• Published 9th Apr 2013
  • 368 Views, 3 Comments

The Forces of Chaos - LunarDusk



The first chapter pertains to the force of insanity, Screwball Chaos.

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Insanity

Isanity

It was a warm day today in ponyville. The sun had risen just a few hours before, and the clouds soared high in the sky. Birds who had been awake since dawn now sat chirping and singing on the branches off trees, spreading a calm melody throughout the town. A cool breeze swept in from the west, not too strong, just cool enough to sooth anypony working out in the hot orchards of the apple farm. Anypony who woke up and walked outside that morning would have described it as “a perfect day”, or “calming”. Nopony could possibly have predicted the chaos that was brewing underneath the peace. As far as days go, this was truly the calm before the storm.

Everything starts on the small playground of Ms. Cherilee’s elementary class. About twenty little fillies were on the playground, laughing and smiling and chasing each other around. It was these little fillies, who took their world for granted and cared more of themselves than of the feeling of others, that would cause a chain of events to turn their world upside down.

“Hey Screwball, You crazy little idiot, your dad’s dead! Celestia beat the crap out of him a hundred years ago!” a young brown colt screamed on the playground. His name was grounder, larger than most of the other fillies he had a natural tendency towards getting what he wants and took enjoyment in pointing out the flaws in others. His dirt brown coat almost perfectly matched his dirt brown eyes and both gave the impression of a pony bulldozer.

“You should stop waiting you stupid filly! Your stupid dad’s dead!” another colt joined him. This one had an orange coat, a strait cut red mane, and dirty gold eyes. Almost as big as grounder, furnace took second in command of the playground.

“Why you would wait for someone that’s a maniac I don’t know!” a small pink filly chimed in. Bubblegum was a very petit filly, she almost never had to do anything on her own because her peers would volunteer to do it for her, or if no one volunteered she would command it. Thought of as the most beautiful filly in the first grade, it didn’t matter much how she treated ponies, she would get what she wanted and that was the end of it.

“I heard he’s not even a pony” A second filly throws at the center of their scorn on the corner of the playground. This filly was not very popular, what friends she had she would lose because she was always selling them out to get ahead. She just wanted to feel on top, so if anypony was in trouble, or being laughed at, she wanted to make it worse. This was buttercup, a filly with a muddy brown mane and a dark chocolate coat.

They all started to laugh loudly, hatefully, ignorantly.

Sitting on the fence staring into the sun was a filly with the brightest bubblegum pink coat in all of Equestria, with a mane and tail the dark purple of clouds lighting up during a thunderstorm, rimmed with a soft fluffy white. She turns, not affected in the least by her classmates’ insults; she held her head high, proud, powerful. Those closest to her flinched when she turned around. Her eyes, one the color of her mane and the other the color of her coat, pierced directly into the souls of those around her, turning their minds into mush. By all standards she was very attractive, but no one saw her this way. She was seen a crazy, psychotic, stupid “screwball chaos”.

“Daddy’s much better than a pony, he’s a Draconequus!” her eyes lit up with a fiery passion that caused most of the other children to cringe.

“Whatever he is Screwball, he’s a loser!” the young brown cult from before yelled as he chucked a rock towards screwball.

All of them but screwball gasped as the rock turned into liquid chocolate as it smashed into her face. More chocolate dripped than could have possible been the mass of the rock. Drip, drip, dripping to the ground below, creating a small swirl shaped pool surrounding her. Then they grew silent as they heard a sound that shook them to their core. It was such a pure sound, but also the most dissonant sound they’d ever heard, it was laughter, innocent laughter, Innocent laughter that sounded like the end of their life. They grew cold, wanted to fall down and cry and despair, but were locked in place. Looking for the sound proved futile. But then they listened, and followed their ears to little screwball discord.

Her head thrown back, mouth wide open. The sound was emanating from her, so beautiful, so cold, so final. Adding to the completely confusing effect of her pure chaotic laughter were her eyes, wide open, and unforgiving. The sound, her eyes, her body, none of it matched. She was the living entity of the elements of disharmony. More than that, she was the daughter of Discord chaos.

She stopped laughing, licked the chocolate off her face, and giggled as she walked past the still too-shocked-to-move fillies and colts on the playground. Right before she entered the door she turned around and said

“Just wait till I get daddy back. He’ll make you dance.” she giggled again and walked into the class room.

