got her, because she folded her wings and had a grin on her face. She probably figured that she can catch me anyways, whether she uses her wings or not. At least I have a chance now. She scratches the floor and was ready to charge. "Nopony can outrun Rainbow Dash. Even without my wings, you will not be able to last for more than five seconds." We'll see.
"You better do it now," I remarked as I pointed behind the arrogant pegasus. "Because Applejack is behind you and she might catch me before you do."
Rainbow Dash was confused and looked back, which gave me the opportunity to sprint down the alley way and make my getaway. What a moron she is!
(I would recommend you listen to the extended version of Rainbow Dash Theme from My Little Pony: Fighting is Magic)
"HEY! THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK!" Yelled the annoyed cyan pegasus as I heard rapid clopping hooves heading for my way.
"WELL IT WORKED DIDN'T IT?" I taunted as I continued to run down the alleyway.
When I exited the alley way, I ran down the street, dodging pedestrians along the way. I glanced back and noticed that Rainbow Dash was speedily gaining on me. OH CRAP! I FORGOT SHE CAN DO THAT! Her wings may be limited, but that restriction doesn't apply to her super speed ability. I should have thought of that when I challenged her earlier. Another stupid mistake of mine! No time to dwell on the past, I need to do something quick before she catches up to me. All the roofs around me are not flat, so I can't use the same tactic I used against Applejack. Plus, I don't think Rainbow Dash will play fair if she can't catch up to me on the roofs. I've seen her cheat a couple times. The only option I can think of is using tight turns, narrow spaces, and placing obstacles between myself and my pursuer.
I looked ahead and I noticed that I was blocked by stallions who were pulling wagons, filling up the street like if they were setting up a road block. NOT GOOD! At a building next to the wagons, I saw a huge wooden plank that led up to the front porch roof, leading to a metal bar sticking out of a building, and then a rope hanging from the roof. Time to do this Nathan Drake style! I sprinted to the plank, ran up on it and jumped to the front porch roof. With the roof barely supporting my weight, I ran across, jumped to the metal bar and swung to the rope, grasping it tightly. Using my momentum I swung and let go of the rope, landing on the other side of the road block. I rolled onto the floor and continued sprinting down the street to the right.
I glanced back and saw that Rainbow Dash had the same idea, except she leaped from the front porch roof to where I landed, skidded to a stop and continued pursuing me.
"Nice try David, but I can do better!" Dash gloated.
"Dammit!" I yelled and turned my attention forward. "Oh crap!" I was about to run into a group of ponies, who stood there with shock on their faces. On instinct, I jumped over the ponies, one after another, like those track racers in the Olympics. After that 'fun' exercise, I continued running with that colorful mare on my tail. I can't afford to make anymore mistakes!
I continued running, using whatever obstacle I can use to slow the cyan pegasus down, but she keeps passing through them with ease. I'm running out of options and fatigue was starting to set in, and I know full well that Rainbow Dash is not even breaking a sweat. I need to do something quick! I then saw a banana peel on the floor, giving me an idea. I grabbed it and ran into an alleyway nearby.
"You moron! I can catch you easily in there!" Rainbow Dash confidently yelled as she started increasing her speed.
We'll see who's the moron, I thought as I turned a corner in the alley way. I immediately turned around and tossed the banana peel on the ground where the arrogant pegasus was going to pass through. Just in time too, because she immediately slid and hit face first on the wall with a huge crashing sound. Oooo, that's gotta hurt. Without hesitation, I ran out of the alley way, leaving the unconscious cyan behind.
(Pause Music)
When I got out, I slowed down to a jog, wanting to catch my breath and move at the same time. That colorful mare gave me the run for my money, and that was just her not using her wings. If this chase was any indication, I don't think I would have lasted twenty seconds had she chosen to fly in pursuit. Right now I'm just glad that she-
"THAT DOES IT!"
(Resume Music)
"What the hell!" I glanced back and my fears increased as I saw Rainbow Dash hovering in the distance. How the hell is she not unconscious anymore?! Oh crap, I'm so boned right now!
