“What are you hiding? Let’s see how mysterious you are without that mask!” She almost had her.
A whistle.
There she was again! How was that possible? Rainbow rushed after the masked vigilante… only to be beset again by her apparent teleportation. Finally having enough, she caught the mare before she could escape, she’d figure out who this thunder-stealing showmare was!
“Alright Miss Mysterious! Mystery… solved!”
What came next was a complete shock. Pinkie Pie was under the mask… then more Mare Do Wells appeared… Twilight… Applejack… Fluttershy?
They had worn the costume at different times, making it impossible for Rainbow to guess the superhero’s identity; and though Rarity had stayed out of it for the most part, she'd chipped in by designing the costumes. All this…
“Why all this? Don’t you want me to be a hero?” Rainbow protested.
“A real hero doesn’t brag.” Applejack said sternly.
A 'clunk' noise snapped Rainbow Dash out of the recurring daydream. Tank had accidentally hit her lamp. The Pegasus launched herself off her bed, catching it before it reached the floor. The tortoise looked at her with slight embarrassment but Rainbow just smirked and pat him on the head before putting the lamp back in place. “'Sup, Tank? I guess I spaced out there, just… thinking back on something. Kinda happened right around when I got you, actually.” She said. The tortoise blinked, hovering before her. “Ponyville was having a lot of accidents, you see; I was always saving ponies when they happened, but then all the thanks I got kinda got to my head. The girls tried to teach me a lesson by being some kinda costumed superhero. They showed me up everywhere. It hurt. A lot.”
The tortoise blinked again, descending onto the mare’s bed.
“But I guess they were right. Now that I think about it… when I was getting too into my own hype I put a lotta ponies in danger ‘cause I was too busy showing off.” She grimaced at the realization of how every second longer she spent boasting put that pony in the balloon closer to being a smudge on the ground. Her recklessness at the collapsing building gave her only enough time to save one worker when there were several others Pinkie Pie was left with having to save. Had she not been there… and then the dam.
The cyan mare curled up as it hit her. She had it under control at first… but she just had to show off. All of Ponyville could have been destroyed if Twilight hadn’t been there to fix it. Rainbow snorted in defeat and lay to her side.
“Who am I kidding? I stopped being a hero the moment I started deciding I was… but I still want to be that.” She rolled over and groaned. “And the moment I do that, what if I just fall back on old habits again? It’s been a problem my whole life! A little praise and adoring fans, and next thing I know I’m addicted to it? How am I supposed to help anypony on the spot if I’m worried it’ll mess me up again?” She ranted angrily. Tank ambled over to her side, nudging her gently.
“Grace and humility… just like Mare Do Well.”
Rainbow’s eyes widened as an idea formed. “Wait a minute!” She sat straight up, startling Tank and causing him to duck into his shell. “If I do what they did, I can still help ponies, and they won’t even know it’s me! Outside of me and the girls, nopony knew who Mare Do Well was.” The one who’d dropped the flower pot thought the others were just fans dressing up as her, and the town just assumed Mare Do Well disappeared and all but forgot about the costumed hero. Yeah, she was always proud of her accomplishments but she never had an ego problem when it came to having taken part in defeating Nightmare Moon, Discord, the changelings, or Sombra, but that was because she did it alongside her friends. This was different; the elements weren’t exactly going to be called upon or all in the same place if a building caught fire or a wild monster decided to go on a rampage one afternoon. Last time she did stuff alone, it came with more adoration then she could handle. A wide smile spread on the pegasus’s face as the wheels in her head turned. “I get the costume, I can still be a hero, without anypony knowing its me! Fly in, do the job, leave the scene, like Mare Do Well does…” Then realization came down like a ton of bricks.
“Right… small town like this, and the girls’ll figure out it’s me in an instant and do something.” She fumed. Ponyville was kind of a small community anyway. Even if her friends did stay quiet about it, it wouldn’t take long at all for them to figure out which pegasus is fast, athletic, and not to mention awesome enough to be under the mask. Then another thought entered her mind...
