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Vmad

Joined December 2012
92 followers

Stories (2)

  • Beings from another world
    Chris gets a shock of a lifetime when 6 creatures approach him while he was sketching the scenery.

    25,058 words · 7,853 views · 298 likes · 52 dislikes
  • Of Swords, Staffs, Guns and Bows
    Four young adventurers will soon find themselves in a world they do not know of.....
    5,166 words · 609 views · 23 likes · 3 dislikes

Blog Posts (4)


As I opened my eyes, what I saw in front of me shocked me. There are 6.....creatures staring at me with curiosity, probably because they have never seen anything like me before. I know they are females. Need proof? All I have to say is, Boobs. 'Nuff said.

(Anthro Ponies)

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=••••

Hi guys. Hope you enjoy reading this!

(On a different note, THANK GOD THERE'S AN ANTHRO TAG NOW!)

First Published
3rd Apr 2013
Last Modified
6th Jul 2013

Comments ( 360 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

Good start. I'd like to see how this progresses.

#2 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

Applejack sounds like a drunk more than a southerner.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

With the current situation I am in, I will need to see if i want to continue this.

Most probably I am gonna continue this.

#4 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

not bad few tiny grammar mistakes hear and their  overall im very interested in where the story will go:pinkiehappy:

#5 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 6d ago · 6 · ·

Never never NEVER EVER use shorthand like u and ur. You sound like some twelve year old idiot.  

#6 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

nice start cant wait for more

#7 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 6d ago · · ·

this looks like a great story,but the only thing I saw,is you used phrases  like "pointed a finger" "held a hand out"....but they are ponys right :pinkiehappy: nice story though!

#8 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · 2 · 2 ·

Your main character is acting far too nonchalant and unrealistic for someone who experienced not just a recent family death but also warped to another world full of mutant anthro-horses.  

#9 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

hmmm. you have cought my attention :duck:

POST MORE! POST MORE! POST MORE! :pinkiehappy:

#10 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

This seems nice can you please continue?

#11 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

Source pic and write more chapters plz :twilightsmile:

#12 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

..Oh dear...the picture has Titzillas.

#13 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

One thing that always gets me in HiE fics is that why can the human just read ponies personalities so easily?

#14 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2370405 here's the source pic

http://supersheela.deviantart.com/art/My-Giant-Pony-Sizeshift-is-Magic-306861848

#16 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

"Yay! Portals! I love portals! Is the portal gonna be blue or orange in colour?" Pinkie asked her, seemingly able to reapear next to her.

Get outta here, Portalmena! That's Chell's job to ask that!

(Haha, the portal reference was good, though.)

#17 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 5d ago · 6 · ·

I can only imagine where this is heading. Let me check the tags....

#18 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 5d ago · 7 · ·

Yup. Tags checked. Suspicions confirmed.

#19 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

:pinkiesmile:

#20 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 5d ago · 6 · ·

Sweet Mane 6 go public!

*Reads last sentence*

God doesn't have merciful intentions for you.

#22 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 5d ago · · ·

"Y-You can speak?" The purple one asked me.

>Was singing just moments earlier.

#23 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

"Yes, Earth. That's the name of our planet, which is the third planet in our solar system" I replied.

"So...we're not on Terra anymore?" Twilight asked me.

"If that's the name of your planet, then no. I'm sorry to say that all six of you are not on 'Terra' anymore, wherever the hell that is" I told them.

Terra is Earth's scientific name. Just like Luna is the moon's scientific name, and Sol is the sun's.

Thus the terms "extra-terrestrial", "lunar eclipse", and "solar system".

#24 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

Pretty ok, for a roockie!:pinkiehappy:

#25 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

the birds sing and most of them dont speak >>2374518

#26 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

Nice chapter

#27 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 4d ago · 3 · ·

Critique time.

I'm Chris. Chris Marcolino.

... I'll take a Martini, shaken not stirred.

I'm Chris. Chris Marcolino. An 18 year old Filipino dude living in a lovely place called Singapore. I'm 5.7 foot tall and roughly 55kg. Pretty average for me. I have black hair, brown eyes as well as being brown in colour. All these are fine to me. I'm pretty lucky that I got these features from my mom, well, except for the brown skin. Anything else you say? Well, besides being an Asian as well as having a small brother, nope! I don't think you will bother with other details.

Well, description wise you are only five-point-seven of a foot tall, and some how have the weight of 55 kilos. Body mass index is not on your side here pal. Now if you were five foot seven, them we'd totally be cool with that. Though I would love to see a some that small weigh that much. In muscle. I would recommend perhaps giving us more information on the looks of his face, as in what shape is his head, what hairstyle does he like, any distinguishable features (mutton chops, baby smooth clean shave, etc.)