"ALL BETS ARE OFF! I'M GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN MY WAY NOW!" She started diving towards me with 'yaaaaaaah' yell, causing me to flee in panic.
C'mon, think! I'm not going to last much longer! Up ahead to my right, I saw what looked like a large pond of sticky syrup lying on a floor, surrounded by wooden edges and a caution sign nearby. It was the same syrup I saw in a race between Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Twilight and the other ponies during the fall. I remembered Rainbow Dash getting stuck on one of those and had a hard time moving. There's my chance! I ran near it and waited for Rainbow Dash to tackle me.
Just as she was a few yards away, I stopped and leaned away to the left as she passed by me. I grabbed her left front hoof with both my hands, and used her momentum to swing her around and threw her into the syrup puddle.
SPLASH
(Pause Music)
I took advantage of the situation to catch my breath and admire my quick plan. Rainbow Dash got stuck on all four hooves, her wings and her torso, arching her back with her hind raised in the process as she struggled to get off the puddle. As I looked, the dark side within me started to creep out and I couldn't resist the temptation anymore. This is definitely going to come back to bite me hard, but as I told you: I am a masochist. So knowing what's ahead, I stepped forward and gave Rainbow Dash a gentle but firm smack on her flank.
SLAP
"HEY!" Rainbow yelled as she turned her head and glared at me while she was gnashing her teeth.
"See you later Rainbow Crash," I taunted as I turned to run. "I gotta say, your butt felt good!" I laughed as I continued to run.
"GET BACK HERE YOU PERVERT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!
Well, now she's pissed! I approached an intersection and slowed down to a jog so that I could save my energy. I still needed to get to the train station and I still have time to get there. Rainbow Dash may be stuck in that syrup pond, but it's only a matter of time before she gets loose again. I need to be out of Ponyville by then, knowing that she's gonna-
"I GOT'CHA NOW!"
(Resume Music)
"What the?!" I looked to my left and saw Applejack coming at me. "OH CRAP! NOT AGAIN!" I immediately turned right and sprinted down the street. YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT ABOUT AJ AGAIN! I mentally cursed myself as I continued running with the farm pony in hot pursuit.
I noticed something unusual though. I didn't hear her galloping hooves increase in sound. She's not catching up, even though the streets were empty. What the hell is going on? I glanced and saw that Applejack readied her rope and threw it in attempt to lasso me. Oh no. Not this time. I let the rope catch my left arm and I quickly stopped and held my ground. Applejack tugged with her teeth and tried to force me off my feet, but I held firm and pulled back. Moments passed as the two of us 'played' tug of war. Applejack is stronger than me, so she was pulling me in her direction and forcing me to slightly slide on the ground. I knew I wouldn't win in this struggle, but I had another idea in mind. As soon as Applejack heaved in an attempt to pull me off my feet, I rushed forward and caused her to lose balance as she fell backwards. I went up to her and quickly tied her legs before she had a chance to react. After tightening up the ropes, I took a look at my handiwork and smiled in triumph.
(Stop the Music Here)
"When I git outta of these here ropes, yer gonna regret tyin' me up, ya hear me?!" Applejack growled as she struggled to loose herself with no success.
I grinned as the masochist inside me kicked in again, so I came up to her rear and...SLAP...gave that well toned flank of hers a good smack. Applejack looked at me and her face turned red signifying her rage. Better get out of here while I still can.
"Adios, Applesmack," I laughed and started running away.
"DAVID YA RANDY CRITTER! THE NEXT TIME AH SEE YA, AH'M GONNA BUCK YA SO HARD, YA'LL WON'T BE HAVIN' FOALS IN THE FUTURE!
Well, I just pissed off a pair of powerhouses with strong personalities. If they didn't want to kill me before, they sure do now. I may have signed my own death warrant by smacking them both in their flanks, but at least I can take these actions out of my bucket list.
