Chapter 1: Friendship is Depressing
The Universe is, to put it bluntly, really, really big. It is so mind-bogglingly massive that its dimensions are as close to infinite as possible (without actually being infinite). It is so huge that an attempt to make a sequel to the best selling book in the history of the galaxy was canceled when the editors of the Sirius Publishing Company died, in conditions similar to the effects of a total perspective vortex. Being almost infinite, the amount of possible scenarios is limitless. The possibilities are endless. Almost anything can, and will happen. And there is more than one universe. The number of universes actually is infinite. This means, that if you can think of a universe, it will exist somewhere in the multiverse.
The concept of a multiverse is hard to understand. Imagine it as like the foam that forms on the top of a nicely-mixed pan galactic gargle buster. The white foam is the space between universes, and the bubbles are the universes. That is a nice simple method of visualizing the multiverse. Except it is nothing like that. It is so complex that the term “extended general mish-mash” is now an accepted description of the multiverse.
The odds of actually traveling between universes are ridiculously low. They have been calculated as an improbability factor of eight million seven hundred and sixty-seven thousand to one against. Of course, this makes inter-universe travel almost impossible, as no improbability generator past, present or future (for more information see campaign for real time) is capable of creating anything that improbable. There may be one, but the heart of ENTRY DELETED BY OFFICIAL REQUEST was officially denied by the galactic presidency.
Marvin switched the copy of the guide off with a sigh. He had been waiting on the world of Frogstar B for almost three million years now. He had found the copy of the guide in the foyer of a large crashed building. Marvin knew why the building had crashed, but he found the memory too depressing to access. This was hardly surprising, as Marvin found everything depressing. His capacity for happiness could fit in a matchbox with the matches still inside. In short, Marvin was the most depressed being in the galaxy at that time (there would/will be a being more depressed, but Zaphod was yet to/had not yet found the ruler of the universe, depending on your perspective on things).
Marvin stood, managing to make the action look like the hardest strain any being had endured. When he stood, perfectly straight, it still looked like an immense weight was dragging him down. He moved with the precision of the robot he was, but still managed to make the action look ancient and decrepit. (The Sirius Robotics Corporation defines a robot as your plastic pal whose fun to be with. Marvin was designed by the Sirius Corporation, who hid him away inside the heart of gold ENTRY DELETED BY OFFICIAL REQUEST OH BUGGER IT DIDN'T WORK to keep word of their colossal failure from breaking out.)
As Marvin surveyed the desolate wasteland of Frogstar B, he noticed absolutely nothing. This was unsurprising, because save Marvin himself, nothing had moved on Frogstar B for just less than almost three million years now. There had once been a race of bird-like creatures living there, but they had committed mass suicide when Marvin had developed the short-lived ability to broadcast his thoughts telepathically. This ability was lost almost as soon as it was gained, when Marvin's own broadcast thoughts gained intelligence, became horrified with the bleakness of their surroundings, and destroyed themselves at their source. However, the damage was done. The bird-like creatures were the descendants of the original inhabitants of Frogstar B, but after a total economic collapse related to shoes, they swore never to set foot on the ground again, and evolved into birds. After hearing Marvin's thoughts, they all flew into the upper mesosphere of their atmosphere, where they died of asphyxiation, cold and lack of pressure. Their bodies created a meteor shower so beautiful that the any creature capable of appreciating beauty would have fell to their knees and wept. Marvin found it depressing.
At this point it would be prudent to refresh your memory on earlier events in Marvin's life. As the Heart of Gold was plummeting towards the surface of the planet m-something, the Ape-Descendant Arthur Dent activated the infinite improbability drive with no input factors. While he and his companions were saved (at an improbability factor of eight million seven hundred and sixty-seven thousand to one against), and went on to have many adventures, some of which Marvin was in, the improbability field created was so vast that it became self-sustaining. It bled through all of time for exactly 42 seconds, before being siphoned off into a universal rift, centered around a piece of half-eaten fairy cake.
Marvin slowly entered the chamber containing the total perspective vortex. After almost three million years, Marvin was feeling more depressed than usual. He entered the small cubicle of the total perspective vortex, picked the half-eaten slice of fairy cake up off the floor where Zaphod had thrown it, plugged it into the total perspective vortex, and activated it. All of reality flowed through his processers as he saw the entire universe, with him in perspective. “Figured” Marvin muttered. “Everyone does hate me”. Just as he spoke those words, the improbability field closed in on the slice of fairy cake, and all of reality was distorted. The sky over Frogstar B flashed in every color of the rainbow. 500,000 tiny stars were born and went supernova on the surface of Frogstar B, creating a crater perfect for building the most remarkable restaurant in history. A very surprised slug materialized, had vague stirrings of revenge, and was stood on by Arthur Dent. When the dust cleared, Marvin was nowhere to be seen.