Once inside she walked over to a powerfully looking young black colt. He had a very sleek jet black coat, and his wild black and deep purple man held the ferocity of a dragon. His eyes were an electrifying red that pierced into the hearts of those around him.

“Hey storm! They were making fun of my daddy again, but I’m pretty sure I showed them!” a tear slid down her cheek as she said this.

“I bet you did my little screwball. I’ll talk to them. I understand you. They’re probly just too stupid to understand your father.” He nuzzled her mane gently

“Oh storm. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much. You’re the only one who understands me. When daddy gets back, I’ll make sure he lets you come with us to turn everything around. We’ll have fun together! Maybe you can even help us kill Celestia!”

“Oh. Yeah. Can’t wait!” he said grinning into her eyes.

Riiiiiiiing!

“Come in class! Recess is over” Ms. Cherilee called out the door

Everypony quickly ran in from the playground, leading the herd was Grounder, who made a beeline strait for Screwy. He didn’t like being humiliated on the playground and he was ready to show off his power to keep everypony in line.
Little Screwy saw him coming, but she didn’t back down, she just smiled at him, a wild look in her eye, almost as if to say

“Please make my day.” Grounder hesitated, stopping short; a small grimace crossed his face, but only for a second. He could not, would not be seen as weak.

But before he could get to Screwy, Storm stepped in front of him. Storm was smaller than Grounder, but not one pony in that room thought he was at a disadvantage. Storms powerful body rippled with energy as he spoke.

“Don’t you touch her.”

A very confused look crossed Grounders face. Why was Storm sticking up for Screwy?

“Aww but storm, it’s just Screwy.”

“I don’t think I stuttered.” He stared directly into Grounders eyes

“Are you sure you’re feelin alright storm?”

“Grounder, just leave.”

Grounder stared at storm for a few seconds, and then walked away, clearly put out.

“C’mon guys, we’ll get her some other time” the other ponies looked confused as to why Grounder would just give up on his prey, but hesitantly followed him back to their desk.

Screwball looked up at Storm incredulous.

“Thank you storm, but really, I could’ve handled him” she stuck her tongue out at Storm playfully.

“Don’t mention it.”

~ ~ ~

“It’s so peaceful… and boring. Where is he, he should have been here five minutes ago.”

Little Screwball was sitting on the edge of the Everfree forest, a small creek to her left that she used as a guide in and out of the forest. The creek was arguably one of the most fascinating things in the forest to Screwy. Completely clear in some spots and extremely cloudy in others, little swirls would appear on top of the water, and then disappear quickly.

“What’s that noise?” Screwball looks up as she hears the sound of quickly approaching hooves. “Colt, he sure can run.” The wind nearly tears off his mane as he runs unhindered through the field, like an oncoming storm he tears through the air at a chaotic pace.

“Hey Screwball” Storm huffed out, holding up his hoof.

“What took you so long storm?” I said giving him a highhoof.

“I was talking to Grounder.” I looked into his eyes as he said this, trying to figure out why he would be talking to Grounder. But he seemed to be telling the truth, he was probably making sure Grounder wouldn’t hurt me anymore or something. That’s my Storm.

I smiled at him and led him deeper into the ever free forest.

“You’re gonna like this place storm.”

We arrive at small clearing in a dense part of the forest, there's a small, glistening waterfall, the moon reflecting in the calm pool at the base of the waterfall. Large illuminating butterflies called lightningflies slowly glow in and out, sometimes landing on the various brightly colored flowers that filled the entire clearing, almost completely chocking out the grass underneath.
I watched as his eyes grew wide, and his head turned slowly, taking in my little retreat that I’ve shared with him for the first time. Well, actually this is the first time I’ve shared this place with anypony.

“And this is where you come to get away from it all?”

“Mmhmm”

He shrugged “A beautiful place, for a beautiful mare.”

Now it was my turn for my eyes to widen. I felt the blood rush to my face.

“W-want to take a swim?” I managed to say after a few seconds of recovery time.

What was that?! He’s never said anything that nice before… is he actually trying to… I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. Whatever, if he brings it up, I’ll deal with it then.