I slowed to a jog, wanting to catch my breath again. "Well, I barely got away from those two. I still have time before the train leaves, so I need to stick to the shadows again. Maybe I might not need to. Those two won't be going anywhere for a while. hehe. I will be going down in history as the one who was able to escape from the two most athletic ponies in all of Equestria. "Ha! I'm so full of myself." I set my eyes on my last goal. "Once I'm in the train station, I should be safe. What could go wrong?"
"Well, that's just perfect," I sarcastically whispered. "Of course they would be here!"
After escaping Rainbow Dash and Applejack, I made my way towards the train station. Not wanting to be chased, as fun as that would be, I would move from cover to cover. I would keep my eyes on both the streets and the sky, taking necessary precautions along the way. As I kept moving, I had the strangest feeling that this was becoming easier than I thought.
I was approaching the train station from an alley way, not wanting to take any chances of entering from the main street. I was about to step out into the open when I saw something that made me immediately hide behind a dumpster. I peek over to see the train station across the street from where I was. I saw Rainbow Dash hovering around and over the train station, scanning the surrounding area. Had I foolishly stepped out, she would have definitely spotted me. I look at the entrance to view another problem: Applejack was standing at the only entryway to the station, looking intently like a guard on watch. I started putting two and two together. They both have a bone to pick with me and have decided to help each other in finding me. Now that I think about it, it finally made sense why it was becoming easier as I came here. After I lost them in the chase, they didn't bother looking for me. They came straight to the train station and are now waiting to ambush me.
"Smart," I quietly admired.
I hid behind the dumpster and pondered on my options. Waiting for them to leave is out of the question. Applejack knows exactly what my train schedule is, thanks to my stupidity in telling her before. Rainbow Dash has the day off and doesn't have to go on weather patrol, so she can afford to wait. I was contemplating on buying another ticket for a separate time today, but then I remembered that the next available ticket is two weeks from now. I can't wait that long. I should have bought back-up tickets with different times when I had the chance. Too late now. I can't go to the library, Fluttershy's cottage, or Sugarcube Corner for refuge. When AJ and RD decide to look for me, those will be the first places for them to search. And besides, I doubt Twilight, Pinkie and Fluttershy will betray their friends in order to help me. Not even Spike can help me now, even if he wanted to. Besides the Mane 6, there's nopony else I know in Ponyville, and I can't hide in the streets forever. I will eventually be found out. I'm not crazy enough to hide in the Everfree forest. The creatures that lurk in that place are scary and dangerous, and I'm not ready to become their next meal. There is only one option left, one that could get me in serious trouble or lead to my death if I'm not careful. I have to jump on the train and sneak aboard as it leaves Ponyville.
With my mind made up, I looked over the dumpster once again. One hundred yards to my right and ahead of the train was a tree, sticking out one big branch over the tracks. I could jump from that tree as the train passes by and sneak aboard. Crazy idea, but one that might work. And since I already paid for my ticket, I don't feel bad about my plan. There's one thing I need to retrieve though: my book bag. Looking left now, there was a building a block away from the train, with an alleyway beside it. Inside the alleyway was a dumpster, where I had instructed Spike to leave my bag in. I know my possessions are going to smell bad, but I needed to keep them secured in case I was being chased on my way here. Thank goodness for my foresight.
I moved back to where I came from and went the long way around the perimeter, avoiding Rainbow Dash's eyes along the way. I still had an hour left before the train leaves, so I had plenty of time to move with stealth, no matter how tedious the effort was. I finally made it to my destination and found the dumpster. I actually smelled it when I was a few yards away, and it was horrible. Ugh! Trying my best to ignore the smell, I opened the dumpster and found what I was looking for.
"There you are," I remarked with a sigh of relief. I opened the dumpster completely and reached for my-
"HI!"
"AHHH!" I instinctively jumped forward in complete surprise, finding myself inside the dumpster. For a moment I thought I was caught, but then I remembered something. Who would say "hi" at a time like this? I looked out and was annoyed by what was in front of me. "Pinkie," I murmured.