I then stopped my warm up when I noticed a pair of eyes in a bush looking at me. I didn't care much and I decided to try and give them a show

I suppose that this is the norm in Singapore? Lord knows unless someone isn't spying on me then I don't feel wanted.

They were all female. How do I know of that? All I have to say is, Boobs. 'Nuff said.

This... actually makes sense. Reasons to justify applying a gender based upon the feminine feature that are breasts. No joke, this is actually better than what most writer's put: that whole 'they seemed female with their soft features.' jargon. I like this method! T'is direct to the point.

"That was a super duper awesome song that u sang just now!

So, did she say that 'u'like "song that *you sang," or did she just say, "song that 'uh' sang"?

"Y-You can speak?" The purple one asked me.

... N-noooo, but I can sing?

:rainbowhuh:

Oh, right, sorry. *Ahem. (In a sing song voice to rival any Broadway singer) "Yes, I can weird purple, genetic abomination. Beware, this is my mating call!"

"W-well...Y-yea.." I replied, still in a condition of shock. Well, whatever they are, I'm going to find out soon enough.

Thankfully, that 'soon' was right now.

"Well....I guess we should get acquainted. My names Twilight Sparkle" she held out a han...

So all of that could have been changed to the following?

"W-well...Y-yea..." I replied, still in a condition of shock; I was completely perplexed by the sight before me, so much so, that I started to stutter with my automated responses.

Well....I guess we should get acquainted. My names Twilight Sparkle" she held out a han...

"Howdy thar mister! Mah names Applejack! Pleasure ta meet ur acquaintance!" She said to me in a southern accent. I just flashed her a small grin and spoke.

Okay, I'm not American, but I know the difference between a real southern American and the stereotype. To anybody else who can also tell the difference, take a jammy dodger from the jar present and bog off. Since she's bloody Equestrian, do NOT use the stereotype!

Okay, so AJ is... that kind of farmer. Well, let's hope that RD those knock the guy out by charging into him.

Now she didn't walk up to me, no. Instead, she flew right up to me, giving me a big smile and staring at me face to face. " Heh. Your a funny looking thing. Anyways, Im Rainbow Dash! The fastest pegasus in Equestria!" She exclaimed. I can already tell that she was the brash and bold type.

Why? Was she not able to walk up to you? I understand that she likes to strut her stuff, but I'd imagine she'd walk up to a person, introduce herself before taking off to wow them with her flying abilities. Well, at least she didn't hit the guy like most writers make her do.

h god...from the easy she wore her clothes, she is what I can say, the posh type.

Easy? What the hell is an easy? How does one were such a thing? Could you change that, please?

"Greetings darling. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance" she said in a heavily defined tone.

"Pleasure is all mine Miss Rarity" with that, I took one of her hand and kissed it, gaining a blush from her.

"My my, what a gentlecolt" she said, while winking to me. I was still siting down there, against the tree, wondering why the hell I did that.

Okay, I actually see nothing wrong with this one. I actually laughed. Admit it, it seems every brony would do this if they got the chance for some strange reason. You know, practically completely disregard how they handled the previous interactions and turn prince for second. I'm sure, we as a fandom, all seem to suffer from this problem.

:raritywink:

I'm onto you, you marshmallow menace.

:duck:

...God that's cute.

The blur collided with me, knocking my head against the tree trunk. "HI THERE! IM PINKAMENA DIANE PIE! BUT EVERYPONY CALLS ME PINKIE! NICE TO MEET YOU! Do you like parties?! Do you like cakes?! Do you like parties with cakes?! Cos I love them both!"

Okay, now I can see where you're going with his and I will admit, it does have that Pinky-ish feel to it, but I don't think that she would jump to the topic of parties straight away. I know she is the ELement of laughter, but I imagine after meeting an alien, she'd ramble on about how strange our physic is. Remember, Element of laughter does not just mean a party obsessed pony... even though its one of her hobbies, but still, I think she'd put this conversation on hold for a while; there must other strange things that have her attention at the moment.

(Have you seen our ears? I think either evolution or God was drunk, funnily enough on a lot of wine, when either party created those.)

From what I could tell, she loves parties and anything that's sweet. Me included.

That scratch is suspicious... like, chekov's gun, suspicious. Spoiler suspicious. :trixieshiftleft:

"Oh I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have done that!" Pinkie said with a sad expression. What was even weirder was that her usual cotton candy like hair went from poofy to straight out flat.

I wonder who has the most expensive shampoo: Celestia for the wavy thing it does, or Pinkie Pie for the amount of times she's over-reacted to knocking someone over, resulting in her mane deflating before repoofing. Who knows, maybe Celestia has been borrowing from Pinkie. That's not a comment to you as a writer, but a general statement that Pinkie would probably, sheepishly, say she was sorry.

