This is a story about my OCs, my first one my old red and black colt Pegasus. As well as my new OC a cream white unicorn with electric blue stripes, which are completely natural, if for no other reason than magic. This story is about the love that is between them, this was only intended as OC shipping in order to keep my OCs close by, but I might be convinced to turn this into something more.
Page generated in 0.077 seconds
Total duration
1,023 users online
1,909,503 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
2491219 media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljqdediRKR1qaufo4.gif
i.imgur.com/tZLcvo1.png
2494759 Chapter 1? was meant to be a joke
replygif.net/i/272.gif
This. Is. Awful.
2508723 Thanks for the imput.
ok, i advise you to get a editor or a pre-reader. this chapter itself was ok, you could try to `show` the reader more of the surrounding to help them create a mental image. it could do with some more spacing, the wall of text tend to throw some people off. try to start a new line more often to make it easier on the eyes. i get that the previous chapter is ment to be a gag but i can see that most people would stop reading after it, because if felt a little choppy and just left me with a (wtf) when i was done with it.
I might come off as blunt and / or rude and if i do im sorry. but you could easely improve on the story itself. moving on to the next one.
2532687 Thanks for this review, it something i don`t normally do(M/M shipping) and i fixed it all in the next chapter