Pinkie was on the floor with her hooves on her belly, laughing at my predicament. "Y-Y-Your funny David!" She managed to blurt out before she continued laughing.
I got out of the dumpster and stared at her with an annoyed look on my face. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked while I dusted as much garbage from myself as possible. I'm going to need a shower when I get to Canterlot. A thought then occurred to me, making me narrow my eyes at the laughing pink pony. "Did you sneak up on me and scared me on purpose?"
Pinkie had stopped laughing and looked at the sky with an innocent smile, "I dunno!"
I know that look, she just got me back for that prank I pulled on her. Only instead of releasing waste in the toilet, I'm covered with the smell of waste. Cruel irony. Looks like I need to prank Pinkie Pie when I get back to Ponyville. One question lingered in my mind.
"How the hell did you know I was going to be here?" I asked with a hint of frustration.
Pinkie spoke with one breath. "I was bouncing around Ponyville, looking for something fun to do! I then saw you, Dashie and Applejack playing tag, so I followed you three all around town! After you tagged them both, I followed you to the train station and I was gonna ask if I can play tag! But then I thought, why not just prank David! So I sneak up on you, I say 'HI' and you were like 'AHHHHH!' and you fell into the trash and mphmmm" She was interrupted when I put my hand on her mouth. I knew she was going to repeat the details of our conversation and I didn't feel like hearing it.
I took my hand off of her, letting her breathe, and shook my head in disbelief at what I just heard. What a random pony she is. And I can't believe she followed me without me noticing. Jeez. "Pinkie I'm not playing tag with those two hot-heads. I'm running for my life and for my poor giblets." I shouldn't have said that last word because she resumed her laughter, much to my annoyance.
"Th-th-then why did you...spank their flanks... if you are not playing tag with them?" She asked as she slowly recovered.
What a clueless mare she is. I didn't want to continue this conversation. I need to get out of here before-
"THERE YOU ARE!"
OH CRAP!
I turned around and saw a livid Rainbow Dash hovering ten feet away from me. "YOUR GONNA PAY YOU PERV!" She then dove at me like a hawk after it's prey. I ducked low and barely missed the angry grasps of the colorful pegasus. She crashed into a pile of trash behind me, feeling dazed.
Not wanting to stick around, I went to the dumpster, retrieved my bag, and ran out of the alleyway. I heard Pinkie Pie running up to Rainbow Dash and asking, "Are you okay Dashie?!!" I'm sure she is.
As soon as I got out of the alleyway, I was confronted by a furious farm pony standing ten feet in front of of me.
"Yer not gettin' away this time ya randy critter."
(Recommend that you listen to the extended version of He's a pirate from Pirates of the Carribean movie while reading this)
Before she can do anything, a wagon skidded to a stop between us two, blocking Applejack from getting to me. Just my luck. I took advantage of the delay and sprinted to my right on the sidewalk. I immediately tossed my book bag in a box nearby, making a mental note of where I left it. As much as I wanted to take it with me, it was going to slow me down, so I would need to get it later.
"YER NOT LOSIN' ME AGAIN!"
I didn't turn back. I ran between ponies and wagons in an attempt to slow Applejack down, but she's not letting up.
"C'mon Rainbow! We can take him down together."
"Right behind ya!"
"OH SPIT! I'M SCREWED!" I yelled as I ran straight forward!
This is bad! THIS IS BAD! THIS IS BAD! I had a hard time evading those two athletic ponies when they were chasing me separately. Now I need to flee from both of them AT THE SAME TIME! I'm in for it now. Knowing that I can't use the same tricks from before, my chances of escaping are slim now.
I ran to a house nearby, zooming past their open door way.
"Hey, what are you doing in my house?!"
