Letter of your only friend

Shadow of the Moon
Letter of your only friend

It was one of these boring and dull nights for Princess Luna. Every night, she was sitting in her throne and waited for troubled subjects to express their worries. Most of them were already soundly sleeping in their warm and cozy beds. Her sister, Princess Celestia was usually the one, who had the most visitors. The night court in contrast was empty and bare. Like the room it was held. Nothing reminded of the light flooded hall anymore. Everything was swallowed from shadows that danced around the candle's flames.

Desperately, she tried to fight her boredom by playing with a ball. She rolled it from side to side of the throne's lean. Only casually, she looked towards the massive entrance door and checked for incoming subjects.

The entire room was empty, except for herself and a vigilant bat-winged guard. He rarely spoke, but always watched over the Princess. It seemed like he never slept at all. He is there every time the Princess is looking for him. As soon as she awoke of her sleep, he was already waiting in front of her chamber. When she set a hoof outside, he was already following her almost everywhere.

The Princess had thought many times about him, but never considered asking him why he is so cautious of the Princess' well-being. Princess Luna turned around turned to him. He was patiently standing next to her throne and stared concentrated at the door. Not a single muscle was moving, it was only barely visible that he breathed at all. He looked like an ordinary guard. His light gray coat shimmered in the candle light and his amber colored eyes reflected the light slightly, but he wore the heavy armor like it didn't weighed more than a casual cloth.

She looked at the door for one more time. Nopony was coming inside so she decided to turn to her guard again. “Shadow Fright? How does it come that you are the only guard in here?”

Shadow Fright's eyes didn't moved. He continued to stare straight forward. “The other guards are patrolling around the castle or moving through Canterlot, my Princess. I'm more than confident that I will be enough to secure your safety.”

Princess Luna cocked an eye, but Shadow Fright didn't notice. Just as Princess Luna attempt to stand up, the heavy doors of the hall opened. A pale white pegasus stallion with gray mane entered the room. His head hung low, he didn't even dared to look directly at the Princess.

The Princess and Shadow Fright watched him approaching. Not a single word was spoken until he reached the end of the carpet in front of the stairs that led to Princess Luna's throne. The Princess looked into his face and tried to recognize him. This was something her sister had told her many times. A Princess has to remember the face of every subject. For a moment she had to think, but his name came finally into her mind. “You may declare your worries, my dear Astral. The Princess of the Night is willed to help you.”

His light blue eyes were focused upon the Princess. Astral didn't speak, he simply stared at the Princess.

Princess Luna watched him with curiosity. Why would a pony endure such a long journey only to glare at her? “I allowed you to speak. You don't have to hesitate.”

Astral remained silent. Shadow Fright watched the disrespectful scene long enough. He stepped quickly forward. “Answer your Princess, when she is talking to you!”

The guard already attempted to throw the pony outside, but the Princess rose her hoof to block his path. “Wait...”

Shadow Fright looked up to his Princess, but she had only eyes for the white pegasus stallion below. She didn't knew why, but his eyes were strong and demanding, even though his body seemed to be weak and like he already was past his glorious days. The Princess stepped a pair of steps down. “Why are you here?”

Astral tilted his head, but he never lost focus of the Princess' eyes. “It is loneliness.”

Princess Luna was taken aback. She gasped in surprise. “Excuse me?”

Carefully, Astral cleared his throat. “I'm here because you are feeling lonely and unappreciated. You are mistaken. Every pony loves your night, including myself. I'm strolling through the twilight of the streets for a long time now and I've never seen anything as beautiful as your night, my Princess.”

Shadow Fright already bit his lip, but as long as the Princess didn't order him, he couldn't do anything. So he swallowed all of his anger and kept shut.

Princess Luna was left speechless. For a few more seconds, she glared at him, but Astral turned around and proceed to leave the Princess and her guard alone. Still stunned, she looked after him until the door closed shut behind him. Shadow stepped next to his Princess and looked at her in worry. “May I add that this pony was one of the weird kind?”

She slowly shook her head while she still focused the door. “Yes, something was odd with him. Please,tell the guards at the entrance that the night court is dismissed until tomorrow night. I have to deal with some business, right know. I will be in my chamber and I don't want to be interrupted.”

A strange feeling overcome the guard, but he followed his duty and nodded in acceptance. “Yes, my Princess!”

Princess Luna ignited her horn and ripped her being out of the throne hall only to reappear in front of her private chamber. She tossed the door open and rushed inside. She didn't head for her bed or desk, but for the balcony.

The cold gust of the night swiped around her muzzle. “Show yourself, Astral.”

Like she commanded became a faint and weak flapping noise audible. The pale stallion landed next to the Princess and clipped his wings against his body. He just stared down the balcony at the royal garden.

The Princess snorted quietly. “So you still don't talk to me, after you pulled something like this off? How came the idea to your mind that I; the Princess of the Night is feeling lonely?”

