Act 1: Of Mice and Ponies.
Born to a cradle of his mothers blood a young foal, blamed by his cold father for the death he witnessed, journeys to find a mother to call his own.
Act 2: A Leap of Faith
Years after he is found in the Everfree, a young pony learns the lessons his family and friends give him, while the picture of Equestrian harmony is tainted.
Note from author: Not going to stay strictly canon to series. Comments welcome, even if its just to say lolubadm8. I am also looking for an editor/proofreader to bounce ideas off and get suggestions for the flow of the story so pm me if you are interested.
Chapters (10)
Cute, no, fuckin' adorable, that's what this is. Instant 'daww', instant like, instant fav. Nice work.
2374186
Hehe thanks, its going to get a little darker as the story progresses but I am glad you picked up on how cute the little fella is supposed to be :) He is going to make some questionable decisions over the coming 'days'. All feedback good or bad will be more than welcome!
How could somebrony dislike this? It hasn't even officially begun yet!
Getting the gist of this story.
2390340
Hope you are enjoying it so far! I am still in the process of setting the scene for the main story. The first act (the foal) is basically just character building.
Maybe I should rename the chapters.....
2376482That's the point. They think that what thelittlestpony says is the Prolouge is actually the story.
My god amazing...just...amazing!
Hi everyone :)
I may have noticed an error of some sort, forgive me if I am wrong. (this comment is posted on Chapter 3: The Find)
"The squirrel hand not stopped so far and she would not too, her resolve was unwavering in her pursuit to help her woodland friends. The only respite afforded was the clear night the pegasus weather teams had given. A clear moon shone through the forest covering."
I think it supposed to be had?
2392689
Silly me! you are indeed correct; fixed!
This has something to do with princess heritage.
This is a very good story and i'm wondering if this will become a Fluttershy x Twilight ship?
2392641
Glad you liked it so far!
2400576
Lets see
2396152
Give this pony a
Sorry to bring another correction, but may have found another small error
"The princess took a deep breath and looked back from the foal to the eyes all looking at her. She knew and explanation was needed but that could wait a while."
and should be an I think?
“WAT, IT WASN'T THE FILLIES CANDY CANE!”
lol, I don't know what to say about that line coming from a sleeping character...
Boy these once a week updates are coming quickly
yay 
2400775
Thanks for pointing that out! don't know how I missed it
With regards to the updates, yeah I am rattling through them at a fair pace at the moment. I am keeping the chapters fairly short to avoid pacing problems and that has just meant more :)
2400775
Celestia dreaming of stealing candy from a foal? NEVAR!
Winged unicorn....they've done it again!
2400576
I hope not. That really is not what this story is about. Unless the story takes a turn I'm not expecting, Twi x Flutters wouldn't really be a good thing to have.
2402263
Give this pony a cupcake :)
Once again I bring a few proof reading tips, I guess
hope they help in some way
“Hello little my stallion!. I would like you to meet a dear friend of mine”
I think you meant "my little" instead of "little my"?
With a anguished scream she began throwing furniture against walls, smashing windows. Forcefully destroying all the useless items she surrounded herself with.
Should be "an anguished" I think, instead of "a anguished"
2407792
Thanks again! appreciate you ironing out all the little errors for me!
Of course you are correct!
Been a little busy this week with work and stuff, should be able to get a couple chapters done over the weekend fyi
*boom* My head just exploded from 'daww'. *thump* But now I'm dead.
2494730
lol, I hope its not a terminal case of dying to death until you are dead?!
2497841Sadly Pinkie impersonator, it is.
2497860
“I was sent here, Celhestia...
“Come here Celhestia”
If this is just the way the alicorn speaks then sorry.
(that was chapter 7)
often went hungry the in remote lands
Perhaps those two words need switched?
(that was act two)
Yay :) I finally am getting to read these updates :D
2518646
Thanks for catching all these silly mistakes I am making!
On a side note, I had originally intended to have the younger Celestia and Luna to have different names to reflect the different era's ('archaic' versions anyway) but not actually gonna bother with that now as it adds unnecessary confusion.
So I have been pretty busy the last couple weeks and haven't really had the chance to do any more writing but I have plenty time this week so will get a couple chapters out by next weekend. So apologies if my updates are too slow
Story Title: Foal
Author: thelittlestpony
Reviewed by: Sirius_Face
One of the elements of good alternative universe stories is when something new or original gets introduced into an existing body of fiction, pushing readers of an established fandom to stop and think about this new element being introduced into the world they are fans of. Foal is one of those stories that bring a new and compelling idea, but it is held back by basic and sometimes serious mistakes of writing.
Full Review
Score: 4/10