"Sorry!" I apologized to the homeowner as I ran through the house. I jumped through an open window, rolled upon landing and continued running. When I glanced back, I saw that Applejack jumped out of the window I just came from, while Dash stayed in the air and zeroed in on me. I sharply turned left around a corner of a building before the colorful pegasus had a chance to pounce me. For the next few minutes I would run through buildings with Applejack on my tail, while Dash glided in the air and waited for her opportunity to tackle me.
I ran into a large two story building, jumping over tables in the process with AJ following my every step. I noticed that there were no back doors or windows, so I ran up the stairs and continued sprinting on the second floor. I was running in a hallway, doors leading to rooms on either side of the walls. With AJ behind me, Rainbow Dash came out of a window at the far end in front of me and charged at me. I turned into one of the rooms, despite protests from the owners, and dove through a window. This is going to suck. Fortunately, there was a mattress in the street below that was carried by a unicorn for some reason. I landed on my stomach, causing the unicorn to drop the mattress upon my weight.
THUD
"Hey, what's the idea?!"
"Sorry!"
I rolled over and continued running down the street. I glanced back to check if they were still after me. Applejack jumped down to the same mattress, apologized to the owner and continued galloping towards me. Rainbow just flew out the window and just chased me from the air. I followed the same routine as before. I ran through homes, buildings, between wagons, carts and ponies. No matter what I did, I can't seem to lose them. I'm just surprised that I'm lasting this long to begin with. In a few minutes, however, that's not going to be the case. My pursuers have much more stamina and endurance than I do, so I'm not going to be able to tire them out. My fatigue is starting to set in. No! I can't get caught!........I just can't!
I got out of the last building and continued running. The street was wide and mostly empty, with none of the buildings on either side having open windows or doors. Oh no! This is the worst place to be now!
"I GOT YOU NOW!" Rainbow Dash yelled, closing the gap between us with rapid speed.
This is it! I've lost!
SMACK!
I'm still running? I'm still running! What happened?!
I glanced back and saw that sweet prospera has blessed me once again. Derpy, the local mailmare, crashed into Rainbow Dash. They are both on the ground with stars over their heads.
YES! One down, one to go! I turned forward and was filled with confidence once again.
"Don't think ya have won," Applejack yelled. I can hear catching up. "Ah know yer plum tuckered out and Ahm not even breakin' a sweat!"
She was right. Even though it's only one pony chasing me, Applejack is still athletic as hell and I'm running out of energy. I looked ahead and saw a dead end alley. The far-end wall was eight feet tall and it looked hard for a pony to climb on. This is my last chance. Time to do this Spiderman style. I gotta stop using video game references. I ran at top speed towards the alleyway.
"Ya aimin' ta corner yourself, David?! Fine by me!"
You'll be surprised, AJ. I thought as I approached the wall.
I used the momentum of my speed to run up the wall, jumped up and grabbed the edge of the roof. Using all the strength I have, I attempted to hoist myself up and get some rest on the roof, wanting some respite from that wild chase I've been experiencing all day.
"Oh no ya don't!"
I got lassoed around my left ankle and felt myself being pulled. I gripped hard on the roof edge, desperately trying to pull myself. My strength was slipping away, but I kept persisting, not wanting to meet my fate.
C'mon! You can do it! I inwardly said to myself, mustering what strength I had left. Just....Just....
SLIP!
I felt myself flying backwards and-
SLAM!
(Stop Music Here)
A few minutes went by while I was discombobulated, not knowing what happened. When my senses cleared, I was looking at the sky and feeling a massive pain on the back of my head. I winced when I felt a bump on the back of my head. Oh that's gonna stay with me for a while. I sat up and looked at Applejack, who was lying upside down and feeling dazed. Judging by the bruise she has on her snout, I think I crashed into her when she finally tugged me from the wall.
"Ha. Looks like my luck hasn't run out yet," I triumphantly said.
I took the rope of my ankle, staggered to my feet, and began to wobble away.
I started talking to myself again. "All right. I just gotta....get my book bag....get on that train....and I'll be home free." I smiled confidently.
"NOT SO FAST!"
SMACK!
