An Eque$trian Payday

by The card holder

BONUS: Harmony Hei$t stealth approach

Author's Note:

This was the original plan I had for writing this chapter, but for something as big as this, I felt that the heist going loud was the best way to have it go. Still, I can certainly see the appeal in pulling off the perfect silent caper, so have the semi-original draft of this heist.

Also, I fucking called New Hox being renamed to Houston.

"North hallway, clear."

"Hedge maze, clear."

"East wing, clear."

"Elements, clear."

"Ballroom clear."

Hoxton put the radio backed on the knocked out guard. That was the second time he had checked in, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before the guards caught on to what was happening. Keying in his own radio, he spoke. "Time's running a bit tight, fellas, let's hurry it up."

Back in the ballroom, Dallas had been tailing the purple unicorn they needed to open the door, waiting for an opportunity. Eventually, it came in the form of her having to visit the "little fillies' room" after having a good amount of punch spilled on her by that pink friend of her's.

Knowing their chance was coming, Dallas waited until she was well down the hall, away from the ballroom, before moving to follow her and report the situation. "The target's moving, visiting the bathroom."

"Copy that," Chains said over the radio. "I'll handle it."

Twilight entered the bathroom, humming a tune to herself as she walked over to the sink. She started trying to dry off the dress Rarity made for her, but was having little success. Sighing in exasperation, she looked up to grab more paper towels-

And saw the grinning visage of former U.S. president Barack Obama, being worn by a man decked in body armor and holding a gun to the back of her head. "Keep quiet and lie down," he ordered.

Completely shocked by surprise, she instinctively began to fire up her horn, but was stopped by a forceful blow from the butt of the man's gun.

"Try that shit again, your ass is dead, and so is everyone else in there," he warned, a bit more loudly. "Now hit the ground!"

This time, Twilight complied. Satisfied that she actually listened, the man stepped back a bit, though he still kept his gun leveled at her in case she tried anything.

Not too long afterwards, Twilight heard the door to the bathroom open. For a moment, she thought that she was going to be saved, but those hopes were dashed when the newcomer spoke. "Nice work, Chains."

She knew that voice... It was just at the front of her mind, but as hard as she tried, she couldn't quite place why it sounded so familiar.

"Now," the second man continued, roughly picking her up, "you're coming with me."

Just as she began to voice her opposition to that plan, the armored man stuffed a handful of paper towels into her mouth, effectively gagging her. Despite the situation, her first worry was that she didn't quite trust anything in a restroom to be in her mouth, even if it was a restroom in the castle.

Easily picking her up and holding a suppressed handgun to her head, the second man began to leave. From the angle she was being carried at, she could see that he was wearing another mask styled after a U.S. president, but she couldn't quite place the name of this one. "Ricky Bick", or something?

Partly concerned with her mind wandering at that moment, Twilight began to focus on a way to get out of this. Magic was out, as that would be noticed immediately, but maybe if she could wriggle free at the right time...

As if the man could read her thoughts, he adjusted his grip on her, making her squirm slightly in protest.

Shockingly, they didn't see a single guard in the hallways, and soon the man stopped at a destination. Confused, Twilight looked up, and her eyes widened when she recognized the door that led to where the Elements of Harmony were kept. Surely they weren't...?

Her fears were confirmed when the doors slid open and the man entered. Inside, next to a couple of knocked out guards, another masked man was keeping watch, also holding a suppressed handgun. His mask was another U.S. president, but she didn't bother trying to figure out who.

"Perfect," the man said in a cockney accent. "Take her to the door, I'll keep watch."

Back in the ballroom, Wolf kept an eye on things, the others keeping him informed over the radio. So far, it seemed like no one suspected a thing, which was good.

"Alright... done," Bain said. "I gained access to the princess's personal video feed. If I need to, I can loop the footage for her, so she'll be blind in case shit hits the fan."

Amidst the ongoing party, the Swede noticed that a few friends of that purple unicorn were talking a bit worriedly not too far away.

"She has been gone a while..."

"Oh, I'm sure it's fine. Punch can be kinda hard to get out sometimes."

"My dresses are made to withstand simple party stains, thank you very much."

"Still, you know how Twilight is. She's probably making sure that every single trace of it is gone."

Once he was aware that the situation dealt with itself, Wolf moved to an empty corner of the ballroom, where he quietly reported to the others. "Ballroom's still secure, no one suspects a thing."

Back at the Elements, Dallas pointed Twilight towards the door. "Now, open it."

Unable to speak, she shook her head 'No', causing Dallas to scowl under his mask. "That wasn't a request. Get to work!"

He practically shoved her horn into the indention on the door, and after some more urging from the masked man, she finally powered up her horn to open the door. Once he was sure it was open, Dallas pulled her away and dropped her to the ground, where he quickly tied her hooves behind her back. Twilight could only watch in horror as her magic suddenly faded away.

Checking to be sure that the Elements were legit, Dallas stuffed them into a bag, which he then slung over his shoulder. "I got the Elements, let's go!"

"Alright, our client has a van parked near the back. It'll go invisible once it's moving, because of an enchantment or something, and you'll be out of there. Wolf and Chains, meanwhile, can simply walk out the front."

Leaving the bound and gagged unicorn behind, Hoxton and Dallas briskly made their way through the halls, ducking to cover whenever they came across a guard or camera.

"They just had a radio check in before we left," Hoxton whispered, "so we should be good for at least another ten minutes."

"Nice work, Hoxton."

"Anytime."

Eventually, they made it to a rear exit, where an inconspicuous white van was parked amidst various other cars, no doubt belonging to some late arrivals to the party. Knowing that there were a few guards watching the outside, the two moved quietly, sticking to cover as they descended the stairs.