Astral let his gaze strive towards the angered Princess. His calm gaze eased her temperament. The stallion licked over his lips while he looked at the Princess. “I can see it in your eyes. You feel left alone. You think no pony loves you, but you are mistaken. Many ponies are stargazing right now or simply admiring the gentle cold of the wind.”

Princess Luna felt that he was right, but how could he have guessed? “Who are you exactly?”

The expression of the white stallion didn't change. He only smacked his lips. “I'm just a lonesome peasant that lives in the outskirts of Canterlot. No pony knows me and I know no pony. I'm just waiting to meet my fate.”

The Princess exhaled calmly. Never before one of her subject dared to tell her how she felt in her inner. “This doesn't explain why you are lurking at me in the dark.”

Astral tried to suppress his coughing, but it didn't succeeded. “I'm only here to tell you how wonderful and important you are to others. That's all.”

The pale stallion extended his wings and elevated into the air. “I will come here again tomorrow.”

The Princess looked after him, but let him get away. She cast a spell at the moon, that forces it to lower over time. The Princess walked back into her chamber and laid her heavy body upon the bed. There weren't any emotions, she felt simply empty.

The rest of the day had passed. Princess Luna woke up as the sun almost vanished behind the horizon. With one powerful outburst of her magic, she pressed the moon into it's position. Nothing else came to her mind than the pale stallion. She sat down at the cold marble floor of the balcony, but, it only take minutes until a unsure knock at the door interrupted her nightly relaxing.

She didn't turn, but the door slowly cracked open. Shadow Fright entered the room. He didn't dare to approach the Princess in her private chamber, so he halted at the door frame. “Princess? The night court has to be held.”

Princess Luna turned her head. She looked at Shadow Fright with worry. “Tell them that there won't be a night court today. I have some business to deal with. There won't come anypony anyway.”

Shadow Fright watched the Princess in worry. Never before, she had missed a night court. He left the room and closed the door behind his back. It seemed to be the signal for Astral to hoover down to accompany Princess Luna. “As promised. I'm here.”

Both of them began to talk once more. Their meeting repeated over and over again. They accompanied each other many times. Somewhere between, Shadow Fright began to listen to them. There were always the same things they spoke about. Every time they spoke after he left and the Princess finally left her chamber, she smiled. She was happy.

But everything changed when the pale stallion didn't appear anymore. The Princess remained lonely and sad at her balcony. Shadow Fright was still watching them, when he noticed that the Princess might remain alone, he decided to join her.

Carefully, he stepped inside the room and approached the Princess. Shadow Fright sat down right next to the Princess, but didn't dare to speak as first.

“Am I so repugnant that no pony can endure my company for long?”

Shadow Fright looked in surprise at his Princess. “Sorry? I think, I didn't understand you, your highness.”

Little tears formed in the corner of the Princess' eyes. “He won't come... He is sick of me... No pony likes me after all! Everything he said was a lie!”

Shadow Fright was a loyal and strong guard, but he never excepted to be involved with the Princess' emotional conditions. “I'm sure, he maybe couldn't make it today.”

Princess Luna gnashed her teeth and turned full of anger to her guard. The eyes of the Princess began to glow and her loud voice boomed through the entire castle. “No! No pony treats me like this! Find him and bring him to me!”

Shadow Fright didn't know if this was right. He cringed in fear. “But Princess...”

The Princess only shouted. “GO!”

Shadow Fright turned around and rushed out of the chamber. He ran to the royal library as fast as he could. He searched for the citizen registry of Canterlot. Astral's name quickly to be found. Shadow Fright memorized his homes location and went off.

Quickly, he made his path through Canterlot and reached the outskirts of the city. There was only one shabby hut. The door was almost broken and the wind blew through the small hit through various cleaves and carves.

Shadow Fright opened the door and the first thing his eyes spotted was the pale pegasus lying immobile on an old bed. Slowly, he get closer and tried to wake him up, but the stallion didn't respond. His body was cold and hard to move. It was clear. Astral was dead.

The only thing that didn't suit the hut was a small scroll that was sealed with a golden seal. Shadow Fright took the scroll and took it to the Princess. She was still sitting at the balcony. Her eyes were already red and puffy from her crying. She looked at Shadow Fright with sorrow. “Leave me alone. I want to read it in private.”

Shadow Fright bowed firmly down and left the chamber, but stopped just behind the door to take a peak at the Princess.

Princess Luna removed the seal and rolled the scroll out. Silently, she read the letter in her mind.

Dear Princess Luna,

When you will read this letter, I'm long gone now. Please don't be sad and mourn my death. I want to use this chance to tell you the truth. When I came to your night court I wanted to ask you for help, but when I saw the pain and loneliness in your eyes I couldn't different than to help you. The truth is, I had cancer. No doctor could heal me so I came to ask a goddess for advice. I was old and my time would run out soon anyway so I decided to mend the wounds of an immortal.

You are a beautiful pony and so is your night. Carry your duty on and soon the table will turn around.