I was tackled to the ground and I hit face-first, which gave me a massive headache. I tried to get up, but I was pinned down the same way I was the first time. I felt a hoof on the back of my neck and another on my left arm. Struggled as I might, I was not going anywhere. I've been caught.
"You can run all you like, but nopony can ever escape the awesome Rainbow Dash," she gloated while still sounding angry..
"Oh sweet prospera, why has thou forsaken me?" I muttered
"Oh good, ya got'im," Applejack said and was approaching. "Hold him down while Ah tie 'im up."
"Oh no!" I said, squirming and struggling to get out of Rainbow's grasps, but she was not budging and I no longer had the energy to resist. Applejack tied my wrists (putting them behind my back) and ankles together, then she put the ropes around my arms and torso, tightening them up real good. She then went for my legs. When she was finished, I was completely immobile and at the mercy of the two vengeful ponies.
"Trussed up like a turkey," Applejack remarked.
I was then turned facing up, wincing at the look of my captors. They looked really pissed.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat the hay out of you?" the livid Rainbow Dash questioned.
I sheepishly smiled. "Because I gave you a run for the money. I will confess the whole experience was fun." I was awarded by RD with a slight but firm stomp on my belly, knocking the wind out of me.
AJ got into my face and said, "Ya think this is funny, David?"
"Pretty much," I said, weakly smiling.
"Let's see if ya'll feel that way when we're through with ya," Applejack replied as she narrowed her eyes at me.
"Man, I am so uncomfortable," I complained to nopony in particular.
After I was caught, Applejack held one of the ropes I was tied with in her mouth and began dragging me across Ponyville. The gawks and laughters from the bystanders was enough to put me in humiliation. I knew that this is only the beginning, so I just endured. While Applejack was dragging me, Rainbow Dash went to retrieve my book bag and knew where to find it because the farm pony to told her, remarking that she saw me drop it earlier. Rainbow came back with my bag, but not for charitable reasons. The colorful pegasus took out my train ticket and looked at me with a grin on her face. She ripped my ticket in half and threw it in the garbage. What a way to add insult to injury.
We arrived in Sweet Apple Acres and came up to the barn where I pulled the prank on Applejack. The smell from my staint bomb still reeks in there. I noticed that the barn was mostly empty and only had a hay bed in the middle. Oh jeez. I was tossed in there and was told that I will spend the night sleeping in that stinking barn. Another cruel irony. I was given a few apples in order to calm my hunger down, but was not invited to eat in the house for the evening. With that note, Applejack and Rainbow Dash left the barn, took my book bag away and locked me in. It was the worst sleep of my life.
I was forced to wake up early in the morning. Applejack came in and untied me. She gave me a few more things to eat and some time to stretch myself. She was still upset, but not as much as yesterday. When I was finished she took me outside, where Big Mac and, to my surprise, Rainbow Dash. The former with a glare and the latter with a big smug on her face.
I've got a bad feeling about this, I thought with a little worry.
"Al'right," Applejack began while turning in my direction. "Time for ya to pay."
"Pardon?" I asked with a big confusion on my face. I could have sworn I was already receiving payback.
"That prank ya pulled on me in that there barn has ruined all of the apples Ah harvested that day. Ah've already told ya to not mess with our livelihood, and ya have done just that."
I raised my hands. "In my defense, I said I would not mess with the trees, I never said that I would-"
"Don't you get smart with me!" AJ interrupted and pointed her hoof at me. "Ya knew what Ah meant! Ya messed up the Apple products and now ya gotta pay for it."
"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed with a serious tone.
I sighed. "Okay, so how much do I owe you."
"Oh no," she shook her head and then looked at me. "Ya not gonna pay with yer bits, ya gonna work for the lost apples."
"What!" I exclaimed with my eyes open. "Your gonna make me work for free?!"
"This is not up for discussion. Ya gonna pay for the apples ya damaged and that's final!" She finished her sentence with a stomp to the ground. "Now here's what ya gotta do." She pointed at the barn I just came out of. "Ya gonna clear the barn of the smell and paint the whole building."
