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Chapter 1: Talents Gone Wild1,799 words
Chapter 1.1: The Low Down1,630 words
Chapter 1.2: True form1,313 words
Chapter Special: 1609 words
Chapter Q and A: Lan UNRELEASED391 words
Chapter 1.3: And Then He Said2,775 words
Chapter 1.4: New Lovers1,457 words
Chapter 1.5: Memory Loss2,857 words
Chapter 1.6: Smartflank1,955 words
Chapter 1.7: Sexy Suit1,237 words
Chapter 1.8: Secrets Revealed935 words
Chapter 1.9: Lan vs Lan?2,946 words

Chapter 1.6: Smartflank

Chapter 1.6: Smartflank Because fuck you that's why. SPELIN EROER LOLZ I EAM SUR GEWD ARDAS IE R DE GRETSTERST

I woke up with a killer headache and a deadly thirst. My throat was dry and my fur was a mess... FUR?! I felt my fur like it was the last thing on earth... or ponyville... or Equestria... whatever. Still dark outside, guessing around 2:00am. I felt the soft, silky blanket drop over on my knees and the coldness of the air. I looked around to notice the window open. My window. Our window. I looked down at Twilight, with the covers up to her chin. My arm went under the covers and brushed her main and body. She was very cold, so cold actually that I was cold. Damn, I can stand out in 20 degree weather but this is freezing, and apparently Twilight thought so too. She was shivering to the coldest touch of wind. I jumped off the bed and closed the window slowly. I walked down the stairs and stopped at the hallway halfway at the steps. I walked through the hallway till I got to the end. I went through the left door and stepped in silently. There she slept, with Mint all curled up on her belly. He was so small but so cute. I went up to the makeshift bed and laid there.

I can't keep you here forever. You need a home... home...

"Son of a bitch there is a home." How could I forget? Well, I have been forgetting things recently... like that time I took a shower with T- MEMO... now that I think about it, I don't care anymore...

I walked out with a smile on my face and went back upstairs. I curled up in bed, and felt that familiar face rub against my neck.

"So, how long have you've been up?" Twilight asked.

"Not long. Just realized a way to get Nala out."

"Great! Now I get to go back to my studies!"

"And letters."

"I don't do that anymore, you know, since Celestia asked me to stop and all."

"Wha? Whatever, more time to spend with you. Say, I’m still thirsty. BRB!

Before I could get out, Twilight brought me back in.

"You know, I think I could solve that problem." She said. A certain look was in her eyes, that one look that I can't resist.

I gulped. "Is this going where I think it’s going?"

She nodded.

~~~~~~~ Royal Castle (p.s. they had sex, then got water afterwards because Lan wouldn't stop bitching.)

"So what you’re saying is true then. But why Lan?" I asked.

"Well, if it was up to I, I would call him... well... a demi-"

"DON'T SAY THAT IN MY PRESENCE!!!... I look back onto those dark days, when me and Celestia would room the lands without a care in the world. All was pure and good. But, something was missing from our lives. Others. We asked Him for a answer and our prayer was noted. Something about meteors and volcanoes going off."

"That's a way to wipe a species off a planet."

"Other pony's roamed the land with us. We built houses and farms. Schools and castles. It was so peaceful, just the world of Equestria. We shaped the alicorns from beasts to proper ponies, taught them the ways of life and peace. Then you showed up. You constantly tried to hit on my sister and every time you were rejected. Why? She couldn't take the pressure of someone to love when she had so many to love as well. You got angry and killed them all. You don't care about pony life nor do you care about feelings. You then had the nerve to ask for her hoof in marriage."

"Might I add that I have seen the ways of good, oh the mercy of evil is vanquished from my heart."

"Cut the bullshit Discord."

"Someone here is a naughty little girl, aren't they?"

"We got some ponies, winged, magical, or just plain. No alicorns, but just separation. They blamed each other for their differences, hated one another for abilities unknown. Celestia and I had to do something. No matter what we did, all they did was to ruin each other’s lives. Then that day happened. The day that a unicorn was murdered by a Pegasus. That was the last straw. We got fed up with the hate and chaos. That's when Celestia had a great idea. She said 'Why don't we show that just because you have this or that, it doesn't matter!' The idea was to send me to the moon. Make them think that we could wipe them out with a flick of a wrist. I tried to reason with her, but soon I fell to the idea too. It was good, and it would work. Dress up like Nightmare Moon and scare some people. Frighten and even blow something up every so often. Celestia came in, and did the deed. A day after I was sent, she had stated that it had worked, and would be visiting ever so often and bring entertainment. It wasn't a long 1000 years, but it changed me. She stopped coming and around year 786, nothing was sent to me. I soon went mad and when I got back, I did what I did. But when the 6 were coming, Celestia had a talk with me. She asked for forgiveness. I agreed and got my life back."

"And what was the point of this story time?"

"That control is complete and utter shit. If you think that He picked Lan, if he thinks he can just use him like that, if you think that I will stay back while this is happening, then your dead fucking wrong."

~~~~~~~ Lan's POV

"So what happened after I fainted?" I asked Twilight while she cooked breakfast. Nala and Mint stood at the kitchen table, waiting for the story to be told.

