The Tales of Incursion.

by Steventheman

Oh, God no.

"There was one day in history. One day in which it all went to Hell. And by Hell, I mean it could've been a lot worse. We could've had Chryssalids or Cyberdemons or some shit like that. Shit could've been fucked up mad, yo. We could've been fucked like the Virgin Mary. Fucked like a cheap-ass ho behind a giant cheap-ass ho fucking convention. Fucked like a...you get the point.

Anyway, this is the tale of how universes are not alone. Of how the tiniest explosion from one universe can cause reality to shatter. Everything is a balance, and fuck this job, because I think everything I know just got disproved. Catholics of the world! Go home! You're all fucking drunk!" -Pope Frizzy Dog the Second, 2015, addressing the Catholic world.

"What he said. Apply it to us. Whatever." - Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. Neville McCreville, to the other Christians that aren't as fun to make jokes about.

---

God looked upon His creation. He saw what humans were doing. Nuclear proliferation. Immoralities of the flesh. War. Poverty. Jersey Shore. He summoned His table, and flipped it.

"Fucking humans! You drive me to drink!" God declared, before cracking open a 40oz. and drinking some.

Two alicorns walked out of God's grand bedroom. "Morning." they both said.
"Hey."
"We're just going to call a taxi."
"Cool. See you soon." God said, not even looking at the alicorns.

The two alicorns walked away, offended. God stood up and performed a most righteous victorious arm pump while shouting: "Twins! Fuck yeah!"
"We're not twins, Luna's 500 years younger!" the older mare shouted.
"I don't care. Because I'm infinite, I'm always right."
"What the fuck?" Luna said. "How does that make sense?"
"Ignore him. He gives us money and cake."
"But dear sister, can't we just take what we need?"
"It's not 950, Luna. We can't barge into houses and take shit."
"You fucking can." God said, reaching down to Earth and flicking a small village out of the way before taking another 40oz. "See?"
"Stop being a jerk, God." Luna said.
"Never!"

---

Celestia and Luna walked through the castle. The walls were covered in blood.

"Dammit. Cousin Molestia's in here again."
"Sister, why do we tolerate that murderous rapist?"
"Because she's funny as hell."

There was a scream. Then two. Then the screams of legions filled the castle. In the noise, the laugh of a mare pierced the torment.

"See? Laugh and a half, that mare..." Celestia said, wiping away a tear.
"I don't see the comedy value, Tia."
"Neither does anyone reading this. Then again, there's none here."
"What?!" Luna said, confused.
"Nothing." Celestia said.
"So..." Luna said. "Is there anything to do?"

Celestia sat down. "Listen. Here comes the chorus."
The screams arranged themselves into Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Luna tittered. "You are right, sister. It is humorous to an extent."
"It is Equestria's newest comedy reality show: Everypony Loves Molestia!" Celestia declared, smiling.
"I'd prefer How I Met Molestia." Luna replied.
"Actually, that sounds better. I will get the camera crew and director."

The whole castle shook. Celestia looked out the window and saw what looked like an army of...

"American tourists?!" Celestia cried in horror. She felt blood rush to her feet, before fainting in utter terror.
"SHIT!" Luna cried. "Sister! Wake up! I can't deal with this fucknuggetry alone!"

---

Pinkie Pie looked up into the sky. Where most other ponies saw a beautiful, sunny sky, she saw only the Ones Who Came Before, inhabiting the Furthest Ring. When she looked down, she saw only the Circles of Hell. In a voice frequency that only Horrorterrors may hear, she asked the Ones.

"Brothers!" she said. "What is the fucknuggetry in Canterlot?"
"Silence! We know not of what the fuck you're on about!"
"Bitch please." said another Horrorterror. "He's cranky because two universes collided last night and are going to kill everything that ever existed ever, in every timeline in every universe, right down to the yoctometer."
"So, what can I do?" Pinkie asked, with interest.
"Nothing!" said the second Horrorterror.
"So I'm fucked?" Pinkie asked.
"Yes you are fucked! Shit out of luck!" the first Horrorterror screamed, sending Universe DS-13 into Universe BAF-15. "Fucking hell! Not again!"
"Shut up, you fuck." a third said. "There is one chance. Unite every divine in the Omniverse. With that much power, we can perform the Ultimate Song."
"The Ultimate Song?"
"Yes, young fuckling." the Horrorterror said. "Lethal to all who hear it, but not to those who play it. It is pure death. Pure suffering. Pure misery. And of course, the fuel of universes: Hopelessness."
"Sounds fucking metal. I shall start now." Pinkie said. "I'll be back in a minute."
"Be quick, or everything is fucked."
"Yeah yeah. I'll go get God." Pinkie said, waving her brothers away.

Pinkie looked down. "SATAN! LORD OF HELL!" she declared. "Your power is needed! Surrender it freely, or face ten thousand millenia of non-existence!"
Satan appeared before Pinkie. "What is it, Knight of Hopelessness?"
"Omniversal destruction is imminent."
"Fuck that." Satan said. He flew upwards. "Brothers! I hear you need me!"

Author's Note:

Yes. All male demons are Pinkie's brothers. This is canon.

Comments

[terrycloth]

WAT.

[Backslasherton]

Pinkie. Pinkie can stop them.

[Armadaes]

who ever made this go to your kitchen and cut your self till you get dizzy then wait....and do it again you disrespectful sack of shit.