Joy.
"Then, ya gonna replant the tree seeds at the south part of the orchards." She pointed at a field with countless rows of fields ready for planting.
Greaaaaaat!
"Then ya gonna plow the field on the west side." I saw large field that was prepped for plowing.
Are YOU kiddding me?!
"That should be enough to cover for all the apples ya have ruined."
"Mama mia," I replied. This is going to be a very tiring day. This whole time Big Mac just stayed staring with a serious face while Rainbow Dash looked on with amusement. She's really enjoying my suffering.
"Ya'll be startin' in thirty minutes," Applejack finished as she turned her back towards me.
Confused at that last sentence, I began to ask, "Why in thirty minutes? Why not just start -OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooh!" I was interrupted by something painful. Applejack had kicked me with one of her hind legs. Where you might ask? In the part of the body where you go to the bathroom to do number one with. Yep, that sensitive area. I dropped on the ground, holding my manhood and groaning in misery. I take back what I said earlier, the pain in my sensitive parts is far worse than having to scratch it.
"Applejack!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed in surprise while Big Mac winced at the sight. Only he would know how it feels.
Applejack turned back around and looked at me with a half smile. "Cuz Ah'm sure ya gonna need that long to recuperate from me bucking at yer sensitive area, even though Ah did not kick ya with full force." I'm glad she did not, I'm in a world of pain right now.
"What did you do that for?" Rainbow asked AJ, seemingly upset.
"Ya know the reason, RD," the farm pony retorted. "He had it coming." So this is what Applejack meant when she said that I will not be having children, or foals in pony language.
"I'm angry he did that to me too, but that doesn't mean you gotta hurt him that bad," Rainbow then turned to me with what seemed to be a concerned face. "Here let me help you." She came and helped me to my feet. "Okay, you need to put your hoofs, err hands, on the the back of your head and look up. You also need to stand on the back part of your...feet I think. (She's talking about my ankles) and then breathe in and out." She demonstrated the posture while she spoke. Then she went back on four hooves. "All the stallions have told me that when they do this after being kicked in their stallion-hood, they feel better within minutes." She finished with an innocent smile.
I seriously doubted that it was going to work, but I was willing to try anything to reduce the gnawing pain. I did exactly as Dash suggested, looked up a little and started breathing in my nose and out with my mouth. The position, however, was not reducing the agony I was feeling.
"Rainbow," I began asking. "Are you sure this is going to work? I don't feel any - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I felt the pain increase dramatically and fell back on the ground. Tears of pain were coming out of my eyes as I wheezed and groaned at this excruciating feeling. It's like when a professional baseball player throws a fast ball at your sensitive area. THAT'S HOW MUCH IT HURTS!
"Rainbow!" Applejack exclaimed in genuine surprise. "Ya kicked him harder than me!"
"Hmph. He's gotta learn that nopony touches Rainbow Dash in the rump and gets away with it. He deserved it," Rainbow Dash coldly replied.
I wanted to say 'damn you' to that colorful trickster, but I was in too much pain to give a coherent response. I stayed laying on the ground, holding my parts and groaning in misery.
"Well, I reckon this will teach 'im to keep his hooves to 'imself," Applejack conceded. "Okay Big Mac, make sure he does his chores when he finishes here."
"Eeeyup."
"I've gotta get back on weather patrol," Rainbow Dash remarked. "I'll see you all later." After the two farmers said their goodbyes, the colorful pegasus flew away.
Applejack left to attend to her business, leaving me and Big Mac alone. If I were some kind of poet, I will probably write this phrase as a warning to my readers.
You slap a mare in the flank, and you'll gets bucked in the tenders.
"Quit yer whinin'," Applejack scolded. "Ya got one more thing to do and ya'll free to go."
