An ordinary Changeling colt, Gaar, is sent on a big mission to find the Cinder Phoenix. But little did he know that what he would find was a filly he recognized from a dream.
Book 1: The Secret of Cinder
Book 2: Changelings can Change!
Book 3: [Spoilers!]
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First thing I see: you need an editor. Badly. Second thing I see... it's actually pretty good so far, grammar and syntax errors notwithstanding.
You have a really good story, but your grammar is not the best. I applaud you for proper paragraphs though, also you description for your area or surroundings is good but it lacks imagination. Look up show, don't tell, like example.
Were there tree's around where the changelings were or were they in a desert? I really hope i don't come across as rude cause i think this story is really good too.
A more descriptive discretion would not be a bad idea.
2508749 I'll change that, it's just I was kind of rushing this chapter.
2508102 Yeah, I need to find an editor. Badly. I never got around to it though.
I'll see if I can find one now, I've got a LOT of comments on grammar. I'm just not that experienced at writing yet.
2511940
if you'd like, I can throw it into GDocs and edit it for you.
2511997 Really? Thank you!
2512040
no problem. all I ask is an editors' acknowledgement.
2512049 Of course I'll give you an acknowledgement. I'm not that selfish.
Hello again, CinderUnicorn! I'm ready to regain my role as your editor for this story
about to begin right now!
2522884 Thank you very much for being my editor
2525367
Glad to help
I love this storyline :)
2954990 Thanks! Though it'll be a while until I write another chapter, I still have to draw out a picture for it and think of ideas for the next chapter. That and I'm very busy in real life.
Wow, I'm surprised that its alive. Keep up the good work, If any suggestions would help, I would recommend to try and have it a bit longer. I'm just not getting satisfied with the current length's (and that might be due to the other fics I keep reading going somewhere from 5,000 to 10,000 words.). I hope to see more soon though.