Twilight then got my attention by putter one of her hand and turned me around, making me face the rest of them. "Now that you got to know us, can you tell us who are you? What are you? And where are we right now?" She asked me.

Recommended edit: By putting a hand on my shoulder, turning me around and making me face the...

"Well, my name is Christain Marcolino and the 6 of you are currently in a place called Singapore, on a planet called Earth, and on a galaxy called The Milky Way."

Well, that ending seemed as if he was in disbelief. Either that or really, really, really okay with seeing furry women. With horns. And wings. And big brea... okay for most males that last one is a given. (Which reminds me to write a fic where a camp, fashion designer faces off against Rarity.)

=======================================================================================================================

On a whole, this story does has potential, like most. The entrance to earth has a decent enough plot point, that Twilight buggered up a spell she either spent weeks working on, or just read and expected to cast without flaw. I think you should redraft that part to make it clear whether or not she just received that book.

I think with more effort you can make this into a good story; you have an explanation of why they end up on Earth, you've given us a character who is creative, and welcoming (too much if you ask most, might want to tone that down). OKay, now want you to know that in order to keep your guy likeable, or at least far away from a Gary Stu (Look up Mary Stu if you can), do NOT make him a boy genius. Do NOT make him Batman's new Robin in terms of martial arts. Never, ever, EVER make him instantly attractive. Good romances, especially inter-species romances, need time.

So far so good, but I recommend that you work on Description. I need to know where, and what is like there. What can I see, smell, taste, hear, feel. Remember to describe it with a theme (happy= sunny). Also, describe your guy a bit more.

Okay, I'll give Chapter two a shot.

#28 · Chapter 1 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

Looks like a good start and a pretty introduction.  I think I need to start worrying about people meeting PInkie for the first time though.  Although she would get sad from a refusual I'm pretty sure her hair would just deflate from something as minor as this. (Then again I was proven wrong in the comic, maybe)

#29 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 4d ago · · ·

Okay not exactly sure where this is going, but it seems kind of normal at first.  I wonder if the girls discussed about how they're going to get home.

#30 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

:D yay next chapter soon please

#31 · Chapter 2 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

Chapter 3 predition. chinese riot squards, mass panic over alien invastion and twilight finds the internet.

#32 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

Your cover image alone chased me off.

#33 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

This looks thrilling.

#34 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

I'm kind of scare of what he is doing, the FBI could appear at any moment and want to take the main six, same for the CIA, I just saying he is risking a lot exposing them to the world  

#35 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

At this point, nothing could possibly go wrong! :pinkiehappy:

#36 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

I can proofread this for you. Let me know if you're interested.

#37 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

this is such a great story!

#38 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2384174 Hmmmm.....I'll think about it. :twilightsmile:

#39 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

Still call blows up in his face coming

#40 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2384028The story is set in Singapor acording to the frist chapter thats in china if i remeber corectly. so no cia or fbi will show thoe chinese riot squads and army are strong posibilty.

#41 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

>>2384203 If you want to read something I've proofread, look up "My Big Human: Friendship is Expendable".

#42 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

You might want to proofread some of the sentences and words. Anyway, this was a great chapter. I don't know why but "Being From Another World" reminds me a little bit of the anime "Haruhi Suzumiya". Especially when Pinkie was dressed in a read playboy bunny outfit. Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.

#43 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 3d ago · · ·

>"So how are us this place anyways?" Rainbow asked me, flying beside me

Should be= "So how far is this place anyways?" Rainbow asked me, flying beside me

Okay this is certainly a different take than the usual cliché of hiding aliens and everything.  Are you making the character go, "I got aliens living in my home and I'm proud of it!" thing?

#44 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2384624 No good sir. Singapore is not in China. Singapore is actually located near Malaysia,  connected by a bridge.

#45 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

HMMM I WANDER WHAT ANTICS THEY'RE GONNA GET UP TO......

PLEASE BE SOMETHING FUNNY... LIKE THEIR SPELL WEARS OFF IN A CHANGE ROOM OR WHATS HIS NAME WALKS INTO THEM.....

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH:rainbowwild::pinkiesad2::flutterrage::raritywink::scootangel::trixieshiftright:

#46 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2387622 You are an evil person, good sir.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy

(Thnks for the idea!)

#47 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

I KNOW I AM....... TEEHEEE

CAUSE I LIKE TO SEE THE WORST POSSIBLE SITUATION COME TO FRUITION AND MAKE STORIES FUNNY OR EMBARRASSING

#48 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2388402 Lol. Maybe I shall put that in the story....

#49 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2388620 YAAAAAAAAAAAAY (SAYS EVERYPONY EVER)

#50 · Chapter 3 · 76w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2388726 Like I said, MAYBE

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