“Yeah, I could do with a good dip; it’s been a hot day.”

I watch as he gracefully trots to the edge of the water and dives in, flipping around in smooth fluid motions. He makes almost no splash as he lands in the water, just a small plip as the water closes behind him. When he comes back his mane is slicked down his slender form, making him look primed for speed.

As I take a step towards the water I hear a sound that makes me freeze. A low growl emanates from the bush behind me, locking me into a place like a fly stuck in thick syrup. I turned my head slowly to face the large, yellow feline eyes, peering from the brush.

I back up slowly, as the large jaguar walks towards me. But just my luck there’s a large root protruding from the ground, and my lovely heel finds the root, and then my body finds the ground…

The jaguar hunches down, ready to pounce, the hairs on its back bristling with anticipation, its eyes glistening, hunger in its grin. I close my eyes and lift up my hooves ready for the worst, when a streak of darkness flies over me, landing in front of the large jungle cat.

I look up, it was Storm! I watched as storm swiftly ran up beside the beast, and bashed his hoof into the side of its skull. The jaguar dropped hard, out cold.

“Th-thank you storm.”

“Don’t mention it. Listen, I gotta go, my mom will be expecting me soon. If I’m late she won’t let me go out anymore.”

“Aww, ok. I’ll see you tomorrow Storm” I watched as he dashed away into the forest, dreaming of what tomorrow would bring. Little did I know my life with Storm… was at its end.

~~~

*shivers* It’s so cold out tonight, I wish daddy where here to make me warm.

Those kids on the playground. . . I don’t let them see it, but they make me hurt inside. Daddy made their life interesting, fun!

But they killed him. Why? Why do they get to have their worthless parents and make fun of me when I’m all alone!

“I want daddy discord!” I shout in despair

“Your father’s dead!” a voice came from somewhere in the darkness. It sounded familiar. And it pulled a strong feeling of hate and loathing from in my heart. But I can’t place why. . .

“Who’s there?” I want daddy.

“Don’t you remember me?” as he said this I felt a sharp pain on the side of my head, felt my warm blood trickle down the side of my face. And I knew. I look down. A rock. It was from the colt from the playground, Grounder.

“Hahahaha!” many voices started laughing, all colts, at least five.

“You better leave! If I get angry I’ll-

“You’ll what? Chocolate us to death?” lots of laughter “You didn't get very many of your fathers lame powers did you!” more laughter, one sounds warm, but cold… it couldn't be “we brought a friend who told us one of your secrets. He said your blood is made of chocolate!” oh no, I only told one pony that, but it just couldn't be. He wouldn't. “Get her Storm!”

“With pleasure” he stepped out, grinning at me, his jet black coat glistening in the darkness. None of the love from earlier, only some crazy joy, pure, evil, joy.

“Storm” it wasn't a question, it wasn't even a statement. In that split second when he stepped into the light I had realized there was no going back. He was never my friend. I hate him for deceiving me. That was a warning, a warning he apparently missed.

Storm charged at me. He was much bigger and stronger than me, so I couldn't defend myself as he pinned me to the ground and looked into my eyes.

“Silly little screwball. You didn't actually think I loved you did you? No one could love you! Your daddy didn't even love you. He left you all alone.” He leaned down as my heart turned to stone and lick the cut on my forehead. It stung… not just physically either.

“Hey guys! She wasn't lying! Her blood really tastes like chocolate!”

“Really?!”

Here they come…

The next thing I knew, I was being bit until I bled, beat with stones, sliced open with sharpened sticks… tongues digging at my wounds, saliva burning my flesh. It was so painful; I didn't know what to do. So I laughed. I laughed the laugh that always made my daddy smile, and all the stupid ponies cringe. They stopped.

“She crazy man!” the brown one shouted

“Yeah, let’s get out of here. I’m full anyway” Storm said to the others a bit shakily.

Good, I want him to be afraid of me. I want them all to be afraid.

The last thing I saw was storms tail disappearing into the darkness, a tear slid down my cheek and I blacked out.

~~~


“We’re taking a field trip to the statue garden today class!”

Stupid Ms. Cherilee. She doesn’t even care that I look half dead. No one does. Maybe I should just stop going to school.