Pinkie Pie was feeling very happy. This was as unsurprising as Marvin's depression, because Pinkie Pie was usually one of the most cheerful creatures in the multiverse (occasionally she became depressed, but this was extremely rare). She was so happy that the laws of physics tried to put constraints on her, watched as she cheerfully ignored them, and left in disgust. Pinkie Pie moved with her usual improbable springing, rather than walking, or trotting, as most ponies preferred to do. However, today was different. Today, she would be the center of the biggest coincidence ever conceived. And it began when her tail twitched.
There was an old saying on the planet Earth: opposites attract (the planet Triffold 7 also had this saying, but in Triffoldian opposites means magnets, which is less poetic). While this was viewed as just a saying, it is in fact true. Polar opposites have a very weak form of attraction to each other, around equal to the pull of the most distant galaxy on a cocker spaniel. This is to say, absolutely nothing. However, this pull increases with distance, and Marvin was around as far from Pinkie (or anything else, in any universe) as physically possible. He was sucked quite rudely back into reality, albeit a very different reality to the one he had left. He entered Equsteria’s upper atmosphere at an incredible speed, which would have been fatal, had he not crashed into a very small bubble where the laws of physics were perpetually out to lunch. This bubble was located around a certain pink individual, who was currently exhibiting some very curious body spasms.
Pinkie was just walking back to Sugarcube Corner, carrying a new bag of flour. Everything was absolutely perfect, as it always was in Ponyville. She bent over, noticing a new type of flower, and suddenly, completely unexpectedly, her tail twitched. While the uninitiated might not have seen anything strange there, the effect on the nearby ponies was instant. Everypony dropped what they were doing, and jumped under cover, and pinkie looked up, just in time to catch the plummeting robot, who was seconds from crushing her. Due to the reality bubble around her, neither Pinkie nor Marvin were harmed, although the diodes in Marvin's left side did sustain some damage.
Marvin righted himself slowly, and looked around. He was in what was possibly the most beautiful, tranquil place he had ever seen. The village of Ponyville was possibly the most peaceful place in the universe. Marvin hated it instantly. He surveyed this new location with a complete and utter hatred of anything pony related, despite having never seen a pony before in his life. Pinkie Pie bounced up thrilled at meeting this strange new creature. “Hello are you an alien I hope so I would like to be the first pony to see one” she babbled. “Where are you from is it nice do they throw parties” Marvin sighed loudly, which was such a depressing sound it is impossible to imagine. Pinkie continued on obliviously. “I have to throw you a welcome to Ponyville party…no wait! A welcome to Equesteria party! I wonder what color balloons you would use for that”.
“That sounds terrible” Marvin sighed. “Please go away”
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Found one. "Their" should be "They're"
Reading now.
You've raised my expectations sky-high with the concept. This ought to be good.
Post read: Very promising. I really need to finish the book, though. As for errors, I noticed very little. One, however, caught my eye. The scene transition from Marvin to Pinkie. Now, this is a very minute error that you can get away with. But I would suggest putting something in between the two scenes to signify separate scenes.
Also that. I would suggest it to be the following:
Carry on, my fine sir!
I like it very much!
This has the potential to be the best thing ever. POTENTIAL. Don't let me down.
As is, I would suggest being a bit more liberal with paragraph breaks. The first two paragraphs seem to go on and jump subjects enough that a natural break should be there somewhere.
Split up that wall of text. It will make it look better.
im sorry i love hitchiker but this is completly unreadable for me split the text up for goodness sake!
Thanks for pointing out the lack of paragraph breaks, I hope the new layout is improved.
2436129
Thanks, I wonder what it says about my spelling that I made a mistake in the sentence asking people to point out mistakes!
blogs.montclair.edu/cwe/files/2013/03/tumblr_m5uhn3aTzS1rqpw6po1_400-300x203.gif
Wow no one has never used my name before in a fanfic I read its always the common names like. James, Taylor, John, even more commonly ANON
This seems like a good start to a story that's so colourful it's depressing. Luna will love him.
Two mistakes:
Firstly..
When something is massive, that doesn't mean that it's big or heavy, but that it contains nothing more than itself on the inside. For instance, a block of steel is massive because its inside only contains steel. A universe, however, contains non-universely things like me. Therefore, a universe can't be massive unless it contains nothing but universe inside.
Secondly..
-Pinkie nor Marvin were harmed.
2453160
Actually, you are part of the universe. You are a collection of atoms that were created in helium fusion during the supernovae of one of the first stars. Those atoms just happened to become you, or the food you ate, and became a part of you. They could just as easily became a block of carbon, or a diamond (human beings are largely carbon).
Thanks for pointing out the grammatical error, sorry if I got a bit carried away with this, I get a bit obsessive over sciencey things!
2463809
I used to see stuff as dark matter, dark energy and anti-matter as the universy stuff...
2466211
That is a common misconception, however everything is part of the universe, hence the name universe, which means it is universal.
Thank you for writing this, I mean it. It was funny and I just finished reading the whole series, you write allmost like like douglas did(seems similar to me),loved those references you made to the seires, enjoyed this very much and hope to see more. Thank you.
marvin AKA forever alone guy