• Member Since 5th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 27th, 2017

Squibdude98


E
Source

This is about when the doctor finally reaches the human world , but he must save the world with his companion

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 10 )

Derpy becomes human along with the Doctor? Interesting start for a first story. :pinkiesmile: I'll be keeping my eye on this.

That said, paragraphs and a new line for each speaker are a must, as well as slowing down a little and adding more descriptions.
Many will be turned off from reading when they see a wall of text, so going back in to edit this ASAP will be neccessary. . .

Yes yes im working on it(wow that was mean) Rude and not ginger

So... this chapter is, confusing. Your kind of every where. You need to proofread before posting, or heck send it to me, I said I would edit for you.

Great and I plan to go through it more first.

great idea, good story, horrible grammar. you should get an editor ASAP. but i'll make sure to keep my eye on this. :pinkiehappy:

Doctor Who: Issue 1: The New World

Total score: 40/100
Plot line: 4/10
Complexity: 4/10
Character development: 3/10
Length: 2/10
Spelling/Grammer: 5/10
Mood: 6/10
Uniqueness: 6/10
Your personal thoughts: (Sorry for giving this such a low rating) In the second chapter I started to get confused and it went downhill from there... I think it has potential but try not to rush things so much. 10/30

NLRforeverloyal Member of The Lunar Review Bureau

2725669

I feel you were very honest. I already plan to rewrite the story because this was my first.

Ok everyone, I am redoing this story so you wont see a new chapter for a while. It will be called the great equestrian war,

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