I had spent hours on end serving my time Sweet Apples 'prison.' Big Mac was watching me the whole time, making sure that I wouldn't bolt and shirk on my duties. Bummer. When I had finished, I was so damn tired that I wanted to collapse on a bed. Unfortunately when Big Mac and I came to the farm house, Applejack stopped us on our tracks. She asked her brother if I finished the chores, with Big Mac replying in the affirmative. I had thought my prison sentence was finished, but Applejack dashed that hope. She said I needed to go with her to the barn to do one last thing before I'm free. With so much reluctance, I followed her.
As I walked, I was reflecting on my recent actions. All I wanted to do was have some fun and pull pranks on my pony friends. I've repeatedly fallen victim to their humiliating acts against me. So much so that I got annoyed and wanted them to be on the receiving end of the practical jokes. Pinkie Pie never takes things personally and would treat it as a game. So I never had to worry about offending the laughing pony. The other three got really pissed with me. I ruined Rairity's hair and reputation, did something indecent to Applejack and Rainbow Dash in public, caused the former to lose assets, and humiliated the latter when she took the fall for what I did. Have I taken things too far? Do I have regrets for what I've done? Should I stop pulling pranks in the future and go back to the way things were? Maybe it's for the best?
NAAAAAH!
What fun would that be? My only regret was that I got caught and I'll make sure not to repeat that mistake for the next time. As soon as I'm finished here, I'll go back to scheming my pranks. For now I just gotta finish my punishment and recuperate from the whole ordeal.
When we approached the barn, Applejack motioned for me to enter the barn. I complied, wanting to get this over with. When I entered, I was greeted with an unusual sight. In the middle of the barn was a wooden stockade, which was open and had a lock close to it. Why the hell does Applejack have this? Then it hit me.
"Oh crap," I panicked. Before I can do anything, I was surrounded by a light blue aura, making me immobile. "Hey! What the hell is going on?! Let me go!" I demanded.
Normally, I could offer more resistance and possibly free myself from a magical grasp, but the forced labor I endured earlier has weakened me considerably. I was lifted off the ground and put on the stockade, which was closed on me and I heard a lock click. I could only see my hands now and what is in front of me. The stockade had forced me into a bending position. I heard some clopping hooves and then saw Applejack in front of me with a smirk on her face.
"Applejack, what is this?" I asked in a frustrated tone.
"A couple of our guests would like to have a word with ya," AJ replied. She nodded at somepony I couldn't see and then I heard clopping hooves coming my way. A cyan pegasus got in front of me with an evil smile on her face and carrying something.
"Rainbow?" I asked with astonishment. I noticed that she was holding a leather belt buckle. "Why are you carrying that?"
She rolled her eyes and responded. "Isn't it obvious you moron? I'm going to give you the biggest flank whupping in Equestria."
I was inwardly nervous but tried to keep my composure. "So you're not content with striking me at the front. Now your gonna whip me at my rear?"
"And she won't be the only one my dear."
I heard a third pony approaching and soon came to my view.
"Rarity?" Her hair was back to normal at this time.
"Hello David," Rarity said with a grin and levitating her own belt buckle. "When I found out it was you who ruined my beautiful hair, I felt awful for what I did to Rainbow here." She looked at her friend apologetically. "I sincerely apologized to her and wanted to make up for my rash action." She then turned back to me with an evil smile. "I then came up with the delicious idea. While you are tied up, Rainbow and I will be treating you to what you called 'Roman style' whipping."
My eyes widen. I once told my pony friends about how the Romans used to scourge their victims. Two Roman soldiers would whip their prisoners from either side, each punisher giving twenty lashes. Forty slashes was enough to leave a bloody back on the victim. It appears that the vengeful unicorn and pegasus in front of me want to whip me forty times at my butt. I chose the wrong day to wear shorts.
"Oh no," I said panicking.
"Oh yes," Rainbow replied while cracking her belt in a show of intimidation. "We are going to have so much fun with you and I'll won't be holding back." Her evil smile widened.
I'm not going to be able to sit for a while after this.