*5 minutes later, in the garden”

“And this is the statue of the horrible, evil draconequus Discord. I told them they should move this ugly statue from the gardens years ago. But for some reason they haven’t been able to.”
Stupid Ms. Cherilee. That’s my daddy Discord. Stupid tears, stop coming out! You’re angry not sad! I’m gonna stay here with daddy…

While the rest of the class moves on to the next statue, not even paying attention to me, I sit there by daddy for hours and hours. Day slowly turns into night. As I get sleepy I look down. . .

“What’s that?” there are markings on the base of the statue. Chaos markings! Daddy taught me his special ancient language long ago.

“Chocolate is life” silly daddy, leaving a message like that for me. “Woah!” I fell over grooves in the ground. Wait; there are grooves in the ground? I should wipe away all this grass, maybe dad left another message for me.

*five minutes later*

It’s a spell circle . . . a life spell circle, like the one daddy used to make me. Maybe…

I walk up to the statue of my father. We had written poems in class earlier that week, I still had mine, and it was time to read it to my daddy.

“So there you are my dad, a statue oh so cold so dead. You tore the world apart and every pony lost their head. I would have carried on, making chaos for you instead. Cause you are my daddy discord, and I am a piece of you”
I went to the princess Celestia statue and tore off her horn, and then I walked back to the statue.
“Here you come daddy”

I walk towards the edge of the spell circle, and smile towards my daddy. The only one who loves me, the only one to truly make me smile. I lift her horn in the air and bring it down into my arm, but I don’t stop to feel the pain, I need to make sure I give enough. I tear it back out and plunge it deep in to my thigh, over and over again, stabbing and stabbing, until I give one final fall. I feel the horn slide into my stomach, tearing skin flesh and organ alike.

I watch as my warm, chocolate blood flows down the grooves towards the base of the statue, I watch as the statue disappears I watch as all the colors in the world invert. I watch as mountains turn upside down. I watch . . . as my daddy appears.

“I’m free! Free once again! May Equestria return to its natural chaotic state! Come my little abomination, don’t die now; we have work to do screwball, time for fun!”

He lifts me into his warm lion paw. I feel something bubbling up inside me, building. At first all that happens is chocolate choking me and spilling out my mouth. But then I laugh, the tone makes daddy smile.

“Why do you laugh my dear? The fun hasn't even started yet.”

“I always laugh when you’re near.”

“You’ll be laughing for awhile then darling.”

“Daddy, let’s make them dance.”

Comments ( 3 )

You've made many grammatical errors in your description. I suggest you rectify that.:raritywink:

The key to a good description is to draw your reader in. To do this, it should be concise and to the point, outlining your story's premise without giving too much away or being dull. It should also be grammatically sound.

With that in mind, let's give your description a little TLC. Grammar_purge.exe, go!

This story of Screwball's life starts in her elementary playground. Young Screwball Chaos misses her daddy and wants nothing more than for him to come back. Will she get her wish? If so, at what cost? This story is a tale of betrayal and bravery, love and sacrifice, and above all, the lost chapters of young Screwball's life.

However, Screwball is only the beginning. For every force, there must be an equal and opposite force. As there are the Elements of Harmony, there must be the Forces of Chaos.

Lovely. Now let's trim a little excess and tighten this up.

This story of Screwball's life starts in her elementary playground. Young Screwball Chaos misses her daddy and wants nothing more than for him to come back. Will she get her wish? If so, at what cost? This story is a tale of betrayal and bravery, love and sacrifice, and above all, the lost chapters of young Screwball's life.

However, For Screwball is only the beginning. For every force, there must be another equal and opposite force. As there are the Elements of Harmony, so there must also be the Forces of Chaos.

All right, let's see what we have.

Young Screwball Chaos misses her daddy and wants nothing more than for him to come back. Will she get her wish? If so, at what cost? For Screwball is only the beginning. For every force, there must be another equal and opposite. As there are the Elements of Harmony, so there must also be the Forces of Chaos.

Much better. Two-thirds the length of the original, it gets to the point, it's compelling, and it's grammatically correct. Granted, this only helps if the story itself is well-written, but that's another topic entirely.

Cheers! :twilightsmile:

2398378Thank you. :twilightsheepish: I tend to have a problem with the summaries. I appreciate the help and will take your advice.
:yay:

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