Live long and happy, Princess.

Faithfully,

Astral

Tears ran down her midnight-blue cheeks. She bit her lip so that blood already streamed down. Sinister thoughts raced through her mind. “Why didn't he say anything? Why did he leave me! Every pony is the same at the end!”

Dark magic began to circle around her and wrapped her entire body in it's cold and dark shine. “He said that I should continue to perform my duty? Very well...”

The magic began to merge with her body and let her grow in size. A purple armor formed around her neck and head. Her gentle eyes turned into slit-formed reptile like orbs. Immediately, she noticed the presence of her loyal guard. She focused him and watched his frightened expression. “Then his wish shall come true! The night shall last forever!”

Shadow Fright winced in fear. “By Starswirl the Beared... you are... Nightmare Moon!”

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Comments ( 12 )

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Chaos-Sonata

Chaos-Sonata #1 · Jan 5th, 2014 · · ·

Awesome! Please don't quit writing, I think this is truly amazing.

Haseo

Haseo #2 · Jan 5th, 2014 · · ·

3739224
Thank you very much. This really cheers me up.
If you liked it, you may like my other stories, too. I can really recommend the Darkness among the Stars and the sequel.

Lord-Commander

Lord-Commander #3 · Jan 5th, 2014 · 2 · ·

You're considering quitting your writing? Interesting. Though I must ask, do you write for yourself or for others? Are you discouraged or tired?

The Bads:
Your story could use a good prereader... or another.

There were words missing that could have improved the flow of the story and grammar mistakes, mostly dealing with punctuation. Words that you choose to use felt like some of the ideas were being forced or you were attempting to explain it in a grand way that came off as unnecessary.

Pacing was a bit bleh for me as well, rushing somethings, and dragging others out.

Luna felt... well, odd. Depressed sometimes, angry the other times. She didn't strike me as being Luna, but out of character somehow.

At the very end, when Luna transformed into Nightmare Moon, I didn't feel any of the drama, terror, or anger that is usually felt in such transformations.

Somethings that could help out:
There also didn't seem to be that much of a relationship between Luna and Astral. Perhaps if there had been a few more paragraphs on their relationship building up into a friendship, like him coming to her for a few nights, play chess or something, introduce the grandkids, etc. THEN when he dies there would be a greater sense of loss, emotion, and a more believable transformation into Nightmare Moon.

What was the time elapse between Discord's defeat and rebellion of the Moon? Has Luna had these thoughts for a while or are they recent flames of anger?

The Goods:
I love these kinds of stories because of the drama and anger that is felt. Luna also (usually, some stories are different) pulls my favorite plot idea with a hero; their fall into what they swore to fight against. So props on the story idea, and for the twist with it.

Haseo

Haseo #4 · Jan 5th, 2014 · · ·

3739322

Since I'm not a native english speaker, I don't see many mistakes, but I was well aware that they may be a few (or more) of them.

I wrote this story in 4 hours. So it was rather quick. I just wanted that people would talk to me kinda...

It is a mix of being discouraged and tired. It feels simply like I never gonna make it far... Since feedback in general stopped.

Lord-Commander

Lord-Commander #5 · Jan 5th, 2014 · · ·

3739375

Ahh. I see. Well, don't get discouraged. You're doing a good job so far, and the more you work at it, the better you'll become.

Have you tried joining any groups that specialize in getting comments and feedback from others?

Haseo

Haseo #6 · Jan 6th, 2014 · · ·

3739932
Sure, I'm in groups like struggling authors, but well... You see how much reactions there are.

What really bugs me is that my by far best story "Death's Bargain" got almost none attention at all. I put so much work in "my masterpiece", but well...

This is mostly the reason, why I lost my courage. Maybe this is just my opinion, it would help me if people would reasonable tell me that it is badly written or anything like it.

ainawing

ainawing #7 · Jan 6th, 2014 · · ·

3739322
I second that.
I took a few days to read this, because I now have over 70 stories in my to read list. I'm concentrating on the finished ones right now, so your story made it to the front.
It is always difficult for non-native speakers (like myself) to get a good grasp of a language. Especially when your native language is not related to english (Unlike mine. I'm german, so that's working out pretty well for me).
My recommendation would be to read more english literature and watch movies and tv series in english. Preferably non-action stuff (one-liners don't really help).
The rest has already been said...

Haseo

Haseo #8 · Jan 6th, 2014 · · ·

3744749

Well, this is exactly what I'm doing so... ^^
Polish and english is not really alike, but thank you very much for the comment

Lord-Commander

Lord-Commander #9 · Jan 7th, 2014 · · ·

3743595

I've written this post about a dozen times now. Trying to find something inspirational, or a way to help you understand that you are doing good here. I know where you are coming from, its disheartening to see something you worked on get little to no response from the site. Especially when you see others hit it so well on their first try.

But I keep failing beyond the words of "Don't give up".

Haseo