"Well, Root called for backup, got your body, and dumped you here!"

"..."

"Details woman."

Twilight huffed. "Well fine then! He said not to touch or your anything, and you were in a bad shape. He said something about going over to Fluttershy's. OH! I just remembered, he wanted to give this to you!" She teleported upstairs, leaving the pancakes on the grill. She came back with a letter in her mouth. She laid it on the table on continued. I looked at the letter.

"Well, what does it say?" Mint said.

"OH! Root said not to read that!" Twilight smiled. "Sorry."

"Well, why the fuck not?"

"LANGUAGE!" Nala said, covering Mints ears.

"He said to read it when nothing else matters. Wonder what that could mean?"

I wonder. "Oh, Nala! I just remembered! I know a place where you can stay!"

"But I have no money."

"It's free."

"So who will I be living with?"

"Mint."

"How far is it away from this place?"

I smiled.

~~~~~~~

After eating pancakes, we headed over to the house.

"This place is kinda nice. What do you think Mine?" Nala asked Mint. Mint just smiled and shook his head. "But where will we get food?"

"I got that covered, just focus on a job."

We were near the woods of Everfree Forest, the house for Root and Blue. But since Blue is king and Root lives in his personal quarters in the castle, or at Fluttershy's for some odd reason, it just sat here. No owner and in almost perfect shape.

"Lan, thank you. For everything."

I shook my head and gave her a medium sized bag of bits.

"2000 bits. Enough for the stuff you need. That's all I can give to you, and no need to try and pay it off."

"You’re an angel."

I smiled.

~~~~~~~

I returned home, with a certain Twilight giving me the look.

"YAY!"

"No." Started to laugh so hard she flipped over, holding her chest. I jumped up and pinned her down. I gave her a peck on the cheek and we both laughed.

"So Lan, are you ready for the Gala?"

I stopped laughing. This shit was serious! The Gala is soooooooooooo boring and now I have to go! "Wha-What do you mean?"

"You're coming with me! I have tickets for all your friends and my friends."

"Nala and Mint?"

"I have tickets for all your friends and my friends."

"Smartass."

"Smartflank, actually."

"And that's why I love you. I'll go over to Rarity’s for a suit."

"See you soon!"

I got up and headed for the door.

"Oh, and don't get hurt."

I nodded and jumped out.

~~~~~~~

"A SUIT!? Why sure darling! I have to perfect idea right now!" Rarity said, scribbling some notes.

"Is it purple?" I asked.

"DUH!"

I laughed as she started to gather materials. She seemed so paced, so agile with her work. The show never showed her work like this. When I saw the purple she was going to use, I remembered Twilight. For love sakes, were having a child together and I haven't even asked her too...

"Hey Rarity, do you know someone that can make jewelry?"

Rarity stopped in mid-cut. She turned around with confused, but angry look on her face. She came up to me, and whispered in my ear.

"Yes. That would be me."

Ugh... "Ugh..."

"What type do you need?"

Well, shit. How am I going to put this...

"Well..."

~~~~~~~ Blue Breeze POV

Unacceptable. Just unacceptable. How did these idiots even pass the 1st grade? I'd rather have a talk about politics with Arrell. This meeting is so boring.

"And what do you think we should about the Gala. It seems we have it all planned and YOU haven't even tried to help! It just so seems that you are not fit to be a King when you can't even plan a PARTY!" One of the old fucks slammed his hoof on the table. "If anything at all, we need Celestia back!"

"First, I’m not good with planning parties. I can fix any issue thrown at me and you're getting mad about a party?"

"Then fix the GALA!"

"Maybe you're being too hard on him?" One of the nice ones, and only nice one, said.

"... Get out of here. Pack your crap and leave. Now." This caught my attention. This old bastard was kicking this guy out for giving a opinion? This is what this meeting is about!

"But sir-"

"No buts! NOW!"

He was a young fellow, new to this thing. He's the only one I like in these meetings. "No. You stay." The young pony sat down.
"YOU can leave, Mr. Right."

"YOU CAN'T FIRE ME!"

"Just did."

He scuffed, and then realized what he was up against. "I'll be back Mr. Breeze. Princess Celestia may like you, but your nothing without me."

"Well, I think this concludes this meeting. I'll try thinking of something for the end of the Gala. Don't do drugs kids."

They all huffed and left. Diplomatics . Meh.

As I left the room, the almost fired Tuck Good came to me. "Thanks for sticking up for me."

"No prob. You’re the only one I like in there anywa-"

"SIR!!!" I turned around to see a medic come running towards me. He came up to me and caught his breath, trying to speak but couldn't stop breathing. "I... have... bad... news..."

"Well spit it out."

"Cele...stias body... it's...it's..."

"It's what?"

"It's gone... someone took it."

~~~~~~~

Authors note:

FUCK THIS! FUCK THAT! FUCK YOU! YOU TOO! FUCK THAT COUCH AND FUCK THAT CHAIR! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Also something about Imogen Heap and Vinetion being a follower on my old story. Ew.

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