Once they got to the actual parking lot, they didn't bother very much for stealth, instead opting for a fast escape. When they got close to the van, the back doors were opened by a man wearing a ski mask, and Dallas tossed the bag in before climbing inside himself.

"Alright, let's get out of here!" he said, turning to help Hoxton get into the van more quickly.

There was the unmistakeable sound of a shotgun being pumped. "Change of plan."

The thug fired, hitting Dallas square in the back, knocking him to the ground and on top of his English comrade. While they were down, the van peeled out, quickly turning invisible. When Hoxton got up, he immediately started to shoot at the retreating van, even after he could no longer see it. "Fucking cocksucking motherfuckers betrayed us!"

Dallas, who thankfully caught the blast on the back of his vest, got back to his feet, the wind knocked out of him.

"What?! Okay, kay, kay... That gunshot made the whole castle light up, so you guys gotta leave NOW. There's a chopper coming in to get you out, be ready for it."

As Dallas and Hoxton started to run back into the castle, even from where they were, they could hear the commotion going on in the ballroom, no doubt Wolf and Chains keeping the civvies in check.

"Pilot Bile here, I'll be there in three minutes, just hang tight."

Once inside the castle, the two began to gun down any guards they ran into, moving quickly to regroup with the others. Following the sounds of screaming civilians and occasional gunshots and shouting, they soon made their way back into the ballroom, where Wolf was currently beating a guard to death with what looked like a leg pulled from one of the tables, shouting loudly in Swedish the whole time. Chains was simply standing by, either unwilling or unable to stop the brutality.

"For fuck's sake Wolf!" Dallas said, pulling the Swede off the dead guard. "We have to go, now!"

Now somewhat under control, Wolf followed the others through the halls, heading towards a more elevated position.

"I was able to intercept any calls to the princess about this, but it's only a matter of time before she hears what's up. Get the hell out, dammit!"

"Just dodging a sparrow, almost there."

"When we get out of here, we're gonna find those fucking twats who betrayed us, and we're gonna kill them!" Hoxton said, getting an especially eager agreement from Wolf.

"SWAT is on the scene, and the Equestrian military isn't far behind. Move your asses!"

Finding a staircase leading to the top of a tower, the crew dashed up it, looking out the occasional window to see the onslaught of cops gathering outside the building.

"One more minute and I'm there, no waiting, be ready!"

At the top of the tower, the crew tossed down a couple spare bags of ammo and medical supplies, just in case. A balcony was present, making this an ample escape location.

"They got snipers moved into position, take 'em out before the chopper gets there, or it's a long walk home!"

Peeking out of the windows, Hoxton and Wolf began to trade shots with the snipers, a few of which were simply pegasi floating high in the air. Other than a few close calls, the snipers were taken out with little issue.

"Cops just breached the main doors, they'll be there any second!"

In the distance, they could see a chopper heading their way. Once close to the tower, it descended, flying close enough that the crew could climb in. "I'm here, double time it!"

Wasting no time, the crew piled into the chopper, which quickly began to fly away from the castle. This didn't go unnoticed by the cops, and more than a few shots ricocheted off the bottom of the aircraft.

Seeing a set of four parachutes in the chopper, Dallas got an idea. "Just fly over the Everfree, we'll take it from there!" he told the pilot.

"No problem, we'll be there in a minute!"

A number of pegasi flew up to the chopper in an attempt to stop it, but they were easily gunned down.

"I got word that, one way or another, the princess caught wind of what's happening. To say she's pissed is an understatement. I hope you know what you're doing, Dallas!"

Soon, they were flying over the Everfree, and the crew started strapping into the parachutes. Once they were ready, they got in position near the doors of the helicopter.

"Alright, now's the best time to jump!" the pilot said, slowing the chopper down slightly.

One after another, the crew quickly jumped out into the air, plummeting towards the forest. Once they were out, the chopper began to fly off.

Once they were about a hundred feet from the tops of the trees, they pulled the cords on their parachutes. They opened flawlessly, and their death-defying plummet turned into an almost leisurely descent.

"Alright, first thing's first," Hoxton shouted over the wind, "we're gonna find those guys that set us up, and deliver a proper beating to them. Sound good?"

The others voiced their agreement.

"Nice work fellas. I'll get to work on tracing those assholes ASAP. Just hold tight and-"

Suddenly, the radio began to fill with static, Bain's voice cutting in and out.

"Bain?" Dallas asked. "What's happening with the radio?"

"...what's-...guys-...you need to-..."

The radio cut out entirely, and the crew noticed that they actually had stopped falling. "What the fuck-"

Chains's exclamation was cut off as they were suddenly covered in a yellow light. After a couple of seconds, there was a blinding flash, and when the crew opened their eyes again, they found that they were once again in the castle, near the Elements. Before they could even get their bearings, they were tackled to the ground and forcefully cuffed and demasked.

As one of the cops began to read them their rights, they tuned him out, as a far more pressing matter was the white alicorn in front of them, a soft yellow glow around her horn fading away. Her face was calm, yet in her eyes they could see barely-contained rage.

Comments

[Bob Market]

Before i read this i will wait til or if i get an answer... is there old hoxton there? or just houston? as Hoxton replacement?

[jmlop0]

You totally called it man on the Houston thing.

[jmlop0]

Will there be a Sequel featuring Payday 2?

[Bolshevik Skeleton]

Celestia is a hacker.

[light snow]

Oh look, candy! I liked this version a lot as well. What made you change the ending?

[Wolf The Heister]

I need a sequel, nao!

[Kilobytes]

We do got moar!
You should make a few bonus chapters about the Payday gangs heists back on earth, once the new DLC has came out (The Diamond and Golden Grin Casino, also the new heists from that other developer.)

[La Barata]