“Wait!” She turned her tortoise to face her. “That trip to Cloudsdale I got this weekend, I’ll be gone like all week visiting dad and seeing the Wonderbolt show! That’s a whole week to do this somewhere else!” Sure Rainbow had gotten some fame for her talent and dedication back in her home city in the sky, but given the place was populated entirely by residing pegasi and pegasi visiting from towns and cities all around the chances of her being figured out was a lot less likely! What better chance could she ask for to get a little practice? If anypony could pull this off, it was Rainbow Dash! All she needed to do now was…
“Right… I gotta get ahold of the costume…” She muttered. She knew Rarity had kept them all, locked in some closet she kept ‘old projects’ in at her boutique. The athlete’s face fell a little realizing what she’d have to do; enter the place willingly, and figure out a way to get to the costume without outright asking and insuring her friend would be none the wiser, at least until she left town for the week. An idea came to her; not one Rainbow liked but she had no other options. “Discord wasn’t nearly this scary…”
First chapter in, and I like this already; you got a talent for soliloquy.
Here's some thoughts that went through my mind while reading...
Now, I know Tank is pretty rough, but I'd think a "clunk" would be more fitting than a crash. Reason being that Dash catches the lamp; it hasn't crashed to the floor yet. Unless the "crash" here means he hit it so hard, it flew up into the air, giving Dash time to react even from within a dream. (She's fast, but that's insane skills.) Also, if she's jumping, that implies an increase in height; if a) her nightstand isn't absurdly tall, b) Rainbow is reacting from within a dream-state, and c) Tank didn't hit it hard enough to break it, then it makes sense to assume that the lamp should've hit the floor. Since she's jumping out of bed, she's traveling the opposite vector of the lamp: upwards. Forgoing that she probably doesn't sleep in a crouched, ready-to-take-off position, this would require a wing-beat/push-off to take off upwards, then another stroke to push her downwards to the lamp. Assuming that the gravitational constant is similar to Earth, and this is a regular-weighted lamp, the whole maneuver would require a series of movements within a half-second (max). A rough guesstimate of her wingspan size/weight would leave me wondering... how in Tartarus did she pull this off without creating a frakking rainboom in her room?!
But I digress; this would sound better with a mention to how the lamp was flying in midair; reaching the lamp on a simple downward fall would be imply insanely scary instinct. Also, "launched out of bed" would make more contextual sense?
...
Hang on, lemme go strangle my inner ocd pony.
I didn't notice her reprimanding Tank, or giving him some sort of negative attitude; she was asleep, so why is she apologizing to him? Unless this was inferring that tank came to her room for attention, and she was apologizing for not being awake to give him any? I dunno. Maybe a "Hey, Tank..." or "'Sup, Tank..." would work here?
Hrm... feels like a definite semicolon after "you see."
Does this mean there are other known superheros from different races outside ponykind? Super-griffins? Super-manticores? I'd probably just go with "some kinda costumed superhero."
Ooh, semicolon/"it wasn't one she liked" would be great, methinks.
Anyway, onward and upward.
2852659
I sorta imagined it as her jumping from her bed and catching the lamp on the way down right before it hits the floor. But I digress, there probably are some moments I should touch up as my proofreading part of my mind can be a little careless at times. I do agree with the fixes tho and I'll incorporate them in at once
An interesting start. A little rushed by my standards, but considering this is just a prologue in the first place it wouldn't need to go into excessive detail, and it does a good job setting up the story and premise.
Seems good! I'll surely continue to read this
7525396
Thanks! Hope you enjoy the rest and the sequels!
The starting point feel a little off-putting. It feels to simple to just have RD say "Meh, I deserved it." and leave it at that, the Mane six should've at least tried talking with her...and apologized for going too far.
Many people like to point out that she put many lives at the list due to her bragging. With the hot air balloon I can understand, if RD stopped signing autographs she could have saved the mare before MDW popped up.
But with the rest? Even if she had been super-modest and humble, nothing would've been different at all! For example:
Runaway carriage - Nothing more RD could have done with this one than she did. RD did not have the strength to even slow it down at all. She even hurt herself trying to stop it. AJ would've had to step in anyway.
The construction site- Nothing more RD could have done with this one than she did. She barely saved one of workers and only got out unhurt due to his help. Again, Pinkie would've had to step in.
The dam- If the theme is so fragile that simply leaning against it too hard caused it to give away, it was definitely gonna collapse anyway.
Being modest before then wouldn't have altered a thing. We never see Rainbow's over-confidence directly leading her to making a mistake. The times she wasn't able to save ponies in the second half of the episode (the construction workers, the runaway carriage, the dam) wasn't because she was overconfident. The way they set those up, she couldn't have handled those on her own regardless of whether she went in humble or bragging.
7947903
Agreed. And even the girls could have done better by following their own advice and not boast and be vain about themselves in that particular scene.